Why I Transitioned & Detransitioned
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- Опубліковано 7 січ 2020
- Hi. I’m Elle. I’m a 20 year old FtMtF detransitioner and this is me telling my story. Please be gentle in the comments.
TWITCH: / laulypop
TWITTER: / ellepalmer1
INSTAGRAM: / ellepalmer1
EMAIL (BUSINESS ONLY): ellepalmer99@gmail.com
Some people have been asking how to get in contact with me for help or other questions, so I made a Twitter. twitter.com/ellepalmer1
thanks for being so open and honest. This must be really confusing for you. I think you're doing the right thing. Ultimately the body is just a vessel for our spirit and we have to take care of it as best we can. And for what it's worth, I think you're a lovely woman.
I'm an older cis female with a deep voice. I had a high soft voice as a young adult but around 50 my voice started getting deeper. i consulted a vocal coach because of the change in my singing voice, but I was also able to make my speaking voice higher so perhaps that might be something for you to look into. Good luck and my best to you.
thankYou for your powerfull sharing
Thanks for telling your story. Very moving, wish you the best future.
@A Berryman ...what do you mean she trained her to talk like a child?
i find that with FtMtF detransitioners there’s a pattern with sexual abuse/trauma which makes me feel sad. they might be feeling body dysmorphia, not gender dysphoria
Yeah I've definetly noticed too!
I’ve heard about this too
there is no such thing as gender dismorphya cause gender is a social construct, if gender was over no one would have "gender dismorphya",you would just live as you want, and not use some clothes and immediately be seen as a woman or man just because.
Luiza Santiago tell that to the thousands on trans people that their identity isn’t valid, bitch boy
That's why finding a good therapist who's experienced is soooooo important
I'm so glad I didnt transition like I wanted to. I just hated being a girl because of the trauma i had been through and the attitude my parents had towards women. I'm slowly starting to appreciate the fact that I'm a girl and I'm starting to love myself more.
What have you been through? And i feel ya. I thought i may have been transgender for a while. But I just went through a crossdressing phase. If i had continued it, it would have ruined me..
@@JackieFuckingChan it's very rude to ask what someone's been through.
@@theholytrinity6720 She mentioned it, it's reasonable to want to ask for more info.
I think it's different between hate to be a girl and feel to be a girl.
He She Yeah but the government nor Pharma cares.
Your story is really interesting to me. I'm 17 and FtM, currently going through with my family and therapist about going on T and I think hearing your story and comparing it to mine really helps me think about whether or not it's the right option for me. The content you make is super important for me and other teenagers who are looking into the future of their gender and it's a shame this side of the story is never given public light.
WAIT until you are at least 24!! You will not be the same person you are now when you reach your mid twenties, and I can guarantee that you'll regret trusting your teenage brain to make such a grown adult decision that will greatly impact your life so dramatically. I agree with you that it is really sad that the detransitioning community is so heavily silenced and excluded from the LGBTQ community. Hang in there and stay brave enough to always think for yourself (sounds like you're doing a good job of that now)!
Look, I'm going to right now be your best friend and tell you the truth (which almost no one else will): It's not the right option for ANYBODY. No matter how hard to try, you can't change your sex. It's not possible.
Going for all the surgeries and hormone treatments is not a remedy. It's simply the attempt to correct a flaw with a flaw. The problem of "gender dysphoria" is a psychological one, and it requires a psychological remedy. No, it's not easy at all, but you can't change a problem of the mind by altering the body.
John Dickson when the problem is your mind not not matching your body, changing the body helps lmao
@@charliemayfilms1550 Sorry, but you're ignorant on the subject.
@@johndickson9542 I don't think we can ignore how easy it is to disprove this just by looking at trans people who's lives were greatly improved by transitioning (the large, large majority.)
I am FTM and transitioned 20 years ago, starting age 21, I have never looked back, That being said, there is nothing wrong with detransitioning, if it took you this path to get to a happy place, you are ahead of most 20 year olds.
Sorry for the question, but I really curious are you straight or gay?
@@Baltasarmk bi
@@drezdogge thank you for sharing
If your voice bothers you, there a lot of videos of transwomen demonstrating how to speak in a higher pitch without surgery. There's also the videos from Eden the Doll who got voice surgery
PositivePenny That’s a great idea!
PositivePenny thank you for the information.
PositivePenny I’m a detransed FTM, as young as 12 I was mistaken for my dad on the phone, I learned to modulate my voice. But if I got mad it deepened and I sounded like a guy. On T it got even deeper, but I still modulate it most of thr time.
If u hear eden the doll after surgery you can hear that she sounds like a woman but ..now.. months after the surgery she sounds like her old self. And also for weeks after the surgery she had lost her voice which caused incredible stress. I wouldnt suggest surgery here
ysera wannabe only if someone so dumb they’d risk surgery and too lazy to make an effort to modulate.
EVERY single ftm detransition story I've seen includes a history of some sort of sexual trauma being mistaken for dysphoria. I really believe this is such a common thread. As a trans guy myself I have so much respect and grattitude for people such as yourself telling your story! We need these as cautionary tales and I can't even imagine how hard it must be to stand in the middle of this political landscape right now. All the best to you❤
EDIT:
K, so I wasnt expecting this to blow up the way it did...so here are some clarifications based on what I've seen in the comments...
1) I do not mean that ALL detransitioners by definition have this issue. All I am saying is that I've seen this pattern and it's highly concerning...If this is actually a case of "sexual trauma" being mistaken for dysphoria I obviously cant say either cause I'm not a proffesional and dont know her. (Just going on her self assesment here)
2) I also don't mean to say I believe sexual trauma is a causal or correlational factor here...there's just no quantitative evidence out there really, so this is all just speculation.
3) My main point is just that having a space where one can explore topics of trauma, dysphoria, as well as all other life events freely before jumping into anything is very important and in my opinion vital to a healthy decision making process.
Btw, you're very cute😉 I am gay though so I don't know if my opinion counts😂
I was thinking the same thing but didn't want to say it.
@@Morgan24_7 Well glad I went ahead and said it then🙃
I am a detransitioned woman (formerly ftm) and did not experience any sexual trauma. It may be common, but not EVERY as you say
@@okthanks4792 Well that's not my point, it's just that every case I personally have heard of mentions sexual trauma. As you say it just seems to an extremely common thing.
I thought I was trans when I was 12 but I realized that i just wanted to be a different person entirely
i wish i was rich and healthy and live on a lake front property
I think nearly all of us do, you know the whole "the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" mentality. Unfortunately for all of us, it's not.
I know what that feels like
@Cass is it not train
Yeah I get that one
The world needs straight up honesty - especially in matters like this.
@lil' dumpling this doesn’t make sense?! You have one life. You are curious about something because you are desperate to feel better and think being trans is the answer. Especially from watching others pave the way transitioning and making videos happy they are. Where is transphobia even factor into this? So she should stay a man because it makes those who are trans feel better? Messed up. The truth is people try on different hats to find themselves and sometimes they do something extreme and it was the wrong decision. Honestly with self and being true to self is all that matters. That’s not transphobia. It’s being human.
We need more mental health professionals who are genuine people who care about others well being
I wish the psychological community was equipped to really help young people navigate these issues.
No major medical organization has a standard of care for trans (or potentially trans) patients. When the stigma of being trans dies down to where LGB people are now, I’m confident potential detransitioners will funnel out of the pipeline.
@@GalaxyGal- actually in Germany we have
We do but we cant force ppl
they’re scared being called transphobic
@Tayler Daye in America there are not adequate resources available for proper metal healthcare. Over 7 million Americans who need mental health care are unable to get it. That is reality. Perhaps you misunderstood what I was saying due to the way I worded my comment. I was not by any means stating the the doctors and nurses themselves are inadequate in any way. I'm talking about the industry.
The fact that your therapist was ready to start you are hormones from day one is horrifying! Her job was to examine you and make a determination and she let her personal bias get in the way of that.
You're right - except for the determination part. This is something therapist and client need to decide together - as soon as both are sure that they've explored the unconsious of the client enough to be rather sure that gender identity is the true reason for wanting to transition and (almost) nothing else.
HRT being available THAT quickly is extremely rare. I personally had to wait over 2 years before I was able to start and I was 28 years old (well into adulthood where I could make my own medical choices). I know several people that have had to wait longer (4-6 years). You're basically entirely at the whim of your therapist as to when you get to start, and I think at some point we need to find a happy medium between gatekeeping assholes and being willing to immediately assume every person that walks in with dysphoria symptoms has dysphoria.
Right? Hearing that she spent much of the time talking about herself is very telling. Good therapists are rare jewels.
Wow. You're basically saying someone should make a genuinely life-changing decision based on 60 minutes of speaking to a therapist who won't have had the time to get to know them or discover if they have any other serious underlying mental and emotional problems that may be affecting their self-perception.
@@heatherfromcheshire7392 No, he is saying that the therapist should have taken more time and have more sessions with her before giving her the hormones.
I'm a 50-something straight dude and I got a lot out of your story. I have friends who can benefit from your story. But, more importantly, you tell your truth in a powerful way and seem like a really cool person. Way to go. Elle. Keep on being you.
After listening for 5 min, I no longer heard a deep voice, I just heard Elle. Hoping you all the best.
@@flarmie Ah, what striking virtue-signaling. You deserve a cookie!
@@johndickson9542 Yes that is correct
In retrospect the comment was dumb and i should applaud the original poster for being progressive to begin with
i will delete comment now
To the poster of the original comment: thanks for being cool
@@johndickson9542 Calm your tits with your shitty politics here. You always assume people are lying when they are being nice? Because that sounds like a depressing life.
Same
@@panonymousbloom5405 no, you didn't see the original comment, it wasn't really helpful
Trans community really needs to discuss about detransitioning too especially before someone starts transitionimg medically
@bihbhkjbnlk all the stats I've seen put detransitioners at around 1% or less. And even then a qualitative analysis showed that a whole lot of them (most I think) detransitioned due to reasons like discrimination and safety. It's still valid to talk about the risk of misdiagnosis, but I think that discussion is more useful among psychiatric professionals than random lay people in the community. This isn't an issue unique to gender dysphoria, other disorder are misdiagnosed as well. Psychiatric professionals need to identify a pattern in people who are misdiagnosed, and then add information about that to diagnostic guides like the DSM so that clinicians will know that those patterns in presentation are likely evidence that there is a different underlying issue. some Other disorder in the DSM already have these sort of labels.
@bihbhkjbnlk Personally I have experienced dysphoria of sorts since I was four years old I was just unable to find the words for it. When I realized being trans might be a possibilty I did extensive research about dysphoria and other mental health conditions that are often mistaken as dysphoria and also detransitioners experiences and stories. I hope more young people do this as I did. I did find that I truly do experience dysphoria but it helped me see what my feelings truly were and not go straight to what surface symptoms showed and also just helped me feel validated in the mean time and come to terms with being trans.
Most of the community is supportive of those who explore their gender and then realize they aren't trans. There are a very loud minority who villify detransitioning. Everyone should be free to explore their gender and to decide that no, they don't like the direction they're going anymore.
There trans people who talk about. Those that do get called gatekeepers and truscum. Normal rational trans people are often attacked by sjw trans for talking about this.
@bihbhkjbnlk Yet, it is a tiny percent. That's a fact.
Then: There is no "trans community" just as there is no "feminism". There are groups and branches and individuals and organisations. The "trans community" is not a monolithic bloc.
Amidst the trans spectrum there are those who are aware of the phenomenon that is detransitioning and who are taking it serious.
Others need to reject the topic (mental/unconscious defence mechanism) because it triggers identity fears and fear that the detrans issue would serve as ammunition for cis folks who'd use it to fire at them and gaslight them.
So if patriarchy, the notions of both sex and gender binaries, non het phobia and transhobia wouldn't exist, there would be no reason for quite a few trans people and their supporters to reject the issue of detransition. Unfortunately all those systemically produced issues exist and people/societies make power structures out of it.
I actually really like your voice. Yes, the first moment it was "unexpected" but i forgot after a few seconds and then it was just a very calming, enjoyable voice. :)
Mrs Sloth that voice isn’t a woman’s voice and she’s well aware of it. I hope she can change it to sound feminine again it must be hard
@Jade Marie (I'm sorry for my english, please ignore any mistakes :D)
i never said I wouldn't understand that she doesn't like to have this voice. Still she has it right now and probably won't be able to change it quickly. She has to live with her voice so what is wrong about telling her that i like her voice. I think she seams to be a calming intellectual Person and in my eyes her voice fits that. Only because I say her voice is nice doesn't mean that I wouldn't accept her feelings of not wanting it because its not feminine.
Other than that there are women with deeper voices, just like hers. I wouldn't even say her voice is that unfeminine but that doesn't matter if she is seeing that different.
Why are you calling me fake though? There's nothing fake about it.
It’s a great voice , I agree
Is there even a way to fix the voice
@@julifri6576 I agree with your comment you said nothing wrong or fake. I also like her voice and think its calming yet a bit to heavy for a female though.
I'm your age, and I remember being about 12 years old and thinking I wanted to be a boy because the majority of the people I hung out with were male. At that time, if someone had told me I could transition into a male, I would have agreed without question. But as I got older, I realized that didn't matter to me, and instead found all it really was was that I felt more comfortable in boys clothes, and liking boy things, and maybe finding myself a bit more. I'm not trying to discredit you in any way, I can just see that there was a possibility that I would be in your same situation today had I been introduced to things like that then.
Ichimatsu Matsuno I had similar feelings as a kid and am perfectly happy being a tomboyish female now. So I find your story relatable
You guys need to have a louder voice for those who are now regretting the body mortification
I can relate to that. I had never heard the term at that age (I’m in my mid-thirties). I wish gender norms didn’t exist, because I don’t think there would be as much confusion. Also, being a teenage girl is hard. I think it makes perfect sense to want to be perceived as the “stronger” gender when boys and/or men get away with predatory behavior.
Clare M agreed!
For me it was quite the opposite, I went from not really caring about gender at all until puberty hit.
Elle, you have no idea how much people like you mean to me. I’m also a FTMTF detransitioner and your videos helped me. My voice didn’t change as much as yours but the facial hair, the shaming I went through by my own mother and strangers during my puberty doesn’t help. That’s the reason I transitioned. I don’t have anything against trans people, I know someone in my life very close to me who is trans and I love them. I was born in a country FILLED with misogyny, women and girls are r*p*d, kidnapped, murdered etc just for our gender and it affected me greatly. I wanted to be safe, I thought I genuinely would be safer as a boy. I’m 24 now and I have finally realized I like being female, I finally realized I like men romantically, I finally am getting to know my real self and working on my self steem. I’ve been told I’ll never be a real woman because I have to shave my face and because I’m somewhat androgynous looking naturally. The point is that I can’t talk for others but personally I was very confused and just wanted safety and to belong somewhere and I made a mistake. But now at 24 I’ve reached nearly inner peace knowing who I really am now and seeing I’m not alone seriously helps me so thank you Elle thank you so much. ❤ I wish you the very best.
What country or part of the world do you live in?
Some Muslim or Islam infouenced country?
I’m an old man and when I was young, your story wouldn’t have been possible. Or it would have been so extreme that it would have been national news or as a side show in a state fair. Today, I guess, it’s so “common” that nobody finds it terribly unusual. Yet, to you, your story is heroic in the sense that you have been tested in the deepest and most personal way. I’m wondering who suggested to you that this might be something to try without years of therapy and soul searching. You can see the scars that have been laid upon you. You say that your low voice may be permanent, for example.i suppose that that is not tragic but it will be a factor in resuming your life as a woman. I think you are very brave to share your story and I wish you the best.
Om
Lovely comment
most people your age don’t respect the trans and detrans community, you are so open minded. Very well said and so respectful! We all wish you the best as well :)
Charles, you are a very wise man and such a gentle soul. YT community needs someone like you, with your life experience and empathy - your words are really valuable and meaningful to us.
This is beautiful
14 is such a fragile age and not helped by less than stellar therapists.
I am a straight female and have never questioned that. I literally can't relate in the slightest. I have no idea why this video was recommended to me, but i'm glad it was. I think this video was extremely brave. It's helpful to the people going through what you are going through, but I also believe that videos like this help people like me to understand this more. Hatred and ignorance go hand and hand, so people like you who are able to speak about their personal experiences I think in a way make the world a much more accepting place. I don't typically write comments on videos, but there was something so genuine and beautiful about this that I felt I had too. Thank you for sharing and I wish the best for you.
I am in the same position as you. Glad I somehow stumbled upon this video so my eyes and mind could be opened more
You are a noble young lady and a credit to your gender.
thanks for sharing that. a beautiful comment
You are not a straight female. You sound like a radical feminist sock puppet.
@@hipsister4777 tf?
I can see how the promise of FtM transition could make someone with a history of trauma feel safe. It brings you away from the body you had when the trauma occurred, with the added benefit of being coded as male by society. But it's not really the answer to the underlying issue and I wish clinicians would start acting on that.
Most do! Any good therapist (like the fist one she went to) would probe a lot deeper before starting hormones, including checking around traumas. Unfortunately her second therapist was shit and only talked herself instead of doing her job properly
Well you have to understand. So for me, it happened when I was six and I'm completely fixed with that and have been in therapy for years for it and I'm at a good state. So even at the mention of sexual abuse whether or not when it happened or what they have done about it they might discredit any real trans people
I destransitioned too, and I embraced my baritone voice to the point of becoming a classically trained singer while presenting as femme again. Without doing any feminizing vocal training on purpose, my vocal range has started to grow feminine again. I wish I could show you the quirks of my voice so you have some options in your detransition.
As I mentioned in another comment, on my father's side (more specifically my late grandmother, and a late aunt), whom were both mezzo-sopranos, whom made rather modest careers in both classical music and opera. Whilst my uncle, my dad's brother, and husband -- now widow -- to my aunt was also a opera singer himself, his speaking voice was much more baritone (in fact he graduated from a tenor to baritone to bass-baritone), than hers, meaning I never really 'heard' how deep hers was ... but there are certainly women whom I have know speak in a more alto tone than she ...
Which is my very verbose way of saying, every person's speaking tone and pitch is different from everyone else's. I can't explain the number of times I have been called 'ma'am', in a totally unironic manner, simply because my natural vocal pitch is a bit higher, especially when recorded. In fact, having been in a school choir myself, my natural tonal range is more alto, although not nearly as high as a counter-tenor ...
In the meanwhile, I wish you the very best of luck. Few people outside the world of classical musicians, especially singers, know the immense amount of work, time, energy, and even money, it takes to establish one's self, even if you don't become a internationally recognized soloist. Just getting into a symphony, or a philharmonic, choir can be bloody hard ... but I hope you get there ...
nigelft I’m too lazy to read this
Maybe make a video of you singing and talking if you don't mind, I'm very intrigued.
this is amazing
Fancy meeting you here. :)
Thank you for sharing this honest and personal account.
I am a therapist myself, and I have worried about coming across as transphobic before (even though I know I'm not!) because I've urged some young clients to wait with transitioning until they are older. My reasoning was similar to what you said here: it is hard to know whether the gender dysphoria is coming from inside, or whether it is society that has instilled it in us - due to traumatic sexual experiences or just the constant misoginy that we are exposed to in the media (and in real life) everyday as women.
But what convinced me that it was okay to advise my clients to wait before transitioning in a permanent, medical way (taking hormones) was this: I know which tattoos I wanted to get when I was 17-18 years old, and at the time, I was sure I'd never regret them. But wow, my tastes have changed so much! I would hate those tattoos now! We change a lot during our lives. So if I would have regretted something as simple as getting a certain tattoo at age 18, then surely something as impactful as transitioning should be postponed until a time when an individual is sure. Yes, most medical changes can be reversed, but why risk that, if it is not absolutely necessary? Nowadays people can choose their pronouns, choose how they dress, choose their names. I think all of these steps should come first, and medical transitioning should come later if possible.
Hearing your story really helps me understand the complex internal dynamics that a gender-questioning person may struggle with. You are an extremely bright, insightful and reflective young woman. Please know that you are helping others by sharing your story.
In my opinion, you deserve nothing but respect and admiration for having made the difficult choice of detransitioning. I am glad that you are finding your way, your identity, and I agree with you, it is good to look at our past choices as experiences that helped us discover our true selves. Nothing is a mistake, as long as we learn from it! You learnt from your experience of having transitioned, so it was a success in a way. And it could have gone differently; you couldn't have known that you would end up realising that you are not trans afterall - so no reason for regret there either.
I am looking forward to your future videos!
@A Berryman That's extremely reductive. Plenty of female lesbians would have the masculine mannerisms
@A Berryman I just tried the hand thing, obviously before reading your conclusions on which hand position meant what. My hands were the wrong way up and wrong position for your trick, a combination of the male and female 'tells' so by your logic I'm non binary. I'm not.
@A Berryman lol I'm a cis woman and I do these things the way a man would according to you
Also carrying a pile of book in front of you is very inconvenient because boobs
I get that you're trying to be helpful but something you invented and tested on 10 people is not a proof of anything. Statistically you need 500 people at least, but 1000 and up is better, to be able to draw credible conclusions from your data
I like your comment, it's very thoughtful and you seem like a great therapist! I would like to comment on one thing though, about your tattoo analogy. I agree with what you're saying, except for the fact that not getting that tattoo when you were 17 did not have any emotional impact on you besides maybe being a bit disappointed. To a trans person, who's struggling with dysphoria, I suppose not being able to do something about it hormonally might be very traumatic.
And do you thing that aging will help with figuring out whether the gender dysphoria is coming from the inside or not?
Write a book. You've got an interesting story, I didn't even know this was a thing and it would probably help some people.
I would definitely read it! I didn’t know about this either. But I think if she wrote a book it could be very helpful for other people that wear similar shoes or people who are unsure if they are ready to transition or not.
That would be so incredibly helpful for so many people for sure!
Like any of you know how to read.😄
@@tonydio666 I have two degrees. Don't be an asshole. If you don't want to read it. Don't read it.
As a straight female I'm not sure why UA-cam recommended this for me but I am so grateful it did. Elle, I just want to hug you! In my profession I have worked with low income and risk youth and have seen so many of them use their gender or sexuality to mask real trauma that adults have inflicted on them. I want real healing for them, and peace, like you said but instead they often seek happiness as a different version of themselves. I wish more people could see your story and see that true love, healing, and self acceptance is what most of us are searching for. Thank you for being so brave. I wish nothing but love and happiness for you in your journey.
abo3791 adults?? More like MEN!!!!
This comment needs more love. We don't just need to be accepting of people's differences, or celebrate them. We need to do more. We need to love each other and help each other through our traumas.
I'm a trans guy and have been on hormones for 2 years and 6 months post top surgery. I wish trans people weren't so eager to brush detransitioners off. Definitely worth a watch, I wish the best of luck for you. Respect ✌
Same here! I consider myself a man socially but internally I'm very much nonbinary, I'm 4 years post T and almost 2 years post top surgery. One thing I can say is that I have not regretted either and everybody truly has different paths and understandings about the world; follow what feels true to you, but take every option into consideration first.
@@nibbatron6283 oh yeah definitely. I only had one appointment with a gender therapist before I got approved for hormones. I feel like it shouldn't have been that easy cos for all they know I couldve been lying through my teeth. I feel like I got lucky that it worked out for me cos I've never regretted it but I definitely shouldve had more therapy first. Ofc I'm not implying that she lied, but gender therapist shouldn't be so quick to want to give people hormones and should be open to other ways of dealing with things that can appear as gender dysphoria.
@@jacm5511 I feel that, I actually didn't get my referral from a gender therapist, my first therapist did specialize in gender, but she was too eager to accept me as being trans and I thought it was a bit strange so I decided to go to a general one.
But even then, I still didn't feel like she understood much of my situation and just let me go on hormones after the 6-month mark of our appointments because that was the only thing that I was there for. I was lucky enough to not regret a single thing but if it were someone like Elle that would've been a different story.
When you're young and in that determined mindset, it's hard to see alternatives to making yourself feel better when you're so set on transitioning being the solution, I really hope there are better ways to deal with gender dysphoria in the future that doesn't have to involve medical intervention if someone's underage, but I do understand many cases of trans children really needing the intervention they got. It's such a sticky situation.
I think it's the fact that a lot of anti trans people use detransition as means to down actual trans people that makes a lot of trans folks hesitant. Trans people who transition medically are always invalidated with "oh you'll regret it" so when faced with people who do regret it it's almost like those invalidating people get a point. To be clear though the overwhelming majority of people who transition don't actually regret it it's quite the opposite. Personally I think everyone should be free to take time to figure out who they are regardless of where they ultimately end up and just an important part of self discovery.
@hauha I agree and respect that but I don't want to make that blanket statement solely because I know people who transition into a binary gender only to realise they're non binary or gender fluid and they have to make adjustments. Granted, I don't typically see them making these types of videos. They're still trans they're just in a different position on the gender spectrum than they thought.
When I was around 15 I came out to my mom as trans. I mean I didn't know that something like that exist. I just told her that I know that I should be born as a boy because I feel that I am a boy but trapped in a wrong body. By then my mom was very supportive. She said she understands and that such things happens sometimes and that there is many people like me. But she said that I am very young and that I should wait with taking some actions until I turn 18 so that I will give myself some time to think it through and just make sure it's something I want to do. So i waited. And as I grew older I realised that I like being girl. I'm not girly, I am tomboy, I prefer man's clothes and hobbies. But now I am sure that I am not trans. I'm "just" a lesbian. And I am so thankful for my mom, that she convinced me to wait, to discover myself and my identity. I am full of admiration for people like you. You are such a strong and curageous human being. Everyone has a right to live their life the way they want. To find their true identity. Be proud and happy. You deserve it ❤️
I was outted to my parents when i was 15. My dad told me to "focus on my life and what school i wanna get into" and stuff like that, and not about my gender. I'm 19 now and I'm still trans, but I don't wanna re-come out to my parents and I wanna get a therapist who can confirm I have gender dysphoria. I'm just scared of my parents reactions and reactions of other people.
amazing mom!!!
sharpshooter Explain to them that they are very important to you, that you wanna share this part of your life with them, and that you’d appreciate their support. Tell them how you feel and that it’s the lifestyle you’ve chosen for yourself. Just don’t force it on them. If they don’t accept you, they’ll eventually come to. Be patient, and stay true to who you are. I’m rooting for you. :)
@@valerieselenec I totally agree with you. sharpshooter You should try to somehow bring up the topic again. Tell them that nothing has changed and you still feel this way. Let them know how important it is to you and that it's something that will make you trully happy. Don't be scared of other people's reactions. Remember that it's your life and nobody can live it up for you. Just go for it and be happy. Fingers crossed!!
@@JannekeGoossens Thanks. She is amazing. I wish everyone's mom was as supportive as mine
I'm a cis woman and my voice sounds a lot like yours naturally. Don't feel bad, lots of women have deep voices and it's totally normal!
The most disturbing thing about this is the activist-therapist who didn't challenge you but just kind of pushed you along.
i'd sue
And how can you say that? Did she explained the sessions on another video or is that just you splitting your prejudice?
She clearly explains that the sessions with the lgbt therapist were useless b*llsh*t, only finalized to bring her to hrt, in which the "therapist" spent the time telling HER story instead to listen to the patient... Stfu, Murilo.
It's a common denominator with all the detrans stories. They weren't challenged, nobody was interested in asking "why do you feel that way?" or "what happened to make you feel that way?". It's a mindboggling betrayal of medical ethics. Scientists and medical experts should be objective and offer therapy, not ideological slogans.
Almost all therapists in America are told they must believe anyone regardless of their age, or their mental health, that when they say they're trans that that's it - end of story. They must have correctly self-diagnosed. It's extremely frightening.
I thought I was trans when I was 12 because I made myself believe I was too unattractive to be female
Edit: Holy thanks for the likes
I'm sorry you were made to feel that way. You aren't ugly and almost all 12 year olds are in a funky phase looks wise because of puberty.
literally me. men have a lot more leeway when it comes to what facial features are considered attractive. maybe a larger nose and smaller lips on female me looks awful, but maybe as a male they would look fine
Crystal Bethany iam sorry to hear that
That happened to me too. When I was 7 I thought if my hair was shorter and just took out my uniform skirt nobody would think I was a girl.
I was so convinced that I was so unpretty to be a girl, I even forced myself to like girls too.
I’m so glad I’m not the only one who felt like this 💖
As a trans woman, I know how much of manhood cannot be undone once it emerges. I am so sorry someone traumatized you in such a way that you sought to become the very thing that nearly destroyed you - a man. And anyone but a woman. You are loved, and you are a beautiful woman whose body has a story to tell among the pretty face. I am so sorry, and thank you for your bravery and resilience. Your body is a temple; always remember that. It is unfair that you were brought to such a point 💜
The way you say
"And anyone but a woman", is that what happened to you ? and man hurt you?
Born a guy, will never turn into a woman and the other way around neither. Its sad to see people not knowing how to deal with their born, natural gender and also this confusion being pushed as "normal" in the media. Discusting and sad to see.
Jelmer van Kampen I am sorry, but you should listen.
Jelmer van Kampen stop
Jelmer van Kampen it's like saying to someone who hears voices to stop hearing voices it's not going to change anything this is not about you and your beliefs or the media this is about people who get killed disowned kicked out and called it and mocked no one really thinks how serous gender dysphoria is and it shows
I’m Trans FTM and I respect your decision, I respect people who detransition, unfortunately some trans people doesn’t respect people who detransition, I respect you ❤️
Hi, I detransitioned too. My story is a bit different because I was born Intersex and the doctors determined I was a boy, so I was forced through surgery and testosterone treatment. I don't hope you get as much hate as I do in the trans community, and I can see how your story can be misused by anti trans people. If you need someone to speak to who understands you just pm me. Hugs and love ❤️
I wish doctors wouldn't decide for an intersex child who they should become! Unless there's some risk involved, there's no reason to force a body into a category when it's not totally clear. So sorry that you had to reverse someone else's decision
Thank you gardenho69. I hope these forced surgeries stop soon, it's not beneficial for anyone.
@@muslinielsen7789 I thought we would have learned something from the case of David Reimer back in the 60s. I can't believe we're still doing that.
Milou Nielsen Milou!!!! Pause! You get hate from the Trans community??? Why? You are the real medically true trans person! For most ”Trans” people it's all in their heads but for you you were intersex and it truly wasn't your fault. You are the normal person in the room and you SHOULD have had the opportunity to choose. I'm sorry that you experienced what you did.
Wait, why would someone hate on you? It’s literally not your fault. You were forced into the original treatment. And you decided that wasn’t who you were. I don’t understand why people would hate you. I’m sorry you have to experience that. 💜💜I think there needs to be more information and education on intersex individuals. It’s an interesting and IMPORTANT topic. 💜💜
People NEED to be talking about dysmorphia, it is SO easy to mistake dysmorphia (or things involving sensory input, if you experience problems with that like I do) for dysphoria, and then people rush into doing things that are dangerous and semi permanent. Teens often experience dysmorphia and some do even past that.
I relate to this comment!
@@gabriellastauffer
Hell...I'ma be confused for decades then, mate.
@@poisonedfrosting This response is really confusing for me? I don't see how being educated about more subjects would cause more confusion, in fact I think it'd make things fairly simple. If knowing more about dysmorphia makes you MORE confused, then I'd say you're not experiencing dysphoria, if you were and were educated on them, the difference would be very very very easy to tell. Either way, better someone be confused for longer than damage themselves permanently/semi permanently (as unlikely as I find that scenario to be, being confused for longer).
@@BriarPatchNyra To my brain, dysmorphia is more consistent with transgender than dysphoria. Either way, I've been concerned that we went to the opposite end of the treatment spectrum without any research that it was better. I would personally love to see more self confirming therapy (confirming whatever you want as gender presentation while still confirming what your body is like naturally - that it's ok to be be a woman who has a penis or woman with a vagina, and accept your body for what it is and that it doesn't control your gender expression)
Unfortunately, that is seen too often as "conversion" or transphobic.
Im not trans I’m female but I love to hear ur stories I have 3 children and these kinds of videos help me open my mind more than it is& I appreciate everyone from ur community & all of u are worthy human beings& u mean the world to the world no matter what the world says💛💜♥️
Just to be clear, this person isn't trans. She's a cis woman just like you. She was mistaken and thought she was a trans man at 16. No hate though
I'm so glad i never got on T like i demanded when i was in highschool, took me a while to realize that trauma made me reject my own body. Im still definitley a tomboy but i dont want to be a man.
Argh. The most frustrating part is about the therapist. Going to therapy to talk about transitioning is an important step in my mind, but not to convince you not to, but to find out why. If a proper therapist could have picked up the trauma, maybe this could have gone differently. Also - the internet sucks. I wish young people wouldn't rely on sites like reddit for knowledge. These online forums aren't reliable. And another also, I'm so sorry for the trauma you went through.
I agree with this. Her decision to change gender was due to a trauma, not a life long issue. And her parents letting her take hormones at 16. I just do not agree with that.
@@avalondreaming1433 Her parents were faced with a daughter who was suicidal, and a professional that said she needed hormone therapy to cure her dysphoria.
Elle takes full responsibility for her decisions . With respect, you should applaud that bravery and not blame her parents.
I'm a straight cis-woman, so take this with a grain of salt, but I think the internet can be both a tool and a weapon. On the plus side, I have a cousin in rural West Virginia who came out as pan-sexual a couple years ago at age 16 and is living her best life. When she came out, I was a grown up living in Brooklyn, NY with a lot of LGBT friends, but had never even heard of pan-sexuality. I think if it weren't for the internet, it would have been harder for my little cousin to name her sexuality and find community. At her rural high school, she went to prom with her girlfriend and gaggle of other queer kids. For me, being someone who was in high school when Matthew Shepard was headline news, it was so heartening to talk to her on the phone about finding a suit to wear and seeing pictures of her with her friends, beaming and being able to show up as her whole self totally supported.
It's not sexual trauma. Every detransitioner has been a lesbian and has usually been confronted by radical feminists with that narrative beforehand.
The rapid onset disorder is to be specific to lesbians with become sexually active. The reason they use trauma is because you can use it to the point everything without any real proof.
It sounds like the first therapist did and she didn't want to hear it. She chose to go to a bad therapist who did what they thought was best but didnt did deeper to see what was really going on
These stories keep popping up recently and i knew they would. I'm a trans guy with no history of trauma and I remember joining the community 7+ years ago and seeing an overwhelming amount of people talking very openly about their trauma and wanting to transition (usually spoke about these things separately). I always wondered if there was a strong correlation and I would try to speak on it but I'd be just ripped apart by people. Got told I was a gatekeeper, terf, all that random crap. I really wish people had been more open to discussing the different possibilities of wants/needs/histories that come with something as serious as wanting to transition. It was always a competiton in the community between who was right and who's opinions were most accepting etc, but realistically nothing is that black and white. Now we have a big community of people who are detransitioning and a big part of it is that medical professionals weren't strict or open enough. I hope we can all still stick together as a community. Having a trans experience is something that is rare to be able to relate to, doesn't matter what your current gender identity is. I hope all the other trans guys who are chill and open can support the ftmtf community and be open minded with everyone as well.
Seth TW 💜
In this context, what does it mean to be a gatekeeper or terf
@@StraightZzzStudent I'd often question the speed at which people were medically transitioning. Whether they'd done the research, seen the professionals. When I started it was still a time where you had to live as your identified gender for a year before being allowed to transition medically. They really made sure it was what you wanted. Nowadays you can walk into a clinic and get on hormones basically the next day. I know there are pros and cons to both but I used to question those experiences where people got on hormones extremely quickly, hence being called a gatekeeper. It wasn't malicious, I just have always felt that medical transition is a way bigger decision than the community makes it out to be.
Seth TW if I had to guess, I’d say that having gender identity issues puts people n a very vulnerable place, which predators sense and take advantage of.
This vulnerability combined with internalized homophobia can also lead specially people to put themselves in some very potentially dangerous environments, such as S&M bars, public cruising areas, and the like .
Your a woman
Someone who takes your detransition as a personal affront, really needs to check their personal confidence and self worth. How does your story ever invalidate someone else? It's YOUR story. It's very brave and wonderful of you to share your story. You've provided another perspective that is necessary and needed.
Mar But it is not up to her to validate you or any other fucked up person. She is entitled to tell her truth, as is anyone else. You people need to grow up, for real....
Because that's the world we live in today. We're a world filled with nosey assholes that need to mind their own business.
TRUE
Transphobes latch onto this stuff and it doesn’t help that she’s referring to being trans as equating medical transition eg “when i was ftm”. It makes her seem like a terf since it’s like she’s equating all trans men to her
Im also a woman, and my voice is naturally deep. This made me feel bad when I was younger. Until last year (im 27) i decided to embrace my deep voice. I managed to fake a higher pitch all those years! To the point is hard to remember my real voice. I think is possible for you to get a higher tone with enough practice :).... however I now find my voice quite powerful.... and sensual, when I want to hahaha....also I love your hair color!!!
Thanks for sharing your experience!!
I'm the same. Cis woman with a deep voice. You can get vocal coaching is you really want to change to a higher pitch, but I've learned to embrace it.
Thank you for sharing your story Elle
I’m a woman (adult female) and I have too much of a high pitch voice. I become very conscious of it sometimes. And I always question myself if I sound too shrill. Like when I listen to my voicemails I sometimes cringe at the sound of my voice.
Isn’t it interesting how we humans are? 😊
Same here, I get 'sir' on the phone some times, and once or twice in person too because I wear baggy clothes and no makeup. My husband loves my deep voice, but I am conscious about it for feeling like I've never been feminine enough.
Thank you for being honest ! This honesty makes it easier for cys people to understand the importance of trans health. Trans health is not just giving hormones and getting surgeries. It is about having trained psychologist and psychiatrist for trans people. Help with understanding the repercutions of transitioning not only socially but also physically (not that you are less trans if you didnt do either of these). Thank you for telling your story. Changing your mind is not too late and if you think detransitioning is the best option for you I support you!
This is the most real confession I have heard. Since you regret transitioning, you started to de-transitioned. You admitted the fact that you neglected your first therapist to not transition and went to see an lgbt therapist who would actually just agree easily for you to transition. You presented the real problem and did not make any excuses about trauma or whatsoever excuses I heard from others who are like you. Thank you.
she said she had trauma.. in the end of the day everyone makes their own decision tho
ceergeon 101 Do you not see the inherent homophobia in labeling the second therapist as an LGBT therapist, rather than what was actually the issue- that they were a BAD therapist?
@@hexum7 in the video, she says that the therapist was from the LGBT center. It doesn't seem that far off that a therapist from the LGBT center would be more likely to recommend transitioning.
@@hexum7 ikr people are subtly being bigots here
@@hexum7 .. She used the Same descriptor as the girl telling the actual story. Stop looking for meanings that aren't there.
I just wanted to say that you are really pretty. You have this natural, sweet vibe. I don't know how to describe it, and you're also very well spoken. Sorry for all the troubles you went through. Stay strong.
so amazing to see someone going through the same thing I did. thank you for being brave enough to be so public about your de-transition, wish I could have seen your story a few years ago. So much love to you
As a trans man, I appreciate your courage and openness. The trans experience isn't for everyone, and discovering yourself is a journey. There should be more emphasis on the self-discovery part rather than romanticizing and idolizing transition. There is nothing wrong with people being positive with transitioning, not at all, but as a community we tend to idolize ourselves and fight anyone who dare questions us... it's a survival tactic that we all universally took on, but it does incredibly affect minors who are still discovering themselves, much like your story. Gosh, you were so young whenever you were sprung into it and I'm so sorry with how much if affected you.
What a fascinating and important story, thank you for telling it.
Effects of sexual trauma on me:
I'm a cis woman who also suffered sexual trauma, and now I kind of hate being seen as a woman. I did wonder if being seen as a man would make me happy, but I'm pretty sure it wouldn't, because I'm not trans. I'm just another traumatised cis woman. I feel like my trauma has changed my sexuality too - I've gone from straight to sex-repulsed. I wonder if it's right to call myself asexual? I feel like sexual trauma cracked my identity and sense of self.
This video really moved me. I'm sorry you suffered too, and I admire you for telling your truth so eloquently.
it’s definitely a response to trauma 🖤 it makes you really insecure about your femininity and sometimes you don’t feel like a woman.
@Tala Habern I've been to therapy
Love the GBH!
This exact thing happened to me.
Madison Rose have you heard about MK ultra? The government experimented and used sex-based trauma to manipulate their victims. Sex based trauma does break us.
you’re a beautiful human being, thank you for telling your story
Am so glad a friend gave me your link to watch. This is so good for
those experiencing what you have and to see the consequences but
overcoming them. Have someone very close going through this and have
shared your videos in the hopes it will help with what they are feeling.
Not the answer to depression, anxiety, body image and puberty issues.
Have watched all your videos and you are very wise and I admire you
greatly for doing this. Thank you
As a trans woman my heart breaks for you, this situation was handled in the worst way possible but I am happy that you have taken the necessary steps to be your true self. That is more important than any label that can be placed on you.
I used to identify as trans, I never got on hormones my parents said not to until I was 18. I was very close to getting on hormones, but a few months after becoming 18 I discovered I wasn’t trans. It’s a crazy thing, and it’s weird to come back from. But one day it’ll feel far away
It's normal to try and find your identity and yourself during early stages of life, never rush things
Thank God for your parents! The government in Canada is taking parental rights away for fighting for their children! As a parent, it's very scary.
When you said something traumatic happened to you online so it wasn’t “real life,” I just want to encourage you. Online abuse is “real life.” I am so sorry for your pain. You are valuable. You were created in the image of God. I hope you continue to find complete healing. Blessings to you.
Just curious and no hate intended but if the on-line experience was so bad could she not have just shut it down? Maybe it was because was so young and not realizing what was going on?
I think by "not real life" she meant she's glad she didn't get physically r*ped or anything, because the relationship was online
Being online is a part of real life. "Online" aka social media is just a tool. So what happens there affects pretty much real life. Thank you Lauren for your comment.
It seems to me that she makes a big difference between online and real life experiences. She's much more happy with real life friends than with online friends, for example. And if it helps her to think that it wasn't real because it was online, then I don't see anything wrong with declaring it as such.
@@donnashields1194 Sometimes you don't realize how fucked up something was until some time passes.
I know some cis women with lovely deep voices like yours. It's totally valid for you to be self-conscious about that considering your struggles with gender identity, just know that it sounds beautiful and I for one am envious of it.
Lol no it doesn't stop lying to her
Margeaux Guile lol no reaI woman has such a deep voice! This chickk sounds like a MAN! Those so called “cis” women are clearly not “cis”
Margeaux Guile what female calls herself cis? How disrespectful and letting dudes in dre$$es name u and coop womanhood
Margeaux Guile you now cis women who sound like grown men??????? Women need to stop lying to themselves 😂 and stop calling urself cis when ur a REALL WOMNANN
@@kl5329 Did you have a stroke all over your keyboard or something? Calm down, kiddo.
Elle- thank you so much for being so open and sharing so much about your journey with transitioning and detransitioning. Thanks to you i've been able to understand my own feelings and be able to finally accept that its okay to detransition. For years I've felt so ashamed for transitioning and feeling the way I do about wanting to detranstion and its nice to be able to listen to someone who has similar thoughts as me. Also so relieving to have videos to send to my family to help them understand better what I'm going through through someone elses eyes.
ps my grandma is a fan
I've just seen you pictures on the detrans subreddit and thought you were really pretty
I'm glad detransitioners feel safe enough to come out with their stories and help many people (including me) to think longer and harder before they make desicions like transitioning and if there might be any other underlying causes making them want to do it
I also was sexually abused, transitioned, and detransitioned. This video was so comforting to me to watch. Thank you for sharing your story.
I did not even know detransitioning was a thing :o Seems difficult to go through, courage to all who go through it
I’m so glad you’re talking about this. Such a valid contribution to this whole topic
I'm a trans guy mid transition and I'm so grateful for your story. I know I will not ever need to detransition myself, but it's so important to ask questions of yourself while on these sorts of journeys and your story is definitely a testament that sometimes your own truth gets lost in the voices of others. I'm so glad you've found your own truth again and thankful that I am reminded to keep hold of mine (and question it occasionally too)!
@Alexandria Alexa No he isn't
@Alexandria Alexa chromosomes aren’t gendered and they’re not even binary they have categories but there’s like a lot of things it could be
Alexandria Alexa I don’t get why you can’t just let people be. If he want to be a male, let him be a male. You do not dictate his he wants to see himself and how the worlds sees him.
Alexandria Alexa Learn how to spell chromosomes if you’re going to talk about biology (Even though being trans is proven by science).
Alexandria Alexa Actually it’s proven by psychology and biology. Here’s a link to the NHS (National Health Service) website explaining it: www.nhs.uk/conditions/gender-dysphoria/
It explains why gender dysphoria occurs, as well as the definition and related treatments.
This is why Transitioning Medically should really be taken more seriously ESPECIALLY when it comes to children/teenagers people don’t take the irreversible effects seriously in some cases I have heard that all you have to do is sign a form to go on hormones People & Especially the doctor’s need to be 100% sure there patient is truly transgender before starting the medical process this is why I don’t agree with teenagers & kids transitioning because they can definitely not be certain
Tamara Fletcher exactly! Sometimes a little boy just wants to have long hair & wear dresses & play with Barbies sometimes a little girl just wants to have a buzz cut wear track suits & play with trucks it doesn’t mean they must be transgender people need to realize that just because a child is masculine/feminine Doesn’t automatically mean they are transgender I’m all for letting kids explore their interests but it’s dangerous to encourage a child or a teenager to medically transition or even legally change there name & gender the media plays a big part in this unlike you I never really wanted to be a boy growing up I was definitely a tomboy but by the time I got about 11/12 I started becoming more stereotypically feminine I’m so glad my parents didn’t try & the media didn’t persuade me to become a boy I honestly feel really bad for children & teenagers in these situations especially in cases where you can tell it’s more of the parents idea then the child’s
Speaking Truth true some trans people can definitely know from an early age so it’s really difficult too decided I also think 18 should be the youngest a person can go on hormones or get surgery we don’t get to make other serious altering decisions about our body until then I don’t know a lot about hormone blockers but from what I know they are safe & have no long term consequences so I think that’s a good idea if a child is questioning there gender although I don’t think I’d do it for children who are still several years away from staring puberty I don’t think it should start until the age of 8 or 9 in Ftms & probably age 10 in Mtfs because 95% of children don’t begin puberty any earlier then that so I think it would be best to do it right for a child starts the very beginning puberty
Mary Saunders um yeah, nobody’s talking about letting Barbie-play aged kids transition . Stop making them a shield for your transphobia
m.ua-cam.com/video/RybNI0KB1bg/v-deo.html
Tala Habern that is absolutely true. I watched ellle’s latest video in which she talks about having tried to commit suicide when she was around 11, and up.
Further, she threatened to commit suicide daily for a year and a half unless she was put on hormone treatment. Finally when doctors and therapists told her parents that they had no other choice in order to save her life.
Why she didn’t mention any of that here, I don’t know, but it comes off a bit fishy to me
hexum7 I never said anyone was talking about it but small children transitioning is a topic you hear about a lot in the media these days & I think it is worth talking about. Also I’m not at all “transphobic” I just think that transitioning is not something to be taken lightly someone should be fully sure of themselves & confident that this is what they want but I feel this way about ALL body altering operations not just transitioning but I do think the media is talking an awful lot about trans kids today that sometimes a tomboy will just be given the label of transgender. I Think it’s great if Adults who are sure this is what they want & have spent their life feeling they were in the wrong body transition & I Admire there courage & bravery I just think it’s a decision people should take more seriously & yes especially when it comes to children & teenagers
hey, I'm a trans guy and I just think you're amazing for being able to talk with yourself and ask yourself some deep and sometimes hard questions, it's an important ability in life. I just hope you'll keep being happy! :)
Thank you for sharing your story. I think it's important that everybody can have a voice, and it's nice to hear about someone's personal story and hear that it's okay to keep discovering yourself, without it ending being about politics or being for or against trans people and so on. I'm happy you made a decision that was right for you :)
You may feel like you are "back to square 1", but actually, you know more now than you did then. So you are further ahead than you think.💗
Linda B I love this comment
I was so close to getting on testosterone, and then all of a sudden when my ex broke up with me I lost all sense of who I was and started questioning my gender again. I had always thought since I was 4 that I was meant to be a boy. I always had felt wrong in my body and wanted so desperately to be the man that I felt I was.
My therapist and doctors both signed off on the papers and I was just about to go on T, but for some reason things changed.
Being called a woman is still very strange to me and doesn't feel correct, but neither does being called a boy or a man.
non-binary identities are a thing too
Pascal Harper not really
Moonlight non binary has been around for thousands of years stfu
@@umok8433 nonbinary was originally an intersex term.
The only thing that woman should mean is that you have the potential to carry large gametes. That's it, nothing more or less. Nothing to do with how we present ourselves to the world, we should be allowed to do or be whatever we want regardless of our sex
i relate to you so much, it’s very hard to reclaim your femininity after wanting to pass as male, you learn so so much and you’ve got this!!!!
hi elle! i'm a pre-t and pre-op trans guy, and i just wanted to say that your video has been really helpful to me! i tend to question myself and my (social) transition a lot, and i one of my worst fears is finding out that everything's fake and i'll have to go back. hearing your experience has actually really helped me with being more confident in my identity and feeling more secure. my parents aren't accepting, so i haven't been able to even entertain the thought of medically transitioning, though i have done a TON of research on all of it. in a way, i'm grateful bc it's given me the opportunity to question myself and experiment with identities, pronouns, names, and presentation before making any concrete changes. presenting, passing, and being perceived as male feels right to me, and has felt right ever since i started my social transition about two and a half years ago. i'm a minor, so even with my therapist's (who is a general therapist and not specifically a gender therapist) recommendation for a medical transition, i would still have to wait and have more experiences before i'm allowed to medically transition. i just want to say thank you again for your story, your advice, and your video! :)
i am so thankful that this was in my feed. when i was 15 i struggled a lot with gender dysphoria, i was so confused and sad. i felt like a boy, or at least gender fluid. ive always thought that "boy stuff" was way cooler, their music, their clothes. i hated my body and that people percieved me as a girl. but now i understand that its ok to be a girl. i am not a tomboy but i like a lot of "boy stuff". i learned to embrace my womanhood. its ok to be a girl and not be fem. now i understand that clothes, music and etc are genderless. i think i was just afraid. being a woman is hard, its scary. i also experienced sexual trauma, and i think that made me scared and disgusted of my own body. but im happy in my own body, even if i experience body dysmorphia i know for a fact it has nothing to do w my gender. thank you for sharing your experiencie, i found it very helpful and brave. this needs to be adressed a whole lot more
i really relate to this story, but it's been almost 6 years since I first questioned my gender. i think the reason i thought i was NB or fluid was because i didn't know who "me" was, as any 12-15 year old feels!!! it's hard to differentiate between most human beings what gender actually means (it is different for everyone, as it should be). I wish human existence was more celebrated in my life, instead of gender roles and expected experiences.
Yes this so true to my own personal experience. A big breakthrough for me was realizing that gender is just some imaginary construct, at least for me. Learning to ignore gender rules and lines and instead just doing what makes me feel comfortable and confident was such a process but so important to getting where I am today
I also really relate to this. From the time I was a toddler, my parents thought I was going to grow up to become a lesbian (it was the 90's, being trans wasn't main stream like it is today). That was because I wanted to be like a boy SO bad! I wanted to dress like a boy, play with cars instead of barbies, and rough house. I even joked about wanting facial hair, and how much better I would look as a guy than a girl. I didn't get out of that phase until I was 19! But at the same time, I always knew I was attracted to boys, not girls, and I didn't mind what I had physically. I just liked "guy" stuff, and I still carry myself in a more masculine way to this day. But now I also like to get dressed up, wear makeup, and embrace my feminine side. I think if being trans was a more talked about thing when I was an early teen, I may have looked more into it. So for me, it's better that it wasn't a well known back then I guess, because I could have made a huge mistake.
@@sarenap1409 Yeah man, gender roles are so dumb. Can't people just do the things they want without being forced into roles or stereotypes? I'm the same way. I wear guy's clothes and have short hair and everyone thinks I'm gay but I'm actually mainly attracted to guys. Can't people just be people?
Thank you so much for posting this! I didn't start transition as young as you, I was 24, but I was let on hormones after only 2 meetings with a nurse & signing informed consent. 6 months later I was diagnosed with borderline personality disorder and knew transition was wrong for me, but I continued on T for another 5 years. I'm now finally healing and detransitioning, and videos like this really inspire me. Please make more if possible, its so helpful
Tommie Wolfe good lord. I can’t believe two meetings means you’re qualified to diagnose YOUR OWN need to alter your body permanently. That’s so messed up. I’m glad you’re finally beginning to heal. Coming to terms with your body and loving it is so important. I’ll definitely make more videos!
Wow. I work in medical. Im surprised that they just moved you along like that. Im not a nurse I am in insurance. You sound like they didn't consider your mental health much.
@@Morgan24_7 Yeah, I have only so far heard about these informed consent scenarios from the US (I'm from germany). I do however know that there are people in Berlin trying to make it easier to bypass the required therapy + living as the identified gender for at least a year, before any medical steps are taken. This really terrifies me as a transguy myself, seeing the effects it has had in the US!
I mean, that's just how informed consent works, they tell you all the effects hormones will and/or might have in your body, ask you if you understood everything of have questions and then it's up to you to decide what you do with your body. You sign that you consent with the treatment.
I think, so far that's only an option in the US, but I know from other countries that in support groups people get told which therapist is going to put you on hormones quickly and "without judgment". Or in countries where you can't chose your care team cause you're bound to a gender clinic, they give tips on what to tell the therapists to fast track the process and get through it without hang-ups.
The problem is that people will either chose informed consent because at the time they're certain they need transition. Or they switch therapists until they find one who's clearing them for HRT or lie to them/hide facts like past sexual trauma from them.
It's hard to protect people from doing a mistake, when they do everything in their power to convince themselves and others that it's the right thing.
As someone who is FtM and Borderline, I really can see how this gets messed up. There’s a whole clause that BPD individuals need more extensive gender therapy because a lot of us face dysphoria and not gender dysphoria. I could’ve been put on T at 16, but I had decided to wait until much longer because I don’t think I was ready for such a change (homeless, poor and many more issues). I don’t know if I want biological children, and thus I’m much older and still haven’t physically transitioned despite how much i wish to.
What an interesting story. I had never heard of someone detransitioning before today. (I'm sheltered.) You are very brave to put yourself out there like this. Thanks for sharing!
Thank you so much for making this video! I think you're helping a lot of people with this, and I wish you all the best 🧡
Sex change is a very serious thing. Must be thought very carefully. How ever there are a lot of happy trans people.
The number out of the whole of the trans community that are detransitioners are a lot smaller than everyone thinks. It's just they're very vocal, meanwhile once most people transition become quiet because you know, you don't think about it anymore once you start becoming who you are. It's just sad that some people are essentially told "yes let's get you on this/that" without asking or posing tbe question "when did this start, how did this start, have you always felt wrong in your assigned gender" etc. Because lack of proper help in certain areas.
Why adults let a young woman transition so young without throughly working through the sexual abuse and ruling out all the other possibilities astounds me. They really failed you. Love and healing energy to you homie ♥️
@@christiansaravia7865 I'm glad there's people like you in your community. Sometimes the trans community has a bad rep because there are a lot of people who disagree with what you just said. I have no problem with people transitioning. I've had people in the community attack me & threaten me because I said I wouldnt allow my young child to do that. I kept trying to explain to them a toddler or a young child dosent have the capacity to really understand what they're doing. I feel like their should be serious evaluations and therapy for young adults & adults who want to consider it. It's a life changing thing and I just feel children and young kids don't have the capacity to fully understand how their effecting themselves for the rest of their lives. I feel like there should definitely be some type of law for it and age where people can do it where they know that's exactly what's what they want.
Christian Saravia It provides an avenue for low-income trans people and people who are forced to be in the closet to be able to receive HRT. It’s how I started, and I don’t regret it, frankly.
They don’t do it for minors, and they shouldn’t.
Well thanks to this SJW society. Yall are immediately to call somebody homophobes or transphobes when we want to discuss this. This is eventually what you're going to get, unhappy people who regret their choices like no shit.... I stopped caring and watching how this cancerous community will destroy itself.
@@ZA-ui1sv Nah you did not sound harsh. There is a time when we have to tell the truth and you told the truth you don't have to apologize for that.
@@xoxotay4170 Yeah, the thing is that 'law' already exists: depending on the country, you cannot be prescribed hormones until you are 16-18 years old. So, basically, nobody is talking about 'kids' here besides you 🙄.
Elle, you are a great speaker! I have watched three of your videos so far, and I am so impressed with the way you tell the story of your childhood, early adolescence, and transition. You have had a very difficult journey. But you are not back to square one girl! You have gained self-knowledge and I feel - a perspective - on this difficult issue. There are many out there who urge caution when it comes to diagnosing gender dysphoria because often, as in your case, it could be an identity crisis/mental anguish for other reasons and changing your body will not solve the problem. Unfortunately people who question transitioning are called trans-phobic and ignored. I think your experience is so very important, and sharing it will definitely help others either considering transitioning or in the process.
Hi! I went through something similar, except I never started any medical transition. Thank you for sharing your story! It feels nice to hear other women who have gone through this. I felt this way as a result of sexism online and in media and it was a really rough time for me until I found a community of other women who helped me realize that I could truly be myself 💖 thank you for sharing your story
you are such a natural communicator, i truly enjoyed hearing and watching you tell your story. all the love to you babe
When i was 14/15 I thought i was a guy too but then i realized it was just body dysmorphia because of my eating disorder.. and i got my first boyfriend and I just completely felt fully feminine so..
Conclusion: banged and realised I'm a gorl
@American Ajumma In 80 percent of childhood cases of gender dysphoria, the child no longer feels dysphoric when they hit puberty. However, for the kids whose dysphoria continues throughout puberty it is most likely permanent.
@@christiansaravia7865 i think girls/woman are indeed a bit ashamed when being to "masculin" even tho they don't have a reason to be, i remember being a tomboy and everybody told me ( and called me names) " why don't you just become a boy?" I never answer them tho, and when i was 15-16 puberty hit me with some femininity..
I think a lot of young girls don't really see the "difference" anymore in being a tomboy and having gender dysphoria ( not always there fault, i could have walked the same path as they do/did if i had listen to the others)
Thank you for sharing your story, you've helped me a lot. I'm in my 40s and often wondered what would've happened to me if I'd transitioned. You've answered A LOT of questions. You're amazing and I think there's a lot of good things ahead for you.
Just throwing out there that you say, “If I had been going to a good therapist this might not have happened.” But... you were going to a good therapist and you stopped seeing her. Anyway, I’m glad that you’re digging through the traumas and steps that got you to where you are today and sharing your story with us.
she went to 2 therapists. One who told her not to do it initially and the other at the LGBT+ center. While the first therapist did suggest that she not go through with it, the other therapist was not doing her job correctly. As someone who’s main focus is on LGBT+ youth, she should have paid attention to see signs of actual dysmorphia and not just start her out on T without thinking about it.
Not sure the first therapist was good either. Sounds like she wasn’t listening but just shutting her down
I understand what Elle is expressing about the therapists. Maybe better wording may have been "If I had been going to the right therapist for me this might have not happened". The therapist may have been good, but not necessarily right for what Elle needed. Therapy should be a comfortable, open space and if you don't really get that vibe..best to move on, ya know?
this story resonates with me 100%. i never took physical steps in transition though. but seriously aside from that i have felt everything you express here... i wish you the best for the future!!!!
I don't even know why I'm watching this or how it got into my recommendations but you're such a nice person! It was a real pleasure hearing your story, God bless you!
Thank you for sharing. I have trans friends. As a parent, I've taught my daughter there are no boy toys versus girl toys. She can wear whatever color she wants. She is not trans, but, I want her to be ok in blue and working on cars with her uncle and grandfather. Basically, I want everyone to be comfortable in their own skin.
Don't push the neutral colors either. Let her be her. If he feels better in neutral or boys colours than provide it for her.
🙌🏽
heya, Elle thank you for going into depth with your experience. I think it's really important for the community to know that detransitioning exists and de-stigmatizing the fear around it!
Your voice isn't so low. My voice is about that low and I'm a female who has never taken testosterone. It'll be ok 👍
empty soul505 yup! The females in my family all sound husky and can be mistaken for male. My experience is that society handles better a husky female voice than a girly male one. But in truth it doesnt matter as long as you are healthy, happy and heard!
I think it sounds like a man's voice
Don’t like she sounds like a man
Same here. My voice is even lower.
I also have a scratchy, deeper voice and I am a cis woman. I get mistaken for a man on the phone sometimes. I think she has a relatively neutral voice. I hope she can overcome her dysphoria.
Thank you for making this, I'm currently going through the same and it's really helpful to hear other people share their stories
Thank you for sharing your story. It's important to hear this side of things. All the best for the future. X
Thank you for sharing your story! It definitely takes a lot of courage to speak about these things in a world that will judge you. I’m a trans- masculine/nonbinary person and I definitely relate to some of the things you talked about. Life can be a really long, hard process and I’m glad you were able to figure out what was best for you. Its good to know that you’re doing well! Always be yourself! ❤️🌈
I enjoy hearing stories from people
You could make this a regular thing where you talk about these issues
I subbed and hope to see more of this content
Elle, I know you've already received so many comments and might not see this one--which I'm glad for, because that means you're just getting a **constant** outpouring of compassion and love and affirmation and active listening that you should have had when you were younger---but I wanted to pause and respond while I was in the 20:20 range. It's an extraordinary and rare thing that you're able to look on your life and say that you are able to reflect from a masculine perspective and from a feminine perspective. Regardless of whether you should have transitioned in the first place, all of your experiences in sum has made you a deeply empathic and nuanced person, and it really carries through in the way that you speak so openly and candidly. So many people will be proud of you've become and who you'll be tomorrow, and so many people will be grateful to have heard your story. Best of luck as you continue to be as brave and as honest as you deserve to be!
I was gonna comment something like this, but you said it much better than I could have!
I am proud of you and your bravery in making this video. People need to hear your story. Hopefully it will help young people not make the same mistakes. Stay strong and wishing you all the best!
Im 24, ive questioned my gender identity quite a lot in the past. I used to seriously consider transitioning for a long time.. im glad I never did. I don't think that trying to change would have fixed my underlying mental problems that I struggled with. I thought that maybe if I were to try to present as a male, I would feel better about my body... or who i was as a person.. as if it really would have changed me that much to begin with. I thought that maybe because I liked dressing in mens clothing that I may as well just try and be a man... (lets be honest, I probably would have looked like an off-brand ed sheeran..)
Id say now I am just a comfortable androgynous.. I am who I am and i've struggled like hell to get where I am mentally.
I'm a guy and I'm younger than you but you've really put one of my biggest personal struggles into words. Thank you. I probably shouldn't thank you since you commented this out of your own free will, but I feel less strange now, knowing that there is at least someone else who understands what I've been going through, to some degree... I'm still struggling with my mental issues to an extent but I'd like to think I'm getting better. I hope you'll be safe and okay in life. ❤️
yes girl im so excited you're finding yourself!! It's very brave for you to post such a vulnerable, personal story online, so thank you!! (also I think your voice is great but that's just me)
I can absolutely see how you could get disconnected from the deep wisdom within. Thanks for sharing your experiences. I think you will help people with this sharing. I love your end message. We should all come to peace with being ourselves.
you are so strong for sharing this. thank u so much. we need more people responsable like you to talk frankly to a community that may had good intentions, but still need to improve approach with kids and teens. btw im 17 - almost 18 - and sure that i have fucking no idea upon who i am or wanna do with my life yet.
u brave and beautiful, pls try not to worry that much abt ur voice. u more than that, and i personally think it sounds nice.
(kisses from brasil and sorry abt t english :) )
Thank you for posting this. It doesn't relate to me personally but I am aware of the stigma in the community around these kinds of conversations. I think you are incredibly brave for being this open and I'm sure it will be incredibly helpful to many people. Thank you for your honesty
FtM trans guy here, I want to thank you for sharing your story. Like others have said, it's something that needs to be addressed more openly and more frequently. Much love to you, subscribed. :)
This is sad. The human brain does not mature until the age of 25 so these kids are making life altering decisions at very young ages before puberty sets in. If she had allowed herself to mature as a woman before gender dysphoria treatment she would have avoided so much pain. I've recently been reading more female to male transitions result in regret. Maybe the age of transition should start later. Puberty can be blocked until a later age so the person can develop a fuller understanding of themselves and their identity.
I agree with you a thousand percent. I keep telling people that the brains not fully developed until 25. Why is it that nobody seems to be hearing this or taking it in?
Tala Habern I 100% disagree. I don’t think any child should be allowed to physically transition. I’ve seen multiple cases on the detrans subreddit of teenagers who grew up trans, are already years on hormones and maybe even post-top surgery. ONE case of a child regretting their transition is enough for me to think that should not even be allowed in the first place. How would we ever be able to differentiate who will regret it and who won’t?
elle palmer exactly! You are a voice of reason.
@@ellepalmer Respectfully, can we differentiate with zero error between those who will transition with no regrets and those for whom it is the right thing to do? It seems to me that the correct thing to do is ensure people have been fully supported prior to transitioning, and continue to be fully supported during it, and AFTER it, including if they realise it isn't the right thing for them after all and they wish to detransition.
@@ellepalmer elle palmer curious, what do you suggest should be done to actually support trans teens? Just the way you worded that makes it sound like trans teenagers aren't valid. I will never get back my adolescene due to the first puberty everyone has. Some people regretting their transition doesn't really match up to the lives of transgender teenagers lost due to lack of treatment, even if that treatment is therapy and hormone blockers. This sort of phrase is a great way to brush off suffering teens, not saying you would but by some who can see that message. If I had actually transitioned after 2 years of identifying as a man (age 16) I would have had such a better life ! I can't even explain how much I missed out and how much suffering I could have avoided. I could have walked at my own graduation, applied for scholarships and tried for college. I could have had a chance to dream of a future and be a normal teen..
You are so articulate and easy and engaging to listen to. Thank you for telling your story in such a personal and down to earth way. It was very enlightening. ❤️
thank you for sharing so much with not only me but the whole world
Elle, you clearly have been through a lot in your relatively young life. I appreciate how brave you are to be so open. Also, you are not back at square one again; you didn't just go in a circle to back to where you started, your journey is like a spiral... as you are coming back around you are actually one (or more) rungs higher than where you started; bringing lots of self-knowledge into your current time. I hope that what I just said isn't confusing. I feel that you will play an important role for others in the years to come. Blessings and wonderfulness to you!!
That helps me very much, actually. So thank you very, very much. I'm neither trans nor have I transitioned, but I'm also insecure about me and my body. I never have thought about transitioning seriously, but to hear your story helps me to understand thar I don't have to. You know, I can wear whatever and show myself however I want and the reasons I feel insecure are a lot connected to weight and mobbing I experienced because I was/am a little overweight. But I can chanche that. Yes, I should. So thank you. I hope, one day I can also love myself🙈
Hi! This popped up on my feed and I clicked as fast as possible. You are so incredibly beautiful inside and out!! Thank you for sharing your truth and your life. Sending you all the love!!