The Letting Go Paradox: Make Them Want You
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- Опубліковано 26 сер 2024
- For information on 1-on-1 coaching: www.andrewvanh...
In this video we talk about attachment, attraction, and letting go. So often in life we can find ourselves chasing and pursuing things we believe will make our lives better. In doing this, we often disempower ourselves and end up pushing those very things we desire further away from us. In this video we discuss how this process works, and what we can do to find more freedom and wholeness in ourselves, and allow that in turn to radiate out into the world so we attract instead of repel.
Cool video, My relationship of 5 years ended a month ago. The love of my life decided to leave me, I really love her so much I can’t stop thinking about her, I’ve tried my very best to get her back in my life, but to no avail, I’m frustrated, I don’t see my life with anyone else. I’ve done my best to get rid of the thoughts of her, but I can’t, I don’t know why I’m saying this here, I really miss her and just can’t stop thinking about her
its difficult to let go of someone you love, i was in a similar situation, my relationship of 12 years ended, but i couldnt just let her go i did all i could to get her back, i had to seek the help of a spiritual counselor who helped me bring her back
Amazing, how did you get a spiritual counselor, and how do i reach her?
Her name is Shelly renee white , and she is a great spiritual counselor who can bring back your ex.
Thank you for this valuable information, i just looked her up now online. impressive
Attachment is the root of all suffering.
*unhealthy attachment
Tinnitus....
Attachment comes from insecurity
@huaynaX - words deserving of a plaque 🙌
how to let it go then .??? i been trying so hard to let it to go
When in doubt, be silent and give them space.
Does this work? And does this help for a future for both of us rekindling and starting over?
@@frankiegates4149 No other formula is as effective. But silence is no joke and patience. I mean 2,3, 4 months. Sometimes 6 months or a year. But be patient and don't go on social media pretending to be Mr. Popular, it's phony. Just don't post anything that makes you look needy or angry.
That is why God is silent
“You re trying to fill a whole that doesn’t exist ”. Summed it perfectly.
The hole does exist and it can be filled with money
@@AnnieTyzakOr cream cheese
Based on my experience, you need to focus on yourself until someone will attract to you because of your worth or value as a person. Do not chase you attract
Absolutely
I realized that tryng to chase by 4 years I was never able to get something till I started focusing in myself, then in less than 6 months, I just got to the point that I didnt even know what to pick up, I mean girls, friendships, paths, evertyhing has to start by us not by outside
this is genuinely one of the best videos on this topic i've ever listened to.
Me too! So good
Likewise
OK I am watching
Yep, very precise wording describing how my failure to stop people-pleasing manifests. Self-love and filling your life on your own fixes this.
I agree
The universe really led me here at 4am to watch this completely undistracted ❤
Same
same
Bruh it's 04:01 for me rn
It’s 4:03 for me😂
4:17 am here
No one is our savior, except ourselves. We need to feel complete on our own, we have to fullfill ourself. I have a text on my wall in my living room "Be the energy you want others to absorb".
Jesus Christ is my savior. I'm not God, and I didn't die on a cross for the remission of all sin. I'm no savior, even to myself.
@@obscurereferences7198 don't you know who you really are??
@@obscurereferences7198Jesus is the messenger of Allah and the Messiah, not your saviour, nor did he die on the cross. He will bear witness against you. So be warned of a tremendous day and leave the Christian delusion created by paul the liar
@@noelmalik5018The only people that are delusional are you clowns and your "god".
Yes ma’am I agree so much!
chasing chased them away ive learned this the hard way
Ya plus it’s embarrassing
I was always strong and hiperindependent girl, secretly suffering from an absent father. During the video, I visiulised and told him "I love you and I'm grateful for you being my father and I know you always love me and give me power, but I have had suffered enough for your absence in my everyday life, I have a whole life that I want to live for myself and I can't have it unless stop waiting for you to make me your little princess again, so I am letting go of my this attachment and expectation for my life, and I will start live my life, even you'd not here for me all the time. I love you."
Great message! Keep at it and be proud of living the life you chose. Resentment drags us behind and you've changed it to love. Very beautifully done!
Amazing!!
so beautiful!!
tears.
Relatable af. ❤
It happened with my mother... She was anxious and attached to a life where her son was present and making her feel safe and loved.. I told her one day, while she was in tears, "You have lived your life and created and nurtured a beautiful family, allow me to live my life and create my family".
At first she was scared, that her life would be worse without her son... It's been a year and now she's even more excited when i visit and tells me all about the life she now lives (she went back to reading more, wants to start writing). She has recovered her hobbies and passions and that's what you all need to understand, and so do I.
Once we let go of what fills our heart, the hole can be filled with new opportunities, new people, new activities, new philosophies of life that can inspire us to become something much different and much greater. We start living the life we want to live, not the life that others want for us.
There is nothing more inspiring than knowing that a heartbreak or a loss can be a blessing for allowing us the opportunity to grow and become what our soul wishes we become.
If I say this, she will slap me then and there lol
Beautiful!
@@luisabatistasamoraI'm totally agree with you because we can't depend our happiness to someone or things, cause the most important we need to create our own happiness,work on our self to be a better version of your slef
This video hit hard for me. My current issue with chasing someone for the last year and I'm working toward breaking out of it. Thank you.
You're welcome! There's nothing wrong with chasing someone, per se. It's more that we're often actually running away from ourselves and abandoning our own inner power in order to do so.
Often when we feel the need to chase, or to prove our worth to the person we're interested in, it can come from a situation where early in life we felt we needed to prove ourselves to our parents, maybe we needed to achieve or people please in order for them to be happy, or had to make sure everything was perfect. In my case, this was paired with a deep rooted fear of abandonment.
The crazy thing is that this fear of being abandoned by somebody else causes us to consistently abandon ourselves. We change the way we behave, what we say and do, in order to please other people. We start to make them happy at our own expense, hoping to fulfill that pattern and make sure they won't leave us - all the while subtly sending ourselves the message that WE don't have our own backs.
Just keep doing your best and learning and growing from the experience and giving yourself some grace when you temporarily slide back into old patterns. We're all doing the best we can!
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I am grateful for having had you in my life. Thank you very much. I appreciate you, I love you, but I have to go now. I have a life that is outside of you. I have a life that I have to go live for myself, and I have to let you go. Thank you for what you’ve given me, I appreciate the learning opportunity, I appreciate the time we’ve had together but I have to be my own person, I have to move forward in my life that has nothing to do with you anymore. And that is ok.
This hit hard… I’m 44 and my wife passed from cancer 6 months ago, we were soulmates and I’ve been struggling so badly and this video really helped me see the mistakes I made with her from childhood trauma. I don’t want to make the same mistakes again but yet i find myself trying to fill a void that I feel inside. My relationship with God is the only thing that has saved me and it’s still a daily battle between my fleshly desires and my spirit. Great information very accurate and true.
A useful exercise for other relationships and situations too, such as family, friends and jobs, even dreams and material items. Thank you
And it's less and attracting others, more about becoming true to yourself and in your own energy. Then, we might attract situations and people more aligned to our true self 🎯
Absolutely!
If I can admit it here...the attracting others is a bit of a lure I use to get people to watch. Because so many people come with that inner sense of lack and they want the easy fix. So I try to hook people with what they want, and then do my best to deliver the deeper aspect of what they need haha
But it's absolutely about becoming true to yourself and in your own energy, the attracting other people and situations that resonate with the new energy is a side effect of the deeper transformation
❤❤❤❤❤ hit hard. we keep chasing for a feeling not a person. we always on our own.
I agree completely with this. But my inner child finds it so hard lol
True
Absolutely spot on. Letting go is one of the most important things you can do in your life. Conscious inaction can allow your higher self to come through to guide your true path. 🧡🙏🧡
This video just started playing out of nowhere but I’m glad I’m here. It’s what I needed.
Letting go is the ultimate freedom ✨️
Your life become hollow.
this is actually perfect for me rn, not because i'm broken but because i am now interested into entering a new relationship
Great video! I’m thankful that you presented your point with empathy. Facing your insecurities is intimidating and inner wounds can be painful but you don’t need to be ashamed. Have empathy for yourself and don’t quit even when it’s difficult! ❤
Absolutely! It's a tricky subject to address for exactly that reason.
The very nature of our tendency to see things from a place of insecurity, scarcity, and fear means that we're so quick to jump straight to self-condemnation when we develop self-awareness.
When I realize that the common problem behind many of the problems in my relationships is my own inner insecurity, in a sense, that gives me ammunition to feel even MORE insecure and alone and flawed. That's where the negative feedback loop can begin.
So you're absolutely right that we must give ourselves some grace and empathy and look at these things with love instead of shame.
Interestingly, that whole process also feeds into the authentic embodiment of being your best self anyway! Because when we find peace with who we are, and are able to accept our so-called flaws, that's when we no longer feel that need for endless validation and reassurance!
So, acceptance and empathy are a huge part of the equation.
Brilliant video. I used to be plagued with severe anxiety for years and once I started practicing detachment and letting go, I took back control of my life. The anxiety could no longer run it for me. I’m grateful to creators like you who spread the word about the life changing effects of letting go!
Thank you for this video. As a codependent needy person I needed this video and it is true. ❤
The voice and the pronunciation easily make top 10 of the best voices that I've ever heard in my life. 😂❤
This video truly needs more views. He's helping me solve all these feelings that were under the surface & why I really feel that way. Thank you for helping all of us develop a better sense of self!
You made me understand this on an entirely different level. I’m always chasing and knew it was wrong but now I fully understand that it’s not beneficial. And I always get the ick when ppl chase me and now it makes sense as to why.
Honestly, the only video I ever needed on relationship advice.
Dating over the past few months taught me that I should be alone and try to make myself happy. I was lonely and miserable coping with friends, sports, and video games before the 5 year relationship and I am doing the same shit after it ended. New activities are just that, another thing to fill the day with but coming home to an empty bed and a phone devoid of any interaction beyond friends or family is fucking depressing. Maybe instead of being generous and insecure I will come out self absorbed and secure after I am "Healed."
I feel the same way too, I hope you will finally heal.
Thank you for this video. Really lifted a gigant weight from my body. A 5 years realationship ended, and I'm chasing her like an idiot.
Thanks Andrew, this really helps me understanding my current situation !
I've learned what you discussed the hard way. It resonated with me and how I handled that dark part of my past. Looking back, if I knew these when I needed it, I would have handled it much quicker and cleaner.
Great video.
Nailed it! Read about letting go for years - you say it best
Best video I’ve ever seen regarding this topic. It’s something I’ve struggled with up to this point in my life, but this video very well could have just changed it for me
this is the most amazing video on this topic
I love your expressions when you’re speaking, your eyes are speaking too, not only your lips.
Literally one of the best message in dating especially helped me since I feel like I am chasing her a little more
Very good video , I've been struggling with the clinginess towards someone for some time now, i think i needed to see this 😮
I don't know how in the world you kept me so attentive like that. 🎉
I just got out from 6 y relationship. I Lost myself during this time, at the moment i realized we broke up I just fell on the ground and i couldnt breathe. Dont let the wrong people destroy your self esteem and your goals, especially during med school 😅
Great video bro...I could literally see you explain me here...i will try the exercise and i hope everyone who's watching this video does too and get over insecurities
This happened to me just yesterday. She ended the relationship because she keeps on losing her interest and feelings towards me. She admitted that I treated her so good like a princess and gives her what she wants, she even told me that she asked for a "green flag guy that treats her right" and when she found me she's sure that God answered her prayers and I'm that guy but she ended it because we're not for each other and she doesn't love me and only love how I treat her
I'm sorry to hear that she didn't see your true value. Someone else will come along..
You’re lucky. She could have just kept milking you until she found someone she wants. That would have sucked as you would have wasted years on her.
At least now, you can finally move on.
Thank you so much! The best 18 minutes I spent today ✨
I’m so glad I watched this when I really needed this. Been having a rough day mentally reflecting about a friendship of mine and this spoke to me in a deeper level. Thank you. The way you convey these thoughts are extremely helpful
Excellent video! Thank you for sharing these ideas with the world in such a kind, loving and respectful way.
Thank you so much! Glad it resonated with you!
I really enjoyed the video, but I think that 'letting go' while aiming to obtain what you want wouldn't fix the problem. To me, the key is to find out who you really are and start liking yourself without the intention of attracting anyone.
Just love yourself ❤
Totally agreed!
This video is aimed at people who are fresh out of a breakup and hurting, so I figured the best approach would be to relatively gently introduce the concepts of attachment, letting go vs clinging, and so on. Just as a way to reach people who would otherwise be unfamiliar with the topic, and looking for a quick fix to a painful situation.
But I absolutely agree that the deeper opportunity in letting go is certainly not an easy problem fix, but in understanding and shifting the way we relate to the world in the first place.
The actual way to attract is being handsome , 😅
It could also be chasing reciprocation, which isn't healthy either. If they aren't reciprocating, you also need to limit access or let go
The way you explained make it so clear and understandable and your words freshens my mind. Thank you
This 18min video has literally helped me understand a breakup that I had been trying to get over in the past . It has helped me understand that whole relationship… Thank you so much
Authenticity as much it might seem frequently (and often times it truly is) as something deeply personal and individualistic. When you are with someone you feel a connection with. Being authentic becomes something larger than oneself, it becomes also the will and the desire to build, to compromise and to achieve together and as a result of this conversion of thought, feeling and intention.
Easily the best video ive watched on this topic from the dozens ive gone through. Absolutely nailed it and so badly needed to hear and validate all this. Got a new subscriber 🙏🏼
How are you only at 12k??
now I know why I am attractive
This is the video I never knew I needed
brilliant absolutely on the nose, I've been going through this transformation the last two years and feel happier and healthier for it.
Why you watch these videos then?
He literally texted me while I was watching this video
The real Self is not attached to anyone
Have multiple hobbies and interests.
Pickup a instrument you've always wanted to try
Try and Learn a new language
Learn more about spirituality and do rituals to align you more with your infinite divine self
I really like this video. True….I want her back, but in a new relationship. I’ve realized I was a “nice guy”, have done a 180 and can attest to love yourself and your life will change. I have had so much more luck with just meeting people and friendships now; heck my relationships in general are better.
The difficulty? We are married, have a two year old and she is under the impression that there is the perfect match for her somewhere. This video summarizes the solution and the problem all at once. I’ll think on it
Bros been dropping bangers
Attachment is normal and essential for survival since we are born. Not the attachment is the root cause for suffering, but not knowing, not learning as we grow as adults, that it's actually a choice our parents, friends and family are making to take care of us, to love us, and we are NOT entitled to any of it, just because it's how it should be, just because we were born needing it. We deserve it ONLY by being GRATEFUL for all we are given ❤ not by doing good deeds or being extraordinary and so on. We are good enough from the moment we are born as long as we are grateful, doing our best to be a good person. Being grateful it's all it takes. If someone, a stranger is not loving us back we need to remove ourselves, if it's a loved one, we can look to see if we were actually being grateful for everything they did until that point and by ignoring the bad things they might have done, they will have to power and willingness to change their attitude towards us because we show them gratitude, and hopefully they will be good, kind and loving people with themselves and to us as well ❤
Knowing we are good enough as authentic selfs is very important as well, but knowing we actually need to be saved, to be loved, we need each other to survive its not being insecure Not one bit, it prevents us from playing games as suggested here actually, in a complicated way 😊. That's why prisons were invented for. To outcast people it means to make them suffer in order to teach them a lesson of not being grateful or punish them for doing bad things. We can not survive long in isolation, except when we know there is at least one person who wants to be with us, thinking of us, loving us, as in a critical situation, a war or something like that. We need that hope at least, to know that there's is someone who loves us unconditionally, no matter how badly we behaved. At least one person, a parent, a partner or a friend. If there will be no one left we wouldn't want to live all alone, maybe in connection with something, the nature, the universe, maybe a dog or a cat but not completely alone. It's imposibil to survive alone. Period.
Knowing we are good enough as authentic selfs is very important as well, but knowing we actually need to be saved, to be loved, we need each other to survive its not being insecure Not one bit, it prevents us from playing games as suggested here actually, in a complicated way 😊. That's why prisons were invented for. To outcast people it means to make them suffer in order to teach them a lesson of not being grateful or punish them for doing bad things. We can not survive long in isolation, except when we know there is at least one person who wants to be with us, thinking of us, loving us, as in a critical situation, a war or something like that. We need that hope at least, to know that there's is someone who loves us unconditionally, no matter how badly we behaved. At least one person, a parent, a partner or a friend. If there will be no one left we wouldn't want to live all alone, maybe in connection with something, the nature, the universe, maybe a dog or a cat but not completely alone. It's imposibil to survive alone. Period.
Great analysis , I think we are all in some instances struggle with being wounded and search for wholeness and healing . A perfect explanation of how we sabotage our relationships and foster within ourselves a belief that we are not good enough nor will we ever be . I. enjoyed this video very much and look forward to others by this insightful coach!
That feels like truth to me, if we were good enough we would have someone.
He is 100% spot on
Paradox of attachment, aka playing power games that inevitably. People are not honest with their feelings. This video is such proof of that.
I love the absolute clarity you bring to this topic! Refreshing!
So happy I found this video today!
I really needed this. Especially the thing at the end.
only if i have watched this couple of days earlier
Brilliant production. The point at 13:10 is priceless and delivered with such an A-ha moment!
I so much needed this beautiful message. Thank you! ❤❤❤❤❤
Actually I have already mastered the trick of how to let go off people and things but u r really funny and cute guy! Keep going!
You did this one !
I think a lot of what you're talking about is trouble with the nervous system. You have to regulate that before you can be relaxed and happy generally, which will translate into a relationship.
Oh, you're suggesting something like "Gestaltist prayer" (I hope I got it right) in the end
Really helpful!
Loved this! Helped me alot..
I had to learn it the hard way..
You are so easy to listen to and understand! Thank you ❤
The amount of break ups caused by this video.
confidence comes from having options
That's True, but youre talking about the first step. The why. Not the how. Which is the most difficult.
Omg I needed this so bad
I like that message at the end. I'm going to start using it to help me move forward from a woman who hurt me badly. Broke me inside, and continues to crap on me. Time to leave. I have to go now....
Yes, me too, felt relief hearing the message at the end, after having been ghosted, hit me hard
@@ritapeters1330 Press on, girl 💪🏻
Stunning insight, thank you Andrew for your wisdom ❤
Thank you king I needed (that’s ironic considering the topic) this
Hey gentlemen hope everyone is doing well
Dude, you are goooood! God bless you
This was great thank you
Try this with me, and you'll never hear from me again.
Great analysis, bro. Subscribed! 😊
Thanks so much. I really needed to hear this 🎉
Oh man, this so good. thank you!
Just started talking to this girl madi and she's really cool but there's just been this lump in my heart and I didn't know what it is till I watched this video. I was scared that she won't like me and I really haven't been acting fully like myself I've said I like things that I just don't know. Thanks for this vid man ima be me tonight on facetime
Since we are all completely whole and also damaged in some sense there is really NO functional need for any relationship between 2 persons is that the essence ?!
I really appreciate ur content
Its all right what you say, i can completely agree, its compensation. But actually, literally no one in those videos mentions this: when there is attraction, there is also dopamine - everything seems less stressful and hard in life. The person you are projecting on, also once gave you that & every interaction with them does. This is so addictive & hard to get from somewhere else like that intense. How can we handle this?
Amazing!!! So clear!! Simple easy to understand thank you!!!
Thank you so much dear...I am feeling relaxed and ignited...God bless..
Amazing explanation. Have felt that energy from guys it does feel weird when people push too hard.
I’m sure guys feel that from chicks too.
Have always tried to appear cavalier about if things work out. Once you’re attached/bonded to someone though and they totally reject you that hurts.
Had a guy a couple years ago live with me quickly after meeting him. Totally my dream guy, we are a match, he is strong, independent, sexy, intelligent, and fully capable of being a great partner.
After the two weeks he left said he was going to. “You’re gonna miss me baby.”
I sure did. 2 years later he did the same thing this time for 3 weeks.
I so don’t get it. Won’t ever get it. Maybe he was lonely wanted some great female attention. Whatever.
Live and learn. Just sad still sad about it. No explanation no note nada. Just wish I knew why.
this makes sense and works but it also makes relationships based on toxic concepts. Making them interested in you on the basis of making others' egos hurt by being ignored is not very healthy either.
I 100% agree. If you suddenly change your behavior to start ignoring people to seem more "attractive" then you're missing the point, in my opinion. The deeper learning opportunity is to explore that inner feeling of lack and insecurity, and find the freedom and possibility that is on the other side. Trying to cheat the system by acting detached is really just another manifestation of being incredibly insecure - to the point where you feel the need to manipulate people to make yourself feel better. It's just tricky to get all of that nuance across in a single video.