The #1 Mistake That Ruins Letting Go
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- Опубліковано 5 вер 2024
- I've received dozens of questions on the topic of letting go. Most people who discover letting go make this one critical mistake. The same inner impulse that leads them to embrace letting go as a way to improve themselves actually makes it impossible to truly let go.
In this video we discuss how this works, the specific mechanism that keeps us trapped, and how with a combination of awareness and acceptance, we can TRULY change our lives - not out of a place of avoidance and reactivity, but in a different way altogether.
Dude I just cancelled appointments with my current counselor your advice has been so much more helpful than two months worth of sessions!
I think acceptance of every feeling is the solution. live it , experience it , let it go. If you don't accept it , You' ll never let it go.You explained this bettter than tons of videos I have watched. Well done!
Bro I've been watching you for a long time and your content, thumbnails, title and presentation are just top notch but I can't understand why your videos are not getting views because in my opinion you should have about 500 thousand subscribers with the level of content you give, what do you think is the reason ? Is it related to the youtube algorithm or is it mostly due to the fact that you are just unlucky? Because I don't understand what the problem is. You're doing perfect.
Firstly, I appreciate you saying that, thank you!
Secondly, to be completely honest - I'm not sure! UA-cam is an ongoing journey for me and has been a great experience in learning a huge number of skills. Everything from scripting and presenting to thumbnails and (despite the rather scathing review of another commenter who hates typewriters) I've spent quite a lot of time learning to edit, color grade, and so on. But there's always more to learn, and figuring out the best way to create videos that appeal to a wide audience, are curiosity sparking and interesting and still feel "genuine" to me has been an interesting concoction to try to create.
I used to be frustrated by this and I wanted a lot more "success" out of UA-cam a lot quicker, but for the most part I've let go of that idea and I see it more as an ongoing journey of it's own! I've really learned a lot of valuable skills and a lot about myself as a byproduct of making videos and sharing them. So even if it hasn't been massively successful thus far in terms of numbers, It's been an incredibly valuable experience for me! It's been hugely helpful for my own confidence, and my own inner growth.
And of course, who knows what the future holds, right! I don't intend on stopping any time soon, so one day maybe I'll be up at that 500k or beyond you speak of haha!
@@andrewvanhoff to me it feels like it might be the camera. I love your content, but the closeness of your body to the camera and those hand gestures right infront, feel a bit intimidating and restricting towards me. I dont know if its just me, but thats what i felt 😅 Maybe if u zoom a little out you create a little distance between u and the viewer. For example like the ytuber Danny vera does. Good luck on your journey and keep going :)
That's a great thought actually, and it's something I've thought about! I'd like to have a much wider setup with more room in the frame, but the room I'm using for recording is relatively small, and so everything has had to be somewhat condensed so far, simply because of the lack of space. In the future though that's something I'd like to change.
@@andrewvanhoff , you might be one of those who has slow but steady growth. Maybe you attract right followers for you. Good luck!
Sometimes holding on to negative things for a long time ,becomes your comfort zone,because it is your existence, love and luck to any person who needs it ❤
Your passion is compelling as hell. Most of your content blazes over my head but inside my head I know your depth is resonating with me. My despair from getting ghosted 6 weeks ago is being hit in the face with your barrage of thought control. I love it and realize more everyday that my condition is only a result of thought. And thought is nothing more than air in a balloon. Don't like it, let it out and refill it. T.Y.
Dude, this video just blew my mind.
I sat in the woods to enjoy the weather. For the first time, in what felt like ever, I just existed. I sat there, listening to the birds and the wind, feeling the sun, quite literally reveling in the beautiful celebration that is experiencing it. No thoughts, no judgement on why I was out in those woods. Just peace and existence.
It was beautiful, and perhaps not so coincidental that this video found me after. You provided so much clarification that I felt like I was missing from those moments.
Same, my friend 😌
Glad to hear it!
It's quite strange how removed our day-to-day lives can get. To the point where we almost forget everything that actually exists in the pursuit of that "something more in the future" that we're after. It's incredible how much we overlook. I love going into nature for that some reason. It has a way of bringing you back in tune with life.
@@andrewvanhoff agreed, being in nature somehow removes all the unnecessary worries imo:) Being in the woods makes me feel... Enough. Because I am here, I am alive, and I am equal to every other human being. Coming back to the city, I feel the usual anxiety return, but looking at it from a fresh perspective helps me recognize how redundant it is 👀
In one word: Great
I’m just here to say i appreciate you taking the time to reply with thoughtfulness and care, and not the usual, “thanks for the comment” type responses that usually gets throw around by creators. Its noticed, and goes a long way when choosing which content I want to follow
Soo deep i love that
I want to thank you for your help since I followed every video you made, and it really helps me like you are showing what it feels like, and I want to thank you again for helping me to get a grip on life. Thank you sir!
You always seem to know exactly what we need Andrew! Great video💯❤️
This is powerful! Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom ❤
I don’t really agree completely with this. My life is really horrible now I need to make many positive changes the here and now is not good and I know why and I know the steps to improve I didn’t choose my current situation best I can do is accept it and improve. Otherwise I’d die and I’m not giving up so I agree eventually you’re probably right but there needs to be something to be grateful for I’ve only got I’m alive and have all my limbs I’m fortunate for that and gotta get the rest of life but at the present more work needs to be done the present isn’t enough.
Phenomenal video! Thank you for putting so much passion into your videos!
My pleasure!
Wonderful.
How did u guys get over social anxiety? Not being able to talk freely?
No adds.. amazing 🙏🙌
Thank you
Hello, I just stumbled across your page, super fan here. Love the way you express yourself, and the way you explain things. So could you make a video about programming yourself to not caring about someone. I’m hurting. I’ve been in relationship that has practically tortured me and I have been trying to let go, I just can’t. So could you apply this process to convincing yourself not to have feelings for someone else?
Hey there! It seems like you're going through a lot of pain at the moment and likely experiencing a mixture of hurt, confusion, sadness, and all kinds of mixed up feelings and thoughts.
Firstly, I'd like to offer the acknowledgment that even moving into a space where you're open to learning about letting go and expanding your self-awareness is a pretty huge step. So even if you've only taken that initial step out of sheer misery, as many of us do (myself included), it's still worth giving yourself some credit for!
As to your question, I would suggest that it's not so much about programming yourself as reprogramming or deprogramming yourself. Or even better, simply seeing through the programming that is already there. We have an overwhelming tendency in our culture to idolize and seek relationships that are actually rather toxic. We often view ourselves as incomplete and another person as our savior (our other half, they say).
This has the two pronged effect of first making us desperate to find a partner, so that we find partners who may not actually be a good match for us, and secondly making us develop rather toxic tendencies to manipulate people in order to get our own needs met. So what we very often end up with is two people who are deeply insecure, trying to use the other person to make themselves feel more secure.
There's a lot of "romanticism" we paint this picture with, and often a large number of good intentions, but the whole process is, of course, based on a misunderstanding.
On some level, our deep attachment to our romantic partners can almost be like an addiction. We use them as a way to cope with our insecurity or our doubt or our fears or whatever else, much like we would use alcohol or drugs.
And then when we break up, we feel like a heroin addict going through a withdrawal. The key is to recognize that the relationship didn't actually make you happy, it merely temporarily numbed you to certain things.
All of this is conceptual, of course. And seems quite separate from our day go day experience. As somebody who has been completely gutted over a breakup and spent weeks basically wanting to die, I understand how absolutely heart wrenching it can feel. So do give yourself some grace and patience as you go through this process.
The key thing is to investigate your inner narrative about the relationship. What you will find is that you're actually attached to your IDEA of the relationship. (What you thought it meant, who you thought you were going to be, how you thought things were going to go) And being forced to face reality has introduced a tremendous amount of insecurity to our lives, because we were finding our security in an illusory story. Strangely this process actually contributes to the decline of relationships too. This is how denial works. We'll start to see that the relationship isn't working, and we'll work harder and harder as it gets worse and worse to keep it together. We get to a point where the relationship ISN'T GOOD. That's obvious, because it's over, right? But what is NOT over is the attachment we had to our idea of ourselves, and our idea of what our life with this person was going to look like. The key is to realize that on a certain level that future never actually existed anywhere other than our minds.
So in a sense, I would say you don't have feelings for someone else. You said this relationship has practically tortured you. That means that on some level there is a part of you that thinks you deserve this, or you'll get a payoff for having this relationship that will be worth all of the pain. I'd invite you to explore the concept that - if this was the "right" relationship, it likely wouldn't feel like torture.
The feeling of torture comes from that emotional insecurity when our wellbeing is wrapped up in the "will they like me or not". It's an emotional Rollercoaster. It can be a thrill, but what goes up must come down. We can idolize people and put them on a pedestal and wish we could be with them, and that makes it so that when we GET that relationship it feels so amazing, it's incredible. But at some point we have to face the fact that they are just another person that we've projected our fantasies on. And that they aren't who we dreamed they were. That's not their fault, it's just how things are. But that often comes with a corresponding crash. The person, the situation, the relationship is no longer who or what I thought it was.
The problem is that we don't recognize the insanity of this process. And so we just go projecting the cure for our insecurities onto the next guy, or girl. We say oh now it didn't work out with person 1, but person 2, they'll be the one!
Investigate yourself to find out, what is the source of the voice that craves this person? Is it the voice of love, or of addiction? Where does it come from within you? What is the truth behind it?
And what does that inner desire actually want? Does it actually want the person, or does it merely want to stop hurting? Does it want the relationship you ACTUALLY had? Or does it want the projected idea of the relationship you WISH you had? Because there's a big difference!
It's not about programming yourself. It's about seeing through the programming that is already there!
And once again, please give yourself some grace. It's so easy to get caught in a cycle of shame and grief after a hard breakup. These tendencies are so incredibly deeply ingrained in us. It's not your fault that things went this way, it's not the other persons fault either. Both of you were doing the best you could with what you had. The way forward is to start to see the bigger picture. To forgive and grow and learn.
As for how to let go of these feelings. See the truth behind them. And that requires being honest with yourself and facing the feelings. "Trying to let go" of a relationship that is torturing you is actually a way of avoiding the problem. The problem isn't that you have the feelings. The problem is that you're trying to avoid them. Give yourself the grace to explore the truth behind the pain and misery. I think that's where we all have to start!
I wish you the absolute best. Just remember, these things do get easier with time. Be patient and curious and give yourself permission to experience whatever comes up, and you'll learn a lot about yourself!
Im so so happy I read the comments and saw your reply on this! Currently going through something extremely similar. When I go on high anxiety mode I listen to your videos and they calm me down.
Currently the guy I dated is after another girl who is basically an updated version of me. She has the approval of his Ex which is a big deal to him and he tells me he wants space but that he wanted to be forever with me but that he has alot to fix, so he will revisit the topic of us dating again but I know he only puts me on the back burner until he sees if it works out and I keep taking him back each time after . Yet I miss all of the amazing moments we did have together when he is sweet and kind to me always ready to help me when I’m in need, all the laughter he makes me have. I had never been in love with someone to this level. Like you said it’s truly an addiction. And life seems like the other problems I go through aren’t that bad when he is on my side but when he isn’t by me the whole world seems scary and the problems seem like mountains. I loose the strength to go on. Not going to lie I am deathly afraid of facing my emotions like you said and accept he won’t be with me. But it helps so much to hear your councils. Seriously. It stops my anxiety attacks. Thank you so so much. I’m about to search the inner child healing one that I heard you speak in another video about.
Love this.
Wow thank you! 🔥
Geez bro, you rly like to hear yourself talk and talk… 🥱😴😴😴
I'm so sorry! I thought this was my UA-cam channel, where I talk. I must've made a wrong turn.
@@andrewvanhoff bro I came across ur content n it hit. Brother u keep talking. I’d love to collaborate with u on some videos
@LittleBlackBook91 That would be amazing! After all, as we know...I do love talking about these things haha
@@andrewvanhoff how do i reach you? Instagram or Email? What is best method to contact you on to discuss a collaboration?
@@andrewvanhoff what is the best way to contact you bro?
So when you edit in that stupid sound when you put words on the screen, does it make you feel like youre good at editing videos?
Damn bro chill
I'm really sorry for whatever traumatic experience with typewriters you seem to have had in your past! Maybe if you were to try working with that incessant inner critic voice, you might not feel the need to project it onto strangers on the internet! Some food for thought.
@@andrewvanhoff or. Try again!