I wrote this myself, “I was in a dark place in my life, but I found the light in your hand and grabbed it. It freed me from my life, but trapped you in mine” poetry has helped me a lot in understanding myself and others :)
This video really popped up at a good time for me. These days I have been spiraling with my own thoughts and I never have noticed it was because my previous relationship ending. This really helped open up my mind a lot and offered a new perspective of why I am feeling the way I am now. These insecurities of mine need to be worked on and I'm going to do my best to grow as a person.
This sounds very close, if not exact, to Limerence. Everything you described is almost exactly what I felt, and its just awful, it takes so much work and even more time to pull yourself out of it. Im glad you managed to make the worst thing thats ever happened to you into the best thing thats ever happened to you, and I was able to as well, but good lord did that experience suck.
Totally agreed. I actually thought it was my insecurity. My ex makes me feel like somebody. I seek validation from him and not even realized it. When he left, I feel like I'm nobody, I'm not loved, I'm not special. I hate my life and he spice it up and now it becomes a plain dish again. But I started to realize that only me and myself can make me feel whole again. If I like myself, my life, I would not shake when someone leaves because I know I'm worthy
The way you describe your relationship is very similar to mine. But it’s hard to let go when there is a genuine connection and feelings between two people. The part I need to remind myself is that she chose not to continue and that is all I should need to know that the relationship is/was not ever what I thought it was or could be. That’s a hard pill to swallow especially in my case where circumstances where always against us
It's my mother. She puts protecting her ego over acknowledging that i have a subjective experience of her. So yeh, had a series of relationships like you describe, but im still yearning to be heard by my mother. She just isn't interested in who i am. I am THE PART SHE WROTE
The first thing that comes to mind is that you might enjoy (or at least find very helpful) the book "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents". It's quite normal to desire to feel seen or heard by your mother. That's a very natural desire to have, especially when you were younger - it's practically a need on par with food and water for a young child. At the same time, I'd like to offer a slight perspective shift. What if your mother's disinterest in you and inability to connect has nothing to do with YOU and everything to do with HER? The deep yearning you mention speaks to a desire to be seen and accepted by your mom. In a sense, she has become the person who holds the key to your inner value, as if her withholding that connection points to an absolute truth about your worth and her giving you that connection would be acknowledging your worth. But in actuality, what your mother says or thinks has very little to do with your experience of life (assuming you're now older and living on your own) The pain point has more to do with that deep yearning for recognition you mention, right? If im understanding your situation right, in a sense it's not the mother out in the world that's the problem. It's the mother in your head, telling you that you need to prove yourself or that you're not good enough to be seen/recognized. All of that doesn't necessarily diminish the pain of not being seen by a parent. That pain speaks to the experience of a hurt little kid who really wanted to connect with their mom and felt unwanted or unseen. So in a sense, the opportunity you have now is to take care of that wounded part of yourself with some compassion and understanding. In a way, that part of you that feels unseen and unaccepted by your parent is the part of you that YOU need to see and recognize and take care of. And that might be challenging, but it's also quite empowering.
Good question! There are a couple I've found helpful. If you want something quite practical, I'd recommend something on attachment styles (maybe "Attached") or something to better understand the way you're relating to the situation in the first place (perhaps "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents"), in order to basically develop a broader context to help understand why you feel the need to hold on so much in the first place. If you're looking for something a little more out there that really goes into the mechanics of holding on and letting go (but could be considered a little woo-woo) then I'd check out "Letting Go" by David Hawkins or "The Untethered Soul" by Michael Singer. And if you're looking for something exceptionally deep, but perhaps challenging to understand at first, I'd suggest "Freedom From The Known" by J. Krishnamurti.
I wrote this myself, “I was in a dark place in my life, but I found the light in your hand and grabbed it. It freed me from my life, but trapped you in mine” poetry has helped me a lot in understanding myself and others :)
I'm starting out on a journey to unravel my self-abandonment bonds, also triggered by a recent breakup. Healing is what happens when you stop hiding.
This video really popped up at a good time for me. These days I have been spiraling with my own thoughts and I never have noticed it was because my previous relationship ending. This really helped open up my mind a lot and offered a new perspective of why I am feeling the way I am now. These insecurities of mine need to be worked on and I'm going to do my best to grow as a person.
I’ll forever be here this is a healing channel for me thank you ❤
I hope not. Heal and move on. Feel the feelings. Cry. Sob. Hurt. Move forward. We've got this
This sounds very close, if not exact, to Limerence. Everything you described is almost exactly what I felt, and its just awful, it takes so much work and even more time to pull yourself out of it. Im glad you managed to make the worst thing thats ever happened to you into the best thing thats ever happened to you, and I was able to as well, but good lord did that experience suck.
Your videos are 💯 Hard to swallow. Yet so impactful.
Totally agreed. I actually thought it was my insecurity. My ex makes me feel like somebody. I seek validation from him and not even realized it. When he left, I feel like I'm nobody, I'm not loved, I'm not special. I hate my life and he spice it up and now it becomes a plain dish again. But I started to realize that only me and myself can make me feel whole again. If I like myself, my life, I would not shake when someone leaves because I know I'm worthy
The way you describe your relationship is very similar to mine. But it’s hard to let go when there is a genuine connection and feelings between two people. The part I need to remind myself is that she chose not to continue and that is all I should need to know that the relationship is/was not ever what I thought it was or could be. That’s a hard pill to swallow especially in my case where circumstances where always against us
DAMN! Mine was 3 months. thanks for sharing this! i repeatedly played this video.
It's my mother. She puts protecting her ego over acknowledging that i have a subjective experience of her. So yeh, had a series of relationships like you describe, but im still yearning to be heard by my mother. She just isn't interested in who i am. I am THE PART SHE WROTE
The first thing that comes to mind is that you might enjoy (or at least find very helpful) the book "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents".
It's quite normal to desire to feel seen or heard by your mother. That's a very natural desire to have, especially when you were younger - it's practically a need on par with food and water for a young child.
At the same time, I'd like to offer a slight perspective shift. What if your mother's disinterest in you and inability to connect has nothing to do with YOU and everything to do with HER?
The deep yearning you mention speaks to a desire to be seen and accepted by your mom. In a sense, she has become the person who holds the key to your inner value, as if her withholding that connection points to an absolute truth about your worth and her giving you that connection would be acknowledging your worth.
But in actuality, what your mother says or thinks has very little to do with your experience of life (assuming you're now older and living on your own) The pain point has more to do with that deep yearning for recognition you mention, right? If im understanding your situation right, in a sense it's not the mother out in the world that's the problem. It's the mother in your head, telling you that you need to prove yourself or that you're not good enough to be seen/recognized.
All of that doesn't necessarily diminish the pain of not being seen by a parent. That pain speaks to the experience of a hurt little kid who really wanted to connect with their mom and felt unwanted or unseen. So in a sense, the opportunity you have now is to take care of that wounded part of yourself with some compassion and understanding. In a way, that part of you that feels unseen and unaccepted by your parent is the part of you that YOU need to see and recognize and take care of. And that might be challenging, but it's also quite empowering.
I really correlate to your story. ❤
you're truly inspiring. thank you for sharing 🙏😊
this is a sign
Thank you brotha 🤙
Thank You so much🫶
Hi Andrew. I like your content so much. I wonder what books do you recommend about the subject of letting go? Thank you in advance!
Good question! There are a couple I've found helpful. If you want something quite practical, I'd recommend something on attachment styles (maybe "Attached") or something to better understand the way you're relating to the situation in the first place (perhaps "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents"), in order to basically develop a broader context to help understand why you feel the need to hold on so much in the first place. If you're looking for something a little more out there that really goes into the mechanics of holding on and letting go (but could be considered a little woo-woo) then I'd check out "Letting Go" by David Hawkins or "The Untethered Soul" by Michael Singer. And if you're looking for something exceptionally deep, but perhaps challenging to understand at first, I'd suggest "Freedom From The Known" by J. Krishnamurti.
*No Gf No Relationship No Drama*
Everything he said from 0:24 to 0:32 is me 😬
Good Insights... But still hard😅
I felt the pain after a 9 year relationship ended. Still recovering, your other videos did help, this one not as much.
she cheated on me
you should not be making promises on the interweb.