Boy Moms, Creepy Stepdads, and Feminist Rage
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- Опубліковано 23 чер 2024
- Rebecca-sode! Rebecca and Kirk answer patron emails.
00:00 80's fashion & dancing
12:55 Boy moms
34:30 Is this stepdad's relationship with his stepdaughter appropriate?
42:17 Rebecca's hearing damage
47:11 Man or bear?
1:01:07 How does someone with feminine rage find a therapist?
1:11:41 First song that comes to mind & 90's playlist
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June 12, 2024
The Psychology In Seattle Podcast ®
Trigger Warning: This episode may include topics such as assault, trauma, and discrimination. If necessary, listeners are encouraged to refrain from listening and care for their safety and well-being.
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Once I was having a pretty OK date with a person I met on one of the apps and it came crashing down when I mentioned that the women's bathroom had a sign that explained if you are on a date and feel uncomfortable or unsafe, the bar staff will help you get home. My comment was, "That's such a nice thing to offer and to remind people that they don't have to stay in a situation where they feel unsafe." When I tell you this man went off about how offensive that was to him and all men, he WENT OFF. He couldn't understand why that would be a thing women would need at all, let alone often. I tried to explain to him why feeling unsafe while on a date with a person you don't know well is actually pretty common, and he just would not accept that. The exchange got a little more heated and I ended up walking away and getting the bus home, leaving him with the bill for our beers. He proceeded to harass me via text from the number I had for him. I blocked that number. He came at me via another number to continue telling me why I was wrong. Bullet dodged on that one, but also his behavior was proving my exact point. And that was totally lost on him.
In my early 50s and just learned I'm allowed to just walk away, no words, no explanation, no apologies, just walk away. I needed this 4 days ago! Haha
Yes! To quote the Lord Humongous from Mad Max: "Just walk away."
I relate to the feminist rage person. I have an amazing boyfriend and a handful of men in my life that are wonderful. I have to constantly remind myself that not all men are terrible. But it gets really really hard to remember sometimes.
I feel the same way
I'm an atheist that grew up with religious trauma and I've had therapists that have said i need a "higher power". No thank you.
Whenever I go out with my dad, either it's a dinner or swimming, people will look at us as a couple. As an older disgusting guy having a young girlfriend. It's adorable how people cannot mind their own business. Like - even if the age gap is a thing - it is legal, but maybe how about try to stick to the less disturbing picture if you have a problem with the second one. Just father - daughter relationship that I'm proud of.
My dad is awesome 💜 My mom aswell💙
That's great that you don't let it stop you!
I know of a lesbian couple that both appear as fem not one feminine and one masculine. Even though they are similar in age they get mistook as mother and daughter.🤣 It's changing but the Midwest smaller town where I'm from you don't often see a lot of lesbian couples.
Please link rebeccas video and now I also want the one of you that you said you look at every few years!!
yes, pleeeeaaase, if you feel comfortable.:-)
i too need visual reference :)
I'm not sure if it was a temporary IG story, but her IG is @rtext. Regarding the video, I must've misspoke -- I have LOOKED for it every few years but have never found it.
Good morning everyone ❤
Ya know what I don't get? Parents will be like, "Don't date! Focus on your school/job/finding a home! Don't you dare date!"
Then later parents be like, "When are you getting married? When are you having children!? Are you gay!??? I never see you dating!"
Also I love Frogfishbatr vids haha
I am a women and I’m not “okay with angry women”. Or men. Or anyone in between. 2. I would’ve talked to the crafts guy a little bit he might have just been trying to sell you something or wanted to speak about his product. He probably just thought you were rude. I know it would’ve zinged me if anyone acted like that at me. 😢 I don’t think it’s my conditioning as a women, I just try and be nice to people. 3. Thanks for defending Bob, Dr Honda. He’s s a credit to men and to human beings in general.
I've personally heard of 'Boy Mom' mostly in the context of a reaction to the inverse 'Girl Dad' trend. The latter one I've encountered far more, although I'm certainly not surprised the 'Boy Mom' trend has much to do with the so-called 'Mama's Boys.'
I think the whole 'Man or Bear' controversy points to a divide between the existential fears of men and women. For women, it's the fear of being killed or harmed by men, for men it's the fear of being ignored, invisible, or socially ostracized. And unfortunately, both play into each other where women may behave in ways that make them more distant or even hostile towards men, and then men in turn learn to avoid seeking out emotional closeness or seek it out in very atypical or toxic ways, which causes women to become even more distant or hostile towards them, and the vicious cycle continues. Of course one takeaway could be that men are relying too much on women for their emotional needs due to toxic masculinity, though if you were to ask men, many of them would share some of the same fears about other men as many women have. All of this points to how even justified anger and resentment over how men have treated women and other men as well can result in the collateral damage of men sometimes being automatically perceived as physical threats. I think a lot of times the answers that many men get when they ask how they can stop being perceived as such can be kind of unhelpful - "just be less threatening" or "just be less toxic." And I think this all ties into the first half of the episode pretty well.
Lastly, I think there should be a longer episode on mansplaining. I see it much like 'gaslighting' or 'narcissist,' where it's often misused or misunderstood.
6:46 omg!!! No one ever remembers when I talk about pinning my jeans!!!!!!
I am so happy to hear Rebecca talk about nervous system dysregulation and co-regulation! I'm a long time listener and therapist and as I'm someone that uses a similar therapy as Rebecca I have always wondered Kirk's view on this. Would love him to speak more to poly vagal theory sometime!
3:20 What is the dance??? Insert a clip please, I am so intrigued! Does this style have a name??
As mother of a boy, I think how he sees my husband interact with me is more impactful on his future relationships with women. This whole trend is very heteronormative. Are queer parents out there doing this?
Drop Rebecca’s 90s playlist link
Link yourself dancing, please please please! It will be si wholesome :)
Love funkyfrogbait!!! 😊
I LOVE Funky Frog Bait!!!!
I don't know, I think Berto might outshine Rebecca in the side gig department😹
I personally relate a lot more to Berto. Berto is also much less assertive on points.
It bugs me how Dr. K will occasionally undermine Berto though which he rarely possibly never does to Rebecca. I think Kirk feels inferior to Berto or something and that's why he makes a point at asking for the "lay" perspective or challenging the validity of his views because Dr. K has a degree.
I like Dr. K, Rebecca and Berto still. They bring interesting perspectives. I'm just saying if it was a podcast led by Berto I'd definitely eagerly watch that one.
I'm interested as to why my comment sparked this comment. I was merely making a joke about the fact that Rebecca mentioned she has a lot of side hustles (that she more than likely gets paid for), and comparing that to how Berto introduces himself with a new job title of some hilariously fake business at the top of every episode he's apart of. I don't condone any hate for any of these people and don't believe any of them are trying to "one up" any of the others. Each and every one of them has had a positive impact on me, changing the course of my entire life.
I think as someone who isn't very physically affectionate with friends and family having a partner who kisses their parent on the lips would weird me out. Happy if it works for some, but I'd be out, it's weird AF to me.
Its so funny. I am not good at keeping up with Rebecca on IG, but exactly that video I have seen 😅
What is her IG? I need to see this, lol.
Im wondering about that teenager stereotype, suddenly they are against their parents, run away, talk back, only in their room… is that when it was maybe very unbalanced before? Having to be the „sweet little kid“? Because I never had that teenage outburst, but then again i always already talked back and liked spending time in my room even as a kid
Interesting idea?
I know my older siblings were a handful so I did the exact opposite. I always tried to the easy going kid who tried to please.
Made it weird later and I think having a rebellious streak would have greatly benefited me later on.
@@edbrown5956 that makes sense, as each family member takes on „their“ role in a family system. i often hear that people pleasing leads to a lot of harbored anger?
Omg my people
Rebecca: "I'm not sexist."
Also Rebecca: "I wonder if children raised by lesbians do better because they were exposed to less toxic masculinity." :D
Just kidding, I don't actually believe Rebecca is sexist or hates men. Just something I occasionally notice in her unfiltered (relatable!) way of talking what's on her mind. ;)
Re ~50min, when did geeky dudes who can't pick up on social cues generally become sexism? Pretty sure they do their same non-stop speech to everyone who will listen, regardless of gender.
Did Dr Honda mean The Cranberries who are Irish not Scottish?
As a member of the Scots-Irish American community, where they're from doesn't matter. The difference is only important when its whether the whisky is is Scotch or Irish
@@blondequijotea bunch of the cranberries music is about the troubles and like the Easter rising which didn't happen is Scotland, and comes off the tail end of a genocide in Ireland. It is important - an Irish person living in Scotland
@chequeplease the American part of my heritage involved getting out of whiskey Island before the trouble happened. Luckily they export that stuff to the Americas.
Cocteau Twins! :)
@dassijes5943 My younger age is showing, as I don't know this band. I will check them out :-). It's so cool to hear about Dr. Honda as a young adult in the epicentre of grunge. I wonder if his love of the music that has themes of discontentment, loneliness and angry is reflected in his positive attitude to his clients expressing these emotions
Cocteau twins???
Don't forfeit penny loafer shoes
Imagine they shared snarky chuckles about “typical women.” The hypocrisy’s kind of wild. Rebecca simply assuming Bob makes way more than she does because he’s a male therapist… that says a lot, is all I’m saying. Worth taking a look at…
No, it’s worse than that. It’s pretty bad.
People in general are just pretty bad at hearing each other out. Rebecca in particular, but often Kirk, get a bit echo-chambery sometimes and make generalizations that they would absolutely call out if the tables were turned.
Eh you’re jumping the gun to say that thing about dads with shotguns is due to misogyny. Could be. But you’re obviously making some inferences that don’t necessarily hold.
Think about it. Culture doesn’t mind dads being violent toward their daughters’ boyfriends? Ok, so our society expects violence of men. I don’t see how that unequivocally benefits men, Kirk.
You can be so polemical. Calm down. Think it over. You don’t have to take a side immediately.
I think what they are trying to say is that when men step up and act fatherly, it is applauded. When women are protective over their children, they are dispaged and judged. Not that toxic masculinity benefits men. It is how women are still treated with double standards.
@@jenyi545 I understood the point. Treated differently, yes, but the double standards go both ways. That’s actually what I was getting at. It’s not at all obvious in this situation that either men or women come out looking better than the other.
I'm going to disagree slightly with the other commenter (and they can correct me if I'm not interpreting them accurately) and say that it's not so much about moms or dads being protective over their children, but how society perceives father & daughter vs. mother & son relationships differently. Relationships with mothers and sons, especially when the mother is a more involved mother seem to be looked down upon more because somehow a mother being spoiling over-nuturing, or overprotective of her son is seen as disgusting and emasculating for the son. While father-daughter relationships of a similar dynamic don't seem to be perceived as defeminizing for the daughter, and in fact a dad that spoils his daughter or is overprotective of her is a sign that he's a fun father and is also macho.
Neither one is beneficial to either gender in practice, but the reality is there are still many things that we expect from men that are still being perceived as healthy and positive, when they have no business being so. That's the main issue here they were getting at here.
@@RaymondJiang444 My comment was a generalization. You made detailed points that I agree with. I think it is difficult to compare how men and women are societally perceived as historically men have been the oppressors of women. IMO it feels wrong to compare the oppressed to the oppressors until we have equity.
@@jenyi545 I could be reading you wrong again here, so I apologize in advance if that's the case - I wasn't trying to make the point that just because men can be perceived in harmful or oppressive ways that it discounts the fact that men have traditionally and in some ways still are the main oppressors of women. I also don't think that it's necessarily wrong to compare the two as long as it's done in a way to help both sides better understand each other, not in a 'suffering Olympics' kind of way. There's also the class aspect to this whole thing because while you're not wrong about men being the oppressors of women historically, it's been mostly a small select few powerful men that have perpetuated it, and the rest of the men have just gone along with what has been promoted and modeled to them for hundreds of years.
This lady is lowkey kinda in her own world. It’s the most straight woman interpretation of everything… so embarrassing lol