Never meet halfway: understanding what a date is
Вставка
- Опубліковано 20 чер 2024
- My definition of a date is that it's connection plus sexual possibility. You need both for a date to be a date. Otherwise, you're dealing with a hookup (on the one hand) or an interview (on the other). And this is why the date is God's perfect creation: when it does well, both parties get what they want. As a result, it's never a good idea to meet halfway on a date, as it severely limits the logistical reality of the sexual possibility. This also sets up the likelihood that the relationship will prioritize the woman's interests and preferences over the man's. I discuss more in this episode.
Pre-order my book: amzn.to/3UlsTsY
Book a paid consultation:
oriontarabanpsyd.com/consulta...
Subscribe to my newsletter: oriontarabanpsyd.com
Social Media
Facebook: profile.php?id=1...
LinkedIn: / orion-taraban-070b45168
Instagram: / psyc.hacks
Twitter: / oriontaraban
Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
Orion's Theme: • Enrico Deiana - Orion'...
Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com.
GRE Bites: / @grebites4993
Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community:
/ @psychacks
Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com
Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #dating #relationship
My definition of a date is that it's connection plus sexual possibility. You need both for a date to be a date. Otherwise, you're dealing with a hookup (on the one hand) or an interview (on the other). And this is why the date is God's perfect creation: when it does well, both parties get what they want. As a result, it's never a good idea to meet halfway on a date, as it severely limits the logistical reality of the sexual possibility. This also sets up the likelihood that the relationship will prioritize the woman's interests and preferences over the man's. I discuss more in this episode.
Pre-order my book: amzn.to/3UlsTsY
Book a paid consultation:
oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations
Subscribe to my newsletter: oriontarabanpsyd.com
Social Media
Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622
LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/
Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks
Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban
Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com
Orion's Theme: ua-cam.com/video/WrXBzQ2HDEQ/v-deo.html
Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com.
Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com.
GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993
Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community:
ua-cam.com/channels/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXw.htmljoin
Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com
Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world.
#psychology #dating #relationship
How I managed ANY success with women (when I was young & mostly by accident) and being so clueless? It is staggering. The great news Is I can try all new, correct methods at age 61 and if I succeed nobody need know how late of a start I got. Your clarity of expression I admire. Thank you.
such dating techniques only attract promiscuous woman. if that what you are looking for :)
With such a dating technique, you will only attract promiscuous woman.
If that's what you're looking for ;)
The Dr is always cooking 🔥🔥...so most of us have been going for interviews thinking we on a date 😭
I'm an older man that has rarely dated. I've never had any sexual activity on a first or second date, and usually that's because the women made it clear ahead of time in some way that sex was "off the table" and that expressing too much interest in that would disqualify me from further dating opportunities with them. You can read more in my comment below.
Maybe unrelated... There's no such thing as a perfect marriage or relationship; they're all different. What makes one person content might not make another person content. But I've learned that there's always a way to fix things. Five years ago, my wife and I were facing divorce because of problems in our marriage, but we managed to resolve them. It was challenging, but we survived.
I genuinely want to be happy as well. I'm in a relationship, and even though we're apart, I can't think of life without her; my love for her is solid. I really want her back, and I'm committed to making it work. We've tried different things, like therapy, to mend things.
Saying farewell to someone you love dearly is never easy, but in my case, I had the assistance of a spiritual counselor who saved my marriage from falling apart. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.
I'm thankful for this guidance. I'll immediately start searching for her online. I appreciate it. I'm hopeful that adopting this strategy will also bring about positive changes for me; I miss her deeply.
You should... I promise you will not regret it.
Show up for the date in your motorhome!
Or the 70s Chevy van with the flame paint job, tinted bubble windows and shaggggggg carpeting :)
😂
@@chrispotempa2900 A buddy of mine in high school in the early 1980's had one of those. Came complete with leopard print interior, disco lighting, a futon, and a beanbag chair. He called it the "Rassle Castle."
😂😂😂😂😂😂
"He cold!"
When I meet a woman online a quick coffee meetup is what I always suggest, but I don't consider it a date. Without meeting in person you can waste a lot of time getting interested in the version of themselves they present online. It is, as you suggest, an interview to determine whether dating is a good idea. The coffee meetup can turn into a date if it goes well, but it provides an easy, quick exit if you're not interested.
edit: also, a casual coffee meetup is a good way to screen for ghosters. If we're going to meet for coffee somewhere nearby and they ghost, it's a lot less annoying than if I planned a whole date.
if you're meeting women on dating apps, it can be a good idea to have a phone call with them prior to decide to meet them. i did this quite a lot on bumble and it worked well to gauge their vibe and interest.
These are some good suggestions, thanks 👍
@@lullemans72 Yup. When I was dating, I would: 2/3 EMs to get a phone #; talk on the phone - no red flags, set up a coffee / drink date; if after meeting in person, where was interest on both sides - THEN set up an actual date. Third date would be dinner at my place, Fri / Sat night, with the possibility of a late night / sleepover.
@@M0viLover sounds like you knew what you were doing. in my case, if after the phone call i felt like it was good, i would invite over for a coffee, but i would typically always bounce back to my place right after for a smash. sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't, and at other times i would skip coffee entirely and just bounce directly to my place if i knew they were down.
exactly, time and $$$ saver!
So women that will sleep with men on the first date isn’t a red flag?
What you don’t know is that she had three “first dates” before yours, that very same week.
Thanks but no thanks.
YES! My thoughts exactly! It bothers me to no end that red-pills never address this. Vetting the girl is so much more important than getting laid. Sleeping with a girl on the first date should only be a shit-test. You can come up with some "reason" to go back to your place, and she's supposed to politely turn it down.
I've met a ton of women that would sleep with you in the first date. They're high flying lawyers, doctors, accountants or rich scions of established families. It's considered classy when you're that wealthy AND high class.
They treat relationships like vacations from their careers and will interview you about your future career trajectory. I've been denied by every single one as a serious relationship prospect but I don't hold it against them since I'm not one of them. I'm just a pleb and can't honsetly fund a lifestyle that can keep up with them.
That isn't a red flag. The same woman who won't sleep with you on the first date will do it with someone else. It largely depends on how she feels about you.
Well you could filter them out and get lucky in one go.
@@calibre_au6183for sure
Coffee isn't an interview, it is a chemistry check.
Somewhat, but chemistry is tough to judge on a 1st date. The "false click" happens, as does the "false non click".
I've been doing it wrong the whole time! I've been interviewing at the first date and then only if they match on paper do I proceed. I figure then girls are probably checking for chemistry first then will look for the technical fit.
= an interview.
That's literally what an interview is, a check for stuff
Yeah, that's basically just semantics.
Wording is likely more dry in language to drive home a point.
To me this doesn't even come off as a red flag... just deeper understanding of WHY.
If the man is gunning for sex on first date, near to his place is better for the reasons mentioned in the vid.
And even if he isn't there is value in checking the woman's character, how much effort she is willing to put in, how she reacts when not everything is on her terms. And a public venue near yourself is nice. Going the long route to escort her can show effort, give her a sense of safety. Examples around you to reference the neighborhood you live in can show your connection to the place you live around, reveal your character and establish connection with her.
Now if you are comfortable with no sex on the 1st date. Maybe you want to date someone with stricter morals and willing to play the long game. Then accepting the middle locale is perfect. Shows your restraint, values her decision and gives her additional feeling of safety and respect => again better connection.
But agreeing to middle locale just for at least she is willing to meet that way... NO. That's pure self-sabotage. Shows weakness of character and wasting everyone's time on false hopes. Grow a pair and cut that nonsense out.
Without the sexual possibility it is an interview from the man's perspective, even if he doesn't think so. Unless he's gay he went on that date for the prospect of a sexual relationship.
Gods perfect creation of a date is when you go to her father and ask her to take her to the cinema or to lunch, then you pick her up from her house like a man, and then back.
This used to be the standard and we hated every second of it but now we know only good families that loved their daughters did this. No one does that anymore.
If she's 16. 😂 not an adult woman 😂
women hate been under their father s authority
Well, depends on your goals. It may work if having a sex is the only thing you are interested in, otherwise sleeping with a person you know for few hours max is a terrible idea.
1. You may discover a lot of incompatibilities later, but you are already feeing bonded, especially if the sex was really good, and getting out of this could be quite painful
2. Easy come - easy go, if the girl is easy on sex for a first date with you, there’s a high chance that she would do the same with others, potentially cheating
3. it may feel pushy and make her thinking that the only thing you here for is sex, again
Personally, I never expect or facilitate anything on first date, I just meet to know a person better. And then if everything seems positive - start moving further by small steps, checking her reaction and adjusting the behaviour accordingly.
If the girl wants you - she would make it happen, anyway. Trying to push or speed up things can spoil what had a good potential long-term.
FINALLY! a man who gets it! I'm a woman who has seen so FEW men behave the way you do when it comes to dating. Your last sentence is right on: men I liked and was attracted to DID "try to speed up things ...and it DID "spoil what god potential long term".
First date coffee is fine because you may not like her anyways. 2nd date do what Orion says.
Not a date
@@jackdeniston6150 Well, either way its a great chance to get in your car and drive away if she sucks.
@@MAMP nah man if she sucks it's all good
@@jackdeniston6150 then most "dates" are expensive wastes of time. At least coffee is cheap.
There's a high chance she'll say "i didn't feel a spark with him" and there's no second date. I've never gotten horny at a coffee shop. I've done many job interviews (contract work) at coffee shops.
I prefer cheap candlelight Italian dinners. Ask her if there's anything she can't eat, and then order for her so you pick some cheap items.
If she says she wants to order something, respond with "oh, you want to split the bill?" 😁
These days, an "interview" SHOULD preface a "date" and especially courting. You'd be surprised how much you NEED to know about someone simply by having an in depth conversation and asking the right questions, without the distraction of "expections". It's an investment of TIME, which is more valuable than money. Some guys actually want to LIKE and have interest in a woman HE CHOOSES to lay down with. While others enjoy scouting for a willing participant who's just another masturbatory experience...to each his own.
No it shouldn't, especially not for men.
Very well said.
Agreed - very well said. A lot of women out there I wouldn't touch with a 10' pole.
Totally disagree
Sex on the first date is a hookup.
Why?
@@devol5931 because the decision to marry a specific woman is very very serious, and making the decision with the head that is on top of your shoulders is your best option. Otherwise you may end up regretting that decision for the rest of your life.
@@JohnSmithExyou're marrying women after a first date?
A hookup is a hookup. If sex is the only purpose, we're not going out anywhere.....
@@devol5931 common sense. Sex without commitment is a hookup. Logically and rationally, there can be no serious commitment based on 1 date. Not even a few dates.
Considering a woman’s bio clock, you fail to recognise she wastes more time with you during a date than you potentially waste on her. From this point of view it’s smart not to let your guard down with any man that wants to get into your pants with almost zero effort. I know it’s a transaction in the end, but a transaction without true feelings is worth nothing, and you want a man who has the ability to appreciate that. Good luck! 😉
I don't have a problem suggesting a coffee date on the first meeting because women nowadays will go on dates for free food while having no genuine interest in a guy. If she balked at this, then I would keep it pushing.
Right, why spend 💯 on someone you aren’t sure about
@Insight-music Exactly. If she has genuine interest in you, then she'll be okay with it.
You'll be just looking at a piece of art while having coffee. Is this habitual of you? Gotta get out of that mode. Watch this video again.
@@GoogleUser-td1icdon't care. I won't spend resources in someone that would ghost me next day cus she just wanted dinner. If she's worth the time and energy, a coffee date as a first date would be great for her. I won't allow myself to be used like that, we already make enough effort to approach, plan the date, go to her place and take her to the date, which is what's expected by society
@@GoogleUser-td1ic Who said anything about looking at art? Are you even a real person?
There is no way, in today's day and age, where people should be "hooking up" that quickly. Caution.
Thank you.
It's MOSTLY women doing this though, and constantly/consistently. They're basically using tinder as Uber for D. They do this at every age (even more so when older) ESPECIALLY the ones that say no hookups.
Unfortunately it’s become rather common
7:25 such an important point. It is better to know ASAP if the woman you are dealing with gets Aggressive, Bossy, Combative, and Disagreeable (ABCD) when things don't go her way. If she goes ABCD when you say "no" or disappoint her, expect her to take your money, house and kids in divorce. ABCD women are divorce material. And if you ignore the red flags, guess what 9:27
I like the ABCD and I will probably steal it, but how would you work in the ambushers that agree superficially and try to coerce over time? E for Emotional Terrorism?
@@RShaun if you want a relationship you have to accept the whole thing is a risk and can massively back fire. If you want a relationship you have to make your best guess and hope it works out for the next 50 years. All you can do is de-risk, e.g. not get married, or get married with a prenup, or only have 1 kid to minimize child support payments, etc.
@@marriagecausesdivorce7540 Willingness of your wife to divorce/cheat is a separate factor to consider. There are some very agreeable pushovers who lost their first time with some loser because he talked her into it, who will again commit adultery easily after marriage for the same reason. Marriage material is traditional woman who's obedient to her husband, but not other men. My wife is a first generation Chinese immigrant and was a virgin until we married. She cooks, cleans, does most of the childcare for our son, puts in a ton of work into my business. She's obedient to me and her father, not even so much her mother.
ABCD😅😅😅 BEAUTIFUL !!
I found this to be true looking back on a 28 year marriage and 32 years together. She was disagreeable from the start. And yes, she got 1/2 million, the house and alienated me from my grown children in the divorce. All young men, please pay attention and learn.
The father figure we needed
Amen
Getting this wisdom for free, what a time to be alive.
Amen
@@josephoduor2358he’s tricking you guys into playing a game that favors the woman. He’s keeping you in a loop of watching his content to enrich his pockets, not to help men. He is misleading you to a problem and framing it as a solution. His words may sound nice, but examine the motive for his actions rather than the action in a vacuum
Talking you with buying Milk and comes Home togheter xd
All the requirements for dating gives me no incentive to date!
They are not requirements. This is just advice. That is all.
First Time Meeting Someone: I call that a "Meet and Greet". You only date someone you know - even a first date. And I bought memberships to a few local museums. Having them join as my guest is the offer. Lots of things to talk about if she doesn't want to talk about her.
Great date idea! (from a woman)
Long are the golden days when your HS sweetheart would wanna play hooky and go back to her place while her parents weren't home.
Hold on there bud. People are moving in back with parents nowadays. There are plenty of adults ducking their parents to get it on in bed. Whether or not their HS sweetheart depends on some imagination.
Such behavior is exactly the kind of promiscuity that men claim disgusts them. You'll hate on girls who give up the kitty for free or low effort but expect it from the girl you're interested in
They still play hookies. They just do it in middle school and with many many boys. I've seen a porn star who talked about guys asking her for anal in middle school (or freshmen year in hs, cant remember, either way its bad)
Long are the golden days when HS pregnancy was so high and everyone wanted to lose their virginity by 15
Exactly. Now HS boys are just hooking up with their teachers
I tend to agree with what I see on this channel. This video makes sense as usual, but I must say, now in my 40s and married, If I were ever to divorce and start dating again. I would go for a coffee on the first date and see if I am really interested in having sex with her at all. If she's worth it, then I would propose dates with mating possibility. The reason being, as men, we will always want to get laid, but rushing into sex with the wrong women is generally a big mistake and it can easily entangle men in toxic relationships from the get go. Specially if the sex is good. So I would say, It is important to protect ourselves from our own desires too.
Well said.
And also if you suggest her your place as 1st date, it could make her think you just want some fun - unless she's also in to that, I guess.
I agree completely. I was going to comment this. I personally prefer to see if the woman is worth the hassle first and if she is looking to simply be entertained. Coffee is perfect and affordable.
Exactly. I am 42, seperated (soon to be divorced). When he said a coffee date is an interview, I thought "Good! I will be the interviewer, as I'm the one hiring!"
@@ConstantinDumitru Suggesting your place for the 1st date?! Bruh. Just ask her for sex at that point... Because she will obviously know you're super thirsty
I believe in not dating at all while treating women in the context of non-dating with kindness and respect. Perfect equilibrium. I enjoy peace and despite drama. Seem that singleness is my destiny and I embrace it.
Every video I watch on dating makes me glad I didn't have to play this game to meet my wife.
Find community. Build a network. Get to know people. This includes forming plutonic relationships with women. Control your impulses and only go when there's a clear green light (don't convince yourself, wait for her to convince you).
It's possible to have everything pretty well locked in by the time you go on a "date", rendering the information in videos like this irrelevant to your situation.
Men, please understand the concept of holding her hand when you walk back to your car, the convo while driving home, then being able to walk her to her door and kiss her goodnight. Kissing is also a sexual interaction. You don’t have to sleep with her perse. Also vet her properly before you invest your resources.🎉
Women ride in cars with strangers? Haven't you seen the Uber movie? Well... Men are dating women for sex .. I guess a car ride isn't so far fetched
Judging by some of the comments, people are misunderstanding the idea of sexual possibility. If I'm going out with my friends, male or female, there is no possibility of sex , so I am not expected to pay for them. Since I know I will be seeing my friends again, sometimes I will treat them knowing that they will reciprocate in the future. When I am meeting a woman to determine if we are compatible, we are both trying to to decide if we see the possibility of an intimate relationship with this other person in the future. Dr. Taraban is not saying that there should be sex on the first date but if either person has decided there is no possibility of sex in the future, then it wasn't a date.
If a woman decides on that first meeting that she likes me "but not in that way" then this meeting will likely not lead to us seeing each other again for our actual first date. While it is possible that this new woman and I could choose to invest time with each other to build a new friendship, in that case I would not be expected to pay. It is not reasonable to expect me to invest a lot of time and money when there is no possibility of physical intimacy in the future.
Personally I like to think of myself as a casting director trying to find a woman for a key role in my life. That first meeting with someone new is like an audition. As I'm sure Orion knows from his past dramatic experiences, actors and actresses do not get paid for auditioning, they only get compensated if they are chosen for the role. The leading role I'm casting for requires physical intimacy, not during the audition, only after you've accepted the role I'm offering you in my life.
Good luck getting her to drive 30-45 minutes for a FIRST date closer to your place. IMO, it's happened but, by far, they were the exception and those who did were, more or less, short term flings.
I never heard the process of dating explained so clearly. I wish I had learned this earlier in life.
I honestly don’t mind the, “interview” first date. I’m not looking to have sex on a first date anyway. I thought the date was to feel each other out 🤷♂️
What's throwing me off here is the emphasis on creating "an opportunity for a sexual encounter", but this sounds like first date context. I don't WANT her to be putting out on first dates, nor do I want to. Why would anyone want this unless they're just looking for hookups?
I'm assuming you are looking for something more long term and don't 'want' her to put out because that would mean she is pro misses. However, you would *want* to at least gauge her sexual attraction to you by at least having it on the table. Also, what better way to find out if she is pro than by seducing her? You have to consider that just because she doesn't put out for you sooner, doesn't mean she hasn't put out for less with other men before you.
As an introvert, I completely agree with you. Unless I’ve known the girl for a while, first date for me is for gathering observations: I ask question, try various types of jokes and just observe what is the flow between us. Later, I let these observations sink and only then it becomes clear for me whether I want to go further with her or not.
exactly. This may be the first time I have completely disagreed with him. I've been very happily married for 25 years but I watch this channel because I usually enjoy his videos. But this is nothing but hookup advice. I can't see this being the foundation of any real relationship.
@@zsuzsuspetals - same here. This video surprised me. I think if he'd referred to it as genuine desire/attraction the conclusion would be different. Hookup culture isn't appealing and someone smashing on the 1st date is a red flag.
I've only ever (and as subtly as I can) offered for her to come back to my place as a shit-test. On the occasions that it's happened and I've had sex with a girl within hours of meeting her, I've filed her under "never take seriously" or in today's terms: "she belongs to the streets." Now that I'm older, I think I'd pass altogether... Maybe... Depends on how hot she is.
So you want a woman to travel alone to meet some guy she hardly knows and it's not safe for a woman to travel alone in the evening. She keeps the date not too far from her for safety reasons.
Yes. And then sleep with him. Great advice - if you’re not looking for a long term relationship.
I thought women were "strong and independent"? Now, they can't travel alone?
Exactly - really disappointing BS advice, sounds like coming straight from the red pill bible. Men, that's not how to build real relationships and trust with women.
This is guy is Andrew Tate dressed up in faux intellectual language.
What intellectual language are you referring to? The history and Roman Empire references? I’m in Graduate school for Mental Health Counseling and we use empirical studies and peer reviewed articles not the Roman Empire 😂😅
If you dont make sex for sport and you want long lasting relationship the early sex not help you my little fellas and Dr Orion so be patient and trust the proces to find your gem 💎
Dr Orion thinks all men are like him. desperate about sex. rejected many times by women. sexualizing women. and this gives rise to an advice like that. very sad for his followers.
As a man... meet her in her comfort zone for the first few dates... As the man you want her to feel as comfortable as possible with you on her home turf before going to your home field(your side of town). You want her to do as least amount of heavy lifting as possible... show her that you care about her comfort and as she feels more comfortable she'll become more open minded over time
For what?
Prescription for one time hook-ups.
I'm glad I did all my dating during my youth because the current dating world is literal sh!t.
I'm Gen X, I got the tail end of good women, I see young girls and they are truly repugnant.
Works like a treat I do this often. Women will drive 45 minutes to restaurants near my house if they are really interested for a first date.
Only thing near my house is a chipotle 😂
@@bryanutility9609 Afternoon picnic (wine, cheese, crackers, etc.) in a park near your house with a boardgame, and when the sun starts setting, suggest going to your place to play Twister in the jacuzzi, or something of the sort.
@@yeticusrex1661 yea been pushing the hot tub seduction this summer 👏☀️ 🤣. Only problem … I’ve failed to patch the hole. Never do mention it’s an inflatable hot tub LMAO.
@@bryanutility9609 Are you serious? You have a spa and you have trouble closing the deal ? When I had mine, my success rate was like 80% at least. Try this: Try finding a moment to humble brag about your feet massage skills ( Also, try having said skills but its motsly optionnal), then you offer one in the spa. Wow, these calves seems pretty tense, too. Obviously read her and go up as slowly has possible while having conversation and just stall at the junction of the thigh and hip. Chances are you will hear her moan 'stop playing with me please' and ' omg you're so cruel' after a while because she cant take it anymore. That finger of yours will be sliding in like a hot knife in butter after that 😅
@@alexandrodl1371 Not bad! Somehow I’m able to get them to show up without swimwear & get in naked.
Makes all the seduction jokes even funnier. “Let’s just get in with our underwear nothing has to happen.”
But like I said, it has a hole & just haven’t had time to patch it. I know it’s lame, but last summer it was slowly deflating in real time & just kinda killed the mood in that sense. 🤣
This is good stuff. I wish I knew this 15 years earlier.
Me too! It’s probably well supported in psychological literature and studies etc but it also makes complete logical sense.
But now you know it. Use it.
Which is why society didn’t want you to find out for the last 15 years.
me too. all my life i've only doing 'interviews' and some onses. now i'm 30, alone and gonna kms this year. oh, what a beautiful life.
What do you know about chemistry? 😂
i don't think getting laid on a first date is a great idea in the long run........but that's what i did last night - meet her 20 mins from my place - came back and stayed :) so yeah it works ....
You mean, it's not good for a woman because she has to pretend to be innocent.
iT'S NOT
Statistically speaking, dating in general isn't a "good idea for the long run".
@@meeep9099 iT'S NOT
It is about of the possibility. Getting laid on the first date happens probably 30-40% of the time based on some informal surveys.
The comments are making some very good (and obvious) counter arguments. Coffee is fine for a first.
Have you mentioned you’re single????
The whole modern "dating" scene is disgusting. Nothing more than a hookup culture. Try reading and studying The Bible of The One and only true God for guidance.
The more i'm watching this channel the more i want to stay lonnely. I'm truly wondering how did we get to be 8 billion if all of that is true.
My wife and mother of our 2 boys offered to meet me close to my place, but both of us only wanted sex after we would be sure we want to make family together. And we did, 6 months after the initial date. Orion's approach doesn't fit my experience or desire or expectations.
Orion would you really take a woman seriously if she's giving it up on the first date? I feel like it's counterproductive to want that.
He is not the type of man woman sleep on the first date with
Super strange how men do not take women seriously who sleep with them
He says possibility, it's about women not giving anything
The precision and density of your videos are a joy.
We need a prequel: Why having your own place must be a priority.
Wonderful rant and so true indeed !
Orion. I've been following you since you had 100 k followers and watched over 100 videos for sure. I must ask this question as you're the teacher here: what's your relationship status and why is it the way it is?
His relationship status is what it is because he is too afraid of a woman thinking her interests and preferences are taken into account.
Loving this for men growing a spine and asking the same questions they ask single women who come online to give toxic dating advice! Go guys 💕
This doesn’t make sense for a first date. Perhaps all first dates are interviews when people have not met yet, which I think is reasonable.
You're losing me with this one doc. Agree 100% about gauging how someone behaves when they don't get exactly what they want.. THAT is valuable. But the connection vs sexual opportunity motivation seems a little too polarised. Also for a first date especially, if men are looking for something serious that changes the motivation to have sex asap, even for men, and shifts the focus to getting to know the personality aka interview mode. Yes a midday coffee sounds sterile but the point is, if I have fun with someone in a relatively simple setting and the conversation is good, there might actually be something here worth exploring? Appreciate it's not as nice as getting a drink/dinner which is more intimate and involved, but it's not an immediate write off. I don't know, just sounds overstrategised to me when in reality if two people are interested it's usually about finding an opportunity to get together sooner rather than later.
I believe he is speaking in the context of mundane relationships and how women are lizards.
The "sexual opportunity" cost on a women emotionally is not the same as the cost of the "connection" on the man, not a fair equality. Sleeping around for women is not good for their emotional wellbeing. If a man fancies a woman he would be respectful, confident and considerate to allow her to reach a decent level of trust and safety first. Women indeed have a lot of skin in the game but you choose not to consider such aspects.
Not gonna lie, the soonest Ive gotten laid is the third date. I dont know if getting it in on the first date is that common anymore especially for us younger generation. We are just in general having less sex, and honestly I think the higher quality younger women of today 99% of times or more arent looking to get sexual on the first date
Does that make a difference?
If you're going to get lucky then your're going to get lucky after a date and it isn't going to be any date where you meet in the middle, for the reasons explained, so, unless you are sure that she will always stick to her, self imposed, rule of no sex before the 3rd date, you have to follow OT's advice for every date.
How old are you?
first date sex is 100% definitely still a thing and young women are no exception
Always. Be. Closing.
It depends on how sexaully attracted the woman is to the man and how much the man tries to initiate. 3rd date isn't too bad though. These days you generally want to avoid dating a woman for months before going all the way because most single western woman have put out within the first three "dates" at some point.
It started happening to me a lot after I hit the gym. But my photofeeler went from like a 6/10 to a 9/10. So, if you're hot you end up attracting more DTF girls. Mid guys can get laid but are more often girls looking for a stable and normal guy to settle for.
If your sample size is 2-3, I wouldnt dwell on it but it wasnt true 15-20 years ago. My average was 2 dates. I had a hot tub though which is pretty much a cheat code.
So obvious but I was so unaware of this. Amazing content as always.
This is good advice for men who only want sex. Also known as a hook up. So whats the point of the date? Dating includes sexual possibility because we don't "date" our friends and family, as we aren't sexually interested in our friends and family (hopefully). But unless you just want a hookup its a really bad idea to make your dating strategy in the singular interest of getting into bed. Sleeping with a person you barely know can be fun but that is what tinder is for. Might as well just skip the date. Stating that a woman's agenda is for " connection" and a man's is for sex is wrong. Both parties should desire both connection and sex. Both parties should respect themselves enough to date for some time before sleeping together. I disagree with this advice and sincerely hope to find that there are men who also disagree. Dating is hard enough without feeling like you're just there to get used. ☹️
He is speaking to young or inexperienced men who bend over backwards and try too hard early on. You haven't noticed the simp epidemic that's occurring? Just say you can't put yourself in a young man's shoes and this content isn't for you.
The date is another resource to get laid. He already did videos about hookups in bars. He mastered the 8 minute pickup. He is a joke
Put this entire video in a pan and it simmers down to one thing: Abundance Mindset
This is absolutely what it boils down to. I shake my head 🤦♂️ at so many of the men's comments here that seemingly fail to understand this simple concept
Care to explain the concept?
Care to explain the concept?
Abundance mindset is basically a marketing tactic in an attempt to raise your value - by means of implying there's a long queue of customers to get what you're selling, so you don't care if people drop out of the queue.
I love Orion's videos and agree with most of his thinking but I find it funny that he brings up meeting for coffee as going half way on a date because my experiences have been very much the opposite. For me, sexual encounters are much more frequent and consistent when the date is as free of pressure as possible. By this I mean, the whole coffee thing is just extremely easy to do. No real planning of any kind required. Just pick a coffee spot and that's it. No pressure, which means a much more relaxed atmosphere for both myself and my date, and that leads to you know what, a lot easier and more natural, again, because there's so much less pressure.
Nope
He's freeloading
on her it there's sex
without marriage first
depends what kind of girl it is. if she's interested in a one night stand, ok. if she only wants a relationship, might be best to wait at least a month before sleeping with her. workplace is probably the best place to meet a woman because you can observer her personality for several months before making a move on her. good channel.
This is ludicrous. Start with coffee so you can get out quickly without emptying your wallet. Be smart, guys
Agreed. People don't understand how to date any longer.
As a corrolary.
This is also why "50/50" is the max most women will ever contribute and will generally not tolerate it for too long.
You're in love, guys.
She's in business.
So then stop being in love. When I hear “men love idealistically and women love opportunistically”, that translates into men are unable to live in reality and keep begging for chances with women
@@marcusmcgraw3519 eh i do think accepting the reality of women never really loving you unconditionally is a hard pill to swallow and one most men will end up learning at some point
@@sussybaka8605 She's never yours, it's only your turm cuz she's always open to the idea of monkey branching opportunistically.
Why should people love each other unconditionally in the first place. Unconditionally means no matter what I love you, but if you were to hurt me ofc I’d stop loving you
That funny. Just shows how limited experience you have. It is also informed by your owm limiting beliefs. Keep telling yourself this and it will pop all over the place. Chose a different mindset and you will get a different result. Thats qhy i did and still do. Works great for me. Good luck!
I dont see the need for sexual possibility on a date.
I did when I was younger...thats why I was on the date.
But at 30+ I'm 40 now, nope..only a loser would make sex his goal on a date.
He has all his life to do that.
A date for me is a checking process. Does she have he skills, knowledge amd desire to be a good mother?
I have arranged meetings with women on other continents, so meeting halfway made no sense anyway. I always consider our first meeting just a meeting. The outcome of that determines if we go on a date or not. Most women need to feel safe with a man before they are going to consent to sex. That first meeting allows them to feel more comfortable that nothing was pushed on them in the first encounter. There have been exceptions where the first meeting becomes extended and leads to a very satisfying conclusion, but that need not always be the expectation. Then when we go on a date, the progression seems entirely natural, because they already felt safe from the first meeting. Every man should get a passport and invest in himself by traveling and exploring other cultures. There are still many where the women are raised to be good wives and they aspire to have a happy family and a clean home. I found my forever girl, and you can too!
Maybe you can make videos instead of this macho man a threat for the society!
I’m so glad you found a great woman abroad! That being said, other countries are becoming more globalized as time goes on (not a bad or good thing, just the way of life). When I visit fam in Poland, there’s a nice balance of traditional and ‘americanized’ sentiment, which I kind of like personally. The world is getting smaller or maybe we’re now just realizing how small it always was. But for the guys in the comments, plz don’t lose faith in us girls in North America born to immigrant parents (or not) who still have good values and embrace femininity. We’re still here! :,-) Just like Dr Taraban advises us, men too have to be discerning in who they choose. Even in large cities there are girls who are more traditional, just look out for how they carry themselves, dress, manners etc…
Datura - that is awesome but America is so hostile towards men and the economy being shitty and the taxes and the PEDO-President and the ugly culture it makes staying jn America hard for Christian men.
That is my take. American cities have turned into dumpter fires. :0 :0 :0 in so many ways. 😢😢😢
Maybe I need therapy - but that is how I feel.
@@datura.4022 As if the bottom 95 % of men could choose! 😂
I wonder where did you find your girl, friend?
Love your content but this one lost me. Seems no different T an a hook up. I’m 73. The best Ltrs took time to develop. I’ve had flings just empty. Maybe just me
The first "screening" -- if you will -- is just that: do you look like your photos, what do you sound like, can you hold a conversation, etc.
IMHO, dating today has too many expectations and pressures -- akin to a prospective business relationship; ideally, it should be fun and an opportunity to see if you have things in common with one another.
This is totally gold information for men in the dating world.
No sex on the first date, not at my advanced age. But I don't want an "interview" coffee date either. I've found that doing an activity (go to a craft fair or farmer's market, go to an outdoor concert in the park, etc.) where you don't have to blah blah blah like it's an interview is the best of both worlds. Second date is for sexual possibilities, and I agree being near one residence or another is the way to go. (If you pick up the woman at her place of course you'll need to bring her home.) 😍
So, you don't want an "interview" coffee date. I.e., you're protecting yourself and/by avoid/ing connection and intimacy. All activities you mentioned are indicative of that; going to a fair, to a concert (I might add theatre, cinema etc here too) are all activities to avoid connection. No surprise then relationships fail; you set yourself up for that. The farmer's market is somewhat on the edge; it may be a good choice though if the intention is to buy the ingredients for the meal you prepare together afterwards.
@@sailor1921100% hit the nail on the head, these ppl are dumb af why would you sleep with someone who’s basically a stranger. And we wonder why marriage is non existent, god made s3x for only 2 reasons, No.1 is procreation No.2 is pair bonding. If these guys really want to get it as quick as possible then ideally they should consider a professional.
@@sailor1921 I gave you a thumbs up just for knowing how to use a semicolon. Excellent post by the way.
A date is exactly a "screening" interview. From both parties. You aren't owed or promised sex during a date. She doesn't know you nor do you her. The stage at which you are entitled to sex is at the courting stage. Dating and courting are different. Courting is more exclusive and signals your interest in developing something serious with that person alone. This is where you create a stronger connection through sex.
I agree with your take.
This! 👏
He isn't saying you're entitled to sex or that it is guaranteed
sound of reason, in contrary to the speaker who rushes to sexualize woman, because he has been rejected by them so many times for so many years.
Clearly, you’re responding out of emotion, nowhere in this video Did he say you are old or promised sex. plenty of people that have been married for 40 years had sex the first night they met. you sound like a female, or a guy who thinks like a female.
I honestly like coffee dates or solo meetups as I’m not sure she’d be worth the money, preparation etc. and doing dates endlessly wastes money and resources .. plus, anything will work if the girl is interested and she will push for next steps through subtleties and body language
I agree. I don't want to put my stick in crazy mud. At the very least, make her drive to a place near you to gauge her initial interest.
Nothing wrong with meeting for coffee but it's not a date. I personally prefer to meet for coffee first before considering a date later.
Coffee definitely works as a date, if you are attractive enough.
@@delocon Yeah, I had some sexy capuccinos :)
This is something the OG PUAs were saying 20 years ago, kinda wild to see a psych PhD saying it today. It was essentially correct then and it still is. A coffee in a brightly lit venue far away from anyone's bedroom is not really a date, and runs the risk of turning into an interview.
That said most guys with solid game eventually come around to the realization that it doesn't really matter. You can go to the coffee interview, treat it like the farce that it is, make her laugh and feel good, touch her suggestively in broad daylight, then leave early. If you had a good time then a few days later you can ask her if she wants to go on a first date with you and if you did this right she'll probably say yes to wherever you propose. The point is the venue doesn't matter, the frame is everything. Own the frame and you will own her heart.
That's basically what I was taught as a southern woman: You go on a coffee/lunch date (used in the meet up sense here) talk go wach other, pay for yourself and then leave. If he wants a date he'll call you. Casual interviews with multiple prospects is assumed. Most people I know were/are the date to marry type
One branch of my family tree was engaged/married by 25.
I'm used to date to marry rules so an interview is a quick way to tell if there is something worth pursuing. The idea of going to each others place isn't even on the menu.Apparently this style isn't aa common anymore.
@@spokenme08 It's becoming more common again with online dating. You can't really read attraction without meeting, so it's an opportunity to check each other out and choose if you want more, it being perfectly ok to leave it at coffee. As another poster says, it's a 'meet and greet'. Saves men their resources, saves women risking night meets.
@@spokenme08 what? You said the opposite of what he said. He said play her run game on her to get laid LOL
Are you saying that you have so little personality to get closer to another person that you have come up with a strategy?
I HAVE to make it convenient for me. Im young, fit, petite, educated and well-employed, in a place with exponentially more lonely men than available women. I have to de-fuzz my brows and body, color and cut my hair and nails routinely, and extend my lashes, on TOP of the education and home i pay for myself. I never had a daddy to princess me. That’s the least a man seeking my attention can do.
I think it depends on what to consider a date. I would creep out if a dude would invite me over for the first meeting/date to his place. But at some point dates should become more intimate, I agree.
Women want men to lead. There's the boss babe feminist who hates that, but do you want them? Lead, and pick the great women who love it when you do.
You realize that makes them weak for needing so much, right? If we were this needy they would never be attracted to us. Unfortunately, a lot of men have proven they are and that’s the real issue
@@marcusmcgraw3519 There is a big difference between need and want. Wanting to be lead = less responsibility and risk. Doesn't mean you can't step up, if you have to.
@@Ezberron ok but they will never step up cuz they know that simps like you will never stop showing how desperate you are for one of them. Why don’t you ever make them carry their own weight? This just sounds pathetic on your part
@@Ezberron the problem is women will never stop needing to be led cuz of how much they want us to do everything, and more importantly, how willing we show we are to keep meeting it even when they don’t deserve it. That’s the main problem, why won’t you admit to it?
no sex until you have gone out with someone for at least a month ish. get to know someone. If that are not able to wait a month, they do t like you or aren’t compatible with you. Better to find out the sex isn’t good, then to find out the person isnt good for you. Plus, sex can be worked on, personality disorders or incompatibility not so much if at all.
Im so glad that I'm out of the dating pool. All I can say is WOW. Dating with the possibility that it can turn sexual? Wow, I guess that's why STDs and unwanted pregancies are so high. Good lord.
Showing up is not safe as a woman, also we have a lot more work with our appearance.
Then stay home and drink boxwine
The amount of intestinal fortitude, self-assurance and confidence it takes to implement this approach is just not available in most men today as their optionality continues to dwindle. No thanks to the systemic emasculation of men and enthusiastic musculation of women in today's culture.
Spot on. I'm a retired model and pretty much set financially. I do not have dating options that seem appealing to me. I was married when Tinder came out and always assumed I would get a ton of attention because I am tall, in the long tail of good looking people, and know how to take flattering photos.
I was DEAD WRONG. My options in online dating are freaking depressing.
It’s simply not worth it.
@@squarecrackerhow did you get into modeling?
@@cobaltsurlin4888 in those days you sent pictures to agencies, I'm sure they still have that. i sent in pics and got a response so i moved to new york
What kind of a woman puts out on the first "date"? Is that a woman you'd want to marry one day? In the end, either way you slice it, its all a covert manipulation isnt it? She thinks its a date, you're not going on a date if she wont sleep with you. So, you have to game/manipulate her into thinking that she's getting what she wants. Btw, I love this channel. Long time subscriber. No hate here.
The kind of woman who is attracted to the man she is on a date with, is the kind of woman who will have sex with them
There is no further inference to be made. Do you think there aren't women out there who have a hugely promiscuous background then suddenly implement a "no first date sex" policy just to appear less promiscuous?
Also, as long as you continue to look at having sex as her "putting out", you will always be starting off from a losing position. Sex happens because of mutual attraction + opportunity + one / both parties steering the interaction that way. It is not something she owns until she decides to give it up to you, and the sooner you stop thinking like that the better your life may potentially become
@@assiduous_yogithe problem here and what the OP is potentially getting at is that if it’s easy for you then it’s probably easier for others therefore potential LTR will end in infidelity. It’s not difficult to understand if you sink 3 years of your life and then get cheated on you wish you spotted the red flags earlier some are serial cheaters and good at hiding it. That’s why you minimise risk, I heard somewhere “for certain things the way you do something is the way you do everything”
@assiduous_yogi have you seen the dating stats? Have you seen the results of what you're saying, if true? There is a reason why dating is upside down. There is a reason why marriages are no longer long term. Not hating on you one bit but lets break down your first paragraph. "Woman who is atteacted to you will sleep w you". Ok. Women rarely going out on dates with ugly men. So, if shes going out with only attractive people, that means shes putting out w everyone of them. But, they dont stick around. So..now its your turn to give it a shot. What is your intention? Long term? Highly doubt it. Youre going to marry a girl whos been ran through more often than a chic fil a drive through? I get what orion is saying. Thus, I say use mother nature to game these women for short term. Never ever ever try to secure that relationship
Solution: tell her you don't consider it a date and why. If she gets weird after your explanation, "look, for a mansion to truly be 'fancy,' it should have a bidet in it. That doesn't mean you're going to USE the bidet, but it's definitely THERE. This isn't a 'fancy' mansion in The Hamptons. It's an overbuilt house in a subdivision with a community pool." And if she gets weird and runs off, good. She should grow a sense of humor and get over herself.
If she's not interested almost immediately, it means that she's just not that interested.
Why would you marry someone who is just not that interested? Do you want a sexless marriage?
I enjoy these videos, they really break down those difficult and complex things that I have trouble grasping. Frankly it is all these strange complex, and I suppose what you would call average things that truly deter me from the dating scene.
THIS is gold, the whole implication of this dynamic IS something that changes my whole mindset
I love how you ask how this fits with my experience. I unfortunately don't have much experience though, that's why I'm watching your videos
Just ask Reese for some tips. Or Francis, that guy fucks for sure
Just take control guys, do it your way.
Great content as always!
Great information being given. Good way to tell which type of males to avoid. Thanks for another good video once again 🙂
To women never go to a man's place too soon 😅. Never gave them what they need too soon 😊. Challenge them to become a better person, teach them how to be responsible and disciplined men.
That's a poor strategy.
If they're responsible and disciplined, they'll forget all about you the minute you mention that you won't sleep with them on the first date.
If they're immature and undisciplined they'll keep trying to go on dates with you hoping that you will eventually change your mind (which you won't)
A man who is responsible, disciplined and mature has self- control.
@@zensvlognotapro Absolutely, which is why he'll see your refusal as proof that you're seeing someone else already. Why would you feel so confident rejecting him otherwise?
@@nathanbutcher7720 means that we preserving our purity on our wedding day 😊. Can't you wait ? 😄
@@nathanbutcher7720 a woman who value purity makes her man wait on the right time..wedding day 😊
i think i'll pass on your definition and save sex for marriage.
You can do all that and play all these minds games, engage in cognitive contortions, or you can just save your time and money and not date. Choice is yours.
Of course every man has to go through a cafe screening to show that he is an honorable person.
Whoever thinks the same way as the commentator suggests, at the first (!) date, is no possible boyfriend material.
Additionally, one of the unspoken benefits of basing a date around the mans domicile allows her "the cut bait and disappear" safety mechanism. I've always invited my date over to my place, and have often theorized that if she changes her mind, or it otherwise falls apart, she would probably feel safer walking away from my place without me knowing where she lives.
I'm a woman who always suggest meeting halfway for coffee or icecream 😂
Most of the time, they want to do lunch or dinner. Only once, did the date escate to heavy sexual talk! The man was 26 yrs and very much in lust!
No, it didn't happen and he IS still pursuing me😂
Let's normalise the first-time interview over coffee, there is no way I'm sleeping with a man that is basically a stranger or come to his place.. Sir, I'm gonna need to see you pet a puppy first to decide you are safe
Learned something new today.
All very accurate. And as I reflect on just how spot-on it is, I lose ever so much more enthusiasm for dating in the post-Feminist world.
And thinking like this will only make it worse, have good discernment but we aren’t all bad!
My current girlfriend of 10 years. Our first date or interview was at a local shopping centre for lunch. We both live close to this shopping centre, however on opposite sides, I walked she drove. We split the bill, & she drove me home. The next day she called & asked me to come to her place for lunch.
"The next day she called & asked me to come to her place for lunch." *Yeah, buddy!!*
@M0viLover woman make rules for betas & break rules for alpha's. Obviously, this has never happened to you, so now you know what category you're in.
@@SunRise-ul7ko Uh, I was giving you congrats? Imbecile..
@@M0viLover😂😂😂😂you Americans are very funny
I can agree with the semantics of midway coffee not being a "date". But I still don't mind a first time midway meetup to vet them. Pay for your own drink and only commit 30 minutes
I usually agree with Orion’s episodes but not this one. The coffee date is usually a first-date testing strategy for both sides to see if they should proceed with the courtship. The stake is small for the guy (buying 2 cups of coffee) and the women will most likely not agree to go home with a person she has just met. The halfway arrangement works fine for the first date or it doesn’t even matter as long as the coffee shop is decent. As you go on the 2nd date and so on, you will most likely doing other activities besides just meeting at a coffee shop, then suggesting coming over will be more natural
It's valid, but the coffee date is really just a vibe check. I don't vouch for them either. Men, if you want to save time - quick video call before a date. Sorted.
Is a date to get to know each other better, so to decide if you want to build a future together. Sex should be part of that future, but it deciding other parts as well. Like what you have in common with each other. A man paying a lot on dating can get tiring and feel used by women who use them for free stuff. I think in the old days, women only go with dates with serious intending for a long term relationship, not dating to use men for free stuff. If the men had little chance, there would be no date. Romance may play a part also.
I think having a definite possibility of sex creates time limits and pressure on decision making. Anything with a time pressure demand is a bad deal in the making. Plus having a coffee somewhere keeps the possible crazy from knowing where you live.
I thought the video will be about negotiating and not settling on a compromise. But it was all about just getting laid.
“Meet me halfway”, one of the most liked song of the black eyed peas, I’ve understood over the years, that if I was made for loving you and you were made for loving me, meeting me halfway, is the minimum to start off
Orion. I really like a lot of your stuff, but what makes men think they have any right to sex prior to doing their part to establish connection and safety? This is not some “strategy to get sex” - connection and safety doesn’t work that way, and frankly, you should know that. We are not looking for a temporary emotional experience - what most of us are looking for is an investment. If it’s an interview, fine, I’d say it should be.
We agree with you. This is not so much about expecting sex on the first date but acting in a way that keeps your options open. For those ladies who are intimate on a first date - better to have that as an option than not.
Eggghhhh... What is this business about "right to sex?" Nobody said anything about that. Men have every right to walk away if sex isn't happening. You can't MAKE us date you.