My definition of a date is that it's connection plus sexual possibility. You need both for a date to be a date. Otherwise, you're dealing with a hookup (on the one hand) or an interview (on the other). And this is why the date is God's perfect creation: when it does well, both parties get what they want. As a result, it's never a good idea to meet halfway on a date, as it severely limits the logistical reality of the sexual possibility. This also sets up the likelihood that the relationship will prioritize the woman's interests and preferences over the man's. I discuss more in this episode. Pre-order my book: amzn.to/3UlsTsY Book a paid consultation: oriontarabanpsyd.com/consultations Subscribe to my newsletter: oriontarabanpsyd.com Social Media Facebook: facebook.com/profile.php?id=100090053889622 LinkedIn: www.linkedin.com/in/orion-taraban-070b45168/ Instagram: instagram.com/psyc.hacks Twitter: twitter.com/oriontaraban Website: oriontarabanpsyd.com Orion's Theme: ua-cam.com/video/WrXBzQ2HDEQ/v-deo.html Thinking of going to grad school? Check out STELLAR, my top-rated GRE self-study program based on the world's only empirically-validated test prep system. Use the code "PSYCH" for 10% off all membership plans: stellargre.com. Become a Stellar affiliate and earn a 10% commission for every membership purchased by a new student you conduct into the program: stellargre.tapfiliate.com. GRE Bites: www.youtube.com/@grebites4993 Become a Psychonaut and join PsycHack's member community: ua-cam.com/channels/SduXBjCHkLoo_y9ss2xzXw.htmljoin Sound mixing/editing by: valntinomusic.com Presented by Orion Taraban, Psy.D. PsycHacks provides viewers with a brief, thought-provoking video several days a week on a variety of psychological topics, inspired by his clinical practice. The intention is for the core idea contained within each video to inspire viewers to see something about themselves or their world in a slightly different light. The ultimate mission of the channel is to reduce the amount of unnecessary suffering in the world. #psychology #dating #relationship
How I managed ANY success with women (when I was young & mostly by accident) and being so clueless? It is staggering. The great news Is I can try all new, correct methods at age 61 and if I succeed nobody need know how late of a start I got. Your clarity of expression I admire. Thank you.
I'm an older man that has rarely dated. I've never had any sexual activity on a first or second date, and usually that's because the women made it clear ahead of time in some way that sex was "off the table" and that expressing too much interest in that would disqualify me from further dating opportunities with them. You can read more in my comment below.
@@chrispotempa2900 A buddy of mine in high school in the early 1980's had one of those. Came complete with leopard print interior, disco lighting, a futon, and a beanbag chair. He called it the "Rassle Castle."
When I meet a woman online a quick coffee meetup is what I always suggest, but I don't consider it a date. Without meeting in person you can waste a lot of time getting interested in the version of themselves they present online. It is, as you suggest, an interview to determine whether dating is a good idea. The coffee meetup can turn into a date if it goes well, but it provides an easy, quick exit if you're not interested. edit: also, a casual coffee meetup is a good way to screen for ghosters. If we're going to meet for coffee somewhere nearby and they ghost, it's a lot less annoying than if I planned a whole date.
if you're meeting women on dating apps, it can be a good idea to have a phone call with them prior to decide to meet them. i did this quite a lot on bumble and it worked well to gauge their vibe and interest.
@@lullemans72 Yup. When I was dating, I would: 2/3 EMs to get a phone #; talk on the phone - no red flags, set up a coffee / drink date; if after meeting in person, where was interest on both sides - THEN set up an actual date. Third date would be dinner at my place, Fri / Sat night, with the possibility of a late night / sleepover.
@@M0viLover sounds like you knew what you were doing. in my case, if after the phone call i felt like it was good, i would invite over for a coffee, but i would typically always bounce back to my place right after for a smash. sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't, and at other times i would skip coffee entirely and just bounce directly to my place if i knew they were down.
This reminds of what my friend's mom told her when she was young and dating. She said, "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place to have it."
There's a high chance she'll say "i didn't feel a spark with him" and there's no second date. I've never gotten horny at a coffee shop. I've done many job interviews (contract work) at coffee shops. I prefer cheap candlelight Italian dinners. Ask her if there's anything she can't eat, and then order for her so you pick some cheap items. If she says she wants to order something, respond with "oh, you want to split the bill?" 😁
These days, an "interview" SHOULD preface a "date" and especially courting. You'd be surprised how much you NEED to know about someone simply by having an in depth conversation and asking the right questions, without the distraction of "expections". It's an investment of TIME, which is more valuable than money. Some guys actually want to LIKE and have interest in a woman HE CHOOSES to lay down with. While others enjoy scouting for a willing participant who's just another masturbatory experience...to each his own.
He didn't say you need to consummate the date with sex. He said that if the woman isn't willing to risk a date where sex is on the table as a possibility, then she's just not that into you, she probably just wants a free meal and someone she can unload all her problems upon, before moving on to someone else, or to have another notch she can carve on her belt, or to give her validation of her self worth and attractiveness and value to the opposite sex (but: she's not into YOU) ...
I tend to agree with what I see on this channel. This video makes sense as usual, but I must say, now in my 40s and married, If I were ever to divorce and start dating again. I would go for a coffee on the first date and see if I am really interested in having sex with her at all. If she's worth it, then I would propose dates with mating possibility. The reason being, as men, we will always want to get laid, but rushing into sex with the wrong women is generally a big mistake and it can easily entangle men in toxic relationships from the get go. Specially if the sex is good. So I would say, It is important to protect ourselves from our own desires too.
I agree completely. I was going to comment this. I personally prefer to see if the woman is worth the hassle first and if she is looking to simply be entertained. Coffee is perfect and affordable.
Exactly. I am 42, seperated (soon to be divorced). When he said a coffee date is an interview, I thought "Good! I will be the interviewer, as I'm the one hiring!"
@@ConstantinDumitru Suggesting your place for the 1st date?! Bruh. Just ask her for sex at that point... Because she will obviously know you're super thirsty
I don't have a problem suggesting a coffee date on the first meeting because women nowadays will go on dates for free food while having no genuine interest in a guy. If she balked at this, then I would keep it pushing.
@@GoogleUser-td1icdon't care. I won't spend resources in someone that would ghost me next day cus she just wanted dinner. If she's worth the time and energy, a coffee date as a first date would be great for her. I won't allow myself to be used like that, we already make enough effort to approach, plan the date, go to her place and take her to the date, which is what's expected by society
7:25 such an important point. It is better to know ASAP if the woman you are dealing with gets Aggressive, Bossy, Combative, and Disagreeable (ABCD) when things don't go her way. If she goes ABCD when you say "no" or disappoint her, expect her to take your money, house and kids in divorce. ABCD women are divorce material. And if you ignore the red flags, guess what 9:27
I like the ABCD and I will probably steal it, but how would you work in the ambushers that agree superficially and try to coerce over time? E for Emotional Terrorism?
@@RShaun if you want a relationship you have to accept the whole thing is a risk and can massively back fire. If you want a relationship you have to make your best guess and hope it works out for the next 50 years. All you can do is de-risk, e.g. not get married, or get married with a prenup, or only have 1 kid to minimize child support payments, etc.
@@marriagecausesdivorce7540 Willingness of your wife to divorce/cheat is a separate factor to consider. There are some very agreeable pushovers who lost their first time with some loser because he talked her into it, who will again commit adultery easily after marriage for the same reason. Marriage material is traditional woman who's obedient to her husband, but not other men. My wife is a first generation Chinese immigrant and was a virgin until we married. She cooks, cleans, does most of the childcare for our son, puts in a ton of work into my business. She's obedient to me and her father, not even so much her mother.
I found this to be true looking back on a 28 year marriage and 32 years together. She was disagreeable from the start. And yes, she got 1/2 million, the house and alienated me from my grown children in the divorce. All young men, please pay attention and learn.
First Time Meeting Someone: I call that a "Meet and Greet". You only date someone you know - even a first date. And I bought memberships to a few local museums. Having them join as my guest is the offer. Lots of things to talk about if she doesn't want to talk about her.
But I mean. the reason for this "meet and greet" is still about finding out the potential for a romantic/sexual relationship. So, by his definition, this "meet and greet" would already be considered a date! Simply, unless you are meeting with some reason other than to get to know each other more intimately, meeting up to get to know someone more with the intention of assessing if they would be a good romantic/sexual partner is to me already a date.
@@KukulyJazz No, you miss the point. You are meeting to find out who you are really meeting. Would you go to $300 dinner with someone you never physically met from the internet - even if it was dutch?
@@ronj9448No, I agree that you want the first date to be low key, all I’m saying is that to me a “date” is meeting up to get to know if you like someone for more than friends in the near future. If you are meeting with someone for this reason that means they are not absolute strangers, you picked them for a reason and that reason is probably that you found them attractive. If you find someone attractive and want to get to know them to see if you could develop something romantic THAT’S A DATE.
@@KukulyJazz You're back? Are you 12? Listen. Women are full of scams. "Oh lets meet over at Morton's or the 4 Seasons for dinner!" Yeah right. I'm not getting stuck with the bill of someone I never met before. And that happens all the time. So nobody will suggest something outlandish if you tell them "Lets do a meet and greet" it will be fun. It sets a tone and expectation. Otherwise it is all over the place. You're playing with logic that will do you no damn good in dating.
The best first date is putt putt/mini golf. You can find out if she is playful. You can ramp up chemistry through competition and teasing. You can check her out from all angles without falling for any potential thirst traps. Usually, there are other couples playing which can affirm you are a couple doing fun things. Bonus it’s cheap!
I usually agree with Orion’s episodes but not this one. The coffee date is usually a first-date testing strategy for both sides to see if they should proceed with the courtship. The stake is small for the guy (buying 2 cups of coffee) and the women will most likely not agree to go home with a person she has just met. The halfway arrangement works fine for the first date or it doesn’t even matter as long as the coffee shop is decent. As you go on the 2nd date and so on, you will most likely doing other activities besides just meeting at a coffee shop, then suggesting coming over will be more natural
Spot on! I am tired of men who ask where you want to meet and then are upset when they don't get what they hoped for. It's boring and frustrating for the woman, too! Greetings from Germany!
I've been doing it wrong the whole time! I've been interviewing at the first date and then only if they match on paper do I proceed. I figure then girls are probably checking for chemistry first then will look for the technical fit.
Yeah, that's basically just semantics. Wording is likely more dry in language to drive home a point. To me this doesn't even come off as a red flag... just deeper understanding of WHY. If the man is gunning for sex on first date, near to his place is better for the reasons mentioned in the vid. And even if he isn't there is value in checking the woman's character, how much effort she is willing to put in, how she reacts when not everything is on her terms. And a public venue near yourself is nice. Going the long route to escort her can show effort, give her a sense of safety. Examples around you to reference the neighborhood you live in can show your connection to the place you live around, reveal your character and establish connection with her. Now if you are comfortable with no sex on the 1st date. Maybe you want to date someone with stricter morals and willing to play the long game. Then accepting the middle locale is perfect. Shows your restraint, values her decision and gives her additional feeling of safety and respect => again better connection. But agreeing to middle locale just for at least she is willing to meet that way... NO. That's pure self-sabotage. Shows weakness of character and wasting everyone's time on false hopes. Grow a pair and cut that nonsense out.
Without the sexual possibility it is an interview from the man's perspective, even if he doesn't think so. Unless he's gay he went on that date for the prospect of a sexual relationship.
“Meet me halfway”, one of the most liked song of the black eyed peas, I’ve understood over the years, that if I was made for loving you and you were made for loving me, meeting me halfway, is the minimum to start off
@@josephoduor2358he’s tricking you guys into playing a game that favors the woman. He’s keeping you in a loop of watching his content to enrich his pockets, not to help men. He is misleading you to a problem and framing it as a solution. His words may sound nice, but examine the motive for his actions rather than the action in a vacuum
So women that will sleep with men on the first date isn’t a red flag? What you don’t know is that she had three “first dates” before yours, that very same week. Thanks but no thanks.
YES! My thoughts exactly! It bothers me to no end that red-pills never address this. Vetting the girl is so much more important than getting laid. Sleeping with a girl on the first date should only be a shit-test. You can come up with some "reason" to go back to your place, and she's supposed to politely turn it down.
I've met a ton of women that would sleep with you in the first date. They're high flying lawyers, doctors, accountants or rich scions of established families. It's considered classy when you're that wealthy AND high class. They treat relationships like vacations from their careers and will interview you about your future career trajectory. I've been denied by every single one as a serious relationship prospect but I don't hold it against them since I'm not one of them. I'm just a pleb and can't honsetly fund a lifestyle that can keep up with them.
That isn't a red flag. The same woman who won't sleep with you on the first date will do it with someone else. It largely depends on how she feels about you.
I love Orion's videos and agree with most of his thinking but I find it funny that he brings up meeting for coffee as going half way on a date because my experiences have been very much the opposite. For me, sexual encounters are much more frequent and consistent when the date is as free of pressure as possible. By this I mean, the whole coffee thing is just extremely easy to do. No real planning of any kind required. Just pick a coffee spot and that's it. No pressure, which means a much more relaxed atmosphere for both myself and my date, and that leads to you know what, a lot easier and more natural, again, because there's so much less pressure.
My first date go-to is the gun range. It is a great way to bring her into your frame. It is fun, something dangerous you have embraced and mastered, gives off the vibe you are willing and able to protect her, and chances are it will be the first time she has ever fired a gun. You get to teach her to do something dangerous safely.
Well, depends on your goals. It may work if having a sex is the only thing you are interested in, otherwise sleeping with a person you know for few hours max is a terrible idea. 1. You may discover a lot of incompatibilities later, but you are already feeing bonded, especially if the sex was really good, and getting out of this could be quite painful 2. Easy come - easy go, if the girl is easy on sex for a first date with you, there’s a high chance that she would do the same with others, potentially cheating 3. it may feel pushy and make her thinking that the only thing you here for is sex, again Personally, I never expect or facilitate anything on first date, I just meet to know a person better. And then if everything seems positive - start moving further by small steps, checking her reaction and adjusting the behaviour accordingly. If the girl wants you - she would make it happen, anyway. Trying to push or speed up things can spoil what had a good potential long-term.
FINALLY! a man who gets it! I'm a woman who has seen so FEW men behave the way you do when it comes to dating. Your last sentence is right on: men I liked and was attracted to DID "try to speed up things ...and it DID "spoil what god potential long term".
Bingo. Great comment and analysis overall. It's easy to get locked into someone physically so it's a pitfall that should be avoided until you think there is a connection and want to take that next step. Otherwise, all of this is just hooking up basically with extra steps (and I don't recommend those casual relationships).
If she's not serious (just wants to exploit her sexual availability for a free meal) are you interested at all? Nope. Note that he didn't say you had to consummate the date with sex, merely, a woman's interest in having a date where sex is on the table is a litmus test. If she's not that into you, you should probably invest your time in someone else who is actually interested in you.
Men, please understand the concept of holding her hand when you walk back to your car, the convo while driving home, then being able to walk her to her door and kiss her goodnight. Kissing is also a sexual interaction. You don’t have to sleep with her perse. Also vet her properly before you invest your resources.🎉
Hold on there bud. People are moving in back with parents nowadays. There are plenty of adults ducking their parents to get it on in bed. Whether or not their HS sweetheart depends on some imagination.
Such behavior is exactly the kind of promiscuity that men claim disgusts them. You'll hate on girls who give up the kitty for free or low effort but expect it from the girl you're interested in
They still play hookies. They just do it in middle school and with many many boys. I've seen a porn star who talked about guys asking her for anal in middle school (or freshmen year in hs, cant remember, either way its bad)
I believe in not dating at all while treating women in the context of non-dating with kindness and respect. Perfect equilibrium. I enjoy peace and despite drama. Seem that singleness is my destiny and I embrace it.
What's throwing me off here is the emphasis on creating "an opportunity for a sexual encounter", but this sounds like first date context. I don't WANT her to be putting out on first dates, nor do I want to. Why would anyone want this unless they're just looking for hookups?
I'm assuming you are looking for something more long term and don't 'want' her to put out because that would mean she is pro misses. However, you would *want* to at least gauge her sexual attraction to you by at least having it on the table. Also, what better way to find out if she is pro than by seducing her? You have to consider that just because she doesn't put out for you sooner, doesn't mean she hasn't put out for less with other men before you.
As an introvert, I completely agree with you. Unless I’ve known the girl for a while, first date for me is for gathering observations: I ask question, try various types of jokes and just observe what is the flow between us. Later, I let these observations sink and only then it becomes clear for me whether I want to go further with her or not.
exactly. This may be the first time I have completely disagreed with him. I've been very happily married for 25 years but I watch this channel because I usually enjoy his videos. But this is nothing but hookup advice. I can't see this being the foundation of any real relationship.
@@zsuzsuspetals - same here. This video surprised me. I think if he'd referred to it as genuine desire/attraction the conclusion would be different. Hookup culture isn't appealing and someone smashing on the 1st date is a red flag.
I've only ever (and as subtly as I can) offered for her to come back to my place as a shit-test. On the occasions that it's happened and I've had sex with a girl within hours of meeting her, I've filed her under "never take seriously" or in today's terms: "she belongs to the streets." Now that I'm older, I think I'd pass altogether... Maybe... Depends on how hot she is.
@@FirstLast-cd6vv Absolutely And the knowledge of the current dating world will help us understand and guide the youth I suppose Watching from Nigeria 🇳🇬
Maybe unrelated... There's no such thing as a perfect marriage or relationship; they're all different. What makes one person content might not make another person content. But I've learned that there's always a way to fix things. Five years ago, my wife and I were facing divorce because of problems in our marriage, but we managed to resolve them. It was challenging, but we survived.
I genuinely want to be happy as well. I'm in a relationship, and even though we're apart, I can't think of life without her; my love for her is solid. I really want her back, and I'm committed to making it work. We've tried different things, like therapy, to mend things.
Saying farewell to someone you love dearly is never easy, but in my case, I had the assistance of a spiritual counselor who saved my marriage from falling apart. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.
I'm thankful for this guidance. I'll immediately start searching for her online. I appreciate it. I'm hopeful that adopting this strategy will also bring about positive changes for me; I miss her deeply.
@@bryanutility9609 Afternoon picnic (wine, cheese, crackers, etc.) in a park near your house with a boardgame, and when the sun starts setting, suggest going to your place to play Twister in the jacuzzi, or something of the sort.
@@yeticusrex1661 yea been pushing the hot tub seduction this summer 👏☀️ 🤣. Only problem … I’ve failed to patch the hole. Never do mention it’s an inflatable hot tub LMAO.
@@bryanutility9609 Are you serious? You have a spa and you have trouble closing the deal ? When I had mine, my success rate was like 80% at least. Try this: Try finding a moment to humble brag about your feet massage skills ( Also, try having said skills but its motsly optionnal), then you offer one in the spa. Wow, these calves seems pretty tense, too. Obviously read her and go up as slowly has possible while having conversation and just stall at the junction of the thigh and hip. Chances are you will hear her moan 'stop playing with me please' and ' omg you're so cruel' after a while because she cant take it anymore. That finger of yours will be sliding in like a hot knife in butter after that 😅
@@alexandrodl1371 Not bad! Somehow I’m able to get them to show up without swimwear & get in naked. Makes all the seduction jokes even funnier. “Let’s just get in with our underwear nothing has to happen.” But like I said, it has a hole & just haven’t had time to patch it. I know it’s lame, but last summer it was slowly deflating in real time & just kinda killed the mood in that sense. 🤣
You are right on about this topic. I live in New York, so safety is my number one concern. It takes me good time before I’m comfortable going to another man’s apartment. Although I’d be curious to see how he lives and decorates and what his place looks like that takes time. If a man won’t meet me within walking distance or a quick cab ride of my place, it doesn’t happen.
Not gonna lie, the soonest Ive gotten laid is the third date. I dont know if getting it in on the first date is that common anymore especially for us younger generation. We are just in general having less sex, and honestly I think the higher quality younger women of today 99% of times or more arent looking to get sexual on the first date
Does that make a difference? If you're going to get lucky then your're going to get lucky after a date and it isn't going to be any date where you meet in the middle, for the reasons explained, so, unless you are sure that she will always stick to her, self imposed, rule of no sex before the 3rd date, you have to follow OT's advice for every date.
It depends on how sexaully attracted the woman is to the man and how much the man tries to initiate. 3rd date isn't too bad though. These days you generally want to avoid dating a woman for months before going all the way because most single western woman have put out within the first three "dates" at some point.
If your sample size is 2-3, I wouldnt dwell on it but it wasnt true 15-20 years ago. My average was 2 dates. I had a hot tub though which is pretty much a cheat code.
Dude, just figure out what works best for you and what you're most comfortable with (while being as realistic as you can). ATM I've really over all this hookup sh*t, I think these women are useless and not wife material at all, and that's what I'm looking for. I think a lot of advice online comes form guys who, while more experienced, are also more jaded as a result of dealing with more jaded women. If you're idealistic, just make sure you're looking for a woman who's as idealistic as you (which probably won't be a 10/10 looks wise, everything's a tradeoff, you can't have everything).
Orion. I've been following you since you had 100 k followers and watched over 100 videos for sure. I must ask this question as you're the teacher here: what's your relationship status and why is it the way it is?
I honestly don’t mind the, “interview” first date. I’m not looking to have sex on a first date anyway. I thought the date was to feel each other out 🤷♂️
@@illuminatinglight5486 I think his advice is more to optimise the chances of getting laid on first date for men rather than finding their soulmate... It should be started more clearly as it's not what all men care about. If I was a man looking for something serious, the first screening would be coffee to check if she's not a psycho and if she's interesting enough..
Every video I watch on dating makes me glad I didn't have to play this game to meet my wife. Find community. Build a network. Get to know people. This includes forming plutonic relationships with women. Control your impulses and only go when there's a clear green light (don't convince yourself, wait for her to convince you). It's possible to have everything pretty well locked in by the time you go on a "date", rendering the information in videos like this irrelevant to your situation.
Hearing this stuff is insane, I guess I never even began to think a date could end in sex. Just didn’t seem honest and realistic, man I really did grow up in a different time being raised by old farmers. I’ve got a lot to learn…
The "sexual opportunity" cost on a women emotionally is not the same as the cost of the "connection" on the man, not a fair equality. Sleeping around for women is not good for their emotional wellbeing. If a man fancies a woman he would be respectful, confident and considerate to allow her to reach a decent level of trust and safety first. Women indeed have a lot of skin in the game but you choose not to consider such aspects.
The question is simply how long should the 'trust and safety' last for, and what else does she give in return while he takes her out to multiple dates, because id be flabagasted if you said Nothing, because that would then breed entitlement from you. Regardless, dating is still built upon the exchange of resources( value ) and because women naturally have the advantage( because theyre born with value which is their beauty making men to chase women), can easily take advantage of the mans generosity. I believe Orion is trying to liik at things from fair position.
Believe it or not, you may actually be one of the FEW men, and I mean very FEW who she will sleep with on the first day, only because she sees you as an amazing catch that she doesn't want to lose out on. Yes this actually happens
The first "screening" -- if you will -- is just that: do you look like your photos, what do you sound like, can you hold a conversation, etc. IMHO, dating today has too many expectations and pressures -- akin to a prospective business relationship; ideally, it should be fun and an opportunity to see if you have things in common with one another.
In my opinion as a pursuer I will always meet where they are, and if there is a second date they meet me where I am. It feels feminine to tell her to come to me, and she's dealing with more safety risks. I recently had a great first date, we established chemistry and there was sexual tension especially with kissing. She saw I can take the lead, pay, and pursue. Second date she came to my place and not surprisingly she was wearing matching underwear. She had intention on sleeping with me. Women are very sensitive to how much you give. Telling her to meet at your place is like saying "you pay for the first date and I promise to pay for the next 5".
@@devol5931 because the decision to marry a specific woman is very very serious, and making the decision with the head that is on top of your shoulders is your best option. Otherwise you may end up regretting that decision for the rest of your life.
@@devol5931 common sense. Sex without commitment is a hookup. Logically and rationally, there can be no serious commitment based on 1 date. Not even a few dates.
I really love your point of view and reality, like really! I hate watching your eyes dart across the screen when you’re reading from your script. If you can do something about this, rock on.
If you dont make sex for sport and you want long lasting relationship the early sex not help you my little fellas and Dr Orion so be patient and trust the proces to find your gem 💎
Dr Orion thinks all men are like him. desperate about sex. rejected many times by women. sexualizing women. and this gives rise to an advice like that. very sad for his followers.
So you want a woman to travel alone to meet some guy she hardly knows and it's not safe for a woman to travel alone in the evening. She keeps the date not too far from her for safety reasons.
Exactly - really disappointing BS advice, sounds like coming straight from the red pill bible. Men, that's not how to build real relationships and trust with women.
What intellectual language are you referring to? The history and Roman Empire references? I’m in Graduate school for Mental Health Counseling and we use empirical studies and peer reviewed articles not the Roman Empire 😂😅
If you go for a coffee you know that sex is not possible but you can still work in the sexual tension and run a personality check. I have done that all my life and ive been always successful AF. Maybe in the US people is built differently but i dont really think so. Actually also worked for me in the US several times as well
I enjoy these videos, they really break down those difficult and complex things that I have trouble grasping. Frankly it is all these strange complex, and I suppose what you would call average things that truly deter me from the dating scene.
This is something the OG PUAs were saying 20 years ago, kinda wild to see a psych PhD saying it today. It was essentially correct then and it still is. A coffee in a brightly lit venue far away from anyone's bedroom is not really a date, and runs the risk of turning into an interview. That said most guys with solid game eventually come around to the realization that it doesn't really matter. You can go to the coffee interview, treat it like the farce that it is, make her laugh and feel good, touch her suggestively in broad daylight, then leave early. If you had a good time then a few days later you can ask her if she wants to go on a first date with you and if you did this right she'll probably say yes to wherever you propose. The point is the venue doesn't matter, the frame is everything. Own the frame and you will own her heart.
That's basically what I was taught as a southern woman: You go on a coffee/lunch date (used in the meet up sense here) talk go wach other, pay for yourself and then leave. If he wants a date he'll call you. Casual interviews with multiple prospects is assumed. Most people I know were/are the date to marry type One branch of my family tree was engaged/married by 25. I'm used to date to marry rules so an interview is a quick way to tell if there is something worth pursuing. The idea of going to each others place isn't even on the menu.Apparently this style isn't aa common anymore.
@@spokenme08 It's becoming more common again with online dating. You can't really read attraction without meeting, so it's an opportunity to check each other out and choose if you want more, it being perfectly ok to leave it at coffee. As another poster says, it's a 'meet and greet'. Saves men their resources, saves women risking night meets.
Im so glad that I'm out of the dating pool. All I can say is WOW. Dating with the possibility that it can turn sexual? Wow, I guess that's why STDs and unwanted pregancies are so high. Good lord.
@jimlong2469 Exactly. The problem is that society encourages people to have no standards. I gave up on dating largely because most of the men I dated expected a happy ending at the end of the night after our first date. It's not okay, especially for women who feel guilty for having sex outside of a marriage commitment. I always felt guilty afterwards, especially because I knew that the love wasn't there. How could there be love when the time wasn't put in for love to grow? Then what happens? Unwanted pregancies, STD and a broken heart.
I honestly like coffee dates or solo meetups as I’m not sure she’d be worth the money, preparation etc. and doing dates endlessly wastes money and resources .. plus, anything will work if the girl is interested and she will push for next steps through subtleties and body language
I have arranged meetings with women on other continents, so meeting halfway made no sense anyway. I always consider our first meeting just a meeting. The outcome of that determines if we go on a date or not. Most women need to feel safe with a man before they are going to consent to sex. That first meeting allows them to feel more comfortable that nothing was pushed on them in the first encounter. There have been exceptions where the first meeting becomes extended and leads to a very satisfying conclusion, but that need not always be the expectation. Then when we go on a date, the progression seems entirely natural, because they already felt safe from the first meeting. Every man should get a passport and invest in himself by traveling and exploring other cultures. There are still many where the women are raised to be good wives and they aspire to have a happy family and a clean home. I found my forever girl, and you can too!
I’m so glad you found a great woman abroad! That being said, other countries are becoming more globalized as time goes on (not a bad or good thing, just the way of life). When I visit fam in Poland, there’s a nice balance of traditional and ‘americanized’ sentiment, which I kind of like personally. The world is getting smaller or maybe we’re now just realizing how small it always was. But for the guys in the comments, plz don’t lose faith in us girls in North America born to immigrant parents (or not) who still have good values and embrace femininity. We’re still here! :,-) Just like Dr Taraban advises us, men too have to be discerning in who they choose. Even in large cities there are girls who are more traditional, just look out for how they carry themselves, dress, manners etc…
Datura - that is awesome but America is so hostile towards men and the economy being shitty and the taxes and the PEDO-President and the ugly culture it makes staying jn America hard for Christian men. That is my take. American cities have turned into dumpter fires. :0 :0 :0 in so many ways. 😢😢😢 Maybe I need therapy - but that is how I feel.
This is absolutely what it boils down to. I shake my head 🤦♂️ at so many of the men's comments here that seemingly fail to understand this simple concept
Abundance mindset is basically a marketing tactic in an attempt to raise your value - by means of implying there's a long queue of customers to get what you're selling, so you don't care if people drop out of the queue.
Interesting meaning of a date. I always get invited for dinners by suitors for a date, but I have never even consider sex. I am a Christian and saving myself until marriage
I think it depends on what to consider a date. I would creep out if a dude would invite me over for the first meeting/date to his place. But at some point dates should become more intimate, I agree.
i don't think getting laid on a first date is a great idea in the long run........but that's what i did last night - meet her 20 mins from my place - came back and stayed :) so yeah it works ....
As a man... meet her in her comfort zone for the first few dates... As the man you want her to feel as comfortable as possible with you on her home turf before going to your home field(your side of town). You want her to do as least amount of heavy lifting as possible... show her that you care about her comfort and as she feels more comfortable she'll become more open minded over time
this is a no brainer i learned over 10 maybe even 15 yrs ago. if a girl came over to my house its like 90% chance things are happening but the few times we went to her house it was always awkward, either with brother walking in on us or just afraid to be masculine enough and agressive to make it in someone elses home, it was exact opposite as my own place and 90% things WERE NOT goin down!
This is soooo preconceived, sorted out and advantageous for the man it's silly NOT to do it. I had them (1)come to my neck of the woods and (2) just for coffee, to see if they really liked me and they would---and offer to come back. If you hold your own they'll chase,respect and perceive you to have added value. Great advice.
My current girlfriend of 10 years. Our first date or interview was at a local shopping centre for lunch. We both live close to this shopping centre, however on opposite sides, I walked she drove. We split the bill, & she drove me home. The next day she called & asked me to come to her place for lunch.
thanks!!! I have a vague idea of a first date to this particular girl, and everything I thought has no chance of an encounter. Now I got an idea. I had this easy back then when I can invite girls and drinking in bars.
A date is exactly a "screening" interview. From both parties. You aren't owed or promised sex during a date. She doesn't know you nor do you her. The stage at which you are entitled to sex is at the courting stage. Dating and courting are different. Courting is more exclusive and signals your interest in developing something serious with that person alone. This is where you create a stronger connection through sex.
sound of reason, in contrary to the speaker who rushes to sexualize woman, because he has been rejected by them so many times for so many years.
6 місяців тому
Clearly, you’re responding out of emotion, nowhere in this video Did he say you are old or promised sex. plenty of people that have been married for 40 years had sex the first night they met. you sound like a female, or a guy who thinks like a female.
Ok good point, sort of. First meeting with dating apps should be a coffee or a drink. So I think he's wrong in that scenario. After the first quick meet, if there will be a second meeting, then that's a date and this advice makes sense.
There is a lot of truth to Orion's advice, particularly if the man is planning and paying for the date. However, relationships based on getting as much as possible while giving as little as possible are doomed to fail. Here is my counter advice, which has worked incredibly well: 1. Cultivate a lifestyle and mindset of abundance. 2. Freely give your abundance to those whose company you enjoy. 3. Pay very close attention to who freely gives in return in ways that you value. If they freely give something you don't value, explain what works for you and what doesn't and give them a chance to adjust. 4. Continue giving freely to those who reciprocate. Cease giving to those who don't. This process will slowly but surely filter for the best possible relationships of all kinds, both romantic and aromantic.
I love this. It makes sense whenever you are assuming the initiatory role in any relationship with the intention to exchange lots of value, of course you must be the first to offer value, and you must also be the first to escalate or increase the amount of value on offer, to make it into the high value exchange you want.
My focus is similar to what you've described. Life works from the inside out, so abundance is key. Only invite those w/positive energy and intent into one's life and share and reciprocate here. Orion's approach is valuable for those w/a short-term dating strategy in western markets. If one is focused on a long-term strategy, attempting to extract as much as possible isn't smart. I've found choosing wisely from the very start has been the most satisfying approach. If the coffee/wine/beer interview isn't a hard yes, then it's a no.
Have to agree, what Orion said about women wanting to give as little s33x as possible seems dumb. If they don’t want to why tf would a man try to force it that seems awful why would you be with someone that doesn’t like you and better yet is there to get resources. In this day and age you’re waiting to catch a charge with this mindset and way of moving.
Wow. This was very right. I recently started seeing some girl, shortly after another relationship ended. And I organized dates where we would meet in the middle. I didn't do it with the concious intention of not progressing with the new girl but that is absolutely what I was doing. I wasn't over the previous girl.
Thank you Dr. Taraban. I've never thought about dating this way consciously. Before, when I lived in the city, it was so easy to get a date because I naturally did this and it's convenient (living in a city), but currently this is an obstacle for me because I live in a small mountain town about 30 minutes from the closest "city". This makes it difficult to date, but I'm determined to figure it out. Thanks for your continuous, exceptional content and teachings.
@@patrickpierre-devtips I haven't thought about it too much yet. As of now, I see two paths: find and date someone in the mountain region I live (find hangouts, meet IRL) - will require research and networking OR approach online dating differently. I will come back after I've thought more about solutions. Good luck to both of us.
@@rayrwyr I thought of this as an option (plan the date near an airbnb). It's not out of the question, but not sure I want to spend the resources on one date. I can see scheduling several being worth it though.
If you met online, the coffee date with no sexual possibility is what you want for both parties. It isn't a "date". Some have called it a pre-date or basically it is a first meeting. If a guy asks if he can go back to my place or his on a first date, there is no second date. It is a chance for both parties to determine if there is enough chemistry to go forward. Now, if you met this person through friends or have known them for awhile in some context, but this is a first official date, then the woman might be more open to a more formal date or a sexual possibility. Also, almost always I planned the early dates. The coffee date is good because you avoid the guy getting mad that he "bought you dinner" and you don't want sex. You had a 1/2 hour conversation and drank a beverage. With my long-term partner, the coffee date become dinner. We each paid for our own dinner. My partner has been getting 9 years of sex, so he has been getting what he wants and he didn't have to wait that long. Going on a date with a man is more dangerous for women. Having casual sex is more dangerous for women. Women risk accidental pregnancy and transfer of STDs from men to women is easier than the other way around. On top of all of that, women almost never orgasm the first time they have sex with someone new. If there isn't going to be a repeat performance, there is no reason to have sex. So given the dangers women face and low reward of casual sex, women seeking to reduce danger and downsides is understandable. Also, as a woman I wasn't "seeking resources and connection" in exchange for sex. I was seeking the sex for myself. However, I needed to be certain I could access it from a safe person. If I had no interest in sex itself, I would not date men. So that is a rub you don't seem to be factoring into the equation.
I love watching your videos because they have helped me so much! I live in a small city, so most of the women I meet online live about one hour away from me. I have never met a woman who is willing to drive one hour to my city; I always have to go to her city for a date. I have met several women who have offered to meet me halfway for coffee, though. I always thought those women were so thoughtful and considerate to do so. It helped me a lot because it saved me a lot of time, energy, and effort. So just for me, I don't agree with the statement not to meet her halfway.
Gods perfect creation of a date is when you go to her father and ask her to take her to the cinema or to lunch, then you pick her up from her house like a man, and then back. This used to be the standard and we hated every second of it but now we know only good families that loved their daughters did this. No one does that anymore.
Yeah because women work and don’t need anyone’s permission anymore as adults. Women aren’t goods of her father to be brought back and forth to, they are autonomous adults like yourself. Let’s not forget or pretend to ignore the dark history of the mentality this lead to. This blatant disrespect is why feminism is important and relevant to all women. Nature decided that it’s actually women that chooses genetically who passes on and the men who get it, get it. The ones that don’t, usually never do and are left alone/ignored by all women. :)
The amount of intestinal fortitude, self-assurance and confidence it takes to implement this approach is just not available in most men today as their optionality continues to dwindle. No thanks to the systemic emasculation of men and enthusiastic musculation of women in today's culture.
Spot on. I'm a retired model and pretty much set financially. I do not have dating options that seem appealing to me. I was married when Tinder came out and always assumed I would get a ton of attention because I am tall, in the long tail of good looking people, and know how to take flattering photos. I was DEAD WRONG. My options in online dating are freaking depressing.
@@cobaltsurlin4888 in those days you sent pictures to agencies, I'm sure they still have that. i sent in pics and got a response so i moved to new york
My definition of a date is that it's connection plus sexual possibility. You need both for a date to be a date. Otherwise, you're dealing with a hookup (on the one hand) or an interview (on the other). And this is why the date is God's perfect creation: when it does well, both parties get what they want. As a result, it's never a good idea to meet halfway on a date, as it severely limits the logistical reality of the sexual possibility. This also sets up the likelihood that the relationship will prioritize the woman's interests and preferences over the man's. I discuss more in this episode.
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#psychology #dating #relationship
How I managed ANY success with women (when I was young & mostly by accident) and being so clueless? It is staggering. The great news Is I can try all new, correct methods at age 61 and if I succeed nobody need know how late of a start I got. Your clarity of expression I admire. Thank you.
such dating techniques only attract promiscuous woman. if that what you are looking for :)
With such a dating technique, you will only attract promiscuous woman.
If that's what you're looking for ;)
The Dr is always cooking 🔥🔥...so most of us have been going for interviews thinking we on a date 😭
I'm an older man that has rarely dated. I've never had any sexual activity on a first or second date, and usually that's because the women made it clear ahead of time in some way that sex was "off the table" and that expressing too much interest in that would disqualify me from further dating opportunities with them. You can read more in my comment below.
Show up for the date in your motorhome!
Or the 70s Chevy van with the flame paint job, tinted bubble windows and shaggggggg carpeting :)
😂
@@chrispotempa2900 A buddy of mine in high school in the early 1980's had one of those. Came complete with leopard print interior, disco lighting, a futon, and a beanbag chair. He called it the "Rassle Castle."
😂😂😂😂😂😂
"He cold!"
When I meet a woman online a quick coffee meetup is what I always suggest, but I don't consider it a date. Without meeting in person you can waste a lot of time getting interested in the version of themselves they present online. It is, as you suggest, an interview to determine whether dating is a good idea. The coffee meetup can turn into a date if it goes well, but it provides an easy, quick exit if you're not interested.
edit: also, a casual coffee meetup is a good way to screen for ghosters. If we're going to meet for coffee somewhere nearby and they ghost, it's a lot less annoying than if I planned a whole date.
if you're meeting women on dating apps, it can be a good idea to have a phone call with them prior to decide to meet them. i did this quite a lot on bumble and it worked well to gauge their vibe and interest.
These are some good suggestions, thanks 👍
@@lullemans72 Yup. When I was dating, I would: 2/3 EMs to get a phone #; talk on the phone - no red flags, set up a coffee / drink date; if after meeting in person, where was interest on both sides - THEN set up an actual date. Third date would be dinner at my place, Fri / Sat night, with the possibility of a late night / sleepover.
@@M0viLover sounds like you knew what you were doing. in my case, if after the phone call i felt like it was good, i would invite over for a coffee, but i would typically always bounce back to my place right after for a smash. sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't, and at other times i would skip coffee entirely and just bounce directly to my place if i knew they were down.
exactly, time and $$$ saver!
This reminds of what my friend's mom told her when she was young and dating. She said, "Women need a reason to have sex. Men just need a place to have it."
@@monicamccready3921 CLEAR THE TABLE!!!
This guy is all about coaching people how to get casual sex. What an “expert”.
First date coffee is fine because you may not like her anyways. 2nd date do what Orion says.
Not a date
@@jackdeniston6150 Well, either way its a great chance to get in your car and drive away if she sucks.
@@MAMP nah man if she sucks it's all good
@@jackdeniston6150 then most "dates" are expensive wastes of time. At least coffee is cheap.
There's a high chance she'll say "i didn't feel a spark with him" and there's no second date. I've never gotten horny at a coffee shop. I've done many job interviews (contract work) at coffee shops.
I prefer cheap candlelight Italian dinners. Ask her if there's anything she can't eat, and then order for her so you pick some cheap items.
If she says she wants to order something, respond with "oh, you want to split the bill?" 😁
These days, an "interview" SHOULD preface a "date" and especially courting. You'd be surprised how much you NEED to know about someone simply by having an in depth conversation and asking the right questions, without the distraction of "expections". It's an investment of TIME, which is more valuable than money. Some guys actually want to LIKE and have interest in a woman HE CHOOSES to lay down with. While others enjoy scouting for a willing participant who's just another masturbatory experience...to each his own.
Very well said.
Agreed - very well said. A lot of women out there I wouldn't touch with a 10' pole.
Yeah yeah, you have the experience of women talking about deep topics in first date right?
He didn't say you need to consummate the date with sex. He said that if the woman isn't willing to risk a date where sex is on the table as a possibility, then she's just not that into you, she probably just wants a free meal and someone she can unload all her problems upon, before moving on to someone else, or to have another notch she can carve on her belt, or to give her validation of her self worth and attractiveness and value to the opposite sex (but: she's not into YOU) ...
Wow, this “relationship expert” is really strong on casual sex and making sure you have every opportunity for it.
Still in denial?
They really are
I tend to agree with what I see on this channel. This video makes sense as usual, but I must say, now in my 40s and married, If I were ever to divorce and start dating again. I would go for a coffee on the first date and see if I am really interested in having sex with her at all. If she's worth it, then I would propose dates with mating possibility. The reason being, as men, we will always want to get laid, but rushing into sex with the wrong women is generally a big mistake and it can easily entangle men in toxic relationships from the get go. Specially if the sex is good. So I would say, It is important to protect ourselves from our own desires too.
Well said.
And also if you suggest her your place as 1st date, it could make her think you just want some fun - unless she's also in to that, I guess.
I agree completely. I was going to comment this. I personally prefer to see if the woman is worth the hassle first and if she is looking to simply be entertained. Coffee is perfect and affordable.
Exactly. I am 42, seperated (soon to be divorced). When he said a coffee date is an interview, I thought "Good! I will be the interviewer, as I'm the one hiring!"
@@ConstantinDumitru Suggesting your place for the 1st date?! Bruh. Just ask her for sex at that point... Because she will obviously know you're super thirsty
I don't have a problem suggesting a coffee date on the first meeting because women nowadays will go on dates for free food while having no genuine interest in a guy. If she balked at this, then I would keep it pushing.
Right, why spend 💯 on someone you aren’t sure about
@Insight-music Exactly. If she has genuine interest in you, then she'll be okay with it.
You'll be just looking at a piece of art while having coffee. Is this habitual of you? Gotta get out of that mode. Watch this video again.
@@GoogleUser-td1icdon't care. I won't spend resources in someone that would ghost me next day cus she just wanted dinner. If she's worth the time and energy, a coffee date as a first date would be great for her. I won't allow myself to be used like that, we already make enough effort to approach, plan the date, go to her place and take her to the date, which is what's expected by society
@@GoogleUser-td1ic Who said anything about looking at art? Are you even a real person?
7:25 such an important point. It is better to know ASAP if the woman you are dealing with gets Aggressive, Bossy, Combative, and Disagreeable (ABCD) when things don't go her way. If she goes ABCD when you say "no" or disappoint her, expect her to take your money, house and kids in divorce. ABCD women are divorce material. And if you ignore the red flags, guess what 9:27
I like the ABCD and I will probably steal it, but how would you work in the ambushers that agree superficially and try to coerce over time? E for Emotional Terrorism?
@@RShaun if you want a relationship you have to accept the whole thing is a risk and can massively back fire. If you want a relationship you have to make your best guess and hope it works out for the next 50 years. All you can do is de-risk, e.g. not get married, or get married with a prenup, or only have 1 kid to minimize child support payments, etc.
@@marriagecausesdivorce7540 Willingness of your wife to divorce/cheat is a separate factor to consider. There are some very agreeable pushovers who lost their first time with some loser because he talked her into it, who will again commit adultery easily after marriage for the same reason. Marriage material is traditional woman who's obedient to her husband, but not other men. My wife is a first generation Chinese immigrant and was a virgin until we married. She cooks, cleans, does most of the childcare for our son, puts in a ton of work into my business. She's obedient to me and her father, not even so much her mother.
ABCD😅😅😅 BEAUTIFUL !!
I found this to be true looking back on a 28 year marriage and 32 years together. She was disagreeable from the start. And yes, she got 1/2 million, the house and alienated me from my grown children in the divorce. All young men, please pay attention and learn.
First Time Meeting Someone: I call that a "Meet and Greet". You only date someone you know - even a first date. And I bought memberships to a few local museums. Having them join as my guest is the offer. Lots of things to talk about if she doesn't want to talk about her.
Great date idea! (from a woman)
But I mean. the reason for this "meet and greet" is still about finding out the potential for a romantic/sexual relationship. So, by his definition, this "meet and greet" would already be considered a date! Simply, unless you are meeting with some reason other than to get to know each other more intimately, meeting up to get to know someone more with the intention of assessing if they would be a good romantic/sexual partner is to me already a date.
@@KukulyJazz No, you miss the point. You are meeting to find out who you are really meeting. Would you go to $300 dinner with someone you never physically met from the internet - even if it was dutch?
@@ronj9448No, I agree that you want the first date to be low key, all I’m saying is that to me a “date” is meeting up to get to know if you like someone for more than friends in the near future. If you are meeting with someone for this reason that means they are not absolute strangers, you picked them for a reason and that reason is probably that you found them attractive. If you find someone attractive and want to get to know them to see if you could develop something romantic THAT’S A DATE.
@@KukulyJazz You're back? Are you 12? Listen. Women are full of scams. "Oh lets meet over at Morton's or the 4 Seasons for dinner!" Yeah right. I'm not getting stuck with the bill of someone I never met before. And that happens all the time. So nobody will suggest something outlandish if you tell them "Lets do a meet and greet" it will be fun. It sets a tone and expectation. Otherwise it is all over the place. You're playing with logic that will do you no damn good in dating.
The best first date is putt putt/mini golf. You can find out if she is playful. You can ramp up chemistry through competition and teasing. You can check her out from all angles without falling for any potential thirst traps. Usually, there are other couples playing which can affirm you are a couple doing fun things. Bonus it’s cheap!
I usually agree with Orion’s episodes but not this one. The coffee date is usually a first-date testing strategy for both sides to see if they should proceed with the courtship. The stake is small for the guy (buying 2 cups of coffee) and the women will most likely not agree to go home with a person she has just met. The halfway arrangement works fine for the first date or it doesn’t even matter as long as the coffee shop is decent. As you go on the 2nd date and so on, you will most likely doing other activities besides just meeting at a coffee shop, then suggesting coming over will be more natural
He never said sex should happen on the first date, you got that impression. What youre saying is more or less the same thing Orion is saying.
Spot on! I am tired of men who ask where you want to meet and then are upset when they don't get what they hoped for. It's boring and frustrating for the woman, too!
Greetings from Germany!
Also lieber direkt eine Einladung zum Kaffetrinken oder Kuchenessen bei ihm?
Coffee isn't an interview, it is a chemistry check.
Somewhat, but chemistry is tough to judge on a 1st date. The "false click" happens, as does the "false non click".
I've been doing it wrong the whole time! I've been interviewing at the first date and then only if they match on paper do I proceed. I figure then girls are probably checking for chemistry first then will look for the technical fit.
= an interview.
That's literally what an interview is, a check for stuff
Yeah, that's basically just semantics.
Wording is likely more dry in language to drive home a point.
To me this doesn't even come off as a red flag... just deeper understanding of WHY.
If the man is gunning for sex on first date, near to his place is better for the reasons mentioned in the vid.
And even if he isn't there is value in checking the woman's character, how much effort she is willing to put in, how she reacts when not everything is on her terms. And a public venue near yourself is nice. Going the long route to escort her can show effort, give her a sense of safety. Examples around you to reference the neighborhood you live in can show your connection to the place you live around, reveal your character and establish connection with her.
Now if you are comfortable with no sex on the 1st date. Maybe you want to date someone with stricter morals and willing to play the long game. Then accepting the middle locale is perfect. Shows your restraint, values her decision and gives her additional feeling of safety and respect => again better connection.
But agreeing to middle locale just for at least she is willing to meet that way... NO. That's pure self-sabotage. Shows weakness of character and wasting everyone's time on false hopes. Grow a pair and cut that nonsense out.
Without the sexual possibility it is an interview from the man's perspective, even if he doesn't think so. Unless he's gay he went on that date for the prospect of a sexual relationship.
“Meet me halfway”, one of the most liked song of the black eyed peas, I’ve understood over the years, that if I was made for loving you and you were made for loving me, meeting me halfway, is the minimum to start off
The father figure we needed
Amen
Getting this wisdom for free, what a time to be alive.
Amen
@@josephoduor2358he’s tricking you guys into playing a game that favors the woman. He’s keeping you in a loop of watching his content to enrich his pockets, not to help men. He is misleading you to a problem and framing it as a solution. His words may sound nice, but examine the motive for his actions rather than the action in a vacuum
Talking you with buying Milk and comes Home togheter xd
Thanks!
So women that will sleep with men on the first date isn’t a red flag?
What you don’t know is that she had three “first dates” before yours, that very same week.
Thanks but no thanks.
YES! My thoughts exactly! It bothers me to no end that red-pills never address this. Vetting the girl is so much more important than getting laid. Sleeping with a girl on the first date should only be a shit-test. You can come up with some "reason" to go back to your place, and she's supposed to politely turn it down.
I've met a ton of women that would sleep with you in the first date. They're high flying lawyers, doctors, accountants or rich scions of established families. It's considered classy when you're that wealthy AND high class.
They treat relationships like vacations from their careers and will interview you about your future career trajectory. I've been denied by every single one as a serious relationship prospect but I don't hold it against them since I'm not one of them. I'm just a pleb and can't honsetly fund a lifestyle that can keep up with them.
That isn't a red flag. The same woman who won't sleep with you on the first date will do it with someone else. It largely depends on how she feels about you.
Well you could filter them out and get lucky in one go.
@@calibre_au6183for sure
I got your book and it’s given me an existential crisis in a good way. I love your book!
The comments are making some very good (and obvious) counter arguments. Coffee is fine for a first.
Thanks
I never heard the process of dating explained so clearly. I wish I had learned this earlier in life.
I'll remember the screening thing.
I love Orion's videos and agree with most of his thinking but I find it funny that he brings up meeting for coffee as going half way on a date because my experiences have been very much the opposite. For me, sexual encounters are much more frequent and consistent when the date is as free of pressure as possible. By this I mean, the whole coffee thing is just extremely easy to do. No real planning of any kind required. Just pick a coffee spot and that's it. No pressure, which means a much more relaxed atmosphere for both myself and my date, and that leads to you know what, a lot easier and more natural, again, because there's so much less pressure.
My first date go-to is the gun range. It is a great way to bring her into your frame. It is fun, something dangerous you have embraced and mastered, gives off the vibe you are willing and able to protect her, and chances are it will be the first time she has ever fired a gun. You get to teach her to do something dangerous safely.
nobody feed the troll
Thanks!
There is no way, in today's day and age, where people should be "hooking up" that quickly. Caution.
Thank you.
Unfortunately it’s become rather common
Never should have been.
When did "professionals" start giving such atrocious "advice"???
@@jimlong2469 That's what I wonder! 👍
@@SheenaRea .... This channel is 10% good information and 90% BS.
I love how our Doctor of Love always defines his terms with objectivity and clarity.
Well, depends on your goals. It may work if having a sex is the only thing you are interested in, otherwise sleeping with a person you know for few hours max is a terrible idea.
1. You may discover a lot of incompatibilities later, but you are already feeing bonded, especially if the sex was really good, and getting out of this could be quite painful
2. Easy come - easy go, if the girl is easy on sex for a first date with you, there’s a high chance that she would do the same with others, potentially cheating
3. it may feel pushy and make her thinking that the only thing you here for is sex, again
Personally, I never expect or facilitate anything on first date, I just meet to know a person better. And then if everything seems positive - start moving further by small steps, checking her reaction and adjusting the behaviour accordingly.
If the girl wants you - she would make it happen, anyway. Trying to push or speed up things can spoil what had a good potential long-term.
FINALLY! a man who gets it! I'm a woman who has seen so FEW men behave the way you do when it comes to dating. Your last sentence is right on: men I liked and was attracted to DID "try to speed up things ...and it DID "spoil what god potential long term".
Agree 100%!
💯
Bingo. Great comment and analysis overall. It's easy to get locked into someone physically so it's a pitfall that should be avoided until you think there is a connection and want to take that next step. Otherwise, all of this is just hooking up basically with extra steps (and I don't recommend those casual relationships).
If she's not serious (just wants to exploit her sexual availability for a free meal) are you interested at all? Nope. Note that he didn't say you had to consummate the date with sex, merely, a woman's interest in having a date where sex is on the table is a litmus test. If she's not that into you, you should probably invest your time in someone else who is actually interested in you.
Men, please understand the concept of holding her hand when you walk back to your car, the convo while driving home, then being able to walk her to her door and kiss her goodnight. Kissing is also a sexual interaction. You don’t have to sleep with her perse. Also vet her properly before you invest your resources.🎉
Women ride in cars with strangers? Haven't you seen the Uber movie? Well... Men are dating women for sex .. I guess a car ride isn't so far fetched
Long are the golden days when your HS sweetheart would wanna play hooky and go back to her place while her parents weren't home.
Hold on there bud. People are moving in back with parents nowadays. There are plenty of adults ducking their parents to get it on in bed. Whether or not their HS sweetheart depends on some imagination.
Such behavior is exactly the kind of promiscuity that men claim disgusts them. You'll hate on girls who give up the kitty for free or low effort but expect it from the girl you're interested in
They still play hookies. They just do it in middle school and with many many boys. I've seen a porn star who talked about guys asking her for anal in middle school (or freshmen year in hs, cant remember, either way its bad)
Long are the golden days when HS pregnancy was so high and everyone wanted to lose their virginity by 15
Exactly. Now HS boys are just hooking up with their teachers
I believe in not dating at all while treating women in the context of non-dating with kindness and respect. Perfect equilibrium. I enjoy peace and despite drama. Seem that singleness is my destiny and I embrace it.
So you order yourself an escort?!
Whatta' coward
The precision and density of your videos are a joy.
What's throwing me off here is the emphasis on creating "an opportunity for a sexual encounter", but this sounds like first date context. I don't WANT her to be putting out on first dates, nor do I want to. Why would anyone want this unless they're just looking for hookups?
I'm assuming you are looking for something more long term and don't 'want' her to put out because that would mean she is pro misses. However, you would *want* to at least gauge her sexual attraction to you by at least having it on the table. Also, what better way to find out if she is pro than by seducing her? You have to consider that just because she doesn't put out for you sooner, doesn't mean she hasn't put out for less with other men before you.
As an introvert, I completely agree with you. Unless I’ve known the girl for a while, first date for me is for gathering observations: I ask question, try various types of jokes and just observe what is the flow between us. Later, I let these observations sink and only then it becomes clear for me whether I want to go further with her or not.
exactly. This may be the first time I have completely disagreed with him. I've been very happily married for 25 years but I watch this channel because I usually enjoy his videos. But this is nothing but hookup advice. I can't see this being the foundation of any real relationship.
@@zsuzsuspetals - same here. This video surprised me. I think if he'd referred to it as genuine desire/attraction the conclusion would be different. Hookup culture isn't appealing and someone smashing on the 1st date is a red flag.
I've only ever (and as subtly as I can) offered for her to come back to my place as a shit-test. On the occasions that it's happened and I've had sex with a girl within hours of meeting her, I've filed her under "never take seriously" or in today's terms: "she belongs to the streets." Now that I'm older, I think I'd pass altogether... Maybe... Depends on how hot she is.
I'm glad I did all my dating during my youth because the current dating world is literal sh!t.
@@FirstLast-cd6vv Absolutely
And the knowledge of the current dating world will help us understand and guide the youth I suppose
Watching from Nigeria 🇳🇬
Maybe unrelated... There's no such thing as a perfect marriage or relationship; they're all different. What makes one person content might not make another person content. But I've learned that there's always a way to fix things. Five years ago, my wife and I were facing divorce because of problems in our marriage, but we managed to resolve them. It was challenging, but we survived.
I genuinely want to be happy as well. I'm in a relationship, and even though we're apart, I can't think of life without her; my love for her is solid. I really want her back, and I'm committed to making it work. We've tried different things, like therapy, to mend things.
Saying farewell to someone you love dearly is never easy, but in my case, I had the assistance of a spiritual counselor who saved my marriage from falling apart. Her name is Suzanne Ann Walters.
I'm thankful for this guidance. I'll immediately start searching for her online. I appreciate it. I'm hopeful that adopting this strategy will also bring about positive changes for me; I miss her deeply.
You should... I promise you will not regret it.
@@BruceKnapp-n4q You need to leave her and find another woman.
Nothing you said bodes well.
Kml. I see why your channel thrives. You say the most practical things in the most inflammatory way.
This is good stuff. I wish I knew this 15 years earlier.
Me too! It’s probably well supported in psychological literature and studies etc but it also makes complete logical sense.
But now you know it. Use it.
Which is why society didn’t want you to find out for the last 15 years.
me too. all my life i've only doing 'interviews' and some onses. now i'm 30, alone and gonna kms this year. oh, what a beautiful life.
What do you know about chemistry? 😂
Thanks........ Does this apply in situations where she's abroad?
Works like a treat I do this often. Women will drive 45 minutes to restaurants near my house if they are really interested for a first date.
Only thing near my house is a chipotle 😂
@@bryanutility9609 Afternoon picnic (wine, cheese, crackers, etc.) in a park near your house with a boardgame, and when the sun starts setting, suggest going to your place to play Twister in the jacuzzi, or something of the sort.
@@yeticusrex1661 yea been pushing the hot tub seduction this summer 👏☀️ 🤣. Only problem … I’ve failed to patch the hole. Never do mention it’s an inflatable hot tub LMAO.
@@bryanutility9609 Are you serious? You have a spa and you have trouble closing the deal ? When I had mine, my success rate was like 80% at least. Try this: Try finding a moment to humble brag about your feet massage skills ( Also, try having said skills but its motsly optionnal), then you offer one in the spa. Wow, these calves seems pretty tense, too. Obviously read her and go up as slowly has possible while having conversation and just stall at the junction of the thigh and hip. Chances are you will hear her moan 'stop playing with me please' and ' omg you're so cruel' after a while because she cant take it anymore. That finger of yours will be sliding in like a hot knife in butter after that 😅
@@alexandrodl1371 Not bad! Somehow I’m able to get them to show up without swimwear & get in naked.
Makes all the seduction jokes even funnier. “Let’s just get in with our underwear nothing has to happen.”
But like I said, it has a hole & just haven’t had time to patch it. I know it’s lame, but last summer it was slowly deflating in real time & just kinda killed the mood in that sense. 🤣
You are right on about this topic. I live in New York, so safety is my number one concern. It takes me good time before I’m comfortable going to another man’s apartment. Although I’d be curious to see how he lives and decorates and what his place looks like that takes time. If a man won’t meet me within walking distance or a quick cab ride of my place, it doesn’t happen.
Yes to all you say, but NOT on the FIRST encounter. The first encounter is always an interview for both parties, for obvious reasons.
AMAZING!! From my experience I was basically doing what mentioned and it felt like fresh air hearing you dissecting this. THANKS ❤
Not gonna lie, the soonest Ive gotten laid is the third date. I dont know if getting it in on the first date is that common anymore especially for us younger generation. We are just in general having less sex, and honestly I think the higher quality younger women of today 99% of times or more arent looking to get sexual on the first date
Does that make a difference?
If you're going to get lucky then your're going to get lucky after a date and it isn't going to be any date where you meet in the middle, for the reasons explained, so, unless you are sure that she will always stick to her, self imposed, rule of no sex before the 3rd date, you have to follow OT's advice for every date.
How old are you?
first date sex is 100% definitely still a thing and young women are no exception
Always. Be. Closing.
It depends on how sexaully attracted the woman is to the man and how much the man tries to initiate. 3rd date isn't too bad though. These days you generally want to avoid dating a woman for months before going all the way because most single western woman have put out within the first three "dates" at some point.
If your sample size is 2-3, I wouldnt dwell on it but it wasnt true 15-20 years ago. My average was 2 dates. I had a hot tub though which is pretty much a cheat code.
Dude, just figure out what works best for you and what you're most comfortable with (while being as realistic as you can). ATM I've really over all this hookup sh*t, I think these women are useless and not wife material at all, and that's what I'm looking for. I think a lot of advice online comes form guys who, while more experienced, are also more jaded as a result of dealing with more jaded women. If you're idealistic, just make sure you're looking for a woman who's as idealistic as you (which probably won't be a 10/10 looks wise, everything's a tradeoff, you can't have everything).
This video opened my eyes to a big mistake I was doing. Thank you.
Orion. I've been following you since you had 100 k followers and watched over 100 videos for sure. I must ask this question as you're the teacher here: what's your relationship status and why is it the way it is?
His relationship status is what it is because he is too afraid of a woman thinking her interests and preferences are taken into account.
Loving this for men growing a spine and asking the same questions they ask single women who come online to give toxic dating advice! Go guys 💕
He's in the peak of his SMV so likely enjoying his optionality. Honestly don't blame him if he never settles. Marriage industry in shambles.
I saved this a while ago, this video is SO GOOD.
I honestly don’t mind the, “interview” first date. I’m not looking to have sex on a first date anyway. I thought the date was to feel each other out 🤷♂️
@@illuminatinglight5486 I think his advice is more to optimise the chances of getting laid on first date for men rather than finding their soulmate... It should be started more clearly as it's not what all men care about. If I was a man looking for something serious, the first screening would be coffee to check if she's not a psycho and if she's interesting enough..
Great information being given. Good way to tell which type of males to avoid. Thanks for another good video once again 🙂
Avoid men who want to give you 'ressources' in return for sex!!!
Every video I watch on dating makes me glad I didn't have to play this game to meet my wife.
Find community. Build a network. Get to know people. This includes forming plutonic relationships with women. Control your impulses and only go when there's a clear green light (don't convince yourself, wait for her to convince you).
It's possible to have everything pretty well locked in by the time you go on a "date", rendering the information in videos like this irrelevant to your situation.
I agree, plutonic relationships are better than saturnic ones.
@@ALForb "platonic" hence the joke comment "saturnic" lol
Hearing this stuff is insane, I guess I never even began to think a date could end in sex. Just didn’t seem honest and realistic, man I really did grow up in a different time being raised by old farmers. I’ve got a lot to learn…
The "sexual opportunity" cost on a women emotionally is not the same as the cost of the "connection" on the man, not a fair equality. Sleeping around for women is not good for their emotional wellbeing. If a man fancies a woman he would be respectful, confident and considerate to allow her to reach a decent level of trust and safety first. Women indeed have a lot of skin in the game but you choose not to consider such aspects.
VERY poor "advice" all the way around.
Bad for men, bad for women.
@@jimlong2469 Totally agree
The question is simply how long should the 'trust and safety' last for, and what else does she give in return while he takes her out to multiple dates, because id be flabagasted if you said Nothing, because that would then breed entitlement from you.
Regardless, dating is still built upon the exchange of resources( value ) and because women naturally have the advantage( because theyre born with value which is their beauty making men to chase women), can easily take advantage of the mans generosity. I believe Orion is trying to liik at things from fair position.
I am a widow, and thank you for what you have said. I will never trust another man again.
Orion would you really take a woman seriously if she's giving it up on the first date? I feel like it's counterproductive to want that.
He is not the type of man woman sleep on the first date with
Super strange how men do not take women seriously who sleep with them
Believe it or not, you may actually be one of the FEW men, and I mean very FEW who she will sleep with on the first day, only because she sees you as an amazing catch that she doesn't want to lose out on. Yes this actually happens
The first "screening" -- if you will -- is just that: do you look like your photos, what do you sound like, can you hold a conversation, etc.
IMHO, dating today has too many expectations and pressures -- akin to a prospective business relationship; ideally, it should be fun and an opportunity to see if you have things in common with one another.
In my opinion as a pursuer I will always meet where they are, and if there is a second date they meet me where I am. It feels feminine to tell her to come to me, and she's dealing with more safety risks.
I recently had a great first date, we established chemistry and there was sexual tension especially with kissing. She saw I can take the lead, pay, and pursue. Second date she came to my place and not surprisingly she was wearing matching underwear. She had intention on sleeping with me.
Women are very sensitive to how much you give. Telling her to meet at your place is like saying "you pay for the first date and I promise to pay for the next 5".
Sex on the first date is a hookup.
Why?
@@devol5931 because the decision to marry a specific woman is very very serious, and making the decision with the head that is on top of your shoulders is your best option. Otherwise you may end up regretting that decision for the rest of your life.
@@JohnSmithExyou're marrying women after a first date?
A hookup is a hookup. If sex is the only purpose, we're not going out anywhere.....
@@devol5931 common sense. Sex without commitment is a hookup. Logically and rationally, there can be no serious commitment based on 1 date. Not even a few dates.
I really love your point of view and reality, like really!
I hate watching your eyes dart across the screen when you’re reading from your script. If you can do something about this, rock on.
If you dont make sex for sport and you want long lasting relationship the early sex not help you my little fellas and Dr Orion so be patient and trust the proces to find your gem 💎
Dr Orion thinks all men are like him. desperate about sex. rejected many times by women. sexualizing women. and this gives rise to an advice like that. very sad for his followers.
So you want a woman to travel alone to meet some guy she hardly knows and it's not safe for a woman to travel alone in the evening. She keeps the date not too far from her for safety reasons.
Yes. And then sleep with him. Great advice - if you’re not looking for a long term relationship.
I thought women were "strong and independent"? Now, they can't travel alone?
Exactly - really disappointing BS advice, sounds like coming straight from the red pill bible. Men, that's not how to build real relationships and trust with women.
This is guy is Andrew Tate dressed up in faux intellectual language.
What intellectual language are you referring to? The history and Roman Empire references? I’m in Graduate school for Mental Health Counseling and we use empirical studies and peer reviewed articles not the Roman Empire 😂😅
If you go for a coffee you know that sex is not possible but you can still work in the sexual tension and run a personality check. I have done that all my life and ive been always successful AF. Maybe in the US people is built differently but i dont really think so. Actually also worked for me in the US several times as well
I enjoy these videos, they really break down those difficult and complex things that I have trouble grasping. Frankly it is all these strange complex, and I suppose what you would call average things that truly deter me from the dating scene.
THIS is gold, the whole implication of this dynamic IS something that changes my whole mindset
This is totally gold information for men in the dating world.
This is something the OG PUAs were saying 20 years ago, kinda wild to see a psych PhD saying it today. It was essentially correct then and it still is. A coffee in a brightly lit venue far away from anyone's bedroom is not really a date, and runs the risk of turning into an interview.
That said most guys with solid game eventually come around to the realization that it doesn't really matter. You can go to the coffee interview, treat it like the farce that it is, make her laugh and feel good, touch her suggestively in broad daylight, then leave early. If you had a good time then a few days later you can ask her if she wants to go on a first date with you and if you did this right she'll probably say yes to wherever you propose. The point is the venue doesn't matter, the frame is everything. Own the frame and you will own her heart.
That's basically what I was taught as a southern woman: You go on a coffee/lunch date (used in the meet up sense here) talk go wach other, pay for yourself and then leave. If he wants a date he'll call you. Casual interviews with multiple prospects is assumed. Most people I know were/are the date to marry type
One branch of my family tree was engaged/married by 25.
I'm used to date to marry rules so an interview is a quick way to tell if there is something worth pursuing. The idea of going to each others place isn't even on the menu.Apparently this style isn't aa common anymore.
@@spokenme08 It's becoming more common again with online dating. You can't really read attraction without meeting, so it's an opportunity to check each other out and choose if you want more, it being perfectly ok to leave it at coffee. As another poster says, it's a 'meet and greet'. Saves men their resources, saves women risking night meets.
@@spokenme08 what? You said the opposite of what he said. He said play her run game on her to get laid LOL
Also, guys need to get off the apps and out into the real world. Street approach, then coffee immediately is a good angle.
Date #1 is vetting for major red flags, which can be substantial online dating. I think this is a better date 2 thing
I love how you ask how this fits with my experience. I unfortunately don't have much experience though, that's why I'm watching your videos
Just ask Reese for some tips. Or Francis, that guy fucks for sure
Just take control guys, do it your way.
Wonderful rant and so true indeed !
All the requirements for dating gives me no incentive to date!
They are not requirements. This is just advice. That is all.
@@joshcrawford7864 you don’t have to play the game, the less competition the better for some of us
@@ECard821 High five to that
Your videos are great, already bought your book but haven't started rrading it yet. Anyway, great insight as usual, many thanks from Brazil!
Im so glad that I'm out of the dating pool. All I can say is WOW. Dating with the possibility that it can turn sexual? Wow, I guess that's why STDs and unwanted pregancies are so high. Good lord.
Especially when you have supposed "professionals" giving "advice" like THIS.
@jimlong2469 Exactly. The problem is that society encourages people to have no standards. I gave up on dating largely because most of the men I dated expected a happy ending at the end of the night after our first date. It's not okay, especially for women who feel guilty for having sex outside of a marriage commitment. I always felt guilty afterwards, especially because I knew that the love wasn't there. How could there be love when the time wasn't put in for love to grow? Then what happens? Unwanted pregancies, STD and a broken heart.
@@angelamwatts ......... TOO many evil "salespeople" all around ......
I honestly like coffee dates or solo meetups as I’m not sure she’d be worth the money, preparation etc. and doing dates endlessly wastes money and resources .. plus, anything will work if the girl is interested and she will push for next steps through subtleties and body language
I agree. I don't want to put my stick in crazy mud. At the very least, make her drive to a place near you to gauge her initial interest.
I have arranged meetings with women on other continents, so meeting halfway made no sense anyway. I always consider our first meeting just a meeting. The outcome of that determines if we go on a date or not. Most women need to feel safe with a man before they are going to consent to sex. That first meeting allows them to feel more comfortable that nothing was pushed on them in the first encounter. There have been exceptions where the first meeting becomes extended and leads to a very satisfying conclusion, but that need not always be the expectation. Then when we go on a date, the progression seems entirely natural, because they already felt safe from the first meeting. Every man should get a passport and invest in himself by traveling and exploring other cultures. There are still many where the women are raised to be good wives and they aspire to have a happy family and a clean home. I found my forever girl, and you can too!
Maybe you can make videos instead of this macho man a threat for the society!
I’m so glad you found a great woman abroad! That being said, other countries are becoming more globalized as time goes on (not a bad or good thing, just the way of life). When I visit fam in Poland, there’s a nice balance of traditional and ‘americanized’ sentiment, which I kind of like personally. The world is getting smaller or maybe we’re now just realizing how small it always was. But for the guys in the comments, plz don’t lose faith in us girls in North America born to immigrant parents (or not) who still have good values and embrace femininity. We’re still here! :,-) Just like Dr Taraban advises us, men too have to be discerning in who they choose. Even in large cities there are girls who are more traditional, just look out for how they carry themselves, dress, manners etc…
Datura - that is awesome but America is so hostile towards men and the economy being shitty and the taxes and the PEDO-President and the ugly culture it makes staying jn America hard for Christian men.
That is my take. American cities have turned into dumpter fires. :0 :0 :0 in so many ways. 😢😢😢
Maybe I need therapy - but that is how I feel.
@@datura.4022 As if the bottom 95 % of men could choose! 😂
I wonder where did you find your girl, friend?
Put this entire video in a pan and it simmers down to one thing: Abundance Mindset
This is absolutely what it boils down to. I shake my head 🤦♂️ at so many of the men's comments here that seemingly fail to understand this simple concept
Care to explain the concept?
Care to explain the concept?
Abundance mindset is basically a marketing tactic in an attempt to raise your value - by means of implying there's a long queue of customers to get what you're selling, so you don't care if people drop out of the queue.
It works even better if you actually have abundance... But that's not strictly necessary. What matters is the attitude.
Interesting meaning of a date. I always get invited for dinners by suitors for a date, but I have never even consider sex. I am a Christian and saving myself until marriage
I like this video, some excelent points being made here! Thank you.
I think it depends on what to consider a date. I would creep out if a dude would invite me over for the first meeting/date to his place. But at some point dates should become more intimate, I agree.
i don't think getting laid on a first date is a great idea in the long run........but that's what i did last night - meet her 20 mins from my place - came back and stayed :) so yeah it works ....
iT'S NOT
Statistically speaking, dating in general isn't a "good idea for the long run".
@@meeep9099 iT'S NOT
It is about of the possibility. Getting laid on the first date happens probably 30-40% of the time based on some informal surveys.
@@-441- why not
As a man... meet her in her comfort zone for the first few dates... As the man you want her to feel as comfortable as possible with you on her home turf before going to your home field(your side of town). You want her to do as least amount of heavy lifting as possible... show her that you care about her comfort and as she feels more comfortable she'll become more open minded over time
For what?
@@Susan-fg3nv For anything... lol....
This is how she’s uses u for attention and concludes ur a doormat
You’re a unicorn sir. And likely not single with your respectful rational
@@lostvayne4553how are you a doormat if you go close to her on ONE date?
this is a no brainer i learned over 10 maybe even 15 yrs ago. if a girl came over to my house its like 90% chance things are happening but the few times we went to her house it was always awkward, either with brother walking in on us or just afraid to be masculine enough and agressive to make it in someone elses home, it was exact opposite as my own place and 90% things WERE NOT goin down!
Prescription for one time hook-ups.
This is soooo preconceived, sorted out and advantageous for the man it's silly NOT to do it. I had them (1)come to my neck of the woods and (2) just for coffee, to see if they really liked me and they would---and offer to come back. If you hold your own they'll chase,respect and perceive you to have added value. Great advice.
My current girlfriend of 10 years. Our first date or interview was at a local shopping centre for lunch. We both live close to this shopping centre, however on opposite sides, I walked she drove. We split the bill, & she drove me home. The next day she called & asked me to come to her place for lunch.
"The next day she called & asked me to come to her place for lunch." *Yeah, buddy!!*
@M0viLover woman make rules for betas & break rules for alpha's. Obviously, this has never happened to you, so now you know what category you're in.
@@SunRise-ul7ko Uh, I was giving you congrats? Imbecile..
@@M0viLover😂😂😂😂you Americans are very funny
thanks!!! I have a vague idea of a first date to this particular girl, and everything I thought has no chance of an encounter. Now I got an idea. I had this easy back then when I can invite girls and drinking in bars.
A date is exactly a "screening" interview. From both parties. You aren't owed or promised sex during a date. She doesn't know you nor do you her. The stage at which you are entitled to sex is at the courting stage. Dating and courting are different. Courting is more exclusive and signals your interest in developing something serious with that person alone. This is where you create a stronger connection through sex.
I agree with your take.
This! 👏
He isn't saying you're entitled to sex or that it is guaranteed
sound of reason, in contrary to the speaker who rushes to sexualize woman, because he has been rejected by them so many times for so many years.
Clearly, you’re responding out of emotion, nowhere in this video Did he say you are old or promised sex. plenty of people that have been married for 40 years had sex the first night they met. you sound like a female, or a guy who thinks like a female.
Ok good point, sort of. First meeting with dating apps should be a coffee or a drink. So I think he's wrong in that scenario. After the first quick meet, if there will be a second meeting, then that's a date and this advice makes sense.
There is a lot of truth to Orion's advice, particularly if the man is planning and paying for the date.
However, relationships based on getting as much as possible while giving as little as possible are doomed to fail. Here is my counter advice, which has worked incredibly well:
1. Cultivate a lifestyle and mindset of abundance.
2. Freely give your abundance to those whose company you enjoy.
3. Pay very close attention to who freely gives in return in ways that you value. If they freely give something you don't value, explain what works for you and what doesn't and give them a chance to adjust.
4. Continue giving freely to those who reciprocate. Cease giving to those who don't.
This process will slowly but surely filter for the best possible relationships of all kinds, both romantic and aromantic.
I love this. It makes sense whenever you are assuming the initiatory role in any relationship with the intention to exchange lots of value, of course you must be the first to offer value, and you must also be the first to escalate or increase the amount of value on offer, to make it into the high value exchange you want.
My focus is similar to what you've described. Life works from the inside out, so abundance is key. Only invite those w/positive energy and intent into one's life and share and reciprocate here.
Orion's approach is valuable for those w/a short-term dating strategy in western markets. If one is focused on a long-term strategy, attempting to extract as much as possible isn't smart.
I've found choosing wisely from the very start has been the most satisfying approach. If the coffee/wine/beer interview isn't a hard yes, then it's a no.
Have to agree, what Orion said about women wanting to give as little s33x as possible seems dumb. If they don’t want to why tf would a man try to force it that seems awful why would you be with someone that doesn’t like you and better yet is there to get resources. In this day and age you’re waiting to catch a charge with this mindset and way of moving.
OT is making a lot of sense.
Is there any waiting for marriage still?
Trump just got elected meaning apparently over half the country is okay with rape so I’d say prolly not
Wow. This was very right.
I recently started seeing some girl, shortly after another relationship ended. And I organized dates where we would meet in the middle. I didn't do it with the concious intention of not progressing with the new girl but that is absolutely what I was doing.
I wasn't over the previous girl.
Thank you Dr. Taraban. I've never thought about dating this way consciously. Before, when I lived in the city, it was so easy to get a date because I naturally did this and it's convenient (living in a city), but currently this is an obstacle for me because I live in a small mountain town about 30 minutes from the closest "city". This makes it difficult to date, but I'm determined to figure it out.
Thanks for your continuous, exceptional content and teachings.
Hey, we’re in similar situations. What is your plan to deal with this?
@@patrickpierre-devtips -- Rent a hotel in city for 1 week and schedule numerous dates during that time.
@@patrickpierre-devtips I haven't thought about it too much yet. As of now, I see two paths: find and date someone in the mountain region I live (find hangouts, meet IRL) - will require research and networking OR approach online dating differently. I will come back after I've thought more about solutions. Good luck to both of us.
@@rayrwyr I thought of this as an option (plan the date near an airbnb). It's not out of the question, but not sure I want to spend the resources on one date. I can see scheduling several being worth it though.
@@elishamorgan -- as I wrote: schedule numerous dates during that time.
If you met online, the coffee date with no sexual possibility is what you want for both parties. It isn't a "date". Some have called it a pre-date or basically it is a first meeting. If a guy asks if he can go back to my place or his on a first date, there is no second date. It is a chance for both parties to determine if there is enough chemistry to go forward. Now, if you met this person through friends or have known them for awhile in some context, but this is a first official date, then the woman might be more open to a more formal date or a sexual possibility. Also, almost always I planned the early dates. The coffee date is good because you avoid the guy getting mad that he "bought you dinner" and you don't want sex. You had a 1/2 hour conversation and drank a beverage. With my long-term partner, the coffee date become dinner. We each paid for our own dinner. My partner has been getting 9 years of sex, so he has been getting what he wants and he didn't have to wait that long.
Going on a date with a man is more dangerous for women. Having casual sex is more dangerous for women. Women risk accidental pregnancy and transfer of STDs from men to women is easier than the other way around. On top of all of that, women almost never orgasm the first time they have sex with someone new. If there isn't going to be a repeat performance, there is no reason to have sex. So given the dangers women face and low reward of casual sex, women seeking to reduce danger and downsides is understandable. Also, as a woman I wasn't "seeking resources and connection" in exchange for sex. I was seeking the sex for myself. However, I needed to be certain I could access it from a safe person. If I had no interest in sex itself, I would not date men. So that is a rub you don't seem to be factoring into the equation.
I love watching your videos because they have helped me so much! I live in a small city, so most of the women I meet online live about one hour away from me. I have never met a woman who is willing to drive one hour to my city; I always have to go to her city for a date. I have met several women who have offered to meet me halfway for coffee, though. I always thought those women were so thoughtful and considerate to do so. It helped me a lot because it saved me a lot of time, energy, and effort. So just for me, I don't agree with the statement not to meet her halfway.
Great video !!!
The more i'm watching this channel the more i want to stay lonnely. I'm truly wondering how did we get to be 8 billion if all of that is true.
Most of those numbers are from grape and familial coercion.
This dating game is more complicated that I thought. LoL. Thanks for your videos and the advice.
Gods perfect creation of a date is when you go to her father and ask her to take her to the cinema or to lunch, then you pick her up from her house like a man, and then back.
This used to be the standard and we hated every second of it but now we know only good families that loved their daughters did this. No one does that anymore.
If she's 16. 😂 not an adult woman 😂
women hate been under their father s authority
Yeah because women work and don’t need anyone’s permission anymore as adults. Women aren’t goods of her father to be brought back and forth to, they are autonomous adults like yourself. Let’s not forget or pretend to ignore the dark history of the mentality this lead to. This blatant disrespect is why feminism is important and relevant to all women. Nature decided that it’s actually women that chooses genetically who passes on and the men who get it, get it. The ones that don’t, usually never do and are left alone/ignored by all women. :)
🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣yo this is comedy and goofy
Depends on the god
Perfect AS guru explaining to you how to perform as an AS matching with women who belong to the streets
The amount of intestinal fortitude, self-assurance and confidence it takes to implement this approach is just not available in most men today as their optionality continues to dwindle. No thanks to the systemic emasculation of men and enthusiastic musculation of women in today's culture.
Spot on. I'm a retired model and pretty much set financially. I do not have dating options that seem appealing to me. I was married when Tinder came out and always assumed I would get a ton of attention because I am tall, in the long tail of good looking people, and know how to take flattering photos.
I was DEAD WRONG. My options in online dating are freaking depressing.
It’s simply not worth it.
@@squarecrackerhow did you get into modeling?
@@cobaltsurlin4888 in those days you sent pictures to agencies, I'm sure they still have that. i sent in pics and got a response so i moved to new york
Your best video yet . 🚙