Tips To Communicate With An Avoidant Ex
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- Опубліковано 18 лип 2021
- In a relationship with someone with a more avoidant attachment style, it can be a challenge to communicate difficult or heavy topics with your partner without resistance or them shutting down. In this video, we discuss some helpful tips to communicate with a partner who is more avoidant in order to be better understood and strengthen your connection.
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I think this turned out to be a very important video! Let us know what you think!
🙌🙌🙌
I THINK YOURE THE MAN CRAIG!!! Your videos helped me alot this year. You are amazing.
Coach, I really need to schedule a session with you. I'm still working on the workbooks and getting to a point to find the so needed peace. I have seen some approach from her but idk if it's indirect to get other topics (between the 2) or just for her to have a good relationship because of the baby. 🤯
Thank you 🙏
I told Margaret all about it, when I brought up attachment (& abusive behavior, & trauma responses).....it ended up being HIROSHIMA. Dime store psychologists and internet hacks. Not my opinion though, you guys are great!
I like when she mentioned to be careful not to lose yourself with an avoidant person, I've been on and off again with one and it's really been horrible and I have lost myself...I'm in the process of trying to get myself back..
Good luck to you Jennymil33. I know the feeling. I don't even know who I am some day's. Keep moving forward.
Same situation for me. I’ve lost track of a lot things in my life. But I’m slowly getting back. My avoidant ex drained me completely
Me too 😢
You have to be a secure, self-aware grounded, emotionally mature/intelligent person to deal with an avoidant partner. Low self-esteem, neediness, insecurity, and looking for your identity in a person and relationship will be a disaster.
Sometimes not even all of those things together can save a relationship with an avoidant. You need all of that + the right strategy which is Radical Acceptance of the avoidant person.
Girl I have BPD🙆 IT'S A DRAMA DISASTER
Amen
A secure person won’t deal with an avoidant. Maybe it would be easier for them to help the avoidant
I’ve got a secure attachment.
I just find avoidant’s behaviour incredibly rude and self centred.
With all the empathy in the world I wish them well and I hope they find their happiness.
But the juice isn’t worth the squeeze.
So walk on egg shells basically. Living or being with an avoidant you basically need to shut up about feelings, don't trigger them while ignoring your own needs, Don't have full conversations, change your behavior & adapt 100% to them and walk lightly. Way too much work for very little return. Not worth it to give up yourself for someone who runs away.
That’s exactly what I did, until I brought it. She broke it off kicked me out. Now in NC.
This is how I feel 😪
100% i didnt even know my ex was DA and i forgave him in the past for stuff , he kept bringing up a mistake i did, i tried to change to help him see i wouldn't make that mistake again. I would walk on eggshells making sure every move i made towards him wasnt gonna cause problems. At the end of it he still cuts me off at the drop of a hat. He had to find a fault in me to end things regardless of my efforts and all i got were breadcrumbs.
It's simply not worth it. Also, if you feel that the other person is avoidant and stonewalls you, then please run away from them ASAP. Anyways, you don't want someone who doesn't give a flying fuck about you. You want someone who is willing to jump fences with you, who is willing to fight the world on your behalf, who loves you the most, who can not wait to see you, who can't get enough of you and NOT SOMEONE who is unsure/not-sure about you, who puts half-ass effort in the relationship, who is barely hanging on with you.
Have some fucking self-respect for yourself. You deserve the world and not someone who treats you like shit.
Never keep someone in your life, who doesn't want to keep you in theirs.
Never let anyone tell you more than ONCE that they don't want you.
@@AakashKumar-tn6yh6yh - Thank You for your comment! I'm going thru a hard time excepting an advoident's dismissive behavior. Your comment woke me up! I simply can't keep hurting anymore. Thank You for sharing.
My Ex was an avoidant and I am an Anxious , when we talked about serious topics it often led to disagreements which in the end led to our breakup . I hated having to tipy toe around these sort of things.
Here’s a better solution. Don’t date an avoidant. It’s so much easier dating a secure or anxious. Avoidant partners are a hassle.
But they are so addictive let's be real.
@@CynthiaWithLove Not when you have other options. lol
@@Exodia2024I dont because I love her
I had a second chance with my ex and blurted out all my feelings and wanted to talk about the breakup and what happened. I 100% know I should have waited and also said it in a nicer and more calming way. My anxiety got the better of me and then I broke up with him, to then regret it and then said I wanted to make it work etc. But then he said it was over because I said I wanted to end it and from reading that "it was done" for him.
I did though write a long ass novel (I know I KNOW, TO NOT DO THIS LOL), but in that novel I apologised and said I could have communicated better than just breaking things off (was at breaking point because he was so distant and felt like he would break things off if I brought up anything). And then said, I am working on myself and reading the book "Attached" (a book all about attachment styles), really helped me realise why I do the things I do and why he reacts the way he does as well and that if he was open to reading the book, he would understand a lot about himself too - said it in a very nice and non-pressuring manner. This guy also likes self development so I felt like he wasn't an ordinary guy who would be like wtf a book on relationships? Maybe he would read it, maybe not.
But actually after writing that last text to him, I realised even if he did want to come back, I would not take him back unless he honestly understood more of himself (read the book) and see how HE also needs to change. Even though I would like another chance, I am done being the one who's is always in the wrong because I know in my heart that is not true. Since our last breakup I have worked so hard on myself and I think I'm a great catch. The reason anxious people GET EVEN MORE TRIGGERED is because they don't even have their basic needs met - and I'm not talking about super anxious people (that need unrealistic needs of constant validation), just people who want to feel a connection and feel a sense of love/safety and communication. If their simple needs aren't met and this goes on for months and years, that is what turns them into a complete different person (anxiety increases). Everyone in a relationship should be able to talk about how they feel and communicate healthily and feel a good sense of connection with their partner. Everyone talks about the anxious person changing, but it is the AVOIDANT that also needs to change a lot too. It's a 2 way street.
Anxious people, just know that you are worthy of such great love. Yes, sure you need to work on yourself and develop a healthier way of dealing with things and self soothe (immense self development and feeling confident in oneself), BUT only take back in avoidant if they can see their flaws as well and want to make the effort to work towards a secure attachment style.
I look back at all my exes and they were all EXTREMELY avoidant. As time as gone by, I have noticed I have attracted less avoidant people, the more I have done the work and able to pick out avoidant tendencies.
You can stick it out and be patient and slowly try to open them up over months and years, but that will drive you INSANE. If it's worth it for you, do it, but it's better to just find someone who already has a healthy, secure attachment style (or not so towards the avoidant end of the spectrum). Life is too short to constantly wonder if someone cares about you or not or be ghosted, left always feeling abandoned and that you're the only one trying to change in a relationship!
@Brenda Lee - i’m glad you mentioned that trying to be patient and fix a dismissive avoidant person will drive you insane. Yes it will. Yes it will. Better to lay it on the line and your needs in the relationship as soon as possible and if they cannot show up to the dance it’s time to grab your coat and exit the building and find somebody who actually gives a crap.
I relate so much to this. My experience very similar.
Insane. Yes.
Withdrawn.
Basic needs unmet, while they say they care... not enough to meet me half way. I get that they have their issues, but come on. Its 'Respect and appreciation for your partner 101'
are you available to talk?
@Anne sitter You should be happy with a problem solver, he does a lot of efforts to make things work ;)
Amen sis!
I deleted all social media if she ever wants to talk to me for whatever reason, she has my number. Which she reached out multiple times and being radio silence feels good. Also deleting all social media showed me who’s a real friend and who’s only care about followers, streaks and likes.
I’m considering being radio silent as well. My circle is small so I wont really be missing anything.
Yes I’ve kinda done this it really works
You guys are a lot more patient than I ever can be. I could never deal with an avoidant. I am a very transparent person. I am extremely turned off to people who do not openly communicate.
Amen 🙏
@@Nicole-fl8gv lol thanks. A healthy relationship requires communication.
Thank you sister! I am soo with you on this one
@@alinchik27o12 You are welcome 🙏🏾
Exactly
Great advice and education around avoidants but when it comes to us the anxious running a marathon to get some attention or time out of the avoidants it feels as if we ALWAYS have to do the whole entire work to save the relationship and they can keep being just who they are, laid-back, waiting to figure out if they missed us or how they truly feel about us if anything and this is tremendously unfair and it makes me angry tbh . In a relationship both should be investing, both should be trying to make it work. The avoidants can keep fearing intimacy and closeness and all the other's just have to watch how they behave around them and be patient repeatedly. Unfair, not sure if it's truly worth it.
I needed this. My avoidant ex just reached out again this morning after a month of no contact. He apologized for snapping at me and treating me badly before we stopped talking. My conversation with Margaret and Victoria was extremely helpful earlier this month and I’m so grateful for the continued advice. We started with him communicating when he is stressed and needing space so he doesn’t snap. He said he will do that. We will work from there.
How it goes?
Update?
My ex was extremely avoidant. Getting any kind of information out of them was like pulling teeth. It eventually led to us not communicating or addressing issues at all, and when we did, they were usually heated arguments. This ultimately led to distrust and broke the relationship entirely
Same thing happened to me 😔 any updates?
@@dwightschrute8141 My ex jumped into a rebound shortly after we split. It's been about 2 years since we last spoke, but that doesn't really surprise me. Having dealt with someone who had an avoidant personality, they would rather close themselves off than confront their emotions
That’s what just happened to us. It is so frustrating!
@@lettie1569 Yeah sadly you can't change someone who is set in their ways
Sounds familiar
When you talk with them during good times it ruins those times as well lol. They are very sensitive
My ex was an Avoidant but also promiscuous. I hired private investigators and found out her double life. She denied it despite showing her videos and pictures about other relationships. She's the most evil human that I have ever met in my life. I took all her belongings to a local storage centre and donated her hoards of shoes and clothing to a charity, changed house locks for her never to get in. I moved on quickly, got married, and when she found out about it , she had the guts to phone me and accused me of never loving her😂😂😂😂.
Texting can be a good way to bring up topics, but don't rely on it solely. You might get hours without a reply, or something can be taken the wrong way. So it's not an effective way to have a full discussion, simply a way to bring up the topic. My ex told me she preferred texts so she could get her thoughts together (as an avoidant), which was nice in theory but drove me nuts when I was anxious to get a reply (which I'm now working on). It's a tool but not a replacement for talking face to face.
My 1 hates to read lot of msgs or long msgs. No calls at all. Only 1 or 2 short msgs r Ok wit him per day or if he comes to chat replies as he chats.. ❤️🩹
Get the workbooks, ppl, totally worth it. The sessions with coach Craig or coach Margaret will help you sleep at night. No kidding
Thank you Nestor! We appreciate the feedback
My ex was an avoidant. Everytime I wanted to talk about us he said he is busy. I didn't know that in that time he also cheated on me. He was narcissist as well. It's a terrible combination.😦
This video makes me feel so heavy. Especially what Victoria said at the end about repressing my instincts and how I show love in fear of it not being accepted by who I’m with. I know he’s an avoidant but he has no idea and his avoidance is so intimidating for me that I feel like I have tape over my mouth. Ugh. I like him but I don’t think this is mountain I want to climb.
I really believe that avoidants bring forth the anxiousness in us, and it sneaks up on ya.
I completely understand how you feel!
I love the DA attachment style because I'm an FA/disorganized attachment and I find DA attachment style attractive and I'm just as screwed up as he is 😂
Had a good session with you this morning Coach Craig! Funny how someone could be so afraid that you'll leave them and they end up doing exactly what they feared.
Carlos
Beautifully worded
It really feels like the non-avoidant partner needs to be more flexible and make more emotional sacrifices to compensate for the rigidness of the avoidant. I know my ex hated talking about most emotional subjects and hated being told by a therapist that they were avoidant (though they likely are actually "Disorganised" as they had Anxious traits too). Constantly walking on eggshells is beyond exhausting. I so wish I knew all this stuff before 😩
Great video coaches...very helpful for communicating with Avoidants...keep em comin'!!!
YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING, GOODNESS GRACIOUS I LOVE YOU GUYS! I've learned so much about myself and my previous relationship, you guys are amazing
You are all so well educated and come across as very sincere and are not arrogant professionals at all. You are essentially teaching people how to be respectful and kind in their approaches with one another by trying to understand how and why people behave a certain way. You all have so much background knowledge that tells us what is really going on with people. Psychology can be very fascinating to learn about. Developing or maintaining a friendship or relationship with another human being is like a dance that we want to flow smoothly back and forth with both sides making an effort to have fun and enjoy the dance together. I appreciate everything you teach us. I find that this channel gives very sound advice and is the very best team out there on these topics.
Now this is an epiphany to me for my DA ex. I made a lot of mistakes communicating with him when I was AP. Unfortunately to be healed from my attachment style I need to exit to this relationship(5 years).
But I am happy now being Secure, focusing on myself and my needs.
Wonderful content - so he comes and goes every few months or so, I go no contact and when he comes back I tip-toe and walk on eggshells, and hold back until he seemingly leaves again ... I, personally, cannot do the disappearances anymore.
Then kick him to the goddamn kerb.
Maybe if we all stop tolerating this bs behavior, they'll teach themselves to grow up and communicste with respect and appreciation
This is an informative video. However, folks need to HEAL! There is no way you can have a family, deal with the issues and pressures of life and raise children with someone like this. Do👏🏿 Your👏🏿 Work.👏🏿
Working on workbook one and making progress. You were right last time we spoke Coach Craig, she did come back and left again. She's not capable of any lasting relationship but I'm still accomplishing and growing. I will schedule another session soon :)
This is such excellent information. Thank you.
This was my second videos today. So this will be my second comment as well. Once again the three of you never disappoint.. I just wish I would have seen this before last evening. Lol.. As after Easter dinner with the family I went to see my "avoidant" very complicated situation which is why I need an appointment soon. I love him so very much. I of course have an "anxious personality" need I say more. Thank you for the MANY great tip's. This was a VERY INFORMATIVE video. As I say "I wish I would have seen it prior to last night's ... let's say "communication attempt" One quick note, Margaret mentioned a good sense of humor. I am fortunate of that he is actually a professional comedian which helps tremendously. I just know I put everything out there that I've held in for so long. In the end surprisingly it ended on a good note.🎶🎼 He even sent me home with his first hand written copy of his brand new song. That is being played at his school today. He is a music teacher for Pre-K and kindergarten children. He writes children's songs. The first time today he will be singing it. He said. "Julie you inspired me to write this song it's about communication how can we make this world a better place. It's absolutely beautiful I wish I could put it on here but I know I would get in trouble from him. Once I make an appointment with you all and he approves it I will show you a copy or let you see it when we Skype or whatever. I didn't mean to turn my comment into this about him. I guess I wanted to say our argument was about communication in the fact that the fight ended well and I guess I'm proud of the song. Thank you again for all of the wonderful tips. Once you read this you most likely will know which coach is best suited for me. JL
Again, so very helpful!!! Thank you
Thank you so much for sharing and bringing awareness to this topic. Definitely helpful to know how to manage communicating while dealing your own anxiety and understanding your partners attachment style. Not easy at all but def helps to have a starting point on how to deal. Thank you guys.
What I can't stand is the Anxious style has to cater to dismissive or fearful. Avoidants need to look at their behaviors and the failures from rational thought.
Guys be patient, time will take care of everything. Love yourself and stand for your values and goals. Values bring purpose and meaning into our lives. Keep going! You deserve the best.
Thanks coach Craig, you and your team always bring me peace and hope 🙏💖💖💖
I'm just replying to the title of your video, but knowing what I know now (most of it I learned from you), and as a person recovering from co-dependency and anxious attachment, you know what, the best way to communicate with an avoidant is to tell him to go to hell. If your needs are not being met in a relationship, if it's just too hard... just let it go... and I am (was/will not be) a chronic love addict. I had to be kicked when the floor several times to be able to say that. Lately, I have been telling myself "wow, are you free?". I hope I am free indeed. I don't even want to watch this video :D I don't want to communicate with avoidance, narcissists, emotional unavailable people, jerks, people who just want to use me, people who have nothing to offer in any level. No... I pass all avoidants They can get busy avoiding someone else, not me. God bless them.
I’m also hoping I’m free💕
@@tigerlily6298 It comes in layers... there's the freedom you feel a couple of days or weeks after the fact and you think "that's it", but you hardly know that's just the beginning of the journey. There's the freedom you feel months later, a year later, 2 years later and very soon you realize you have never been free. Now, for me, 4 years later, I am starting to think that I am actually free, but I am wise enough not to make adamant claims and that's why I can only say I hope I am free.
@@DanielleFerreira-kt7ix Yes I’m fine now, been down this road many times but I feel it’s done now as realising he will never change. Only 2 weeks since I’ve seen him, just hope months down the road I still feel as ok as I do today
That’s a little unfair because we are all dealing with her own demons and it’s not fair to write people off if they are still in discovery
I can relate to some of the things you say, in particular the feeling of freedom having escaped the endless anxious avoidant cycle. After years of investment in a DA it was only when I finally accepted that it wasn't going to happen that I took a look at myself and realised I was not who I wanted to be. I then made some drastic changes to my life and began to focus on what I actually wanted, as opposed to what I was expected to be. I would barely recognise that version of me 15 years ago anymore, and despite the pain I experienced when pursuing the DA I am grateful for the experience that ultimately contributed to me becoming the person I am today.
It sounds like you went through the 'mill of bad love', but as much it hurt you at the time and continues to hurt you now, your concluding that DA's are bad narcissistic people who should "go to hell" is not fair, and it also does you a disservice. The DA's deactivating strategies inflict more damage than an AP's activating strategy, that's for sure, but you bear some of the responsibility in all of this since your anxious preoccupied brain interpreted your partners actions and made you the enabler, just like it does with every AP. It's like giving you the switch to your own electric chair. How high would you like the voltage sir?
Learning about, accepting and forgiving your DA ex partner is honestly the kindest thing you can do for yourself and will help you achieve secure attachment style and to properly move on with your life. If you can't forgive her, then boy you're gonna carry that weight a long time, and maintaining such a negative and unforgiving view of all DA's will prevent you from achieving inner peace and since AP's and DA's are very similar already you might find that chip on your shoulder keeps your guard up and makes you more DA. Good luck finding your way!
Coach Kenneth I like the way you talk and explain and analyze situations you are a brilliant plus funny I like you so much
It's been almost a year, trying to communicate. Finally, he's moved out town and he's seeing someone else. We never made the relationship to take off, anyway. Thank you
Craig, Victoria is a blessing to ur channel.. ""vodka""" Lol.. however, i love ur insights on everything Craig..
My God, this sounds exhausting!
Also, state how you feel and be accountable for your feelings and then state your needs. Thats it. Then give them a few hours to come back. If you aren't confident it will make them nervous.
"I feel betrayed when your coworkers pick on me. I know its not your fault i feel this way. I need my partner to have my back to feel safe and trusting in the relationship" the avoidant will initially take that as criticism. Stay confident and be very direct.
None of that works. What I found works best is to basically become mute and start avoiding the avoidant. This makes the avoidant 10% less avoidant.
You should make a video on takings a break from the relationship to get through problems in life and getting back together when ready
I love you guys!!Thank you!!
Good point about the right timing! Mine tries to escape. I will certainly use the techniques y’all suggest. Thank you.
Mine threatens to block me to manipulate and avoid
Thanks Margaret great advice..
Very useful and thanks you guys
Value you and Margaret; very wise
Thank you, I have been going trough the workbooks which have opened my eyes on how I have been behaving. V1 down 4 to go XD.
Awesome. What do you think of the first one?
@@CoachCraigKenneth Its really good and shows how my past and my partners, I mean my ex partners past has affected us.
It really asks questions which makes you uncomfortable in exploring your inner self. I'm hopping by exploring these questions and sticking to them will make me a better man.
Thank you again.
Currently in Radio silence with my DA. On and off again for 4 years….been following you guys for months now but I think a coaching is in order.
Omg!! I've been doing that of the writting in my notes before I wanna reply, for at least a whole day before replying and going for a walk and it's been a walk in the park with my avoidant ex since then we are getting closer step by step I thought I was crazy control freak by wnating tocthink exactly what I was gonna reply to him so thanks this gives me peace That Im approaching the corrext way! Woohooo I doing somenthing correctly finally it's been sooo hard to communicate with him sometimes I feel like Im seeong the light at tje end of the tunnel thank yoy thank you thnk you
I really do feel like she is gonna come back. I plan on being as secure and ready as possible. Nothing worth having is ever easy.
I'm an avoidant and I freak out when my gf talks about love
Have you thought about why it makes you freak out?
Do you freak out when your parents say they love you? Or maybe they haven't done it enough in the right way to show approval and safety.
@@tigerlily6298 I'm not comfortable being that vulnerable 😂
@@oxymoron458 😂 I get that😭
HERO 17 but why
This makes me think maybe I did it right yesterday with the email and all that jazz that I emailed you my success story
When women say “their man is avoidant”, I’d bet bottom $ they don’t truly love you like they say they do, are playing you, and simply don’t want to commit.
Hello. Are there any sessions from the avoidant point of view? I have a fearful avoidant attachment style and I wouldn’t mind some helpful tips on how to be more open and navigating relationships. Is this channel only for the anxious attachment styles?
🙏 thank you.
Is there a way to help someone determine their own attachment style and their ex-partner? Would love to see more on the topic
Man, I feel so bad. I wish I would have been more patient and that I had known about all of this prior. I was always confused as to why she wasn’t receptive to me trying to communicate with her.
I’m so sorry. I didn’t know
Avoidance just should not get into a relationship! Been dealing with one for 15 years, have a child with him. Never felt so depressed, and insecure and lonely in my whole life! Know more about him in the last 4 weeks since he left and learnt his is an avoidant and watched heaps of these videos. Like seriously I can't do this any more! Feeling in my power knowing whys!!! Not me it's him and so glad I can actually piece myself together and need someone who isn't an avoidant! Waste of 15 years and all the better options I let go that would of made me happy without all the heartbreak and pain and crap! Goodluck guys...seriously think seriously about checking out for good and find normal happiness without the heartbreak x
My avoidant ex ONLY communicates with me face to face at work. Even a few weeks of superficial greeting and work related conversation is enough to send him running for distance. Really difficult to have a conversation from a different room when one person isn't even able to speak!
*sigh*
Can you do a topic on an ex (Dumper) that is on antidepressants?
My avoidant boyfriend whom I haven't seen for six weeks who asked to be alone for a while reached when he feels like it. This weekend he reached out after a week of not hearing from him. He texted me and his message was hey, how are you? I hope you're not upset about the fact that I tested you. My response was tested me for what? And guess what I never get a response until today...hahaha
He's possibly testing your neediness or if you really love him by still staying. That's pretty fcked up
Omg 😰
sick
Anytime I said we should communicate his response would be "I have nothing to say", it was incredibly frustrating..
Can a person has mix attachment style? like anxious avoidant?
I wrote them I have something I have been meaning to talk to you about .... never heard from them again
My DA ex girlfriend after 7 months of dating broke up with me with no reason whatsoever. Her reason was ridicolous and it was just a excuse to leave. I tried to convince her not to do it but i never begged or anything. After 5 weeks of no contact she reached out to me without anything significant. I talk with her like with a buddy. Just few sentences a day. Its just a small talk. She never mentioned anything about us and what happenned. She reached out to me five days in a row with good morning text and was asking about some small insignificant stuff like for example address of the shops or shopping centre we have been together 🤔It is very easy to find it on google maps. And my question is: what does she want from me???? I am so confused...
Tell her to come over with a bottle a wine
Since she broke up with me, I have wished my avoidant (?) ex well for the future and hope she finds happiness.. several times.. but she NEVER wished me it back.., NOT ONCE! 🤣 what’s that about Craig?
“Nothing wrong with me!” My ex exactly…
Craig, I just had email coaching with you and you suggested that my ex was avoidant. Having now done some research, I can say that a large percentage of my exes are avoidants. Am I addicted?
And is it possible that he is anxious AND avoidant. He displayed both sets of criteria 🤷🏼♀️
Text him would explain how it works +1 2 0 4 8 0 8 2 2 3 4..!!!!!!!!
I can't even talk to my ex without her causing an argument in some way
Who is supposed to break a very long no contact period? Is it always the dumper who is supposed to? I dumped my avoidant ex 4 years ago in 2017 because it was an emotionally unhealthy situationship. Are there ever unique scenarios where the dumpee is the one who should break no contact instead of the dumper?
As the dumper, it's your job to reach out to rekindle. Say something like, "hey, I'd like to meet up with you sometime to talk with no expectations." And if they agree, it'll be a good starting point to see them in person and see if they have changed. But, most likely they haven't changed and you'll be doing yourself and them a disfavor by getting back into a relationship and starting to feel as you did before when things weren't right
I've been curious about what to say to an avoidant after a no contact period. How do you approach them for the very first time? What do I say?
My situation is a little complicated because I'm long distance, blocked, and he's avoidant. It was his avoidance that caused the break up (I'm pretty sure of it now that I've done research).
Mine was long distance and avoidant too. Never initiate contact first. The more you contact the further avoidant goes away. Let them grieve and you focus on yourself. Remember their anxiety of not knowing your whereabouts could be the only way they can come back to you. Nothing else.
What about if u write them a letter?
thank you for your clarification craig (11:04). lol.
So what happens when your partner and you’re married and you’re trying to talk to this person and it’s new in the marriage and you can communicate about everything was great and now all of a sudden you know you can’t discuss issues and even when you say to them look I have something that I really need to talk about let me know when a good time is for you and it’s never a good time mornings not good they give you excuse afternoons not good they’re working night time is not good they’re tired and they avoid and avoid and avoid and then you have to start looking into personality disorders especially narcissistic personality disorder‘s and you have to decide is this a relationship that I wanna stay in where I can’t even communicate about getting AAA for the car because the new babies coming and I want to have protection while I’m driving you can’t even talk about that?????? To me I had a relationship even though no one‘s perfect and we all have our flaws you should be able to at least communicate about simple issues if not very important issues someone who is mentally well can communicate about important issues otherwise I don’t see a reason to stay in the relationship or even start one if you see these red flags before you get involved which is much better than my situation where it was 15 years of abuse with someone who is out of the house for two years refusing to sign divorce papers and still abusing me in anyway that he can even though I’ve completely blocked them now they stopped giving me money to raise the child and it goes on and on and on so this doesn’t work in Relationships that are unhealthy and it seems to be that almost 90% or not
Hey Craig would love a bit of help/advice. My ex recently left me, she said she wasn't okay mentally. One week later she got with another man, her best friends ex to be exact. Turns out she kissed him and had feelings for him before she ended it with me. Is this classed as a rebound? I really don't know where to go from here..
Then she belongs to the streets! Don't chase her, move on. As hard as it is, forget her. She left you for another and she'll do it again if she has the chance. I personally wouldn't even allow her to come back if she wants to. Sure, she might be a good hookup buddy down the road, but that's only when your feelings subside
You deserve better. Move on. She isn't worth it
Coach Craig what email can I reach you at I have situation to tell you. It's pretty kool story. After you read it let me know your thoughts on it and what I should I do next
I asked for more alone time while she was stressed out and next thing u know im dumped smh almost a month later still not together smh
My ex texts back, very cold though. She also complimented one of my new songs. Very confusing as to whether I should no contact or try and build connection smh
I’m currently in no contact but I’m wondering if that’s the right thing to do:/ someone help please?
here's a tip.. if they won't even reach out to you at all.. why bother even considering them as a partner or even a friend? life is too short to be treated so poorly, we must forge ahead and enjoy what's next
My ex keeps breadcrumbing, she replies to my insta stories, she sent me snaps, 3 weeks earlier she had a panic attack and told she missed me. I had asked her to meet for coffee and get back to me when she is free. She agreed to it but never really texted about the date for meetup. Infact after this she started breadcrumbing again. Its confusung
The easiest way to get over an ex is to meet new people. Unfollow, unfriend or block. Make your own story. Go out and do all the things that your ex wasn't interested in. You had a life before that relationship.
@@gland5848 it’s so true but unfortunately in 3 years I’ve not met anyone I want to date
What if you and your partner once had open and transparent communication but suddenly your partner starts to be cold and distant rather than having difficult conversations?
What little they do give you is vague and evasive.
Good question that how my ex was in the beginning
It means that he has met someone else.
@@ellenmorse8559 well, she, and you're right.
@@WJames-vk2kp I wish this hadn’t happened to you . Better days ahead! Believe it! 😊
Am afraid this video is just going to encourage more toxicity in a relationship with avoidant people.
Everyone can and should aim for a more secure way to communicate their needs. But that does not mean you should just 'adapt' to the avoidant style.
It's just not sustainable and in most cases will make you an enabler of their behaviour.
How about some alternative advice? Don't be afraid to be the disruptor. You must have those tough, uncomfortable conversations and be true to who you are/ what you need if your relationship has any chance of moving forward. If that makes an avoidant run/shut down/ break up, then good riddance.
🤣 I don't anymore. Just doesn't work
What kind of fathers do avoidant men make? (Not an easy question I know but a vague idea?)
The guy I'm considering for marriage, I've only just figured out has this type of personality. It's been a lot to deal with and figure out if I want to take on years of all this egg shell walking etc with him.
He had mentioned that he wants kids, and intends to play his role as father actively, but that his kids wouldn't be his everything, that they will eventually grow up and have their own journeys, and therefore his relationship with his partner would be more of a priority.
Initially I actually appreciated this answer because I myself believe you should have a life outside of your parenthood.
But now I wonder how his hot/cold, cynical ways would be as a dad?
My father is an avoidant and he had been keen on becoming a dad. Avoidants always like the idea of sth more than the reality. For the sake of emotionally well attuned offspring would not recommend.
@@alexblainelayter7703 thank you for your reply, I can appreciate it can't have been an easy relationship
@@Yasminh159 No but he is easier to understand now that I know about attachment styles. The thing is that avoidants do not know how to relate and that's sth children intuitively get and then internalise. And so the cycle continues.
It'll only get worse after marriage. Get ready.
HOLA BUEN DIA AMIGO , MUY LINDO VIDEO GRACIAS POR COMPARTIR , GRACIAS POR EL APOYO.❤🩹❤🩹❤🩹👍👍👍MI LIKE.
How can they think they are normal, when they haven't had any long term relationships and get upset when someone who tries to connect just gives up
Use NO intros!! Avoidants can’t handle the “we need to talk”.
Just say the bottom line First!!
Ok thank you!
that was my mistaken😞
I think pursuing an Avoidant is a waste of most people's time...imo
But Craig she don't want to talk 😔😔😔
Well you can only control what you do, so stay motivated
Thanks Craig
Mine neither - has gone cold as ice and will not even give me the time of day now
The best thing you can do is move on and find someone who communicates
A few minutes. Can we limit it to under 30 seconds please?
I have strong feelings for an avoidant, at least I’m 90% sure he’s one and it sucks because I’m anxious😩
muchas gracias por el apoyo❤🩹❤🩹❤🩹👍👍👍🙏🙏🙏