How To Get An Avoidant Ex Back
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- Опубліковано 21 лип 2024
- If you suspect after watching our channel and learning about attachment theory that your ex has more of an avoidant attachment style, you may be wondering if that affects their chances of reconsidering the relationship. In this video, we talk specifically about exes with avoidant attachment styles and the process of retracting them.
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Damn, I thought I was an anxious, but after hearing Margaret I might be an avoidant! Is there a combination style and am I screwed?!
@@TonyRossiImpactGlobal a combination of anxious and avoidant attachment is called a disorganized attachment style. Frankly, almost no-one with attachment trauma is purely anxious or avoidant. But usually there is a stronger tendency towards one of these.
How can you realize that are you dating with an avoidant before to be in love with th.??what are the signals at first the relationhip? Let me know please. Its so hard... I dont wont to repeat that situation...
Hey Kenneth, is it true that an avoidant is just as needy as an anxious. They just refuse to communicate their needs or lean on other people because they cant trust anymore?? And that's why they can seek attention from multiple people of the opposite sex at the same time. It's an observation I'm making about my ex
But why would you want to get an avoidant back?!
I think avoidants are just insecure people who make sudden and irrational decisions due to their insecurities and doubts. That’s why they always come back, they realize they made a mistake because they don’t think through decisions before making them.
Facts
100% ... the indecisiveness is jarring
@@wendykleinke get therapy, quit ruining people lives
@Nat Smythe Your response was spot on!! 👌
I agree that you can fix your attachment style and become secure . It takes time and a lot of work and it's worth it and I've been working on myself for a long time and I think now that I am a lot more secure that I can quickly recognize other attachment styles that aren't right for me and my attachment style and I avoid because it just won't work out and I know this from experience.
It makes me really sad that my avoidant ex would rather be alone or in meaningless relationships than be with someone who was patient and understanding with him and the most loyal. He will come to realise his mistake in time because I know I was good to him but it doesn’t make it hurt any less. He even cried over breaking up so I think he knows deep down it’s a mistake to lose me!
I have the same situation now....
Same here,she doesn't know what she is at all,I'm so saddened and I miss her
I have an avoidant husband....and I was anxiously attached. We have done the same dance for a decade (5 of those years married). I would like to think that he did care and love me in his own way to get to be able to get to that level of commitment with me....but every time we neared a deeper level of commitment he would act out....I as an anxious attached person would allow him to walk all over me, even though he cheated etc. This relationship made my self esteem non existent....for a while him and I were doing well, then all of a sudden he tells me he isn't happy and can't do this anymore, within a week a find out he's been seeing some girl he met from our apartment complex....he was totally self sabotaging. We were about to leave to travel nurse to make money and buy a house....which implies a deeper level of commitment. He threw it all away....and he escaped his pains by parading around with this 20yr old girl who allowed him to stay at her unit since I kicked him out. I am now moved out and it hurts extremely bad.....because I still love him. He cried with me and told me he hated himself for being the way he was....so i guess he realizes he has some issues, its like he is at war with himself....he wont change though....although I do wonder if he will regret it one day....the worst part is, I can't do complete no contact because we work together. Even though part of me wishes we could just work it out, I know it cant....and I do hope he never decides to come back because at this point in time, I feel weak, and I would probably accept him. Avoidants suck.
it's a hard place to be in. I'm there now and deciding which door to take next.
Im in the same situation , he left me 3 times 1st & 2nd time he came back, 2nd time we both suffered a lot aftr break up 2 ,3rd time he was mo close but with few rules & if I cudnt do anything he ask or need he gets angry & leave me, 2 weeks ago he broke up wit me in a worse way ,he knows I dont hv my family & that I love him than my life. Recently only I learned he is Avoidant type ,not only BPD. In past I hv told him he might b having BPD , so he tried his best to b calm loving with me. But I felt as he found a rebound gf in July. But no evidence. In August he started chatting wit me in mo closer way than before , then only I saw his Avoidant , BPD , Depression symptoms mo. I feel sorry for him ,I love him. But I need to cure him with treatments & help of Jesus🙏✝️
I’m a female avoidant. I learned this valuable info from this amazing channel. I’m been going through a break up with an anxious attachment style ex. Even though this is the worst feeling ever, I would have never learned what my real problem was. I’m finally learning why I did the things I did in my relationship. All I can say is if you are dealing with an avoidant ex and want them back you need to put yourself first. If they want to get back with you, they need to work on themselves and prove they’ve changed. If my break up hadn’t occurred, I wouldn’t of recognized my issue. I would of continued my same pattern of behavior. I’m not happy about the break up, but honestly it’s the only thing that woke me up. I realized I was pushing someone away that I truly loved. It breaks my heart thinking about all the times I pushed him away and how that must have made him feel.
Coming from the anxious side, honestly, my break up felt necessary. I didn't know any of this stuff last year and feel like it's helped me grow by leaps and bounds, and it taught me why people need space. It's good to hear that the avoidant side can feel the same way about wanting to grow.
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Thank you. I'm also in nc with an avoidant. I pray she can self reflect and know what she really wants in a relationship and allow herself to be that in her own skin and thus share herself too. Love is so precious when you allow yourself the freedom to love and be loved 💖
Im literally going through the exact same thing currently. I pushed him away and now he and I are separated but I realized I couldn’t control anyone or anything but myself.
@@GingeRenee same, same. Except I'm on the other side. I thought I was secure, but realized I was a bit anxious too. I've learned a lot about her and myself after our break up. Currently in "No Contact" right now and I can honestly say I've been growing to become more Secure by taking care of myself first.
Avoidants keep coming back more than anyone I met, especially after you've given up for good. They're always the type to "check in" and then disappear. After watching your channel I found a secure boyfriend and what a world of difference!!
Why do you say that?
True love never die, don't give up anything in life all hope isn't lost.
Hello getting back your ex shouldn't be a problem anymore.
My experience exactly, they run into you in bars, store, pocketdial etc.
check in the disappear! BINGO! was always so confusing
Reject before being rejected… the “preemptive strike”
The problem with telling an avoidant you love or accept them exactly as they are… they hate that.
It's sad. Fortunately I have been learning what is my responsibility and what is theirs. I am not their therapist and it's not my job to fix their problems. When trying to open up, I got rejected and had to hear "I don't want to go through this", as if I was making a drama scene. I deserve to have space for expressing my feeling in a relationship I cannot take it any longer. It breaks my heart giving up on someone you like, but it gets to the point in which we have to choose between letting it drain your energy and affect you social / professional / life, etc.. or save yourself carrying a broken heart.
This is one of your most important videos to help me during no contact. I profoundly realized everything I did wrong as a semi-anxious style. Although I feel proud that I did not chase, beg or do any of the “grand gestures” -I see now (from this video) where I really went wrong. I did not set boundaries & allowed the avoidant to dictate where the relationship was going. I had no control & out of fear of an imminent argument, rejection or showdown I did not state my needs. But then I myself acted like an avoidant by ghosting before I got dumped or hurt more. One of the toughest things I have ever gone through in my life. Doing the workbooks now during 8 weeks of no contact and its helping me a lot but, I still love them. Thank you for all you do Coach Craig and RIP dear Margaret ❤
This is my exact situation
This is my exact situation too omg
Dating an avoidant is either hot or cold. It's an emotional roller coaster tbh.
Yes but we are exciting and that’s why you keep coming back!
@@gutsandgrittv5076 not at all, we are just anxious. We keep coming back because of the fear of loss, but all those avoidant traces are disgusting, even worse when they like to be like this.
I told him it was like an emotional Rollercoaster with him, and he was smiling because he thinks that's what makes the relationship "fun"...
Never take an avoidant back. Nothing personal against them, but why would you want to be in a relationship that lacks emotional AND physical intimacy? Is that not the whole point of being in a relationship?
Not true. I used to be an avoidant but have learnt a lot over the years and am aware of my issues. It’s a start surely. People can change with awareness and knowledge
i just got back my ex. i can recommend you the same man.
@@Sarah-ef2lz sure but you are a woman and probably low on the spectrum
@@evaollie9208 that is true. Or I’ve worked a lot on myself over the years. Agree with your perspective also
They definitely don't lack physical intimacy, the sex was 🔥, but definitely lacked intimacy
The thing is, logically I know it would be a pain to get back together with an avoidant. But 5 months later, my heart still doesn't care.
No is not you are only trying to get rid of the pain but if you think things better you see that you need some time for yourself to find what makes you feel happy and alive
Hello getting back your ex shouldn't be a problem anymore.
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True love never die, don't give up anything in life all hope isn't lost.
Did they come back? Been 7 mths for me....should I give up?
Simple, no contact, work on your self, live a life where u are that sunshine before he met you. Because that is you that he met , not the crying pitiful, insecure you.🤭. My ex came back because I was beaming ray of sunshine, and he came down on his own pedestal to look at mine. LOL. BUT the problem for him now is I moved on and doesnt need him for attention, now he kept chasing and stalking my social media like a fan
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Crying pitiful that's me right now, gotta get it together
@@adoptioncorner1984 girl! Remember you before you met him. Time will actually heal you, just remember you are more beautiful without him
@@mioakisan thank you.
I say mirror the avoidant person, grey rock at times, and focus on meditation
Most underrated on this page!!!
I appreciate Craig’s expression. Very rarely does he look this serious
Best way to get an avoidant to come back is to completely move on from them. That is when they decide to chase for some strange reason.
True love never die, don't give up anything in life all hope isn't lost.
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Seems like ALL exes are AVOIDANT. Thats part of the reason why we do NC right ? if they wanted to talk to us or see us after the breakup then NC wouldn't be justified . Almost 3 months of NC for me now. working on myself in the gym , I started my own business , and overall better person. I see a lot of mistakes I made. Nothing too terrible like cheating , abuse or drugs but mainly taking her for granted and getting too comfortable once she moved in . If she gives me another shot , she will come back to a much better man that knows what to do. Thanks for these videos , they really help. You guys are the best !
This was so helpful to me, my ex is an avoidant. We broke up March of 2020, got back together May of that year. It was wonderful until NYE, three months ago she ended it cold turkey after a fight, we had wedding plans. She promised to not break up with me for every little fight we had but in the end the avoidant came thru and left me high and dry once again.
These kind of relationships are sickening. No one in their right mind should ever CHOOSE a partner like this and please don’t get caught in the trap once you’ve realized you’ve loved someone like this. Leave! They will exhaust you and drain you empty. They need therapy😵💫. This is not love nor is it healthy. You never even hear of successful partnerships with these kind of people… for a reason.
I really appreciate Margaret's research and keen insight. Thanks guys!
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I love the dynamic between you 2 guys !! 😊
I had no idea my ex had an avoidant attachment style (I have an anxious attachment style) and it makes so much sense now looking back on it
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I’m in the same boat. Only after our seven year relationship ended - and spending my time following Coach Craig - have I realised my ex is avoidant and I’m anxious. I wish I knew all this sooner. I miss my ex every minute of every day.
@@natalied9171 I do too, everyone I talked to about her says I shouldn’t miss her and I should just move on but it’s not easy. We broke up a little over 3 months ago now. I do think there will be a day when she reaches out and I’m working on personal growth in the mean time. But I also think when that day comes I might have moved on already which is tough to come to grips with. Just trying to take it a day at a time though and do my best. That’s all you can do.
Watching this one numerous times.
Explains him 100%.
It's a lot to deal with, but I love him to pieces still! I love when Margaret says, "Love somebody exactly like they are."
We got too close for him and now he needs time to himself and space.
I love my baby's father. I wished I knew of the attachment styles and now I know after the fact that we are separated. I miss him so much. I will never ever force him to show love when he couldn't. I love him so much.
Oh MY GOD! It’s like you’re reading a human’s being life totally. You’re describing my EX. . YOURE ON POINT. Wooow very thorough 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽🙌🏾 thank you 🌺🌸♥️♥️♥️
Have you done a video specifically for the self-care needed by a person who has been in a long-term relationship with an avoidant? I barely recognize myself anymore. Finding out about avoidants in the last few days has been such a relief, but I don't even know where to begin with tending to myself. I don't think I was anxious before- I think I was actually secure- but like I said, there are a lot of ways I don't recognize myself now. I became pregnant after dating for six months and have been together with him for 9.5 years now.
I also really appreciate how much the two of you acknowledge how difficult it is to try to make a relationship work with an avoidant. It makes me feel not so insane.
Thank you for all you do.
Hi there. Been there. Done that. Please read break up boot camp.it helped me
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Your videos are great and gives lots of clarity
It helps me to make myself better.
I met a guy online who I really liked but I refused a third date because he was seeing another women he also met online(It's a long story, I was visiting my family in my country when we started communicating, and I ended up staying longer cause my mother was sick).Now that I found out my attachment style and that he is an avoidant, just like my ex late husband, I really need to let him go from my heart and work on my anxious attachment style.Oh, and I just want to add that you guys are wonderful and your videos are helping so much- thank you !
Men with a roster are players and its such a turn off. Women should be the one with suitors and the man should be focused on courting you to be the best suitor.
I've been working towards an secure attachment style....I'm anxious...but I've def improved over the past year ❤️❤️...I have a few avoidant exes to me it really seems easier to just move on and get off the rollercoaster..it's just too much..
If you want to feel insecure, unimportant, self conscience, and crazy- get in a relationship with an avoidant. Better yet do it long distance 😓
@@jennasittler3142 so you don't think there be compromise?
@@emperor_sunshine well we broke up so no lol
I really love you two together! Very complimentary!
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This has been incredibly clarifying.
Recently did a coaching with Margaret about my avoidant ex girlfriend. Margaret was great and now I feel like you two did this video for me. Thank you.
True love never die, don't give up anything in life all hope isn't lost.
ToddZien, getting back your lover shouldn't be a problems anymore
My ex came back to me within 48hours
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The best break down on an avoidant/anxious personalities. After 4 years my avoidant partner tells me we need space and time apart. Never really could specify whether or not it was an actual break up. Still contacted me from time to time but when I reached out to him he was very cold. My anxiety turned into panic thinking he’s forgetting about me but he’s found a way to “assure me” that he’s not going anywhere!!! Very confusing circumstances. He also mentioned that I don’t give him a chance to miss me…. I’ve never been so mind effed
This is my exact story!! I’m currently in the break phase but he hasn’t exactly said that…. I have no idea what is going on. I sent him a msg and he left me on read but he still says “I’m here, I’m just exhausted” … it’s SO draining
Oh that's my ex too. I'm a secure attachment style, but he gets distant and makes me nervous. I'm like dude how long are you going to not talk to me its been two weeks.
Brilliant! Thank you both!! Love Margaret soft spoken style!
Good stuff?!?! Amazing stuff! And amazingly delivered. 💗
THANK YOU! I wish I’d found this channel during my relationship :(. But at least I know I can be a little bit more prepare for the future
Best coaches ever!
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I can believe how cool coach Margaret is! Tough woman!
You don't. Heal from the experience then find someone who has the emotional maturity & discipline it takes to have a healthy relationship. Clearly the person who was avoidant has an unhealthy attachment style & needs to grow up. Find someone who has good communication skills, healthy habits overall.
It really work out for me, my ex came back within 48hours
Whats>app.
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Thank you both of coaches Craig and I miss coach Margaret, God rest her soul❤
I don’t have patience for this. I’ll give you exactly what you want, Avoiders get avoided. Now when I ignore your bs you can self-loathe or have all the anxiety attacks you want or get help. I’m not doing it. Hard pass.
I told him my situation he told me what to do I did it in 24hrs my ex came back begging
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Great video. Thank you so much 💕. My avoidant ex wants to meet after 2 years of breakup and I was so confused . Now I know better how to handle it. We had 10 years together and it was exactly as you said Margaret. I love you, I love you and one day he just left.....
Can you tell me how to got your ex to open up if they are avoidant?
Awesome video, thank you coaches 🙏🏻❤️
The one thing I never seem to hear in any videos about avoidants is the guilt that their partner can feel about not being there for them after you split up. I split from my avoidant girlfriend three months ago, it was a mutual decision but knowing about her painful past and neglect and her narcissistic mum I feel so so so guilty about now being one of them people who have turned their back on her and just added to her hurt 😢 I tried so hard whilst I was there to be her rock but after 7 years of no affection and all the other 'avoidant' flaws I just couldn't take anymore..... But now I'm absolutely riddled with this guilt that I have left someone who fundamentally is lovely but is also not well. Can anyone relate to this feeling? Or could you perhaps do a video on this? Thank you guys 🙏🏻❤️
Omg yes. I left my avoidant three months ago and I'm still feeling bad. It's not their fault but at the same time we need them to realise they are not victim anymore. Take control and better yourself dammit
Omg yes. I left my avoidant three months ago and I'm still feeling bad. It's not their fault but at the same time we need them to realise they are not victim anymore. Take control and better yourself dammit
Completely agree! Im feeling the same, even though my gf left me disappeared acts aloof and completely abandoned me....I still "feel bad" about not waiting anymore for her. Its crazy but I understand what you're saying.
I know how you feel. I want to keep communicating with her and support her and show her she has a safe place to talk and person to confide in and love her always but she speaks to me as if none of this is important. She speaks to me as if she is helping me. I am hurting with the sporadic time she alludes to a future with me, then goes back to being cold toward me. It's as if they don't know what they want. It's hard to be treated like this when you'd once been so important. It's not doing us any good. I am not closing lines of communication but I am going to be spoken to by someone who sees my value and you should too!
True. I had the same issue. But, we are all grown ups who know right from wrong. You can’t be an adult and play the childish “blame my bad parent game.” Mature people take responsibility and work on themselves to become better people. When people play the blame game, they are choosing to avoid growing and learning. Those people fault find and blame others so they can continue to make bad decisions to hurt others. Smart people care about themselves and avoid those undeveloped people. Most of the time, these people play the victim and they know what they do is not right. They are bad people at the core of their being.
Thank you for the clarity on the friendzone for my DA. I said I couldn’t be just friends. I did tell him how upset I was and how he made me feel. I know they don’t like that but oh well. He said he understood and apologized for hurting me. Now in no contact mode. If he comes back cool - if not, I’m good with it. My secure to borderline anxious style cannot deal well with a DA partner.
did he reach out yet? im in day 3 of no contact and its so hard to go from talking to someone nearly every day for 9 months and them telling me they love me and i love them to getting the boot even tho he was crying and so was i when he did it (said he wanted to be with someone near his own age but i think thats just an excuse as my age was what attracted him to me in the first place even tho he said he never anticipated falling in love with me) and this is the 4th time he has booted me in 9 months even tho i treated him the best anyone could, i wish i could be ok if he comes back or not cuz right now im in peices
Hi JJC. Hope things are going well for you. Just wondering if you have heard back from him yet? I said the same thing to my ex about it being too difficult to be friends but if he changed his mind, then maybe we could talk. He seemed to take it ok and wished me the best. It was difficult because just a few days before he was telling me that he loved me but couldn’t deal with his parents not being accepting of our age gap. It was too much pressure for him. He was so afraid I wouldn’t still remain in his life in some aspect. I totally would have stayed friends with him and told him at that time that I would but then I listened to the friend zone videos. Funny how you hear something right before it right after something happened.
If you haven’t heard from your ex, how are you feeling mentally and physically since you typed this post two months ago?
@@itsbritneybitch69 no I reached out to him. We are still friends but it is awkward. Cause when we hang out I want more and he doesn’t. Anyways I found someone else. I’m not letting him keep me from moving on. Not sure in your situation but that sounds not good. You deserve better. 30 days no contact may help you move on from that toxic on and off again.
@@halfanonymous1385 I’m good. I moved on and found someone who treats me better. I contacted him first. I needed time to decompress and honestly I kinda wish I would have just moved on and stayed in no contact. Not sure if he ever would have contacted me again. Im in a limbo stage of still thinking of him but with another man. I’ve accepted he doesn’t want a relationship and at this point I am distancing myself from him because I’m not juggling emotions. I need to focus on my new guy. Hope that helps
@@jjc2323 yeah. That's how it is with me too. She maintains contact but I think she is just checking how I am doing as if when I get better and less attached to her it'll be when she actually WANTS something with me. She has eluded to a future with me but says things like "low chance" things of that nature. It's almost abusive and I can't continue really to make any effort for her at all. She commands the whole relationship. Whatever it is day to day. There are times she has said she loves me, the next day she won't want to hear it. She sent me a selfie the other day and said "I thought you'd like to see me" then the next day she was distant. I'm tired. I hope you are still doing good and if you can understand any of this or it hits home, let me know. I'm going crazy and I am normally anxious but this has only made it worse and it feels like I drive her away even in friendship more everyday. I don't know what to do/say anymore at all. I almost just want to say nothing and let her speak if she wants to. Nothing I do is right. Ever.
As a person with disorganized attachment style, I understand both avoident and anxious, lol
This is excellent information. I can relate to this perfectly. I have an avoidant ex who lives in the same street as me. We were together for two years. I love her to bits, but she is such hard work to be withใ
I think avoidant personalities type people are also very narcissistic.
So true,
I agree
My favourite topic, the Avoidant.....re-attracting him is like surgery....slow and calculating....the first hurdle is over...No contact....he made that move....now it's stage 2...we hooked up allready, and now my Anxious heart needs to calm down and just intergrate my knowledge,skills plus impliment it....I never knew about attachment styles, but thank you to you and Margaret!!Your videos are gold!!He has 2 children and he told me the youngest kept asking where I was....I prepared myself emotionally for it, if that should happen.....
Hello getting back your ex shouldn't be a problem anymore.
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My fave topic too lol. Cut all contact yesterday after 3 years of rollercoaster hot and cold. How long til yours reached out? I don’t think mine ever will
Update ??
These attachment style videos are great. Any plans to do one on the Disorganized attachment style?
They have made videos about disorganised vs. Avoidant atta hment styles. Just search for them.
Well made points and characteristics. Im definitely anxious and my ex gf is avoidant.
I remember margaret mention about infants or baby being studied for attachment and seeing them on youtube makes sense on what shes telling us about on how we developed such behaviour. Cant imagine how a few months old or even a year old kid can develop such behaviour of avoidant, displacement, secure etc. And what disturbs me upcourse is when you neglect them(child) they act very diff from the one who is not. Good thing they been treated by the psychotherapist. The breakup teach me not just about my partner attachment style but also for me to be a loving responsible human being to my future child.
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Now this is the video I have been waiting for!!!
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If only I’d found this channel from the beginning.
Share us with the people you care about!
Obsessed with you also Coach Craig, sorry, I just want Margaret to give me a hug, she looks like she would be the best support through a break up. But you both are :)
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You both are great.
Thank you ❤️
I should hear it before and then for sure act differently...I wasted 10 years of my life hoping he will change, but it was in vain 😢
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I’ve really learned a lot about attachment styles over the past two months since my avoidant ex dumped me by cheating on me and now blocking me on FB. I’ve gotten to the point where I’m moving on and putting this in my rear view mirror. I really really wish my ex would discover these videos and work on herself. I’ve been in NC for almost sixty days now. Yes, my attachment style is anxious and I’ve been working on me because I can’t change her or the things that have happened. I see mistakes that I made and I just want to improve myself for the next woman that comes into my life. Beating yourself up is normal. But you have to realize that your exe’s lost will be someone else’s gain.
I recommend you to a man who can help bring your ex within two-day ♥️♥️♥️
He was the person who helped me manifest back my ex three days ago with out delay 💯💯
Whattapps him
___+ 2::3::4::90::18::08::73::01...
Are you going through any problems right now with your manifestation in life, contact Cheif divinity to solve your problems.....
Wow Coaches...best I've heard with where I'm at with my ex!!! Thank you...you guys are THE best!!!
I know of a man who can help you manifest what you want within 24hrs in
*Mes*sa*ge hi*m on Wh*at*sA*pp..
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We are who the other coaches steal from🤫🤣
I’M HERE TO SHARE WITH YOU THE GOOD NEWS!! DONT GET AN AVOIDANT EX BACK!! THEYRE NOT WORTH IT. YOU CAN GET A BETTER PARTNER.
yes thats totally true!!!!!!
I actually am working to be secure so idk its an effort.
@TheBlanco951 You're sharing bullshit...totally unhelpful...
Excellent presentation on the subject-matter. Since our break-up 15 months ago, I have been searching on You-tube for a video with the perfect explanation as to why my ex avoided a committed relationship.....and this video presentation answered my questions in a 'nutshell' with clarity and the deep inner core of my heart finally achieving my 'mental peace' of accepting the fact, I have a choice to accept my ex-partner with unconditional love or move on with my life. Thanks a million.
I know of a man who can help you manifest what you want within 24hrs in
*Mes*sa*ge hi*m on Wh*at*sA*pp..
=+=1=(7=5=7)=7=0=4-3=5=6=4=...k
True love never die, don't give up anything in life all hope isn't lost.
What's>app...the healer....
THANK YOU! I wish I’d found this channel during my relationship :(
I’m the avoidant anxious type so. I feel you on this lol. I did so many things wrong that could have been avoided and worked on. Didn’t even know this was a thing until after the relationship sadly
Thank you for this video. Best birthday gift ever. I now know I was doing the right things when my ex had came back months ago. He has a lot of childhood trauma he needs to work on if it would ever work.
True love never die, don't give up anything in life all hope isn't lost.
Hello getting back your ex shouldn't be a problem anymore.
What's>app...the healer....
He have solution to all problems
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Really smart, interesting video content. Human beings are fascinating creatures! Thank you.
This is really good !! Is that his mom btw? I always wondered
I don't know if my ex was an avoidant but I remember feeling so confused when he reached out after a break telling me how he really wanted to work on the relationship, he wanted to make me feel comfortable and doubt anything and then a few weeks later he will ask to be friends with benefits...
I already did, after 6 weeks of NC and a year of stonewalling. I'm ok now with the worse case scenario. I'm exhausted and feel relieved now.
True love never die, don't give up anything in life all hope isn't lost.
Dodie, getting back your ex shouldn't be a problems anymore
My ex came back to me within 48hours.
Whats>app...
You don’t want an avoidant back.
It’s a toxic cycle. Move on and start a healthy, committed and loving relationship ❤️
Sounds like you're a quitter.
Though I will concede that some people are too far gone in avoidance to make work, the same could be said of certain people in general who are too far gone in whatever way - avoidant or not.
Love and relationships come however it comes. It's up to you (and your partner) to make it work, to make it successful.
@@BillRWareamen
After a breakup with an attachment avoidant that I didn't see coming, I learned about my anxious attachment style after your Skype coaching session and numerous informative videos. I am well along in my process and can now tolerate her as a non sexual friend comfortably and enjoy her company with no expectations (frankly acknowledging that I wouldn't want another intimate relationship with her). I have had no contact with her to focus on my self improvement and will probably just gradually disconnect over the next several weeks completely as I build more other relationships and my self image as I really don't need her as a crutch. It's been an interesting seven month learning and growing time. When the breakup occurred it was devastating, but now recognized as an important milestone. Thank you for what you do!
💪👋
Some of the best content ive heard❤
She did open up about things that were bothering her. Told me how much she loved me. I could work with her distance and emotional suppression, but a trauma bond with her ex husband is something I can’t overcome. I love her deeply, but she can’t love me in the way she wants to and the way I deserve.
Amazing video, so much knowledge 🌱
I know omanifest whatf a man who can help you you want within 24hrs in
*Mes*sa*ge hi*m on Wh*at*sA*pp..
=+=1=(7=5=7)=7=0=4-3=5=6=4=...k
It sounds like you don't get them back. You just focus on yourself and your health, and attract a secure relationship
Yeah. He always used to ghost and leave me hanging when we were together, till I was Done Done. Now three years later still checks in and trys to keep contact even though Ive said I'm in a new relationship and moved on 150%. Now that there's zero chance... He's really trying.
i hope craig, margaret, and victoria can formulate an evidence-based questionnaire to identify your attachment style
I know omanifest whatf a man who can help you you want within 24hrs in
*Mes*sa*ge hi*m on Wh*at*sA*pp..
=+=1=(7=5=7)=7=0=4-3=5=6=4=...k
I wasn't anxious before....I am anxious now....
we are more or less in limbo now, I'm having space and he is being very kind but there is no fire right now. I'm avoiding even the sparks.
this was your best ever video
Thanks coach i got what i needed to hear.
Yeah in my case DA came back after 6 months. She is emotionally weak due to some situations. I love her not that much still there is some sort of attraction and adrelaine rush :P.
She initiated contact 4 times in a row and as soon as i starting giving her attention she started a lil bit of ignoring. It was all good like teasing, being funny , she was replying well but as soon as I asked her to be over call.She started giving me some excuses and upon asking she said "I just want you as a friend". I have healed 70-80% , so its like i don't even want to have relationship either (she has many NPD traits too) but if its good then i will accept that for the time being.
I have to set the boundary of not to be as friends. I was thinking might she needs some time to think that's why she asked for friendship but that's also correct why i would allow such a person to be in the driver seat and call for things according to their own needs.
thanks for your advice.
really thank you. it was eye-opener
I'm just wondering where narcissistic personalty comes into play with avoidant personality? A lot of videos online focus on narcissism traits but now I'm thinking its avoidance personality traits (particularly the signs of independence, hot/cold, sexual intimacy but not emotional intimacy, the distancing thing) which seem to confuse matters.
WATCH DOCTOR RAMANI.CHANNEL SHE IS AN EXPERT IN NARCISSISM.....LOOK FOR COVERT NARCISSISM....BLESSINGS.
I find that narcissistic people are actually the ones that are anxious. They refuse to let you go. They want you to be with them but will also you keep you insecure and miserable
Hi, I recommend watching Dr. Ramani video on this topic. She says narcissists are in fact anxious. I also thought they are avoidant.
@@esmeraldamontenegro2969 That makes sense to me. I was with a covert narcissist for 9 years and the love bombing and the physical part were suffocating. And any time he had one of his insane blow-ups over nothing he would walk out and then become so anxious when he thought I would not take him back. The DA that I have been seeing off and on for almost a year is the complete opposite~~no love bombing and deactivates frequently.
@@loverofbeautifulthings such a similar story!congrats for getting out
We don’t want them back no sex no intimacy no communication one sided relationship no thank you ✌🏾let them be single and alone and then have the audacity to say why can’t I find one and they don’t put in the work and how can they want a relationship if they do nothing their like robots 🤖 and yes everyone deserves their independence but tf you need so much space for in a relationship
Damn I couldn’t have said that better. Robotic. That’s funny because we just said this to my best friend yesterday. It’s baffling.
When you mentioned the needs and boundaries list, I imagined to send my ex a list of my wishes and had a good laugh 😄 --> How to professionally and definitely scare away an avoidant ex 😉
can you make a video about how to talk to avoidant partner if he is upsetting you sometimes? avoidants dont like being confronted or called out. maybe you can make a video on how to properly communicate with an avoidant partner
and
how do we know if an avoidant is really telling the truth that they need space or alone time when they dont feel well?what if he is cheating and just making excuse and using his attachment style
thanks
Hey Kenneth, is it true that an avoidant is just as needy as an anxious. They just refuse to communicate their needs or lean on other people because they cant trust anymore?? And that's why they can seek attention from multiple people of the opposite sex at the same time. It's an observation I'm making about my ex
After this break up, we broke up once a month, I reached out and I wish I didn't. The only thing I stated was that I love you because I feel that and I just wanted to share tht not trying to re-create anything. He jumped off line and he hasn't responded. I don't want this type of relationship my goal were neglected.
Please make a video on how to get anxious preoccupied back. They are the real tricky ones... since they come back even without a lot of effort. But they come back for connection and not relationship...
as an anxious attachment, they will come back also with no contact too :)
This is a great video. I’ve been thinking of reaching out to my avoidant ex to patch but I don’t think I can do it after hearing. I have anxious attachment and he is an avoidant. I wished I knew all these attachment styles behaviour earlier so I wouldn’t be so hurt and take it so personally. But still I don’t know if I can accept that he is wants so much space and personal time (he only wants to meet once a week and says it’s too much when I want to meet twice) . He also find faults with me which now I think it’s just his defence mechanism. It’s so exhausting yet I want him so bad
Stop chasing him. Stop having time to see him once a week…tell him you can only see him once every third week…or something! Don’t let him make all the rules!
I feel my wife is avoidant in our relationship,BUT she goes overboard with friendships,people quickly become “Her Bestie” and she gets close really quickly,over generous with gifts,which she was with me,she spent thousands on me over the years,but hated kissing,or intimacy,so I’m now confused
What a good video, thank you a lot!🙏🏻
Thank you'll so much!! I thought I had messed up. I told him I couldn't be friends but I didn't say cause it hurts too much or give a reason. I'm afraid I really messed up cause he was showing the signs of interest. But the day I told him I didn't want to be friends he had told me it was all my fault cause I suffocated him. But he had suffocated me too cause his ex had cheated and he was so afraid I would cheat. But he still wanted his space and to have other women just close enough to emotionally bond with them instead of me (I think cause it was "safer" that way) and ger an ego stroke. He hurt me so bad cause he said the only good thing about us was the sex and then blamed me for everything. I lost my emotions. I asked why did he come over just to hug me and break up again? I told him it felt cruel and that he hasn't even apologized for his part. I felt he wanted friends with benefits. Especially since his ex wife and 15 yr old daughter were putting so much pressure on him to get rid of me. So much drama and manipulation on their part!! I know I dodged a bullet but I can't help hopeing he'll one day come back and want to work on it. We had bonded and he had told me things he hadn't told others. PS. I'm in no contact and I start an eight week, outpatient codependency program tomorrow. No more bad relationships!!!
I’m confused. My FA ex ended things with me because I wouldn’t flat out commit to a relationship. But she hadn’t explicitly said she wanted a relationship either. I was in a weird grey zone with her for 2 years. It felt like we were in love
Thank you for posting!!! 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼
I dated a Avoident for 5 months on and off. Yes, the roller coaster. I tried and tried to show my love. I secure anxious. Of course i didnt know anybof these things before i finally had enough and blew up. She would be okay for weeks at a time, talk everyday, mornings, nights. Then she would get cold and sometimes ignorant. And say, you dont give me my space. And i never understood that was important to her. This started in a kinda love triangle. And when i would get close, or she felt that she was getting close. She would back off amd remind me that, he had her heart and always would. That always hurt me. And i put up with it hoping she would see. Even though, she would always say, she appreciated how well i treated her. And when we would lay next to each other, and I would caress and shownher love. She would say, no ones ever done that for me. And she liked it. I still love her, but with the bad break up. I dont think i will ever speak to her again. Now in no contact, and being patient. I have somewhat moved on, but wont commit for some time. Thank you Craig and Margaret for the education. I have always been a study of DHB.
Update?
I'm so done with her, to be true. She's checked my relationship status on SM. And told me I'm fn crazy.
I dont think she will contact me anymore, we did email for 3 months aftet breakup
Oh my goodness it is all what I am going through for years.
What if they text you multiple times during no contact? Should I just ignore them? Wont this send the message I'm done and. they will give up and stop texting? And later they won't contact you again so you can break no contact.
My ex beyond confuses me because her style blends so much into avoidant and Anxious they bleed together I'm Anxious 100% i know that but i have no idea what she has attachment style wise because she doesn't really seem to care about her own or my feelings an avoids all conflict sometimes tho she needs space an time with friends etc. However other times she is super super needy she would want me there 24/7 like to brush our teeth together to shower etc literally it swings. She does have a lot of mental health issues so I'm not sure its very difficult to determine
Idk if my ex is avoidant. Maybe? Sometimes more like bipolar. He’ll say he wants communication but other times he will go silent and shut down during situations when I try to talk to him. He stopped initiating intimacy. But like everything was good in the beginning. Idk what’s up 😂
Yes, my avoidant ex wanted to get back together after I firmly decided to just move on and give up.
How long did it take?
@@niveks2384 about 4 months.
@@HakaseYuki I am losing hope, about 7 weeks no signs of him wanting to come back... Thinking a lot about whether he cared or not
@@komatsu8169 you need to focus on yourself, divert your attention to something else.
@@HakaseYuki do you think they'll come back if i do that 🤣🤣
Dear Coach Craig! I would like you to make a video with the title 'Why You Don't Want Your Avoidant Ex Back'
How I wish I saw this video earlier my relationship wouldn't have ended I miss my ex so much he's an avoidant I thought he didn't love me as much as I love him, I ended it 😭😭
13:10 I LOL'd, real talk Coach C & M, and agree with the whole message of this vid!
There's a spectrum ! You speak of the extremes. Anxious styles can't be with another anxious either
How does this apply when I already agreed to be friends with the avoidant ex, hung out with enthusiasm but no intimacy a few times, and then I recognized that I couldn't keep doing that?
No contact for a couple weeks now. I worry it'll come across as some sort of betrayal however if I respond to her at some point now and say "hey I can't just be friends after all."
Love this video!