Avoidant Exes DO Think About You
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- Опубліковано 10 жов 2021
- If you suspect that your ex has more of an avoidant attachment style, you might wonder if they even think about you or if they will ever miss you. In this video, we talk about the experience for those with avoidant attachment styles and the internal struggle that they face.
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I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again… I love you two! I consider myself so lucky having found your channel. Whether I’m experiencing issues in my love life or not, I can always count on you guys to level out my emotional equilibrium through fact and kindness. You two have something no other channel has …Two Brains and Two Hearts equally magnificent. Thank you
Thank you 🙏 🤗
Thank you so much for sharing that lady's story. That really helps when I think of what my ex did when he broke my heart. And now I get it. Thanks for all you do, Coach Margaret and Coach Craig!
It always makes me feel so much better to realize it was the intimacy that drove her away and not my “flaws”. I still miss her, but it’s getting better every day.
Same thing happened to me with my girl
@@brianrupp5974 Same here guys. Its so helpful to finally know why though instead of just scratching my head in confusion.
Did she reach out yet ,I’m 2 months in and it’s hurting ,how do you get them out of your head it’s sending me crazy
@@bobbyboybabydid she reach out yet?
@@Circy-rd6no no not a peep ,you
My man had a good family. He was not treated bad as a child. Avoidance does not only come from childhood attachment trauma. It can also come in the form of trauma from a past relationship.
VERY TRUE. I AGREE AS WELL
Even if he does miss me, he will never reach out. It's so painful when the person you have loved so much doesn't reciprocate or can easily live without you.
Did he reach out? :(
@@huma7366 yes, after 6 months
@@rosemary4545 ouch such a long time :(
@@rosemary4545 how did that go?
@@crane1984 nothing had changed so I realised I didn't want to put myself into that situation again
Dating an avoidant that puts any relationship trouble on you can be a terrible experience. But if you date an avoidant that is willing to take responsibilty and work on themselves, it can be pretty good. Not easy, but not a nightmare.
In my case it was a nightmare… but some people experience it differently
This makes sense. My ex was definitely an avoidant. I always wondered what might have happened to make him that way. I always felt like he never even liked me. He insisted he did but I never felt loved
Yep. After 9 months of hearing nothing, a big life event happened last week. She's as avoidant as can be and is with a rebound. But she sent me a long message about the event, then spoke kindly about me and my family. For no reason in the message, she said she still thinks I'm a wonderful person. I thought she didn't care and forgot all about me. But nope. And since I remembered my training, my response was positive and relaxed. Surprisingly, seeing the name pop up on my phone didn't lead to a meltdown.
I don't expect a follow up anytime soon, but it helped me a lot to know that she still has positive feelings about me. I was hung up on "why does she hate me" and that really was just me jumping to conclusions. And even though I felt forgotten, there really is more going on in her mind than I could have expected.
Thank you for this feedback, I just couldn't understand how my Avoidant ex could just walk away from what we had.... he used to tell me 'what we have is pure', and we always had such great times together... yet he just broke up with me....I went through all the stages of self-blame and bargaining...
@@sallyelizabeth5215 bogus
Oh the bargaining I feel your pain 😢
Same happened to me, Charlotte. Great times. No fighting. Lots in common. But mine also turned to alcohol and I'm putting all of this together now. Very sad for him. But we deserve more.
Same! And ghosting later and then surfacing two months later to say I should move on. We were attached to each other for a year.
@@kimberlywiesnergorseth6871 in my case I realised later he had sexual addiction too.
I want to thank the lady , who took the time to share her story . I hope she’s reading . I praise you for your courage . I’m also proud you’ve gotten to the point of inner work . Continue the course , I wish nothing but peace and happiness for you . My on and off bf for 3 years , is an avoidant .
You two make a great team! I like the idea of not returning to the avoidant to give them time to feel the pain that their terror has caused as a catalyst for change, and also the statement: ‘are you going to let me love you, or not’?
WOW...what an amazing and brave woman to share her story to help the rest of us who are trying to understand avoidants...thank you so much...very helpful!!!
Most avoidants may not "consciously" intend to hurt the partner but if the very anxious person keeps pushing then the avoidant will resort to whatever it takes to get some space.
I agree 👍
Theyv are ruthless! Plus mean!
@Aisha Naushahi definitely sad
This is exactly what just happened to me, 6 year relationship, love the girl, but she kept pressuring me for a ring, moving cross country to be where she is and I got so anxious and fearful I just left the relationship. I'm heart broken.
@@Unxpekted you wasted 6 years of her life. Imagine how she feels.
Avoidants and any unhealthy attachment need therapy to switch their attachments style to secure. Being avoidant is no excuse and happens over and over again in the next relationship of it isn't worked on with a professional.
I fully agree !
Everyone is responsible for his / her own life & behaviour
I broke up with my avoidant ex 8 times over a period of year everytime I'd go no contact. After a few weeks she'd want to get back together each time. I was lacking self esteem and self respect. I had a sensation she was seeing other men even after going exclusive. I enabled her to continue the toxic pattern. She came from a Muslim family raised in an abusive household. She was into BDSM. After my anxious behaviour turned toxic I was verbally abusive near the end I take 50% of responsibility of the death of the relationship. I'm now focused on myself positive growth. Dealing with my own childhood trauma. They say people with mental health issues gravitate towards eachother and cling on as if it were a liferaft.
Yes .. but You are aware now and I hope you learn and change! I think also we attract sometimes someone or they Come on our path to help ourselve or the other ..
Sending a lot of love to all avoidants, extreme ones and covert ones... The shut downs are unconscious and stem out of deeply ingrained fear from childhood. I have some avoidant tendencies... But slowly I am realising what I need in a relationship (a lot of time together, intimacy, shared experiences to strengthen our bond but also some me time) and I hope to find the right partner for me soon with the right balance of time together and some me time too
This was a fantastic video full of insight. Thank you as always for the great content!
Coach Craig & Coach Margaret... this video was so very insightful! I decided to watch it because I felt like my ex was an avoidant and he certainly is of course but what came as a surprise to me was that I saw myself in that way too. I felt like it really resonated with some of what I have felt. I was abandoned by my father at 3 yrs old and was sexually abused at times by the son of a family friend. I also have a lot of trouble with wanting to be too close to someone intimately or emotionally. I have always struggled to keep independence and feel smothered easily. My ex was abandoned by his mom at the age of 10. I have no idea if he was abused but he definitely shows some of these signs too. He was in the AF when we dated and the deployments probably kept the feeling of being too close for too long at bay which is why I didn't see it at first. Anyway, thanks again for the video. I learned a lot!
I appreciate the avoidant that shared. I know how hard she worked to get to this. Gives me hope that my avoidant may find answers with the clarity I have given her.
Thank you so much for sharing! I am getting more and more sure that my ex is an avoidant. I wish that I knew this a year ago when we started getting serious, but this knowledge does help moving on and moving forward!
You are spot on, Craig, about seeing the world differently once you understand attachment styles. That's useful knowledge for all relationships, I have a lot more sympathy for colleagues / acquaintances / family whose actions I thought were annoying, upsetting or baffling previously. Thank you so much for explaining the conscious and subconscious mind.
You are both extremely professional and elegant the way you discuss stuff is WOW!!
She’s a fearful avoidant which Is way different from dismissive avoidant. Key trait is lashing out and after feeling guilty about it.
Thank you so much for this video. I have suffered immensely by loving avoidant people.
This is too much suffering. I am anxious and get hurt by such things. I've been to therapy for over two years now and last time I opened up and explained I wanted to be understood. I also said I wanted to talk and to understand, but he left and said it would be better for both to break up.
I can no longer accept being treated like that. I do my best to deal with my own problems and I cannot be responsible for others too.
I’m in the same boat and it is so painful. All I asked was to talk, we never did and the next thing I know he is talking to his toxic ex again and told me about it, right to my face, I feel because he knew I’d leave. I am so hurt and so exhausted and yet still wondering if he will come back after some time away and decide he wants to love me. I am miserable😢😢😢
same. she is an avoidant and im an anxious, i always feel like she doesn’t even want to try to change. every time we break up she tells me its hard for her and thats it. then she reaches out after a week. but this is the third time she leaves me and the first time she blocks me.
Craig & Margaret, you don't know how relevant this video is, on this particular date, to me. It's uncanny really. I don't want to say more on a public forum, but I'll explain in an update letter I'm composing to you guys. BTW, we had several skype session awhile back. Take care, and keep up the great work. :)
This is one of the best videos I have watched! I seem to be a narc (avoidant) magnet, so much of what was said here was eye-opening.
Love you two, boy are you helping me right now! Thank you!
You two just blew my mind!! I do ALL of those things. I'm an Avoidant.
Hey you two, this video helped me a lot today. I fell for an avoidant and we dated for 6 months. Not only did I come to realize (after the breakup) that she's avoidant but she's also going through an extremely stressful time in her life with so many things. All that said, we never had a single fight and the day before she cut things off she was telling me how much she really liked me as we kissed. It was quite the shock when she suddenly pulled back the very next day. Now I can see how the intimacy was scary for her. I went no contact after some breakup texting back and forth but was listening to some other awful coaches who advised me to break no contact after about 5 weeks. Needless to say, it didn't go well. Now I'm back in no contact and working on living my best life. I really hope she reaches out again someday though :/
I went through the exact same scenario with an avoidant woman. Things couldn’t be going better and we broke up 3-4 times over the course of a year. She had a bad childhood and worked 60 hours a week. She’d go from saying one day how much she loved me and how she wanted me to meet her parents, or something grand like that, then days later after literally no arguing start to pull away and tell me she needs to simplify her life. 😜 this happened several times.
It actually seemed like the closer we got at any given point is when she’d soon after want to break up again. Telling me some grand thing about love and moving in together even when SHE initiated it scared her.
Just curious did you guys ever get in contact again?
@@Addease Nope :/
Can you make another video about how we will play out our childhood traumas in our relationships until we heal those traumas? And a video about loving yourself enough to respect your standards and wait for someone to match them. I started therapy 2 months ago and I’ve been watching your videos since my ex left me in March after a year and a half. I dated somebody avoidant for 3 months, who I’ve known for 5 years and have tried dating a few times before, after my ex, and I’ve learned a lot since then. I’ve done a lot of self reflection and I know that I’ve been trying to find the love and affection I didn’t get from my mom as a child. Even if it’s been unhealthy. I’d love to hear your more recent thoughts on this.
WOW it all makes sense now! I struggled because I couldn't make sense of anything. I felt so close to him the night before. The next day he used words like " you're making me feel uncomfortable". I never understood why hed "disappear" or "stomewall", a lot of the same words. I'm starting to understand now. 💕
Excellent article...I am going to save this one!
Very insightful session.
I’m pretty sure my ex is an avoidant. I find it interesting that the story you read the woman hated sex when in relationships. My ex would frequently lose erections and he always drank on our dates. He broke up with me soon after he realized he was falling in love with me. He was aware that he sabotages his relationships & was emotionally unavailable. I’m in no contact now. He likes my post on social media but I’m not reaching out first. I’m open to getting back together but I feel like he has to meet me half way. I’ve over extended myself enough.
👇👇👇Wh'stapp him
+2349056214156⏯⏯⏯ Hello it's works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break-up.
@@sallyelizabeth5215 Can you please stop spamming and scamming and preying on emotionally vulnerable people? How the hell do you even sleep at night, get a different job ffs.
Did he ever reach out? My avoidant ex did exactly the same thing. He breakup with me when he feel he is falling or could fall for me. I think he left so early on in dating stage, I don’t even sure if he have fallen for me or he just think he has the potential to fall, but has not actually fall yet. Preventatively, he stopped the feeling by leaving.
@@brookelight2090 oh wow, so much has happened since I made this comment. We got back together for awhile & things were going fine then he ended things again unexpectedly. We were talking again recently but I told him two weeks ago that I’m not interested in being a “friend.” As of right now we aren’t talking
To that person, thank you for sharing! I see some similarities with my avoidant ex and small things I did to make her feel smothered. Though the circumstances for us parting were out of my control, I wonder sometimes if she is still thinking about me or wanting to reach out but afraid to do so. It's been 3 months since the BU.
But it's ok, my anxious heart will keep moving forward working on myself and putting myself first. It will take time but progress is progress.
Any update James?
@@paul8513it's been over a year now since the event and not a single word from her but that is ok.
I worked on being comfortable with myself, and continued to grow with focusing on a new job. I changed the focus to not needing a relationship but wanting one and it can change your perspective on how you interact with potential dates/partners. I met someone new and we have been together 8 months now.
THANK YOU FIR SHARING. LEARNED A LOT
2:13 this. this. this. Preach Coach C and Coach M, and Coach V is very wise as well.
Hi Coach Craig, I know you've said in past videos that online only relationships are principally fantasy -- however, given that many people including myself went through long periods of isolation, and resorted to online video dating during the pandemic, can attachment theory apply the same way as if the relationship were in person? It lasted for 6 months.
dating an avoidant its a nightmare. this is the third time she breaks up with me, there is never a good reason, she just finds excuses when we are getting too close or when its been 5 or 4 months. but she came back twice, thats why i have hope. even if im blocked rn.
Chat on the number above the comment
If she doesn’t heal herself and do the work it’s just gonna continue being a nightmare even if she comes back again. You really gotta ask yourself are you willing to put yourself through that time and time again :/
I’m also blocked by a girl I was dating for 4 months! Only on the phone though and not social media so there is still a door open. I hope she comes back
Update ?
Wow! This answered a lot of questions for me. After 35 years I randomly ran into a man I was engaged to. I now realize he was an avoidant. He would not call me sometimes for weeks and then we would get back together. I dated him for 3 years, got engaged and then he did it again. So I gave him the ring back but we still dated another year until I couldn't take the up and down anymore and ended up marrying someone else. I broke his heart and felt so bad. Anyway when I ran into him a few months ago, I asked him if he ever got married and he said no, I don't trust women. A month later I ran into him again at the same resturant and he had a panic attack and told the owner of the resturant that he didn't want anything to do with me. He ran out the door and I asked him what was wrong. He wouldn't even look at me. Just got in his truck and drove away. I started researching and found your channel. Now I get it. I just wish he would talk to me so I could tell him that I now understood. I don't know if I'll ever see him again though. I am married still but I've always loved this guy and never stopped thinking about him.
Tell your husband how you feel lol
That's sad but you were just protecting yourself. It's a shame he has a problem with intimacy and suffered his whole life for it.
On time! As alwa,s! Can you please make a Video about long distance and break ups?
What an amazing video and what an amazing amount of work she has done. This woman should be proud of herself. Although I have a topic for a debate on a video. An avoidant who I was dating keeps reaching out on a few months. You always say we shouldnt ignore our ex, but I feel played everytime, bc he disapers again. How to show someone that you are still availible without loosing your value?
Set boundaries with consequences so he cannot walk in and out if your life.
I’m in the same boat. I feel like answering him in any way calms him down and he leaves until he panicks again. I can’t take it anymore.....
That's a common theme with avoidants unfortunately they never seem to "get" "the picture" until you just stop dealing with them all together,including any form of communication they really have to be working on themselves to understand the in and out behavior isn't a great combo, if your trying to build a real connection with someone,you really have to build strong boundaries with them and stand on it,otherwise they won't take you seriously lol
Thank you!! You helped me understand my ex girlfriend more. Made my eyes water. She left me when things were going well. I did ask my self what I did wrong! I was left so confused!
I'm in No Contact for 7 weeks now.
Update?
Did she reach out?
@@Rubbberduckyyy I've been in total radio silence no contact for 11 1/2 months now. She hasn't reached out. I'm in a much better place now than I was this time last year. I will never contact her again. I'm now open to possibly meeting someone new. Time does heal!
@@pj8624 glad to hear you’re doing well!
@@Rubbberduckyyy Thank you!!!! It's was a long painful road. How long have you been broken up? Are you in no contact?
My ex says she never contacts people first… even best friends she’s left behind because she cut them out and just could never have the courage to contact them unless they contacted her first. Makes me feel hope is lost aha
Try to see it as a blessing - it's hard I know. If your ex is avoidant, any renewed contact would probably be indirect-direct, followed by hot and cold behaviour and then fizzling out or ghosting, unless she is self-aware and willing to work on herself. If not, that's months of uncertainty and being messed about you're being spared. And on the off chance you were to re-enter an actual relationship with her, there's now the knowledge that she can and will cut you off without hesitation or consultation. Make your own mental and emotional health a priority.
A DA will rarely, if ever, initiate contact after a break up.
@@sshuteandrew that’s so lame. How is NC supposed to work then?
Kudos to her for wanting to change. My ex I believe is an avoidant, we used to together through our relationship, I was recently transferred to another location, our last day working together she keep saying I hope I see you soon, I told her that was completely up to her since she always breaks up with me after every time we're together, then she comes back. This time around I've been in no contact for 2 weeks, but haven't heard word one from her. Hopefully she reaches out soon.
@@biancadelarosa7986 stop trying to promote another coach on this coach's channel, very disrespectful and personally I really don't care
@@biancadelarosa7986 it's doomed to fail again, that's too soon
Hi! I missed you both😍
Why are so many woman experiencing avoidant men . This situation is far more prevalent for woman than men. Sokol and Carter wrote about this in the book ‘Men who can’t love’.
I think the issue is because in traditional roles woman are far more dependant on men because of finances. For men it more in their biology to want their freedom. For woman the bonding hormone oxytocin makes woman more needy and dependant. Besides biology if the man witnesses his father as an avoidant then he will follow this role . I found with avoidant men there is always an absent father or emotionally unavailable father. A father who was a womaniser etc.
Hello the do you need help to fix all kinds of problems in your relationship including getting your ex husband girlfriend boyfriend crush within 48hours??????
Contact father right..away Text him now through whatzapp
He is indeed a problem solve contact him!!!
+12
0
I'm trying to heal from a break up, and I think the UI kinda knows what I'm going thru, or actually these videos come right in time for me, but somehow I feel like they hinder my healing process as I have revisit the whole ex situation.
Let me watch to the end anyway 🌺🌸🌹❤
Love you two. Wise wides too.
He moved away after we broke up and I told him I wanted to schedule a meeting to discuss somethings but he told me he will be back in December to visit his parents.
I’m not going to reach out again and see what he wants to do when he comes back in December. It’s his move now to contact me if he wants to meet up and talk. And I have plans if he doesn’t behave
The article was excellent. She has done a lot of work. I had a very good childhood. I was lucky. I cant deal with the avoidants behavior. I wouldn't trust them ever again. Sorry. I couldn't even be friends with them. Not even a friend!
Ageeed
I wish i could believe my ex thinks about me.. I just can’t see it .. I’m blocked since end of July.. she told me to chuck her stuff out rather than send it on.
I’m finding that my head is totally messed up by the experience. I feel like I’m just not good enough.. having no closure is really soul destroying
I understand. My ex blocked and ignores me too. I gave too much and he took it forgrsnted. So heartless, he had a way of making me feel like im the one to blame for everything and needs to change. It always takes two, he was so screwed up and did me a favor by blocking me..weird thing is tho i still love him and still can't get over him 8 months later! x
@@erinajoan Yes.. she ended with me 4th April., and I’m still struggling to comprehend and get over it ..
For me it was in the end of March and I, too do struggle. Je called two months ago, but nothing came out of it
These videos are so helpful. I didn’t know anything about attachment styles. My ex was an avoidant and broke up with me when things were good. She told me during the relationship she was scared to let people get close because she didn’t want to get hurt. She always relied on herself. She didn’t understand why I was upset when she didn’t wanna hangout or when she didn’t wanna call when we were in long distance. This information is so helpful going forward. We were good friends before dating for about a year and a half then dated for 6 months. I’ve been in no contact for almost 7 weeks and it’s getting a little easier. I love her very much and we were a great fit for each other. I now know that I was smothering her (I’m an anxious attachment style and am working on myself a ton). These videos really have been eye opening. So many questions I had during our relationship were answered.
What about friends with benefits with an avoidant? I'm FA and my FWB is DA. It's been a lot of back and forth for 4 years. We keep coming back to each other every time. How can you spot the difference between a DA who wants FWB bc they lack feelings and a DA who has feelings but has found a way to not commit.
I definitively have some avoident tendencies but im not full blown avoidant. I try to talk through issues and listen to what a girlfriend says. I do have trouble opening up and depending on others for help. I have a small circle of trusted friends that i have maintained relationships for 20 to 30 years so they are who i go to for advice rather than people i am in a relationship with.
Craig, could you make a video about how to solidly start a relationship with a Fearful Avoidant? I’m concerned they might get scared off as we get closer
I would like to see this too!
Yeah probably don't start one is the easiest thing to do
I think what I’m realizing is that I’m an anxious and I’m dating an avoidant
im sure my ex is dismissive/fearful as he loves loves time on his own and doesnt depend on anyone but has fearful tendencies as he has broken up with me a couple of times and cried hard when he has and then for days/week after still treats me like a gf and we get back together, last break up 2 weeks ago was after an amazing weekend he kept telling me over how much he loved me then phoned me up later that day to dump me, then hours later said sorry he was so upset and carried on being sweet for a week so i was sweet back and then for the last week hes backed right off ive had to initiate texts and i get polite answers when he does reply, ive now not text him in 2 days and we have never gone that long in 8 months without speaking, am i doing the right thing?? i see everywhere saying do no contact yet he said in a roundabout way hearing from me hurts him and he needs to not hear from me to move on so wth do i do as obvs i dont want him to move on :( its so shit p.s i dont know if he is avoidant after watching this as he said sex as so much better with me as he was in love with me
Hi!
Thank you so much for helping us endure difficult breakups and situations. Your content is so good!
Something really got my attention... minute 7:25 regarding sex with an avoidant.. Could you please elaborate more or make a video on avoidant enjoying sex with strangers but not with someone they loved or cared about?
I was recent with an avoidant (male), and he would rather sometimes jerk off before having sex with me. Why is that?
Brilliant craig my ex is avoidant and I struggle with does he think about me
My ex recently posted an old video on her Instagram highlights in which she was wearing my shirt. I’ve been in no contact for 19 days and this was posted after the breakup. Hmm weird
Hey Craig i watch all your videos since Jan 2021 and im in no contact for 10 months like you and margaret suggested in your videos but my ex didnt reached out. I agree as you guys say she may be miss me but do they come back..?
Well I'm 1.5 years of NC with someone I consider an anxious attachment style person. So yeah, they don't always come back. (Or they come back way too late.)
Me and my ex broke up for about 2 months, i took time to better myself but then i came back and we talked frequently and hung out. But she was still confused so I did no contact for about 1 week and she came to get back together with me. She went through my phone and saw i was talking to my ex from 3 years ago and that i was telling her about my current ex because i wanted to confront the fact i got trust issues from her and it affected me in this relationship. I told her i still loved her from a distance and wish her well but i also got drunk and texted her i love her because she was my first ever true love . My current ex was mad and felt disrespected and broke up with me again after 2 days of getting back together. Does no contact work for me again this time?
Why did she go through your phone? Huge invasion of privacy.
Obviously, I am on the opposite end.., but aware and working on myself. I hope my beloved avoidant will reach out to me, at the moment he is seeing someone else apparently.
Thank you! 🙏
This video was very helpful. My avoidant of 3.5 years left me. It's been 2 months in NC.
Any update?
@@paul8513 HI Paul, yes. He contacted me on Valentines day 2022. He's a Fearful Avoidant, also known as Disorganized Attachment. We had a discussion about it and now he's trying to get help. It's a very hard road to travel on being with an Avoidant. I decided to stay with him, but what I did was I really started developing my own interests and hobbies and took it to a whole new level so that I actually don't miss him when he's in "deactivation" which is truly 99% of the time.
@@whiterobin01 I’m glad you managed to work things out. I was dating an avoidant recently and from the start I was genuine with her. I fell in love but twice she pulled away and I had to recover. The third time I became very needy and she blocked me everywhere apart from insta and facebook where we exchanged a few messages but we’ve been in no contact for over a month now. I have to agree dating or being with an avoidant is extremely difficult especially if you are a very loving person because you have to be careful not to smother them. I really hope she reaches out someday though as I think she’s worth fighting for.
@@paul8513 YOU are also worth fighting for! So be good to yourself and fight for yourself! Being with an avoidant I think kind of makes you into an anxious preoccupied, even if previously you thought you were securely attached.
@@whiterobin01 thank you so much, I needed to hear this. I came out of a 14 year relationship and jumped straight into dating so it was bound to happen! I wish you all the best for the future and truly hope things last with your loved one.
My ex is extremely avoidant and after 4 years together, I’ve literally not heard one word from him since I messaged him 10 days after the split. I accidentally called him and I got blocked and I’ve not heard a single word from him. His whole family were blindsided. It really hurts that someone who treated me so well could block me out and never contact Me again. Do I have any hope?
My break up happened a week ago with a DA. When they need space away from us then they block us as the same thing happened with me. They deactivate their feelings initially from 1-2 months then they start feeling the loss. We should let them be and if it’s meant to be then they will contact else focus on your healing and move forward.
@@payalsadana5615 we broke up on 20th June after 4 years of a LD relationship. At first he didn’t block me but he was silent. I begged once or twice then gave up. But after I accidentally rang him, he blocked me. That was the 2nd of august. He deactivated his only social media also. He only used it to follow me. X
@@payalsadana5615 it’s just so painful to me. He literally pulled the rug and I didn’t expect it. I’m still hurting over it and he doesn’t seem bothered at all.
@@spiderofsorts7611 I am sorry to hear that. Your story is kinda mine. I was in a 3 years LD relationship. When her feelings are deactivated then she doesn’t block and stay silent and would ignore my messages but when I start asking her to reply many times then she would block me. It’s draining to be honest. Since yours been quite sometime now that means he needs more time to come around. Best is you pull all your energy from him and bring it back on u. And do things that u enjoy doing. Energies work like magic..
Yes. Just don't contact him. He'll come around. Mine always does.
i took your advice and my ex reached out after a week of NC and it was about her giving me my bin of stuff that i left in her car but nothing about the clothes she has from me. i said okay sounds good and she opened it 3 minutes later and ignored me. what do i do? or what does that mean?
@Temi Abdullahi why’s that?
My husband and I have been separated for over a month now. He is rebounding with some random girl he barely knew. We still have to see each other every now and then because we work together....a couple of days ago he gave me some stuff he had of mine out in the parking lot of work....he waited around until I got out of the car and walked with me ....mind you...i haven't been talking to him or checking in on him except for when we first separated we talked about splitting our finances. Other than that I haven't been emotional since I left (he wanted the separation/divorce). Anyways, he is walking alongside me....and he asks how the cats are....I couldn't believe it because Craig has mentioned this so many times in the video that avoidants will reach out with these types of questions. I was very short and I did manage to walk off hurriedly after we rode the shuttle...(i went and sat all the way in the back, and he followed me and sat next to me, didnt say a single word, and i definitelywasnt showing that i wanted him to)...which....to be honest idk if I mest up by doing that and closing the lines of communication....regardless, I felt extremely uncomfortable him talking to me, I couldn't do it and I had to put myself first and just get out of that situation.
I always find myself sad though here at work wishing he would give me attention....I have so many urges to just go over to where he is and talk to him and hug him....etc. but I'm not over the pain he caused. Thank you Craig and Margaret. These videos give me peace.
so what does a semi avoidant do while she doesn't have the tools? I'm here with nothing to show for it, working on myself progress
Wow this is my ex to a T, she claimed she was scared to lose independence and when it was good , she claimed she was doing so wrong
The girl had a lot of trauma in her life, I respect the courage she had to voice that. Massive respect ! Do you guys think she can also have a dissociated attachment style? Physical and sexual abuse, from the family, can lead to an extreme dissociated style. What's you opinion about this? She does a very good job pointing out the avoidant parts. I don't get the part with "she disliked sex with the close person", was that a difficult relationship to sustain trait of an avoidant, or is that a dissociated attachment trait ?
Do a coaching with Margaret
I can relate to this. My ex doesn’t want to have sex with me, because he is afraid of falling for me deeper. So he was comfortable to have sex with his ex who he didn’t
like much. He felt safe to have sex and possibly getting more attached to her when they are together. But he really likes me, and felt he is losing control. Therefore he didn’t ever have sex with me. And run away before sexual attraction getting too hot.
Abuse does not justify being abusive. There are millions of people who have experienced worse trauma than her, and they are the kindest, most loving and compassionate people on Earth and they would NEVER treat anyone they way they were treated.They would never dream of doing the things this woman did because they know how it feels and they wouldn't want to make anyone else feel that way. Abusive behavior is a conscious choice. People who act this way are doing it because they want to, they feel justified, and it's their way of getting revenge for how they were treated by a completely different person or people.
I am really wanting to know what drove this woman to the insight about her avoidance? A bad breakup?
Might be some deep introspection
Thank you for this video where can an avoident get the help they need once they recognize there's something wrong with them?
I wonder if in my situation my DA type ex would even think about me. She claimed that I broke her trust by not letting her be alone when she needed it. Is that a thing that will eventually heal or was that the end of a road for us. When we last spoke before we went our seprate ways she told me that I was the most polite and gentle man she knew and was in tears when she told that to me. I just don't know if I even should try to get her eventually back or just leave and move on.
A hugely insightful video! Thank you both. I’ve just recently found out that my ex’s Dad passed away following a short illness. Should I reach out to offer my condolences or stay quiet?
IMO, in that kind of situation, you should make an exception and reach out. But I don't know your whole story with that person
They decided they don't want you in their life anymore. You reaching out does nothing for you outside of being a "good" person. Their family, their successes, failures, illnesses are no longer things for you to participate in.
👇👇👇Wh'stapp him
My ex was in a narcissistically abusive marriage. Her family is wonderful, but after that marriage, she’s a brick wall.
It is so true. They do.
My ex is an avoidant and he moved away after we broke up. He told me in his email he will be back to see his parents…but the thing is does he miss me and want to see me?
my ex never thinks of me. He doesn’t feel anything for me and he never will anymore. He didn’t even reached out just for once. He never did and he never will :((((( what should i do now?
No reach out doesn’t mean he isn’t thinking of you- however it also doesn’t mean you wait around for him. Maybe it’s time to forward to better people and things.
Is it a possibility that being in the military can cause someone to become an avoidant? It's not to say that his childhood didn't enforce it but I feel like the military could've been a true driving force to lose his ability to want deep connections and to communicate. Just wondering... thank you guys for that insight
Interesting question. My ex retired from the military and had only short relationships while he was in service
I'd like to see how about your ex husband or boyfriend going into a rebound relationship?
Nailed it!
Chat on the number above the comment
Coach, do exes with disorganised attachment return after breaking up?
If I believe that the reason we broke up won't change, I won't. Friendly neighbourhood FA
Thank you for creating videos that makes me feel better from anxiety 😢 I just want to ask is it possible that no contact rule works even I have suicidal attempt the day we broke up , we broke up 2 times the first comeback is just last 1 week then the last we broke up and I got suicidal attempt ...is no contact rule works it's been 21 days of no contact with him now
👇👇👇Wh'stapp him
+2349056214156⏯⏯⏯ Hello it's works I can't believe am with my love again after so many years of break-up
im in the same situation, only its my third time. she even blocked me
More than likely not, youve gave them WAAY to much power and possibly freaked them out because they don’t want YOUR life to be in their hands. It’s too much pressure. Hope you’re doing well now
We argue she told me she needs time, so i start no contact, after 2 weeks told me she wants to break up, shes feels calmer without me, then she blocked ME.When relief stage really started? Any chance to miss me with time if i go into no contact?
the first time my avoidant broke up with me it was the same. she asked for time and i couldnt take it anymore after 5 days so i texted her and she told me the best thing was to break up. i was devastated but still did nc. after 9 days she reached out again and we got together. im in the third breakup rn tho lol
@@byunsdale so you think my ex îs avoidant too?
My ex is an avoidant,we were together for almost two years,he met someone after 5 months they've already been together for a year,he doesn't seem like he misses me or thinks about me he seems to proud,ignores me in public,has tried to make me jealous in the past using he's partner a few times he was talking about there sex life right infront of me one time,he obviously didn't see anything wrong with that lol I'm not sure If I believe they don't mean to hurt you he seems to be fine with he's actions.
@kylie burton that sounds like a full blown narcissist. Anyone who intentionally puts you through that emotional pain rubbing and showcasing new supply and partners in front of you, intentionally making you jealous, etc. That doesn't sound like someone with good intentions. Avoidants typically have good intentions, just are overridden by fear and insecurity subconsciously. Narcissist intentionally try and cause pain to stroke their ego.
@@hmanfilms no he's not a narcissist I would have picked up on that as I grew up around narcissists mother, grandmother, ex's before last ex,I have told craig all of this on a Skype call he straight said avoidant so yes definitely not a narc.
My avoidant ex of 4yrs was a lovely guy, the problem for me was I never felt attractive for him, intimacy was really hard work on any form, a girl loves to feel attractive and wanted! We had a great relationship other than that, he never made love and I could feel he wasn’t enjoying it, he was never ever romantic even on dates or on holidays, it’s like ur just really good friends and for me it’s not enough, his last ever relationship was when he was 23 with his 1st love and unfortunately she died in a car accident after they argued one day! He’s a very soft cantered person so I can only imagine what pain and guilt he must have felt and carried with him all these years, he’s now 48! I even thought he was gay, im not sure if he’s an avoidant but that’s what my heart says that’s what’s wrong, does he sound like an avoidant or could it be he’s gay?? 😢
I’m the 1st ever sexual partner he’s had since! Sometimes I feel guilty for wanting to be intimate and tried so hard to put my wants and needs to one side, the relationship with him was always one sided even though he did try, he used to say iv tried but that just used to make me feel worse, like I don’t want someone to try to feel that way 😢
God I’m sorry for this person being abused.. not sure why once you’ve proven as a partner you can trust .. are still avoidant ..
A psycho therapist…that adjective makes me laugh. I know what you mean…just my adhd brain goes to …”is there a psycho teacher…a psycho doctor, a psycho dentist…a psycho engineer… a psycho sales person?” 😂
Seems tts a very low chance that the avoidant will ever come back for good.
Chat on the number above the comment
Hi coach Craig how can I email u
The only way is through an email coaching on my website. I’m simply too busy to read any emails without a coaching
@@CoachCraigKenneth how can I join the coaching link
On my website AskCraig.net
It's almost as if my separated wife wrote this
Craig, is there anyway that this Bianca and all peddling fakes such as herself can be blocked? Aggravating
It’s spam bots. They’re all over UA-cam now
Dammit Craig! I don’t want to date an avoidant but I’m avoidant!!! 😭😭😭 what to do!?!
Heal
Learn about your mental health or your going to be stuck like this! I am doing this my own. I am anxious bit, better get started it and do it!!!!! 🚨
My ex had sex with different women on our on and offs but would say he was tired when it came to having sex with me and I was dumbfounded cause he sleeping with others
Margaret ❤️🩹❤️
If he thinks about me or not it’s not gonna effin matter…it’ll be the same bullsh*t…. I’m on here to remind myself never befriend or date them ever I’m sorry you can’t help it but I can and my 💩 was hell compared to his… I think it was a past relationship more then anything else… specifically his ex wife.
The avoidant I was dating for a little over a month just ended things with me because he said our attachment styles didn’t match and it was ok. I thanked him for his time and told him I had fun, but now I wonder if I should have pushed back a little. 😢
Update?
Should you ever reach out to an avoidant?
An ah ha moment
what happened to Margaret? I miss her!
She was in both Monday and Wednesdays videos