Avoidant Attachment Style Triggers
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- Опубліковано 29 тра 2022
- What are the triggers for an avoidant? There are certain things in our environment which can trigger our insecure attachment style and cause us to react in inappropriate and sometimes extreme ways to the situation. In this video, we discuss the avoidant attachment style and certain scenarios that can trigger past hurts and cause your partner to either react strongly or completely shut down.
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Flying home from California and had no time to make a thumbnail… Oh well. Hope you enjoy! I’ll make one soon!
Hello May I ask the qualifications of Victoria? I know you are professionally qualified and I am wondering what her qualifications are. Thank you
@@deekircher21 there's a video for that.
I tend to be anxious and I actually just broke up with my avoidant bf yesterday. I love him but I literally cannot take it anymore. The thing is I keep seeing all these videos and information out there about how anxious people need to adjust to avoidants but very little, if anything about how avoidants need to adjust themselves to anxious people. It's always the opposite way. I'm done with it all together. I love him and I hated to have to break up with him but for my own mental health and well-being I felt there really was no other option and I know he's upset and whatnot but I'm tired of the toxicity of never knowing when I'm triggering him and him suddenly fleeing. The silent treatment and when I ask a simple question then he with draws but not telling me why when I ask. It gets to the point where you feel like you're being emotionally abused. I just don't think it's fair that everybody constantly has to adjust to the person who's avoidant and it doesn't seem like there's a lot of information out there about how the avoidant has a responsibility that if they want to be in a relationship, they need to meet the other person halfway and compromise. But I'm done with it. At this point I'm so sick of it I rather just grieve and move on. There's a lot of men out there and there's bound to be one that will appreciate me and wants to commit to me and communicate in a healthy way. And if not, I would rather be alone than be on the emotional rollercoaster I just left.
@@fj4731yes I'm the dumper this time and I'm done. With the roller coaster that I have been on with him, and him being an avoidant, trust me I have been on the receiving end of being dumped by him because avoidance tend to have this black-and-white notion that as soon as the slightest thing goes wrong, it must be the relationship instead of their inability to cope. And then me being anxious I would start the cycle of reeling back him or he would become anxious when I would disappear per his request and he would real me back in. I am done with the cycle. His avoidance behaviors simply feel emotionally abusive now at this point. I've been on an emotional rollercoaster with him for quite a while and nothing has changed. As long as he acts helpless to help himself, I can't be with him and he needs a lot of help that I'm not willing to wait out anymore. I don't want to be in contact with him so his doing no contact at this point isn't useful. I'm not interested in reconciling. I gave him many many many chances and those chances have run out.
@@djpdyson Good News! After 86 days of No contact and this one last deliberate attempt to coincidently bumped into her, show a happy face...Finally today this morning she text message me : Honey, I want you to receive Jesus , we meet on Sunday !!! What should I reply and Must I use all alpha musculine Strategy to make her chase , so should I play the dont reply so soon let her wait 12 hours, and in person what should I do when I meet her on Sunday our official 1st meeting if ever she is thinking of getting back together or stay reserved ? To Flirt , playful and then make love to her ? This is on and off for 3 time I got to make it right! Be irresponsive be unavailable, be a challenge , mission focus , dont put her on pedestal , let her earn it ? Set boundaries, be emotional strong and unfazed and passed all her shit test and get ready she pull away hot and cold mixed signal and never say I love u ..she text me "Honey" is it a good sign and should I reply "Baby" as what I usually would call her pet name ..this dating game is hard to get....and that 86 days were the hardest days in my life..my 1000% depression drop to 10% , i can not show her emotional weakness again..she want me to be successful in life ...I have to make her submissive and respect me and never reward her for bad behavior and to lead her as The Man the better version 2.0 high value stoic stone
I feel the same way. It is one sided, although I feel if the avoidant were told to put in more work, they would give up on the relationship altogether saying “it shouldn’t be this hard”
@@adrij4961 that's exactly what they do. They give up. At least until their anxiety kicks in but often they wait so long to reach out, they anxious person is over it. Because while we grieve hard, we tend to grieve pretty fast and then we're just over it
@@adrij4961 omg this is exactly what ex said
As an avoidant myself, a lot of these are very relatable!
My ex would constantly ask me what’s wrong or to tell them what’s going on, and I felt like I didn’t even know what to say, because I felt like I couldn’t process anything. It’s too bad that when I told them I needed space to reflect and calm down, they would get so sad and hurt.
That’s how it was with my parents too. They wouldn’t give me what I asked for and kept butting in.
If this scenario happens again (when I need some space to decompress and the person isn’t okay with that), I feel like I can better communicate to them my needs but to also ask them what can I do to make them feel comfortable, important, helpful, etc. and find a compromise.
I’m so happy that I am working on myself! Getting to see things in a whole new perspective has been absolutely helpful and insightful.
That's great that you recognize it and are working on it. I wish my ex avoidant would work on it too . But it's something he has to want to do and he told me he didn't want to change and liked who he is. So I guess he will continue on breaking hearts. So hurtful 💔
@@adoptioncorner1984
I am very sorry to hear that someone you really care about isn’t willing to see or even understand what they are doing can be hurtful :(
I kind of understand why this person doesn’t want to change who they are. To them it looks like there isn’t anything wrong and that what they are being told is just “dramatic” or it’s “needy”.
I wonder if they are interpreting about what they are being told as “they are not good enough as a person”. I remember reading about how sometimes when people try to encourage another to be better/healthier, it tends to be seen as a demand rather than a request. So I wonder if that’s why your ex is saying that they don’t want to change because to them it sounds like they must be somebody else who they are not, somebody different because they are not good enough or they are not accepted as who they are.
For me it has taken a couple of months to understand why some things I have done was very painful for my ex partner. To me, my actions looked like it made logical sense why I would behave or interpret some thing in a certain way. I expected my-partner-at-the-time and just people in general, to understand my response and needs because I thought it was something universal and obvious…
I hope that maybe someday in their life they will come around.
But yeah you definitely don’t deserve to be with someone that isn’t willing to work on themselves, no matter what the reason is.
I wish you all the best on your journey of growth and grief, and also your journey towards happiness :)
How long did you need to process and or decompress. Having spent far too long trying to work out my avoidant this post is such a help
@@asher6047 When I say to decompress I mean it like I am just overflowed with emotions and I need to take time to feel them and understand them, but to then also comfort myself so things feel less overwhelming (like, things are not so impossible or catastrophic or black and white as it feels to me, and that my sensory processing will lower it’s intensity since light and space seem more intense when I’m anxious or breaking down, and to not feel so influential to act upon my emotion that could be hurtful)
It honestly depends on the situation. It could take a while simply because you could be suppressing those emotions by subtle denial or avoidance and or using logic to “feel” your emotions, maybe there’s more things than can be extending the decompression session and it could end up only helping you in the short term, but still feel uneasy. I think it would take less time if you could talk about how you’re feeling and what just happened with somebody. But for me personally I need time to do all of that by myself first and then talk about it with someone after that.
For me, it might be 30 minutes to the whole day or more to feel like I fully understand things. I noticed the more afraid I was feeling, the longer it took for me to feel okay again to reach out or to accept other’s reaching out to me- basically to be less avoidant.
When I feel like I can understand the reason why I’m feeling a certain way, feeling capable to talk, and my sensory processing isn’t so high, that’s good enough for me to go to someone or to allow someone to comfort me and to also just talk about what happened with that person: usually telling them how the situation made me feel and why I was behaving a certain way, then allowing them to share theirs and to then comfort each other or even to ask reaffirming questions or just clarifying questions, and maybe come up with a plan or goal if it’s needed.
Hope this helps :)
@@user-jp3bu6cx9q at least you were honest and said you needed time and space and you didn’t make it the other person’s problem or lash out on them or do it with disdain! That is extremely commendable. It is really good to see it from your side, and definitely they talk about the overwhelm…
As an anxious right now and current relationship, I would offer the perspective that perhaps it might be safe to process it with someone who is anxious or anxious around you because of the dynamic, because usually we are pretty good at processing emotions back-and-forth and connecting and even though it’s really scary, you could give it a couple of tries sometimes but say that you need to go slow, just so you can perhaps experience would it might actually be like going into some thing fearing that you don’t have enough space, but ending up having the experience that it wasn’t so bad after all… Once you had that experience a few times it might really help you get over a big hump together.
Especially that if you’re not running away or pushing the other away, the anxiety can really go down and you can bring out the best in your partner and see just how supportive and understanding they can be. How validating to your feelings, and how they are OK with the fact that you have needs. We really really are OK with the fact that you have needs, but we don’t want to be hurt or pushed away in mysterious insensitive ways. We want to be respected and we want to receive the message that we have something valuable to offer as well because we certainly do.
I think that last point is especially important to consider if you have an anxious attachment style. Do not take an avoidant's need for space personally
Seeing each other twice a week made me feel needy. Dating avoidants is a real challenge, man.
i can understand why you'd feel that way, but that doesn't make you needy, it makes you human. you know, there's a word for being alone that often, it's called being single.
I only got to see mine 2 times a month....he made me feel needy for that.
@@bunniewood lol
glad i'm not that bad but i need my space
2 times a weeks is not needy at all it’s common sense!
My ex is a textbook avoidant - the final trigger was his sister's wedding and fear that this is what's next for us and I'm not ready, as well as seeing his friends move on. This was post buying a home together and going on holiday together. I feel bad for him because he ran from me, his fear and trauma. He definitely triggered the anxious and abandonment fear in me - but so proud I finally stood up for myself and my needs and told him to leave me alone because he continues to hurt me. I was actually a secure gf and was there for his anxiety and talking through his emotions and trauma, but his projection made me feel guilt, shame and loneliness and he could not be an emotionally supportive partner to me (literally called me too negative). 8 months on from the breakup, 3 months NC and I still wonder if I'll ever hear from him or if he'll ever do the work on himself or just keep running. I feel sorry for him that he's this way but it'll always be the same unless he decides to change and understand and move on from his trauma rather than blame others for his emotions.
Very strong of you that you stayed with your needs. This is very difficult if you love someone. I have the same problems. Stay strong and let me know if he reach out💓
I got the same "too negative" narrative from my ex. It is sad. But you can't make the horse drink water, you can only lead him to it.
Your situation reminds me of my one ex bf/lover/FWB Nick Cosme.
“If your partner is triggered remember you are not the origin of there trauma , there trauma is the origin of there trauma” thank you Victoria, I triggered my partner unintentionally and it opens up a whole can of past trauma, i honestly have been so hard on my self and blaming my self for the break up , but when you say it like this your right, I’m not the origin of the trauma. I’m not a bad person
They are like the goldilocks of relationships don't go too hot or too cold or they will bail. Any extremes or intense experience will scare them
Discovered your channel and honestly feel like someone has switched a light on suddenly. I now realise my ex of 1 year is an avoidant. Love bombed me in the first 3/4 months when we met last year. Then Xmas hit and we both caught Covid over the holidays. Ended up isolating together at my house for two weeks. Whilst I accepted it and tried to make the best of it, he was like a caged animal and spent the majority of the time on his computer upstairs, away from me, which I found pretty upsetting at the time. He later admitted that when he left to head home at the end of the holiday, he had an overwhelming sense it would be the last time he’d see me! Whereas I didn’t think anything of the sort and couldn’t understand why he felt that way. Well now it’s all just become perfectly obvious. He’s a textbook avoidant. I WISH I’d known this prior to us breaking up, as maybe I could’ve done something differently…. We’ve been 5 weeks NC now. I am sad it ended but I no longer feel exhausted and like a failure day in day out.
Thank you Craig for this video! As an anxious (now more secure cause I’ve been following you and implementing for 3-4 years now), I still tend to date and fall for avoidants. It’s good to have something on how THEY can realize their triggers and help to understand what is going on in their heads and why and realize that they don’t necessarily have to end things. Also good for an anxious to know. Also congrats Victoria on being able to take the coaching sessions now 🎊🎉 Looking forward to working with you too!
These hit home. As an avoidant partner myself I’m aware of my triggers now but haven’t conquered not going into flight mode yet. I can talk about it days later (thanks to you) but still need the processing time. I’m working on it.
Thank you so much to all of you for these amazing videos.
If an avoidant doesnt have the qualities you align with, dont date them. But definitely dont date them knowing it and then be resentful when they aren't right for you.
It would be easier if the avoidant presented as avoidant from the beginning, right? Then the other person could choose before getting too emotionally invested. They change drastically within a few months, and that's why so many people resent them: false advertising.
@@TheCoffeeCat yes! I completely agree
@@TheCoffeeCat they do give you red flags though. Anxious people ignore them. One red flag is that they will communicate that they dont want a relationship. AP will think they dont truly mean that
@@TheCoffeeCat I reckon I could spot an avoidant from a mile off these days. You’ve just gotta ask them certain questions and they run. I can tell even chatting on dating apps when I’m talking to an avoidant. They won’t go below surface level at all and if they do, they feel exposed and vanish soon after.
@@SallyM-hi1mh What are some questions you ask? That would be helpful to know.
"I'm afraid you're going to get tired of me." Yup. Heard that one before.
Craig and coach Margaret are really good. Very helpful
Yayyyy Welcome aboard officially Coach Victoria! Im sure you will be a great coach!
I feel like this video is really big for me.. I was the anxious partner and I remember these things. awareness is the first step I would say
Thank you! I lean avoidant and I relate to this video a lot. I could even feel my anxiety rising from just hearing the triggers being listed! 😂😂
My partner is avoidant. Thank you for these reminders! I needed this!❤️
Excellent video! All these triggers were with my ex- and I exacerbated them with my unknowing anxious attachment. no wonder we broke up!!! I don’t think there will be another chance though. And that’s probably for the best anyway after everything’s said n done.
Well done! Such great examples and knowledge! Very helpful.
This is a great video and has been really useful, thank you! Do you have a video of how to come back after your avoidant partner has had space after a trigger? - It would be interesting to know if whether their 'pulling away' should be discussed, or just ignored as a way to accept it is part of them? (or would that also be a trigger?) - Do you have any advice or tips of how to create a 'safe space' for them to come back to a normal routine without feeling judged for taking the time they need, or without feeling like it is too intense again? I love your videos, so I would be really interested to know how to react in the best way after these triggers. Thank you :-)
This makes so much sense now. I couldn't understand his squirrelly behavior.
He would distance himself from me whenever we would go on vacation. He wouldn't even sleep in the bed with me and was acting out being a dick.
He blamed me for causing a problem and on our last trip together he broke up with me.
Very insightful. Thanks coaches 🙏
@Coach Craig Kenneth -- You always mention the Applebees girl. I actually did a search to learn about this story, but I didn't find anything. You always reference it, but I don't get the reference. Do you mind sharing the story in a video? Seems like a milestone for you personally, and it would be awesome to understand the full context of the reference.
Same here! Wanna know the story!
Hi Coach Craig and Coach Victoria! Iam a new subscriber and been binge-watching your helpful vids. So life-changing for me to discover your channel. Seeing Coach Margaret is some videos is such a breath of fresh air too.
Iam learning a lot from the three of you. May I request to create a video for couple with the same attachment style (Avoidant style)? My ex is an avoidant...I think I have been attracting avoidant guys in the past. Iam avoidant too. Thank you coaches. Muah! ❤
Definitely a little triggered just listening sadly . Two breakups with an ex… the timing of which dealt with being invited to a family reunion two years in a row. Another breakup with a gal I dated briefly and liked but ended when she invited me to her parents for Labor Day weekend.
My ex of 2 1/2 years broke up with me 13 days after we booked a vacation to the Dominican. 13 days! I never understood that. I still feel like he had no right to book that vacation with me if he was unhappy.
I feel you, mine broke with me as well after holidays together. Hurts a lot
I've learned a lot from these videos. I've learned I have some anxious tendencies in relationships. My ex GF broke up with me because she said she was feeling smothered. I would always feel the need to tell her I love you and I had to text her every day. She's a little harder to pin down. She does have some avoidant tendencies I think because she was in an abusive 6 year relationship and he cheated on her. They broke up about 3 years before we met (she had not been in a relationship since then). She admitted she had some walls up and did not trust easy and had some difficulty showing affection. She does have a lot of friends. I'm going through the Knowledge course work. It's been very enlightening. We've known each other since September and have seriously dated since December. She broke up with me almost 5 weeks ago and it still hurts like hell. It's so hard not to try to contact her. But whenever I get an urge to reach out I watch a No Contact reminder video. I do love her and I do want her to be happy. I won't lie. I want her to come back to me once I've improved myself and can handle my anxiety. But her happiness has to come first and if that's not with me, then I'll need to accept that. For now I'll do what I can do by working on myself so that if (what the hell, WHEN...) I get my 2nd chance I don't blow it. I truly believe if I can fix my needy issues we could be happy together.
missing her so much tonight... :/ 10 months NC
Some days are better than others... hang in there, you're not alone.
Can you not find someone else?
Nice rundown guys.
That was amazing, coaches! Unhealed DA's are great people but... not built for love and togetherness. Minefield alert. Good to have a quick good time with and then slam that door well shut!
Everything scares these people
Can you do a video on getting a bipolar 2 ex back. She has so many of the avoidant Characteristics. One day loving me and then next breaking up after 7+ years.
Every time I planned a vacation, as it got close he would become very hostile, threaten not to go. He'd ruin the plans already. I called it "stage freight". But in the beginning when I first bring up the idea to go, he'd act like he'd enjoy it. He was playing along, but I never caught on because a normal person doesn't have to!
The only thing we could do without this happening were concerts, and that's because the focus is directed to the stage performers - no each other. That's because it's not the type of outing that requires intimacy at all.
Avoidant hurt people like no others. Yet, they feel they are the vulnerable one. Thus they are vulnerable narcissist!
Like no other for real 💔
If it is “wrong” for anyone to ask “what’s going on”, good or bad, with your partner, even though I am extremely sensitive and may not like the answer, perhaps I am destined to be alone.
Is it ok to pull back from your avoidant partner when he or she pulls back from you? Most avoidants needs space, so could this help them feel like you understand them???
My now ex of two months this whole
Segment describes him. Mixed with depression this is why we broke up. Now he’s in the regrets stage and still confused on if he now wants commitments, because of all the things you described. And not telling him he’s an avoidant I just explained how he was and he agreed. So now what how do I get him to not be confused since he’s one foot in and one foot out. And I think I’m secured but could be anxious at times. We started great no argument ever the first 14 months until the depression started
You get your life so in order and so good, he's going to feel the FOMO and want to be a part of it. And if he flakes out again, you've now got a great life and are in position to meet even better people.
Thank you.
Coach Craig, or anyone here who purchased the workbooks, is there a section in the workbooks that evaluates you to identify your own attchment style? I think that i am an avoidant.
Go Coach Victoria!
Hi. I love your podcasts. Could you please give more information about avoident behavior, when in a relationship, this person is avoident to me but, not to his teenager, friends, family. Why me alone?
I believe that's why it makes me feel attacked.
If you could enlighten me and others about the situation I would appreciate it very much. Thank you
@@levicookslevi1437 Stop spamming the comments. Get your own channel.
Because you are probably anxiously attached.. which is very triggering 😬
Because they do it to the people they care about/love the most since they see you as the threat to them.
This is so point on my fiance dumped me the day before we were closing on our dream home she also dumped the year before after a dream vacation she dumped when we moved into a better apartment 7 years ago (week after moving in) after living in another place for 3 months she also dumped me when we got engaged years ago had paid for her divorce 7 years ago but found out recently she hadn't filed the papers think was another dump)she always runs to either her parents or her exhusband because he is a interstate truck driver for weeks at a time so no pressure for her she told me about at dumping him repeatedly and leaving her son with him for 2 years over and over again also the guy before me dumping him multiple times it's a pattern of insanity (crying on her wedding day and "forced to marry him) you wake up and she's gone she has a extensive history of sexual abuse from the time she was 5 just a complete hot mess extreme panic attacks all the time love the woman went no contact but I do feel so bad for her and just trying to move on she always comes back but pattern never stops (8 years living together except for breakups 27 years husband her son in 26 I'm 67 she's 58 so just too much
Not to mention blows though ever single job in weeks yup she needs space and I always do my best but retired so guess if i was working would be better she plans a weekend with girlfriends at a hotel ok great 6 hours later she's looking for me I could go on for hours we were closing on our dream home on april 28th (didn't buy) it's no way to live
Sorry to hear that. It sounds like a lot to go through in order to "stay" with her, and it also seems like she went through so much. Hurt people hurt people.
Who's Mr Wilson?
@@stevengubler9291 God-forsaken self proclaimed "spellcasters" that take your money in exchange for "spiritual jobs" akin to black magic, don't get involved in that...
@@TheCoffeeCat went 30 days no contact first time didn't chase her to get her back so I at least grew bit of a spine on day 31 yesterday she emailed me a prayer an hour later i sent her a prayer just have to see and stay strong thanks
My avoidant once again said I hate you and never want to know you or hear from you again. He’ll be back.
This was very helpful. Thank you
I'm so excited having my ex back, after
been separated for months. All thanks to
John musa whom help me get to get back
my ex again, I will suggest y all get help
from him and it's works within 48 hours
Wha'tasppin him
十2349046598207🪴🪴❄❄🔮適港, 港决很高興***
a very good video...
yeah my ex would start yelling at me when i tried to help him save money because he's mother was always telling him to save and because he never would resolve that with her i coped the back lash
@@hajjaraado7980 lol no thanks
So, basically the answer to "what triggers an avoidant?"
Everything.
how do I stop feeling overwhelmed?? Suffocated? I keep wanting to run away.
Well space and time can either bring back 2 people who are meant to be or break up stay apart. That is what an advoidant ex either wants?
Let me summarize the video in a simple way.
Avoid avoidants. Nothing but heart ache.
Hi I’ve been following your advice and now my ex and I are back in communication! However, she is very hesitant and almost seems scared to meet up with me in person. What do I do? And why would she be scared when she dumped me?
Did you neglect her when you two were together? What did you do to make her leave you?
@@bunniewood so the reason she gave me and tells everyone is that she lost feelings. However she broke up 2 weeks after she was sexually assaulted.
Yes right after vacations..she distances..within days of getting home..
victoria looks beautiful! i love it curly
Seems like avoidants are responsible for more unhealthy relationships than the anxious types. Could be just my subjective experience though.
that's an accurate assessment, i think; it's a shorter walk to secure from anxious. avoidants either don't want to change or think there is nothing that needs to change about them.
Wow, that's the truth!! Avoidant's are very troublesome.
@@adamwood87 I’ve never heard it put that way, very well said and I totally agree.
Definitely not. You can have a healthy relationship if what you are looking for is avoidant characteristics. I would say the stalking, breaking items, animosity, resentment, spite that goes with anxious attachment is more unhealthy that being vague and unavailable
@@mathews0618 do you see any paradox with saying a healthy relationship would include avoidant characteristics? wouldn't a healthy relationship be between people who are secure or working on being secure? as for the list of traits you mentioned, while i agree they are bad, they do not exist in a vacuum, you'd want to ask yourself why an AP would be pushed to that point - furthermore, it looks to me as if you're taking the worst-case scenario of an AP versus best-case DA/FA.
This is insane! The video is so accurate with my situation. My BF cheated on me two weeks after our vacation that was perfect. He said he cheated on me so I had a reason to break up with him.. (??!) The relation was really good and he admitted that as well, he just couldn’t be in a relationship he said. He had questions like: “is this it” and I guess he felt trapped. Its now 3 months ago and I miss him so much and im still confused. I working on my anxious attachment now and going in No contact. Don’t know what to do.. 😕
yes!! this happened to me too! but we are still together. the cheating made me really anxious, because if he's capable of doing so when things are great, what will happen when we go through a rougher period🤷 it's not easy! your ex has some work to do himself, I think🙉
@@23384linda Thank you for your reply! And wow very brave of you to stay with him. Some part of me wants to forgive him and move on, but he needs to work on himself first and im not see him doing this (yet) Is you bf working on himself now? Hope u two will come stronger out of it.
@@loispalmvisuals No, not working on himself at all:( But I am working on myself, and I realize there are probably tons of more secure and healthier partners out there. I don't know your situation too well, but it seems you made a wise decision to not continue the relationship until he shows up a bit differently. But this is really difficult, I completely understand that
@@23384linda Really good you’re working on yourself! I hope he will works on himself too..You deserve that! Take care❤️
@@23384linda omg why are you still dating this guy?
suits it well ;)
What if they keep texting you every couple of weeks to see how you are? He dumped me… help…
I'm so excited having my ex back, after
been separated for months. All thanks to
John musa whom help me get to get back
my ex again, I will suggest y all get help
from him and it's works within 48 hours
Wha'tasppin him
十2349046598207🪴🪴❄❄🔮適港, 港决很高興***
I have watched hundreds of your videos but i still wonder if we are supposed to tell an avoidant that they are avoidant maybe showing some videos about attachment style to them. What would be their reaction? I think shutdown 🤣
Showing them these videos would require having to step off those eggshells 🫣
Oh no! FA dating a DA about to go on our first little trip together in two days! Hopefully, we don’t become one of the examples quoted in this video!😱😳
How did it go if you don't mind me asking?
@@loverofbeautifulthings well, we are still together, but are currently going through a rough patch over some other stuff. My partner also took a trip shortly after the one we took together, and I feel like they have been more deactivated since then, but it’s hard to say if it had anything to do with either of the trips. I’m not even sure if my DA partner is self-aware enough to know themselves. it’s been a very busy summer, so I know my DA partner has been feeling a bit overwhelmed by that, which I can relate to, also having an avoidant side as an FA.
@@gogohappygirl I hope you all can get things figured out. I am glad to hear you survived your trip together! 💗
Are you two dating? Both your body languages indicate that. Also, thanks to your videos, my ex came back after 6 months, but I don’t know how to make him move faster.
Coach Victoria is beautiful.
I need your help Craig
I also work with cats. Just sign up for a coaching on my website so we can meow together
@@CoachCraigKenneth 🤣
Oops just accidentally video called her😅 fuck my anxiety noooooooo
I'm the avoidant.🤷
Ugh same here
I like how there’s so much animosity towards avoidants in the comments section haha. Makes me wonder if avoidants are really that problematic, or the people with seemingly resentful attitudes towards avoidants are more anxiously attached and could even be characterized by a secure person as being “clingy.”
Avoidants can make other avoidants and secure people anxious through their behaviour, you know that, right? It's natural to want to protect attachment once it has been established, it is natural (as in biological) for a partner to try to find out what one's partner is struggling with to support them. When avoidants try everything (e.g. stonewalling, creating conflict, gaslighting, ghosting etc) to create distance because they fear attachment, this will eventually, over time, make most people anxious because they subconsciously know that this relationships is unstable and only one real or perceived conflict away from being severed. And sure, anxious people are more often in relationships with avoidants but their insecure attachment deserves the same level of understanding and support as the avoidant's.
I bealeve that anxious and avoidants are first of all humans. both deserve love and healthy connections. and can succeed in that.
none of them is better than the other
its just that both of them are insecure
and have wounds to deal with.
and to learn healthy relationships skills
so be empath with them dont judge . be brave and stable, understand them and their needs, do that without neglecting yours, and without losing your dignity.
that is what i have learnd.
good luck .
Have you ever dated or been married to an avoidant? They will cause a securely attached person to go nuts.
@@wasteoftime5611 i have
Yes they could be difficult to navegate with, even when you are secure
That is why i said it is your choice, and you should not lose your dignity or put your life on hold for them.
They can learn and grow and put the effort. And if not than walk away and find more secure partner.
@@wasteoftime5611 I have married one! Now going through divorce. I am going through therapy myself for past almost one year now and she is not been in a therapy herself for even a month. Complete denial that she needs to work on herself for this marriage to work. I am shattered enough to realize now that I have my own self worth to protect and life was so beautiful before I met her. Good luck to all trying to work out your relationship with an avoidant. I loved and cared enough to understand her and failed, hope you guys don't meet the same fate. Bless you.
Avoidants should just stop seeing or seeking for a partner
Can someone tell Craig to stop referencing “the apple bee” girl… It’s kinda old, weird that he keeps mentioning it and is often without enough context..😩
It’s Applebee’s. Go back and watch old videos.
Are avoidants , loners ?