Dismissive Avoidant Breakup | 6 Reasons The Avoidant Ex Comes Back!
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- Опубліковано 8 гру 2021
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Will the dismissive-avoidant breakup and return? Does the dismissive-avoidant after breakup come to their senses and come back? An avoidant partner turned avoidant ex behavior can be difficult to predict. In this video, I’ll give you 6 reasons why the dismissive-avoidant attachment may return. But take these tips with a grain of salt and beware of the anxious-avoidant trap.
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Such awesome information! Thank you! You really enlightened me about my ex gf. You hit a number of things on the head. You give me hope! Thank you!!!
❤❤❤❤❤❤
P
@@pj8624 pp
To the avoidant. Imagine you had a teacher in high school that assigned you a project with another person. And this person started working by themselves and no matter how many times you asked they wouldn't tell you what they were working on. You don't know what to do and when the time comes you get an F. That is what a relationship with an aviodant is like for the other attachment style. If you would just work with us you could get an A.
The fact that you would want a dismissive avoidant back at all shows you're not well yet
Yup I’m not lol
yep! i'm not well lol i keep hoping but keep dating out at the same time lmao!
😂😅🥲 I feel called out. But yes.
@@jasminhagel8070I get it. You can’t help who you love tho, real talk.
She so perfect and freaky and loyal like nah come back im done in the streets 😂😂😂
Dating a dissmissive avoidant will leave lasting damage to your attachment style and self esteem for a long time after the inevitable breakup. It will affect your following relationships in a huge way. Stay away from these people. They are very close to being narcissists in my opinion.
This is all very true
Yes they have a lot of the same tendencies
It depends. I've always had a secure attachment style. Was with a DA for almost 2 years and yes I turned anxious. It really is a mind f*ck when you're with them esp. when you don't know anything about attachment styles. The day I broke it off was the day I found out he was a DA and everything just made so much dam sense. It was so liberating to be free and myself again. Moving forward, I'll def be more aware of the signs and never put myself in that position again but love is love. Clean slate, next man. If anything its helped me really stick to my boundaries and communicate better 😊
@@No._1_Karen people who are needy generally just don’t know how to soothe their own anxiety, and are not self aware regarding this practice they never learned as a child
Actually falling in love with a DA helped me heal my anxious attachment style...
Don't let them to come back! They will leave you again sooner or later. It's just a matter of time
Yup. You have to keep it casual with these people.
Exactly....they will waste your precious time .
My dismissive, fearful avoidant gf just broke up with me due to her being too overwhelmed with current life obligations (work, family pressures, and, trauma). Thankfully, prior to meeting her, I had developed a secure attachment style, so this breakup, while it’s not easy, I know I will be fine after processing and healing. I don’t need her to come back. I hope all of you watching this video finds the peace you deserve. ✌️ ❤
Thanks for sharing, Todd! I’m glad you recognize that you’ll be okay no matter what happens next.
we all are here watching this video as we are ruminating/ obssesd over our ex's. thinking where they are and what are they doing in their lives..the truth we need to realize is whereevr they are and whatever they are doing including dating someone else as we speak.. the truth is they are gonna sabotage every intimate relation in their life as they are deflecting the most beautiful thing in the world "Love" and someone who deflects the epitome of emotions - love - they are miserable little demons and wont be happy ever. leave it to their karma and live a healthy life with someone who can feel and understand and reciprocates - Love
no one has given a better reason to move on than this
This was so helpful ❤
Wow you summed it up perfectly!
Yes, I broke up with her and went extreme No contact period very effective.She calls me all the time wanting to get back Leaving voicemails and texting.
I just said this, I was working on my issues and open to a beautiful intimacy that was more about giving, and growing, but he lost this opportunity. I am intelligent, empathetic, and sensitive. I would’ve treated him well, and he lost it.
The best advice is to avoid the avoidant FOREVER! Period.
This is really the only advice that should be out there !
Exactly 💯
That's unfair! It's not our fault that we suffer from trauma and we deserve the same love as anyone else.
Alicja Frank only if you get help to address it
That’s very true 🏃♀️ 🏃♂️ 🏃
To have a lover with this personality type is quite painful but your explanations truly put this in a better perspective. I see him more as an underdeveloped child now and keep him at a distance, which is one of the most difficult things I have had to do in my whole life, but I have to take care of myself. To forgive and be forgiven is my daily reminder. Thank you.
It's not a personality type it's an attachment style. They are very different things.
❤same here
What hurts is that the relationship was so strong and then the reason he gave me for the break-up was that he “couldn’t continue.” All in a text
Same.
I was broken up via phone call even though we lived twenty minutes from one another. I was on an Uber headed to a friend’s house. I’ll never forget the driver that day, she was so kind and supportive. These people are terrible.
In a text message, he could not have the courtesy to speak to you like a human being. Abrupt discard like we are garbage. Like we never meant anything, causing a conflict in the mind. I use it to empower myself about better boundaries and not self abandoning. He did the same thing to me and I still cry about it every day, and I am here obviously trying to bring myself comfort at the possibility he may return and declared his love with apologies and regret over my pain.
This confirmed so much that I just told my DA when he tried to come back AGAIN. Once I come to point of realizing it's going nowhere and I leave, I experience trauma whereas he doesn't have the same emotional consequence bc he's so detached from his emotions. This time, I told him I can't do it. He definitely misses me. He definitely recognizes we were special. But he can't commit ...so I can't stay.
Do avoidants just use you as opposed to loving you? Because it sounds like it...
My avoidant ex came back to me, 4 months after breaking up with me when we fell into the anxious avoidant trap. During those 4 months I discovered attachment theory, came to understand the anxious avoidant dynamic, learned to behave more securely, and found a way to re-engage him as friends, and communicate in a way that shows him I have self respect and i don’t make him feel unsafe anymore due to anxious behaviors I’ve tamed. We had fantastic sex when we were together and maybe he wants that back. But now I’m dating somebody else and I’m unavailable. I’m probably very attractive to him now.
You’re probably right. 😉 Kudos to you for living your life, working on yourself, and keeping your eyes forward.
Does he have a beard too?
@@marcd2743 Yes, that’s right.
@@marcd2743 lol 😆
I’m sorry but two man abd two women don’t have real sex. It’s just masterbation/recreational sex! The anus is not designed as a sex organ. It’s very risky and unhealthy even when a man and a woman do it. Stds and aids are higher among bisexual and gay man for a reason. I’m not judging you! I live all human beings. You’re not any less! But we need to look at the facts of the matter. Look up the HIV rates among gay and bisexual em is an epidemic to this day!
As you said Katya, we may meet all of the criteria but if their fear of commitment and vulnerability is bigger nothing will happen.
An important point to remember. An easy one to forget. : ) thanks for commenting.
I think having a specific person is not as important as having a warm, playful and fun relationship. You can have that with another person. Waiting for an emotionally unavailable person coming back is sad. Heal and breath, meet new people who can help you see other good things in life. Start planting small seeds in your life, as personal development, exercise, going on hikes with hiking groups. Joining group activities. Hang out with people who laugh a lot. And set some small personal goals every week, even if it is just doing laundry. It helps on confidence to cross off on a todo list, even when it is just the simple things.
I didn’t take it very hard my breakup with a FA/DA I don’t know which. I think mostly before I realize it is their problem. I am a securely attached and their logic is flawed. I no long hold them in high esteem. But found exercise extremely helpful. I run 3x a week, felt really good after the run. And busy with my work projects and social gathering. I feel blessed and grateful. Def learned a lot from this relationship. This one felt like a relationship though I could not tell how he felt about me.
@@daisyda5313 That is amazing, for me it was a lot of losses, and I felt so betrayed. Due to having to move, having to give up hope on ever having children, losing my job, and dealing with covid and a host of other things. Every situation is different. And when you feel loss it does inevitably hurt, as it should. But it is not the end of the story ;)
I agree. The pain of the breakup got me off my life track, but now I'm inspired to get healthy again. Getting involved with a DA was quite the mind trip!! He can never come back into my life as he was- it will never be enough for me now. I met someone recently. Taking it slow. He'd have to be as loving as the new guy- but it's not who he is. And I have to re-learn how to let myself be loved.
Awesome advice 🙏🏽💯❣️
Dating an avoidant was so hard for me, because before we broke up recently, we broke up a few months before that and I worked on myself and I changed attachment styles from anxious to secure and my avoidant ex changed me back to anxious again. I tried the no-contact thing with her and it didn’t work because she would avoid me for hours even a whole day. Now that I think abt it I think I kinda drove her away. I bought her things, cooked for her, listened to her problems, told her about my problems. She treated her friends better than me and that hurt me so much that I was like “f*ck it. I gotta break up with her. This hurts me”
I'm so happy having my former partner back, after being separated for months. All thanks to Mr Ose whom help me to get back my ex again, I will suggest y'all to get help from him and it works within 48hours..
DAMN!!!you deserve so much better...
I think what you were missing were boundaries, which is why she brought you back to anxious. Plus, to re-enter into a relationship that involves avoidants, you must set boundaries for meeting your needs and theirs before stepping back into the relationship. When those boundaries are overstepped, you discuss it, and if that doesn't work, then you must leave. Otherwise, you are not seen as strong in their eyes. Avoidants do not like weak people. It's a turnoff for them. They may seek them out as easy targets and not realize it, but subconsciously they know it won't last and that's exactly what they want - an easy out when they feel uncomfortable.
Having an avoidant partner is fate worse than death
While reading your story I had to keep looking back to see if I wrote it because it's the exact same situation that happened to me. I'm now 5 months no contact, I don't even know if you can call it no contact any more it's been that long. However the scars are still deep.
She called me "needy" Just for wanting spending time with her. I asked her for breakup and she just agreed never asked why. I went no contact and and never going back.
Sounds about right
N after a year 😮 she probably return
I'm starting to realize this is the reason I'm struggling in my relationship- he's Avoidant. I'm not hearing any reasons to stay. Thank you for this helpful explanation- all makes sense.
We get a bad rap that it must’ve been because we were too needy and clingy but these people bring out the insecurities by their behavior. I always had self esteem until my dismissive avoidant relationship tore me down. Too often we are told we were the cause that these people ran away but chances are no matter what they would’ve found an issue.
This feels like a huge game to me
5 out of 6 of these things is the case for myself and my avoidant partner. We got engaged recently after coming back together 5 months ago from a mutual breakup. We also started therapy and he's opened himself up alot. He still has a ways to go but he's undoubtedly committed. He's even remarked that he values my assertiveness and direct approach. Though still gets extremely defensive, he will admit where he went wrong in conflict.
Lucky you!
How is it going?
Please update
I was dating a FA who turned dismissive at the time of break up. 5 months into recovery and I actually am less inclined to see them back. Maybe as a friend but that's it. I processed the break up, I took all the attachment styles quizzes, I researched endlessly and I realized we just do not match.
This was very enlightening and spot in some of your reasons! My ex DA did try to come back ... as lovers. The answer of course was NO! We did have amazing chemistry but that doesn't define a relationship. Since our breakup which he initiated as he wasn't ready for a committed relationship. He has reached out several times. We've gotten together talked, dinners etc. But I will not engage in anything physical. He's gone silent and disappeared for months then reaches out again. I believe I was different than his normal type. I also know that I won't settle for anything less than a committed relationship. My boundaries are Very Clear ...which is probably why he keeps popping back around.
All boxes here checked; got him back 1.5 years later. We’re better than ever 💙
I'm with all the boxes checked too. We just broke up 3 days ago, he told me he couldn't manage to meet my needs and make himself happy at the same time. He text me and make small talk and say good night. Did something similar happened yo you?
Thank you! Great insight!
1. You left on good or neutral terms. 1:50
2. Strong boundaries. You let them know it’s not ok to act that way then they may come back. They have a strong moral code. You will not be putting up with wishy washy behavior & you respect yourself 4:30
3. If you had a strong sexual connection but if they come back, they may be only seeking a sexual connection but not a romantic one. 5:40
4. They realize they had something special with you. 6:50
5. They genuinely couldn’t commit for a relationship for a specific reason . Ex: career, still recovering from a past relationship, suffered adult trauma that they hadn’t worked through it. If they realize it then they may try again. Don’t hope for this bc unknown if they worked through it. 8:14
6. They didn’t immediately rebound into another relationship. 10:18
You’re welcome. Thanks for watching
I'm so happy having my former partner back, after being separated for months. All thanks to Mr Ose whom help me to get back my ex again, I will suggest y'all to get help from him and it works within 48hours.
Whazzp the helper of me...
We are #5, he didn’t work through his divorce trauma and is fearful to death about commitment. He said he wouldn’t survive another breakup after commitment. He needs to work that stuff out as I am not getting involved with unstable shit. He could be a FA though. Does that change anything?
5/6 it's been almost 2 months now... I don't think he will be back, even though he said he would let me know if he wanted to talk. I just left him alone and worked on myself.
This is an outstanding video.
I find Katya to be insightful, and very aware of the behaviors and thoughts that are transpiring within a relationship and within ourselves.
Although dating a dismissive avoidant can be so difficult, it also presents itself as such an opportunity to recognize our own boundaries and the times in a relationship where we give ourselves away… so we do not repeat it.
Katya, you are really good at helping us see this.
Thanks Ed! I really appreciate your thoughtful comment and I'm so happy that what you gleam from my videos adds to your self-awarness and support you to make new choices. 😊
Also, I love the reflection about "giving ourselves away" in relationship... I'd love to expand on this topic.
I've only watched one video. And I can see she's very, very good. Thanks for your work Katya
+10 to 'giving away' too #sogood
Hi Katya you explain things so well and give great explanations. Well after over 8 years we broke up. He is a DA. We did see each other a few times this year. I am working on myself and hoping for the best. This channel truly is a great help. My situation is hopeful.
Hey thank you so much for the feedback! I'm so glad you're finding my videos helpful. I'm sorry to hear about your breakup, but I'm glad that you are choosing to focus on yourself. : )
The real problem is that the only way it will ever work out is if they are getting REAL help. You won't necessarily know that anything has changed because when they come back initially they can even act like they how acted in the beginning of the relationship (charming, available, loving). You won't know until the attachment issues show up again and usually that's after some time after coming back. It's best for people to lose the hope that REAL change will occur. If they do start pursuing you again, and you invest, you're setting yourself up for repeat heartbreak. Dangerous.
very true. My ex came back and messed up again. If he came back and begged me to date, i would or say no or demand at least 2 years of therapy before even thinking about it. Seriously. F*** empathy, that craziness will NOT happen again.
As a psychologist I found your video on point. Well done.
Thanks Ron! I appreciate the kudos.
Thank you for this very helpful and comprehensive presentation.
We no doubt we need time to realise that a person is avoidant and we then have to accept this condition as a handicap with which we might or might not be able to compose for a meaningful relationship.
Perhaps before hoping for a comeback, we have to decide whether or not it is a good idea to welcome back a DA with the knowledge that the attachment style is not going to satisfy our needs.
Another point is to realise that a deep platonic relationship can be rewarding with a DA on the condition of laying out the exact boundaries.
Thank you for the kudos and for your thoughtful insights.
I'm so happy having my former partner back, after being separated for months. All thanks to Mr Ose whom help me to get back my ex again, I will suggest y'all to get help from him and it works within 48hours..
I’ve watched about a dozen videos on this topic and this one is by far the most helpful. Thanks
I didn't know what she was. You described her perfectly. Now I can move on.
I made a comment about 2 months ago on one of your videos, about me being a DA and planning on breaking up with my gf to not hurt her anymore.
And I just so much relate to number 4. After a break up I felt like some wild animal in a cage - I started doing irrational things, trying to fill every need I had, for example setting up profile on Tinder and sleeping with a girl I met just a day before.
I texted probably every possible person I could that would want to have sex with me - I didn't meet with any of them though.
Month after a break up - I began to regret that so much. I finally understood that I will never meet a girl like her anymore, ever. That she was practically perfect to me. I had a whole week, dreaming about her. Each night. I felt horrible about it, and I couldn't stand it, so I texted her (we didn't have any contact after break up), and I begged her for a meeting, I told her I would do anything to change myself, I wanted to go to psychotheraphist... But she disagreed. And because I know how much pain I've caused her, I know I should now take responsibility of what happened.
It made me close my emotions and feels back again - but still everything reminds me of her. I would give anything in the world to just hug her once again, to look into her eyes and to see her smile.
But I somehow thought that breaking up is a better option than trying to change myself. And I probably will always hate myself for that.
Are you sure you're a DA, I have never heard a DA begging someone to come back, normally they talk themselves out of it, or wait for the otherr person to do it. And normally they take about 3 months to miss someone, are you not an FA maybe?
@@komatsu8169 Damn. Yeah, I made a mistake when translated it to my language. You're probably right, it fits much better
Thanks for sharing a bit about your inner world after your breakup.
I so appreciate your story. Maybe you can get therapy or do some self help workbooks on Amazon. Work on yourself and then maybe she will speak to you later. But work on yourself so you can be healthier for you. You sound very sweet. Take care of yourself.
I'm happy you let her go. It can be really damaging to be on the receiving end. But now you can use your time to work on yourself. You're already improving by realising where you went wrong !
Very very helpful. All of those traits were found in my recent encounter with someone I had the feeling he is an avoidant. I feel like my assumption is kinda right. Thank you, but in any case, when we see trauma and struggle in ourselves, when we carpet-sweep, it is best to do some therapy and work on ourselves.
Super helpful thank you! And you saving a lot of people from years of pain and irreversible damage
Hi Katya! Thank you for all your content. I really appreciate how good and precise you explain DA psychology! I would like to see videos about Anxious Attached people and how it works through their psychology 😄🙏 Thank you again, you have a new subscriber!
Hey thanks so much for the feedback and for the sub! Can you expand on your question please? You're welcome to comment here or email me at katya@katyamorozova.me if you prefer.
this makes me feel a lot better about my recent situationship
I like you already Katia for being so natural, no make up, no hair do. Lovely!
Hello, i can help you within 3days manifest back your specific person forever.
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You helped me realize that I was primarily a D.A with a secondary F.A attachment style.
Thank you
@✛2348075547711👈⏯⏯눈‸눈💕💕💐
I really like what you said A LOT!!! That after a break-up, we tend to hyper-focus on the other person and what they're doing, what they're feeling, if they're going to come back - because it's really difficult to deal with what we are feeling internally, so it's easier to focus on the other person. It's too painful and we are often stuck on subject matter that wasn't resolved in the relationship, and we create looping thought patterns that go nowhere. WOW!!!
That is exactly where I am! There has not been closure and when she does reach out to me! It is going to be dead silence until she can say something worth replying too! Counseling etc! BTW I have always been the fixer and the one that is forgiving! I have never not replied to her!
@@TimStJohn-xp8rv hello
@@TimStJohn-xp8rv I'm so excited my broken relationship has been restored my ex lover is back through the heIp of mr ose who can also heIp you restore your relationship
@@TimStJohn-xp8rv Wh'atsap him for heIp🙏
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Fantastic video, I subscribed, I’m impressed! It made me feel sad but also hopeful…
Glad you liked it! Thanks for subscribing. ✨
You're insight is spot on as always. Thank you!
I like your honesty, Its refreshing ..I'll look you up at some point.
Talk soon
Thanks Mark!
I really like the focus on working on yourself and that there is no guarantee. I actually needed that, thanks!
Thanks Angela! Glad it hit home.
My recently ex (we went in deeply and it was for five months) reached out to me a week later. She went to help her parents with a health situation. She went cold as soon as she left. We Skyped for an hour and a half. She wants to heal emotional and sexual blocks. She cares for me and all, but needs to get to a more grounded place in life. I get both of those things and want those for her to no end. It is hard being left behind and cold. She may come back. I think we had a great and profound connections in all ways, including emotional and even spiritual. I am doing my best to take ownership while not overly personalizing. Thanks so much for your wisdom and care. I value your work.
She admitted #5 due to family issues... and definitely realized she wasnt holding her end of the relationship as she did before. Even as much as i was patient and trusted her to be the person i met.
It made me cry a little because he comes and goes and says he doesn’t see me as anyone more than a friend. However, I always felt like we have such good connection.
dump him if you suffer...
This was very on point! And yes he came back.
Im learning to focus on me and let her to. I believe sharing what I know with her in the mechanics. Its hard, im an anxious disorder.
Good on you for focusing on yourself and your growth. Also, there's no such thing as an "anxious disorder". It's an attachment style and its malleable. ; )
Thank you 🙏🏼 -these reasons made sense & were helpful & clarifying
I’m glad to hear that. Thanks for stopping by.
Great video and you have a great haircut as well
Aw well thanks! 😊
Thank you for such an insightful video!
My ex-girlfriend is avoidant, we even talked about that and she agreed. Almost two weeks ago she broke up with me because she realized that she was hurting me by her behavior. But I have a gut feeling that she’ll work on these problems with her therapist and come back (she visits him every 2 weeks), because despite her avoidance she was the first one to confess her feelings to me, and she committed to a relationship pretty fast. Actually, she had an anxious attachment style in her previous relationship, and their anxious-avoidant dynamic traumatized her and she detached from all the deep connections for almost 3 years.
I had an anxious attachment style before but I healed from it. However, her avoidant behavior triggered me into old patterns, but discussing it with her and my therapist helped me become more secure than ever! I hope she saw it by how I took her decision to take a break and then to break up.
It’s hard to think that she might distance herself from love again, or that she decided to close this chapter. Gladly we are subscribed to each other’s last.fm accounts and I can see that she listens to the songs that definitely remind her of our relationship :))
Update?
Katya, you're the best. Thank you so very much for your videos, they've helped me so much since the breakup with my DA ex last autumn. 🤗
Thank you! Im so glad to hear that. 😊
Thanks for the good job Katya! I am currently going through a break up with a girl who I found she was an avoidant after she dumped me for no clear reason. I applied NC for 3 months and she just texted me back, that's how I found this video. After some days writing each other we met "by accident" and we kissed. Then, even though she took the iniciative herself of keeping contact with me, I haven't heard from her in almost two weeks. Feeling used as a piece of paper and very confused. Back to NC. Hope you are all doing great
i feel you: but youre the man: set up date time and invite her to your house and cook together (watch corey wayne how to date ex) and get off the phone
@@Leit0 lol cook together .. mate thats just what he says in every video.. u can choose a restuarant or an activity instead too lol
@@amitsalaskar1024 That interaction of cooking helps you bond. Your grasp of the obvious is not as good as you think it is.. i guess...
I've split with my DA for the 3rd time. I'm in bits and so upset. I've just discovered that I'm a anxious style. I love her but this relationship is bad for my health. I'm working so hard to better myself but the pain is unreal. I ended it by a shi£y text and I'm ashamed of my behaviour, but did it out of frustration. I'm not proud. I'm repairing myself. Love to you all ❤️
SAME HERE...but worse, i left a long voice mail ..i even called him a monster...not proud but dang! i deserve better
@@lemagloria you certainly do. Be strong. There's a thing called trauma bond which is why it's so bloody painful.
@@mrsimo7144 yes and it hurt so so much...feelnlike dying...but at the same time want him close to me but i know i shouln't,trying to do no contact egain...it hatder than before...
@@lemagloria Hi. I can tell you now no contact is not going to work? A DA is not black and white, on off. They might be mild DA in which case from experience, tell the person you are there for them, you want them and they can have space. That's all you can do. Find out your attachment style, attachment foundation, read up and digest. I've just broke up again, but the pain is just mild now. Not like I can't cope. Unfortunately, you might just have to accept. Without doubt the worst experience ever. Other things in life are easier than this. Be strong. You're amazing. ❤️
@@mrsimo7144 Yea saddly i know deep down that i should move on,i did my best and need to heal but the pain is so awfull...
Your honesty is really appreciated!!
Glad to hear it!
My DA isn't currently avoiding me but they have done a couple of times but these points do make sense id like more on the difference between DA ppl to narcissistic people... thanks for this video
@KatyaMorozova Topics to cover next: the DA after a surprise breakup by their ex. And then reaching out to change how it ends on a neutral note from a negative one.
❤
I believe I am a dismissive avoidant and some of your scenarios were spot-on regarding the reasons I either did or didn't go back to an Ex. In particular, boundaries and respect. Im a female and I have the inability to tolerate anyone who comes accross to me with little or no self respect.
Hey! Thanks for letting me know. I’m glad it felt relatable to your experience.
And if someone tells you how they feel about you (unless it's hatred I guess) it's game over, right?
@@SxTxD_KY Being kind to someone you like is having no self respect these days don't you know.
@@SxTxD_KY That's a "NO"
These people are hopeless. Avoid them. My dismissive avoidant came back time after time, because the sex was amazing. But this time it's final. I am heartbroken. But I must tough it out. He isn't coming back this time. He was a nightmare. Finally, I got my self-respect back and chucked HIM. He had parents who neglected him. I was/am needy. He is a very strong woman now who has high self- respect and doesn't put up with his behaviour. She is far from needy, and he adores her.
True...
Was a secure attachment until I met her. She seemed awesome, strong, independent. A single mother at 15 who was also a model before starting a superb career in finance...
Then things started becoming more clear...no friends, aloof, difficulty in communicating...but then she went through an injury and chromic pain kept worsening.
...and man, somehow, this triggered some kind of "protective" reflex in me. Did so much for her and supported her throughout her career. Her family were overjoyed at me, that she finally had a "worthwhile pants" worth keeping (though damn, she had businessmen/trained athletes et al before me, had far more money than me).
Felt like I was living a dream, even when she showed glaring signs and emotional detachment whenever I had issues in my life (but felt no prob talking about hers).
Helped and supported her throughout the years (even when things got tough for her career, money, study, health wise).
A warning sign should have been her daughter leaving with this "you just wait, dude".
We saved these two cats, she bonded with them.
Found myself pushed to the side, until a project I was managing was stressful for me....I used to confide to her (idiot) my fears and insecurities (how was I to know, relationships should be between two supporting partners and I always did my part)...
...only for her to tell me I was weak, a negative to her life, and deadweight. Dumped and ghosted...
Hi. Thank you for making these videos. I like that you are honest about results. I’m probably gonna book an hour with you. I’m a little nervous because my brain knows the relationship will never work but I can’t give up.
Hi! Thanks for your feedback. It’s important for me to take an honest approach so thanks for noticing.
I look forward to speak with you when you’re ready to book a session.
And there’s no pressure to move on before you’re ready. 🙏
Great info and insight into her. I'm coming to the end of grief, almost 2 months since break. She texted a few times asking to help with her house. Finding myself in love and positive activities has allowed me to realize my boundaries, If we are to go forward
Did you ever go back together?
@@MsMademoisellekaye we did not, however , I can feel her energy along with many unexplained coincidences.
@@MsMademoisellekaye she's texted request to help her with broken stuff at her house, drove past each other couple times , her best friend accidentally texted me, many more coincise.
This woman is the real deal !!! thank you
Oh gosh! That's so nice.
thanks for the video, I was with a DA for 7 1/2 months, I broke up the 14th of june, but just because I wanted to wake her up and make her realise that she has to work on her trauma due to the father of her kids, so she stops being afraid of our relationship, wich by the way was amazing, a rare connection , every moment we spent was excellent! The problem was that I had to guess and put a bit of pressure to see her, that started around the 6th month mark, and it was stressful, as I wanted to spend our days off together (4 days/month plus around 5 evenings/night per month, so not a lot . It's been a month now, and we're supposed to go for a drink, hoping that she is ready to work on her ! But when I saw her quickly about 2 weeks ago, she looked tired and stressed, I saw that she was really affected by the separation, so I guess she went on "Full-Shield mode", so I let her process for the moment. But as you say, we had no arguments and it was kinda of a smooth breakup, plus I'm the first serious relationship in 3 years (since she left her ex cheater), I know her kids, friends, mother via videocall, that's gotta count! in august we won't be able to meet because of the holidays so if I don't see her by the end of the month, that'll bring us to september, and a 2 1/2 month breakup, so I reckon thats plenty of time for her to make up her mind ! Fingers crossed, Ill keep you posted;)
My DA told me he couldn't go to the next level bc he has some traumas from the past relationship that he needs to work on. He proposed me to stay friends bc we built a good friendship while dating, but I kindly declined. He told me he would have missed me a lot and hoped our paths could cross again. I have been no contact from that day (1 week)...and it feels like months
My therapist of over 12 yrs helps me decipher my LDR (which in itself is difficult AF let alone 2 yrs of pandemic hell). I'm in NYC, he's in Cape Town, RSA. He's finally allowed to fly to me later this week, after a ton of red tape. Now we can see how well we get along. The frustrations of the last 2 years (lockdowns, travel bans, 4 cancelled flights) were a test of our patience and determination. All of these videos helped and hindered, some planting negative seeds. Just meditate. 🌻💞
I'm so happy having my former partner back, after being separated for months. All thanks to Mr Ose whom help me to get back my ex again, I will suggest y'all to get help from him and it works within 48hours
@@penny6989 Scammer
@@penny6989 REPORTED
Would be happy to watch on interracial Long distance relation breakup!! That’s my case!
Very informative! Thank You 🙏🏽
After watching this video, I feel more capable of understanding their DA point of view. I feel more prepared and actually HOPEFUL and confident of a positive reunion.
Thanks for sharing. I’m glad the video was helpful.
@@KatyaMorozova you're making a difference in people's lives. I can't tell you how important your work is to heal people's mental state. More than anything you are so easy to follow and understand, give great examples.
@@octavioginer6824 Thank you so much for your feedback! It means a lot to me. 🤍
For me I hoping he’s struggling with what if . I know what we had was beautiful and special and so spiritually connected. The only thing is he was dramatized my his last divorced and was in fear to the realization of What we had .
This sounds like me. Our bond was so strong and he admitted it. He's ignoring me so I am now in NC after weeks of trying to talk to him. I'm realizing my value to him. He has to feel me gone completely.
This is so helpful. What I would want to know is how Anxious-aviodant can work out the relationship? Ana what are each one's boundaries?
Im an anxious who want to know what to do or say if the avoidant comes back, espcially ive been working on myself. What would i tell him or "demand" from him?
Dated my ex for a year. I’m pretty sure he was avoidant. Not sure if he is FA or DA but basically he never said I love you to me the whole time. We had a pretty decent relationship and his actions a lot of the times showed loved but not always. I couldn’t tolerate the disrespect anymore. He didn’t get me anything or do anything special on my bday and vday. Basically went ghost on me for my bday which was extremely hurtful to me as a Anxious attached person. Part of me is still very attached and wishes he would come back but part of me thinks it would never work. He wasn’t actively working on healing and therapy like I was either.
I experienced that sort of behavior from a DA as well. I was hit and miss as to whether he would bring himself to acknowledge my birthday. One time he showed up so late for my birthday outing ( that I planned, not him) that we didn't have time to get dinner. Why was he so late? He was at his secret female friend's place doing some household repair work for her for free. She offered him dinner and he accepted, not telling her about me nor our plans. He had a huge crush on her because she was highly anxious and fawned over him big time. She was also practically half his age. Wow, did that one hurt and it destroyed whatever trust remained. I had no idea that such people existed before I knew him. Never again.
@@DoReMeaCulpa wow I’m so sorry that happened. That does sound extremely hurtful. It’s like they do stuff like this without any regard for our feelings but would only benefit themselves. I also have no trust and will stay far away from avoidant men as much as I can 😂
I was with this guy. He demanded my location went through my phone read my diary but he could hide his location and do whatever he wished. 17 years and not one dollar store card. Oh wait, there was one on Valentines Day two years ago that said " to the man I love" He didn't even remember my gender. I never existed to him except as a resource to be used. Put me in bankruptcy. Didn't pay his debts to me. I bought his phone and his car and once his life was straight, siyonara. He basically stepped on my back then put a knife in it.
@@dragonclaws9367 I feel you this is why I stay far away from broke/struggling men now. Half of the time they’re too insecure to be in a relationship.
Well my gf didn't do shit for my birthday, so it goes both ways, and dates are posted in the building, tough living in same building, but now I avoid, and haven't said a word for last month, glad to move on to people that aren't toxic.
You talk about their self respect, most of them have had more sexual partners then I have dinners
Can you make a video teaching dismissive avoidants how to become secure?
Thank you for the request!
This is a profoundly helpful, compelling and thoughtful contribution to the literature. I‘m currently reading « Trauma and the avoidant client », which I would likewise recommend. Thank you, yet again!
Thank you once again for your thoughtful comments. And thanks for sharing the book. I will check it out.
Thank you for being clear upfront about not getting one’s hopes up. But if the Avoidant did come back, what is the best approach at first? Pretend not to want it? Not be honest about feelings?
Set the boundaries. what was the reason of your break up. Does either of you need to do work on oneself? By all means take it slow, have a plan.
By now I have gained enough knowledge on all the attachment styles including DA's and from personal experience especially since I have a sense of compassion for all around me. I would love to still help any DAs or FAs to understand themselves better and do the necessary healing. Yet, I have learned to never personalize any affections towards them since there is a huge possibility that all they are attracted to is the positive reinforcements that they get from me and once that supply is over or you need the same in return they will abandonment you since that is there major personality trait.(unless they do the necessary healing on their own). P.S. I felt real abandoned due to my own abandonment issues(healing in process) :)
Thank you sooo much for this information 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻
Same thing happened to me now for 6 months.Girl was going back and fort with me one month with me than one month all of sudden go totaly cold.Three times like that untill i block her on my phone,avoid this kind of people they will kill you and your emotions,save your piece of mind and move on.She went thru divorce one month earlier
@Katya Morozova If you frame there abandonment as them doing you a favour by them walking away. Meaning they give you the sweet and never have to deal with the sour by committing to a relationship with them. The you are in a win win situation and that could make them come back....
We didn't even break up after three years he ghosted me out of the blue for the last three weeks he's done it before and I chased after him , never doing it again !
yea i need to know why tf i be trying to go back so often
Ugh as an avoidant this definitely rings true. I never went back though. Or if I did it was for a short time. Until I met and married a dismissive avoidant and whilst I (after therapy) recognise my behaviour I can’t expect her to do the same. She’s the only person I have wanted to go back to. Karma eh.
Yup, maybe try and actually work on repairing things for a change instead of throwing out the whole pair of shoes when it gets a spot of mud on it.
What did you find a DA attractive
In my case with my DA, I can’t go back due to all the lies. No trust = no relationship
Do DAs sincerely devalue people when they become intimate and close? My husband would pick me apart and act like he had no attraction to me.
It’s a deactivating strategy. Intimacy scares the DA at a subconscious level. They will devalue or criticize you to bring some distance/disconnect between you and their emotions.
That’s abuse regardless of the attachment
@@Eg-jd9zt Agreed!
ABUSE!
Yes, DAs do devalue people. Hence the "dismissive " aspect. The one I was with admitted eventually that he actively suppressed me and was deliberately cold and unempathic because he thought it would "toughen me up". If I called him on it in the moment though, I just got back denials and gaslighting.
The exception to the devaluing is when they wax lyrical about their phantom ex, because that person apparently was perfection personified. Even though the DA I knew never actually had a relationship with this phantom ex. Just a huge crush and maybe a one night stand because it scared him so much that he ghosted her afterwards. I imagine she just felt used.
This is our second breakup. We broke up because he ghosted me for 2 days, one day being vday. I gave him the option, he took it. I told him I don't tolerate being ignored.We haven't talked in 3 weeks. I tried to reach out alot, no response so I'm doing NC for at least 6 months. I'm blocking him for 30 days. He's going to feel me being gone. Idc. I have really strong boundaries I don't play with him. He is losing and he KNOWS that.
Mine just ended things on my bday week cancelling a trip for my bday. This week. After a year together and supposedly me being who he saw marrying. Terrible. I started the conflict but he’s so impossible to talk to it escalated and he once again threatened ending things like he did the entire relationship and did. Things that could just end easily he escalates gaslighting and playing the victim and it gets out of hand
@@Eg-jd9zt move on! he is a kid no a real man!
@@lemagloria I did 3 months ago? Lol. But thanks for your input.
Sigh, as an avoidant all of these are accurate.
My gf broke up with me last week. Well she didn’t actually say that, but she said she needs to be “alone for a bit….” I have given her a week of NC but am afraid she’ll meet someone new if I leave it 30 days. We were together 6 months. She says she still likes me and gave me a kiss goodbye and just doesn’t want to hurt me with her sadness right now.
May dismissive avoidant ex just broke up with me today and I can't even check off one box from the list given in this video. Not even one. Guess I'm doomed
Very helpful. It explains clearly my ex slow come back.
Damn 50-50 chance 🤔🤣😂 my DA is 67 years old and she is a severe DA . Six years older than I am but damn I hope she comes back the sex was the best I ever had lol , only a 2 1/2 year relationship
gosh you would think you would start thinking about settling down and looking towards the future at 67 😙
I feel sorry for her next victim 😔 thanks for the great video no sugarcoating
You’re welcome! Glad you found it helpful and that you appreciate the straight approach.
Yes this is a good comment. I hope she comes back around.
@Cyril Kwale
@Cyril Kwale
@Cyril Kwale
A huge YES on sticking to your boundaries reason! Not common but so true!…it made me almost insane that he knew from the second month in the relationship that I’m refusing a dead end situation and I left..yet he kept going around in circles to try compromising my lines he kept breaking my no contact rule…I want him to stop coming back unlike many people here😅
I didn’t want to be so mean to him but I had to shut him out in the harshest way I can or else he will use my empathy as a sign he can manipulate the situation my advice dealing with DA’s show no emotions and if you can keep a huge emotional barrier what they do is who they are…end of the story
I appreciate this video, and having gotten a "dump text" as the form of breakup, it's been borderline devastating to process this all. Total silent treatment, no reason given other than a "change of heart". We'd been seeing each other for 18 months... I understand better why the DA does this, as a reaction to fears..etc, but understanding does not readily connect with creating Closure , healing and accepting this and ALL the ramifications. I've asked for a time for us to see each other and end on good terms, but... crickets. .... Her loss?? .. yes, for sure... getting past my loss, not that easy... thanks... t
Great content.
Katya
Best advice ever! Thank you
I’m currently going through such experiences/ she keeps coming back after 2 months of no contact but it feels more sexual than romantic .
Glad it was helpful!
great analise:)
The video was great! Thanks
No hope. How does one initiate and escalate relationship then act like it's strange when the partner they discarded for no obvious reason reacts strongly and not in a calm manner. ?
I'm in a 4 yr LDR (past 2 pandemic years kept us apart). He's been planning to fly to me next month and now I'm feeling like pulling the plug. We're not young and I'm not seeking a perfect man, just a companion to spend my "golden years" with. He does take time to himself, usually no longer than a few days. I guess since we're unable to be physical with each other attention is what we have and the lack of it drives me crazy. I'm the needy one for sure, but when I take a break he becomes needy. When we talk all day (his preference) we get very close and then he pulls back and I handle it but sometimes lose it and send emotional texts which sometimes I feel is what he wants, a reaction. I see a therapist which helps. LDRs are not "real" people tell me, but no. I know him better than my ex-husbands and boyfriends over my long life. Been alone a long time now and think of him as a blessing, but the cursed side feels horrid. I never meet anyone who I gel with like him. And he has an accent I could listen to forever. I don't feel he'd ever break up with me, but he can be toxic and I have to run sometimes. His country was hell during Covid and made him a bit enraged. In person he's a sweetheart, and I intend to see that man again if it kills me (it won't). Thank you.
@Jon C Jenny Reported
He ended it because after two years of a long distance situation I moved closer and I asked for a commitment - he said loves me and is so attracted to me and that he feels so good around me but didn’t feel the feelings he wanted to feel to commit to taking it to the next level. And wants to stay good friends. I told him I can’t go back to just friendship with him so I’m doing no contact. We have an insane sexual connection and he told me that when he broke up with me. ALSO he had a toxic and abusive long term relationship before me. Thanks for helping me to process my feelings around this.
I have found that in some cases they may be too afraid to come back. No matter what, move on. There are more than enough secure people out there to meet and have relationships with. I met one quite easily after opening myself up to the opportunity and putting in the effort. I was rejected a lot, but made in through just fine. Rest, recover, move on. Be sure to deal with your stuff before dating again; it’s only fair to future partners.
Love this
Tell me what I want to hear, Katya lol! Great video :)