PSA: Not everyone gives and receives love the same way. Someone could be loving you to their greatest capacity, and it still might not match your "volume." Doesn't mean you have to lower your volume to accommodate, it just means you might not be compatible. Sometimes letting it go is the most loving thing to do for all involved, (before you slip into resentment and criticism). Do you agree?
Ex doesn't do these things, but still comes back looking for me a year later. Can't take him seriously until he has a darn good explanation about why he threw me and our relationship in the trash for no reason.
They do all this and then discard you again. The point is, they are avoidants and will NOT reciprocate. So to me, this is just breadcrumbing rather than loving. It’s just ensuring that you’ll not leave while they need you. And then bam, they do. The only true proof of love you need is for them to recognize they have a problem and work on it, and go to therapy.
He did every single one of these, then ran off with someone else. Who he committed to within max 4 weeks, after 11 months of telling me he couldn't commit to me. What on earth was the point of it all 😭😭
@@whiggygirl Hmm, okay, thank you for clarifying! When I hear someone say 'I can't' I like to translate it in my mind Every time 'I can't' means either 'I don't want to' or 'I don't know how to' And I take it as a very valuable information I can imagine that it hurts so much right now For me mourning about it has helped me a lot to find the strength to move on I hope my words are of any help to you
@@whiggygirlprobably he found someone toxic, or that he doesn't have such strong emotions for. Then he'll come back some years later and say he made a mistake. Which might be all genuine and true but have your boundaries...
There ws one good one like this some years ago yet we wee still so different bc i was still people pleasing and it takes a psychologically informed one to hang at my level so i can respect them
My guy does none of those things however he punishes me for telling him he's a Dismissive Avoidant and I'm an Empath with more stonewalling and distance. He lives 2 hours away yet keeps making excuses not to visit. He devotes almost all his time to social media and hobbies and expects our love to survive his breadcrumbing. He's an emotional sadist yet says he's scared of me confronting him or the sluts who send him love hearts on Facebook. I'm not getting enough from this relationship to make it worth taking seriously.
He's getting his cake and eating it, sounds like. Don't let people take advantage of your heart, been through this over and over when I was younger because I thought it was love and wanted to keep hoping that if I did something better they'd come back and love me. Doesn't happen like that; love on you first and let these types aside, that have nothing to offer you.
Yeah, they are masters at giving just the right amount to keep you until they dont want a relationship any longer. And then if you say fine and walk, they then start with the breadcrumbing to try to get you back. A sick game that nobody should ever take part in.
If three months has passed you can't lose anything imo. But have those boundaries up, like know what you won't tolerate. There's some videos on how secure attached reacts...
PSA: Not everyone gives and receives love the same way. Someone could be loving you to their greatest capacity, and it still might not match your "volume." Doesn't mean you have to lower your volume to accommodate, it just means you might not be compatible. Sometimes letting it go is the most loving thing to do for all involved, (before you slip into resentment and criticism). Do you agree?
Yes!
Ex doesn't do these things, but still comes back looking for me a year later. Can't take him seriously until he has a darn good explanation about why he threw me and our relationship in the trash for no reason.
They do all this and then discard you again. The point is, they are avoidants and will NOT reciprocate. So to me, this is just breadcrumbing rather than loving. It’s just ensuring that you’ll not leave while they need you. And then bam, they do. The only true proof of love you need is for them to recognize they have a problem and work on it, and go to therapy.
@@LoveLeeR so true
Yep, mine is abusive so he didn't do any better with therapy.
My ex didn't believe in going therapy. She thinks talking to people about their issues is stupid.
This! ❤
He did every single one of these, then ran off with someone else. Who he committed to within max 4 weeks, after 11 months of telling me he couldn't commit to me. What on earth was the point of it all 😭😭
He told you all the 11 months you knew each other, that he does not want to commit?
@Arasarcan yes. He didn't say he didn't want to. He said he couldn't. That he was scared. For various reasons, that were nothing to do with me
@@whiggygirl Hmm, okay, thank you for clarifying!
When I hear someone say 'I can't' I like to translate it in my mind
Every time 'I can't' means either 'I don't want to' or 'I don't know how to'
And I take it as a very valuable information
I can imagine that it hurts so much right now
For me mourning about it has helped me a lot to find the strength to move on
I hope my words are of any help to you
Don't worry. He'll emotionally starve his new partner too. Be grateful you no longer have to feel miserable because of his emotional anorexia.
@@whiggygirlprobably he found someone toxic, or that he doesn't have such strong emotions for. Then he'll come back some years later and say he made a mistake. Which might be all genuine and true but have your boundaries...
I will get discarded anyway 😂😂😂
There ws one good one like this some years ago yet we wee still so different bc i was still people pleasing and it takes a psychologically informed one to hang at my level so i can respect them
thank you BM, taking note with my own suspect-of-a-DA !
Great ,so none of that i got. 😢
Bombarding someone with messages and expecting them to don't drop everything they're doing to respond, would be immature behavior.
My guy does none of those things however he punishes me for telling him he's a Dismissive Avoidant and I'm an Empath with more stonewalling and distance. He lives 2 hours away yet keeps making excuses not to visit. He devotes almost all his time to social media and hobbies and expects our love to survive his breadcrumbing. He's an emotional sadist yet says he's scared of me confronting him or the sluts who send him love hearts on Facebook. I'm not getting enough from this relationship to make it worth taking seriously.
Get out, they are mentally ill, it doest not get better
He's getting his cake and eating it, sounds like. Don't let people take advantage of your heart, been through this over and over when I was younger because I thought it was love and wanted to keep hoping that if I did something better they'd come back and love me. Doesn't happen like that; love on you first and let these types aside, that have nothing to offer you.
Yeah, they are masters at giving just the right amount to keep you until they dont want a relationship any longer. And then if you say fine and walk, they then start with the breadcrumbing to try to get you back. A sick game that nobody should ever take part in.
Manipulative behavior...
Should I do no contact with them and if so how long should I continue it...started already and I really just want to hear from them idk I'm lost
If three months has passed you can't lose anything imo. But have those boundaries up, like know what you won't tolerate. There's some videos on how secure attached reacts...
Establish some boundaries when and if they reach out. If they don't respect you're boundaries leave them along forever!!!!