The thing is.. if you just act like you stop chasing to get them to chase you, they know and it wont work. And if you truly no longer care, it works but you don't want it to. Either way, its pointless. Accept that you've fallen for an ephemeral idealisation of a person that never existed. Lick your wounds, learn from your mistakes so you don't repeat them, forgive yourself for staying too long, forgive them for being shitty partners (they can't act differently), rebuild your life and happiness and move on to a better future. Seriously.. they aren't worth the trouble. You deserve more than the breadcrumbs you got.
In a video by Wesley Weiss "how to be in relationship with a love avoidant" he says that you can be in a relationship with them as long as you feel like you aren't really in one. Thats the only way it works. He continues to say that avoidants who actually really go for therapy and heal is incredibly, incredibly rare. That it is almost impossible. After so many videos on avoidants and reading avoidants' comments (Almost all of which are deflection, rationalisation, and cope), i can't help but agree.
i kinda compare the chasing/repelling dynamic to if you chase after your dog, it runs away from you. if you run in the opposite direction, it chases you. i guess it’s basic animal behavior.
Child chasing parent, who's walking away and not listening or paying attention to the child, just gets in the car and leaves. Or parent drinks gets told they have to stop or they'll die soon...they don't stop and they die. Child left behind unable to understand how their parent chose to drink themselves to death, and not live them. There you go I made it less Disney and more real for you and the masses.
@@marguskiis7711wrong answer traumatised women and men show little behavioural differences. This is shown from studies on adult children of addicts. A male rape victim has the same sort of trauma responses as a woman raped. This division of the sexes is getting a bit ridiculous, and at this point it's actually going to harm us. Because clowns can't help but say ridiculous things as you have. When you're dealing with a subject that deals with people with trauma.
Im at the point where im so tired of the avoidant and so exhausted that i just don’t care anymore. I’ve started speaking to another guy and im starting to just not feel bothered anymore.
@Stolenmannequin yes he comes again and the cycle repeats. I'm working on my self worth and concept to end that cycle. I'm so sick of dealing with that because no matter what I did nothing changed. Now I'm feeling different after working on my self concept and self worth.
This video has helped me so much. I just spent 4 months chasing a woman whom I hit it off with in a way that has never happened before. She just wanted to keep things casual so we've been in no contact mode for 6 weeks. I'm committed to not chasing anymore. Thank you. I truly do feel that I AM worthy of love and don't need to avoid my feelings of insecurity by chasing someone. I'm coming home and doing the work on myself that needs to be done.
One thing I did to prevent me from texting the person was to delete their contact information . That way, when I was tempted to reach out, I couldn't even if I had wanted to. Worked great, and it was really helpful for me.
Your relatability is off the charts! It’s like getting advise from your best friend over 🥃 while propping your feet up around a campfire. Thank you for that!!!
My DA started pulling away and I chased a little bit and saw she pulled away more then i stopped chasing and pulled my affection and now we are close again. She reminds me of a cat.... they only want love and afection on their terms..... lol
“There is an Amazing Opportunity in Separation.” What an outstanding way to find great growth in a challenging situation. Thank You. Everything in your life is for YOUR EVOLUTION and YOUR BENEFIT.
Hi Corri! Each year, instead of making new year's resolutions; I pick one word to sort of guide me or live by. This year I'm chosing the word "ENOUGH" - as in enough with this heartbreak, enough chasing, enough settling, enough youtubing (lol!) I am enough, i am good enough, etc. This perfect video is going on my special list ive saved labeled "enough". I will listen when I have moments when I forget that I can have anything I want. ❤ Thank you! You're the bee's knees. 😘
From personal experience over a few relationships: dismissive avoidants never come back. Maybe they will regret breaking up, but their fear will always be stronger than that. By going no contact you may make them miss you more…but the won’t come back. Move on and stop hurting yourself. I know this is hard to process if you are going through it, but that will be the end result.
My experience was opposite. They almost all come back but I never once chase. I also date men so it’s different. Their behavior never changes though. They just miss how good you were and they start idealizing before pulling back.
Your wisdom is the best Christmas gift I could have asked for. I’m really looking forward to my 70th year on this fabulous planet in 2025. Thank you Corri. ❤
Great video! This was so helpful! I’m approaching 2 months no contact after 6 years on/off with a DA/player/social climber type. I know there’s no future there but have been super depressed since it ended. I feel stronger after watching this 💜 Thank you
I needed this message. I've been going no contact with him on and off for over a year distancing myself and when we would talk again his comment was" well you never text me" I said I was letting you do your thing and sew your oats(being i know he was sleeping around). I finally woke up to me working on myself. It's now been 5 weeks and the first Thanksgiving we have been in no contact. I'm actually ok with it now because I've been working on myself. I'm going to continue to do that because I never want to go back to that unhealthy hot/cold dynamic again. I was miserable. I'm finally feeling better working on myself self worth and at peace.
brilliant thank you. I am enough. i am healing from the depths of my heart and soul....tough 2024, yet GOD is my strength and comfort. I no longer chase, no longer keep people close who refuse to change and grow....my village is changing....I want to cheer lead personal growth and vision and be encouraged as well. 2025 is a new year of firsts.....get ready friends!!! :)
Girl! You have no idea how this video is resonating for me right now! Just an hour ago I expressed to my ex husband in the car, how I need to come up with some exercise to really expel avoidance behavior in me and therefore dealing with avoidance behavior from others in my environment once and for all! It’s a big life force sucker and energy draining, keeping us in a stuck loop and out of flow and ease and clarity in all sphears of life! And it reminded of one of my favorite songs of Pearl Jam, ‘Rearviewmirror’ “Saw things so much Clearer Once you, were in my... Rearviewmirror...”
Havent chased my Avoidant ex gf, 2 months later here we are. All done & dusted but dont feel a heap better, still miss her & still cant believe it ended like it did.
@@marguskiis7711 hopefully won't take me that long, but yes have a few people telling me just to move & get over it without fully understanding the situation.
as you are talking: ❤ that was my move of discomfort just yesterday!! 🎉 congratulations 🎉 thank you sooo much for validating my going on I am not that fool 😝 what a relief 😇😎
You’re incredible thank you! I’ve been watching your videos since Sept esp when SP left me on read and I felt like a fool for constantly messaging and caring. I needed to realize this, “Why am I always trying? Why do I fear losing someone or why do I have to feel like if I don’t put in the effort they’ll never see me?” It was very uncomfortable but I’m slowly appreciating the NC and if he comes back I’ll love it and if he doesn’t, sure I’ll always love him, but I deserve the relationship I want.
@ you are regarding the message I’ve typed or the video itself? You can only manifest the better version of SP if your self concept is good. If we come from a place of lack, the person picks up on it, and the cycle of chasing becomes continuous. And, in order to better your self concept, you have to be ok with the uncertain variables such as SP may not come back. But, you have to be ok with whatever outcome bc you prioritize you first.
I now realise my ex was a DA and see men through different eyes ie as master manipulators. Whenever a guy gives me his pitch I instantly think: “What do you want from me?” I now play them at their own game!!
Wow! A lot of things just clicked in me there 🤣 I’ve been avoiding myself when I chase … I really needed to hear this, coz yep, looking back I have been 💜 thank you for your insights ✨🌹
Can I just quote an amazing words from this video: “When you break this pattern you become actually stronger, more worthy”…Oh…I did this mistake, I chased. But I forgive myself for that. And that’s is absolutely brilliant life experience. Never jeopardize your worth for anybody, no matter how strongly you’re in love and how deep your feelings are. Walk away and let them lose you. You’re not losing yourself, that’s the most important! ❤️
I've watched a few of your videos now and seen the plethora of comments posted across them and the biggest question of all is , "What is so wrong in modern society that so many people develop avoidant behaviour patterns " ? Sadly it would appear that avoidance is just one of many unhealthy personality traits that is on the rise, narcissism, probably mainly driven by various forms of social media, is definitely another. Something is driving this rise in mental heath conditions and it needs to be addressed.
@@Loversinadangeroustime Well I guess that is the short answer but what is causing the childhood trauma ? Different traumas can develop into different personality disorders but why are they on the increase ? Something is fundamentally wrong in modern society that is creating more traumatised children. Whilst we could speculate on various causes, a society moving away from religion or the breakup of the family unit for example, it needs to be investigated on a national level because otherwise the future is looking increasingly bleak.
The boomer generation are the most traumatised people in the current pool of people who are still alive and they passed their emotional neglect down to the Gen X and millenials. Many who are parents now and starting to be exposed to this topic. Its gonna take a few generations to heal this stuff. The ones who aren't, continue to pass down the generational trauma.
Thank you, this one really hit home. I can see my behaviour but have been stuck on how to stop chasing. ‘ Turning the light off’ just clicked! (Like a light switch!😂)
That sweater looks so good on you. Need this as my ex DA who I’ve been in no contact with for six weeks is hitting me up because I’m in town (we have been long distance for years) and this is so hard - love addiction is no different from crack. I’ve done years of healing around this and am very healthy in so many ways but this is my kryptonite. I’m staying strong but it’s not easy.
@@ceciliamac4283 Thank you! So far, so good. I have plans tonight anyway so won't have time to let the oxytocin addiction sway me and then I have plans tomorrow and leaving Monday - just have to white knuckle it and with your support, I will stay strong! I can't let down the team which is why I shared it--accountability.
Seriously, what’s the future of mankind if this behaviour doesn’t stop? Men hunt you down because they want you; when they’ve got you and you set up home together they feel ‘tied down’ and start looking for ways to escape! Women just can’t win. I’m building a life for myself - men may come and go but my happiness is always assured.
I’ve been doing this for a year now and my avoidant reached out after nearly a year telling me he thinks about me everyday. Then a friend yesterday said “where’s Hayne gone? What have you done with her???” As I am no longer needy (it’s still there but I am affirming daily on my self concept) and yes I am a lot stronger now. It’s all down to watching you tubers like you and then finding out about manifesting. That’s been the game changer x
They may feel that way but will not come back. As soon as their fear goes up, they will leave again. And keep hurting you. They will need a lot of counseling work to ever change. Move on.
I stopped communicating with an avoidant. Then he contacted me and said we should have lunch in January. I have put him in the barely friend zone and left it at that.
This is exactly what I went through when my twin flame and I went into separation. He married the other woman, which hurt me tremendously. I chased him for well over a year and finally stopped one day. However, I did contact him via email before Thanksgiving and he was still very harsh. So, I told him that I would not communicate anymore with him. Now, I think his marriage has failed and he may be sitting with himself and his thoughts of how badly he treated me. I am worthy to have someone who truly gives equally to me in a relationship. I understand that I was being an anxious avoidant. Thank you for validating my feelings on this topic.
It find it interesting. I thought about never messaging sp again intill they show up better. But i knew that is not how i prefer to approach things. So i choose to express myself even more. Simply because it feels good to do. I can feel such healing, stabilizing, and purifing energy every time in my body. It feels very healing with no discord in my mind and heart when i express myself. I feel the poweful impact in my heartfelt words i speak. Truly a freeing feeling. This approach feels best to me. Regardless if I message or not. I know they will show up for me eventually. Overall I feel at peace about all this.
Thank you for this! I’ve just found that after years of chasing overtly and calling him out, being blocked, lots of back and forth, we fell out of contact and the relationship and connection completely broke. He’s now more open to speaking but it feels as though that connection between us has vanished and I keep trying to get it back, because in my head, he doesn’t see me as a safe person anymore, and I have to demonstrate that I can have conversations without anxious behaviour e.g blaming, complaining about his avoidance. HOWEVER, I’m finding that I’m having thoughts like “I just need to make him feel safe and enjoy talking to me again” and that’s resulting in chasing behaviour like sending multiple messages, keeping going with conversation despite very little in return, I feel beggy. After a long time of not recognising how anxious I was being and the dynamic, how do I build the connection back up to a point where he wants to talk to me, if I’m not “chasing”? Not sure if that makes sense
If he is not making YOU feel safe then what's the point? Will he protect you in marriage or are you gonna be signing up for a lifetime of never knowing whether you are enough for him. He has to find it within himself. I mean if he can't give you attention on a normal day how is he gonna be when you go through a life crisis. Will he ditch you then. Seriously do you hate yourself that much that you'd put up with this. He is a grown man and if he can't recognise how his behaviour is hurting you then he won't make a good husband to you in the long run. He is not the victim. You cannot save him.
After going through tons of these videos and research it’s wild why there is not more advice like this for AA AP instead of trying to cater to DA needs. You can heal yourself first and the relationship ends up working better as a bonus
One more comment to share. I hope I have the fortitude to not chase or fix. This pattern has been for 3 years. It’s an old b/f that came back into my life. He was not an avoidant in our prior relationship but grew into one. We loved each other. He missed me. My brain tells me he’s the same guy from the past and sadly he is not.
Same with my x gf....she waited 20 years to tell me she only had eyes for me....while she was actually..seeing other people....I got it now...there's no real core person there...a shadow at best
I love the cover of your e-book which I will purchase soon after I finish this video - a Greek island background is simply awesome :) ( I am Greek so I am biased lol )
TLDR (self rant) I’m sick and tired of this ping pong in my head. I strongly suspect (but don’t know), that after 6 years my SP is single, and a few months ago, after her texting me after 8 months, saying she was thinking about me, I asked her if she’d like to meet up, or that safety phrase to not sound creepy ‘catch-up’. She was all for meeting up sooner, but I suggested after her 3 month school placement (university student teacher). I indicated that she should get back to me if she wanted to, thinking that if she wanted to she would. 3 months passed, and her last day was 6th Dec. No text. Ghosted. I think maybe she was just saying she was up for getting together because that’s what she FELT like AT THE TIME, but not now. I feel like we are both in parallel universes where once in a while our paths cross, then wires get crossed. I think she KNOWS how I feel, because I told her (when she h as a boyfriend (I know, pathetic)), but i don’t understand why it seems to be that ‘the GUY should chase’ is in universal disharmony with ‘the power of MANIFESTATION’??? 😩 Every time I succeed in not giving a cra*, there she is again, and I just wish she’d either shi* or get off the pot. A lot of the time I’m just so sick and tired of thinking about her, and wish she would get the heck out of my head!
Sh* or get off the pot. Love that expression! :) Same feeling here. I guess that asking for clarity/intentions when she contacts you would give her no choice than to do just that: sh* (ask for some kind of relationship), or get off (say no or ghost, ghosting to a question is also a no)
When I see your videos Im very discouraged by the comments ….. everyone is kinda mad and say RUN from avoidants , and I really don’t know what to believe , my psychologist told me the same , this relationship Will never work because I anxious and is avoidant …. What are you thoughts on the negative comments ?
I don’t think the comments are negative, but probably quite confronting. Lots of people are probably fed up with being in this dynamic and often do get to a point where they have had enough of trying to be the one to figure it out. This is all part of the journey. Relationships have to be two people both willing to do the work. Things can of course change, but you lead the way as to what you’re willing to accept and now. This is how we manifest change x
I just figured out that she’s an avoidant-through research. She chased me for 6 months, but I resisted because I know her family and she is far younger than I am. The problem is that she is shockingly beautiful and relentless, so I caved, and she rejected me. I have to ignore her now: no texts, no speech, no eye contact. It really sucks and it is truly sad. I feel sorry for her now and feel a need to help her realize why she can’t maintain a healthy relationship. Thank you for helping all of us to understand this painfully frustrating behavior 🇺🇸
Why we want this kind if people 8n life , a minded game, manipulate, nothing real from them they live with a fear weak coward in themself they give nothing in return stop ti continue with this people
What happens after 4 years of on/off, discard after discard, me - the recipient of said abuse, finally tells aka texts, the avoidant to 'jog-on' never contact me again, stay away from me and to leave me in my peace. These words have never been uttered by me before. What happens to the avoidant when the door is firmly and finally slammed in their face?
The thing is.. if you just act like you stop chasing to get them to chase you, they know and it wont work. And if you truly no longer care, it works but you don't want it to. Either way, its pointless.
Accept that you've fallen for an ephemeral idealisation of a person that never existed. Lick your wounds, learn from your mistakes so you don't repeat them, forgive yourself for staying too long, forgive them for being shitty partners (they can't act differently), rebuild your life and happiness and move on to a better future. Seriously.. they aren't worth the trouble. You deserve more than the breadcrumbs you got.
EXACTLY THIS!!! 💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
Spot on ❤
Very clear and well-written! The forgiveness part will heal you - forgive for yourself, not them!
In a video by Wesley Weiss "how to be in relationship with a love avoidant" he says that you can be in a relationship with them as long as you feel like you aren't really in one. Thats the only way it works. He continues to say that avoidants who actually really go for therapy and heal is incredibly, incredibly rare. That it is almost impossible. After so many videos on avoidants and reading avoidants' comments (Almost all of which are deflection, rationalisation, and cope), i can't help but agree.
I learned the hard way, I just learned this.
i kinda compare the chasing/repelling dynamic to if you chase after your dog, it runs away from you. if you run in the opposite direction, it chases you. i guess it’s basic animal behavior.
And we should love as animals do
Wrong answer. Avoidant women do not chase any man.
he is a dog tbh so makes sense
Child chasing parent, who's walking away and not listening or paying attention to the child, just gets in the car and leaves. Or parent drinks gets told they have to stop or they'll die soon...they don't stop and they die. Child left behind unable to understand how their parent chose to drink themselves to death, and not live them.
There you go I made it less Disney and more real for you and the masses.
@@marguskiis7711wrong answer traumatised women and men show little behavioural differences. This is shown from studies on adult children of addicts. A male rape victim has the same sort of trauma responses as a woman raped.
This division of the sexes is getting a bit ridiculous, and at this point it's actually going to harm us. Because clowns can't help but say ridiculous things as you have. When you're dealing with a subject that deals with people with trauma.
Im at the point where im so tired of the avoidant and so exhausted that i just don’t care anymore. I’ve started speaking to another guy and im starting to just not feel bothered anymore.
I feel you
Please make sure you heal your core wounds first in order not to attract another.
Ditto.
Thats the moment before he comes again....good luck
@Stolenmannequin yes he comes again and the cycle repeats. I'm working on my self worth and concept to end that cycle. I'm so sick of dealing with that because no matter what I did nothing changed. Now I'm feeling different after working on my self concept and self worth.
This video has helped me so much. I just spent 4 months chasing a woman whom I hit it off with in a way that has never happened before. She just wanted to keep things casual so we've been in no contact mode for 6 weeks. I'm committed to not chasing anymore. Thank you. I truly do feel that I AM worthy of love and don't need to avoid my feelings of insecurity by chasing someone. I'm coming home and doing the work on myself that needs to be done.
One thing I did to prevent me from texting the person was to delete their contact information . That way, when I was tempted to reach out, I couldn't even if I had wanted to. Worked great, and it was really helpful for me.
Same and i block them until I don’t care anymore
"Chasing is avoidance" 👍
Your relatability is off the charts! It’s like getting advise from your best friend over 🥃 while propping your feet up around a campfire. Thank you for that!!!
Haha I felt it too😂
My DA started pulling away and I chased a little bit and saw she pulled away more then i stopped chasing and pulled my affection and now we are close again.
She reminds me of a cat.... they only want love and afection on their terms..... lol
I love the idea how chasing is a symptom of avoidance. Thank you❤
“There is an Amazing Opportunity in Separation.” What an outstanding way to find great growth in a challenging situation. Thank You. Everything in your life is for YOUR EVOLUTION and YOUR BENEFIT.
Hi Corri! Each year, instead of making new year's resolutions; I pick one word to sort of guide me or live by. This year I'm chosing the word "ENOUGH" - as in enough with this heartbreak, enough chasing, enough settling, enough youtubing (lol!) I am enough, i am good enough, etc. This perfect video is going on my special list ive saved labeled "enough". I will listen when I have moments when I forget that I can have anything I want. ❤ Thank you! You're the bee's knees. 😘
...but, because everyone is more interested in their ego than reality, most people never even question it.
@6:57 so true I got very sick but had to tell myself just go with the flow. Let the emotions flow over you until they're gone.
It's about respecting each other and give and take if it not working walk away don't look back
Love your demeanor, insights, positivity, light and warmth.
You see it, get it, and teach the right path.
10K is just the beginning.
From personal experience over a few relationships: dismissive avoidants never come back. Maybe they will regret breaking up, but their fear will always be stronger than that. By going no contact you may make them miss you more…but the won’t come back. Move on and stop hurting yourself. I know this is hard to process if you are going through it, but that will be the end result.
My experience was opposite. They almost all come back but I never once chase. I also date men so it’s different. Their behavior never changes though. They just miss how good you were and they start idealizing before pulling back.
Subbed. You’re like having the best trusted girlfriend telling us what we need to hear. Thank you!!!!!❤❤❤❤❤
Corri, you're speaking my language. I'm in the process of rewiring years of conditioning. Thank you for your video.
Your wisdom is the best Christmas gift I could have asked for. I’m really looking forward to my 70th year on this fabulous planet in 2025. Thank you Corri. ❤
🩷🩷🩷
I’m adding this to my other 2 videos from you that I listen to every day in the car! Thank you Corri - you’re a gift! 🤗
Your husband is the luckiest dude in the world. 🤘🏼
Great video! This was so helpful! I’m approaching 2 months no contact after 6 years on/off with a DA/player/social climber type. I know there’s no future there but have been super depressed since it ended. I feel stronger after watching this 💜 Thank you
This gave me a smile 🤍
Very similar situation. You've opened the portals up for something better
@@ceciliamac4283 thank you 🙏🏽
@@iiislandbreeze thank you 🙏🏽
I needed this message. I've been going no contact with him on and off for over a year distancing myself and when we would talk again his comment was" well you never text me" I said I was letting you do your thing and sew your oats(being i know he was sleeping around). I finally woke up to me working on myself. It's now been 5 weeks and the first Thanksgiving we have been in no contact. I'm actually ok with it now because I've been working on myself. I'm going to continue to do that because I never want to go back to that unhealthy hot/cold dynamic again. I was miserable. I'm finally feeling better working on myself self worth and at peace.
brilliant thank you. I am enough. i am healing from the depths of my heart and soul....tough 2024, yet GOD is my strength and comfort. I no longer chase, no longer keep people close who refuse to change and grow....my village is changing....I want to cheer lead personal growth and vision and be encouraged as well. 2025 is a new year of firsts.....get ready friends!!! :)
dream on
Wow Corri!!!😮
This was good!! 🙏🏽
Great timing and right on point for me. ❤
Chasing is avoidance - thank you for that insight.
Girl! You have no idea how this video is resonating for me right now! Just an hour ago I expressed to my ex husband in the car, how I need to come up with some exercise to really expel avoidance behavior in me and therefore dealing with avoidance behavior from others in my environment once and for all! It’s a big life force sucker and energy draining, keeping us in a stuck loop and out of flow and ease and clarity in all sphears of life!
And it reminded of one of my favorite songs of Pearl Jam, ‘Rearviewmirror’ “Saw things so much
Clearer
Once you, were in my...
Rearviewmirror...”
Havent chased my Avoidant ex gf, 2 months later here we are. All done & dusted but dont feel a heap better, still miss her & still cant believe it ended like it did.
Exactly. It is so hard to get over an avoidant. It takes more than a year. Do whatever you do. And everybody says you are an idiot.
Im sorry I know how it feels. I know better days are ahead 🤍🍀
@@marguskiis7711 hopefully won't take me that long, but yes have a few people telling me just to move & get over it without fully understanding the situation.
Eventually, it will get better. But it might take much longer than you think.
2 months is early , I was getting better at 8 months and beyond but when you get this far don't go back you will have to start all over again 🥹
as you are talking: ❤
that was
my move of discomfort
just yesterday!! 🎉
congratulations 🎉
thank you sooo much
for validating my going on
I am not that fool 😝
what a relief 😇😎
You’re incredible thank you! I’ve been watching your videos since Sept esp when SP left me on read and I felt like a fool for constantly messaging and caring. I needed to realize this, “Why am I always trying? Why do I fear losing someone or why do I have to feel like if I don’t put in the effort they’ll never see me?” It was very uncomfortable but I’m slowly appreciating the NC and if he comes back I’ll love it and if he doesn’t, sure I’ll always love him, but I deserve the relationship I want.
I feel.this but I also get confused how "manifesting an SP" fits into it all.
@ you are regarding the message I’ve typed or the video itself?
You can only manifest the better version of SP if your self concept is good. If we come from a place of lack, the person picks up on it, and the cycle of chasing becomes continuous. And, in order to better your self concept, you have to be ok with the uncertain variables such as SP may not come back. But, you have to be ok with whatever outcome bc you prioritize you first.
This video is now on repeat for me. Thank you and happy holidays😊
I now realise my ex was a DA and see men through different eyes ie as master manipulators. Whenever a guy gives me his pitch I instantly think: “What do you want from me?” I now play them at their own game!!
Wow! A lot of things just clicked in me there 🤣 I’ve been avoiding myself when I chase … I really needed to hear this, coz yep, looking back I have been 💜 thank you for your insights ✨🌹
Thank you so much for this. I feel like this video just gave me a lot of healing and light ❤
im going to listen to this for a LONG TIME!!! on repeat! THANK YOU!!
Can I just quote an amazing words from this video: “When you break this pattern you become actually stronger, more worthy”…Oh…I did this mistake, I chased. But I forgive myself for that. And that’s is absolutely brilliant life experience. Never jeopardize your worth for anybody, no matter how strongly you’re in love and how deep your feelings are. Walk away and let them lose you. You’re not losing yourself, that’s the most important! ❤️
So so true!! I lived it, it’s very painful but eventually the wound scabs over..
@@mjc21706 ❤️🙏🏼 Let our future be 10x times more brighter than the past! We deserved that!
I've watched a few of your videos now and seen the plethora of comments posted across them and the biggest question of all is , "What is so wrong in modern society that so many people develop avoidant behaviour patterns " ? Sadly it would appear that avoidance is just one of many unhealthy personality traits that is on the rise, narcissism, probably mainly driven by various forms of social media, is definitely another. Something is driving this rise in mental heath conditions and it needs to be addressed.
Childhood trauma
@@Loversinadangeroustime Well I guess that is the short answer but what is causing the childhood trauma ? Different traumas can develop into different personality disorders but why are they on the increase ? Something is fundamentally wrong in modern society that is creating more traumatised children. Whilst we could speculate on various causes, a society moving away from religion or the breakup of the family unit for example, it needs to be investigated on a national level because otherwise the future is looking increasingly bleak.
The boomer generation are the most traumatised people in the current pool of people who are still alive and they passed their emotional neglect down to the Gen X and millenials. Many who are parents now and starting to be exposed to this topic. Its gonna take a few generations to heal this stuff. The ones who aren't, continue to pass down the generational trauma.
Thank you, this one really hit home. I can see my behaviour but have been stuck on how to stop chasing. ‘ Turning the light off’ just clicked! (Like a light switch!😂)
Just bumped on your channel Corri and I gotta say your video was really inspiring and useful. I like your presentation style too. Thank you🙏🏼
You are just wonderful!!!!!! Thank you...I needed this today🥰
That sweater looks so good on you. Need this as my ex DA who I’ve been in no contact with for six weeks is hitting me up because I’m in town (we have been long distance for years) and this is so hard - love addiction is no different from crack. I’ve done years of healing around this and am very healthy in so many ways but this is my kryptonite. I’m staying strong but it’s not easy.
You got this !!!!
@@ceciliamac4283 Thank you! So far, so good. I have plans tonight anyway so won't have time to let the oxytocin addiction sway me and then I have plans tomorrow and leaving Monday - just have to white knuckle it and with your support, I will stay strong! I can't let down the team which is why I shared it--accountability.
Thank you for making this video and addressing the chasing mindset.
Seriously, what’s the future of mankind if this behaviour doesn’t stop? Men hunt you down because they want you; when they’ve got you and you set up home together they feel ‘tied down’ and start looking for ways to escape! Women just can’t win. I’m building a life for myself - men may come and go but my happiness is always assured.
Well said , thank you ❤
Very good . Well explained !. Ive moved into this journey over the last 12 months
I’ve been doing this for a year now and my avoidant reached out after nearly a year telling me he thinks about me everyday.
Then a friend yesterday said “where’s Hayne gone? What have you done with her???” As I am no longer needy (it’s still there but I am affirming daily on my self concept) and yes I am a lot stronger now. It’s all down to watching you tubers like you and then finding out about manifesting. That’s been the game changer x
They may feel that way but will not come back. As soon as their fear goes up, they will leave again. And keep hurting you. They will need a lot of counseling work to ever change. Move on.
Thanks for this perspective, much love from California.
I stopped communicating with an avoidant. Then he contacted me and said we should have lunch in January. I have put him in the barely friend zone and left it at that.
You are great! ❤ Thank you!
best video ever to understand anxious attachment style
This was soooo encouraging and I feel so seen. Thank you 🙏🏻
This is great content! Thank you 👌🏽🙏🏽
This is exactly what I went through when my twin flame and I went into separation. He married the other woman, which hurt me tremendously. I chased him for well over a year and finally stopped one day. However, I did contact him via email before Thanksgiving and he was still very harsh. So, I told him that I would not communicate anymore with him. Now, I think his marriage has failed and he may be sitting with himself and his thoughts of how badly he treated me. I am worthy to have someone who truly gives equally to me in a relationship. I understand that I was being an anxious avoidant. Thank you for validating my feelings on this topic.
It find it interesting. I thought about never messaging sp again intill they show up better. But i knew that is not how i prefer to approach things. So i choose to express myself even more. Simply because it feels good to do. I can feel such healing, stabilizing, and purifing energy every time in my body. It feels very healing with no discord in my mind and heart when i express myself. I feel the poweful impact in my heartfelt words i speak. Truly a freeing feeling. This approach feels best to me. Regardless if I message or not. I know they will show up for me eventually. Overall I feel at peace about all this.
Дякую Вам !!! Дуже повчально і вчасно !!! ДЯКУЮ !!!
Nuff love for your different approach to this topic....❤
Thanks 🙏🏽
God bless you for giving me this information and opportunity to better healing
This is such awesome advice. Thank you so much!❤
Thank you for your videos. Very informative and helpful. I must say, your voice is lovely to listen to. Very pleasant and soothing. 😊
Thank you for this! I’ve just found that after years of chasing overtly and calling him out, being blocked, lots of back and forth, we fell out of contact and the relationship and connection completely broke. He’s now more open to speaking but it feels as though that connection between us has vanished and I keep trying to get it back, because in my head, he doesn’t see me as a safe person anymore, and I have to demonstrate that I can have conversations without anxious behaviour e.g blaming, complaining about his avoidance.
HOWEVER, I’m finding that I’m having thoughts like “I just need to make him feel safe and enjoy talking to me again” and that’s resulting in chasing behaviour like sending multiple messages, keeping going with conversation despite very little in return, I feel beggy.
After a long time of not recognising how anxious I was being and the dynamic, how do I build the connection back up to a point where he wants to talk to me, if I’m not “chasing”?
Not sure if that makes sense
What did you mean by « he is now more open to speaking » ?
If he is not making YOU feel safe then what's the point? Will he protect you in marriage or are you gonna be signing up for a lifetime of never knowing whether you are enough for him. He has to find it within himself. I mean if he can't give you attention on a normal day how is he gonna be when you go through a life crisis. Will he ditch you then. Seriously do you hate yourself that much that you'd put up with this. He is a grown man and if he can't recognise how his behaviour is hurting you then he won't make a good husband to you in the long run. He is not the victim. You cannot save him.
@ part of me holds this perspective. The other part believes in manifestation
@@rebeccamcdonald3961 It speaks to me too. Part of me believes in manifesting a healed version of him (and of me as well)
@rebeccamcdonald3961 manifesting what?
After going through tons of these videos and research it’s wild why there is not more advice like this for AA AP instead of trying to cater to DA needs. You can heal yourself first and the relationship ends up working better as a bonus
great video - thank you
One more comment to share. I hope I have the fortitude to not chase or fix. This pattern has been for 3 years. It’s an old b/f that came back into my life. He was not an avoidant in our prior relationship but grew into one. We loved each other. He missed me. My brain tells me he’s the same guy from the past and sadly he is not.
Same with my x gf....she waited 20 years to tell me she only had eyes for me....while she was actually..seeing other people....I got it now...there's no real core person there...a shadow at best
I love the cover of your e-book which I will purchase soon after I finish this video - a Greek island background is simply awesome :) ( I am Greek so I am biased lol )
iv been chasing myself for years ❤ push pull
You my friend are brilliant! I just lived this and it’s taken 8 to 9 months but IT does happen!!💪❤
After 9 months SP came back?
? What happened ?
you explained it wonderfully. voted and subscribed.
8:30 about the loneliness in the dark..spot on.😢
Awesome video, thank you kindly 🙏
Thanks for your videos
🤯🤯🤯 chasing is avoidant 😮holy shit I love that and felt it fully. Omg. Will not forget that
So on point.
what may feel like rejection breeds obsession. to whoever.
TLDR (self rant)
I’m sick and tired of this ping pong in my head. I strongly suspect (but don’t know), that after 6 years my SP is single, and a few months ago, after her texting me after 8 months, saying she was thinking about me, I asked her if she’d like to meet up, or that safety phrase to not sound creepy ‘catch-up’. She was all for meeting up sooner, but I suggested after her 3 month school placement (university student teacher).
I indicated that she should get back to me if she wanted to, thinking that if she wanted to she would. 3 months passed, and her last day was 6th Dec.
No text.
Ghosted.
I think maybe she was just saying she was up for getting together because that’s what she FELT like AT THE TIME, but not now.
I feel like we are both in parallel universes where once in a while our paths cross, then wires get crossed.
I think she KNOWS how I feel, because I told her (when she h as a boyfriend (I know, pathetic)), but i don’t understand why it seems to be that ‘the GUY should chase’ is in universal disharmony with ‘the power of MANIFESTATION’??? 😩
Every time I succeed in not giving a cra*, there she is again, and I just wish she’d either shi* or get off the pot.
A lot of the time I’m just so sick and tired of thinking about her, and wish she would get the heck out of my head!
Sh* or get off the pot. Love that expression! :) Same feeling here. I guess that asking for clarity/intentions when she contacts you would give her no choice than to do just that: sh* (ask for some kind of relationship), or get off (say no or ghost, ghosting to a question is also a no)
Good video. Thanks.⚡️
Wow!!!
This makes so much sense I love the way you broke this down
Thank you.
The right answer -- nothing happens. I did it.
Ty 💗
When I see your videos Im very discouraged by the comments ….. everyone is kinda mad and say RUN from avoidants , and I really don’t know what to believe , my psychologist told me the same , this relationship Will never work because I anxious and is avoidant …. What are you thoughts on the negative comments ?
I don’t think the comments are negative, but probably quite confronting. Lots of people are probably fed up with being in this dynamic and often do get to a point where they have had enough of trying to be the one to figure it out. This is all part of the journey. Relationships have to be two people both willing to do the work. Things can of course change, but you lead the way as to what you’re willing to accept and now. This is how we manifest change x
CHASING IS AVOIDANCE?? plss make a video on this
🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾
❤️
I just figured out that she’s an avoidant-through research. She chased me for 6 months, but I resisted because I know her family and she is far younger than I am. The problem is that she is shockingly beautiful and relentless, so I caved, and she rejected me. I have to ignore her now: no texts, no speech, no eye contact. It really sucks and it is truly sad. I feel sorry for her now and feel a need to help her realize why she can’t maintain a healthy relationship. Thank you for helping all of us to understand this painfully frustrating behavior 🇺🇸
Why we want this kind if people 8n life , a minded game, manipulate, nothing real from them they live with a fear weak coward in themself they give nothing in return stop ti continue with this people
What happens after 4 years of on/off, discard after discard, me - the recipient of said abuse, finally tells aka texts, the avoidant to 'jog-on' never contact me again, stay away from me and to leave me in my peace. These words have never been uttered by me before. What happens to the avoidant when the door is firmly and finally slammed in their face?
Most important is what happens to you. After a few months, you get peace and balance.
blocked her today because i know what i deserve, merry christmas ☺
What about if you work closely with the person and you cannot avoid conversations
Strictly talk about work