This Is What Happens When You Stop Chasing An Avoidant Or Your Ex

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  • Опубліковано 29 січ 2025

КОМЕНТАРІ • 332

  • @earlgrey2130
    @earlgrey2130 Місяць тому +337

    The thing is.. if you just act like you stop chasing to get them to chase you, they know and it wont work. And if you truly no longer care, it works but you don't want it to. Either way, its pointless.
    Accept that you've fallen for an ephemeral idealisation of a person that never existed. Lick your wounds, learn from your mistakes so you don't repeat them, forgive yourself for staying too long, forgive them for being shitty partners (they can't act differently), rebuild your life and happiness and move on to a better future. Seriously.. they aren't worth the trouble. You deserve more than the breadcrumbs you got.

    • @verite367
      @verite367 Місяць тому +15

      EXACTLY THIS!!! 💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯💯

    • @wardyla11
      @wardyla11 Місяць тому +7

      Spot on ❤

    • @williamjlusk7940
      @williamjlusk7940 Місяць тому +14

      Very clear and well-written! The forgiveness part will heal you - forgive for yourself, not them!

    • @coping_in_copeland_coper
      @coping_in_copeland_coper Місяць тому +12

      In a video by Wesley Weiss "how to be in relationship with a love avoidant" he says that you can be in a relationship with them as long as you feel like you aren't really in one. Thats the only way it works. He continues to say that avoidants who actually really go for therapy and heal is incredibly, incredibly rare. That it is almost impossible. After so many videos on avoidants and reading avoidants' comments (Almost all of which are deflection, rationalisation, and cope), i can't help but agree.

    • @nofybn7794
      @nofybn7794 Місяць тому +2

      I learned the hard way, I just learned this.

  • @DanHoller-eb6xt
    @DanHoller-eb6xt Місяць тому +285

    i kinda compare the chasing/repelling dynamic to if you chase after your dog, it runs away from you. if you run in the opposite direction, it chases you. i guess it’s basic animal behavior.

    • @Soundmorphin
      @Soundmorphin Місяць тому +6

      And we should love as animals do

    • @marguskiis7711
      @marguskiis7711 Місяць тому +6

      Wrong answer. Avoidant women do not chase any man.

    • @nita.4o
      @nita.4o Місяць тому +8

      he is a dog tbh so makes sense

    • @libertasdemocratiam887
      @libertasdemocratiam887 Місяць тому +13

      Child chasing parent, who's walking away and not listening or paying attention to the child, just gets in the car and leaves. Or parent drinks gets told they have to stop or they'll die soon...they don't stop and they die. Child left behind unable to understand how their parent chose to drink themselves to death, and not live them.
      There you go I made it less Disney and more real for you and the masses.

    • @libertasdemocratiam887
      @libertasdemocratiam887 Місяць тому

      ​@@marguskiis7711wrong answer traumatised women and men show little behavioural differences. This is shown from studies on adult children of addicts. A male rape victim has the same sort of trauma responses as a woman raped.
      This division of the sexes is getting a bit ridiculous, and at this point it's actually going to harm us. Because clowns can't help but say ridiculous things as you have. When you're dealing with a subject that deals with people with trauma.

  • @MitchNeil
    @MitchNeil 6 днів тому +7

    "Its not needy. Its having normal basic needs." 👏🏻

  • @MyLifebyChrist
    @MyLifebyChrist 19 днів тому +46

    It seems the best relationship fit for an avoidant person is simply a shallow person who only likes surface chit chat, and who's primary connection is physical touch as it doesn't involve emotional vulnerability.

    • @soulfiree88
      @soulfiree88 8 днів тому +3

      This is my entire interactions with my partner. It was like breaking down walls to get this man to go beyond small talk . Sometimes he kinda opened up but it's just something he struggled sooo hard with. And he ran away again. We are in no contact & I'm not chasing him. But shit. I'm so devastated 💔 I just want him to try

    • @lilymiller2137
      @lilymiller2137 7 днів тому

      @@soulfiree88that is what happened to me. I know this guy for 3 months. I am happy it happened now rather late. Be thankful you rid off this person you deserve better!

    • @prestonsmith7714
      @prestonsmith7714 5 днів тому

      Word for word.

    • @natalee6644
      @natalee6644 2 дні тому +1

      @@soulfiree88you deserve connection with by communication, if he couldn’t give you what you needed is okay, move on. I kinda hope in the future him and I can at least say hi or see each other. Not for a redo, but ik he’s gonna be okay. And I wish him happy.

  • @amberv4223
    @amberv4223 Місяць тому +146

    Im at the point where im so tired of the avoidant and so exhausted that i just don’t care anymore. I’ve started speaking to another guy and im starting to just not feel bothered anymore.

    • @ceciliamac4283
      @ceciliamac4283 Місяць тому +4

      I feel you

    • @bullishwhizz422
      @bullishwhizz422 Місяць тому +23

      Please make sure you heal your core wounds first in order not to attract another.

    • @EdelweisSusie
      @EdelweisSusie Місяць тому

      Ditto.

    • @Jenson87
      @Jenson87 Місяць тому +9

      Thats the moment before he comes again....good luck

    • @mckennas3139
      @mckennas3139 Місяць тому +7

      ​@Stolenmannequin yes he comes again and the cycle repeats. I'm working on my self worth and concept to end that cycle. I'm so sick of dealing with that because no matter what I did nothing changed. Now I'm feeling different after working on my self concept and self worth.

  • @gregkelly9775
    @gregkelly9775 Місяць тому +69

    "Chasing is avoidance" 👍

    • @PhoenixRising-p2v
      @PhoenixRising-p2v Місяць тому +1

      No actually its just the opposite

    • @rayfih
      @rayfih 21 день тому

      ​@@PhoenixRising-p2vListen to the video! It's avoidance of self.

    • @rayfih
      @rayfih 21 день тому

      Such a 💡 moment! X

  • @alejandrobetancourt4902
    @alejandrobetancourt4902 Місяць тому +85

    This video has helped me so much. I just spent 4 months chasing a woman whom I hit it off with in a way that has never happened before. She just wanted to keep things casual so we've been in no contact mode for 6 weeks. I'm committed to not chasing anymore. Thank you. I truly do feel that I AM worthy of love and don't need to avoid my feelings of insecurity by chasing someone. I'm coming home and doing the work on myself that needs to be done.

    • @cryptopp9750
      @cryptopp9750 24 дні тому +3

      In my case, no contact actually worked and I was shocked that it did! I was in month 6 of no contact when she finally reached out to me. Not a happy ending though because she was absolutely not willing to change or even discuss why we hadn't spoken for 6 months. She was wanted to go back to how things were. Thanks to videos like these, I knew I had to end it. I don't regret it one bit, just wish I had known how to handle the situation a year ago. Good luck, my friend.

    • @JULIABARIUAN
      @JULIABARIUAN 14 днів тому +2

      Man and woman is the same when they’re not serious. I’m happy now and recovered. Love yourself and the right one will come in perfect timing

  • @susansmith8081
    @susansmith8081 Місяць тому +53

    One thing I did to prevent me from texting the person was to delete their contact information . That way, when I was tempted to reach out, I couldn't even if I had wanted to. Worked great, and it was really helpful for me.

    • @asiamwithraenetteleepodcast
      @asiamwithraenetteleepodcast Місяць тому +8

      Same and i block them until I don’t care anymore

    • @lynnehorizon5532
      @lynnehorizon5532 Місяць тому +2

      I did the same but I can still recall one number. It never goes away.

    • @Helen.Jesus-Saves
      @Helen.Jesus-Saves Місяць тому +2

      That's what I did too! Deleted from whatsapp and left groups. Nearly dropped a christmas card through his letterbox...but clocked him chatting to a blonde at the gym. Hurt a lot, been drinking too much since and was doing well before that. But at least I know now! ❤

    • @epochea
      @epochea Місяць тому +5

      What helps is once you absolutely sure that you deserve better, delete old conversations and photos. Every time you look back at them you live again the memories and bring emotions back. Just delete, it helps.

    • @marguskiis7711
      @marguskiis7711 Місяць тому

      It work if you actually did not care anyway.

  • @EdelweisSusie
    @EdelweisSusie Місяць тому +29

    Seriously, what’s the future of mankind if this behaviour doesn’t stop? Men hunt you down because they want you; when they’ve got you and you set up home together they feel ‘tied down’ and start looking for ways to escape! Women just can’t win. I’m building a life for myself - men may come and go but my happiness is always assured.

    • @simpleliving4205
      @simpleliving4205 Місяць тому

      Well said , thank you ❤

    • @hmd7oceans
      @hmd7oceans Місяць тому +3

      Sad but true. We get what we think we want and then we want more, different. Takes inner strength for men to change this dynamic.

    • @Audrey-k2h
      @Audrey-k2h Місяць тому +4

      It's bc people don't mature emotionally now
      Grandparents and parents would have never dreamed of breaking their commitment
      Lack of integrity

    • @QueenmeT
      @QueenmeT 24 дні тому +1

      @@Audrey-k2hnot true. They just had more reasons to stay together

  • @lensal9334
    @lensal9334 15 днів тому +9

    I left my avoidant partner. I met his kids after 3 year of dating. He never makes an effort to make time for me ,his excuse is he is always busy. Forgot my birthday twice and never got me a present. Never talked on the phone only text. Dismisses my feelings.The straw that broke the camels back was the time I needed him the most. He never checked up on me. I was in the hospital for 2 weeks taking care of my bro who was fighting for his life. Not once he called me . I woke up the next day and my feelings was full of disgust for him esp for myself for allowing myself to allow him to treat me this way. 😢

    • @ragallylou
      @ragallylou 5 днів тому

      Your story is very similar to mine, heartbreaking

    • @lensal9334
      @lensal9334 5 днів тому

      @@ragallylouyou sure were not dating the same person lol

  • @AshavMehta
    @AshavMehta 19 днів тому +20

    Detach emotionally . Let people be.

    • @DavidArden-j1f
      @DavidArden-j1f 11 днів тому +1

      @@AshavMehta if it only were that easy

    • @AshavMehta
      @AshavMehta 11 днів тому +2

      @DavidArden-j Ofcourse it is not. One needs to pass through denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance to step into the healing phase. In healing phase, you get rid of unhealthy attachments ( emotional detachment)

    • @DavidArden-j1f
      @DavidArden-j1f 11 днів тому +1

      @ I know .. and what an ordeal it is

    • @AshavMehta
      @AshavMehta 11 днів тому

      @DavidArden-j1f indeed it is but eventually we get over it. I see setback as an opportunity to come back. I thank all souls who crossed my life's path for a reason or a season, taught me tough life lessons. I chose to become wiser and not wounded. I chose to forgive them and myself. I chose healing. I wish them lots of peace and love. They are who they are. I am who I am. It's all good. Life goes on.

    • @DavidArden-j1f
      @DavidArden-j1f 10 днів тому

      @ in hindsight yeah. Vision is always 20/20. The process however still sucks.

  • @thisgirl5918
    @thisgirl5918 Місяць тому +23

    This was like having a coffee with a good friend. You’re so genuinely nice and kind, thank you for this!

  • @GerardoHernandez-fq1mx
    @GerardoHernandez-fq1mx Місяць тому +33

    From personal experience over a few relationships: dismissive avoidants never come back. Maybe they will regret breaking up, but their fear will always be stronger than that. By going no contact you may make them miss you more…but the won’t come back. Move on and stop hurting yourself. I know this is hard to process if you are going through it, but that will be the end result.

    • @zlatkajupe
      @zlatkajupe Місяць тому +7

      My experience was opposite. They almost all come back but I never once chase. I also date men so it’s different. Their behavior never changes though. They just miss how good you were and they start idealizing before pulling back.

    • @blacksongbird100
      @blacksongbird100 11 днів тому

      ​@@zlatkajupe My experience has been the same as yours.

  • @jerrykasinger8621
    @jerrykasinger8621 27 днів тому +13

    There are people out out there that genuinely like to give ...not necessarily to get anything in return.. just their love language... have plenty for themselves, like to share the abundance to make sure others are cared for... what you get in return is satisfaction that the other person has what they need...what they do with it is up to them..

  • @Blossomcola
    @Blossomcola 21 день тому +14

    Thank you for the great content. I’m struggling with this right now, but I stopped chasing today. It’s truly an addiction! I know my abandonment wound comes from my fathers avoidancy, and now I have my partner doing that. I’m slowly breaking free, I can feel it coming.

    • @SandyMay61
      @SandyMay61 6 днів тому

      I’m at day one… but I feel like I can’t go back to it. But 💔

  • @MotivationalSpeaking-c8o
    @MotivationalSpeaking-c8o 18 днів тому +8

    Haha, that was brilliant.'It's just basic needs'. So right ✅️

    • @MotivationalSpeaking-c8o
      @MotivationalSpeaking-c8o 18 днів тому

      I thought I was needy, I had thought it was maybe my issue, being a 2nd sibling of 4.
      But my ex suffers badly with abandonment issues from when she was younger.
      #greatcontent

  • @florindasjostedt8168
    @florindasjostedt8168 Місяць тому +10

    OH MY GOSH LADY! I love you!!!!!! This was extremely helpful. This was like someone finally threw me a life vest. You literally just saved my life. You said everything I needed to hear and you were forthright and so gentle. I am changed. No more chasing. I’m screaming because I’m so happy and I want to cry because I’m set free. Thank you so very much. 👏🏽😭❤️😁

  • @nancybortz4347
    @nancybortz4347 Місяць тому +18

    I love the idea how chasing is a symptom of avoidance. Thank you❤

  • @lindamac45
    @lindamac45 Місяць тому +17

    I stopped communicating with an avoidant. Then he contacted me and said we should have lunch in January. I have put him in the barely friend zone and left it at that.

    • @ericarodriguez786
      @ericarodriguez786 11 днів тому +1

      You know that this happened to me exactly like this last year. He broke up with me on the 25th of December. I stopped chasing him and he wrote me on January to have dinner. BUT, I accepted... Huge mistake. We had a really great evening (he even texted me to say that). But after it, he rejected me even more. We never talked again. So I admire your decision.

    • @lindamac45
      @lindamac45 11 днів тому +1

      @ericarodriguez786 I'm sorry that happened to you. These types of people are constantly seeking validation and as soon as they get it they ghost us again. You Deserve someone who loves you back.

  • @retiredbiker59
    @retiredbiker59 Місяць тому +38

    My DA started pulling away and I chased a little bit and saw she pulled away more then i stopped chasing and pulled my affection and now we are close again.
    She reminds me of a cat.... they only want love and afection on their terms..... lol

    • @redpilljesus
      @redpilljesus Місяць тому +5

      NOT GOOD
      Imagine having kids with this person. Imagine things going south - because they will: statistically, you wouldn't do it if the choice was taking a likely faulty parachute skydiving - now think about how much agony you will be in when she keeps your children from you.

    • @marguskiis7711
      @marguskiis7711 Місяць тому +2

      Soon she is gone.

    • @QueenmeT
      @QueenmeT 24 дні тому +5

      This is extremely dysfunctional. I hope you learn early that your needs will never be met. If you accept you won’t ever feel secure, you will always be changing yourself to adjust to her constant running, you will always wonder & feel distant…sure stay but you can’t say you didn’t know.

  • @jasonwortmanonlinetraining3120
    @jasonwortmanonlinetraining3120 Місяць тому +16

    “There is an Amazing Opportunity in Separation.” What an outstanding way to find great growth in a challenging situation. Thank You. Everything in your life is for YOUR EVOLUTION and YOUR BENEFIT.

  • @blindsquirrel3123
    @blindsquirrel3123 Місяць тому +44

    Your relatability is off the charts! It’s like getting advise from your best friend over 🥃 while propping your feet up around a campfire. Thank you for that!!!

    • @theodore8285
      @theodore8285 Місяць тому +1

      Haha I felt it too😂

    • @AmandaHugenkiss96
      @AmandaHugenkiss96 Місяць тому +1

      Samesies!

    • @marguskiis7711
      @marguskiis7711 Місяць тому

      Actually her advices do not work well.

    • @jerrykasinger8621
      @jerrykasinger8621 27 днів тому

      Yes she is very easy to relate to.. where do we find these ladies?? Who are available??😅

  • @markmoyer5572
    @markmoyer5572 Місяць тому +14

    It's about respecting each other and give and take if it not working walk away don't look back

  • @stellabandante2727
    @stellabandante2727 23 дні тому +4

    Oh I love your common sense. I recently walked away and I feel so much stronger and more centered. It was hard, but so rewarding.

  • @LanaD.-ii9lk
    @LanaD.-ii9lk Місяць тому +42

    Can I just quote an amazing words from this video: “When you break this pattern you become actually stronger, more worthy”…Oh…I did this mistake, I chased. But I forgive myself for that. And that’s is absolutely brilliant life experience. Never jeopardize your worth for anybody, no matter how strongly you’re in love and how deep your feelings are. Walk away and let them lose you. You’re not losing yourself, that’s the most important! ❤️

    • @mjc21706
      @mjc21706 Місяць тому +4

      So so true!! I lived it, it’s very painful but eventually the wound scabs over..

    • @LanaD.-ii9lk
      @LanaD.-ii9lk Місяць тому

      @@mjc21706 ❤️🙏🏼 Let our future be 10x times more brighter than the past! We deserved that!

    • @BilhaMithi
      @BilhaMithi 18 днів тому +2

      I can't believe am like 90 percent healed from an avoidant, I was exhausted

  • @gal1885
    @gal1885 Місяць тому +16

    Great video! This was so helpful! I’m approaching 2 months no contact after 6 years on/off with a DA/player/social climber type. I know there’s no future there but have been super depressed since it ended. I feel stronger after watching this 💜 Thank you

    • @ceciliamac4283
      @ceciliamac4283 Місяць тому +1

      This gave me a smile 🤍

    • @iiislandbreeze
      @iiislandbreeze Місяць тому +2

      Very similar situation. You've opened the portals up for something better

    • @gal1885
      @gal1885 Місяць тому

      @@ceciliamac4283 thank you 🙏🏽

    • @gal1885
      @gal1885 Місяць тому +1

      @@iiislandbreeze thank you 🙏🏽

  • @anitasmith404
    @anitasmith404 Місяць тому +15

    Your wisdom is the best Christmas gift I could have asked for. I’m really looking forward to my 70th year on this fabulous planet in 2025. Thank you Corri. ❤

  • @mckennas3139
    @mckennas3139 Місяць тому +7

    I needed this message. I've been going no contact with him on and off for over a year distancing myself and when we would talk again his comment was" well you never text me" I said I was letting you do your thing and sew your oats(being i know he was sleeping around). I finally woke up to me working on myself. It's now been 5 weeks and the first Thanksgiving we have been in no contact. I'm actually ok with it now because I've been working on myself. I'm going to continue to do that because I never want to go back to that unhealthy hot/cold dynamic again. I was miserable. I'm finally feeling better working on myself self worth and at peace.

  • @CalmBeforeTheStorm76
    @CalmBeforeTheStorm76 Місяць тому +8

    ...but, because everyone is more interested in their ego than reality, most people never even question it.

  • @Cre8Fire34
    @Cre8Fire34 Місяць тому +12

    Love your demeanor, insights, positivity, light and warmth.
    You see it, get it, and teach the right path.
    10K is just the beginning.

  • @Ruth1v16
    @Ruth1v16 Місяць тому +15

    brilliant thank you. I am enough. i am healing from the depths of my heart and soul....tough 2024, yet GOD is my strength and comfort. I no longer chase, no longer keep people close who refuse to change and grow....my village is changing....I want to cheer lead personal growth and vision and be encouraged as well. 2025 is a new year of firsts.....get ready friends!!! :)

  • @angelaoliver7776
    @angelaoliver7776 9 днів тому +2

    I know exactly where it came from, I had a narcissistic mother!
    I see what you are saying, we chose someone avoidant because we don't want a relationship because of our own lack of self esteem.

  • @shannonmeshbane9195
    @shannonmeshbane9195 12 днів тому +3

    I don’t regret my past chasing. I was in terrible pain and sadness. Expressing myself and reaching out alleviated some of my deepest sadness, and allowed my nervous system and heart some needed relief. It was a very long process dealing with being ghosted. I was loving and gentle with myself, and allowed myself the kindness of occasionally reaching out. Ultimately, with compassion for myself, I was able to reach out less and less. It took first weeks, and then months. But the initial wound was surely being allowed to cry in sorrow as an infant, unable to compel my mother to pick me up and comfort me. It’s a long, deep, painful process. But the sorrow is valid, and healing is our promise❤

  • @nancyinthegarden3160
    @nancyinthegarden3160 29 днів тому +3

    your speaking with us is like we’re having coffee or tea together. I’ve lived with him for 40 yrs and just now realized if I leave him alone, he comes to find me. I’ve wish I had found this out a long time ago bc it would have kept me from so much pain.
    I want to stress that these avoidant sorts are sick and have had many situations of trauma and may have genetic dispositions to maladaptive personalities that can’t handle many situations and people even though they want to try. I’ve watched my husband try. I’m really glad I didn’t leave him and realized he’s sick.

  • @Teemie123
    @Teemie123 20 днів тому +3

    This is such a great bit of advice. I wouldn't have even THOUGHT that what I was doing was pursuing, but you are right, this person wasn't meeting my needs, and that stoked my anxiety. Even the little he was giving me didn't extinguish the anxiety at some point. We split amicably.
    My therapist did talk to me about self-acceptance and sitting with discomfort. I like how you connected sitting with discomfort to gaining a skill/ strength. And hey, I WAS getting pretty damn uncomfortable with him, but that's because he wasn't seeing me. I was enabling that discomfort. This is the leftover discomfort of "fear of abandonment" that I need to deal with.

  • @ExternallyHappy
    @ExternallyHappy Місяць тому +6

    Corri, you're speaking my language. I'm in the process of rewiring years of conditioning. Thank you for your video.

  • @ProDigit80
    @ProDigit80 Місяць тому +5

    Thank you so much for this video, it's so accurate in my life right now. I've just stopped chasing a woman I've been following for 3 months and talking to, but I got tired of the breadcrumbing. She started stonewalling me, and last week I just gave up on the relationship. It's exactly like you say, you just stop being interested in them. You start seeing them the way they really are

  • @pdazajhon2160
    @pdazajhon2160 Місяць тому +5

    best video ever to understand anxious attachment style

  • @danaboyson4524
    @danaboyson4524 22 дні тому +4

    I am my own cheerleader, I am worthy of love ❤

  • @1300SL
    @1300SL Місяць тому +20

    Havent chased my Avoidant ex gf, 2 months later here we are. All done & dusted but dont feel a heap better, still miss her & still cant believe it ended like it did.

    • @marguskiis7711
      @marguskiis7711 Місяць тому +13

      Exactly. It is so hard to get over an avoidant. It takes more than a year. Do whatever you do. And everybody says you are an idiot.

    • @ceciliamac4283
      @ceciliamac4283 Місяць тому +6

      Im sorry I know how it feels. I know better days are ahead 🤍🍀

    • @1300SL
      @1300SL Місяць тому

      @@marguskiis7711 hopefully won't take me that long, but yes have a few people telling me just to move & get over it without fully understanding the situation.

    • @dande_lion
      @dande_lion Місяць тому +4

      Eventually, it will get better. But it might take much longer than you think.

    • @simpleliving4205
      @simpleliving4205 Місяць тому +4

      2 months is early , I was getting better at 8 months and beyond but when you get this far don't go back you will have to start all over again 🥹

  • @Kelukun
    @Kelukun 16 днів тому +1

    The algorithm brought me to you, Queen 👑. And I am so grateful 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾 Thank you for this video

  • @artluvr6170
    @artluvr6170 Місяць тому +13

    Chasing is avoidance - thank you for that insight.

  • @Chris-jz8pu
    @Chris-jz8pu Місяць тому +24

    Your husband is the luckiest dude in the world. 🤘🏼

  • @CecilScaleModels
    @CecilScaleModels Місяць тому +7

    I’m adding this to my other 2 videos from you that I listen to every day in the car! Thank you Corri - you’re a gift! 🤗

    • @nikkigeorge5450
      @nikkigeorge5450 Місяць тому

      what are the other two. I told a few friends - I will listen to this daily until my neuropathway, tendency to reach out habit changes.

  • @pgdarling301
    @pgdarling301 Місяць тому +9

    @6:57 so true I got very sick but had to tell myself just go with the flow. Let the emotions flow over you until they're gone.

  • @easternsunguitarist5791
    @easternsunguitarist5791 Місяць тому +3

    im going to listen to this for a LONG TIME!!! on repeat! THANK YOU!!

  • @Artgal20
    @Artgal20 27 днів тому +1

    This has been such a helpful video. You explain this very well. Dealing with a long relationship with an avoidant who is currently shutting me out . Going to stop the chase!🎉

  • @helenlockwood1354
    @helenlockwood1354 Місяць тому +4

    What a fantastic explanation. And you're just lovely. Thank you ❤

  • @vitoloiacono9350
    @vitoloiacono9350 13 днів тому +6

    Chasing is avoidant behavior. Your really just abondening and running away from yourself and overwhelming and scaring the hell out of the other person. They must feel so hunted and think you nuts! And really, it's all to ultimately avoid yourself. So they become the diversion away from your own miserable,sad, and depressed reality. So your basically chasing what you think is your happiness and in the end Its all just an illusion a mirage and the ultimate diversion away from self. kinda deep chicka!

  • @theodore8285
    @theodore8285 Місяць тому +5

    Just bumped on your channel Corri and I gotta say your video was really inspiring and useful. I like your presentation style too. Thank you🙏🏼

  • @EdelweisSusie
    @EdelweisSusie Місяць тому +8

    I now realise my ex was a DA and see men through different eyes ie as master manipulators. Whenever a guy gives me his pitch I instantly think: “What do you want from me?” I now play them at their own game!!

  • @donnamartaofficial9903
    @donnamartaofficial9903 Місяць тому +3

    as you are talking: ❤
    that was
    my move of discomfort
    just yesterday!! 🎉
    congratulations 🎉
    thank you sooo much
    for validating my going on
    I am not that fool 😝
    what a relief 😇😎

  • @Laura-ud3ce
    @Laura-ud3ce Місяць тому +4

    Thank you so much for this. I feel like this video just gave me a lot of healing and light ❤

  • @lisahopkins2004
    @lisahopkins2004 22 дні тому +1

    Totally like an addiction!!! Thank you 🎉

  • @iamken716
    @iamken716 7 днів тому +1

    Thank you, this is what i needed to hear

  • @kenw5437
    @kenw5437 Місяць тому +1

    Love your clarity, sincerity, and natural grace. Everything was helpful.

  • @graciousempire3336
    @graciousempire3336 Місяць тому +3

    Wow! A lot of things just clicked in me there 🤣 I’ve been avoiding myself when I chase … I really needed to hear this, coz yep, looking back I have been 💜 thank you for your insights ✨🌹

  • @yoyobinx
    @yoyobinx Місяць тому +4

    This video is now on repeat for me. Thank you and happy holidays😊

  • @Honey.Heartstrings
    @Honey.Heartstrings 11 днів тому +1

    Thank you for saying needy is not needy. I feel that lately and I have been so anxious about not being met or understood in the way that I want, so my stress has gone up and I feel ignored and drained emotionally. I have been feeling like I'm being too needy and overthinking. I even said that to him because I tried to say what was bothering me. Which was sudden change and distance when things seem great. He gets busy and preoccopied and I feel he disappears and the dynamic changes suddenly like overnight. It makes me so anxious. Anyway his response to that was to not response for even longer, almost a week. I am trying to detach because of the anxiety its causing me. I dont want to chase. I want him to appreciate me for how I am and I am much too forgiving and allowing of the things I do not want. I do not know how this will go or if I can stick to this for long; I'm just drained at the moment. Anyway you're right its not needy, its basic needs and the anxiety is just a result of ignoring the things we personally need. Thank you.

  • @tuicurry9751
    @tuicurry9751 Місяць тому +2

    Thank you, this one really hit home. I can see my behaviour but have been stuck on how to stop chasing. ‘ Turning the light off’ just clicked! (Like a light switch!😂)

  • @ninanglrey
    @ninanglrey 12 днів тому

    This was exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you so much!!! I love your positivity and unique way of explaining healing. 😊

  • @Nomad.Hawk_87
    @Nomad.Hawk_87 25 днів тому +1

    For me breathing through the mouth helps me a lot. It anchors me in the present moment and so i enjoy it more, because i'm not up in my head. It's about enjoying where we actually are... i found that it helps relieving the feeling of frustration that arises from the belief that "i don't have it" or that "i have not arrived yet"... it's about feeling more often satisfied with what is already there. It's a lesson i have learned during covid lockdown, because there was not much to do at that time... just "being there" had to be enough... it's giving more space between 2 thoughts, freeing oneself from the permanent pressure of thoughts and beliefs... The people around us and the "bad relationships" (lol) are helping us toward that...

  • @Ribas_darkkissa
    @Ribas_darkkissa Місяць тому +3

    Girl! You have no idea how this video is resonating for me right now! Just an hour ago I expressed to my ex husband in the car, how I need to come up with some exercise to really expel avoidance behavior in me and therefore dealing with avoidance behavior from others in my environment once and for all! It’s a big life force sucker and energy draining, keeping us in a stuck loop and out of flow and ease and clarity in all sphears of life!
    And it reminded of one of my favorite songs of Pearl Jam, ‘Rearviewmirror’ “Saw things so much
    Clearer
    Once you, were in my...
    Rearviewmirror...”

  • @FreyaBibi
    @FreyaBibi 4 дні тому

    ❤ Very wise advice, and it has been incredibly helpful to me again! Two days ago, I told my SP that I wanted to talk about the needs and fears in our relationship during our next „date“ (Dating for a year now). He agreed, and my impression is that he really wants to as well, but at the same time, I could sense some nervousness. After now, for almost two days, he has completely withdrawn. This is a completely new dynamic-we’ve never gone this long without communicating before-but I’m managing to hold back and not chase. I can only do this because, a few days ago, I made massive progress in my healing process. I feel a deep sadness and, at the same time, a sense of strength in enduring this. I’m curious to see if our conversation will actually take place.

  • @hfortenberry
    @hfortenberry 12 днів тому +1

    This was wonderful! Thank you! 🙏 ❤

  • @uncleambient
    @uncleambient 12 днів тому +1

    Very good advice, subscribed

  • @nomadhawk2
    @nomadhawk2 Місяць тому +1

    That’s so good ! 💛 Thank you i’ll remember this for ever !

  • @coindoggie4509
    @coindoggie4509 16 днів тому +1

    Y’all don’t let life be this complicated live from your heart with loving compassion and if people reject it, let them go

  • @vigneshhariharan3220
    @vigneshhariharan3220 6 днів тому

    Amazing explanation of the entire situation from the perspective of an anxiously attached person. We try to chase to have some connection and get a response that relieves the stress in the short term. But as an anxiously attached person, it is important to learn to stop chasing and pursuing someone. That's the only way to heal. A right person will understand our value and treat us right. An avoidant will always avoid, so they actually aren't healing. To heal, they need to come forward and confront their fears, and as anxiously attached, we need to stop chasing and focus on self-love.

  • @JM-bv2mo
    @JM-bv2mo Місяць тому +11

    You’re incredible thank you! I’ve been watching your videos since Sept esp when SP left me on read and I felt like a fool for constantly messaging and caring. I needed to realize this, “Why am I always trying? Why do I fear losing someone or why do I have to feel like if I don’t put in the effort they’ll never see me?” It was very uncomfortable but I’m slowly appreciating the NC and if he comes back I’ll love it and if he doesn’t, sure I’ll always love him, but I deserve the relationship I want.

    • @emoshoes333
      @emoshoes333 Місяць тому +2

      I feel.this but I also get confused how "manifesting an SP" fits into it all.

    • @JM-bv2mo
      @JM-bv2mo Місяць тому +2

      @ you are regarding the message I’ve typed or the video itself?
      You can only manifest the better version of SP if your self concept is good. If we come from a place of lack, the person picks up on it, and the cycle of chasing becomes continuous. And, in order to better your self concept, you have to be ok with the uncertain variables such as SP may not come back. But, you have to be ok with whatever outcome bc you prioritize you first.

    • @KurtLeeMusic
      @KurtLeeMusic 27 днів тому +2

      "I deserve the relationship I want" is a beautiful thing.🥰 Yes, once we accept that we do not need to settle for less than what we want in order to be in a loving relationship, one eventually finds a beautiful relationship. Either way, accepting that the outcome may be different than what we currently desire and that it is okay, is the key to being happy I think.
      And true, that prioritizing ourselves should be our focus.
      Cheers!❤

    • @JM-bv2mo
      @JM-bv2mo 27 днів тому

      @@KurtLeeMusic very true, cheers friend.

  • @greta3315
    @greta3315 Місяць тому +3

    Subbed. You’re like having the best trusted girlfriend telling us what we need to hear. Thank you!!!!!❤❤❤❤❤

  • @magicisreal111
    @magicisreal111 Місяць тому +5

    That sweater looks so good on you. Need this as my ex DA who I’ve been in no contact with for six weeks is hitting me up because I’m in town (we have been long distance for years) and this is so hard - love addiction is no different from crack. I’ve done years of healing around this and am very healthy in so many ways but this is my kryptonite. I’m staying strong but it’s not easy.

    • @ceciliamac4283
      @ceciliamac4283 Місяць тому

      You got this !!!!

    • @magicisreal111
      @magicisreal111 Місяць тому

      @@ceciliamac4283 Thank you! So far, so good. I have plans tonight anyway so won't have time to let the oxytocin addiction sway me and then I have plans tomorrow and leaving Monday - just have to white knuckle it and with your support, I will stay strong! I can't let down the team which is why I shared it--accountability.

  • @johnwess2077
    @johnwess2077 Місяць тому +3

    It find it interesting. I thought about never messaging sp again intill they show up better. But i knew that is not how i prefer to approach things. So i choose to express myself even more. Simply because it feels good to do. I can feel such healing, stabilizing, and purifing energy every time in my body. It feels very healing with no discord in my mind and heart when i express myself. I feel the poweful impact in my heartfelt words i speak. Truly a freeing feeling. This approach feels best to me. Regardless if I message or not. I know they will show up for me eventually. Overall I feel at peace about all this.

  • @cantiaci
    @cantiaci Місяць тому +6

    I've watched a few of your videos now and seen the plethora of comments posted across them and the biggest question of all is , "What is so wrong in modern society that so many people develop avoidant behaviour patterns " ? Sadly it would appear that avoidance is just one of many unhealthy personality traits that is on the rise, narcissism, probably mainly driven by various forms of social media, is definitely another. Something is driving this rise in mental heath conditions and it needs to be addressed.

    • @Loversinadangeroustime
      @Loversinadangeroustime Місяць тому +1

      Childhood trauma

    • @cantiaci
      @cantiaci Місяць тому +3

      @@Loversinadangeroustime Well I guess that is the short answer but what is causing the childhood trauma ? Different traumas can develop into different personality disorders but why are they on the increase ? Something is fundamentally wrong in modern society that is creating more traumatised children. Whilst we could speculate on various causes, a society moving away from religion or the breakup of the family unit for example, it needs to be investigated on a national level because otherwise the future is looking increasingly bleak.

    • @coping_in_copeland_coper
      @coping_in_copeland_coper Місяць тому +2

      The boomer generation are the most traumatised people in the current pool of people who are still alive and they passed their emotional neglect down to the Gen X and millenials. Many who are parents now and starting to be exposed to this topic. Its gonna take a few generations to heal this stuff. The ones who aren't, continue to pass down the generational trauma.

  • @slimdusty6328
    @slimdusty6328 Місяць тому +1

    Very good . Well explained !. Ive moved into this journey over the last 12 months

  • @CB19087
    @CB19087 4 дні тому

    Yes! I started to see I have value and it's up to me to decide how much I want to be paid for my time and energy. I don't give anything away for free anymore. You pay the tariff- make time for me, ask me about my life, listen to me, let me finish my sentences- then you get something in return for your investment. Obviously, healthy adults do this and understand the give and take, this strategy is more for those energy vampires in my life!

  • @prestonsmith7714
    @prestonsmith7714 5 днів тому +1

    The thing I struggle with is this: If you stop chasing, I mean genuinely stop. They stop running. But they don’t come back to meet you. So you start to walk towards them. And they stay, for a minute, and then they start walking again. It’s like trying to catch fireflies, but they’re always just out of reach. It’s draining, exhausting, frustrating, humiliating, depressing, and damaging.

  • @deealbon653
    @deealbon653 День тому +1

    So accurate, if they are willing ❤

  • @joshphillips7014
    @joshphillips7014 Місяць тому +1

    Corri thank you so much you are phenomenal how you have broke it all down I felt I been going crazy with my avoidant wife this has helped me understand her miles more so thank you

  • @rajvimittal3753
    @rajvimittal3753 7 годин тому +1

    "SELF REFLECTING IS THE ONLY THING.. WHAT YOU CAN DO IN DARKNESS" OH MY FUCKING GOD PREACH GODDESSSS MAAAAAAAMMMMM

    • @rajvimittal3753
      @rajvimittal3753 7 годин тому

      Find your cheerleader!! You feel like mine ❤😊

  • @Lulondon1.
    @Lulondon1. Місяць тому +1

    Wow Corri!!!😮
    This was good!! 🙏🏽
    Great timing and right on point for me. ❤

  • @lauraray611
    @lauraray611 Місяць тому +1

    Thank you for making this video and addressing the chasing mindset.

  • @spicygingercat
    @spicygingercat Місяць тому +1

    This was soooo encouraging and I feel so seen. Thank you 🙏🏻

  • @KurtLeeMusic
    @KurtLeeMusic 27 днів тому +1

    I really appreciate this video you made. I'm sure it has helped so many people already.
    I hesitated to click on it at first. because of how many videos on this topic are suggested to me lately, but I think it was a sign from the universe. LOL Thank you so much.🙏❤Cheers to a 2025, where we start focusing more on our own lives and well-being, rather than people that are not willing to make an effort to treat us in the loving way we deserve.
    Like you said, they will only change if we stop enabling them in this current behavior by chasing.😅
    🥳🤠

  • @rebeccamcdonald3961
    @rebeccamcdonald3961 Місяць тому +7

    Thank you for this! I’ve just found that after years of chasing overtly and calling him out, being blocked, lots of back and forth, we fell out of contact and the relationship and connection completely broke. He’s now more open to speaking but it feels as though that connection between us has vanished and I keep trying to get it back, because in my head, he doesn’t see me as a safe person anymore, and I have to demonstrate that I can have conversations without anxious behaviour e.g blaming, complaining about his avoidance.
    HOWEVER, I’m finding that I’m having thoughts like “I just need to make him feel safe and enjoy talking to me again” and that’s resulting in chasing behaviour like sending multiple messages, keeping going with conversation despite very little in return, I feel beggy.
    After a long time of not recognising how anxious I was being and the dynamic, how do I build the connection back up to a point where he wants to talk to me, if I’m not “chasing”?
    Not sure if that makes sense

    • @ceciliamac4283
      @ceciliamac4283 Місяць тому

      What did you mean by « he is now more open to speaking » ?

    • @jennifer9325
      @jennifer9325 Місяць тому +1

      If he is not making YOU feel safe then what's the point? Will he protect you in marriage or are you gonna be signing up for a lifetime of never knowing whether you are enough for him. He has to find it within himself. I mean if he can't give you attention on a normal day how is he gonna be when you go through a life crisis. Will he ditch you then. Seriously do you hate yourself that much that you'd put up with this. He is a grown man and if he can't recognise how his behaviour is hurting you then he won't make a good husband to you in the long run. He is not the victim. You cannot save him.

    • @rebeccamcdonald3961
      @rebeccamcdonald3961 Місяць тому +1

      @ part of me holds this perspective. The other part believes in manifestation

    • @ceciliamac4283
      @ceciliamac4283 Місяць тому

      @@rebeccamcdonald3961 It speaks to me too. Part of me believes in manifesting a healed version of him (and of me as well)

    • @jennifer9325
      @jennifer9325 Місяць тому

      @rebeccamcdonald3961 manifesting what?

  • @vaisakhps8642
    @vaisakhps8642 11 днів тому +1

    Thank you🥺

  • @NuageArtStudio
    @NuageArtStudio 16 днів тому +1

    Thanks for the video

  • @ANB44
    @ANB44 27 днів тому +1

    Your delivery was so kind and straight to the point. Thank you for being kind to us. It matters.
    I am sitting in so much discomfort but it’s needed for healing!
    Happy New Year to you! 🎉🩷✨

  • @mjc21706
    @mjc21706 Місяць тому +2

    You my friend are brilliant! I just lived this and it’s taken 8 to 9 months but IT does happen!!💪❤

  • @Itwillgrowback
    @Itwillgrowback Місяць тому +1

    Thanks for this perspective, much love from California.

  • @PoojaChoudhary-kw2on
    @PoojaChoudhary-kw2on 25 днів тому +1

    Face..feel...heal.my mind takes me to overthinking of past or fantasy island

  • @rednvocal
    @rednvocal 18 днів тому +1

    I wish I had found your videos mid November.

  • @JoSe-pc2hg
    @JoSe-pc2hg Місяць тому +1

    You are just wonderful!!!!!! Thank you...I needed this today🥰

  • @alyzachangco
    @alyzachangco 13 днів тому +1

    Thank you so much for this. :)

  • @karenmorales752
    @karenmorales752 Місяць тому +1

    God bless you for giving me this information and opportunity to better healing

  • @tabarnakopoulos
    @tabarnakopoulos 22 дні тому +1

    I'm going towards the 11-month mark post discard. We have been in no contact ever since. She had offered me friendship, if I wanted to, but I never reached out to her. I didn't chase her and never will chase her again. Over is over. I doubt she will ever work on herself.

  • @rickcanencia5762
    @rickcanencia5762 Місяць тому +2

    This is great content! Thank you 👌🏽🙏🏽

  • @jamesbondinspector
    @jamesbondinspector Місяць тому +2

    Thank you for your videos. Very informative and helpful. I must say, your voice is lovely to listen to. Very pleasant and soothing. 😊

  • @deborawalker5757
    @deborawalker5757 Місяць тому +1

    This is exactly what I went through when my twin flame and I went into separation. He married the other woman, which hurt me tremendously. I chased him for well over a year and finally stopped one day. However, I did contact him via email before Thanksgiving and he was still very harsh. So, I told him that I would not communicate anymore with him. Now, I think his marriage has failed and he may be sitting with himself and his thoughts of how badly he treated me. I am worthy to have someone who truly gives equally to me in a relationship. I understand that I was being an anxious avoidant. Thank you for validating my feelings on this topic.

  • @sheilavanleeuwen7547
    @sheilavanleeuwen7547 Місяць тому +1

    This is such awesome advice. Thank you so much!❤