Thanks for watching! If you want your avoidant partner to open up emotionally - I hope you found this helpful 😊 And while you're here, why not hop on over to our private Facebook community to connect with others and grab your free trainings on mastering intimacy with your anxious or avoidant spouse? I would love to see you there! facebook.com/groups/masteringintimacy ❤
Good lord, are we dealing with an adult or an autistic child!?! It's not anxious, it's being an adult and not having arrested development. Avoidant should be relabeled as disassociative autism. I spent 3 years being unbelievably patient and accepting, it doesn't get better unless they are in active therapy. If you want an adult relationship, it will not be found with an avoidant. You will always be first on the chopping block compared to their pet, friends, family, job, home, and independence.
Agreed, I think the patience is only warranted if the avoidant individual is already aware of their needs and has done sufficient work and can let their partner know how to support. Otherwise i would argue that an avoidant expecting their partner to tolerate long bouts of silence without accountability or acknowledgement of impact on partner can be very damaging
.....outstanding comment and I agree. I was married to one for 12 years, we've been divorced for 22 years but still remain relatively close. Even now she will talk about all the wonderful memories, meanwhile, I am thinking to myself "I have no good memories at all", it was just awful in retrospect. Nothing has changed for her in all these years, she has had a string of short failed relationships. I, on the other hand, have had two really lovely, 'secure' long term relationships during that time and remain relatively close to those ones as well. Fast forward to this year, I met a woman with whom I had the most amazing 3 months, not so much as a single cross word, it was truly amazing. Amazing that is, till the evening she shut down emotionally out of the blue and for no apparent reason. Having been married to one of these I knew exactly what was happening. To cut the long story short, 4 days later I abruptly ended what i thought was a very beautiful relationship with what I thought was a really lovely woman. Shame. Even though I tend to be pretty secure and have very strong boudaries, I became as anxious as all hell during those 4 days. Sure, I was disturbed having discovered what I did, but still, it brought back unpleasant and stressful memories from all those years ago. Avoid the avoidant at all costs I say.
I only learnt yesterday tht I’m an anxious avoidant and I’m dating a dismissive avoidant. The journey hasn’t been easy bt bcoz I love him I’ve always had to be submissive and break the silence when needed, yet I ddnt know it would push them further away (that I only learnt yesterday through your videos..lol) My question is should I let them know that I know who they are (DA) and I totally understand and would like to help/be with them through their journey to/in healing? Or me addressing this issue in this way will just upset them and close off completely?
Thanks for watching! If you want your avoidant partner to open up emotionally - I hope you found this helpful 😊 And while you're here, why not hop on over to our private Facebook community to connect with others and grab your free trainings on mastering intimacy with your anxious or avoidant spouse? I would love to see you there! facebook.com/groups/masteringintimacy ❤
Good lord, are we dealing with an adult or an autistic child!?!
It's not anxious, it's being an adult and not having arrested development. Avoidant should be relabeled as disassociative autism. I spent 3 years being unbelievably patient and accepting, it doesn't get better unless they are in active therapy. If you want an adult relationship, it will not be found with an avoidant. You will always be first on the chopping block compared to their pet, friends, family, job, home, and independence.
Agreed, I think the patience is only warranted if the avoidant individual is already aware of their needs and has done sufficient work and can let their partner know how to support. Otherwise i would argue that an avoidant expecting their partner to tolerate long bouts of silence without accountability or acknowledgement of impact on partner can be very damaging
.....outstanding comment and I agree. I was married to one for 12 years, we've been divorced for 22 years but still remain relatively close. Even now she will talk about all the wonderful memories, meanwhile, I am thinking to myself "I have no good memories at all", it was just awful in retrospect. Nothing has changed for her in all these years, she has had a string of short failed relationships. I, on the other hand, have had two really lovely, 'secure' long term relationships during that time and remain relatively close to those ones as well.
Fast forward to this year, I met a woman with whom I had the most amazing 3 months, not so much as a single cross word, it was truly amazing. Amazing that is, till the evening she shut down emotionally out of the blue and for no apparent reason. Having been married to one of these I knew exactly what was happening. To cut the long story short, 4 days later I abruptly ended what i thought was a very beautiful relationship with what I thought was a really lovely woman. Shame. Even though I tend to be pretty secure and have very strong boudaries, I became as anxious as all hell during those 4 days. Sure, I was disturbed having discovered what I did, but still, it brought back unpleasant and stressful memories from all those years ago. Avoid the avoidant at all costs I say.
I'm avoidant. She calls me a robot
She is avoidant ,I call her a robot
@@cespedes1975 I can see you
I only learnt yesterday tht I’m an anxious avoidant and I’m dating a dismissive avoidant. The journey hasn’t been easy bt bcoz I love him I’ve always had to be submissive and break the silence when needed, yet I ddnt know it would push them further away (that I only learnt yesterday through your videos..lol)
My question is should I let them know that I know who they are (DA) and I totally understand and would like to help/be with them through their journey to/in healing? Or me addressing this issue in this way will just upset them and close off completely?