I'm In No Contact, But I'm Lost
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- Опубліковано 5 жов 2024
- I'm in no contact, but I'm lost. Breakups are very confusing and understanding what to do can overwhelm you. It's easy to feel lost and confused and have no idea what to do or how to proceed. You may even be in a situation where your ex is giving you mixed messages which makes things even more confusing! Today, Coach Craig Kenneth and Coach Victoria share a story with mixed messages and leave that left the dumpee lost and confused.
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Were can i find the website?? Grtz and ove from Amsterdam
He came back 2 weeks ago after over a year. I’m better now. Not so lost. I love him. BUT he knows he is one of several I’m dating. Not gonna let a discard take me down again. I’ve filled my life with good loving peeps who have my back. I’ve sought out & found activities that I enjoy. A well-rounded life is key iMO.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
Wow
Ill tell you something no contact is by far the best method to get your ex to reach out! I applied it and my ex reached out recently! We met up, it wasn’t the same we were like strangers with memories! Use no contact to improve and move on there’s always someone else out there!
I've been in no contact for over 3 months. It's been hard but i have evolved from the trainwreck i was. I was ruminating and obsessed about what he was doing and thinking and why it all happened. Thank you for your videos! Ive worked on myself and value myself so much more now
First of all I wanna say you guys have been so helpful in self-soothing my rumination and staying no contact. I started the workbook and had one coaching last month. I think one of the most painful and scary things when dating an avoidant is that once the honeymoon phase feelings (dopamine, excitement, etc.) fades, they often jump to an internal narrative of "I must be falling out of love" and are ready to leave for the next shiny new object. I personally believe we can maintain romantic feelings longterm (love the book Wired for Love by Stephanie Cacioppo and Helen Fisher's studies on the brain in love), just that it requires longterm personal growth work on both sides like you guys encourage.
I also read Wired for Love understanding your partners brain and attachment style by Stan Tatkin. High conflict couple was great too. My therapist suggested it. I know we tend to label ourselves as this or that or label others, but with therapy and change you can become more of an anchor and connect better. I lean secure but I have avoidant tendancies. My partner has avoidant tendencies too. But we're both human beings and we must remember to empathetic. I love coach Ken, he's helped me learn more about myself too.
Great advice as always but It's important to factor in a very important point that isn't frequently touched on and tends to really confuse people: if you were only dating someone for a few weeks, the use of no contact won't do anything to bring them back into your life. Instead use it to work on yourself and to date other people rather than wait around for someone to who isn't coming back, it will only cause you more hurt when weeks/months down the line when you finally realise they are not going to reach out to you (tough I know). If you were in a meaningful and long term relationship with your ex, then yes going no contact could potentially work in your favour if you want to reactract them back into your life but not always. Stay strong and don't ever give up on your self development.
This video reminded me of how cold my DA became at the end of our relationship. Not only did he wait until Easter Sunday to tell me he wanted to break up after returning from vacation in Thailand. He was shocked when I had no words for a response.
I just said ok and packed right away and left a few days later while he was at work. The process was mean. He did not run on the air conditioner I’m the house and it was so hot while I packed. He also separated my stuff to one side of the house. Love could turn so cold so fast? Wow as we are strangers with memories. I’m on 4 months no contact. He has done this to me twice before but this last time we were living together. I’m hurting but I had to save me.
30 days NC. A week ago I felt hopeful, motivated. Today I’m feeling lost, sad, tempted to message even.
But I am praying that the process works. 🙏🏼
Don't message. If they want you back they must message you. You will have ups and downs, but you will get better eventually and either get them back or get someone better xx
Don't do it. Everything will fall into place as needed and it starts with the little things.
Focus on yourself as best as possible.
For me it's been 1.5 years and we just recently had a platonic convo about our dog who lives with me since then.
It rips you apart but you have to stay strong
I'm going with the crowd and say don't do it. You will feel so much better when they reach out. I know it's tempting, but it probably won't go well. You will then be kicking yourself. Hugs.
I wonder it has ups and downs. I wonder what it takes to get over it. It has tremendous pain in the downs...
I gave up, and guess what? 10 months. SHe hit me up like nothing had ever happened. I have a whole different journey than you, but remember this: Your silence makes you stronger, in their eyes.
I’ve been watching your show for yearssss and THERES A PODCAST?!?!
Audio versions of our YT videos! Yes on all the major platforms!
It’s been 5-6 months and I’m still lost and stuck inbetween she’s never coming back or reaching out and having hope
7 months here
14 months here, I'm not waiting, but I do get annoyed at the success stories when it was so much worse and I never heard from my ex.
It's so interesting to here you 2 talk and discuss this topic 😊 refreshing
3 months of NC , no sign from my ex... not even a simple text...She is an avoidant, if i try to reach her I know I'll make things worse, but
I think that I'm done, its time to move on..
Be strong. This November it will be 4 years for me. Never heard back from her. Was a really painful time for me wishing I would hear from her. It never happened. Took about 3 years to get over her. I’m completely over her now and looking back she was a bad choice in a partner. An extremely toxic human being. So in the end, it was the best but super painful. Looking back, I’m very proud of myself for not breaking No contact and respecting myself.
Yes. In fact, moving on is the best way to get your ex back if you want.
Sounds like my ex. I think she just wanted the freedom to do whatever she wanted. Date around. Drugs. Whatever. She also wouldn't tell me things because she didn't want to hurt me or add stress to my already stressful life at the time. The last year we were engaged and also trying to have a child. Then out of nowhere she just ended it. I think the whole time we were together she always had one foot in and one foot out. She stayed as long as she did because I was loving and kind and showed unconditional love. Something she never had as an avoidant. Sometimes people just don't really know what they want and will mirror you to try and make you happy.
I really enjoyed the debate on this episode. Coach Victoria's busted out a lot of those old Margaret sayings that made me think ' ohh yeeeaaah'!
My break up was 3 months ago. She reached out a month ago & I've been back in no contact. I started the workbooks & am glad I have. I feel hopeless at times
Yeah ok sure thing troll
Maybe im just projecting, but she sounds like a fellow Fearful Avoidant. Here's my theory:
Her father made her supress herself cause he rejected her for being "too emotional." I can personally vouch for how painful that is. She learns to supress the hell out of things vs talk cause her dad labeled her high-maintenance. She supressed until she reached a breaking point & imploded, leaving this poor guy clueless.
After 4 weeks in no contact my ex finally read my messages. I'm dying to reach out and ask for an explanation why he left without a word when everything seemed ok. But after watching these extremely helpfull videos day and night I know that I need to keep my anxiety down including let him do the move. My biggest wish for Christmas is that I'll hear from him again, at least one more time. It's so hard to end 6 1/2 year relationship without not even a goodbye. I know there's no guaranty I will ever hear from him again so I will use my time keep learning from the coaches watching this channel and thinking of giving myself the Knowledge Creative Healing Course for Christmas. Thank you for helping me through this extremely difficult time 🙏❤️
If I'm listening while asleep, its 2am and l hear " I'm Craig Kenneth, a breakup coach and a psychotherapist " boom out..... I'm hanging upside down from the ceiling like Sylvester Cat.😁
This is unrelated, but Victoria -- your hair is getting so long!! Very pretty!
I broke no contact few days ago, because he was inconsistent i blasted him saying be consient or just block so he just blocked..
The trash took itself out 💯
The thing she didn't want to say was that she was seeing someone else. That's what she didn't want to hurt him over
Wow this is similar to my case...I'm in NC for 3 months now. It's a lot for me I guess she's seeing someone else. After 13 years
I still get bullied...lol...I am 76.
Why would anyone bully you?
Also think it is hard to analyze when you only get 1 side
Get me both sides then
@@CoachCraigKenneth I can't ...btw by that response I didn't mean anything other that what it is, sometimes ppl leave out parts, that's all
Depends on how self aware and objective that person is
I am at month 1 of NC and is has been really tough I reached out a few days a go and wrote a validation/apologies to her I neglected her and made the focus of the message expressing that I understood what she feel and apologize for my mistakes never asked for a second chance in the message but I did expected something else she just reply that she was happy I learned more about relationships and that she hopes we can still be friends and hope everything was good on my side ... But she took over 15 hours to reply... I do not know we're things are going and if I did the right thing owning up to my part but the very cut and dry way she addressed it shock me she is was very Lovable and sentimental person but there is not a drop of love or anything else looks like HR made that reply ... I Miss her so deeply....
She was with another guy for sure, and she did not want to tell you because you are her backup. When she comes back if she does, don't be there for her, find someone new!
Does no contact work if you were only in a situationship?
or she could have had physical abuse.. in such a way that she is not ready for such connection right now.. and the anxiety driven behaviors will feed into that to turn her very avoidant
No contact for sure!!!!!!
Does no contact work even if the relationship was for only 5 months?
coach, i broke up with my gf 3 months ago, throughout this time we have still kinda been together like we were dating, until i finally told her that we have to stop talking. did i kill my chances by staying with her another 3 months? feels like i walked her through the pain without letting her miss me. Im going into no contact now. will that still make a difference? will she still feel the loss? she had been the one reaching out to me whenever i would try to stay away from her.
I'm confused. You broke up with her, but you're going into no contact? Do you want her back or want her to leave you alone for good?
@@bluerain9104 my bad, i ment to say she broke up with me...
Assume, isn't that naive?
She messing with another guy
Classic dismissive avoidant
i dated one after 2 years she left with a text and a bag of my stuff left on my door. What a nightmare it was to try to express myself ever.
@@aaronk4310 same experience
We have to do the work an work on being better
How can women talk so much yet still be shit communicators? I had a very similar situation over a year ago and I never found out what the problem was. It's child level thinking.
Victoria is beeeutiful. Gawd damn
Coach Craig, I commented on another video and even sent you a message on Instagram. I don’t have money for a coaching, but I’d just like some insight, bc I feel confused and just so hurt.
Speak
My ex broke up with me 2 months ago, we ended on good terms (we both cried, he said that we had strong conection that he had with no one else and said that mavbe we will be back together in the future- that he will text me), i tried to text him three times (in 20 days) but he was distant but still tried to be nice to me, during last message he was colder, so i went no contact and now after more than month (43 days) he unfollowed me on instagram out of the blue. He follows his all exes ( but wasnt long-term with any of them). I dont know what to think or what to do right now, im worried he will move on. I havent seen any videos on this topic yet. Anyone have any advice?
update: he unfollowed also himself from my followers after two days (firstly he left me there but deleted me from close friends list)
Great advice as always but It's important to factor in a very important point that isn't frequently touched on and tends to really confuse people: if you were only dating someone for a few weeks, the use of no contact won't do anything to bring them back into your life. Instead use it to work on yourself and to date other people rather than wait around for someone to who isn't coming back, it will only cause you more hurt when weeks/months down the line when you finally realise they are not going to reach out to you (sad I know). If you were in a meaningful and long term relationship with your ex, then yes going no contact could potentially work in your favour if you want to reactract them back into your life but not always. Stay strong and don't ever give up on your self development.