Why Space Is So Important In Attraction And Relationships
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- Опубліковано 5 жов 2024
- Why Space Is So Important In Attraction And Relationships
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Can you please make a video on exactly HOW to fix/manage our attachment styles.
Thanks!
This story hits home for me. Dated this woman for 7 months after she got out of a 10 year marriage 9 months prior to us meeting. Instant chemistry, spent a lot of time together, “fell in love”. Then, out of no where, she broke things off. It hurt but I didn’t beg, plead, or anything. I understood and accepted. Now 7 month NC 😢
Rebound situation?
Me too, very similar. For 7-8 months, I dated a man who was in the process of getting divorced from a 30 year marriage… . a very messy and ugly divorce. Everything was great until one day, suddenly, he didn't want any commitment any more. I said I understood and I accepted the breakup. He thanked me for everything, I thanked him too. I did 3 months in NC, but I recently texted him, just to ask how he was. He took a long time to respond, but he was polite, thanked me for asking, told me things were moving along slowly and he hoped I was well. At that point, I was actually grateful that I didn't know any new details about that ugly divorce of his, because it sounds like he hasn't really solved anything in those 3 months. But I miss him.
I don't think it has to be seen simply as "a rebound situation". These people may have actually felt something for us, it doesn't have to be a "lie,", but as Craig says, a person getting a divorce is "all over the place". My emotional needs could have never been met under those circumstances. I already felt I was taking care of his all the time.
@@angelatam6274 maybe. I think it was just moving too fast and scared her away. Looking back and reflecting on it, she just wasn’t ready to jump into a “relationship” yet. Which is why I can I understand what happened. I’ve been there after I went through a divorce and got into something similar a few years back.
Are you holding onto hope? 7 months NC is a long time. I'm two weeks in and miserable.
@@nicolec7496 I could care less if she ever reaches out in the future. Sure it hurt in the moment and still have thoughts of it at times but ive moved on. Just seems hard to find that strong spark, chemistry and connection with someone again. Im hopeful that i will though.
Food for thought; if she was in an emotionally abusive relationship previously, she's not ready and dude probably overwhelmed her. It took me YEARS and a lot of therapy to be ready.
I want to see: Her getting therapy in their time apart to deal with: 1. The trauma of her previous 10 year unhealthy relationship. 2. Dealing with what ever abuse/needs which weren’t consistently met by her caregivers in her early childhood that caused her to stay with that previous toxic partner for 10 years in the first place. 3. He needs to get help as Coach Craig mentioned to investigate his own insecurities, which caused him to waaay over invest in her waaay too fast.
Then let’s try round two.
It's so frustrating that these types of girls get the guys that will commit and treat them right. Meanwhile, us good girls keep getting the emotionally unavailable guys who won't commit at all. Not fair!
We're not "getting" anything, though :) We keep attracting these guys because we ourselves have work to do, too.
Self love sister, it’s what you need, you should really check Tam Kaur, she helped me so much.
What??? I get that you’re so frustrated because you want a man, but why are you judging this woman? What « type of girl” is she? Not a « good girl » like you? She’s been through a decade long,abusive, unfaithful relationship and I’m sure she’s going through it right now. As Craig and Victoria said (and I agree), she needs time to process and heal. Maybe don’t be mean❤
Wah wah wah
You’re the one picking those men
Learning / understanding the balance of distance vs closeness with your partner while in a relationship is such an important skill to have. Great video, Craig + Victoria!
I‘m in a similar situation as the guy in the email. Tryna stay strong and leaving her be. No contact is so hard but something in me says that she will come back and reconsider things. Working on myself now, wish me luck guys! And whoever goes through no contact stay strong!
Look back and I can see the overwhelming energy in my past dates/relationships after watching this video :)) Craig, I could never thank you enough for all of your amazing videos, more than ever I learn about relationship for my personal and professional purposes while I am now finally happy being single. Also I’m learning so much from your workbook, its worth every penny. We gotta do the work guys
Thank you for the kind words!!
Same I met this girl the bond the vibe was so good and we also did talk about future and started calling each other husband wifey within a month or so.. it all went South and i keep going back to our talk of spending future back and forth.. .. one day I told her let's fix this and she said she don't have feelings.. i was a bit prepared for something like this but not these exact words 🤦🏻♂️ and i haven't talked to her since that day.. I was moving on just fine and now she sent me req on snapchat 🤦🏻♂️ i haven't accepted it as I am in no contact now.. back to square one where I feel stuck on her again keep thinking about her.. still gonna be in no contact.. watching these videos made me realise mistakes and now I understand what is the right way..
Craig I just had to send you this text,I'm hoping you get it.Today made day twenty two of no contact,it's been a nightmare,but all the videos I learned so much from,and one expression that stood out was the "indirect,direct " approach. Today I got a text like that saying he needs money ASAP,dg ? Don't know what DG means,but I ignored the text,it made no sense,also I'm not sure if maybe it was meant for someone else.But he may have noticed that there's dead silence,I even got to the point where I haven't looked to see if he read the last texts from weeks ago.Thank you for all your help,wisdom, guidance and comfort,you and this channel are a godsend!!
you guys have been really hitting the nail on the head perfectly with these latest videos.. so good. I look back like: I remember when I was screwing up like that. Great work.
This just happened to me , I’m still in the situation atm but I’m gonna have a talk with her and tell her to find herself to be herself and make time for her independency , as I do for me. She knows what I can bring to nourish our bond and also what kind of man I am.
All my exes have come back in a certain point of manner and all my situation ships have too but the only time they did, it’s after months of no contact and after keeping working on myslef so please guys don’t chase , let them have their space. Know your worth and don’t push them for answers, as we have to understand they’re humans too and need their free time and space. Don’t chase and keep being yourself and working hard, love yourselves and eventually when everyone has cleared their mind , they’ll most likely come back but in order to not flop it you have to make the work and learn to control yourself. I pray for you guys to find peace and for all of your connections to work out
I’ve watched a ton of your stuff as well as others and this is by far more enlightening..maybe because I’m growing and this is the next stage and I’m ready for it.thanks
Been through this and it does absolutely suck. Very similar situation, she got out of a longer term relationship because of cheating. I don’t know how many months had passed until we met but obviously not enough. She told me she was ready for dating and a relationship but that was obviously not true. I really feel for this guy cuz I’m going through the same thing. Hit it off, except we took it slow lol, did a lot of the right things, and boom same experience, texting was off, no communication one day and then got a text it was over the next. It is what it is man lol
Craig is the best
Your videos are very useful !😊
This story remind me of my situation a bit. We dated for three months, but knew each other prior for a decade. We always had a thing for each other, when we got together he would say he loved me and thought about marriage and kids. He’s a bit on the avoidant side, but I think he glamorizes marriage since he was almost married. What ended the relationship was me being too needy, I was constantly triggered ( he presented himself differently online). But he was also dealing with the hurt and betrayal from his ex fiancé. He said he was over her, yet I feel like if you’re still hurt by their past actions you aren’t fully over that relationship. I wish we would have tried getting together once he was fully healed. He has a lot of trauma to deal with. I’m still not sure whether I want him back or not. I feel so disrespected by him.
Damn Craig you're amazing.
I'm so happy I saw this video today.
Thanks for putting this out.
I'm going through this now. I dated a man whose marriage ended earlier this year and divorced a couple months after. He said he was ready to move on, but after a couple of months it turned out he was not ready. What really hurts is that he tried really hard to convince me to be his gf, he'd do anything to make me happy and would do anything for us to stay together. I let my guard down, even though I knew it wasn't smart to be involved with a newly divorced man. It wasn't long after I agreed that he started to pull away. We broke things off and I went no contact and also blocked him to make sure i gave him space. It's been a couple weeks now. Idk why I feel so sad since it was a short relationship. He was just the nicest man I've ever dated. He made me feel understood. He's a good man and father. I just miss him.
This is exactly what happened to me.😥
@@1991windsor I just ran into him the first time yesterday 🤦♀️ wasn't showered, looked totally ratchet 🤦♀️ugh...why me 🤣🤦♀️
@nicolec7496 that's how it always seems to happen when we feel we look our worst. Did he speak to you? Hang in there, girl! I still have a bunch of stuff at his house. I don't know how I'm going to go about getting it back. I think I'm going to send my friend after it.
@@1991windsor i only smiled, might have said hi, but I just kept walking 😂 it's kind of a blur 😂 and of course I havent heard from him. But to be fair I did block him 😂🤦♀️ I kinda regret that but it's too late now.
Great video. I’m ready to date again after 18 months after a 12 month relationship.
There is a guy I have my eye on, and I’m getting excited. And if something happens with him, I need yo remember all of Craig’s teachings!
Miss margret and I knw Craig ypu miss her too much she was a gem a light n Yr videos
Extremely Helpful. Thank you
sleepovers every night? sounds good to me, where do I sign up 🤠🙃
Little off-topic, but I realized that sometimes the problem is our mind is addicted to old programs and schedules.
Not just in relationships, but also other activities such as sports, diet, cleaning the house etc.
or watching a podcast, our mind has different moods during the day, because the mind has subconscious a schedule of activities, you don't realize it because these programs in the mind are usually subconscious unless you practice meditation or metacognition, where you notice your own thoughts and feelings.
I realized some created interesting techniques, "eat the frog in the morning"
Do all the unpleasant activities in the morning, like eating the healthy food, that you like the least,
which means your mind will not wander during the day.
Maybe this way our minds will be less distorted during the day, trying to put unpleasant things for later. :)
If we will train our mind we will feel stronger. :) We will not feel like we have to be co-dependent on others and respect their values.
If they will be crazy about themselves and their interests and values 10 years later...
Andy Quin every year praises his wife after 40 years of marriage on twitter...
he said his wife supported him
as he was young and without money, musician, pianist organist... and also when he became successful.
it seems musicians have so much love for music that it affects their relationships.
It would be nice if you looked deeper into this topic for longtime relationships. When you've been with someone for a lot of years, how do you keep attraction when you talk with someone every day and see each other several times a week.
Do The Knowledge Workbooks or Creative Healing Course! What you learn in them is exactly what you need to do…
Probably ave hobbies sports travels. but let the other person have also separate hobbies with friends. Community increases knowledge and knowledge increases attarctivity.
This video is the exact opposite of story of Soprano singer Violetta Lazin and conductor Gianmaria Griglio.
They have a lot of in-love photos old photos and new photos. But they don't post much.
It seems sin the classical music industry are happy marriages because classical music is so classy that the marriages seem classy and also entertaining.
Its probably ok to be passionate, and sometimes of course he travelled away because of his job.
Soprano wrote in Jan 2023: "9year since my amazing man traveled from Italy be with me in this Tinny Rainy country called The Netherlands. We have had some amazing times and some very rough seas but that’s what the best adventures are made from. Through it all we have always had the most important ingredient: Love! Love which keeps growing bigger and stronger with every passing moment.
2022 will remembered for the official knot we have finally tied in it and for the house we found. The 2023 marks the start of actually buying that house and making it our own! To new amazing adventures and another 40 years together at least! (Yes I will keep resetting that clock for as long as I can! 😇)
I love you. I love every part of you, every thought and word...the entire complex, fascinating bundle of all the things you are. I want you with ten different kinds of need at once. I love all the seasons of you, the way you are now, the thought of how much more beautiful you'll be in the decades to come. I love.
few months later: One year later and I love you more."
It seems its easier to have this type of relationship because he is the type of guy who has a sense of humor, he praises other musicians respectfully, He is a gentleman to women and men. He speaks politely on social media to other colleagues the same way as she does. In the past some conductors were "dictators", he says if you would act like that today the best way is to ignore nasty behavior. His wife speaks about his work nicely on social media.
Other men of today seem to be polarized by Tik Tok or other channels.
Another good example is a lady that I saw on tv here in Slovakia Lady Mel Official. ... very funny lady who was second in dancing show in 2005.
She shares funny but also interesting videos quotes comments about family, or hapiness life and calls her hubby "my beautiful man"
she has very simple minded attitude....saying things with few words and loves her family and life and dancing. :)
I think its interesting rare attitude today, not analyzing every nonsense about the other partner or about life.
has dancing school for moms and kids, here in Slovakia, and married to DJ. It seems musicians or dancers have happy marriages, they seem happy in all photos. She talks nicely about him, she has very spontaneous personality
but her thinkinga bout values seem ver ysimple, she is traditional yet modern. She is dancing with her two kids too and shares simple quotes about happiness, It seems she is not the type of person who changes her opinion 100 times a year but has the same values for years as her parents.
ONly thing that bit bothers her is how few ppl called her out for gaining weight, and she makes jokes bout it.
I guess community creates knowledge empathy, and connection.... therefore partners should be allowed the partner to seek also other companies to stay attractive and fresh.
Therefore politicians seem so unattractive to us or some of them, because they look like they want to separate people from communities with lockdowns or other stuff. As Bruce Lipton says if you are not part of the loving community you can be easily manipulated by media, politicians, and corporations.
Thank you for your help !!
It's always the Monday 😂😢
You know your shit Craig 😅👌💯💯💯
I made the first like 👍🏽 yaaay love you Craig and Vicky 🖤💛🖤
Love the hair!! So pretty!
Thank you!
Good morning coaches!
Same damn thing happened to me, but no intimacy. She kept me at an emotional arms length the entire time. She has a trauma bond with her ex, especially since they have kids. I wish I had handled it as good as he did. I was pretty emotional about it.
Sounds like you were dating my girl that just returned to me.
Shew... That must have hurt a lot. Well, good luck to him
Something might come up when they have their first arguments, or disagreements
Yes the the difference between each other when your first dating the the AKA mystery of each individual take your time get to know each other if it's meant to be it's going to happen
Narcissistic men and Like This Woman's first boyfriend who had two wives do this sort of stuff so you have to be really careful a few months is not enough time to truly get to know someone
I broke no contact after 2 weeks is it too late to start again?
I wonder if securely attached people feel chemistry. I think those overwhelming feelings themselves are indicative of attachment issues. They’re reminding you of past trauma. I now think it’s a red flag to be honest.
My ex is not coming back because it's been years and nothing
Has it gotten easier?
Hugs
How many years not hearing anything?
Sounds like love-bombing to me (from her towards him) 15:33 everything up to this point so far
An important indicator of a potential wolf-in-sheep’s-clothing is that it’s too good to be true; too much like a fairytale or romcom. The speed is intentional, to “sweep you off your feet”, and distract you from the red flags.
I agree! My first thought is that she's a narcissist.
Yeah he's got to be careful because typically only players and narcissistic men do those things
Its been 2 weeks now since breakup and didnt know why she broke up. I now realize why she broke up and wanna say sorry. Should I break the no contact rule to tell her my mistakes?
I am obviously not Kennith or Victoria, but I think it would be good to say sorry and acknowledge your mistakes (without any expectation of getting back together).
Update? What did you do?
Also, she kind of sounds like a narcissist, playing the "poor me" card...how does he really know her story is legit?? Sounds like she used him.
Sounds like my ex.
And or needy when they want it almost sounds like they need financial help or God knows what anyway
Whoah sounds like we dated the same person lol
So you're saying all their little eccentricities and habits that no one might know about
She is not ready for relationship with him....because she ahd other people around them work, friends..... with completely different mindset, lifystyle, needs etc. who maybe causea bit stress, because they may have different type of energy than her energy with the man.
and her mind starts to be analytical about outside world.
when your mind is too analytical you focus less on passion, love and romantic stuff....and positive energy of human closeness.
As Bruce Lipton says People fall in love with person or with a job, hobby or with life.
People fall in love with a person because their brain stops thinking and analyzing too much.
They are in higher state of consciousness, feeling the positive energy and they are very focused and self-aware, because they want to make an impression, so thye are very aware of what they are doing. they are focused.
They stop falling in love, because they start thinkingagain and analyzing... they have problems at work or need money etc.
or thye start to over-analyze things. So the energy of body drops down and the person needs to work on himself/herself again, gain the love, energy, empathy, and analyze things less. Not analyze things that are not important etc
People who are in stress usually dont listen the body, the low energy of body....they usually watch tv to distract themselves etc, so they become even more distracted o ignre it.
It seems that people who are happy at work, havea lso ahppy marriages, because they dont have to overthink so much and focus better on goals.
Loving ones become more focused.
The man came off too desperate and didn’t just focus on the present while dating. He should’ve taken it slow. It also seems like the woman doesn’t know what she wants in a relationship. That’s a red flag at her age. You’re kind of old mid-late 30s even if you don’t want to believe it 😂
She wanted to ride the sausage carousel 😂
Jerry and Ester toured usa together all their life. And they did not need any space. It's all comes down to people needs to be simular in what they like if the guy always needs space he is cheating.
Yep, something doesn't add up. Married couples see each other every day, day after day. I'm not saying many marriages are not destined to crumble, but the vast majority of them lasts more than 2 months.
I understand that at the beginning of a relationship it is better to go slow and build confidence in baby but grounded steps, evaluating the little things we do that are not so sweet about us so we can accept them or not (or change them). But then again i do not think that marriages that last more than one year overcomplicate these things. They get along and that's it.
I would like that coach Craig adressed this question.
Married couple should have bonded, new couples are beginning to bond.
What if he's avoidant? I wouldn't date an avoidant women, I hate the constant 'I need space' dynamic. Doesn't mean he's cheating. You need to grow up.
❤
Believe him guys he says everything true ex do come back. My reached out to me out of nowhere
@@Muppetshowz bro hit gym and improve your self physically, mentally and financially bro trust me they do come back and then you can decide if you want them back or not
Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.
Ya honestly, there's really no point to all this relationship stuff. Slow or fast or whatever. They all just crumble.
That’s not true. But if you don’t work on your attachment issues, it’s a lot more likely to fall apart! The people who do the work, will become far more confident than those that don’t!