Yep! My narcissist mother talks crap behind everyone's back and she's terrified that I will spill the beans on her. Do she has to make me look totally crazy and awful. But the thing is I don't care. I went no contact because I refuse to let her be the center of my universe. I want nothing to do with her and will not give her the time of day ever again.
467 days I've not seen his sour face or heard the vile abuse from his vile mouth. I've not picked up the 'phone in all that time, I've not replied to a text message in 6 months. He & his equally-narcissistic & abusive 2nd wife turned up here the other day; made the 3 hour journey, spent £ on an hotel room too, all that way, all that money, only for me to not answer the door - for their requests I go to dinner that night, breakfast the next morning & to spend time up until lunchtime, to be ignored. Unsolicited, uninvited, unwelcome, still they came. A normal person would have given up by now, a normal person would have taken my prolonged & deafening silence as confirmation that there is no, cannot be a way, back now. He masqueraded that woman as his "friend from work" & had us feel sorry for her, "going through a tough time, messy divorce from her adulterous husband, he has their sons this year, she'll be alone otherwise"; we invited her to spend Christmas with us in 1987, she was still there a week later on New Year's Day 1988. Is that why, she thought it was just fine to carry on with a married man, to take someone else's husband from them, because it happened to her? Or was it a lie, had her ex been divorcing her for HER infidelity? I didn't find out until 1991, that the whole time, she was "father's" mistress. That was the start of their combining their efforts to abuse my mum, along with me & my 3 siblings. They let slip a couple of years ago how many years since they met. The numbers added up to yet more deceit. They told me I was 12 when they met. It seems I was in fact 11 & that is why we were dragged from a place we were happy & safe, to an unforgiving town, where he dumped us. All so he could more than halve his travel-time to & from his mistress. I can categorically state, that I absolutely despise the pair of them. I can't believe that, in giving them the time of day, I not only condoned what they did, but I absolved, in their eyes, all their sins, their transgressions. If you have even the slightest inkling that your mental health problems & difficulties forming healthy bonds with people are as a result of childhood trauma, inflicted on you by a grossly selfish, self-absorbed, self-obsessed & self-serving parent, they are a NARCISSIST & believe me, the ONLY way to go, in order to try to finally make sense of it & heal, is NO CONTACT. Your mind & your soul will thank you for it - being strong enough to make the break is easier said than done, but what is waiting for you is calm, peace & safety. One:LOVE.
I’m so proud of you! I finally decided to stop giving my mom opportunities to “redeem” herself because I realize she will not change no matter what after watching her be the same the last 29 years of my existence. I will tell you, I’m only a month in and man I’m happy… the chaos has been silenced. She can go spread lies, I don’t care anymore and I have pure bliss in my peace!
My father mocked my failed suicide attempt.. then they will ALWAYS blame your spouse.. rather than look within? Telling my siblings I'm a whiney bitch for standing up for myself. I deserve an apology at this point. I hope to live the end of my days with him out of my life too.
This was my father. He completely ruined my reputation back home. Everyone hated me & looked at me as if I were trash, the worst human being ever. I found out that my friend knew what he was saying & she refused to tell me. She said it would only break my heart & destroy any chance of having a relationship with him. She didn’t understand why he told people these things about me. She also said that if I ever found out what he was saying about me to know that she didn’t believe a single word of it. I never found out, but it had to be really really bad as even people who knew me from when I was a child & adored me began to hate me. 😢
Had bullying neighbors & their flying monkeys....they will have to answer to God..may God punish them. And dole out a millionfold more huge bitter dose of their own medicine. Isn't it strange how people believe just one-sided stories...shows their own low level, meanness & lack of maturity. Many are willing to be narc-puppets knowingly, (they benefit from the abusers/narcs) others blindly believe and are used manipulatively to spread smear campaigns.
Sounds exactly like my situation....all of the cousins I grew up around as a kid now hate me due to all the lies and exaggerations made about me. They never even thought to question it 😢
They say things that aren’t true their whole life. I really didn’t care WHAT they said, what they thought, Or how they felt when I finally said (after 52 years of age…) ENOUGH!! 😠 I finally realized that I would never be “good” enough -for them. I finally realized I was “good enough” for myself & ppl who loved me. I didn’t have to jump through hoops, or seek their approval anymore - because it WOULD NEVER COME. Such blissful freedom to go no contact!❤
And you get to a point where you don’t care about any of the lies they create anymore. No contact and no manipulation from my mother anymore, she can create all the lies she’d like. I have no anger or care left in the world! And I am HAPPY!
I’m 39 and have been in no contact with my mother since I was 16, and she still tells lies about me - I haven’t said a word about her and minded my business and she still keeps going! It’s unbelievable. How can someone who actually gave birth to me behave that way. It’s a sick world.
NC for life ❤ best choice I ever made in my life. Not even a funeral. Sad enough having them in my life, that’s my grief. Love being the scapegoat I escaped and now my siblings are stuck with the aging narc parents. Win Win Win 🏅
My mother weaves delusional tales about the state of my life and prays aloud "for" me during community prayer at her church, where she's known for being very pious and close to God. People assume everything is true, because who's going to lie in church? I've broken "no contact" with her a few times to ask her to stop, and she claims that what she says in church is none of my business 🤷♀️. Lovely woman.
I went no contact - the entire family unit is cut off / they thiught I was going to include them in my new life ! Nope ! 🙅♀️ Everyone is blocked 🚫! Im at peace ✌️ i crawled out ot hell
I'm 20 and still under their control. Worst of all I'm living in a narcissist family tree; my mother, my dad, my aunt and my uncle. It feels like the whole world is against me and I don't have a voice on my own😔 All I can do is to pray to God and keep on working and learning until I get that opportunity to escape.
You are absolutely right, same thing happened to me. Fortunately his own childhood friends informed me to be very careful with my father. They told me back all the shit he told about me.
My parents did the same when I went no contact with them.the golden child and my mother tried to twist the reality. I had it on video.haha and whenever they try to gaslight me, I just say should I show that video again. Thankfully then they leave me alone. They only wanted the benefits and no responsibilities. Not even the humanity to come over if I ever got into an accident. The golden child is that horrible that he refused to give me my clothes also. I started my life from scratch. Literally with just the clothes on my back. Now things are much different. That time they even got me fired from my small job. They literally drove me to the point of unaliving myself too many times. They don't care for anyone but just themselves and their needs
This is taking “Do what I say, not what I do.” To the next level. I didn’t even know that phrase had a part II. 2nd part is, “if you don’t do what I say, I will smear your name and ruin your reputation.”
This sounds like most narcissists after a discard. We should actually start looking at people who just like to trash other people. I have learned if anybody approaches me smearing someone else to turn my head and walk away. And no I don't want to hear about their horrible ex's or anything else. People who feel free to smear other people, are very very shallow and very small people
When I cut my mother off, she called me, texted me, emailed me all the time. She got her flying monkeys to try and guilt me into contact. She's your mother nonsense, is all I heard. She became super sweet, the victim of me, the victim of her parents, the victim of life. Then the weakest apologize a toxic person will ever give, I'm sorry I wasn't the parent you wanted me to be. That just proved she will never get it.
The key is to care less about reputation. I think the idea of reputation holds us back from being authentic. I know they're going to judge me, but I have no way to control what they'll do. I can only control me. It's hard but it gets easier to care less what they do.
So very true. I hear what a bad daughter I am and how awful I am to her. I have been NC for 5 years and I am not looking back. I don’t care to be abused anymore by her or any member of her family.
@@joyful_tanya it's gutting, the fact you know that the kind of people that don't want to know your side, your perspective, are not worth knowing or wasting time missing, doesn't make it hurt any less. At least here we find people that care about your pain. Solidarity here, validation here. I hope you will have as good a Christmas as it's possible to have. At least without narcs in your life, Christmas is peaceful! One:LOVE.
I literally moved to another state and never call. Unfortunately she found my cell phone, but only call once a year to make the victim act. That "You don't call. People ask me about my only daughter and I don't know what to say". She always hinted she wanted to come "visit me"... that is see how much successful I am, where I live, etc. I told her if she come to my house I'd not authorize her entrance. She'd go to the nearest hotel. Fortunately, I live in gated community with controolled entrance by a doorman.
Yep! Mine keeps trying to bait me into arguments. They text, call, e-mail, even called my work, and showed up at my house (I had never given them the address). I've ignored them, but they won't stop. They keep saying the abuse I "think" I endured was not real even though CPS and the courts thought otherwise and removed me from them for that abuse/neglect.
The relationship on their terms got me😊. It's absolutely true, it's like how dare you have any boundaries and even think about having your life your way, I smear you bad to the relatives so that any approval your way is stopped and you are forced to return to us within our terms and conditions. Finally when you allow us, you will first be punished for what you did, as we see fit. And that punishment is emotional and financial trauma again and again. The relatives who aren't naturally flying monkeys are made into flying monkeys by holding them against a negotiation. I do this for you and you gotta speak to my child and do my bidding.
This is why I will be moving outside of the USA when I go no contact with my narcissistic mother. When I am in a position to do so I am going to just pack my bags and disappear so she doesn’t know where I am. I don’t care what she says. Her years of abuse have damaged my health and my mom shows no concern that I am seriously Sick. Packing my bags to study abroad will be the healthiest decision to detach from my evil mom and the rest of my toxic relatives to start over in my life. I am also too sick to the point where doctors in USA cannot care for my health condition anymore.
Yup. From the age of 10, scapegoated. I'm nearly 50 & it's taken a lot of time, energy & pain to finally realise, they are toxic, abusive & mercenary. It's been 467 days since I saw their sour faces, heard their vile abuse coming out of their nasty mouths; I am so elated & giddy with the victory that if I rise any higher I'll be hitting my head on the ceiling! Yippeeee!!
@@joyful_tanya and if you have mental health issues since childhood because of their abuse, they will weaponise them in such a way, they can tell anybody that it's you that's insane. I've never been so stable, in all my life, since ditching them.
It's totally incredible to me how abusers can cause so much damage but can be so easily beaten at the same time, all you have to do is withdraw your attention and they lose all their power over you.
I was the liar for years until she got older and started attacking everyone, ive always been strong willed and she never managed to break me!!! Everyone sees now!
Thank you for this succinct video on a huge issue. So much damage has already been done to my life for decades I guess it just never gets any better regardless of what one does or doesn’t do. I’m aware of previous smear campaigns from all the friends and colleagues I’ve lost, people who all met her and suddenly stopped talking to me. These people are just so evil it beggars belief and so horrible to be related to this person as unbelievable as that is 😔
I believe I was found under a mulberry bush, or on the steps of a church/ police or fire station. My wonderful nephew assured me that I'm nothing like them. Thank Christ, my Lord & Saviour, for that & for my nephew!
They are scary. I went nc and after 12 years the 'parent' said to cps i did not take care of my kids. How? Did not see her in all those years. Sick. Even after years they seek revange. Luckily they checked the home and all and i got an apologize. Everything was a lie.
My parents are complicated. Every day is edgy and agitating, evil, no empathy. Hurtful. Witchcraft curses on me by my mother. She curses me and my body gets pain in it! Feels sore, she hurt my dog with curses. I feel so off around them. Emotional manipulative.
Makes sense, I suppose. I went no contact with my father 2 yrs ago. I recently messaged my uncle about one of my grandmother's recipes, and he never responded. Which is weird for him. I wondered if he was upset I asked for her recipe after not attending hee funeral. Except I couldn't have gone if I wanted to, because my father didn't tell me she died, an aunt on my moms side told me she saw on FB the funeral would be after the holidays, then my then 16 yr old got a zoom link for the funeral via a group text (!!) The day before!! I live 6 hrs away!!
That happened to me in 1970 but I didn't find out until 2006. He told everyone I was a ' runaway. ' Even the family doctor EVERYONE. People I never met. Everyone. Not only in the country we lived in but the country we came from.
I need to come out of my parents house also to save my remaining life. How to do it. I don't have any courage left or any place to turn to. What a hell life has been for me😔
How you're able to do that, will depend on a few factors. Firstly, your age. If you're a minor, it will be places like Social Services, in the UK, or what they call Child Services in America, that you would need to approach. That will open up Pandora's Box, though. It will involve a lot of intrusion into theirs, as well as your life. At 13, for me, it was the only option, the best years of my childhood were in a children's home. I was made a ward of the court, as I had hit self-destruct. You may not want to kick that hornets nest, it could find you alienated from family members that could be your allies, if you leave in another way. How much freedom you have now, as far as being able to have a part-time job while you're studying, how much of that money you're allowed to keep, how much of that you will be able to save (put it in the bank, a secure account & hide the book/ statements), it could be a tidy sum, to enable you to leave as soon as you're an adult, in the eyes of the law in your country, it could pay for the deposit & advance rent, on a room or small flat. I'd advise against leaving with nowhere to go. If you are an adult, there are generally a great many different agencies that could help you. If you end up having a big row & they kick you out, you could go to a homeless charity, if their cruelty gets too much to bear, there may be an organisation that helps people to get rehoused that have mental health problems because of abuse. I hope you can find a way to remove yourself from that hell. I hope that you can get away & live your best life, your way, for you, that you can prosper & be healthy, as the effects of long-term abuse, especially at the hands of a parent or parents, can cause life-long, serious issues with mental health. I know because I am dealing with C-PTSD & EUPD, as a direct result of family abuse going back decades. I pray for your soul to be free of it, for you to be forever free of their evil. Amen.
My dad is a covert narcissist and my siblings can’t see it yet! But I have been praying about it and God has been working!! My siblings have experienced and seen a different side to my dad.. now it’s the waiting game and keeping boundaries set.
Absolutely Right... Which I never realized for the past 10 years. Thank you for all ur videos that has helped me to understand the things happening/happened around me. Above all my thanks to God for opening my eyes and my parents eyes. 🙏🙏👍
My NM always resorts to harassing everyone around me when I go NC. She has done this for quite literally decades, and I’m only in my 30s. What should I do about that? Did NC with my extremely toxic narc Chinese mother for 4 months, during which she didn’t attempt to contact me either. She decided 1 day ago that she’s ready to / wants to talk, sent me a fake-nice text saying “let’s talk but only if you’re ready, of course”. Gave me exactly 1 business day to think about responding, and when I didn’t, bombarded me with threatening texts, called me 5 times in a row under the usual pretense that she’s “worried about my welfare.” And when that didn’t force a response out of me, she immediately did a complete 180 and said “you’re my emergency contact (why lol, she’s has a whole fuckin husband of 16+ years) are you SERIOUSLY not picking up? What if I’m experiencing an emergency?!” Then blew up my husband’s phone, had her husband bombard my husband with texts and calls, and also called my mother in law at 4 AM her time 😊
You are such a genuine person and kind hearted. So caring for others. You yourself are hurt and still u console us by ur preachings . This really requires courage. Thank you so much. It feels a relief to hear you.
This made me break down... It's so true... I thought I was alone in this with my dad... he will never apologize for hurting me so badly like lowest of low... so have gone non contact... it's crazy tho so much good has happened since I did that
Yes my parents carried on like this to the point I had former neighbours who had never spoken to me before approach me in the grocery store to bemoan the the sad state of my family having been ruined by my behaviour .
Pretty much spot on. Is it common for them to go to therapy as well? My narcissist father went to a therapist after my brother and I went no contact, and she has been telling him everything he wants to hear. It’s scary how similar my dad is becoming to Tony Soprano. He recently got caught cheating on my mom, and she didn’t leave him. They just bought a massive vacation home, even though my brother and I left because we were not being paid for 50+ hours a week each of work. They also both got on ozempic, and have gone from morbidly obese, to sickly skinny. I feel like I don’t even know who my parents really are. They definitely were never people I looked up to, or even loved, but now they don’t even seem like the people I knew. They are strangers.
Yes, all the time. She just expected me to forget immedidately how she treated me before with couple of mins, as if nothing would have happened, this was her conditioning for "shitty behaviour", to bend me to accept all her shit which came out of her mouth. And also what she did. But a big part of me felt betrayed, and my turning point came , when I became 18-19 years old. Then I never accepted her shit anymore, and told her the truth. Than the blaming began. Occasionally I went no contact for years, than she set up a smear campaign as a true narc, of which I give a shit, bec I know that all the "flying monkeys" in my family, who seem to be on her side but the same opportunistic as my mother is, when it'll be no longer in their interest to be on her side, they'll just betray her, as they did before with others and with me. Because a traitor is always a traitor, I'm not afraid, that they deserve each other, and at the first given moment when their interests going against each other, their illusional "alley" will crumble, and fall apart. What remains, is uncoditional love, which they sadly lack from their lifes, which they'll never experience in this life, so I just let them to play their games until they "kill each other" for some materialistic goods, or shting. Which will happen a 100 %.
Actually my dad and my eldest sister both do that, and my other sister and her evil husband and also the eldest brother in law are extremely creative, must be psychopaths, they have been running successful smear campaigns against me,I honestly don't care anymore, because whoever willing to listen to them are either hypocrites or evil as them.! All what I need is peace !I strongly believe that truth will ultimately prevail !
I’m conflicted because I went no contact and my parents are playing the victims. They cry and say that they are praying for me. I feel frustrated that they don’t seem to know why I cut them off. I screamed my feelings until I was blue in the face. They did mistreat me for years of my life and abused me. Am I going to be a sucker if I believe their apologies and remorseful messages? Are all narcissistic families going to talk crap about you?
I can tell you what my narc Mom did! She accused me of being a p0rn star my senior year of highschool (so random), accused me of having her take care of my kids (never happened), accused me of having an affair with her 3rd ex husband (definitely did no happen, I've been happily married for 18 years), accused me of being a satanist and sending my kids to hell (the go to Catholic school, so 🤷🏼♀️) and threatened to call the state counselor licensing board to report me (I'm an independent clinical counselor) for not dealing with my problems. The good thing is she unintentionally admitted she's a problem. I'll take it.
Mine probably won't even give a damn lol. She'll just be upset that she won't be getting rent money from me anymore. She'll be more upset that I'll be free of her BS. Not having my energy or joy stolen anymore. Oh yeah, and the money. My guess is they probably feel like they're losing "control" which will lead to shame eventually. It's crazy because I'm in the middle of building multiple businesses from home and I've never gotten support. As soon as I started on my entrepreneurial journey my mom has been acting like it's doom and gloom. She knows I'm getting my s*** together and leaving. She knows the time is coming.
My NF always tormented me. My cortisol levels go up each time we interact to the point that I always got sick after seeing him. At 43 decided to go no contact for my mental and physical health. His story? Simple, I’m crazy. That all he says. He never tells anybody how he hurt me and betray me to make me take that drastic decision.
Addison's disease from abuse is a real & actual thing. Adrenal insufficiency from incessant adrenal hyper-arousal. These godless, reckless, feckless, soulless, sorry excuses for people literally make you sick, in the body & mind. It's THEM that be CRAZY, crazy if they think we're going to keep taking their crap!
Backbiting is against my religion of Islam. However, after no contact with my toxic covert narcissistic mother, she starts to spread rumors and lies about me and my wife (backbiting) that my wife is manipulating me to take me away. My mother basically spread lies to all of my family and friends about how rude we were to her (complete BS) and how she is the victim and we don't do what she says. Now family members are treating us completely differently. My wife seems to have the blunt of the attacks. My mother prays 5 times a day, goes to pilgrimage at least once a year.... Didn't Islam teach her anything? Didn't Islam teach her to not make children's life's hell?
There will always be godless people hiding behind & wielding the wrath of their god. I believe there is a judgement for everyone at the final destination. Small comfort.
I have successfully blocked my mom and gone no contact but she can still send letters. She still sends letters/parcels years after I went no contact. I wish she would stop. I don't know what to do😢
Since 2005 my father was sleeping with my ex - wife, 19 years. He has made my name into dirt. He stole all of my mobile numbers, my clothes, my ideas, then he went for the the “BIG - BANG he wanted to move my ex - wife into my mum’s house…He tried to get me arrested he even came onto me sexually. If I tell the “POLICE” we are ruined I had (3) COVID JABS I was suffering from brain fog he hit me from behind causing me to fall my ankle became sprained he was physically torturing me forcing me to to walk on my sprained ankle now I have two….
Yes yes let them get busy with their stories and put all their good energy to gaining sympathy And the good thing about it they are so busy with the making stories and gaining sympathies. They lost track of their own life instead if they put time in effort to make their own identity and learn to change their behaviour maybe in future, there are few chances that kids will come back
It's unethical to self-diagnose anyone. Every single human has narcissistic traits, but being diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder by an educated and trained professional is something else altogether. My son is estranged from me, and my heart is broken. I love him with everything I am and I cry every single day. He refuses to talk about the issues he has with me, and even refuses family therapy. Just because I want contact with him doesn't mean I'm a narcissistic or a control freak.
i cut all of em off. Even my sis. Couldnt handle it. Though ive not heard any rumors bout myself yet. I wouldnt be suprised if this two were cooking up smth
Yep! My narcissist mother talks crap behind everyone's back and she's terrified that I will spill the beans on her. Do she has to make me look totally crazy and awful. But the thing is I don't care. I went no contact because I refuse to let her be the center of my universe. I want nothing to do with her and will not give her the time of day ever again.
Good for you. Same here.
My covert NPD mom too
Same
Same my narcissistic grandmother called 2 weeks ago didnt answer/ didnt return the phone call
Going through this right now as my mom is dying sadly
SPOT ON. It's been 5 yrs now and I'm glad I made the decision.
Proud of u. Never go back
467 days I've not seen his sour face or heard the vile abuse from his vile mouth. I've not picked up the 'phone in all that time, I've not replied to a text message in 6 months. He & his equally-narcissistic & abusive 2nd wife turned up here the other day; made the 3 hour journey, spent £ on an hotel room too, all that way, all that money, only for me to not answer the door - for their requests I go to dinner that night, breakfast the next morning & to spend time up until lunchtime, to be ignored. Unsolicited, uninvited, unwelcome, still they came. A normal person would have given up by now, a normal person would have taken my prolonged & deafening silence as confirmation that there is no, cannot be a way, back now.
He masqueraded that woman as his "friend from work" & had us feel sorry for her, "going through a tough time, messy divorce from her adulterous husband, he has their sons this year, she'll be alone otherwise"; we invited her to spend Christmas with us in 1987, she was still there a week later on New Year's Day 1988. Is that why, she thought it was just fine to carry on with a married man, to take someone else's husband from them, because it happened to her? Or was it a lie, had her ex been divorcing her for HER infidelity? I didn't find out until 1991, that the whole time, she was "father's" mistress. That was the start of their combining their efforts to abuse my mum, along with me & my 3 siblings. They let slip a couple of years ago how many years since they met. The numbers added up to yet more deceit. They told me I was 12 when they met. It seems I was in fact 11 & that is why we were dragged from a place we were happy & safe, to an unforgiving town, where he dumped us. All so he could more than halve his travel-time to & from his mistress. I can categorically state, that I absolutely despise the pair of them. I can't believe that, in giving them the time of day, I not only condoned what they did, but I absolved, in their eyes, all their sins, their transgressions.
If you have even the slightest inkling that your mental health problems & difficulties forming healthy bonds with people are as a result of childhood trauma, inflicted on you by a grossly selfish, self-absorbed, self-obsessed & self-serving parent, they are a NARCISSIST & believe me, the ONLY way to go, in order to try to finally make sense of it & heal, is NO CONTACT. Your mind & your soul will thank you for it - being strong enough to make the break is easier said than done, but what is waiting for you is calm, peace & safety. One:LOVE.
I’m so proud of you! I finally decided to stop giving my mom opportunities to “redeem” herself because I realize she will not change no matter what after watching her be the same the last 29 years of my existence. I will tell you, I’m only a month in and man I’m happy… the chaos has been silenced. She can go spread lies, I don’t care anymore and I have pure bliss in my peace!
My father mocked my failed suicide attempt.. then they will ALWAYS blame your spouse.. rather than look within? Telling my siblings I'm a whiney bitch for standing up for myself. I deserve an apology at this point. I hope to live the end of my days with him out of my life too.
@@alphagerudothey never apologise.
Story of my life🤚 Let the healing begin for all us survivors ❤🙏🏼
🌟🙏🏻💕
Mine threatened to call the police because I blocked their numbers 😂
Waiting on CPS to appear at mines so I can get restraining orders
LOL being extra
Oh wow😂😂😂
They want u trapped😂😂
Yes they will do that call the police on you for setting boundaries it’s hilarious
This was my father. He completely ruined my reputation back home. Everyone hated me & looked at me as if I were trash, the worst human being ever. I found out that my friend knew what he was saying & she refused to tell me. She said it would only break my heart & destroy any chance of having a relationship with him. She didn’t understand why he told people these things about me. She also said that if I ever found out what he was saying about me to know that she didn’t believe a single word of it. I never found out, but it had to be really really bad as even people who knew me from when I was a child & adored me began to hate me. 😢
Had bullying neighbors & their flying monkeys....they will have to answer to God..may God punish them. And dole out a millionfold more huge bitter dose of their own medicine. Isn't it strange how people believe just one-sided stories...shows their own low level, meanness & lack of maturity. Many are willing to be narc-puppets knowingly, (they benefit from the abusers/narcs) others blindly believe and are used manipulatively to spread smear campaigns.
Same ❤.
This sounds like my future. I've realised today that my father is an extremely narcissist person.
@@dingding4898 😢 sorry. I recommend looking up HG Tudor. His info on narcs is above par.
Sounds exactly like my situation....all of the cousins I grew up around as a kid now hate me due to all the lies and exaggerations made about me. They never even thought to question it 😢
They say things that aren’t true their whole life. I really didn’t care WHAT they said, what they thought, Or how they felt when I finally said (after 52 years of age…) ENOUGH!! 😠 I finally realized that I would never be “good” enough -for them. I finally realized I was “good enough” for myself & ppl who loved me. I didn’t have to jump through hoops, or seek their approval anymore - because it WOULD NEVER COME.
Such blissful freedom to go no contact!❤
I am 27, and I pray that I too find enough courage to follow your path
They ARE liars, ungrateful thieves, self-serving morons, with delusions of grandeur. We are WELL-RID! Oh the bliss, oh, the FREEDOM!
My life with my mom.
Same girl we dont deserve this shit bruh
Same! Sounds just like my dad! I am no-contact with my parents & sister.
And you get to a point where you don’t care about any of the lies they create anymore. No contact and no manipulation from my mother anymore, she can create all the lies she’d like. I have no anger or care left in the world! And I am HAPPY!
I’m 39 and have been in no contact with my mother since I was 16, and she still tells lies about me - I haven’t said a word about her and minded my business and she still keeps going! It’s unbelievable. How can someone who actually gave birth to me behave that way. It’s a sick world.
Trust me ...its more common than you can imagine!!!!!
@@limlee1535 Apparenty so! I hate to say I’m glad I’m not alone.
You gotta cut it off they're sick af
That’s insane. I’m going NC now. This should be interesting as I know flying monkeys are going to be reaching out.
NC for life ❤ best choice I ever made in my life. Not even a funeral. Sad enough having them in my life, that’s my grief. Love being the scapegoat I escaped and now my siblings are stuck with the aging narc parents. Win Win Win 🏅
My mother weaves delusional tales about the state of my life and prays aloud "for" me during community prayer at her church, where she's known for being very pious and close to God. People assume everything is true, because who's going to lie in church? I've broken "no contact" with her a few times to ask her to stop, and she claims that what she says in church is none of my business 🤷♀️. Lovely woman.
Church folks are not decades old friends!
Narcs need new friends. Period.
@@limlee1535 true
This is exactly what happened to me. He tried to ruined my reputation in so many ways.
I went no contact - the entire family unit is cut off / they thiught I was going to include them in my new life ! Nope ! 🙅♀️ Everyone is blocked 🚫! Im at peace ✌️ i crawled out ot hell
@jamie_a6500 exactly 💯 👏 it's so sick
@jamie_a6500screw them too then
That's what I'm doing right now.. but I'm also fighting legal issues because they want to control me and keep tabs on me.
@@Isaac-fj1lei hope things get better sweetie ❤️
I'm 20 and still under their control. Worst of all I'm living in a narcissist family tree; my mother, my dad, my aunt and my uncle.
It feels like the whole world is against me and I don't have a voice on my own😔
All I can do is to pray to God and keep on working and learning until I get that opportunity to escape.
You are absolutely right, same thing happened to me.
Fortunately his own childhood friends informed me to be very careful with my father. They told me back all the shit he told about me.
You know thats crazy i can imagine what ny mother is saying
Same with me. Toxic father, he talks very bad about me to others in his “new life”.🙄🙄 No-Contact Ever!
My parents did the same when I went no contact with them.the golden child and my mother tried to twist the reality. I had it on video.haha and whenever they try to gaslight me, I just say should I show that video again. Thankfully then they leave me alone. They only wanted the benefits and no responsibilities. Not even the humanity to come over if I ever got into an accident. The golden child is that horrible that he refused to give me my clothes also. I started my life from scratch. Literally with just the clothes on my back. Now things are much different. That time they even got me fired from my small job. They literally drove me to the point of unaliving myself too many times. They don't care for anyone but just themselves and their needs
This is taking “Do what I say, not what I do.” To the next level.
I didn’t even know that phrase had a part II. 2nd part is, “if you don’t do what I say, I will smear your name and ruin your reputation.”
This sounds like most narcissists after a discard. We should actually start looking at people who just like to trash other people. I have learned if anybody approaches me smearing someone else to turn my head and walk away. And no I don't want to hear about their horrible ex's or anything else. People who feel free to smear other people, are very very shallow and very small people
Victims will talk about abuse and abuser’s will talk about the victim. Notice that
When I cut my mother off, she called me, texted me, emailed me all the time. She got her flying monkeys to try and guilt me into contact. She's your mother nonsense, is all I heard. She became super sweet, the victim of me, the victim of her parents, the victim of life. Then the weakest apologize a toxic person will ever give, I'm sorry I wasn't the parent you wanted me to be. That just proved she will never get it.
The key is to care less about reputation. I think the idea of reputation holds us back from being authentic. I know they're going to judge me, but I have no way to control what they'll do. I can only control me. It's hard but it gets easier to care less what they do.
So very true. I hear what a bad daughter I am and how awful I am to her. I have been NC for 5 years and I am not looking back. I don’t care to be abused anymore by her or any member of her family.
Yup. And if you go no contact, Full on block every way they can contact you. Trust me.
I have done this. But what do you do when they send private investigators and then show up at your doorstep
@@Jojow8629 restraining order. get them on record for harassment with your local PD. Give them consequences for fucking with you.
Oh that’s so accurate. I started to stand up for myself four months ago and that turned me into a scapegoat.
The truth-telling cycle-breaker will always be scapegoated.
They go around saying you went into another city when in reality they have no idea where you are.
💯 I experienced this. Turned everyone in the family, except my adult daughter, against me.
Preach. I feels. ❤
@jamie_a6500 100% they go along with the abusers side of the story, always. 😖
And NOBODY asked your side of the story.
@@cosmicstargazer10 nope. I don't matter, to them.
@@joyful_tanya it's gutting, the fact you know that the kind of people that don't want to know your side, your perspective, are not worth knowing or wasting time missing, doesn't make it hurt any less. At least here we find people that care about your pain. Solidarity here, validation here. I hope you will have as good a Christmas as it's possible to have. At least without narcs in your life, Christmas is peaceful! One:LOVE.
This makes me want to even speak up more! I’m not scared anymore! I’m self aware and ready to protect my peace and myself! ❤
I literally moved to another state and never call. Unfortunately she found my cell phone, but only call once a year to make the victim act. That "You don't call. People ask me about my only daughter and I don't know what to say".
She always hinted she wanted to come "visit me"... that is see how much successful I am, where I live, etc.
I told her if she come to my house I'd not authorize her entrance. She'd go to the nearest hotel. Fortunately, I live in gated community with controolled entrance by a doorman.
I dont speak with any familly anymore so i dont care ill still expose her.
Good Man and very brave
Yep! Mine keeps trying to bait me into arguments. They text, call, e-mail, even called my work, and showed up at my house (I had never given them the address). I've ignored them, but they won't stop. They keep saying the abuse I "think" I endured was not real even though CPS and the courts thought otherwise and removed me from them for that abuse/neglect.
I wish I hadn't been born...I suffered from my narc aunt and mother...
Story of my life… they’re treacherous‼️
This is how I’m feeling right now
The relationship on their terms got me😊. It's absolutely true, it's like how dare you have any boundaries and even think about having your life your way, I smear you bad to the relatives so that any approval your way is stopped and you are forced to return to us within our terms and conditions. Finally when you allow us, you will first be punished for what you did, as we see fit. And that punishment is emotional and financial trauma again and again.
The relatives who aren't naturally flying monkeys are made into flying monkeys by holding them against a negotiation. I do this for you and you gotta speak to my child and do my bidding.
You hit the nail square on the head there!
This is why I will be moving outside of the USA when I go no contact with my narcissistic mother. When I am in a position to do so I am going to just pack my bags and disappear so she doesn’t know where I am. I don’t care what she says. Her years of abuse have damaged my health and my mom shows no concern that I am seriously Sick. Packing my bags to study abroad will be the healthiest decision to detach from my evil mom and the rest of my toxic relatives to start over in my life. I am also too sick to the point where doctors in USA cannot care for my health condition anymore.
and in some cases the child was already the scapegoat even prior to going no contact : /
Absolutely. I went no contact because I was the scapegoat. They are the ones who are insane.
Same here. Took other people quite a while to catch on to who she was, but that's because they didn't get the brunt of it for so long.
Yes I'm he scapegoat
Yup. From the age of 10, scapegoated. I'm nearly 50 & it's taken a lot of time, energy & pain to finally realise, they are toxic, abusive & mercenary. It's been 467 days since I saw their sour faces, heard their vile abuse coming out of their nasty mouths; I am so elated & giddy with the victory that if I rise any higher I'll be hitting my head on the ceiling! Yippeeee!!
@@joyful_tanya and if you have mental health issues since childhood because of their abuse, they will weaponise them in such a way, they can tell anybody that it's you that's insane. I've never been so stable, in all my life, since ditching them.
They rob you of your social security
This happened to me 🥺
They're all take-take-take, while you're all give-give-give. They're shock-out when you finally stand up for yourself & say NO!
Let us not be their cash-cows...
It's totally incredible to me how abusers can cause so much damage but can be so easily beaten at the same time, all you have to do is withdraw your attention and they lose all their power over you.
I was the liar for years until she got older and started attacking everyone, ive always been strong willed and she never managed to break me!!! Everyone sees now!
Yep the first year i went no contact my mother started claiming i was kidnapped by my then bf... Crazy.
Thank you for this succinct video on a huge issue. So much damage has already been done to my life for decades I guess it just never gets any better regardless of what one does or doesn’t do. I’m aware of previous smear campaigns from all the friends and colleagues I’ve lost, people who all met her and suddenly stopped talking to me. These people are just so evil it beggars belief and so horrible to be related to this person as unbelievable as that is 😔
I believe I was found under a mulberry bush, or on the steps of a church/ police or fire station. My wonderful nephew assured me that I'm nothing like them. Thank Christ, my Lord & Saviour, for that & for my nephew!
My mom does this even when I live with her so 😔 I am so desperate to move out...
They are scary. I went nc and after 12 years the 'parent' said to cps i did not take care of my kids.
How? Did not see her in all those years.
Sick. Even after years they seek revange.
Luckily they checked the home and all and i got an apologize.
Everything was a lie.
My mother threatened me with cps.. cutting my entire family off w as best - i live a seperate life
My parents are complicated.
Every day is edgy and agitating, evil, no empathy. Hurtful.
Witchcraft curses on me by my mother.
She curses me and my body gets pain in it! Feels sore, she hurt my dog with curses.
I feel so off around them.
Emotional manipulative.
Makes sense, I suppose. I went no contact with my father 2 yrs ago. I recently messaged my uncle about one of my grandmother's recipes, and he never responded. Which is weird for him. I wondered if he was upset I asked for her recipe after not attending hee funeral. Except I couldn't have gone if I wanted to, because my father didn't tell me she died, an aunt on my moms side told me she saw on FB the funeral would be after the holidays, then my then 16 yr old got a zoom link for the funeral via a group text (!!) The day before!! I live 6 hrs away!!
Ur too good, man!!!
That happened to me in 1970 but I didn't find out until 2006. He told everyone I was a ' runaway. ' Even the family doctor EVERYONE. People I never met. Everyone. Not only in the country we lived in but the country we came from.
I need to come out of my parents house also to save my remaining life. How to do it. I don't have any courage left or any place to turn to. What a hell life has been for me😔
Run away- escape mines drove me crazy
How you're able to do that, will depend on a few factors. Firstly, your age. If you're a minor, it will be places like Social Services, in the UK, or what they call Child Services in America, that you would need to approach. That will open up Pandora's Box, though. It will involve a lot of intrusion into theirs, as well as your life. At 13, for me, it was the only option, the best years of my childhood were in a children's home. I was made a ward of the court, as I had hit self-destruct. You may not want to kick that hornets nest, it could find you alienated from family members that could be your allies, if you leave in another way. How much freedom you have now, as far as being able to have a part-time job while you're studying, how much of that money you're allowed to keep, how much of that you will be able to save (put it in the bank, a secure account & hide the book/ statements), it could be a tidy sum, to enable you to leave as soon as you're an adult, in the eyes of the law in your country, it could pay for the deposit & advance rent, on a room or small flat. I'd advise against leaving with nowhere to go. If you are an adult, there are generally a great many different agencies that could help you. If you end up having a big row & they kick you out, you could go to a homeless charity, if their cruelty gets too much to bear, there may be an organisation that helps people to get rehoused that have mental health problems because of abuse. I hope you can find a way to remove yourself from that hell. I hope that you can get away & live your best life, your way, for you, that you can prosper & be healthy, as the effects of long-term abuse, especially at the hands of a parent or parents, can cause life-long, serious issues with mental health. I know because I am dealing with C-PTSD & EUPD, as a direct result of family abuse going back decades. I pray for your soul to be free of it, for you to be forever free of their evil. Amen.
Please run to a shelter ❤ don't ever let them know where you went!
My dad is a covert narcissist and my siblings can’t see it yet! But I have been praying about it and God has been working!! My siblings have experienced and seen a different side to my dad.. now it’s the waiting game and keeping boundaries set.
My mother is good at this. I went full no contact 4 years ago, I made the correct decision for me.
Absolutely Right... Which I never realized for the past 10 years. Thank you for all ur videos that has helped me to understand the things happening/happened around me. Above all my thanks to God for opening my eyes and my parents eyes. 🙏🙏👍
My NM always resorts to harassing everyone around me when I go NC. She has done this for quite literally decades, and I’m only in my 30s. What should I do about that?
Did NC with my extremely toxic narc Chinese mother for 4 months, during which she didn’t attempt to contact me either.
She decided 1 day ago that she’s ready to / wants to talk, sent me a fake-nice text saying “let’s talk but only if you’re ready, of course”. Gave me exactly 1 business day to think about responding, and when I didn’t, bombarded me with threatening texts, called me 5 times in a row under the usual pretense that she’s “worried about my welfare.” And when that didn’t force a response out of me, she immediately did a complete 180 and said “you’re my emergency contact (why lol, she’s has a whole fuckin husband of 16+ years) are you SERIOUSLY not picking up? What if I’m experiencing an emergency?!”
Then blew up my husband’s phone, had her husband bombard my husband with texts and calls, and also called my mother in law at 4 AM her time 😊
Truth!! And IDGAD!!!✌🏾✌🏾✌🏾
i didnt block anyone. dont call me. PERIODT!
You are such a genuine person and kind hearted. So caring for others. You yourself are hurt and still u console us by ur preachings . This really requires courage. Thank you so much. It feels a relief to hear you.
This made me break down... It's so true... I thought I was alone in this with my dad... he will never apologize for hurting me so badly like lowest of low... so have gone non contact... it's crazy tho so much good has happened since I did that
Yes my parents carried on like this to the point I had former neighbours who had never spoken to me before approach me in the grocery store to bemoan the the sad state of my family having been ruined by my behaviour .
The same goes for a narcistic ex spouse, they all do the smear campaign
Pretty much spot on. Is it common for them to go to therapy as well? My narcissist father went to a therapist after my brother and I went no contact, and she has been telling him everything he wants to hear. It’s scary how similar my dad is becoming to Tony Soprano. He recently got caught cheating on my mom, and she didn’t leave him. They just bought a massive vacation home, even though my brother and I left because we were not being paid for 50+ hours a week each of work. They also both got on ozempic, and have gone from morbidly obese, to sickly skinny. I feel like I don’t even know who my parents really are. They definitely were never people I looked up to, or even loved, but now they don’t even seem like the people I knew. They are strangers.
Narcs usually despise therapy and won't go.
Yes, all the time. She just expected me to forget immedidately how she treated me before with couple of mins, as if nothing would have happened, this was her conditioning for "shitty behaviour", to bend me to accept all her shit which came out of her mouth. And also what she did. But a big part of me felt betrayed, and my turning point came , when I became 18-19 years old. Then I never accepted her shit anymore, and told her the truth. Than the blaming began. Occasionally I went no contact for years, than she set up a smear campaign as a true narc, of which I give a shit, bec I know that all the "flying monkeys" in my family, who seem to be on her side but the same opportunistic as my mother is, when it'll be no longer in their interest to be on her side, they'll just betray her, as they did before with others and with me. Because a traitor is always a traitor, I'm not afraid, that they deserve each other, and at the first given moment when their interests going against each other, their illusional "alley" will crumble, and fall apart. What remains, is uncoditional love, which they sadly lack from their lifes, which they'll never experience in this life, so I just let them to play their games until they "kill each other" for some materialistic goods, or shting. Which will happen a 100 %.
Ohh...They play victim! And the world believed...
It doesn't matter!
The world is not short of Narcs 😅
Yup, that’s true.
This isn't always true. But, sometimes.
You must know my mother. Entirely too spot-on. 😢
They’re EVIL.
Actually my dad and my eldest sister both do that, and my other sister and her evil husband and also the eldest brother in law are extremely creative, must be psychopaths, they have been running successful smear campaigns against me,I honestly don't care anymore, because whoever willing to listen to them are either hypocrites or evil as them.! All what I need is peace !I strongly believe that truth will ultimately prevail !
Easy answer they are evil..... but sad how true this is
..
You are soo humble and sweet..
Great. They are like the gift that just keeps giving.
In tears
spot on my covert narc mom
Thank you I feel so woke up 🧐☺️thank you for the support and knowledge!
Describing my mother so precisely is scary
Yes exactly.....i was shattered totally
I’m conflicted because I went no contact and my parents are playing the victims. They cry and say that they are praying for me. I feel frustrated that they don’t seem to know why I cut them off. I screamed my feelings until I was blue in the face. They did mistreat me for years of my life and abused me. Am I going to be a sucker if I believe their apologies and remorseful messages? Are all narcissistic families going to talk crap about you?
Its a hard situation...going through withdrawal now
I'm tired, I thought it will end once I go no contact
No contact for several years and find your own happiness. Recover from that mental state.
This is me and my mother. When you tell her about herself, you're the liar and the crazy one.
I can tell you what my narc Mom did! She accused me of being a p0rn star my senior year of highschool (so random), accused me of having her take care of my kids (never happened), accused me of having an affair with her 3rd ex husband (definitely did no happen, I've been happily married for 18 years), accused me of being a satanist and sending my kids to hell (the go to Catholic school, so 🤷🏼♀️) and threatened to call the state counselor licensing board to report me (I'm an independent clinical counselor) for not dealing with my problems. The good thing is she unintentionally admitted she's a problem. I'll take it.
Mine probably won't even give a damn lol. She'll just be upset that she won't be getting rent money from me anymore. She'll be more upset that I'll be free of her BS. Not having my energy or joy stolen anymore. Oh yeah, and the money. My guess is they probably feel like they're losing "control" which will lead to shame eventually. It's crazy because I'm in the middle of building multiple businesses from home and I've never gotten support. As soon as I started on my entrepreneurial journey my mom has been acting like it's doom and gloom. She knows I'm getting my s*** together and leaving. She knows the time is coming.
My NF always tormented me. My cortisol levels go up each time we interact to the point that I always got sick after seeing him. At 43 decided to go no contact for my mental and physical health. His story? Simple, I’m crazy. That all he says. He never tells anybody how he hurt me and betray me to make me take that drastic decision.
I feel you on this and they are insane!
Addison's disease from abuse is a real & actual thing. Adrenal insufficiency from incessant adrenal hyper-arousal. These godless, reckless, feckless, soulless, sorry excuses for people literally make you sick, in the body & mind. It's THEM that be CRAZY, crazy if they think we're going to keep taking their crap!
Backbiting is against my religion of Islam. However, after no contact with my toxic covert narcissistic mother, she starts to spread rumors and lies about me and my wife (backbiting) that my wife is manipulating me to take me away. My mother basically spread lies to all of my family and friends about how rude we were to her (complete BS) and how she is the victim and we don't do what she says. Now family members are treating us completely differently. My wife seems to have the blunt of the attacks. My mother prays 5 times a day, goes to pilgrimage at least once a year.... Didn't Islam teach her anything? Didn't Islam teach her to not make children's life's hell?
There will always be godless people hiding behind & wielding the wrath of their god. I believe there is a judgement for everyone at the final destination. Small comfort.
I hope you are okay
My narc step-father tells the family I am a traitor to my country for letting muslim refugees live in my home. usmc vet.
Can you please do a video on no contact with adult narc son ?
The lies aren't blasphemy- that's not the meaning of that. The lies would be slander as it would lies to ruin the reputation of a person
I have successfully blocked my mom and gone no contact but she can still send letters. She still sends letters/parcels years after I went no contact. I wish she would stop. I don't know what to do😢
These parents should be in prison
So they just keep acting the same as always.
Yes keeping my family away is a blessing and immat peace with a normal
Since 2005 my father was sleeping with my ex - wife, 19 years. He has made my name into dirt. He stole all of my mobile numbers, my clothes, my ideas, then he went for the the “BIG - BANG he wanted to move my ex - wife into my mum’s house…He tried to get me arrested he even came onto me sexually. If I tell the “POLICE” we are ruined I had (3) COVID JABS I was suffering from brain fog he hit me from behind causing me to fall my ankle became sprained he was physically torturing me forcing me to to walk on my sprained ankle now I have two….
My mother 100%
Yes yes let them get busy with their stories and put all their good energy to gaining sympathy
And the good thing about it they are so busy with the making stories and gaining sympathies. They lost track of their own life instead if they put time in effort to make their own identity and learn to change their behaviour maybe in future, there are few chances that kids will come back
It's unethical to self-diagnose anyone. Every single human has narcissistic traits, but being diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder by an educated and trained professional is something else altogether.
My son is estranged from me, and my heart is broken. I love him with everything I am and I cry every single day. He refuses to talk about the issues he has with me, and even refuses family therapy. Just because I want contact with him doesn't mean I'm a narcissistic or a control freak.
You’re probably annoying, I can tell from this comment 😂
That's me!😮
Correct
Tell me, what do non narcissistic parents do when their adult child says I want no contact with you because you are a narcissist?
must be why I feel so estranged
True it was done to me
Yep that’s true I’m going through this right now
I doubt mine notices or cares. But I'm sure if others ask she plays the victim.
Yep!!
Actually, many children do this.
"Estranged parents" channel here on youtube is a textbook narcissist mother. She blames her daughter for the no contact
What is the difference between sezophrenia and narcissist
i cut all of em off. Even my sis. Couldnt handle it. Though ive not heard any rumors bout myself yet. I wouldnt be suprised if this two were cooking up smth
💯