5 Ways To Defeat a Narcissist without Fighting Them
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- Опубліковано 28 тра 2024
- Register for workshop on "Break the trauma bond with a Narcissist"
www.emotionalabuserecovery.co...
chapters
00:00 introduction
01:05 1.Become ice cold towards them
05:09 2.Remain decisive
07:10 3.Use their narcissistic traits against them
08:41 4.State facts always & do not chase winning
11:35 5.Know when to disengage
Register for workshop on "Break the trauma bond with a Narcissist"
www.emotionalabuserecovery.com/eventbtb
Danish make video now more on how to live with them in harmony if there is no way for you to leave them
@@marziyakI’m ol
Commercial! Oh you broke my heart! F*ck it up man!
😮
I have subscribed. But please use easy english words to speak.
How do you defeat a narcissist without fighting them?
1. Leave
2. Get as far away as possible
3. GO NO CONTACT
I know not everyone can leave, but those who can, should RUN!!
Letting them know that you're, surprise surprise, in charge of your own life, can think for yourself, imagine that, they're bewildered, how ever will you get by without their hypocritical shoulders to lean on?!
YOU CAN DISCREETLY PLAN TO LEAVE, WITH AN EXTREMELY TRUSTED FRIEND OF YOUR OWN ( NOT A FRIEND OF THE NARCS TOO)
the thing the narc I am dealing with has repeated in each interaction where she blows up and freaks is that, "you have all these weird different ideas!" which is because I do NOT think like HER and I even said at the beginning, "well, sorry if you are so upset that I do not believe exactly like you do, but I do have my own mind". she HATES that I do not just worship her weirdness. name calling too.....all the while she screeches and raises her voice in high pitched outrage. I do not fight, all I do is say in a calm voice,
"I don't mind if you think your way" and I leave the room. I don't argue because it will go circular, there is no commonsense only emotional irrationality due to her fear of losing control. that's all she wants is control over me and my life. not happening. @@joseenoel8093
and hopefully that friend does NOT KNOW the narc......be careful and safe........that's what I am planning to do, all in secret and leave no trail whatsoever........@@Raven4508
@@Raven4508 AMEN!!!!
Be aware that the covert narc will assume the position of victim. Don't fall for it. I'm in the habit of saying, "You're not a victim", and walking away.
"Too bad for self pity!"
"Let me know when you stop feeling sorry for yourself."
"I am not responsible for your self pity."
"It all goes away when you solve problems rather than wallow in them."
"Turn your stumbling blocks into stepping stones."
"Better to build a bridge than burn it."
"Let me know when you recover."
"You're right!"
"I know."
"You should know."
Why?
"It's about you." "You and me" or "me" ______ fill in the blank
"No "
"Can't right now."
"Got to go now!" Bye.
The best is to ignore them
@@olgasampis9745actually true
Yes, you are right. I knew standard narc as i have one in my family. And surprise: i meet a covert narc, which I noticed something is not right, but he was too weak, mood changes, and not paranoid at all. Just he had the blaming others thing and irresponsible in decisions and budget. So after 3yrs i was convinced he is ADHD mixed with a bit of Borderline. But then i discover Borderline is opposite in spectrum comparing with narc. And thats why is common that a narc may have temporary a little borderline traits just on short term , it fluctuates in between the two having main one narc. Same is with Borderline, they can get short term narc traits but it matters which one is dominant. I was a bit amazed and confused as this was completely different of what i knew from my family case. So I become currious and research. To find out he is covert narcissist. And has a bit of ADHD as he cant focus long time to a task or even to read or write long , even he knows how to do it and he is also not a stupid person at all. But he rely on other people to do this for him. Very manipulative, but this is just because he cant do himself. Due to health issue. He knows he is empty inside , and he also fluctuate to negative emotions. I dont think he has high emotions too often. Maybe he is kind for a transactional purpose. To get what he wants.
@@anouk1311 get rid of him
There’s one thing I’ve learned about narcissist over the years is that they’re overgrown children basically children in adult bodies real talk
“ children “ in an old, crappy , disgusting, ugly bodies🤮
Exactly. You treat them like the 3 year old toddler they really are.
Except when they're your boss or parent and have control over your job, finances, or other aspects you need to live your life and they take their toddler tantrums out on you....
@@RM-qq5rj Teach yourself how to lower that invisible brick wall between you and the narc. Always remember every accusation is a confession. Never take anything they say personally, they are always talking about themselves. When they start raging give them the 1000 yard stare, stand upright with your shoulders back and do not cower in front of them. Give them short, factual answers, nothing more. Despite their bluff and bluster and tantrums, they do not know what they are doing, and they do not know what they are talking about. They are utterly incompetent without the vaguest hint of wisdom, and are absolutely terrified anyone will find out. The very fact that you know they are a narc has given you the advantage, you can learn how to use it to your benefit.
@@rde4017 thanks
1) Indifference
2) Strong boundaries
3) No-contact
4) Knowing when to butt in - calling them out.
5) Knowing when to back off - speak the truth and move on (physically and emotionally).
And no fawning. They’re pieces of shit.
One liners.
@@caroleminke6116 Most narcs target people who are worth celebrating. So celebrate and treasure yourself, especially now that you are free of their clutches.
@@simonpegg1196Spot on!
@@maryglo1 Sometimes you have to repeat the one liner several times in a neutral tone, no emotion, before they "get" your point... not that they will accept it, but they'll know they can't continue to discuss that topic further at that time.
JUST GO NO CONTACT....THAT IS ALL YOU NEED TO KNOW......THEY DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU.
This is a very good thing to do if you can. Many of us are co-parenting children with a narcissist, so going no contact isn't possible. However, anytime he tries to argue or shift the conversation to something that isn't about the kids, I shut it down. I tell him that his opinion has been noted but I disagree, and I leave it at that.
@@user-lq1oj4un9k Take your children and run, he will destroy your children when they get older.
I've been lucky to go no contact. But then she got a new phone number and I answered it. Never answer if you don't know who it is!LOL
Parents??
Come on... not all people are able to just leave, whether that be in the moment or forever. He is giving advice for everyone in all situations.
Defeating the Narc seems a lot like Thermal Nuclear War, “The only winning move is not to play”
I brought this up when she was raging after trying to negotiate some non-negotiables around our break up. I've got the LOTR "you have no power here" clip queued up for next time she tries. 😂
Thank you.
💯💯💯💯💯
He/she launches the bomb and it explodes in your territory.. i’m not sure how this qualifies as an appropriate analogy.
Danish. You have been a saviour for plenty of those people who had no idea what they were going through or what led them to their diminished state of mind and body after a narc abuse for years.
We thank you. Keep on coming with the great work..👍
Amen. Well said ❤
You say it exactly right, for years i had no idea what i was going through. 😊
A diminished state of mind! This is how I feel. I keep wondering if I need to get checked for a brain tumor
@@randr5910 hey. We understand you. But you gotta take the power of life back to yourself again.
We all went or are still in the same phase as you. You are not alone. As we are mostly empaths and we feel for each other.
You gotta rise up again. You deserve a better life. A new and an improved one.
A life full of happiness, peace and prosperity.
A life where you can be the best YOU. 🧡🙏
From 6 years now in learning...No contact and No explaining yourself. Never answer their questions and move on!
PS...Never go back!
Stop running.
Yes, Never go back. They can't change
I really need strength on the never go back part....it's draining staying with one
Overall life is hell with narc
They are sent from Hell to torment decent people
That's a fact, my daughters boyfriend and father of her 2 little boys, I can't stand him, he's a narcissist in a bad way, he treats my daughter, my grandsons and me like we are trash, I'm so sick of being called bad names, I'm tired of his cheating on my daughter and I'm very sick of how he treats my grandsons, he mentally, emotionally and physically abuses all of us, where do I go for help to end this all and take my daughter, my grandsons and myself out of this awful and controlling situation, I'm so scared of him I'm afraid he's going to hurt me, my daughter and my grandsons. He has loaded guns in the house, he drinks a lot of whiskey and smokes major amounts of marijuana, it's terrifying!
@@tammywork1878police, of course, then social service and prosecutor
There is shedule of abuse behaviour. They are all same. All domestic violance offices know to recognize abuser.
Document all. Take pictures. Save all messages, texts etc.
Anything that can help. Videos.
I did it without any proof. They took my all story as truth. Bcs it was disgusting what monster did to me and authentic.
@@tammywork1878I'm sure they'll yell on you why didn't you come sooner to prevent all of this.
@tammywork1878 Everything you said is very serious. The authorities need to know. Take pics of everything if you can guns, physically brusing etc... Document everything! DO NOT LET HIM KNOW! All of you need to get away from that monster he sounds unpredictable! But plan it out about leaving. You may have to do it without him knowing and where you will be going. Find out the laws of your state about voice recordings, too. Your well-being and your families come first!
Explaining yourself leads you into their trap of mental conditioning. Then your words are never enough and lose all value. Is a terrible side affect.
This is painful. The more you explain yourself. The more you are trapped
They lead you down one rabbit hole after another never stating on one subject until it is fixed.
My go-to responses: "I am not going to get caught up in a circular argument with you," , "You are entitled to your opinion, but I am not entitled to your opinion." and "You have every right to speak your mind, but I don't have to hear it." Then, I walk away-smiling to myself.😊
Very,very good. 👍
I do the same. Exactly the same.
Good topics for day. I have learnt a lot. Danish be blessed. I now have a weapon on how to handle my husband who is blaming for all his failures and alienating me from my children and his people
How does it make you better, If you walk away smiling. Because walking away is narcissistic trait and walking away smiling seems like vengeance which slso is narcissistic trait.
@@daumantsbrunins
Apparently, you don’t know or haven’t experienced narcissistic abuse. I walk away smiling to myself because I’m proud that I didn’t take the bait to argue with a narcissist, in which I would be demeaned, shamed and belittled. Not falling into a narc trap IS SOMETHING TO BE PROUD OF AND SMILE ABOUT.
They hate the truth
Danish, you're exactly right. I actually did it without knowing the right tools to do it. He knows now that he can't defeat me. Every move he makes, I dose him with the right words. He knows now that he can't manipulate me. I can predict when he's in the mood to pick on me. His face turns black, and his eyes look like an owl. I asked him what's wrong with you? You look like an owl ready to prey. He was stunned and replied back, "What are you talking about? I told him to go to the mirror and check for yourself. His demeanor changed. Whatever he's thinking was aborted. I became a shrink. 😂
We, as empaths and/or recipients of emotional abuse, can train ourselves to become "vibe readers," if not "mind readers." Once we recognize their behavior patterns, we can "play chess" and anticipate their next two or three moves and plan our own moves accordingly.
From watching videos by Danish, Doctor Ramani, and others, I've learned how to better control my own responses to be less reactive. "Gray Rocks" are not as fun to play with. The abuser loses their control over you, and they become fearful. If they're smart, they're the rare few who'll recognize the error of their ways and work on healing the trauma that led them down the path that would lead to their own self-destruction. I hope that there are some who can still seek genuine redemption.
😂😂😂
@teresitaekim2565
I love that I have to try it.”you look like an owl ready to prey”😂😂😂
You are so right the person I am dealing with gets ansi his eyes change like he is looking for something to attack.😂😂
Good one😊
Sounds possessed
They are terrible. I have a narc sister. Damaged doesn’t begin to describe her crazy. I went no contact. Best thing I’ve ever done.
Same here.
Same here but it was my father.
Same here as well.
Same here. Two narc sisters and a narc mother. Best thing for my peace. I Iook and feel years younger they were sucking me dry
@@happyclappy1805Really tough.May god protect you and bless you
Excellent advice. I did these things ice cold without emotion. No argueing, no retaliation or name calling, if you get upset...be upset with yourself for allowing the narc to get under your skin
Ok thanks! 😊
It’s true I did the same ! The only way is ice cold n no contact
I was married into a relationship for almost 12 years before I even knew what a narcissist was. I can say that I recommend if anyone is on that type of relationship they should get out. Get away from them as far as you can, fast as you can and leave whatever you have to behind. Never look back and protect your children at any cost. They will most likely be used as a target for payback otherwise. It is a dangerous game and the narcissist enjoys it far most than you will. There is a lot of damage left to clean up after the break for all involved. It is better to break sooner than later. Know matter how broken they seem or how many promises aka lies look away and never believe them. It's sad especially when you love the person but they do/can not love in return. They hate anything that reminds them of you and if they can not turn a person against you, they will hate them also. Even if it's their own child. It's a sick and miserable life and the damage is very hard to overcome.
Currently going through
@loujackson your right.. esp the part with own child, but i never or can walk awag now i dont have route to take nd no 1 be side me... only can ask for prayers fir my kids nd I to who may read... thanks
Hi Zoya....@@Zoya288z..my best and positive wishes for you and Kids.. love...
Go on listening to Danish, he 'll give you strength
As he said, no arguing, no crying, no explaination, ice cold but no anger, no shouting..
They feed with every emotions ,they love fear that gives them more power
Imagine coming home after a long day’s work everyday and turning into an investigative journalist just to get evidence instead of getting massaged, eating and sleeping
You may never bet on the getter!
No kidding, they're their own worst enemies, it's really like they're attacking you b4 you can catch your breath, how can you say your day was fun when it wasn't, they should entertain themselves as to be more pleasant to be around!
Yeh how was your day hun? More like what did you do? Where did you go who did you talk to. Oh what's the smell in the house ect ect.
Yes, it is hell. It isn't a true marriage. Just a hostage situation and the narc is the kidnapper.
Man bruh. I love this comment.
Sir, i bow to you🙏. Being tossed around mentally in every possible way by the narc , having to deal with him for 20yrs, now i understand all the trauma i went thru, the questions i repeatedly asked myself, seeing the same pattern and not understanding what was going on, i was just soul , body and mind exhausted and gave up. Now through your videos i have peace of mind, clarity and answers. I now know how to handle myself so that i can still be there for the sake of my kids in this relationship but being more STRONG.I believe God made me find your videos.
Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Digitalinvestigate@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
There is nothing one can do if the other partner doesn't want it.
There are only 2 choices stay without sex imagining you are too old for it or leave, but leave rather early than after cheating adds insult to injury.
We could be sisters...
Have you ever asked for medical help? Once I saw a documentary about some men having low testosterone so that they needed constant supplementation. And they were quite young men to be low in testosterone.
how strange. You wrote this exact post, word for word, several months ago. That's not normal
It's all about control
So basically a narcissist is a demon
😂
Yes. Absolutely
That’s why there is no reasoning
Satan's spawn bro
Absolutely, the devil!
Go DEEP with a narcissist. Don't Defend, Explain, Engage or Personalize.
How to go deep ?
Just simply living becomes very complex with a narcissist
You are so right my dear …… it can destroy you. Your inner strength gets depleted.
Always remember every narc works from an identical unwritten script. Learn what that script is and you can stop them from using it. Then you've got them.
Very true, financial abuse, domestic abuse, they all do the same thing but put their own twist on it. They are also the hero or the victim in any scenario.
💯💯💯💯💯
Yes this is so true my friend wow I have been with a narcissist for over two years and it’s been a nightmare. Wow I didn’t know it’s a confession when for example my boyfriend says was someone here or did I cheat on him 😮😵 holy shit maybe that means he is!
@@brittneybrommels8497 Every narc accusation is a confession.
I was very little as a kid when i started doing this, without no one told me. It is so sad to imagine a little me trying everyday to deal with my mom and her changes of behavior. I was so exhausted, so much...i am so glad i could move out because the pain and the feeling of emptiness was killing me, she was killing me. Having both narcissistic parents is very hard, at least my dad was away getting drank and not abusing me too.
That's true.They will make feel like you are insane.
I pat my back for dealing with a narcissistic husband for 30 years......couldn't separate for kids and source of livelihood....I pray to the higher power .. God my savior.
..he's powerful professionally and socially and threatens me regularly.
I have been in an extreme difficult situation for the last 2 years with a narcissist and I am realizing that becasue of my childhood trauma, I did not know when to back off after telling or exposing them. He got angrier and made a lot of lies about me and I kept responding to defent myslef and it literally took my health and my sanity. I learned however that my reactions were unhealthy and I had to know when to back off. I am not blaming myself but I know that as a survivor of complex ptsd, I have developped coping mechanism which are not healthy and I have to work on how i handle triggers or narcissists.
Just know that you are brave and courageous for sharing your story and being so open about the struggles you faced and have had self reflections of your own.
Going on 10 years for me with my daughters dad but I’ve only started the work of realizing it’s NPD these past couple years.. and then realizing it was also in my mother.. a devastating realization when the pieces come together. But I know we will all get through this and thanks to this channel it will continue to educate those like us who are survivors ❤️
Same. Youre not alone.
I read your post and I'm practicing coping skills also. I was suffering from PTSD and health issues from my covert narc also. Anxiety with chest pains and depression. The only thing I could do was leave to save myself. The gas lighting, blame shifting and guilt trips were common and destroyed my sense of self. I became unhinged trying to understand how someone I loved would treat me that way. It hurt me deeply but I fought a good fight. I'm trying to heal from that toxic experience. I miss her everyday and wonder what I could of done differently?? Idk? Maybe be nicer?
After the narcissist I was with beat me, I left him as soon as he was busy away from the house. We lived in an area he was unfamiliar with. I answered one phone call from him one month later. He started out saying we could be friends then it went to, everything would have been fine if you hadn't made me beat you up, I told him wrong and hung up. Praise God I'm free.
Shouldn't you walk away if someone is screaming at you. Its damaging to absorb abuse.
Can’t escape if in a car
@patlewkowicz6339 never argue with the driver of a vehichle. They can kill you both with driving crazy out of anger.😊
@patlewkowicz6339 Get out of the car at red light quickly. Have a taxi app on your cell.
Walking away doesn't work when they follow and keep at it to get a reaction from you. Silence is the best way to deal with them if you chose to stay with them!
Depends On your definition of winning, because simply getting away from them without being harmed is a win!
If you are constantly negative, people forget about you. Negative thinking is zero-sum-game thinking. Zero-sum games are they win/you lose games. Compromise is a useful art. Like Danish says, "Everything is a transaction with these people." - I dislike saying it - they are losers. And if you must be subordinate to them, what does it make you? Very much in a bad situation and only you can get yourself out if it. I like to call it the "super ball effect" when you escape. It really does outweigh any perceived negatives you nay have anout "abandoning" "Helpless".
It is not that you simply leave in the normal sense. No, you escape and get gone. Do not disclose your location. It is a dangerous time! Be careful. Have copies of keys and important documents in an overnight bag stashed somewhere.
Going to court with a narcissist?? LISTEN TO THIS!! You provide such clear instruction on how to handle a narcissist in the court system. I have been doing this for 15 years and only in the last 5 did I get smart about it. My daughter’s father is a vulnerable narcissist. Your insistence on objectivity and pointing out behaviors and examples of them is SO much stronger and smarter than calling them a narcissist in front of those at the court. Don’t tell, show. Power stuff!
I was an outsider in my last relationship with my ex narc. Her ex was a narc also. Seeing the insanity between them was hell knowing I could do nothing but observe. It was like watching 2 adult children battle it out verbally when they used their son as leverage in the argument. It was embarrassing and immoral to do such a thing. He is 8 now, and I think of the emotional abuse he has to deal with everyday in a coparenting environment. Both parents aren't fit to raise a child. I wish children services put him in a foster home. The level of insanity I saw from both of them was toxic. She still sleeps in a bed with him and he is 8 years old. In less then 10 years she will have a incestuous relationship with her own son at this rate. Its sick.That child will be on drugs by 13-15 years old because his mind can't process his childhood. We broke up recently and she moved onto her new supply. Not sure why I care but I still do.
I did that with my counselor. He stopped me. Asked me to give examples. He then told me that I was married to a psychopath. Yes I knew that. That was why I carefully planned my escape.
I had never heard the word psychopathic narcissist before til my sister in-law said it so I looked it up and everything they said was on the dot my husband. And so after a beating from I pretended to agree with him that it was all my fault, realizing he was extremely dangerous. First open door to leave I took it. He wasn't familiar with our area so he couldn't track me down and zero contact got me free.
I am still alive because of YOU. Just want to thank you for taking care of us, through your video's ❤
Danish bhai u r a gem .far better thn professional therapists.U should have obtained a phd on the subject.UR presentation skills and emphasiaing on words to ponder over is remarakable .May God alimghty and his countless blessings be with u always.
PhD like Jill Biden? It's overrated. It means: pile higher and deeper!!! Phd.
I agree!
@@jackiepowell7513 Not like Jilly the Jilter!
If only there had been youtube when I was married. It would have saved me so much time, effort and sadness. I spent decades wondering what was wrong with me. I couldn't be right no matter how I tried. I could never be good enough no matter how I tried. I honestly was emotionally and mentally dead for so many years. At least now I can understand what, or who, I was dealing with. At least I know now that none of it was my fault. I don't think I will ever completely heal or be able to forgive what he did to me. Thank you for these videos. They are so helpful for understanding wtf was happening in my life.
Normal folks think, well when she/he comes to their senses they will see they are wrong and apologize. That will never happen with a narcissist.
Don’t engage at all! Do not react! It works! Do not take offense and do not defend yourself! Thats right!! 🙏🙏🙏🙏
They will warp anything you say! Ice cold is right, as hard as it is.
You can win without fighting.
Sun Tzu's the Art of War
Just be ice cold silent and put hight boundaries with them. That's what I do and it's extremely helpful, a life saver.
Going no contact is very hard when you have kids together. It feels like constant HELL!
Document stuff and get protection order so he can't see the kids if he is doing psych damage to them or using exchanges to abuse you. Sorry 4 what your going through, me too, but i now have an order he cant see the kids for a year.
Thank you so much Danish 🌹🙏 God bless you always
I have let the narc I am dealing with know that I DO KNOW that she is a thief but I do not confront nor say this outright nor directly............I do not say it outright because she will scream and go crazy...so.....what I have done is.......I act innocent while asking questions, in one particular recent instance because I know how she has stolen a car and several thousand $$$ from our dead roommate instead of giving it to his son or wife (he was separated but not divorced) I merely asked ("innocently"), "Oh so is his son coming to get the car?" (*bats eyes innocently) and she went total silent........stuttering and stammering a response of, "oh, uh, well, it's ah, he can't just come here, he lives too far away"....(she was in total shock I would even know to ask that, like I was stupid) and so I merely (*again, innocently), asked, in a sweet voice, "but all he has to do is take a bus and then drive the car back, right?" and again, she (obviously freaked out that I would know the son would inherit all the dead roommate left here) and she stammered, and acted like that would be "impossible for him to do that" so I countered with, "oh, so you could then SELL the car and send him the cash, right?" and she was totally shocked/silent and so freaked out I would act like I KNOW it's the son's rightful inheritance (since his dad died) and she was keeping the car (and his cash savings) all for herself.
how I found out about the $$$$$ in CASH is she slipped and told me the dead roommate had been saving ALL his money to move to Hawaii and (it probably totaled 40-60 THOUSAND in cash at least) and he had been stashing it into an envelope when he died....he had no bank account.....AND she forged his last 4 paychecks when he was laying comatose in the hospital *because as he was dying, she blurted out to me in frustration, "I can't get him to sign his last 4 paychecks!" and because he never became conscious again, I KNOW SHE FORGED HIS SIGNATURE and put them into her own account as he never had a bank account.
she is so stupid but I DO know. I think this is why she doesn't push me too far although she does constantly do the SILENT TREATMENT like I do not exist to freeze me out (I am renting in her house) and so pretends I do not exist. this is to make me feel BAD. this is her favorite ploy but since I DO KNOW this is all she does to make me
capitulate and to fawn and to be nice to her, I merely ignore it and I always THINK AHEAD OF HER.
I also do periodically plant pieces of paper in the trash as she digs thru it to find out anything she can about me and to know what I am doing (I know, pathetic but I know for sure that she does this) so I PLANT stuff so she can find it - like she now has "secret info" on me.
But I do this to keep her off my back and calmed down like "she secretly knows about me" all the while I am working on myself to GET OUT AS SOON AS I CAN.........I am praying and watching these videos to stay sane and also I do believe narcs are controlled by the dark side so I call on God to protect me and to guide me on healing so I can get out of this nightmare. sorry this comment is so long, hope this share helps someone, I got to vent, no one I know understands or cares about narcissism so this is my "go to" to stay sane, so thank you, Danish......God wins in the end, so I just need to heal and do my part...
Wow! She is a out-right criminal! She needs to be reported. What ever state you live in find out about voice recordings and your rights. This is really serious stuff that POS needs to go to prison. Forgery can be traced back. A serious investigation needs to happen. That man's family has the right to know. Report that evil wicked thing to the authorities! She is dangerous! ...And get yourself out and away as soon as possible!
Keep praying. God will keep and preserve you through it all. While you plan to leave. And also use the tips Dannish is giving you. Stay safe and keep moving forward. Don't forget to gray rock the narc too.
Leave your devices behind! She's put spyware on them that will give away your location!
Two questions on my mind, could she have anything to do with his death? And do you realize she could rope you in as an accomplice if she gets caught?
Leave your devices behind or get them checked by a professional for stalkerware when you leave! She's definitely the type to be in your devices to see what you're doing! . You need to prioritize your safety. Seriously. You have knowledge of her criminal behavior and ppl have been killed for less. Reassure her that you won't say anything! For your own safety. Praying you get out safely. And turn off Find My Device and location sharing. This person may be a psychopath. I cannot caution you enough! Be careful, and keep her happy Please 🥺
So true Sir.
These egoistic psychopaths are utterly immoral, uncompassionate embodiment of Evil. Those are slimiest creatures, who use their logic only to hurt and get away with it. In fighting them, we are entitled to rip apart their weaknesses and make them face their own abyss. For their fear the truth, they fear their own monstrosity coming for them.
Greatly worded, I was told to be fearful of the narc. I decided my own tactics after the abuse I delt with,was so hidden emotionally,when I called him out,he came back with making me believe he was different and I fell for it,and figured I was wrong about him.
No,He came back to show me that he could,and leave me again in confusion, cried all month .
I again get ,can we be friends from him,really! Like I enjoy this friendship. No it's torture, because I will remain in his sick cycle
@@CynderRose-jv5ri Thank You for the comment.
I am saving this video to watch again! My last phone call ended with being told everything I say he did and said never happened. Thats when I said he was right. He asked what I meant. I simply repeated what he had said. This isn’t going to work. Hung up. No contact is my peace. I’ve documented, saved texts, voice mails and the bills he denies he ran up. I walked away returning to my safe space and took care of me. Mr. Bashir wish I’d had your help 5 months ago. I’m one day at a time farther into my life again. 🙏🏼
That’s interesting, Danish, to take what they are saying as a confession of their wrong doings. Thanks for making your videos.
Thank you, Danish. Thank you for what you do. Thank you
You made me laugh when you used "the wet noodle" analogy. Very good 👍😊❤️
It ain’t easy, they’re masters of their own dissonance in those situations but you can own your own opinion and response.
Thanks for these videos, Danish!
They're giving you a confession: So true. In an organization, I had to work with this narcissistic woman. She ended up sending me an email, cc to a supervisor who she already manipulated. The letter clearly showed a bunch of narcissistic turds; The idealized self image, the rationalization she used to have no accountability whatsoever, gaslighting lies, and a bunch of accusations that looked like clichés which she did not substantiate, but I could substantiate how she did all those things herself! Supervisor wouldn't hear me but did want to keep me for the organization, which he described as a "kind of family", and came up with a "function elsewhere".
Having boundaries can also mean having boundaries for myself and not crossing them. I won't do anything in an organization where I can't trust that I'll be heard when there's a problem. I'll accept no leadership whatsoever from a supervisor who gives his personal interests a higher priority than the responsibilities of his position. Let 'em eat their own stinkin' shit, it's their loss.
You are absolutely right danish when i became neutral, giving no reactions, giving no emotions my husband got angry and started teasing me so that i could start a fight but i didn't give him a chance to be satisfied in this way ☺ how people can be so cruel? 😕
Right! I had the narc say one time, " We're always competing." No, they are always trying to get one-up no matter what it is. I just stopped playing those stupid games of miniputlation and intimidation. So they are going crazy trying to find the smallest, most mundane things to blow them up into big issues. It is insane to see it in action, so you have to laugh at this, like they are little children playing bully games. That's how I see them. And I say KISS-OFF!
Sounds so similar to how you train a dog - praise & reward the good behavior (which is hard b/c it's SO RARE!)
Truth skillfully explained
Very insightful ❤. Sigh I wish I had your advice 10 years ago. I’m losing in court- judges DONT care & NO ONE enforces any of their own Orders. It’s a joke
This is fantastic thank you. Just a fun fact… pigs in fact do not enjoy being wrestled, and do not enjoy getting dirty. Narcissists do. Pigs are very under rated and significantly smarter than narcissists :)
Thank you, thank you like always, dear Darnish,
Video is amazing and amazing, but actually all your videos are amazing.
GOD BLESS YOU bunches and bunches always.
From JANESVILLE, WISCONSIN USA
i Love the way you SAID PIGS for the NPD
Excellent! Thank you for sharing this!
Thank you, Danish, for your suggestions on organizing evidence about each type of destructive, manipulative and deceptive behavior.
Seems useful, protective and grounding.
Wow that was HARD to listen to! Some good insights and a great reminder of what you left and why you should NEVER be seduced back! 🤦🏾♀️
Unfortunately, I keep blaming myself. I know I contributed emotional pain to her but I can't take the blame shift, gas lighting, contradictions, hypocrisy and guilt tripping. I was losing my mind. It was frustrating. I carry extreme guilt for my reactive abuse and just want things to go back to when we first met. So, much easier back then.
This one is outstanding +++ and most useful. I am going to save this one. Plan on taking notes and using it to help me in court opposing my narc sister. Also plan to use these strategies to deal with the covert narc I am working with. Thank you.
Appreciated 👍...these tricks are helpful
I had a very good friend - who seemed normal but after a few months I started getting some strange signals. He asks me for films or lunch but hardly talks and constantly keeps busy on the phone. I feel very humiliated. Even when there are common friends he ignores me completely and talks, jokes with them - I start to feel insecure. While all my friends value my presence for him I'm just another option.
After talking every way I could not make him understand my pov and ultimately I stopped all communication with him and am in peace 😊
That was very clear and helpful. Organizing what he does helps me get out of confusion because he keeps me in the state of hypervigilence exactly as you say. I can’t think and revert to yelling at him I am so frustrated. Even with the facts, it’s impossible to get him to acknowledge his behavior. He’s been so awful to me that just seeing me triggers his reaction, I think to self loathing. I don’t think he even knows why he does what he does but not willing to look at any of it.
Thank you,❤
I lived with a narcissistic wife for 35 years and she did and tried everything that you have said in your video. Everything. I learned years ago what a narcissistic person was and her whole family is narcissistic. It's really genetic. Her father and mother and all 4 siblings are narcissistic. Family get together were a nightmare. I never told her or anyone in her family that I, my father and sister have an idolic memory. We all three have photographic memory's. I remember every conversation that I've ever had with her and her family. My son is the same as me and I told him to 'NEVER' tell anyone in his mother's family. Just concentrate on remembering everything and every conversation that you have with them. I not only remember everything I've read but everything I hear and see also. Dad and sisters memory were only in the reading part. I did as my father suggested, I've never told anyone, except you. I have used my perfect recollection in discussions with her relatives, mainly to stump their narcissistic problems. I've read the Bible in English, Latin, ancient Greek and in the Agnostic form. I used that in a 'Discussion' once to shut down their narcissism about a biblical discussions that they drug me into. That's as far as I went. I was never involved in another 'biblical discussion' again. I wonder why. Still I never even let them know about my ability. Being that my father was a Nuclear physist, sis was a genetic researcher who, and I have 4 degrees in Computer research and biometric design. I told no one, ever, except my parents, all deceased. My life with a whole family of narcissistic family on my wife's side was a nightmare. At this point, 10 years after our divorce, she still bad-mouths my family without knowing the truth about them. No one in my family was or is a narcissist. None. I really didn't know what a narcissistic person was. Dad did. He got down on his knees and begged me not to marry her after he met her parents. I should have listened.
After being accused of all sorts of narc traits by mu narc Boss I told her she’s projecting one me. Boy did she shut up fast!
Yes, relaxed vigilance!!
Once I stopped arguing back the next thing was it being hard not to try to justify or explain myself. I have to deal with a narcissist elderly mother. What I am trying to do to improve things is 1. lower contact even more. Keep it brief. 2. Do not as far as possible speak about myself. Let them chatter in, encourage their boring monologues. 3. Keep aware when interacting. Relaxed vigilance as Danish says.
I’m in a similar situation with my old narc. mother and try to do the things you mention. Especially the thing about not telling her anything about myself works really well 👍🏼 Then she has less to criticize and slander about. I still have a lot to work on regarding keeping away from her, bc I feel somewhat sorry for her, since we lost my dad a year ago. But it’s so much calmer in my life when I do avoid her. You seem to be doing quite good 👏🏼☺️
They don't want you to get attention from other people.... 😂😂
Everything is about them
My narc has a problem if I talk to my mom more than twice a week. He also has a problem if i talk to his mom and seem happy while doing it. And he absolutely hates to talk, though he'll evade admitting it. Loneliness alone is enough to drive you crazy
Am telling you
They hate when you are happy with friends or family members. Or if your family is just loving on you. They will try to bring you low…so very sad 😢
@@gb3776 this is true they are even jealous when you get attention from your own family, especially if this is grown up children from a previous marriage
Dear Danish,
My father is a narcissist and I'm currently having to deal with a messy family business rift.
Your videos and words are extremely helpful.
Thank you for all you are sharing.
I loved this episode! Hearing examples of how I should respond to a narc is SO helpful. I have repeated these responses over and over and over until they come easily. I practice being emotionless and I am working on being transactional-- I don't give anything away for nothing. Thank-you, Danish!
Also, I appreciated knowing why I get drowsy after taking caffeine. That episode finally solved that mystery!
Thanks for your advises and well-explained techniques on how to deal with narcissists. This video would help us, victims of narcissistic abuse on our healing journey. ❤
I did this. I worked my way out from home for my college abroad and then never looked back.
Thanks for your content I am struggling trying to figure my life out and can't seem to do so. Appreciate your efforts truly.
My husband have all this treats as narcissist I run from him now I have my peace of mind 😊😊
Very true what Danish says. Keep aware and conscious. Relaxed vigilance sounds perfect. Listen to your body. Helps stops flight and freeze.
Thank you So MUCH , for these insights; I JUST BROKE a friendship with a narcissist, and this gives me yet more strength to break free FOREVER!!!!
May God bless you deeply Sir!❤😊
Hey Danish.. Your New Look Looks Good. Suits you 😊
Thanks D.
Really love your practical and realistic suggestions for navigating these people. Thank you so much.
Thnq soo much Danish 😊… u are such a wonderful coach …… Got a lot of information from u and loads of love ❤
I thought I would be getting tips but it turns out I'm just thanking myself for how much I'm doing everything correctly and much better than when I was in the pit of despair
Thanks Danish- another valuable informative video about how to make conscious choices when dealing with NPD people especially those we cannot get away from by going far away or going no contact.
Regular Humans can work with people with mental issues. Only God can work with narcissists who have very demonic SOUL issues.
May god be with us all and salvage the narcissistic souls so world can be a better place
Your talk is an eye opener,25 years with a n spouse has been a sheer trauma...now that I am slowly dissociating I am scared deep inside. I have feed my children and they are studying abroad. I am scared now.
Yes, very insightful. I admit to having sometimes lost it by responding when my narc daughter wants & uses brutality as savage ammunition against me.
I practise not losing it, but there has been a two times I've regretted that I lost it. She videotapes me losing it to show to other people.
Ohh, it takes practise & it's super hard. I need to learn how to not be triggered by her brutal accusations. It's my triggers that I have trouble with.
I had to even take out a legal violence intervention order against her & I expected her retaliation to come in the worst way. Yes, it came, even to the point of banning me by showing our family that I was unstable & would ruin my mother's funeral. She had me banned from my own mother's funeral only 3 weeks ago! So cruel.
That was a trigger I found the most difficult to handle. I would love it if you could do some videos on how to not be triggered when under brutal threats.
Thank you for your work with us Danish.
x
Linda.
Yesssss I’m like this in court with the judge & my Ex.
Give a smile to him whenever you see him and talk a little, and most importantly you are always cautious to disappear in front of him..when he became angry, IGNORE HIM.
Those people never know the meanings of shame, embarrassment and weirdness. They often make a spectacle of themselves . They are really weird in speech , giving you unsolicited advice even though you just know them in a couple of meetings.
Thanks. God Bless You🙏🏻
Thank's. Again very valuable
Information's in this Episode.
Wow!! Thankyou!!❤
You explained so clearly, love it
Thank you 👏🏾
Thank you, brother!
Thank you .
Great video
Thank you, Danish! You are a blessing and a calm and authentic anchor for anyone lost in the rough seas of narc abuse. Your insights go so many levels deeper to highlight the fundamental truths of the narc-codependent dynamics. I can't imagine what you've had to go through to reach such depth of understanding but at least you are able to use it now for the good of humanity! I thought divorcing the narc would free me but he is still causing me uttee chaos through upsetting my daughter. I'm in the midst of a court childcare arrangements battle with him so your advice here is just what I need. He brought an entire court application of nasty and baseless lies against me which are quite easy to disprove if the court will listen. My solicitor challenged the narcissist label which upset me as I felt he wasn't fully on my side but you've explained why so well. I'm going to document the abusive traits now with text message history to friends and family of the abuse. Thanks again!
Thank you , that was so deep