5 Weird Eating Habits of a Narcissist
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- Опубліковано 4 чер 2024
- Book Your Seat: Workshop on Heal After Surviving a Narcissistic Parent
www.emotionalabuserecovery.co...
chapters
00:00 introduction
01:03 Important Disclaimer
01:50 1.They behave Animalistically when eating
04:37 2.Some narcissists experience delurgasm
07:04 3.Some Narcissists eat meticulously as if seeking perfection
08:57 4.They control you using food !
11:34 5.Force eating in a group like you're a part of cult
13:35 Workshop Announcement !
Book Your Seat: Workshop on Heal After Surviving a Narcissistic Parent www.emotionalabuserecovery.com/pna
@narcabusecoach Unable to do payment from India address, kindly let know of the procedure to enroll the session
off topic/old topic...but i've caught myself repeatedly doing the trex thing with my hands when going to sleep, which is extra bad b/c i already have bad wrists from 30 years of severe ra, caused by a narc who is still harming me, despite 6 years no contact
What's with the roaming band of trolls hitting the comment section first?
Hello my name is Maria and I have a mom she is a narcissist and I was married to a narcissist husband and I wanted to add to the list of crazy behaviour: Cooking with a narcissist is stressful and exhausting simple things become a difficult task because they hover over you and ordering you around makes you feel o uncomfortable and dumb
Are We related? ( ha ha)?
Yes, I remember my 4 year old daughter excitedly offering her dad a lick of her ice cream in a cone she just got. But he bit the whole top off in one bite and left hardly any in the cone. She was so hurt and cried and cried. I asked him why? He said, oh she didn't need it all. (cold) I secretly bought her another one later when he wasn't around. She never offered again. This was just the early days of the start of troubles. I never knew about narcissism then.
I'm glad you did that. poor baby. what a jerk he was.
If I shared something with my ex, he would take the biggest bite out of MY food. I would be disgusted. When I brought it to his attention, his feelings would be hurt and he'd have a bich fit. He flipped it around on me.
Oh wow I remember my Narc dad doing that too! Even as a he did seem like a selfish jerk but I never realized it came from such a worse place than just selfishness. It really was a way to make an already vulnerable person feel even smaller and just insignificant :/
Hard to forgive such hurtful destructive behaviour.
My ex-marc ate only certain food. Always the same: and the food was not necessarily healthy food.
No need to forgive.
Just realize they are evil.
Sitting at the dinner table...the back of a hand smacks a child out of her chair and on to the floor. The heavy metal chair is knocked over as well from the force of the blow. NO warning at all!!
She looks in the direction of the blow to see her father say..'stop chewing so loud.'
>> I WAS SIX!!
Now, many years later, NO contact, and perfect peace.
I used to get knocked out of the blue like that too, but it really bothers me when men do that to daughters. Like how tf?
Got punched out of the blue as a teen, during dinner, went flying. After that i developed an eating issue that I couldn't swallow much at dinner. Lost so much weight the Dr was concerned. I was unable to express the connection.
Whew, sorry you had to endure that abuse. 😢
@kellyl1457 thanks, it still will pop up these many years later though he's long passed on.
So sorry you did not deserve that. May God heal your hearts and strengthen your sense of value
OMG! I am now 71 yrs old - my poor brother has been dead for four years - we were compaions in a life controlled by two narcissistic parents. I never knew until I watched this - that there were other people out there who suffered the same physical and mental/emotional abuse we did. I feel as if a burden has been taken out of my hands.Thank you- and thank all of you for letting me know I truely am not alone - and the suffering was not because there was something wrong with me.
Yes, I am 71 also and only just found out last year about narcissism, it was a huge relief for me also to know I was not stupid and crazy. I see how much my two children, now 55 & 50 have suffered as well as me. I have found out so much through Danish's channel and others as well.
You are far from alone.
This is so true
It's so good that someone finally saw the value in exposing how narcissistic people deal with food. It's an important trademark that has been overlooked for way too long.
Soon as I saw it, I was like ... "holy shit".
My mom shoved an ice cream bar in my little sisters mouth, almost choking her because she didnt want to eat it after she had already given it to her. She was crying, gagging and only stopped when I screamed "youre going to kill her!". I was 5 years old but thats a memory that will forever be a part of our childhood. No child should ever experience the wrath and control of a narcissist.
This is so sad. My ex has our child full time since 5. My ex has weird eating habits too. I’m so sad for my child as he is so frightened of him. My boys eating habits are odd because he’s afraid of eating and I wonder what goes on when he makes him eat at the dinner table. It’s heart breaking and a soul destroying life now that I’ve had a child with this horrible person. I try to make my boy feel as good as possible to repair the damage done but then he has to go back. One day soon he’ll be old enough to come back to my house and just stay. 🙏🙏
My mother's husband made it impossible to enjoy anything. Meals were dreadful with him was a barrage of anxiety and just as food was put on table the endless faultfinding and shaming started. He'd start lecturing and threatening. I started getting sick and tried to stay away from him. Life like that leaves you broken and then you rebel. You get in trouble anyway so why not?
Omg where are they now?
I didn't go to either of my parents funerals, my father was like you are describing but my mother continued to have children with him even adopting my brother John. Poor thing , what you are describing to me is sadistic abuse , control, these people men mostly somehow enjoy tormenting children and weak women that depend on them.
So sorry.
That story of your dad shoving food In Your mouth, then hitting you, is heartbreaking. You never deserved anything like that 😔
These people are from their father the devil.
Yes that was heartbreaking to hear. I remember other experiences Danish has told us, now this💔
That one broke 💔 my heart too 😢
I can’t imagine something more horrifying 😔 except SA, God have mercy 😢
My dad grabbed me by the face and shoved spoonful of peas in my mouth. I puked. He never shoved food in my mouth, but did other things that now I wonder. He passed over 20 years ago.
Your story of being force-fed and vomiting reminded me of the time my narc female parent forced me to eat beef liver. I found it disgusting, and that night I threw up in my bed. The narc parent yelled that I had done it on purpose. Even at seven years old, I thought: "If I vomited on purpose, it wouldn't be in my own bed."
Omg, I had a similar experience with my mother. I was five years old, she was cooking stuffed bell peppers, and the smell was nauseating. I told her I couldn’t eat it, and she told me to “just eat the filling.” I was crying and I took a bite of it and promptly vomited. And, like in your situation, she got angry at me and told me that I did it on purpose.
Oh dear, I am so sorry for your experience 😢😢😢
The first time I ate a traditional dish from my narcissistic ex's country, made with chickpeas, spices and tripe and cooked by his mother, he saw that i wasn't eating the pieces of tripe and promptly told me to do so. I said I don't like eating the internal organs of animals, to which he replied "It's meat! Eat it! It's good!" and gave me a condescending and also disgusting open-mouthed demonstration of how I should chew it.
Thank you, Dr., for sharing your own trauma you experienced.
My mother would do it too, and till now. I really vomited twice but she doesn't care all she wants that I must do what she says.
My husband told me he wouldn't join me for our rare dinner together. I went out with a girlfriend. He woke up (worked nights) and walked passed me to the kitchen, looking for left overs. He stormed toward me. "What did you eat?" (Having learned calmness) "you said you didn't want to ear w me. I went for pizza with a friend" he exploded. "You were supposed to eat alone!!" "So sorry dear, you're my husband, not my daddy."
I'm sooooo relieved that I'm not alone in the crazy kitchen story.
I'm grateful to you Danish. You have no idea what you have talked me through, sat with me during, and let me cry over. You've been a true friend through the struggle. He's gone now. And I'm so grateful for your companionship, but sorry for your experiences.
Dump him
Thank you for sharing, Danish! Its so very true. My ex ate like a pig with his hands and ate tons. While pregnant I got two scoops of ice cream in a waffle cone. He said he never saw anyone eat so much in his life. I wish I could have said, "Get a mirror!", but I knew I would pay the price. He is long gone now so I win.
Congrats! 🌞
Lucky you
Oh, yes! Both of my narcissistic parents ate perfectly, I clutter and bite my nails. Classic!
yea my x would always eat like he hadnt eaten for a week like a pig then he would sit there after and watch me eat my food i hated that
@@brenda-el5czmój były robił to samo. Jadł szybko aż się spocił, do bólu żołądka. Potem zniecierpliwiony czekał aż ja zjem, żeby mi obrzydzić ten czas posiłku.
After our divorce my ex told a mutual friend that he was sorry for me because he made me get used to fancy restaurants that I would no longer be able to afford. Like watching him pigging out and getting drunk was such a treat. And now he can't even afford rent, a car or clothes
Lol lol lol lol hahahaha! Yeah, they can't think straight at all
Karma.
Good …they neva neva think We would leave them..when i was leaving him and he was supposed to be in love with me at the time ..he was so concerned about how many days a pot of broccoli would last him …bye bye enjoy😅
@@junecoleman9030 When I left my narcissist ex his only words to me were: Who will do thelaundry? I thought, is that all I am to him?! plus on my birthday, he bought an expensive bathrobe for himself and nothing for me.
@@paradiseandlove that reminds me how he threw a surprise birthday party for me, but only invited his friends, or the time his friends were over and promised he would cook, but I had to do it and he complained about what I made, or how every year I had to Christmas shop for his family, and he took credit for the things I chose and paid for
I remember being at a restaurant with my Malignant Narcissist mother. My father and husband were also present. My mother had just yelled at and humiliated our waitress to tears. As was fairly common for her. I calmly and quietly told my mother that when you do that and ask to have the food recooked, the kitchen staff commonly spit in your food. She turned PALE and never did it in my presence. I got so sick of apologizing to people that she abused. Eventually went , no contact until her death 14 years later. Best thing I did for myself and my children and grandchildren.
Many of my traumas happened at the dinner table when I was young. I still have flashbacks from them when I eat at a table. I made sure my own children enjoyed dinner time, and I took away that control my parents had over me. It helped me heal. We laughed, we talked, and enjoyed our food. If my children didn’t like a certain food, I didn’t demand they eat it, or make them sit for hours at the table until they ate it. Or send them to bed with no food, or lock them out the house because they didn’t eat something I cooked. Wow, this video was eye opening for me.
Everything you listed was the way it was growing up in my childhood home. To this day I hate onions because I was forced to eat them or not leave the table.😢
I did the same. I made sure my children had a complete different upbringing at the dinner table. Also, I love your name. 🙂
❤
Weaponizing food is a war crime, even in families. 😢
Weaponizing food is a war crime especially in families.
Absolutely! I was forced to eat food that my narcs knew literally made me throw up, and then I'd literally be the forced to still eat it, vomit and all!
Or, they would make my favorite food and I would have to sit at the table and watch them eat, and I'd get absolutely nothing... But, sent to bed so hungry and nauseous, that I'd eat a piece of notebook paper from my school notebooks or I'd eat toothpaste. 😞
I'm sorry you had to go through that. I remember once my teacher left me without dinner for punishment because I had ventured into the nearby town at a school camp. I knew the place better than her and was in 10th grade (16 year old) but she treated everybody like we were in 1st grade because that was the age she was teaching. We were forbidden even to do to the shop to buy water. I ate nothing that night and I still remember it.
@@janiefallout8 I'm so sorry, that's absolutely awful! People can be so cruel! Be blessed! ❤️
@@SurvivorOfChildhoodTrauma Not that it's a competition but what you've been through is way worse. At least I didn't have to eat vomit, notebooks, or toothpaste. There was this one time my parents celebrated my birthday without me because I didn't want to go but thankfully I didn't have to watch.
As for my teacher, it lasted only for a week and then I was free. I believe she wanted to keep us safe but since everybody was sneaking into town she just kept us pissed.
I have had food smashed and smeared into my face more times than I'd like to remember from a narcissistic EX husband.
No contact 1 year 3 months and 8 days. I even divorced him with NO CONTACT. I left many family heirlooms behind, but I never once laid eyes on him since ,after escaping him and his abuse. Thank you Danish.❤
Never look back
That's awful
I don't eat steak as it's too hard for me to chew but my husband does. Every time he made steak he would put a piece on my plate, I put it back on his ,rinse and repeat. I gave it to my dog.
Thank goodness you left
You deserve peace♡
My dad would harass everyone at the table, so my mom started serving food buffet style and we’d all eat in the tv room. He would focus more on watching the show than on thinking up ways to torture us all.
You described my last two narc relationships. Im four years out and been single since and the peace is priceless. Ive educated myself thouroughly during this time and now feel i can spot a narc very quickly now and can just observe others and see them. They purposely kill every thing that is normally a peaceful, fulfilling, joyful experience. So glad for videos like this. Really they probably saved my life. ~Still happily alone at peace.~
I got out of my last relationship and he was such a mind game and such a narcissist that, I'm done with romantic relationships.
@@k.h.307at my age that is pretty much a given. But since I haven't had a romantic relationship for at least 25 years I'm actually used to that. I'm looking forward to the peace of an empty house.
"They purposely kill everything that is normally a peaceful, fulfilling, joyful experience." How very well said; that's exactly what happens!
I remember when, going out for dinner with my narc boyfriend, we would be discussing what we might have and I would maybe talk about two options. Then, between that conversation and the waiter coming, I would spot a third that I i liked even more, and end up going for that. The amount of criticism I got for "saying one thing and then doing another" - for something as inconsequential as choosing what you're going to eat! For years he managed to make me feel bad and/or foolish for something that is just a simple, innocent part of life. You would have thought I had violated the terms of an important contract I'd signed, from the way he complained! It's incredible how they suck the joy out of everything and, as you said so eloquently, "purposely kill" all of these positive aspects of life. These comments and stories do not cease to amaze me. I'm so glad that that part of your life is now firmly behind you.
“Peace is priceless” AMEN!
my grandparents raised me. grandpa made dinner so miserable that we all just ate in separate rooms with a tv tray watching our own show. Sad stuff to grow up with
yes! you are not alone
At least you were allowed to do that. I had to stay
Same here. Did we live the same childhood 😮
😢 I'm so sorry
@@Lisboooa and finish everything! or else
Yes they control. They love to control everything and everyone. Food is an excellent example.
I would make food when my narc came home hungry from an OTR trip at random hours. He would sit down (with phone in hand) and I would give him the food.... and not eat it. Or maybe just one bite. If questioned, he said it made his stomach tight and he couldn't eat it, I had cursed it.😢 Took me years to realize that he was accusing me of what he himself did.
Indeed 😢
My nex didn't display so many of these behaviours (except for nasty comments about how much I was apparently eating, and being fairly uptight about table manners), but what he did on many occasions, if he finished first (which he normally did) was go and get the nail clippers and start clipping his toenails right beside me. I expressed my disgust at this every time, and politely requested that he refrain from this. I eventually managed to stop this behaviour by breaking up with him. Coming up to four years free later on this year!! 🎉
I'm glad you made this video !!! Here is what I observed in my malignant narc. [1] Narc would chew with mouth open, [2] narc would make gulping noises, grunting noises while stuffing his face, [3] narc would NEVER compliment the chef, or say thank you for the free meal, [4] narc would pass gas during the meal, yes, frequently farting at the table, [5] narc would make childish chewing noises while chewing the food with his mouth open, [6] narc had horrible hygiene and could be smelled at a great distance, the smell was horrible like some kind of zoo animal, this destroys everyone else's meal, [7] narc would not wash his hands, ever, and when reaching for a communal serving dish he would insert his fingers (deliberately) onto food surfaces, or touch food items which others will eat which is disgusting, [8] narc would study the facial expressions of others when he performs one of these boundary violations, [9] narc had several favorite meals, one of them was tacos. Narc would insist on browning the meat (for 3 people), and instead of using 1 packet of spice he would add perhaps 4 or even 6 packets of spice mix, this really makes the taco meat inedible for most people, [10] when making coffee in a standard US coffee maker the narc would use 10 times the normal amount of coffee grounds, making the coffee extremely strong and undrinkable, [11] this narc would make a single taco on his plate and would use about 1/2 quart of sour cream on 1 single taco, an enormous amount of sour cream, [12] narc would cough and sneeze at the dinner table without covering his mouth or even turning his head away from the table, [13] this narc would insist on discussing the most awkward, uncomfortable and disturbing subjects during the meal, [14] the narc was extremely haughty and rude 100% of the time, angry, loud, filthy and suspicious of others.
**** Trying to be nice to someone like this will NOT fix them. They will continue pushing boundaries until their last breath. The solution is to grey rock them and get away from that person, Far, Far Away. Good Luck :D !!! ******
I thought I was the only one having to deal with that behavior . Worst is blowing his nose at the table and laying it down on the table opened up and refusing to throw it away. He does this when he has bloody noses as well
Which he often has. Acts like a 2 year old. So disgusting .
Except one or two things, it sounds like my husband. 🤦🏼♀️
Sounds like mine. To top it off he was up to 390 pounds.
My mum was the #3 to the extreme. We had to dress for dinner, be at the formal dining table at exactly 6:15 or we did not get dinner. No speaking at the table, EVER. Only adults spoke. We could not leave anything on our plate, had to ask to be excused from the table, the list is endless. If we didn’t use the proper fork or made a slurp sound while eating soup, we were excused from the table and to go straight to bed. We all had a food stash she never knew about. We were raised as if the Queen was going to show up at any time. Every morning at 6am we were weighed because “no one respects a fat person!”! Absolutely mental.
Some of that occurs in wealthy old families to teach good manners
@@karenhartman7115 My family is from old money but on my dad’s side not my mum’s side. We all attended etiquette courses after school. Mum was a gold digger who also happened to be a pathological liar, psychopath narcissist, cheater and just remarkably evil all around. She left a wake of pain and destruction in her path when no one of importance was around. Believe me, it had nothing to do with manners. If it did why would a mother tell her children they were fat, we clearly were not, and weigh us all at 6 am? I’m a mum, I would never be so vile. I went NC after finishing Secondary School. My siblings that didn’t, are now dead by their own hand. Being told every day that you’re worthless takes a ghastly toll. Our father divorced her but she got custody of us. I was 9 when they finally divorced. I spent all holidays from school with my grandparents and da. She still received her monthly payments, I wager my grandparents had a hand in that arrangement. This was in the early 70’s and she was getting £18,000/mo for 3 kids who were raised by a nanny. She started working in a high paying field when we were in Secondary school. Our da and grandparents paid for our riding lessons, trips, clothing and took us to the ballet, opera, theatre, symphony and all social events that involved the family. Egg donour was no longer allowed as they were divorced.
TLDR: No, had nothing to do with money and etiquette, she was an evil narcissist who enjoyed inflicting misery on others. Haven’t seen her since I was 17. I know she moved to the states and remarried straight after the divorce papers were signed but no clue where.
Wow
I'm a jolly old fella and everybody seems to kind of like me but nobody respects me. It's true people project a lot of hate on me I like I'm an easy target. Both literally and psychologically.
Totally mental. Same treatment here but it was my late father who tormented the family. Daily. We dreaded dinner time. Sundays were the worst. He'd expect a full, formal Sunday lunch with a meat roast and all the trimmings. Mother worked like a slave and all 6 kids helped her in the kitchen. That was the fun part. We could sneak bits and morsels before the formal dinner. At table we all tensed up and frowned just waiting for his assaults which were fierce and brutal. One time he grabbed a lamb roast from the platter and chucked it at the wall because my mother had overcooked it. We had never tasted lamb before. It was only at age 38 that I was finally able to eat some roasted lamb. It was nice but I still remain 99% vegetarian. The meat memories are the worst for me. Cheers and chin up!
My ex-husband used numbers 3, 4 and 5 techniques while eating a meal. He watched how large my bites of food were, commented in my portions, etc. And I was always slim and fit, after having 3 children together. He judged my speech and grammar (I'm college educated) The control made meals as a family uncomfortable and sad - and he never cooked. I did. 9 years free! 😊
The best thing you did for yourself and your kids is get away from him.
My MIL is number 4.
I do a lot of walking and lifting at work. I work 9 hours with a 80 mile drive everyday, by the time I get home, I'm famished.
My husband will have snacks and the pre-meal ready for me before the actual meal.
His Mom will tell me how I'm eating too much and will say, "Your husband may want that."
After she seen him make it for me.
My husband has to yell at her to leave me alone and let me eat. I look at her and she glares at me, upset cause she can't rule the roost.
When I thought I have heard it all.....this goes back in time with my mother and father as well. I got swalloing issues and I don't feel hungry when I don't feel safe. Thank you for this one ❤ I feel less alone 🙏
I suffer from anorexia due to stuff like this and worse. I am currently in counseling and dealing with all the toxicity associated with food. This is excruciating for me, but iam pushing forward and proud of myself. Thank you for posting this video and bringing to light the suffering many people have with childhood traumas. Many blessings to all, and may we all experience peace and love in our lives. 🙏🏻💞
My father was - I have now learned - what would be called a Malignant Narcissist. Much of his Dinnertime behavior was in deed inappropriate and my mother never even suggested he change. Alot of what he did away from the table was also unacceptable, and for some reason was mainly aimed at me, his Daughter, rather than at his wife or sons. To this day I don't understand why, and I am now seventy. Thanks for your channel. Nancy
My psychologist told me that when a person chooses the scapegoat, it usually is the one who is the empathic. They’re evil, they want to destroy the beauty in you 🤗 You know what is the best revenge? Become the best version of yourself 🤗 Always love 💗 and keep being kind and free 😉
Narcissists don't change speaking to them changes nothing but might start an arguement
He had already broken your mother. You were still bright and shining. That's why you were singled out.
I'm sorry you went through that
Now we know what they are and can leave. Go no contact or limited contact, just make excuses over and over. Can't get together, sorry.
God Bless you, Miss Nancy, for enduring these bad times. My parents grew so distant from each other that all us kids suffered - they took out their anger with each other on us. of 7kids, only 2 married and had kids and those marriages had deep problems. The rest of us dated but never married. too risky. I', early 70's too and came to believe that we still don't provide enough affordable counseling in this country to help us better negotiate the differences we have with each other. Between the Federal Dynasty and the Profit Seeking Corporate America, the majority of Americans will live in constant states of quiet desperation.
1. That's their extreme levels of greed. My husband also used to wolf his food down. Now I understand that it was his obscene greed showing up at the table.
OmG! YES!
Have you ever seen a wolf eat? They'll swallow 5#s of hamburger in one gulp. Yikes!
Absolutely! My parents are both narcissists. My mother once regaled to me a story from when I was extremely young of a time when she went grocery shopping and passed up buying a beef roast, because we couldn't afford it. And that exact same day, my father picked up a box of a dozen donuts after work and ate half of them on his drive home. No surprise some years later he was diagnosed with diabetes.
My parents are both awful cooks and we were supposed to be grateful for everything to eat, even though the smell gave me nausea and any remote attempts to eat led to intense gagging and sometimes vomiting. If you flat out refused to eat, he would first make you sit at the table alone indefinitely.
Then if he came to check on you and you still hadn't eaten it, he'd spank you with a wooden cheese paddle. I'm in my 30s and still remember how it burned and stung, but I couldn't handle so many foods because they were cooked so badly.
But then there was another factor I learned as an adult--my system is highly sensitive and reacts to almost all plant matter. And I have a gene that makes broccoli taste metallic to me. Broccoli was easily one of the worst offenders for me and it was unfortunately commonly served at home.
To this day, I almost always eat my food as quickly as possible, preferring to eat out because I know it will be consistent in flavor, and alone. Even if I could eat inside the establishment, I eat in my car so I'm not around people.
STBX husband used to eat so noisily & quick. Like a dog that hasn't eaten for days. He couldn't possibly taste the food. So many things didn't click until after we separated. When the dust settled, I realised he was a narcissist & all my questions were answered. So eye opening!
Wow my ex husband shovelled it in like someone was going to steal it,I was embarrassed .and my stepdaughter eats like a pig ,never made connection to their personalities! Spot on
I grew up with a father that had deep mental illness. If we hit the plate too hard with a silverware, you better believe the fear was instilled. Couldn't walk too loud. Couldn't talk too loud. He also told stories, as you did about your father, and you felt you were the person he was mad at. It could get scary. Almost as if he was reliving it. Not sure if it was bipolar or what. I choose to have sympathy for him as I knew his childhood. He studdered as a child and his mother made fun of this. He tried to tell his mother something inappropriate a priest said and he was slapped across the face. He drew as a child and was extremely talented. My grandmother ripped up his drawings. He was made to pay rent and his brother was not. He was teased profusely by his older brother (tortured many times with hot sauce as he slept) and felt his mother ignored it. He was made to feel he should immediately move out at 18. With all that I know, I chose to have sympathy for him. Cause this was the same father that knew before he died that he was hard to live with. He professed this to my mother. He worked so hard and I saw the deep trauma and I felt he truly cared for me and my brothers. He never ripped up my drawings. He took me to an art shop to buy whatever I wanted and wantedto grow my talents that I probably inherited from him. Encouraged me and was my biggest fan when I started my own business. Let my mom buy whatever she wanted at the store. My father helped many people in his life. My father worked so hard that as a widow my mother lives a comfortable life. He said his children were his greatest treaure. He bought self help books and tried continually to help my brothers with their drug and alcohol addictions. He never gave up on them. He wanted them to be somebody. I learned to take care of and cherish everything that I own and take pride. I chose to look at all of those things. I feel there was a deep inner struggle in my father's mind and I have deep sympathy for that.
That's a very beautiful story I really loved reading it your father shows compassion and empathy just like you do
God bless you.
Sounds like he had PTSD...
When my son was maybe eight or so, he learned about germs at school. Oh, and he was autistic. That night at dinner, he dropped his fork on the floor and wanted to get a clean one out of the drawer. My husband would not let him, kept taking the fork that fell on the floor and slamming it on the table, over and over, would not let him eat if he didn't use that fork. Finally, my son and I ran for the car and drove toward the nearest town (we lived in the country) thinking we would go out for dinner instead. Otherwise we would have been there ALL night with this fork thing! But guess what. My husband got in the OTHER car and chased us for an hour in his car, with my son crying and looking over his shoulder out the back of the car the whole time. We even got lost out in the middle of nowhere, no cell phones or GPS then, gravel roads, sun going down. Finally I recognized something and was able to drive back home. We went to bed without dinner, it was dark by then. My husband pulled in the driveway behind us and acted like nothing just happened.
So true. Watching him eat is absolutely disgusting. I was kinda paranoid because he’d get mad if I crunched chips. Finally I asked coworkers if I crunched too loudly. They were like they’re chips,they’re supposed to crunch🤷🏽♀️?
I got to the point where I couldn't bear to sit & eat with him. The horrendous table manners, noises & talking with food in his mouth made me cringe. Plus he would eat at lightning speed leaving me sitting alone at a restaurant for example to run outside for a cigarette. Or sit there blowing smoke on my meal because I eat slowly. Nightmare 🤢
I eat at lightning speed just to get away from my friend. He smacks his food, wont stop talking, and after every spoon full, he proceeds to swish his food around with whatever liquid hes drinking. And has also flossed 3 feet away while im eating.. or narrates my every dang move.. he gotsta go. 🧳
Same happened to me!
My narc clipped his toenails at the dinner table with nails flyiny all over
@@lexandrasisko8878 My narc left a used kleenex sitting on the dining table ....🤢
@anneofgreengables1619 my ppl would keep his dirty kleenex, put it in his pocket and reuse.. then would have the nerve to tell me he made me a taco and it was in the fridge (multiple times w food, even after I said pls don't touch with bare hands). Let's not forget everything he just touched.. oh, and he would leave his floss in the shower. - --- by the way he left on his own days ago (after i let him have a piece of my mind). And LET ME TELL U.. it's PEACEFUL and no STRESS. AMEN 🙏
Danish, it’s like you were there at my childhood home dinners. The narcissist was exacting about how to eat, what to eat and what to say at the table. There was a lot of criticizing and ‘correcting’. When I got older and felt less inclined to go along with all the rigid rules, it apparently showed up on my face.
When I was 12 or 13, my father took severe offense at my facial expression so he picked up and threw my dinner plate across the room, over my mother’s head and into the wall. He banished me from eating with the family henceforward and denounced me for causing the trouble even though he’d endangered my mother by hurling a plate over head. I know he denounced me to make sure that everyone at the table, my younger siblings, blamed me and not him. He and my mother denounced me a lot.
Yes, for most of my life I felt unacceptable as a person because of the scapegoating but I felt liberated the day he banished from eating with him. For a moment I rejoiced.
YOUR presentation made me cry in remembering dinner in my home; Peace to both of us.
God bless you;
Constant critic of the food is one of the Narc ‘s habits
I learnt my husband who is grandiose narc never appreciated in my 20 yrs of marriage I am an Indian and Indian meals need a lot of ingredients and prep time I was juggling full time jobs and my two young children still he was expecting me to serve him Royal meals and breakfast
Dinner time is a chaos
Thank god I now gray rock and learnt it’s his curse to not appreciate what’s in the plate when so many go to sleep with one meal a day
Just appreciate the food that’s on plate and thank god that we not one among the people who starve in this world
Just thank god
I'm an Indian too.cooked best meals.indian cuisine can be daunting to prepare,married for 23 years.my kid never eats with him.i try to avoid it.lost so much of weight and I lost interest in cooking ,which is something I used to love.cant wait to get rid of this parasite.
I am Indian too. Married 45 Yrs. Never appreciates my effort, always complaining. So many starving. 😢
I'm not Indian but I agree. If they can't find a flaw like lack of salt they will say "it's cooked without love".
I love indian food and Indian women just saying..... ;) lol
Definitely always making a critical comment
That covert criticized my healthy eating styles and fasting, he refused to eat left overs, then when I cooked a gormet meal for him, he picked things out of his plate etc etc! I literally got up and left the table, I did not make myself a plate because I refuse to break bread with darkness! I now know that is what it was
Satan is the original narcissist.
Same! Once I realized what I was dealing with, I refused to eat one single meal with that man. “Do not even eat with such a one.” Five months out and free tomorrow. 🙌🏻
I'm so sorry this happened to you!
My stepfather punched me in the face so hard, he flipped my chair backwards, he then kneeled over me, sitting on my stomach and beat me til I was unconscious.
I woke long after it was dark, the table was clear, everyone had left to do their own thing, the chair was back upright at the table ...
I dizzily struggled to sit up, confused, disoriented, hurting from head to toe... I got up to my feet, stumbled to my room, threw up and passed out again. I don't remember much more.
I was 8 ... I didn't want to eat pickled pigs feet ... Something they already knew I would throw up after being forced to eat (which I was also forced to eat my vomit as well), but they didn't care. Both my mom and stepdad were narcissistically abusive. I'd like to say this was a one time event, but sadly... No... My entire childhood was full of physical/sexual abuse, torture and narcissistic abuse.
I wish that I could help others, I wish my voice could be heard and my story told too. Maybe, one day... 😢
Be blessed. ❤
My ex would always reply when asked if he liked dinner “ I’m still thinking about it”. This blew my mind.
Yup i feel u
Not "I'm still thinking about it" because maybe it was that good??
@@jennSalvate Definitely not. When you taste something good or bad, you know it right away. He was just odd.
My hubby cannot compliment the meals I fix……but if he fixes something on the grill (every three months he will do this) he goes on and on and on and on….. Also when we go to eat at someone’s house (non family) he will go on and on and on….
My mother fed me with a spoon until I went to school ! Way too long ! She would pretend to taste every spoonful eating most of it in the process ! She then complained to everyone including my father how she couldn't get me to eat anything ! At the same time telling me I had eaten my whole dinner and couldn't possibly be hungry ! She also told me that cleaning my teeth with a little bleach or bathroom cleaner would keep them nice and white !
Since my memories have returned in full force and I have processed the horrors ! Some call this the dark night of the soul others prefer to describe it as having been to the gates of Mordor . Ten years ago I moved to another country I made a conscious effort everyday to listen to my body experience and release the pain and now I am free ! Although there are always things to overcome and toxic thought patterns to break ! I love life and life loves me !
Blessings to all who are on the journey and to all of those who are about to embark !
I'm so sorry your father did the things he did to you. I'm glad you have risen above that abuse. You help alot of people now. Thank you ❤
👍❤️
My parents taught me good tablemanners, but I was never traumatised by it. I enjoyed dinner. I feel sorry for people who went through this..
Both my father and first husband. Mealtime was hell.
My narcissistic parent used to make Christmas a living hell. Every year she used to relish the phrase “a fine Christmas this turned out to be”. Every single year, she was waiting for a chance to spoil it and turn it back on me. Every single year.
That's sad... 😔
Disgusting eating habits BUT I found out or rather figured out that every time we argued he would make me a plate of food. I realized since he did not want me in the kitchen that it was highly likely he was putting crap in my food. He would sit and watch me eat with a smirk that I did not understand. I understand now. I put two and two together. In Jamaica we having a saying about not eating food from your enemies.
I feel this inherently and NEVER take food from anyone who might be weird or not my friend for sure. never ever. it's energetic and you are absolutely right. I honestly check my dishes to make sure "no one" has spit in them, etc. before I use them and never ever take an offer from them. they never wash their hands eve and it's pretty disgusting but I don't say anything, I just beg off and say, "oh I am soooo full right now, maybe later? but thanks!" so I agree with you.
This happened to me. I'm lucky to be alive
My mom had a weird habit of never sitting at the table to eat with us if she made the food. She would just watch us eat, telling us that she enjoyed watching people enjoying their meal. She would only do this for meals she fixed. If someone else cooked or we ate out, then she would eat with us. As I got older I grew suspicious of this behavior so I would try to watch her in the kitchen, but that’s when she decided to give up cooking for the most part. I still wonder about that.
I would've been pretty scared to eat anything in the house if someone acted that way! You're very fortunate to still be physically healthy after those episodes!
My neighbors roommate was poisoning her food with an organic bug spray....I got a word in my spirit, and when he wasn't there I was led to the kitchen cabinet under the sink and way in the back was a new spray bottle of poison that was 1/4 gone. I showed her and she smelled it, and recognized that smell from her food. Poor lady had been having internal bleeding that her Doctors couldn't explain. She said that I saved her life, but I told her that Jesus saved her life 🙏 🙌!!
My heart goes out to everyone who has been through this and i hope we can all heal from the abuse. Ive had similar experiences
I’m so sorry you suffered this abuse as a child. My mother is a narcissist, and I ended up in a string of long-term live-in relationships until about six years ago, when the last one ended, but I also have a child with one of them, which means I’m stuck with two narcissists in my family life, because we have equally split custody. My child’s father does exert control over the poor kid during mealtimes. Occasionally, despite being separate, we go out to dinner as a family, and I have witnessed him snapping at our child for the most absurd reasons. But, for me, even after all the spousal abuse I’ve suffered, my mom has done the most damage. In terms of food and eating, her controlling, manipulating, criticizing and judging gave me an unhealthy relationship with food, but of course, in her mind, she’s perfect and nothing is her fault. It sounds silly perhaps, but her loud chewing - the smacking noise she makes when she eats her cereal, drives me crazy. She’s obsessed with eating only healthy foods and having self-control over one’s appetite, and she lets everyone know when she thinks you don’t need to be eating what you have or so much of it. She’ll hover around and say things like “that’s a lot of butter!”. Oh it is, mother? Well, guess what, it’s not for you, so mind your own business! In recent years I’ve been telling her off when she’s being abusive, and we fight a lot these days, but I actually wish I’d done this more when I was younger, and had the courage to stand up for myself and not care about what she thought of me. She’s cold-hearted, cruel, never supported me especially when I needed it most and even deliberately sabotaged me at times. The worst part is that my dad is still married to her and she’s got him completely believing that there’s nothing wrong with their dynamic, but the poor man, who has fibromyalgia and still works full time AND is a care-giver for sick family, absolutely must cook every meal for her/them. He will get home after a long day and she, who works from home on the computer, says to him “I’m hungry. I’ve been waiting hours to eat until you got home!” And oh my lord is she the pickiest! My dad is a great cook, but she will nitpick everything without the slightest bit of shame. She’ll do her nasty little laugh as she says something like “ It’s not as good as the last time you made it. Did you use the same kind of (insert ingredient here)? I think it would be better if you cooked it longer. And I can’t eat the (food); it’s too bitter.”. Somehow she’s an expert at cooking without the experience. That’s narcissists for ya! I could probably write an entire book on her, and all the narcissist exes, but alas, they’ve drained all my energy.
It’s goes beyond greed, cause they get no joy or satisfaction from food or anything they’re just dumping it into their empty soul
My Narcissistic husband would drive me crazy constantly saying, "I eat to live, I don't live to eat" even though I'd cook beautiful , delicious meals, I'd never be praised for in any way. Then, he'd gorge himself with my food and stab at it in weird ways that I and my children would be so irritated that we couldn't stand having him at the table to hear him or see him. They are sick and sickening.
...and I'll add...evil!
My brother, who is a full blown narcissist, used to watch me like a hawk at the table, narrow his eyes at me, clench his teeth and scowl at me while I ate. He would watch everything I did from cutting the food, to putting it on the fork. He made sure Mum was otherwise distracted such as looking at her own plate. It was very uncomfortable to eat.
my brother was 5 years older than me in Ballarat, Victoria, Australia, and he went on to abuse me every single day. All I did was to be born, that was enough for him though.
He is going blind now, I dont wish that on anyone but he is still an asshole.
It’s unfortunately very sad he had to be that way to you! Now that his going blind he can’t stare at you any more.
Wait until he's completely blind and ask him who he's watching at the table then! Narcissists make life miserable for everyone around them. Karma can be very nasty.
Let him feel around the bathroom for the toilet when he gets diarrhea from gluttony
I'm so sorry you went through that.Some ppl hated me just for being born too,it sucks ,hope your days are going good now
My brother molested me out of jealousy and would bully me any way he could
I had added my horror story then deleted it. I have to continue telling myself that this who hurt me can hurt me no more. Thank you Danish for all the work you do. So many pieces of my healing puzzle have come back to me so i can face it because of what you share. I'm always so shocked at what i uncover as i weigh it to what you tell us. The dinosaur hands was the first one i watched. It's been almost 6 months ago and i have retrained myself and no longer clutch myself in a shielding positron. I am sad with you and every other lovely soul who has been abused and unloved but because you accepted the call of your life to help others, there are many of us who are learning to live free for the first time and i have seen my joy beginning to be restored. God bless you, God bless each heart who reads this and God bless me and i continue my healing journey. ❤❤❤❤ to all
I'm really sorry for what you've been through as a kid my dear Danish....❤
Also I am VERY proud of you and everyone else who has survived and still surviving after traumatic experiences.❤
After so much struggles I now own a new house and my family is happy once again everything is finally falling into place!!
I'm 37 and have been looking for ways to be successful, please how??
Thanks to my co-worker (Alex) who suggested Ms Claudia Vecchi Nese .
She's a licensed broker in the states 🇺🇸
After I raised up to 325k trading with her I bought a new House and a car here in the states 🇺🇸🇺🇸 also paid for my son's surgery (Oscar). Glory to God.shalom.
God is more than enough for us, and his mercy is new every morning. Hallelujah🎉🎉🎉♥️
I'll never forget when I was about 11 years old eating at the dinner table and my father demanded my mother take me to get my bangs cut extremely short. The next thing I remember is waking up after passing out in my chair. I remember how humiliated and stupid I would look with my hair cut so short. That was 52 years ago. The emotional and mental abuse continued throughout my life. Finally, in 2023, I said no more abuse and cut all ties. He has abused every woman who has entered a close relationship with him. As he said, he will never change. I accept that but refuse to be abused anymore.
Good for you.
GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!! Your comment brought tears to me.
Yes - cutting hair short is something narcissists love to do.
My mother did this to me at ten years of age luckily my father got angry at her for doing this so she never did that again but of course she got me back in other ways.
@Benjaminleo815 I apologize I didn't want to make anyone cry. I've never cried about it until now. It's just been the last year that I've been going through therapy I’ve realized how much of his emotional and mental abuse over the years has affected me. Some so many people who are going through so much more than myself. No wonder why our society is so messed up.
@@andersdottir1111 I'm sorry to hear you had to go through the abuse of a narcissistic parent. It leaves so many scars in life.
Many of these are familiar to me, but there are others. 1. Always being the first to take huge helpings of dishes and not caring about what remains for the rest of us. 2. Requiring the largest space at the table (usually the end), seated expansively, and leaving no room for others to place their dishes and drinks on either side in front of (him).
Now I understood why I have so much anxiety about food. I’m 66 years old and never understood until now! Thank you! I can start healing now.
My kitchen is a mess so I don’t have to cook. Lol! I think I will clean it tomorrow and start my healing ❤️🩹
‘Table manners’, from my mother was epic in itself. I was served food I didn’t like, and not allowed to leave the table until a check was done to see how much I ate. Meal times became hours of tears and so much stress.
Especially the liver, she loved offal, especially tripe. Thank god I didn’t have to
eat that.
There were so many narcs constantly around me and I felt like an alien. Your channel & all who comment has changed that mindset. It was just environmental disharmony thats taken 57yrs to sort out BUT better later than never. I left my home country at 27 and now complete no contact (the long calls about anyone doing decorating was like a liver dinner too).
Over the years there has been judgement about my disconnection with family, now this is narc exposure is happening, my reply still stands strong, ‘It takes courage and strength to break away, and if you can do that, you can accomplish anything.’
Good luck everyone ❤
Oh goodness - same here! I have a burned in memory of sitting at the table alone after the meal with an avocado colored timer ticking away forcing me to eat the food I didn't want while I cried. I make sure with my daughter now that we have fun at the table and if she is full, she is full and the dog gets what remains or we save it for tomorrow!
I was at my buddies house his dad was definitely a narc, they served brusselsprouts. I took one bite and spat it out and said I was heading home, He got up and beat the dog infront of everyone. I was like you're nuts bro and walked out.
@@brendensangster3571 WOW what a horrendous experience. Your friend had to cope with that too.
The greatest wish is, ‘they get what they give out’, so they no linger choose to do nasty acts again.
@@penelopepennington3838 I'm not sure if he was a Narc or just military PTSD, to be fair there's a lot of cross over and similarities. I grew up in an army community with a lot of suicides and beatings and PTSD. But my parents were military and not as bad as some of the other guys parents.
Something I didn't hear mentioned that I dealt with. My father was EXTREMELY picky. He refused to eat anything other than about 5 or 6 foods he liked. But he also didn't like for us to eat anything else, even when the beans he forced us to eat constantly gave us such gastro intestinal upset we couldn't sleep. I refused to eat, lost 1/3 of my body weight, and CPS was contacted. Mom began to cook other things, but he hated me the most from then on. I was 3.
😢
My husband the same me and my kid's loved different types of food but he would bitch a storm up if we didn't eat dinner like him. Always complain about how our food stunk.
Wow I like watching your videos because they are truthful. I’m sorry you had to experience the most extreme cases of narcissism. I hope you’ve found healing and joy in your life.
I am so sorry for what you have experienced! Seems traumatic. Congratulations for trying to help and inform others
I’m 58 and living with a narc mother. I feel like a kid still because she stripped me of everything and I mean everything. I’m just a Cinderella to her. I’ve completely shut down. It’s surreal what f’ing monsters they are!!!!
I hope you can leave asap. And get therapy and help and find peace. You deserve that ❤
I’m 54 and in the same situation. I feel so trapped. Every day brings an unending stream of criticism, devaluation, threats, and her ridiculous adult tantrums/ rages.
You’re not alone. (hugs)
@@Unfilteredalyssa1227 thank you 💕💕
@@kerrib2568 hugs right back atcha. 🤗🤗💕💕💪🏼💪🏼
I got rid of her at age 44. I worked for her, she lived in my home. I quit and kicked her out, just like that. Mind you, my brother helped by telling her I would move to get rid of her. I know it was a huge narcissistic wound for her to have to concede; she couldn't afford my place. I landed on my feet, because that's what I was trained to do. You deserve that kind of peace, you always have. It's time to put you first. You matter and you are a valuable person. I wish for your life to be one you live for your hopes and dreams, instead of surviving this emotional parasite. Best of wishes to you! 😊
Im so sorry everyone has had to deal with asinine people. IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT! Our dad chose dinnertime to yell at us. Either gobble food down, or just be "not" hungry. He took his own life in 76. I had other issues as well. At 40 years of age, I read a few books and got some wisdom, like it's not my fault. I'm in a really happy place now that I'm divorced from a master narcissist.
No more. I'm not going to give any man a chance to know what a great and loving person I am. My cat can benefit from that. He even abused her behind my back.
I just hope all who have suffered being abused in one form or another can find peace for the rest of your days❤️
Oh no he hurt me cat. I can't stand that 😭
@soulTraveller144 the a** scared her every time she came in the house when I wasn't home. She is a rescue, and it's been a little over a year since we've been away from him. She still gets startled by noises, and has reflux from him. It has calmed somewhat, but I wonder if she will settle in like she started to before he did that to her. He didn't do that with my other cat, so it never occurred to me he would do that. I overheard him telling his daughter what he did. I was already looking for a place to live, I just tripled my efforts. I'm so glad to be out of that narcissistic relationship!
Amen.
I never thought it was my fault
Hi... SImilar story.
My dad was getting abused at his work place. It's a cycle... deeper roots that just the immediate family.
My dear brother, I’m so sorry for what you went through. As sad as it is to hear your story. I am proud of what you have become today. When we are young we don’t know any better and we never question if we have been given the right set of parents but then some of us like you and I start to question everything and that’s what makes us better then everyone else, we choose to self reflect in a household that did not. May Allah grant you much strength and health.
My Nex had those weird habits also, especially the weird sounds he made while eating. As if he hadn't eaten in a week. When he knew I was trying to watch my weight, he would always bring home "treats" he knew would tempt me even when i asked him not to buy them.
Very interesting topic.
My husband will fix his own food and not ask me if I’d like anything. He also does not wait for me to eat, so that’s another style. He also puts food right on the table. At first I thought he didn’t know any better. Now I know it’s as you said - to be disgusting and disgust others.
Yes! Any time I make food, which is 99% of the time, it’s for everyone- me, my husband and kids. It would never occur to me to just make something for myself when the family is home. On rare occasions he’d make something, like breakfast over the weekend, say scrambled eggs for example, he’d only make it for himself and not even ask if anyone else wanted something. I used to say, add couple of extra eggs for the kids, and he’d get mad, as if I asked him for something huge. He’d start ranting “ you just have to start…I can’t even make breakfast in peace… you just have to bother me…” and so on. It literally takes almost no additional effort to cook a few extra eggs, but he’d make such a big deal out of it, that I stopped asking. I just get up after he’s done and make food for everyone.
Or when he might not like something I made for dinner, he’d say I’m serving vomit and he’d storm out and get something from a restaurant just for himself.
A few months ago, I came back home from a long 2 day international flight with my daughter in the afternoon. It was getting to be dinner time and he went outside and grilled 1 steak just for himself and ate it for dinner, NOT ONCE asking if me and my son and daughter wanted some dinner. Especially after such long trip, it would have been nice if he made dinner for everyone. But after watching him eat his steak, I then made dinner for the rest of the family.
Or last night, it was a miracle, but it started the same. I came home after having surgery and I hear him in another room placing order from the restaurant over the phone just for himself. But then, a few minutes later, he must have realized that he should get something for me too, so he asked me if I wanted something. It took him a few minutes later to remember that our son was home and then he asked him if he wanted something. That was all a miracle and it still took 3 separate phone calls to the restaurant. But only because I had surgery, he’d never be thoughtful otherwise.
Wow! Took me such long time to realize I was married to a narcissistic person - in 2020 I had never really heard of narcissist before and then I heard dr. David Clarke talking about it on a radio show - I was seriously shouting at the radio “yes!” And “that’s me!” Since then I have been emotionally withdrawing but for many reasons have not physically left
Tonight listening to you talk about food traits - the same thing is happening - it is eye opening - had no idea the eating was a trait of narcissism as well - I deal with gluttony, obscene eating behaviors - eating with hands, belching as he eats, dropping food all over the floor, licking fingers, guzzling drinks - it is so embarrassing and gross. And I have two sons with eating issues - seeing now that it’s got to be influenced by witnessing the animal behavior with food
So sad
And I get so mad that when I was young and dating - no one ever talked about this - they only talked about being a good and obedient wife
@@SuSuShamI hear you! I thought narcissists were self absorbed, like Narcissis from Greek mythology. I studied art history. 😊 This past year is when I found out that my guy is indeed an ass but he is over the top a narcissist. His relationship with food is disgusting. We are learning and growing.
So true, they look like they really have more than a thrill telling how they treat others badly. With their evil grin of satisfaction.
Yep.. that's the narc smirk.
How true
Omg this is crazy! Everything you said was spot on!
My ex-husband would control food under the guise of being healthy and decided at one point that we all become Vegan. Then it was only Organic foods because of the chemicals. Knowing that this restricted us and limited our food supply. However, after I had weight loss surgery he would give me candy bars and treats for presents and praise all the time. Pre-surgery and he would sometimes get angry when I had those things. Even telling me no very loudly in stores when I would put sweets in the cart. It all comes down to that sick need for control and to abuse which is disgusting and heartbreaking. My heart is with anyone who has been through narcissistic abuse.
Yes! Mine would alternately binge eat then purge via diet and exercise. He ALWAYS blamed me for his binging. If I wanted something like M & Ms he would remove them from the shopping cart and tell me that I didn’t need them.
@@texasgma3578 My ex had the same cycle. He would look drastically different with his weight about every 2-3 years. He was never happy with his body, no matter the changes he made and that was always my fault as well. I am so sorry that you went through this as well. I hope that you are safe and that you are healing now.
@@jenniyum your kind response truly means a lot to me. I am blessed to have a strong steady man in my life now who is nothing like my ex. Our exs sound so similar! I always had him watching over my shoulder to make sure I wasn’t putting any prohibited items in his food (e.g., white flour, sugar, etc.). And he would cook up the most disgusting food if he decided it was more healthy. Soybean patties instead of real meat, for example. Crazy making stuff. So glad I finally left!
@@texasgma3578 I am so happy for you and glad to hear it! When you talk with those who experienced long term narcissistic abuse it's like they all read the same script somehow. It will never cease to amaze me. Soybeans were a no-no because of the estrogen properties *eye roll*. It was a garbanzo bean and mushroom mash in our household.
Wow my family member is doing this to the kids…. “Let’s be healthier “ . I feel so bad for them.
They love having the children crying at the dinner table , after the kids cry , that’s when they are happy.
Disgusting , broken people. SO sorry !!!!!
That’s fkd up
I remember my mom making fun of me when I cried,and shaming me.
Yes! Your pain is the food they actually want. They don’t care about real food, they want their emotional food, which is your reactions and your suffering!
oh yes. I was sent away from dinner so often, to my room, and then when I was allowed back out, starving, she would purposfully stabd there pouring the fresh hot food down into the trash can. EVERY time. I cried and said please stop Im so hubgry, you know I didnt get to eat anything" and she would just play dumb but never stop throwing all the prescious food in the trash. They are pure evil.
Also what Danesh said about them not feeling taste. My mom would always be so stresded and angry while cooking then eat like an animal, always get food under her long finger nails, and then always be dissatisfied and like "was that even good, I couldnt really taste it, it tasted like nothing like always, arghhh".
Its SO WILD to learn that every little thing is connected, and that so many of us have seen all this. Absolutly crazy. Thanks and Bless everyone.
My mother used to set a timer. The rest of the family was done eating and long gone, kitchen cleaned. My mother set a timer to eat everything on my plate, almost every day. She gave me 30 mins. If I did not finish I got punished. Edit. As a teen/early 20's I was anorexic. As an older adult, I am overweight and emotionally eat.
My parents were both born in the 1920s. My mother was born in Italy to an upper-class family, and my father in Virginia, with 14 brothers and sisters. My mother prim and propper, to a fault. My Dad, #1 fits him well, thinking my grandma was constantly busy, obviously. I luved my Dad very much and wished to live in simple ways like he projected (funny, compassionate, and had a big heart). My mom is almost identical to the way you described your father. I always felt belittled, stupid and the worse, she was a teacher and as a mom never taught me the simplist of task growing up. I was just expected to know. So much trauma, and drama from her pregnancy (tried to commit suicide twice) till the day she died. I'm 71 now, it's taken decades to recognize, acknowledge, and correct myself. How I brought up my children, Let's say I had a normal childhood as my children grew. They're in their 30s now, and I can say I did what I could, changed the cycle and my children didn't grow up with a totally traumatic life. It wasn't perfect, neither was I, but my children never new the wire coat hangers for spanking, the public humiliation, and when they were out of the house, life didn't smack them in the face nor are they always gravitating towards bad relationships, and friendships where you are always trying to please people, not youself. I live my life having raised myself didn't want that for my children. Btw I'm a single mom and diagnosed but unmedicated bi-polar person. Ty
My Nex ate so fast that people in restaurants would stare at him. I remember a small child was watching him with his eyes wide open in amazement. The first time I ate with him, I asked him if he grew up in a boarding house. He looked at me like i was crazy. I said I've never seen anyone eat so fast and wondered if he had to fight for his food growing up. He thought I was kidding but I wasn't.
pjmrees, I had a boyfriend who grew up in a family of 11 kids. He used to eat fast because growing up in such a large family, if he didn't eat fast, he would have brothers and sisters reaching over for his food!
Maybe he had to learn that to survive in his household when he was small!! Idk.. these Narcs grow up (usually abused & the generational cycle goes on)!! Sadly!
🚫😈🚫👿😭💔🙏🙏🙏
@HISIAM888RUHIS888 No, he didn't have to fight for his food. His mother parentified him and spoiled him. He grew up wealthy and pampered. His father left at 5 and his mother treated him like a little husband and doted on him. She excuses away all his bad behavior. I heard him call her a bitch to her face and she'd say, Oh, you don't mean that. He laughed and told me he could kill someone in front of her and she would say he didn't mean to do it. (I wonder if he was referring to me)
Omg this is so spot on Danish, my husband eats so loud but is a hypocrite because he gets made if anyone else eats loud. He breaths so heavy you can't take it it spoils my appetite. If he's in one of his moods he will do it even worse.if I say anything he will be the victim and say can I do anything right.
Crazy doesn't begin to cover it. Danish. I am sorrier than I have words to adequately express, that you grew up with narcissistic parents. That said, you've turned it for the good of others. Thank you for your courage to speak honestly, and also, that you mustered the courage it took to free yourself from the shame and blame which naturally result from such abusive upbringings. You are a champion among men. I wish you every happiness.
Wow! That is so sad when your child has to address your poor and obnoxious table manners. I'm very sorry to hear that you had to encounter this.... WITH YOUR PARENT, who should be the example of etiquette!!!😢Thank you so very much for sharing and venting. 😢💔🙏
My mother would beat me for gagging on fish. Believe me, I very well understood the food cost money and that we didn’t have enough money for us to choose different foods for dinner night. Since I understood this, I said I was fine if it meant I wasn’t allowed any dinner at all that time, so then I got beat for “being ungrateful”.
It's amazing your timing in posting this video. Literally a week ago I had the revelation that I understand why I hated my dad joining us at the dinner table. It was rare he joined us luckily, because he was always working in his office across the living room. But he could see the kitchen if he left his door open, so then he would listen in and harass us loudly from there. My mom always cooked our dinner. And one of my dad's excuses for not joining would be he doesn't like what my mom made. Looking back on this, how hurtful that must have been for her. He was such a poor example setter. On the days when he did join us, it was a nightmare. He'd go around the dinner table, suddenly deciding to be a father, and interrogate each of us about school and our lives. I didn't feel like answering him because I knew he wasn't serious or actually cared. He clearly enjoyed his position of authority, and spoke to us in a commanding, intimidating way. I just remember dreading him getting to me, because it all felt so staged. It didn't feel genuine. It just felt like he was "playing" dad. If that makes sense? Also, he would scream the loudest at any of us kids for any bad eating habits, but then he would be the most disgusting of all when eating. Chewing SO loudly, eating really fast, just scarfing it down, chewing with his mouth open. BELCHING. Yet he would angrily shame us if we did any of these things. I remember one time when we got pizza, he joined us (pizza was one of the few foods he would eat). My pizza had a lot of grease on it. So I started blotting it with a paper towel. When he saw this, he lost his mind. He screamed and yelled at me telling me what I was doing was FOUL and DISGUSTING and WRONG. He ordered me to stop it immediately. I tried to explain to him the excessive oil made me sick and I couldn't eat it otherwise. He refused to listen or understand, threatening to send me to my room if I continued. He was always like this. Selfish, controlling, narcissistic, unable to listen or understand.
I should also mention that my biological dad (who my mom divorced when I was four), used to shove food into my mouth too. I don't remember it because I was a baby. But my mom hated him for it. I was a slow, picky eater as a baby. I truly believe, based on so many other signs, that I am on the spectrum, and that's why I was picky about eating because I had a hard time processing all the textures. But I'm glad I don't remember him force-feeding me. I'm sorry you went through that, Danish :(
I personally am glad you shared, makes me feel better because sometimes I just write and write. so thanks. I am sorry that all happened to you. you probably do remember subconsciously being force fed by your bio dad, it all gets recorded even if you don't remember now. there's nothing wrong with you for wanting to take your time. everyone is different and there's nothing wrong with you. God bless you, sorry that happened to you. you deserved better.
uhg you just described how my narc husband treats our kids (while im constantly trying to do damage control) and while it's validating to reconfirm he IS a narc and not just..the icky person who he is.. it also makes me desperately count the days until we can be free of him cuz hearing this from the perspective of the child breaks my heart even more. the best word for them is HYPOCRITE in every single way at all times.
I still remember my dad raging at me and my mom for “letting” me put toothpaste on my pimples. Mind you, I got my acne from him. And yet he’s brushing his teeth with toothpaste. It never made sense!
Thank you for sharing.
You've brought some things to light for me.
The story of your dad force feeding you made me so emotional and I'm so sorry you went through that. 😢
I’m sorry for what you went through. I experienced the same things. You are kind to share and validate others.
I never realised thus. But my husband had bad eating habits. He would always add lots of salt to any meal without first tasting it. So I stopped using as much in my cooking. Then he would seem to inhale his meal, he always finished before anyone else at the table. Even when we had gone out for a meal with friends.
Then at the end of a meal, he would always say that ge'd eaten too much.
And of course, there was always the noises he made. I think that in the 41 years of our marriage, I condition myself not to hear him.
Sounds like a pig
My relationship with food is awful. It’s gotten better, but it’s so frustrating how I swing between starving myself (not always intentionally) and overeating. I have stretches where I eat well, but then I feel depressed. My father was always hyper focused on my weight, and he definitely always had a critique on the food. I’ve blocked out what family meals were like growing up; I honestly can’t remember.
Maybe you can try having smaller meals throughout the day. I had to because I developed irritable bowel syndrome but I get hypoglycemia so that's what I do. I try to regulate my glucose to stay balance throughout the day but I can't have too much sugar either or my blood sugar would drop suddenly. I have to carry something to munch on my purse and I am not diabetic (not yet).
So my dad would be and still is focused on how much I eat and he’s always like I’m glad to see you eating or even pushing me or everyone around him to eat. I don’t truly think he’s a narc or has npd and everyone has some egotistical qualities to an extent it’s just ironic you said that for me. It makes me think a little bit. Also im incredibly sorry you had to go through this. No one deserves that. I hope you find peace ❤❤❤❤
@@Unfilteredalyssa1227
There are people who enjoy eating and they find healthy having appetitte. In some cultures if you don't eat much can be seen like you don't like how food was cooked. As long as they don't force anyone to eat more or less they feel like it it's ok.
Yes, i can identify with most of what you wrote. I'm almost completely amnesic of all family meals when my father was there. Blocked them out due to trauma but do know he was focused on my weight. :/
Maybe the memories are ready to surface & heal. I think that would help better my relationship with food, too.
writing out how you feel will help clarify how you feel. then I work with changing my beliefs..........thru positive affirmations. I work with words like, "it is safe for me to now have what I want" and things like that. my dad always made fun of my body..........I always thought something was wrong with me but it was his own preoccupation with "things". I now work with my own love and self approval and knowing that God is my REAL parent, both mother and father. so I am good!
bless you, don't give up, you are worthy of having what you want.
Why am I 51 years old and just now learning this?! I was with a narcissist for 17 years before divorcing him. And I’d been diagnosed with PTSD years ago. But this, THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH FOR ME. My youngest child is now 19 and feel I am finally coming back to myself a little. But there has been a lot of damage. That is discouraging sometimes. But, no grit…no pearl. I persevere. I have three sons whom I love and a career I cherish. I am lucky. I am content.
Im sorry u had to endure such abuse...im very proud of u for rising above the treatment of your parents....peace and hugs ❤
To this day, anytime my brother and I have dinner at our moms house she would get so pissed off if we didn’t come eat as soon as it was ready. The longer we waited the more extremely angry she would get. And while eating she would fish for compliments the whole time. Saying thing like “I’m sorry the soup isn’t very good”, after we’ve already said it was good. I don’t go over there anymore.
She probably didn’t want it to get cold, after going to effort of timing everything out depending on meal. I dislike cold food (my husband does not mind lukewarm or cold food he said which is maybe why he has delayed), so when it is done, I like to sit down, husband pray, and eat with our son (16 month old). Yes, some people are controlling but others have normal desires and expectations in family activities.
I agree…it takes time and energy to make a nice meal. Cooking is a labour of love for some and a duty for others. Either way the effort should be respected…when the meal is ready that’s when you eat. Fairly simple in my mind!
It's not narcissistic to want people to come and eat the food you have spent time and money on when it is ready...making the chef wait, causing food to become either cold or overcooked is quite rude. When someone cooks for you and calls you to come and eat dinner the correct response is, " thank you so much, I'll be right there"....
@@tracycameron2580 that’s not you being a nice and generous person. That’s being controlling. I don’t know how the food would get burnt unless you leave it in the oven until someone comes to eat but your responsibility ends after you’ve made the food. Them eating it cold should have no effect on you.
@@tracycameron2580 and you’re not their chef. You’re their mom. Which means you should display passion and love. Not a strict schedule to eat like your kids are in a senior home.
My mother got angry at me when I wouldn't eat 2 things that actually made me vomit: creamed spinach or pickled beets. She would make me sit at the table (or under the table) and refuse to let me eat anything else unless I ate whichever of those I hadn't eaten...for 3 days. She would put that plate of disgusting crap in front of me, it having been left out for all of those 3 days, and tell me to pretend it was a tootsie roll. Ugh. After 3 days (when she couldn't take trying to discipline and control me anymore), she would throw it out, spank me until her hand hurt too much, and then deny me any of the things I loved to do, for several weeks. I continued to refuse those foods (I hate vomiting!). When I was in my 40's, I happened to look in my baby book, and right there, in the list of foods that I could or could not tolerate, where the hated ones. I shoved that in front of her face, pointing out how she had abused me with those. She laughed and said "Ooops." My mother was an a-hole. I didn't know she was a narcissist until after she passed and I had to deal with other narcissists. It took me 50+ years to realize my mother was a liar and only cared what other people thought of her. It was weird though...she did have those moments of love. Maybe that was just to draw us in. She was a master manipulator and I drove her crazy; at this point in my life, I can see why (I drive all control freaks crazy).
When she was not looking I'd stuff the food down the side of the chair or into my shoes or slippers. She also had an old fashioned organ ( never played it) but another good place to stuff dreaded types of food in through the pedals at the bottom. 🤣 Once put some food in an old jewel box - tied a string on it & lowered it down from my bedroom window - retrieved it later - disposed of the dinner - like being a spy or James Bond ! 🤣 If she made or had something delicious & I asked for some - she would say no & not share. Her life was not exactly happy - but I would not want to meet her again.
Keep driving them crazy...stay strong. God bless you x
@@eileenmcintyre8632 Thank you; God bless you as well!
They LOVE to punish with food. I have eating disorders now. And they are why.
I am so sorry she did that to you.
@@jodirose922 I am so sorry yours did that to you as well! Wishing you freedom from the food disorders.
This is heart breaking! Food aggression in people? Never heard of such a thing til now. I didn't realize how blessed my childhood was. I still miss family suppers at the table. Saying grace, animatedly sharing each others events of the day and yes, practicing table manners and asking to be excused were of course, part of the deal but it was taught with patient kindness and was a welcome and pleasant experience we all looked forward to. I miss those days immensly. Practiced same with my kids til all were grown and gone. Now its empty chairs til the holidays. I thank God for those!
If I didn’t finish everything on my plate, my narcissistic dad would tell me that how dare I not be grateful for the food in front of me because after all, there are starving people in Africa who are dying.
Unfortunately I developed multiple eating disorders. It has taken years but I now have a healthy habits.
my mother would make us eat it at the next meal so I learned to hide what I didn't eat or throw it away somehow. I even remember wrapping up my runny nasty eggs in a napkin and putting it in the napkin holder to hide it.
I remember falling asleep at the table. but I had to eat the same plate the next day, heated in the oven. no microwave then.
@@MissOne microwaves kill the nutrients anyway, so ........
@@MissOne I heard a co worker..saying that is what she did to her daughter. Kept giving her the same plate till it went bad. Shocked doesn't even cover my reaction to that.
Exactly my experience. And God help me if we were out to eat at a restaurant and I didn’t finish everything on my plate right there. “Don’t order anything you’re not going to eat every bite of.” As if there weren’t ‘doggy bags?’ I was just a kid-how can a skinny little girl be expected to eat restaurant-sized portions of food in one sitting?! Completely unrealistic expectations. I recognized even then how ridiculous it all was.
OMG you just described my ex , it was bizarre, for him it was about volume , not taste. He wolfed the food down , ate with his mouth full , talking and chewing at the same time, spraying food everywhere. It was stressful.
Great video! Everyone should have this information! I'm so sorry for how you were treated!
Definitely have learned to keep my opinions to myself around narcissists.
My mother always wanted me to eat or drink something “ healthy”. In my teenage-years my father was in a bad mood every Sunday morning. So I chose not to get up in these mornings, and got up somehow on my own and ate all alone in the kitchen.
Even me being over 30 years old my mother would come for Christmas’ eve’s dinner. I had told her in advance what we had planned to eat. No objections . Then she arrived and told me she had a certain kind of meat she wanted to eat and asked me for oil. I gave her the one I had. This one is no good for this purpose, I was told. Do you have parsley? No? Had she known this she would have brought some with her.
I was so angry at her but swallowed my anger. She died more than 20/years ago.
It really makes sense why I was angry. I always ate what she had prepared being at her home, no objections.
My gosh. Just recently, when I started watching some UA-cam videos on narcissism, memories of my childhood started coming back, after 65 years... and I realized that my male parent was a narcissist. Eating together was one thing I had yet to think about. Watching this, but moreso reading all the comments, has been extremely difficult-- I could now make a LONG list from the things all of you have described... I suddenly feel like I need some kind of emotional release from remembering and suddenly recognizing so many things that happened were narcissistic behavior, and I'm starting to cry. Now I know why I've felt like I was a little girl again recently when my new husband was picking on me. His behavior is the reason I looked up narcissism, after one of my girlfriends used the word recently in a comment. We got married in October and I left 3 months later. Only had to watch a few videos on narcissism to realize that probably every single word out of his mouth was a lie, starting the day we met.
Good for you, it’s so hard to act when you find out the truth. You are brave and strong to take care of yourself.
The something happened to me. My ex narc would push my buttons BIG TIME
When all it was, was his narcissistic behavior (which would then trigger my mother's narc behavior) and I'd snap big time. Brought out wicked behavior in me. I hated it
Eating in my childhood home was always
Traumatic, unpleasant…. I recall being beaten for not eating, vomited. I hid food, threw it out the window, lol. The food was disgusting as my mother was obsessive compulsive in her own eating, no spices, seasoning & I ate quickly,
got up to clear the table as it was
our job as well. As a young teen, it became our job to cook, set the table with all the formalities. Yes, holidays were traumatic as we had to help prepare everything in a certain way& eating out was ruined too even as an adult. Interesting because I also know those folks whose food was measured, shamed.
Danish, I love how you tell it like it is. So many people fall prey to their parents and will defend them, no matter what. You are clearly not in denial. I wish more people could see their parents for who they really are and not feel obligated to create a fantasy just because they are family. The other consideration that is important is that our parents weren't born this way. They were raised this way. They only come to us with the tools they were given by their own parents. Keep in mind that you can't give what you don't have.
#1 and 5 ... A guest and i were catching a breath after a family gathering, he asked, "MAN,, how long has it been since he ATE!!"
Hugs to everyone, we dont forgive for their sake,,, but for our own!
Yes, it's necessary to release them because they will NEVER confess their sins to you and ask you for forgiveness! But the moment I said "I release you", it felt like somebody took a heavy box off my shoulders, which used to always hurt and need massaging! It was fabulous!
Absolutely agree on the forgiveness part. Otherwise it just eats at you and they are winning. Let it all go, including the toxic ones, and live your best life. 💚
I hated meals with my narc father and co-dependent mother. He would wait until we all sat down to eat, then start demanding for my mother or myself to get up and get him something (another drink re-fill, a different spoon, a napkin, etc). He never asked my golden child sister to get up. After making us get up several times, he’d then hold court (as Danesh said-talking about humiliating someone & how proud he was of himself) while my mom and sister would take it all in and look at him in awesome reverence. He’d then start picking on me “why are you eating one thing at a time? Why don’t you mix your food?” Or if I was mixing my food, he had something you say about that as well. On top of all this, I grew up eating the same 4 or 5 meals every day because mom only made what he wanted. It wasn’t until I left at 18, that I got to try Chinese food.
Edited to add-you’d better bring him the correct glass or utensil, otherwise he’d scream and belittle you. He even nearly killed me once because of the way I handed his glass to him. Apparently I didn’t do it to his liking. Mom and sister thought he was justified because “I should’ve known better than to hold his glass that way.”
Let me guess, you held the rim of the glass with your fingertips? Yeah, I did that once, but reacting like a mad king is no way to treat a child.
Pretty similar upbringing, same meals every week, and I felt sick after most of them. Turns out I'm gluten intolerant, but oh no, having the step dik's rotting teeth and moles removed were more important than their scullery maid scapegoat throwing up in her mouth almost every night. And oh so precious golden boy could have chickie nuggets every night or pasta with tomato sauce (🤢) if his highness pleased. But I was being difficult for not setting the table on time, or not getting the step douche his favourite Marvel comics glass (the absolute manchild), or wanting only lime cordial every night rather than orange, which made me feel sick 🙄
He also made comments on why I didn't mix my peas and corn with my rice (cause mixed textures make me wretch), or why I held my fork in a way that didn't hurt my fingers, had to hold it like a pencil, which, due to my hEDS, made my index finger ache. He had things to say about my older sister scraping her food off her fork with her teeth (she had trauma over burning her mouth a lot as a child cause she didn't wait or blow on her food). He rambled and vented all night about our "misbehaviour, done just to piss him off".
Oh boy! 'Why are you eating one thing at a time?' was one of the signature complaints my narc husband had about me. He would try to shame me in public about how I chose to eat my meals. I would explain that it helped me digest the food better, but he never stopped making fun of me and laughing about how I ate.
So sorry. Hope all is well now. It's a power thing and once you take back your power, they can't hurt you anymore. It does take time to heal though. All the best. ❤
@@phalinimcleod8819 they are so good insufferable. If it’s not how you eat, then they make fun of how you walk, talk, laugh, dress, even your handwriting. My dad had something to say about all those things and more. I hope you’ve gotten away from him.
@@eileenmcintyre8632 Thank you. I’m very low-contact with my parents and sibling and have much more peace than I ever thought I’d have. Blessings to you.
I experienced all of those examples and hearing you explain validates the scars it has left. Thank you
I believe every point that you mentioned. I feel very sorry for you and for your siblings for being subjected to this hellish behaviour of your parent/parents. I'm so glad you turned out fine, but I also know it could take a whole lifetime of healing as I see in your facial expressions bits of that trauma still present. I understand that physical trauma is way different and easier to handle than a psychological one or emotional abuse. I hope and pray your wounds will heal fast.
I got force fed a lot, my dad made sure meals were things i wouldn't like and force feed me. I still feel the fork scraping against my teeth and the blood in my gums. If i was sick i was sometimes forced to eat that. He'd get so angry about it. I still don't know why it meant so much to him.
He doesn't even know.
I'm so sorry to hear that. Dinner time with my ex and my young sons was traumatizing because he wouldn't let my son eat at his own pace. He was obsessed with controlling what, how, and how fast his children ate. My ex would be upset if I didn't try to control my kid on what he ate more than I did. Like I said it was traumatizing to me so I knew it was sure to be traumatizing for my son. It took me a while but I finally got away from my ex and dinner time doesn't bring tears to my 6 year old anymore. I really hope you can heal from your pain, and hopefully talking about it can help to you heal.
I’m so sorry. No one deserves that especially a child. God is with you. You don’t have to go through that anymore. He’s going to hell for sure. I hope you don’t have any contact and find peace ❤❤❤❤
Often related to they paid for it, worked for it, they want to see their dependants eat their hard labour, failure to eat and enjoy is taken as an insult.
Because he's a complete ass
Thank you for this great video.
I am anorexic. I can not have a scale in my home.
I thought it was my only control of myself.
Now I know why, I am getting better each day.
You are encouraging for me to stay strong.
Stay cool and groovy.
I wish you a better future sweetheart.
Thank you for sharing your personal experience, Danish Bashir. It meant a great deal to me.
Thank you for sharing this truthful video. My mother was so much like this. At dinner after my dad got home from a hard day’s work, she would start an argument with him, not only upsetting him, but ruining dinner for my sister and me as well. Also, I had a partner who would upset our mealtime by eating really fast while talking about all different kinds of food that wasn’t even involved with this particular meal and after he was done eating would abruptly get up from the table and leave me there to finish my meal alone. He wouldn’t even excuse himself. Here I worked hard to prepare a nice dinner for us in the hopes of enjoying some time together only to be left alone and disappointed. The day I left him was one of the most freeing days of my life.
I am really sorry that you had to experience this awful awful behaviour. There are no words for this. I also want to thank you for making the choice of relieving this to educate us. It helps us all so much to see that we were not crazy. Take care of yourself!