7 Signs Of Narcissists Worsening As They Age
Вставка
- Опубліковано 1 тра 2022
- In a person's early adult years, traits associated with narcissism can emerge, but there is hope that as maturity catches up, those narcissistic tendencies can lessen. Dr. Les Carter explains that unfortunately many narcissists not only do not mature, but their tendencies worsen with age. He highlights seven of the most common indicators of narcissists who regress as the years go by.
Sign up for Dr. Carter's NEW course: Ready, Set, Connect
survivingnarcissism.tv/ready-...
Get 20% off when you use the coupon code: rsc20youtube
Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. In the past 40+ years he has conducted more than 65,000 counseling sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
If you are interested in online therapy, Dr. Carter has a sponsor who can assist. As the need is there, please seek the help you deserve: betterhelp.com/drcarter
We receive commissions on referrals to BetterHelp. We only recommend services that we trust.
Join the Team Healthy community HERE: survivingnarcissism.tv/subscr...
Check out videos, articles, quizzes, and more at our website: survivingnarcissism.tv
You can follow Surviving Narcissism on:
Twitter: @SNarcissism101
Instagram: @survivingnarcissism101
Facebook: @survivingnarcissism101
Dr. Carter has two other courses that you may find to be useful:
Free to Be: Reclaim & rediscover your uniqueness survivingnarcissism.tv/free-t...
This Is Me: Setting boundaries with the controllers in your life survivingnarcissism.tv/this-i...
Dr. Carter's personal website: drlescarter.com/
Dr. Carter's other UA-cam channel: / drlescarter
Bookstore: survivingnarcissism.tv/books-...
When I got a cancer diagnosis my narc mother said “But if you die who’s going to look after me?”. She’s a piece of work.
Gosh, sounds like my Narc MIL. When my husband told her that we will not be going along with whatever she demanded of us and that we will not going to be around anymore because of how she treated us unfairly, she said, "Guess I can't count on you to take care of when when I get old, huh." Total and complete lack of insight on how other people feel or how she behaved. It's only HER thoughts, feelings, and world that matters and screw everyone if it doesn't bring HER anything that she think she deserves.
@sadferret8888 Oh my goodness...I understand. When I got cancer, my sister said that everyone should be helping her not me because being a mother with three children is harder/worse than having cancer.
@@marianina8 Good grief (it’s always perplexed me, that expression 😂)
I would have said - “ you know - you have a point - you better start looking immediately because I’m done taking care of you” and leave and don’t answer her calls, don’t go visit her , walk away ! Live what time you have in peace !
I can imagine my mother saying that. Sorry. Good luck with your health.
It really does get worse as they get older. You can't fix stupid.
God Can.
Can He?! So why doesn't He ??
You know WHY because they REFUSE to humble themselves and ask God to help them.
That's WHY!!
@@Ax.DaEdgeright they have to want to change for even God to help them. They’re usually too arrogant and thinking they’re higher than God themselves to ask for His help.
@@pocahontas4583
God Can Only Punish Them
Not Change Them as They Outright Reject Him along With any Kind Thing We Do For Them. They reject Love and Light
They won't yield and certainly don't believe in God. They are the most dangerous kind of person, they have no empathy or any emotions unless they are crying for themselves.
My great-aunt divorced at age 78 after she decided she had enough of her husband's shenanigans. She was/is my hero. She lived her best life the remaining 15+ years of her life.
Love this comment!! ♥️
Wow ! That's amazing.
That has to be one of the most amazing and inspiring things I've heard. Props to your aunt!
🔥🔥🔥🔥💪🏿👉🏾💯. ✂️bad ties, no matter how long it takes 👏🏾✌🏾 keep loving yourself ❤️
This is wonderful and gives me hope!
Here’s another truth: they do not care about your problems AT ALL…while going on endlessly about their own and who wronged them.
No, they don't share or admit to having problems, for they believe they're above that
@@iamlost2 They believe they have problems. But it's never ever theirs fault. They always find someone else to blame.
@@xminusone1 EXACTLY
So annoying...the NON stop whining
Yes!! Who wronged them!
I am convinced that this narcissism behavior is more prevalent in society than we are led to believe. I am seeing it manifested more and more.
Yes! I believe that too. Maybe we didn’t recognize it before? Or we didn’t have a name for it?? Anyway, I see so many posts and they describe the exact narcissistic behaviors. I myself recently within the last two years discovered “narcissistic behavior” term. I had not heard about these people. Yet I married one!! I was young and naïve so I had no clue plus a narcissist grooms victims and tricks them, saying what you want to hear. Then the control. So sad I gave my best years to a narcissist. I’m now 62 and just kicked my ex out a few months ago. I’m now trying to piece together what is left of my life. Fortunately, I have two normal sons and I have their full support. But what if this narcissist gene pops up in my grandchildren? I hear it’s hereditary.
Once you see it, you become more and more aware of it.
You know why? Society wanted atheistic culture, no accountability. Last generation of parents now in their late 60’s RAISED LARGELY BRATS!!! 1990’s HUM-Vees bought for 16-17 year old, spoiled - as mom got her ass thrown back into work, too…..no chores when you have a housekeeper. I see for years moms taking KIDS- LITTLE-GIRLS to Nail salons etc. all this over indulgence in place of spending time & parenting created Narcissists now in their 40’s & younger
“1This know also, that in the last days perilous times shall come.
2 For men shall be lovers of their own selves, covetous, boasters, proud, blasphemers, disobedient to parents, unthankful, unholy,
3 Without natural affection, trucebreakers, false accusers, incontinent, fierce, despisers of those that are good,
4 Traitors, heady, highminded, lovers of pleasures more than lovers of God;
5 Having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof: from such turn away.
6 For of this sort are they which creep into houses, and lead captive silly women laden with sins, led away with divers lusts,
7 Ever learning, and never able to come to the knowledge of the truth.
8 Now as Jannes and Jambres withstood Moses, so do these also resist the truth: men of corrupt minds, reprobate concerning the faith.
9 But they shall proceed no further: for their folly shall be manifest unto all men, as their's also was.” 2 Thessalonians 3:1-9
They were always all around us, but now that harvest is coming the wicked have to be revealed for what they were all along, just like the humble and righteous are being revealed for what they were all along.
Apocalypse means in the Greek “disclosure” or “revealing”. I look around and that is exactly what is happening. People are being revealed.
@@ghost-user559 Wow Ghost-User. Powerful words. Bible! Narcissistic people described.
They cannot admit they have any faults and dont see self improvement as something they require.
“These people do not have a heart. It has turned to stone”. All we need to know.
Me, too.
CAYSE THE DEVIL GOT THEIR SOUL
They NEVER say they are sorry.. NEVER. They also project onto others and call others narcissistic
I've noticed they say sorry to the flying monkeys yet they totally ignore what they've done to us. Rationalise their treatment
They say sorry but not mean it. And they say it with anger.
They will say "I'm sorry" but not mean it. Usually the "I'm Sorry" is "I'm sorry for being caught." It's an apology to themselves, not to us.
That isnt entirely correct, they do sometimes say they are sorry, however it is not for the reasons you think it is or normal people do. It is a measuring stick to see how you react to the intentional abuse they have inflicted. If you express how much they have affected you, it shows them their abuse is working. So they can say sorry but it is for a very demented reason (as usual).
@@gypsykatcher30 Yup, it's like the video from Coach Michele Lee Nieves the other day.
She said that when someone asks what they are doing wrong, they want to know so they can change...
Narcs `only want to know so they can get tyou to explain/overexplain, because in their mind, making you explain yourself `shows them "Look at all the power I have to make this person explain themselves....
It's SICKNESSS.
"Narcissists don't grow. They regress." 📌
Exactly that’s a great way to wrap it up
This is such a key understanding!
Yes spot on. They regress because their mask keeps slipping off and people are exhausted by their drama and mind games. Avoid.
Rotten in their souls
Lacking trust and love
More agressive/rage, dillusional, "superior", bitter, pushing ppl away, in denial of ageing and having more needs, victimy, judgemental, unable to show gratefullness (in a proper way) to the ppl who try to help, greedy, but also more hoovering cause they realize they loose people. The mess only gets bigger and you'll see more clearly what already was happening all your life.
Become more arrogant and nasty ! Money become mandatory for them especially narc lad after 40 ! they will freaking out when lost job and people ! Their kids leave them too !
Personalities carved in stone.
@no chains no more I killed them at age 67
Oh so true!!!!!
Definitely will see it exactly for what it is. It’s like watching the definitions of all of what you have listed in action.
People leave from disgust or exhaustion.
I heard someone say once that as people grow older they just become more like themselves.
A narc will definitely show you this!
Well, then, my mother, who we all thought was a narcissist for years, has fallen severely ill and has had to be placed in a nursing home, apparently isn’t. It’s the very best one I could find. She is content as can be there.🤷♀️She has the sweetest disposition now and is an absolute joy to be around. She is no longer entitled and perpetually dissatisfied, and appreciates everything I do for her. She says she is being very well taken care of and not to worry about her. The staff loves her and says she never complains about anything and is so sweet. Omg! 😂But it’s great, we can finally have a relationship.
@@user-bc2cv8ic9m sure, because she's totally dependent on you and is at your mercy! She doesn't want you to move her out to a place where old people are warehoused and mistreated. Narcissists may be mean, but they're not stupid. Some of them are actually pretty crafty.
That is a great funny saying.
Yes. My mother used to say this all the time.... funny because she became more narc with every passing day.
To anyone stuck in a relationship with a narc, just know your life if not bad, it’s the environment. Leave as soon as possible.
in Canada, narc family is the only way we can avoid starvation, no ones cares we are hunted and shamed by the population at large who are mostly all demonically possessed people
EXACTLY RUN AS FAR AS YOU CAN
When they are mad at you they can be very revengeful, rather than talking things over they will treat you badly as a way of punishing you. Then they will come back around later as if nothing has happened. The older ones are the worse. It's a vicious cycle.
Lol, been over a year with my sister, crickets. And, it gets better, she sent back a birthday card and Christmas card unopened. Who does that?? All because I called her out on her behavior. Nuts!!
I finally had enough punishments.
Yes that's true, the older ones are indeed the worst. I used to really like old people but had to learn that they are not all the kind souls with a lot of wisdom that they should be. If they are narcissists, they are totally vile!
yes i agree.... my boyfriends narc 85 yr old mother got mad and punched me i my arm and called me a bitch and told me to drop dead all because her 2 sons do not wanna be bothered by her not the first time she has ever done that to me i just do not go around her ever just like her sons she did it to herself now she has to live with nobody wanting to be around her ever again
My ex narc abused me when his child was gone mind u i gained him custody and he treated me like a personal slave he got worse with age as he thought i was a stupid one like his ex i played my cards just right i cheated on him back and hurt him so bad he wanted me dead but i called the cops before he put his hands on me should of seen thw look on his face the pure horror of his actions and how it effected him he hurt himself by hurting me he deserved it and now hes not smiling while i get the man of my dreams he lost everything thank god
I stayed with my husband 36 year, married 34, waiting for him to mature. I left 3 years ago once I realized he would never grow up. My life is peaceful and full of joy now that I am on my own.
I've seen that, they need a babysitter 24/7.
Left my Ex after 35 years, SO SO MUCH BETTER.
@@katen1228 I agree now but I was heartbroken for over a year. Now I know how a woman should be treated and I will never settle. Life began at 59.
Seems to me there is a lot be said for living alone. For some reason the word, 'compromise' is not in either my Webster's Dictionary or my 'Oxford Dictionary', I cannot seem to find it anywhere! LOL
How did you get the courage or resources to get out? I'm 72, afraid and wasting my last years.
Oh the temper tantrums in my car are sickening. 88 yrs old stomping her feet and yelling "you just don't want to be controlled". All because I drove down a street of my own choosing. Lord have mercy and help us all.
My 95 year old Mother had the same meltdown in the car, telling the driver they were going the wrong way - just by choosing their way to go vs Mom's way. We felt so sorry for the driver. Oi yoi
My immediate thought: You could have some fun with her. Make a few more wrong turns and just keep telling her how sorry you are, how she's always right no matter what, how dumb you must be, etc. Keep it up and chuckle every time she stomps her feet again.
@@julieoelker1865 Oh believe me, I'm not above doing just that!! Hilarious!
I tell folks - my car , my rules if you don’t like - call a cab … seriously tell them this - it works - you will have the most quiet ride ever to your destination !
Tell her Jesus took the wheel 😂😂😂
All true. Has anyone ever noticed how narcissists also copy you. It’s like they have no real personality of their own, so they adopt characteristics that you display and begin to mimic you. Sometimes nice genuine parts of you, they take on as an act in front of others and it’s like, this sounds like me. And then later it’s back to them and their crap
Yes exactly this👆💯
Yes!
Yes, yes, yes!
Wow!!!! Your comments made my skin crawl.. it gave me the Heebee gee-bees! I am going through the EXACT same thing. Monkey see monkey doo. Creepy weird.
@@luke184lisa it gets worse. Wait until you notice a laugh they do… and then you realize even that was adopted off someone from their past. It’s not only you they copy. They are literally a walking combination of different characteristics they’ve collected over the years, mostly all from ex victims. I mentioned it and was shut down. Then that particular behaviour instantly stopped because the gig was up. But all the rest remain. You’d need a lifetime to sort through all the shit inside them
My father is now 87. We lost Mom when I was 18. My father is a covert Nacissist. The bullying gaslighting blame shame and lack of nuture this man dumped on me is still hurting me. The control , insensitiveness to my feelings .. it runs deep. He made my two younger brothers his flying monkeys. They are a pair of narcissists too. I’ve walked away for good. It’s hard but I have to remind myself that he is a perpetual victim who will never release me from the scapegoat role. I haven’t lost a family. I walked away from a group of malevolent evil unavailable people who used me up until there was almost nothing left to use.
I understand the scapegoat/whipping post role! I've had to turn my back on a few family members & the Queen (human) Woodchipper, my mother. It's a painful process, but in the long-run, I'm FAR happier!
@@markmarco6277 is the funeral optional? Can you skip it?
@@markmarco6277 I won’t attend my Marc fathers funeral. It would only subject me to more trauma. Probably you too.
@@markmarco6277 yeah, I hear you. There's also gray rocking, a strategy I live. You don't kiss anyone's ass. You don't do much of anything at all. You don't offer anything. You stay in your own skin, on the sidelines, preoccupied with everything but them. A big, gray boulder off to the side, doing your own thing, then slipping back home on the plane no worse for the wear. Good luck
So proud of you! God Bless You
Dr. C, I usually agree with you, but here's where I don't: It's not that the narcissist has given up on love. The narcissist has given up on FAKING their love. Narcissists aren't capable of love.
You make a good point.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Can I ask you a question?
How do you recommend dealing with one you are stuck with engaging with (in a business relationship).
What do you do if the dark triad is your boss or coworker, and leaving or finding some escape is not an option (limited field with limited opportunities).
If you cannot disengage (stuck to remain employed), you cannot win (they are irrational), and they have the high ground of authority or control, what do you recommend to mitigate the damage?
Basically there is no way to “shine a light” on the trouble maker because the boss is on his team and exactly like them.
What do you recommend in such a situation where the only source of income requires dealing regularly with these people?
Wrong! They're capable of love all right, only it's SELF love and it's so all-consuming there isn't any left for anyone else. As they age, you are right, they slowly but surely give up on faking love for others.
I think mine loved me when we were younger?
@@SurvivingNarcissism I don't think narcissists give up on love, it's just that they end up loving themselves to the exclusion of others.
I’ve been married to my covert narcissist for 49 years. I didn’t discover his shenanigans until 10 years ago, up until then I thought I was being a good wife solely raising our boys n my own while his work always took priority. I was codependent and always made to believe I was asking too much when I asked him to make us a priority. Long story short, he got careless 10 years ago, I discovered several emotional affairs he had been carrying on shortly after our second son was born 30 years prior. He was that sneaky and secretive, and my life changed forever. Luckily I was always in charge of the finances, because he was terrible with money(red flag), and I was very good at saving. However, I stayed home for many years raising the boys, so I didn’t have much of a pension and he did, but we had a big savings and retirement. If I left, I would be living off SS, barely getting by, trying to make my savings last. I stayed, he got sick, now is in very poor health and karma is a bitch for him because he is a lonely old man. I gray rock him, help him some what with his medical needs, but will feel no guilt when his ass has to go into a nursing home. His money pays for my therapist, who has been a life saver, I travel without him, we live in the same house but do not consider him my partner anymore. That trauma bond he created is finally gone, but it has taken me ten years to heal. I would not wish a covert narcissist on my worst enemy. Thanks to videos like this and wonderful books out there I have been helped.
Sounds like you are the narcissistic as well. You are using him. Poor man out there making a life for you and your kids.
You are probably one of the strongest persons I have ever met faced with the narcissistic personality. You have well earned every moment of peace he never gave you. Bless you!
Same story here except I was “lucky” that he had a physical affair so now I get alimony. He always would try to tell me we would basically be destitute if he took any amount of time off from work to spend with the family. So now he can keep working and I’m out here enjoying life with my daughters.
@@donnalittle1507 If your kind comment is meant for me, thank you. That brought tears to my eyes, just reading that someone acknowledges my strength has meant the world to me. Having these resources and videos from Dr. Les Carter has been a blessing.
@@kathleenjbazan5563 it was meant for you, kudos to your resilience!
They are truly childish it’s astounding how ridiculous they are I have learned not let them change me !
My entire family: dying off one by one. I am way younger and the scapegoat. They now “need” me…I learned my lesson and avoid them.
So smart of you.
This happened to me when my mom (also NPD) died, suddenly my aunt wanted to call and tell me dirt regularly. I went Gray Rock since I don't see her regularly. Took me a bit to see the writing on the wall, though.
@@TK-ij2xi
Gray rock seems to be the best tactic if a person is unable to cut the narcissist out of their life completely.
I'll say it, and it's not "nice" at all to say, but it's almost too good to be true, but when they begin to die off, YOU get to live. Stay strong in a life that's torment free. Don't let anyone back in to hurt or torment you ever again.
@@lobomedina6312 Yes, I agree. My mother I went No Contact but I only talk to my aunt on holidays & through text - so Gray Rock feels feasible.
@@elizabethhayes549
Dear Elizabeth, yeah sometimes reality isn't "nice".
In fact that's why a lot of us seek info and support from the experts. I've been way too nice to the elderly narc in my life, and I'm not even an emoath. I was raised to be respectful to elders (still am), but I didn't know anything about narcissistic behavior, got into a real pickle.
Congrats on your freedom.
They never own it. The rages are considerably more frequent and toxically bitter. Seems they hate the world and everyone in it. Complaints for the sake of complaining. Just flat out horrible.
It's staggering how defensive at the slightest comments they can be and quickly change, hurling uncalled for insults... which they seem to enjoy..they always think that they are superior and we are inferior beings.. I told the X that he speaks to his dog better than he does to me.
So nasty and evil.. I'm beyond feeling anything now. Maybe just pity.
Thank you again Dr C and Gus for being there, stay safe.🙏
The upside is they will ultimately self isolate from the world.
Agreed. After 30 years of witnessing it as an in-law, and getting first-hand verbal abuse, was physically assaulted. Since she's 83 and a widow, the sympathy was on her side. She sat behind me on a road trip and punched me in the back of the head twice then clawed at the side of my face. Totally downplayed it as "just a tap" on the head and the scratch was "merely from her ring as she tried to brush hair from my face". I'm being treated as the leper who should honor their elder and she as the poor elderly widow.
I left my narc husband of 9 months just last week. We have a 3 month old baby. I believe this is the best decision I made, especially for my son. As I went to collect my stuff yesterday, he was begging, please stay, please don’t go, even kneeling down, saying I can’t live without you, I need you, you were my everything and so on. This is someone who burnt my clothes, and told me that there are consequences to pay for the mistakes I make. We have not been sleeping in the same room. Narcs are very vengeful and I was scared for my life because I did not know his next move and what he was thinking. I feel free! Freedom at last! It was as if I was living in a prison. Narcs behave like they have a mental disorder or personality disorder which sometimes appears as though they are bipolar. Im so glad I left. My son and I are safe and happy without him. Thank you Dr. Cater.
Good for you, rather sooner than later. I wish you all the best.
Good for you.
Dont come back to narcist. Destroys fam. And mental health
Thank dr. Fir the video. Great explanation. Wished I had read this years ago. Had no clue about the word narcist. Wish I had known
Take care Abigael, you made the right choice for your son. I wish my mum left my father years ago. My family is a mess and i am finally breaking free from their behavior
It is amazing how many narcissists like religion in order to judge people but they do not love people.
Make sure you watch the video about how religious narcissists will gaslight you. It can be found in a YT search.
I know this to be true ....the older they get , the more disgusting they are !! EVIL !!
My Mother! Can’t wait to leave home because this is getting out of control I can’t lose and spend my life like this i just wanna be away from her as far as possible!!!
@@butterfly36939 ....I certainly know how that feels . Make a plan & get away as far as you can ... don't look back .
@@texaspatty458 I’m working day and night on it !!!!
@Playlists films&series Their looks are what got them spoiled in the first place…. So when their ace up the sleeve fades they lose control.
If I see ONE person chew with their mouth open, other than a toddler willing to learn, I am done with his toddler years, DONE. HE WILL NOT SEEK HELP, I refuse to standby, watch with nothing I can do. He's on his own with his fantasy world!
My driving instructor said to never return aggressive driving by chasing after the asshole that cuts you off…just let them go. Because when they do cause an accident, you don’t want to be near that when it happens. Same principle I apply with narcs - when they implode or lash out and go absolutely bonkers, you do NOT want to be around when that happens.
Very good advice. There is no way to know what that person is willing to do to "win" that 10 feet of asphalt they feel belongs to them. Better to let them go have their accident somewhere else!!
I agree. Although when you are a child and your father is raging like he completely lost his mind, there is nowhere to go. That is why I live happily far away as an adult. I don't need to expose myself to that bs anymore.
Yeah, over the years of driving I realised, "You have no idea who's in that car."
The thing that really rammed it home for me was seeing a man attack somebody else in bumper to bumper traffic with a tyre iron, forcing the other party to drive up onto a sidewalk to get away. It was so surreal.
Amen, sister. I moved out even though I wasn’t quite ready because I had had enough of my father’s narcissistic rage over the stupidest things. I hope you will find the peace and love that you deserve.
@@elizabethhuang9789 Good for you. Peace is priceless. I found a peaceful place, and then it took me another decade to find peace in my heart. I am not affraid of him anymore, and that is priceless to me too.
I hope you found your external and internal peace and all the real love that you deserve. Hugs.
My mum is 84 and her level of evilness, bullying, victim playing and entitlement is beyond scary for me. Dr C and others, including my therapist can literally quote her and predict her exact behaviours. It’s been really helpful and validating to me to hear these things from you Dr C. Thank you
It is truly scary isnt it, especially from a mother. It shakes my core if I think too much about her behaviors and the rotten things she says about others and about me behind my back and to my face. Worse than a scary movie.
Please know you aren't the only child out there, I am another adult child of one.
I too have this issue with my mother she’s 87 I tread on eggshells all the time around her. I can’t give up on her because everyone else has. The anxiety I feel leading up to visiting her is debilitating and exhausting.
Sounds like my mother and I have come to feel sorry for her. I never tell her this, though. She is a sad, scared and lonely person by choice. And because of her poor health, she depends on the very people she despises and she lacks any sense of gratitude. Sadly, she won't be missed when she's gone.
@@vailhalla6572 My mum was the same if I displeased her in any way.
No one is allowed to be sick or have a priority other than taking care of them! Now that I know it's narcissism I just leave and let his minions take over. But I used to try. Not anymore because he will literally work me to death!
The narcissist likes to use the comment: "All I did was" OR "All I said was." They always minimize their actions and comments. They like to make us look like we are over reacting to everything.
A bully's defense!
So accurate
PLUS THE TWIST EVERYTHING! They are not honest.
or "oh calm down, its no big deal" when bringing to their attention overstepping boundaries or cruel behaviour.
It’s really hard when you are the scapegoat and her flying monkeys believe every lie she says about you.
Narcissists don't grow in maturity they regress.
And become more overtly criminal in their behaviours.
I'm so glad you told me a brain doesn't mature until 25, because sometimes I think about my younger years and I just wonder 'Why- why would I make those choices!?'
I ask myself that too 😑
Makes me feel better as far as 24 and under.
Yes- I am glad I wasn't the only one who was a bit too rebellious and wild 🤭
Check out Jesper Juul - therapist, now deceased. He was an expert in adolescence and puberty. It is physiologically impossible for an adolescent to feel empathy or engage in long term thinking, so give yourself a break, it's science, the brain needs until 25 to settle and become a (hopefully) healthy adult brain :-)
@@judithfrechinger1712 I think a kid can feel empathy, but we are so immature still that we make a lot of selfish and misinformed choices, also the desire to stand out or fit in or get attention can lead youths to make a lot of unwise choices as well. I am glad I (eventually) matured because I feel like a completely different person now than when I was in my teens and early twenties, and I have known those people who never changed since they were that age and I wonder how you can remain stagnant and not evolve for decades of your life- it must be really difficult to be so rigid.
Was really hoping the aging narcissist in our life would soften up, but she hasn't and isn't. Therefore, she will grow old all by herself.
I can say that the older narcissists age, the more they believe how close to becoming "god-like" they are. They're always either the victim or the hero, never the villain.
Someone else is ALWAYS wrong.
thanks, Dr. C.
My mil, 90 thinks she is Queen as well as godlike. Never wrong and in 23 yes never heard her apologize or reflecting on her nastiness, tried to cut ties but that hurt my husband as he is controlled by her, I'm learning to just not get effected in any way, I have begun to get indifferent to her. Just praying God gives me a clean heart, protects me, and watches over me...He sees everything!
My ex actually used to say to me, "I am God"!!
My mother is 85. Has gotten far worse as she has aged. Is never wrong, is never at fault, shows zero remorse, is always blame-shifting and making lame excuses that make no logical sense.
@@sophiachampsi8953 💥 THAT'S WHY..I think
narcs". CAN'T BE SAVED‼️‼️..
.
church NEVER SAVES..
ITS A PERSONAL RELATIONSHIP WITH THE LORD"❤️🙏⏳
U summed it up real well. My N husband 67 claimed he was God couple times when trying to brag about nothing. I m thinking that shows that he isn't God at the same time as he would have known everything if he was God, including his wrong doings.
It is foolish to expect narcs to change for the better. If you know them young, DO NOT STAY AROUND till they get old.
GREAT ADVICE..a little late for me but hopefully someone else will learn
I found at age 63 I had to get out. there was nothing there anymore. I am now a happy woman with a much better life. I had to get tough with myself.
I'm at the same stage of life. I was a best friend to the narcissist for 40 years. When I started to realize he was getting the attention and adoration he needed from the married woman next door - and probably others, I said, "I'm done." We are never too old to be kind and patient with ourselves. It's hard, but I'm starting to realize, I did the right thing. I'm my own best friend.
Everything bad happening is always someone else's fault.
1. They act the “misunderstood victim”
2. They refuse/are unable to learn from their faults
3. They don’t own their shadow-selves (their bad pasts)
4. Increased beliefs in and facade of their superiority
5. They collect flying monkeys
6. They rationalize their pile of broken relationships and problems
7. They learn if they keep others off balance (upset/on the defensive) they can “win”
Doesn’t that sound like a resentful politician against its opposition who is on the chopping block for reelection?
Zoom out about 30,000 feet and take a broader look at the narcissistic personalities in the government. They all do this behavior. So it’s a collective controlling narcissism in the government that is messing things up.
Number 7 is a doozie!
Thanks
Trump to a T. How people are oblivious to this is beyond me.
What is a "flying monkey" referring to? Thank you if I get a reply.
1 They give up on love, seek power instead
2 They don't learn from broken experiences
3 They never own their shadow self
4 They don't want to admit their humanity
5 They collect flying monkeys
6 Their broken relationships pile up
7 They've learned that keeping others defensive makes them win
The grief for a parent who is a narcissist will be minimal. The grieving you felt for the parent was life long. When they are gone you will be free.
@ nicely done
I, for one, feel completely free now that I’m no contact with my covert narcissistic mom.♥️
I cannot wait!
That explains my feelings exactly! Thank you! I’ve had no contact with my ex-mom for 4 years after years of very low contact. She’ll be 90 in February. I feel like she is still conspiring, like something is still hanging over my head. I’m not quite “free” yet.
True. My life improved 100% after my mother died.
yes
Misunderstood victim......that's so true.....and they get really evil as they age....the constant abuse they exercise against the closest loved ones is truly unbearable!!!
I have love in my heart for the 71 year old narcissist that raised me. However I have put some distance between us and I am now focusing on healing and living the life want. I know narcissists are broken, but it's not my job to heal them.
I relate. I have just come to the realization that I need to keep a healthy distance for the narcissist that raised me. It’s a blessing she moved several states away because I can now focus on myself and family.
My mother is 71 and yes I have great love for her and it’s putting a toll on me. I have to distance myself in order to find myself after every event, visit, and sometimes even phone calls. It’s very sad, but my reality.
Well said.
mine is 63 and I am seriously realizing so many things this year... and it hurts real bad... but I am strong I just don't know if I am brave enough to really overcome it
Mine turns 72 this year and I haven’t spoken to her in over 6 months. I noticed when I put up boundaries, she went AROUND ME by contacting my husband 😑😒 I’m done cuz I really don’t have any energy to give to the drama that comes along with her.
My experience is they are stuck in the past, and will not navigate change. The good news is when you realize who they are, and move forward by changing your ways. It's a dead end street. Happy Monday, Team Healthy!!!!
Standing Ovation
Totally! Leave them in the dust and years later, that's when you really see it - they never evolve as people.
So true. My narc had a whole armoury of anecdotes from his past he could roll out whenever anyone new was around. He would put on his showmanship, he could be quite engaging (with random strangers) when he wanted to be. He is stuck and obsessed with his life way back when, I must have heard them a thousand times. I often wondered how much was true or exaggerated. Luckily, I no longer have to listen to them. I'm out!!
@@anne4116 Congratulations! They don't know how to live life. Enjoy your freedom!
@@shelley7975 oh I am, thank you. I am on my healing journey 🙏
Ooh my...my 99 year old mother. Even once she started developing dementia and she couldn't remember much, she remembered how to be mean and manipulative.
I was so relieved when she died.
I'm glad you are finally released from that. My narc mother just died recently. I didn't go to the funeral . I'm not concerned how that may look to others. My brother understands, though. Like you, I'm just relieved.
Become a cartoon of themselves… So true! I used to think my mother would mellow with age, but nothing could be further from the truth… She became far meaner than I could ever imagine, Of course some she could be quite smarmy with and others she welded an axe. I used to be worried about how I would react when she passed away - would I regret never having told her how mean she truly was, but then when it happened it was such an amazing feeling of relief. Sadly, it took me 60 years to figure all this out, thanks to videos like this one. I say better late than never! Good luck to all of you here who struggle with these characters… Keep viewing videos and learning - you will become stronger and will be able to cast off the pain eventually.
@@great-garden-watch- oh, I hope not for your sake. On the bright side, I have several female ancestors who lived to be 100+. It could have been worse.
@@great-garden-watch - I used to tell my mother that. 😂 She'd be going on and on about wanting to "just die" and I'd tell her that obviously only the good die young.
I do understand aging is tough. You lose the people you love, and you can't do what you used to. But you get to choose if you age gracefully or not. My mother was financially secure, had children who looked after her in varying degrees, had no major health issues and until the last 2-3 years lived independently in a very nice apartment. All she did was complain and cause chaos because it made her "happy" to be awful.
@@demondogmom7221 this sounds so familiar. My mother is very healthy, very financially secure even before she stole a million dollars my brother intended for me when he died. My other brother left 35 years ago at 20 and never looked back. She treated my kids horribly for years, and finally I said enough. So she has nobody. But even that is not a wakeup call for her. Our favorite narc therapists online do say these people do not change. That was important for me to understand. It helped me walk away. It’s funny when you say they lose the people they love as they age but I don’t believe my mother has ever loved anyone.
Oh, they’re such pieces of work.
Everyone becomes an amplified version of themselves as we go through the age process. Whatever is on the inside is going to come out
I'm going to be so much fun for all the wrong reasons when I get old!
IMHO the spiritual body is developing so that it becomes ready to take over from the physical body. The spirit person has the elements of the personality that we ourselves have created by our approach to others...the physical body is temporal but the spirit body is energy that never dies, if the spirit body is full of rage, arrogance, condemning, criticism of others, they will find it almost impossible to have peace as they prepare for their departure....I have been a live in carer for the elderly for 25 years, I have learned so much about the wrong way to age gracefully and peacefully. Instead of being motherly and loving, many elderly women are controlling bullies, its ugly and extremely hurtful to be near them.
Interesting way of looking at this. Thank you for your comment.
@@pjakobsson126 👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
That's a good analogy
They narrow in on fewer targets with more evil as time goes on, and supply finds out the truth.
My mom is a covert Narcissist. It took me years to realize this. When I started to create healthy boundaries and confront the toxic behaviors, she ended up getting quite angry and completely cut me off. She even blocked me from soc. media😶 Her own daughter . Then got my sister to follow along (flying monkey). Luckily my 2 brothers didn't buy in. It's been heartbreaking and freeing at the same time. Life is much more peaceful now. But I'm still working through the pain and loss of family
I really relate to this, I’ve cut off my narcissist mother and my ‘golden boy’ brother who swindled my sister out of £250k. I am sad that I don’t have a extended family except for my sister but weirdly relieved I don’t have to deal with their drama/put downs
@@mattc5084 yes, it's a multitude of mixed feelings for me too. I'm at peace in so many ways. However, I do miss the feeling of a big connected family. The problem was it was an unhealthy connection. I don't think I've made the wrong decision but I do have moments of loneliness or sadness because of the disconnect. All in all my life is quiet and not filled with drama any longer.
I've found that my life is SO much more peaceful now that they're not in my life as well. It doesn't feel good to know that's who your mother really is, but facing it and accepting the reality of it will set you free indeed. Thank God you still have your brothers in your life :)
When she turns on your sister like a snake then she’ll know too.
Relateable for me - although in my case it's my oldest sister who, being 16 years older could technically be my mother. Happily, as for you my 2 brothers have not become flying monkeys, but sadly my other sister who I am much closer too in age has become an FM.
They never apologizes,never say thank you, unappreciative, never acknowledge when you have done something good or better than them.Gaslighting, to make you believe that you made some mistake out are at fault, always blame you for something that went wrong, give lots of advise but never do anything because they are scared to make a mistake or mess up in order to avoid being find out how useless they are.
“Narcissists don’t grow, they regress.” Thank you for this, and the encouragement to focus on my own growth. 🙏
My mother worsens as she gets older. I've cut off contact fully. I've had it with her.
Same here. It's like they can't be bothered to pretend at social niceness anymore.
I did the same years ago, tried again later but she was worse. left again and when she died recently I felt nothing. wish I'd never tried as hard as i did--total waste of time. they do not budge.
I get it!
You have to. What can you do. It's painful either way. I had to do the same.
If your mum is still with your dad, you should keep tabs on him, you don't wanna leave a terminal invalid with only an OAP narc to depend on trust me.
My mom is a raging narcissist. I knew from a young age there was something wrong with her but didn’t have the knowledge to pinpoint it until my 20’s when she began getting much worse. I have now gone no contact with her and I am confident it was the right choice for me. She will never admit to the terrible things she has done which is a shame because I predict she will end up completely alone.
Based on this video, it actually seems like it's easier to be a narcissist. They have no regrets.
Be thankful you found out in your 20’s!!!
Good on you! I'm just figuring this out at age 58.
I didn't realise it until 40.
I didn't realize it until 62, better later than never. 👍
Wow. Narcissists don't grow, they regress. I heard that. Wow.
My ex-husband was 68 when I left him. He was getting worse every day. He never learned from anything because he considered himself perfect despite all the mistakes he'd made and the people he'd chased away. His image was completely fake and I was the one who saw him for who he really was. Once he realized I knew his true self he tried to destroy me. I was the third wife to literally run from him and this time it was with police surrounding the house. These people just don't understand that they make mistakes.
I'm glad you got out of such a horrible situation, I'm sure that was terrifying! I wish you lots of peace 🕊️
IT IS MIND-BOGGLING!!! Crazy they exist and thrive abusing their victims, their own immediate family who loves them. They have twisted minds and can never be helped. They even trick psychologists, law enforcement officers. My ex did that. Psychologist pronounced him “normal, no need for counseling”. My ex talked himself out of 13 speeding tickets!!!! Yup. A true narcissist will get out of problems like a charming snake. They have a gift that is a curse to others. Shame on them. Too bad my ex ruined most of my life emotionally and financially to the point of losing my home, declaring bankruptcy. Only thing you can do is save yourself. Cut them off, block them. Find peace. I did after 43 yrs. I’m happy now and rebuilding my life. Better late than never. Good luck to all victims of narcissistic spouses.
Well done! Painnful, but if you consider it a vaccine against the same "disease", well worth it.
Thank you, Dr. C. for addressing this. I am 13 years free after a 33 year marriage. I refer to it as a transaction now. Disconnecting from this narcissist was and is the kindest thing I ever did for myself. Freedom rocks, and better late than never 😘
Roslyn, I don’t know how to get free from my narcissistic husband. He has been cold and uncaring our ENTIRE marriage. Life with him has been miserable.
Roslyn Cerro:
Yes because it is a prison to be with them isn’t it? I think so.
@@jmama6058
Let me tell you I know! 7 years of hell with this Covert Narcissist lunatic. I'm separating from him soon.
Well all i ever did was watch, and finally did the call out button, on my sister, and i like old folks yea she 64 now, im 63, and thought the more i listen, i was a flying monkey, im talking about the mean ness and cruelty but half my life she was different, here i was putting up with it, throw these old folks to the dogs, no sir, im normal, i going to feel for people, help my peace, please help my big 64 year old sister, our doctor is here ,remember i said i would try, pretend anything for peace, im slow i have not tried nothing, i dont like myself either even before the heart hurts, i dont like that she is mental, im got to just take my and your life on ,family, i just got the same feelings for my brother my little sister, we have our ways, iknow he said for me to be healthy, i want those mental folks healthy, my strength maybe i will count on something i dont like being like hey, my family, my goodness but some lifes, are not just ordinary, im on team healthy for the comment people, and the doctor, is so gracious, im stuck in my own dum world,
Isn’t it great to breathe on your own now? That was the first thing I thought of with my experience.
They get worse with age because they can not believe THEY will eventually die. How dare they be simply human like the rest of us? So basic. And life is so unfair! They aren't special anymore 🙈🙉🙊
so true!
I married an EXTREME covert narcissist at age 59. He was 59 also. He hid his narcissism VERY WELL. After I left him I discovered he had a 40 year history of narcissistic abuse and domestic violence towards his ex-wives. His abuse towards me was even worse than his past abuse. His rages were very frightening. I just cant imagine the rage that's boiling inside of him since I left him. His next victim is going to be in trouble and I hope she recognizes the red flags.
There needs to be a list of people that are narcissist. City by city. Like a sex offender. Letting them loose and saying hey next victim better beware. You know what i mean
🕊️💕🕯️
My ex just married his new victim. I'm pretty sure she ignored all the red flags like I did in the beginning. I hope she doesn't stay as long as I did
@@sheilabeck1595 tell her what you know!
I've been searching for something to explain my husband's behavior. I started to read about/watch videos on narcissism. I knew something was wrong with his behavior, but I just couldn't put a finger on it. Talking with friends or family didn't help, because they never saw that side of him. He's always "the nice guy" around others, so I look like the person with the problem. After learning about narcissists, they are talking about my husband!! A huge bright light has been turned on! I'm not forgetful, stupid, incompetent, unstable, inferior, pathetic, unhinged, manipulative, controlling, irritating, CRAZY!! (which I've been accused of). He does almost EVERYTHING that's described about narcissists. Having a conversation with him is complete insanity. He doesn't give a crap about anyone's thoughts or feelings except his own. He's a perfect human being, without any faults, never to blame. Never. God help me. Thank you Dr Carter for your incredible videos. I no longer feel so alone.
Debbie, do people around now realize?
Debbie, well done on recognizing your husband's traits. Now, be very careful discussing this with friends and family, because as you've already seen, other people don't see it, they are enablers.in his behavior. Keep researching and become familiar with what you will be dealing with. All the best to you.
We’ll said.
My family was shocked when I finally left. Like you said " he was such a nice guy". It was hard when your family doesn't believe you. I told our daughter that I felt their father was a narcissist and she said nothing. About a month later, she said that she read about narcissism and it was their dad to a tee. It took a weight off my shoulders to know someone believed me.
Same here, Debbie. Everyone pegs him as a “nice guy”, nobody would believe what he’s actually capable of. So better not to try to get allies from amongst your common friends or so, you’ll only get yourself a major heartbreak. Focus on your wellbeing, (re)learn to love and respect yourself, and cut him off completely. Love and light!
As a survivor of a 38 year relationship and 33 year marriage to a malignant narcissist, I can attest to all of this.
Additionally, aging itself induces anger in my ex; he really resents having to deal with the reality of aging, and has become obsessed with extreme "healthy" behaviors that he thinks will lengthen his life- all while he continues to binge drink alcohol. After our split, he rather suddenly began looking much older than his age. I think his poor choices are finally catching up with him.
Funny you mention him aging faster physically as my ex has too, she looks older than her mom. Something that i have not seen addressed much is that most narcs have more than one psychological condition happening at the same time, and i am talking about more than addictions. From what i have seen is that the narcs i know is that they perpetuate themselves into PTSD when the world created in their minds does not match up with the real world around them. Same with depression, it is often self created. I should also add that they are also often diagnosed with Intermittent Explosive Disorder long before they are diagnosed with NPD
The Aging narcissist we kmow spends $900 a month on supplements and honey to help his lung cancer...but won't listen to Dr's or take his cancer regimens of meds and chemo...said he has lived with it this long...blah blah blah...it's it's nightmare... I used to live to fish now he won't even put a pole in the water he expects everyone to fish and clean fish for his dinner every night
I hear you on the length of time, we're together 38-39 years together (as long as I am still mothering this man child, we're together in a weird way. We have not lived together since mid February, and prior to that I left the first time in Sept, until the RV i was in, I could not find a place to park it after January 1st 2022, i stuck my tail between my legs, insisting he understood, as soon as I find a spot to park my safe place to live. He knows exsctly how i feel, nothing has been left unsaid, nothing. I am devastated by his actions even since I left. He has gotten exponetially WORSE. i am more concerned that he may be, at 67, he may be experiencing dementia. His ability to communicate has always been bad, but now, if he's done working on MY renos for the day, he start a battle rathed than be a human and just say, I'm tired, gonna call it quits for the day. That is way too simple for their complicated minds. How do they keep all their gaslighting lies in order, by the end of some days, i have to literally tell him to SHUT UP. It's a pitiful pathetic trap he has set me up in. I write this and have to stop myself from really putting what i feel in these chat boxes. I have left some pretty damning evidence if I end up missing someday. I have spelled it all out for fear of his antics turning criminal. He does have a handgun. No clue what kind, it takes a mag, no clue how many it holds, i think 12. I do not and will not ever sleep under the same roof again, he flips to instant rage in the past few weeks. He was a social alcoholic when younger, he had no switch to tell him he had enough, would drink til he passed out, my favorite time if the day, way back in the early 90's. Actually, our girl was 5, in 1990, i gave him the ultimatum, quit drinking or go. He did quit, never needed medical assistance. His weekend binges did not end until his eyes closed. He had no ability to stop after say 5 or 6 beers, it always started as a case, and by Sunday early afternoon it was gone or almost. I think he was adding a 6 pack on sundays, it didn't stop at one case.
I was impressed he was able to adjust his ways on his own. And he didn't touch another beer for 20 years at least. Then one day he said, do you mind if i have just one beer? I was a nervous wreck. But it was actually fine, for years now he can have one or two at most and he's done. This narc stuff is beyond my wildest dreams, or nightmares I should say. His twisted gaslighting for someone who does not lie, i wear guilt on every part of my being if I try even pulling a prank, I can only tell the truth! I know I sound so self rightious, humbled into truth by living so many lies with a brother and then it would be, my 1st husband. He cheated. Jerk. I tolerated nothing at that time. Then a few years later I met current H #2, we met in october '82, married 1984, gave birth to his first child, my 3rd, but both our 1st daughter together. He held her in his arms, turned his back to me, aware of it? Not sure, it continued for 5 days. I had blood clots in my leg, had to stay longer after birth and she had jaundice her eyes were old, bloodshoot, poor baby, they were really yellow, but looked like a drinkers eyes, the liver is also affected for jaundice, so i guess a similar eye appearance. Now I'm convinced, after contemplatjng since last week, i think this really is, now, the onset of dementia that cannot hide. Throwing a wrench into the mix like that is what i need to clarify and figure out what's next. When I think I have a handle on things, this pops up. I was having these thoughts about the dementia, but until this weekend I did see a possible connection being looked at. Nothing concrete at this time. I need a lawyer and my freedom before I truly lose my mind making all these life changing decisions. It's been a long, lonely road, and I need the peace and tranquility i know is out there, I've had small glimpses of it! Such a beautiful feeling, not felt since before I turned 15 yo. In 1973. I still shake my head at the abuse I was dealt. Not sorry for myself, just really pissed that that ONE won't take responsibility for his disgusting theories then and why he couldn't discuss it in 2013, 40 years exactly. RIP now chump, once you pass, you need to EARN your way in, JO. Yet another tale told, as my story prob changes just a bit from day to day, the adjustments to working with him daily are wearing thin. How do you maintain contact & survive. Has anyone ever seen a narc attempt therapy, before the therapist shuts him down? It took 2-3 sessions when she caught on, but never told me about him, or those like him. I think this is why we had to end sessions. No matter what, i tried, and tried. I don't like failure, I need to complete anything I'm doing with positive results! Or I can't put it to rest.
@@jloggy7643 Have you heard the term "confirmation bias"? In Narcs, they believe the world has been inherently unfair to them and has failed to recognize their intellect or skills to a high enough degree. They feel victimized, often covertly. Therefore they are always on the hunt for slights, invalidations and other things that confirm their default bias. If you are always on the hunt for the negative in life, you will certainly find it. This negativity becomes a toxin in the Narc that they then enjoy spreading like a poison to their partner or spouse.
This is my story word for word 😪
A narcissist passes out negative passes, as in "trespasses" against others.
I’ve been married to a narcissist for 33 years now! I have learned so much from Dr. C., I am so thankful for him !! The last time the Nark said FU at me and gaslit me so bad, I told him that I’m not cooking for him anymore!!! And I stuck to it!
Actually it’s working out for the better… We’re each in our 80’s and taking care of ourselves!!!
Good for you!
I am so surprised reading how many of us married to narcissists for so many years!! Takes a long time to figure out they are the problem, not us, & with help of Dr.C, be able to survive, get strong & hopefully get out. At least we save our sanity, self-dignity.
@@SnarkasticSunny it’s been 52 years for me ! I’m so thankful to Dr C and the comments . The old age regressive ,childish behaviour is happening also .I find joy in my home , garden , Yorkie , friends and extended family ❤
My narc mother destroyed our entire family. She will be 85 in June. Before she and her flying monkeys aka my siblings, turned their backs on me, she became even more emotionally and verbally abusive, bitter, angry, and resentful as she got older. She is completely miserable and she couldn't hide it. It's painful to not have a mom but I'm glad I don't have to deal with her anymore. The last three or four years taking the abuse was horrible.
Same situation here...Gone NO Contact....=PEACE
Hugs ❤️
I have the same experience, and enjoy not having to deal with nastiness. I have a peaceful contented existence since going no contact.
I had a similar experience with my mother, who split her own family 🙁 she and my sister and 2 brothers cut me and my oldest brother out of their life’s when We married They all have same NPD
I was in a very dysfunctional family growing up and it almost cost me my own marriage but through a miracle we are still together 40 years 😊🙏
We now have some more narcs in the family on my wife’s side 😖 her sister being the worst 🤯 she would cause a riot in an empty house ! and has all the classic traits, compulsive lying, lawless, Divisive, no empathy, love bombing etc in fact I feel like Dr C knows her personally 😱 she is opposite to my wife in every way possible
i hear ya, my old dear is 85 and ive just had to let her go, and my sister . the abuse was so low grade that if i protested i was seen as 'overthinking' or being too serious, therby allowing them to carry on, then one day i mentioned i had a drone and my own mother , in front of others accused me of spying on women getting undressed...? im 57 . that was the final straw so i went home and wrote and told her its over , she is never seeing me again , neither is sis, ive changed my phone number ....the letter was SO brutal i expected it to induce a heart attack , but unfortunately it didnt . the freedom of not having to deal with them is great , i thank the cosmos everyday
The more they age the more they stay the same and get worse
@14:08 "Narcissists don't grow, they regress!" Thank you, Dr. Carter, for this universal truth. Had I known this in my youth my life would have taken a completely different healthy trajectory. Better late than never, I guess. Your wisdom is saving lives. Gratitude doesn't begin to state how your wise words have made a difference. 🙏
I always say that they don’t evolve, they REvolve (circle round and round like a demented merry-go-round)
Coupled with dementia this can be really toxic.
I tried to believe people in my family would change. I had dreams everyone would suddenly be ready to heal. I am finally admitting that will never happen.
The more things change, the more things stay the same.
My mother never thought she needed to "grow" or engage in self-improvement. Anyone who complained about how mean she was was either lying or thin-skinned. If you dared to point out some things she did, like being mean to children, you better run because she would unleash on you, telling you all of your shortcomings and she had a LONG memory. She was a repository of everything that had been done to her & i remember being amazed at her incredible memory when I was a kid. She remembered everything that was said and done to her - not things she had done.
Did she ever drink?
It helps just to hear all yo ugood people telling your life stories. Makes me feel not so alone. Still scared though.
Ditto. The endless rant recounting my faults.. in a furious rage
I never understood why they put me down, intentionally disregulating me. It was to “win. It also grew in intensity as they aged in their senior years. They did not mellow out as many people said. They eagerly lashed out. I went no contact two years ago and my health improved. It was my doctor’s orders. Thank you for spreading these messages during your retirement. It’s been so helpful!
what do you mean "disregulating me'?
As we got older he got hateful and stopped caring enough to even say he was sorry* I always loved him so much even though he hurt me. He passed away & now Im old, broken & mis having him in my life. Learning about this I am starting to be grateful he isnt here to hurt me. I didn't know these kind of people existed.
❤🥰
Dear Gellybean, I'm hoping, and Praying for you that your life is better 9 months later? Reading this broke my heart for you because I could tell that you are a giving, and loving person. Having those qualities is such a Blessing from God! You deserve to be Happy, and Loved! Sending Much Love Your Way Always! God Bless You!❣️
You're angelic.
Not sure if this will help or not, but my husband was a teacher and has since retired. He has gotten grumpy and even mean to me. Personally I think hormones plays a big part in that. He is not himself sometimes.
The Narcissist summed up in six words, “ these people don’t have a heart”. Many thanks Dr Carter!
My 76 1/2 year old Mom is a raging narcissist! She’s extremely abusive and I just can’t deal with her anymore more. She’s constantly posting nasty FB posts that are untrue to make herself look like she’s a fantastic Mom. She’s been living with me for several years at my expense and I am just done with her. I have to have her legally served with an eviction notice to get her out of my home. After she is out, I’m done with this relationship. 😢
So sad, but I get it.
But that’s why they cannot be honest with other people because they cannot be honest with themselves! That’s really Sad !
If you're dealing with a true narcissist there is no talking to them about your feelings it is all about them and always will be they have no consideration love or care or empathy sympathy and all that follows for anyone else other than their needs
My mother, manipulated me out of my savings, while I helped her prepare her house for market. She told me that she got no money from the sale house to pay me back. Now she’s tons of stuff done to her face and soon to get a face lift, while I have to watch how much I eat, to have enough food or not eat for a couple days till my monthly disability pay comes in
I found out she refinance her car that I payed the last payments on, so I can’t get a needed car, as she told my family and friends, I hit her abused her and lived in her house for free… this all cost me about 30,000.00 and I have no one that will believe me. What a way to find out why I did drugs and drank for teenage years and that I really had no friends. I was left homeless at the beginning of quarantine, because my family thought I was a thief and would not let me in their house. This is a blessing in disguise, cause I moved to a different state. It’s lonely, but the solitude has given time without distraction to start my healing journey. Thank You and the other professionals on UA-cam
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I moved to help my mom (on her request) quit my job. Had a 30 yr career in retail banking. To make this short, she changed her mind and wanted me out because she couldn’t control me. She called the police on me several times so the last time I left. Ended up homeless until I found my aunt. I’ve forgiven her but have learned to put myself first. If a day comes where I could help her, I will. But going forward I’ll always put my health first. Not sure of your age but you can rebuild. God will walk with you if you put him first. Peace be with you 🙏🏾
I feel your pain. It amazing that anyone believes the fantastic stories they weave. You are away. The price of happiness may have been steep, but you are safe now.
@@stevenholmes8854 It is amazing others believe their Swiss cheese stories at face value. I hope I'm not shooting myself in the foot by not responding, but I just don't have the energy or interest to play 51 pick up sticks with the narc's lies, half truths and misdirections.
I am so sorry, I experienced something similar to this is my childhood. I know exactly how this feels. My mother is evil. She began her slander when I was 5 she isolated me from family members and did the exact same things. Used me for anything she could get from me in adulthood money everything. She has done the exact same thing you are describing. They will take everything from you and leave you for dead. I am so sorry. Please know you are not alone. 🙏
I stayed because of the two small children
I hoped things would improve but they only got worse
I did not realize she was doing irreparable damage to me and my psyche
Her anger got to a level she left me and I felt like I was let out of jail
I am still in recovery
The lesson: identify the problem then get out without delay
Life is too short to live with a narc
You describe my dad perfectly 😢 He has single handedly destroyed the family.
my dad only got less, and i stress less, abusive on his deathbed where i was his sole caregiver from the family. but he sowed such hatred, i was then abandoned by the rest of the family and they stole my inheritance. why not? they became just as bad as he was. who needs that crap?
The more I learn the sicker I get.
Thank you so much Dr. Carter. I left my abusive narcissistic husband last year 5 days after our 44th anniversary. For 2 years before I left I listened to your podcasts. You helped me to make changes and to have the courage to leave. I’m now living with my son’s family. I’m able to visit my other son regularly. My husband did everything he could to keep me from them, his own children. I am blessed!
Omg I am 40 yrs in to this an you sound just like me but my stupid ass is still here, he don’t talk to his daughters or no family and don’t want me to either😢I am so close to leaving so over it, have not loved him in a long time..
I am so much better off than I have ever been. I am having to work again but it’s still better than ever.The Lord has blessed me in the transition.
Very similar story for me- it took me forever to see that it was just getting worse and it was a form of self abuse to stay. Save yourself and find peace
Totally agree. My mother is a narcissist, snurky, bitter, foul mouthed, always attacking verbally people who are around her, judgmental, faking superiority in everything, cruel to animals and anyone who is vulnerable in society. A true monster. One cannot believe they can get any worse but, yep, they do. And it's making everyone around them miserable, sucking their positive energy right out of them into the narc's black hole of existence. Everyone is better off when a narc dies.
Well said 👍
They don't understand so they confuse kindess, empathy and compassion as weakness. I was constantly degraded for these traits. Which is one of the hardest truths to grasp, they see it and use it as supply for themselves, yet by their constant abuse of it, it can be destroyed. But by destroying it , they not only destroy their own supply which drawed them to you to begin with but it also destroys the only thing in you that kept you under the hold
Yes I've had one in my life for yrs & is getting worse with age & very jealous of her own daughters' youth.. they also seem to age quicker physically..
My mother was like that toward me from my earliest memory--even blocked my siblings, other relatives and family associates from me. Even as a 95 year old she was jealous of me and manipulating everything to block me out. These are very mentally ill people.
I've observed something different. Extremely appearance focused & obsessed about looking better than everyone else in every way. They look fabulous at 70, while those around them are run ragged, burnt out by 50. Gloat about people 20 years junior looking worn out. Brag that others lack nous & mental acuity to've taken better care of themselves. Like they have.
A retinue of foot servants & underlings is essential to their vanity & ego.
@@Elizabeth-yg2mg they sure are & v dangerous. I'm sorry you went thru that awful childhood, nobody knows unless they've experienced just how shocking it really is..
yeah, Sarah, I agree. Their shallowness and hate shows on their face more and more.
Amelia- I have observed the same in that the major narcissist in the family was finally forced into having some empathy for other people went for the first time in her life she ended up having surgery in her 80s. That was a very big eye-opener for her.
Everyone in this world is trapped by this narcissist spirit. Only those who are IN Christ are set FREE
My 87 year old husband has had two heart attacks, two strokes, and a hip fracture from a fall. I was a nurse for twenty-five years and have always been his caregiver.
I am a recovering alcoholic who has been sober for twenty-two years and my addiction has had a negative affect on my relationship with him. I asked him the other day, after he asked a question about my alcoholism. I asked, “Will you ever forgive me for my alcoholism?” His answer was, “I’ve never really thought about it.” That answer, after two decades of recovery, floored me because he has always suggested that I needed to earn his trust. After his answer he became agitated and started belittling me. I realize now that he was dangling his forgiveness and never planned to forgive me. I was crushed and he was obviously getting a charge out of my frustration. It seems to give him pleasure. I hadn’t realized how much he enjoyed my distress. Now that I’m aware that he gets a high out of it I no longer engage when his voice gets loud.
It gets harder and harder to lie to themselves how great they are and
how they've been wronged throughout their lives. What also happens is
that their existence becomes so lonely because they can't express themselves
as a safe person anyone can turn to for love and understanding.
My sister has always been deathly frightened of aging & has gone to great lengths to keep herself looking youthful. But, inside she is an evil, greedy, spiteful, raging, bully of a woman. Her poor husband just sits in silence as she abuses him hourly. We were the dumb ones 10 years ago that went into business with her. It destroyed our family, as she slowly and manipulatively stole every penny we earned collectively. She changed all of the deeds and maneuvered things to where she was in charge & could make all decisions. When approached, she raged (of course) & lied and lied. In the end, we cut ties and I will never ever ever speak to her again. It’s so sad for my parents and our children. But, family doesn’t do what she has done to family. May God forgive her for all she has done. 🙏🏻
I don’t think anyone is excited about getting older, it’s okay not to want to look and feel bad. Happier people treat people better, so I’m not against people who
Want plastic surgery, or people who used tretinoin and wear sunscreen.. and eat healthy, is that wrong? Maybe a facelift makes someone feel better, who am I to
judge.
But yes, treating people terribly is wrong, no
Matter what.
I left my husband after 22 years of marriage, after enduring the worst
abuse you could ever imagine.
He is 85 now and has gotten worse.
Have lived a happy life now for 30 years.
I'm 70 she's 87 nothing has changed, I have sacrificed everything in my life for her its never enough. She cost me my marriage, home, family. I'm done.
One line I have heard a couple times from Narcissists about their blunders, especially those causing damage or pain to others, is "That's behind me"
or " That's in the past"
my sister, "I hate it when I don't forgive myself right away" left me speechless. no matter what she does, it's ok. she's so not like me, who will feel horrible over small mistakes indefinitely. neither of us has the right relationship with our faults and mistakes, but I think I'm probably somewhat healthier for having the ability to admit I'm wrong without blaming other people.
Another version: “everyone just needs to move on” instead of giving true apologies.
@@JS-il9nw yes!! It could have been earlier today and it's still the past lol
"I am, too...Goodbye."
My only sibling is a covert narcissist. She has been the victim most of her life. It came to a head when my parents died. There was passive aggressive behavior, baby talk, and her dumping everything on me without any consideration of what was happening to me. I confronted her behavior and I sought out therapy. Her husband divorced her. I know she does not reflect on herself but rather how we have abandoned her. It hurts that I do not have my sibling to grow old with as she is forever the rationale of a 10 yr old.
I have a sister ten yrs older and used my parents. She spent $60k of my moms money. She just died and my brothers are executors they are looking at back bank statements going up to 2007. They want to see exactly when her money left the bank. Staying tune! To what they discover.
My sister is this way, I sold my house and moved in to help after her husband died, 16 years of my golden years destroyed, I have to lock my bedroom door at night, even check my food for tampering, lost my friends because the house smells of dog poop and urine, and she’s getting Worse.
I have an evil older sister by 10 years who's gonna to be the executor and I'm not even worried about the will. Hell, she turned my siblings against me and tried to turn my parents completely against me too (but that didn't work). All because she couldn't have her little way bossing me around all of a sudden out of nowhere well I lived 2500 miles away from my family of origin for decades. There is no fate those types don't deserve!
@@Julian-1111 Try to do more things for yourself and getting out, without her. Learn a hobby that's somewhere else. You'll make new friends that way. Don't tell her about it, boundaries are good. If you feel fear of her actions, move out. I know it can seem scary but, you have to look after yourself first..
You are not alone. I did the same with both my sisters though only one of them is a benign narcissist. Now I have no blood relations but I do have a new family that actually cares!
My 40 year old narcissistic daughter has threatened to hit me and told me she wished I was dead. She spread hateful made up gossip about me to family members. I've had to cut ties with her because she's gotten so much worse over the years. Breaks my heart but there is no reasoning with her. I had to be done.
I just left a narc. He was 19yrs older than me. I finally moved out after 8 yrs. Im at peace now. He is 79yrs old. I know It would only get worse.
Yes! Just in time for Mother's Day! I cut ties with my 86 year old MIL after almost 40 years of marriage to her oldest son, so I have witnessed alot. She's tried gaslighting, fake apologies, crying to her daughter about how horrible everyone has been to her. My SIL believed her at first and confronted us. When she learned the truth about how horrible her mother has been to all of us she was shocked and did not doubt us at all. Whoops..MIL was busted big time. Most of the people left who have any kind of relationship with her do so on a VERY limited basis.
Don t feel bad with no contact with a toxic MIL, protect yourself from their never ending barking. We don t have close contact with our gaslighting narc SIL and her husband either always crossing our boundaries and creating immature drama
Boy oh boy could you and I compare notes!! My MIL will be 86 next month and I too am married to her oldest son! She has 3 sons.. She lives with us as no one else can deal with her.. She uses me like I’m her personal slave which was fine for a very long time until one day she decided to completely defame my dead mother.. because she hated it that I would talk fondly of her.. I’ve been her DIL for over 47 years and it was til about a year ago after listening to Dr Les that I realized that we are dealing with a very severe case of narcissism! She thinks she’s the victim of everyone and everything!! To the point of making up complete lies about my husband and myself! She decided to go live with her youngest son who by the way is as big a narcissist as her so needless to say that only lasted a few weeks so then she decided to go live with her cousin and that to only lasted about a month! Now we are the best thing since sliced bread and she wants to come back to live with us!! Not even acknowledging the horrible slander that she did to us.. Like now we have to be okay with it like it never happened! She’ll be back soon soooo here we go again!!! 🤪😫😰
@@pikieragland2987 omg I’m getting scared from these comments 🙈 my MIL is 69 and I have been married for about 4 years. Seeing your comments that even at 86 they are still active and more narcissist than ever scares me 😱 I was hoping by that age she would get some dementia or something just like her mother.. I don’t want to be mean but I was hoping she will slow them down 🙈 my biggest problem with her is how she wants to manipulate my toddler son and she’s very good in doing this!! Manipulates everyone even my husband, he thinks she’s the best and most victim person on earth! I just can’t stand all of this knowing how mean she has been and she is to me sometimes, but no one believes me because she’s the nicest person on earth for most family members.
@@pikieragland2987 Haha our MILs are similar. The final straw was when she tried to convince my daughter that I was a horrible person and was the reason people didn't want to visit her, reducing my daughter to tears when she refused to believe her lies. I will never face that woman again. You are a saint for taking your MIL in!
You need to think about your health. You need to have peace in your household and set boundaries. God Bless!
This video is spot on. With time narcissists become tougher, angrier, more psychotic when triggered, bitter and in general more dangerous, as their toxicity grows. These changes could be seen only if you are in their inner circle and they let their guard down in front of you slipping the "perfect" mask once in awhile. Have you seen a narcissist in an injured and vulnerable state? I have and it's not something enjoyable. These people are truly empty and lost inside. The internal abyss they must cross is impossible, that's why they live outside in other people's lives like parasites...
Your comment hits the nail on the head. Yes, the internal abyss seems to grow, making their neediness on others expand . With advanced age their non narcissistic companions however become more self reflective and content. Now the aging narcissist turns into a whirlwind to create chaos.
That's all.
Most narcissist are sociopaths. A psycho hardly relies on hiding behind people,
I haven't met a sociopathic narcissist so far. All of the narcissists I know of (overt and covert type mostly) are very social, charming, a people's person. They present themselves successfully as kind and generous persons, caring and well mannered, sometimes even a social butterfly type with busy and buzzing social schedule and lots of friends and acquaintances they interact daily with. I will look for this type as well. It will be interesting to observe this type.
@@antoniapana7131 , in my observation a regular narcissist does not become a sociopath. A narcissist often admires a sociopath , but also gets more severely hurt by a sociopath than healthy people , probably because of inability to self reflect. However I lack sympathy for any narcissist.
Thank you! I was married to a narcissist for 25 years and got out. I always looked back and wondered if things would’ve changed if I would have stayed. Thank you for letting me know. It would’ve only gotten worse!
Same here. Free now
I believe they become worse with age. And they hang onto you as they know, no one else will put up with their silly immature behaviour.
very lucky you got away. My father stayed with my narcissistic mother until he died...... and when I would not give her control over my finances, she took my dad's phone and wouldn't let me talk to him...... he died alone with HER. Ugh. he was her enabler for her abuse of me..... so in the end, it was his karma too, that he defended her actions against me. :( Never side with a narc. Not worth it. :( So many good people out there, no reason at all to defend a narc unless you're a Public Defender and are assigned to them. LOL!
My 'father in law' is the most evil, unfriendly person I have ever had the misfortune to meet. A weak and feeble man, who gets his kicks from torturing and abusing animals and people he knows he can get away with doing so.
I find myself wishing he was no longer here, so that good, kind folk and animals do not have to have the same unfortunate experience as I in meeting him and his vile, controlling ways.
Good luck to all of you in this journey.
The MOST important factors for those that are sane and normal, is to correctly identify the narcissist. Recognizing red flags is important to prevent harm to yourself. Be vigilant !!
My narc siblings used to feel real remorse, in their teens i believed they truly didn't want to be what they are. At some point in adulthood they began insisting people had to accept their rage and assorted nasty behaviors
They do seem to get worse as they age. And it’s very interesting -a smugness takes over and they really they think they’re smarter than everybody else. But one of our family members who is in her 90’s and was a narcissist is now Experiencing what I went through as one of her flying monkeys is now treating her the same way I was treated. It’s very interesting to watch. There’s no admittance of her fault and creating the flying monkey, but at the same time she’s really getting a taste of what I went through for about 40 years.
Thanks for this video! I recently ended a 65 year friendship but was unaware that narcissism was at the root of the problem. The relationship ended abruptly when I could no longer take the antagonism, nastiness & and lack of awareness. While I am sad about it, it feels freeing and weird at the same time. At 70 years old, I need some peace in my life.
Agree. You need peace
Same for me, Lianne. I'm 70, & I've ended, if not greatly limited, some relationships, once I learned abt narcs. I didn't realize it, but they're everywhere! The "antagonism, nastiness", & lack of introspection was sucking the life out of me. I'm at peace now, no more wasted efforts on those who are shallow & disingenous ("pearls before swine").
@Suraya I wish you happiness and peace! It is a work in progress but it has gotten better. Thanks for your comment! May we all be well!
you would wana have peace at that age.
I'm 70 yrs old been with my narcs.for 40 yrs I can relate to all the comments. My question is are they aware of what they're doing to you? Because I have ask him over and over to stop telling me what to do and stop saying you aren't angry and what do we have that make everybody jealous of us. Do he know how and normal that is? God help me he embarrass me with the dum entitlement he feels he has or needs
When I try to talk with anyone their comment No not him he's so nice.i look like a ungrat.because he has shower me with all the grit-and glam. Now my friends are saying girl you got a good life just keep riding. You know I want out so bad because I'm not crazy, stupid paranoid,stinking, it's like he can't stand me but need to hold on to me for his glory. I'm scared to try and leave him because he has this 40 yrs of lies and if I truly expose him by leaving it's not going to be good for either of us., I just don't know how much more of this I can take. I've never seen him show emotions.but I can feel the hatred toward me.
Imagine being the third wife of a covert narcissist, where he cheated on all three of his wives. Then imagine his venomous abilities to deceive his three grown sons, playing victim, and cheating them of their genuine relationship with their mother. Narcissists are some of the most vile individuals, and have me feeling that there is no punishment severe enough to hold them accountable for their savagery.
And such a person can have millions of admirers, get elected President, commit treasonous actions and deny he did anything wrong.