His perky mistress has an immaculate 1 bedroom apartment because she's not raising HIS children in it. He is comparing the two and becoming dissatisfied.
Yes, comparing unrealistically. Is funny that in a marriage, one person is supposed to do all the cleaning and laundry and cooking for everyone in the house, but no one seems to ever do it for her.
I’ve found that when a man starts behaving this way he’s looking for a reason to leave the relationship. But this lady is probably better off, she probably doesn’t realize yet that she’s being treated like trash by this loser
After 20+ years my husband did a 180 and became a clam. Stopped talking. Ignored me and his daughter. Walked around like we werent there. Refused to talk to me or a therapist. I gave him a deadline to come clean or I was leaving. He said bye so I did, with our daughter. He was thrilled. Signed away his parental rights, told me to take her. I left everything material behind. Bought a house a mile away. He took off meeting women from the internet. He had one after the other. Within five years he was remarried. I stayed single raising my daughter. I adore her and we are very close. She has NO relationship with her dad. Hes a loser.
He’s already begun the emotional distancing from her, as there is someone else he’s moving towards. He’s attracted to someone else, and in order for him justifying the move in that direction, he’s antagonizing his wife and creating a situation where he’s expecting her to push him away. What a cowardly move. It is his responsibility to tell her that he’s planning on moving on with his life - without her, and most likely without the children. He’s already brought up the subject of divorce.
He is probably cheating on her and finding things to be critical. Who brings up divorce over laundry that isn’t done? She should hire someone for a few hours a week to do laundry and cleaning. I bet he will still find something to criticize her about .
He's cheating, or is thinking about it. He is already one foot out the marriage, and his nit-picking is just a way for him to justify it. If she had the laundry done it would be something else. If she was raising her kids exactly how he said he wanted, he would still find something to be angry about, all to justify his own actions.
Sounds like me about 6 years ago. Turned out my husband was having an affair. I moved out and got an apartment. I was so happy in my little apartment with no one constantly telling me that everything I did was not good enough.. About a year later, I got really sick and he ended up helping me for a couple years off and on while I was recovering. We spent a lot of time talking. I finally figured out the problem was how unhappy he was with himself. It had nothing to do with me. He was miserable and I guess it was easier to blame his unhappiness on me and everyone else around him than to look at himself. He had to come to this on his own and accept responsibility for his actions. He is much happier now that he has someone to talk WITH instead of someone to blame.
When people have an affair, it's a way of getting away from the person they think they have become in the main relationship. Esther Perel has done a very good talk on infidelity. If the two couple get a good marriage therapist, it can help them both to either get back together or walk away from the relationship with a better understanding of themselves. To the person who was cheated on, it really helps to know that it was not about you. It was someone fighting themselves and self sabotaging.
@@isay207 THIIIIIS! If he wants things done his way, he can do it himself. Or hire someone to do it as the wife is busy working a full week, raising his kids and keeping things going while he is out in another ton doing god knows what.
A good question for her husband is why is he not making enough money to provide for his family so that his wife doesn't have to work and he can have a full time housekeeper, nanny and girlfriend at his beck and call. He seems to want a 1950s marriage, but that means he has to pull his weight 100% in providing financially for the family.
He's acting like she's a stay at home wife when she's a full time working parent. I get that he wants to just relax when he gets home from out of town but that's not reality.
Devaluing is the stage before the final discard. My ex husband did these things. Turns out he was having THREE affairs. This is not about the nit picky stuff. He doesn't feel good about himself.
How any one person can work 40-hours/week, take care of a home, and parent two children, singlehanded, and be expected to be perfect, with everything done on time is not realistic. Then be berated and have no emotional support from the one who is supposed to love you, but threatens divorce, just adds to the exhaustion one must feel.
@@deliciousdaves5658 so hes away all week leaving his wife and kids at home and comes back at the end of the week and 'all she needs to do is tidy it before he comes home'? Do you live in the 50s? Have you been a single parent working full time?
I second that. He’s unconsciously or consciously bringing her down to demoralize her so he doesn’t have to be the bad guy when he makes his move. Otherwise the normal reaction coming home on that Friday would be, “You must of had a rough week too, let’s get the girls together, I’ll put my weekend clothes on and finish the wash and we will teach them how to fold our clothes together as a family.
@donald johnson many of us are commenting based on our own experience. She may be a slacker but unfortunately his side of the story is unknown. She obviously wants help and has reached out.
Pretty sure he is cheating. Works away from home, finds things to get mad at his wife for, too many red flags. He is comparing her not to his image of what a wife should be. He is comparing her to his affair partner.
My best friend had a marriage like this. She eventually called his bluff, filed for divorce, and remarried someone who loves her properly. Her ex's only focus is using their children against her. He has no life.
This sounds like my first husband...SUPER.DEMANDING!! He always wanted me to work more hours, make more money, to be more active and go with him to every one of his ball games, stay up late and watch TV with him etc. Go on every ski trip with him. He pressured me to look younger, look pretty, be thinner. I was raising our two sons, born 21 months apart (two in diapers/two nursing at the same time. I managed the home, mowed the yard, painted the house every summer, kept the windows and siding washed, Imad th grocery list and did the shopping, and ran all the errands.. I did all the wash and ironed his 7 shirts every week. i solely cared for our sons, fed, bathed, changed, took them to the doctor all alone. I did everything in the home all alone. I cooked three meals a day from scratch, changed three beds every week, paid the bills, and ran all the errands. He wanted to camp every weekend and I spent all week, getting the chores done, the food sourced and the camping gear together and in the garage waiting to be packed. Then the following week, I unpacked, washed, put the pots and pans back into the kitchen, and the gear away until the next camping trip. My "work", my contribution was never enough and it was never going to be enough. He wanted me to work full time on top all of my other contributions! and he was unwilling to step up and take his share of the house, yard, and childcare. In the middle of all of this, I got VERY sick with endometriosis, was in terrible pain, had surgeries and he never lifted a finger. A pastor counselor told me one, "You husband treats you like a maid with sexual privileges.." I was stunned and then I realized it was true. After 24 years I filed for divorce.
If he wants certain things done, he can hire some help for his wife. I understand wanting to come home to a clean space, but you can’t blame a full-time working momma for things not being perfectly tidy
Responsibilities doesn’t change because both parties work full time. I’m sure before they agreed to get married they agreed that they’d handle certain things within the marriage. It’s not about perfection it’s about accountability on both parts.
I’d love to hear him call in and explain his side. I guarantee all the comments would shift more centrally. That’s what’s hard about these shows because hearing his side will I guarantee reveal WHY he does what he does!! Never one sided unless the person is just a total horrible person.
@@terriejonesarellano9523 I fell the same way but I am in a common law marriage but he says I am not his wife I am just his baby mama😔 what should I do?
@@Noname-ps3mq I see a lot of my dad in this story, actually. He would sometimes yell at my mother for “flavoring the soup wrong on purpose.” Later, we found out about his past. Only physical and verbal abuse. His father beat him almost daily for perceived or made up infractions, and he was always told he was stupid, worthless, not good at it for anything. My dad has his master’s in engineering and builds and designs HVAC systems. He’s not crazy or stupid. He is a broken man who holds everyone around him to perfection, he’s very proud, and he allows himself these outbursts of anger. He’s never been taught to value relationships more than reactions, and until he sees there is a problem he’ll never change.
My ex-boyfriend was like this, berating me for not fulfilling any pie-in-the-sky expectation he had. A therapist convinced me he was completely UNREALISTIC and UNREASONABLE, and I would never be happy in this relationship. I moved away, and 2 years later, I heard he got engaged. My best friend asked, “Shouldn’t you warn her? She might end up at ‘Oprah’?” I said, “Maybe he’s a better person with her.” I definitely improved and felt happier after the break-up.
Whoa....she works 40 hours a week in an outside job and she's also expected to do ALL housework and child rearing too?? That's super unrealistic and completely draining for any human being. There is something really wrong here...He might be seeing someone else already and trying to pick fights so he can validate cheating. Just a hunch......
That was me and I was working 60 to 80 hours a week at 1 point in a 2 week period I worked 200 hours but I was to have all the housework done and cook dinner every night and to be the 1 raising the kids. Oh and I have since moved out and haven't been living there filed for divorce and he still doesn't have the house cleaned the way he wants it to be because it is my job as his wife. He still thinks that I have to take care of him even though I don't live there. He even tried to forbid to go hang out with friends because he never was happy with what I did. He even threw away perfectly good food because he didn't like what I made for dinner that not even his friends think that he is crazy.
@@Angel42836 Dang..... that's insane! I am so sorry you had to experience that, but I'm proud of you for having the guts to leave that negativity. Some people want to have all the benefits of having a committed relationship without putting in any effort. THEN they get mad and wonder why you left!.... it's crazy!!
@buttcheeksmcgee4272 he still tells the kids that I will be moving back in with him and that we will be a happy family again mommy is just going through a phase. She knows she needs me. But yet I am the one that is able to pay all my bills and he complains all the time about not having money and that his car is broken and I need to run him to the store.
This has nothing to do with laundry. He's cheating. The signs are there that he has already checked out. Now he's trying to implode the marriage to escape.
He's gone all week and comes home to fight about laundry?! Geez, I was gone for 24 hours and I just wanted to come home and bum out with my wife and 3 kids. Have him trade jobs with you for two days and he'll find grace to give lol
Molly, please make inquiries re: infidelity. My ex-husband lived a double life (he was in finance & he traveled for work). One of the things that would tip me off to the presence of a new fling/influence in his life was his swift revulsion to the things I would do. Also, just my presence, and this was after weeks of him traveling for work. EVERYTHING was an issue-- I simply couldn't do anything correctly. He was hyper-vigilant, seeking problems. He also was making it clear that I was "in the danger zone" w/ him. Making frequent comments about "if I can't give him what he deserves...." This sort of BS. These behaviors were him trying to create a rationale for infidelity. He was stacking me against these women. He had placed himself at a crossroads. "See, I have to do A because you can't do B," etc., etc., etc. The grass was always greener. He will gaslight you into thinking you're not quite enough, and it may stick for some time--- but eventually you'll begin to see how irrational his claims are. It was astounding his ability to feel unrecompensed, triggered, slighted, contempt-- and it would seemingly arrive from nowhere. Just a very unhappy person. Chronically in a state of discontent and resentment. Nothing could fill that void. I pray you've found answers and peace.
Had a boyfriend like this. Made it clear that household tasks would be my job, also that handling money and any major decisions would be his call though he'd listen to my opinion. Told me he needed to make sure I ironed his suits correctly for work. Thought he was joking around. If I had 1 sick day ever he'd make me feel guilty. Worst relationship I've ever had. She should just leave. Not worth it.
I wonder if we dated the same man? 😂 My HS bf kept telling me how his future wife would have to be perfect and keep everything in his life perfect for him. I ran away like my hair was on fire. My husband of 31 years helps me all the time and instead of pressuring me to make things perfect, tells me to take a nap once in awhile!
What you described is not a boyfriuend, it's an abusive husband. Do not ever live with someone you'r enot married to! Free labor and no committemnet. Dumb.
Something is going on big time. The fact he won’t go to counseling when is wife is asking to speaks volumes. He’s out the door and is working his way up to it.
@@grizzlybear2702 you would think.... But he's obviously feeling guilty at this point and is trying to push the wifey away. He's stressing her out so bad that she'll end up leaving and filing a divorce, and he doesn't have to say later that it was him that filled. He'll say she gave up on the relationship. Just to boost his ego a bit more to try to feel better for the bad decisions he's made. I need to get back to work LoL I sound like a therapist. Either way... Wish them both luck.
The other option is that he is a narcissist. Naturally then he would also feel entitled to haveing an affair, although in that case he could also be mean to her without being triggered by an affair. if he is a fully blown narc - no amount of "counseling" is going to fix that.
I have a friend in a similar marriage. Her husband would go over people's houses and say things to her like "See how clean this house is? Why isn't ours?" Or I'll say something like "I've lost 10 pounds over a couple of months," and he'll say "Amanda is still at her pregnancy weight, I don't understand why." I've told her many times this man does not care about you, but she is so used to being put down that she seems fine with it. The problem is that her two daughters are hearing this from their father all the time!
Oh, honey...no. We can all already tell you that you are too good for this situation. This is him, not you. I've been in that before, that's narcissistic mental abuse. I hope she remembers that she has the power to leave, also.
"narcissistic mental abuse" Sounds like my experience. I was a SAHM and put plenty of time into the home during the day, but there was always, always something that wasn't right. He would go out of town to work sometimes and came home once without warning. Well, it was a nice day and I had gone out with my children. He totally went off on me that we should have been home. I am well rid of him
You literally cannot tell that at all without the full story. That's the issue with these kinds of shows is you don't get the full version of what's going on.
@@judyjohnson9610 I have a similar story, I was a stay at home mom and married to a narcissist as well. One day I was doing an art project with my son and daughter and it was messy but we were having a lot of fun. (The house was clean besides that) My ex husband got home and was very angry about the mess. We've been divorced 10 years now and I'm remarried to a man who helps me clean up and doesn't mind messy art projects 😊
I wonder if he considers all the time he's away from home all week as "working".. even if he's spending the evenings to himself. She's still putting in a second shift when she gets home from work by cooking, cleaning, tending to kids needs by herself. Having both parties work so much is not going well for us. If his job is going to leave her to be a single parent all week long then it should probably financially provide the bulk of the needs. So someone else can work part time or stay home to make sure that stuff is done. If that job isn't really providing..not a good equation to be gone all week..
He sounds like a narcissist. His expectations and the way he treats her are abusive. And it doesn’t sound like he’s interested in self reflection or changing his own behaviour. Doesn’t look good for this couple
Laundry, dishes, housework, and childcare are never DONE. It’s an ongoing everyday process. Real life is messy. If the house was neat and the laundry finished would he find fault with something else?
Probably, at the very least he would tell the wife she looks tired or not pretty enough for him. He's most likely cheating and is on his way out the door, and that's why he's nitpicking and starting fights.
I'm a man & I see men always feeling like they are entitled for whatever comes to their mind that they think they are entitled to. Be grateful for what you have and you can work with partner to achieve whatever needs to be achieved.
Oh don’t worry. There is a ginormous surplus of desperate thirsty men on dating sites that will do absolutely anything to get with a woman. She can replace him more easily then she can replace the tv remote batteries.
@@grizzlybear2702 Yeah, smart go to one of those guys, as soon as they've had you they are done with you. This woman is full of crap, instead of just doing it, she wants to go to a marriage counselor and talk about it. How hard is it to work forty hours a week and fold the laundry? Always best to fold it when it's warm. Also as far as parenting skills even a four year old can fold the laundry. This is a women who is lazy. Where I live I leave my home about 6AM and return at 6PM and still get all my chores done and have three kids. Some people are just not good at using their time and organizing things. She'd rather talk about it, than do it. It's like anything else, if you want to be appreciated you need to step up.
He says he has a problem with her, but then is unwilling to work towards any solution when she offers it. Sorry to say, if he really loved her he would be willing to fight for the marriage and do whatever it takes. He's not invested and sounds like he's going to leave regardless of how many chores she does.
If he's threatening divorce then your marriage is unstable. Marriage is to be permanent commitment;if you do not have that then what are you actually building...
So she's a single mom with a husband. He's only there on the weekends and she is working full time and taking care of the children 🤔💭💭 he comes in a few days a week to complain 😕
So he complains, fights, and talks about divorce but he doesn’t want to seek professional help to sort through these issues? If he doesn’t seek help, he will carry these problems into his next relationship.
@Light Heart - I know this type well, my family is full of them. He suggested divorce, I started getting my act together preparing to leave if necessary. We eventually divorced. He was eventually diagnosed as bipolar.
@@jasperj.d.g.4147 I think 1's point is that the girlfriend (side chick) would try hard to be the main chick. But, side piece might not be happy after he has child support for 2. & Yes, the wife is his current main girl, but she should leave.
Nice experiment! Let's try that! 6 months separated without financial support and the kids stay with the parent who can pay for them. See who is happy then
Where is her therapist on this? Did she get an answer from her therapist she didn't like, and she's "shopping around" for an easier answer? This is counseling 1.0, so she has heard this all before. This poor woman knows this marriage is over. She just hasn't accepted it yet.
If the husband is out of town so regularly for work and coming home to nitpick and threaten divorce - he is maybe having an affair with someone the days he is away. The nitpicks are a smokescreen. To help remind himself of things he does not like about his wife to offload his guilt and justify the affair in his head. It also gives him an excuse afterwards when home to be disengaged and aloof towards his wife since he picked a fight. The nitpicks also confuses the wife since she thinks they are the actual issue (ie, laundry being folded) and can be “resolved” but they are not the real issues or the real reason why he is picking fights. The other clue, for me, that this guy is maybe having an affair is his refusal to engage with his wife in discussions about their issues or go to marriage counseling. I hope she can see the forest thru these trees!
He's cheating. And, he is going to be a joy to co-parent with after you find out, divorce him and escape the abuse. It's unfortunate her and her daughters are caught in all this.
@Heinrich Himmler Maybe he needs to step up his duties contributing to the household too. They both work, they are both busy. Women don’t have some magical ability to have the laundry and dishes magically done no matter what their other obligations are.
He should come home and her. He's off the hook all week regarding parenting. He could come home and help, housework should be 50/50 when raising a family.
The list hes giving is basically a comparison. Either someone is telling him what theyre wife is doing or hes cheating with someone who is doing all that
I've admittedly been somewhat like this in my past towards my wife. I work outside the home about 50 hours/week average at a physical job and she is a stay at home homeschooling mom of 2 young kids. But never have I nor her threatened to leave or divorce over it. Just had fights before. Naturally I'm more of the ordered/spreadsheet type and she's been more of a fly by the seat of her pants type of person. She worked hard, but because it was disordered it often made me upset since some things were done extremely well and others completely avoided or the lack of order caused issues(like meal times not being done on time or preplanning). Over time in our marriage she has gotten more ordered and recognized how it helps her to plan and I've lightened up and I also help more around the house. I often sweep, do laundry and fold and put away clothes. I still consider it mainly her job as she wants to stay at home but it goes a long way to support her when she's had a hard day.
@@patriciacole8773 are you being sarcastic? Can't tell or understand your point in staying that. If you think it has to do with me being nerdy while my wife is more free spirited those are both self admissions. If it has to do with helping around the house... These are the roles we agreed to do.
@@droptozro It’s my turn to admit I don’t always remember what triggered my comment. What came to my mind as I read your response tho is this: The “ role” we have can be pretty gender specific. Obviously if there are going to be children in a family it will be mom who bears the babies. Let’s get out of our head for a minute. No matter what we intellectually agree to. Mom is going to sit and nurse said baby (ies). And coo tickle and laugh and play and jiggle and mollify and diaper and dress and bath and sing and patty cake and love and talk to and teach this creation of husband and wife(and God). O I get it dad’s can play a part. Especially if mom abdicates. But if mom is mothering most of it will be specifically to connect to the heart/ mind / brain of the infant person. To best do this mom has to feel protected ,cared for , freed up, respected, valued admired , loved , encouraged, believed, beautiful, and any number of filled up to flow over to their children. That’s such an organic flesh and blood behavior that my personality resists defining my “role” with boundaries. If mom is “allowed “ and helped in every way possible to succeed there is a higher possibility of blissful depth in all of her relationships. I’m saddened by my own experiences because while I did my wholehearted best I had to battle the right to do it. Explaining, teaching, sharing, justifying, and validating every move to someone that thought they cared about the child but in reality was not supportive of that environment that would most likely create victory in the home . So... couple all that childcare stuff with the differences in people’s character traits. What if we really can’t define and demand that specific behaviors and duties be decided and arranged as pass/ fail or even graphed in a way that reveals if the “ mark” has been hit. What if we truly choose to love and trust the process to fulfill in its own glorious season. What if your ambition and her creativity becomes the medium for growth. What if without you she would succeed as well. But with you what if through the understanding that no two days, no two relationships, no two activities will ever have the same outcome so we can pour our heart and soul into the formation of the characters of our children so we are creating healthy people with needs met so deeply that these children will grow into adults that are most likely have had happiness so profound that adulthood would mean another generation growing closer to God’s own character. Sorry so long. Like I said I was triggered. I’ve witnessed lots of painful things. Forgive my previous sarcastic comment please.
I went through this and had to have that hard conversation with my husband. It made a huge difference. It didn’t get perfect because he was bipolar, but I have to say he respected me far more after. We worked things out more and more. It was worth it.
They could definitely hire help but the issue will still remain that it sounds like he doesn’t feel like she’s living up to his expectations of a wife. Furthermore, I don’t understand how someone who’s not even in town all week can claim to do more than you.
So he probably wants a ‘traditional’ wife but he’s not a traditional husband by not taking care of his family. Even if she is not working and things aren’t always done. So f’in what!!
My hubby works 50-60 hours a week. Helps with the laundry, cleans, details & maintains the cars. Does weekend projects with me. Does dishes a third of the time. Helps cook on weekends. Kisses me when he gets home. Tells me dinner was delicious. Is a great dad. He wasn’t always so great. I taught him my expectations for how I would be treated from the beginning. I don’t accept being disrespected. I barely earn any money as an artist. I’m very fortunate and I am worth it.
This sounds like my husband before he started taking anxiety pills (Zoloft). He's just a super stressed out perfectionist and little things on top of an already stressful day or situation send him in a mental spiral that the whole freakin world is ending and unfortunately I'm the one that got blamed for it most times. Once I convinced him to get medicated, he's been so chill and less uptight and our marriage is better than ever. He admits he should've gotten help a long time ago. Just wanted to throw that out there that there's hope as long as he's willing to go with it.
My sister in law was in a similar situation a few years back. Needless to say she is now divorced and has never been happier. It never gets better. Choose happiness for you and your precious daughters. You can coparent
He's unhappy in the marriage and life. Maybe he's cheating. I also wonder if his boss or someone is bullying him at work and then he comes out home and takes it out on her.
He works out of town. Even if he works longer shifts, and drives / travels a lot during week. He goes into the motel, eats the ready meal. DONE. - I very much doubt that he works more than her. After all I am sure she is expected to deliver on the laundry part during weekend, if she dared to fall short during week.
Either he has a mistress and is mean (also to interrupt intimacy) or he is highly entitled. Best case: childhood trauma has a lot of work to do. - He wants the laundry done on HIS terms and in his timeframe ? Pay someone. Because he for sure does not provide for his wife, she too works 40 hours. commute. 2 daughters, help with school, shopping, cleaning, cooking ....
A husband that is _that_ petty / demanding is not likely to help on the weekend, certainly not with traditional female chores. - He also has her in the corner where she wants to placate him. (If SHE does things RIGHT then he will be reasonable.) Nope ! Maybe he wants her to blow up on him, or he is severly neurotic.
When a man starts finding fault….. he has another woman
This could be applied to women as well
Not necessarily
He is cheating and finding reasons to divorce her
@@self-publishinghelp8596 he does though
Nah. He’s just comparing her to other women.
His perky mistress has an immaculate 1 bedroom apartment because she's not raising HIS children in it. He is comparing the two and becoming dissatisfied.
THAT. Yes that.
Yes!
Yes, comparing unrealistically. Is funny that in a marriage, one person is supposed to do all the cleaning and laundry and cooking for everyone in the house, but no one seems to ever do it for her.
And he hates the disruption of leaving the attentive mistress in her clean apartment and going back to adult life.
“He works out of town” He’s got something on the side and is comparing you to them when he’s home. Guaranteed.
100%
Sad, but probably true.
Absolutely!!
Yeah or he just fell out of love
Yep
"I know he loves me"
"He's even threatened divorce"
Those two phrases in the same sentence = ...I don't even know.
Exactly
Yup!
He sounds like he has emotional or mental health problems, though.
I’ve found that when a man starts behaving this way he’s looking for a reason to leave the relationship. But this lady is probably better off, she probably doesn’t realize yet that she’s being treated like trash by this loser
... as soon as she said "he works out of town" my wife and I both slapped our foreheads. Yikes.
Yep!
Bingo
Yes! I did that too - it's obvious he has a mistress.
After 20+ years my husband did a 180 and became a clam. Stopped talking. Ignored me and his daughter. Walked around like we werent there. Refused to talk to me or a therapist. I gave him a deadline to come clean or I was leaving. He said bye so I did, with our daughter. He was thrilled. Signed away his parental rights, told me to take her. I left everything material behind. Bought a house a mile away. He took off meeting women from the internet. He had one after the other. Within five years he was remarried. I stayed single raising my daughter. I adore her and we are very close. She has NO relationship with her dad. Hes a loser.
What a coward way to do that. If that's what he wanted he should of been direct and stated that.
after 20 years!!! Ugh!! I'm so sorry!!!
Theres two sides to every story!
@@midnitdragoonOh hush
I'm sure his new marriage will be rock solid 🙄
He's picking a fight for a reason. His reason to get out of there and onto someone new.
Exactly!!!
He’s already begun the emotional distancing from her, as there is someone else he’s moving towards. He’s attracted to someone else, and in order for him justifying the move in that direction, he’s antagonizing his wife and creating a situation where he’s expecting her to push him away. What a cowardly move. It is his responsibility to tell her that he’s planning on moving on with his life - without her, and most likely without the children. He’s already brought up the subject of divorce.
@@probablynot1368 textbook , very obvious and predictable.
He is probably cheating on her and finding things to be critical. Who brings up divorce over laundry that isn’t done? She should hire someone for a few hours a week to do laundry and cleaning. I bet he will still find something to criticize her about .
100%
He's cheating, or is thinking about it. He is already one foot out the marriage, and his nit-picking is just a way for him to justify it. If she had the laundry done it would be something else. If she was raising her kids exactly how he said he wanted, he would still find something to be angry about, all to justify his own actions.
Super Obvious, textbook even. IDK why Deloney doesn’t say that’s one of the possibilities of what’s going on
@@xdiaz755 Right?! I like John but sometimes he misses the obvious!
I thought the same, he is cheating.....
Agreed. He is trying to blame her for his own misdoings
men don’t cheat, women do
Sounds like me about 6 years ago. Turned out my husband was having an affair. I moved out and got an apartment. I was so happy in my little apartment with no one constantly telling me that everything I did was not good enough.. About a year later, I got really sick and he ended up helping me for a couple years off and on while I was recovering. We spent a lot of time talking. I finally figured out the problem was how unhappy he was with himself. It had nothing to do with me. He was miserable and I guess it was easier to blame his unhappiness on me and everyone else around him than to look at himself. He had to come to this on his own and accept responsibility for his actions. He is much happier now that he has someone to talk WITH instead of someone to blame.
That’s amazing
Thank you for sharing that. I'm sure it's helpful to a lot of people.
Thank you for sharing this!
Thanks for sharing! This was helpful.
When people have an affair, it's a way of getting away from the person they think they have become in the main relationship. Esther Perel has done a very good talk on infidelity. If the two couple get a good marriage therapist, it can help them both to either get back together or walk away from the relationship with a better understanding of themselves. To the person who was cheated on, it really helps to know that it was not about you. It was someone fighting themselves and self sabotaging.
He sounds abusive. He's looking for something to be angry about and he will never be happy. Get away now.
Deloney shouldn’t have given her false hope, this guy is trash
Why can't he fold the laundry????
@@isay207 THIIIIIS! If he wants things done his way, he can do it himself. Or hire someone to do it as the wife is busy working a full week, raising his kids and keeping things going while he is out in another ton doing god knows what.
A good question for her husband is why is he not making enough money to provide for his family so that his wife doesn't have to work and he can have a full time housekeeper, nanny and girlfriend at his beck and call. He seems to want a 1950s marriage, but that means he has to pull his weight 100% in providing financially for the family.
Man I do make enough where do I sign up for that...
This comment is the winner right here!
Touché!
Good point
😂😂😂😂 well done they have 2 kids it's is not easy to raise 2 kids , look after a house , cook , clean , she should stay at home and quit her job
He's acting like she's a stay at home wife when she's a full time working parent. I get that he wants to just relax when he gets home from out of town but that's not reality.
Yeah he’s not providing enough for that.
Exactly. It’s not like he’s working a full time job and still trying to run a perfect household at the same time.
@@msi8311 Bingo.
Yea if she was stay-at-home status, his reasoning would be valid, he is being overbearing and setting the performance bar up TOO high now
@@zeal4god402 this! Thank you for being a strong enough man to recognize realistic facts.
Devaluing is the stage before the final discard. My ex husband did these things. Turns out he was having THREE affairs. This is not about the nit picky stuff. He doesn't feel good about himself.
Lmaooo!!!!
How any one person can work 40-hours/week, take care of a home, and parent two children, singlehanded, and be expected to be perfect, with everything done on time is not realistic. Then be berated and have no emotional support from the one who is supposed to love you, but threatens divorce, just adds to the exhaustion one must feel.
Responsibilities and accountability
He doesn't WANT her to do better. He wants to find fault that justifies his outside interests.
He has someone on the side and needs an excuse to dump her.
All she needs to do is clean her dirty house the night before he gets home
@@deliciousdaves5658 so hes away all week leaving his wife and kids at home and comes back at the end of the week and 'all she needs to do is tidy it before he comes home'? Do you live in the 50s? Have you been a single parent working full time?
He has a mistress and he's ready to leave. She needs to check the assets and get ready for him to leave.
I second that. He’s unconsciously or consciously bringing her down to demoralize her so he doesn’t have to be the bad guy when he makes his move.
Otherwise the normal reaction coming home on that Friday would be, “You must of had a rough week too, let’s get the girls together, I’ll put my weekend clothes on and finish the wash and we will teach them how to fold our clothes together as a family.
I third that. What he's doing is called crazy making. There is definitely something that has caught his eye.
@donald johnson That could be another reason why people leave after living under the same roof.
Call the lawyer bec it’s the beginning of the end.
@donald johnson many of us are commenting based on our own experience. She may be a slacker but unfortunately his side of the story is unknown. She obviously wants help and has reached out.
Pretty sure he is cheating. Works away from home, finds things to get mad at his wife for, too many red flags. He is comparing her not to his image of what a wife should be. He is comparing her to his affair partner.
My best friend had a marriage like this. She eventually called his bluff, filed for divorce, and remarried someone who loves her properly. Her ex's only focus is using their children against her. He has no life.
My exact situation 😂👌🏾
Good for your friend.
This sounds like my first husband...SUPER.DEMANDING!! He always wanted me to work more hours, make more money, to be more active and go with him to every one of his ball games, stay up late and watch TV with him etc. Go on every ski trip with him. He pressured me to look younger, look pretty, be thinner. I was raising our two sons, born 21 months apart (two in diapers/two nursing at the same time. I managed the home, mowed the yard, painted the house every summer, kept the windows and siding washed, Imad th grocery list and did the shopping, and ran all the errands.. I did all the wash and ironed his 7 shirts every week. i solely cared for our sons, fed, bathed, changed, took them to the doctor all alone. I did everything in the home all alone. I cooked three meals a day from scratch, changed three beds every week, paid the bills, and ran all the errands. He wanted to camp every weekend and I spent all week, getting the chores done, the food sourced and the camping gear together and in the garage waiting to be packed. Then the following week, I unpacked, washed, put the pots and pans back into the kitchen, and the gear away until the next camping trip. My "work", my contribution was never enough and it was never going to be enough. He wanted me to work full time on top all of my other contributions! and he was unwilling to step up and take his share of the house, yard, and childcare. In the middle of all of this, I got VERY sick with endometriosis, was in terrible pain, had surgeries and he never lifted a finger. A pastor counselor told me one, "You husband treats you like a maid with sexual privileges.." I was stunned and then I realized it was true. After 24 years I filed for divorce.
If he wants certain things done, he can hire some help for his wife. I understand wanting to come home to a clean space, but you can’t blame a full-time working momma for things not being perfectly tidy
They. They are married. They can hire someone. They are 1.
@James T they're married. They are. Whether they like it or not.
Responsibilities doesn’t change because both parties work full time. I’m sure before they agreed to get married they agreed that they’d handle certain things within the marriage. It’s not about perfection it’s about accountability on both parts.
He can come back home and simply ask "how can I help you?" He is out town and he is requesting something... selfish
@@joshuabrown2680 then they need to come to a new agreement...
You can't please some people...she will never live up to his expectations. She. Will. Be. Very. Unhappy. In. This. Marraige.
I’d love to hear him call in and explain his side. I guarantee all the comments would shift more centrally. That’s what’s hard about these shows because hearing his side will I guarantee reveal WHY he does what he does!! Never one sided unless the person is just a total horrible person.
My ex husband what’s the exact same way! Hence..ex!
@@terriejonesarellano9523 I fell the same way but I am in a common law marriage but he says I am not his wife I am just his baby mama😔 what should I do?
@@Noname-ps3mq I see a lot of my dad in this story, actually. He would sometimes yell at my mother for “flavoring the soup wrong on purpose.” Later, we found out about his past. Only physical and verbal abuse. His father beat him almost daily for perceived or made up infractions, and he was always told he was stupid, worthless, not good at it for anything. My dad has his master’s in engineering and builds and designs HVAC systems. He’s not crazy or stupid. He is a broken man who holds everyone around him to perfection, he’s very proud, and he allows himself these outbursts of anger. He’s never been taught to value relationships more than reactions, and until he sees there is a problem he’ll never change.
My ex-boyfriend was like this, berating me for not fulfilling any pie-in-the-sky expectation he had. A therapist convinced me he was completely UNREALISTIC and UNREASONABLE, and I would never be happy in this relationship. I moved away, and 2 years later, I heard he got engaged. My best friend asked, “Shouldn’t you warn her? She might end up at ‘Oprah’?” I said, “Maybe he’s a better person with her.” I definitely improved and felt happier after the break-up.
The dude is either not happy with himself and projecting it on her or is having an affair.
Sounds like it could be all of the above
Every woman who’s been there know it’s time to file for divorce...
I was married to a man like that. We are divorced now and I am living life as a happy person for the first time in about 20 years!
20 years？Are you serious？Yikes 😱
I'm so sorry you went through that! Glad you're happy now. I always said I prefer to be single and at peace than married and miserable
I too was married to a man just like this for 14 years. Glad we made it out!!
I was also married to a man like this.
🤣😂🤣
Whoa....she works 40 hours a week in an outside job and she's also expected to do ALL housework and child rearing too??
That's super unrealistic and completely draining for any human being.
There is something really wrong here...He might be seeing someone else already and trying to pick fights so he can validate cheating.
Just a hunch......
That was me and I was working 60 to 80 hours a week at 1 point in a 2 week period I worked 200 hours but I was to have all the housework done and cook dinner every night and to be the 1 raising the kids. Oh and I have since moved out and haven't been living there filed for divorce and he still doesn't have the house cleaned the way he wants it to be because it is my job as his wife. He still thinks that I have to take care of him even though I don't live there. He even tried to forbid to go hang out with friends because he never was happy with what I did. He even threw away perfectly good food because he didn't like what I made for dinner that not even his friends think that he is crazy.
@@Angel42836 Dang..... that's insane! I am so sorry you had to experience that, but I'm proud of you for having the guts to leave that negativity.
Some people want to have all the benefits of having a committed relationship without putting in any effort. THEN they get mad and wonder why you left!.... it's crazy!!
@buttcheeksmcgee4272 he still tells the kids that I will be moving back in with him and that we will be a happy family again mommy is just going through a phase. She knows she needs me. But yet I am the one that is able to pay all my bills and he complains all the time about not having money and that his car is broken and I need to run him to the store.
@@Angel42836 He is delusional WOW.
I bet you love having peace again.
So happy for you.
We all have the same hunch.
This has nothing to do with laundry. He's cheating. The signs are there that he has already checked out. Now he's trying to implode the marriage to escape.
This. He wants her to think that the marriage’s ending is her fault too.
@@ceng.3123 yeah, he hopes that will mitigate the blame he will receive from friends and family. He won't be the bad guy that way. 👿
Yep this playbook happened to me. Such a coward.
I would LOVE an update on this situation. Is she safe after confronting her husband? Let's call it like it is: this is an abusive relationship!!!!
Yes I agree
He's gone all week and comes home to fight about laundry?! Geez, I was gone for 24 hours and I just wanted to come home and bum out with my wife and 3 kids. Have him trade jobs with you for two days and he'll find grace to give lol
This sounds like the age-old story of a guy demonizing his wife to justify in his own mind having someone on the side.
Usually when a spouse starts nitpicking everything you do and picking fights they’re cheating.
Molly, please make inquiries re: infidelity. My ex-husband lived a double life (he was in finance & he traveled for work). One of the things that would tip me off to the presence of a new fling/influence in his life was his swift revulsion to the things I would do. Also, just my presence, and this was after weeks of him traveling for work. EVERYTHING was an issue-- I simply couldn't do anything correctly. He was hyper-vigilant, seeking problems. He also was making it clear that I was "in the danger zone" w/ him. Making frequent comments about "if I can't give him what he deserves...." This sort of BS. These behaviors were him trying to create a rationale for infidelity. He was stacking me against these women. He had placed himself at a crossroads. "See, I have to do A because you can't do B," etc., etc., etc. The grass was always greener. He will gaslight you into thinking you're not quite enough, and it may stick for some time--- but eventually you'll begin to see how irrational his claims are. It was astounding his ability to feel unrecompensed, triggered, slighted, contempt-- and it would seemingly arrive from nowhere. Just a very unhappy person. Chronically in a state of discontent and resentment. Nothing could fill that void. I pray you've found answers and peace.
Had a boyfriend like this. Made it clear that household tasks would be my job, also that handling money and any major decisions would be his call though he'd listen to my opinion. Told me he needed to make sure I ironed his suits correctly for work. Thought he was joking around. If I had 1 sick day ever he'd make me feel guilty. Worst relationship I've ever had. She should just leave. Not worth it.
Did you tell him he was wrong?
@@JoyofRVingdo you really think a man who is that unreasonable would even listen to someone telling him he is wrong ?...
I wonder if we dated the same man? 😂 My HS bf kept telling me how his future wife would have to be perfect and keep everything in his life perfect for him. I ran away like my hair was on fire. My husband of 31 years helps me all the time and instead of pressuring me to make things perfect, tells me to take a nap once in awhile!
What you described is not a boyfriuend, it's an abusive husband. Do not ever live with someone you'r enot married to! Free labor and no committemnet. Dumb.
When you fix one of his listed “failures,” another will arise. This is his problem, not yours.. Draw a line for your and your children’s health.
I totally agree. When you live with a person that is impossible to please, eventually you stop trying at all because what's the point?
What kind of man wants his wife to work more? Not any kind of real man. She needs to run for the hills.
What kind of women wants her man to work more?
@@whitneyw.7919 men are supposed to protect and provide
True
A man knows his woman can do 'almost' everything, but a real man won't let her.
@@whitneyw.7919a women who's married to a man who doesn't do any housework or childcare all week
Something is going on big time. The fact he won’t go to counseling when is wife is asking to speaks volumes. He’s out the door and is working his way up to it.
sounds like he met someone while hes working of the road and wants to leave.
Yup
Yeah... totally sounds like that. It's his way to make her feel bad for him being the bad guy.
He should keep his cheating a secret and treat the wife normally as if nothing happened.
@@grizzlybear2702 you would think.... But he's obviously feeling guilty at this point and is trying to push the wifey away. He's stressing her out so bad that she'll end up leaving and filing a divorce, and he doesn't have to say later that it was him that filled. He'll say she gave up on the relationship. Just to boost his ego a bit more to try to feel better for the bad decisions he's made.
I need to get back to work LoL I sound like a therapist. Either way... Wish them both luck.
The other option is that he is a narcissist. Naturally then he would also feel entitled to haveing an affair, although in that case he could also be mean to her without being triggered by an affair.
if he is a fully blown narc - no amount of "counseling" is going to fix that.
I have a friend in a similar marriage. Her husband would go over people's houses and say things to her like "See how clean this house is? Why isn't ours?" Or I'll say something like "I've lost 10 pounds over a couple of months," and he'll say "Amanda is still at her pregnancy weight, I don't understand why." I've told her many times this man does not care about you, but she is so used to being put down that she seems fine with it. The problem is that her two daughters are hearing this from their father all the time!
Oh, honey...no. We can all already tell you that you are too good for this situation. This is him, not you. I've been in that before, that's narcissistic mental abuse. I hope she remembers that she has the power to leave, also.
"narcissistic mental abuse" Sounds like my experience. I was a SAHM and put plenty of time into the home during the day, but there was always, always something that wasn't right. He would go out of town to work sometimes and came home once without warning. Well, it was a nice day and I had gone out with my children. He totally went off on me that we should have been home. I am well rid of him
You literally cannot tell that at all without the full story. That's the issue with these kinds of shows is you don't get the full version of what's going on.
Exactly what I thought- narcassism
@@tanL22 actually you can when you've lived thru it. It has all the marks of narcissism.
@@judyjohnson9610 I have a similar story, I was a stay at home mom and married to a narcissist as well. One day I was doing an art project with my son and daughter and it was messy but we were having a lot of fun. (The house was clean besides that) My ex husband got home and was very angry about the mess.
We've been divorced 10 years now and I'm remarried to a man who helps me clean up and doesn't mind messy art projects 😊
I wonder if he considers all the time he's away from home all week as "working".. even if he's spending the evenings to himself. She's still putting in a second shift when she gets home from work by cooking, cleaning, tending to kids needs by herself. Having both parties work so much is not going well for us. If his job is going to leave her to be a single parent all week long then it should probably financially provide the bulk of the needs. So someone else can work part time or stay home to make sure that stuff is done. If that job isn't really providing..not a good equation to be gone all week..
Lady Luck - And then he comes home and savages his wife over his "list!"
Not to mention the homework and other developmental milestones that take training
He sounds like a narcissist. His expectations and the way he treats her are abusive. And it doesn’t sound like he’s interested in self reflection or changing his own behaviour. Doesn’t look good for this couple
Life is about more than just being productive and working all the time, definitely more going on here on the husband's side.
like what?
@@clarifyingquestions side chick
Yep! Side chick
Laundry, dishes, housework, and childcare are never DONE. It’s an ongoing everyday process. Real life is messy. If the house was neat and the laundry finished would he find fault with something else?
Probably, at the very least he would tell the wife she looks tired or not pretty enough for him. He's most likely cheating and is on his way out the door, and that's why he's nitpicking and starting fights.
One word for this unfortunately - narcissism
I'm a man & I see men always feeling like they are entitled for whatever comes to their mind that they think they are entitled to. Be grateful for what you have and you can work with partner to achieve whatever needs to be achieved.
Raised by single mother?
@@epuffglobal7719 . If he was, she did an excellent job!!!! 💪
Every woman’s desire is to be wanted. Wow. She must feel horrible
Oh don’t worry. There is a ginormous surplus of desperate thirsty men on dating sites that will do absolutely anything to get with a woman. She can replace him more easily then she can replace the tv remote batteries.
@@grizzlybear2702 Yeah, smart go to one of those guys, as soon as they've had you they are done with you.
This woman is full of crap, instead of just doing it, she wants to go to a marriage counselor and talk about it. How hard is it to work forty hours a week and fold the laundry? Always best to fold it when it's warm. Also as far as parenting skills even a four year old can fold the laundry. This is a women who is lazy. Where I live I leave my home about 6AM and return at 6PM and still get all my chores done and have three kids. Some people are just not good at using their time and organizing things. She'd rather talk about it, than do it. It's like anything else, if you want to be appreciated you need to step up.
So he is gone all week n shud be able to come home n do nothing. How is that doing more than her? What housework is he doing?
Right? She's already putting in a second shift after she comes he that would normally be shared by a spouse that is home on weeknights
Is it possible he's cheating and blaming her for "the laundry" is how he assuages his own guilt?
Not just possible. Probable!
I think so
So in his eyes, she just can't do anything right
How long's it take to fold a load of laundry? 5 minutes? 10 if you're slow? just fold it yourself bro, it's not that hard.
He says he has a problem with her, but then is unwilling to work towards any solution when she offers it. Sorry to say, if he really loved her he would be willing to fight for the marriage and do whatever it takes. He's not invested and sounds like he's going to leave regardless of how many chores she does.
If he's threatening divorce then your marriage is unstable. Marriage is to be permanent commitment;if you do not have that then what are you actually building...
So she's a single mom with a husband. He's only there on the weekends and she is working full time and taking care of the children 🤔💭💭 he comes in a few days a week to complain 😕
So he complains, fights, and talks about divorce but he doesn’t want to seek professional help to sort through these issues? If he doesn’t seek help, he will carry these problems into his next relationship.
This lady is with an emotionally abusive husband. My father was like that. She needs to get out if she can.
@Light Heart - I know this type well, my family is full of them. He suggested divorce, I started getting my act together preparing to leave if necessary. We eventually divorced. He was eventually diagnosed as bipolar.
Whats Biopolar？
Stop talking. Do not fall for his threats. Make a plan to protect you and the kids.
Set up a control experiment. Separate for 6 months to a year. See who is happy and who isn't.
@1 ... she's the wife, so not the side chick
@@jasperj.d.g.4147 we all think he has a side piece
@@thatslamejehl he probably has a side chick, but the wife is the main chick, no?
@@jasperj.d.g.4147 I think 1's point is that the girlfriend (side chick) would try hard to be the main chick. But, side piece might not be happy after he has child support for 2.
& Yes, the wife is his current main girl, but she should leave.
Nice experiment! Let's try that! 6 months separated without financial support and the kids stay with the parent who can pay for them. See who is happy then
I think he’s cheating.
Right, men don't leave unless they have somewhere to go.
My first thought when she started talking, then she said he works out of town and I'm like YUP.
I was looking for this comment. Hes either already cheating or being mean/rude to justify that he should cheat.
If he is cheating then he should at least treat her normally and put in the effort to keep his cheating a secret
@3 Phase - lol - he wants to leave her. There is no “treating normal” he has one foot out the door.
Gone all week. He has one foot out the door. Trying to blame you so he doesn’t feel guilty. Let him go. It will never change.
Where is her therapist on this? Did she get an answer from her therapist she didn't like, and she's "shopping around" for an easier answer? This is counseling 1.0, so she has heard this all before. This poor woman knows this marriage is over. She just hasn't accepted it yet.
She may know that he’s cheating possibly.
If the husband is out of town so regularly for work and coming home to nitpick and threaten divorce - he is maybe having an affair with someone the days he is away. The nitpicks are a smokescreen. To help remind himself of things he does not like about his wife to offload his guilt and justify the affair in his head. It also gives him an excuse afterwards when home to be disengaged and aloof towards his wife since he picked a fight. The nitpicks also confuses the wife since she thinks they are the actual issue (ie, laundry being folded) and can be “resolved” but they are not the real issues or the real reason why he is picking fights. The other clue, for me, that this guy is maybe having an affair is his refusal to engage with his wife in discussions about their issues or go to marriage counseling. I hope she can see the forest thru these trees!
Sounds like me ex husband. Key word, ex.
Curious why did you break up？
He's cheating. And, he is going to be a joy to co-parent with after you find out, divorce him and escape the abuse. It's unfortunate her and her daughters are caught in all this.
Gas Lighter...I agree he wants out. Affair or not. He is setting it all up to leave (or get her to leave him).
Sounds like husband is no longer interested in the marriage. At least, that’s what happened to me. Divorced 33 years ago. Best wishes.
@Heinrich Himmler Maybe he needs to step up his duties contributing to the household too. They both work, they are both busy. Women don’t have some magical ability to have the laundry and dishes magically done no matter what their other obligations are.
@Heinrich Himmler no, she doesn’t need to do more. She has enough on her plate. More duties may break her mentally.
Feels like emotional abuse.
You can't help him. No matter what. Unless he's willing to change himself, there's nothing that you can do.
I wonder if his girlfriend folds the laundry?
His laundry.😉
He should come home and her. He's off the hook all week regarding parenting. He could come home and help, housework should be 50/50 when raising a family.
The list hes giving is basically a comparison. Either someone is telling him what theyre wife is doing or hes cheating with someone who is doing all that
I've admittedly been somewhat like this in my past towards my wife. I work outside the home about 50 hours/week average at a physical job and she is a stay at home homeschooling mom of 2 young kids. But never have I nor her threatened to leave or divorce over it. Just had fights before.
Naturally I'm more of the ordered/spreadsheet type and she's been more of a fly by the seat of her pants type of person. She worked hard, but because it was disordered it often made me upset since some things were done extremely well and others completely avoided or the lack of order caused issues(like meal times not being done on time or preplanning).
Over time in our marriage she has gotten more ordered and recognized how it helps her to plan and I've lightened up and I also help more around the house. I often sweep, do laundry and fold and put away clothes. I still consider it mainly her job as she wants to stay at home but it goes a long way to support her when she's had a hard day.
@@patriciacole8773 are you being sarcastic? Can't tell or understand your point in staying that.
If you think it has to do with me being nerdy while my wife is more free spirited those are both self admissions.
If it has to do with helping around the house... These are the roles we agreed to do.
@@droptozro Good for you, wish your family health and happiness.
it's reasonable to have a stay at home parent do a majority of the household duties. but that's not the case on this call. she is working full time
@@Lady.Luck. yes I agree.
@@droptozro It’s my turn to admit I don’t always remember what triggered my comment.
What came to my mind as I read your response tho is this:
The “ role” we have can be pretty gender specific. Obviously if there are going to be children in a family it will be mom who bears the babies. Let’s get out of our head for a minute. No matter what we intellectually agree to. Mom is going to sit and nurse said baby (ies). And coo tickle and laugh and play and jiggle and mollify and diaper and dress and bath and sing and patty cake and love and talk to and teach this creation of husband and wife(and God). O I get it dad’s can play a part. Especially if mom abdicates. But if mom is mothering most of it will be specifically to connect to the heart/ mind / brain of the infant person. To best do this mom has to feel protected ,cared for , freed up, respected, valued admired , loved , encouraged, believed, beautiful, and any number of filled up to flow over to their children. That’s such an organic flesh and blood behavior that my personality resists defining my “role” with boundaries. If mom is “allowed “ and helped in every way possible to succeed there is a higher possibility of blissful depth in all of her relationships. I’m saddened by my own experiences because while I did my wholehearted best I had to battle the right to do it. Explaining, teaching, sharing, justifying, and validating every move to someone that thought they cared about the child but in reality was not supportive of that environment that would most likely create victory in the home .
So... couple all that childcare stuff with the differences in people’s character traits. What if we really can’t define and demand that specific behaviors and duties be decided and arranged as pass/ fail or even graphed in a way that reveals if the “ mark” has been hit. What if we truly choose to love and trust the process to fulfill in its own glorious season. What if your ambition and her creativity becomes the medium for growth. What if without you she would succeed as well. But with you what if through the understanding that no two days, no two relationships, no two activities will ever have the same outcome so we can pour our heart and soul into the formation of the characters of our children so we are creating healthy people with needs met so deeply that these children will grow into adults that are most likely have had happiness so profound that adulthood would mean another generation growing closer to God’s own character. Sorry so long. Like I said I was triggered. I’ve witnessed lots of painful things. Forgive my previous sarcastic comment please.
I went through this and had to have that hard conversation with my husband. It made a huge difference. It didn’t get perfect because he was bipolar, but I have to say he respected me far more after. We worked things out more and more. It was worth it.
⁰00000⁰0000
I just got out of one of these relationships. Run darling, run.
They could definitely hire help but the issue will still remain that it sounds like he doesn’t feel like she’s living up to his expectations of a wife. Furthermore, I don’t understand how someone who’s not even in town all week can claim to do more than you.
He is not a team player. He is a narcissist. Nothing will make him happy. Pay a house keeper to help.
Use HIS money to pay the housekeeper if the two of you keep your money separate
@Denise Ramsour - He'll just find something else to complain about.
That’s my husband’s brother from another mother. He’s just the most hardworking man in his mind.
Affair. If he's working out of town, he's having an affair. Go through his phone records and internet history. Dig Deep. He sounds Worthless.
So he probably wants a ‘traditional’ wife but he’s not a traditional husband by not taking care of his family. Even if she is not working and things aren’t always done. So f’in what!!
Beware of people who have outbursts of anger! They may be trying to manipulate you, or lack the tools to hold an adult conversation.
@John Tonge - Or bipolar, alcoholism, drug abuse...
My hubby works 50-60 hours a week. Helps with the laundry, cleans, details & maintains the cars. Does weekend projects with me. Does dishes a third of the time. Helps cook on weekends. Kisses me when he gets home. Tells me dinner was delicious. Is a great dad. He wasn’t always so great. I taught him my expectations for how I would be treated from the beginning. I don’t accept being disrespected. I barely earn any money as an artist. I’m very fortunate and I am worth it.
Sounds wonderful
Oh shut up.
I taught him my expectations. Sounds very arrogant to me. But do you live up to his expectations all the time?
@@johnreed9050 I bet you are single/ divorced
He’s most likely cheating, or he’s just overly critical.If you add up the fact that he works out of town, he may have met someone else.
This sounds like my husband before he started taking anxiety pills (Zoloft). He's just a super stressed out perfectionist and little things on top of an already stressful day or situation send him in a mental spiral that the whole freakin world is ending and unfortunately I'm the one that got blamed for it most times. Once I convinced him to get medicated, he's been so chill and less uptight and our marriage is better than ever. He admits he should've gotten help a long time ago. Just wanted to throw that out there that there's hope as long as he's willing to go with it.
Natalie - Thank you for another perspective.
If my future husband said that to me I would tell him if he wants something done, he can do it himself. Relationships are 50/50 with household duties.
Who said that
He's cheating. Get an attorney and get your ducks in a row
A true apology is change behavior
I agree with the consensus here that he is most likely contemplating cheating or is cheating.
My sister in law was in a similar situation a few years back. Needless to say she is now divorced and has never been happier. It never gets better. Choose happiness for you and your precious daughters. You can coparent
He should be so proud and lucky to have a wife who does so much and doesn't complain about him not being there!
Pay for some one to come in and help you clean and laundry the day before he comes home. Let see if he comes up with another excuse.
Don’t threaten divorce if you don’t actually mean it. That’s blackmail and manipulative.
He's unhappy in the marriage and life. Maybe he's cheating. I also wonder if his boss or someone is bullying him at work and then he comes out home and takes it out on her.
What if his boss or someone is bullying him, does this justify his actions? How can a wife help him in such a way?
Then he needs to look for another job..his wife is not his punching bag
@@d-nise6364 Oh, I agree, but that's just my guess and observation.
Laundry?? This is bananas excuses to make a fight ..
My ex argued about the keurig or the vacuum… he is an ex now.
No one can live like this..
When this happens, hire a private investigator before you confront him. He’s def cheating
Is he cheating because I found my ex-husband would do this when he was cheating.😳
I have never heard Dr. John call someone an idiot before and I am HERE for it lol
He sounds like a narcissist… they have a very hard time apologising for anything
I need more information. Does he help with the kids? Homework? House chores? Food? How is he working harder?
He works out of town. Even if he works longer shifts, and drives / travels a lot during week. He goes into the motel, eats the ready meal. DONE. - I very much doubt that he works more than her. After all I am sure she is expected to deliver on the laundry part during weekend, if she dared to fall short during week.
Either he has a mistress and is mean (also to interrupt intimacy) or he is highly entitled. Best case: childhood trauma has a lot of work to do. - He wants the laundry done on HIS terms and in his timeframe ? Pay someone. Because he for sure does not provide for his wife, she too works 40 hours. commute. 2 daughters, help with school, shopping, cleaning, cooking ....
His wife pays her way and on top of that makes the free maid, cook, nanny, housekeeper. - He does not even provide board for her.
A husband that is _that_ petty / demanding is not likely to help on the weekend, certainly not with traditional female chores. - He also has her in the corner where she wants to placate him. (If SHE does things RIGHT then he will be reasonable.) Nope ! Maybe he wants her to blow up on him, or he is severly neurotic.
no, he comes home from a “hard day” at work and sits in front of the tv to watch sports.
Chad's looking for a way out - we're onto you, Chad!
He’s not a Chad. He’s a Dusty
My heart goes out to you. You are worth so much more than this abuse.
Man. I'm lucky. My husband is literally amazing after listening to this
Lady.. if I were her, I’d move on! Being a parent is already stressful as it is.. you don’t need this kind of bs! 👏🏼MOVE👏🏼ON