"Me and my wife both agree that we hated marriage and that we made a mistake getting married. So we went ahead and had a kid together." Its amazing how stupid people can be. Let it make sense
It's called societal pressure. It happens A LOT more than you'd think. Society expects wife-husband-kids-whitepicketfence. Not enough people think it through or think long term.
They’re narcissists searching for validation that’s all it is. If they gave details it wouldn’t validate their side of the story so they refuse to give it
That's a terrible Idea. Her situation is more likely based on her emotions, and he is not going to be able to rationalize them back into liking each other.
@@danr9584 ..I guess it all depends on what has already transpired and if it is beyond repair. Personally, I think we need to hear both sides, and they should be sitting in the SAME room when they speak. It is easy for one person to speak their side while the other is not present, and cannot confirm to deny what is being stated. Also, I personally believe that all couples should attend some type of course/class/counseling prior to getting married. For couples that have issues, they should attend counseling together, and also separate. I would agree with you that sometimes, depending on what the person has already been through, and their tolerance level, there may be no going back, or trying to force some type of relationship when there is either no feeling, or the damage that has been done is insurmountable.
@@jengable4888I don't know if it's beyond repair, but I think the problem is that this guy doesn't stand up for himself or anything that he wants, and she has lost respect for him over it. She can't get turned on for somebody she doesn't respect and it is taking a toll. He needs to start picking up some hobbies, hang out with his friends and live the life he wants. As he does this, she will likely come back around. True desire cannot be negotiated and that is what this caller is trying to do.
@@danr9584 ..He should have been doing that right along ! A functioning couple should be able to function independently, as well as, together. The issue lies with who the spouses or partners socialize with, that can make a difference. For example, (This is not intended to sound gender bias, the situation could be reversed) the wife socializes with other women/ maybe a few male friends who are also in committed relationships, are responsible, and the entire situation is platonic. Now the male spouse/partner socializes with individuals who are serial daters, show little respect for the male spouses familial/relationship responsibilities, and try to coerce him to go "Clubbing/and other risque places" that may inadvertently cause problems. The situation could cause trust problems in a relationship, and resentment on other side. Now, in my opinion, these two need to seek counseling, and try to establish a new "relationship" that involves pro-social individuality (if that is what they want) if both are willing, and that is possible. For example, the husband joins a baseball league or hiking club, while she is working on an art project. I can understand when someone loses respect for someone, for whatever reason, it is very difficult to gain that back. It depends on the situation. In addition, it can also happen when a spouse or partner, CONSTANTLY complains about an employment situation on a daily basis, yet does NOTHING to remedy the situation. This could be highly annoying as well, which could lead to losing respect. Now, sometimes the employment situation can difficult to navigate and I understand that too, however, the spouse who is doing the complaining should take an active role in trying to pinpoint the problems and try to find either an internal solution (Stay within the employment situation) or external solution (actively begin to seek employment elsewhere, attend networking groups, attend college etc). What are your thoughts on this ?
She must be narcist. But he wont admit on the show. Because in his mind he thinks its less manly to blame it on a woman. its a trait of a gynocentric society.
I think underlying/undiagnosed mental health issues play huge role in situations like this. The unawareness he has shows there is a lack of understanding about feelers issues
This was the most infuriating call I’ve ever listened to. It’s like he’s talking about someone else’s marriage because he literally knows nothing about it 🤨
Very frustrating. Dr John have a lot of patience. It makes no sense. You hate being married and said you made a mistake the next day, yet you stayed in toxicity for 6 years and bring a child in the world. It’s not fair to this child. Makes no sense
The caller is either anxious avoidant or dismissive avoidant. They shut down and hide/ run away from emotions. Most of them don't even want to get to know themselves. I used to be a social worker.. they can plan their whole life around a belief they have... and not even know WHY they have that belief.. and then wake up one day realizing they don't care about it. They rarely if ever check in with themselves to see how they feel, they don't want to feel anything. And ideally, they don't want to actively participate in life especially, their own.
He doesn't have insight, understanding or language to describe his feelings, needs, or motivations. He apparently learned to be very passive in his childhood from his parents and can't break out of it. Lots of therapy would help him understand himself, his feelings and behavior. He's afraid to break out of this relationship. He needs therapy to give him understanding about himself and his choices about how to interact with his wife.
This is more common than not. Many people have kids because that is what you are supposed to do once married. MOST people have kid without thinking about that kid at all...it is about society norms (especially in Christian and religious circles) and themselves.
Well they have been married for six years already. The wife is probably well into her 30s and her biological clock is ticking. If she gets a divorce she probably will not be able to have kids with someone else.
He hints that she may be an abuser, chose to stop being nice after marriage, is common to narcissists. As the abused partner you kinda become frozen, and lose self confidence in the home.
Reminds me of my beloved father in law, who left his wife of 25 years because he realized one day he never loved her. To this day, he can’t say anything other than “I don’t know what I was thinking, I wasn’t thinking, I don’t know why I did that, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know.” Terrifies me people can be so clueless about their own lives that affect others.
Scary how someone can take up decades, and the prime of someone else’s life, and then crush their partner by saying they haven’t loved them for decades. That’s the ultimate in cruelty.
I’ve heard hints that pornography addiction had something to do with it. Basically he went to therapy and eventually realized he didn’t love his wife. He did support her after, they are amicable and in a friendly place now. I am close to my FIL, stay up all night with no sleep talking the whole time close, so it surprised me he could be so “out of touch” with his emotions for a whole marriage and three kids over 25+ years
This was painful to listen to. The caller could not answer a single question that John was asking. I'd be very curious to hear his wife's side of the story.
@@AnaBananaM28 it’s just often the case in such situations. Regardless it doesn’t do the kid any favors to raise it in where the parents can’t get along. It’s just negative energy
This makes no sense to me. If you don't like eachother, literally have never been happy about being married from day one and have spent a decade not liking eachother...and then they decide to have a kid? What??
Me too. When I finally decided...I got pregnant. No way I was letting his toxic family have access to my kid. So I stayed. She was ten when he started acting like my roommate. I asked whats up and he refused to admit it. So I saw an attorney, learned a ten year old can choose who to live with. I took her, he never looked back. He was dating before we saw the judge. He remarried four years later. Its been 25 years since I left him. He abandoned his child. She and I are extremely close. I love being unmarried.
@@el676 I don’t have any empathy for him. He called in trying to manipulate us and the Doctor. He cannot even think he is the source of the problem and the problem is him. Narcissists think that way. I bet he gaslights her and she does not put up with his BS. He wants to play the victim after he’s the one who cause the disruption in the first place.
The lack of self awareness and self discovery is really sad. How can you settle this much in life!? I’m sure this has been his whole life. Never question what’s happening but never be satisfied with what you have. I hope he does the work. I’m sure his wife has a lot to work on too but man, I’d be bashing my head into a wall trying to be with someone who doesn’t look internally or even try to fix things. Thanks dr. Deloney for asking the hard questions!
He stayed with her because she's a hottie. Physically attractive. That's probably why their dating life went well. But after the marriage, they stopped needing a reason to pursue each other, and they realised they had nothing in common.
Wow, most men who hate women are just shallow themselves only care about her looks , these hot women ( mostly ) aren't good wives and lack personality , then men realise personality is more important
This guy likes to play the victim. Guarantee he gaslights her and she doesn’t put up with his BS. He is so afraid to say anything negative about himself to the host when he knows he’s a major part of the problem.
...or he married his "type". Men will pass up perfect people for them because they have a specific type of person in mind that will fit their goals & future. Never marry so you can reach an imagined status or a goal, it is doomed to fail. Marry someone who actually likes you, desires you and respects you instead of your goal.
I really like how Dr. Delony dealt with this one. I honestly get baffled at people who don't understand that everything is a choice and your current situation is as a result of decisions made. This guy needs to take responsibility and just do something - ANYTHING!!! STOP acting like "life" just carried you here!
This man definitely doesn’t even know what the truth is because he can’t look in the mirror or be honest with himself. I was with a man like this for a long time and there are major red flags here. Yikes. Hopefully his wife can get out and find true happiness.
@@alliepoe5487 Well she will get the child and collect child support/alimony weekly. She is going to make out great thanks to our divorce/family court laws.
@@anthonyfuller9933 well a single woman with a child goes down the economic ladder in the workplace while fathers who are divorced do not.... she I'm sure would much rather have never married him than be divorced. She probably works too so its not like everything was all his...it SHOULD be split.
I was this guy. I got severely injured, had chronic pain, couldn't find a way to end the pain (don't send me any ideas, or MLM bull - I literally blew six figures on everything under the sun, a Dave Ramsey call for another time) so my life devolved into desk job, home, desk job, home and that was it. I finally decided that I had to learn to live with pain but learn to live again also. It sucks but I am going to school, new job, new life and should graduate with the MSW/MBA in the spring, just before my 60th. I will hobble up to the stage, but I will be there. It's what you choose.
Sounds just like my husband. The light went switch after 6 months, the laziness, and now, after 34 years of marriage, he says he hasn’t loved me for 32 years of them. Of course, he cannot tell me why. I guarantee this man is a gaslighter and his wife doesn’t put up with his BS.
This is the result of a fear of solitude. Being single is OK. You’ll be ok if you’re single. Stop forcing yourself to be in a relationship at all times.
I feel like when John said, "does she think you're dumb?" In his mind he was like, cause I do.....Lord knows that's what I'm thinking sitting at home listening to him.
Something's off here. My uncle is in an abusive marriage and this is how he sounds when talking about his wife. Very disconnected and naive. This guy's wife literally said "I don't have to be nice to you now". That doesn't sound like a joke to me, that sounds like a very real issue.
Maybe there’s a lot of pressure in his family to get and stay married too. But yeah that is not a good wife if she said that to him, sad and disrespectful.
Since we don’t know the context of that statement, we cannot assume she is a nasty woman. Narcissists cannot accept any type of slight or criticism no matter how it’s delivered. They do not accept responsibility from their behavior and deflect from the truth or anything that will make them look bad. They always expect to be seen by the public as the hero. So, he’s ready to run and called a radio show to get vindication for his thoughts. He didn’t get them. I bet he gaslights her and she doesn’t put up with his BS. This guy is pathetic and manipulative. The Doctor saw right through him.
That actually happened to someone I know. Difference is that her dad paid for med school so she wouldn’t have debt, and then she dropped at at the very end. While my parents literally told me when I finished highschool,”college is too expensive, we will not help you”. But they refinanced their house a year later for my abusive older brother in order to take him out of debt. My life is a mess lol 😣 Mommy and daddy issues. I need to call Dr. John. 😑
@@theshunnedBandersnatch I did not pursue my dream career. I ended up going to trade school, became a medical/code biller and worked in a medical office. I had to do that short career because I was on my own by 18. But I don’t love it. I just Didn’t have support. Now I have kids and one day I’ll go back to school. My dream career is something to do with an English major. But will see where my life goes.
I was in a bad marriage for 24 years. My husband was a good provider and a good father but a lousy husband. I went to therapy and read many, many books...he would not go to therapy. Finally I left and started over. No regrets.
You got the best husband what are you talking about...you should have a role to make it that intimate life work..I do not see the point you blame him here!!!
@@addiskassa5165 the point is she was unhappy! What about her? She needed him emotionally and mentally belittling he wasn’t there! This is true for most women in marriages, men love talking about how they provided you with this and that, yeah but beyond money what is he doing for me??
@@daniella8400 well all People have flaws when you see the flaws you have to think can i live with that person for the rest of My life for One person Will think that Guy is perfect for another person Will not see that Guy is perfect because he has to many flaws dont marry a person if you cant live with a person flaws ofc the couple should grow together but IF you cant you should Accept the other person flaws otherwise No point in spending the rest of your life with that person
This was me for 14 years. It's a *self worth* issue. The ex and I became roommates. I wanted a real marriage and he wanted a slave and someone he could abuse for his own delight.He wanted someone to neglect, someone to criticize, someone to do his laundry, wash his dishes, take care of him when he was sick, work alongside him and not get paid.... He wanted a mommy. 🤦🏻♀️ And...someone he could scream at and terrify behind closed doors while acting like the man I met and married with _everyone else._ I had two friends in 2018 that listened to what was happening, from an outside perspective, and help me see that I was living in my own hell and waiting for HIM to change. They showed me: I HAVE A CHOICE! Stay or go. I seriously believed I _could not leave._😞😭 This was due to the church teaching me for my whole life: God hates divorce!!!!! I found my self worth and self love and after I went to him and said our house is metaphorically on fire and we need help, he refused counseling, said he could fix our issues in 5 min, and then mocked me. A week later I left after some serious green lights from God that ripped the rose colored glasses off my face. Finally! I am now remarried to a man who has the same values as me, morals, who shares my faith in God, who sees me, who wants to know me, who delights in me, who doesn't yell or scream anytime something needs to be discussed, holds me when I cry, prays with me, who accepts me and is t trying to make me into a mini version of himself or desires me to be an emotionless robot. Find your self worth!!! We DO only get this ONE LIFE!!! It is a gift! Don't squander it away!!
You are so right! People treat us the way we allow! Self love and self worth is so important. Often times we women are thought to love others and give, but we are not thought to go inward.
I went through this exact same situation for 6 yrs. Was emotionally abused and battered every day. I also got the green light to go.I left over 5 months ago and I've been so happy.
His words show he does not value his vows. Vows are much more than just never getting divorced. You vow to love, to cherish, to respect, etc, one another.
I was in exact amount of marriage. Divorced some two months back. Trust me when I look back, that suffering was not necessary. I should have stepped out long back
Dr John has so much patience. I would have hung up the phone about three minutes in 😂 there is definitely more to that story though. It’s a shame he couldn’t have opened up a bit more because he would’ve got more tailored advice. I do feel sorry for him though. I wonder what the story is behind his wife saying she didn’t need to be nice to him anymore because they were married.
Hard to say. My X said he pretended to be the guy he thought I'd want. Married ....gotcha...jig is up. He said he knew as a Christian, I couldn't leave him! HA!
I think he's leaving important information out. He knows exactly why his wife is choosing misery. I chose misery for many years because I lost trust in my husband and I didn't want to be married to him anymore. His addiction was worse than I thought and when I confronted him about it and set up boundaries and time limits, he chose the addiction over his family. So, I divorced him and became a single parent of a 9-year old. I don't regret it.
Probable scenario is they decided to get married, started planning and paying for a very expensive wedding, the closer they got to the day they realized they were making a poor choice but went through with it anyway because they'd be out a ton of money on deposits and all the invites have been sent out so it was too late to back out. 6 years later here we are. With a baby on the way. The only victim here is the baby.
Unless they didn't live together, I don't see how wedding planning wouldn't have exaggerated their problems. Wedding planning is generally stressful and expensive, so that, plus living together, would give them an idea of how conflicts would play out and how each person deals with everything from dishes in the sink to weekends.
It’s hard for a narcissist to say, “It’s my fault” and take responsibility. They play the victim instead. My guess is he gaslights her and she doesn’t put up with his BS.
I value the marriage vows but I don’t want to be married. Unbelievable. This guy waits till he’s about to have a baby to make this call?? He can’t answer a question!!!! He waited 6 years , with no kids . He could have stepped out years ago!
I keep hearing the same thing over and over. When it comes to marriages, that both of them get complacent and think that they never ever have to work hard in their marriage. Or they think it’s always going to be happy and bright and cheery. The worst part was that he started in the beginning saying how “Successful” they are. Money doesn’t buy you a life long partner.
Jared: "It's always been awful" Also Jared: "I try to wake up everyday with a good attitude" Together 6 years and NOW he wants to leave his pregnant wife. Guy is a sleeze.
Whenever I get crazy hormones and snap at my husband then come back all ashamed he says "I love how you are now. I love you ten minutes ago and I'll love you forever" Don't know where he got it from but it sure comforts me lol
"Now that we're married, I don't have to be nice to you anymore!" There are men and women, especially the abusive ones, who think like that. Once they get you legally, their true personalities come out. Unfortunately, it happens all too often.
My ex-BF told me point blank that he didn't need to be nice to me anymore because now we were in a relationship. I told him he had that backwards; it's more important to be good to your mate than anyone else. Needless to say, that relationship didn't last.
There's something else going on here that I don't think John can solve. This man is not being forthcoming about why he thinks this is such a mistake. This couple needs marriage counseling.
I’m in a similar situation. After six years, we’ve totally given up. You have to take ownership of what you did to fail and either fix your part and hopefully she does too or divorce. Don’t be immature. Just grow up and make a decision. Stop complaining if you’re not doing Anything to change it. Also, you have a baby together so she will always be in your life to some capacity.
He’s on of the many men who living this miserable life and dragging other people along with them. Not seeing the way they are treating other people and try to do better. He’s not taking any responsibility.
I mean I guess but also more so the child is going to grow up feeling like why did you even have me? Just admit the failure and get a divorce. I bet this guy is older and thinks divorce is a sin, but they both need to leave one another. The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference.
There is definitely more to this story. I wish he would have been more honest. I have been where he is. I was married almost 8 years. We had a short courtship and engagement so we really didn’t know each other. Unfortunately, my ex didn’t want to be a husband. After many years of emotional and mental abuse, counseling, sacrificing my own dreams, I finally said - enough is enough. However, I knew early on but I stayed in because I honored my vows. Plus, I really thought that one day, he would change. 😔
From the moment he started trying to explain their situation I gathered two things: he can't, or doesn't know how to, be fully honest with himself AND, from the way he carefully chose his words, there was a very specific answer he wanted from this call.
I don’t get why ppl choose misery!?! I have noooo issue cutting negative ppl out of my life. Even if they are family. I value my peace and happiness waaaay more than loneliness or money!!
Once you get a taste of ☮️ you will choose it over everyone lol. People think u hate them. Nah, they add no value to my life, wish you luck. Hope you live as long as you want and never want as long as you live bon voyage.
All I can think of while listening to this is that they wanted to live the rich life and they decided to have a miserable marriage to impress people that didn't really desire to be impressed. I feel bad for the baby...
@@el676 😁😇😅 You don't have to be holly to get it, he actually let it out when he said that from his perspective he thinks they should be living "large" and that they both were doing well professionally... They thought combining both paychecks and living "large" was going to bring them a loving and happy life/marriage. 👩⚖️ 🤝
too many people get married because they want a wedding and / or due to familial, traditional, societal, cultural, religious, etc... pressures not because they want a spouse and a marriage. people need to understand marriage is not an achievement or accomplishment and certainly is not an obligation. and behave accordingly.
A lot depends on what sort of "model" these people grew up with. If one or both of them had parents who tolerated each other but were always unhappy, that's what they expect marriage to be like and they'll act it out whether it feels good or not.
This is absolutely true. Always look at your future husband or wifes family before you decide to marry because it’s possible they will repeat the same patterns of behaviors as their parents
Break up now, seems like most childhood divorce trauma comes from the dynamic shift and this sounds pretty inevitable. Better for your kids to observe happy single adults than miserable married ones
I wish I could hang up on this guy for him... 😂 He knows so much more than he says. It is a personality issue. He knows in his head but does not admit anything. Ask for help... but not willingly working to progress pass the issues at hand or even admit the problems. 🥴
I feel like this guy isn't telling the full story. Either he has no relationship skills and too lazy to try to make his marriage work, or his wife is abusive and he's too ashamed of being a victim to admit that this is the real problem. She did say that she "doesn't have to be nice anymore" now that they're married. That could mean a lot of things, and at worst, it could mean that she pretended to be a nice person until they got married, and maybe he's just too conservative to get divorced.
This man is being very indecisive (hence the reason he is calling for advice), but one thing he said can’t be glossed over. “She said that once we married a switch flipped in her. She says that I don’t have to be nice to you anymore now that we are married”. This is a major red flag! 🚩 He has no idea what is going on in her mind and his conclusion was that he marriage was a mistake… This sounds to me like Narcissism. The amount of gaslighting that this man may be going through will scramble his thought process and make him sound mentally impaired. She is pregnant, conveniently at the time he is thinking of ending the horrible marriage? Another major red flag! 🚩 Manipulation, gaslighting, lies, lack of intimacy, control, emotional abuse, etc. all things he may be suffering and his impaired brain considers a mistake. I can’t believe that the advice received is: “make a choice”… The advice should be: Go to a therapist individually and let a professional evaluate your case because I know nothing of the circumstances you are living in.
@@grod805a lot of kids are relieved when their parents get divorced. Kids aren't dumb...they know when things between their parents aren't going well.
Jared, right now is the time to button up. You and your wife chose to bring a child in this world together, knowing the life y'all were living was for others. It sounds that you both were feeling pressured by maybe friends and family and being "normal". The next 18 years should be focused on that child's well being now. Jared, live your life within the marriage, but maintain your health and peace.
Either they’re very bored of each other, or he may be in an abusive relationship. I say that because usually ppl in abusive relationships are veryyyy vague. Either or, something has to change.
I feel sorry for this guy, I wonder what his childhood was like ? He sounds codependent, like he doesn't know himself. Intense therapy, or end it quickly and co - parent effectively for the child's wellbeing.
Maybe mutually end it, but one penalty has to choose it. Jared is into inaction, sounds like his wife is too. Takes two to choose to be married. Only one to end it. Or today, he can choose differently, maybe his wife will too. But it does sound like all in or all out.
@@staleydu1 I can't speak for her, but he's done. Just needs to get balls to end it and move on and work out the co-parenting situation. Problem is he probably will just let it go on ( and her too). You don't do any kid any favors that unhappy togeather.
They decided to take the next step in their relationship thinking that marriage would be better , and it proved not to be . Expectations-reality=disappointment.
So he didn't realize all this dating? It takes commitment. I'm convinced more people like the idea of marriage over actually being married. Nothing comes easy in life. You have to work for what you want in life and marriage is no different. God Speed to them.
The guy is giving John very little to work with. And John isn’t very understanding of the complexity of people staying in a boring marriage …which is something that happens so freaking often!
Nah. This man is a narcissist and the fact he is mentioning the light switch moment is a good indicator he’s the problem. He comes across as a covert narcissist and she doesn’t put up with his BS. I also find it ironic he says they wanted to get an annulment. She didn’t see, or chose, to ignore the red flags he gave off before the wedding. Once married the narcissist feels they don’t have to act anymore and that’s when the problems start.
@@janebeatty9472 Jane are you a Dr.? It in on the ridiculous level now of how internet gurus google the word Narcissist and label anyone with that term that isn't pleasant. He may be one but there is no way you know that from a 10 minute clip.
“I’m staying because I’m committed to my vows”. Meanwhile, the vows are “love, honor, and cherish”. Most people “honoring their commitments” stopped doing the things they vowed to do years ago.
Listen. I've been there. I was married 10yrs and knew right away I messed up. John doesn't understand that the sanctity of marriage and not wanting to quit your first marriage is very difficult to leave. I'm not saying its right, but I fell into that trap too. Sometimes women will hang in there too, because some men they've dated were worse. I've been there and it sucks. John, many people fear change, and don't want to just "leave". You can ruin your life financially and emotionally if you quit before she does. Both people need to want to fix it, or it won't work.
Almost everybody thinks they made mistake right after they get married because that's when it gets real and not as much fun. *BUT* if both parties are committed to sticking it through and show each other respect and love regardless of how they feel in the moment, it can turn out really amazing.
7.9 Billion humans on the Earth. Increasing by 1 Billion every 12 years. This person is in a bad marriage "from day one" and what does he do. Make a baby. This world is doomed.
"Me and my wife both agree that we hated marriage and that we made a mistake getting married. So we went ahead and had a kid together." Its amazing how stupid people can be. Let it make sense
😂😂😂 foreal
Sex.
Having a kid never makes a marriage better.
It's called societal pressure. It happens A LOT more than you'd think. Society expects wife-husband-kids-whitepicketfence. Not enough people think it through or think long term.
@@ElimEx1 That's why we have these things called brains to make decisions for ourselves
I hate callers who call in with a bold statement and then refuse to give actual details and expect John to help them 🤦♀️
especially with the frog in the throat the whole time
They’re narcissists searching for validation that’s all it is. If they gave details it wouldn’t validate their side of the story so they refuse to give it
Right?! So irritating
This guy is extremely emltionally immature and needs therapy
Has to be the most indecisive and vague man on the planet.
It’s on purpose…he doesn’t take responsibility for anything negative. I bet he has a personality disorder and she doesn’t put up with his BS.
For some reason “emotional eunuch” is the phrase that comes to mind. He just has a totally flaccid disposition
Call the wife and let’s talk to her and ask her why it isn’t working 😅😅😅 he’s leaving stuff out and we need the whole story.
I would agree !
That's a terrible Idea. Her situation is more likely based on her emotions, and he is not going to be able to rationalize them back into liking each other.
@@danr9584 ..I guess it all depends on what has already transpired and if it is beyond repair. Personally, I think we need to hear both sides, and they should be sitting in the SAME room when they speak. It is easy for one person to speak their side while the other is not present, and cannot confirm to deny what is being stated. Also, I personally believe that all couples should attend some type of course/class/counseling prior to getting married. For couples that have issues, they should attend counseling together, and also separate.
I would agree with you that sometimes, depending on what the person has already been through, and their tolerance level, there may be no going back, or trying to force some type of relationship when there is either no feeling, or the damage that has been done is insurmountable.
@@jengable4888I don't know if it's beyond repair, but I think the problem is that this guy doesn't stand up for himself or anything that he wants, and she has lost respect for him over it. She can't get turned on for somebody she doesn't respect and it is taking a toll. He needs to start picking up some hobbies, hang out with his friends and live the life he wants. As he does this, she will likely come back around. True desire cannot be negotiated and that is what this caller is trying to do.
@@danr9584 ..He should have been doing that right along ! A functioning couple should be able to function independently, as well as, together. The issue lies with who the spouses or partners socialize with, that can make a difference. For example, (This is not intended to sound gender bias, the situation could be reversed) the wife socializes with other women/ maybe a few male friends who are also in committed relationships, are responsible, and the entire situation is platonic. Now the male spouse/partner socializes with individuals who are serial daters, show little respect for the male spouses familial/relationship responsibilities, and try to coerce him to go "Clubbing/and other risque places" that may inadvertently cause problems. The situation could cause trust problems in a relationship, and resentment on other side.
Now, in my opinion, these two need to seek counseling, and try to establish a new "relationship" that involves pro-social individuality (if that is what they want) if both are willing, and that is possible. For example, the husband joins a baseball league or hiking club, while she is working on an art project.
I can understand when someone loses respect for someone, for whatever reason, it is very difficult to gain that back. It depends on the situation.
In addition, it can also happen when a spouse or partner, CONSTANTLY complains about an employment situation on a daily basis, yet does NOTHING to remedy the situation. This could be highly annoying as well, which could lead to losing respect. Now, sometimes the employment situation can difficult to navigate and I understand that too, however, the spouse who is doing the complaining should take an active role in trying to pinpoint the problems and try to find either an internal solution (Stay within the employment situation) or external solution (actively begin to seek employment elsewhere, attend networking groups, attend college etc).
What are your thoughts on this ?
My worst nightmare is to be married to a guy like this. He’ll never be happy and won’t take responsibility for his dissatisfaction.
It's always a two way street. They both knew things were not going well yet she got pregnant.
@@johniii8147 ummm. I agree it’s a 2 way street, yet baby making requires 2 as well 🤔
@@lilacsilverwing Agreed.
@@johniii8147 He should’ve gotten a vasectomy!
She must be narcist. But he wont admit on the show. Because in his mind he thinks its less manly to blame it on a woman. its a trait of a gynocentric society.
The marriage was bad from the start...Then, you have a child after years of misery! Bravo, sir...Bravo 👏
Right? At least if they had a shot gun marriage, it would make sense. The baby is hellllla late
Yeah he was a asshole
I feel the pregnancy gave him cold feet, therefore he suddenly "realized" the marriage was "bad from the start"
I don't get it! If you don't like each other how do you come together and have sex?
this is the most frustrating call I've ever listened to... I hope to never be in a perpetual state of meh and inaction like this guy's currently in
He has the personality of cardboard. I'm guessing she's drywall.
@@aliolivi lol
I think underlying/undiagnosed mental health issues play huge role in situations like this. The unawareness he has shows there is a lack of understanding about feelers issues
Very frustrating.
@@aliolivi cardboard doesn’t deserve that
This was the most infuriating call I’ve ever listened to. It’s like he’s talking about someone else’s marriage because he literally knows nothing about it 🤨
Very frustrating. Dr John have a lot of patience. It makes no sense. You hate being married and said you made a mistake the next day, yet you stayed in toxicity for 6 years and bring a child in the world. It’s not fair to this child. Makes no sense
Lmao
The caller is either anxious avoidant or dismissive avoidant. They shut down and hide/ run away from emotions. Most of them don't even want to get to know themselves. I used to be a social worker.. they can plan their whole life around a belief they have... and not even know WHY they have that belief.. and then wake up one day realizing they don't care about it. They rarely if ever check in with themselves to see how they feel, they don't want to feel anything. And ideally, they don't want to actively participate in life especially, their own.
He doesn't have insight, understanding or language to describe his feelings, needs, or motivations. He apparently learned to be very passive in his childhood from his parents and can't break out of it. Lots of therapy would help him understand himself, his feelings and behavior. He's afraid to break out of this relationship. He needs therapy to give him understanding about himself and his choices about how to interact with his wife.
If your marriage is broken don’t use a child as a band-aid (and stop clearing your throat!)
Maybe he's catching a cold or allergies.
Uh hmm probably reason number 103 why she hates him
Probably gerd
Nervous throat clearing. He’s not being totally honest
*Slow hand claps* 👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽
I hate being married. It was a mistake from the start! Let’s welcome a child into this miserable toxic mess !
Yes ! Pure unadulterated GENIUS MAN !
😅😅. The idiocy of some human beings man
Are you Dumb? No.. I beg to differ
Meanwhile indian parents be like if you're marriage isnt working have a child it will fix things
This is more common than not. Many people have kids because that is what you are supposed to do once married. MOST people have kid without thinking about that kid at all...it is about society norms (especially in Christian and religious circles) and themselves.
Well they have been married for six years already. The wife is probably well into her 30s and her biological clock is ticking. If she gets a divorce she probably will not be able to have kids with someone else.
I wonder if she regretted the marriage once she realized he clears his throat every 15 seconds.
This made me laugh wayy too hard 😂
😂😂😂
😂😂😂😂😂
I really dislike when individuals "let life happen to them." Just meandering through life accepting whatever comes their way.
Lack of personal responsibility
He hints that she may be an abuser, chose to stop being nice after marriage, is common to narcissists. As the abused partner you kinda become frozen, and lose self confidence in the home.
I agree! It's so frustrating to be around them because they won't take any accountability.
What type of personality or mental disorder is like this? I have known a few and it's really infuriating.
Reminds me of my beloved father in law, who left his wife of 25 years because he realized one day he never loved her. To this day, he can’t say anything other than “I don’t know what I was thinking, I wasn’t thinking, I don’t know why I did that, I don’t know, I don’t know, I don’t know.” Terrifies me people can be so clueless about their own lives that affect others.
Scary how someone can take up decades, and the prime of someone else’s life, and then crush their partner by saying they haven’t loved them for decades. That’s the ultimate in cruelty.
I’ve heard hints that pornography addiction had something to do with it. Basically he went to therapy and eventually realized he didn’t love his wife. He did support her after, they are amicable and in a friendly place now. I am close to my FIL, stay up all night with no sleep talking the whole time close, so it surprised me he could be so “out of touch” with his emotions for a whole marriage and three kids over 25+ years
@@janebeatty9472 that's the only funny part
This is what my husband is going to do.
This is like my biggest fear.
This was painful to listen to. The caller could not answer a single question that John was asking. I'd be very curious to hear his wife's side of the story.
If things have never been good for six years; why decide to bring a child into the relationship now?
E X A C T L Y!!! That right there made my blood boil.
Maybe someone else is the father. Wouldn't be unusual in such a toxic situation.
@@johniii8147 😱😱😱I thought about that too
@@AnaBananaM28 it’s just often the case in such situations. Regardless it doesn’t do the kid any favors to raise it in where the parents can’t get along. It’s just negative energy
Some couples think having a kid will fix they emotional mess.
This makes no sense to me. If you don't like eachother, literally have never been happy about being married from day one and have spent a decade not liking eachother...and then they decide to have a kid? What??
Or be intimate?
Someone else may be the father for all we know.
@@johniii8147 ouch, don’t open that can of worms
They must have liked each other a little bit(at least once anyways).
Exactly what I was wondering the whole time - if you hate being at home and don’t like being around each other, why would you even be intimate?
I had a husband like him, I make the right decision and left him.
Best decision I ever made.
Living my best life.
Me too. When I finally decided...I got pregnant. No way I was letting his toxic family have access to my kid. So I stayed. She was ten when he started acting like my roommate. I asked whats up and he refused to admit it. So I saw an attorney, learned a ten year old can choose who to live with. I took her, he never looked back. He was dating before we saw the judge. He remarried four years later. Its been 25 years since I left him. He abandoned his child. She and I are extremely close. I love being unmarried.
Classic example of someone not owning their own choices and coming across as helpless in their own decisions making of bad choices
That’s too harsh. Have some level of empathy for the man
@@el676 I don’t have any empathy for him. He called in trying to manipulate us and the Doctor. He cannot even think he is the source of the problem and the problem is him. Narcissists think that way. I bet he gaslights her and she does not put up with his BS. He wants to play the victim after he’s the one who cause the disruption in the first place.
The lack of self awareness and self discovery is really sad. How can you settle this much in life!? I’m sure this has been his whole life. Never question what’s happening but never be satisfied with what you have. I hope he does the work. I’m sure his wife has a lot to work on too but man, I’d be bashing my head into a wall trying to be with someone who doesn’t look internally or even try to fix things. Thanks dr. Deloney for asking the hard questions!
Too many people are like this. No self reflection and hence living the same way and accepting no responsibility for their life's choices
Yeah I'm sure the the wife is also a piece of work too but this guy has been passively drifting through life with no introspection
Anxiety. Depression.
He stayed with her because she's a hottie. Physically attractive. That's probably why their dating life went well. But after the marriage, they stopped needing a reason to pursue each other, and they realised they had nothing in common.
Wow, most men who hate women are just shallow themselves only care about her looks , these hot women ( mostly ) aren't good wives and lack personality , then men realise personality is more important
This guy likes to play the victim. Guarantee he gaslights her and she doesn’t put up with his BS. He is so afraid to say anything negative about himself to the host when he knows he’s a major part of the problem.
...or he married his "type". Men will pass up perfect people for them because they have a specific type of person in mind that will fit their goals & future. Never marry so you can reach an imagined status or a goal, it is doomed to fail. Marry someone who actually likes you, desires you and respects you instead of your goal.
Yeah... seems like he wanted a hottie, she wanted a paycheck, and now they are in it.
Oh wow “she didn’t have to be nice to him anymore”😒
The way he keeps clearing his throat drives me insane 😱
Rona 😆
he sounds like the guy from the movie Sideways
I have observed that when men clear their throats like that it could mean they are hiding embarrassment or they are about to cry.
@@elizabethblane201 i think he may have been doing both 🤣
He was totally doing that to stop himself from crying.
I really like how Dr. Delony dealt with this one. I honestly get baffled at people who don't understand that everything is a choice and your current situation is as a result of decisions made. This guy needs to take responsibility and just do something - ANYTHING!!!
STOP acting like "life" just carried you here!
Jared isn’t being upfront he really isn’t being honest.
This man definitely doesn’t even know what the truth is because he can’t look in the mirror or be honest with himself. I was with a man like this for a long time and there are major red flags here. Yikes. Hopefully his wife can get out and find true happiness.
@@alliepoe5487 Well she will get the child and collect child support/alimony weekly. She is going to make out great thanks to our divorce/family court laws.
I got that too.
@@alliepoe5487 THiS.
@@anthonyfuller9933 well a single woman with a child goes down the economic ladder in the workplace while fathers who are divorced do not.... she I'm sure would much rather have never married him than be divorced. She probably works too so its not like everything was all his...it SHOULD be split.
I was this guy. I got severely injured, had chronic pain, couldn't find a way to end the pain (don't send me any ideas, or MLM bull - I literally blew six figures on everything under the sun, a Dave Ramsey call for another time) so my life devolved into desk job, home, desk job, home and that was it. I finally decided that I had to learn to live with pain but learn to live again also. It sucks but I am going to school, new job, new life and should graduate with the MSW/MBA in the spring, just before my 60th. I will hobble up to the stage, but I will be there. It's what you choose.
Wow. Would love to hear your story
You are such a rockstar! Keep going!
I'm 45 and thinking I'm too old to finish college. Thankyou seriously, you've inspired me to do it🤗
@@brielleanyez7113 Go for it!
I'm over 50 now. Time really flys. a few years is nothing. Back in my younger days it felt like an eternity.
Good for you dude!
Jared is killing me! Half way through and he has no valid reasons, didn't even say a reason!
Sounds just like my husband. The light went switch after 6 months, the laziness, and now, after 34 years of marriage, he says he hasn’t loved me for 32 years of them. Of course, he cannot tell me why. I guarantee this man is a gaslighter and his wife doesn’t put up with his BS.
He was to busy clearing his throat.
@@janebeatty9472 couldn’t you tell or feel it??
@@unnamedchannel1237 😆😆. Ahem, ...cough,. . . Ahem, cough, .. .ahem. Uhg! Frustrating! Just say something man!
@@mandypdx men who gaslight often also lovebomb..so she likely didn't feel it as he got her hooked with a false representation of himself
He just floating along, letting life happen TO him, rather than making intentional decisions. That call was maddening. No real answers for anything.
This is the result of a fear of solitude. Being single is OK. You’ll be ok if you’re single. Stop forcing yourself to be in a relationship at all times.
As a proud introvert I love my solitude. I guess im lucky to know who I am and not make these type of mistakes that this caller is making.
I feel like when John said, "does she think you're dumb?" In his mind he was like, cause I do.....Lord knows that's what I'm thinking sitting at home listening to him.
😅😂🤣🤣😆😅😂😆
Yea that was funny Dr. John !
People have to stop thinking marriage is the be and end all. You do not have to get married.
Something's off here. My uncle is in an abusive marriage and this is how he sounds when talking about his wife. Very disconnected and naive. This guy's wife literally said "I don't have to be nice to you now". That doesn't sound like a joke to me, that sounds like a very real issue.
Bingo
He should Run
Maybe there’s a lot of pressure in his family to get and stay married too. But yeah that is not a good wife if she said that to him, sad and disrespectful.
You are guessing in this case though.
Since we don’t know the context of that statement, we cannot assume she is a nasty woman. Narcissists cannot accept any type of slight or criticism no matter how it’s delivered. They do not accept responsibility from their behavior and deflect from the truth or anything that will make them look bad. They always expect to be seen by the public as the hero. So, he’s ready to run and called a radio show to get vindication for his thoughts. He didn’t get them. I bet he gaslights her and she doesn’t put up with his BS. This guy is pathetic and manipulative. The Doctor saw right through him.
Doctor John asking all the hard questions👊🏼
yes he wont admit her what was wrong with her. Because it will make him look like a weak man.
@@richardv9648 he already looks like weak man for not having insight into his own problems or where the marriage failed.
this is the equivalent to being 500k in school debt, hating med school and dropping out during residency
Best analogy I've heard in quite some time.
Pretty much!
That actually happened to someone I know. Difference is that her dad paid for med school so she wouldn’t have debt, and then she dropped at at the very end. While my parents literally told me when I finished highschool,”college is too expensive, we will not help you”. But they refinanced their house a year later for my abusive older brother in order to take him out of debt.
My life is a mess lol 😣
Mommy and daddy issues.
I need to call Dr. John. 😑
@@kita3256 Wow. I'm sorry your parents did that to you. Were you able to continue your schooling on your own?
@@theshunnedBandersnatch I did not pursue my dream career. I ended up going to trade school, became a medical/code biller and worked in a medical office. I had to do that short career because I was on my own by 18. But I don’t love it. I just Didn’t have support. Now I have kids and one day I’ll go back to school. My dream career is something to do with an English major. But will see where my life goes.
There was at least 1 day that was good enough to make a baby....
Perhaps, or perhaps he should get a paternity test.
😩😩😩 don’t make me laugh
Depending on the couple it could of been a bad day with a good make up hour.
I thought that too
@@luminous6969 exactly...
I was in a bad marriage for 24 years. My husband was a good provider and a good father but a lousy husband. I went to therapy and read many, many books...he would not go to therapy. Finally I left and started over. No regrets.
What made him a bad husband it’s unfortunate when he was a good father and want best for kids
You got the best husband what are you talking about...you should have a role to make it that intimate life work..I do not see the point you blame him here!!!
@@addiskassa5165 the point is she was unhappy! What about her? She needed him emotionally and mentally belittling he wasn’t there! This is true for most women in marriages, men love talking about how they provided you with this and that, yeah but beyond money what is he doing for me??
@@daniella8400 well all People have flaws when you see the flaws you have to think can i live with that person for the rest of My life for One person Will think that Guy is perfect for another person Will not see that Guy is perfect because he has to many flaws dont marry a person if you cant live with a person flaws ofc the couple should grow together but IF you cant you should Accept the other person flaws otherwise No point in spending the rest of your life with that person
This was me for 14 years. It's a *self worth* issue. The ex and I became roommates. I wanted a real marriage and he wanted a slave and someone he could abuse for his own delight.He wanted someone to neglect, someone to criticize, someone to do his laundry, wash his dishes, take care of him when he was sick, work alongside him and not get paid.... He wanted a mommy. 🤦🏻♀️ And...someone he could scream at and terrify behind closed doors while acting like the man I met and married with _everyone else._
I had two friends in 2018 that listened to what was happening, from an outside perspective, and help me see that I was living in my own hell and waiting for HIM to change. They showed me: I HAVE A CHOICE! Stay or go.
I seriously believed I _could not leave._😞😭 This was due to the church teaching me for my whole life: God hates divorce!!!!!
I found my self worth and self love and after I went to him and said our house is metaphorically on fire and we need help, he refused counseling, said he could fix our issues in 5 min, and then mocked me.
A week later I left after some serious green lights from God that ripped the rose colored glasses off my face. Finally!
I am now remarried to a man who has the same values as me, morals, who shares my faith in God, who sees me, who wants to know me, who delights in me, who doesn't yell or scream anytime something needs to be discussed, holds me when I cry, prays with me, who accepts me and is t trying to make me into a mini version of himself or desires me to be an emotionless robot.
Find your self worth!!! We DO only get this ONE LIFE!!! It is a gift! Don't squander it away!!
You are so right! People treat us the way we allow! Self love and self worth is so important. Often times we women are thought to love others and give, but we are not thought to go inward.
Im so happy for you! 💖
This made me cry so much I'm so happy for you. I spent 12 years with my spouse sometimes I'm sure I want to leave other times I don't know
I 100% support everything you said..... Just please tell me you didn't have kids with the abuser.
I went through this exact same situation for 6 yrs. Was emotionally abused and battered every day. I also got the green light to go.I left over 5 months ago and I've been so happy.
His words show he does not value his vows. Vows are much more than just never getting divorced. You vow to love, to cherish, to respect, etc, one another.
My favorite questions by far, "are you dumb?" "does she think you are dumb?". Simple, hilarious, and profound! Love Dr. Delony!
I rewind to listen to that part for like 7th time 😆
Just listening to him, I think I can answer that question.
This has to be one of the most frustrating callers ever on this show! Lol
I was in exact amount of marriage. Divorced some two months back. Trust me when I look back, that suffering was not necessary. I should have stepped out long back
Dr John has so much patience. I would have hung up the phone about three minutes in 😂 there is definitely more to that story though. It’s a shame he couldn’t have opened up a bit more because he would’ve got more tailored advice. I do feel sorry for him though. I wonder what the story is behind his wife saying she didn’t need to be nice to him anymore because they were married.
I get the feeling this guy is a gaslighter and the wife does not put up wit his BS.
LOL he would've cleared his throat too many times for me.
Hard to say. My X said he pretended to be the guy he thought I'd want. Married ....gotcha...jig is up. He said he knew as a Christian, I couldn't leave him! HA!
@@summerdowlig Lol. My thoughts exactly. It was like if he couldn't think of anything to say, he'd just clear his throat.
@@patriciaalbertson5183 lmaooooo
This guy is passive and asks for someone else to make decisions for him. Woos
His passivity will be the end of this marriage. Take ownership, get help, change yourself for your own sake.
I think he's leaving important information out. He knows exactly why his wife is choosing misery. I chose misery for many years because I lost trust in my husband and I didn't want to be married to him anymore. His addiction was worse than I thought and when I confronted him about it and set up boundaries and time limits, he chose the addiction over his family. So, I divorced him and became a single parent of a 9-year old. I don't regret it.
Advice: it will NEVER get better. Cut your losses now and be the best father in your child’s life.
Probable scenario is they decided to get married, started planning and paying for a very expensive wedding, the closer they got to the day they realized they were making a poor choice but went through with it anyway because they'd be out a ton of money on deposits and all the invites have been sent out so it was too late to back out. 6 years later here we are. With a baby on the way. The only victim here is the baby.
Unless they didn't live together, I don't see how wedding planning wouldn't have exaggerated their problems. Wedding planning is generally stressful and expensive, so that, plus living together, would give them an idea of how conflicts would play out and how each person deals with everything from dishes in the sink to weekends.
@@lucindabreeding agreed, but a lot of people choose to ignore things like that until it's too late.
@@Casinogirl56 I suppose that's fair.
This guy wasn’t completely honest with John. It’s obvious he was holding info back
It’s hard for a narcissist to say, “It’s my fault” and take responsibility. They play the victim instead. My guess is he gaslights her and she doesn’t put up with his BS.
@@janebeatty9472 I was wondering if he was a narcissist too. He lacks any accountability. I’d love to hear his wife’s side of the story.
I value the marriage vows but I don’t want to be married. Unbelievable. This guy waits till he’s about to have a baby to make this call?? He can’t answer a question!!!! He waited 6 years , with no kids . He could have stepped out years ago!
I keep hearing the same thing over and over. When it comes to marriages, that both of them get complacent and think that they never ever have to work hard in their marriage. Or they think it’s always going to be happy and bright and cheery. The worst part was that he started in the beginning saying how “Successful” they are. Money doesn’t buy you a life long partner.
Jared: "It's always been awful"
Also Jared: "I try to wake up everyday with a good attitude"
Together 6 years and NOW he wants to leave his pregnant wife. Guy is a sleeze.
Doesn't sound like it's only a 1 way street. I bet the baby came because they thought it would help, which is a mistake.
@@special_k-hvac I bet half of the population is an "anchor baby"...
I think there was a bit he left out of the story about someone else on the side... that he does think is right for him
He sounds wishy Washie, when he tries to justify his unhappiness.
This call was really challenging to get through. I need a nap. lol
How unfair to the child, being bought up in a loveless hateful marriage…gonna grow up in a horrible household(s)
Great work ! Idiots!
"I will NOT give up on you." That line brought tears to my eyes. THAT line, if genuine, can save a marriage
Or it can turn you into a rug to be stepped on
Whenever I get crazy hormones and snap at my husband then come back all ashamed he says "I love how you are now. I love you ten minutes ago and I'll love you forever"
Don't know where he got it from but it sure comforts me lol
@@blahblahblah4544 the sweetest thing ever, I hope I find someone who will say the same to me.
"Now that we're married, I don't have to be nice to you anymore!" There are men and women, especially the abusive ones, who think like that. Once they get you legally, their true personalities come out. Unfortunately, it happens all too often.
That's awful, imagine if you were fake to your girlfriend just to get married. Then your real self came out.
My ex-BF told me point blank that he didn't need to be nice to me anymore because now we were in a relationship. I told him he had that backwards; it's more important to be good to your mate than anyone else. Needless to say, that relationship didn't last.
The guy married her representative, not her!
That is absolutely terrifying to me and a real fear I have about marriage.
Yup!!!
There's something else going on here that I don't think John can solve. This man is not being forthcoming about why he thinks this is such a mistake. This couple needs marriage counseling.
We don’t get along but we reproduce
This man needs some Nexium, Speech language pathology, and then a divorce lawyer in that order.....😩😭
How dare they create a child.
I’m in a similar situation. After six years, we’ve totally given up. You have to take ownership of what you did to fail and either fix your part and hopefully she does too or divorce. Don’t be immature. Just grow up and make a decision. Stop complaining if you’re not doing Anything to change it. Also, you have a baby together so she will always be in your life to some capacity.
He’s on of the many men who living this miserable life and dragging other people along with them.
Not seeing the way they are treating other people and try to do better.
He’s not taking any responsibility.
I'm sure his wife is annoyed by how passively he thinks. He sounds emotionally cut off from life.
He was manipulating the Doctor and the audience. Thankfully the Doctor saw right through him.
@@janebeatty9472 John is intelligent, the caller is low IQ. John is negotiating with a carrot, comparatively.
What a terrible call! Married òn Saturday and made a mistake on Sunday. Expecting a child in a terrible marriage after 6 years. Why do it??
John is a completely different person here...both in appearance and demeanour...and I love it.
Different situations require different demeanor. This husband needed some straight talk.
@@christenford3864 Not so much how he talked to the caller but his overall appearance, the hair, the energy, the clothing.
John is sometimes really in the mark and insightful and wildly naive. Here I felt he was missing the Mark
Because he’s talking to Eeyore 😂
The complete lack of awareness of his own relationship makes me think… is this baby even going to be his… scary stuff
That's possible in such a toxic situation.
I mean I guess but also more so the child is going to grow up feeling like why did you even have me? Just admit the failure and get a divorce. I bet this guy is older and thinks divorce is a sin, but they both need to leave one another. The opposite of love isn't hate, it's indifference.
He needs a new spirit animal, Eeyore's not working.
🤣
😂😂😂
It's odd, how the slams against this guy are making me laugh so hard. I just really needed a good laugh.
😂😂😂
SO funny! I really appreciated that laugh!
There is definitely more to this story. I wish he would have been more honest. I have been where he is. I was married almost 8 years. We had a short courtship and engagement so we really didn’t know each other. Unfortunately, my ex didn’t want to be a husband. After many years of emotional and mental abuse, counseling, sacrificing my own dreams, I finally said - enough is enough. However, I knew early on but I stayed in because I honored my vows. Plus, I really thought that one day, he would change. 😔
From the moment he started trying to explain their situation I gathered two things: he can't, or doesn't know how to, be fully honest with himself AND, from the way he carefully chose his words, there was a very specific answer he wanted from this call.
Marriage takes WORK! They both need to quit hoping they will wake up and things will be better. Find help and do the hard work or call it quits!
I don’t get why ppl choose misery!?! I have noooo issue cutting negative ppl out of my life. Even if they are family. I value my peace and happiness waaaay more than loneliness or money!!
Once you get a taste of ☮️ you will choose it over everyone lol. People think u hate them. Nah, they add no value to my life, wish you luck. Hope you live as long as you want and never want as long as you live bon voyage.
There's one thing this guy never learned, GRATITUDE, and I feel sorry for him.
There's one thing this person☝️ never learned... How to spell "gratitude"! 😅
@@shb8212 haha, sorry 🤣
Bingo! He has a personality disorder and she doesn’t put up with his BS.
That was exactly I thought! Wow! Well said!🙏
The throat clearing says so much
True. No wonder his wife can't stand him.
@@vjs4539 Dwl harsh hahahaah
All I can think of while listening to this is that they wanted to live the rich life and they decided to have a miserable marriage to impress people that didn't really desire to be impressed.
I feel bad for the baby...
Wow - holy assumption. Haha
@@el676 😁😇😅
You don't have to be holly to get it, he actually let it out when he said that from his perspective he thinks they should be living "large" and that they both were doing well professionally...
They thought combining both paychecks and living "large" was going to bring them a loving and happy life/marriage. 👩⚖️ 🤝
He honestly comes across as having the personality of a rock...
Wow that was hard, go see a counselor man and learn to think and talk.
He needs to learn to tell the truth.
Divorce is coming.
A lot of clearing his throat...
Yes, the throat-clearing says more than his limp words do.
too many people get married because they want a wedding and / or due to familial, traditional, societal, cultural, religious, etc... pressures not because they want a spouse and a marriage. people need to understand marriage is not an achievement or accomplishment and certainly is not an obligation. and behave accordingly.
Agreed..but sometimes you realize after you have made that mistake :)
Yes, a wedding is a day. But a marriage is a lifetime.
A lot depends on what sort of "model" these people grew up with. If one or both of them had parents who tolerated each other but were always unhappy, that's what they expect marriage to be like and they'll act it out whether it feels good or not.
This is absolutely true. Always look at your future husband or wifes family before you decide to marry because it’s possible they will repeat the same patterns of behaviors as their parents
He's already cheated on her and justified it by saying they should have never got married. LAME.
False. He never said that. You’re making stuff up
I wonder if he has been unfaithful or is heading towards it and is retelling the story of his relationship to justify it.
That's exactly what I was thinking 🤔
Why assume it was him? 🤨🤔
Or perhaps it was her. It's always been a bad relationship so I wouldn't put is past either of them
I was suspecting infidelity. This guy is looking for John to give him a way out of this marriage.
@@ellencox8415 because he is the one talking and giving his perspective.
Break up now, seems like most childhood divorce trauma comes from the dynamic shift and this sounds pretty inevitable. Better for your kids to observe happy single adults than miserable married ones
I wish I could hang up on this guy for him... 😂 He knows so much more than he says. It is a personality issue. He knows in his head but does not admit anything. Ask for help... but not willingly working to progress pass the issues at hand or even admit the problems. 🥴
I feel like this guy isn't telling the full story. Either he has no relationship skills and too lazy to try to make his marriage work, or his wife is abusive and he's too ashamed of being a victim to admit that this is the real problem. She did say that she "doesn't have to be nice anymore" now that they're married. That could mean a lot of things, and at worst, it could mean that she pretended to be a nice person until they got married, and maybe he's just too conservative to get divorced.
This man is being very indecisive (hence the reason he is calling for advice), but one thing he said can’t be glossed over. “She said that once we married a switch flipped in her. She says that I don’t have to be nice to you anymore now that we are married”.
This is a major red flag! 🚩
He has no idea what is going on in her mind and his conclusion was that he marriage was a mistake…
This sounds to me like Narcissism. The amount of gaslighting that this man may be going through will scramble his thought process and make him sound mentally impaired.
She is pregnant, conveniently at the time he is thinking of ending the horrible marriage? Another major red flag! 🚩
Manipulation, gaslighting, lies, lack of intimacy, control, emotional abuse, etc. all things he may be suffering and his impaired brain considers a mistake.
I can’t believe that the advice received is: “make a choice”…
The advice should be: Go to a therapist individually and let a professional evaluate your case because I know nothing of the circumstances you are living in.
Well, “I don’t know” but I’M ready to divorce this guy.
Big mistake having a child with someone that you made a mistake marrying. No birth control??
When you don’t appreciate the seriousness of marriage or having a child.
He understands it too much by staying together for the kids.
@@grod805a lot of kids are relieved when their parents get divorced. Kids aren't dumb...they know when things between their parents aren't going well.
Jared, right now is the time to button up. You and your wife chose to bring a child in this world together, knowing the life y'all were living was for others. It sounds that you both were feeling pressured by maybe friends and family and being "normal". The next 18 years should be focused on that child's well being now. Jared, live your life within the marriage, but maintain your health and peace.
Absolutely not. This is how you raise narcissists. You end the relationship, coparent, and find your happiness.
Either they’re very bored of each other, or he may be in an abusive relationship. I say that because usually ppl in abusive relationships are veryyyy vague. Either or, something has to change.
yes, one looses sense of self in abusive relationships
Life is short, but life is long. They can mend this but they both have to choose it. Otherwise, mutually end it and co-parent the child.
I'm pretty sure they are beyond the "mending" part of this relationship. That ship sailed awhile ago,
I feel sorry for this guy, I wonder what his childhood was like ? He sounds codependent, like he doesn't know himself.
Intense therapy, or end it quickly and co - parent effectively for the child's wellbeing.
Maybe mutually end it, but one penalty has to choose it. Jared is into inaction, sounds like his wife is too. Takes two to choose to be married. Only one to end it. Or today, he can choose differently, maybe his wife will too. But it does sound like all in or all out.
@@staleydu1 I can't speak for her, but he's done. Just needs to get balls to end it and move on and work out the co-parenting situation. Problem is he probably will just let it go on ( and her too). You don't do any kid any favors that unhappy togeather.
Dr John did the best anyone could do.....this guy is impossible
They decided to take the next step in their relationship thinking that marriage would be better , and it proved not to be . Expectations-reality=disappointment.
This sums it’s up.
And then have a baby! 🤦🏽♀️
@@Nah-ah they probably have another kid on the way by now lol
I can afford many mistakes in life, but marriage aiit one of those.
Try it, it’s amazing!
@@denpanitkov 😆
Well there was at least one night things weren't bad...
For one of them at least. LOL
So he didn't realize all this dating? It takes commitment. I'm convinced more people like the idea of marriage over actually being married. Nothing comes easy in life. You have to work for what you want in life and marriage is no different. God Speed to them.
The guy is giving John very little to work with. And John isn’t very understanding of the complexity of people staying in a boring marriage …which is something that happens so freaking often!
What do you mean boring?
Isn’t marriage supposed to be boring with a hint of excitement
@@brianbest6097 lol! Oh Brian hehehe
Nah. This man is a narcissist and the fact he is mentioning the light switch moment is a good indicator he’s the problem. He comes across as a covert narcissist and she doesn’t put up with his BS. I also find it ironic he says they wanted to get an annulment. She didn’t see, or chose, to ignore the red flags he gave off before the wedding. Once married the narcissist feels they don’t have to act anymore and that’s when the problems start.
It is very common for people to stay in bad marriages. Dare to say that is the majority of marriages.
@@janebeatty9472 Jane are you a Dr.? It in on the ridiculous level now of how internet gurus google the word Narcissist and label anyone with that term that isn't pleasant. He may be one but there is no way you know that from a 10 minute clip.
“I’m staying because I’m committed to my vows”. Meanwhile, the vows are “love, honor, and cherish”. Most people “honoring their commitments” stopped doing the things they vowed to do years ago.
Listen. I've been there. I was married 10yrs and knew right away I messed up. John doesn't understand that the sanctity of marriage and not wanting to quit your first marriage is very difficult to leave. I'm not saying its right, but I fell into that trap too. Sometimes women will hang in there too, because some men they've dated were worse. I've been there and it sucks. John, many people fear change, and don't want to just "leave". You can ruin your life financially and emotionally if you quit before she does. Both people need to want to fix it, or it won't work.
You value the vows by NOT doing anything to make it actually works.
Life is hard. Living authentically is hard. Fear is a luxury.
Engaged for a year and half???? And then wake up and say it was a mistake? He sounds clueless and he can’t express him self
Almost everybody thinks they made mistake right after they get married because that's when it gets real and not as much fun. *BUT* if both parties are committed to sticking it through and show each other respect and love regardless of how they feel in the moment, it can turn out really amazing.
I am here for Dr. JD's questions and his follow up laughs!!! 😂😅
Dude needs a glass of water and a reality check.
A Ricola lozenge might be better.
7.9 Billion humans on the Earth. Increasing by 1 Billion every 12 years. This person is in a bad marriage "from day one" and what does he do. Make a baby. This world is doomed.
Nuke Iowa start over. We can take the temporary losses.