My dad once took a tone with my wife while we were at his house. He was upset about us not being able to go to his house for thanksgiving and started to halfway raise his voice. I asked my wife to leave the room and tore into his ass. Being disrespectful to my wife is a nonstarter. I will never tolerate it.
It's good to hear a husband take up for his wife even if it involves his own family. The wife told her husband and then he saw for himself and did not dismiss her feelings or her observations. Great job as a husband.
In 43 years I cannot count the mean, disrespectful things my mil has said to me in front of my hubby and he has yet to stand up for me…so sick of being second and not mattering..if I had money I would leave..home is so much more peaceful when he’s not home..he blames me for everything bad that’s ever happened to him..I am physically and mentally exhausted!
Here is the best advice I can give: Group texts are not for personal relationships. Don't "call people out" in a group text. Be an adult, call them individually or meet face-to-face. Group texts are really best for coordination purposes, or comedy relief.
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Our family has a group text. It's never negative. We use it to share small things and to coordinate.
He made 2 mistakes: 1) Group text to call out individuals, especially his parent. You always deal with people one on one to address something, from your 2yr old kid to your elderly parent. You pull them aside into a private area away from everyone else (if in person) and address the issues so as not to embarrass them. Addressing both parents at the same time is ok, but leave the siblings out of it. Leave group texts to the fun stuff like pictures, updates, funny stuff that happened, etc. 2) He put it on how his wife "felt". He should have put it on what HE noticed so all blame, resentment, etc. would be directed to him and not towards the "outsider" that married into the family. Anything to do with your spouse and kids should come from you and what you noticed when possible, and if not possible, still addressed in a manner where any problems they have as a result of it being brought up comes solely back to you. Same goes with the other way around with her and her side of the family.
I’ve had too many supervisors due this exact same thing. Not in a group text but in meetings or email. Drives me nuts. Issues should be dealt with where it is not a blanket statement in hopes to solve the issue.
In-laws are so hard. I quit trying to be close with them. I show up, I’m polite and friendly, I invite them to visit us, I encourage my children and husband to build relationships with them and I stay on the side lines and stay as quiet as I can. I don’t give anyone the silent treatment, I don’t ignore anyone. I just don’t share my thought and feelings freely.
@@cynthiakeeton4702 thanks. I am glad for you. My husband just came home from visiting his family and he told me my MIL noticed that I don’t share my opinions or thoughts anymore (something she didn’t like me to do and the reason I got in trouble more than once with her and my other in-laws) and now she’s offended because she feels like I’m being fake when I’m there. 🤦🏻♀️ I can’t win for losing.
I’m in the same situation with my partner in which my mom is very critical of all his opinions about anything in life and the world (as with mine, I’m just used to it), so he said he’s tired of having an opinion around her and is just going to stop voicing it. It’s definitely going to be noticeable since he’s naturally really outgoing but hey maybe it’ll teach my mom to stop putting everyone’s opinions down if she ever wants to have a conversation outside of the weather
Married over 40 yrs. Stopped allowing inlaws access to my life after repeated disrespect 20 yrs ago. His parents are now past on. I let them live their own lives. It was the best decision. I grew up in a dysfunctional home. I was DONE putting up with any more drama in my adult life.
@@SDALLE99 Family is who you make it, I know a ton of people who are miserable with family that keeps guilt tripping them and screwing them over. Family is overrated.
I don’t think it’s about anointing a leader, it’s about respecting his wife in his home. Texting was a bad decision but at least he is standing up for his wife.
Yeah I appreciated the advice i thought it was good but a little contradictory in that we always expect husbands to stand up for their wives. Now that this guy is doing it, he’s being asked who died and made you king basically?
My thoughts exactly why is this talk show guy and people in general always take the side of the one who did wrong when all the husband was trying to do was communicate and defend his wife and kids? Not so great advice
@thabsmkhize2481 To me, it wasn't contradictory. It actually went together pretty well. The reason why he asked that was because it told the guy that no one appointed him the role of the "justice police" but that he did it to himself when he doesn't need to. Because you can't control or change other people unless they want to change themselves. He told him good job for standing up for his wife but once he did that, he didn't need to do any more than that since he already communicated what he wanted to see from his parents and siblings. To continue to "call out" his parents and siblings he's just beating a dead horse and wearing himself out. So to appoint himself the "justice police" wouldn't serve him or anyone, but would just wear him out. At least that's how I understood it anyways.
It sounds like misuse of the word, “Disrespect”. Staying quiet after she did or said something & not going into details about what she did/said etc.iwith his son/her husband is actually admirable. The Father does not want any trouble. Ever notice how some women will complain to their husband, enjoying the role of “victim” & the consolation they get from their husband?
I have a simple rule; if a person disrespects me repeatedly, I stop dealing with that person. I am not a masochist. I happen to love myself, and life is too hard as it is to borrow humiliation.
Yes! I agree. But it gets a little more complicated when it comes to your person's people, if those people weren't really bad but irritating. I mean the dad isn't yelling at anyone he's a male pouter. Meh.
It just reminds me of the saying, "it's like beating a dead horse." No matter how hard you try to get a desired result from someone, at the end of the day, they have their agency. THEY choose how they act and you get to choose how you act. The best thing we can do is not let them control us by controlling our emotions. Just wash your hands clean of them and move on.
@@BrassyBrunetteYou get more with honey than vinegar. It oils the wheels socially & at work. Everyone has a public persona around those they are not that close too.
@@BrassyBrunetteIs everyone worthy of your honest genuine opinion? Even if it's detrimental to your image or mental, social health? The best thing to do is keep a positive surface-level relationship with people who don't really know you. If they aren't worthy of your emotional energy, don't give it away freely. People who give you negative, bullying, or hater energy are looking to antagonize you into an emotional response so they can gaslight people into believing it was your fault and they were the victim. So I just turn everything into a positive and nothing becomes emotional because it's not worth it. Unless they attack me or my work unjustly, it ain't worth it. In the rare event I feel attacked, I will take a moment to respond so that I don't get emotional. Like he says, write what you say down, get out those emotions, then the final version edit out the emotions, state the facts, read it aloud before it's said. Then LET Go! Not all people are bullies or intentionally mean, but people can make mistakes and not see they're making you feel insignificant. Emotional maturity is the ability to not let emotions escalate, just be calm, kurt, and concise. Especially at work, the consequences of a verbal altercation are never worth it. You can be real with those who deserve to know who you really are. Everyone else are just extras in the movie of your life.
It’s always the men with wives who are absolute nightmares who behave like this guy. I take his loyalty with a grain of salt because it doesn’t have anything to do with his wife or who she is and how she acts towards family, it has to do with his personality period and he gained that from the family he is going off at in group text messages which is wild…
@edithtierce8209 so any time there's a problem with in-laws, it's automatically the spouses fault? You want to explain how you came to that conclusion and what evidence-based research you can provide to prove that? If what you're saying is true then that means in-laws can be as abusive, neglectful, ignorant, mean, and as hateful as they want and STILL be able to blame their own actions on the spouse. Sounds to me you have your own issues to work through.
The harder he tries, the worse they will behave. I’ve seen it firsthand. You have to genuinely not care about their opinion of you, and put some distance in there. And stop reacting to their childish behavior.
Maybe, and if they do they have to cut contact until they learn how to behave decently. Plus his wife isn't going to feel resentful against him for allowing his family to be rude to her.
Don’t get sucked in. Be kind, polite and respectful. Always. Their rude behaviours say more about them than you. Cheerfully engage them after saying your hellos. Help with the prep work if necessary. Offer your opinion if it’s asked for in as sanitized a way you can, and grow a thick skin around some people. Otherwise, live your life without them. It’s just too short to waste it on them.
My husband's dad disrespected me in our home when i was 41. He told me how HIS son has to pay all my bills since I had closed my hair salon . Thing is , I closed it after I/we were debt free . He knew nothing about our finances . I had paid my home off when I was 38 . I had no car payment , no credit card debt . HIS son would have had utility bills whether he'd married me or not . Plus he would have had a mortgage payment . I am now 62 and his father has not spoken to me .
I think his dad had it in his mind that we should be a 2 income family. Plus he was mad that he and his wife / neighbors/ all God's children weren't getting anymore free haircuts.@@terri6584
Sometimes the wife can be a trouble maker and the husband believes everything she says. She'll pit the husband against his family and purposely cause division. We only heard one side of this story.
@@natalieeubank4533 Imagine if you have a son and he calls you & your husband over twice, lecturing you about how you don't truly love their kids, while you & your husband bite your tongues. And of course, she probably was speaking during the meeting. How would you feel? Respected or disrespected.
I once had a sil who used her husband as a weapon. Yaped at him, get him all pumped up and then cry and point him at the "bad guy". So then the pumped up husband would go over to the "bad guys" house and scream and cuss and demand an apology.
@@sandywagner9154 Some men are just too easily manipulated. I am sure he has seen his wife be overly dramatic about other things in the past, and yet he did not learn a lesson through such situations.
Love how this guy isn't defensive. That's something that took me a long time to be aware of and learn and I still have to remind myself constantly not to do.
Seems that way, and seems everyone has maturity and communication issues. He should have just told his dad (one on one) that no matter what the issue is, the dad will be cordial to his wife when they are around. And no matter what, any issues between his parents and he/his wife will not affect how the grandparents treat the grandkids, you will not put up with that no matter what. The group text was bad, him phrasing it as his wife's feelings and not him being mad by what he saw was bad, and his parents treating their grandkids differently because there is an issue with him and his wife was bad.
Can confirm this is 100% accurate!!! My husband’s family is like this. The interesting thing is that his family has these same parent/sibling group texts and they are NOTHING BUT TOXIC AND HARMFUL!!
I have a different perspective on this. I have cut multiple family members out of my life and I have been much better off after doing so. Trying to force relationships with family to work is not worth the effort. I don't think family members should be able to get away with bad behavior just because they are family. If they don't behave just cut them out of your life. So many people are in pain because they try so hard to cling on to family relationships that are never going to work. Let it go. There is nothing wrong with that.
Whoa! That's tough. I've had to cut some narcissists out of my life (but only after years and years of trying to get along). However, if you can put up with someone's quirks, it's best to do so.
@@Luffa187 multiple is more than one, so I disagree. A second chance is always necessary, for the general population. Not everyone knows your boundaries, humor, culture, or expectations. For family, they should get 3 or 4, before you cut ties. You can’t replace family. You need to make sure before doing so. Otherwise it shows a weakness on your part.
What was with that? I really don't agree with the advice. This man's wife was disrespected by his father, he addressed the issue and then he eventually becomes the family police! Don't agree with this aspect of the advice given.
Yeah I'm in-between on this one. You have to remember, this guy taking the calls isn't your bud there to say "damn right" for whatever you say. So the advice that needs to be given isn't what makes you look like a bada$$, but whatever has the highest likelihood of a good resolution. Remember, if you look for problems, you will find them
This man Danny so humbly received correction and he also examined himself, as the Bible has said. Good for you, Danny! Keep doing that and you will continue to advance in life
Maybe an unpopular opinion but why beg family for attention? If family members don't want to be involved their loss, I wouldn't be forcing a relationship because it's not authentic even if they do get involved because your forced it it's NOT authentic 🤷🏻♀️
Couldn't agree more. Why wasting time n energy on those fake relationship... I rather have just a few good genuine people around me than hundreds that drag me down...
When it comes to you and your spouse, I agree. When it comes to your kids, especially if your kids notice how they are being treated differently, you do address it with your parents. Either way, you deal with it one on one with dad (or both parents) and when it comes to how they treat your spouse, you put the reason for the discussion on what you saw and make them have to deal with you about it so they can't chalk it up to an "outsider" causing issues in the family and create resentment that will take longer to heal, if ever.
Dr Delony was 100% correct! The young couple is hyper sensitive to every possible shading. Its great for them to stick together but, holy cow, i would be nervous to be around them!
@@dshe8637dude you must have failed basic English class because if you didn’t have a smooth brain you’d have realized he praised him at the beginning and then once he got more context to the full story then he realized like you the caller is slow and spescial and feels more important then he really is
Whoever you are caller you are a true gem. My narcissistic ex of 24 years NEVER defended me. Not with his family or strangers or if I heard something downstairs. I was alone in our marriage. It was so heartbreaking and sad. His mother chewed me out at a restaurant one day by bringing up politics. I wasn't even taking about it. I knew to keep conversations with her about the weather or gardening. Her husband finally spoke up and told her to stop but my husband said nothing. After we left I broke down crying and he told me it was my fault for talking politics even though I wasn't.
My husband’s parents told my husband before we married, that he could do better than me. I overheard them say this and was devastated. What hurt me most was that my husband did not stand up for me … he tried to avoid it by just brushing their comment off. I told him about me hearing the exchange and asked why he didn’t say something defending me or affirming his support and love of me. Again, he tried to brush it off and that he wasn’t agreeing with what they said. It still hurts me to this day, 47 years of marriage later but I do understand my husband found it very difficult to stand up to his father. One day when his father was putting my husband down … again … I told him off. Father in law yelled, don’t talk that way to me about my own son and I said to him I will stand up for MY husband when I need to. He and I got along okay after that although I never really liked him and just before he died, my father in law thanked me for looking after his son so well over the years. His mother continued to find fault with me and our oldest son, and then blamed me for never going around to visit! In some families, you can never win!
I'm glad he called out his father, but he shouldn't have included his siblings on the text. Because like he said, it has set a precedent for his siblings to think it's okay to disrespect his wife. A phone call would have been best.
In laws are tough. What I have learned & it took me way too long to come to this realization....if they don't like you, there's really nothing you can do. You can do everything correct. You can try your hardest, etc....and if they've decided you are not what they want in a daughter-in-law, that's it. Game over. You can't change people who don't think they have a problem. I have sadly learned this the hard way.
So true had issues with one sister in law. Even her own sister cut her off for years. I don’t know why. But we had plans for me to help paint a room in her home when she canceled and said she would be doing it with her sister instead. I was a newlywed and had recently lost my own sister too. But people in my husband’s family are narcissists. Him Sometimes too. 😢. In spite of this I had a 70th birthday party and invited his siblings to our home recently. The SIL and pretty much ignored each other.
That happened to us some years ago. My husband told his parents you could pack your things and go stay somewhere else. This is my wife, and you don't disrespect her. His brother fetched them and they left. There is obviously a back story, but if you lr husband values your marriage he will stand up for you regardless of who is disrespecting you.
I agree with john to a point but some family members should be loved from a distance. The wife shouldn't disrespected. It is what it is. My family is not in my life for a reason.
I love how maturely this husband, father, son, brother is being about his own faults in this situation, but still feels the responsibility to stand up for his wife and children. Praying for more men like this in our generation!
Kayley, its commendable frankly. he stands up to his wife and mother of his 3 boys. to me this means he is raising 3 healthy young men. i am so glad i don't have toxic parents , i really am . my dad is no azzhole to my girlfriend .
Well, you ignored that there a huge history of the wife and kids being treated as less than the other siblings partners and children, so not a one off, but a series of events. Main bit being the in-laws were behaving a bit better, then FIL went like this.
The mother and father would not ever be allowed back in my home if they disrespected my wife or myself in that way. It would seem that the father’s behavior was premeditated. He showed up to be an asshole and was committed.
While I agree with Dr. D's perspective on being mindful and intentional on who "gets a vote," I think that this man did the right thing by standing up for his wife. This family conflict will need more than a 20-minute conversation with Dr. D to resolve it. There's obviously so much more to this story.
He did the right thing, but used the wrong approach (group text, put it on his wife's feelings instead of on him and what he witnessed, etc.). Assuming his is a recurring process for him, no wonder they might resent his wife and do not handle things well. No excuse for them not being cordial with her and definitely no excuse for letting it affect how they treat their grandkids. That whole family needs to grow up and use some common sense in how to communicate better.
I felt disconnected from a certain group of people for ten years. It’s been a great year since I stopped seeing them on a weekly basis. Yay! Life is good again. I quit trying to connect with people who don’t want to connect period. They don’t connect on a healthy level with their own family members. Some people are not into relationships. So I’m going to do me over here and leave them be over there. I also quit reaching out as the primary relationship steward to friends family and neighbors. It has to be a two way street. Mutual maturity.
Definitely sounds like there are issues there. Him doing group texts doesn't help. Also, him using language when bringing up issues like how his wife "felt" just makes this happen and/or worse. Any issues should be addressed form a perspective of what you saw and make it a problem between your side of the family and you, not them and your spouse, because they will just resent the "outsider" and this split happens. Either way, just tell them you expect them to be cordial to your spouse (and they will be cordial back) and that in no way will you put up with any issues between you all affect your kids. Do put that on them if they are treating your kids differently because they have a problem with you and/or your spouse, that is unacceptable.
Putting things in writing is a great way to handle interpersonal conflicts because it can be used to take the emotion out of the discussion, to slow the discussion down and make it more thoughtful and prepared, and also to hold people accountable for what they say. It's a myth that conflicts need to be handled in person or on the phone. Requiring these methods of communication forces a huge disadvantage on introverts and people who are slower to speak.
Trying to force your dad to be buddies with your wife isn’t going to make it happen. It’s far more likely to make things worse. You can’t control others you can only control you.
He didn't want to make buddies he just wanted him to be cordial but he couldn't even do that. walking by someone then jerking your head in a different direction is so immature
It sounds like it’s ok for his dad and family to come over and be disrespectful, and all they have to do is just not let them hurt their feelings. I don’t see how this works. Why would you let someone that is disrespectful towards your spouse into your home?
That’s what I was wondering? Nobodies perfect, but the father in law is showing a pattern of disrespect, and it doesn’t look like it’s changing. Why do they have to put up and shut up?
I will say, apologize and don’t invite them anymore. Ever. They will get the point. The apology is a new starting point. Reset for “sorry I was trying to change you, from now on, you don’t matter”!
I did not come away with the notion that it's okay for the guy's family to be disrespectful. I heard more that the caller needs to recognize his own role in the perceived disrespect and how he may be perpetuating it himself. I think the point is, you know how the family will act, so don't be surprised by how they act, and don't let it hurt your feelings anymore. If you don't let it hurt your feelings, you stop reacting to it. Reacting to it only exacerbates the situation by taking what might be a misperception and blowing it out of proportion. To me, it sounds like the wife is the one who started it and the caller's family is reacting to it and now it's snowballed into this conflict.
@@anneshirley9560 Because that's the pattern from childhood. Been in a similar situation and upset some people because I "was mean". Apparently, I wasn't "mean" enough. However, my Mom has since visited and was a GREAT guest. Now, everyone seems to have realized my point and decided to join me in my little "revolt". :)
@@AllynHin so basically ignore that they are being disrespectful. I understand your point. But, that is what I’m referring to, if you know how they are going to act why keep this type of behavior in your life? To me, it still sounds like it is ok to invite someone that is disrespectful into your home and oh well just ignore how they are, they are rude and well you just need to deal with it and not let it get to you.
Mad respect to this man for defending his wife and kids. Coming from a marriage where my inlaws are horrible to me and my children and no husband support, I respect this man for defending his family
Agreed. My FIL hated me before he even knew me, said & did many horrible things while my husband did nothing. I finally drew the line, told the FIL I’m not putting up with that BS anymore & told my husband I was pissed & disappointed that he didn’t defend me. I never went to the in-laws again after that day
Dr Delony is accusing this guy of something he didn't try to do and then he spends half the time spinning out scenarios and stories that are irrelevant to what's happening in this family. This guy is simply defending his wife from a disrespectful father in law, and kudos to him for that. He has nothing to apologize for!
I'm on your side, yet at the same time: Why go? This is a long standing issue. So, don't go! I ignore or avoid family members I don't necessarily like at get-togethers; that's better than being verbally mean or aggressive, etc. If this man knows his dad is a POS to his wife, then they should have stopped attending these get-togethers a while ago. But, they are continuing to go & watching him like a hawk for any indication that he is, indeed, a POS. That's on them.
ALWAYS stand by your wife?? ALWAYS?? Even if she's done something cruel, insulting or manipulative?? I've seen a cunning daughter-in-law completely decimate a beautiful, loving family, causing so much heartache and so many tears. Her husband (the son) GAVE her SO much power, and he believed EVERYTHING she told him. It took years, but she isolated her husband from ALL of his family, extended family, cousins, aunts and all of his friends. He completely lost his manhood. After watching this tragedy play out, I don't blindly believe ANYBODY anymore.
Sometimes people are disrespectful because they know they're in the wrong and don't want to admit it. My brother in law got snippy with me because I offered his wife ( my sister) some financial advice ( basically live within your means) when he insists on spending so much of her money that she has to work a second job. He's only concerned about meeting his needs no matter how it affects the rest of his family. Very unfortunate.
How did he know you gave advice on how they run their finances? Did your sister go back and tell him? Either way whether he is wrong or not their marriage and finances is none of your business.
You are in the wrong too is the issue. It’s tough to accept but unless they ask for your help on their finances it’s frankly not your business or place to tell them what to do with their finances. If my brother came in and told me what I was doing wrong that we didn’t ask for I’d be annoyed too and probably snip at him. It can be well intentioned but a big aspect of these things is knowing your lane and your sisters family finances aren’t your lane unless you’re invited into it. You wouldn’t appreciate them doing the same to you.
@@Matt-cr4vvI probably should have offered more context. My sister had been calling up my mother crying that she couldn't buy food or pay their bills because of her husband's spending even though she was working two jobs to support him. I simply reminded her that living off one income is a viable possibility and he got bent out of shape, as though I was attempting to control him by stating facts, really. She lost her job(s) because he insisted on working a part time job that chronically conflicted with hers because it wasn't enjoyable to be a stay at home dad. Now they've lost the roof over their heads as well, because of his refusal to allow her to work a high paying job combined with his insistence that he work a dead end job that can't support a family.
Hey, a REAL man! Standing with your wife.... a REAL MAN. I don:t have that. I have the pouter. You should be so proud! I know it's.hard, but she's your mate ... forever😊
Are we all going to ignore the fact that this was a party the wife spent so much time planning for her child! She probably worked her butt off. And this family came over with drama… That’s bull and there’s the disrespect. I’d never invite them over for a bday party again. They would not be taking my joy away at a party again. Done!
@@parkwood6334 Pointedly ignoring your hostess and your grandson's mother, all the while pouting, is drama galore. Just because it's not a drama of screaming it doesn't mean it's any less drama for it.
@@vaska1999 yes, I agree, but I wonder what we're not hearing from the son. I thought the dad was a jerk and then I listened again. Seems like the wife has scripts the family is supposed to follow and dad found it wiser to just keep quiet. Everyone in the family has been told how to interact with her, if I'm understanding the text and phone calls correctly. That suggests the wife trys to choreograph family interactions.
This was really great advice. I only wish he would have commented on how important it is to greet guests and make them feel welcome in your home. There are instances when I’m busy and cannot greet our guests right away but I always try to acknowledge them as soon as I can and will even apologize for not getting to them sooner. I can’t understand people who think it’s the guests responsibility to roll out the carpet.
@@sobeliever1638 - I'd never expect my guests to help, unless I ask them specifically to help me with something, and I would only do that after greeting them and making sure they feel comfortable in my home. In my humble opinion, there are few things worse than giving up your time to go visit someone who doesn't appreciate your presence. Personally, I would avoid visiting anyone who treated me that way and I don't want any of my friends or family to feel that way about me.
If you're coming to someone's house that you're related to and clearly have a relationship and they're having a big event you could come in say hello and mingle with the other guest. They shouldn't have to stop what they're doing to give you a special greeting.
@Kat smith - We'll have to agree to disagree. I try to make all my guests feel welcome and appreciated. If they've gifted me with their presence, the least I can do is be a gracious host.
@@msarieskat 100% wrong. Always treat family with courtesy and respect. Why would you ever take family for granted? If you are 'too busy' to treat every guest with respect and courtesy, then you are doing it wrong, and your priorities are messed up. You will get what you give.
My cousins on one side of the family show extreme favour towards my sister. To the point where they get jealous. I am not exciting because I am a bit quieter, 2 years younger and....my sister used to be quite hard on me. All of a sudden, I wasn't invited to Christmas. As the only one of us who wasnt married, I felt so hurt. My sister returned from overseas....5 years I haven° Heard from them and all of a sudden....one of the cousins is interested in what I am doing....she catches up with my sister and her kids and asked my sister about me.. My sister proclaimed this to me like it was profound news. The reality is now... I have no interest, would avoid them walking down the street and have NO interest in their lives any more. I learnt to be alone quite nicely and have moved away. I still dont really know why they didn't want me. Gooood. I dont want you either.
My husband’s father was constantly ignoring me for years. I felt better when I was able to shake it off and truly not give a damn. Forward 40 years toward the end of father-in-laws life, I made the decision to care for him at the end of life. I wanted to give my husband and adult children the comfort knowing that he was being cared for out of respect for them. Doctors had given him 6 weeks, the old goat lasted 6 months!
After my parents got married, my maternal and paternal grandparents made it clear that they would never interfere in my parents relationship. And they never did. Everyone was friendly, loving, respectful and kind. The grandparents made it work and that made life pretty wonderful for my brothers and I.
This guy is a gem. Who cares that he texted his dad ? He is standing up for his wife - this is priceless. My Dad never did that to us with his crummy family
His father is a raging narcissist. This type of toddler behavior - silent treatments, DARVO, gaslighting, etc - are all common traits of a narcissist. It's sad but he's better off going low contact or even no contact with him (and possibly the rest of the family). I've personally lived through this and it's heartbreaking, but his behavior is unlikely to change.
It sounds like the wife could be a troublemaker! His parents have showed earnest Good Will with the Grandkids, but now she continues to complain about something else. Bet no matter what his parents do, she’ll never be happy! What is she getting out of complaining to her husband? Why doesn’t she act like a Good Hostess treating All well no matter her grievance towards them? Do Good towards those who may not do it to you. Make excuses in your mind for their perceived misbehaviour ex. In unspoken pain, worried about something not shared with them etc.ex. his job, health, finances etc.
Calling his dad out in a family group chat? Cringe factor 1,000. Not saying its right for the father to disrespect the sons wife like that, but the son sounds like a drama queen with a capital Q
Yes an no. Normal ppl u can talk to one on one. Then have ppl if u do that. Will run to the family 1st an make stuff up, say you threaten them, spin what u say. Some times best best say it front of ppl with witness plus if u set boundaries, other people hurt those boundaries and your parents can’t say you never told me this
@@jborrego2406absolutely, there are toxic, narcissistic and abusive families and unless you come from one you don't know how impossible it is to handle things in a functional manner.
I think he did the right thing. Dr. Delony is accusing him of something he wasn't trying to do: all he did was stand up for his wife in front of his whole family.
I've lived this exact scenerio with my MIL with respect to how I and my children were treated. However, we never had any confrontation over it because we knew it would go nowhere and only create drama. She thrived on drama! I agree with everything John said except for the mea culpa. It probably is the right thing to do under normal circumstances but with people that are already being crappy to you it just gives them power imo. In their minds they already know "you're wrong" and now you walk in and take a bow. They will kick you in the head while you're down. It's enough to just acknowledge your poor actions to yourself and work to change and move on.
I perked my ears up when this guy says that his parents favor the other grand kids and "other issues with my siblings". I think wifey is constantly sending him to war with his family. They need to stay away from the rest of the family because he is going to be always caught in the middle.
Agree. It's all assumed or perceived grievances. I think everyone is getting tired of her. The big, over the top party, was a clue. She made it about her! She wasn't treated right at her baby's party. 😕 It's better if hubby swears off his family if he wants to stay with her.
@@labrigful Yes and he seems a willing party to play the game. The wife evidently noticed she is being ignored and a with smile and a greeting could have proved if she is perceiving things correctly
Non-abusively? He's a Baby!! Stonewalling someone in their own home is out of bounds.Stay home if you can't behave like a grown-up. It doesn't kill anyone to be polite..It's not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of character.
Something similar happened to me & i decided after being ignored, at our next meeting i would make the power move . I now go in for a friendly handshake & look someone directly in the eye & address them by name
I don’t think his dad “completely disrespected his wife”. What prevented his wife from going up to her father in law and asking him how he was doing? That is all it would take for everyone to chill and relax. If you look for problems, you will find them. If you look for solutions, you will find them as well. Everyone needs to chill and someone has to make the first move. The only thing preventing them from making the first move is PRIDE. Don’t let pride get in the way of peace.
Ya, I have a feeling there were prior issues between his parents and him/his wife, which led to his parents treating the grandkids differently (inexcusable on their part), and now there may be some resentment both ways which is why his wife didn't address his dad and vice versa. No matter what, always be cordial and never let issues between adults affect kids, no matter what. Lots of immaturity and poor communication all around it seems.
When the parents don’t like you they will treat the grandkids different. I went through this will my former in laws. The kids remember and are not close at all to their dads family. Also I have went through the disrespect in my home as well but my husband would not side with me at all so we ended up divorced. As far as speaking when you enter someone’s home you are supposed to speak first. I will never enter someone’s home as a GUEST and not speak to the host. Dad was wrong here.
Spoken like someone who has never spent time and money to make a day beautiful for a child and have family come in with drama making it all about them! That’s for sure disrespectful.
@@midlifeandnailingit6342 - exactly! After years of disrespect, toxicity, and narcissistic abuse from my in laws, the final straw was them causing a huge upset on the day of our son’s 1st birthday party and making it all about them. Other than at my husband’s grandfather’s funeral, I have not spoken to or seen my MIL and FIL since. This was now 10 years ago. Thank God I have a husband who defended his own family - himself, myself and our son - and cut his abusive parents off for good. Our lives have been exponentially better for it. They were extremely emotionally abusive and manipulative towards my husband growing up and caused problems in his previous relationships before me, but of course to hear them talk, I was the problem lmao. We flat out refused to allow their psychosis to affect and influence our son. My FIL passed away from cancer a few years ago and even his own mortality didn’t wake him up. The last words my husband, his first born, heard from his father was a nasty voicemail about what horrible people we supposedly were. It is complete BS when people say you have to keep “family” in your life, “you only get one family”, blah blah blah. We have ZERO regrets about our decision. From time to time my MIL will text/email my husband trying to reconnect, but there’s always a tinge of guilt tripping, manipulation, and covert narcissism.
My dad for years was pouting & paranoing and if we did not acknowledge him first. If we did not bow to him. My mom left him he did not know why. THEN a med show mentioned that some heart med induced aggressivness & paranoia. He changed meds & changed totally afterwards enough so my husband and I took him to our house for his last one and a half years oflife. He was appreciative till the end . Explore this avenue
My dad always taught me (had a very toxic relationship with my mom) to respect my mom but more so choose wisely who’s the mother to your kids bc you will have to defend them at all costs .. even against your family. So you better make sure you analyze the decision your making bc your new family always come before your immediate family.
I’m not married or anything but one thing I try to do in situations like this is just to be cordial when needed, but limiting my time around people who don’t want a connection. I’m pretty sure there’s more to this story, but there was a lot of miscommunication going on.
Anyone can offer grace & humility -- probably the most mature & the most loving ( with God's overflowing, powerful love in the Spirit, ALL things are possible...Corrie ten Boom forgave Nazi guard personally with a literal hand reaching out for hers after he asked for forgiveness; she didn't want to at first but with God speaking to & enabling her she did it. Too powerful for words! Great example of unity of [God's] family). LOOK UP HER TESTIMONY & STORY DURING WW2; inspires others to do the same😊❤🙏
Look people a mom/wife hosting a birthday party for a 1 year old who has multiple kids is inevitably distracted. They are hosting the party-but they are also trying to make that child feel special. Mature ppl would understand this and make an effort to speak first-but if I was the mom/wife and I realize that the parents are there I’d make the effort to speak (sounds like she did once she wasn’t so distracted) BUT by then the father had began creating immature irrational thoughts/narratives (causing him to lash out). I wish ppl were better communicators-without projecting and getting caught up in negative thoughts. Praying they work through the trauma (from childhood and the nuclear family aspect).
Why does a 1 year old baby even need to have a birthday party? A kid that age is oblivious to what's going on. These are not parties for kids but for self-centered parents
His dad not liking his wife is his choice. Somebody has to address the elephant in the room for there to be a chance for healing. I pray for reconciliation if possible
Geez ! What a talent to analyze pinpoint and give advice on how to handle this family situation. I already knew all this and was agreeing to everything he said I just would never had been able to explain it like you did. Excellent job.! I'm 40 years old been married 19 years 2 teenage boys, a little girl and have a great family life using those pieces of advise I didn't know I already knew. I loved that box analogy too.
I’m a middle child. Who was treated differently growing up. I had to be understanding and accommodating my whole life, it would suck to see my siblings kids get treated differently to my kids. I have learned to cut people off, you treat me in a way I don’t like or offends my husband, I bring it up with you 2 or 3 times and that’s it, bye Felicia. And I am okay with people cutting me off if I don’t show up for them in the way they like.
This was a really good call and great perspectives given. You could really tell the caller took on board and thought about this. Also nice there was enough time to go through it in some detail. I took a lot of value from this in general!
Parents always have their favorites. My grandmothers favorite was my uncle who had 2 kids. For some reason, i was my grandma's favorite grandchild and my uncle got so jealous that his kids were not the center of the world because she had spoiled him rotten. It caused alot of family drama because no matter how hard my grandma tried, nothing she ever did was good enough to please him.
I had a buddy whose wife was like that. Always claiming she was being disrespected by his side of the family and he distanced himself from them for years. The years went along and he slowly saw his wife now start to complaint about her parents and her brothers and sisters until her side of the family didn’t speak to her. You tell me, whose fault was it?
@@razio1096😢 My brother is in that situation. As far as I know, they are still together, but they continue to cut people out. Soon, none of us will have contact. 😢
I have exactly this type of Dad. He is a pouter to an extreme degree. We only get along for maybe a week, and then we don't speak for a year at a time. There's really nothing you can do about it, unless you just want to betray your own self and walk on eggshells and choose every word you say super carefully.
My dad once took a tone with my wife while we were at his house. He was upset about us not being able to go to his house for thanksgiving and started to halfway raise his voice. I asked my wife to leave the room and tore into his ass. Being disrespectful to my wife is a nonstarter. I will never tolerate it.
@excellence229 do you think there are certain locations that I need to allow people to be disrespectful to my wife? Is that what you’re saying?
@excellence229 just because they were in his house doesn't mean he has the right to yell at anyone
@@msbeecee1He didn’t yell at her, he halfway raised his voice, which is very different
I don’t know u but I love u…in 43 years my hubby has never stood up for me!
@@honestreflections5541 hahah..yeah because volume is the only indicator of aggression and disrespect when speaking with someone😂
It's good to hear a husband take up for his wife even if it involves his own family. The wife told her husband and then he saw for himself and did not dismiss her feelings or her observations. Great job as a husband.
That's a low bar..........
In 43 years I cannot count the mean, disrespectful things my mil has said to me in front of my hubby and he has yet to stand up for me…so sick of being second and not mattering..if I had money I would leave..home is so much more peaceful when he’s not home..he blames me for everything bad that’s ever happened to him..I am physically and mentally exhausted!
I don’t allow anyone to disrespect my wife! Be loving and respectful, or you have to go!
@@Shopgirl1aside from that Mrs Lincoln, how was the play?
@@129jaystreet wonderful dear..thoroughly enjoyed it..always amazing to see! An no I don’t think I’m missing the point!
Here is the best advice I can give: Group texts are not for personal relationships. Don't "call people out" in a group text. Be an adult, call them individually or meet face-to-face. Group texts are really best for coordination purposes, or comedy relief.
Our family has a group text. It's never negative. We use it to share small things and to coordinate.
He made 2 mistakes:
1) Group text to call out individuals, especially his parent. You always deal with people one on one to address something, from your 2yr old kid to your elderly parent. You pull them aside into a private area away from everyone else (if in person) and address the issues so as not to embarrass them. Addressing both parents at the same time is ok, but leave the siblings out of it. Leave group texts to the fun stuff like pictures, updates, funny stuff that happened, etc.
2) He put it on how his wife "felt". He should have put it on what HE noticed so all blame, resentment, etc. would be directed to him and not towards the "outsider" that married into the family. Anything to do with your spouse and kids should come from you and what you noticed when possible, and if not possible, still addressed in a manner where any problems they have as a result of it being brought up comes solely back to you. Same goes with the other way around with her and her side of the family.
I’ve had too many supervisors due this exact same thing. Not in a group text but in meetings or email. Drives me nuts. Issues should be dealt with where it is not a blanket statement in hopes to solve the issue.
Isn’t that what Dr D said?
My manager constantly calls people out in our group chat. I’ll keep that in mind the next time we get in a rush and I feel like quitting on the spot
In-laws are so hard. I quit trying to be close with them. I show up, I’m polite and friendly, I invite them to visit us, I encourage my children and husband to build relationships with them and I stay on the side lines and stay as quiet as I can. I don’t give anyone the silent treatment, I don’t ignore anyone. I just don’t share my thought and feelings freely.
So sorry you have experienced this. I love my DIL’s like my daughter. Thankful we have a great relationship
@@cynthiakeeton4702 thanks. I am glad for you. My husband just came home from visiting his family and he told me my MIL noticed that I don’t share my opinions or thoughts anymore (something she didn’t like me to do and the reason I got in trouble more than once with her and my other in-laws) and now she’s offended because she feels like I’m being fake when I’m there. 🤦🏻♀️ I can’t win for losing.
Mine are amazing. But my family are awful in-laws. They are so rude. It’s completely embarrassing. So we distanced ourselves from them.
Same I do the exact same thing and I don’t feel a need to explain or have my husband explain either. Just present and quiet.
I’m in the same situation with my partner in which my mom is very critical of all his opinions about anything in life and the world (as with mine, I’m just used to it), so he said he’s tired of having an opinion around her and is just going to stop voicing it. It’s definitely going to be noticeable since he’s naturally really outgoing but hey maybe it’ll teach my mom to stop putting everyone’s opinions down if she ever wants to have a conversation outside of the weather
Married over 40 yrs. Stopped allowing inlaws access to my life after repeated disrespect 20 yrs ago. His parents are now past on. I let them live their own lives. It was the best decision. I grew up in a dysfunctional home. I was DONE putting up with any more drama in my adult life.
Exactly correct!!
Your family were narcissists, sorry that happened to you & yours.
Yes it's understandable, it's good when you can have strong boundaries and not take on other people's problems, it's not your responsibility.
My husband once defended me against his dad and I’ve never felt more loved or safe in my life. I’ll respect him forever for that.
It's ok to cut toxic people out of your life. Even if they are family.
It's not "ok." It's absolutely necessary. Don't allow toxic energy in your space
needed this
Best decision I ever made in my LIFE was to divorce my family.
He can always find another wife, not another family. Family should comes first, there’s wife’s aplenty.
@@SDALLE99 Family is who you make it, I know a ton of people who are miserable with family that keeps guilt tripping them and screwing them over. Family is overrated.
I don’t think it’s about anointing a leader, it’s about respecting his wife in his home. Texting was a bad decision but at least he is standing up for his wife.
Yeah I appreciated the advice i thought it was good but a little contradictory in that we always expect husbands to stand up for their wives. Now that this guy is doing it, he’s being asked who died and made you king basically?
My thoughts exactly why is this talk show guy and people in general always take the side of the one who did wrong when all the husband was trying to do was communicate and defend his wife and kids? Not so great advice
@thabsmkhize2481 To me, it wasn't contradictory. It actually went together pretty well. The reason why he asked that was because it told the guy that no one appointed him the role of the "justice police" but that he did it to himself when he doesn't need to. Because you can't control or change other people unless they want to change themselves. He told him good job for standing up for his wife but once he did that, he didn't need to do any more than that since he already communicated what he wanted to see from his parents and siblings. To continue to "call out" his parents and siblings he's just beating a dead horse and wearing himself out. So to appoint himself the "justice police" wouldn't serve him or anyone, but would just wear him out.
At least that's how I understood it anyways.
It sounds like misuse of the word, “Disrespect”. Staying quiet after she did or said something & not going into details about what she did/said etc.iwith his son/her husband is actually admirable. The Father does not want any trouble. Ever notice how some women will complain to their husband, enjoying the role of “victim” & the consolation they get from their husband?
Agreed.
I have a simple rule; if a person disrespects me repeatedly, I stop dealing with that person. I am not a masochist. I happen to love myself, and life is too hard as it is to borrow humiliation.
"borrow humiliation"...what a powerful way to phrase it. Thank you! ❤
Yes! I agree. But it gets a little more complicated when it comes to your person's people, if those people weren't really bad but irritating. I mean the dad isn't yelling at anyone he's a male pouter. Meh.
@@BLB-mf8kkyeah I liked that too
My son says I make his wife uncomfortable. But he is bipolar or suffers from toxic masculinity. He won't let me see his newborn daughter.
It just reminds me of the saying, "it's like beating a dead horse." No matter how hard you try to get a desired result from someone, at the end of the day, they have their agency. THEY choose how they act and you get to choose how you act. The best thing we can do is not let them control us by controlling our emotions. Just wash your hands clean of them and move on.
Many years ago my mother gave me the best advice: "Act like everybody likes you." This has a way of protecting you by not giving hate any power.
This sounds nice. At times tho it comes down to being fake. I just can't pretend.
@@BrassyBrunetteYou get more with honey than vinegar. It oils the wheels socially & at work. Everyone has a public persona around those they are not that close too.
@@BrassyBrunetteIs everyone worthy of your honest genuine opinion? Even if it's detrimental to your image or mental, social health? The best thing to do is keep a positive surface-level relationship with people who don't really know you. If they aren't worthy of your emotional energy, don't give it away freely. People who give you negative, bullying, or hater energy are looking to antagonize you into an emotional response so they can gaslight people into believing it was your fault and they were the victim. So I just turn everything into a positive and nothing becomes emotional because it's not worth it. Unless they attack me or my work unjustly, it ain't worth it. In the rare event I feel attacked, I will take a moment to respond so that I don't get emotional. Like he says, write what you say down, get out those emotions, then the final version edit out the emotions, state the facts, read it aloud before it's said. Then LET Go! Not all people are bullies or intentionally mean, but people can make mistakes and not see they're making you feel insignificant. Emotional maturity is the ability to not let emotions escalate, just be calm, kurt, and concise. Especially at work, the consequences of a verbal altercation are never worth it. You can be real with those who deserve to know who you really are. Everyone else are just extras in the movie of your life.
Yep !!!
I totally agree with your mother. It does work😅😅😅😅😅
I love this guy so protective of his wife and family..I love a man who addresses issues
It’s always the men with wives who are absolute nightmares who behave like this guy. I take his loyalty with a grain of salt because it doesn’t have anything to do with his wife or who she is and how she acts towards family, it has to do with his personality period and he gained that from the family he is going off at in group text messages which is wild…
What you don, 't notice now is a real man vs what you're stuck with.
@edithtierce8209 so any time there's a problem with in-laws, it's automatically the spouses fault? You want to explain how you came to that conclusion and what evidence-based research you can provide to prove that? If what you're saying is true then that means in-laws can be as abusive, neglectful, ignorant, mean, and as hateful as they want and STILL be able to blame their own actions on the spouse.
Sounds to me you have your own issues to work through.
We don't know the whole atory
Anything that effects his wife and children gives him every right to set boundaries. This negatively affects the children on an emotional basis.
Is the wife a different race?
@@carmenhall9079she doesn’t have to be a different race, racism isn’t the issue here
The harder he tries, the worse they will behave. I’ve seen it firsthand. You have to genuinely not care about their opinion of you, and put some distance in there. And stop reacting to their childish behavior.
Maybe, and if they do they have to cut contact until they learn how to behave decently.
Plus his wife isn't going to feel resentful against him for allowing his family to be rude to her.
And exclude them socially. He KNOWS he is disrespectful and he knows better.
I see that too.
Don’t get sucked in. Be kind, polite and respectful. Always. Their rude behaviours say more about them than you. Cheerfully engage them after saying your hellos. Help with the prep work if necessary. Offer your opinion if it’s asked for in as sanitized a way you can, and grow a thick skin around some people. Otherwise, live your life without them. It’s just too short to waste it on them.
My husband's dad disrespected me in our home when i was 41. He told me how HIS son has to pay all my bills since I had closed my hair salon . Thing is , I closed it after I/we were debt free . He knew nothing about our finances . I had paid my home off when I was 38 . I had no car payment , no credit card debt . HIS son would have had utility bills whether he'd married me or not . Plus he would have had a mortgage payment . I am now 62 and his father has not spoken to me .
It's amazing how some people state the facts without even attempting to find the facts first.
Amazing.
Not only were his facts wrong, but I had just had a tubal reversal so I could give my husband a child . She is 22 now .❤
I wonder what your husband might have said/complained to his father about. (?)
I think his dad had it in his mind that we should be a 2 income family. Plus he was mad that he and his wife / neighbors/ all God's children weren't getting anymore free haircuts.@@terri6584
there is more to this story
What I see here is a man standing up for his wife and kids and that’s how it should be.
Sometimes the wife can be a trouble maker and the husband believes everything she says. She'll pit the husband against his family and purposely cause division. We only heard one side of this story.
@@TraciShirahthe wife isn’t the problem, my dad will do this pouting thing also it just means stay out of the way no one wants to be around that
@@natalieeubank4533 Imagine if you have a son and he calls you & your husband over twice, lecturing you about how you don't truly love their kids, while you & your husband bite your tongues. And of course, she probably was speaking during the meeting.
How would you feel? Respected or disrespected.
I once had a sil who used her husband as a weapon. Yaped at him, get him all pumped up and then cry and point him at the "bad guy". So then the pumped up husband would go over to the "bad guys" house and scream and cuss and demand an apology.
@@sandywagner9154 Some men are just too easily manipulated.
I am sure he has seen his wife be overly dramatic about other things in the past, and yet he did not learn a lesson through such situations.
Sounds like this guy is the family scapegoat to me. Hope things get better!
Love how this guy isn't defensive. That's something that took me a long time to be aware of and learn and I still have to remind myself constantly not to do.
His family doesnt like his wife. This isnt hard. There is a reason they dont, not saying its valid, but its the fact.
They dont like her.
Seems that way, and seems everyone has maturity and communication issues. He should have just told his dad (one on one) that no matter what the issue is, the dad will be cordial to his wife when they are around. And no matter what, any issues between his parents and he/his wife will not affect how the grandparents treat the grandkids, you will not put up with that no matter what. The group text was bad, him phrasing it as his wife's feelings and not him being mad by what he saw was bad, and his parents treating their grandkids differently because there is an issue with him and his wife was bad.
This!!!!
Yep
Can confirm this is 100% accurate!!! My husband’s family is like this. The interesting thing is that his family has these same parent/sibling group texts and they are NOTHING BUT TOXIC AND HARMFUL!!
Like her or not
Respect her in her home
Respect her she is the momma of your grandbabies
I have a different perspective on this. I have cut multiple family members out of my life and I have been much better off after doing so. Trying to force relationships with family to work is not worth the effort. I don't think family members should be able to get away with bad behavior just because they are family. If they don't behave just cut them out of your life. So many people are in pain because they try so hard to cling on to family relationships that are never going to work. Let it go. There is nothing wrong with that.
Whoa! That's tough. I've had to cut some narcissists out of my life (but only after years and years of trying to get along).
However, if you can put up with someone's quirks, it's best to do so.
@@catherinenelson4162 oh, the same over here
Setting the boundary is the first step. You don't just cut people out. If they can't respect the boundary, they made their choice
@@ineedhoez Setting the boundary is a good thing. I agree with you. It's not a good thing to get into the habit of giving multiple chances.
@@Luffa187 multiple is more than one, so I disagree. A second chance is always necessary, for the general population. Not everyone knows your
boundaries, humor, culture, or expectations. For family, they should get 3 or 4, before you cut ties. You can’t replace family. You need to make sure before doing so. Otherwise it shows a weakness on your part.
That went from "Hey, good for you!" To "Who anointed you to be family police?" quickly
What was with that? I really don't agree with the advice. This man's wife was disrespected by his father, he addressed the issue and then he eventually becomes the family police! Don't agree with this aspect of the advice given.
Spot on. This husband has been so scapegoated within his family, Immediately he saw himself as the problem the millisecond it was even suggested.
@@educationalbrowsing8913This was so upsetting to listen to the wrong advice being given.
If you make people, family included, feel like they are walking on eggshells every time they see you they won't want to be around you.
Yeah I'm in-between on this one. You have to remember, this guy taking the calls isn't your bud there to say "damn right" for whatever you say. So the advice that needs to be given isn't what makes you look like a bada$$, but whatever has the highest likelihood of a good resolution. Remember, if you look for problems, you will find them
This man Danny so humbly received correction and he also examined himself, as the Bible has said. Good for you, Danny! Keep doing that and you will continue to advance in life
Danny is absolutely awesome man
What does the Bible have anything to do with this?
@@TheMooseCaboose exactly
Maybe an unpopular opinion but why beg family for attention? If family members don't want to be involved their loss, I wouldn't be forcing a relationship because it's not authentic even if they do get involved because your forced it it's NOT authentic 🤷🏻♀️
Yes.... life's too short.
I agree and either party can limit their time with each other.
Couldn't agree more. Why wasting time n energy on those fake relationship... I rather have just a few good genuine people around me than hundreds that drag me down...
When it comes to you and your spouse, I agree. When it comes to your kids, especially if your kids notice how they are being treated differently, you do address it with your parents. Either way, you deal with it one on one with dad (or both parents) and when it comes to how they treat your spouse, you put the reason for the discussion on what you saw and make them have to deal with you about it so they can't chalk it up to an "outsider" causing issues in the family and create resentment that will take longer to heal, if ever.
Nailed it.
Dr Delony was 100% correct! The young couple is hyper sensitive to every possible shading. Its great for them to stick together but, holy cow, i would be nervous to be around them!
Agree!
He actually had two different, conflicting views. First he praised him for supporting his wife, then he told him to call his dad and apologise for it.
Exactly what I thought
@@dshe8637dude you must have failed basic English class because if you didn’t have a smooth brain you’d have realized he praised him at the beginning and then once he got more context to the full story then he realized like you the caller is slow and spescial and feels more important then he really is
Whoever you are caller you are a true gem. My narcissistic ex of 24 years NEVER defended me. Not with his family or strangers or if I heard something downstairs. I was alone in our marriage. It was so heartbreaking and sad. His mother chewed me out at a restaurant one day by bringing up politics. I wasn't even taking about it. I knew to keep conversations with her about the weather or gardening. Her husband finally spoke up and told her to stop but my husband said nothing. After we left I broke down crying and he told me it was my fault for talking politics even though I wasn't.
My husband’s parents told my husband before we married, that he could do better than me. I overheard them say this and was devastated. What hurt me most was that my husband did not stand up for me … he tried to avoid it by just brushing their comment off. I told him about me hearing the exchange and asked why he didn’t say something defending me or affirming his support and love of me. Again, he tried to brush it off and that he wasn’t agreeing with what they said. It still hurts me to this day, 47 years of marriage later but I do understand my husband found it very difficult to stand up to his father. One day when his father was putting my husband down … again … I told him off. Father in law yelled, don’t talk that way to me about my own son and I said to him I will stand up for MY husband when I need to. He and I got along okay after that although I never really liked him and just before he died, my father in law thanked me for looking after his son so well over the years. His mother continued to find fault with me and our oldest son, and then blamed me for never going around to visit! In some families, you can never win!
I'm glad he called out his father, but he shouldn't have included his siblings on the text. Because like he said, it has set a precedent for his siblings to think it's okay to disrespect his wife. A phone call would have been best.
In laws are tough. What I have learned & it took me way too long to come to this realization....if they don't like you, there's really nothing you can do. You can do everything correct. You can try your hardest, etc....and if they've decided you are not what they want in a daughter-in-law, that's it. Game over. You can't change people who don't think they have a problem. I have sadly learned this the hard way.
So true had issues with one sister in law. Even her own sister cut her off for years. I don’t know why. But we had plans for me to help paint a room in her home when she canceled and said she would be doing it with her sister instead. I was a newlywed and had recently lost my own sister too. But people in my husband’s family are narcissists. Him
Sometimes too. 😢. In spite of this I had a 70th birthday party and invited his siblings to our home recently. The SIL and pretty much ignored each other.
Usually I love Dr. Johns advice. BUT here not so much. Why should he call and apologize to his dad when his dad is disrespecting his wife?
agree
That happened to us some years ago. My husband told his parents you could pack your things and go stay somewhere else. This is my wife, and you don't disrespect her. His brother fetched them and they left. There is obviously a back story, but if you lr husband values your marriage he will stand up for you regardless of who is disrespecting you.
This family is exhausting 😭 the emotional drama is alot
I agree with john to a point but some family members should be loved from a distance. The wife shouldn't disrespected. It is what it is. My family is not in my life for a reason.
I love how maturely this husband, father, son, brother is being about his own faults in this situation, but still feels the responsibility to stand up for his wife and children. Praying for more men like this in our generation!
Kayley, its commendable frankly. he stands up to his wife and mother of his 3 boys. to me this means he is raising 3 healthy young men. i am so glad i don't have toxic parents , i really am . my dad is no azzhole to my girlfriend .
My dad ignored my wife. That's it? Looks like she ignored him too. Not worth a group text!
Not worth a group text indeed. Worth lower the frequency of visits, but not a group text, nope.
Well, you ignored that there a huge history of the wife and kids being treated as less than the other siblings partners and children, so not a one off, but a series of events. Main bit being the in-laws were behaving a bit better, then FIL went like this.
He asks the best questions I’ve ever heard… “where does that hyper alert of offenses come from?” Wow!
The mother and father would not ever be allowed back in my home if they disrespected my wife or myself in that way. It would seem that the father’s behavior was premeditated. He showed up to be an asshole and was committed.
While I agree with Dr. D's perspective on being mindful and intentional on who "gets a vote," I think that this man did the right thing by standing up for his wife. This family conflict will need more than a 20-minute conversation with Dr. D to resolve it. There's obviously so much more to this story.
He did the right thing, but used the wrong approach (group text, put it on his wife's feelings instead of on him and what he witnessed, etc.). Assuming his is a recurring process for him, no wonder they might resent his wife and do not handle things well. No excuse for them not being cordial with her and definitely no excuse for letting it affect how they treat their grandkids. That whole family needs to grow up and use some common sense in how to communicate better.
I felt disconnected from a certain group of people for ten years. It’s been a great year since I stopped seeing them on a weekly basis. Yay! Life is good again. I quit trying to connect with people who don’t want to connect period. They don’t connect on a healthy level with their own family members. Some people are not into relationships. So I’m going to do me over here and leave them be over there. I also quit reaching out as the primary relationship steward to friends family and neighbors. It has to be a two way street. Mutual maturity.
His dad is splitting. They decided that his wife is “bad” and there is no convincing the parents otherwise.
Definitely sounds like there are issues there. Him doing group texts doesn't help. Also, him using language when bringing up issues like how his wife "felt" just makes this happen and/or worse. Any issues should be addressed form a perspective of what you saw and make it a problem between your side of the family and you, not them and your spouse, because they will just resent the "outsider" and this split happens.
Either way, just tell them you expect them to be cordial to your spouse (and they will be cordial back) and that in no way will you put up with any issues between you all affect your kids. Do put that on them if they are treating your kids differently because they have a problem with you and/or your spouse, that is unacceptable.
Delony is the best counselor ever!! God I wish I could have weekly sessions with you. You’re too wise, man! I love your videos.
I would love it too!!
Delony is phenomenal..I can't believe how RIGHT ON he is!... love this guy!
First issue is why are you texting your family about issues, talk to them in person or at least on the phone!
Drama mama.
Putting things in writing is a great way to handle interpersonal conflicts because it can be used to take the emotion out of the discussion, to slow the discussion down and make it more thoughtful and prepared, and also to hold people accountable for what they say.
It's a myth that conflicts need to be handled in person or on the phone. Requiring these methods of communication forces a huge disadvantage on introverts and people who are slower to speak.
Trying to force your dad to be buddies with your wife isn’t going to make it happen. It’s far more likely to make things worse. You can’t control others you can only control you.
You can't make them be friends, but you can absolutely set of basic level of respect for the people who come into your and your wife's home.
@emilyprovance7413 exactly if someone came to my home and didn't say hello but ate abd drank my food they won't be coming again!
He didn't want to make buddies he just wanted him to be cordial but he couldn't even do that. walking by someone then jerking your head in a different direction is so immature
Love that you didn’t assume that he was blameless❤️ great insight
I was lucky to have a great father in law, and my mother in law is a gem... Love her very much. ❤ ive been married to their son 34 years
Geez, what a bunch of passive aggressive babies, including the caller.
It sounds like it’s ok for his dad and family to come over and be disrespectful, and all they have to do is just not let them hurt their feelings. I don’t see how this works. Why would you let someone that is disrespectful towards your spouse into your home?
That’s what I was wondering? Nobodies perfect, but the father in law is showing a pattern of disrespect, and it doesn’t look like it’s changing. Why do they have to put up and shut up?
I will say, apologize and don’t invite them anymore. Ever. They will get the point. The apology is a new starting point. Reset for “sorry I was trying to change you, from now on, you don’t matter”!
I did not come away with the notion that it's okay for the guy's family to be disrespectful. I heard more that the caller needs to recognize his own role in the perceived disrespect and how he may be perpetuating it himself. I think the point is, you know how the family will act, so don't be surprised by how they act, and don't let it hurt your feelings anymore. If you don't let it hurt your feelings, you stop reacting to it. Reacting to it only exacerbates the situation by taking what might be a misperception and blowing it out of proportion. To me, it sounds like the wife is the one who started it and the caller's family is reacting to it and now it's snowballed into this conflict.
@@anneshirley9560 Because that's the pattern from childhood. Been in a similar situation and upset some people because I "was mean". Apparently, I wasn't "mean" enough. However, my Mom has since visited and was a GREAT guest. Now, everyone seems to have realized my point and decided to join me in my little "revolt". :)
@@AllynHin so basically ignore that they are being disrespectful.
I understand your point. But, that is what I’m referring to, if you know how they are going to act why keep this type of behavior in your life? To me, it still sounds like it is ok to invite someone that is disrespectful into your home and oh well just ignore how they are, they are rude and well you just need to deal with it and not let it get to you.
Mad respect to this man for defending his wife and kids. Coming from a marriage where my inlaws are horrible to me and my children and no husband support, I respect this man for defending his family
Agreed. My FIL hated me before he even knew me, said & did many horrible things while my husband did nothing. I finally drew the line, told the FIL I’m not putting up with that BS anymore & told my husband I was pissed & disappointed that he didn’t defend me. I never went to the in-laws again after that day
Dr Delony is accusing this guy of something he didn't try to do and then he spends half the time spinning out scenarios and stories that are irrelevant to what's happening in this family. This guy is simply defending his wife from a disrespectful father in law, and kudos to him for that. He has nothing to apologize for!
I agree…
His dad didn’t disrespect his wife bruh fytb😂
I'm on your side, yet at the same time: Why go? This is a long standing issue. So, don't go! I ignore or avoid family members I don't necessarily like at get-togethers; that's better than being verbally mean or aggressive, etc.
If this man knows his dad is a POS to his wife, then they should have stopped attending these get-togethers a while ago. But, they are continuing to go & watching him like a hawk for any indication that he is, indeed, a POS. That's on them.
Excellent. Always stand by your wife. I wish I could find a man like that!
@P B Should always stand by her regardless though.
@@kamarwashingtonif my hubby did something wrong, I'd mention it, and I expect him to do the same for me.
@@snowwhite2709 You can mention it in private with just the two of you
ALWAYS stand by your wife?? ALWAYS?? Even if she's done something cruel, insulting or manipulative?? I've seen a cunning daughter-in-law completely decimate a beautiful, loving family, causing so much heartache and so many tears. Her husband (the son) GAVE her SO much power, and he believed EVERYTHING she told him. It took years, but she isolated her husband from ALL of his family, extended family, cousins, aunts and all of his friends. He completely lost his manhood. After watching this tragedy play out, I don't blindly believe ANYBODY anymore.
@@Aegean27sir, this is a Wendy’s
Sometimes people are disrespectful because they know they're in the wrong and don't want to admit it. My brother in law got snippy with me because I offered his wife ( my sister) some financial advice ( basically live within your means) when he insists on spending so much of her money that she has to work a second job. He's only concerned about meeting his needs no matter how it affects the rest of his family. Very unfortunate.
How did he know you gave advice on how they run their finances? Did your sister go back and tell him? Either way whether he is wrong or not their marriage and finances is none of your business.
You are in the wrong too is the issue. It’s tough to accept but unless they ask for your help on their finances it’s frankly not your business or place to tell them what to do with their finances. If my brother came in and told me what I was doing wrong that we didn’t ask for I’d be annoyed too and probably snip at him. It can be well intentioned but a big aspect of these things is knowing your lane and your sisters family finances aren’t your lane unless you’re invited into it. You wouldn’t appreciate them doing the same to you.
@@Matt-cr4vvI probably should have offered more context. My sister had been calling up my mother crying that she couldn't buy food or pay their bills because of her husband's spending even though she was working two jobs to support him. I simply reminded her that living off one income is a viable possibility and he got bent out of shape, as though I was attempting to control him by stating facts, really. She lost her job(s) because he insisted on working a part time job that chronically conflicted with hers because it wasn't enjoyable to be a stay at home dad. Now they've lost the roof over their heads as well, because of his refusal to allow her to work a high paying job combined with his insistence that he work a dead end job that can't support a family.
@@OneGodActs2oh dear. Are they still together? Has he seen the error of his ways?
@@OneGodActs2 - Your sister needs to run. What in the world.
This dude said “I’d like to address it with you all individually” and then straight up called out his dad in the same text. What a punk move lol
He was going to send individual texts, bashing them all in the group text. duh LMAO what a piece of work.
He's quite the whining piece of work.
He didn't say privately. He said individually. He can address them individually in the presence of everyone.
@@johnlueck7606never been a family scapegoat I’m assuming
Hey, a REAL man! Standing with your wife.... a REAL MAN. I don:t have that. I have the pouter. You should be so proud! I know it's.hard, but she's your mate ... forever😊
John is wise beyond his years. Has great perspective and an amazing sense of persuasive empathy. 👍🏿
Spot on. Thank you for saying this.
You gotta protect whoever you’re with over your family don’t ever let them cross that line
this family sounds more like a drama club!
When Dad comes over, MAKE SURE your wife is NOT busy, at least for 10 minutes to set the tone.
Are we all going to ignore the fact that this was a party the wife spent so much time planning for her child! She probably worked her butt off. And this family came over with drama… That’s bull and there’s the disrespect. I’d never invite them over for a bday party again. They would not be taking my joy away at a party again. Done!
What drama did his family create? I'm wondering if the wife is looking for issues.
The father didn't create any drama. He just doesn't have any interaction with his son wife. In my opinion, that is ok on some level.
@@parkwood6334 Pointedly ignoring your hostess and your grandson's mother, all the while pouting, is drama galore. Just because it's not a drama of screaming it doesn't mean it's any less drama for it.
@@vaska1999 yes, I agree, but I wonder what we're not hearing from the son. I thought the dad was a jerk and then I listened again. Seems like the wife has scripts the family is supposed to follow and dad found it wiser to just keep quiet. Everyone in the family has been told how to interact with her, if I'm understanding the text and phone calls correctly. That suggests the wife trys to choreograph family interactions.
Blood or not you come in my house and disrespect my family. We’re gonna have a serious problem.
And that includes the woman of my children
This guy conmunicates in an amazing way to men, you can really feel his leadership and understanding of the situation
Oh, man!! You said it!
This was really great advice. I only wish he would have commented on how important it is to greet guests and make them feel welcome in your home. There are instances when I’m busy and cannot greet our guests right away but I always try to acknowledge them as soon as I can and will even apologize for not getting to them sooner. I can’t understand people who think it’s the guests responsibility to roll out the carpet.
Especially if the guest can see they are busu and not even have the courtesy to ask how they can help.
@@sobeliever1638 - I'd never expect my guests to help, unless I ask them specifically to help me with something, and I would only do that after greeting them and making sure they feel comfortable in my home. In my humble opinion, there are few things worse than giving up your time to go visit someone who doesn't appreciate your presence. Personally, I would avoid visiting anyone who treated me that way and I don't want any of my friends or family to feel that way about me.
If you're coming to someone's house that you're related to and clearly have a relationship and they're having a big event you could come in say hello and mingle with the other guest. They shouldn't have to stop what they're doing to give you a special greeting.
@Kat smith - We'll have to agree to disagree. I try to make all my guests feel welcome and appreciated. If they've gifted me with their presence, the least I can do is be a gracious host.
@@msarieskat 100% wrong. Always treat family with courtesy and respect. Why would you ever take family for granted? If you are 'too busy' to treat every guest with respect and courtesy, then you are doing it wrong, and your priorities are messed up. You will get what you give.
My cousins on one side of the family show extreme favour towards my sister. To the point where they get jealous. I am not exciting because I am a bit quieter, 2 years younger and....my sister used to be quite hard on me.
All of a sudden, I wasn't invited to Christmas. As the only one of us who wasnt married, I felt so hurt. My sister returned from overseas....5 years I haven° Heard from them and all of a sudden....one of the cousins is interested in what I am doing....she catches up with my sister and her kids and asked my sister about me.. My sister proclaimed this to me like it was profound news. The reality is now... I have no interest, would avoid them walking down the street and have NO interest in their lives any more. I learnt to be alone quite nicely and have moved away.
I still dont really know why they didn't want me. Gooood. I dont want you either.
My husband’s father was constantly ignoring me for years. I felt better when I was able to shake it off and truly not give a damn.
Forward 40 years toward the end of father-in-laws life, I made the decision to care for him at the end of life. I wanted to give my husband and adult children the comfort knowing that he was being cared for out of respect for them. Doctors had given him 6 weeks, the old goat lasted 6 months!
❤
You're definitely a better person than me.
This is strange to see Doc 3 years ago. I can’t believe I’ve just started watching him this year. 2024.
He’s the best!!!!
But sometimes, it is best to leave the abusers behind. Why allow abuse of the spouse or children.
And when they do leave the abusers behind ie Meghan Markle and her Dad the judgers come out. How about everyone including the trolls MYOB!
I agree. For some reason families feel compelled to put up with abusive behavior. No- we don't have to do that.
After my parents got married, my maternal and paternal grandparents made it clear that they would never interfere in my parents relationship. And they never did. Everyone was friendly, loving, respectful and kind. The grandparents made it work and that made life pretty wonderful for my brothers and I.
This guy is a gem. Who cares that he texted his dad ? He is standing up for his wife - this is priceless. My Dad never did that to us with his crummy family
His father is a raging narcissist. This type of toddler behavior - silent treatments, DARVO, gaslighting, etc - are all common traits of a narcissist. It's sad but he's better off going low contact or even no contact with him (and possibly the rest of the family). I've personally lived through this and it's heartbreaking, but his behavior is unlikely to change.
Don’t know if you can absolutely draw that conclusion from only 20 minutes of interview with just one of the two parties involved…
His wife could have just as easily greeted her FIL. She rudely ignored him just as he rudely ignored her. Both acted like petty twerps.
It sounds like the wife could be a troublemaker! His parents have showed earnest Good Will with the Grandkids, but now she continues to complain about something else. Bet no matter what his parents do, she’ll never be happy! What is she getting out of complaining to her husband? Why doesn’t she act like a Good Hostess treating All well no matter her grievance towards them? Do Good towards those who may not do it to you. Make excuses in your mind for their perceived misbehaviour ex. In unspoken pain, worried about something not shared with them etc.ex. his job, health, finances etc.
@@terri6584so basically the father should be totally excused and wife totally to blame because .... Reasons. Got you.
I think I would just see the parents less and less. A little distance goes a long way.
These people are so petty. All of them. Good grief.
Calling his dad out in a family group chat? Cringe factor 1,000. Not saying its right for the father to disrespect the sons wife like that, but the son sounds like a drama queen with a capital Q
Agree, the biblical thing to do was to address the issue privately with his father.
Yes an no. Normal ppl u can talk to one on one. Then have ppl if u do that. Will run to the family 1st an make stuff up, say you threaten them, spin what u say. Some times best best say it front of ppl with witness plus if u set boundaries, other people hurt those boundaries and your parents can’t say you never told me this
@@jborrego2406absolutely, there are toxic, narcissistic and abusive families and unless you come from one you don't know how impossible it is to handle things in a functional manner.
I think he did the right thing. Dr. Delony is accusing him of something he wasn't trying to do: all he did was stand up for his wife in front of his whole family.
John offered some great varying perspectives on this. I was really impressed by the advice he gave this guy.
I've lived this exact scenerio with my MIL with respect to how I and my children were treated. However, we never had any confrontation over it because we knew it would go nowhere and only create drama. She thrived on drama! I agree with everything John said except for the mea culpa. It probably is the right thing to do under normal circumstances but with people that are already being crappy to you it just gives them power imo. In their minds they already know "you're wrong" and now you walk in and take a bow. They will kick you in the head while you're down. It's enough to just acknowledge your poor actions to yourself and work to change and move on.
It's great he stands up for his wife and kids but I get the feeling... yea.. he aint calling to apologize...
His obligation is to his wife first, family or not. You made vows to her and vice versa.
This is such an amazing call, everyone married with a family should listen to this
I perked my ears up when this guy says that his parents favor the other grand kids and "other issues with my siblings". I think wifey is constantly sending him to war with his family. They need to stay away from the rest of the family because he is going to be always caught in the middle.
Agree. It's all assumed or perceived grievances. I think everyone is getting tired of her. The big, over the top party, was a clue. She made it about her! She wasn't treated right at her baby's party. 😕
It's better if hubby swears off his family if he wants to stay with her.
@@labrigful Yes and he seems a willing party to play the game. The wife evidently noticed she is being ignored and a with smile and a greeting could have proved if she is perceiving things correctly
Thank goodness for men who stand up for their women. That is some terrible paybacks his Dad is unleashing. His dad needs to grow up.
All parties sound dramatic and petty. that's what it boils down to *shrugs* John did such a good job addressing this issue!
What bothers me is we are only hearing one side of the story. I wish this was emphasized more.
And if you get the dad saying his side, then what? You want an independent witness?
Non-abusively? He's a Baby!! Stonewalling someone in their own home is out of bounds.Stay home if you can't behave like a grown-up. It doesn't kill anyone to be polite..It's not a sign of weakness, it's a sign of character.
Something similar happened to me & i decided after being ignored, at our next meeting i would make the power move . I now go in for a friendly handshake & look someone directly in the eye & address them by name
I don’t think his dad “completely disrespected his wife”. What prevented his wife from going up to her father in law and asking him how he was doing? That is all it would take for everyone to chill and relax. If you look for problems, you will find them. If you look for solutions, you will find them as well. Everyone needs to chill and someone has to make the first move. The only thing preventing them from making the first move is PRIDE. Don’t let pride get in the way of peace.
Ya, I have a feeling there were prior issues between his parents and him/his wife, which led to his parents treating the grandkids differently (inexcusable on their part), and now there may be some resentment both ways which is why his wife didn't address his dad and vice versa. No matter what, always be cordial and never let issues between adults affect kids, no matter what. Lots of immaturity and poor communication all around it seems.
When the parents don’t like you they will treat the grandkids different. I went through this will my former in laws. The kids remember and are not close at all to their dads family. Also I have went through the disrespect in my home as well but my husband would not side with me at all so we ended up divorced. As far as speaking when you enter someone’s home you are supposed to speak first. I will never enter someone’s home as a GUEST and not speak to the host. Dad was wrong here.
“If you look for problems, you will find them.” Amen!!! Completely agree with you on this.
Spoken like someone who has never spent time and money to make a day beautiful for a child and have family come in with drama making it all about them! That’s for sure disrespectful.
@@midlifeandnailingit6342 - exactly! After years of disrespect, toxicity, and narcissistic abuse from my in laws, the final straw was them causing a huge upset on the day of our son’s 1st birthday party and making it all about them. Other than at my husband’s grandfather’s funeral, I have not spoken to or seen my MIL and FIL since. This was now 10 years ago. Thank God I have a husband who defended his own family - himself, myself and our son - and cut his abusive parents off for good. Our lives have been exponentially better for it. They were extremely emotionally abusive and manipulative towards my husband growing up and caused problems in his previous relationships before me, but of course to hear them talk, I was the problem lmao. We flat out refused to allow their psychosis to affect and influence our son. My FIL passed away from cancer a few years ago and even his own mortality didn’t wake him up. The last words my husband, his first born, heard from his father was a nasty voicemail about what horrible people we supposedly were. It is complete BS when people say you have to keep “family” in your life, “you only get one family”, blah blah blah. We have ZERO regrets about our decision. From time to time my MIL will text/email my husband trying to reconnect, but there’s always a tinge of guilt tripping, manipulation, and covert narcissism.
Wow! Two great dudes talking... lots of wisdom here in very tricky situations... thanks for sharing!
My dad for years was pouting & paranoing and if we did not acknowledge him first. If we did not bow to him. My mom left him he did not know why. THEN a med show mentioned that some heart med induced aggressivness & paranoia. He changed meds & changed totally afterwards enough so my husband and I took him to our house for his last one and a half years oflife. He was appreciative till the end . Explore this avenue
At first, i wasnt sure where he was going but i love the advice. No need to invite someone like that into your home
He probably should go to a family counselor. Sounds like this this ocean is way too wide and way too deep to be solved on a radio show.
My dad always taught me (had a very toxic relationship with my mom) to respect my mom but more so choose wisely who’s the mother to your kids bc you will have to defend them at all costs .. even against your family. So you better make sure you analyze the decision your making bc your new family always come before your immediate family.
I’m not married or anything but one thing I try to do in situations like this is just to be cordial when needed, but limiting my time around people who don’t want a connection. I’m pretty sure there’s more to this story, but there was a lot of miscommunication going on.
“Call your mom and be like..... Dude” now that’s some solid advice
Dad needs to set an example of grace and humility for the rest of the family. It’s up to him.
Anyone can offer grace & humility -- probably the most mature & the most loving ( with God's overflowing, powerful love in the Spirit, ALL things are possible...Corrie ten Boom forgave Nazi guard personally with a literal hand reaching out for hers after he asked for forgiveness; she didn't want to at first but with God speaking to & enabling her she did it. Too powerful for words! Great example of unity of [God's] family). LOOK UP HER TESTIMONY & STORY DURING WW2; inspires others to do the same😊❤🙏
Look people a mom/wife hosting a birthday party for a 1 year old who has multiple kids is inevitably distracted. They are hosting the party-but they are also trying to make that child feel special.
Mature ppl would understand this and make an effort to speak first-but if I was the mom/wife and I realize that the parents are there I’d make the effort to speak (sounds like she did once she wasn’t so distracted) BUT by then the father had began creating immature irrational thoughts/narratives (causing him to lash out).
I wish ppl were better communicators-without projecting and getting caught up in negative thoughts.
Praying they work through the trauma (from childhood and the nuclear family aspect).
Why does a 1 year old baby even need to have a birthday party? A kid that age is oblivious to what's going on. These are not parties for kids but for self-centered parents
A "one year old?"
@@TraciShirahbecause the party is used as a family get together. It's not that hard to understand. It's milestones for the child and the family
Let it go.
Just let it go.
🎶
Lolol 🤣
His dad not liking his wife is his choice. Somebody has to address the elephant in the room for there to be a chance for healing. I pray for reconciliation if possible
Geez ! What a talent to analyze pinpoint and give advice on how to handle this family situation. I already knew all this and was agreeing to everything he said I just would never had been able to explain it like you did. Excellent job.! I'm 40 years old been married 19 years 2 teenage boys, a little girl and have a great family life using those pieces of advise I didn't know I already knew. I loved that box analogy too.
I’m a middle child. Who was treated differently growing up. I had to be understanding and accommodating my whole life, it would suck to see my siblings kids get treated differently to my kids. I have learned to cut people off, you treat me in a way I don’t like or offends my husband, I bring it up with you 2 or 3 times and that’s it, bye Felicia. And I am okay with people cutting me off if I don’t show up for them in the way they like.
This was a really good call and great perspectives given. You could really tell the caller took on board and thought about this. Also nice there was enough time to go through it in some detail. I took a lot of value from this in general!
Be kind and ignore, unless it is a spoken insult. It isn't worth the drama.
8 30 am on sunday thanks so much
Ikr? I'd be unhappy for sure
Parents always have their favorites. My grandmothers favorite was my uncle who had 2 kids. For some reason, i was my grandma's favorite grandchild and my uncle got so jealous that his kids were not the center of the world because she had spoiled him rotten. It caused alot of family drama because no matter how hard my grandma tried, nothing she ever did was good enough to please him.
I had a buddy whose wife was like that. Always claiming she was being disrespected by his side of the family and he distanced himself from them for years. The years went along and he slowly saw his wife now start to complaint about her parents and her brothers and sisters until her side of the family didn’t speak to her. You tell me, whose fault was it?
Are you by chance talking about Harry and Meghan?
@@keanumoore no, it was an actual friend of mine. He ended up divorcing her.
@@razio1096😢 My brother is in that situation. As far as I know, they are still together, but they continue to cut people out. Soon, none of us will have contact. 😢
@@keanumooreare you piers Morgan?
I have exactly this type of Dad. He is a pouter to an extreme degree. We only get along for maybe a week, and then we don't speak for a year at a time. There's really nothing you can do about it, unless you just want to betray your own self and walk on eggshells and choose every word you say super carefully.