Yes at the beginning of my relationship and I addressed it and he corrected it. Never faultered again on messaging. However we did end up in the avoidant/anxious trap as his behaviours eventually triggered anxiety as the years passed and when I eventually realised things were off track and was about to address it he blindsided me. So it works...sometimes but you have to be prepared for them to bolt unfortunately. We were back in touch but communication is harder now and no one is speaking 😅..how can I find out if he wants to talk to me or if he was just people pleasing/being polite when he recently replied to my reconnection and we had a short back and forth. He was fast and responsive sharing his year with me, but closed communication making it hard to keep things going. I don't want to push a conversation that isn't wanted but he does reply when I message....confusing.
@@Growwithgrace101truth be told you have to make a decision, you either stay in this unfortunate confusion or you go and live your life knowing that while you do care about him, unfortunately he just isn't your person. If he still doesn't value who you are after so long, the odds of him suddenly "doing the work" and recognizing who you are and the value you bring especially if he is still responding the way he does, says it all. Someone who truly cares for you will not continue to hurt you in that manner and will realize this and make a change at some point for themselves to ensure you can continue to stay in their lives. If they are not willing to make any changes and still remain the same, unfortunately it may be time to let them go because if you stay you are only hurting yourself in the end.
@@Eddybo22 very wise.. I agree. He will get a Happy Xmas but it is my last message and his final opportunity. I am going into 2025 free knowing I did all the right things, gave myself and him every possibility.
@@Growwithgrace101 that's all you can do. I wish you all the best and great healing and better opportunities in the new year ahead. Merry Christmas and a blessed new year to you as well when the time comes. #PositiveVibes
A thought that's going through my brain: It's not about perfectly agreeing with your partner so much as it is about understanding how what you say (or don't say) translates itself from the avoidant's language to the anxious's language, and vice versa. If I want to be connected with someone (dating, friendship, whatever), I'm taking on the responsibility to understand how to speak their language. Personally, I'd hardly notice if a week went by and my (non-existent hypothetical) partner didn't text me. But if this (non-existent hypothetical) partner would translate that as abandonment, then that's something I now WANT to accommodate. And of course, I have my own list of "asks" too :)
Hi, can you also make videos like this but for business like when it comes to business relationships and setting boundaries and how to talk to people like for example if you have an attorney or you have a surface that’s doing your roof and you need to be firm, how you speak
Er no what's needed is for avoidant partners to get professional help so they can recognise their own toxic behaviors and stop making relationships damn near impossible to have with them. Moral of the story seek HELP not expect the non avoidant partners to learn strategies to cope with your BS. Fix your own BS and learn to be a decent partner to the non avoidant.
Been there, just in the opposite way. I spent an entire WEEK with an anxious ex and she decided she wanted to spend the day with friends. I was really happy because I was on vacation and I wanted to try a Judo class, but she kept wanting to hang out ALL day long. When she left, I went to the gym, caught up on my reading, and later went to that Judo class. She came back home right when Judo was about to start and wanted to "hang out" again. I told her I was getting ready for class and she wanted me to drive back into town to meet her. I told her that we had doesn't the last week together and that I needed some "me time." She yelled and screamed telling me that I had better call her when class was over because we were "hanging out that night." After class, she started blowing up my phone and I was so angry I just kept talking to the guys in the locker room for another 30 minutes. I told her I was tired and going home. That was the beginning of the end of our relationship. 🤷🏿♂️
This sounds really stressful to me You would have needed some understanding and consideration in that situation? Also appreciation for the time you already spent together?
@Arasarcan it was VERY stressful. Any time I took on a new project, her question was, "what about me?" She essentially didn't want me to have a life outside of her.
@@sifublack192 Oh no; it sounds like she was really afraid 😕 I had a similar situation once and at some point I felt really helpless and clueless what to do, because I wanted to help her, but the things she wanted me to do have not been things that I wanted to do. How about you?
@@Arasarcan I've found that APs have an expectation that you have nothing outside of them. They often assume the WORST and complain when you want to spend time on your hobbies and interests. I tried in the beginning but after my most recent ex, I run for the hills as soon as I see the signs.
@@ParisianStreets That easy because the DA have a chronic victim mentality that in any situation that they cause they are somehow the victim and the problem is the non avoidant, DA's very rarely take accountability for their own actions and pain they cause and often if they do apologise or admit fault it's just to placate you in the moment to stop you talking about their wrong behavior, it's just a manipulation tactic to get you to "shut up" so they don't have reflect internally about their own faults.
Who's been in this situation? How did you handle it? 🤔
Yes at the beginning of my relationship and I addressed it and he corrected it. Never faultered again on messaging.
However we did end up in the avoidant/anxious trap as his behaviours eventually triggered anxiety as the years passed and when I eventually realised things were off track and was about to address it he blindsided me. So it works...sometimes but you have to be prepared for them to bolt unfortunately.
We were back in touch but communication is harder now and no one is speaking 😅..how can I find out if he wants to talk to me or if he was just people pleasing/being polite when he recently replied to my reconnection and we had a short back and forth. He was fast and responsive sharing his year with me, but closed communication making it hard to keep things going. I don't want to push a conversation that isn't wanted but he does reply when I message....confusing.
@@Growwithgrace101truth be told you have to make a decision, you either stay in this unfortunate confusion or you go and live your life knowing that while you do care about him, unfortunately he just isn't your person.
If he still doesn't value who you are after so long, the odds of him suddenly "doing the work" and recognizing who you are and the value you bring especially if he is still responding the way he does, says it all.
Someone who truly cares for you will not continue to hurt you in that manner and will realize this and make a change at some point for themselves to ensure you can continue to stay in their lives. If they are not willing to make any changes and still remain the same, unfortunately it may be time to let them go because if you stay you are only hurting yourself in the end.
@@Eddybo22 very wise..
I agree. He will get a Happy Xmas but it is my last message and his final opportunity. I am going into 2025 free knowing I did all the right things, gave myself and him every possibility.
@@Growwithgrace101 that's all you can do. I wish you all the best and great healing and better opportunities in the new year ahead. Merry Christmas and a blessed new year to you as well when the time comes. #PositiveVibes
@Eddybo22 nice once! You too...life is blessed 🙏
Lol isn't that the goddamn truth! You know what I'm not sure I can do any longer? Hot cold hot cold hot cold
Damn! I intuitively tried to do it like this, but you found the perfect words in addition to it. So inspiring
Tried that and I was brutally rejected.
Good. Why would u want to be with someone who can’t respect your boundaries
@ that’s a very good question
So they opted out..
@@KC65 yup
Excellant reply to a DA. Thank you.
A thought that's going through my brain: It's not about perfectly agreeing with your partner so much as it is about understanding how what you say (or don't say) translates itself from the avoidant's language to the anxious's language, and vice versa. If I want to be connected with someone (dating, friendship, whatever), I'm taking on the responsibility to understand how to speak their language.
Personally, I'd hardly notice if a week went by and my (non-existent hypothetical) partner didn't text me. But if this (non-existent hypothetical) partner would translate that as abandonment, then that's something I now WANT to accommodate.
And of course, I have my own list of "asks" too :)
you are being held ACCOUNTABLE
Nope, wanna learn not to even meet that guy again 😂
You look beautiful Briana. That was quick and clear. Great content.
Hi, can you also make videos like this but for business like when it comes to business relationships and setting boundaries and how to talk to people like for example if you have an attorney or you have a surface that’s doing your roof and you need to be firm, how you speak
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
Oh my god, this describes me so bad
The no explanations!
Er no what's needed is for avoidant partners to get professional help so they can recognise their own toxic behaviors and stop making relationships damn near impossible to have with them.
Moral of the story seek HELP not expect the non avoidant partners to learn strategies to cope with your BS. Fix your own BS and learn to be a decent partner to the non avoidant.
I agree with you there.
Perfectly said @@Eddybo22
Been there, just in the opposite way. I spent an entire WEEK with an anxious ex and she decided she wanted to spend the day with friends. I was really happy because I was on vacation and I wanted to try a Judo class, but she kept wanting to hang out ALL day long. When she left, I went to the gym, caught up on my reading, and later went to that Judo class.
She came back home right when Judo was about to start and wanted to "hang out" again. I told her I was getting ready for class and she wanted me to drive back into town to meet her. I told her that we had doesn't the last week together and that I needed some "me time." She yelled and screamed telling me that I had better call her when class was over because we were "hanging out that night." After class, she started blowing up my phone and I was so angry I just kept talking to the guys in the locker room for another 30 minutes. I told her I was tired and going home. That was the beginning of the end of our relationship. 🤷🏿♂️
This sounds really stressful to me
You would have needed some understanding and consideration in that situation?
Also appreciation for the time you already spent together?
@Arasarcan it was VERY stressful. Any time I took on a new project, her question was, "what about me?" She essentially didn't want me to have a life outside of her.
@@sifublack192
Oh no; it sounds like she was really afraid 😕
I had a similar situation once and at some point I felt really helpless and clueless what to do, because I wanted to help her, but the things she wanted me to do have not been things that I wanted to do.
How about you?
@@Arasarcan I've found that APs have an expectation that you have nothing outside of them. They often assume the WORST and complain when you want to spend time on your hobbies and interests. I tried in the beginning but after my most recent ex, I run for the hills as soon as I see the signs.
@@sifublack192 So, you found a way to protect yourself, right?
When you 'run for the hills'... do you tell them?
Why is the AP being the sacrificial lamb here? DA are the ones who really need to open their mouths.
@@ParisianStreets That easy because the DA have a chronic victim mentality that in any situation that they cause they are somehow the victim and the problem is the non avoidant, DA's very rarely take accountability for their own actions and pain they cause and often if they do apologise or admit fault it's just to placate you in the moment to stop you talking about their wrong behavior, it's just a manipulation tactic to get you to "shut up" so they don't have reflect internally about their own faults.