I took an online personality test this morning. According to the test I'm 61% Schizoid 50% Avoidant. 44% Schoizotypal. 36% Borderline 32% Paranoid. 22% OCD 17% Nasisistic 16% Dependant. 13% Histrionic 7% Anti Social.
I took an online personality test this morning. According to the test I'm 61% Schizoid 50% Avoidant. 44% Schoizotypal. 36% Borderline 32% Paranoid. 22% OCD 17% Nasisistic 16% Dependant. 13% Histrionic 7% Anti Social.
Thank you for making this video. I got 5-6 out of these 7. I've been struggling for years trying to pinpoint why I'm so different from others. Doing things said to boost confidence without knowing what I'm dealing with. I'll reach out for help after quarantine.
Hello Dr Tracy can one person be both avoidant and clingy because I'm usually avoidant but when someone ignores me multiple times I feel a strong urge to ask them what happened and cling to them though I don't do it. But it occupies all my attention and mind.
Having APD is like dying in slow motion. You just watch all these years go by, one after another, as you unwillingly stay alone and sabotage your relationship potential with others.
Yep, it's like standing stationary on a train station platform, and just watching the trains of life pass you by, year after year, but you are too terrified to ever get into any of the trains.
My people! Let's get so sick of it, get some kind of kick in the ass or motivation and figured out our strengths and weaknesses and just do the damn work to strengthen them and not stress we can't do it all
@@triffid68 no im sorry if it came off wrong, just saying i know I have work to do and I get hard on myself for preferring being alone and not be willing to get out there and be comfortable. Oh I had to look that up and I think I was growing up, didn't mean to spread it
@@triffid68 meant no harm, I gotta speak my mind though. We had a l misunderstanding but you also pointed out something I missed, our conversation gave outside insight
There is another aspect to this avoidance syndrome. Avoiding others because you can't protect your boundaries and allow others to overwhelm you with their demands or dominance of the interaction. You can't say no directly, so you avoid the social interaction completely as a way to protect your boundary and end up feeling lonely, but safe from overwhelm.
Yes... true... and at other times, it is because it is you who is so in desperate need to be seen that you don't know how to keep healthy boundaries... and you prefer to stay alone not to cling to anyone.
I'm near 40 and contemplating how I've let my life pass me by. I've driven true friendships away by ghosting people I've known for years. One social misstep and I sink to a well of doubt and insecurity. I avoid intimacy but crave it all the same. I've always considered myself an introvert but avoidant personality describes me to a tee.
@@SevenCostanza I burn so many bridges, it's crazy. I am down to one friend. I cut off all contact with family (siblings) over a decade ago. It is next to impossible for me to heal a relationship when something goes wrong. I am pretty much through with people when that happens. Intellectually, I know it's not healthy to be so isolated, but at the same time, it's hard to form relationships when you know at some point, down the road it is going to blow up.
@@snu3877 it's just blows up cuz of us though . Like it's probably not a big deal for most people. We can't let go off things. Maybe we should find friend like each other on this comment section.
I realised I was really different when COVID hit and we went into quarantine mode... Never in my life have I felt more at peace or content as I did back then. People complained everyday about not interacting, hanging out, so I thought wow I really am wired differently. I feel so out of place anywhere I go, hanging out with friends drains me completely, I can't open up in relationships, but most of all, I hate meeting new people. Talking about myself, going through the judgmental beginnings, "am I good enough for them?"... Hate it all. It makes me feel so weak and inadequate. That's why I keep to myself, but it gets very lonely I'm not gonna lie.
Same. The COVID quarantine was the best thing to happen in my life. I didn't have to go to the office. I could get my groceries delivered. I didn't HAVE to leave the house. It was so awesome. Yes life is lonely, but the alternative is not appealing to me AT ALL. I'm 48 yrs old and know I will be alone the rest of life. I've accepted it because I just do not like being around people. Never have, never will. People are always wanting to get to know me and it drives me nuts. I'm boring. I don't have ANY interests in anything. At all. It just reminds me how much I suck. I just want to be left alone to wallow in my sorrow and shame. I hope for death every single day. The day I die will be the happiest day of my life. I will finally be at real peace. Can not wait.
All my life I thougt I am the only one. Can it be cured somehow? I don't want to be alone all the time. I want to have a wife and kids, live a normal life.
The worst part of it is that you never tell about it to anybody cause you'd have to confront you biggest fear, so you just give up and nobody notices because they already perceive you as a cold, distant, antisocial and unpleasant person. They eventually start to avoid you too
Another worst part of it is no one will understand it and think you're literally crazy because they can't wrap their minds around it. I have ADHD and I don't know whether it's a factor but it's difficult for me to find the words to explain things properly as quickly as people want to hear it. Overcoming fear is straightforward even if it's extremely difficult. But the real hell is that you cannot change people. Human nature is what it is.
I've been banging my head against this wall for decades. To those of you who are young, I hope you have better luck than I did, because it ruins your life.
“Most people with avoidant personality order are deeply lonely” Very true. As an avoidant person, the thing it has taken me a lifetime to understand is: the more I am around people (colleagues, acquaintances & even family) the more lonely I feel. Conversely the more alone I can be, the less lonely I feel.
pete howard I think this kind of describes me. I’m 72 and have pretty much felt like an avoidant for most of my life. But...thing is...I’m never lonely. I have two cats. Helped raise all my grandkids and raised my own girls alone. I can pretend tho. I’m funny, witty, amusing and oftentimes, I make myself laugh...if I say or do something funny. I’m just a loner I think. I enjoy solitude and peace. Have some immune issues and chronic fatigue too. But...definitely....this kinda sounds like me....but I’m not ever lonely. 🤷🏼♀️
6ugust and Chris Emerson I wish you both the very best that life has to offer. Keep tending to your well-being & stay focussed on going for what you both want for your lives 🙏🏾
Covid simply validated the fact that my 'normal' was no different to being in a lockdown... Nothing changed. It was lovely i felt like i fitted in lol!!
I watched this because my boyfriend in retrospect clearly suffered from avoidant personality, long story short he died by suicide 17 years ago, mental health was not as accessible as it is now, to even begin to understand what he was going through at the time. After his death I talked to people he went to school with, extended family members, coworkers, and found out all this stuff about him I never knew, like putting together a puzzle, no one knew everything, no one was close to him, I was the closest and even then he kept me at arms length, but as I began to piece all of him together, the things that I would imagine he was ashamed of, or that he thought reflected badly on him...I had such empathy for, and felt so defensive of him, so the funny thing is, the more I found out about who he really truly was, the more I loved him, and I already loved him, so knowing his pain and the things he was burdened with, it just made him more real, and human, and never did I judge him or think badly of him, or less of him. This is just to say, the things you want to keep away are the things that make you loveable, just human stuff that everyone experiences, you deserve love. You are worthy.
@@blkbrdmntrvimes6438 you know if your judgment is that this is a good caring person, then it’s worth making yourself vulnerable, I think, quite humbly, that falling in love is actually that really exciting and intense thing that happens when two people are incredibly interested in getting to know the other person deeply, like you can think someone’s really hot, but if your relationship never goes past the surface, you’re never going to love them, or feel loved by them. And then the opposite is true you meet somebody they’re nice but you don’t think they’re hot, but then the more you get to know them, the more you crave knowing about them, you keep getting closer and closer to knowing these fundamental things that you find are so similar to your own fundamental things, and then boom you’re in love... this was a long drawn out answer to say no one should go exposing their deepest darkest secrets to just anybody, there are a lot of jerks out there, but when you find somebody that you connect with, you should be willing to at least try to go a little bit deeper, and a little bit deeper, And then deeper, you got to challenge yourself past those points where you start to feel like shit I’ve revealed too much, now this person will never understand me or care about me, because the chances are they will. This was a long reply, I’m still in most mostly isolation for the pandemic, so humor me
@@alv134mommy no worries I agree with a lot if what's written here. It's hard for me to hope like that because it's a big damn hope. Haven't messed with big hope in a long time. I still hope just for smaller things, things that seem capable of happening. I can't be sure if my judgements are any good because my track record being absolutely drek. Last 3 attempts unintentionally creeped them all out , and in turn went silent and straightened out any problems and phased me out quickly and quietly and leaving me feeling foolish. In the past I was vulnerable still am in many ways, just lost any ability that I was flirting or acknowledge it in anyone else unless it's aimed at someone else . Couldn't tell I was being hit on aggressively until I had officially blew it and she focused on my co-worker. Also have a solid way 5o.make money Sort of good luck chuck just w/o sex I show interest they're married 3 weeks later and blissfully happy . I'm happy for them just curious why my suffering seems to grant them happiness. Have a great day
@@blkbrdmntrvimes6438 that is some bad luck, I will grant you that, but i don’t think I would want to marry someone after 3 weeks or you know a short period of time, so I’m thinking you dodged a few bullets there, and don’t get me started on an anti marriage rant...but you know the things I found out about my boyfriend were embarrassing and humiliating and I know must have been torturing him, would I have been scared off if he shared those things 3 weeks in...im not perfect so maybe? But you know somewhere within our 7 year relationship it might have been good for him to have shared with me...because you know, obviously. So that is just your judgement call, but I do think being careful at first is good, normal, appropriate so I don’t think you did anything wrong you know...obviously I do not know these people but you wouldn’t want to be in a marriage of obligation or meeting expectations TRUST ME, there is nothing lonelier than that! I have never been in love again since my boyfriend that died, and although I do keep mostly to myself and I am married, so that might be why, I also have never encountered someone I felt that drawn to, curious about, in sync with...so I think real love is not common, like it just doesn’t happen every day, which sucks when you long for it but also that’s what makes it so amazing, right, it doesn’t just happen all the time. But being yourself and pursuing your own personal interests and passions, I think being the you that you want to be will bring you into contact with people that you can truly connect to, I mean that goes for everyone...like what are the odds someone you work with is someone you can have a deep connection with? Like it’s possible but you know if you work in an office or something, it’s unlikely...at least that is my opinion based on my highly limited perspective!
@@alv134mommy agree completely I feel I didn't explain the glcns properly not that they're actually married across the board but the chemistry between them is palpable. the few I've tried to date, let alone talk to, couldn't be bothered for either of the 2 things I ask for. 1. An honest chance. 2. An honest reason why not. The second one is so I don't keep making the big mistakes . Truly I'm sorry for your loss wouldn't wish that on most of my enemies.
I have suffered from APD for around 15 years now and have wasted most of my 20s due to it. As I near 30 years old I have finally had the determination to start changing things. Start small, I’ve been focusing on myself with nutrition/exercise and now I am in the best shape of my life. Also been trying to learn more practical and useful skills. By taking care of myself and trying to increase my knowledge I have been slowly improving my confidence in myself and my warped self image. I still haven’t become a social butterfly or anything, but I can definitely tell I’m more confident in conversation. Hopefully I will be able to start dating soon as that is one of the one areas in life that I have been too afraid to dip my toes into because of an intense fear of rejection. I say all this to give you some hope, the worst thing you can do is nothing! I wasted so much time hiding myself from the world, but sometimes all you need is to shift your mindset. If I can do it so can you!
I do try changing the lifestyle. I have depression abd get suicidal thoughts. I would try changing things, had talked to a friends of friend to join gym with me, he's out of reach now and now I'm so shy or have anxiety to join alone. I too want to date someone and for that I've to get better first also my exams never leave me alone. Due to high stress I failed 3 years. I hope I don't end my life and live and keep my hopes alive.
@@Ish392s First of all I just want to tell you that your life is worth living. Even if you feels like all hope is lost there is always something you can do. Like I said you really just need to focus on what you can do. There are so many things in life that are actually out of our control, but a lot of us still blame ourselves when those things go wrong. For me it helped to find the small things that I did have control over. I stopped wasting all my time watching UA-cam or playing video games. I still do those things in my down time but previously before I got a job that was basically all I did everyday for years to avoid my anxieties, and I almost failed out of college because I almost never went to class. Fitness and nutrition are great hobbies to keep you occupied with healthy habits! I’m convinced that fixing my diet and exercising cured half of my anxiety issues, so much of our emotions and mood are affected by what we put in our bodies. Overall this may not be that helpful but basically I’m trying to say that we can change, and the most important thing for us to change is our mindset. We get caged in with our thoughts and it becomes a vicious downward spiral. I’m not sure exactly what it was for me that flipped the switch but I was able to start changing my mindset and I know you can too!
This is me. This is so me. I'm pushing 50 and I have never been in a relationship. I have few friends, hate crowds, terrified of being awkward or silent around people. Quarantine has been the best/worst.
The best way I've been able to describe it is that everything feels like reaching for an electric fence. If you've touched one before, especially more than once, you develop a real, physiological resistance to touching that wire. Even when you *know* that it's turned off, you still resist touching it. And if you don't know if it's on or off, you definitely don't. And all interactions are like not knowing if that fence is on or off...
What a brilliant metaphor, YJ Barke! I would also add, that if someone has been zapped by enough electric fences, a person can then develop PTSD to ALL fences.
That's what I don't get. So, to have APD you have cognitive distortions, but what if the thoughts aren't distortions? Haven't most people with APD been genuinely hurt? Who wants to sign up for more pain?
TJ Barke- That is true for absolutely everyone. I have been viscerally hurt by people but I NEVER want to have a closed heart and stop reaching out. That only hurts me more. It is not my or your fault that some people hurtful and even harmful to you. I'm reaching out right now and, 7 months ago, so did you. This counts as well and I think these sites are a good way to find common ground with people in a really good way. Both my brother and daughter have paralysing social anxiety. For him, if he comes out for a brief walk with me, it's a big deal and I do appreciate that. For her, she stays open to trying with people and I respect that but it also breaks my heart when things go wrong. Many avoidant people are extremely perceptive and sensitive (like she is) and can 'read' a room and the atmosphere in a split second. As a young child she used to walk into pre-school, suss out the room and find the place she found the least drama or conflict. She never jumped into the deep end with people first thing. Her teacher told us that was a very unique quality in a child and a very good one,too. I mean we really didn't worry she'd ever wander off with a stranger like her extraverted brother. We had to watch him constantly. He'd chat with Satan if he came along. I hope you are well. Keep in touch if you want a friend. I like the way you describe the feeling. It helps me know my beloved brother and daughter better and better ways to help them be comfortable. So, look, you did good in the world!
Your not the only one. you will see that many of us feel the same way. just think'. you still can go and try over and over if you want by practice sooner or later you may have more confidence in your self knowing.
Michael H same here. I drink alcohol to get out of my shell. But still feel lonely in a crowded room. I think it's something suppressed from my childhood . ❤️ to you,I wish you well xo
@@crystalgrose I've been agoraphobia for over a decade because I'm so fearful of others judgement. However l've been with my husband for 25 years, l still find it very, very hard emtionally and almost impossible to trust him 100%. Many of the issues mentioned means that l keep him at a distance too. I also find the whole concept of 'love' impossible to understand. It's a nightmare and l hate I'm so scared to go out. I'm in my forties now and look back to see it's always been there. l would encourage everyone to search for professional help early in life, don't carry on suffering alone with what is a huge burden to a person's soul.
I didn't know this was a disorder. I've missed out on my 20s because I walked away from society. I didn't know this was an actual issue that other people dealt with
To be in relationship with an avoidant partner is torture. They just don't care about your feelings and will always hurt you. Leave to relationship as soon as possible, they don't change. They will never be a loving partner for you, even if they love bomb you in the beginning.
@HITZONE86 Aw, thank you! But, honestly, I haven't created anything, yet (except in my head!)..and I don't create "beats". I'm an aspiring singer/songwriter. I'm assuming "beats" refer to rap music, which isn't my thing..but thank you, just the same. 🙂♥️
To those of you who say you love being like this and are an introvert, that's fine. I used to say that until I realized I didn't really want to be like this. I chose to be like this because of anxiety I have around others most of my life. I was always in my head and correcting or shaming myself. So because of the work it takes to socialize, I hid behind the "introvert" label. But deep down I was really, really lonely and longed for connection. I just didn't think I was capable of it and I always focused on the negative things about others. As a result, I never had many close friends. Just acquaintances. I think it's important to differentiate between a happy introvert and practicing avoidance based on anxiety. There are some people who function as an introvert and still have balance, love and happiness. That wasn't me. I was an introvert but was always anxious around people and had a negative view of most people. To me, that's not OK and I had to realize my inner self talk was what was keeping me in social prison. We need to stop chalking everything up to being an introvert. For some, that's all it is. But if you have a negative view of most people, suffer from anxiety and depression, constant self doubt in social situations, and have a negative inner dialogue about yourself..... something else is going on you might want to address. My guess is you've had a long-standing inner dialogue that is defeating you and so you choose to be alone. It's become so habitual that you have convinced yourself it's your normal. I was a people pleaser since birth, so I was always putting people's needs in front of my own. So I was suffocating and found myself in boring conversations and activities I didn't want to be in. I bought the book "Not Nice" by Aziz Gazipura and I started to learn how my "niceness" and inauthenticity around others kept me in prison because I felt controlled by everyone's opinions of me. People drained me because I allowed them and didn't know how to assert myself and attract the right people who are a natural fit. All I'm saying is we are all different, and it's important to really understand if your "normal" is what really makes you happy or if that's what you chose based on feeling anxious, self conscious, etc. And in reality you really want to learn to connect. I was the latter but had convinced myself for years I was happy by myself because people suck. But it's not that people suck. Yes, some do but not all. I was just attracting the wrong people based on how I felt about myself and my inability to speak up and be myself. Once I realized that, I started being conscious of how I sabotage myself with inner dialogue. When you do that, you start attracting different energy and people into your life. It takes time but it starts with awareness and honesty with who YOU really are. It's ok to be an introvert, but if you are deep down truly unfulfilled and have negative thoughts and energy.... you may have just convinced yourself this lie for so long, you believe it's the truth.
Wow, that description sounds a lot like myself. I've wasted so much time wondering and being paralyzed by what others think. It's good to know there are others who have the same problem.
@@alanhowitzer Yep! I am a full grown adult and realized how many years this has sabotaged my life. I hope others can realize it at a much younger age than I did. It literally would have changed the trajectory of my life from the job I chose, friends, etc. It was time for me to stop hiding behind the introvert label and realize I was just afraid of not being liked so I kept to myself.
@@quickpstuts412 I feel exactly the same. In my early twenties I suffered depression and eventhough I knew seeking help from a therapist was the correct thing to do, I didn't. I self medicated (by spiritual means) and thank goodness I got to recover. However, if I had gone for professional help then, my life choices would've been so different and I wouldn't have been in the binds I lived through most of my adult life. I urge young people to get help. Don't let life pass you by.
@ Quick Ps Tuts, Where are you located? I'm in MICHIGAN! I know you said alot already, but pls help me further. If you could somehow take me thru the journey you went thru, I would so appreciate it. I am everything you decribed and I want it all to stop. I want to live and not just exist. Pls HELP ME!!!
@@jilliandavis5691 I'm in Texas. Definitely get the book I recommended called Not Nice. I got it on Amazon. If the description in the book fits you and you are a people pleaser/always caring what people think then this is the book for you. Of course everyone has different reasons why they are the way that they are. So I'm not sure if that's the same for you. But if you are constantly caring what others think and you are uncomfortable in social situations, find yourself agreeing to everything, caring what people think... this book will guide you. Good luck!
People with avpd are actually avoiding their true self, they're hiding so well their truth because of childhood trauma. Later in life that's why they have problems with relationships, cause it's a self sabotage
My sister has this disorder. I've been educating myself to figure out what she is going through. Your video is the best one by far on this disorder in explaining it to me. Thank you!
I love seeing comments like yours because it tells me there are still people who are caring for others, not only self. It actually even makes me a little emotional as I would like to have such a sibling
Living in a dysfunctional society is the reason why others including myself are avoidant. Society is chaotic and seems it was designed that way on purpose and I am not crazy if I decide I dont want to be apart of it. I separated myself simply because I cant handle the lies and fakeness of life.
I've always seen others who still take part in society as brainwashed and just unaware. Maybe they don't care and use this to their advantage. Who knows. I care about people I am close to but I certainly don't just open up to new people irl. Much easier to talk for a bit online then open up.
Honestly, you haven’t found your community yet. So many people are not fake and are very real. This could be your brains way of justifying your avoidance.
I’ve never once heard a description of a disorder that resonated so well. I’ve always felt on the outside of friend groups, and when I tried to push myself to be more engaged, I would always feel so judged and perceived. I’ve had stomach problems my whole life related to anxiety and I’ve tried just relaxing, but I always feel like I have to be on edge, like a rabbit sensing whether there is a predator around, I’m not kidding. And I always feel like I want to be friends with people and have fun, but any time I’m actually there at a gathering, it feels so wrong, like I’m not meant to be there, and I have to think about everything I do or say because I’m worried someone will judge me or think I did something wrong. And even if I am doing that, constantly going over what I’m doing, there is always something that happens that I go over in my mind a hundred times after and when I get home because it wasn’t EXACTLY what I wanted to do/say in the moment. I feel lonely but simultaneously at ease when people leave me alone and don’t force me to talk or do things. I’m constantly at battle with myself on what I think will happen versus what actually happens. It’s exhausting, and it never happens when I’m home alone. I also have a HUGE problem with rejection sensitivity, even if there is no reason for anyone to be rejecting me, I have such a huge fear of people disproving me for my choices, anytime someone asks me about my life, like university, future jobs, interests, relationships, anything that makes me different from other people in some way, I start tearing up, everyone always assumes it’s because I’m sad about what I’m talking about, but truthfully it’s because I’m beyond terrified of that person I’m talking to, to say ANYTHING at all. Literally anything, positive or negative, because then they would be acknowledging me and my choice, good or bad, but the attention is on me and that is the worst part.
I can relate to this. For me it's just that I find myself extremely uninteresting as a person, that I always try to avoid talking about myself at any costs. Never had a really really close friend tbh... I liked a girl once (who I met in a online community) but she also had serious problems herself and was suicidal. She also liked another guy (who also had many problems), but I and her used to be very emotionally close as well. However, eventually she got kinda angry at me for not talking to her frequently, as I most times didn't have interesting topics to talk about, because my life is just sooo boring. Eventually we stopped talking to eachother and since then I have been extremely afraid of getting too close of people again (I also suffered a lot of bullying back in school).
Teared up a bit. I am feeling you a 100%. I have friends, many i would say, but the longer i have them the more weird i feel. They always seem like a group and i am the add-on. Like i am not fitting in.
Facts and when i do speak it always seems to be the wrong thing and i get reprimanded. Even if my intention was to be friendly. Sh*t makes u give up hope.
I got over it somewhat by forcing myself. I became an English as a foreign language teacher. I now give classes to 30 or more uni students at a time. Strangely, this is now easy, but social situations are still hard.
maybe you're assuming what you're feeling is what the other person is experiencing too, and that's not the case. so what may in actuality be a little awkward to them (and that can even be attractive, i.e., shyness/nervousness) may feel to you like horrible awkwardness that you're projecting onto others in the situation. it's important, i think, to differentiate your experience of an interaction from others' experiences of the same interaction. i speak as one who's been involved intimately (over and over again it seems!) with avoidant personality types, i think, perhaps b/c my mother was avoidant and i am very empathetic and know not to push.
I dropped out of High School because I felt like such a weirdo. My class was like 30 people and not many girls. It was pretty shitty and made me wanna drop out of school. So, it is pretty close---but, not sure. I even dropped out
@@Mor2gain_760 medication definitely helps the fallout(depression, anxiety) from personality disorders though. I’m definitely pro-medication when it comes to mental disorders period
@@billsimms2511 Many people with personality disorders find that they do not works but for a short high & only alter your thoughts & sleep & mental abilities & not in beneficial ways... Those are the people who hate mediation for the most part... I was on it for years, but it does not fix though patterns, I personality believe mediation is an expensive, yet easy way to neglect the real issues... If someone was being hit in the head everyday, by say... a low hanging lamp in their home and they just take headache mediation... How does that help ? How does that make sense ? I can identify with this metaphor because of the home entertainment I grew up in... I was the only one who was being put in counseling, when we all needed "therapy".... mediation will not help a situation & will not help thought patterns & processing... The side effects are often worse than the treatment... many people go down the path of finding the right mediation instead of the right ways to process their thinking or changing their situation... And for those who are suicidal, mediation in the home can easily open that option up easier and faster... Anyhow, everyone has their own opinions & I just don*t believe in mediation unless it is the only or last resort to get someone thinking better... bit it is still the "easy" way out & causes the wrong search for healing... In my opinion & experience...
@@Mor2gain_760 thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I am glad I found someone think the same way as me. I am the kind of person who, despite of some mental issues, will avoid medication or drug at all costs. Maybe because of the fear of new activities in the 7th trait mentioned above. Instead, 3 yrs ago, I chose practicing martial arts, even though It costs a lot, I believe it's more beneficial and less harm in the long run. And I am thankful I did. I still have negative thought pattern sometimes (like now, that's why i search for these youtube videos), even suicidal thoughts, but it's easier to control and bounce back since I built resilience. I never thought about seeing psychiatrist, but I am planning to do counseling soon, hopefully it could help me with managing the distorted belief about myself better. Thanks again for your perspective.
I am 65 years old, and suffered from this most of my life....I am functional now, but I was kidnapped as a boy, and never trusted people after that....still struggle, but force my way through it...my wife and grown kids understand, and gently guide me back into society . And for the most part, have survived it...
The label is a general catagorization of clustered symptoms. A rule of thumb is: If a person can identify with 3 or more symptoms w/in a general category, then they should do more investigation to see if the lable fits. One may not suffer from ALL of the but a mixture of complexities depending on the person.(example: avoidance disorder) The severity of ea. symptom may range from low to high. Only a professional skilled doctor can diagnose you. I hope this was helpful. ✌&💚& Blossom🌹.
Right?! I laughed and cried at that one. I can't even picture myself asking my best friend to help me work through negative thoughts. I didn't even know it was a "normal" thing to discuss your feelings with others until a few years ago (and I'm middle aged). That just sounds so awkward and uncomfortable. I don't think I would even be able to look her in the eye again if I did that. 👀👀
My father's wake was full of family members I hadn't seen in years. As soon as I walked into the room everybody was excited to see me and called my name. I was so uncomfortable that I ignored everybody and was standoffish. My aunt noticed my struggle to speak to people,and came over and grabbed me under my arms and walked me around the room like I was a puppet to speak with everybody. It was so embarrassing and uncomfortable. I'm alone everyday and make a special effort to keep most people at a distance.
Oh gosh i relate to this too well. I hate to say it this way but i dislike going to family functions or most types of gatherings for this reason. Not being acknowledged is just so much easier to live with than being forced to worry about what someone else thinks of me all the time. 😮💨
I spent Thanksgiving at my aunt and uncle's house reading about lobotomy. On the phone the whole time. My mom and aunt finally peeled me away to play a hand of cards. It was frightening.
There are so many like minded people here. If we had to socialize with each other we'd probably be fine! It's tricky finding people who get you. How about an Avoidant Personality support group? Could be a game changer.
I’ve always had this belief that I have to master something before I do it with others because I could fail. This has always held me back from gaining new skills.
But wait... You still can gain new skills unless it's a team game. But... There are some activities that requires another person. But you can still be prepared. Proper preparation prevents poor performance.
Insight is the biggest hurdle. Now that you jumped pass that here is the the last one: accept that failure is another way to learn. It doesn't mean that you're diminished by others.
I'm diagnosed with Avoident personality disorder and I actually don't think people suck. The hard thing is if I worry about work or paying bills I start avoiding everything in my life and isolate myself in my apartment. It's a scary disorder that also makes me question who I truly am since I'm constantly trying to please others rather then being honest with myself.
You just a coward, you run away, because you are scared, but you frame it like beeing stronger than others. you just a baby. Grow up and show responsibility. You can change if you accept that you have a problem.
I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder ten years ago, but what I found is that I am deeply afraid of developing intimacy with people instead of worrying everything. Whenever I feel people try to get along with me, I will just get anxious and find an excuse to get away. If I cannot escape, I will be extremely polite (in the workplace or even in a restaurant). That made me not a human being, but a robot. I know how good it is to interact with people because I had a happy school life. When I turned 16, I easily got embarrassed without a reason. Since then, I have been lost. WANTED: YOUNG ME, HAPPY ME 😭
Oh, that young, happy you is still there even if you are no longer young. You can learn to regain all that, but it takes a lot of work. I was a high-functioning zombie before I spent many years digging through my issues. There's more to go, but I'm at least on the right track. Love is all around if we just learn to let it in.
Dude I FEEL YOU. At my current job I feel so so anxious and fearful just having to be around people and I feel like I act like a robot, and I’m especially fearful when talking to authority figures, like almost to the point where I feel like crying. But I’m super grateful for the people who don’t act like you’re being awkward and are friendly. So…. gotta start going to therapy now 😅✌🏽
Sabrina C I can understand why you feel safe alone, me too, and for the same reasons you give, it's very simple, if you are alone no one can hurt you. When I was a little girl the only time I Felt safe was when I would go and stay with my Nana (this was in the 50s) and I would stay with her for the Summer Holiday, I got breakfast, lunch and dinner, clean clothes and a three wheeler bike to ride round the block (all day) and my own bedroom. I hated going home to my negligent parents. Good luck Sabrina btw lovely name.
Honey Bea Hi, I think there are a lot of us out there who feel the same, I just can't tolerate people who have asked me what are you trying to prove by isolating yourself, it's interesting that people want to rewrite history and "move on", well I don't. I would never suggest that someone should live by my rules and yet I'm supposed to "fit in", which in their eyes makes me a misfit. My Son had a lovely childhood, we made sure of that, we had a long talk some months ago because I wasn't going out and he said it wasn't normal. I made it clear that we will always have a close relationship but I was allowed to choose what I do, he gets it (Now), so wishing you the life you want and it's not necessary to go with the the flow 🌹🌹🌹
Shanto Lion Oh I get that, I haven't been out (anywhere) since New Years Eve, so nine months, and I like it that way, I have no desire to go out so I don't, I'm not concerned with what people think, that's their business. Always do what you want and not worry about people's opinion.m❤️
Thank you for this, Tracy. I’m afraid of having friendships, relationships, I avoid interacting on the phone, and then I feel deeply guilty about all of the social experiences I’ve missed out on. I like your hair btw, it fits you perfectly 😇
Speaking from my own experience, this is an insurmountable problem. I was a straight A student but I essentially dropped out (actually got kicked out) of high school for non-attendance because I couldn't overcome the social pressure and had absolutely no support system whatsoever. I was extremely lucky to find both a well suited & well paying job (3rd shift, no social interaction) but that was it. Been in and out of therapy my whole adult life, yet I have not changed at all and am still basically right where I started from. Last time I had an intimate partner was six presidents ago. When asked 'On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate your self-esteem?' I always answer zero. Which means if I doubled, tripled, or increased it ten-fold, it would still be 0..
@@mattb.7079 - No close friends, just acquaintances, never stayed in touch with anyone after high school, wasn't 'in touch' with any of them _in_ high school, no close family, never spoke a word about anything to anyone until seeing a therapist in early adulthood. Medication helps me forget, and therapy helped me vent, but still have zero self esteem. Never had a real girlfriend, no goals, no expectations, no plans, no hopes, no dreams, just coasting aimlessly. Self confidence and self-esteem cannot be created from nothing. 'Fake it till you make it' is a meaningless expression said by people with real self confidence who cannot believe or even conceive of not having any. Similar to saying 'Until you believe in yourself no one will ever believe in you' which I hear as 'No one will ever believe in you'. And it's correct, no one will ever be capable of believing in me. I see it, feel it, experience it every moment of everyday..
@@HailAnts am almost exactly the same, except I have some things I feel like I still have to do. Wanna write some stories, express all (or most of) my feelings out my chest in that way since i don't see how i could do it any other way.. hope u'll find sth stimulating enough to keep you going m8
@@HailAnts i think im experiencing the same. I want to get help But because I have a past history with addiction, psych arent taking me serious:/ how’d u get help
my life has practically gone the same - i graduated last year, BARELY, with 33 unexcused absences and many days having to make up hours… and i used to be in the top 10 of my entire class. it feels so fucking terrible seeing all my friends go to college and im stuck working a 3rd shift job because the college environment is too scary and i threw my acedemic career down the drain :(
Number 2 resonated with me because I can have a ton of friendly acquaintances and I can handle crowds and even public speaking. I panic when the emotional intimacy reaches close friend level. My avoidance personality tells me that as soon as I let people really get to know me, they'll reject me and use whatever they found out about me against me.
As someone who has had everything I've done wrong used against me countless times I just avoid making close friends. Everyone is kept at a distance. People think I'm a massive dick but in reality I just dont know how to get close to anyone anymore. After my failed marriage nothing has been the same.
Just go buy a bag of weed and literally don’t give a fuck what anyone says, from your perspectives every single thing happening in this universe is not as important as what you do. I had so much social anxiety but eventually I learnt people aren’t shit, most people are assholes and most are really fucking dumb, don’t let work or awkwardness stop you from doing things to make you comfortable. I’m so unfazed now I will gladly speak up about allot of things I wouldn’t have done before. Also who gives a actual fuck what people think of you, most won’t see you ever again in life or won’t remember your interactions with them unless they friends
@YAMBAG84 maybe therapists will disagree but it's not meant to be taken that literally. It's totally fine to keep people, even most people at arms length. As life goes on, you usually end up with a family and a couple close friends because they've survived your selection process. The problem with apd I suppose is that you're psychologically controlled by fear itself and you can't actually learn how to make these selective decisions because you can't exert your will so it acts effectively like a learning disability. Been having similar experiences myself since middle school, never dealt with it into my late 20s and now doing anything is a nightmare. Constant socialization and communication seems to become more and more imperative every day, resulting in widespread narcissism, resulting in more competition, etc. Covid was refreshing for me....
Because they WILL use what they know about you against you. Friends, family or peers will attempt to control you or get what they want through you by exploiting your vulnerabilities and traits. You are never safe around your fellow humans.
I spent 45 years in the midwestern United States where strangers are generally friendly and engage in small talk. I've been living in Los Angeles for 9 years now and have noticed that being friendly is usually perceived as mental illness. When I'm overly friendly to a stranger here they look at me like I'm crazy and avoid a conversation. It's really rampant and it sucks the joy out of being social.
That's basically Finland. People don't look at each other, barely say hello, no small talk. People being awkard and "busy". That is, unless they're out with a spouse or friends, or drinking hard, then people talk - but only to each other. Since I am a single, with no friends and I don't drink, I'm fucked
I feel you from both sides! I grew up in the Midwest and have lived in LA for about 20 years. I recently returned to the midwest for my niece's wedding! I felt trapped by the extended rambling and "oversharing" by caucasions who knew me or my family... it was a little scary! Because really I didn't GAF!
Dude tried to get close to someone without certainty she liked me. Turns out she didn't and hates me now. 2/10 will never try to get close to anyone romantically unless they literally beg to suck my cock.
Sometimes when I'm talking to someone a thought just crosses my mind that the person I'm talking to is judging me, or doesn't want to be around me. When the though comes I just draw a blank and forget what I'm talking about because all I can think about is how much the person probably wants me to go away. At that point the only thing I want is to get out of the conversation and be alone.
Yes! I have these thoughts too. I can have a perfectly normal interaction with say, a family member but then suddenly I feel as if I'm being a pest or that the person I'm talking to has become disinterested or is "faking" nice. Its tolling
The most liberating moment I have ever had in my life was when I stopped giving a crap what other people thought of me.And maybe it's about getting older and or looking back and seeing how much I have been through and survived.
Mary Bailey-Gates Yeah but that is the whole point. I desperately don’t want to give a fuck but there is this trigger in my head that overwhelms me with shame and anxiety.
Well I don't trust them anyway. So I can't go because I always end up lying. Because I'm afraid they won't understand or they are bad at their job. I don't have money for a trial period.
I identify with most of this. I am very lonely. However, recently I just kind of realized that I don't like most people. I don't know why. I sometimes attempt to make friends, but then realize I don't really care for the other person or what they have to say and then I don't follow through. I know that sounds shitty of me. I wish I could fix it. It sucks because I really do want friends, but for some reason I just don't seem to connect with anyone at all...
Same here! Personally, I just know I have low empathy and it's hard for me to actually relate to others and feel what they feel unless I put in effort to sympathize, and even then I can't sympathize with everyone. I'm also pretty sure I'm on the autism spectrum which explains this. Of course I'm not proud of it, but I can recognize it, and that's something, right?
I work as pharmacist which means that I have a good empathy (so that I can talk to so many patients everyday) but I still feel that way. I think it's not the matter of empathy, but the prejudices you have against other people working as barriers. You are like a scared little puppy and not putting you as the same level as others you are facing. Friendships only form if both parties are equal and they feel so. It's different from empathising. Do you think you are scared to take actual care into people and later they don't return the same interest in you? That's how I think. I think that there are so many better friends material out there that even if I take care into other people they will appreciate this at a very little level and then when other friends materials do the same act the effect will be much bigger and meaningful to them. That is why I fear into taking interest in others because I know that I don't mean anything to them. However, if someone wants to get close to me, I regard this as a nuisance and think that they want to use me to kill off boredom or use me to record moments in instagram. That's my thought process. Till now I don't know if it's wrong thing to think this way or not lol.
@@기치죠지의치킨난반 Same here, I thought everyone felt this way, but really most people don't. So I avoid anyone that shows an interest bc they'll figure out I'm too boring anyway and leave. Just always happens. Abandonment issues and self-sabotage basically define me along with depression.
I feel this way a lot. I try not to because I don't want to be some stuck up person. I often think other people are interested in the most stupid things, and those things don't interest me at all. And I most certainly feel that way about drug users (sorry to present company who uses), but also people who like shitty movies or tv shows or shitty games. And I know I shouldn't be that way. I sometimes like corny, shitty movies, though they tend to be older ones. I try and I try, but I can't find any interest in modern movies.
This was maybe the most helpful video I've ever seen in my life. I feel like someone told you about my life and you made up a disorder to describe it lol. I'm 35, no kids, never been married, all of my relationships have been disasters. Virtually no friends. Minimal contact with family. Addicted to booze and weed. I'm going to look into this more tomorrow when I'm clear headed. Thank you so much
Been there, done that...AA helped a lot. 6 yrs sober. Still learning to live sober. Two steps forward one step back. Life on life's terms. Still avoidant but more comfortable than I used to be. One day at a time.
Maybe I can provide you with some advice on the matter of the personality disorder and your addictions as I similarly was addicted to the both vices you mentioned. The disorder itself requires a lot of work. I started in 2016 and only stoped cannabis completely in 2020 January first. I don’t want to discourage you by mentioning the amount of sessions I had with my psychiatrist or the amount of times I needed to be admitted to the hospital in order to eliminate stressors in order to think, but the main reasons I was able to wean off both was because of medication. It literally took years and it was only through the third quarter of 2020, I was able to be prescribed a correct medication and dosage. I am currently still in the process of getting the correct dosage for another medication, but nevertheless, medication was the reason I was able to wean off both. In 2019, I was finally diagnosed with ADHD. Prior to the medication, regardless of the amount of sleep (if I could sleep), I would 99% of the time fall asleep. There was a day where I planned meticulously on what to do such as, waking up at 6am get ready by 7 am and leave for campus. I would either fall asleep in the time leading up to 7 am, even though I bathe, had breakfast, have everything ready to go, I felt really tired and lay down for a minute and bang. I failed. Another time, I would be so afraid of leaving, I am paralyzed by fear and my mind has fleeted. Now in 2022, I have been clean of cannabis since 2019, 31 st of December. I don’t drink casually anymore because it doesn’t provide me any pleasure or relief. I require to take medication in the morning and evening, the effects of alcohol interaction and the side effects are enough to stop me from drinking. I enjoy having the capacity to utilize my brain and enjoy activities throughout the day without having any limitations holding me back. Though I am not at the destination I seek as I still have fears and issues I am working on. I don’t have a partner, I don’t like my family, i do not share anything with them, I would eventually like to cut contact with them in the future, I don’t reach out for help, I do have some very close friends, but seeking and asking help is another matter to accepting help. I live by myself with two cats. I am using CBT rather than DBT in problem solving my distorted thoughts and it is a slow and often painful process, but there is no other way. Well, there is another way of living, but the amount of abilities I have discovered since 2016, I know I can offer the world something unique that 1 in 1000 would be able to. In fact, helping people is my way of continuing down this path of “rehabilitation”. My oldest cat is my best friend and I would not be here without her companionship. I personally believe, she has been the main reason why I continue to push onwards. I don’t want to abandon her like I was by people who I thought was suppose to nurture and love me. I could never do what has been done to me. It would break me if I did that. If this cat whom I provided so much love is able to return just as much unconditional love then, wouldn’t there be hope for us? I will never know if I give up. In summary, the correct medication has allowed me to leave the addiction you mentioned. Being open and honest with the specialist is critical to recovery. Good luck on you journey.
@@HelioPopTart I hear you, family scapegoat? Narcissistic parents? 1 parent is a narcissist and 1 parent is the weak enabler. Siblings were trained to mis-treat you by narc parent, narc parent deliberately creates sibling rivalry / jealousy, favors one kid over another. The narc parent tells lies about you that paints you in a bad light to family friends and extended family, so you have no support and no one will believe your account of things. The narc parent makes the emotionally sensitive empath into the scapegoat. There is plenty to understand about this kind of upbringing. It helps to understand why we have the traits / patterns that we do. Research Covert narcissism, scapegoat dynamics in a narcissistic family etc. It will open up a can of worms, but will help you understand things and begin to heal much faster. Re: "family" - Cut those assholes out of your life.
I used to hold my breath everytime people walked past me because I was afraid they were judging how fast my heart was beating or how labored my breathe was.
@@artwithmamafairybreadd This is akin to saying 'just stop being depressed bro'. It's never that simple. Every action in our lives is dictated primarily by a perceived notion of what others are thinking or may think.
@@acrophis of course it’s not that simple…it can take years to learn to have self esteem and self luv and self respect…once you have these on a healthy level…it heals you, AND THATS WHEN you learn to not give a toss to others perceived image of you… Or you at least learn to not let it effect you much….and to get all the self luv and esteem you need…you gotta work at it, just like you gotta work getting a degree or apprenticeship…it’s the same deal…. But you’re not going to be ok at Anything (including your degree ) if you don’t have the above 3 things I mentioned….so you have to get with it and do something about it and IT CAN BE DONE if you really want it…..it’s never too late…..
@@artwithmamafairybreadd Anecdotally I can agree with this to some extent. The automatic judgemental thoughts do have their edge dulled over time as you get older. 34 years on for me and I still open my blinds in the morning and assume the people across the street are watching and I make an effort to not do anything that could be perceived as weird in their line of sight. This is probably more of an extreme example but as I say it's purely anecdotal and not representative of the condition as a whole. I would take having a mind clear of these thoughts over winning the lottery any day.
Oddly though people are said to be shallow, but they're so complex at the same time! You never know what they're thinking or imagining. It just wears me out
Corinne Fitzpatrick make a pen pal overseas. Relearn the language you picked up in high school or college, if any. Or get out of the big city you live in. The smaller the hometown, lower income, the more humble a person can be.
i just learned about this disorder yesterday, ive always felt broken socially, i thought i just wasnt able to care. i'd never heard of anyone with these problems ive had. thank you for making these videos. ive been trying to find anything about why i am the way i am and this video proved to me i am not alone. im lowkey sobbing, thank you
AvPD destroyed my life. It affected every aspect of my life and lead to a extreme loneliness. I haven't seen family in years. I haven't seen my best friend in 17 years. I didn't have any physical contact with anyone for 8 years. I move all the time. When people are starting to like me and invite me etc. I move away. It is almost impossible to hold a job because on many days I just can't get myself to handle all the social interactions. I moved to Northern Sweden to an extremely remote place for many years which made everything worse. Last year I said to myself "I give up" and I did. I was planning on leaving once my dog dies (she is keeping me alive, I don't want her to go to a shelter or a bad home once I am gone). It lead to a chronical depression which made everything even worse of course. I can barely leave the house and go grocery shopping or do anything really. I finally started getting help. I am taking Mirtazapine now and contacted a psychiatrist and a therapist. I don't have much hope but wanted to give it one more shot to try and be able to participate in life. Good luck to everyone out there with severe AvPD, get help early!
this was like a gut punch. every place i've worked at, i worked hard at being invisible, which makes it easy to lay me off when times are tight. i usually scorn people who strive for limelight.
My issue with this description is that it implies that the negative reaction we’re avoiding is all in our heads. But for some if not most of us, the negative reaction IS what we get or got from people in our past and therefore we become avoidant.
I'm 36 years old and it only hit me a year ago. The realization came when I opened up to a colleague, while attempting to explain why I wouldn't say "hi" when walking into a room full of people: I just wanted to disappear, not be seen so I wouldn't bother anyone. I was afraid they might notice me, terrified actually. I felt like I was just a nuisance and everyone would automatically be upset if they saw me around. My coworker was so puzzled, that it got me thinking about it. Now I kinda see a pattern of behaviour in everything I do and a deep ingrained fear behind it all: deep down I know I don't feel good enough/ likable/ sufficient... I am inadequate in every sense, and people will notice all my shortcomings if they see me long enough. Awful beliefs and awful feelings I've been carrying around for at least 30 years. At this point in my life I'm really tired of being me and am trying to change , though I haven't been able to. I wonder what is like living without all these thoughts and feelings, and hope I get to experience a healthier sense of self in this lifetime.
Adriana Ramírez Being as open and sincere as you were in your comment (and your willingness to explain a bit about yourself to your colleague) is very brave and part of a path to healing. Well done! Take care and don’t stop trying to help yourself. I’m hoping to get to that level of openness in a lot of situations in my life, so I really admire it.
I truly appreciate your comment because, aside from just now learning my thoughts and behavior has a diagnosed name, I thought I was all alone. I have always felt ‘different’ around others, but I have never met anyone who feels this way too. Stumbling across the video has been an eye- opener to say the least!
I stand with you, been dealing with the same. I’ve learned how to recognize that thinking this way is not healthy. Doesn’t cure you but when you began to notice this happening in the moment you to separate yourself from those thoughts and get in the present moment. Two books I’ve read that have helped me and I’m a working progress. The Power of Now and The New Earth, these books are helpful. It’s a constant struggle but I’ve found if I use the techniques in those books I can get through just about anything.
Ii used to feel a lot like this but now on anti depressants I am a little better. I was neglected as a child and have learnt to enjoy having attention for a change instead of being ignored. Sounds odd but the meds made a big difference for me although I'd prefer to not have to take them due to some side effects.
The trouble is, I have been mocked, bullied, and ostracized multiple times by multiple social groups/friend groups, over 3 decades since childhood. I can't break the cycle of avoiding people and being afraid of them and being around them, socially, despite being very lonely and wanting to be social/have friends, because my history proves avoiding them is the better and healthier policy for myself. :( I'm stuck.
Same here. I feel like trying to get too close to people will eventually end in some kind of disaster, as I have had mostly incredibly painful experiences involving people I got too close to before...
Im frequently alone, i dont have friends, becoz i feel like when they know all about me, they are going to.mock and.criticize me, usually i keep myself quiet and doesnt express myself conversationally yet still being notice in some forms of teasing and humuor.
Same. And once acquaintances, or guys in social groups like golf or poker, got to know me I was not liked. Was just unfortunately dealt a bad hand genetically. Spent my life trying to overcome it, with VERY limited success. Tried and tried and tried. Choosing to avoid, while sad and lonely, was and is preferable to being rejected.
I'm over 60 and have given up. No wife, girlfriend, or life. I've lost many jobs because I couldn't work with groups. This doesn't get better, the best you can do is take acting classes and act like you're fine and feeling comfortable with people. But in the end, you'll feel better being alone, even if you're miserable..
@@vikki-333 Yes, it's just my personality, nothing to "correct". In short, if you want to change, you have to pretend, to become an actor. But you never stop feeling the way you do, it's part of you..
@@Mickell45 I’m 22 and relate to most of what you say. But I have to believe there’s hope, and little steps can help me/us change for the better. Sending you good vibes.
I feel that way too, so socially awkward... And can't be in groups without a panic attack. I think I can only work with animals or plants and very minimal interactions with humans...
I've been struggling with this for almost my entire life. As an adult, it got worse and worse. I just never knew the name of it or that it was a real mental health disorder. I thought I was just hugely introverted, socially awkward, and chronically depressed. This disorder has led to me losing jobs, not trying to find better ones, hating the idea of dating, or apartment hunting, or trying to make new friends or invite my current friends to do things. This disorder also led me to lose my wife, who fell out of love with me because of the behaviors associated with this disorder. The only silver living is that now I know I'm not just crazy, or lazy, or stubborn, like most people have told me when I tried to talk to them about how I felt. Now I know how to get started with getting help. Thank you for making this video. It may have saved my life.
Same here, as a kid I thought it was normal, and as an adult, I am a mental health dumpster fire. I wasn't diagnosed with the anxiety and depression until I was 32 and was having seizures. I was also fed all of the "introverted, socially isolated, awkward, overly sensitive" blah blah blah excuses from my parents. They will never admit that being controlling, aggressively opinionated, severely overprotective, judgemental and socially isolated themselves could possibly be the reason I am a nut-job.
If I were you I would still go to a doctor just to make sure if its the disorder in the video but I can relate. I’ve lost countless friends and even turned down internships (since I’m in college)
I want to have friends, i want to make connections and reach out to others but at the same time i can't bring myself to do it, i'm always so scared to say the wrong thing or to appear ridiculous and stupid, i'm scared of smiling in front of other because i think my smiling face is weird, off-looking, and the more i try not to smile the more i don't know how to, i see my class chats and i want to join in, but i hesitate and the more i hesitate, the more time passes, the wider the gap between me and them becomes, especially now where the only contact i can have with other is online, i also avoid facetime because i fear i may look horrible on cam, i fear judgement of other to the extreme, can't stand whispers of others, and all of this coupled with my some of the secrets i keep from other makes me frustated to anyone, to reality and to myself.
That is definitely AVPD. And I have never related more to anything else in my life. Before I say anything, I’ve found that developing a system of logic that rationalizes your actions help tremendously. That way, people are judging facts and not you. How are they going to judge anything in good conscience if it’s as obvious as 2+2=4? It helps me, anyway. I struggled with the same thoughts in the same situation just before quarantine. And before that, and before that, etc. I can never know what to say or how to act without worrying over how weird I am or look when try to socialize. It just ends up making myself feel pathetic and stiff, not myself (but can I consider that myself when I’m never like that anymore?), and I’m left reeling from those failed encounters from as far back as 5 years ago. Just at random. Like, a memory will hit me like a truck out of the blue, and I’ll physically wince. So, I just learned to avoid it all together because it makes things worse, even when I want nothing more than to participate. I can be a stupid, ridiculous person, good naturedly of course, so I always have the same worries that people will think I’m being serious and believe I’m just that dumb. Doesn’t help that I look like someone who has the opposite of my personality. It hurts being something you’re not, but are, because you wouldn’t be you without feeling the need to act like you’re acting. (Clarification: I’m a Jack Sparrow fan). The only person I can consider a friend literally chased me down and hounded me for friendship until I accidentally let myself relax in front of her because she was always there and I forgot she would pay special attention to me. Eventually, I realized she liked my sense of humor, we shared the same moral views, and she feared false judgement as well, so I ended up adopting her. She understands and even puts up with my insecure phases, in which I avoid contacting her, because I moved away a while ago. Which aggravated every negative aspect of my life. My life would be indescribably tougher without her, and I can’t worry about bothering her when she worries about the same things as me, so I can only hope you have someone like her in your life. I relate to the smiling thing so much it hurts. My mouth stretches past my irises and it is the definition of ‘unsettling.’ I look psychotic when I’m genuinely excited over anything, so I try not to smile unless I’m going for manic mad scientist. I know I’m ugly, it’s a fact that doesn’t need to be discussed, and when other people ask me why I don’t do FaceTime, I avoid, deflect, or make a half-assed excuse, assuming anyone has to even contact me. Whispering hits home. Experience subconsciously dictates thinking that probably isn’t true at least a quarter of the time. Plus sighing. I can’t stand sighing; whenever someone sighs I automatically assume it’s annoyance directed towards me. All I feel I can do is wallow in internal shame. I also have some secrets surrounding myself that creep into my subconscious as shame and guilt. So I understand that too. I feel even more worthless over feeling worthless because of these same thoughts, so I just thought I’d let you know you aren’t defective or extraordinarily screwed up over nothing or weird and alone. People like myself experience varying levels of the same thing every day. I’m sorry for rambling so much if you decided to read all of this. I hope any of this helped. If it didn’t, I’m sorry and am glad you don’t know my face. Please don’t live in the US.
@@apple_piethief9750 Hey, many thanks because you wanna share these all. I've been in my worst time until now. But your explanations is reeeally eyes-opening and I know I still have hope. Thank you again my friend (^_^).
In desperation I googled “being on a loss” and found a Benedictian monk. For decades he counseled people.: to get in touch with our very soul, to listen to ourselves. For community he talked about his experience of more than 50 years living in a monastery. Their founder Benedict created in the 6th. century a “rule” which they still follow. I have so severe problems in ALL my “close” relationships. This monk says, to get along with the most difficult “brothers”, they are asked to “stand” as well what we dislike. Uff, I had heard that in be-hated group therapy. I am 57 and willing to change for a “while. I learn that I suffered from a narcistic relation which came with triangulation and mobbing. Try and error becomes more difficult after the years. Thank you all, that I can leave my “ruminating” here in the comments. Wishing you all good luck. Happy 24 hours
Hey, i was this way. Have to talked to a counselor? It helped me, after learning how to work with my stuff and get to the point where (yes i still have qualms about my appearence) but i can be on cam and feel fine.....
i got diagnosed with this last year.. Its sad because I completely feel all of this and its slowly ruining my life.. my doctor just told me to just “stay busy and get out of the house..” Just that feeling so alien around everyone who is so confident and happy in life is deeply jarring
My best-friend sent me the link of this video, just randomly. His diagnosis of my Avoidant Personality is top tier. As I am getting older (just turned 33), I am getting more & more reluctant of being in social settings and avoid being active in relationships. I feel so awkward, perceive myself as incapable to a point I question my intellect. All this has been internalised for so long that my attempt at building a high wall has secluded me from enjoying and experiencing life.
I honestly cried my heart out after this video. I thought i was alone, even after 22 years, i never understood why im like this. My parents couldnt understand my reasoning nor do i understand myself. Words cannot express how thankful i am that videos like this exist. Thank you so much. God bless you Maam. I will try my absolute best to beat my anxiety
danilaroche1156 I don’t think Jesus will help in this case as “he” doesn’t even intervene when children are being abused and that’s just one example! However my message to Pochitaman30 is you are not alone, I’ve had to endure chronic depression and social avoidance at all costs for a long time and it can be very debilitating. Try to keep your head up, keep occupied and be a friend to yourself. Not everyone is even worthy of your friendship Sir! All the best. 👍👍
It's human & natural to doubt God. Why this? Why that? I don't have all the answers but I can tell you this. I used to be an atheist. I was deeply depressed, broken and utterly shut down. I drank and smoked pot everyday. On a whim, I went to a gospel meeting and heard about Jesus. I said Jesus if you are the Savior, prove it! He did! My life completely changed. If u want to hear more let me know. I'd be happy to pray for you.
When we encounter the Lord Jesus, it's truly life changing. All thru the Bible people met God & they all testified. We are commissioned to share the gospel. The good news of salvation. Jesus is alive . I pray you turn , call on Jesus and get saved!!!!
Somewhere in the middle, I burst into uncontrollable sobs. I hadn’t heard of this before now and I’m thinking of all the relationships that have degraded, all the opportunities and experiences I lost, and all the disappointment and hurt I’ve caused others over the past few years. I’ve talked myself out of doing so many things out of self-doubt, even knowing regret and guilt would haunt me for it. I recognized I had a problem, and didn’t know how to define it. I don’t like being like this. Now I feel like I, at least, have some sort of starting point.
Man, I feel each and every word you've said. Ever since I've realised this some time ago, I had decided to improve myself by doing the opposite... But that's not how it works. You can't force yourself to do something you've never learned to - how to set and keep the boundaries so you don't get overwhelmed. From that chaos comes distrust in other people, too. So, I became very, very impulsive. I just wanted to DO things and I wouldn't consider mine or other people's feelings at all. I was faking everything, just for the sake of experience. I was hyper-social, hyper-enthusiastic, hyper-active. I loved being "that kind of person". I spoke about my feelings and my problems a lot. But it was all emotionless. Whenever somebody tried to get closer to me, I would turn 180° and start distancing myself because I felt fake. I've even dared to try being in a relationship! For 3 weeks. One panic attack and a nervous breakdown made me end it. The guy just liked me "too much". And me being impulsive prevented me from figuring out whether I liked him or not, so I broke it off because I felt like I was leading him on. It feels like whatever I do is wrong. And the worst thing about this is the need to overanalyze body language, words people use, intonation they use, when is jt that they even communicate... I became so good at reading and transforming myself for other people.
@@lucidlocomotive2014 I do agree that this is just another part of being human. However, there is a difference between someone who experiences these kinds of feelings from time to time but can still overcome them in their day-to-day lives, and someone so stuck in this way of thinking that it has consistently and actively hindered them from progressing in their lives. Initially, it was a feeling I could think about further and move past, but as time wore on, it became more difficult to overcome the mental hurdle and I was unconsciously avoiding interacting with people until at some point, I recognized that I had a problem. I’m not saying I have this condition, and I’m not attempting to diagnose myself with it (there are professionals for that) but I do recognize that some of these outlined behaviors do apply to my circumstances. You learn something from everything, and what I took from this was a basis to challenge my way of thinking and behavior to improve my situation.
I feel like I've made so much progress in my view of self worth, yet still whenever a conversation gets too personal I just freeze. Like, thses people are genuinely interested in me and I can't possibly fathom why.
very apt. i've had essentially no close friends my whole life, and i tend to regret all my words during social interaction. after seeing others, i try to self-isolate for months so that others will forget whatever embarrassing things i did, and i never contact others, because if others contact me first, then i feel liked.
Almost always, your words during those social interactions were seen as perfectly fine by the other people you talked to. I've found this out myself in recent years, from events like a college reunion, and e-mails from employers of years ago. I had figured I had been seen as immature and unreliable by these people, but they said they had fond memories of me; no perceptions that I was immature or negative in any way. This is probably the case with all of us.
Advoidant personality disorder can pretty damaging to a persons social and occupational life. My channel is all about mental health awareness to reduce the stigma it has in society so people will seek the treatment they need. Great video. Thanks for sharing this video to raise awareness.
Go to Fox news fox buss. the democrats verses the republicans on the Trump impeahment resolution program. the hate of 1000s against each other. 65 million voted for P Trump and the Democrats nancy pelosi and adam schiff are acused of setting people apart and ranking for a civil war. Hope not. this would cause a personality change in many.
@@DrTraceyMarks - (apologizing in advance for the length of this question...brevity isn't a strong suit) - Is it possible to intentionally mask these thoughts/behaviors while in social settings?...like acting your way through the situation for the comfort of those around you even though, internally, you want to crawl out of your skin while simultaneously hiding in a hole or a corner or the bathroom or at home?...Masking by acting more extroverted but throwing in things like self deprecating humor to "beat them to the punch" so they laugh with you; oversharing/sharing odd things (like unusual trivia about seacucumbers), because of the degree of discomfort...especially when you are in a field that requires charm and being engaging in order to be successful? And is it possible for the focus to be centered/rooted more firmly on a serious fear of personal rejection (not professional - though it occurs in both personal and professional settings) with less emphasis or concern for what others think of you? Or would these differences be hallmarks/indicative of an entirely different issue? I am a master at avoidance (panic disorder post-cancer) and always have been to a degree (increased after the panic began)...but just wondering if it goes beyond anxiety, introversion and fear of rejection (the root of which is known). (I know many diagnostic criteria involve the degree to which it impacts your ability to function but youtube comments sections are brutal and even this is likely enough to bring out trolls and negative Nancy's...so additional details are off the table...) Are there other Personality Disorders that are psychological kissing cousins that one could investigate? PS - if you're ever looking to sell your used copy of the DSMV let me know. *wink* As an artist, writer and lover of learning I have LOOOONG wanted a copy but that price tag! Woof! I hate to feed into a harmful and bogus paradigm but that kind of cash is not starving artist friendly. I'd have to burgle a doctor or roll a grad student *wink* (and sadly my small local library doesn't have a copy *sad trombone*) Thank you for any input/information you can provide (to my extremely broad yet obnoxiously specific query). Cheers.
Yes, the damage to my occupational life has been staggering. This has been, by far, the most tragic aspect of having either avoidant or schizotypal disorder.
@@oldandstong6504 : Once you recognize what the real problem is, solving it becomes much easier. Most of us are abused, used up, & eventually discarded by a small group of very fearful, deeply mentally ill people. Understanding the dynamics & signs of abusive people/relationships will help you see ways to start solving this problem. [Most common signs of serious abuse: You know in your gut that something's wrong, but you ignore it because you've been taught not to trust yourself. You feel confused, indecisive, isolated, depressed, hopeless, misunderstood; you feel you don't know who you are; you question everything about yourself; you ignore &/or never share your real emotions. You believe you're bad, that all the misery you feel is your fault. You're told over & over that you're overly demanding (It's not that bad; lot's of people have things way worse than you do"). You apologize a lot, for no reason, and you lie out of habit &/or fear. You constantly hear things like: "that never happened", "it's your fault", "you're imagining things", "you're blowing things out of proportion", "that doesn't matter", "you're crazy". You find yourself constantly defending yourself against insane accusations and injustice.]
The thing I struggle with is getting a job. How can people with avoidant personality disorder go through job interviews if they fear criticism and rejection? I also suffer from depression, so even making the first step, i.e. applying for a job is very taxing. Then I go for the interview and there I feel extreme social anxiety. Will I ever overcome this? The worst part is that people think I'm lazy or less than them, and I end up believing them. My life is a self-hatred nightmare, why would I ever consciously choose this over getting a job like a normal person?
PuzzleMessage I completely understand. I feel like I might have avoidant personality disorder. Jobs are terrifying. I also have depression and anxiety. As well as an unspecified seizure disorder. I quit 3 jobs last year just because I couldn’t do it. I would sit in the car and just cry because I was scared to just be around people. When other people find out they got an interview they get excited, I have an anxiety attack. I hope that you are able to find a way to overcome this!
Im in the exact same boat my family thinks im a loser and entitled but everytime i apply for a job i rarely get an interview and when i do i never get hired. Even if i get the job i feel like an alien, and my co-workers assume im an asshole.
I been behaving this way ever since i was a child. Now i'm 23 and don't know where to start. I basically gave up on all of my relationships, it's really hard for me to cope. Your explanation at least gives me an idea of what my issues could be. Thank you.
At least they wanted you. Try always coming up short, never really being what anyone had in mind 46 I'm still single and sexless for more than half the time Not trying to one up you , haven't been wanted for a very long . A bit jealous if I'm honest
I would really recommend the book ‘The Undervalued Self’ by Dr Elaine Aron. It goes into the deep reasons behind the avoidant personality and internal mechanisms that can keep you in it. It has been so helpful for me, hope someone sees this and it can help them as well
Thank you very much for the recommendation! I have a friend (I’ll call her Jane, not her real name), who fits this condition to a T. I myself am not that way. But she is really really frustrating to deal with. I feel like I’m forever cajoling her to do things, and she’s resisting. For example, she wears long sleeves in 100 degree heat because people would point at her flabby arms. That’s all in her head. People are too absorbed in their phones to notice those around them. If somebody looks at her with a glance that might be even remotely interpreted as stern she withers. She ticks all but one box Dr Tracy outlined. Please don’t think I’m not sympathetic. But as a fairly “normal” person with not exactly a ton of energy, this is really wearing me out. I sure hope everybody who sees themselves as having this condition will try to find help. Please keep working on this. I know counseling works, especially when combined with supplemental reading. I went through counseling a couple of decades ago- not for this condition, but for depression, while going through a painful breakup. I came out on the other side of it a happy and whole person. It was a lot of work, I admit, but I acquired new skills I retained to this day. The thing is, Jane with the avoidance problem was the one who was most helpful to me during that time. She talked on the phone with me for hours. It’s time for more “payback”. Maybe if I get her this book it’ll be a start in the right direction. I came across one very helpful phrase years ago. The gist of it is… live your very best life, it’s the greatest favor you can do for yourself and those around you. Another thing I’m doing is to start every day with gratitude. Don’t just think it. Write it down. List 3 things you are grateful for. Do it every day. First thing. It sets the tone for the day. Best of luck to everybody!
thank you for the advice there is not much information on this personality disorder let alone how to resolve these problem, definitely gonna check it out!!
I’m 76 and I’ve been, to some degree, avoidant my whole life. I also suffered sometimes extreme social anxiety (I’d blush dramatically at the least social discomfort) most of my adult life. Now, as I near my last years of life, I’m alone, no partner, no real friends, very little to look forward to. It’s very hard to believe I can yet change myself to make a difference in my life.
I'm 67 and feel this as well. The difference with me is that I found a partner, a highly flawed partner whom I have hung on to for fear of the unbearable loneliness that has characterized most of my life. Apparently, in my mind, life with a verbally abusive and progressively physically abusive alcoholic is superior to being alone. My one and only rather distant friend died 3 years ago. So, even though I'm "connected" I'm still lonely, but in danger. I get where you're coming from. For older people like us there are no easy answers, no do-overs...
You’ve made it this far. Age is a concept and an ego based idea that doesn’t actually mean anything. All there is is the present moment and right now, nothing else. And you deserve peace happiness and love in the present moment. So yes people that are older get therapy, heal, meditate all the time. You can’t get back the time you lost, but you can be happy and at peace in the present moment, which is the only time that actually matters, because that’s where you always are
I'm 35 and I fear I'm headed exactly that way. I've avoided even trying to find a partner for years and I have exactly one friend. Maybe two. I don't know what you do...
This is definitely me. I've always been like this. When i was a child they use to assign me to socialization classes in elementary school because i didn't play or socialize with the other kids. And this went on for years. I still dont really socialize with people unless necessary. Thanks for the video. This is the first time I've heard of this disorder.
This gave me chills. I never understood what was going on with me or that it is a type of personality disorder. This perfectly describes me. Now that I know; on to the journey of success. Thank you!
My former boss pretty much alleviated my AVPD. We had an agreement to be 100% straight with each other without repercussion. So if something was bothering me, I told her and so many times it was all in my head or me making mountains cuz of insecurities. It helped me stop the spiralling thoughts and not worry so freaking much what others think. She also made me realize my own worth. I own her a lot.
I 'handled' my problem by rarely speaking and showing no reaction to anything. I also put out an unfriendly vibe so that people would stay away from me. I had people tell me that they wish that they could be like me because nothing ever bothered me. Little did they know. :)
@86sith That don't work for me unfortunately. I get unwelcome comebacks like "what side of the bed did you get out of?" Or "smile" in a bolshie or sacastic way. Totally annoying, and makes me frown more
Scott Keys same here, mines gotten worse as I’ve noticed how most people aren’t worth my time anyways. I have plenty of intimate friends, family and a girlfriend. Just don’t bother much with new people because I have who I want and need.
So much of this resonates with me. I shudder when I think of how much of a waste my life has been. I am lonely, but I can cope with it mostly. I sometimes meet people who I just fall for deeply but I know I can’t have them, can’t go through with it. It’s just horrendous being this way.
Literally never heard of this disorder before, really thought I'd been suffering with social anxiety, maybe I do but I certainly tick all the boxes for this. Thanks for the information. And much love to anyone else who suffers with this ❤️
My pattern is performing tasks. It's most consistent when I need to do a task VS just interacting with someone. I can easily do a relaxing weekend around town and not too concerned with anyone's opinions of me. But when it's about a job, or really, when someone who has experience with something has the opportunity to watch me. I freak.. I avoid them. I'll put that item away or stop participating until I feel safe continuing. Simple tasks.. sometimes they seem so bizarre, I think it's a form of OCD. I recall as a teenager, I couldn't mow the lawn if the neighbors were out. I'd wait until they aren't home. Or wearing a bike helmet was embarrassing, so I'd put in my backpack until I was a few blocks away. Now it's things like..hard to advertise for my business and "compete" against other businesses. Even a logo on my vehicle is something I am avoiding.
I want to hide but I don’t even have my own room. I’m even afraid to walk in and out of places for being cringed upon which makes me embarrassed even more. I don’t want them to see me go to the hiding spot. I deny that i want to have a girlfriend because I know I will never get one because of fear of getting hurt.
@@michaelcondrey3510 ..please please try and seek professional help. You seem like a nice person with a lot to give. Don't let this impediment take control of your life.
Dominick Ray yes... my father was emotionally abusive. I’m new to this diagnosis. But a lot of what she’s saying rings true. My husband is the perfect person for me. Not clingy, distant mostly. Can’t stand too much affection or communication without a glass of wine.
I have lost count of the jobs I have had and walked out on because of this . It’s hard enough dealing with nice people but when you are dealing with toxic narcissistic people in the workplace , I bolt !
This randomly popped up in my suggested videos - and it's literally talking about me. I've always felt that what I experience is not typical social anxiety. This explains it.
i feel i have some aspects of this but its comes form disinterest in relationships and people... I just avoid everyone and don't like to participate in anything...i like being alone reading and listening to music rather then go on a date...i get inveted to so many things but i just feel i must reject 99% of it... maybe it has to do with covid19 and a lack of interest in people...guys think i am playing with them when i avoid going out with them... hermit is very much how i feel
I feel like the core of this personality type is that it consatly judges itself, mostly in a bad way, so it expects to be treated that way by other people. I overcame this by living my life like I want to be and stopped caring what other people think about me. Love to everyone
WATCH NEXT - *SOCIAL ANXIETY VS SHYNESS* ua-cam.com/video/QJuSm4R8N4E/v-deo.html
thx for the video I just contacted a professional to help figure this out
I took an online personality test this morning. According to the test I'm 61% Schizoid 50% Avoidant. 44% Schoizotypal. 36% Borderline 32% Paranoid. 22% OCD 17% Nasisistic 16% Dependant. 13% Histrionic 7% Anti Social.
I took an online personality test this morning. According to the test I'm 61% Schizoid 50% Avoidant. 44% Schoizotypal. 36% Borderline 32% Paranoid. 22% OCD 17% Nasisistic 16% Dependant. 13% Histrionic 7% Anti Social.
Thank you for making this video. I got 5-6 out of these 7. I've been struggling for years trying to pinpoint why I'm so different from others. Doing things said to boost confidence without knowing what I'm dealing with. I'll reach out for help after quarantine.
Hello Dr Tracy can one person be both avoidant and clingy because I'm usually avoidant but when someone ignores me multiple times I feel a strong urge to ask them what happened and cling to them though I don't do it. But it occupies all my attention and mind.
Having APD is like dying in slow motion. You just watch all these years go by, one after another, as you unwillingly stay alone and sabotage your relationship potential with others.
Bingo! That's how I feel.
Social Anxiety/ major depression. It's sucks ass so bad
Yep, it's like standing stationary on a train station platform, and just watching the trains of life pass you by, year after year, but you are too terrified to ever get into any of the trains.
My people! Let's get so sick of it, get some kind of kick in the ass or motivation and figured out our strengths and weaknesses and just do the damn work to strengthen them and not stress we can't do it all
@@triffid68 no im sorry if it came off wrong, just saying i know I have work to do and I get hard on myself for preferring being alone and not be willing to get out there and be comfortable.
Oh I had to look that up and I think I was growing up, didn't mean to spread it
@@triffid68 meant no harm, I gotta speak my mind though. We had a l misunderstanding but you also pointed out something I missed, our conversation gave outside insight
I just get tired of people, the older i get the more exhausting others are.
I have some sympathy with your point of view. Dealing with people can be tough except we forget sometimes that we are people too!
Perhaps you’re just an introvert. There’s nothing wrong with that. ♥️
Patricia N Amen, me too. The older I get the less the will to even try
Yes!
Patricia N older people are exhausting to me. That’s because I take care of elderly people with dementia....and they are exhausting
There is another aspect to this avoidance syndrome. Avoiding others because you can't protect your boundaries and allow others to overwhelm you with their demands or dominance of the interaction. You can't say no directly, so you avoid the social interaction completely as a way to protect your boundary and end up feeling lonely, but safe from overwhelm.
Yes! This is me to the T!
That's a great point
Thank you
Hey look it's me
Yes... true... and at other times, it is because it is you who is so in desperate need to be seen that you don't know how to keep healthy boundaries... and you prefer to stay alone not to cling to anyone.
I'm near 40 and contemplating how I've let my life pass me by. I've driven true friendships away by ghosting people I've known for years. One social misstep and I sink to a well of doubt and insecurity. I avoid intimacy but crave it all the same. I've always considered myself an introvert but avoidant personality describes me to a tee.
This sums me up too. I'm now 47 and the last 20 years I've only existed. I haven't been living b
I totally get you. I just thought it was me. I’m lonely all the time. Panic if I have to go as a couple to a social event
Dude you hit it right on the head. I'm 35 and U just described me exactly. Why do we ghost people? I'm doing it right now. I'm gonna change tomorrow..
@@SevenCostanza I burn so many bridges, it's crazy. I am down to one friend. I cut off all contact with family (siblings) over a decade ago. It is next to impossible for me to heal a relationship when something goes wrong. I am pretty much through with people when that happens. Intellectually, I know it's not healthy to be so isolated, but at the same time, it's hard to form relationships when you know at some point, down the road it is going to blow up.
@@snu3877 it's just blows up cuz of us though . Like it's probably not a big deal for most people. We can't let go off things. Maybe we should find friend like each other on this comment section.
“If we want the reward of being loved we have to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known.“
very well said.
This statement just made me cry 💔
This really speaks to me.
i hate this
Excellent!
I realised I was really different when COVID hit and we went into quarantine mode... Never in my life have I felt more at peace or content as I did back then. People complained everyday about not interacting, hanging out, so I thought wow I really am wired differently. I feel so out of place anywhere I go, hanging out with friends drains me completely, I can't open up in relationships, but most of all, I hate meeting new people. Talking about myself, going through the judgmental beginnings, "am I good enough for them?"... Hate it all. It makes me feel so weak and inadequate. That's why I keep to myself, but it gets very lonely I'm not gonna lie.
Same. The COVID quarantine was the best thing to happen in my life. I didn't have to go to the office. I could get my groceries delivered. I didn't HAVE to leave the house. It was so awesome. Yes life is lonely, but the alternative is not appealing to me AT ALL. I'm 48 yrs old and know I will be alone the rest of life. I've accepted it because I just do not like being around people. Never have, never will. People are always wanting to get to know me and it drives me nuts. I'm boring. I don't have ANY interests in anything. At all. It just reminds me how much I suck. I just want to be left alone to wallow in my sorrow and shame. I hope for death every single day. The day I die will be the happiest day of my life. I will finally be at real peace. Can not wait.
I also want to die, completely same
Yea just stay to yourself and order take out
I can relate to this 1000%. The only thing that can get me out of the house on a regular basis is watching/playing my favourite sport.
All my life I thougt I am the only one. Can it be cured somehow? I don't want to be alone all the time. I want to have a wife and kids, live a normal life.
The worst part of it is that you never tell about it to anybody cause you'd have to confront you biggest fear, so you just give up and nobody notices because they already perceive you as a cold, distant, antisocial and unpleasant person. They eventually start to avoid you too
being named after satan would help with this avoidance
Another worst part of it is no one will understand it and think you're literally crazy because they can't wrap their minds around it. I have ADHD and I don't know whether it's a factor but it's difficult for me to find the words to explain things properly as quickly as people want to hear it. Overcoming fear is straightforward even if it's extremely difficult. But the real hell is that you cannot change people. Human nature is what it is.
Whoa…. Whoa….. Between the vid and this comment I think I finally understand myself.
@@Voyeurrrr same, this is kinda freaky
I guess that explains why I just embrace the solitude at this point...
I've been banging my head against this wall for decades. To those of you who are young, I hope you have better luck than I did, because it ruins your life.
“Most people with avoidant personality order are deeply lonely” Very true. As an avoidant person, the thing it has taken me a lifetime to understand is: the more I am around people (colleagues, acquaintances & even family) the more lonely I feel. Conversely the more alone I can be, the less lonely I feel.
Relatable! I am surrounded by people at all times and yet I feel lonely af!
then you do not have avoidant personality disorder
TheJoker1432 are you their therapist? not everyone has the exact same experience with this, ya know.
pete howard I think this kind of describes me. I’m 72 and have pretty much felt like an avoidant for most of my life. But...thing is...I’m never lonely. I have two cats. Helped raise all my grandkids and raised my own girls alone. I can pretend tho. I’m funny, witty, amusing and oftentimes, I make myself laugh...if I say or do something funny. I’m just a loner I think. I enjoy solitude and peace. Have some immune issues and chronic fatigue too. But...definitely....this kinda sounds like me....but I’m not ever lonely. 🤷🏼♀️
i don't feel at all lonely...i truely love my alone time....
The UA-cam algorithm accurately diagnosing me now.
Scary isn't it the computer knows us better than we know ourselves.
😆😆😆
It kind of hurts doesn't it? 😂😂
Who you tellin??? I want to know who told YT to put this in my recommended videos🤨. What they trying to tell a sista???
Same. I’m officially freaked out
My family may never realize how lonely I am. I don't talk with people much . I don't feel too connected with people I even avoid family.
6ugust and Chris Emerson I wish you both the very best that life has to offer. Keep tending to your well-being & stay focussed on going for what you both want for your lives 🙏🏾
@@Hope4all2 Thank You ☺️.
It's been great, feels like it's always going to be here, but I am growing stronger to be mentally present.
@@Hope4all2 wish you joy and happiness 💐❤️
@@JdaPhoeniX9 Thank You & to you also. ☺️
if they are toxic then u need to avoid them especially family!!
Woohoo, perfect score 7/7! Just wait until I tell my friends... oh - yeah, never mind.
Same here!
Yup. And I'm still waiting to find a psychologist/psychiatrist. Yay Canadian health care... -_-
Sykaris The Grey Witch
Maybe go to a marriage and family therapist- they are less drug focussed, way better trained and supervised, but not free.
@@keithlightminder3005 Ya that's the issue, I need both, but I'm on a waiting list for one and can't afford the other as it's not covered.
Paul, your comment made me laugh.
Covid simply validated the fact that my 'normal' was no different to being in a lockdown...
Nothing changed.
It was lovely i felt like i fitted in lol!!
Never related so much to a comment 😅🤭🙌
Same dude. I am so content just at home. Lockdown was a dream though I do live with one other person - i think i would have hated to live alone
Same here😅😅 everyone was complaining about not being able to go anywhere and I was like what u mean? Grocery store’s always open🤣
Made me feel worse, fitting in is not what I want.
Fitted in for once but still had no one to talk to about it. 💀
I watched this because my boyfriend in retrospect clearly suffered from avoidant personality, long story short he died by suicide 17 years ago, mental health was not as accessible as it is now, to even begin to understand what he was going through at the time. After his death I talked to people he went to school with, extended family members, coworkers, and found out all this stuff about him I never knew, like putting together a puzzle, no one knew everything, no one was close to him, I was the closest and even then he kept me at arms length, but as I began to piece all of him together, the things that I would imagine he was ashamed of, or that he thought reflected badly on him...I had such empathy for, and felt so defensive of him, so the funny thing is, the more I found out about who he really truly was, the more I loved him, and I already loved him, so knowing his pain and the things he was burdened with, it just made him more real, and human, and never did I judge him or think badly of him, or less of him. This is just to say, the things you want to keep away are the things that make you loveable, just human stuff that everyone experiences, you deserve love. You are worthy.
God in heaven above I want to believe that, it's hard to hope that big anymore.
@@blkbrdmntrvimes6438 you know if your judgment is that this is a good caring person, then it’s worth making yourself vulnerable, I think, quite humbly, that falling in love is actually that really exciting and intense thing that happens when two people are incredibly interested in getting to know the other person deeply, like you can think someone’s really hot, but if your relationship never goes past the surface, you’re never going to love them, or feel loved by them. And then the opposite is true you meet somebody they’re nice but you don’t think they’re hot, but then the more you get to know them, the more you crave knowing about them, you keep getting closer and closer to knowing these fundamental things that you find are so similar to your own fundamental things, and then boom you’re in love... this was a long drawn out answer to say no one should go exposing their deepest darkest secrets to just anybody, there are a lot of jerks out there, but when you find somebody that you connect with, you should be willing to at least try to go a little bit deeper, and a little bit deeper, And then deeper, you got to challenge yourself past those points where you start to feel like shit I’ve revealed too much, now this person will never understand me or care about me, because the chances are they will. This was a long reply, I’m still in most mostly isolation for the pandemic, so humor me
@@alv134mommy no worries I agree with a lot if what's written here.
It's hard for me to hope like that because it's a big damn hope.
Haven't messed with big hope in a long time. I still hope just for smaller things, things that seem capable of happening.
I can't be sure if my judgements are any good because my track record being absolutely drek.
Last 3 attempts unintentionally creeped them all out , and in turn went silent and straightened out any problems and phased me out quickly and quietly and leaving me feeling foolish.
In the past I was vulnerable still am in many ways, just lost any ability that I was flirting or acknowledge it in anyone else unless it's aimed at someone else .
Couldn't tell I was being hit on aggressively until I had officially blew it and she focused on my co-worker.
Also have a solid way 5o.make money
Sort of good luck chuck just w/o sex
I show interest they're married 3 weeks later and blissfully happy .
I'm happy for them just curious why my suffering seems to grant them happiness.
Have a great day
@@blkbrdmntrvimes6438 that is some bad luck, I will grant you that, but i don’t think I would want to marry someone after 3 weeks or you know a short period of time, so I’m thinking you dodged a few bullets there, and don’t get me started on an anti marriage rant...but you know the things I found out about my boyfriend were embarrassing and humiliating and I know must have been torturing him, would I have been scared off if he shared those things 3 weeks in...im not perfect so maybe? But you know somewhere within our 7 year relationship it might have been good for him to have shared with me...because you know, obviously. So that is just your judgement call, but I do think being careful at first is good, normal, appropriate so I don’t think you did anything wrong you know...obviously I do not know these people but you wouldn’t want to be in a marriage of obligation or meeting expectations TRUST ME, there is nothing lonelier than that! I have never been in love again since my boyfriend that died, and although I do keep mostly to myself and I am married, so that might be why, I also have never encountered someone I felt that drawn to, curious about, in sync with...so I think real love is not common, like it just doesn’t happen every day, which sucks when you long for it but also that’s what makes it so amazing, right, it doesn’t just happen all the time. But being yourself and pursuing your own personal interests and passions, I think being the you that you want to be will bring you into contact with people that you can truly connect to, I mean that goes for everyone...like what are the odds someone you work with is someone you can have a deep connection with? Like it’s possible but you know if you work in an office or something, it’s unlikely...at least that is my opinion based on my highly limited perspective!
@@alv134mommy agree completely I feel I didn't explain the glcns properly not that they're actually married across the board but the chemistry between them is palpable. the few I've tried to date, let alone talk to, couldn't be bothered for either of the 2 things I ask for.
1. An honest chance.
2. An honest reason why not.
The second one is so I don't keep making the big mistakes .
Truly I'm sorry for your loss wouldn't wish that on most of my enemies.
I have suffered from APD for around 15 years now and have wasted most of my 20s due to it. As I near 30 years old I have finally had the determination to start changing things. Start small, I’ve been focusing on myself with nutrition/exercise and now I am in the best shape of my life. Also been trying to learn more practical and useful skills. By taking care of myself and trying to increase my knowledge I have been slowly improving my confidence in myself and my warped self image. I still haven’t become a social butterfly or anything, but I can definitely tell I’m more confident in conversation. Hopefully I will be able to start dating soon as that is one of the one areas in life that I have been too afraid to dip my toes into because of an intense fear of rejection. I say all this to give you some hope, the worst thing you can do is nothing! I wasted so much time hiding myself from the world, but sometimes all you need is to shift your mindset. If I can do it so can you!
I do try changing the lifestyle. I have depression abd get suicidal thoughts. I would try changing things, had talked to a friends of friend to join gym with me, he's out of reach now and now I'm so shy or have anxiety to join alone. I too want to date someone and for that I've to get better first also my exams never leave me alone. Due to high stress I failed 3 years. I hope I don't end my life and live and keep my hopes alive.
@@Ish392s First of all I just want to tell you that your life is worth living. Even if you feels like all hope is lost there is always something you can do. Like I said you really just need to focus on what you can do. There are so many things in life that are actually out of our control, but a lot of us still blame ourselves when those things go wrong. For me it helped to find the small things that I did have control over. I stopped wasting all my time watching UA-cam or playing video games. I still do those things in my down time but previously before I got a job that was basically all I did everyday for years to avoid my anxieties, and I almost failed out of college because I almost never went to class. Fitness and nutrition are great hobbies to keep you occupied with healthy habits! I’m convinced that fixing my diet and exercising cured half of my anxiety issues, so much of our emotions and mood are affected by what we put in our bodies. Overall this may not be that helpful but basically I’m trying to say that we can change, and the most important thing for us to change is our mindset. We get caged in with our thoughts and it becomes a vicious downward spiral. I’m not sure exactly what it was for me that flipped the switch but I was able to start changing my mindset and I know you can too!
This is me. This is so me. I'm pushing 50 and I have never been in a relationship. I have few friends, hate crowds, terrified of being awkward or silent around people. Quarantine has been the best/worst.
Know you're not alone.
Me
I am 55 been in few satisfying relationships but know I am a coward and avoidant... I really nee dto tell certain people to go f--- themselves
i'm 28 and that's me too. i'm happy i'm not alone. i wish you the best
Good for you that you have friends.
The best way I've been able to describe it is that everything feels like reaching for an electric fence. If you've touched one before, especially more than once, you develop a real, physiological resistance to touching that wire. Even when you *know* that it's turned off, you still resist touching it. And if you don't know if it's on or off, you definitely don't. And all interactions are like not knowing if that fence is on or off...
Exactly how it feels.
What a brilliant metaphor, YJ Barke!
I would also add, that if someone has been zapped by enough electric fences, a person can then develop PTSD to ALL fences.
That's what I don't get. So, to have APD you have cognitive distortions, but what if the thoughts aren't distortions? Haven't most people with APD been genuinely hurt? Who wants to sign up for more pain?
TJ Barke- That is true for absolutely everyone. I have been viscerally hurt by people but I NEVER want to have a closed heart and stop reaching out. That only hurts me more. It is not my or your fault that some people hurtful and even harmful to you. I'm reaching out right now and, 7 months ago, so did you. This counts as well and I think these sites are a good way to find common ground with people in a really good way. Both my brother and daughter have paralysing social anxiety. For him, if he comes out for a brief walk with me, it's a big deal and I do appreciate that. For her, she stays open to trying with people and I respect that but it also breaks my heart when things go wrong. Many avoidant people are extremely perceptive and sensitive (like she is) and can 'read' a room and the atmosphere in a split second. As a young child she used to walk into pre-school, suss out the room and find the place she found the least drama or conflict. She never jumped into the deep end with people first thing. Her teacher told us that was a very unique quality in a child and a very good one,too. I mean we really didn't worry she'd ever wander off with a stranger like her extraverted brother. We had to watch him constantly. He'd chat with Satan if he came along. I hope you are well. Keep in touch if you want a friend. I like the way you describe the feeling. It helps me know my beloved brother and daughter better and better ways to help them be comfortable. So, look, you did good in the world!
YES. THIS. I have never heard something so accurate to how I feel
This vid makes me a bit sad because of how much I've hid away my whole life.
Your not the only one. you will see that many of us feel the same way. just think'. you still can go and try over and over if you want by practice sooner or later you may have more confidence in your self knowing.
Michael H same here. I drink alcohol to get out of my shell. But still feel lonely in a crowded room. I think it's something suppressed from my childhood . ❤️ to you,I wish you well xo
Michael H You’re not alone.
nitakate 49 Same here.
@@crystalgrose I've been agoraphobia for over a decade because I'm so fearful of others judgement. However l've been with my husband for 25 years, l still find it very, very hard emtionally and almost impossible to trust him 100%. Many of the issues mentioned means that l keep him at a distance too. I also find the whole concept of 'love' impossible to understand. It's a nightmare and l hate I'm so scared to go out. I'm in my forties now and look back to see it's always been there. l would encourage everyone to search for professional help early in life, don't carry on suffering alone with what is a huge burden to a person's soul.
I didn't know this was a disorder. I've missed out on my 20s because I walked away from society. I didn't know this was an actual issue that other people dealt with
To be in relationship with an avoidant partner is torture. They just don't care about your feelings and will always hurt you. Leave to relationship as soon as possible, they don't change. They will never be a loving partner for you, even if they love bomb you in the beginning.
My conundrum is that I’m lonely, but at the same time, can’t stand people. 😆
Same.
😂 I don't know why I found this so funny. 🙄 I'm brutally lonely, too, but I find the world a scary place. I wish I could live an uninhibited life. 😞
@HITZONE86 Aw, thank you! But, honestly, I haven't created anything, yet (except in my head!)..and I don't create "beats". I'm an aspiring singer/songwriter. I'm assuming "beats" refer to rap music, which isn't my thing..but thank you, just the same. 🙂♥️
Hear ya.
I can't stand people as well. I love animals tho.
To those of you who say you love being like this and are an introvert, that's fine. I used to say that until I realized I didn't really want to be like this.
I chose to be like this because of anxiety I have around others most of my life. I was always in my head and correcting or shaming myself. So because of the work it takes to socialize, I hid behind the "introvert" label.
But deep down I was really, really lonely and longed for connection. I just didn't think I was capable of it and I always focused on the negative things about others. As a result, I never had many close friends. Just acquaintances.
I think it's important to differentiate between a happy introvert and practicing avoidance based on anxiety. There are some people who function as an introvert and still have balance, love and happiness.
That wasn't me. I was an introvert but was always anxious around people and had a negative view of most people. To me, that's not OK and I had to realize my inner self talk was what was keeping me in social prison.
We need to stop chalking everything up to being an introvert. For some, that's all it is. But if you have a negative view of most people, suffer from anxiety and depression, constant self doubt in social situations, and have a negative inner dialogue about yourself..... something else is going on you might want to address.
My guess is you've had a long-standing inner dialogue that is defeating you and so you choose to be alone. It's become so habitual that you have convinced yourself it's your normal.
I was a people pleaser since birth, so I was always putting people's needs in front of my own. So I was suffocating and found myself in boring conversations and activities I didn't want to be in.
I bought the book "Not Nice" by Aziz Gazipura and I started to learn how my "niceness" and inauthenticity around others kept me in prison because I felt controlled by everyone's opinions of me. People drained me because I allowed them and didn't know how to assert myself and attract the right people who are a natural fit.
All I'm saying is we are all different, and it's important to really understand if your "normal" is what really makes you happy or if that's what you chose based on feeling anxious, self conscious, etc. And in reality you really want to learn to connect.
I was the latter but had convinced myself for years I was happy by myself because people suck. But it's not that people suck. Yes, some do but not all.
I was just attracting the wrong people based on how I felt about myself and my inability to speak up and be myself. Once I realized that, I started being conscious of how I sabotage myself with inner dialogue.
When you do that, you start attracting different energy and people into your life. It takes time but it starts with awareness and honesty with who YOU really are.
It's ok to be an introvert, but if you are deep down truly unfulfilled and have negative thoughts and energy.... you may have just convinced yourself this lie for so long, you believe it's the truth.
Wow, that description sounds a lot like myself. I've wasted so much time wondering and being paralyzed by what others think. It's good to know there are others who have the same problem.
@@alanhowitzer Yep! I am a full grown adult and realized how many years this has sabotaged my life. I hope others can realize it at a much younger age than I did. It literally would have changed the trajectory of my life from the job I chose, friends, etc.
It was time for me to stop hiding behind the introvert label and realize I was just afraid of not being liked so I kept to myself.
@@quickpstuts412 I feel exactly the same. In my early twenties I suffered depression and eventhough I knew seeking help from a therapist was the correct thing to do, I didn't. I self medicated (by spiritual means) and thank goodness I got to recover. However, if I had gone for professional help then, my life choices would've been so different and I wouldn't have been in the binds I lived through most of my adult life. I urge young people to get help. Don't let life pass you by.
@ Quick Ps Tuts, Where are you located? I'm in MICHIGAN! I know you said alot already, but pls help me further. If you could somehow take me thru the journey you went thru, I would so appreciate it. I am everything you decribed and I want it all to stop. I want to live and not just exist. Pls HELP ME!!!
@@jilliandavis5691 I'm in Texas. Definitely get the book I recommended called Not Nice. I got it on Amazon. If the description in the book fits you and you are a people pleaser/always caring what people think then this is the book for you.
Of course everyone has different reasons why they are the way that they are. So I'm not sure if that's the same for you. But if you are constantly caring what others think and you are uncomfortable in social situations, find yourself agreeing to everything, caring what people think... this book will guide you.
Good luck!
People with avpd are actually avoiding their true self, they're hiding so well their truth because of childhood trauma. Later in life that's why they have problems with relationships, cause it's a self sabotage
I am my own worst enemy, that's for sure. Self sabotage seems to be my specialty. 🙁
true..
Agree totally, I've got this around overly judgemental family members who psychologically abused me my entire childhood.
@@Bettinasisrg I can feel you!! It's never too late to heal yourself and trust people again, the right ones though 🙏
@@Bettinasisrg same! I’m 34 and didn’t know I was suffering with this disorder😩 till this day some of my family members still judges me😢
My sister has this disorder. I've been educating myself to figure out what she is going through. Your video is the best one by far on this disorder in explaining it to me. Thank you!
you are a good sibling :,)
God bless you ❤
I love seeing comments like yours because it tells me there are still people who are caring for others, not only self. It actually even makes me a little emotional as I would like to have such a sibling
Living in a dysfunctional society is the reason why others including myself are avoidant. Society is chaotic and seems it was designed that way on purpose and I am not crazy if I decide I dont want to be apart of it. I separated myself simply because I cant handle the lies and fakeness of life.
Society in controlled by women go figure.
I've always seen others who still take part in society as brainwashed and just unaware. Maybe they don't care and use this to their advantage. Who knows. I care about people I am close to but I certainly don't just open up to new people irl. Much easier to talk for a bit online then open up.
Ameris- I totally relate
Then you do not have avoidant personality disorder
Honestly, you haven’t found your community yet. So many people are not fake and are very real. This could be your brains way of justifying your avoidance.
I’ve never once heard a description of a disorder that resonated so well.
I’ve always felt on the outside of friend groups, and when I tried to push myself to be more engaged, I would always feel so judged and perceived.
I’ve had stomach problems my whole life related to anxiety and I’ve tried just relaxing, but I always feel like I have to be on edge, like a rabbit sensing whether there is a predator around, I’m not kidding.
And I always feel like I want to be friends with people and have fun, but any time I’m actually there at a gathering, it feels so wrong, like I’m not meant to be there, and I have to think about everything I do or say because I’m worried someone will judge me or think I did something wrong.
And even if I am doing that, constantly going over what I’m doing, there is always something that happens that I go over in my mind a hundred times after and when I get home because it wasn’t EXACTLY what I wanted to do/say in the moment.
I feel lonely but simultaneously at ease when people leave me alone and don’t force me to talk or do things. I’m constantly at battle with myself on what I think will happen versus what actually happens. It’s exhausting, and it never happens when I’m home alone.
I also have a HUGE problem with rejection sensitivity, even if there is no reason for anyone to be rejecting me, I have such a huge fear of people disproving me for my choices, anytime someone asks me about my life, like university, future jobs, interests, relationships, anything that makes me different from other people in some way, I start tearing up, everyone always assumes it’s because I’m sad about what I’m talking about, but truthfully it’s because I’m beyond terrified of that person I’m talking to, to say ANYTHING at all. Literally anything, positive or negative, because then they would be acknowledging me and my choice, good or bad, but the attention is on me and that is the worst part.
I can relate to this. For me it's just that I find myself extremely uninteresting as a person, that I always try to avoid talking about myself at any costs. Never had a really really close friend tbh... I liked a girl once (who I met in a online community) but she also had serious problems herself and was suicidal. She also liked another guy (who also had many problems), but I and her used to be very emotionally close as well. However, eventually she got kinda angry at me for not talking to her frequently, as I most times didn't have interesting topics to talk about, because my life is just sooo boring. Eventually we stopped talking to eachother and since then I have been extremely afraid of getting too close of people again (I also suffered a lot of bullying back in school).
Teared up a bit. I am feeling you a 100%. I have friends, many i would say, but the longer i have them the more weird i feel. They always seem like a group and i am the add-on. Like i am not fitting in.
Same
And yet, you open up and share your thoughts, risking the trolls of internet to judge you. I think that is quite brave.
Facts and when i do speak it always seems to be the wrong thing and i get reprimanded. Even if my intention was to be friendly. Sh*t makes u give up hope.
When I dont avoid people, I end up having highly awkward interactions 😭 Im avoidant because I KNOW Im awkward af and I hate it so much
Same I just can't stand the awkwardness.... Sometimes I just wished I could befriend someone without talking.
Same here, but I'm in a job where I can't avoid interaction with people.
I got over it somewhat by forcing myself. I became an English as a foreign language teacher. I now give classes to 30 or more uni students at a time. Strangely, this is now easy, but social situations are still hard.
Totally agree! It’s weird though because some people I can be completely comfortable around, but others I feel like a freak.
maybe you're assuming what you're feeling is what the other person is experiencing too, and that's not the case. so what may in actuality be a little awkward to them (and that can even be attractive, i.e., shyness/nervousness) may feel to you like horrible awkwardness that you're projecting onto others in the situation. it's important, i think, to differentiate your experience of an interaction from others' experiences of the same interaction. i speak as one who's been involved intimately (over and over again it seems!) with avoidant personality types, i think, perhaps b/c my mother was avoidant and i am very empathetic and know not to push.
I get so anxious that when I meet people it's like I'm up on a stage making a spontaneous stand up set work..and it's really exhausting
That may also be social anxiety disorder/panic attack disorder. ❤
As an avoidant I tried this one year and I killed it!! Try doing more karaoke I think it’ll help.
I dropped out of High School because I felt like such a weirdo.
My class was like 30 people and not many girls.
It was pretty shitty and made me wanna drop out of school.
So, it is pretty close---but, not sure. I even dropped out
I *LOVE* that she's a psychiatrist who often doesn't mention medication, at all 😇💕
She says personality disorders don*t respond to medication, clinical depression and anxiety disorders do...!
Because it is Personality Disorder. Not schizo, not Bipolar, nor clinical depression, etc.
@@Mor2gain_760 medication definitely helps the fallout(depression, anxiety) from personality disorders though. I’m definitely pro-medication when it comes to mental disorders period
@@billsimms2511
Many people with personality disorders find that they do not works but for a short high & only alter your thoughts & sleep & mental abilities & not in beneficial ways... Those are the people who hate mediation for the most part... I was on it for years, but it does not fix though patterns, I personality believe mediation is an expensive, yet easy way to neglect the real issues...
If someone was being hit in the head everyday, by say... a low hanging lamp in their home and they just take headache mediation... How does that help ? How does that make sense ? I can identify with this metaphor because of the home entertainment I grew up in... I was the only one who was being put in counseling, when we all needed "therapy".... mediation will not help a situation & will not help thought patterns & processing... The side effects are often worse than the treatment... many people go down the path of finding the right mediation instead of the right ways to process their thinking or changing their situation... And for those who are suicidal, mediation in the home can easily open that option up easier and faster... Anyhow, everyone has their own opinions & I just don*t believe in mediation unless it is the only or last resort to get someone thinking better... bit it is still the "easy" way out & causes the wrong search for healing... In my opinion & experience...
@@Mor2gain_760 thank you so much for sharing your thoughts. I am glad I found someone think the same way as me. I am the kind of person who, despite of some mental issues, will avoid medication or drug at all costs. Maybe because of the fear of new activities in the 7th trait mentioned above. Instead, 3 yrs ago, I chose practicing martial arts, even though It costs a lot, I believe it's more beneficial and less harm in the long run. And I am thankful I did. I still have negative thought pattern sometimes (like now, that's why i search for these youtube videos), even suicidal thoughts, but it's easier to control and bounce back since I built resilience. I never thought about seeing psychiatrist, but I am planning to do counseling soon, hopefully it could help me with managing the distorted belief about myself better. Thanks again for your perspective.
I am 65 years old, and suffered from this most of my life....I am functional now, but I was kidnapped as a boy, and never trusted people after that....still struggle, but force my way through it...my wife and grown kids understand, and gently guide me back into society . And for the most part, have survived it...
I just wanna give u a hug. I'm really sorry that happened to you and so glad you found a circle of love ones to be surrounded with ♡♡♡
@@HousewifeInTheWoods thank you so much for the kind words.....God bless you!!!
Apparently some African children are kidnapped and pressed into an army and forced to kill and torture people or kept as sex slaves.
Telling people with avoidant personality disorder to talk about their deep emotions with "a trusted friend" LOL
Antares I know but it really helps.
Lester Brunt It would, if someone with AvPD had a trusted friend. I do not. I suspect many of us who suffer with it don’t.
@@Epscylon You can also talk to an Psychiatrist.
The label is a general catagorization of clustered symptoms. A rule of thumb is: If a person can identify with 3 or more symptoms w/in a general category, then they should do more investigation to see if the lable fits. One may not suffer from ALL of the but a mixture of complexities depending on the person.(example: avoidance disorder)
The severity of ea. symptom may range from low to high. Only a professional skilled doctor can diagnose you. I hope this was helpful.
✌&💚& Blossom🌹.
Right?! I laughed and cried at that one. I can't even picture myself asking my best friend to help me work through negative thoughts. I didn't even know it was a "normal" thing to discuss your feelings with others until a few years ago (and I'm middle aged). That just sounds so awkward and uncomfortable. I don't think I would even be able to look her in the eye again if I did that. 👀👀
My father's wake was full of family members I hadn't seen in years. As soon as I walked into the room everybody was excited to see me and called my name. I was so uncomfortable that I ignored everybody and was standoffish. My aunt noticed my struggle to speak to people,and came over and grabbed me under my arms and walked me around the room like I was a puppet to speak with everybody. It was so embarrassing and uncomfortable. I'm alone everyday and make a special effort to keep most people at a distance.
Oh gosh i relate to this too well. I hate to say it this way but i dislike going to family functions or most types of gatherings for this reason. Not being acknowledged is just so much easier to live with than being forced to worry about what someone else thinks of me all the time. 😮💨
Your researching UA-cam videos on how to be better at least you have not completely given up
That is why i always want to be the first one to be at a gathering
I spent Thanksgiving at my aunt and uncle's house reading about lobotomy. On the phone the whole time. My mom and aunt finally peeled me away to play a hand of cards. It was frightening.
There are so many like minded people here. If we had to socialize with each other we'd probably be fine! It's tricky finding people who get you. How about an Avoidant Personality support group? Could be a game changer.
I know right!
There’s one on Facebook!
I’d Be Down For It !
Nah I’m gonner give it a miss 🤦🏽I think
interested too
I’ve always had this belief that I have to master something before I do it with others because I could fail. This has always held me back from gaining new skills.
Ooo Wee, i can relate to that. Even though i overcame this (and i had almost all of 7 criteria, not anymore!), there is still some of it that remains.
But wait... You still can gain new skills unless it's a team game.
But... There are some activities that requires another person. But you can still be prepared. Proper preparation prevents poor performance.
Insight is the biggest hurdle. Now that you jumped pass that here is the the last one: accept that failure is another way to learn. It doesn't mean that you're diminished by others.
This is how I feel playing guitar
Same..
I'm diagnosed with Avoident personality disorder and I actually don't think people suck. The hard thing is if I worry about work or paying bills I start avoiding everything in my life and isolate myself in my apartment. It's a scary disorder that also makes me question who I truly am since I'm constantly trying to please others rather then being honest with myself.
Are you me? Your comment describes me in an incredibly accurate fashion.
Same gurl
You just a coward, you run away, because you are scared, but you frame it like beeing stronger than others. you just a baby. Grow up and show responsibility. You can change if you accept that you have a problem.
I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder ten years ago, but what I found is that I am deeply afraid of developing intimacy with people instead of worrying everything.
Whenever I feel people try to get along with me, I will just get anxious and find an excuse to get away. If I cannot escape, I will be extremely polite (in the workplace or even in a restaurant). That made me not a human being, but a robot. I know how good it is to interact with people because I had a happy school life. When I turned 16, I easily got embarrassed without a reason. Since then, I have been lost.
WANTED: YOUNG ME, HAPPY ME 😭
Oh, that young, happy you is still there even if you are no longer young. You can learn to regain all that, but it takes a lot of work. I was a high-functioning zombie before I spent many years digging through my issues. There's more to go, but I'm at least on the right track. Love is all around if we just learn to let it in.
I bet you have lots of thoughts going through your head non stop. Adhd meds can help.
Dude I FEEL YOU. At my current job I feel so so anxious and fearful just having to be around people and I feel like I act like a robot, and I’m especially fearful when talking to authority figures, like almost to the point where I feel like crying. But I’m super grateful for the people who don’t act like you’re being awkward and are friendly. So…. gotta start going to therapy now 😅✌🏽
I had severe social anxiety as a kid and severe APD now. I'd rather have the anxiety.
Was there an incident that caused that change?
This has been my issue since very young, probably induced by neglect and abuse. I feel much more safe just being alone.
Sabrina C I can understand why you feel safe alone, me too, and for the same reasons you give, it's very simple, if you are alone no one can hurt you. When I was a little girl the only time I Felt safe was when I would go and stay with my Nana (this was in the 50s) and I would stay with her for the Summer Holiday, I got breakfast, lunch and dinner, clean clothes and a three wheeler bike to ride round the block (all day) and my own bedroom. I hated going home to my negligent parents. Good luck Sabrina btw lovely name.
Honey Bea Hi, I think there are a lot of us out there who feel the same, I just can't tolerate people who have asked me what are you trying to prove by isolating yourself, it's interesting that people want to rewrite history and "move on", well I don't. I would never suggest that someone should live by my rules and yet I'm supposed to "fit in", which in their eyes makes me a misfit. My Son had a lovely childhood, we made sure of that, we had a long talk some months ago because I wasn't going out and he said it wasn't normal. I made it clear that we will always have a close relationship but I was allowed to choose what I do, he gets it (Now), so wishing you the life you want and it's not necessary to go with the the flow 🌹🌹🌹
So true it's the only time I'm safe
when i am forced to be with ppl socially i fantasise about being at home with my cats with a cup of coffee and a book
Shanto Lion Oh I get that, I haven't been out (anywhere) since New Years Eve, so nine months, and I like it that way, I have no desire to go out so I don't, I'm not concerned with what people think, that's their business. Always do what you want and not worry about people's opinion.m❤️
Thank you for this, Tracy. I’m afraid of having friendships, relationships, I avoid interacting on the phone, and then I feel deeply guilty about all of the social experiences I’ve missed out on. I like your hair btw, it fits you perfectly 😇
And you long for that but it's quite the struggle :( I feel you.
^^ yes. I feel the exact same way!
its such a genuinely hard habit to break too ;(
Same. I missed on certain interactions with girls late teens but I’m going to break out of it mid 20s.
Hi Matthew
"take an inventory of your relationships" This exercise was over before it started.
😅😅😅
Loooool
Gotta love using humor to hide the pain... I'm the best at it!
It hit the toes so hard...
I internally laughed at that one
Speaking from my own experience, this is an insurmountable problem.
I was a straight A student but I essentially dropped out (actually got kicked out) of high school for non-attendance because I couldn't overcome the social pressure and had absolutely no support system whatsoever.
I was extremely lucky to find both a well suited & well paying job (3rd shift, no social interaction) but that was it.
Been in and out of therapy my whole adult life, yet I have not changed at all and am still basically right where I started from. Last time I had an intimate partner was six presidents ago.
When asked 'On a scale of 1 to 10 how would you rate your self-esteem?' I always answer zero. Which means if I doubled, tripled, or increased it ten-fold, it would still be 0..
I feel you so fucking much... Could u tell me what u mean by "support system"?
@@mattb.7079 - No close friends, just acquaintances, never stayed in touch with anyone after high school, wasn't 'in touch' with any of them _in_ high school, no close family, never spoke a word about anything to anyone until seeing a therapist in early adulthood.
Medication helps me forget, and therapy helped me vent, but still have zero self esteem.
Never had a real girlfriend, no goals, no expectations, no plans, no hopes, no dreams, just coasting aimlessly.
Self confidence and self-esteem cannot be created from nothing. 'Fake it till you make it' is a meaningless expression said by people with real self confidence who cannot believe or even conceive of not having any.
Similar to saying 'Until you believe in yourself no one will ever believe in you' which I hear as 'No one will ever believe in you'. And it's correct, no one will ever be capable of believing in me. I see it, feel it, experience it every moment of everyday..
@@HailAnts am almost exactly the same, except I have some things I feel like I still have to do. Wanna write some stories, express all (or most of) my feelings out my chest in that way since i don't see how i could do it any other way.. hope u'll find sth stimulating enough to keep you going m8
@@HailAnts i think im experiencing the same. I want to get help But because I have a past history with addiction, psych arent taking me serious:/ how’d u get help
my life has practically gone the same - i graduated last year, BARELY, with 33 unexcused absences and many days having to make up hours… and i used to be in the top 10 of my entire class. it feels so fucking terrible seeing all my friends go to college and im stuck working a 3rd shift job because the college environment is too scary and i threw my acedemic career down the drain :(
Number 2 resonated with me because I can have a ton of friendly acquaintances and I can handle crowds and even public speaking. I panic when the emotional intimacy reaches close friend level. My avoidance personality tells me that as soon as I let people really get to know me, they'll reject me and use whatever they found out about me against me.
As someone who has had everything I've done wrong used against me countless times I just avoid making close friends. Everyone is kept at a distance. People think I'm a massive dick but in reality I just dont know how to get close to anyone anymore. After my failed marriage nothing has been the same.
Just go buy a bag of weed and literally don’t give a fuck what anyone says, from your perspectives every single thing happening in this universe is not as important as what you do.
I had so much social anxiety but eventually I learnt people aren’t shit, most people are assholes and most are really fucking dumb, don’t let work or awkwardness stop you from doing things to make you comfortable.
I’m so unfazed now I will gladly speak up about allot of things I wouldn’t have done before.
Also who gives a actual fuck what people think of you, most won’t see you ever again in life or won’t remember your interactions with them unless they friends
@YAMBAG84 maybe therapists will disagree but it's not meant to be taken that literally. It's totally fine to keep people, even most people at arms length. As life goes on, you usually end up with a family and a couple close friends because they've survived your selection process. The problem with apd I suppose is that you're psychologically controlled by fear itself and you can't actually learn how to make these selective decisions because you can't exert your will so it acts effectively like a learning disability. Been having similar experiences myself since middle school, never dealt with it into my late 20s and now doing anything is a nightmare. Constant socialization and communication seems to become more and more imperative every day, resulting in widespread narcissism, resulting in more competition, etc. Covid was refreshing for me....
my family has always actually done this so its not too far fetched.
Because they WILL use what they know about you against you. Friends, family or peers will attempt to control you or get what they want through you by exploiting your vulnerabilities and traits. You are never safe around your fellow humans.
I don't want to be like this anymore :(
Me neither sis
Same here. Stick in there, you arnt alone ❤
me either
Have you made any progress kn the ten months since you wrote that? I could be avoidant myself - but that may not be precisely right.
Me neither, but it is what I am comfortable with, for now.
Did UA-cam just diagnose me through the recommendation algorithm?
I want to say yes, but I'm too reluctant to talk to you.
Yup
😂😂😂.
✌&💚& Blossom🌹.
Yes
Oh my gosh, same tho :o
I spent 45 years in the midwestern United States where strangers are generally friendly and engage in small talk. I've been living in Los Angeles for 9 years now and have noticed that being friendly is usually perceived as mental illness. When I'm overly friendly to a stranger here they look at me like I'm crazy and avoid a conversation. It's really rampant and it sucks the joy out of being social.
I thought I was the only one felt like people make you feel like you don't have good sense. When you're just a social butterfly a friendly person.
Yup, im 4 years in originally from the east coast
That's basically Finland. People don't look at each other, barely say hello, no small talk. People being awkard and "busy".
That is, unless they're out with a spouse or friends, or drinking hard, then people talk - but only to each other.
Since I am a single, with no friends and I don't drink, I'm fucked
I feel you from both sides! I grew up in the Midwest and have lived in LA for about 20 years. I recently returned to the midwest for my niece's wedding! I felt trapped by the extended rambling and "oversharing" by caucasions who knew me or my family... it was a little scary! Because really I didn't GAF!
@@craigmerkey8518 QnA 'Wow ! _ 😶
"Unwilling to get involved with people unless certain of being liked."
That's my dating life in a nutshell.
🤔
Good doggo
Dude tried to get close to someone without certainty she liked me.
Turns out she didn't and hates me now. 2/10 will never try to get close to anyone romantically unless they literally beg to suck my cock.
Saaame. I waste my time looking at those “how can you tell someone likes you” articles and think about it non-stop instead of just. Going for it? 😆
Unwilling to get involved with people. Full stop. That is my life 🙃 But I am very willing to spend my time with birbs 🦜🐦🕊️
Sometimes when I'm talking to someone a thought just crosses my mind that the person I'm talking to is judging me, or doesn't want to be around me. When the though comes I just draw a blank and forget what I'm talking about because all I can think about is how much the person probably wants me to go away. At that point the only thing I want is to get out of the conversation and be alone.
Yes! I have these thoughts too. I can have a perfectly normal interaction with say, a family member but then suddenly I feel as if I'm being a pest or that the person I'm talking to has become disinterested or is "faking" nice. Its tolling
You might just be good at reading the situation lol. I tend to avoid conversations that are not natural.
The most liberating moment I have ever had in my life was when I stopped giving a crap what other people thought of me.And maybe it's about getting older and or looking back and seeing how much I have been through and survived.
Yup
Mary Bailey-Gates Yeah but that is the whole point. I desperately don’t want to give a fuck but there is this trigger in my head that overwhelms me with shame and anxiety.
Why are therapist so expensive? They are greatly needed in todays world but the average person can't afford them..
YES YOU'RE SO RIGHT, THE AVERAGE PERSON CAN HARDLY AFFORD REGULAR SESSIONS FOR A LONG ENOUGH PERIOD OF TIME
Well I don't trust them anyway. So I can't go because I always end up lying. Because I'm afraid they won't understand or they are bad at their job.
I don't have money for a trial period.
Because they can help fix the thing you most need fixing and have spent years and years studying your ailment. Why shouldn't they make their money?
@@mjt1517 Your money over people argument is shyte
@@keerya4179 I don't trust them either. Especially state mental health workers. They are crazier than they tell us we are!
Choosing to be alone is not the same as a sentence of loneliness; Avoidant Personality is a sentence of loneliness!
I identify with most of this. I am very lonely. However, recently I just kind of realized that I don't like most people. I don't know why. I sometimes attempt to make friends, but then realize I don't really care for the other person or what they have to say and then I don't follow through. I know that sounds shitty of me. I wish I could fix it. It sucks because I really do want friends, but for some reason I just don't seem to connect with anyone at all...
Same here! Personally, I just know I have low empathy and it's hard for me to actually relate to others and feel what they feel unless I put in effort to sympathize, and even then I can't sympathize with everyone. I'm also pretty sure I'm on the autism spectrum which explains this. Of course I'm not proud of it, but I can recognize it, and that's something, right?
I work as pharmacist which means that I have a good empathy (so that I can talk to so many patients everyday) but I still feel that way. I think it's not the matter of empathy, but the prejudices you have against other people working as barriers. You are like a scared little puppy and not putting you as the same level as others you are facing. Friendships only form if both parties are equal and they feel so. It's different from empathising. Do you think you are scared to take actual care into people and later they don't return the same interest in you? That's how I think. I think that there are so many better friends material out there that even if I take care into other people they will appreciate this at a very little level and then when other friends materials do the same act the effect will be much bigger and meaningful to them. That is why I fear into taking interest in others because I know that I don't mean anything to them. However, if someone wants to get close to me, I regard this as a nuisance and think that they want to use me to kill off boredom or use me to record moments in instagram. That's my thought process. Till now I don't know if it's wrong thing to think this way or not lol.
@@기치죠지의치킨난반 Same here, I thought everyone felt this way, but really most people don't. So I avoid anyone that shows an interest bc they'll figure out I'm too boring anyway and leave. Just always happens. Abandonment issues and self-sabotage basically define me along with depression.
You may be a loner but your not alone. Thats corny as f* lol.
I feel this way a lot. I try not to because I don't want to be some stuck up person. I often think other people are interested in the most stupid things, and those things don't interest me at all. And I most certainly feel that way about drug users (sorry to present company who uses), but also people who like shitty movies or tv shows or shitty games. And I know I shouldn't be that way. I sometimes like corny, shitty movies, though they tend to be older ones. I try and I try, but I can't find any interest in modern movies.
This was maybe the most helpful video I've ever seen in my life. I feel like someone told you about my life and you made up a disorder to describe it lol. I'm 35, no kids, never been married, all of my relationships have been disasters. Virtually no friends. Minimal contact with family. Addicted to booze and weed. I'm going to look into this more tomorrow when I'm clear headed. Thank you so much
Vices are used to cope with the underlying issues .
I hated the idea of AA but it's a group of people for people who hate groups of people.
Been there, done that...AA helped a lot. 6 yrs sober. Still learning to live sober. Two steps forward one step back. Life on life's terms. Still avoidant but more comfortable than I used to be. One day at a time.
Maybe I can provide you with some advice on the matter of the personality disorder and your addictions as I similarly was addicted to the both vices you mentioned. The disorder itself requires a lot of work. I started in 2016 and only stoped cannabis completely in 2020 January first. I don’t want to discourage you by mentioning the amount of sessions I had with my psychiatrist or the amount of times I needed to be admitted to the hospital in order to eliminate stressors in order to think, but the main reasons I was able to wean off both was because of medication. It literally took years and it was only through the third quarter of 2020, I was able to be prescribed a correct medication and dosage. I am currently still in the process of getting the correct dosage for another medication, but nevertheless, medication was the reason I was able to wean off both. In 2019, I was finally diagnosed with ADHD. Prior to the medication, regardless of the amount of sleep (if I could sleep), I would 99% of the time fall asleep. There was a day where I planned meticulously on what to do such as, waking up at 6am get ready by 7 am and leave for campus. I would either fall asleep in the time leading up to 7 am, even though I bathe, had breakfast, have everything ready to go, I felt really tired and lay down for a minute and bang. I failed. Another time, I would be so afraid of leaving, I am paralyzed by fear and my mind has fleeted. Now in 2022, I have been clean of cannabis since 2019, 31 st of December. I don’t drink casually anymore because it doesn’t provide me any pleasure or relief. I require to take medication in the morning and evening, the effects of alcohol interaction and the side effects are enough to stop me from drinking. I enjoy having the capacity to utilize my brain and enjoy activities throughout the day without having any limitations holding me back. Though I am not at the destination I seek as I still have fears and issues I am working on.
I don’t have a partner, I don’t like my family, i do not share anything with them, I would eventually like to cut contact with them in the future, I don’t reach out for help, I do have some very close friends, but seeking and asking help is another matter to accepting help. I live by myself with two cats. I am using CBT rather than DBT in problem solving my distorted thoughts and it is a slow and often painful process, but there is no other way. Well, there is another way of living, but the amount of abilities I have discovered since 2016, I know I can offer the world something unique that 1 in 1000 would be able to. In fact, helping people is my way of continuing down this path of “rehabilitation”. My oldest cat is my best friend and I would not be here without her companionship. I personally believe, she has been the main reason why I continue to push onwards. I don’t want to abandon her like I was by people who I thought was suppose to nurture and love me. I could never do what has been done to me. It would break me if I did that. If this cat whom I provided so much love is able to return just as much unconditional love then, wouldn’t there be hope for us? I will never know if I give up.
In summary, the correct medication has allowed me to leave the addiction you mentioned. Being open and honest with the specialist is critical to recovery. Good luck on you journey.
@@HelioPopTart I hear you, family scapegoat? Narcissistic parents? 1 parent is a narcissist and 1 parent is the weak enabler. Siblings were trained to mis-treat you by narc parent, narc parent deliberately creates sibling rivalry / jealousy, favors one kid over another. The narc parent tells lies about you that paints you in a bad light to family friends and extended family, so you have no support and no one will believe your account of things. The narc parent makes the emotionally sensitive empath into the scapegoat. There is plenty to understand about this kind of upbringing. It helps to understand why we have the traits / patterns that we do. Research Covert narcissism, scapegoat dynamics in a narcissistic family etc. It will open up a can of worms, but will help you understand things and begin to heal much faster.
Re: "family" - Cut those assholes out of your life.
Im literally lowering the volume when someone passes me because they might judge me for watching these kind of videos
I used to hold my breath everytime people walked past me because I was afraid they were judging how fast my heart was beating or how labored my breathe was.
Stop caring about what they think…are they better than you ?
@@artwithmamafairybreadd This is akin to saying 'just stop being depressed bro'. It's never that simple. Every action in our lives is dictated primarily by a perceived notion of what others are thinking or may think.
@@acrophis of course it’s not that simple…it can take years to learn to have self esteem and self luv and self respect…once you have these on a healthy level…it heals you, AND THATS WHEN you learn to not give a toss to others perceived image of you…
Or you at least learn to not let it effect you much….and to get all the self luv and esteem you need…you gotta work at it, just like you gotta work getting a degree or apprenticeship…it’s the same deal….
But you’re not going to be ok at Anything (including your degree ) if you don’t have the above 3 things I mentioned….so you have to get with it and do something about it and IT CAN BE DONE if you really want it…..it’s never too late…..
@@artwithmamafairybreadd Anecdotally I can agree with this to some extent. The automatic judgemental thoughts do have their edge dulled over time as you get older. 34 years on for me and I still open my blinds in the morning and assume the people across the street are watching and I make an effort to not do anything that could be perceived as weird in their line of sight.
This is probably more of an extreme example but as I say it's purely anecdotal and not representative of the condition as a whole.
I would take having a mind clear of these thoughts over winning the lottery any day.
Thank you, Tracey Marks. You gave me the strength to push past my fears and go see a psychologist and psychiatrist. I appreciate you.
Wonderful! I'm so glad to hear that! All the best to you 😊
I've become reclusive mostly because other people are disappointing. So many are so shallow.
Corinne Fitzpatrick exactly my feelings
Oddly though people are said to be shallow, but they're so complex at the same time! You never know what they're thinking or imagining. It just wears me out
Exactly.
Corinne Fitzpatrick make a pen pal overseas. Relearn the language you picked up in high school or college, if any. Or get out of the big city you live in. The smaller the hometown, lower income, the more humble a person can be.
Charles Lee Ray righto. Sad that I’m not even 40 and I clearly remember a time when people were more loyal, more honest, decent, more moral...
i just learned about this disorder yesterday, ive always felt broken socially, i thought i just wasnt able to care. i'd never heard of anyone with these problems ive had. thank you for making these videos. ive been trying to find anything about why i am the way i am and this video proved to me i am not alone. im lowkey sobbing, thank you
you're not alone. Learn about it, understand and empathize with yourself. It's hard, but We can do it.
AvPD destroyed my life. It affected every aspect of my life and lead to a extreme loneliness.
I haven't seen family in years.
I haven't seen my best friend in 17 years.
I didn't have any physical contact with anyone for 8 years.
I move all the time. When people are starting to like me and invite me etc. I move away.
It is almost impossible to hold a job because on many days I just can't get myself to handle all the social interactions.
I moved to Northern Sweden to an extremely remote place for many years which made everything worse.
Last year I said to myself "I give up" and I did. I was planning on leaving once my dog dies (she is keeping me alive, I don't want her to go to a shelter or a bad home once I am gone).
It lead to a chronical depression which made everything even worse of course. I can barely leave the house and go grocery shopping or do anything really.
I finally started getting help. I am taking Mirtazapine now and contacted a psychiatrist and a therapist.
I don't have much hope but wanted to give it one more shot to try and be able to participate in life.
Good luck to everyone out there with severe AvPD, get help early!
I hope you are having better days since this post ❤
Damn, she's really commin out here calling me out like this
look what people are willing to offer you for free
youtube is an amazing thing
and the creators,like this lady, are amazing generous people
What a lovely comment… I agree!
this was like a gut punch. every place i've worked at, i worked hard at being invisible, which makes it easy to lay me off when times are tight. i usually scorn people who strive for limelight.
Sounds like a no win situation thinking that way 😕
@@Mockduck2020 yeah...
I’m avoidant (intimacy, vulnerability, strong emotions) and an extrovert/in the limelight at work at the same time 😬
My issue with this description is that it implies that the negative reaction we’re avoiding is all in our heads. But for some if not most of us, the negative reaction IS what we get or got from people in our past and therefore we become avoidant.
Agreed
Exactly
Totally agree
I’m 43 I wasn’t always this way
Past relationships have changed me. I’m very closed off now . I don’t trust anyone!!!
I'm 36 years old and it only hit me a year ago. The realization came when I opened up to a colleague, while attempting to explain why I wouldn't say "hi" when walking into a room full of people: I just wanted to disappear, not be seen so I wouldn't bother anyone. I was afraid they might notice me, terrified actually. I felt like I was just a nuisance and everyone would automatically be upset if they saw me around. My coworker was so puzzled, that it got me thinking about it. Now I kinda see a pattern of behaviour in everything I do and a deep ingrained fear behind it all: deep down I know I don't feel good enough/ likable/ sufficient... I am inadequate in every sense, and people will notice all my shortcomings if they see me long enough. Awful beliefs and awful feelings I've been carrying around for at least 30 years. At this point in my life I'm really tired of being me and am trying to change , though I haven't been able to. I wonder what is like living without all these thoughts and feelings, and hope I get to experience a healthier sense of self in this lifetime.
Adriana Ramírez Being as open and sincere as you were in your comment (and your willingness to explain a bit about yourself to your colleague) is very brave and part of a path to healing. Well done! Take care and don’t stop trying to help yourself. I’m hoping to get to that level of openness in a lot of situations in my life, so I really admire it.
I truly appreciate your comment because, aside from just now learning my thoughts and behavior has a diagnosed name, I thought I was all alone. I have always felt ‘different’ around others, but I have never met anyone who feels this way too. Stumbling across the video has been an eye- opener to say the least!
I stand with you, been dealing with the same. I’ve learned how to recognize that thinking this way is not healthy. Doesn’t cure you but when you began to notice this happening in the moment you to separate yourself from those thoughts and get in the present moment. Two books I’ve read that have helped me and I’m a working progress. The Power of Now and The New Earth, these books are helpful. It’s a constant struggle but I’ve found if I use the techniques in those books I can get through just about anything.
lynx2cross Wow thank you so much! I most definitely will check them out.
Ii used to feel a lot like this but now on anti depressants I am a little better. I was neglected as a child and have learnt to enjoy having attention for a change instead of being ignored. Sounds odd but the meds made a big difference for me although I'd prefer to not have to take them due to some side effects.
I’m good staying at home and being happy with my dogs. Less people, less drama.
Feel same way Sue! 😘
And the cat..I talk to her so much she speaks english now..
Love it
You're right ..hate fake backstabbing people that lie to big note themselves . I got rid of group I mixed with ..it's heavenly now !!
@@oznerriznick2474 haha love it
The trouble is, I have been mocked, bullied, and ostracized multiple times by multiple social groups/friend groups, over 3 decades since childhood. I can't break the cycle of avoiding people and being afraid of them and being around them, socially, despite being very lonely and wanting to be social/have friends, because my history proves avoiding them is the better and healthier policy for myself. :( I'm stuck.
Same here. I feel like trying to get too close to people will eventually end in some kind of disaster, as I have had mostly incredibly painful experiences involving people I got too close to before...
Me too.
Same
Im frequently alone, i dont have friends, becoz i feel like when they know all about me, they are going to.mock and.criticize me, usually i keep myself quiet and doesnt express myself conversationally yet still being notice in some forms of teasing and humuor.
Same. And once acquaintances, or guys in social groups like golf or poker, got to know me I was not liked. Was just unfortunately dealt a bad hand genetically. Spent my life trying to overcome it, with VERY limited success. Tried and tried and tried. Choosing to avoid, while sad and lonely, was and is preferable to being rejected.
I'm over 60 and have given up. No wife, girlfriend, or life. I've lost many jobs because I couldn't work with groups. This doesn't get better, the best you can do is take acting classes and act like you're fine and feeling comfortable with people. But in the end, you'll feel better being alone, even if you're miserable..
Have you tried therapy though? I’m sure it’s possible to change this right? Or take steps to mediate it. It’s never too late.
@@vikki-333 Yes, it's just my personality, nothing to "correct". In short, if you want to change, you have to pretend, to become an actor. But you never stop feeling the way you do, it's part of you..
@@Mickell45 I’m 22 and relate to most of what you say. But I have to believe there’s hope, and little steps can help me/us change for the better. Sending you good vibes.
55, about to give up as well 🍻
I feel that way too, so socially awkward... And can't be in groups without a panic attack. I think I can only work with animals or plants and very minimal interactions with humans...
I've been struggling with this for almost my entire life. As an adult, it got worse and worse. I just never knew the name of it or that it was a real mental health disorder. I thought I was just hugely introverted, socially awkward, and chronically depressed.
This disorder has led to me losing jobs, not trying to find better ones, hating the idea of dating, or apartment hunting, or trying to make new friends or invite my current friends to do things.
This disorder also led me to lose my wife, who fell out of love with me because of the behaviors associated with this disorder.
The only silver living is that now I know I'm not just crazy, or lazy, or stubborn, like most people have told me when I tried to talk to them about how I felt. Now I know how to get started with getting help.
Thank you for making this video. It may have saved my life.
with you man, you basically outlined my story. stay awesome
Same here, as a kid I thought it was normal, and as an adult, I am a mental health dumpster fire. I wasn't diagnosed with the anxiety and depression until I was 32 and was having seizures. I was also fed all of the "introverted, socially isolated, awkward, overly sensitive" blah blah blah excuses from my parents. They will never admit that being controlling, aggressively opinionated, severely overprotective, judgemental and socially isolated themselves could possibly be the reason I am a nut-job.
If I were you I would still go to a doctor just to make sure if its the disorder in the video but I can relate. I’ve lost countless friends and even turned down internships (since I’m in college)
What types of things have you done to help?
Thanks
Same here
I want to have friends, i want to make connections and reach out to others but at the same time i can't bring myself to do it, i'm always so scared to say the wrong thing or to appear ridiculous and stupid, i'm scared of smiling in front of other because i think my smiling face is weird, off-looking, and the more i try not to smile the more i don't know how to, i see my class chats and i want to join in, but i hesitate and the more i hesitate, the more time passes, the wider the gap between me and them becomes, especially now where the only contact i can have with other is online, i also avoid facetime because i fear i may look horrible on cam, i fear judgement of other to the extreme, can't stand whispers of others, and all of this coupled with my some of the secrets i keep from other makes me frustated to anyone, to reality and to myself.
That is definitely AVPD. And I have never related more to anything else in my life.
Before I say anything, I’ve found that developing a system of logic that rationalizes your actions help tremendously.
That way, people are judging facts and not you. How are they going to judge anything in good conscience if it’s as obvious as 2+2=4? It helps me, anyway.
I struggled with the same thoughts in the same situation just before quarantine. And before that, and before that, etc.
I can never know what to say or how to act without worrying over how weird I am or look when try to socialize. It just ends up making myself feel pathetic and stiff, not myself (but can I consider that myself when I’m never like that anymore?), and I’m left reeling from those failed encounters from as far back as 5 years ago. Just at random. Like, a memory will hit me like a truck out of the blue, and I’ll physically wince.
So, I just learned to avoid it all together because it makes things worse, even when I want nothing more than to participate. I can be a stupid, ridiculous person, good naturedly of course, so I always have the same worries that people will think I’m being serious and believe I’m just that dumb.
Doesn’t help that I look like someone who has the opposite of my personality.
It hurts being something you’re not, but are, because you wouldn’t be you without feeling the need to act like you’re acting. (Clarification: I’m a Jack Sparrow fan).
The only person I can consider a friend literally chased me down and hounded me for friendship until I accidentally let myself relax in front of her because she was always there and I forgot she would pay special attention to me.
Eventually, I realized she liked my sense of humor, we shared the same moral views, and she feared false judgement as well, so I ended up adopting her. She understands and even puts up with my insecure phases, in which I avoid contacting her, because I moved away a while ago. Which aggravated every negative aspect of my life.
My life would be indescribably tougher without her, and I can’t worry about bothering her when she worries about the same things as me, so I can only hope you have someone like her in your life.
I relate to the smiling thing so much it hurts. My mouth stretches past my irises and it is the definition of ‘unsettling.’ I look psychotic when I’m genuinely excited over anything, so I try not to smile unless I’m going for manic mad scientist.
I know I’m ugly, it’s a fact that doesn’t need to be discussed, and when other people ask me why I don’t do FaceTime, I avoid, deflect, or make a half-assed excuse, assuming anyone has to even contact me.
Whispering hits home. Experience subconsciously dictates thinking that probably isn’t true at least a quarter of the time. Plus sighing. I can’t stand sighing; whenever someone sighs I automatically assume it’s annoyance directed towards me. All I feel I can do is wallow in internal shame.
I also have some secrets surrounding myself that creep into my subconscious as shame and guilt. So I understand that too.
I feel even more worthless over feeling worthless because of these same thoughts, so I just thought I’d let you know you aren’t defective or extraordinarily screwed up over nothing or weird and alone. People like myself experience varying levels of the same thing every day.
I’m sorry for rambling so much if you decided to read all of this. I hope any of this helped. If it didn’t, I’m sorry and am glad you don’t know my face. Please don’t live in the US.
@@apple_piethief9750 Hey, many thanks because you wanna share these all. I've been in my worst time until now. But your explanations is reeeally eyes-opening and I know I still have hope. Thank you again my friend (^_^).
In desperation I googled “being on a loss” and found a Benedictian monk. For decades he counseled people.: to get in touch with our very soul, to listen to ourselves. For community he talked about his experience of more than 50 years living in a monastery. Their founder Benedict created in the 6th. century a “rule” which they still follow.
I have so severe problems in ALL my “close” relationships.
This monk says, to get along with the most difficult “brothers”, they are asked to “stand” as well what we dislike. Uff, I had heard that in be-hated group therapy.
I am 57 and willing to change for a “while. I learn that I suffered from a narcistic relation which came with triangulation and mobbing. Try and error becomes more difficult after the years. Thank you all, that I can leave my “ruminating” here in the comments. Wishing you all good luck. Happy 24 hours
Hey, i was this way. Have to talked to a counselor? It helped me, after learning how to work with my stuff and get to the point where (yes i still have qualms about my appearence) but i can be on cam and feel fine.....
We need professional help to bring out the best in us, it’s never too late
i got diagnosed with this last year.. Its sad because I completely feel all of this and its slowly ruining my life.. my doctor just told me to just “stay busy and get out of the house..”
Just that feeling so alien around everyone who is so confident and happy in life is deeply jarring
Take it like medicine. It “tastes” bad but is good for you. Build up a tolerance, don’t shock yourself violently
@serendipidus1I Believe true. Getting to know these people will tell it's tale. people today seem to be more emotional today it seems.
Please find another Dr who really listen to you I had a doctor tell me to meditate . I meditated to a better Dr ☮️
@serendipidus1 And we survived the stinking trauma against a lot of ignorant cows. Thanks True.
@@astralinterstellar4451 Did he notice?
My best-friend sent me the link of this video, just randomly.
His diagnosis of my Avoidant Personality is top tier. As I am getting older (just turned 33), I am getting more & more reluctant of being in social settings and avoid being active in relationships. I feel so awkward, perceive myself as incapable to a point I question my intellect.
All this has been internalised for so long that my attempt at building a high wall has secluded me from enjoying and experiencing life.
I honestly cried my heart out after this video. I thought i was alone, even after 22 years, i never understood why im like this. My parents couldnt understand my reasoning nor do i understand myself. Words cannot express how thankful i am that videos like this exist. Thank you so much. God bless you Maam. I will try my absolute best to beat my anxiety
Your answer is Jesus.
danilaroche1156 I don’t think Jesus will help in this case as “he” doesn’t even intervene when children are being abused and that’s just one example!
However my message to Pochitaman30 is you are not alone, I’ve had to endure chronic depression and social avoidance at all costs for a long time and it can be very debilitating.
Try to keep your head up, keep occupied and be a friend to yourself.
Not everyone is even worthy of your friendship Sir!
All the best.
👍👍
It's human & natural to doubt God. Why this? Why that? I don't have all the answers but I can tell you this. I used to be an atheist. I was deeply depressed, broken and utterly shut down. I drank and smoked pot everyday. On a whim, I went to a gospel meeting and heard about Jesus. I said Jesus if you are the Savior, prove it! He did! My life completely changed. If u want to hear more let me know. I'd be happy to pray for you.
When we encounter the Lord Jesus, it's truly life changing. All thru the Bible people met God & they all testified. We are commissioned to share the gospel. The good news of salvation. Jesus is alive . I pray you turn , call on Jesus and get saved!!!!
I used to think that, too. Jesus is alive. He resurrected from the dead and is our Savior.
I always feel that because I have this, who will celebrate me at my funeral or life celebrations. I dont want to be lonely
Same, I’m afraid I’ll die alone and tbh I don’t even look forward being old and retirement.
Everyone dies alone, doesn't matter your relationships, when you die you do it alone.
NOOOOO YOU REALLY GOT TO MAKE ME THINKING SO HARD
How do attractive people become avoidant?
I always wonder this about my future wedding. Who would be my bridesmaids? Who would even marry me for that matter?
I'm sure I have it. It's way beyond being shy. It's infected my whole life, like you said. Thanks for raising awareness.
Somewhere in the middle, I burst into uncontrollable sobs. I hadn’t heard of this before now and I’m thinking of all the relationships that have degraded, all the opportunities and experiences I lost, and all the disappointment and hurt I’ve caused others over the past few years. I’ve talked myself out of doing so many things out of self-doubt, even knowing regret and guilt would haunt me for it.
I recognized I had a problem, and didn’t know how to define it. I don’t like being like this. Now I feel like I, at least, have some sort of starting point.
Man, I feel each and every word you've said.
Ever since I've realised this some time ago, I had decided to improve myself by doing the opposite... But that's not how it works. You can't force yourself to do something you've never learned to - how to set and keep the boundaries so you don't get overwhelmed. From that chaos comes distrust in other people, too.
So, I became very, very impulsive. I just wanted to DO things and I wouldn't consider mine or other people's feelings at all. I was faking everything, just for the sake of experience. I was hyper-social, hyper-enthusiastic, hyper-active. I loved being "that kind of person". I spoke about my feelings and my problems a lot. But it was all emotionless.
Whenever somebody tried to get closer to me, I would turn 180° and start distancing myself because I felt fake.
I've even dared to try being in a relationship! For 3 weeks. One panic attack and a nervous breakdown made me end it. The guy just liked me "too much". And me being impulsive prevented me from figuring out whether I liked him or not, so I broke it off because I felt like I was leading him on.
It feels like whatever I do is wrong. And the worst thing about this is the need to overanalyze body language, words people use, intonation they use, when is jt that they even communicate... I became so good at reading and transforming myself for other people.
@@Natalija379 wow, I've never read something that summarizes my experience like this. You're not alone
I feel like everybody experiences these things to some degree though.
@@lucidlocomotive2014
I do agree that this is just another part of being human. However, there is a difference between someone who experiences these kinds of feelings from time to time but can still overcome them in their day-to-day lives, and someone so stuck in this way of thinking that it has consistently and actively hindered them from progressing in their lives.
Initially, it was a feeling I could think about further and move past, but as time wore on, it became more difficult to overcome the mental hurdle and I was unconsciously avoiding interacting with people until at some point, I recognized that I had a problem.
I’m not saying I have this condition, and I’m not attempting to diagnose myself with it (there are professionals for that) but I do recognize that some of these outlined behaviors do apply to my circumstances. You learn something from everything, and what I took from this was a basis to challenge my way of thinking and behavior to improve my situation.
@@lucidlocomotive2014 very true
I feel like I've made so much progress in my view of self worth, yet still whenever a conversation gets too personal I just freeze. Like, thses people are genuinely interested in me and I can't possibly fathom why.
very apt. i've had essentially no close friends my whole life, and i tend to regret all my words during social interaction. after seeing others, i try to self-isolate for months so that others will forget whatever embarrassing things i did, and i never contact others, because if others contact me first, then i feel liked.
Almost always, your words during those social interactions were seen as perfectly fine by the other people you talked to. I've found this out myself in recent years, from events like a college reunion, and e-mails from employers of years ago. I had figured I had been seen as immature and unreliable by these people, but they said they had fond memories of me; no perceptions that I was immature or negative in any way.
This is probably the case with all of us.
Advoidant personality disorder can pretty damaging to a persons social and occupational life. My channel is all about mental health awareness to reduce the stigma it has in society so people will seek the treatment they need. Great video. Thanks for sharing this video to raise awareness.
You're welcome Shane.
Go to Fox news fox buss. the democrats verses the republicans on the Trump impeahment resolution program. the hate of 1000s against each other. 65 million voted for P Trump and the Democrats nancy pelosi and adam schiff are acused of setting people apart and ranking for a civil war. Hope not. this would cause a personality change in many.
@@DrTraceyMarks - (apologizing in advance for the length of this question...brevity isn't a strong suit) -
Is it possible to intentionally mask these thoughts/behaviors while in social settings?...like acting your way through the situation for the comfort of those around you even though, internally, you want to crawl out of your skin while simultaneously hiding in a hole or a corner or the bathroom or at home?...Masking by acting more extroverted but throwing in things like self deprecating humor to "beat them to the punch" so they laugh with you; oversharing/sharing odd things (like unusual trivia about seacucumbers), because of the degree of discomfort...especially when you are in a field that requires charm and being engaging in order to be successful? And is it possible for the focus to be centered/rooted more firmly on a serious fear of personal rejection (not professional - though it occurs in both personal and professional settings) with less emphasis or concern for what others think of you? Or would these differences be hallmarks/indicative of an entirely different issue? I am a master at avoidance (panic disorder post-cancer) and always have been to a degree (increased after the panic began)...but just wondering if it goes beyond anxiety, introversion and fear of rejection (the root of which is known). (I know many diagnostic criteria involve the degree to which it impacts your ability to function but youtube comments sections are brutal and even this is likely enough to bring out trolls and negative Nancy's...so additional details are off the table...)
Are there other Personality Disorders that are psychological kissing cousins that one could investigate?
PS - if you're ever looking to sell your used copy of the DSMV let me know. *wink* As an artist, writer and lover of learning I have LOOOONG wanted a copy but that price tag! Woof! I hate to feed into a harmful and bogus paradigm but that kind of cash is not starving artist friendly. I'd have to burgle a doctor or roll a grad student *wink* (and sadly my small local library doesn't have a copy *sad trombone*)
Thank you for any input/information you can provide (to my extremely broad yet obnoxiously specific query).
Cheers.
Yes, the damage to my occupational life has been staggering. This has been, by far, the most tragic aspect of having either avoidant or schizotypal disorder.
@@oldandstong6504 : Once you recognize what the real problem is, solving it becomes much easier. Most of us are abused, used up, & eventually discarded by a small group of very fearful, deeply mentally ill people. Understanding the dynamics & signs of abusive people/relationships will help you see ways to start solving this problem. [Most common signs of serious abuse: You know in your gut that something's wrong, but you ignore it because you've been taught not to trust yourself. You feel confused, indecisive, isolated, depressed, hopeless, misunderstood; you feel you don't know who you are; you question everything about yourself; you ignore &/or never share your real emotions. You believe you're bad, that all the misery you feel is your fault. You're told over & over that you're overly demanding (It's not that bad; lot's of people have things way worse than you do"). You apologize a lot, for no reason, and you lie out of habit &/or fear. You constantly hear things like: "that never happened", "it's your fault", "you're imagining things", "you're blowing things out of proportion", "that doesn't matter", "you're crazy". You find yourself constantly defending yourself against insane accusations and injustice.]
The thing I struggle with is getting a job. How can people with avoidant personality disorder go through job interviews if they fear criticism and rejection? I also suffer from depression, so even making the first step, i.e. applying for a job is very taxing. Then I go for the interview and there I feel extreme social anxiety. Will I ever overcome this? The worst part is that people think I'm lazy or less than them, and I end up believing them. My life is a self-hatred nightmare, why would I ever consciously choose this over getting a job like a normal person?
PuzzleMessage I completely understand. I feel like I might have avoidant personality disorder. Jobs are terrifying. I also have depression and anxiety. As well as an unspecified seizure disorder. I quit 3 jobs last year just because I couldn’t do it. I would sit in the car and just cry because I was scared to just be around people. When other people find out they got an interview they get excited, I have an anxiety attack. I hope that you are able to find a way to overcome this!
The mantra “assume positive intent” has been helping me.
@@brennalucas1302 thank you for sharing, good luck to you too!
Job interviews? You even afraid to work becouse of making mistake and being critisized or ashamed
Im in the exact same boat my family thinks im a loser and entitled but everytime i apply for a job i rarely get an interview and when i do i never get hired. Even if i get the job i feel like an alien, and my co-workers assume im an asshole.
I been behaving this way ever since i was a child. Now i'm 23 and don't know where to start.
I basically gave up on all of my relationships, it's really hard for me to cope. Your explanation at least gives me an idea of what my issues could be. Thank you.
I’m 22 and now I understand why I felt so different from everybody in my life. This shit really hurts
I feel real guilty all the time because I can't give people what they want which is me.
I feel the same way.
That's true! Never thought of that
At least they wanted you. Try always coming up short, never really being what anyone had in mind
46 I'm still single and sexless for more than half the time
Not trying to one up you , haven't been wanted for a very long .
A bit jealous if I'm honest
I also feel the same way😔😔
same 😬😬
The best part about COVID was having an excuse to stay home.
I still use it and act more concerned than I am so that nobody will bother me
Lol
You and 10000 others whatever you're feeling you're not alone you're not the only one
Frfr
Yes 👍
LMFAO. me.
I would really recommend the book ‘The Undervalued Self’ by Dr Elaine Aron. It goes into the deep reasons behind the avoidant personality and internal mechanisms that can keep you in it. It has been so helpful for me, hope someone sees this and it can help them as well
Thanks for the rec! 😁
Thank you very much for the recommendation!
I have a friend (I’ll call her Jane, not her real name), who fits this condition to a T. I myself am not that way. But she is really really frustrating to deal with. I feel like I’m forever cajoling her to do things, and she’s resisting. For example, she wears long sleeves in 100 degree heat because people would point at her flabby arms. That’s all in her head. People are too absorbed in their phones to notice those around them. If somebody looks at her with a glance that might be even remotely interpreted as stern she withers. She ticks all but one box Dr Tracy outlined. Please don’t think I’m not sympathetic. But as a fairly “normal” person with not exactly a ton of energy, this is really wearing me out.
I sure hope everybody who sees themselves as having this condition will try to find help. Please keep working on this. I know counseling works, especially when combined with supplemental reading. I went through counseling a couple of decades ago- not for this condition, but for depression, while going through a painful breakup. I came out on the other side of it a happy and whole person. It was a lot of work, I admit, but I acquired new skills I retained to this day.
The thing is, Jane with the avoidance problem was the one who was most helpful to me during that time. She talked on the phone with me for hours. It’s time for more “payback”. Maybe if I get her this book it’ll be a start in the right direction.
I came across one very helpful phrase years ago. The gist of it is… live your very best life, it’s the greatest favor you can do for yourself and those around you. Another thing I’m doing is to start every day with gratitude. Don’t just think it. Write it down. List 3 things you are grateful for. Do it every day. First thing. It sets the tone for the day. Best of luck to everybody!
Thank you
Bought it two years ago, will finally give it a read!!
thank you for the advice there is not much information on this personality disorder let alone how to resolve these problem, definitely gonna check it out!!
I’m 76 and I’ve been, to some degree, avoidant my whole life. I also suffered sometimes extreme social anxiety (I’d blush dramatically at the least social discomfort) most of my adult life. Now, as I near my last years of life, I’m alone, no partner, no real friends, very little to look forward to. It’s very hard to believe I can yet change myself to make a difference in my life.
we may count ourselves lucky that we, unlike many people including children, have been spared the worst of what this world can do.
I'm 67 and feel this as well. The difference with me is that I found a partner, a highly flawed partner whom I have hung on to for fear of the unbearable loneliness that has characterized most of my life. Apparently, in my mind, life with a verbally abusive and progressively physically abusive alcoholic is superior to being alone. My one and only rather distant friend died 3 years ago. So, even though I'm "connected" I'm still lonely, but in danger. I get where you're coming from. For older people like us there are no easy answers, no do-overs...
You’ve made it this far. Age is a concept and an ego based idea that doesn’t actually mean anything. All there is is the present moment and right now, nothing else. And you deserve peace happiness and love in the present moment. So yes people that are older get therapy, heal, meditate all the time. You can’t get back the time you lost, but you can be happy and at peace in the present moment, which is the only time that actually matters, because that’s where you always are
I'm 35 and I fear I'm headed exactly that way. I've avoided even trying to find a partner for years and I have exactly one friend. Maybe two. I don't know what you do...
@@lee.m.506 🙏 You only deserve the best. God loves you!.
I feel less lonely reading this comment section ;-)
One of the best I've read!
I feel more lonely around people .
We accept you!
Me too, I learn to imagine you all out there are somewhere! How to meet?
Same, I'm literally here after having a mental breakdown over this
Christ, this is the best description of me I’ve ever heard. Unbelievable!
This is definitely me. I've always been like this. When i was a child they use to assign me to socialization classes in elementary school because i didn't play or socialize with the other kids. And this went on for years. I still dont really socialize with people unless necessary. Thanks for the video. This is the first time I've heard of this disorder.
It is so rare for a video presentation to cover content this clearly and concisely, without bombarding people with jargon. Beautifully done!
This gave me chills. I never understood what was going on with me or that it is a type of personality disorder. This perfectly describes me. Now that I know; on to the journey of success. Thank you!
I've come to enjoy my alone time. The peace and tranquility from removing the "noise" is utter bliss.
Silence is golden as they say :)
My former boss pretty much alleviated my AVPD. We had an agreement to be 100% straight with each other without repercussion. So if something was bothering me, I told her and so many times it was all in my head or me making mountains cuz of insecurities. It helped me stop the spiralling thoughts and not worry so freaking much what others think. She also made me realize my own worth. I own her a lot.
I 'handled' my problem by rarely speaking and showing no reaction to anything. I also put out an unfriendly vibe so that people would stay away from me. I had people tell me that they wish that they could be like me because nothing ever bothered me. Little did they know. :)
Haha 😁
@86sith That don't work for me unfortunately. I get unwelcome comebacks like "what side of the bed did you get out of?" Or "smile" in a bolshie or sacastic way. Totally annoying, and makes me frown more
I'd love to befriend any of you like minded people. My contact info is on my UA-cam channel.....🥰
My avoiding people is based on life experience not a diagnosis
Scott Keys same here, mines gotten worse as I’ve noticed how most people aren’t worth my time anyways. I have plenty of intimate friends, family and a girlfriend. Just don’t bother much with new people because I have who I want and need.
Same . People suck
Same. How I was treated made me this way, now it's habit to not bother.
Follow the fear.
9:43
vial.of.photons Think you are proving my point with that statement.
So much of this resonates with me. I shudder when I think of how much of a waste my life has been. I am lonely, but I can cope with it mostly. I sometimes meet people who I just fall for deeply but I know I can’t have them, can’t go through with it. It’s just horrendous being this way.
Covid-19 is a blessing! Don't have to deal with anyone's bs these days.
Yes, I'm good at social distancing before it became a thing
Yes I love covid as it's given me so much freedom from family who make me ill. Don't go covid, you're my life jacket.
@@jaynestagg9460 LOL! - Yes, I have that freedom feeling too - only one problem - I'm not home alone - darn it!
Amen!
@@Miacorr --Same.
I can relate to this. Had lots of negative experiences so keep to myself.
Literally never heard of this disorder before, really thought I'd been suffering with social anxiety, maybe I do but I certainly tick all the boxes for this. Thanks for the information. And much love to anyone else who suffers with this ❤️
Social Anxiety is a part of the criteria for Avoidant Personality Disorder, so many people have both.
My pattern is performing tasks. It's most consistent when I need to do a task VS just interacting with someone. I can easily do a relaxing weekend around town and not too concerned with anyone's opinions of me. But when it's about a job, or really, when someone who has experience with something has the opportunity to watch me. I freak.. I avoid them. I'll put that item away or stop participating until I feel safe continuing. Simple tasks.. sometimes they seem so bizarre, I think it's a form of OCD. I recall as a teenager, I couldn't mow the lawn if the neighbors were out. I'd wait until they aren't home. Or wearing a bike helmet was embarrassing, so I'd put in my backpack until I was a few blocks away. Now it's things like..hard to advertise for my business and "compete" against other businesses. Even a logo on my vehicle is something I am avoiding.
Somebody who has this sounds like they have been deeply hurt.
I want to hide but I don’t even have my own room. I’m even afraid to walk in and out of places for being cringed upon which makes me embarrassed even more. I don’t want them to see me go to the hiding spot. I deny that i want to have a girlfriend because I know I will never get one because of fear of getting hurt.
oof
@@michaelcondrey3510 ..please please try and seek professional help. You seem like a nice person with a lot to give. Don't let this impediment take control of your life.
Dominick Ray yes... my father was emotionally abusive. I’m new to this diagnosis. But a lot of what she’s saying rings true. My husband is the perfect person for me. Not clingy, distant mostly. Can’t stand too much affection or communication without a glass of wine.
I have been abused and bullied all my life because of being mentally challenged So I have these thoughts but I try too hard and always fail.
I have lost count of the jobs I have had and walked out on because of this . It’s hard enough dealing with nice people but when you are dealing with toxic narcissistic people in the workplace , I bolt !
same here
So beautifully explained! You are a gift to this world! ♥️
Thanks so much Nena. 🙂
This randomly popped up in my suggested videos - and it's literally talking about me. I've always felt that what I experience is not typical social anxiety. This explains it.
We hermits have been around since the dawn of time. It's a viable life style. **walks away making angry old guy mumblings**
Mmmm the idea of a little cabin hidden deep in the woods
made me laugh! :)
Loraine Drosophila yess next to a lake and a mountain in the distance 😍😍
😆
i feel i have some aspects of this but its comes form disinterest in relationships and people... I just avoid everyone and don't like to participate in anything...i like being alone reading and listening to music rather then go on a date...i get inveted to so many things but i just feel i must reject 99% of it... maybe it has to do with covid19 and a lack of interest in people...guys think i am playing with them when i avoid going out with them... hermit is very much how i feel
I feel like the core of this personality type is that it consatly judges itself, mostly in a bad way, so it expects to be treated that way by other people. I overcame this by living my life like I want to be and stopped caring what other people think about me. Love to everyone
💜
I wish the best for everyone, as long as it doesn’t involve me.
@@BillLaBrie Exactly