Me also, I’m 57 was a workaholic, and I am now disabled from various breakdowns and substance abuse issues from trying to fake it for 30 years. This really hits Home.
This is me. Don't feel like I can connect with anyone, although I go through the motions. And yes, never feel really awake, just a zombie, everything is foggy. Nothing is exciting.
Because most in fact judge you. Its just a fact. Especially if you can't work because of it? You always have that suspicion hanging over your head by others. People don't wish to engage with you because they think you re a failure.
I think people can't understand why it takes us so long to get better. I have the feeling that I deceive them and that they don't want to hear about my depression any more... And so I mask and hide it..
@sand8228 I understand. Because that's exactly what happens. I don't believe its because people don't care? I just believe most are trying so hard to keep their head above water themselves, they simply don't have the energy to invest in your issues too?
I'm all of what you mentioned except the last one. I'm terrified of risk, because I'm terrified of failure, embarrassment, disappointment. I avoid risks at all cost, which results in stagnation...
I've known for years that I am high functioning depressed. The amount of people who have told me I'm full of crud is amazing. Therapists of all types have been no real help either. I keep telling people that the only reason I'm here is sheer stubbornness, spite and force of will. I'm determined not to let it be at me.
Yes, I felt this video so much. I am in the process of changing a therapist because although she's good, she keeps talking to me like she would speak with a person who is not deprived of the usual sense of achievement. It's all about setting new goals and pursuing them and the benefits I could obtain from it, but it doesn't work because I lost any drive. I start something and then give up on it because I can't feel joy or satisfaction. And about the things I already do, I procrastinate like hell.
@@stefaniamatusik9828 As the age-old adage goes: the pursuit is the goal. Without a helpful therapist, that one mindset helped me the most. HealthyGamerGG did a very insightful video on that a short while ago: "drive" is only one of many reasons to do something, and it's not helpful to fixate on that.
Me too. I can 'intellectualise' my emotions, I've read into to, I've helped other people through it. But there's nothing there. How do I grab ahold of something that I cannot find? People tell me many things, therapists, partners, friends, society etc. I know they don't understand, because it serves to further isolate me. I understand it is easier for them to think I am happy or whatever word they'd like that day - it is their nature. But don't burden me with what you think your world should be like and how I'm not fitting that. That's your problem, not mine. I have enough to work with.
You sound a lot like me, I would recommend taking a listen to Scott since he really has a grasp on this feeling. (As he experiences it) I wish you the best. It’s a constant struggle, stay spiteful!
Living the life of quiet desperation, the inertia of not having that surge of dopamine, but going to work through a veil of sadness and cobbling some vestige of normality to do it anyway. Oh yes.
1:31 High achieving, but don't feel it's actually good enough 3:24 Quickly dissasemble any good into nothing 5:09 at least one "socially acceptable" addiction 7:29 decent relationships, but feeling alone 9:32 driven by insecurity and inferiority 11:51 never feeling "fully awake" 13:19 hobbies feel like a waste of time 14:31 taking big risks
that feeling of "never beeing fully awake", man... if I had to pick one symptom that´s most impactful in my life, it would probably be that. Thank you again for finding the right words regularly.
Just read "Anxiety Control" by Ethan Parker and I can’t believe it’s so underrated. Hidden secrets in this book are next level, it needs more attention!
This is me. Now in my 50's and been this way since around age 20. People have no idea the ball and chain people with this condition have to drag around just to get through the day, let alone decades. Many times I've considered ending it once and for all, but I keep reminding myself life is over for all of us in the blink of an eye as it is. No need to rush it.
The amount of times I have been told "how dare you be depressed, your life is great, you have no right to be depressed". Like, I know, I'm the person who knows the best; but I don't have the spark anymore, and nothing I've done has lit it back up.
OMG.... The workaholism. I had a job working 90-100 hour weeks and it was nice. I left that job for a normal 40 hour job for more money and I'm no longer high functioning depressed. It's like my structure to deal with my depression was pulled away and I crumbled
I'm crying now as you just described my whole adult life - even in between major depression episodes it never really got all right but nobody ever cared, neither my parents and significant others nor my therapists. I cry also because finally I feel understood, even though it's by someone I will never meet in person. Thank you for this video!
It's because we're being validated by a doctor who knows our true feelings. It's like an amputee speaking to another amputee about " phantom limb pain."
The worst thing about the cognition of depression imo, as I have experienced it, is that it does not feel like pessimism. It feels like realism. Like clarity. Like seeing without the optimism bias. It can be a long hard road from there to somewhere where you can believe in good things again. I'm not in the best period of my life right now, but I'm not in the worst, either. So, from my experience I would say: There are good things in life. Or there can be. But it can take a lot of work to find them. And to feel them.
depression comprises "the pessimism bias" being so called "normal person" is founded on "the optimism bias" it' s difficult to asses human condtion "objectively" but the pessimist is much closer to reality of it, I guess
Yes, pets are a true comfort, especially for depression. My husband will be in the front room watching videos and TV. I will watch my TV & videos in the bedroom cuddling with my dog and cat. He thinks depression is a deliberate choice. He's not a compassionate person, so it has caused a rift between us. I have to filter what I say do I don't appear depressed. He doesn't even like me taking my depression meds.
@colleenpeck6347 my ex husband was like that. He certainly would of made it to where I wished he didn't know. Anything that upset his routine, would of blamed been on my mental deficiency. Just don't bother him. Not helpful. So. I find I can deal with me better without having to deal with him, too. One person at a time. Hoping for the best for you.
Yes, this is me. Two master's degrees, have a job, have people who love me, go to the gym everyday, and feel nothing except a sense of dread about the future and don't even know what I could change in my life to change the way I feel about the world.
Therapie, you have to program your brain to actually be thankful for the things. There are strategies like writing down what you're thankful for, every day
Thank you for sharing your struggle, I’m not as brave as you are but just wanted to give you a virtual hug, I have the same sense of dread about the future but I’m trying to let it go and just focus on some small things now, maybe sit outside and listen to the birds, it does help me. Your channel looks interesting, I’m going to watch your video. Take care.
It all resonates so powerfully... I had a breakdown, finally, after my second year of college. My friends never knew - I told them I was leaving because of family issues. Their memories of me when we met up for coffee 10 years later? "We admired you; you were always so upbeat, never moody, always a smile on your face..."
I find that very sad… not in a pity way , but the fact that you felt the need to , at that time and place to not feel free to share , even at a basic level, what you felt you needed to do ( that is leave and fund a space to regroup and find solace). I say this as society puts so much pressure, and subtle nuances on us to let us know, that most of the population cannot hold space for those to have a ‘moment’ … a ‘control, alt , delete’ moment to reboot, so to speak. I have had many of those relationships sadly. And to be honest I feel most people experience this… even through the lens of being a genuine, caring person who looks for connection in people - and not just a transaction gain or opportunity.
Key Signs Identified 1 High Achievement with Emotional Disconnection Individuals excel in their careers or personal goals but feel no pride, joy, or connection to their achievements. The reward system is disrupted, leading to a continuous cycle of achievement without satisfaction. 2 Tendency to Disassemble Positivity A mental habit of dismissing positive events or achievements. Extreme pessimism or nihilism neutralizes the emotional impact of positive experiences. 3 Socially Acceptable Addictions Engagement in behaviors like overworking or excessive fitness, which are praised rather than stigmatized. These serve as coping mechanisms to avoid confronting emotional struggles. 4 Decent Relationships with Chronic Loneliness Ability to interact socially while feeling emotionally disconnected. Often due to difficulty in expressing vulnerability and being misunderstood. 5 Driven by Insecurity and Inferiority Motivation comes from combating feelings of worthlessness rather than seeking fulfillment. Achievements don’t quell the inner critical voice, leading to a cycle of overachievement. 6 Persistent Feeling of Fatigue A constant mental fog or lack of energy, even with adequate rest. Symptoms resemble inattentive ADHD, such as forgetfulness or slow cognition. 7 Hobbies Feel Like a Waste of Time Loss of interest in activities that don’t produce tangible benefits. Focus shifts to practical, result-oriented tasks due to lack of internal reward. 8 Engagement in Calculated Risk-Taking Deliberate engagement in significant risks while fully aware of potential consequences. Often driven by a desire to feel something, as risky actions can temporarily break emotional numbness.
Thank you for explaining this type of depression. I recently realized that at 54. I have never reached any type of real Joy. I kind of live in a hypersensitive numb way. Everything seems to be a disappointment. I thought that menopause had something to do with it. Scatterbrained , I literally have every symptom you named off. I’m a perfectionist Addicted to fitness because it’s the only thing I feel alive doing. And chronically alone even though my husband loves me. I’m tired 😮
This was me and tried to take my life once I got hurt at work and had to take time off. I had no idea everything would crash. I'm reclaiming my life. I still have to watch how I put so much time into work.
You forgot to mention the guilt that comes with it. I have a loving partner, great friends, a paid-for house, a stable job... and I'm still not content? I must be a total jerk. So many people are far happier than I am with far less in life. (Cue the toxic positivity.) And this might just be me, but on the bad days... I wish I could have a breakdown, but I don't know how. Because then maybe people would notice how hard I'm fighting, and maybe then I could drop my expectations for myself for a few days. Instead, I keep chugging and chugging and chugging like an engine without oil.
This is incredibly true. I tried reaching out to my dad for help and he told me I had “no reason to be depressed” because I was only 15. So…I never reached out again until I was extremely bad. Guilt is a terrible thing.
*This* broke me physically and emotionally for so long. I had it for decades to a point that I felt my life so empty. I tried to blame it on external factors, I lined my boundaries and I felt even more lost. When I finally worked on my internal system, I finally found some sort of balance. People see me as lazy nowadays, but honestly, the peace that I have allowed myself to have is more worthy than their feedbacks. I hope that you will one day find your balance and cope with your depression in a healthy system that works for you 🌹
This was extremely helpful because I have always felt I'M defective, have always felt alone in a crowd, so hard to connect. And the feeling of being an actor in a movie?? I def thought that was only me 😞 Always persuing something from a place of insecurity. I was diagnosed with acute anxiety/panic disorder in my 20's but never any mention of depression. I now know they often go hand in hand. I have tried in the past to let people know when I'm floundering, both at work and with family and they hear but don't listen. They roll their eyes or fluff it off and I am left pushing beyond my comfort zone way too often. The traditional workplace has always been a disaster for me and have suffered many breakdowns as a result....I just burn out trying to fake it. Help for mental health disorders NEEDS to be covered by our medical but resources are very limited and pricey, here in Canada anyway. I am so grateful for your channel.🙏
I agree that someone who isn't able to celebrate or feel happy about an achievement has a disrupted reward system. But I have to question whether someone who doesn't experience the positive emotion of reward has somehow detached from or suppresses the emotion of reward. My family never celebrated any positive events when I was growing up and I simply don't know what the emotion of reward feels like. My parents never felt or demonstrated any happiness or positivity over a reward or good thing happening, and I never witnessed it and never felt it myself. The only thing I know is to, when something good happens, just go on to the next thing. I'm not depressed... I just never experienced any other way.
Omg, so sorry. You are maybe “not depressed” but you are traumatized, that is also a sign. Not knowing when you should feel good about something. It s like going to a funeral and smiling because you don’t know it is wrong.
If you feel like this please try to seek help. I’ve been feeling depressed for a long time now, I still kept going with all my responsibilities but I never felt connected to people or the world. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore and had a complete breakdown. if it all gets too much for you it’s not weak to take more time for yourself. you deserve to rest, you are worth it.
@ I think it is good to talk to someone you trust, for example, your parents, friends or someone in your family. It’s very hard to carry those thoughts all alone, maybe it will become less heavy if you share them. You can follow therapy, the most used for depression is: cbt. But look especially at what you need because everyone is different, don't be afraid to speak up if it isn't working. You can also chat or call the Suicide Hotline I don’t know exactly what the suicide prevention line is in your country. In America the number is 988. I really hope that you will feel better again, you deserve it.
I think it helps to tell someone you trust how you are doing, for example with family or friends. Maybe it helps to make the thoughts feel less heavy. You can also follow therapy. Look especially at what you need because everyone is different, don’t be afraid to speak up if it isn’t helping you. If you are in need you can call some numbers. (I can't put the number here because every time my reaction gets deleted) I hope you feel better soon, you deserve it
@emy6232 Just wanted to let you know I do feel better now. Although objectively speaking I'm living a pretty bad life. I do get these depressive episodes for a week every once in a while and unfortunately my steroid use amplifies my emotions
You have given me so many answers to so much I have not understood in my life. People think I am positive and upbeat, but I struggle every day. I am so sad about my life. It's just been so hard. I was born into an abusive and very dysfunctional family. I believe that people that have grown up in an abusive and dysfunctional family are so much more tolerant than others to the difficulties of life. We don't expect a lot from life or from people. I'm so thankful for your videos.
Workaholism to avoid dealing with loneliness, conflict at home and health problems ... it's like you are reading my diary. The topics you have covered on your channel have helped me more than you know.
Very well articulated for something which is so hard to grasp. I think I've heard it called Dysthymia or Persistent Depressive Disorder because it's always there. I agree with everything except number 8. I simply cant be bothered taking a risk or else I'm afraid that if it doesn't work out, I'll feel even worse. Good video.
I know the feeling but you have to fight this. There are waaaaay more interesting things to do in the world than you can ever do in 1 lifetime. Or 100 lifetimes. It just doesn't feel that way. That's depression. That's what it does to you. But the good news is that just because you think and feel this way, doesn't mean it's true. You can find your way out of this. Find interesting things once again.
It seems like this dovetails nicely with your post on higher IQs and depression. Do you think there might be a connection? Being able to understand the people around you, while feeling like none of them can really understand you in return, seems like a recipe for isolation and depression. I’ve been focusing less on trying to be understood by others and more on accepting that I am who I am whether other people get it or not. This is thanks (in part) to your videos. After doing this for awhile some of these feelings are lifting. We can all be our own best friend. I now come home to someone who understands me (ME 😊) and it is really helping a lot. Thanks for explaining these things.
@3:23 "the ability to ... dissasemble any potential source of positivity..." Another way of saying this could be Chronic Pathological Objectivity. Perhaps this is what emerges when the subjective experience is dismissed as trivial. Perhaps as a defense against emotional shock (trauma). Depression is a state of subjective pain, after all.
Absolutely me. I've given it my all for 63 years and it was never, ever enough. Even admin'd for a church for 25 of those years and it was never enough there either, because I wasn't entirely immersed in the worship. I'm entirely fed up with working myself out mentally, ensuring I eat correctly, exercise, care for others. For what? I'm drained, my birth family are all dead, I have one or two friends left of the many I've made over the years because I haven't reciprocated correctly. Exhausted. But I have twin grandsons to care for so need to get up and on now, thanks for your empathy, Scott 😬💛
I believe that we draw a lottery ticket, as it were, when we are conceived. Mine had ''adversity, shame, rejection, stagnation, inferiority, inadequacy, loneliness, extreme shyness'' Work, being around people 40-50 hours, which offers ample opportunities to be looked down on, disregarded, humiliated truly makes my life not worth living. I've determined that being financially free is the only way I'd have a shot at a destiny God decreed at my conception wasn't going to be for me. The true me can only emerge in security and abundance, and money offers both. This Christmas, as we reflect on the birth of Christ, let us also reflect on the millions of us whom God condemns to a life of torment.
I have been struggling with this since my teenage years. Figuring it out felt productive but that was six years ago and it hasn't moved. The house, the kids the career, the counseling nothing helps. I get moments of feeling like a real person but it always fades. I feel called out about the inattentive ADHD comment. Got diagnosed couple years after the depression was recognized. Now what? Another 50 years of this? God damn it.
I’m reminded of the poem by Edwin Arlington Robinson, I believe published around 1922, titled “Richard Cory.” The fact is, we can never know what’s beneath the surface, or going on behind closed doors. Suffering is often invisible. Richard Cory BY EDWIN ARLINGTON ROBINSON Whenever Richard Cory went down town, We people on the pavement looked at him: He was a gentleman from sole to crown, Clean favored, and imperially slim. And he was always quietly arrayed, And he was always human when he talked; But still he fluttered pulses when he said, "Good-morning," and he glittered when he walked. And he was rich-yes, richer than a king- And admirably schooled in every grace: In fine, we thought that he was everything To make us wish that we were in his place. So on we worked, and waited for the light, And went without the meat, and cursed the bread; And Richard Cory, one calm summer night, Went home and put a bullet through his head.
Yes”wish we were in his place”…. Is an apt sentence for this topic. Often , far too often we have to reflect an act of togetherness and ability, as there are too many personalities in these modern times , that if they see you struggle, unsure, unconfident or vulnerable , that moment of humanness will be leveraged and used against you… whether it be a workspace, family ties or friendship. For stake wise , if we were all allowed to have a moment of grace for whatever emotion and feelings were high jacking or flooding us , for the simple task of regrouping and self soothing, we would align ourselves again and soldiered on. Depression I feel is often mistaken for having external people and situations, that are frankly… unattractive arse }^%# or either feeling more oppressed than depressed. Learning the ‘game’ of modern life would leave anyone exhausted… eventually if they lived past 80-90 yrs old. No one knows what is happening behind close doors in their life, nor do they know of the adversity one has to overcome. Empty vessels make the loudest noise… therefore go where you are celebrated , not tolerated, and seek people who seem to be caretakers of the world, the steadfast folk who give a damn… and leave the novelty people who seek an endless supply of dopamine hit and popularity to their own kind. Yes, life is hard and tiring, achievements are earnt, not given, so be discerning of who you freely hand your time, energy, love and resources to. And also vice versa… don’t be reckless with others hearts for the sake of ‘getting ahead’. Merry Christmas.. and a happy and sane New Year.
But dragging their significant others down into their sewage is cruel! Unless they seek treatment to address their behavior and mental illness, they are dangerous as a runaway freight train. We are not professionals health care providers.
It blows my mind how well you describe everything. I’ve been this way as long as I can remember yet I can’t put it into words like you just did. So many of your videos make me feel truly seen, like someone out there actually gets it. Thank you!
Thank you for talking about high functioning depression. Sometimes I think that I am so used to functioning like this that I wouldn’t know what it would feel like to not wear the mask.
Hi, I usually never make comments on UA-cam, or anywhere else actually, but I discovered your content a few months ago, and I couldn't underline enough how accurate everything I hear is. It's mind blowing. Like just a step aside of what all the rest of the theory is that you can find over and over, but this little step changes the whole picture. Immense thank you to your work, and I hope you will continue and rise, for me, and everyone else struggling, trying to work it out, and finding it difficult to relate to what can be found elsewhere. Every video brings me very clear, active consciousness and tools over specific situations, and I'm very grateful Big up! Bruno
@@DrScottEilers in a UA-cam labyrinth, where so many fakes and unremarkables de facto sell a lot of their ‘wisdom’, well, there is also you Scott or Dr Eilers whichever you prefer. You naturally cannot hide your sophistication, knowledge of your field, neuroscience, etc, and you give responsible advice with an emphasis on destigmatizing, minimizing self-guilt, minimizing suffering, and with a few simple words, very science-based but also sensible to everyone. And Despite your best business efforts, you cannot hide your personal warmth and humanity in your UA-cam work. Come on - We all see it in your face that you know that every time you post a video, someone or actually a few people at least will inevitably feel better, because they have no choice but to finally get it after listening to you. I personally will always believe that it is in the in-person with trusted friends and/or trusted relatives (notice the order) that makes the ideal therapy through relief and connection, but i have also felt it watching your videos and observing the infinite decency in you. Maybe high-functioners need to question some premises and see if they can find more meaning in their life. The kind of meaning that ‘violently’ overtakes you when you find it or it finds you? I think you found it/found you when you sublimed negative experiences into science and helping others. I am not a priest but God Bless you and have a Merriest Christmas!
After a few decades of high functioning as an engineer, I completely unraveled, ended up on disability and am now friendless and in the middle of several addictions and at 60 have not real future and have been living for 15 years in a state of "being lost". I don't have any idea where to go from here.
Engineering is tough for people with anxiety and depression. Companies talk about work life balance but revenue and the need to deliver never stop. The projects never stop. You take Fridays work into the weekend worrying about it until Monday.
Wow, that hit the nail on the head. I don't bother with hobbies anymore, I might laugh at something funny, but real joy is pretty absent, definitely feeling lonely in a crowd, I disconnect from everyone and really only feel comfortable by myself, and its been like that for so long that it's just become normal. That might be the worst part.
Regarding hobbies: It may also be that such people don't want to allow themselves to have fun through hobbies, that they feel that they don't deserve to have fun - for a variety of reasons.
@@ElaAusDemTal I don't know why you answer in English, maybe you lack the drive. Please tell me where I have excluded a lack of drive as the reason. But you are right, all depressive episodes are identical, it can only be lack of drive, other things can't play a role.
By the way: There are also hobbies/“activities” that don't require much drive. But even depressed people can deny themselves that. Yes, because there is often no fun to be had, even if the leisure “activity” doesn't require much energy. This can quickly lead to a lack of concentration, or you simply drift off into your thoughts - for example, when you're watching a movie or at least trying to. At the same time, a movie can also be boring if you somehow “feel nothing”. And this feeling of nothing can also have a negative effect on your desire for hobbies. And that's not meant in a judgmental way.
I definitely relate to the trudging along aspect, it's always exactly the same level of difficulty to do tasks no matter how many times I've done it, because I don't *want* to do anything at all, and I don't want to do nothing either. So I just end up doing random things and neither enjoying myself nor feeling rewarded for accomplishing things.
my socially acceptable addiction is video games. if left to my own devices, I can pour 140 hours a week into playing games, and the really sad part is that I STILL don't really enjoy it, I just kind of tolerate it better than other tasks
Dr Scott, you are the first professional that I know who understands me as a person. I am 65 and have suffered since my late teens. I have been a workaholic but due to physical limitations I work regular hours. Work forces me to leave the house.
this is because depression can only be understood from the inside, so to speak he has obviously been through that one can not learn about this from the books
I really appreciate that you can put your theories out there to help others, rather than keep them hidden until others confirm them or publish them. Your authenticity also really shines through in your edit free one take to camera. Thank you for your good work, Dr Scott.
@@adamborowicz7209 16:23 "this piece of content is all about awareness" (title is not clickbait) 15:59 - treatment is described as no different to non-high functioning depression.
Very interesting, even from a low-functioning perspective. I now think I was probably depressed back when I was successful in my career. Thanks for the great videos.
Something I'm always telling my doctors and my therapist is that it's really hard to get people to listen to me about my depression and addiction. People are always dismissing it because I can go to work each day and live a seemingly normal life.
I will agree with about everyone posting , you really described me to a T and I have asked therapist why I dont ever feel connected to anyone and have to remind myself someone is my friend even if I have known them for 40 yrs . MORE ON THIS SUBJECT PLEASE .
Thank you so much for talking more about this. While I haven't been officially diagnosed, the first time I heard about this sub-type it just kind or resonated with me. Having you break down the various signs, of which for me there were many, helped to let me know things to recognize within myself. Number 4 especially hit home as I've often described social interactions as, "putting on the right mask, for the right situation," and survived since my teenage years doing so. However for people that I have been able to trust, I've always been able to admit that when those moments get quiet, is when I feel so completely alone. Number 5 has also been my demon that I fight daily.
I think what's fueling my depression is my inability to establish and maintain any kind of meaningful relationship (or could it be the other way around). I do take care of myself though, physically, exercise, hygiene, diet etc. I hold it together for work (and somehow, i just got promoted), but then I go home and just shut down. It's like going completely numb, staring off into space, and definitely having the thoughts of being worthless, disliked, invisible. When I think about the future I see myself in the exact same spot, no friends, no relationships no matter how far out I project. I want to turn on the TV, but the remote is like 3 feet away. Sometimes I troll UA-cam and find stuff like this.
I felt such a connection with Robin Williams. It was like I could understand where he was coming from while he was alive. He was a comedic genius who totally lost himself in each character he played. I now know he was happy to do it to lose himself in the character, if even for a short reprieve from his private mental hell. Robin had so much to live for…..the diagnosis he received as having Parkinson’s Disease pushed him over the edge. RIP my dear friend. You are sorely missed. 🥲🥲🥲
One of the challenges I’ve faced personally is the constant cycle of overachievement. There’s often monetary or social reinforcement to stay on the same path, even if it no longer fulfills you.
Wow, I think I had this until very recently. In my case, certain illicit substances changed this, but I spent years questioning if I was even depressed. I just thought this was what life was like.
How I wish more people understood this. I don't know how many times a therapist has said how well I'm doing. They have no idea how much I want this life to be over.
Me too. I feel forced to be alive and everything I do is either trying to be a useful as possible while I'm still here or tidying things up so it won't be difficult for anyone to deal with my stuff when I go. I suspect I have as much as 30 years to go. I try to cultivate healthier ways of treating myself, but nothing seems to hold and I'm perpetually tired
Oh my gosh, I surely wanna more content about this topic!!! Being a psychologist myself and fighting with high functioning depression for lots of years now, I have digged myself into this issue gradually. I am recently at one of my low points again, feeling nothing can help me (I know it is not true but am feeling this way), because the traditional approach negligates my problems at all. Feeling constantly that I am not seen - and in fact, that is true, cause my persona is not my authentic self. One source I have mentioned in a comment at one of your previous videos already, is the work of Dr. Margaret R. Rutherford, who has written the book titled Perfectly Hidden Depression, which has helped me and others a lot, detecting and understanding this phenomenon. Even there I could not find this kind of information you share here, so I am very glad for your work on YT!!! Thanks a lot!
Scott, I’ve never heard anyone with so much insight , knowledge and wisdom as you. You hit the nail on the head. I easily identify with 6 out of your 8 factors. I have been suffering from depression for years. This has been the best explanation I”be heard- Thank you so very much.
You are awesome and put into words what a whole bunch of us feels. That's a blessing. Here's what helped me this year: trying to have pleasant interactions with other people and cars. The goal is to both walk/drive away feeling better about ourselves. I realized I needed to apply this to myself. So I say " I want pleasant interactions including myself". Low and behold my nervous system dramatically responded to this sentiment and calmed down right away. I think the trick is to find the right verbiage. This is an amazing page to help with that. Lots of luck and 💜.
7:39 'Decent relationships but feel chronically alone'. I have learned this lesson. I moved from a town to the countryside. The people were friendly but I was not part of the community (= no connection). Then I had worked and lived in another city. After that period I moved again to the countryside (not the same location but nearby) but there was one difference: I INTRODUCED myself in the pub (and paid a drink for all) and also in other pubs in the region. Now I am a part of the village community, volunteering in bicycle races, festivals, etc. since 10+ years (= connected).
Thanks for the new release! But a workaholic depression does do me a favour as I tend to spend even more time alone and pick up my readings. As a post-graduate student of the Faculty of Arts & Letters,the faculty building is almost an inpatient unit - i could stay for 12+hrs feeling at home 😢
Plus, 'admission' allows both collocations with 'to graduate school‘ & 'to hospital'... Never had I thought of this even during my first years with depression…
Oddly, the first thing I noticed is that it's extremely refreshing to watch a person speak in a video without it cutting every half second because the person can't give a speak properly. You're doing a wonderful job explaining those very important topics calmly and understandably. Thank you!
Thank you very much for this post. Lived with mild dysthymia for over 40 years. I especially resonated with the ADHD or ADD discussion. I'm 58 and for the first time in my life I've began questioning whether or not I had ADHD and you're explaining the symptoms that look like mild ADHD helped me realize what I've been feeling isn't coming out of left field but a common symptom for living with the depression I live with.
I purchased your book as well as the audio version today for my girlfriend. As I began to read this, you were describing her to a tea. My favorite self-help book would be " The Art of Happiness " by William Cutler and the Dali Lama. So far, you're right on. So, our session begins.
Mid 50's and it's difficult living in this body. Life's tough, it's unsatisfying and nothing really is very enjoyable. You mentioned gym addiction and I'm that guy, I workout daily and it's my escape. I know 100% that it helps me deal with mental issues and burn off some energy but I fall back into my funk often. This video speaks so much truth and I wish I wasn't dealing with my problem and as morbid as it may sound I sometimes wish exiting would be a legal option (MAID) under this condition.
This! There might be liability issues so they have to register people, file insurance and have a supervising counselor etc. - and it is it's just group counseling. Decades ago I heard of a thing called Depression Anonymous but there wasn't a branch in my area.
This has been my life for a long time. Everyone thinks I have a perfect life, great job, but I never feel connected to anyone. Although, I have one amazing friend who totally gets me and makes me feel seen, heard, valued and energised.
This hit home and I was crying by the end of it. I am a high achieving workaholic. I was excited about retiring until recently when the reality of what it really meant to my life hit me. From your video, it's obvious the reason why: work is my outlet or distraction. I don't feel I have a fulfilled life otherwise, but I cant seem to switch that mindset.
Well... this video has re-convinced me that I’m definitely not high-functioning depressed, I’m just average depressed at best. And this thought is depressing to me...
Yes, I would love to hear more about HFD especially after a person can't keep it up anymore, what are the symptoms/behaviors at that point? I keep telling people I am drowning, overwhelmed and yet they still ask me to do stuff for them that I offered to do or willingly did for a few decades. But since I have been trying to focus on my own recovery from this HFD with addiction to always being busy and avoiding my own problems, issues, and projects, it's as if I am invisible, no one hears me or gets it and I am not taken seriously. I can't and won't function like this anymore, it has been hard to get to the place to even admit to myself that I can't do it all anymore. I don't know how I did it all looking back. I want a real life, not this prison I have put myself in. I want to enjoy hobbies again and other things, and I try but am struggling. I find myself thinking that the only way out is to sell my house and move, change my phone number and ghost everyone for about a year.
For me it was a turning point when I realized that "no one will understand" and that "I was nothing to them but the girl who is always ready to solve their problems". When I started saying NO to them, they all disappeared from my life. Now I finally have time for myself, but I have no energy left.
The Miss America Lady committed suicide. Her mum was interviewed and spoke about how she had high functioning suicide. Watching videos of this gorgeous woman doing her news presentations, not realizing how much pain she is in. I felt so sorry for her Mum❤
What is "high functioning sucide"? Never heard that term. But why should someone being healthy and also beautyful kill herself, I have doubts about the true cause of her death - this was probably no suicide! (edit: Sorry I have not really thought this comment fully through, for example spontaneous loss of a true loved one or a kid can lead to this decision no matter how great was life even one day before. There are some really plausible reasons to do something like that.)
@@juliashenandoah3965do you both not understand what suicide is? There is no such thing as "high funtioning suicide" since you either unalive yourself succesfully or you fail at it and live, so it is not suicide. I think OP just misspelled and wanted tonsay high functioning depression resulting in suicide. Same with you, if it wasn't suicide and the person died, what are you saying? That somebody killed her or she had an accident? Of course it was suicide. Maybe try to comprehend language before posting insensitive stuff like that...
People would be surprised to find that I have no friends. I interact with others, but it is restricted to a setting, like work, and not beyond that. It has gone on for so long that it seems normal.
Same for me, but I recognize my work friends are really just acquaintances and when I retire, I won't see them anymore. They have their own lives that are full and complete.
You just described my life. Ive suffered from this, since age 14. Now 59, I'm burnt-out, tired, and just want peace and a normal life.
Me too luv, me too.
Me too this resonates.
Me also, I’m 57 was a workaholic, and I am now disabled from various breakdowns and substance abuse issues from trying to fake it for 30 years. This really hits Home.
Also, hobbies bore me, I took high risks in the stock market, this is so me, I built a fancy custom house, and I couldn’t care less about it.
Amen 🙏
Actor playing a role. Exactly. It's exhausting.
Literally me
Getting ready to go out in the world and APPEAR to be normal. I come home, put on my pajamas and go to bed, and watch youtube.
He’s boring me
Exactly how the ASD masking feels to constantly keep up and on.
This is me. Don't feel like I can connect with anyone, although I go through the motions. And yes, never feel really awake, just a zombie, everything is foggy. Nothing is exciting.
Y3s
Same here. Foggy indeed.....
Me too... 100%. Plus, people where I live here in French Canada (Québec) can be so stupid!! They run these ads saying:
Hint: I identify with 3 of these so far watching, but literally also as far- Spravato has been life-changing 🙏🏼💝
I feel the same way
I think it’s also we’ve carried so much alone for so long & we don’t want to burden anyone else.
Because most in fact judge you. Its just a fact. Especially if you can't work because of it? You always have that suspicion hanging over your head by others. People don't wish to engage with you because they think you re a failure.
I think people can't understand why it takes us so long to get better. I have the feeling that I deceive them and that they don't want to hear about my depression any more... And so I mask and hide it..
@sand8228 I understand. Because that's exactly what happens. I don't believe its because people don't care? I just believe most are trying so hard to keep their head above water themselves, they simply don't have the energy to invest in your issues too?
Some of us have learned that you can't trust other people, it isn't safe to let them know.
@@steph7960 your commenting... To a Christian...
I'm all of what you mentioned except the last one. I'm terrified of risk, because I'm terrified of failure, embarrassment, disappointment. I avoid risks at all cost, which results in stagnation...
I feel you,That’s my life too
Hell yes
Same for me.
Same brother. When they say "you're not alone", this is what it means. Don't give up yeah?
Well, this is eerie. You just. Described. _Me._
I've known for years that I am high functioning depressed. The amount of people who have told me I'm full of crud is amazing. Therapists of all types have been no real help either. I keep telling people that the only reason I'm here is sheer stubbornness, spite and force of will. I'm determined not to let it be at me.
You still need to get out of depression to have a good quality of life though.
Yes, I felt this video so much. I am in the process of changing a therapist because although she's good, she keeps talking to me like she would speak with a person who is not deprived of the usual sense of achievement. It's all about setting new goals and pursuing them and the benefits I could obtain from it, but it doesn't work because I lost any drive. I start something and then give up on it because I can't feel joy or satisfaction. And about the things I already do, I procrastinate like hell.
@@stefaniamatusik9828 As the age-old adage goes: the pursuit is the goal. Without a helpful therapist, that one mindset helped me the most. HealthyGamerGG did a very insightful video on that a short while ago: "drive" is only one of many reasons to do something, and it's not helpful to fixate on that.
Me too. I can 'intellectualise' my emotions, I've read into to, I've helped other people through it.
But there's nothing there. How do I grab ahold of something that I cannot find?
People tell me many things, therapists, partners, friends, society etc. I know they don't understand, because it serves to further isolate me. I understand it is easier for them to think I am happy or whatever word they'd like that day - it is their nature. But don't burden me with what you think your world should be like and how I'm not fitting that. That's your problem, not mine. I have enough to work with.
You sound a lot like me, I would recommend taking a listen to Scott since he really has a grasp on this feeling. (As he experiences it) I wish you the best. It’s a constant struggle, stay spiteful!
Living the life of quiet desperation, the inertia of not having that surge of dopamine, but going to work through a veil of sadness and cobbling some vestige of normality to do it anyway. Oh yes.
Exactly the same here. I feel you...
You nailed it.
As everybody else. Do you REALLY think that everybody else loves to go to work? You’re quite naive.
@@MassimoAngotzi Please read the comment you reacted to again. They never said anything about their job.
@@MassimoAngotziI used to love to go to work everyday day as well as school.
1:31 High achieving, but don't feel it's actually good enough
3:24 Quickly dissasemble any good into nothing
5:09 at least one "socially acceptable" addiction
7:29 decent relationships, but feeling alone
9:32 driven by insecurity and inferiority
11:51 never feeling "fully awake"
13:19 hobbies feel like a waste of time
14:31 taking big risks
Thank you
that feeling of "never beeing fully awake", man... if I had to pick one symptom that´s most impactful in my life, it would probably be that. Thank you again for finding the right words regularly.
Yep
Spot on, right?
Just read "Anxiety Control" by Ethan Parker and I can’t believe it’s so underrated. Hidden secrets in this book are next level, it needs more attention!
This is me. Now in my 50's and been this way since around age 20. People have no idea the ball and chain people with this condition have to drag around just to get through the day, let alone decades. Many times I've considered ending it once and for all, but I keep reminding myself life is over for all of us in the blink of an eye as it is. No need to rush it.
Glad you’re here. Stay stubborn! Live for the little things.
@GPmusicmaker Yeah, my go to, "bottom line" therapy tool: "observe and see what else there to experience before I expire.
The amount of times I have been told "how dare you be depressed, your life is great, you have no right to be depressed".
Like, I know, I'm the person who knows the best; but I don't have the spark anymore, and nothing I've done has lit it back up.
OMG.... The workaholism. I had a job working 90-100 hour weeks and it was nice. I left that job for a normal 40 hour job for more money and I'm no longer high functioning depressed. It's like my structure to deal with my depression was pulled away and I crumbled
This, and the workaholism, and perhaps being addicted to muscle soring workouts. (Aching muscles make me feel myself).
If there’s no pain than how to we know we’re alive. 😅
Guys... It's capitalism!
The thing of never feeling fully awake and engaged with reality really got me..
I'm crying now as you just described my whole adult life - even in between major depression episodes it never really got all right but nobody ever cared, neither my parents and significant others nor my therapists. I cry also because finally I feel understood, even though it's by someone I will never meet in person. Thank you for this video!
❤
You’re not alone, friend.
It's because we're being validated by a doctor who knows our true feelings. It's like an amputee speaking to another amputee about " phantom limb pain."
The worst thing about the cognition of depression imo, as I have experienced it, is that it does not feel like pessimism. It feels like realism. Like clarity. Like seeing without the optimism bias. It can be a long hard road from there to somewhere where you can believe in good things again. I'm not in the best period of my life right now, but I'm not in the worst, either. So, from my experience I would say: There are good things in life. Or there can be. But it can take a lot of work to find them. And to feel them.
depression comprises "the pessimism bias"
being so called "normal person" is founded on "the optimism bias"
it' s difficult to asses human condtion "objectively" but the pessimist is much closer to reality of it, I guess
Literally it feels like you see the world unfiltered and that "normal" people are delusional this resonates with me so much
Moving to live in nature and taking care of the animals around me and my dogs keep me going
This is exactly what I have wanted to do but haven't found a way yet.
But the animals are trapped with you. Did they have a choice?
Yes, pets are a true comfort, especially for depression. My husband will be in the front room watching videos and TV. I will watch my TV & videos in the bedroom cuddling with my dog and cat. He thinks depression is a deliberate choice. He's not a compassionate person, so it has caused a rift between us. I have to filter what I say do I don't appear depressed. He doesn't even like me taking my depression meds.
@colleenpeck6347 my ex husband was like that. He certainly would of made it to where I wished he didn't know.
Anything that upset his routine, would of blamed been on my mental deficiency.
Just don't bother him.
Not helpful. So. I find I can deal with me better without having to deal with him, too.
One person at a time. Hoping for the best for you.
Dr. this is my first comment to you -- Yes, please post more about high funtioning depression. This explained a lot for me. Thank you!
As someone who fits this description well, yes. Please make more content on this topic.
Yes, this is me. Two master's degrees, have a job, have people who love me, go to the gym everyday, and feel nothing except a sense of dread about the future and don't even know what I could change in my life to change the way I feel about the world.
Put your faith in Jesus❤
Seek medical & order appropriate treatment…it will help.
Actually start your youtube channel. and find the new world. lets go!
Therapie, you have to program your brain to actually be thankful for the things. There are strategies like writing down what you're thankful for, every day
Thank you for sharing your struggle, I’m not as brave as you are but just wanted to give you a virtual hug, I have the same sense of dread about the future but I’m trying to let it go and just focus on some small things now, maybe sit outside and listen to the birds, it does help me. Your channel looks interesting, I’m going to watch your video. Take care.
It all resonates so powerfully... I had a breakdown, finally, after my second year of college. My friends never knew - I told them I was leaving because of family issues. Their memories of me when we met up for coffee 10 years later? "We admired you; you were always so upbeat, never moody, always a smile on your face..."
I find that very sad… not in a pity way , but the fact that you felt the need to , at that time and place to not feel free to share , even at a basic level, what you felt you needed to do ( that is leave and fund a space to regroup and find solace). I say this as society puts so much pressure, and subtle nuances on us to let us know, that most of the population cannot hold space for those to have a ‘moment’ … a ‘control, alt , delete’ moment to reboot, so to speak. I have had many of those relationships sadly. And to be honest I feel most people experience this… even through the lens of being a genuine, caring person who looks for connection in people - and not just a transaction gain or opportunity.
@@sharynmainWell said👏🏾
Key Signs Identified
1 High Achievement with Emotional Disconnection
Individuals excel in their careers or personal goals but feel no pride, joy, or connection to their achievements.
The reward system is disrupted, leading to a continuous cycle of achievement without satisfaction.
2 Tendency to Disassemble Positivity
A mental habit of dismissing positive events or achievements.
Extreme pessimism or nihilism neutralizes the emotional impact of positive experiences.
3 Socially Acceptable Addictions
Engagement in behaviors like overworking or excessive fitness, which are praised rather than stigmatized.
These serve as coping mechanisms to avoid confronting emotional struggles.
4 Decent Relationships with Chronic Loneliness
Ability to interact socially while feeling emotionally disconnected.
Often due to difficulty in expressing vulnerability and being misunderstood.
5 Driven by Insecurity and Inferiority
Motivation comes from combating feelings of worthlessness rather than seeking fulfillment.
Achievements don’t quell the inner critical voice, leading to a cycle of overachievement.
6 Persistent Feeling of Fatigue
A constant mental fog or lack of energy, even with adequate rest.
Symptoms resemble inattentive ADHD, such as forgetfulness or slow cognition.
7 Hobbies Feel Like a Waste of Time
Loss of interest in activities that don’t produce tangible benefits.
Focus shifts to practical, result-oriented tasks due to lack of internal reward.
8 Engagement in Calculated Risk-Taking
Deliberate engagement in significant risks while fully aware of potential consequences.
Often driven by a desire to feel something, as risky actions can temporarily break emotional numbness.
Thank you!
Huge thanks
Thank you for explaining this type of depression. I recently realized that at 54. I have never reached any type of real Joy. I kind of live in a hypersensitive numb way. Everything seems to be a disappointment. I thought that menopause had something to do with it. Scatterbrained , I literally have every symptom you named off. I’m a perfectionist Addicted to fitness because it’s the only thing I feel alive doing.
And chronically alone even though my husband loves me.
I’m tired 😮
I haven’t resonated with so many points in a video before…
That was scary
Told my therapist I used to do a job of 3 persons in my office. He said that's an escape...and now you explain it in a lil more detail...
This was me and tried to take my life once I got hurt at work and had to take time off. I had no idea everything would crash. I'm reclaiming my life. I still have to watch how I put so much time into work.
Trudging...good word. My life and I am passed 75.
Well give yourself grace and celebrate you won 75 years.
I’m 86 y/o… same.
Never to late unless your dead
You forgot to mention the guilt that comes with it. I have a loving partner, great friends, a paid-for house, a stable job... and I'm still not content? I must be a total jerk. So many people are far happier than I am with far less in life. (Cue the toxic positivity.)
And this might just be me, but on the bad days... I wish I could have a breakdown, but I don't know how. Because then maybe people would notice how hard I'm fighting, and maybe then I could drop my expectations for myself for a few days. Instead, I keep chugging and chugging and chugging like an engine without oil.
I hear ya!
I see you ❤
This is incredibly true. I tried reaching out to my dad for help and he told me I had “no reason to be depressed” because I was only 15. So…I never reached out again until I was extremely bad.
Guilt is a terrible thing.
Felt majorly
*This* broke me physically and emotionally for so long. I had it for decades to a point that I felt my life so empty. I tried to blame it on external factors, I lined my boundaries and I felt even more lost.
When I finally worked on my internal system, I finally found some sort of balance. People see me as lazy nowadays, but honestly, the peace that I have allowed myself to have is more worthy than their feedbacks.
I hope that you will one day find your balance and cope with your depression in a healthy system that works for you 🌹
This was extremely helpful because I have always felt I'M defective, have always felt alone in a crowd, so hard to connect. And the feeling of being an actor in a movie?? I def thought that was only me 😞 Always persuing something from a place of insecurity. I was diagnosed with acute anxiety/panic disorder in my 20's but never any mention of depression. I now know they often go hand in hand. I have tried in the past to let people know when I'm floundering, both at work and with family and they hear but don't listen. They roll their eyes or fluff it off and I am left pushing beyond my comfort zone way too often. The traditional workplace has always been a disaster for me and have suffered many breakdowns as a result....I just burn out trying to fake it. Help for mental health disorders NEEDS to be covered by our medical but resources are very limited and pricey, here in Canada anyway. I am so grateful for your channel.🙏
Your comment really grabbed me. I thought: someone else also has "my" experiences!!
Thanks for taking the time & caring to write that!! 💗
I agree that someone who isn't able to celebrate or feel happy about an achievement has a disrupted reward system. But I have to question whether someone who doesn't experience the positive emotion of reward has somehow detached from or suppresses the emotion of reward. My family never celebrated any positive events when I was growing up and I simply don't know what the emotion of reward feels like. My parents never felt or demonstrated any happiness or positivity over a reward or good thing happening, and I never witnessed it and never felt it myself. The only thing I know is to, when something good happens, just go on to the next thing. I'm not depressed... I just never experienced any other way.
I also grew up like this every success was never celebrated but every mistake was punished with shouting from my parents
Omg, so sorry. You are maybe “not depressed” but you are traumatized, that is also a sign. Not knowing when you should feel good about something. It s like going to a funeral and smiling because you don’t know it is wrong.
If you feel like this please try to seek help.
I’ve been feeling depressed for a long time now, I still kept going with all my responsibilities but I never felt connected to people or the world. Eventually I couldn't take it anymore and had a complete breakdown.
if it all gets too much for you it’s not weak to take more time for yourself. you deserve to rest, you are worth it.
How should I seek help? Dont think anyone can help. Its just what I have to live with
@
I think it is good to talk to someone you trust, for example, your parents, friends or someone in your family. It’s very hard to carry those thoughts all alone, maybe it will become less heavy if you share them.
You can follow therapy, the most used for depression is: cbt.
But look especially at what you need because
everyone is different, don't be afraid to speak up if it isn't working.
You can also chat or call the Suicide Hotline
I don’t know exactly what the suicide prevention line is in your country.
In America the number is 988.
I really hope that you will feel better again, you deserve it.
I think it helps to tell someone you trust how you are doing, for example with family or friends. Maybe it helps to make the thoughts feel less heavy.
You can also follow therapy. Look especially at what you need because everyone is different, don’t be afraid to speak up if it isn’t helping you.
If you are in need you can call some numbers.
(I can't put the number here because every time my reaction gets deleted)
I hope you feel better soon, you deserve it
@emy6232 Just wanted to let you know I do feel better now. Although objectively speaking I'm living a pretty bad life. I do get these depressive episodes for a week every once in a while and unfortunately my steroid use amplifies my emotions
You have given me so many answers to so much I have not understood in my life. People think I am positive and upbeat, but I struggle every day. I am so sad about my life. It's just been so hard. I was born into an abusive and very dysfunctional family. I believe that people that have grown up in an abusive and dysfunctional family are so much more tolerant than others to the difficulties of life. We don't expect a lot from life or from people. I'm so thankful for your videos.
The way you described the difference between being motivated by insecurity rather than accomplishment put into words my entire way of thinking.
Please discuss this more. I have suffered from this my entire life. I’m 70. Thank you
Workaholism to avoid dealing with loneliness, conflict at home and health problems ... it's like you are reading my diary. The topics you have covered on your channel have helped me more than you know.
Very well articulated for something which is so hard to grasp. I think I've heard it called Dysthymia or Persistent Depressive Disorder because it's always there. I agree with everything except number 8. I simply cant be bothered taking a risk or else I'm afraid that if it doesn't work out, I'll feel even worse. Good video.
This perfectly describes someone I just loved more than I’ve loved really anyone. I miss him so much.
I have done mostly everything I want to do in my life. I want to permanently sleep now.
I know the feeling but you have to fight this. There are waaaaay more interesting things to do in the world than you can ever do in 1 lifetime. Or 100 lifetimes. It just doesn't feel that way. That's depression. That's what it does to you. But the good news is that just because you think and feel this way, doesn't mean it's true. You can find your way out of this. Find interesting things once again.
I haven’t done nearly everything I wanted to do in my life and I feel like I need to get some permanent sleep too. I’m in over my head.
I feel the same thing
@@vs4571 Yes, the tiredness is horrible aye? Are you like, tired, tired, tired, then try to go to sleep and you're awake, awake, awake...?
Even when it felt like it would last forever, this too shall pass. Everything changes, nothing stays the same forever.💙
It seems like this dovetails nicely with your post on higher IQs and depression. Do you think there might be a connection? Being able to understand the people around you, while feeling like none of them can really understand you in return, seems like a recipe for isolation and depression.
I’ve been focusing less on trying to be understood by others and more on accepting that I am who I am whether other people get it or not. This is thanks (in part) to your videos. After doing this for awhile some of these feelings are lifting. We can all be our own best friend. I now come home to someone who understands me (ME 😊) and it is really helping a lot. Thanks for explaining these things.
I do think they are likely connected. This is an area I hope to study further in the future.
@@DrScottEilers why do you put no time stamps? That's a real struggle for people with adhd.
Also, to everyone here, thank you. It uplifts me and makes me feel connected to others with the same feelings and experiences.
We are not alone ❤
@3:23 "the ability to ... dissasemble any potential source of positivity..."
Another way of saying this could be Chronic Pathological Objectivity.
Perhaps this is what emerges when the subjective experience is dismissed as trivial. Perhaps as a defense against emotional shock (trauma). Depression is a state of subjective pain, after all.
Absolutely me. I've given it my all for 63 years and it was never, ever enough. Even admin'd for a church for 25 of those years and it was never enough there either, because I wasn't entirely immersed in the worship. I'm entirely fed up with working myself out mentally, ensuring I eat correctly, exercise, care for others. For what? I'm drained, my birth family are all dead, I have one or two friends left of the many I've made over the years because I haven't reciprocated correctly. Exhausted. But I have twin grandsons to care for so need to get up and on now, thanks for your empathy, Scott 😬💛
I believe that we draw a lottery ticket, as it were, when we are conceived. Mine had ''adversity, shame, rejection, stagnation, inferiority, inadequacy, loneliness, extreme shyness'' Work, being around people 40-50 hours, which offers ample opportunities to be looked down on, disregarded, humiliated truly makes my life not worth living.
I've determined that being financially free is the only way I'd have a shot at a destiny God decreed at my conception wasn't going to be for me. The true me can only emerge in security and abundance, and money offers both. This Christmas, as we reflect on the birth of Christ, let us also reflect on the millions of us whom God condemns to a life of torment.
I have been struggling with this since my teenage years. Figuring it out felt productive but that was six years ago and it hasn't moved. The house, the kids the career, the counseling nothing helps. I get moments of feeling like a real person but it always fades. I feel called out about the inattentive ADHD comment. Got diagnosed couple years after the depression was recognized. Now what? Another 50 years of this? God damn it.
This was me 10 years ago before my nervous breakdown. Everything exactly as you describe. I’ve never heard this explained so well before.
What is a nervous breakdown? When I tried to look it up it said there is no such thing.
I’m reminded of the poem by Edwin Arlington Robinson, I believe published around 1922, titled “Richard Cory.” The fact is, we can never know what’s beneath the surface, or going on behind closed doors. Suffering is often invisible.
Richard Cory
BY EDWIN ARLINGTON ROBINSON
Whenever Richard Cory went down town,
We people on the pavement looked at him:
He was a gentleman from sole to crown,
Clean favored, and imperially slim.
And he was always quietly arrayed,
And he was always human when he talked;
But still he fluttered pulses when he said,
"Good-morning," and he glittered when he walked.
And he was rich-yes, richer than a king-
And admirably schooled in every grace:
In fine, we thought that he was everything
To make us wish that we were in his place.
So on we worked, and waited for the light,
And went without the meat, and cursed the bread;
And Richard Cory, one calm summer night,
Went home and put a bullet through his head.
Yes”wish we were in his place”…. Is an apt sentence for this topic. Often , far too often we have to reflect an act of togetherness and ability, as there are too many personalities in these modern times , that if they see you struggle, unsure, unconfident or vulnerable , that moment of humanness will be leveraged and used against you… whether it be a workspace, family ties or friendship. For stake wise , if we were all allowed to have a moment of grace for whatever emotion and feelings were high jacking or flooding us , for the simple task of regrouping and self soothing, we would align ourselves again and soldiered on. Depression I feel is often mistaken for having external people and situations, that are frankly… unattractive arse }^%# or either feeling more oppressed than depressed. Learning the ‘game’ of modern life would leave anyone exhausted… eventually if they lived past 80-90 yrs old. No one knows what is happening behind close doors in their life, nor do they know of the adversity one has to overcome. Empty vessels make the loudest noise… therefore go where you are celebrated , not tolerated, and seek people who seem to be caretakers of the world, the steadfast folk who give a damn… and leave the novelty people who seek an endless supply of dopamine hit and popularity to their own kind. Yes, life is hard and tiring, achievements are earnt, not given, so be discerning of who you freely hand your time, energy, love and resources to. And also vice versa… don’t be reckless with others hearts for the sake of ‘getting ahead’. Merry Christmas.. and a happy and sane New Year.
Simon & Garfunkel did a song About Richard Cory.. the name of the song is .. Richard Cory. same one in poem .
Sad but true. Depression is invisible and goes unnoticed until ...
But dragging their significant others down into their sewage is cruel! Unless they seek treatment to address their behavior and mental illness, they are dangerous as a runaway freight train. We are not professionals health care providers.
Yep!
I think about wanting to sleep all day every day. Melancholy is now the best I can hope to feel. I don’t know a way out this circle of life.
It blows my mind how well you describe everything. I’ve been this way as long as I can remember yet I can’t put it into words like you just did. So many of your videos make me feel truly seen, like someone out there actually gets it. Thank you!
Thank you for talking about high functioning depression. Sometimes I think that I am so used to functioning like this that I wouldn’t know what it would feel like to not wear the mask.
Hi,
I usually never make comments on UA-cam, or anywhere else actually, but I discovered your content a few months ago, and I couldn't underline enough how accurate everything I hear is. It's mind blowing. Like just a step aside of what all the rest of the theory is that you can find over and over, but this little step changes the whole picture.
Immense thank you to your work, and I hope you will continue and rise, for me, and everyone else struggling, trying to work it out, and finding it difficult to relate to what can be found elsewhere.
Every video brings me very clear, active consciousness and tools over specific situations, and I'm very grateful
Big up!
Bruno
Thanks Bruno!
@@DrScottEilers in a UA-cam labyrinth, where so many fakes and unremarkables de facto sell a lot of their ‘wisdom’, well, there is also you Scott or Dr Eilers whichever you prefer. You naturally cannot hide your sophistication, knowledge of your field, neuroscience, etc, and you give responsible advice with an emphasis on destigmatizing, minimizing self-guilt, minimizing suffering, and with a few simple words, very science-based but also sensible to everyone.
And Despite your best business efforts, you cannot hide your personal warmth and humanity in your UA-cam work. Come on - We all see it in your face that you know that every time you post a video, someone or actually a few people at least will inevitably feel better, because they have no choice but to finally get it after listening to you. I personally will always believe that it is in the in-person with trusted friends and/or trusted relatives (notice the order) that makes the ideal therapy through relief and connection, but i have also felt it watching your videos and observing the infinite decency in you.
Maybe high-functioners need to question some premises and see if they can find more meaning in their life. The kind of meaning that ‘violently’ overtakes you when you find it or it finds you? I think you found it/found you when you sublimed negative experiences into science and helping others.
I am not a priest but God Bless you and have a Merriest Christmas!
Love Scott! 🎉
youve described me to the tee. I'd like to add that i feel numb and things really dont have any meaning. Everything feels mundane
Exactly-I am very tired too
After a few decades of high functioning as an engineer, I completely unraveled, ended up on disability and am now friendless and in the middle of several addictions and at 60 have not real future and have been living for 15 years in a state of "being lost". I don't have any idea where to go from here.
So sorry 😞 praying for you.
@@pegsullivan2299that doesn't do anything.
Same!
Please tell us you're in counselling (?) 😊
Engineering is tough for people with anxiety and depression. Companies talk about work life balance but revenue and the need to deliver never stop. The projects never stop. You take Fridays work into the weekend worrying about it until Monday.
Wow, that hit the nail on the head. I don't bother with hobbies anymore, I might laugh at something funny, but real joy is pretty absent, definitely feeling lonely in a crowd, I disconnect from everyone and really only feel comfortable by myself, and its been like that for so long that it's just become normal. That might be the worst part.
This is me all day
(((((((((kujo))))))))
Nice visuals and calm backing track…sign me up ❤
Regarding hobbies: It may also be that such people don't want to allow themselves to have fun through hobbies, that they feel that they don't deserve to have fun - for a variety of reasons.
Es hat nicht viel mit "das verdiene ich nicht" zu tun; es fehlt einfach der Antrieb, *irgendwas* zu tun!
@@ElaAusDemTal I don't know why you answer in English, maybe you lack the drive.
Please tell me where I have excluded a lack of drive as the reason. But you are right, all depressive episodes are identical, it can only be lack of drive, other things can't play a role.
By the way: There are also hobbies/“activities” that don't require much drive. But even depressed people can deny themselves that. Yes, because there is often no fun to be had, even if the leisure “activity” doesn't require much energy. This can quickly lead to a lack of concentration, or you simply drift off into your thoughts - for example, when you're watching a movie or at least trying to. At the same time, a movie can also be boring if you somehow “feel nothing”. And this feeling of nothing can also have a negative effect on your desire for hobbies.
And that's not meant in a judgmental way.
I definitely relate to the trudging along aspect, it's always exactly the same level of difficulty to do tasks no matter how many times I've done it, because I don't *want* to do anything at all, and I don't want to do nothing either. So I just end up doing random things and neither enjoying myself nor feeling rewarded for accomplishing things.
my socially acceptable addiction is video games. if left to my own devices, I can pour 140 hours a week into playing games, and the really sad part is that I STILL don't really enjoy it, I just kind of tolerate it better than other tasks
This.
Dr Scott, you are the first professional that I know who understands me as a person. I am 65 and have suffered since my late teens. I have been a workaholic but due to physical limitations I work regular hours. Work forces me to leave the house.
this is because depression can only be understood from the inside, so to speak
he has obviously been through that
one can not learn about this from the books
I really appreciate that you can put your theories out there to help others, rather than keep them hidden until others confirm them or publish them. Your authenticity also really shines through in your edit free one take to camera. Thank you for your good work, Dr Scott.
his work and attitude are great but this particular video only describes our condition so it is not really helpful
@@adamborowicz7209
16:23 "this piece of content is all about awareness" (title is not clickbait)
15:59 - treatment is described as no different to non-high functioning depression.
Very interesting, even from a low-functioning perspective. I now think I was probably depressed back when I was successful in my career. Thanks for the great videos.
Something I'm always telling my doctors and my therapist is that it's really hard to get people to listen to me about my depression and addiction. People are always dismissing it because I can go to work each day and live a seemingly normal life.
This was so interesting! I sorta recognized myself but not fully. I'm deep inside longterm burnout.
I will agree with about everyone posting , you really described me to a T and I have asked therapist why I dont ever feel connected to anyone and have to remind myself someone is my friend even if I have known them for 40 yrs . MORE ON THIS SUBJECT PLEASE .
Dude, I can't tell u how grateful i am to have come across your channel.
Thank you so much for talking more about this. While I haven't been officially diagnosed, the first time I heard about this sub-type it just kind or resonated with me. Having you break down the various signs, of which for me there were many, helped to let me know things to recognize within myself.
Number 4 especially hit home as I've often described social interactions as, "putting on the right mask, for the right situation," and survived since my teenage years doing so. However for people that I have been able to trust, I've always been able to admit that when those moments get quiet, is when I feel so completely alone. Number 5 has also been my demon that I fight daily.
I think what's fueling my depression is my inability to establish and maintain any kind of meaningful relationship (or could it be the other way around). I do take care of myself though, physically, exercise, hygiene, diet etc. I hold it together for work (and somehow, i just got promoted), but then I go home and just shut down. It's like going completely numb, staring off into space, and definitely having the thoughts of being worthless, disliked, invisible. When I think about the future I see myself in the exact same spot, no friends, no relationships no matter how far out I project. I want to turn on the TV, but the remote is like 3 feet away. Sometimes I troll UA-cam and find stuff like this.
Thank you for not introducing yourself and your channel at the beginning of each video. You dive right in. So appreciated!
You are correct Sir. I am one of these people. Worked for a company for more than 20 years until I burnt out during the pandemic.
Robin Williams. May he be at peace.
💙
I felt such a connection with Robin Williams. It was like I could understand where he was coming from while he was alive. He was a comedic genius who totally lost himself in each character he played. I now know he was happy to do it to lose himself in the character, if even for a short reprieve from his private mental hell.
Robin had so much to live for…..the diagnosis he received as having Parkinson’s Disease pushed him over the edge. RIP my dear friend. You are sorely missed. 🥲🥲🥲
One of the challenges I’ve faced personally is the constant cycle of overachievement. There’s often monetary or social reinforcement to stay on the same path, even if it no longer fulfills you.
Wow, I think I had this until very recently. In my case, certain illicit substances changed this, but I spent years questioning if I was even depressed. I just thought this was what life was like.
I love you all!!... These comments wtf.
Dr. Scott, please, we need more on this topic. Cheers.
How I wish more people understood this. I don't know how many times a therapist has said how well I'm doing. They have no idea how much I want this life to be over.
Me too. I feel forced to be alive and everything I do is either trying to be a useful as possible while I'm still here or tidying things up so it won't be difficult for anyone to deal with my stuff when I go. I suspect I have as much as 30 years to go. I try to cultivate healthier ways of treating myself, but nothing seems to hold and I'm perpetually tired
Legit. Truth. My life is quiet desperation.
there are thousands of us, I guess
which is NOT any sort of consolation
@@adamborowicz7209 Thousands? Try many, many millions. Look around for once.
Oh my gosh, I surely wanna more content about this topic!!! Being a psychologist myself and fighting with high functioning depression for lots of years now, I have digged myself into this issue gradually. I am recently at one of my low points again, feeling nothing can help me (I know it is not true but am feeling this way), because the traditional approach negligates my problems at all. Feeling constantly that I am not seen - and in fact, that is true, cause my persona is not my authentic self.
One source I have mentioned in a comment at one of your previous videos already, is the work of Dr. Margaret R. Rutherford, who has written the book titled Perfectly Hidden Depression, which has helped me and others a lot, detecting and understanding this phenomenon. Even there I could not find this kind of information you share here, so I am very glad for your work on YT!!! Thanks a lot!
Scott, I’ve never heard anyone with so much insight , knowledge and wisdom as you. You hit the nail on the head. I easily identify with 6 out of your 8 factors. I have been suffering from depression for years. This has been the best explanation I”be heard- Thank you so very much.
You are awesome and put into words what a whole bunch of us feels. That's a blessing. Here's what helped me this year: trying to have pleasant interactions with other people and cars. The goal is to both walk/drive away feeling better about ourselves. I realized I needed to apply this to myself. So I say " I want pleasant interactions including myself". Low and behold my nervous system dramatically responded to this sentiment and calmed down right away. I think the trick is to find the right verbiage. This is an amazing page to help with that. Lots of luck and 💜.
Dr. Eilers, I hope you know how wonderful you are in your profession and the help you provide to people.
7:39 'Decent relationships but feel chronically alone'. I have learned this lesson. I moved from a town to the countryside. The people were friendly but I was not part of the community (= no connection).
Then I had worked and lived in another city.
After that period I moved again to the countryside (not the same location but nearby) but there was one difference: I INTRODUCED myself in the pub (and paid a drink for all) and also in other pubs in the region. Now I am a part of the village community, volunteering in bicycle races, festivals, etc. since 10+ years (= connected).
Thanks for the new release! But a workaholic depression does do me a favour as I tend to spend even more time alone and pick up my readings. As a post-graduate student of the Faculty of Arts & Letters,the faculty building is almost an inpatient unit - i could stay for 12+hrs feeling at home 😢
Plus, 'admission' allows both collocations with 'to graduate school‘ & 'to hospital'... Never had I thought of this even during my first years with depression…
Oddly, the first thing I noticed is that it's extremely refreshing to watch a person speak in a video without it cutting every half second because the person can't give a speak properly. You're doing a wonderful job explaining those very important topics calmly and understandably. Thank you!
Dr Eilers, your video is very helpful, as always!👍👍
I cannot say enough about how accurately this describes my existence thus far. Thank you so much for encouraging this conversation. ❤
Spot on Dr Scott.
Thank you very much for this post. Lived with mild dysthymia for over 40 years. I especially resonated with the ADHD or ADD discussion. I'm 58 and for the first time in my life I've began questioning whether or not I had ADHD and you're explaining the symptoms that look like mild ADHD helped me realize what I've been feeling isn't coming out of left field but a common symptom for living with the depression I live with.
Trudging. Perfect description of how i feel every. single. day
I purchased your book as well as the audio version today for my girlfriend. As I began to read this, you were describing her to a tea.
My favorite self-help book would be " The Art of Happiness " by William Cutler and the Dali Lama. So far, you're right on. So, our session begins.
My life in a nutshell. I have a PhD. I started a company. I feel worthless. Thank you for the video❤
Mid 50's and it's difficult living in this body. Life's tough, it's unsatisfying and nothing really is very enjoyable.
You mentioned gym addiction and I'm that guy, I workout daily and it's my escape. I know 100% that it helps me deal with mental issues and burn off some energy but I fall back into my funk often. This video speaks so much truth and I wish I wasn't dealing with my problem and as morbid as it may sound I sometimes wish exiting would be a legal option (MAID) under this condition.
I would like a drop-in center. Therapy can be helpful but expensive. Most of my friends are sympathetic but don’t understand.
This! There might be liability issues so they have to register people, file insurance and have a supervising counselor etc. - and it is it's just group counseling. Decades ago I heard of a thing called Depression Anonymous but there wasn't a branch in my area.
This has been my life for a long time. Everyone thinks I have a perfect life, great job, but I never feel connected to anyone.
Although, I have one amazing friend who totally gets me and makes me feel seen, heard, valued and energised.
Dr. Scott you just detailed my life.
Look how many people are resonating with HFD. I wish that we could help each other somehow.
This hit home and I was crying by the end of it. I am a high achieving workaholic. I was excited about retiring until recently when the reality of what it really meant to my life hit me. From your video, it's obvious the reason why: work is my outlet or distraction. I don't feel I have a fulfilled life otherwise, but I cant seem to switch that mindset.
Well... this video has re-convinced me that I’m definitely not high-functioning depressed, I’m just average depressed at best. And this thought is depressing to me...
Depression sucks no matter what flavor. If you’re drowning in 2 inches of water, vs 2 feet, you’re still drowning. Be kind to yourself.
Lordy..
This video just ripped me apart layer by layer. Thats a good thing though, and thats my mindset working also 🙂
Yes, I would love to hear more about HFD especially after a person can't keep it up anymore, what are the symptoms/behaviors at that point? I keep telling people I am drowning, overwhelmed and yet they still ask me to do stuff for them that I offered to do or willingly did for a few decades. But since I have been trying to focus on my own recovery from this HFD with addiction to always being busy and avoiding my own problems, issues, and projects, it's as if I am invisible, no one hears me or gets it and I am not taken seriously. I can't and won't function like this anymore, it has been hard to get to the place to even admit to myself that I can't do it all anymore. I don't know how I did it all looking back. I want a real life, not this prison I have put myself in. I want to enjoy hobbies again and other things, and I try but am struggling. I find myself thinking that the only way out is to sell my house and move, change my phone number and ghost everyone for about a year.
For me it was a turning point when I realized that "no one will understand" and that "I was nothing to them but the girl who is always ready to solve their problems". When I started saying NO to them, they all disappeared from my life. Now I finally have time for myself, but I have no energy left.
Yes, please talk more about high functioning depression.
The Miss America Lady committed suicide. Her mum was interviewed and spoke about how she had high functioning suicide. Watching videos of this gorgeous woman doing her news presentations, not realizing how much pain she is in. I felt so sorry for her Mum❤
What is "high functioning sucide"? Never heard that term. But why should someone being healthy and also beautyful kill herself, I have doubts about the true cause of her death - this was probably no suicide!
(edit: Sorry I have not really thought this comment fully through, for example spontaneous loss of a true loved one or a kid can lead to this decision no matter how great was life even one day before. There are some really plausible reasons to do something like that.)
@@juliashenandoah3965do you both not understand what suicide is? There is no such thing as "high funtioning suicide" since you either unalive yourself succesfully or you fail at it and live, so it is not suicide.
I think OP just misspelled and wanted tonsay high functioning depression resulting in suicide.
Same with you, if it wasn't suicide and the person died, what are you saying? That somebody killed her or she had an accident? Of course it was suicide.
Maybe try to comprehend language before posting insensitive stuff like that...
People would be surprised to find that I have no friends. I interact with others, but it is restricted to a setting, like work, and not beyond that. It has gone on for so long that it seems normal.
Same for me, but I recognize my work friends are really just acquaintances and when I retire, I won't see them anymore. They have their own lives that are full and complete.
Loved your video. Please make more videos on this topic. I've always considered myself in this category.
You are just as good as the psychologist I couldn't pay for anymore❤, I'm so thankful for your channel