Should A Cheater Be Forgiven?
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- Опубліковано 30 лис 2022
- Emotional Cheating - What are signs of emotional cheating?
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Cheating is a choice. PERIOD!
A cheater can be forgiven, but doesn’t mean you get back together. Forgiveness is for ourself, not for the cheater. Plus, you will never forget.
Have peace in your heart and reach out for support, you don’t need to go through these emotional times alone.
A cheater should never be forgiven. That's like giving a killer another bullet to finish you off after they already shot you in the leg.
More like you can forgive them but you can never forget what they did.
Once a cheater always a cheater!
It's an old saying but it effects us to the point that even if they don't cheat again, you'll never be able to trust them again and you will act out of fear to eventually causing them cheating 💔🤷
From my experience: once a cheater always a cheater. Huge dealbreaker and turn off from now on. Same level of trust will never be back
Forgivness is an act of love for oneself.
One thing I will take into my next relationship, whenever that is, is don't do something, that you wouldn't like done to you.
I think everyone should take that in mind. Don't allow someone to normalise an action, that you know, in the back of your mind, isn't right.
Should a cheater be forgiven?
I would ask the question differently: “Can I (!) forgive somebody who cheated on me?”
And in this personal context I would ask myself:
Have I communicated that I only accept a faithful relationship?
Did we have a fulfilling sex life, or did I/we neglect my partner’s/our sexual desires?
Did it happen after years of faithfulness, or did my partner betray my trust in the beginning of a “committed relationship”?
Was it a single event or did my partner betray my trust over a long period of time (with inevitably many other lies involved)?
How has this event affected my self-esteem, trust, and belief in relationships in general? Can I rebuild my self-worth in this specific relationship or do I have to dissolve an unhealthy attachment?
Does my partner empathize with my hurt and is he/she showing remorse, or does he/she only defend him-/herself?
What do I need to heal from my partner and is he/she willing or even able to provide it?
If you want to be forgiven as a cheater you should ask yourself:
Am I willing to end the external relationship immediately and definitely?
Am I willing to be absolutely honest with my partner from now on?
Can I empathize with the hurt (if not trauma) I have inflicted on my partner?
Did I communicate my needs? And if not, what does it take to express my needs in the future?
Am I willing to work on the relationship (e.g. in a couple’s therapy)?
Am I able to provide a safe space for my partner to earn his/her trust again?
If you as a cheater can’t answer all these questions with a wholehearted “YES”:
Thank your partner for all the good you shared, apologize sincerely for hurting their trust and feelings, and let them go…!
Hi, Rory, just here to say that thanks to you I'm fully healed and am in a new, healthy relationship. And to every heartbroken fella out there, no contact really works, carry one, you're gonna be fine!
Should a cheater be forgiven? Yes AND no.
You forgive them for yourself so you can move forward in life. They don't deserve a word/action from you to show them that you forgive them. They get left behind.
such a great topic! thank you, that was very thoughtful and interesting. And Esther Parell is great, indeed.
If we treat cheating as a destructive factor, destroying a relationship, it may seem that forgiveness is a factor that fixes it again.
However, I would assume that cheating itself can be a building factor. And what is destructive is everything that happens before the cheating takes place. Everything that actually leads to it. The betrayal itself, and most importantly, its detection or admission to cheating, can be the beginning of something new and better in the old relationship. And in such case, forgiveness is not a factor that saves or fixes the relationship, but a catalyst for the process of building a new relationship between the same two people.
the key would be the understanding and acceptance of what led to cheating
A chheater should be forgiven onlly if they learnt from their mistake and regrets it. Cause we humans do horrible mistakes but we should not write them off so easiy
Eventually, you need to forgive a cheater. Not for them, but for your own good. Having been on both sides being a cheater and being cheated on, being a dumper and being dumped on. I understand now it's not always me vs them. A relationship has its ups and downs, there just happens to be a right person at the right time (in this case during the down period of your relationship). You cannot choose who you're gonna end up falling in love with, but you can choose to stay with one person through good and bad. But if the said person has been giving you bad times or neglecting your needs for too long, maybe it's time to jump ship. Sometimes a cheater is just scared of losing us, and just trying to test the waters with another person first before finally monkey branching.
So it's not wrong, it's not evil. It's understandable yet selfish. I'd rather have them break up with me first then get close to other people than to cheat. But not everyone is brave or honest enough to do that.
Interesting look on the matter. I feel like emotional cheating often stems from insecurity in the person doing it. Getting validation from someone other than your partner when you're feeling they're not really up to par in that moment. Being scared of being alone.
There are levels of disrespect that simply cannot be forgiven .
I think whether or not your relationship can move forward after cheating is dependent on the cheater's true willingness to understand why they cheated, and their honest promise to never slip in that manner again. In return the person who was cheated on needs to understand what they may have contributed to make the cheater want to cheat.. and only after a potent dialogue can that relationship be even possibly rekindled.
For me, there is no forgiving a cheater, especially when they emotionally cheat, because I myself wouldn’t be able to trust them again. Maybe there is some trust issue at hand in my statement, but I firmly believe this is a boundary that is healthy for my happiness!
Hey Rory, you helped me a-lot when i was going through pain (she cheated n monkey branched). I just came here to see you if you are doing fine my friend. In last 3 years i have been working on myself, learned new skills, recently bought a land. Thanks man. ❤❤ 🇮🇳
You're very welcome!
Man ngl this was hard to hear not because it's not good content but because it hits so close to home. It's jarring, as you say.
No
Lowkey glad my ex dumped me. We were doing long distance for a relatively short time after a year of awesome, then she stopped making time for me claiming she was busy. Buuuut then she made time to spend with one of her guy friends looool
Home run as always
As someone who has been the cheater, and have been emotionally cheated on (uncomfirmed physical cheating). I believe cheaters should be forgiven. Anytime in the past I cheated, I was always hurt in the process, and sometimes as you said, life isn't black and white. Forgiving somebody doesn't mean you aren't holding them accountable, or they got a free pass. You can forgive someone and not accept them back into your life, it also makes you stronger. Being able to put yourself in someone else's shoes, and take accountability for YOUR side of everything is mature and a huge part of healing properly. Also, it can raise attraction.
Hit the fucking like button
Also: over a cheater, always a cheater. No need to bring this kind of anxiety on your life, wondering if it's ever gonna happen again. Better to just go your way, find another person who proves they deserve your trust or just be by yourself
So my ex pops up and has been messaging me for the last 3 years. He has a gf and I don't know whether she knows he messages or not and I don't bother to ask. Is this emotional cheating?
Thank you for sharing your perspective. I been having those thoughts about can people really be monogamous and it seems like it is a very hard work specially in today’s time where people can easily hide their behavior and put on a “good” partner mask. I feel emotional cheating is harder to forget that physical either way it is s###t# when it happens to the receiver… it causes a lot of damage… sometimes i am often questioning if that happens again to me … will i really be able to date again ? What are your thoughts on that space? do you find yourself able to trust again ?
She told me “she would see me before she leaves to live back in another state” I have some of her stuff been 5 days NC. Wants to see me when she “feels like it” lives with an ex “she dumped him to try things with me”… but that didn’t work…
Do I just msg her and tell her to pickup her stuff? It’s ruining my peace “waiting”
Yep, let her know it is not ok with you to have her stuff around. get rid of it. and then go no contact for real. like proper NC. from what you wrote, this situation is toxic and you NEED to take care of yourself and be your own best friend right now. don't get stuck!
Yes, I think the cheater should be forgiven eventually. For the sake of the person who was cheated. I’ve been on both sides and it gives me more peace of mind to forgive who cheated on me than to receive forgiveness from the one I cheated on. I guess that says something about the lack of value I place on the relationship in which I cheated. Whether I receive forgiveness or not, I still have to live with the fact that I hurt someone so bad.
Rory... could you ever share your full story with your ex who cheated? I hope that is not too invasive of an ask.
So 50ish days no contact, she lost feelings and breakup was very kind. Followed all the rules 100% correctly. On nye she posted a pic of us at the kendrick lamar concert with the caption “by far best moment of 2022” ….. (i also bought her that ticket for her bday) should i like/comment/dm? I watched all ur vids the last 50 days i think this is what you call a indirect direct. Prob means no contact is working and i should continue. What are your thoughts?
Yes I would deffo say continue, it's bait. If they want something from you they'll tell you.
Welp... you posted this a month ago. What did you end up doing? xD any updates?
My husband was sexting another girl 3 months after we got married, sending pictures to each other. He told me it didn’t mean anything, and said to me if I keep mentioning it that I would drive him to do it again!
Oh my god that is horrific. He is gaslighting you. I hope you're OK. Can you leave him if only temporarily to scare the shit out if him
That's manipulation. Blaming the behavior (and he's doing it ahead of time!) on the other person. Very "look what you made me do." No accountability!
This video seems more like the "fundamentals of cheating" rather than "signs of emotional cheating".
Does anyone know if this channel still has a discord?
discord.gg/HXUhCmbe
Thanks so much!
@@TheLoveChat Hello Rory! Do you have another invitation link to the discord server? It says that one is invalid
@@MsSuperbeatles Here you go: discord.gg/3y7jDYQm
@@TheLoveChat Thank you so much!!
I need some advice... Today my girlfriend of almost three years told me that she was sexting one of her male friends. She sent him nudes bc he kept sending her nudes and she gave into the pressure.
We have been doing the long distance thing she only lives an hour away from me but we only see each other once a week due to our work schedules.
She said that she did this a very long time ago maybe last year but decided to tell me bc she wanted no secrets between us when we got married.
I'm crying even as im writing this so forgive me a little if things don't look right.
She's been begging for forgiveness all day today. Telling me to give her another chance bc she really does want a future with me.
And I know I should be more upset but I'm not bc I'm shocked this didn't happen sooner especially with me bc my sex drive is higher than hers but I held back for her sake.
I just need some advice on what to do. And I can't go to family or friends bc they'll give me a biased answer.
Did you forgive her? What happened
What about secretary watching porn??
I am monogamous and watch porn, but it's moderated. Talking in nude chat cams is cheating, watching porn is same as reading romance novels. Guys like visual stimuli, girls like written stimuli. Everything can be substance abuse, porn, drugs, other stuff stimulate the same part of the brain. Porn is best shared and used to help a relationship, helps with giving partner space, spice up in bedroom, prolonging sex. What makes porn bad is if partner wasn't honest about it from start, and also hiding it during the relationship.
It’s all very nice that you want to have understanding and forgiveness, but sometimes cheater is sabotaging relationship not because you weren’t fulfilling their needs or because the relationship was not good enough but because they are so afraid of intimacy or commitment they sabotage something good.
I understand your sentiment to look within how we could do better, but until the cheater very clearly said exactly what you needed to do for them and you laughed in their face and dismissed them, you have nothing to do with them choosing to cheat. Both parties need to have clear boundaries and understand their needs. If the cheater is unable to voice what they need then it’s 100% on them. If a cheater is blindsided by growing feelings once they realize, they already likely did things with that person that constitute as micro cheating. Which means they ignored flags and that’s again - on them.
Sometimes a cheater sabotages relationship not because they subconsciously don’t want to be in it, but because they subconsciously hate themselves, don’t believe they deserve the relationship and sabotage to prove to themselves they were not worth it.
So yeah. We all should think how we could do better in our next relationship. Until you can’t communicate and keep dismissing your partner - Being cheated on is not something you should look in for your faults in.
Going to be honest, women almost never come back. it's an unfortunate truth of this world
Everyone has different views on cheating. As for me I would not take a cheater back. I was in a same sex with a girl which is something I thought would happen. Same sex relationships breakups is a topic rarely talked about. She was my best friend at first. I feel like I lost my best friend which hurts even more. We had such strong feelings for each other but she monkey branched because she wanted more than I could give at that time. I thought she understood that. it's been two months and one day, two weeks ago, she approached with sadness in her eyes and asked if I was okay. She said she missed me and asked about my daughter who just turned one. Other than me my baby was around her the most. One day she ghosted me. I called and called which I shouldnt have because when she did answer she was screaming at me, nobody has ever talked about me in that way. The moment she said I swear to God on your daughter's life that I hate you, she doesn't love me anymore and will never speak to me again. I was then blocked everywhere. I stopped looking to see if she unblocked me on social medias. What sticks out to me is the way she smiled at me when I seen her with the girl she monkey branched with. I just kept getting myself shattered. I have a sadness still, more than I should. I don't know how she could treat me that way. I fight everyday to stop this feeling and better myself through education. Trying to learn why people do the things they do. And how I will not be that kind of person. I will never look at her the same and will never get back with her if she tried because she is not the person I thought she was. I deserve somebody that truly loves me. And will be there for eachother through the good, bad, and hard times.
What did you do to her? No one screams at someone without feeling hurt