He is so right with the physical reaction to betrayal. When I found out my partner was cheating, I was shaking, my heart beating out of my chest, could barely breath.....I stayed and for the next 12 years I struggled, I never trusted him again, the pain and fear was woven through everything...I finally left ..... so here I am late 50's and single. Never, never underestimate the destruction and catastrophe of a betrayal.
Yes. It is terrible. Literally changes the way you look at the world when your spouse betrays. I was the master of denial and assuming he had decency somewhere and now I know that led to my downfall. Don’t assume people don’t have bad intentions and think like you do, is what I learned,., so now I go forward suspicious and alone… wisened and hardened and heartbroken.
''Because its very difficult to look at people, because they're horrifying and profound creatures. And so everyone walks around behaving so we don't terrify the hell out of each other all the time.''
When I've been drawing alot, I cannot tell you how beautiful people are. I learned some from this book Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain, and I could see what was always there but I could hardly bear to. After I learned that, if I look, a person becomes visible this magnificent being that was sourced from the mysterious beginning of the universe, and here they are, visibly magnificent in a way they don't even know. You can get awestruck by a person like you can gazing at the Grand Canyon. Its too much.
I was devastated at the ending of a 30 year - 25 of that married - relationship. The person I loved the most in the world and trusted completely - believed completely that he would never lie or cheat - tells me he no longer loves me. He loves this woman he met on the internet (in Second Life) not me. She lives in another country but he spent 2 days with her while she was in the US 8 months earlier. He had already stepped away from the relationship and marriage before I knew what was going on. I don't even date now. I never want to give anyone the ability to hurt me so much. I only got through it with the help of a good therapist.
@@sandyloveday7292 I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'm afraid to get into any serious relationship because after decades of being together it could fall apart just like that.
@@dancingfirefly7761 My thoughts exactly! He has such a wide vocabulary and can express hismself in a very captivating way. I hope he'll get better soon and wish him the best!
Never forgive the cruelest of betrayals no matter how sorry they are. Living with the pain on a daily of someone's else's actions isn't a good way to live.
Well, here's the thing. You're staying that living with the pain of someone else's actions isn't a good way to live. If you don't forgive the person and move on from them, you'll always hate them and fixate on what they did to you. Which is a really sucky way to live. Rather forgive them, forget them and focus on what makes you happy.
I think that if someone Wants to be forgiven and truly makes an effort ( things they DO, not what they say) .. quitting a job for example or whatever the situation calls for.. and you truly think you can forgive (.. but you have to be honest w/ yourself) .. then I believe it’s worth at least an honest try. BUT, trying to forgive someone who really doesn’t think they’ve done anything wrong ..or blames you for THEIR bad behavior..true forgiveness is impossible. Trying to forgive someone w/ that attitude just breeds resentment and makes you feel bad about yourself ( weather you know it right away or not )... ✌🏻 sorry u were done so wrong.. the right person will always lift you up, not break u down ✌🏻
After the betrayal I saw a stranger. An unattractive stranger. I saw the actual person and not who I had been seeing through my rose-colored glasses. He was a fantasy and, suddenly, I saw reality and I didn't like him. And the world changed and I saw reality at every turn. I looked at my next husband through open eyes and I saw him as the person he truly was. I saw the real person right from day one. That was half a century ago. I had no illusions and, therefore, no disappointments. So I have lived a life of reality. It shows in the face, Dr. Peterson has said. It's an asset. You always see what is really there. Everywhere. And there is such enjoyment in the simple, truly beautiful things in life. I'm a realist and I became one at a very young age. It was thrust upon me. It was a painful transition but I am thankful. I can not be fooled. I think that's good.
@@dr.jenniferma3914 Yeap even she cannot be trusted given the fact she said the first guy was a fantasy...so the husband must be the beta or plan B it seems
What most simps, feminist fe/males, white-knights, betas and conservative guys fail to realize: bad boys provide excitement, novelty, unpredictability and fun (fear, roller-coaster drama) to a new level. In other words, stability and commitment (no longer) won't cut it for today's 🦄. Why is that? Before she was your girlfriend, wife or lover, she already had been "run through" so many guys. And each time she slept with someone (both wo/men), she lost a part of her psyche, well-being or mind/soul/spirit. In other words, she is no longer able to have emotional attachment in a healthy or committed way. Cardi B. artist & role model for the most privilege 🦄 on the entire planet: '''My music is always going to make a woman feel like a bad bitch. When you make a woman feel like she’s the baddest bitch in the room, to me, that’s female empowerment.''' Feminist's Ideology from Sheryl Sandberg, chief operating officer of Facebook: '''My advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier.''' Isaiah 3:12 *Childish* leaders oppress my people, and *women* rule over them. O my people, your leaders mislead you; they send you down the wrong road. Proverbs 31:3 Don't give your strength (attention, resources, mental point origen) to women, nor your ways to that which destroys kings. Ezekiel 23:20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. *Sex and Culture* by Joseph Daniel Unwin *The Rational Male Series* by Rollo Tomassi *The Manipulated Man* by Esther Vilar *The Myth of Male Power* by Warren Farrell *The Feminist Lie: It Was Never About Equality* by Bob Lewis *Anatomy of Female Power* by Chinweizu Ibekwe *Men on Strike* by Helen Smith *Silent Weapons for Quiet Wars: An Introductory Programing Manual* by Anonymous 🕊💚🙋🏻♂️
So in simple words, when cheated on, you really see the real person. But you CAN'T see it during the relationship, because your feelings and preposition blind you. 😨
@@ralphholiman7401 that is one very reasonable option. I'm not sure it would solve the issue of perspective, but it would give more opportunity to gain a more accurate perspective on your future partner.
The best thing you can do after a betrayal is to accept it happened, accept that it’s over, you wil never have what you had back, and forgive yourself. Don’t hope things will go back to where it was. It will eat you up. You must move on asap. And you can only do that when you accept what is done is done and there is no going back.
Not one answer, it depends on so many aspects. I'm 5 months on from my wife having an afair. If l reacted straight away l would have kicked her out, but l didn't. I gave her time as she was so involved she never stood back and looked at how stupid she'd been. We still love each other, and we are rebuilding our marriage. It takes time but l think and hope we will get there.
Once a person cheats on you it's over, move on to someone else that doesn't cheat on you, see how easy I fixed that?, ( : . Once you find out your wife/husband cheats on you that fact will be with you the rest of your life and NOTHING!!!!!! can fix it or remove it, it will be a part of your life for ever and ever, and it will always be in the back of your mind and it will show up at every moment of your life, the only way to live with this is to not live with it, cut your losses and get the hell away from it, The End.
Being betrayed and cheated on is not a reflection on me it’s always the true reflection of the other and their poor choices. In some sense there is no predictor for cheating. That’s what makes relationships so risky but beautiful too. People cheat because they don’t love themselves first and if you can’t love yourself you can’t be true to another. They simply won’t last the distance until healing occurs. They don’t get away with anything as they have to face the loss of a true person. Remember who you are, stand tall in the sense that you followed your values and had a moral compass. There are trustworthy people out there.
@@Boniggy2500 you don't go anywhere because there's nowhere to really go. The reality that you believed in came crashing and you've descended into utter chaos. You're stuck in a version of reality that you were never aware of. It's very painful. It's utterly HORRIBLE. You want to do something to make this intangible pain stop but I can tell you that there's really no way out. All you can do is give yourself the space to sit in the middle of all this filth. There can be times where the pain is soo bad that you might want to try and mask it with some sort of physical pain, hence self harm, or even might want to quit living because that seems more compassionate to yourself than living this pain in ways unimaginable. But i can guarantee you this, if you persevere through this pain, cry it out or do something to let yourself deal this pain a little better, you'll learn one of the most important lessons in life, to see things how they are and not how it could have been or how you want them to be. I am right in the middle of all this filth, have been in it for a few months and slowly the clouds of could-have-beens are clearing. Fight this and you'll be a better warrior. I really hope you don't learn the wrong lesson and have the heart to do this to someone else. Wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
@@shamikdasgupta8876 I told my wife the same thing about never wishing it on my worse enemy. Thank you for your words and luckily i have been living in my support with friends and family by my side. They have helped me thru this pain which has been utterly horrible, as you said. I am moving forward with my life and my life with my kids. She'll then be free to do whatever her narcissistic "needs" provoke her to do. She has been completely unremorseful and without empathy on all of this. I hate that I married such a horrible person. My kids and I will survive this and become stronger people.
August 2nd 2014 I was hit by a car at 9:08, I was engaged at the time and being hit by that car out me in coma. In that 48 hours of being in a coma my fiance and best friend were so stricken with grief they decided to sleep together. The way my body reacted was so great that I literally had to move to the other side of the planet to grieve. I lost my future wife and best friend in a fraction of a second. I'm still more traumatized by that then having to relearn to walk again. I'm now at a point where my ability to trust is just absolutely gone. I'll never be able to date again and trying to make friends is not existent. People really got no idea how their actions can destroy another human. Luckily I was smart enough to buy a dog. Will that fill that void now present, now, but it keeps me from suicidal thoughts long enough to get through the day.
its because you failed to love them both then and now, so what if they become together. Arent you glad your fiance found comfort from your good friend and not someone else bad at the time you couldnt give comfort to your finance? Speak to them and say that you love them both and love the family that they made. Stop being selfish and enjoy the company of good people. Trust that people can do good and bad things, nobody is perfect ,and the world doesnt need perfection in humans, People must demonstrate the ability to care and understand and accept others difference. Stop clinging to the idea that a person can own things, they do not . People are just stewards or leasors. You dont own a fiance or a wife, rid your mind of such non sense , so that you can heal properly
Happened to me after 19 years of marriage and 5 kids. I have stayed and it broke me mentally physically and emotionally. I am 39 years old and ended up dying on the floor of my bathroom from a massive heart attack. I was saved by EMTs and had surgery to save my life. Betrayal wreaks havoc on your body. I dont know if it will ever feel okay.
No. You don't need to go through hell to be humble. If God says no, nothing change it. We all grow differently. We all see things differently. God changes people humbly.
Nah he makes these long word salads saying nothing but sounding profound. He never has a solution or any real point about anything he talks about hes literally just talking to hear himself talk.
I walked in on my girlfriend in bed with another man 5 years ago. It killed the part of me that wants to live and love the world. I swear my heart feels like it's Mike Tyson inside there punching my rib cage everytime the scene plays inside my head. I can honestly say it's the worst experience I ever had, and I led an extremely eventful life. I wish I can unsee what I saw. From that moment on I became a different man, I don't feel a thing, everything is just a single grey colour, single tone music... boring. I became lost in a world that I once loved and wanted to explore. I wish I can move on, but it's not that easy... I'll keep trying till the end.
I had a similar instance a year ago. My understanding of emotions started changing when i could physically feel them like you mentioned. Suicidal thoughts were more of a companion than an imagination. The person you were born to be requires the certain struggle that came from losing your heart. In essence, the heart you were holding was holding you back. The beauty and explosion of energy that comes from dying to self is the painful birth of the miraculous and majestic being you were born to be. The world didn’t think you could make it through and yet you still stand. Let your light shine my friend. You were strong enough to make it through but there are others who need the hope and light you proved through your dread. Stand up warrior, your destiny calls. God bless you with Peace, Love, Joy, Wisdom, Success and Health.
@@Samtheman2333 I'm so deeply touched by your comment, I'm still paddling in a middle of a rough ocean, fighting all these giant waves and hoping to make it to a calm and peaceful shore... You too my friend, keep paddling...
This is a horrific experience and I know exactly how it feels as I am speaking from the experience. By now, several years later, I realized it has been a blessing in disguise because life protected you from something even more horrific. Please see a good professional, it will really help. It will take lots of time and pain but it's totally worth it. Otherwise, in a way, these people end up ruling the rest of your life. Please don't let them do this to you.
What most simps, feminist fe/males, white-knights, betas and conservative guys fail to realize: bad boys provide excitement, novelty, unpredictability and fun (fear, roller-coaster drama) to a new level. In other words, stability and commitment (no longer) won't cut it for today's 🦄. Why is that? Before she was your girlfriend, wife or lover, she already had been "run through" so many guys. And each time she slept with someone (both wo/men), she lost a part of her psyche, well-being or mind/soul/spirit. In other words, she is no longer able to have emotional attachment in a healthy or committed way. Cardi B. artist & role model for the most privilege 🦄 on the entire planet: '''My music is always going to make a woman feel like a bad bitch. When you make a woman feel like she’s the baddest bitch in the room, to me, that’s female empowerment.''' Feminist's Ideology from Sheryl Sandberg, chief operating officer of Facebook: '''My advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier.''' Isaiah 3:12 *Childish* leaders oppress my people, and *women* rule over them. O my people, your leaders mislead you; they send you down the wrong road. Proverbs 31:3 Don't give your strength (attention, resources, mental point origen) to women, nor your ways to that which destroys kings. Ezekiel 23:20 There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses. *Sex and Culture* by Joseph Daniel Unwin *The Rational Male Series* by Rollo Tomassi *The Manipulated Man* by Esther Vilar *The Myth of Male Power* by Warren Farrell *The Feminist Lie: It Was Never About Equality* by Bob Lewis *Anatomy of Female Power* by Chinweizu Ibekwe *Men on Strike* by Helen Smith *Silent Weapons for Quiet Wars: An Introductory Programing Manual* by Anonymous
Please don’t ever show anger when you find out she cheated on you. The heat of the moment will certainly cause you to get infuriated, but hold on and think, please. Most guys make this mistake of either physically hitting the girl or throwing verbal abuses at her. This is understandable and natural as humans but you have to think for a moment and not let anger get your senses. Here is what happens when you’re angry and hit her or verbally abuse her: You are making it easy for her and hard for yourself. Physical pain when accompanied by emotion cures a way faster than mental pain accompanied by emotion. When you hit her, her emotion entangles with physical pain and since the physical pain doesn’t last long, emotion fades along with it. When you hit her, it gives her the feeling that she might have done the right thing by losing someone who is physically abusive or the feeling that you would have abused her physically if she were to marry you. This is a plus point for her. Here’s what to do: Gather all the evidences together from all those sources that you have been extracting which made you believe that she was a cheat. Get your evidences solid so that you have it when she tries to escape the accusation. Most guys don’t collect enough evidences and the cheater tends to win the argument and hence win you back. This is not to be the case here, you have to have the evidences in hand, that is going to make her speechless and that can make her cry if she’s a human. Now don’t melt down when you see her tears, there are excusable actions and non excusable actvities involved in her cheating phenomenon. So you have to be vigilant enough to differentiate what is excusable to you and what is not entirely excusable. Now that you have evidences in hand. Move on to the next step: Calm down for a moment though you’re angry inside(let it stay in for the moment), think for a moment, if she is physically near you or she’s over the phone, just question her. First question to ask would be : What made you cheat on me? You have to try your hardest to get the truth out of her. You can even fake a cry if you’re over the phone just to make her feel how deeply hurt you are though you’re angry for real(this is a trick to get the truth from her). Listen to her, most girls would give you some stupid answers or even try to defend herself by telling she didn’t do it. You have to get your evidences ready to shoot at the right moment. Why this question is important? When you know what made her cheat on you, you will come to know who she is and what her truth is. This a plus point for you cuz you just came to know the truth about someone with whom you’d have spent your whole damn life with being unhappy until death. When she gives you answers like, I no longer find you attractive or something of that sort that is directed negatively towards you, it’s a plus point for you again. Because you are coming to know something that is negative about yourself, she has been with you for long(that’s what I consider since that’s what to be considered when we say relationship) so she certainly do know something about you, the positives and negatives of course. So listen to it so that you can focus on what’s negative about you and try not to be the same in your next relationship. It’s a double plus point for you. You can ask more similar questions that can help extract more truth from her. About you or about her both are a plus point to you. Asking questions not only helps make it easy for you to forget her but also you’ll come to know why she was the wrong one for you and how you saved yourself from the abyss of hell you were eventually falling into. For the fact what’s painful is losing the right person, losing the wrong person is still a positive move for anyone. Most people realise it when it’s too late, after they marry or have babies and it’s real hard to let go off that person at that point. When she reveals something negative about you, it gives you an opportunity to improve yourself in life which is a necessity. When you don’t show her your anger or physically and verbally abuse her, you’re giving her the hints and positive vibes about yourself, the synapses in her brain will give herself positive feelings about you and when she finds out she’s losing a positive person, it makes it real hard for her. What more pleasant to see than a cheater regretting herself of losing the right person? It’s going to take her quite a time to get you out of her head and the feeling is going to haunt her for so long that it will negatively impact her upcoming relationship too even if she manages to get one into her trap. If it was an excusable action from her, it will still have a positive impact b’coz from now on she will think it double the times before committing the same mistake again as by proving in her eyes you’ve won a bigger space inside of her which scares her more of losing you. Third step should be: If her action was inexcusable, let her go. It’s of course not easy, it’s going to hurt you either way, you can cry and that’s normal. But do not take her back, inexcusable excuses are INEXCUSABLE. So leave her alone. Now, you’ll realise how lonely you are, you’ll be all alone, you won’t be much on your phone if you’re not another kind of asshole who is always after girls and if you’ve truly loved her you wouldn’t try to get another girl asap. Getting into another relationship with the intention of getting over your ex is going to a worse idea ever. You won’t be able to forget your ex and you’re also making it easy for your ex to forget you. When she finds out you immediately took another girl right after breakup, it a plus point for your ex cuz it gives her vibes that you were not the positive person. When you get yourself another girl immediately with that intention of getting over your ex, you’re technically using other human to wipe off your emotion which is not just morally wrong but it never even works cuz it doesn’t help. Try it and you’ll regret. Get yourself off the phone for a moment, give more time to your family, at least that’s what I did. I use to call my mom when I was running through that time and it helps. Or just talk to some old friends who you’ve forgotten about due to the lack of time cuz your ex girlfriend have had consumed you so much. You’ll realise how much you’ve attributed yourself to her that you’ve nearly forgotten about your own self sacrificing life by trying to be someone she wanted you to be. Read some books maybe or write down your feelings, by writing down you’re moving the pain from mind to the paper and it works. Listen to some music and cry. Crying is necessary to squeeze the emotion out of you. If old memories still makes you cry, write them down completely and carefully. If you remember her, write all the wrong things that she has done to you to how much it had hurt you. If it was an excusable action and you took her back: Watch out! Watch her actions. Is she trying hard to gain your trust? Is she trying to prove herself that she really needs you and that she can do anything for you? Did she suddenly stop lying to you? Be in contact with the sources you’ve initially collected evidences about her being a cheat and verify her activities. If you took her back you have to be vigilant because sometimes once a cheater tends to be a cheater nonetheless. Hence, you have watch her and if she’s really into you, she’ll prove it to you. If she screws up again, follow the steps above from 1 except for the fact that now the actions are not left with options of being excusable or inexcusable. There’s only gonna be one option and it’s ‘INEXCUSABLE’. So let her go! It’s not worth your time. Life is too short to live worrying about people who don’t give a shit about us. Additionally I hired a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Once I knew what she was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!
It's weird how you consider it a choice to hit a woman and how often you think it's necessary to explain that this would be wrong.. But at the same time you just want to explain that it makes it easier for her to leave just alike verbal abuse towards her, as if those options are the same. If I was your gf I would be ready to get hit.. You seem to think of it as 50% of a normal solution pattern
My ex cheated on me. I actualy knew it unconsiously, but I think my mind tried to protect me from that reality, cause it knew that it would crush me. To put it simple fooled myself. You should try to avoid being naive at every cost. Most people are for sure not good
You see all these signs, red flags. Yet your brain just doesn't function for some reason. Months after my brain will then start to piece everything together. Very strange and not particularly fun either.
@@berndkals6110 damn… i’m going through the same thing but i took some tylenol to help with the heartache. i’m just accepting it’s over and moving on. life’s to short fr. it’s already march🙃
Ontrouw is zo erg om in elke relatie te hebben. Mijn advies zal zijn voor iedereen die zo'n gedachte heeft om volledig te begrijpen dat het iemand altijd zal belemmeren om zijn of haar best te doen in elke relatie. Dus het beste wat u kunt doen wanneer ontrouwproblemen zich voordoen, is om het zeker te weten. Ik had veel twijfels over mijn partner en moest het zeker weten. Het was hartverscheurend wat ik ontdekte, maar het beste wat ik kon doen om mijn toch al onrustige geest met rust te laten. Dankzij de hulp die ik heb gekregen, heb ik alles kunnen ontdekken en zelf kunnen zien. Ik was echt blij dat ik de stap heb gezet en nu is mijn hart vredig na alles.
When I found out, I went into shock. After a few hours, I began to ask myself, “How do I respond to make ME feel good about who I am as a person? How do I respond in a way that is loving to me? How do I respond to make myself feel proud about ME? His betrayal said everything about him and who he believes himself to be. His betrayal said absolutely nothing about me.
wow I wish I had the emotional maturity you had when it happened to me. I immediately let it make me think n feel that I was the issue that I wasn't good enough ect... it destroyed me & I'm still working on healing
This was exactly what I needed to hear today. Just recently got out of a relationship where I found my girlfriend was cheating on me behind my back for months. After reading a lot of these comments I’ve also realized a couple things. One, at least it happened while I’m young and can use this as a learning experience. And two, I don’t have as bad as some people.
I have no idea what he was talking about this time, but referring back to the misleading title, "What happens after you find out your partner is cheating?", the answer for me was VERY simple: Call a divorce lawyer the minute the office opens, and get the ball rolling.
@@adamprince22 It didn't turn out that way! :) :) :) My lawyer wanted to press for payments from her. I told him I didn't want anything at all from her, that I wanted NO more ties with her of any kind, that she'd never be able to make payments, anyway. He said that's the point, that I'd have her lack of payments to hold over her head in case she tried to pull some sht. I said OK. I ended up with a mere $25/week, and custody of my kids. I received VERY few payments from her, and that's the way I wanted it to be. She showed up visibly pregnant at the divorce hearing. My attorney: Is that John's child? Her: No. Atty: Whose is it? Her: I don't know.
Betrayal is probably the hardest, as it’s a reflection on also yourself. Disappointment is a lot easier to deal with. We’ll all go through it, just have to be tough and learn independence as young as possible, I reckon.
Being cheated on and aquiring an std from husband of 23 years who never admitted , gaslighted, smeared ...most traumatic and shell shocking experience and with with no closure. It's Been 2 years and it still hurts to breathe at times. It is a physical and mental pain all at once.
My ex gave me an std too and then blamed me of sleeping around...while he was my first love and only guy I've ever slept with...it took me 2 years to break up,and another 4 years to recover.. you have to give yourself the closure..be patient with yourself. We can heal
So regardless if we get cheated on or not , we’re all going to die so it doesn’t matter. Don’t let it stop you from living LiFE, your LIFE.. you’re the author, you write the story. One solution isn’t going to fix every situation. Don’t get overwhelm, you’re the captain of your ship. Sure you might’ve sailed some tough waters, but you survived and it’s up to you where you want to guide your boat next.
Just act as a responsible adult. You are not alone in this world and you have to respect your partners, even if love is gone. Cheating is not necessary. End the relationship with dignity and face the consequences of your choice.
That's exactly what Buddhism and meditation can make you resilient to. Know thyself (Sokrates' "I know that I don't know" is an important part of that"), and don't attach to the other people. Enjoy your time together, but when it's over it's not over with yourself, and you don't have to question your memories. The beautiful moment back then was then, and it was real, as real as this moment is now. The problem with people is, that they are not self sufficient. Most couples I see are just junkies for their partners, because they never learned to exist for themselves. When you don't love yourself, anyone and anything can crush you.
When you know that you don't know, the unknown behind people's surface and other systems (I mean we are just complex systems) will not shock you as much, in the event of disenchantment.
This describes the feeling exactly. Now I look back at everything and realize it was all wrong from the beginning. We’re still married because what he said initially gave me hope. But now I realize those are lies too and now basically he’s just someone that lives here.
I was just betrayed 10 minutes before listening to this and he's so right. I did not see the man who betrayed me standing in front of me...I saw the Devil!!
Literally. I am so angry I see red I can't calm down I have this fire of hurt inside me. All I saw was a good person and now all of a sudden he's a nightmare
Probably better to get those lessons early in life so that you can deal with the fallout and bounce back. The primary value of the lesson is being prepared to deal with the disappointments, not only in relationships but also in other areas, that are sure to present themselves throughout our lifetimes.
Love is so flimsy. All it takes is one heart break to stop a lot of us from even wanting love again. I have been single and not looking and celibate for nearly 4 years now. I am over him but I admit it took a long time to get over the situation. It's just hard to want another when we're used to being promised forever and getting stuck with far from forever. Some of us take love very seriously while others crush it.
I've been on both sides and I can promise you on everything I've ever cared about that you WILL fall in love again. Perhaps a few times. And at the absolute least, the ABSOLUTE LEAST, 3 guys are going to fall in love with you. I'd love to say choose wisely, but if true love is real, nobody gets to choose. It just happens. It's probably the most unfair, uncontrollable thing a human can experience. (From both sides)
Channel…..love is beautiful, fulfilling, ecstasy!!! BUT….not with everyone!! GET IT??????? One man or one woman cheater is not the rest of us!! Thrust them puppies out….your true love is probably just around the next corner!! If you love yourself, the inevitable will happen!!! Just don’t wallow on the past!! Forever???? Maybe…if you’re lucky!
UA-cam suggests: "What Happens After You Find Out Your Partner Is Cheating?" Me: "oh cool, something to help me overcome my break-up" Jordan: "failure and death is the norm and it's gonna happen to all of you!" Me:
Freddie Flintstone statistics show more men cheat. Men cheat because they think with their penis and view women as walking vaginas and women cheat for validation and attention. Either way humans are disgusting and I will never date again
luckily this didn't happen to me. my husband certainly loves me... at least thx to natural drops spanish fly i bought for myself. just wanted to try bc i wanted my husband to like my energy in bed. actaully i didn't epxtect anything but the opposite came true
as my wife is pretty sensible she even requires only 3 drops . how is that possible? i mean it's a miracle that something like this exists . i would divorce her but the expereince is pretty great
Without watching video: You should always walk away from a partner that cheats on you. There is no excuse to cheat. They obviously don't have the respect or love for you. You deserved to be loved properly. Focus on improving your happiness and self worth again, before getting back into a relationship.
Yeah I mess up in my past and then I realize the person that I mess up with did the same thing she doing to me now instead talking about it and working on our relationship bc i still faithful and honest and loyal while she keeps lieing to me when she texts me knowing I know about all this bc I’m far from being dumb
@@mattarchey9062 Then you leave the relationship. You don't throw yourself a pity party with some hoe. That's the cowards way out no matter what the situation is
"What Happens After You Find Out Your Partner Is Cheating?" 8:07: "The fundamental hypothesis that the mosquito structure matches the structure of reality is wrong at a 999.999 level of error"
Cheating is a choice not a failure!!! The failure is not communicating with that significant other on how you feel or what you need!!! The one who is unfaithful wasn’t in it for the long haul to begin with in my opinion! But they seem to be the one that always persuade the other partner that they are! They find that person that is faithful and loyal to take advantage of that would give 100 percent in the marriage!! They think that they are so committed and in love that they would never notice!! They are are such a mind f..k and so is the situation! I wish you could legally sue someone you are married to that dose that !!! For everything. You don’t want to be married any more ; get a divorce before you cheat!!! Alow the other spouse to know you’re not happy so they don’t waste their time on a the cheating piece of crap . And can start the lives with someone that values commitment!!! Cheating literally kills the other person in marriage! Mind sole and body !!!
Never had anyone cheat on me but if it ever happened I would just erase them from my mind forever just go separate ways and never have anything to do with them again and never give them free rent inside your head
As a Christian couple with a child, this horror happen to me and never imagined it. The pure horror - all I could think of is not letting it hurt my child and I kept it secret- it ended up ruining my relationship with my child. I spent 4 years trying to let my wife go through this crisis but she was cursing me and hating me through this time as her ap moved on and married someone else - my daughter didn’t know and just heard her mom yell at me and be angry to me - so go figure I tried to keep my family together and marriage and i get demonized but she will lear the truths one day. I work out have a great career Christian guy , took my wife and daughter family trips so on.. just rediculous - now I just want the divorce to have peace in my life but it breaks my heart she tore our family apart -
i will NEVER understand the evil people carry in themselves. and how well they can hide it is so horrifying. it makes me sad and breaks my heart. i’m sorry.
These titles are often misleading or cover only a tiny part of the speech - something to consider. Unless you are aiming for clickbait. Great speech though.
My wife was the only human I opened my heart to & granted 100% of my trust. When I found out she was betraying me it sent me into a state of chaos & now I am back to not trusting anyone again. Her lover (coworker) of 4 years dumped her 10 minutes after I left, leaving her & my son alone. As pretty as she is single men only look at her as pump & dump material which means she will live her last years lonely.
It happend to me yesterday and man, I can not even eat... There are nice things happening in the world as well, but it is indeed a nasty, terrifying place to live. I hope I will be able to build trust again with women. It is hard to be scared not knowing answers to so many questions... Whoever experience the same thing, good luck with this struggle and stay strong as it is gonna be hell for awhile I think.
It completely devastated me to the point where my sleep schedule is f***ed, I can’t sleep, I feel always tired and depressed so I understand you. Only way when you hit rock bottom is up. Good luck and I wish only good things come your way
Something that will never be clear to me ever is, how do some people even have the heart to do something like this. Only if they knew how horrible if feels... can't eat, sleep, focus on work, everything seems to just crumble and all one can do is watch their very being turn to dust. It's a horrible place to be in and I wouldn't wish this upon anyone, not even the person who chose to cheat. It's utterly horrible!
I have sat, with a pen and notebook, and taken notes. I often think that we are gifted to have his lectures posted, for us to “attend “ free of charge. Life changing! Do it.
My ex cheated on me as she had cheated with everyone she was with before. A clever narcissistic ego maniac who carefully grooms everyone around her into thinking she is a good and vulnerable person. I was devastated and humiliated, and angry. I wanted to die. Stupidly I wasted more time with this person but I started changing. I got back in the gym and fought four more times (W 3 L 1 2KO) including on BT Sport. During this time we broke up time and again, and I met someone new, she’s truly a beautiful person inside and out, totally different to the girl I was with before. Im writing this sat by a lake feeding my beautiful 9 week old daughter. Never give up. If you are looking for peace reading these comments, know this ... you can turn the most awful moments of your life into profound successes. It’s all up to you and your mindset. Never give up.
@Mitch was betrayed by a TOXIC NARC💥 just keep going mate, look up rollo tomassi, rich cooper and ‘unplugged alpha’ it will probably change a lot of unhealthy beliefs that you may hold. And that I used to hold. Good luck - thanks for the reply
I've experienced cheating numerous times as you get older and look back relationships just suck the life out of you they don't seem to add much to your life same with children My advice have a career and have a damn good time
Lol. So many people focused on their "career" nowadays, everybody wants to "progress in their career" and "get promoted", and "get another qualification" so they can "explore new career options", etc. You should work to live, not live to work. You should focus on your relationships, your friendships, your children, your hobbies, your interests, etc. Much more rewarding. No one really gives a s**t what you do for a living. We are so obsessed with "careers" in today's society.
I’m going through this but what I really wanted to point out is how much I appreciate that we have access to wisdom and videos like this. 15 years ago, where would we find Jordan Petersons information? Probably only in the same room as JP is talking which is several thousands of km away from me. Never would I be able to benefit from this. Thanks for having this opportunity asks for sharing this with us.
“Failure and death is the norm and it’s gonna happen to all of you”. This is something we have forgotten. We always think the grass is greener on everyone else’s lawn while we rarely stop to look and water our own. It also goes back to what he was saying that what each of us see isn’t exactly the person or reality but our own perception of them. Wild.
Forgive yourself after the betrayal! That reached me because we always try to forgive the other person and it doesnt occur to us to also forgive ourselves for chosing them and not seeing the red flags!
Having been through it, it is devastating. He's right, your past, present and future are in chaos. Add to this, you no longer know who you are. It took me a month to confront her because that is the time that it took to gather the strength and coherence to do it.
Here’s a funny story that happened to me a while back: I found out my ex was cheating for 6 months, she moved to liverpool and got a boyfriend but never told me. And to top it of she was cheating on her boyfriend with another guy too. It’s been 3 months since I found out. Painful thing is she didn’t even let me shout at her or anything, two days after I found out she blocked me. What a piece of scum. I hate to say it but I fell into a large hole of pain. Every time I removed it k just went to her cousin and told him that she deserved all the pain her family caused her and stuff. It didn’t even seem like she felt bad. I’m not the type of person to overreact but the fact that she blocked me hurt. The first day I found out she begged me to forgive her and I said I wouldn’t. Long story short I found out that her other boyfriend forgave her 😂that’s not my cup of tea. I just wished I could have gotten it all off my chest.
Your knees collapse, your stomach wretches, it feels like your heart stops then beats like it trying to fly out of your chest and taking your lungs with it.
Married for 21 years now. Adultery is one thing we both agree is a complete deal-breaker. If one of us ever gets to the point of being that unfulfilled or bored, we are committed to just part ways.
12 years with my ex until december 4th of this year. We had an agreement that camgirls, sex talk with coworkers/friends was cheating. and definitely anything phyiscal. She cheated on me with several men before I found out. We had an agreement that we would part ways before that happened. Guard your heart. And your wallet sir. Before we broke up she had cleaned out my credit cards and made sure I had nothing but the clothes on my back when i left. I havent seen my kids all month.
When I see a cheating partner, I suddenly see my enemy. The person whom I was so in love with yesterday has today become my enemy and the battle lines are clearly drawn.
I would pay a lot for counseling with Jordan Right now. I need someone like him who understands so much about the world and understands. A lot of people around me do not seem to understand or care to understand.
The only way to predict the future is to create it. People will tell you all day that they’ll love you and be loyal until the end. Nobody can honestly tell you what they would or wouldn’t do in any time of convenience; never make promises while you’re in love, when you’ve got money, or basically when your happy because you’re more likely to break those promises. Meantime a relationship doesn’t count when everything’s lovey dovey; you’ll have a good idea of what to expect once you’ve both had your first fight/disagreement. As for repeat offenders when it comes to cheaters, listen to the way they react once they’ve been caught. The person whose the “Ok so. You caught me cheating, annndddd” type with no remorse and slightly arrogant are the repeat offender. The person whose the “I’m sorry, and Ik that I fucked up. I couldn’t see what I had until I stand to loose it now” is the type that will possibly be genuine because they’re sometimes the one who confesses in a short time matter. People who’re burdened by what they’ve done have a conscience, while remorseless people are sociopaths in the making. Either way, the worst thing to do with either case is to forgive and forget naively and too quick, if they cannot understand the true weight of their betrayal enough to empathize with your anger they’ll cheat again. They must be held accountable, and things therefore should never be what they once were prior to the infidelity quickly; that should be a long bridge to repair by them earning their way back up. Quick forgiveness has always been a breeding ground for carelessness and atrocities.
Help me man. 4 days ago I found out that my girlfriend cheated on me back in late October/early November. In her case it wasn't in person cheating. Her and a guy she met from a different country t○uch_d themselves on video call/camera. But of course, not before building some kind of emotional connection, She didn't feel happy here she said. She claims she was vulnerable & Didn't feel empathy for me when she did it because she felt very unhappy. She seems sorry about it now. I need help. I love her so much still and I can't believe that i still do. I need some tips on how to make them earn me back. I kind of quickly ended up having that laughable behavior of forgiveness, but I feel angry and depressed every day & she knows it. So far it has been impossible for me to leave. I just need help maybe some tips on how to make somebody like this not feel forgiven so easily! I feel shes relieved that im still here. I dont want her to think she can do this again.
@@Luminous.Dynamics if you're truly her man, she has no need to find comfort within another man's reassurances regardless of if it's virtually or in person. Ask yourself a question: would she not feel the same way if you neglected her by watching porno???????
@@Luminous.Dynamics basically speaking you're dealing with a narcissist whose, more than likely, been betrayed in the same way she's betrayed you. Seeing it is that she feels nothing means she's already told herself that she's done nothing wrong to offend you, meaning she's more liable to betray you in this very same way. Once someone shows you who they are, please believe them. In her mind, she's no longer the predator and by definition had become the predator in the name of control over her life in the wake of her own unfortunate experiences of trauma. In other words, she's lied to herself and has already believed her own lies to be the truth instead of healing herself by accepting the truth of her own experiences; which is the textbook definition of narcissism. Hurt people hurt people when they're in denial of being hurt. Her ability to lie and believe her own lies doesn't make those lies the truth. Sincerity equals taken ownership, a full blown apology, and a changed action verifying the sincerity of the apology. The fact that she didn't even apologize not only means she knew what she was doing before she did it, but also that she doesn't care about you enough to hold any regard to the fact that she's offended you. She's bad news, bottom line. I wouldn't give her another shot with hurting me if I were you, because that would be condoning her actions. Hold her accountable, and definitely uphold your needed respect as a man. She's acting cold because she feels like there's no chance of you leaving her. Cut her off for a week, I bet you she calls you apologizing. Women hate silent cut offs, she won't be able to stand the possibility of you with any other woman in her mind and that's the first thing they think during silent cutoffs. It also builds respect between the 2 of you, and sets boundaries. Try going no contact for a week, and see what happens. Just know that cheating online eventually transcends into cheating in real life; nobody interacts with someone in an intimate way online without any intentions of eventually linking up to do something with them in real life if yk what I mean.
It never happened to me but I feel for the ones that were cheated on it has to be very hurtful to have done to you Just pray that someone better will come along there are good people out there don’t jump into fast
I was gaslighted for two years, saw red flags and asked appropriate questions, and was continually lied to, told i was paranoid or crazy or possesive. When they were the one deceiving and devaluing...humans are ...well infallible...and its stupid to trust such creatures who have a repeated history of "in it for themselves" attitude. Now add a dash of hedonistic hookup culture and watch the infidelity hit your significant others dm's on a regular basis. People have all sorts of ways to create a believable lie or cover up. Humans are.great at lying...there is no garuntee you wont be cheated on, in fact just.get used to it. Its all apart of some bargaining system designed to garnish favored outcomes
Don't ever forgive a betrayal. Don't ever tell someone that has betrayed you that you have forgiven them. If they apologize, tell them that they are not forgiven and move on.
@@john24110 There is no resentment or pain at all. I just don't believe in this concept of "forgiveness". I believe in acceptance and moving on with your life.
He basically said that since things don't stay the same, that we can't use anything in the past that is consistent to predict the future (roughly), and then he says "maybe that's why we have a consciousness". But, what if the fact that we have consciosness is the reason that things are forever changing and unpredictable. In other words, because of our own ability to manifest.
Trust and loyalty is important in any relationship, I realise I wasn't being paranoid or crazy and most times it's better to go with your instincts. Thanks for keeping to the confidentiality agreement CYBERLOGICS_ very reliable and professional
Never react with emotion, plan, save and get revenge.Revenge is a dish best served cold, I watched her break in front of me. It was the nectar of the gods..
Thank you to JP for all that you do. This couldn't have come at a better time and I am embracing change for the better. Cheers to coming into true cognition everyone x
Just found out my husband has been cheating on me the last 2 years. Crying listening to this. My heart is broke💔 hope i can get strong . He is with his girlfriend now
This is why I enjoy being Christian, According to the bible I don't need to understand all of this 😂😂😂😂 I have like zero anxiety now, Thank you Jesus😂😂
The reason people don't like him is, because he doesn't hold anything back. He speaks the truth about every subject placed in front of him and he doesn't hide his emotions. That's why I believe he's the most honest person I've ever seen. That's exactly what we need! He stands his ground no matter who or what's in front of him and he wins every single argument, because he tells the truth. People always want to see a hero fail and they try to discredit him constantly. He's an awesome example for people in general, not just young men. People of any age should listen to him. People like him are a one in one hundred billion.... Jordan youu are by far the definition of cool Sir! Sincerely,Thank you
When someone betrays u it doesn’t mean things don’t still work in a deterministic way. Just because your prediction was wrong doesn’t mean that behavior isn’t predictable and cause and effect is invalid. Things do make sense - just because we’re wrong sometimes doesn’t mean it makes no sense.
Yes that was a pit I was staring at and I fell into it. Everything went blank in one moment... who was he, did I ever know him, who was I, could I trust my judgement ever again, what about the future, was the past a lie, was I day dreaming all this time? It's been more than 2 years, I think less of him, lesser than I used to. But I still miss what we had and what we could've had. It doesn't hurt anymore. But I don't think I can ever love again. Or let someone into the sanctum of my existence. Betrayal is cruel.
Had a teacher like this in school. He'd stare off into the distance, out the windows and get sidetracked and talk deep philosophical things that had nothing to do with the subject. I LOVED it. I wished I had him the whole day as my teacher. Peterson is a bit better at keeping track of his subject.
i have been lied to and cheated on in every relationship i have ever been in. It has made me feel that i am unworthy as a woman. It feels just as bad as being a beaten woman. i feel that if a man doesnt want to be with you, then he should have the guts to tell you, and not go and cheat on you secretly and take a chance u wont figure him out, I hate that so bad. My trust in men,, and in myself to pick an honest man has hit rock bottom.
I was red pilled when I was 18. Had that Disney idea of marriage and was getting ready to ask her to marry me. Then I found out she’d been cheating with one of my best friends and didn’t know if she was pregnant with his kid or mine. My safe world burned. Absolute lowest point in my life. I see her today after rebuilding myself and she stands there with her mouth hanging open. I’m glad I never took her back. That was one of the hardest lessons I ever learned and it almost killed me. It did give me a great education on women though.
I don’t know if anyone is still here, but I just lost my girlfriend of one year and 6 months. I’m broken, we always loved each other and fought for eachother through any argument and problem we encountered, and we were so strong for so long. And then she cheated, I lost all trust and perception of who we we both were as a couple. This caused a lot of damage to me mentally and emotionally, things were never the same after she cheated (about 1 year 4 months in). I forgave her and told her I’d try and get past it because I loved her dearly, but about a month after this I found out she had done it again multiple times (for the record nothing was ever physical cheating only digital, although the first time she cheated there was a kiss, but she claims it was put onto her and she didn’t react…). I forgave her again, because at this point she had already crushed me so much that all I had left was her comfort and seeking her approval. Some how the cheating made me fight for the relationship and not the other way around. Her mental health then declined tremendously, and a week ago, I came to her to discuss and open up about the damage she had caused to me, and she flipped. She didn’t like that I told her what she had done to me and took it as me not being nice and treating her like shit. So she left me. She then didn’t make it clear whether we were over forever or not so I held on for a week, in pain and turmoil every day believing it was my fault and allowing so much damage to be done to my self and feel so much regret and guilt. I fought so hard to get her back, but I discovered that the person she cheated on me with the second time had been in communication with her again since the breakup. So I realised it wasn’t my fault for the breakup. Whilst I was responsible for some damages caused in the relationship (saying things i regret and not always treating her the best , however this was rare) the truth was she thought she had found a better man and wanted an excuse to leave that made her feel better about herself and justify breaking my heart. Lesson learned? Don’t forgive infidelity. It is the equivalent to murder in a relationship.
I’m sorry to hear this man, I know exactly how you feel because I’m going through it right now! I haven’t been able to sleep for a bout a whole week know, on top of that o found out she she was already about 2 months pregnant BEOFRE I decided to be done done, well I found out there was 5 other guys she had slept with but she SWEARS Up an and Down that there’s no way it’s not mine and btw they are TWINS
Damn I felt shaky, my heart aching when my girlfriend was cheating 8 months and dumped me 1 month ago and it hurts a lot and thanks for this video professor, Peterson.
He is so right with the physical reaction to betrayal. When I found out my partner was cheating, I was shaking, my heart beating out of my chest, could barely breath.....I stayed and for the next 12 years I struggled, I never trusted him again, the pain and fear was woven through everything...I finally left ..... so here I am late 50's and single. Never, never underestimate the destruction and catastrophe of a betrayal.
Yes. It is terrible. Literally changes the way you look at the world when your spouse betrays.
I was the master of denial and assuming he had decency somewhere and now I know that led to my downfall. Don’t assume people don’t have bad intentions and think like you do, is what I learned,., so now I go forward suspicious and alone… wisened and hardened and heartbroken.
I know right? For me it was the heart beating out of my chest, really terrible experience.
@one time for what it may be worth coming from a stranger, I am so very sorry that you've had this experience.
Happened to me recently, l had my suspicions but the reality is a huge kick in the stomach, just the worse feeling.
@@woooooooo9061 you're an absolute badass
''Because its very difficult to look at people, because they're horrifying and profound creatures. And so everyone walks around behaving so we don't terrify the hell out of each other all the time.''
🤣🤣 now it all makes sense!
Well, the giant pit factor is a sure thing.
When I've been drawing alot, I cannot tell you how beautiful people are. I learned some from this book Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain, and I could see what was always there but I could hardly bear to. After I learned that, if I look, a person becomes visible this magnificent being that was sourced from the mysterious beginning of the universe, and here they are, visibly magnificent in a way they don't even know. You can get awestruck by a person like you can gazing at the Grand Canyon. Its too much.
I have always considered everyone my friend and I am their friend ..... so far so good ... I am 88 years old
That is indeed a quote from the video
1. You grasp reality and grieve. 2. Instead of being depressed take advantage of your value/position. 3. Redesign , Rebuild, Reclaim
👌spot on!!
Spotify on.
Thanks
SETH Freakin ROLLINS
@@safina1253 Spotify… ? LOL
@@ArcanicFire i though the same thing hahahaha
I so get exactly what he means. One massive betrayal, left me so damaged, simply because it made me doubt not only the betrayer, but myself.
Truth, having to rebuild yourself like that is disgusting
I was devastated at the ending of a 30 year - 25 of that married - relationship. The person I loved the most in the world and trusted completely - believed completely that he would never lie or cheat - tells me he no longer loves me. He loves this woman he met on the internet (in Second Life) not me. She lives in another country but he spent 2 days with her while she was in the US 8 months earlier.
He had already stepped away from the relationship and marriage before I knew what was going on.
I don't even date now. I never want to give anyone the ability to hurt me so much. I only got through it with the help of a good therapist.
Its truly damaging. I don't even think we get over it completely it just becomes another negetive voice in your heard .
@@sandyloveday7292 WOW, i wish you ALL OF LUCK!
@@sandyloveday7292
I'm so sorry that happened to you. I'm afraid to get into any serious relationship because after decades of being together it could fall apart just like that.
Jordan Peterson is the king of getting side tracked then successfully relating it back to what he was saying before
I think that’s intentional lol
Slabulous Adam Corolla good too.
Vsauce as well, and you learn a lot from it.
" because things are complicated" xD
Idk man lol he started with your partner is cheating and ended with everything dies lol
I could listen Jordan talk for weeks and not get bored. Protect this man at all costs please.
I agree! He is logical, clear, concise, scientific, but so very human!
@@dancingfirefly7761 My thoughts exactly! He has such a wide vocabulary and can express hismself in a very captivating way. I hope he'll get better soon and wish him the best!
Alucard Chikara Bazinga
We gotta set up a whole Jordan Peterson security force
Pepe with a Fez, I love it!! :D
Never forgive the cruelest of betrayals no matter how sorry they are. Living with the pain on a daily of someone's else's actions isn't a good way to live.
Well said.
Well, here's the thing. You're staying that living with the pain of someone else's actions isn't a good way to live. If you don't forgive the person and move on from them, you'll always hate them and fixate on what they did to you. Which is a really sucky way to live. Rather forgive them, forget them and focus on what makes you happy.
@@marne-leerossouw5639 I guess this comes down to the individual and the exact context. I've been there and got the t shirt
Forgiveness is perfectly fine. Boiling to the brim with resentment is not. Been there, absolutely destroyed me.
I think that if someone Wants to be forgiven and truly makes an effort ( things they DO, not what they say) .. quitting a job for example or whatever the situation calls for.. and you truly think you can forgive (.. but you have to be honest w/ yourself) .. then I believe it’s worth at least an honest try. BUT, trying to forgive someone who really doesn’t think they’ve done anything wrong ..or blames you for THEIR bad behavior..true forgiveness is impossible. Trying to forgive someone w/ that attitude just breeds resentment and makes you feel bad about yourself ( weather you know it right away or not )... ✌🏻 sorry u were done so wrong.. the right person will always lift you up, not break u down ✌🏻
After the betrayal I saw a stranger. An unattractive stranger. I saw the actual person and not who I had been seeing through my rose-colored glasses. He was a fantasy and, suddenly, I saw reality and I didn't like him. And the world changed and I saw reality at every turn. I looked at my next husband through open eyes and I saw him as the person he truly was. I saw the real person right from day one. That was half a century ago. I had no illusions and, therefore, no disappointments. So I have lived a life of reality. It shows in the face, Dr. Peterson has said. It's an asset. You always see what is really there. Everywhere. And there is such enjoyment in the simple, truly beautiful things in life. I'm a realist and I became one at a very young age. It was thrust upon me. It was a painful transition but I am thankful. I can not be fooled. I think that's good.
Nicely written and thank you for sharing
Just curious but how did you get there? Being able to remove the rose colored glasses?
If you trust your current husband, then you're also not seeing him for who he really is. You've missed the point. You actually cannot trust anyone.
@@dr.jenniferma3914 Yeap even she cannot be trusted given the fact she said the first guy was a fantasy...so the husband must be the beta or plan B it seems
What most simps, feminist fe/males, white-knights, betas and conservative guys fail to realize: bad boys provide excitement, novelty, unpredictability and fun (fear, roller-coaster drama) to a new level. In other words, stability and commitment (no longer) won't cut it for today's 🦄. Why is that? Before she was your girlfriend, wife or lover, she already had been "run through" so many guys. And each time she slept with someone (both wo/men), she lost a part of her psyche, well-being or mind/soul/spirit. In other words, she is no longer able to have emotional attachment in a healthy or committed way.
Cardi B. artist & role model for the most privilege 🦄 on the entire planet:
'''My music is always going to make a woman feel like a bad bitch. When you make a woman feel like she’s the baddest bitch in the room, to me, that’s female empowerment.'''
Feminist's Ideology from Sheryl Sandberg, chief operating officer of Facebook:
'''My advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier.'''
Isaiah 3:12
*Childish* leaders oppress my people, and *women* rule over them. O my people, your leaders mislead you; they send you down the wrong road.
Proverbs 31:3
Don't give your strength (attention, resources, mental point origen) to women, nor your ways to that which destroys kings.
Ezekiel 23:20
There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.
*Sex and Culture* by Joseph Daniel Unwin
*The Rational Male Series* by Rollo Tomassi
*The Manipulated Man* by Esther Vilar
*The Myth of Male Power* by Warren Farrell
*The Feminist Lie: It Was Never About Equality* by Bob Lewis
*Anatomy of Female Power* by Chinweizu Ibekwe
*Men on Strike* by Helen Smith
*Silent Weapons for Quiet Wars: An Introductory Programing Manual* by Anonymous
🕊💚🙋🏻♂️
So in simple words, when cheated on, you really see the real person. But you CAN'T see it during the relationship, because your feelings and preposition blind you. 😨
Yes, try to step back sometimes.
I would say that is true.
This is true to a certain extent. The truth of it is, as always, somewhat more complicated.
I would say it's one more good reason for having a really long courtship before getting married-- to really know exactly who you are marrying.
@@ralphholiman7401 that is one very reasonable option. I'm not sure it would solve the issue of perspective, but it would give more opportunity to gain a more accurate perspective on your future partner.
The best thing you can do after a betrayal is to accept it happened, accept that it’s over, you wil never have what you had back, and forgive yourself. Don’t hope things will go back to where it was. It will eat you up. You must move on asap. And you can only do that when you accept what is done is done and there is no going back.
Thats the bottom line, sounds very simple but why is it so difficult? Its too bad rona had to affect group meetings, I missed the frickin bus.
Not one answer, it depends on so many aspects. I'm 5 months on from my wife having an afair. If l reacted straight away l would have kicked her out, but l didn't. I gave her time as she was so involved she never stood back and looked at how stupid she'd been. We still love each other, and we are rebuilding our marriage. It takes time but l think and hope we will get there.
@@mark.e.p better man than I
@@mark.e.p Any update to this? Did you have kids that you stayed for? Are you still working through it?
So can you still be with them or not?
Once a person cheats on you it's over, move on to someone else that doesn't cheat on you, see how easy I fixed that?, ( : . Once you find out your wife/husband cheats on you that fact will be with you the rest of your life and NOTHING!!!!!! can fix it or remove it, it will be a part of your life for ever and ever, and it will always be in the back of your mind and it will show up at every moment of your life, the only way to live with this is to not live with it, cut your losses and get the hell away from it, The End.
I took a Screenshot of this. This, just this
“Everybody walks around behaving so we don’t terrify the hell out of each other all the time”.
Brilliance.
Hey Jones, I say a yes to that
Being betrayed and cheated on is not a reflection on me it’s always the true reflection of the other and their poor choices. In some sense there is no predictor for cheating. That’s what makes relationships so risky but beautiful too. People cheat because they don’t love themselves first and if you can’t love yourself you can’t be true to another. They simply won’t last the distance until healing occurs. They don’t get away with anything as they have to face the loss of a true person. Remember who you are, stand tall in the sense that you followed your values and had a moral compass. There are trustworthy people out there.
They're so hard to find tho!....
There's so many snake's in the grass and if you don't cut the grass then you won't see any of them!....
Thank you for this.. is SO easy to begin doubting everything about yourself. I am at this moment and dont really know which way to go
@@Boniggy2500 you don't go anywhere because there's nowhere to really go. The reality that you believed in came crashing and you've descended into utter chaos. You're stuck in a version of reality that you were never aware of. It's very painful. It's utterly HORRIBLE. You want to do something to make this intangible pain stop but I can tell you that there's really no way out. All you can do is give yourself the space to sit in the middle of all this filth. There can be times where the pain is soo bad that you might want to try and mask it with some sort of physical pain, hence self harm, or even might want to quit living because that seems more compassionate to yourself than living this pain in ways unimaginable. But i can guarantee you this, if you persevere through this pain, cry it out or do something to let yourself deal this pain a little better, you'll learn one of the most important lessons in life, to see things how they are and not how it could have been or how you want them to be. I am right in the middle of all this filth, have been in it for a few months and slowly the clouds of could-have-beens are clearing. Fight this and you'll be a better warrior. I really hope you don't learn the wrong lesson and have the heart to do this to someone else. Wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
@@shamikdasgupta8876 I told my wife the same thing about never wishing it on my worse enemy. Thank you for your words and luckily i have been living in my support with friends and family by my side. They have helped me thru this pain which has been utterly horrible, as you said. I am moving forward with my life and my life with my kids. She'll then be free to do whatever her narcissistic "needs" provoke her to do. She has been completely unremorseful and without empathy on all of this. I hate that I married such a horrible person. My kids and I will survive this and become stronger people.
August 2nd 2014 I was hit by a car at 9:08, I was engaged at the time and being hit by that car out me in coma. In that 48 hours of being in a coma my fiance and best friend were so stricken with grief they decided to sleep together. The way my body reacted was so great that I literally had to move to the other side of the planet to grieve. I lost my future wife and best friend in a fraction of a second. I'm still more traumatized by that then having to relearn to walk again. I'm now at a point where my ability to trust is just absolutely gone. I'll never be able to date again and trying to make friends is not existent. People really got no idea how their actions can destroy another human. Luckily I was smart enough to buy a dog. Will that fill that void now present, now, but it keeps me from suicidal thoughts long enough to get through the day.
its because you failed to love them both then and now, so what if they become together. Arent you glad your fiance found comfort from your good friend and not someone else bad at the time you couldnt give comfort to your finance?
Speak to them and say that you love them both and love the family that they made.
Stop being selfish and enjoy the company of good people.
Trust that people can do good and bad things, nobody is perfect ,and the world doesnt need perfection in humans,
People must demonstrate the ability to care and understand and accept others difference.
Stop clinging to the idea that a person can own things, they do not . People are just stewards or leasors. You dont own a fiance or a wife, rid your mind of such non sense , so that you can heal properly
you deserve better friends
@@leusmaximusx Harsh……….but true.
@@leusmaximusx You're crazy. Be quiet.
Anthony, sorry that happened to you. You didn't deserve that + you deserve better than the POSs they are!! ❤
Happened to me after 19 years of marriage and 5 kids. I have stayed and it broke me mentally physically and emotionally. I am 39 years old and ended up dying on the floor of my bathroom from a massive heart attack. I was saved by EMTs and had surgery to save my life. Betrayal wreaks havoc on your body. I dont know if it will ever feel okay.
Why 5 kids ??
It will never feel ok, but don’t cry because of this experience, smile about your children. Find the things you can enjoy and are real.
HOpe ur doin ok, thats a tough thing to get thru.
I feel for you, I have been cheated on too many times. Sorry this happened to you.
@@Mikey92186 Thank you, I appreciate that.
No matter how smart you think you are, this guy helps you remain humble.
Even the mighty Hebrew Hammer, Ben Shapiro, bows to this humble Disciple of Discipline
I don’t think I’m smart
No. You don't need to go through hell to be humble. If God says no, nothing change it. We all grow differently.
We all see things differently. God changes people humbly.
No.
Because he's a good psychologist, but a manipulative polemist.
He saw how stupid most right wingers and liberals were and he's exploiting that.
Nah he makes these long word salads saying nothing but sounding profound. He never has a solution or any real point about anything he talks about hes literally just talking to hear himself talk.
I walked in on my girlfriend in bed with another man 5 years ago. It killed the part of me that wants to live and love the world.
I swear my heart feels like it's Mike Tyson inside there punching my rib cage everytime the scene plays inside my head.
I can honestly say it's the worst experience I ever had, and I led an extremely eventful life. I wish I can unsee what I saw.
From that moment on I became a different man, I don't feel a thing, everything is just a single grey colour, single tone music... boring. I became lost in a world that I once loved and wanted to explore. I wish I can move on, but it's not that easy... I'll keep trying till the end.
I had a similar instance a year ago. My understanding of emotions started changing when i could physically feel them like you mentioned. Suicidal thoughts were more of a companion than an imagination.
The person you were born to be requires the certain struggle that came from losing your heart. In essence, the heart you were holding was holding you back. The beauty and explosion of energy that comes from dying to self is the painful birth of the miraculous and majestic being you were born to be. The world didn’t think you could make it through and yet you still stand. Let your light shine my friend. You were strong enough to make it through but there are others who need the hope and light you proved through your dread. Stand up warrior, your destiny calls. God bless you with Peace, Love, Joy, Wisdom, Success and Health.
@@Samtheman2333
I'm so deeply touched by your comment, I'm still paddling in a middle of a rough ocean, fighting all these giant waves and hoping to make it to a calm and peaceful shore...
You too my friend, keep paddling...
People are evil ....sadly
This is a horrific experience and I know exactly how it feels as I am speaking from the experience. By now, several years later, I realized it has been a blessing in disguise because life protected you from something even more horrific. Please see a good professional, it will really help. It will take lots of time and pain but it's totally worth it. Otherwise, in a way, these people end up ruling the rest of your life. Please don't let them do this to you.
@@mehdiachouri I feel you ☺️
"Failure and death is the norm, and it's going to happen to all of you" Perfectly encouraging ending!
Something liberating about that though haha
@@samanthafields434 care tor domain? Curious to hear
Finding contentment and purpose through the suffering of life.
And we die many times while being alive. The death of love changes a person.
What most simps, feminist fe/males, white-knights, betas and conservative guys fail to realize: bad boys provide excitement, novelty, unpredictability and fun (fear, roller-coaster drama) to a new level. In other words, stability and commitment (no longer) won't cut it for today's 🦄. Why is that? Before she was your girlfriend, wife or lover, she already had been "run through" so many guys. And each time she slept with someone (both wo/men), she lost a part of her psyche, well-being or mind/soul/spirit. In other words, she is no longer able to have emotional attachment in a healthy or committed way.
Cardi B. artist & role model for the most privilege 🦄 on the entire planet:
'''My music is always going to make a woman feel like a bad bitch. When you make a woman feel like she’s the baddest bitch in the room, to me, that’s female empowerment.'''
Feminist's Ideology from Sheryl Sandberg, chief operating officer of Facebook:
'''My advice to women is date all of them: the bad boys, the cool boys, the commitment-phobic boys, the crazy boys. But do not marry them. The things that make the bad boys sexy do not make them good husbands. When it comes time to settle down, find someone who wants an equal partner. Someone who thinks women should be smart, opinionated and ambitious. Someone who values fairness and expects or, even better, wants to do his share in the home. These men exist and, trust me, over time, nothing is sexier.'''
Isaiah 3:12
*Childish* leaders oppress my people, and *women* rule over them. O my people, your leaders mislead you; they send you down the wrong road.
Proverbs 31:3
Don't give your strength (attention, resources, mental point origen) to women, nor your ways to that which destroys kings.
Ezekiel 23:20
There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.
*Sex and Culture* by Joseph Daniel Unwin
*The Rational Male Series* by Rollo Tomassi
*The Manipulated Man* by Esther Vilar
*The Myth of Male Power* by Warren Farrell
*The Feminist Lie: It Was Never About Equality* by Bob Lewis
*Anatomy of Female Power* by Chinweizu Ibekwe
*Men on Strike* by Helen Smith
*Silent Weapons for Quiet Wars: An Introductory Programing Manual* by Anonymous
Please don’t ever show anger when you find out she cheated on you. The heat of the moment will certainly cause you to get infuriated, but hold on and think, please. Most guys make this mistake of either physically hitting the girl or throwing verbal abuses at her. This is understandable and natural as humans but you have to think for a moment and not let anger get your senses. Here is what happens when you’re angry and hit her or verbally abuse her: You are making it easy for her and hard for yourself. Physical pain when accompanied by emotion cures a way faster than mental pain accompanied by emotion. When you hit her, her emotion entangles with physical pain and since the physical pain doesn’t last long, emotion fades along with it. When you hit her, it gives her the feeling that she might have done the right thing by losing someone who is physically abusive or the feeling that you would have abused her physically if she were to marry you. This is a plus point for her. Here’s what to do: Gather all the evidences together from all those sources that you have been extracting which made you believe that she was a cheat. Get your evidences solid so that you have it when she tries to escape the accusation. Most guys don’t collect enough evidences and the cheater tends to win the argument and hence win you back. This is not to be the case here, you have to have the evidences in hand, that is going to make her speechless and that can make her cry if she’s a human. Now don’t melt down when you see her tears, there are excusable actions and non excusable actvities involved in her cheating phenomenon. So you have to be vigilant enough to differentiate what is excusable to you and what is not entirely excusable. Now that you have evidences in hand. Move on to the next step: Calm down for a moment though you’re angry inside(let it stay in for the moment), think for a moment, if she is physically near you or she’s over the phone, just question her. First question to ask would be : What made you cheat on me? You have to try your hardest to get the truth out of her. You can even fake a cry if you’re over the phone just to make her feel how deeply hurt you are though you’re angry for real(this is a trick to get the truth from her). Listen to her, most girls would give you some stupid answers or even try to defend herself by telling she didn’t do it. You have to get your evidences ready to shoot at the right moment. Why this question is important? When you know what made her cheat on you, you will come to know who she is and what her truth is. This a plus point for you cuz you just came to know the truth about someone with whom you’d have spent your whole damn life with being unhappy until death. When she gives you answers like, I no longer find you attractive or something of that sort that is directed negatively towards you, it’s a plus point for you again. Because you are coming to know something that is negative about yourself, she has been with you for long(that’s what I consider since that’s what to be considered when we say relationship) so she certainly do know something about you, the positives and negatives of course. So listen to it so that you can focus on what’s negative about you and try not to be the same in your next relationship. It’s a double plus point for you. You can ask more similar questions that can help extract more truth from her. About you or about her both are a plus point to you. Asking questions not only helps make it easy for you to forget her but also you’ll come to know why she was the wrong one for you and how you saved yourself from the abyss of hell you were eventually falling into. For the fact what’s painful is losing the right person, losing the wrong person is still a positive move for anyone. Most people realise it when it’s too late, after they marry or have babies and it’s real hard to let go off that person at that point. When she reveals something negative about you, it gives you an opportunity to improve yourself in life which is a necessity. When you don’t show her your anger or physically and verbally abuse her, you’re giving her the hints and positive vibes about yourself, the synapses in her brain will give herself positive feelings about you and when she finds out she’s losing a positive person, it makes it real hard for her. What more pleasant to see than a cheater regretting herself of losing the right person? It’s going to take her quite a time to get you out of her head and the feeling is going to haunt her for so long that it will negatively impact her upcoming relationship too even if she manages to get one into her trap. If it was an excusable action from her, it will still have a positive impact b’coz from now on she will think it double the times before committing the same mistake again as by proving in her eyes you’ve won a bigger space inside of her which scares her more of losing you. Third step should be: If her action was inexcusable, let her go. It’s of course not easy, it’s going to hurt you either way, you can cry and that’s normal. But do not take her back, inexcusable excuses are INEXCUSABLE. So leave her alone. Now, you’ll realise how lonely you are, you’ll be all alone, you won’t be much on your phone if you’re not another kind of asshole who is always after girls and if you’ve truly loved her you wouldn’t try to get another girl asap. Getting into another relationship with the intention of getting over your ex is going to a worse idea ever. You won’t be able to forget your ex and you’re also making it easy for your ex to forget you. When she finds out you immediately took another girl right after breakup, it a plus point for your ex cuz it gives her vibes that you were not the positive person. When you get yourself another girl immediately with that intention of getting over your ex, you’re technically using other human to wipe off your emotion which is not just morally wrong but it never even works cuz it doesn’t help. Try it and you’ll regret. Get yourself off the phone for a moment, give more time to your family, at least that’s what I did. I use to call my mom when I was running through that time and it helps. Or just talk to some old friends who you’ve forgotten about due to the lack of time cuz your ex girlfriend have had consumed you so much. You’ll realise how much you’ve attributed yourself to her that you’ve nearly forgotten about your own self sacrificing life by trying to be someone she wanted you to be. Read some books maybe or write down your feelings, by writing down you’re moving the pain from mind to the paper and it works. Listen to some music and cry. Crying is necessary to squeeze the emotion out of you. If old memories still makes you cry, write them down completely and carefully. If you remember her, write all the wrong things that she has done to you to how much it had hurt you. If it was an excusable action and you took her back: Watch out! Watch her actions. Is she trying hard to gain your trust? Is she trying to prove herself that she really needs you and that she can do anything for you? Did she suddenly stop lying to you? Be in contact with the sources you’ve initially collected evidences about her being a cheat and verify her activities. If you took her back you have to be vigilant because sometimes once a cheater tends to be a cheater nonetheless. Hence, you have watch her and if she’s really into you, she’ll prove it to you. If she screws up again, follow the steps above from 1 except for the fact that now the actions are not left with options of being excusable or inexcusable. There’s only gonna be one option and it’s ‘INEXCUSABLE’. So let her go! It’s not worth your time. Life is too short to live worrying about people who don’t give a shit about us. Additionally I hired a private detective Metaspyhub@gmail. com. Once I knew what she was up to, it got easier to get over that lying, cheating, sack of doo doo, loser. I didn’t need closure from the narc, I paid for it. Best money I EVER spent!
Thank you for your essay. You certainly raise some valid points.
Dude, you might have saved me alot of unnecessary suffering lol
Not reading allat
I'm sorry that you had to go through all that. I hope you find someone who values you.
It's weird how you consider it a choice to hit a woman and how often you think it's necessary to explain that this would be wrong.. But at the same time you just want to explain that it makes it easier for her to leave just alike verbal abuse towards her, as if those options are the same.
If I was your gf I would be ready to get hit.. You seem to think of it as 50% of a normal solution pattern
My ex cheated on me. I actualy knew it unconsiously, but I think my mind tried to protect me from that reality, cause it knew that it would crush me. To put it simple fooled myself. You should try to avoid being naive at every cost. Most people are for sure not good
You see all these signs, red flags. Yet your brain just doesn't function for some reason. Months after my brain will then start to piece everything together. Very strange and not particularly fun either.
@@rhubarbbu4457 yeah so true
@@maria-pn5sn Not really
@@berndkals6110 damn… i’m going through the same thing but i took some tylenol to help with the heartache. i’m just accepting it’s over and moving on. life’s to short fr. it’s already march🙃
What is tylenol??
Ontrouw is zo erg om in elke relatie te hebben. Mijn advies zal zijn voor iedereen die zo'n gedachte heeft om volledig te begrijpen dat het iemand altijd zal belemmeren om zijn of haar best te doen in elke relatie. Dus het beste wat u kunt doen wanneer ontrouwproblemen zich voordoen, is om het zeker te weten. Ik had veel twijfels over mijn partner en moest het zeker weten. Het was hartverscheurend wat ik ontdekte, maar het beste wat ik kon doen om mijn toch al onrustige geest met rust te laten. Dankzij de hulp die ik heb gekregen, heb ik alles kunnen ontdekken en zelf kunnen zien. Ik was echt blij dat ik de stap heb gezet en nu is mijn hart vredig na alles.
Alsjeblieft, hoe ben je erachter gekomen?
Ik heb de hulp ingeroepen van een professional, die me heeft geholpen om alles te ontdekken. hier is zijn contactpersoon hieronder,
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When I found out, I went into shock. After a few hours, I began to ask myself, “How do I respond to make ME feel good about who I am as a person? How do I respond in a way that is loving to me? How do I respond to make myself feel proud about ME? His betrayal said everything about him and who he believes himself to be. His betrayal said absolutely nothing about me.
wow I wish I had the emotional maturity you had when it happened to me. I immediately let it make me think n feel that I was the issue that I wasn't good enough ect... it destroyed me & I'm still working on healing
This was exactly what I needed to hear today. Just recently got out of a relationship where I found my girlfriend was cheating on me behind my back for months. After reading a lot of these comments I’ve also realized a couple things. One, at least it happened while I’m young and can use this as a learning experience. And two, I don’t have as bad as some people.
And you can go on to fund someone you can trust and cherish.
I'm the loyal one.. don't think it's hard at all..but was betrayed many times by my younger partner..who has a.d.d. and dyslexia😮
I have no idea what he was talking about this time, but referring back to the misleading title, "What happens after you find out your partner is cheating?", the answer for me was VERY simple: Call a divorce lawyer the minute the office opens, and get the ball rolling.
Typical, yes.
This is the correct answer.
LOL Funny...good stuff
Her bad behavior will be rewarded with cash prizes.
@@adamprince22 It didn't turn out that way! :) :) :)
My lawyer wanted to press for payments from her. I told him I didn't want anything at all from her, that I wanted NO more ties with her of any kind, that she'd never be able to make payments, anyway. He said that's the point, that I'd have her lack of payments to hold over her head in case she tried to pull some sht. I said OK.
I ended up with a mere $25/week, and custody of my kids. I received VERY few payments from her, and that's the way I wanted it to be.
She showed up visibly pregnant at the divorce hearing.
My attorney: Is that John's child?
Her: No.
Atty: Whose is it?
Her: I don't know.
“Professor, how does a person feel when they are cheated on”? “Well, let’s start by exploring how do you define reality…”
😂😂
First: Let’s define person; let’s define feeling; let’s define betrayal 😆
😅🤣🤣
Betrayal is probably the hardest, as it’s a reflection on also yourself. Disappointment is a lot easier to deal with. We’ll all go through it, just have to be tough and learn independence as young as possible, I reckon.
*You can’t be cheated on if you never get a girlfriend*
Woke
Can confirm
If you never have a girlfriend you never experience love. Love is all there is. Be brave xxx
Sad man
True but how can you experience a complete life without a partner to share with. Think of the magnitude your missing out on.
Being cheated on and aquiring an std from husband of 23 years who never admitted , gaslighted, smeared ...most traumatic and shell shocking experience and with with no closure. It's Been 2 years and it still hurts to breathe at times. It is a physical and mental pain all at once.
My ex gave me an std too and then blamed me of sleeping around...while he was my first love and only guy I've ever slept with...it took me 2 years to break up,and another 4 years to recover.. you have to give yourself the closure..be patient with yourself. We can heal
So regardless if we get cheated on or not , we’re all going to die so it doesn’t matter. Don’t let it stop you from living LiFE, your LIFE.. you’re the author, you write the story. One solution isn’t going to fix every situation. Don’t get overwhelm, you’re the captain of your ship. Sure you might’ve sailed some tough waters, but you survived and it’s up to you where you want to guide your boat next.
Just act as a responsible adult. You are not alone in this world and you have to respect your partners, even if love is gone. Cheating is not necessary. End the relationship with dignity and face the consequences of your choice.
❤️ Thank you, I needed this.
That's exactly what Buddhism and meditation can make you resilient to. Know thyself (Sokrates' "I know that I don't know" is an important part of that"), and don't attach to the other people. Enjoy your time together, but when it's over it's not over with yourself, and you don't have to question your memories. The beautiful moment back then was then, and it was real, as real as this moment is now. The problem with people is, that they are not self sufficient. Most couples I see are just junkies for their partners, because they never learned to exist for themselves. When you don't love yourself, anyone and anything can crush you.
When you know that you don't know, the unknown behind people's surface and other systems (I mean we are just complex systems) will not shock you as much, in the event of disenchantment.
The memories are not real. Once cheated on, all of the memories are tainted.
Where did you learn to meditate? I need it to find myself again after the betrayal but idk where to start
Thank you! So many people in the comment section are so full of hate and despair, it‘s eating them up inside.
This describes the feeling exactly. Now I look back at everything and realize it was all wrong from the beginning. We’re still married because what he said initially gave me hope. But now I realize those are lies too and now basically he’s just someone that lives here.
I am so sorry.
I'm the same
i hope youre okay :/
I forgave and we are truly good but I won’t deny it changed me
Don't worry, I love you.
I was just betrayed 10 minutes before listening to this and he's so right. I did not see the man who betrayed me standing in front of me...I saw the Devil!!
How's it going now, Amy?
Relax.
Yes
Are you alright?
Literally. I am so angry I see red I can't calm down I have this fire of hurt inside me. All I saw was a good person and now all of a sudden he's a nightmare
Probably better to get those lessons early in life so that you can deal with the fallout and bounce back. The primary value of the lesson is being prepared to deal with the disappointments, not only in relationships but also in other areas, that are sure to present themselves throughout our lifetimes.
Love is so flimsy. All it takes is one heart break to stop a lot of us from even wanting love again. I have been single and not looking and celibate for nearly 4 years now. I am over him but I admit it took a long time to get over the situation.
It's just hard to want another when we're used to being promised forever and getting stuck with far from forever. Some of us take love very seriously while others crush it.
I've been on both sides and I can promise you on everything I've ever cared about that you WILL fall in love again. Perhaps a few times. And at the absolute least, the ABSOLUTE LEAST, 3 guys are going to fall in love with you. I'd love to say choose wisely, but if true love is real, nobody gets to choose. It just happens. It's probably the most unfair, uncontrollable thing a human can experience. (From both sides)
That last part.. it sucks when you’re always that one person whose takes love seriously.
I feel you especially when they take advantage of you and say that they love you when they don’t and then you see the red flags
Channel…..love is beautiful, fulfilling, ecstasy!!! BUT….not with everyone!! GET IT??????? One man or one woman cheater is not the rest of us!! Thrust them puppies out….your true love is probably just around the next corner!! If you love yourself, the inevitable will happen!!! Just don’t wallow on the past!! Forever???? Maybe…if you’re lucky!
😂😂
UA-cam suggests: "What Happens After You Find Out Your Partner Is Cheating?"
Me: "oh cool, something to help me overcome my break-up"
Jordan: "failure and death is the norm and it's gonna happen to all of you!"
Me:
stfu
Hahahaa
Someone always cheats in a relationship. Its just never been me.
Statistically you are the rare one. More woman cheat than men. Woman just never admit to their cheating ways.
Just keep in mind that most people wanna look at themselves in the best of lights. A lot of folks whom cheat will never admit to it.
I will cheat on you all day long sweetheart. You want me to cheat on you, you got it! Your sister, your cousin, your best friends muffin!
Link exactly! It’s disgusting to purposely hurt someone like that. Is why I won’t date again
Freddie Flintstone statistics show more men cheat. Men cheat because they think with their penis and view women as walking vaginas and women cheat for validation and attention. Either way humans are disgusting and I will never date again
luckily this didn't happen to me. my husband certainly loves me... at least thx to natural drops spanish fly i bought for myself. just wanted to try bc i wanted my husband to like my energy in bed. actaully i didn't epxtect anything but the opposite came true
as my wife is pretty sensible she even requires only 3 drops . how is that possible? i mean it's a miracle that something like this exists . i would divorce her but the expereince is pretty great
Without watching video: You should always walk away from a partner that cheats on you. There is no excuse to cheat. They obviously don't have the respect or love for you. You deserved to be loved properly. Focus on improving your happiness and self worth again, before getting back into a relationship.
Yeah I mess up in my past and then I realize the person that I mess up with did the same thing she doing to me now instead talking about it and working on our relationship bc i still faithful and honest and loyal while she keeps lieing to me when she texts me knowing I know about all this bc I’m far from being dumb
No reason to cheat really? What if you're an abusive drunk asshole who abuses his wife and kids daily and then she has sex with another man then what?
@@mattarchey9062 Then you leave the relationship. You don't throw yourself a pity party with some hoe. That's the cowards way out no matter what the situation is
Agreed. They almost always repeat it. Almost ... To be fair
@@mattarchey9062 good point it's never as black and white as people portray
Jordan Peterson is an absolute gift to humankind. Everything he says is so intellectually stimulating, I want to learn all of him.
I’d love to take him to bed….even though I’m a guy!!
" i thought i figured this out on my own but it turns out its very difficult to figure anything out on your own" is words from a humbled man
Cheating should be punished by the law. First is psychological damage, second they can give you desseases, third is a violation to an agrement
"What Happens After You Find Out Your Partner Is Cheating?"
8:07: "The fundamental hypothesis that the mosquito structure matches the structure of reality is wrong at a 999.999 level of error"
Every time someone cheating a mosquito's egg die
@@unkykun then we should all collectively cheat for 5 years to exterminate them and then pretend it all never happened
I’m not understanding the analogy 😥
I don’t get the analogy 😓
Cheating is a choice not a failure!!! The failure is not communicating with that significant other on how you feel or what you need!!! The one who is unfaithful wasn’t in it for the long haul to begin with in my opinion! But they seem to be the one that always persuade the other partner that they are! They find that person that is faithful and loyal to take advantage of that would give 100 percent in the marriage!! They think that they are so committed and in love that they would never notice!! They are are such a mind f..k and so is the situation! I wish you could legally sue someone you are married to that dose that !!! For everything. You don’t want to be married any more ; get a divorce before you cheat!!! Alow the other spouse to know you’re not happy so they don’t waste their time on a the cheating piece of crap . And can start the lives with someone that values commitment!!! Cheating literally kills the other person in marriage! Mind sole and body !!!
Never had anyone cheat on me but if it ever happened I would just erase them from my mind forever just go separate ways and never have anything to do with them again and never give them free rent inside your head
OutTour that’s usually the move
Not that easy bud
Tex Palmer Spoken like a man who has lived it. I know.
Wow . No body had thought about doing that bra.
yeah its easy to say that when you haven't been in that situation....trust me
As a Christian couple with a child, this horror happen to me and never imagined it.
The pure horror - all I could think of is not letting it hurt my child and I kept it secret- it ended up ruining my relationship with my child. I spent 4 years trying to let my wife go through this crisis but she was cursing me and hating me through this time as her ap moved on and married someone else - my daughter didn’t know and just heard her mom yell at me and be angry to me - so go figure I tried to keep my family together and marriage and i get demonized but she will lear the truths one day. I work out have a great career Christian guy , took my wife and daughter family trips so on.. just rediculous - now I just want the divorce to have peace in my life but it breaks my heart she tore our family apart -
I'm basically in the same situation.
i will NEVER understand the evil people carry in themselves. and how well they can hide it is so horrifying. it makes me sad and breaks my heart. i’m sorry.
Yep same here, except I have 3 sons with this woman, and she has not even a concept she has even done any wrong.
Hey guys look up Rich Cooper, Rolo Tomassi, and Coach Greg Adams.
These titles are often misleading or cover only a tiny part of the speech - something to consider. Unless you are aiming for clickbait. Great speech though.
Speach?'
Nice england
My wife was the only human I opened my heart to & granted 100% of my trust. When I found out she was betraying me it sent me into a state of chaos & now I am back to not trusting anyone again. Her lover (coworker) of 4 years dumped her 10 minutes after I left, leaving her & my son alone. As pretty as she is single men only look at her as pump & dump material which means she will live her last years lonely.
It happend to me yesterday and man, I can not even eat... There are nice things happening in the world as well, but it is indeed a nasty, terrifying place to live. I hope I will be able to build trust again with women. It is hard to be scared not knowing answers to so many questions... Whoever experience the same thing, good luck with this struggle and stay strong as it is gonna be hell for awhile I think.
It completely devastated me to the point where my sleep schedule is f***ed, I can’t sleep, I feel always tired and depressed so I understand you. Only way when you hit rock bottom is up. Good luck and I wish only good things come your way
All the best to you and person replying. Hope you've both recovered x
It’s horrible u can’t sleep or eat or stop thinking about it I understand just know your not alone. It’ll get better!!!
Something that will never be clear to me ever is, how do some people even have the heart to do something like this. Only if they knew how horrible if feels... can't eat, sleep, focus on work, everything seems to just crumble and all one can do is watch their very being turn to dust. It's a horrible place to be in and I wouldn't wish this upon anyone, not even the person who chose to cheat. It's utterly horrible!
@@436izzy same man
The last line: "Failure and Death is the norm, and it's going to happen to all of you".
So deep and dark, yet so casually spoken by Mr.Peterson
The most cruelest things one can do to another. The victim is forever!.changed and they will never be the same!!
I never kept notes on lectures in 4 years of college and a year of grad school. But this dude makes me want to write all this down.
I have sat, with a pen and notebook, and taken notes. I often think that we are gifted to have his lectures posted, for us to “attend “ free of charge. Life changing! Do it.
"Failure and death is the norm, and it's going to happen to all of you." What a guy! Gotta love that JP.
My ex cheated on me as she had cheated with everyone she was with before. A clever narcissistic ego maniac who carefully grooms everyone around her into thinking she is a good and vulnerable person.
I was devastated and humiliated, and angry. I wanted to die. Stupidly I wasted more time with this person but I started changing. I got back in the gym and fought four more times (W 3 L 1 2KO) including on BT Sport.
During this time we broke up time and again, and I met someone new, she’s truly a beautiful person inside and out, totally different to the girl I was with before.
Im writing this sat by a lake feeding my beautiful 9 week old daughter. Never give up. If you are looking for peace reading these comments, know this ... you can turn the most awful moments of your life into profound successes. It’s all up to you and your mindset. Never give up.
@Mitch was betrayed by a TOXIC NARC💥 just keep going mate, look up rollo tomassi, rich cooper and ‘unplugged alpha’ it will probably change a lot of unhealthy beliefs that you may hold. And that I used to hold.
Good luck - thanks for the reply
I've experienced cheating numerous times as you get older and look back relationships just suck the life out of you they don't seem to add much to your life same with children
My advice have a career and have a damn good time
Funny thing.... I concur Joan
Sounds like the perfect solution to having a meaningless and empty life to me! But CHEERS, have another one...it will mask your unfulfilled life.
@@ghostsofbenghazi2646 >It will happen to all of you. . . Because failure and death is the norm. . .
@@muckyousofuch7515 That doesn't EVEN make sense. Come back and comment when you have something that we can understand.
Lol. So many people focused on their "career" nowadays, everybody wants to "progress in their career" and "get promoted", and "get another qualification" so they can "explore new career options", etc. You should work to live, not live to work. You should focus on your relationships, your friendships, your children, your hobbies, your interests, etc. Much more rewarding. No one really gives a s**t what you do for a living. We are so obsessed with "careers" in today's society.
My ex-wife cheating on me was one of the best favors she ever did. I love being divorced...from her.
Sometimes you need to be kicked in the arse to act....
I’m going through this but what I really wanted to point out is how much I appreciate that we have access to wisdom and videos like this. 15 years ago, where would we find Jordan Petersons information? Probably only in the same room as JP is talking which is several thousands of km away from me. Never would I be able to benefit from this. Thanks for having this opportunity asks for sharing this with us.
I think he is one of the best thinkers of all time...
“Failure and death is the norm and it’s gonna happen to all of you”.
This is something we have forgotten. We always think the grass is greener on everyone else’s lawn while we rarely stop to look and water our own. It also goes back to what he was saying that what each of us see isn’t exactly the person or reality but our own perception of them. Wild.
Someone cheating on you is going to make you question reality.
Forgive yourself after the betrayal! That reached me because we always try to forgive the other person and it doesnt occur to us to also forgive ourselves for chosing them and not seeing the red flags!
"Everyone walks around behaving, so we don't terrify the Hell out of each other all the time." That made me Lol.
I hope you all can find healing in the things you don’t talk about. ✝️
Having been through it, it is devastating. He's right, your past, present and future are in chaos. Add to this, you no longer know who you are. It took me a month to confront her because that is the time that it took to gather the strength and coherence to do it.
Did she deny It? Mine still won’t admit it after three years! I’m still in complete disbelief that she would be capable of such a thing.
@@oreocookies1356 Actually blamed me for holding onto the information for a month!!!
Here’s a funny story that happened to me a while back: I found out my ex was cheating for 6 months, she moved to liverpool and got a boyfriend but never told me. And to top it of she was cheating on her boyfriend with another guy too. It’s been 3 months since I found out. Painful thing is she didn’t even let me shout at her or anything, two days after I found out she blocked me. What a piece of scum. I hate to say it but I fell into a large hole of pain. Every time I removed it k just went to her cousin and told him that she deserved all the pain her family caused her and stuff. It didn’t even seem like she felt bad. I’m not the type of person to overreact but the fact that she blocked me hurt. The first day I found out she begged me to forgive her and I said I wouldn’t. Long story short I found out that her other boyfriend forgave her 😂that’s not my cup of tea. I just wished I could have gotten it all off my chest.
They always deny it at first or say it was just a hug lol pure bullshit
Didn't expect to cry listening to this , he's just explaining everything I felt but could never put into words
Your knees collapse, your stomach wretches, it feels like your heart stops then beats like it trying to fly out of your chest and taking your lungs with it.
Facts, like I'm tryna walk through Walmart and my knees kept giving out. This is crazy.
There is no way back into my good graces after a betrayal. Once it happens you are my enemy.
Married for 21 years now. Adultery is one thing we both agree is a complete deal-breaker. If one of us ever gets to the point of being that unfulfilled or bored, we are committed to just part ways.
12 years with my ex until december 4th of this year. We had an agreement that camgirls, sex talk with coworkers/friends was cheating. and definitely anything phyiscal. She cheated on me with several men before I found out. We had an agreement that we would part ways before that happened. Guard your heart. And your wallet sir. Before we broke up she had cleaned out my credit cards and made sure I had nothing but the clothes on my back when i left. I havent seen my kids all month.
OR... You can work on your marriage. Boredom comes and goes, and fulfillment is achievable through communication and hard work.
When I see a cheating partner, I suddenly see my enemy. The person whom I was so in love with yesterday has today become my enemy and the battle lines are clearly drawn.
I would pay a lot for counseling with Jordan Right now. I need someone like him who understands so much about the world and understands. A lot of people around me do not seem to understand or care to understand.
When someone cheats, the only thing you can do: is leave or be wait for the coup.
I learned the hard way. 5 years with a person who cheated on me 2 days into our relationship. We need to make this common knowledge.
The only way to predict the future is to create it. People will tell you all day that they’ll love you and be loyal until the end. Nobody can honestly tell you what they would or wouldn’t do in any time of convenience; never make promises while you’re in love, when you’ve got money, or basically when your happy because you’re more likely to break those promises. Meantime a relationship doesn’t count when everything’s lovey dovey; you’ll have a good idea of what to expect once you’ve both had your first fight/disagreement. As for repeat offenders when it comes to cheaters, listen to the way they react once they’ve been caught. The person whose the “Ok so. You caught me cheating, annndddd” type with no remorse and slightly arrogant are the repeat offender. The person whose the “I’m sorry, and Ik that I fucked up. I couldn’t see what I had until I stand to loose it now” is the type that will possibly be genuine because they’re sometimes the one who confesses in a short time matter. People who’re burdened by what they’ve done have a conscience, while remorseless people are sociopaths in the making. Either way, the worst thing to do with either case is to forgive and forget naively and too quick, if they cannot understand the true weight of their betrayal enough to empathize with your anger they’ll cheat again. They must be held accountable, and things therefore should never be what they once were prior to the infidelity quickly; that should be a long bridge to repair by them earning their way back up. Quick forgiveness has always been a breeding ground for carelessness and atrocities.
Thank you Brian...I totally agree with your comment.🙏
@@1NewYorkBestseller most definitely!!!!!!!!!!!
Help me man. 4 days ago I found out that my girlfriend cheated on me back in late October/early November. In her case it wasn't in person cheating. Her and a guy she met from a different country t○uch_d themselves on video call/camera. But of course, not before building some kind of emotional connection, She didn't feel happy here she said. She claims she was vulnerable & Didn't feel empathy for me when she did it because she felt very unhappy. She seems sorry about it now. I need help. I love her so much still and I can't believe that i still do. I need some tips on how to make them earn me back. I kind of quickly ended up having that laughable behavior of forgiveness, but I feel angry and depressed every day & she knows it. So far it has been impossible for me to leave. I just need help maybe some tips on how to make somebody like this not feel forgiven so easily! I feel shes relieved that im still here. I dont want her to think she can do this again.
@@Luminous.Dynamics if you're truly her man, she has no need to find comfort within another man's reassurances regardless of if it's virtually or in person. Ask yourself a question: would she not feel the same way if you neglected her by watching porno???????
@@Luminous.Dynamics basically speaking you're dealing with a narcissist whose, more than likely, been betrayed in the same way she's betrayed you. Seeing it is that she feels nothing means she's already told herself that she's done nothing wrong to offend you, meaning she's more liable to betray you in this very same way. Once someone shows you who they are, please believe them. In her mind, she's no longer the predator and by definition had become the predator in the name of control over her life in the wake of her own unfortunate experiences of trauma. In other words, she's lied to herself and has already believed her own lies to be the truth instead of healing herself by accepting the truth of her own experiences; which is the textbook definition of narcissism. Hurt people hurt people when they're in denial of being hurt. Her ability to lie and believe her own lies doesn't make those lies the truth. Sincerity equals taken ownership, a full blown apology, and a changed action verifying the sincerity of the apology. The fact that she didn't even apologize not only means she knew what she was doing before she did it, but also that she doesn't care about you enough to hold any regard to the fact that she's offended you. She's bad news, bottom line. I wouldn't give her another shot with hurting me if I were you, because that would be condoning her actions. Hold her accountable, and definitely uphold your needed respect as a man. She's acting cold because she feels like there's no chance of you leaving her. Cut her off for a week, I bet you she calls you apologizing. Women hate silent cut offs, she won't be able to stand the possibility of you with any other woman in her mind and that's the first thing they think during silent cutoffs. It also builds respect between the 2 of you, and sets boundaries. Try going no contact for a week, and see what happens. Just know that cheating online eventually transcends into cheating in real life; nobody interacts with someone in an intimate way online without any intentions of eventually linking up to do something with them in real life if yk what I mean.
It never happened to me but I feel for the ones that were cheated on it has to be very hurtful to have done to you Just pray that someone better will come along there are good people out there don’t jump into fast
I was gaslighted for two years, saw red flags and asked appropriate questions, and was continually lied to, told i was paranoid or crazy or possesive. When they were the one deceiving and devaluing...humans are ...well infallible...and its stupid to trust such creatures who have a repeated history of "in it for themselves" attitude. Now add a dash of hedonistic hookup culture and watch the infidelity hit your significant others dm's on a regular basis. People have all sorts of ways to create a believable lie or cover up. Humans are.great at lying...there is no garuntee you wont be cheated on, in fact just.get used to it. Its all apart of some bargaining system designed to garnish favored outcomes
All men cheat
Don't ever forgive a betrayal. Don't ever tell someone that has betrayed you that you have forgiven them. If they apologize, tell them that they are not forgiven and move on.
@@john24110 There is no resentment or pain at all. I just don't believe in this concept of "forgiveness". I believe in acceptance and moving on with your life.
Glad we ended it on a bright note.
He basically said that since things don't stay the same, that we can't use anything in the past that is consistent to predict the future (roughly), and then he says "maybe that's why we have a consciousness".
But, what if the fact that we have consciosness is the reason that things are forever changing and unpredictable.
In other words, because of our own ability to manifest.
"Failure and death is the norm" god damn I just woke up
Trust and loyalty is important in any relationship, I realise I wasn't being paranoid or crazy and most times it's better to go with your instincts. Thanks for keeping to the confidentiality agreement CYBERLOGICS_ very reliable and professional
@Reese Bravebull my condition is 100% the same as you had experienced. Never doubting my instincts again.
Great intellect on display. The man is genius. Clickbait heading though. Its briefly discussed but theres no analysis. Still worth a watch tho.
Never react with emotion, plan, save and get revenge.Revenge is a dish best served cold, I watched her break in front of me.
It was the nectar of the gods..
Could you explain how your success unfolded? And then left her devastated
I wish I could have watched this five minutes before (or after) finding out my wife was having an affair. Boy, does he nail the feelings.
Same
Thank you to JP for all that you do. This couldn't have come at a better time and I am embracing change for the better. Cheers to coming into true cognition everyone x
I hope you're doing well 6 months on
Just found out my husband has been cheating on me the last 2 years. Crying listening to this. My heart is broke💔 hope i can get strong . He is with his girlfriend now
This is why I enjoy being Christian, According to the bible I don't need to understand all of this 😂😂😂😂 I have like zero anxiety now, Thank you Jesus😂😂
The reason people don't like him is, because he doesn't hold anything back. He speaks the truth about every subject placed in front of him and he doesn't hide his emotions. That's why I believe he's the most honest person I've ever seen. That's exactly what we need! He stands his ground no matter who or what's in front of him and he wins every single argument, because he tells the truth. People always want to see a hero fail and they try to discredit him constantly. He's an awesome example for people in general, not just young men. People of any age should listen to him. People like him are a one in one hundred billion....
Jordan youu are by far the definition of cool Sir! Sincerely,Thank you
01:18 - 01:41 memorize this part until it's carved into your heart and mind.
When someone betrays u it doesn’t mean things don’t still work in a deterministic way. Just because your prediction was wrong doesn’t mean that behavior isn’t predictable and cause and effect is invalid. Things do make sense - just because we’re wrong sometimes doesn’t mean it makes no sense.
Yes that was a pit I was staring at and I fell into it. Everything went blank in one moment... who was he, did I ever know him, who was I, could I trust my judgement ever again, what about the future, was the past a lie, was I day dreaming all this time? It's been more than 2 years, I think less of him, lesser than I used to. But I still miss what we had and what we could've had. It doesn't hurt anymore. But I don't think I can ever love again. Or let someone into the sanctum of my existence. Betrayal is cruel.
> And you know that because we're not knee-deep in mosquitoes right?
Obviously you've not been to Florida.
My advice let them. Just let it happen. You suffer less if you care less.
Pretty much one of the biggest reasons why I don't pursue anyone.
That’s a path to loneliness
@@jawknee13 and loneliness is the path to self-discovery.
@@jawknee13 Loneliness is a state of mind, a state of mind of the weak. Being alone is powerful,but it’s not the same as being lonely.
My wife cheated, after 8 years of relationship and almost 2 years of marriage. The pain and humiliation goes very deep.
How are you dealing with that now?
@@jenniffermorales4090 new girlfriend, I feel a lot of hate to my ex wife.
Had a teacher like this in school. He'd stare off into the distance, out the windows and get sidetracked and talk deep philosophical things that had nothing to do with the subject. I LOVED it. I wished I had him the whole day as my teacher. Peterson is a bit better at keeping track of his subject.
i have been lied to and cheated on in every relationship i have ever been in. It has made me feel that i am unworthy as a woman. It feels just as bad as being a beaten woman. i feel that if a man doesnt want to be with you, then he should have the guts to tell you, and not go and cheat on you secretly and take a chance u wont figure him out, I hate that so bad. My trust in men,, and in myself to pick an honest man has hit rock bottom.
His abstract thinking sometimes is the only thing that makes sense. Very smart and I find this to be accurate
It's OK to forgive and forget but you must move on and dump the cheater.
a cheater is always a cheater until they're willing to change.
If your in a relationship just assume the worst at all times, its usually true
I was red pilled when I was 18. Had that Disney idea of marriage and was getting ready to ask her to marry me. Then I found out she’d been cheating with one of my best friends and didn’t know if she was pregnant with his kid or mine. My safe world burned. Absolute lowest point in my life.
I see her today after rebuilding myself and she stands there with her mouth hanging open. I’m glad I never took her back. That was one of the hardest lessons I ever learned and it almost killed me. It did give me a great education on women though.
I don’t know if anyone is still here, but I just lost my girlfriend of one year and 6 months. I’m broken, we always loved each other and fought for eachother through any argument and problem we encountered, and we were so strong for so long. And then she cheated, I lost all trust and perception of who we we both were as a couple. This caused a lot of damage to me mentally and emotionally, things were never the same after she cheated (about 1 year 4 months in). I forgave her and told her I’d try and get past it because I loved her dearly, but about a month after this I found out she had done it again multiple times (for the record nothing was ever physical cheating only digital, although the first time she cheated there was a kiss, but she claims it was put onto her and she didn’t react…). I forgave her again, because at this point she had already crushed me so much that all I had left was her comfort and seeking her approval. Some how the cheating made me fight for the relationship and not the other way around. Her mental health then declined tremendously, and a week ago, I came to her to discuss and open up about the damage she had caused to me, and she flipped. She didn’t like that I told her what she had done to me and took it as me not being nice and treating her like shit. So she left me. She then didn’t make it clear whether we were over forever or not so I held on for a week, in pain and turmoil every day believing it was my fault and allowing so much damage to be done to my self and feel so much regret and guilt. I fought so hard to get her back, but I discovered that the person she cheated on me with the second time had been in communication with her again since the breakup. So I realised it wasn’t my fault for the breakup. Whilst I was responsible for some damages caused in the relationship (saying things i regret and not always treating her the best , however this was rare) the truth was she thought she had found a better man and wanted an excuse to leave that made her feel better about herself and justify breaking my heart.
Lesson learned? Don’t forgive infidelity. It is the equivalent to murder in a relationship.
I’m sorry to hear this man, I know exactly how you feel because I’m going through it right now! I haven’t been able to sleep for a bout a whole week know, on top of that o found out she she was already about 2 months pregnant BEOFRE I decided to be done done, well I found out there was 5 other guys she had slept with but she SWEARS Up an and Down that there’s no way it’s not mine and btw they are TWINS
@@babyboy9661 that’s awful man, I’m so sorry. No man or woman deserves to be cheated on, there are some awful humans out there.
Damn I felt shaky, my heart aching when my girlfriend was cheating 8 months and dumped me 1 month ago and it hurts a lot and thanks for this video professor, Peterson.