10 Signs of a Husband with Psychopathic Traits
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- Опубліковано 3 тра 2024
- This video answers the question: What are the signs of a husband with psychopathic traits?
Psychopathy:
There are two types of psychopathy: Factor 1 (primary, interpersonal affective) and Factor 2 (lifestyle, antisocial) psychopathy. Factor 1 psychopathy has characteristics like grandiosity, pathological lying, manipulation, a superficial charm, callous, unemotional, low neuroticism and lack of guilt or remorse. Factor 2 psychopathy has a parasitic lifestyle, being prone to boredom, sensation seeking, impulsivity, irresponsibility, a failure to have long term goals, poor behavioral controls, and criminal versatility.
Garofalo, C., Neumann, C. S., Zeigler-Hill, V., & Meloy, J. R. (2019). Spiteful and contemptuous: A new look at the emotional experiences related to psychopathy. Personality Disorders: Theory, Research, and Treatment, 10(2), 173-184.
Azizli, N., Atkinson, B. E., Baughman, H. M., Chin, K., Vernon, P. A., Harris, E., & Veselka, L. (2016). Lies and crimes: Dark Triad, misconduct, and high-stakes deception. Personality and Individual Differences, 89, 34-39.
Jonason, P. K., Lyons, M., Baughman, H. M., & Vernon, P. A. (2014). What a tangled web we weave: The Dark Triad traits and deception. Personality and Individual Differences, 70, 117-119.
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I've been married to a psychopath with a mixture of type 1 and type 2 traits for nearly two decades. I've been through so much and such extreme experiences that I've found therapists find it hard to believe my life is real. You left off a very important trait and that is being a chameleon. Psychopaths can change their behaviour and 'personality' to fit in when it suits them and you can find yourself seeing behaviour that is so unfamiliar you might as well be looking at a completely different person.
that's the game for them. and that's probably why those that are closest, or living with them, are their targets. they also are experts at 'gaslighting" people behind their back, and what's really bad, if they get into police, military, narc., and other careers that involve interrogation training and manipulation, they're given even MORE TOOLS to work with. Those tools were intended to investigate and clear the innocent/convict the guilty but they're also handy for abuse.
Wow black water I’ve been there. Not regarding a relationship with a husband but a different type of abuse. I struggle with that part... sometimes I think people are so ignorant that others stories seem unbelievable. That’s the saddest part. The charm that puts a veil up! I think as survivors we have to be comfortable with what WE know. We don’t owe anyone anything with regards to explanation. 💕 I hope you are living this one precious life for yourself. I did the tolerating bit, but my own life was at risk because of how low I felt. Don’t internalise the problem. You deserve more x
This is so familiar to me.
So familiar. I married psychopaths but am far away from them now. My first was when I was young and naive. He would have killed me but he knew he couldn't get away with it. He used to kill small animals for fun, stole money out of our joint account, left town for a week and never called me once, but everyone thought he was a nice guy. He was anxious and depressed, would slam doors in my face and lock himself in the bedroom.
My 2nd seemed like such a nice guy, but he was a sex addict always looking for encounters and having affairs without hiding it much. Of course he denied it all. He also borrowed money and never paid it back. Said he had Bill's to pay, but used it as a down payment on a house. Very deceitful and secretive. I'm free now though, yay!
Yep my husband was the same. With many addictions& dr Jackal & dr Hyde depending the situation& who with. I had major surgeries & dad i came homec from each told to cook4him, or fix furnace to do this or that , when he heard Dr say do nothing, & no lifting or stair climbing for 1 week. Etc. Never offered me food or water & wouldnt let sons do it either. He went to mommas house2eat. Each time my pay check was the only one supporting us. Very abusive narsisstic phycopath. Lost track of times tried2kill me& threaten me. A con man smooth talker, pathological lier& all believed him. Could go on& on of?all abuse. Army discharge papers classified him as criminally insane. He was and more. 2me and sons. If i left him hed drag me back& never ask why i left. No one does that to me he said. And no one tells me what to do. That included judges, attorneys or priest. God kept me alive from ages17- 56 then he died!
My Nan used to call them " street Angels , home Devils "
Referring to Narcissistic husbands ,not necessarily serial killers but dangerous all the same.
That's such a good name for it
My son call him "public dad" yes, I divorced him.
Perfect description
Polkadot Dress excellent description. Your Nan was wise!
I won’t forget this! Thanks.
I remember asking him to help feed one of the newborn twins..
His response: “what’s in it for me?”
Never fed, cuddled, bathed, or cared for his children from the time they were born.. not once!
Oh, we’ve been gone for years now, the getaway wasn’t easy, the children and I have been in counseling for some time. Most importantly, it’s good to be alive! 🙌🏾
That is why I am an antinatalist. Children don't ask to be born. What's in it for them?
We had twins also and I was in the marriage 15 years. I know......glad to know you're in therapy
That’s a lot of nerve for him to say that to you! What’s so crazy is that he’s the one who impregnated you with them and they’re his flesh and blood.
I feel so triggered. That's his 'catchphrase'! "What's in it for me?"
Oh wow! This whole vid has been seriously eye-opening! X
Sending my love to you, sister. Mine refused to take me home from the hospital when our first child was born. He made my mom do it instead; said he had to work "and support his family". He had me help flip our king sized mattress when I was 8 mos. pregnant, and when it got to the pinnacle, he let it fall on me and it knocked me backwards a couple feet into the wall. He smiled. He lost his temper on a child safety gate that got hooked on his pant leg and kicked it disallowing me to move our daughter in time and it bruised her eye--it was her birthday party day. He didn't feel bad and didn't apologize. Lost his temper ('cuz the baby was crying) when I was at my friend's house for a couple hrs. and threw a large salad up in the air somehow, and got it all over the ceiling. Guess who had to clean it up. Never apologized for any of these things. I finally had enough after 25 yrs. That set off the behaviors I always feared. I believe God supernaturally protected us somehow, especially when I think back to the day he had his rifles lined up on his bed. Boy, was I naive. My family never knew any of this; they thought he was nice. The day he moved out into his own house I remember waking up and jumping for joy in the kitchen; I literally kicked up my leg in gleeful joy. Now he lives 2 hrs. away, lives alone. I'm alone, too and love it. Not what I had planned for my life, but I have two great "kids" in their early 40's and we are okay. I managed to pay the house off. Man, saying this out loud erases the guilt I had for so many years for getting rid of him. I didn't even mention his sorry ass drinking and staying out late with "the boys" 2-3 times a week. FREEDOM! God bless you, sister!
I am a former psyc nurse. Excellent vid. Had I known fifty years ago, I would never have gotten involved in relationships. Life is so much better when you are free.
Get a cat
Truth Serum, I'm w/ u 100%. Most men have issues, want power, expect certain handmaiden services, & have delusions of grandeur in a relationship. Is it that difficult to grow up male in this culture? Do their fathers affect them that badly?
suzanne adamson I’ve been wondering this too!!! I have two sons as well and am trying so hard to raise them with compassion and empathy. Men can be awful- some women, too though.
If your lucky enough to find a gentleman(the only one I know is my dad) then I think lifes probably great, I wasn't that lucky so yes life is better when your free 💜
@@d.on.in.a Has nothing to do with potential psychopaths, though it is a relief you're not with one when single! I was happiest when I was single in my 30s & 40s.
You came to the comments for this:
1.) Lack of emotional empathy
2.) Superficial Charm (nice to others but wife will know true personality)
3.) Pathological Liar
4.) Fearless aggression/ stare of dominance (almost predatory )
5.) Problem with authority/ resistance to authority
6.) Increasing Criminality (starts with theft or fraud then could be murder)
7.) Sensation seeking (attracted to more dangerous activities i.e., driving over speed limit, using illegal substances)
8.) Parasitic lifestyle (not working, no ambition or goals, borrows money and never pays back)
9.) Threatens to kill wife
10.) Husband has commited a murder
Thank you so much
Yeah pretty much my kids dad down to a T (it’s only by the grace of god above I’m sitting here writing this he burnt our flat down last year & all because I said I was going out literally that’s all it was he’s in prison for the next few years) 🙏🏼
Yes! It's unbelievable how many of the psychopathic traits he has! It's scary actually! I was so ill that I didn't see what I see now. My heart always hurt and same with my stomach. He stepped on my face twice! He sped up to me as I was walking on a road to get to my mom's house and he would turn the car just before he reached me and he turned around and did it again and again so I knew I had to get off the road. I started to walk in the ditch up onto the grass so that he couldn't hit me. A woman I know happened to drive down the road and saw what he was doing and he room off down to the end of the road so she followed him and asked him what the hell he was doing. It was just so brutal and when the police came to talk to me I didn't say the truth and a week later I got charged with assault.
@@SarahSodaPop Now wtf is that fr
I am in the process of divorcing my narcissistic, psychopathic husband. Besides not murdering someone, he fits all the criteria. He did threaten to murder me whilst telling me how he would get rid of my body in the swamps to never be caught.
Mine had no empathy if I hurt myself. Also came home from surgery, he never cared I was recovering. I had to care for myself. He on the other hand wanted to be babied. And he was impulsive.
Mercy Me I know what you mean about they crave the attention and you have to baby them day in and day out. They have no clue as to how to please you after the spark goes out or as soon as you move in with them it’s a total 180 degree change in how they change their aim to please you.
Mine said on the first day I came home after a C section: " I will bring you to the market to buy some groceries because I look forward for a good meal after so long".
@@SharpRocky512 you know weird men... Talking as a guy myself o.o
Eric McLemore No, it's not....sad
Lien Bijs did u shop? I had 2 C-sections, can't go shopping.... that's "major surgery"
Something I find somewhat ‘eerie’ with psychopaths , is how they have “soul-less” eyes . Not to say they have no souls , but that you can almost see how there is emotions and feelings missing
yes, I get it. My ex had shark eyes....no real warmth in them...very interesting.
You're right- empty souls, replaced...possessed by demons
They are SCARY creatures
Yes my ex had those. I remember after he assaulted me on a cruise ship. The security guard who interviewed him, asked me if he took drugs. I told him not to my knowledge. He then said there was something strange with his eyes.
I told him once how I would miss him if he wasn't around, from the bottom of my heart, and my eyes welled up with tears. I was looking straight into his eyes but there was not even a flicker of emotion in return, not a flicker! I felt myself reel inside, like whoa!
Me talking to my younger self: Stay out of romantic relationships. You will be far happier and live a better life.
Married to the single life 🤪💀
I am telling my daughters that I wish that if people learn from their mistakes that I wish I could upload my mistakes to their brain so they don't need to make the same mistakes as I did. So far so good. My 30 yrs old daughter has a very sweet, caring and kind husband. Daughter is pregnant from their first child and son in law is very supportive, also in housekeeping. Her father destroyed his relationship with her, I am happy that I left him before she was 3.
Not every man is a psycho or narc 😉 give yourself a chance ♥️ just gotta be vigilant
@@IzzyOnTheMove alert not panic
luxe beauty easier said than done.x
"If your husband is a serial killer don't expect him to be nice to you." I love your sense of humor, rotfl
Dr. Grande has a big heart and is a great professional. And jokes keep us healthy. 😁
This is not really a joke people in that situation may bevthinking he won't hurrt them. They may be cidependent. People think crazy when they live with crazy and are trapped. I appreciate his effots to reach all people at their level.
He was a hell ride to me but a human kind saviour to the world.
Doctor Grande, I wish you would do a video on psychopathic men during the courtship phase. That’s how so many women end up married to a psychopath in the first place. I divorced a psychopath. Before we married, he was attentive, kind, generous and was my Prince Charming. Only after we divorced did I realize why he was so attentive - it was so he could learn the areas where he could manipulate me. The “stare” you describe is so scary and I experienced it 3 times. In all three incidents his eyes turned dark - almost black - and he crept up close to me and seemed to be contemplating something violent. One of those times I really thought he could possibly kill me. I decided right then to get out!. However, that night he crept into the spare bedroom where I was sleeping and wrapped his hands around my throat. I woke up and he jumped up off the bed and claimed, “Oh you were having a bad dream and I was trying to wake you.” Ummmnn - yea - sure you were!!!. After that I asked him to move out. I was lucky he went without a fuss. I could also tell you incidents of his high impulsivity that got him into trouble on his job and with the police. Each time I got him off and cleaned up his mess. This was during the first 6 months of our marriage and I wanted to make it work. But one year later I began to realize he had hid his true nature when we were dating. I also went with him for some marital therapy. The psychiatrist flat out told me he was concerned for me. He felt like he was very charming and manipulative and that underneath that mask of a handsome face lurked a man that could potentially be very dangerous to me!. I was crushed...... but I feel like he helped to save my life.
Iris Mentus wow, that’s intense. So sorry to hear you went through that. Glad you are out of it. I agree I am trying to learn about signs that show early on when they are trying to court you so I can avoid them at that stage
Your description of the "stare" raised the hairs on the back of my neck. Absolutely terrifying.
I married one who was pure evil!!!! Niceeeee during courtship.. day one of marriage the true person came out
Story of my ex marriage. My ex truly was soulless. So creepy. It's like I had a predator under the roof with me.
@@sparkysmom7149 oh wow, is he now in jail for something ?
Superficial charm, compulsive liars, 😖 this is how they fool genuine souls.
Superficial charm. Say it again
No. You choose who you lay with. If you can't see their mask, that's on you.
Funny thing. All women in failed relationship blame the men(narcissist and psychopath) but never look at themselves.
@@TILLEYJS People are good at masking themselves
@@deborahalfred5928 they're really not. People don't pay attention. Just another excuse for piss poor decisions.
@@TILLEYJS Men are just as guilty of this as women are. I agree to some extent though, after a failed relationship it's important to look at your own shortcomings rather than just put all the blame on the other person.
I am married to a successful physician who has these qualities, but is never held accountable for his horrible actions and even denies he did them. Thank you for educating the public. People need to know that there are wolves in sheep’s clothing intermingled amongst us.
Why are you still w/ him?! If it’s for the kids, you’re doing more harm than good
Most probably he thinks of himself as an important person ....everyone needs him
Or devils
Wolves in sheep's clothing is 💯 percent correct , this resonates deeply ! I was married to a physician who was trained in another country ! Divorced him decades ago , thanks for sharing
@@darkprince56 bullshit . Every kid I know included myself was better off with two parents than divorcing . There’s no good principles and good character for a kid to get gain from that , it’s nothing but selfishness and dishonesty.
He has been out of my life for 30 yrs and I can still feel his stare.
Can you describe this stare? Like when would he do this and for how long? I mean did he just go around like that all day or did he go back to normal when he got what he wanted?
Ithaca been gone 43years. still remember silent treatment and strangling.
This is relatable on another level!
My deceased husband was a violent abusive psychopath. His predator stare was chilling,inhuman !
The stare...and general demeanor, aggression. dominance stare, predatory stare.
Christine Haigh They do have an usual stare. In so many different ways.
? The stare?
Fuck Ya they do ! That sent chills down my spine ! I've been dealing with one since 2011. When I'd catch something he did to my truck,stuff or he did it to me an was owning up. He had this stare across between fuck you and Nobodies home upstairs look and dead silence! He would put acid on my truck,I found this huge hole by the motor one day that wasn't there 2 days before that because I had washed my truck. I freaked out and took pics an never thought of him at the time,but he was dead silent, I always thought that was odd he never came an looked,said what's wrong,nothing. I know now cuz he's destroyed my truck, houses,everything I own. He has micro cameras everywhere in my house an outside, in my truck, he's on my phone, he's taken over my property, house, he has his own military cult going on and it's so bizzare nobody will believe me. All my personal information he has my kids to. It's not so bizzare since he was in Veitnom, I think he was a Tunnel Rat, and in his sick mind he's setting up base under my house. Their using equipment to dig not by hand like the Vietnom tunnels were dug. It's a living hell. At this point I'm barely surviving. I'm running out of time and 9 lives.
Kat & PB ! Be strong. 🙏
@@iluvpittys242 let those cameras record you leaving & never know it. It'll be just like you're going out with the kids. Squirrel your important dox away, grab your kids, & leave him & all the rest behind.
You nailed my ex-husband. The lack of care...the stare..the total upset when asked to help...he told me he could kill me...many times. I have said many times...he would have if he thought he could have gotten away with it. He was a federal agent. I learned this is definitely a trait in police enforcers. The very ones we expect to be our protectors are actually our abusers. Yes they do plot how to cause pain to others, especially their mates.
Wow. My ex too had alot of these traits!
😒still I'm living that life and can't go away because of my society and parents...but I'm happy ur both are escaped
@@jeda3073 do not make excuses why you can not get free. This is your life. Do not use gaslighting to make anyone feel sympathy about you and your inability to take responsible action to save yourself. Your decision is your decision. Your responsibility to yourself is to make a healthy decision for yourself. Be responsible! Its neither society nor your parents, making you stay, and continue being abused. Saying that is gaslighting for sympathy. Stop it!
@@jeda3073 ps. You are in danger, if you live with a psychopath. Ask Gabby Petito.
@@thewind5425 I stumble to take steps because of my parents....they love me a lot and if I say this they will break down...they are binded with society and they'll think this as shame nd I don't want to trouble my parents anymore... it's better for us to goto a psychiatrist soon....thanks for ur concern it make me feel some body s concerned of me even if I'm no one to them 🥰 bless u
I once date a man(very short period) I heard tell someone he had a doctorate. I knew full well he did not. That was enough for me.
That's funny, he was lying about his credentials. You were smart to leave.😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
My ex lied about surviving a murder that never happened. SICK PEOPLE
Lie pretend there single
Sees people as cash cows
Go with different people
I’ve commented on those tv news stories where the husband has just killed his family and/or extended family members and neighbours describe him as being the ‘nicest guy’ obviously didn’t know him but still feel their opinion of his personality is valid . When the wife is telling people otherwise , believe them .
Unfortunately they usually think that she is the " crazy " one. And by the time the truth is known it's too late.
You are receiving my flying monkey neighbors that sided with my devil ex even though they saw,my bruises and know he hurt my daughter's spine. He visits my neighbors constantly and they spy on me And my kids And report everything to him. One of the four just died and I'm glad.
this happened recently where I live. A dentist who was "so nice" murdered 22 people in one day 😭
@@candacecasey5634 so so true! Many people did not believe me. They thought he was the walking God... could not believe the acting skills he had.Literally, his face would actually change when in public to when he walked into the house and was now just with me and the children...it was very eery and scary. This look would come over his face like he had just stepped off a stage, because he had...
@@carolwhelihan1514 Yes, I've seen this with my father.. no one believed my mother, SO upsetting! Luckily, we haven't seen him for years. Unfortunately, my sister hasn't spoken to me for years now either.. she always bought into what he said, and would make excuses for anything he did.
Psychopaths like drama and chaos. They also treat you like you are their property. They need to control you completely and always know where you are and what you are doing.
no that's narcissism
superoriginalname Psychopaths ARE narcissists
Geneva Welch like duhh tell em girl
that just sounds like you have a jealous boyfriendXD
A psychopath generally might not even trust you enough to claim you as property. There isn't as much delusion with psychopathy as there is with narcissism. A narcissist might not get that though.
The moral of the story: Stay single my friends!
Yes!!
Absolutely !
For sure! it's a scary world out there.
To stay unnoticed, I like it 👍
@@itsjustme7487 eA11e22²
In many ways I am grateful to the narcissist psychopath with whom I had a three year relationship back in my teens - handsome charming, manipulative, pathological liar, utterly lacking in guilt - in the end saw through him, walked away , and will never be fooled by or attracted to that type ever again .Thanks, Jim !
So you’re saying I don’t have a chance........
@@kicknadeadcatohh yeah.....good stalking skills😂😂😂
"If your husband is a serial killer dont expect him to be nice to you" Hahahahahahaha!
That's not true
I have been a serial killer since summer 2008, and I'm very good with my wife
If fact, I have never hit her or even screamed at her
I always try to make her happy and take care of her
I know, Hilarious! 🤣
Ted Bundy girlfriend was treated so good she had the worst time believing it was him.
@@dalideltoro1375 Wow. Seriously? Could she have been in denial? Or I guess some people can compartmentalize really really well.
@@donnaknudson7296 he treated her well but I think she was very understanding and relaxed approach to his behavior, so he would go out and get his kicks and then come back and try to be normal. These behavioral disorders are so complex and I think we are only scrapping the surface when it comes to how it really all plays out in the disabled mind.
Thanks Dr Grande.I just left a man with these traits.They are really crazy.I saved myself.
Good4U! I did that 20 yrs ago this yr! Found myself. Found God. Found Peace. Found out I'm worthy of Love even if only from myself lol. Best thing I ever did for me was recognizing the behavior & my part in it. KNOW YOURSELF! NO PEACE? KNOW GOD! Works4me anyway.
Me, too.
Yay !!
Good on you for getting out and protrcting yourself
"They"? You had more than one husband? Or are you referring to all of his different personalities?
Dr Grande just described my 25 year marriage to a person that I describe as a “pseudo minister”. He displayed a charming public and pulpit personality, but, as a wife, I lived a private hell on earth and, at times, feared for my life. Thank you for the validation!
I am the wife of a pastor and to have to just sit there n watch n listen to the hypocrisy n watch others actually believe his act makes me want to vomit yet I don’t say a word cuz who is going to believe the wife of such a charming spiritual
My ex husband meets virtually all of this criteria. So glad that we divorced. To this day, it still hurts all that I went through. Our marriage counselor BEGGED me - BEGGED! ME! not to ever go back to him EVER AGAIN!!! He told me not to fall for the trap! And saw how much he hurt me! I listened to him, though the temptation to take the "charmer" back was there more times than not. I kept strong, and you ladies and men should do the same thing. Please save yourselves! The most painful part about my ex husband was he would leave out of the BLUE and would not tell ANYONE that he was leaving! He would just go! Would be gone for who knows how long, and then when he randomly wanted to come back, he would! I can't count the times he did that while we were married. I'm so glad to be freed of that. You can be free too!
Where you said "charmer", I flipped back to what my wife always called her first husband, "Snake Charmer". He, through their mutual religion, got hold of my wife and convinced her to leave me and he would care for her for life. That was a lie! My wife just left one morning to be with him. He never came through with his promise and volunteered for a Religious mission in Nicaragua for two years. Wife told me on the phone that he just abandoned her to her son who kicked her out of his house. I have no idea where she is, probably in a government home for the elderly.
I am with a physco pathic man also who randomly picks a fight like closing a door if interrupted from his routine he Flys into a RAGE punching and kicking my front door threating to kick in the door then blaming me for his out of control behavior addictions problems to horrible anger daily disappear and l just refuse to listen and walk away. It is extremely important to stay calm and make no attempt to engage in his horrible behavior. I am dealing with enough already with lawyers costing way too much and courts doing nothing and police men refusing to arrest or lay charges on these men in CANADA till a woman ends up beaten up. I refuse to leave my home as housing and moving cost money. l am 71 years old, and after 10 years of fixing up my home, l refuse to be treated like this by police so unhelpful towards abuse towards senior woman only to tell woman to move out of my home after 10 years and take him to court is no guarantee for support to pay costs of relocating and increases in costs of living in Ontario Canada so bad increasing daily.
So it true they say that a good man is hard to find. Oh Lord, all these comments made women who narrowly escapes death really sent me a child down the spine.
My ex did that leaving thing, too! NO fights, no arguments, no mention of anything I did that he was upset with -- he would simply take off, out of the blue! He'd stay gone for, say, 1 or 2 months or so...then come crawling back, begging me to take him back. I was very young (and stupid! lol) and let him come back after this routine about 3 or 4 times. I think it was the fourth time, he left and when he then tried to come back, I told him I WAS DONE!! I know he was unfaithful to me, for a fact, (I had "evidence", lol) and I think he was constantly looking around for a better deal and, when he'd find a potential woman, he'd hook up with her...then when she dumped him, he'd come crawling back! At first, I adored him and I did NOT do anything worthy of this at all, I was really good to him (too good). I think this is the "routine" they do when they are cruising around to get a better "deal" with another woman, a better life situation, more money, etc. BEWARE!! I will never, ever allow someone to DISRESPECT ME like he did, not ever again! I didn't deserve it at all. He was cold and very unaffectionate, demanded to be waited on hand and foot, like I was his servant, wouldn't do ONE thing to help around the house, nor cooking, etc. and couldn't hold down a job, always got fired. NEVER AGAIN!
The police in my town also asked me to divorce my ex, they were tired of being called cause of his nonsense. I am proudly divorced since May 2023! I am sure they will be happy if they ever found out.
I´ve had a relationship with such a man. This is more than a year ago and I still need help from a therapist to overcome this experience. This was the horror of my life so far. I never ever ever thought that people can be that way. I´ve lost my home, much money, my health, some friends and for times my faith in god. Well...I got me a new better home.. more money I had before .. I´m restoring my health day by day.. I´ve got new friends .. and my faith is stronger than ever. .. We can learn and grow from this people even it is horror and sad and dangerous. If you are in touch with those people... RUN!
Fliedermutter amen me too everything you said
@@brusselsprout5851 well said!
I am still trying to work through this. We were only married a year and a half but it has been years and it still affects me everyday.
How long were you all married to them? It's been 31 years for me, I'm 56 and I'm recently separated from him. We're Christians, I know I am, I'm not sure what he really is. I know the mental abuse with this behavior, not sure how to heal from it all. He says he's getting help and Deliverance from his demons, but not sure if that's really true or not. His choice of mental abuse, because I know it's different for everyone, is making me believe he may have, could have, or is having an affair. It's his way of manipulating me to have sex with him. Like watch it, if you don't meet my need there's always someone who will. I have a love/hate relationship with him. Because he can be a lot of fun too. Then you just feel like the rug is pulled out from underneath you with his junk. We can't go for very long with things being good. He has to let me know he still has control of the good and bad of our relationship. I've been trying to give it to the Lord everyday. This is our second separation. Just letting God tell me when it's time to move on. Ugh
Stephanie, I am sorry for what you've gone through, wish you healing and light and peace .Lord knows the destruction and devastation takes its toll on us.I hope you're eating and resting?
My Mom always said, becareful of men who hate their Mothers, hmm
Not all men who hate their mothers, hate them without reason. A psychopath will have no warm feelings for his mother, regardless of what she does. Another man can hate his mother, because his mother abused him and wants him out of her life. He may have reminded her of his dad. Children have been killed for that and often the mother is the one responsible for killing her children. Sometimes there are siblings who are witnesses to the murder. Can you blame anyone of them for hating their mother? Does that make them evil? A psychopath would not have an emotional response to that, remember that.
My husband who is certainly psychopathic, and was diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder in his 20s doesn’t hate his mother but has always sought her approval and Love- but she was cold and abusive. He bends over backwards for her all the time and defends her at all costs. But they have an awful relationship. They are either best friends with very very poor boundaries or they don’t speak much for years. It’s not always hate, but it’s definitely some mommy issues
@Ruby Maverick: King Of The Hunt psychopath spotted
Tara 907 that’s very interesting
TR0V3R uh.. no.
My father had all of factor 1 and 2 psychopathic traits as well as all the traits of Narcissistic Personality. Pretty much evil through and through. This was terrifying to grow up with and he got away with his abuse of our family for over 30 years. The day he died was just a relief. He had no history of abuse or neglect in his childhood and abused his own mother in horrific ways. Some people are just born evil. To this day I still find out horrific things that he did that I knew nothing about. I have realised that he could have murdered people and I would still never know about it.
👍👍
Could you give examples of his behavior? If you're ok with that of course.
His mother or wife should have unalived him if things were that bad
I had a tubal pregnancy that had to be terminated for obvious reasons. My Dr. was such a kind compassionate man. He told me that my pregnancy had to be terminated that day, because my life was at risk. I was still on the exam table when he delivered this news to my ex psycho husband and I. Naturally I’m crying and very upset. Not once did my ex psycho ever try to comfort me. The doctor asked him if he had any questions for him.......the only thing he wanted to know was how long it would be before we could have sex again. He is a cold-hearted piece of work. He never showed any empathy for what I went through. But of course, he never wanted the baby in the first place.
Ouch. Hugs.
I relate. So so sorry for your loss.
So sorry
If He did not want The baby, why were you pregnant?
Aren't most people interested in when it's time to get serviced again?
1. No emotional reaction to wife
2. Superficial charm
3.Pathological lying
4. Fearless & aggressive, stare of dominance.
5. Problem with authority, resist requests from wife as taken as sign of control
6. Criminology - it is calculated to ensure he could get away with it.
7. Sensation seeking - thrill seeking
8. Parasitic lifestyle
9. Threatening to kill
10. Is a serial killer
Youre assuming men and women are equal. Biology tells us otherwise. Also if your wifes psychiatrist is telling her lies about you, the husband has a God given right to be angry at you.
@@user-qn3ox9in1k Men and women have different strengths but are equal.
UKNPDSurvivor Resisting requests from wife would be not answering her questions, right?
I've moved from using the word "Superficial" charm. They bad ones are superficial, the good ones are successfully charming.
Thank you. I needed this!
You described my ex husband perfectly. Also a pathological liar.
Charlene Kelley what’s a pathological liar?
Charlène Same.
@@sarahthomas8670 Someone who lies constantly, lies when there is absolutely no reason to do so, and lies regardless of who is harmed by the lies.
Why hasn't she left?
global lies for no reason. grandiose...
Mine has no self awareness at all. When I point out high ego, and grandiose, self absorbed behavior, he can't see it. One example of this behavior: I was admitted for emergency surgery. The surgeon said it'd take about an hour so my husband left to run errands! I was in surgery! Another time, I had two blood transfusions and he didn't come to visit me until 7 PM (after stopping to have dinner at Cracker Barrel [not somewhere quick like McDonald's]). There are so many other examples. Of course, he always has an excuse bc he's a pathological liar and can never accept responsibility for his actions!
This made me laugh for some reason 😂 To be fair the errands thing is not necessarily bad, right? He was just being practical!
But yeah the Cracker Barrel thing is unreasonable behavior, he should've known better.
Narcissists are exactly this too
Same experience!! I was choking badly from paint fumes in our renovated kitchen and could not catch my breath....I motioned to get me to an emergency center and he dropped me off! Even worse, we are both medical people!
I had an few experiences when there was a medical situation and he behaved with such coldness. I couldn't believe that a human..could act like that...I was shocked. Once I was 8.5 months pregnant and got food poisoning. I was puking and had stuff coming out from both sides...I was really sick. I asked him to call the ambulance as I laid on the bathroom floor...puking uncontrollably. He told me he was sleeping. And it was "my own thing" if I wanted to call the ambulance, but he surely wasn't going to do it himself to help. I passed out there on the floor and woke in the morning. Another time I was very ill with kidney stones after having our first child together...I had a stone and as soon as the doctor took out the urine bag/nephostomy...that night I needed to go to the emergency room bc the pain was unbeatable. I asked him to come w me to the hospital, he said no. I walked at 2am to meet my mom about a mile away...at the busstop. As soon as I got there I collapsed and she called the ambulance to rush me to the hospital. It makes me sick thinking about this now. But while in hospital for a couple weeks...after just having a baby two weeks prior...I got septicemia. I was very ill. He was so cold. Told me he wished I would die he hated me. Bc I gave my newborn baby to my mom..for her to care for the baby until I got out. I didn't trust him to leave the newborn with him. He was so angry about that. During my hospital stay he visited once and then shortly after continued to be cruel and calculated. I'm the total opposite when It comes to someone being ill or sick. Its crazy to me..that he could behave this way.
Thank the
Thank you for another absorbing video. ".We also see the husband will be open to . . . an offer of intimacy." It's been my experience that the word here should be "sex" rather than "intimacy". Intimacy is what I always longed for in my marriage but never got because it was of no interest to my husband.
Freya Shipley,you deserve a better man 🙏🙏🙏
I think he was trying to be PG lol
Ditto!!! My husband doesn't step out on me, he just isn't all-in. I always feel something lacking, something missing.
I yearn for that connection with him!!
I think in 20 years I've seen and felt it in his eyes during sex 2, MAYBE 3 times, which have been just enough to keep me here, waiting, hoping, and yearning for it again.
Right on to both.
@@LisaPFrampton why you chose im in beginning ..if not intimate feels
"The husband is attracted to dangerous lines of work especially those that involve physical confrontations." Errmmm...like cops?
But cops are supposed to stay away late physical confrontation...? At least where I live...
Nakop supposed to...
@@dewilew2137 memo to myself: be careful around cops in other countries even if those countries are developed countries 😅
The army and the police in particular.
Yuuup, my thought exactly
I just had major stomach surgery and my ex husband told our three -year -old son to hit me in the stomach. My little boy came over to me and was very confused and would not hit me. I was abused for 16 years. I had no family support, lived in a small town and he was a charming hometown boy. His parents enabled him and told me I needed therapy. There was constant gaslighting I finally escaped with complex ptsd and realized I had finally escape a psychopath.
I hope your doing better. My story is similar and I’ve only been out 3 months. His family is awful and the bullying from them is worse than from him.
@@staceystrukel1917I come from that type of family. I was the scapegoat. They are evil. Glad you are out and pray for your healing.
@@ponytail911 thank you
The best psychopathy test so far:
1.) Do they lack or struggle with any of these primary emotions (do not have, like at all):
-fear
-anger
-love
-happiness
-sadness
-disgust
They will always, always, always lack one or more of these emotions. You should ask them if they lack any of these emotions in the first few weeks of meeting them (it's best to do this over text a week or 2 after meeting them). For example, if they say they don't feel any sadness or fear, this is a MAJOR sign. Normal people feel ALL 6. Normal people do not lack any emotions.
2.) Are they smart?
Both types are smarter than the average iq. 110+ (you can ask this too at the same time as the primary emotions one)
3.) Pity play. Do they make you feel sorry for them? How do they make you feel? Guilty? Bad for them?
Is something bad always going on in their life, or is someone always treating them terribly? Is it always someone else's fault? Do they curse and complain about how bad their life is because of this person? Like "ughhhhhhh he is soooo annoying."
4.) How do they talk about their family to you? How do they treat their family?
Example: "My dad sucks"
How do they treat you, a stranger? Great/amazing?
"You are the best thing that has ever happened to me."
This is a MAJOR sign.
5.) Lying. Do they lie to you?
6.) promiscuity/addictions
Do they have various addictions (drinking, etc) and cheat or sleep around a lot?
7.) -Do they hardly talk at all and FOCUS on YOU? Do they mainly stay silent and listen to you? Do they shower you with praise, compliments, and admiration?
8.) Do they struggle to explain and don't know how to say how they feel? Do they avoid emotions or don't want to talk much about it?
9.) Do they tell you what you wanna hear? Do they make promises that they don't keep?
10.) Do they make up stories based on what you told them in the past. (Mimicry)
Example:
You: "Last week my best friend got into a bad car crash, but omg thankfully they are okay."
Psy: "OMG, that's horrible."
*1 weeks later*
Psy: "Yeah, I'm just sooo sad rn because I'm missing my best friend from grade 1. 😭 He died in a car crash."
(Fake story)
This is great, yes more on the courtship. Little phrases and comments. He splits “joking comments” about torturing people or wanting to or having done or how he want to harm you. Calls you crazy or mental a lot in a “loving friendly way”
When play fighting, feeling the snap every now again of serious anger and aggression towards you suddenly. The coldness and mind games. Talking about how they enjoy being mean to people etc . Very superficial. Makes you more uneasy in your usual character. You don’t know why but become more nervous, stuttering, not being as capable or clever or calm as you normally are. More on the little every day actions and characteristics would be great 🙏
Some everyday action/characteristics I've noticed:
1.)They may have an addiction (now having an addiction does NOT make you a psychopath, many regular people have addictions too, but most psychopaths some sort of an addiction. Examples: drinking, smoking, gambling, corn, etc.)
2.)They say to you,
"Ugh, my sister is so annoying."
"Ugh, my mom nags too much."
"Ugh, my dad keeps wanting me to become a doctor. like whyyyyyy"
"Ugh, my friends keeps yap'n about her favorite anime, like SHUT up about it already. Gawdddd."
"My neighbor always gets up at 10 am and plays her violin. Like ughhh, I wish I could toss it out the window."
(Watch them over time, they always complain negatively about other people, and yet they are little miss perfect. Everybody else has all the issues, drama, problems, except them. They complain about everyone and everything. Normal people do this too, once in a while, but psychopaths do this constantly. They are never happy/content.)
3.)They will call you names, say you are stupid, weak, lazy, idiotic, crazy, etc. (during discard phase)
4.)They may do "dangerous" things.
"Let's sneak into the movies."
"I'm gonna drive really really fast."
"Ew. I'm not paying my parking ticket."
"We should steal the neighbor's cat."
"I'm not going into work today, I'm staying home and playing video games alllll day."
Bonus:
Not an everyday thing but most psychopaths I've noticed usually always like one of these 3 things: violent video games, horror movies, rap music.
(Note: liking these do not make you a psychopath, but I've noticed most psychopaths like these.)
There are people in a place of presumed authority that I have known to have these traits. I had a surgeon that so many others looked up to. I, after 6 years of medical treatment under his care, found him to be a sychopath. He put on a great front, but over so many years I saw through his facade and knew if he didn't get to amputate patients limbs he would most likely be a serial killer. Under the guise of "helping" he was methodically and persistently mutilating people under his care. I finally had the courage to fire him and am on the mend saving my mental health and my leg. Yes my leg. He wanted to cut it off and since I said no he could not, he slowly found ways to keep me needing more and more treatment directed by him and never allowing me to get a second opinion or change to a wound care clinic. I had to go through another specialist and family doctor to finally be done with him.
It's awful when I saw how many legs and limbs were amputated when a good wound care clinic could have healed a simple diabetic ulcer. Be aware of everyone that makes decisions, and always remember you have the right to say no.
This is the worst scenario! Glad you are ok now. All the best!
Corina Streahorn,your pretty smile ☺️ can make the news!
You also should be held accountable for letting him get away with all that…
Thank you for sharing! Hope you are doing well. Sending 💕
@@garyamador690 explain what you mean at the end of your comment(...with all that...);
your critical and dogmatic-toned comment suggests you have one or more narcissistic
traits. I believe she was accountable and held herself responsible for her actions by getting another doctor, thus relieving her anxiety and suffering.
When my ex pulled a katana sword on me in front of my daughter and told me he was going to slice me up, it confirmed that I was in a relationship with a psycho.
Wow! Reality check!
Indeed. Hope you're ok.
Dating* or marrying someone with a katana should have been its own sign. Only a loser would have a sword. Was he into my little pony as well?
@@bigpicturethinking5620 swords are cool!
Mine always had his favorite saying " I will bash your skull in with this flashlight."
note: it's a big black and decker/big battery pack/rechargeable flashlight.
It literally made me sick and whats worse is that in the beginning I didn't take it seriously❗I do NOW ❗
Describes my ex very well ! The dominant stare almost gave me chills thinking back! I use to think he wasn’t a psychopath because he didn’t engage in criminal behavior ! But now I can see he is the low level type 1 as he pushes himself forward to the top in his career! My GP use to think he was going to succeed in killing me if I didn’t get myself out! But when I tried go things escalated badly. TG one day I just opened the door and walked out taking nothing with me apart from the kids so he would think I was coming back.
omygosh i had to plan for a couple of years how to leave without him thinking i was leaving - horrible
Speaking from personal experience, this is spot on! I was married to a person with these traits and it was hell.
They are from hell.all they're is destroy.
The inability to sense and empathise with the pain of a spouse is quite apparent, but with high functioning primary psychopaths there is the ability to be able to FAKE the appropriate response, and they will do this at least early on in the relationship. Oddly, the key characteristic (and giveaway) of the response is that its delayed and not spontaneous as it would be with a neuro-typical person. That said unless you are genned up on 'psychopathy' you wouldn't pay too much attention to it, that's why videos like this are so useful, it might just save a life.
If he truly is a highly functioning primary psychopath, there is a high chance the relationship can work out, especially if he knows he needs to give care and be kind to maintain a good long relationshipt
seeing dr g sweetly laugh to himself after accidentally making that lil joke at the end truly brightened my day bless u todd xo
OMG did I just see Dr Grande laugh. I knew he had it in him 😄!
where? did i miss it?
He looks slightly psychopathic to me 😁😁
He looks more handsome.😁👍
@@DolceVita almost the very end of video. He said: I guess the moral of the story is if your husband's a serial killer don't expect him to be nice to you 🤔😆😂
Juana Palacios
omg he is SO handsome!!!
I see you've met my ex. He meets all the "requirements". Thanks for the reality check that's needed once in awhile as damage caused never goes away. They can kill one spiritually, emotionally, cause physical symptoms while they threaten lives.
You know for all the people having ex’s that qualify for this there are a lot of psychopaths and they are having women that bear their children.
If you are married to a serial killer, don't expect them to be nice to you. PURE GOLD
Sleeping with the enemy (film) covers this I think exactly
It does .I actually saw that movie with my husband .He didn't get it .Thats scary hey .
He sure was a sick puppy.When I left him I made sure to disappear.
I agree
I often thought the same thing.
@@polkadotdress5360 as long has you didn't..oooooh
omg i have been terrified of that movie my whole life
See many times ladies , you think a man is just a no good lazy bum but he might actually be an actual psychopath.
Lol this is so funny
Haha yep
Yep had one of those but can still threaten me n mean it. To LAZY to live!!! I was understanding n kind but omgosh.
@@debbieschepers2503 The sense of entitlement is astounding!!! They ( these users) truly feel their mere presence is contribution enough. Best to rid yourself of this parasite!!! UA-cam is saving lives by spreading awareness. Most people do not realize the serious of the matter until its too late. Most people do not recognize they may be dealing with a self centered narcissists or psychopath.
And a "successful" one at that! :)
My ex didn't like to have photographs taken of himself. In every photo I saw of him his eyes had a blank soulless stare. Otherwise, he was so charming that he fooled almost everyone, but me.
Boy, Factor 1 traits REALLY explained my last relationship! He was a musician with LOADS of superficial charm. I had breast cancer. He "forgot" I had to go in for treatment on the day I started radiation. Went to all appointments by myself and through surgery and beyond taking care of myself. Had online affairs and did not care it hurt me. He couldn't have cared less if I was hurt and crying. He was so loved in public, but could not love a single person properly in person.
Ann Whalen,your pretty smile ☺️ can make the news!😊😊😍
Dr. Grande, can you talk about the damage you see common in a Psychopath’s wife? The trauma, the cPTSD, the lasting effects?
Yes yes yes!!! Please
I have developed a trust issue, or so i think... I sometimes have hard time trusting my present husband with money issues despite him being very loving and caring. I sometimes even hurt him by harsh words, may be I have developed an overprotective shell around myself so that no one can ever hurt me again.
Yes, this would be great. I have CPTSD and feel very robotic and neutral many days...just going through the motions. Before the horrific marriage of 27 years, I truly was a very joyful person. He cut me down slowly, like the poor frog who is boiled to death and doesn't even realize the water is getting too hot...
I have a psychopath father and a more severe psychopathic brother and left with c-ptsd, major depressive dissorder
The children too please.
I only discovered Dr. Grande today. I’ve been binge watching for hours.
I lived in a marriage like this for 8 years. Long, hard, painful years. When he dumped me literally and our son who was his life....he ended up dying in a violent car accident. His lifestyle was fast and fearless. We're both lucky to still be alive after what he's put us through. I'll never understand why I didn't get out and loved him more than myself. Sad situation all the way around unfortunately.
Like you my psycho husband died and God had to remove him we lived a life of he'll and that's where he will be now hopefully
The saying goes god only takes the Good but for these psychos he makes a exception
Pls guide me I m going through fro this how to help my husband
How did/has your son coped with all of it??
Narcissist also are hedonists as well. They love the high-life & access to big lump sums of money!!
My ex definitely had a lot of these. We were married for almost 20 years. He was very charming and a liar. Looking back, he never contributed much & he did move in with a woman 30 years older. She had a house, car & money. He called me after 10 years of never hearing from him, telling me I was the only woman he ever loved. He was living in an apartment & had no vehicle. He had a heart issue & he was not allowed to get a license for medical reasons. I figured he must have needed something, if it took 10 years to call. He claims he left the elderly woman 2 yrs ago. After talking a few times on the phone he asked if he could come over. I said no and he hasn't called since or returned my call.
limited thinking while choosing in beginning
My brother-in-law asked my sister, who was recovering from breast cancer, when she thought she might be able to mow the lawn again !!!!
@@happygilmore3706 Good for you!
Maybe not a psychopath but definitely an insensitive jerk!
JD Connie I’m so sorry. U don’t deserve that. I have a mom like that. I was diagnosed with lupus 2 years ago. She will say still like how come you didn’t do this or that. Then I tell him I’ve been in flare for 2 weeks. I don’t let it get to me.
Count your blessings when you finally free yourself from a sick self centered narcissistic A-hole!!! Then you can start living! I was married to one for 28 years. Nothing was ever his fault. I was blamed for everything under the sun, including the dirt on the floor in the entry way of our home. Of course he never lifted a finger to maintain our home, as well as zero domestic assistance, but constantly screamed and yelled at me about every speck of dirt in our home...pushed me around...threatened me...in my face, an inch away from my nose...raving like a lunatic...about everything, anything, dirt on the floor at the front door entry way...nuts! Sick evil manipulative control freak. Free yourself from these narcissistic psychopaths!
JD Connie good for you!!! You courageous woman! I'm sure your life is 100 times better now that you have freed yourself from that toxicity!
Wow, I felt you were describing my life with my ex-husband. It is as if you were a fly on the wall!
Mine too. The only detail that didn't apply to my ex-husband was that no one has been killed. Otherwise, nailed it.
Same
God caught up to my ex. After he repeatedly came close to killing me. He OD. Father told me he would "take care of him". I wasn't expecting him to die. He was 44.
Same
It took me almost a year to SAFELY get out of a marriage with a man who fit these characteristics. The red flags were there prior to getting married, but I wanted to give him the benefit of doubt. I allowed myself to question everything. Once away, I completely shut the door and did not look back.
How did you safely leave? I’m struggling through this right now.
How to Safely Leave:
1. Distance, detach - physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. Don't react!
2. Read books on the subject. Read Outsmarting the Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout, for instance.
3. Document, document, document. All behavior is communication.
4. Don't believe what he says and don't trust what you see; behavior is the only metier for understanding. All else is misdirection, illusion.
5. Separate your finances, set up a separate bank account, or store cash with a parent (if trustworty) or friend. Keep clothes, medicines, a second cell phone with charger at your "safe place." You may need this get-away kit.
6. Emergency Petition him. See if you can get him outing enough to file for a Protective Order, if you want to stay in your home. Use surveillance cameras, change the locks.
7. Go No Contact.
8. As you heal, begin self-examination. Autopsy the abuse or toxic relationship. Split your psyche wide open, if you must, to know when and where you were vulnerable. Stop giving people the benefit of the doubt.
9. Use therapy, a self-help or faith group, acupuncture, journaling, and meditation to calm your poor brain that has been flooded with stress hormones. You are okay. In fact, you are better than okay!
10. Don't expect others to understand. Don't expect Life to be fair. Then, one day, Life will sweeten for you again. Breathe.
11. If you have a criminal complaint against him, follow that through.
12. If you share children, and are divorcing, hire a really good lawyer. Describe this person without using psychological terms. Act unconcerned by his power plays. He does not empathize! He has not attached to you or to your kids. More than likely, he has another victim lined up, and he'll stay away. This guy has a grandiose sense of self but does not have NPD, so he will not come back, or "hoover." He could not care less about "narcissistic supply." He wants a parasitic lifestyle, likely, and will move on.
You've just described my ex- husband of 20 years to a tee- Factor 2 . Twenty years of extreme confusion and chaos!
These folks are hiding in plain sight that you interact with daily while looking and acting normal.
You are right. So I say to all women in most cases beware "If he seems too good to be true" 10 times out of 10 he is not true, he is a fake. "RUN'
If you pay attention you will see that their mask will come off....and things are off about them....but you need to know what to look for...or just observe how differently they act and behave.
@@lydiapetra1211 True
Yup a acquaintance of mine was I study criminal psychology but I noticed the stare after two years…. He’s always had red flags ! But that was the cherry on top!! I also know how to interact when I notice these things. But part of me wants to tell the police because I feel like he’s up to something idk what to do! I don’t talk to him anymore !
I'm glad you shared this! I've been with some sad sacks in my life, and I'm thankful to be with a guy who is not like that at all. I've known him for 7 years, but what really made me love him is how stable he his. He has normal emotions and struggles, but he's good to me through all of it. Ladies, there are men who don't take things out on you.
I am in the middle of running away from him. Pray for me. I hope he doesn't kill me... When he realises that I really am gone. Please pray for me. I am struggling to get out especially with him manipulating me and making me feel like I'm crazy and making me doubt myself.
How did it go? Are you Okay? 🙋♀️🐨
🙏❤🫂
I hope you're doing well and are safe and happy now
My dad displays many of these characteristics. It's fuckin' frustrating... but I think he may be more of a narcissist and also exhibits behaviors consistent with borderline personality disorder.
There are plenty of times when he has embarrassed me, to the point that I don't enjoy even going to the store or to eat with him because he will make a scene. Omg, the circus he will form in front of people, he feels no shame. I know because I've asked him. He will yell and insult employees like it's nothing. His behavior and his lack of remorse boggles my mind.
He rewrites events to make him always be the victim despite him being the huge asshole and problem. Never takes accountability for his behavior, and instead blames (me). "You provoked me. You like pushing my buttons. You actually like that I insult you." He also gaslights. He's quick to anger, gets very irrational (my fault of course) and tells me shockingly horrible things, things that a parent does not call their child.
He gets bored easily and needs stimulation. He's manipulative and a very convincing liar and actor. He's promiscuous. He has engaged in criminal behavior such as stealing, tax evasion, fraud, borrowing money and refusing to pay it back, owing money in general as in rent or bills, selling his prescription drugs and weed, to more serious things such as rape (he did it to my mom and my sister's mother and since that happened so many years ago and they never reported him, nothing can be done), to molesting my sister and her sister (after we ran away from him, he had another relationship with this lady and she already had a daughter from a previous marriage), and other sexual assaults. He confessed to my mom before I was born, that they were looking for him in Nebraska and Colorado because he "had sex with" with minors. In Colorado, he had sex with (which is actually rape to me because children cannot consent) two 12 year old sisters and his excuse was that they were apparently experienced and were drug users. He was in his mid to late 20s. In Nebraska, he mentioned that he had sex with another girl around that age who lived in his apartment complex. He has moved from place to place never staying in one town for more than a few months and it never occurred to my naïve mom that something was wrong. To me, those are the actions of someone running from something and is not only the actions of someone who is impulsive like he is.
He's the common denominator in all of the failed relationships in his life, all burned bridges and he claims to not understand why he's alone...and why the fair-weather friends that do stick round all know they can get money from him. Oh yeah, that's another thing, he buys friendships, control, love and loyalty and he uses money because I think he subconsciously has to make up for being a total piece of shit. That's why anyone bothers to stick around. I feel obligated to put up with him because he's my father 😥
I don't know whether he does this on purpose and he knows what he's doing or it's a compulsion he can't control.
Recently, I have learned of this information from what my sister and mom have told me and I don't know what to do because statute of limitations is a thing and too much time has passed. He always seems to get away with shit. He is legit slime.
I've also noticed in DV with these people is hurting the family pets and threatening to kill the pets. This was such a common occurrence I would always ask the victim of dv if he or she had hurt or threatened the family animals
Free from this dominance for 25 years now..It was hell living with this type of person.
I have worked for a male boss like this. We all were afraid of him because our Performance Reports were manipulated according to our level of "popularity" with him resulting into if you get an annual salary raise or not...so we all just pleased him. I was his Personal Assistant and was extremely stressed under him because he bullied me. Especially when he traveled, I would get the most abusive emails to make sure I remain being afraid and stressed out even when he is not at the office. He will think nothing of humiliating you even infront of others, he will do it in a "jokingly" way so that you question your own sanity. My first day of working for him, he called me to his office and showed me and the cleaning lady a pornographic video clip. Me and the other lady were called in together so that I can't complain about sexual harassment I guess... Definitely a predator and dominance stare and even if you try to ignore him, you are still aware of it creeping all over your body. Even men hated and were afraid of him even when we all knew that he is not actually very intelligent, but he was a bully and fully aware our salary range depended on him. Eventually he retrenched me so that his young (also stupid like her dad) daughter can take over my position with even a bigger salary...when I left, my self-esteem had to be build up again and it took a while. Only a few years on, I heard from ex co-workers that he was fired because of contract fraud.
I am 65. My ex fit this bill. He didn’t feel loss when our child died. He was determined to destroy me if I left him and he laughs today and says he won. He didn’t care what happened to me or the kids and used them to his benefit and their great expenses. He isolated me and laughs about lying about me. He was financially successful and lied and stole.
I forgot to add, he tried to kill me.
May I ask you about that my husband threatens me about leaving and all the threats start...did you get away in the end...was it a court nightmare did he try and destroy you financially
😂🤣😄 _If your husband is a serial killer, don't expect him to be nice to you"._
Okay! Thank you, Dr Grande. 👍🌹
Au contraire! Their wives are usually baffled, because ,for some reason,they get spoiled rotten by them, while other women get killed.
You are fun to listen to. Thank you for making us aware of the subtleties of danger! And the warning signs to change ourselves and to be perceptive. Happy to learn discretion through you’re sharing!
Dr Grande, you are awesome. Thank you for sharing this much needed information with us. Very helpful!
This describes my last boyfriend. After him, I just haven't wanted another. And it's been over 20 years! Wish I could move on.
Keep em coming, Doc! Love the content as always.
"If your husband is a serial killer, don't expect him to be nice to you." --Dr. Todd Grande, 2019
When will women ever learn?
Lukav - violence is a cycle. There is sooo much mind control behind it, that most fail to realize just how dire it is. When someone cracks that "reality" and the woman sees the truth, then she must make a decision to continue or fight to get free. Once you are married, it is nearly impossible to escape if you don't have resources.
I experienced narcissism my entire life, all my siblings are narcissists as well. They have created narcissists as well.
I had to go no contact when I was 27. I doubt I would be alive if I had not battled and was willing to loose everything (I did become homeless because of the pressure they put on my job). I married a Narc and immediately after we married, he became extremely violent. I know if I hadn't left (6 1/2 weeks later), I would be dead. I don't think I would have lasted another month. I had some money (42K) and he wanted it. I didn't fight for the money even though I couldn't afford food or antibotics (he gave me 4 STD's!). Slowly, very slowly, I got my life back. Some women don't have that inner spark to go through what I did. I don't understand except to say, that they have been so programmed to accept defeat, they don't know any other way.
@@susanrhodes5681 I'm truly so sorry you had to go through that. I experienced it myself as a child -- my father was an abusive drunk narcissist, and my mom had to flee many times from him during the years she was married, taking me with her of course (rightfully so). She gave him chance after chance, but you can't get through to psychos like that. I think that's becoming better known today, but there was no internet back then by in large. It was a horror show, and a nightmare. I made the joke because you either have to laugh or cry, and I choose to try to laugh (though I have certainly cried as well).
My love and sympathy goes out to all domestic violence victims. I hope you get the help you need and deserve, as well as everyone else, so we can stop this terrible cycle that gets passed down to children. I had to put my life on hold for years and years to get my head straight -- I wasn't ready to be a father and I knew it, so I put it off. I'm lucky to have a naturally high self-awareness, which not everyone seems to have. Not judging anyone, it just is what it is. But I needed to get help, and that's what I did. Mental health is the biggest issue for society, and that's where most money should be spent. But I digress.
@@Mineav I am sorry that your childhood was so full of terror. It certainly does impact us for the rest of our lives. Both my parents were also alcoholics which worsened in my mom as she aged (she constantly blacked out). When I was 16, I begged my dad to divorce her and I think he considered it...even though he was sexually abusing me, he wasn't as violent as my mom nor as conniving (she poisoned me twice and I nearly died especially when I was 15).
Like you I cried many tears. I really get that. I am so glad you were so connected to your feelings as they try so hard to make us numb! I dissociated much of that time (actually blocking years that were particularly bad). I learned very early to have a sense of humor, I believe that played a huge role in my recovery... God played the biggest part, helping me to understand that I was loved and worthy to be treated with respect and kindness.
I hope you have found that hope and love in your life as well. I am here to say, you did not deserve any of that abuse and torment! I am so terribly sorry for what you endured. I am so glad that you broke that cycle in your life! It is uncommon to see that, especially in men (I have talked to many survivors of childhood abuse). You are rare and unique. You deserve respect and love without strings! God loves you so much, more than you or I can understand. He wants to love on you and let you know how important you are. We have not "met" by accident! I know He wants you to hear this! Get to know Him better, develop a relationship with Him - I am not talking about a certain way of "teaching", I am not telling you to listen to Pastor so and so. I am telling you Go To The Source of Who You Are! You were created by one so very loving. He loves you so much, above anything you can conceptualize. Pray. Read the Bible. Talk to Him like you would a friend. God Bless You!
@@susanrhodes5681 Thank you so much for that. It means more than you know. I was raised atheist, but found faith a few years ago, and it's given more meaning to my life than I could've ever have hoped. It's been incredible and my faith even still continues to grow by the day. You certainly do deserve to be loved and respected, and I hope you find that in your personal life, just as you have found it with God. Bless your beautiful heart and soul, and enjoy life with God's teachings and grace that I can tell you are permeated by. I can see it in your words, and it's such a wonderful thing. Remember that you're never alone -- we're in this together. And none of us are getting out this life alive, lol (our souls do carry on, of course, and I can tell you have a beautiful one). Take care, God bless, and continue to laugh, smile and find beauty in life God has given us. Life is a miracle, and the beauty is all around us.
@@Mineav That was not me. That was the Holy Spirit in me. I knew without question, that God wanted you to hear that through someone else. He uses me that way sometimes. It is so beautiful to me to see Him do this! It is a blessing to me as well. God truly loves us so much more than man(kind) is capable of showing or feeling. He is truly what breathes life into us! I died 24 years ago during surgery and saw Jesus very briefly. He told me I had to return, my time had not come (I had work to do here). I tried to argue but I was already back in my body. The love He emanated was so powerful, I didn't want to leave his presence! I had to get counseling. I even attempted suicide (yeah, I know it was totally illogical) to die. I believe God took us through that so we can see evil and know love is the only answer. I am stalked (24/7) because my family was/remains in a cult known world wide. It is known by some as starting with either an "S" or an "I". I tell them (the stalkers) if I can leave so can you. At least one has left and several remain stratling the fence. It was an intense battle and I witnessed the murders of several very close to me. Absent from the body, present with the Lord (I can't want to see them again!!).
There is nothing, we go through that Jesus wasn't with us! When I have flashbacks, I always look for him because he promised he would never leave us nor forsake us. I always see him! Some times not in a physical sense (though often I do), I am quite aware of his presence, it is powerful. It is so amazing. We won't know all He has done for us until we reach the other side.
Would you pray for me? I have been really isolated (part of the stalkers job). It means many things are challenging. I have been targeted since I left the "I" 35 years ago. My best friend was murdered on Halloween 35 years ago. I would be so blessed to have just one person that cared about me. Someone to watch over me. I have had so many narcs in my life that I seldom meet healthy people at my age (I think that number vastly diminishes after age 35 or 40 - other people agree with this, very strange, probably all the movies and books that encourage Narc behavior?). Thank you!
God Bless You. Know this, God has a plan for your life and it is so powerful. Keep walking with Him and He will guide your steps. If you don't pray Eph. 6 daily, I seriously encourage you to do so. When I put on the shoes the gospel of peace. I ask Him to guide me to people that need to hear from you (Father). I have amazing experiences when I pray that. Simply powerful Divine Appointments!
After rewatching this video I noticed that I didn’t leave a message...
All I have to say is that I truly love all you videos , the older and the newer ones. No matter which topic you select, they are all excellent and a pleasure to listen.
Thank you for doing what you do Dr. Grande.❤️
Excellent video Dr. Grande. Thank you once again for sharing your knowledge.
my ex is a psychopath .. Im sure like 100% .. thank you so much for opening my eyes dr. Grande 🍀👏🏼
Mine also & have to coparent
I must say .. it sounds pointlessly asinine to say “threatening to kill” is a psychopathic trait.. but some people do it in such a way that you immediately think they’re joking but then you look at their face and evaluate it a few more times and it happens more than once.. some say it only in anger. It’s not always black and white
@Mary Carroll I separated from my husband in July when he, over time, went from verbal abuse and insults to tearing up the house when angry to (and this was the last straw), 'I'm going to kill you.' One night he went as far as to say that he wouldn't do it, but had someone lined up on the street to do it. I calmly asked him what he felt about spending possibly the rest of his life in prison, and his response was "I have gotten everything I want." It was really scary and he sounded more sincere each time he threatened to kill me. I ended up leaving about 2 months later when he said he would blow my brains out in front of my 12 year old. It was so horrible and I'm still battling him over finances. I just want to be free of him. His mom kept asking me 'did you see the gun, did you see the gun?" This hurt me as well.
@Mary Carroll She’s worried he might turn on her now that the wife left.
Thanks for your videos Dr Grande , they've become helpful to me and I'm sure to others
The ' stare is scary!!!!
I wud find myself waking up in the middle of the night out of the blu feeling eyes on me so I look over to him and hes got this stare at me no blinking or looking away just an evil look no words, I found him doing this every night! To the point I'd stay up till 1am cause he wud have to be up at 4 am for work still when I finally shut my eye I still was woken up feeling his eyes on me. Was very unsettling!
It's incredibly scary. My ex had it and I never let him out the place I rented cause I knew he could have killed me once I saw it. And I was on holidays in the place where he was from, so it would have been extra dangerous. Let's be careful now we have real data 🙏
WoW must have been on cocaine to stay up staring at person all night till 3am-4am😳
@@diamondgold5277 never thot of that
Thanks for this video! I was in a relationship with a psychopath for 22 years, and it's hard to talk about it with people because they only see him as fun and charming. Meanwhile, he has never truly cared about anyone in his life, only to the extent that he could keep up his reputation as the nice guy.
As his wife, I saw the other side. One particular observation I had was that, when we were alone at home, if I were to talk about how bad I felt about something another person is experiencing, he would belittle me (and the other person) by saying that that person isn't really doing as badly as I think, that they're just faking it for attention. He would use the same words against me during our divorce, accusing me of faking sadness. Another trait related to lying is that a psychopath is good at reading people and telling them what they want to hear. This is so manipulative. You come away thinking one thing, but there's nothing behind his words, no substance, no follow-through, no legitimate concern.
The story of coming home after surgery is spot on! When I had my gall bladder removed, he drove me to the hospital and stayed through the surgery, but then he went back to work for the rest of the day! Similarly, after a miscarriage, he was by my side at the medical clinic (it's ALWAYS about appearances), but as soon as we returned home, I curled up on the couch and cried alone, while he played video games in the other room.
What do you think you had that he found valuable ?
I have told a couple of people. But nobody believes
Soo those people r also taken for a ride, in time to come they will aslo see the real side
I'm dropping everything when you put a video up, thanks again. I wonder if this is what serial killers do? Or stalkers? A lot of times the family is not aware crimes committed.
FANTASTIC, AMUSING, BRIEF AND SUCCINCT. WELL DONE !!
I WENT THROUGH 12 OR MORE DESCRIPTIONS TO GET A BRIEF, AND
INFORMATIVE DESCRIPTION.
Dr. Thank you for # 1 being so educational.
That is a true gift. Because I have ADHD
it makes it very difficult often for me to understand things at times... many times. However with you talking I was able to lay down for awhile having my earbuds in and just listen.
Although no one is here with me right now,, i was laying there nodding my head. Unfortunately to MULTIPLE things.
What I have experienced in the 30+ years of dealing with this narrsissitic abuse Not just in my direct unit of he & I ... but heavy on the entire NA side. ( disclaimer I am not a mental health pro. ) who I am is someone who has dealt with this... have tried so many diffrent types of ( what can I do to fix this) to be able to defuse the situation... to protect myself,, my family especially. I didn't and don't admit to being abused. It's horrific.. Yes when your isolated from YOUR loved ones.. when you can't or almost ignore a phone # till later cause you know the mood he is in and THERE WILL BE HELL TO PAY)
When my love ones call & I am not sounding right like talking low..or when I have been crying & sound stuffy. I know in exchange of that phone call it's going to be questions, what did they want.. or last 2 Sundays have been asked to go to lunch in the afternoon by his brother & my friend Mary his wife.
Just over a quick trip to town for lunch. Guess what there was boot stomping. Door slamming hell. So bad that by the time I was good and crying & very upset . I no longer wanted to go to lunch just to sit there next to a man that is SO FRIGGEN HATEFUL 😞
Thank you Dr. Grande for a very thorough overview of psychopathy and a good sense of humour in explaining it. People who associate with the person who has these traits, suffer, yet the person with these traits often deny these traits and the associated behaviours. It really is a sad condition for everyone involved.
When my ex's parents put life insurance on him with a rider on our child, he loosened the lug nuts on the front tire before I took the car with the baby in the back seat. Luckily I kept the car under control when the wheel flew off.
Kay Azzara Bless you and I hope you are safe. Mine put gasoline in the brake fluid when I was pregnant. It was only a miracle that the brakes went out AFTER my daughter and I had exited the highway. Didn’t realize he did this until years later.
OMG!
wow
they would do ANYTHING for themselves,, without amy remorse.
Stay safe. Thanks 4 Sharing. !
Thank you for posting this 🙏🏼
Very illuminating! Thank you. Really love and appreciate these videos where you explain behaviors within the context of the husband and wife relationship.
Wuao.. thank you!
You just described my ex-husband.. a type 2..
I’m so glad I saw it very quickly and was able to get out.. it took me more time to recover than the time I was married to him but I’m just glad my eyes got wide open and I’m now free :)
Great video! Thank you doc.. you just won a new fan :)
I really appreciate for such clear and correctly structured video/short lecture. It has all summary of every detail in specific personality disorder and overall diagnosis. Also, I would be grateful to hear more examples If possible. Eg neuroticism and secondary psychopathy. (What makes it significantly different between other disorders and psychopathy). Considering how overlapping symptoms are. Thank you very much for your effort and time.
Thank you for explaining levels. Too many people watch these videos and diagnose people with. Very informative!!!
Very eye opening and I thank you for this very informative video.
Thank you so much i really and truly appreciate your insight and analysis and just bringing this to ladies and men well just BEINGS WHO HAVE HAD ENCOUNTERED UNSPEAKABLE THINGS AND UMMM SOME STUFF THAT'S JUST WAY TO HUMILIATING TO SPEAK OF AND SO THANK YOU. FOR CLEAN AND SIMPLE EXAMPLE OF WHAT IS EXPERIENCE WITH....YOUR REALLY APPRECIATED....
Love the videos! Possible future video topic: What's the difference between secondary psychopathy and vulnerable narcissism? Thanks!
Wow! I find all your videos interesting, but I must say, I found this one downright riveting!! Thanks Dr. Grande!
I really like your demeanor and the way you went about presenting this information. Great video!
Having realized I had narcistic abuse syndrome a few years ago and making mistake a confronting the covert narcissist. I realize how dangerous my situation.wad and how I just kept making excuses and blaming myself if I'd don't this right. Seeing this video others of yours has gave me clarity to stop being toxic to myself now that that person actually more than one are gone.thanks!
Thank you for mentioning that psychopathy cannot be manifested only in one area of life! People often think that people who lack empathy would still be loving parents, and there are a lot of movies and tv-series that display people who are ruthless in some settings, but loving at home etc. Scary things get people excited and an idea of a scary person being loving in some places is somehow intriguing to many people, and these messages in popular culture aren't always a good thing.
Many of these points in this video resemble my father. When he was feeling good, he was more like the factor 1 example, and drinking got him to be more like the factor 2 example. I'm still not sure how to define his behaviour according these labels, and for some reason I'm still searching for some answer on this. I think he is a narcissist with psychopathic traits, because he resembles a lot of narcissistic traits also. I know that the labels don't really matter, but for some reason I'm still occasionally thinking about this.
I know a psychopath who's wife fell and ended up with a swelling ankle, she couldn't walk and sat on the floor, his reaction was to take pictures of her face while she was pale, didn't offer any help. Later on she posted these pictures on facebook, without commenting on them, people reacted "Are you ok?" "you look ill" he didn't even see it while strangers saw it clearly. He also used to wake her up in the night for no reason, sleep deprivation. Be aware of signs like this, after this woman spent a year with him, she changed, her friends don't recognise her anymore, she was successful, peaceful and liked by many, after this short marriage, she became a jonkie, can't hold a job and lost contact with her friends and family. Psychopaths, if they don't kill you physically, they will make sure to kill your personality and soul.
NEARLY 600K subs - good for you Dr. Grande!
*Dr.* *Todd* *Grande*
I have learned so much from you, through your super intelligent , and greatly informative videos.
I can't say thank you enough for helping myself and others to *_understand_* what a true _psychopaths_ _traits_ are.
I have been going through this heavy within the last year .
He has literally done a 360 in character/mental/personality change . It's a complete nightmare.
You sir, are spot on with the description of mental and physical actions ❗
I wish I had learned this when I was young. I hope everyone takes the time to watch this. Thanks
Always interesting. I was just thinking I don’t know how you can think about these types of people so much! Just thinking about them makes me feel a bit sick but maybe that’s something to do with my own experiences. But it’s really helpful you’re there covering so many aspects etc 👍
Appreciate your direct and methodical approach and delivery. Helps enormously understand issues in previous relationships.