Subtle Signs of the Dark Triad | Dark Personality Examples
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- Опубліковано 20 лют 2019
- This video answers the question: Can I provide some of the subtle signs we see associated with the dark triad? Sometimes these are called the dark triad traits or referred to as the dark personality. The Dark Triad includes includes psychopathy, narcissism, and Machiavellianism.
When we think of the dark triad, we think of narcissism as the ‘lightest trait’ and psychopathy as the ‘darkest trait.’ These different traits have characteristics in common like empathy deficits, selfishness, a short-term mating style, as well as being competitive, antisocial, hedonistic, and having antagonism. We can think of antagonism as a low score on the agreeableness trait of the five-factor model.
Narcissism in the dark triad is really grandiose narcissism. We see characteristics like arrogance, being socially dominant, being self-centered, a sense of entitlement, and a tendency to manipulate others (we see this characteristic with all three of the dark triad traits). Psychopathy characteristics include callousness; a lack of empathy, remorse, or guilt; violating society's norms; being irresponsible; being impulsive; having shallow effect; and superficial charm. The trait of Machiavellianism includes antisocial behaviors, but they're usually conceptualized as white-collar crime. We also see cynicism, having good impulse control (so this would differentiate Machiavellianism from psychopathy), callousness and being goal-oriented (usually we conceptualize the goal as being negative).
I liked my life more when I didn't know what a narcissist was and now I am learning about dark triad personalities. 😫 I want to live on top of a hill overlooking the ocean...ALONE with a cat.
Learning about it was the first step to avoiding these kind of relationships
Hahaha
You know why machivelanism isnt a problem?
Someone get a mental problem🤕
Psychologist : "i wonder if i can profited from this?"🤔
LOL🤣
Are you really buying this?
I am not,
you have a brain,
please use it.
I did that , I completely self isolate but even thats not ridding these types, now they come for me in my home. Theres no escaping them, theyre demonically evil. Its jumping fences, climbing hedges only to knock on my porch door. Police reports and restraining ordrs doesnt rid them either. You cant rid them!
No you don't...😨
Just a quick heads up, If you're talking to someone and they're nodding, smiling superficially and looking away, it doesn't necessarily mean they're dark. You might just be boring.
Funny!
I smile a lot because I want others to like me, because I was bullied and have trust issues since very young, I cannot handle gossip, joking and looks. I smile a lot even when I'am not happy, but because it make me feel good but not real happiness. and I'am afraid.
@@eosis3685 when I am like that I get mad at myself but I've learned a trick that can help bring about some change which is what's needed here....PRETEND to like someone and what happens is your brain cant distinguish between real feelings or pretending after awhile..that's really great! Please try that and set a goal to find something else to pretend to like..its a good snowball effect
Or maybe they have ADD and a butterfly flew past, but they really are interested in what you're saying.
Idk its a different feeling though if you’re politely smiling and looking around to give a signal that you don’t wanna talk vs someone putting on the right facial expression while totally not interested. I’ve seen it and it’s creepy.
“The poor listener example” “somebody not being good at listening” “bored with what you’re saying”
My ADHD ass: *sweats*
You’re ok 🥺✊🏽
@@Pinkfairybride ty 🥰❤️💕❤️
we're just a prime example for his disclaimer at the beginning ^_^
Jajajaja
Saaaame
"inflated sense of romantic capabilities" - i have to remember this gem.
Like the guy who isn't interested in learning what you like because he's so convinced in his abilities to please? And in fact even when you tell him what you like, he disregards it because he thinks he knows what you want better than you do? Haha fuck my ex
Emina Džafo good ammo.
@Robert Patter lol :-)
Emina Džafo yes, I picked up on that and thought I hope I get a chance to use it some day.
Hello darling. I’m a single young quadrillionaire with record breaking romantic capabilities. Is it ok if I pick you up in my Ford Focus? My spaceship is in the shop. Darn thing always breaks down.
My personal experience with narcissists is that their biggest giveaway is that they intentionally and progressively violate boundaries. They start out with small tests, and push farther and farther at a relentless pace. They will consistently do things that other people just don't do, and it will feel weird. If you find yourself saying "well, that's just Steve" a lot, it might be a warning sign. If Steve's negative behavior can only be explained by the fact that he's Steve, he's probably doing a lot of stuff healthy people just don't do.
Pushing boundaries is all about gaining control of people imo. Narcissists will use any leverage they can find to exert power. They will appoint themselves the enforcer of inconsequential social norms. They will point out insignificant flaws in your behavior, like driving slightly too close to another lane for a few seconds. They will tell you to do things you're going to do anyway to make it look like they're in control of you - they're always waiting for your shoelace to come undone, so they can tell you to tie it. They will point out "mistakes" that are not mistakes. They love to show you the "right way" to do inconsequential things, like how to open a can of cat food, or take a pizza out of the oven (actual examples...). They love adolescent social customs that allow them to project a 'win,' like calling shotgun, and the slugbug game.
They are all about gaining control over people by undermining other's competence and inflating their own. They weaponize any sort of guidelines for behavior that they think you might agree with: moral, social custom, peer pressure, self-interest, logic, insecurities, and any other leverage point they can find. They look for things that are difficult to explicitly disagree with, even though they are inconsequential or distorted, and use that to make themselves look bigger and others look smaller. They're very tiresome to be around, because they never stop pushing. Conversation with them is actually just an arena in which they are constantly battling you, even if you don't realize it.
yes I agree.
Nice comment. How to deal with this kind of person?
Tom Ryan ....Thankyou for your wisdom.
Other actual behaviors: telling me how to cut butter, open up a bottle of champagne or how to peel a potato. All within a ten minute span.
This hit really close to home for describing someone very close to me.
When you talked about the "Bad news" part, I was surprised that you didn't mention that some people's eyes absolutely light up when they hear about something bad that happened to someone else, EVEN A FRIEND. I've seen this and it's one of the most evil things I've witnessed.
Yes, its called schadenfreude.
I know exactly what you’re talking about! Really turns your stomach when you see it.
Which is why I nicknamed someone "bad news".
Yes, so true. Finding joy in the misery of others is the very definition of evil.
Whole lotta that.
Wouldn't mind a bit of Machiavellianism. I can't even plan what to do with a day off
Read "The Prince".
Binge watch Sevco thrashings, there’s a suggestion 🍀🍀🍀
Chris Tully From what I know about it, it seems like a huge advantage actually. Even in extreme cases, it is not really a disorder
@@shanechenmusic1804 It is a negative trait... once people know that you are an extreme MACH people will avoid you and defame you. Your reputation will get damaged at a local and social scale . It is advantageous until you get caught and , believe it or not , it is hard to hide a thing like this for a very long time.
Despite the disadvantages, I believe having a moderate amount of Machiavellianism is good for the sense.
@@jbw6823 ends up just rewatching the matrix series.
"may talk about owning an island"
Eyes widen and holds breath
"they'll often do it with excess company"
Sighs with relief and continues to day dream about island fantasy involving no other people.
How is it that psychopaths and narcissists seem to have a surplus of mental energy and the rest of us need a nap?
Estelle A
Exactly by the time I finally get away or they just go home I feel like I have been through a washing machine set on high spin and I’m wiped out completely. I have left dark triads as soon as I get to literally a safe place the first thing I do is let out a big sigh of relief to be away from that toxicity and danger.
I have dealt with dark triads that have no problem telling people during a major fight that they started that they have no problem killing or beating me up and going to jail I already have been in prison so I don’t give a f****! I’m like ok I’m getting a safety plan and get out of here ASAP.
Ha ha ha! Too true!
I assume a lot of them are extroverted but I only know the basics of extroverts gain energy from being around people introverts gain energy from being alone and ambiverts are in between and idk if that influences or the fact if you have or don’t have psychopathy or narcissism relates if you are extroverted or introverted or ambiverted
If you've ever read the Celestine Prophecy, I think it's because they literally 'suck' our energy, like a real life emotional vampire, leaving us drained and them energized.
You're an outstanding "public intellectual," enriching the community. We need more like you.
I can't even get away from political war here. 🙄
This is a very depressed man. Who could not be. He spends his every waking moment demonizing or pathologizing every iteration of human behavior. If it’s named/labeled it’s billable. There needs to be a happy medium.
@@LB-wo7jr how is he depressed
I've been surrounded by abusers my whole life and they have actively sabotaged any physiological help I had looked for and hid information on psychiatry from me so I wouldn't realize I was being abused and get help. I appreciate these videos, If I learned this type of information earlier I would have ghosted my abusive family members over a decade ago and not wasted 10 years with a wife beating rapist (covert narcissist). I'm getting divorced and getting my freedom back, some of that is thanks to educated people posting free informational videos.
I agree
I have a sibling who when you have good news to share, they always have better news. Or when something bad happens, they always have a worse episode to tell. They can never let you have the moment...good or bad.
How insecure! Sheesh. I'm sorry Sandra.
My brother in law is the same. He is pathetic, yet he thinks he knows everything. What an a hole.
That's probably a Virgo.
Same… pretended to have bought a house the same time I got a new house. Really sad.
It doesn't mean they're anything like "dark"people, there're tons of psychological reasons to answer that way.
Ex got this glint in his eye when he'd upset me. And a weird grin.
Sounds like a Sadist
My ex narc too
And this is exactly why I now am getting a counselor and a therapist. I took pride in ruining entire lives and families, without even lifting a finger. And the only friends I keep, are people who benefit me financially, or in business. And death has never phased me.
Oh that's a bad, bad sign. I'm glad you are free of that person now.
My ex girlfriend was always happy to torment me. I was blind then. Glad I'm out of that situation.
Narcissists are really dangerous. They are skilled at identifying people’s insecurities and will exploit them in order to improve their self-esteem. Narcissists also like to play favorites. They will deliberately praise someone in order to make another person feel bad. Honestly, I think narcissism is the worst of the three traits!
Totally agree with you! 100%
happened to me all the time with my soon to be ex spouse.
Many serial killers are psychopaths...I'm gonna name that one the badboy! No heart, no care, step an or kill anyone to get there!
Unfortunately many psychopaths also have narcissistic traits. Can it get much worse?
@@3amigos919 All psychopaths are narcissists, but not all narcissists are psychopaths. (See The Behaviour Panel!).
I was married to a man diagnosed with anti social personality disorder. What a long strange trip that was! Just glad I got therapy and got out. The subtle signs you spoke of... please don’t ignore them!
What did he do to you?
@Mike H the thing about anti social personality ( disorder) is that its anti society, which doesnt mean they are anti social, they just may not like some social etiquettes or doing some of those typical social settings. im a little anti social myself, sometimes i dont want to do what society expects me to do. sometimes im fed up with being a robot, a lot of artists want to break conventions or traditions, this is anti social, but in terms of friends they will have many, if no one was ever anti social we would probably all still live in caves.
@Mike H you telling someone to feel ashamed about abandoning a psychopath? Are you sane?
@Mike H It's bad if someone has personality disorder but that doesn't mean that others should pay the cost of being abused or what you called (co-existing). to protect the self everyone has the right to set boundaries.
@@hanktrinker903 you're on this guys videos learning about psychopaths and you still think they're what? evil? should just be cast out of society for being different? they're not all killers & rapists, it is not ok to think like this and aspd doesn't equal psychopathy
Do an analysis on yourself. That would be hilarious. And do it in third person, while showing little pictures of your own face.
@James Bond I'd smoke a J and die about it.
Such a brilliant idea 💡 hahahahah
Wouldn't it! Kind of like a portrayal of all the reasons for his rise closer to the top of You-Tube fame.
You know after reading this he considered it..
This is the best idea I've ever heard. I can see him analyzing himself with his dry sense of humor. Maybe he'll do it, I've heard that shrinks are the craziest people on earth. All that mind knowledge, I guess.
I love how you walk the middle ground of being specific, and clear at the same time. Impressive and insightful stuff.
I knew a woman who was a talent booker for some bars and nightclubs. She knew a lot of musical artists and other minor celebrities, and she is not above name-dropping, often in the most appalling of ways. I ran into her at a show one time. I hadn't seen her in years and in the course of a 5 minute conversation she managed to name-drop a guitar player who had tragically killed himself. Now, this was someone she knew, apparently. She claimed to have seen him a few days or weeks before he died. She exclaimed, " I told him not to kill himself, but he didn't take my advice. He went ahead and did it anyway." Like, stupid guy, shoulda listened!
I mean the guy died, and still she's the victim. Something off there.
Maybe he was haunting/possessing her and now stuck to name dropping himself talking in third person. If this the case she really is the victim.
@@aseeds7785 Yes and Occam's Razor is just a suggestion isn't it
That's CIA 😂
@@kimgordon3695 What?
@@visassess8607 Obviously the guy who killed himself was a dope who listened to the CIA instead of the narc lady. Sad! Many such cases.
I believe that revisionism is a key trait of the dark triad. Narcissists, psychopaths and sociopaths have a tendency to paint things differently from others and that means if pressed with a need to explain something that puts them at a disadvantage or blows their cover, they are likely to create a whole new spiel or spin on the story. Facts are not relevant for them. They can twist everything.
...and they tell you that you just misinterpreted their words and claim that what they said meant something entirely different than what they actually said.
So-all women?
I have noticed this! I always looked at it as: they believe that whatever they say is the truth because everything essentially belongs to them, is an extension of them, so that they have a right to take anything they want. So, they can create and re-create reality right in front of you, and insist upon pain of death that it is real! For example, once I was physically hit by a narcissit, and I saw him pause to think about what he'd done then said to me "nothing happened to you". And from that moment forth, he had never physically struck me and I was considered crazy or evil for ever pretending that he had from that moment forward. He had recreated reality right in front of me, and it simply didn't matter what I had experienced!
So - all Democrats?
In all seriousness, this is how the left operates. Marx said not to argue, but fight, because intellectuals were the enemy. Derrida (Marxist philosopher) said there is no such thing as objective truth, only narrative; then took the leap to saying all narratives are about power relationships - very much what Dr. Grande is talking about here, only it is psychopathy become a political doctrine: a collective narcissism. Communist Saul Alinsky in his "Rules for Radicals" says "Attack, attack, attack!!" and "Accuse your opponent of whatever wrong you are engaged in." Hillary Clinton dedicated her senior thesis to Saul Alinsky. So I'm not just taking pot shots at Democrats. This is what they ARE. We all know, and THEY all know, that the President is neither a "Russian Spy," nor a "White Supremacist," nor did his request to Ukraine to investigate Biden constitute any sort of impeachable offense (as the Executive is in charge of enforcing the law, and Biden himself bragged of breaking the law in using the Vice Presidency to intimidate Ukraine into calling off an investigation targeting his son).
The difference is that you can usually find a way to get away from a dark personality. But when the dark political movement of collectivism takes over a country, no one can get away, and in the 20th century, hundreds of millions were tortured and murdered because of it.
Wow, you just explained teenage me. Now imagine your mind cracks when you're 22 and you feel all the guilt, shame, empathy, all at once.
This was me, too. I was diagnosed with dissociative identity disorder. Whatever your case/story may be I hope you are healing and doing better these days.
It was 19 for me. Years of an untreated anxiety disorder, mood disorder, and parents who wouldn't let me take even a semester off. I've come a long way, and I suspect you will, too.
I felt like this too when I was around 22,23,24...I thought I have quarter life crises. I was so unsatisfied with my life situation that I treated my boyfriend very poorly and I was constantly having mood shifts ...
So sorry that recovery hurt so much, but glad for you that you did.
A lot of this is me ,currently 15 ,needing to recovery my personality ,i have a shitload trauma rip.
With ADD/ADHD, people often interrupt inappropriately, blurt, or talk about how they can relate to what someone's talking about...Or we say it cuz are brain goes at warp speed and we're worried we'll forget the thought we're thinking...So those habits don't always translate into the "dark triad" or disinterest...Interesting topic though, as usual ❤
Yea I think you just described my issues with people I tend to try to just stay alone and talk w myself now- because unless I am really watching what I say and actively censoring myself people seem to misunderstand me and its easier to be alone
I will add that no eye contact/looking away *can* be a sign of being on the autism spectrum, and/or ADHD. So alone, it's definitely not a sign of the Dark Triad... only with the other things involved should it be seen as a red flag IMO
Yeah, I score really low on the dark triad, but I have a hard time with that because I'm borderline ADHD.
He said they were “subtle signs” several times and specified that one sign doesn’t mean they have a dark personality. He repeated this through the whole the video.
Alternately, the person I know the most that’s a COv N Used to try to help me learn to maintain eye contact by staring me down on purpose so I would learn not to look away. He definitely fits the above description but he had no problems making eye contact if he was trying to intimidate. (And i’m on the ADHD range).
@@aina3387 same here. Bpd and ADHD. Some girl i met said that those two together were not possible lmao. Which is silly because one is a personality disorder and the other is neurological. Not the same thing, thus can occur comorbidly like my MDD and GAD. I just told her she isn't my doc; until they remove one diagnosis, then im going to continue to say it 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
avoiding eye contact can also be an OCD thing
That were almost 27 minutes listening to you and I enjoyed every second of it.
I can listen for hours to you Dr. Grande.
Thank you :)
You're welcome!
pocoeagle2 - I second that!!! What a gift to my awareness Dr. Grande continues to be!
Recognised myself in some of that! Scary
When I got a computer science job that I really wanted and I felt great that my education helped me walk through that door... My mother decided on two paths: one path was - yeah but that's not a real job.. you just sit on your ass all day. The second, when my coworker came over... and she said this same sentence without thinking... he spoke up and said "She was the best qualified for the job, she has all the skills and education we need, and its a very mind-work type of job which is just as hard if not harder than a physical labor job" Then my mother flipped and said, "She got those smarts from me" LOL!!! No congratulations or anything. And what's even more hilarious... she hates computers!!! She has always hated computers and kept computers out of the house until I absolutely needed one for college. Yet somehow, I got all my computer science smarts from her? LMAO!!!!!!!! I used to be disgusted and upset, now I look back and laugh at how obvious her mental illness was this all whole time. I just didn't know it fully until she made too many mistakes and I caught her. But of course, she denies everything...
Ummm...you do know you don’t HAVE to have a relationship with her right? Blood doesn’t mean we have to withstand abuse.
Shame... similarly when I decided to repaint my room gray... My mom didn't approve. When I was finished however, and everyone was admiring the color, she took credit for the color because she had picked it up from the shop! I just canned myself. (Not saying she's has a mental illness, but she has some manipulative tendencies.)
I’m sorry you went through this. It always breaks my heart to hear people dealing with NARC parents. I had a NARC boss and it was horrible.
Sounds like my mom...omg!
Yep, that's my mother, too. Takes credit for all my accomplishments, whereas my father proudly tells others about them and how hard I've worked. I learned early as a teen that saving money was my key to getting the hell out of her house, and it took me 2 years to do, but I got free after my first year of grad school. I think it's awesome that you studied CS, and hope your example helps other women/girls realize STEM is also for them.
The more I watch these videos, the more I come to the conclusion that pretty much everybody has some form of a personality disorder at least some of the time. I've also noticed that people who are highly successful definitely have some sort of personality/mental disorder that they use to their advantage.
I think we all have traits of everything but most of us don't meet the criteria for a bona fide personality disorder. I only have a bachelor's degree in psychology, but when I took all my psychology classes, I remember thinking I had every disorder. I remember thinking, "I must really be mentally ill". :-D I would sit there and say to myself, "that's me! that's me, too!"
@@redlikewine7840 I thought the only criteria there was for any 'disorder' is if it causes problems for the afflicted person or others they interact with.
Incorrect diagnoses cause significant harm.
Carl Jung psychology explains that "non normal" people simply have Neurotic tendencies and "Disorders" don't exist. Example: An Anti social person could have anxiety and depression , the cure is a better diet to change the body's chemistry to make Serotonin then get more sunlight to cure the depression . Doctors now will say you need/10 pills a day for something simple....... Sickness sells better than sex
@@imzjustplayin yup. everybody can have a particular trait, or "abnormality" you can say, but as long as it doesn't impair functioning and relationships, there is no problem. you can just write it off as their personality (eg. Tessa is selfish, but not to the point of being completely self-absorbed and callous, so Tessa is just sometimes unpleasant to be around)
This video is fascinating.
I suspect my mother is a dark triad. I learned about narcissism from her. She accuses everyone of narcissism. In her mind basically all of our extended family and many neighbors are narcissists. I never saw evidence that any of those people were narcissists. She also constantly accused others of lying or trying to swindle her somehow.
The upside though, is I didn’t have to go no contact with her. She did it to me first, claiming I’m a malignant borderline.
My suspected dark triad ex on the other hand , fit the other profile. He was oblivious to narcissistic behavior and was oddly comfortable amongst the chaos. When his family members engaged in lying, stealing and manipulative behavior he never had a problem with it. If I complained he acted like I was the crazy one for being upset by it.
It’s so interesting to me that these are common enough manifestations for you to talk about.
Thanks for sharing as always.
Ozma337 you described my parents to a T they would tell me I’m lazy bc I’m not overly competitive with people and my mom acts like she’s a victim but whenever my dads around she’s laughing it up at other people’s expense then acts like an angel.
count your blessings and stay no contact you do not want to live your life with a narc mom involved in it she will mess it up. and look out for every red flag for any other relationship you get into and if the signs appear .. RUN!!!
@@jaredwilliams6853 🙄my mom does the same thing! I cant tell her anything about my life. She uses my siblings life accomplishments to try to get me to compete. She almost has my dad fooled but his ex wife was a narcissist to the extreme (physically abusive to him and their kids, used family court as a tool to alienate him from his daughters, had an affair with a neighbor and told the children their father cheated and that's why hes not around, etc)so by comparison my mother the covert narc looks like a decent human. My dad knows my mom is "off" to some extent but he doesnt like to acknowledge her behavior.
Isn't it odd with how the very people that you dislike working with can be like our parents? It shows that our parents are not infallible nor perfect. I thought psychologists had a name for it. It's that point in time of a person's growth in which a child grows up and stops viewing their parents as infallible and now sees them as fallible.
Velton Meade yeah there is def a phase like that
Wow! This describes my brother. He is constantly reminding everyone he has a Masters in Psychology & he doesn't waste his time talking to stupid people. A couple of years ago for Christmas he gave everyone a small poster size picture of himself wearing his cap & gown holding his degree
Lol
omg thats hilarious!
That's hysterical! 🤣
I have a sister like that.
😂😂😂It's giving Michael Scott from the office😅.
I was very pleased to hear that at 22:15. The phrase "It's complicated" gets on my nerves. I find that people say it when they don't have a good excuse for what they're doing. It's a bit like saying "Stop asking me questions".
"Dude what are you doin with that womans head?".."Uhm.. it's complicated!".."Okay, nevermind."
I've never heared of this dark triad before... So interesting!
my mother and siblings and extended family are riddled with these traits. I live near most of them, and work with five of them. I'm starting to think that I don't know many 'normal' people ?? Or is this the norm now? Definitely the norm in my life. I hate it, and I hate that the younger family members think that these behaviors are normal, and OK.
I love binge watching these videos!!
There is a certain degree of heredibiity in psychopathy and narcissism. Not to mention the toxic atmosphere.
Normal is not a word recognized nor used in psychology at all. I am not nit picking, just letting you know there is no set normal. If you were to be in a session with a clinician, and said the same thing, they would ask you to please describe normal, or to use a different word(s).
I have a tendency to look into space during a conversation, but I have ADD and my attention wanders. As a child, my teacher would go into soft focus while I fantasised about riding horses during a math lesson :)
@Jewels Star this describes someone I know to a T. I’ve been doubting myself but now I know to trust my instincts. Thanks for the info
That sounds like me 50 years ago. We didn't have all those diagnosis back then. I believe the term that applied was "daydreamer "
adhd also tends to tell tangentially related anecdotes as a way of bonding/showing we relate to what the other person said/that we were listening :D
i fidget and look around but if i try to stare at someone i'm thinking about their face, their eyebrows, the color of their eyes, their hair line, noses and lips are distracting af, no idea what they said. as soon as i'm doing something or looking at something vague like "out the window" i can actually pay attention. it's good and bad at work, because i can talk nonstop while actually working. meanwhile, everyone else is like "stfu i can't focus on these tickets ahhhhh"
i commented it on another comment but- we're a good example as to why he's got a disclaimer not to use these descriptions to diagnose anyone
@@Ocelot80524 the struggle, I feel you, as a fellow person with ADHD. That's why I always look away when I'm talking to someone, because I have an easier time replying to them. If I look at them, I get super distracted.
but some people really do get promotions by being a sycophant. It's almost like being called out as being bitter but in reality, this does happen more than it should. I think a lot of supervisors really do appreciate having "smoke blown up their rears".
Agree. Working in a call centre environment - the people who get promoted are the ass-kissers, snitches and family members of managers. The best workers stay at the bottom rung.
I agree. And I like this guy's videos but I think some of his examples in this video are wrong. In general, just because someone isn't interested or showing empathy doesn't mean it is indicative of having the dark triad traits! Maybe they just are not close to you and don't care. OR...maybe the person GETTING this treatment is just an attention seeker, or talks too much, or boring!
I think this video is WAY to general and therefore, misleading.
I think he means that a person with dark triad personality traits would make those accusations whether they were justified or not.
@@alexisburrows3171 Obvious troll is... well, you. Not to mention that you are acting like an ass-kissing sycophant (does Dr. Grande really need people like you) and launching an unprovoked ad hominem attack on MBVunderground. Not a shred of evidence have you presented to refute this criticism. Nothing but character assassination on display here, and it's vicious. A decent person engages in healthy debate over the issues at hand. S/he does not attempt to destroy someone's reputation while hiding behind a computer screen. I do wonder what triggered this overreaction?
Christina H. I think that’s pretty well known. A large percentage of the prison population is psychopathic, but only a small percentage of psychopaths are in prison. Many CEOs are psychopaths. Many leaders are. Hitler and Trump for example.
In my experience they often use deep eye contact as part of their manipulation. It's a type of hypnosis and they know people mistake eye contact for honesty. So it depends on their interest level.
And its a way of establishing dominance. If u look someone in the eyes and they look away, u won. You are now the alpha and they're the beta.
In my opinion there's nothing better than to meet eye contact directly with ppl that try to use their eye contact as a means of control. Makes most crumble and give up pretty fast.
@@juliuscee4633 But, if they don't you'll just both be looking at each other forever and eventually both of you will die of thirst.
THE ENCHANTMENT POWER LOOK THAT CAUSES YOU TO FLY OVER THE BRIDGE LIKE THE MEN WHO SAY NEE😆
I have found the exact opposite in the narcissist in my life. They avoid eye contact, usually it’s because they are lying.
“That’s really moving way beyond what is supported logically” lol
Interesting.
I do find myself doing some of these things as a way of setting boundaries when dealing with very draining and self centered individuals to preserve my own energy. Some people in my family have a tendency to get into easily preventable problems and it's very hard to empathise when it happens every few weeks. It's not like I don't care, but they need to take responsibility and not just talk about it. I can help, but I won't hear the same complaints repeated endlessly if all they just want to hear their own voice and get mad if anyone slightly disagrees or tries to look at the case from a different perspective.
I guess the key difference is that this is coping mechanisms that I've developed, and not really my natural pattern. I want to empathize and help, but I'm afraid of getting sucked into difficult situations.
You could say that it is a way of mirroring someone to show them how they act. Sometimes people are just clumsy and it is revealed that they are nice after all, but other times it reveals that you might want to avoid the individual.
The mirroring someone to show them how they act , wow that’s spot on to how I feel. This is helpful and validating to my experience.
I’m with you on that
Todd I have to say thank you to you. So much.
Your videos have helped me heal quite a bit.
A couple months before my diagnosis with Multiple Sclerosis, my aunt passed away, and my mother legally adopted her daughter, over the years I started noticing very horrible behavior from her. Particularly directed at me, "because I get pity attention" (her words) and she has managed to make my mother scared of acting caring towards me in her presence. She dictated the whole atmosphere of the house eventually. My abusive ex once even said "X is a sociopath, and I know this because I am one" (he isn't diagnosed, but certainly not your regular plane joe) about her.
Things have been quite difficult, harmful and painful many times, but your videos give me a sense of validation and that is so healing. Thank you.
(Hope this makes sense, English isn't my first language)
You're welcome!
Cottonmouthxx validate yourself and step away.
Cottonmouthxx I have MS too. Hope you are doing ok 💞
I'm watching this video more out of curiosity and thankfully can't identify with most of what you're saying, but thanks for making these videos/making this information free and accessible, Doctor. Watching your content and educating myself has helped me significantly with some of my own troubles regarding mental health and your efforts to inform the public as well as help people is noble, very thankful for your work and I hope you continue to do this!
This was a really interesting video...I’m hooked on your channel now. Been watching since we began self-isolation due to COVID-19. Keep up the great content! 👍🏻
Love your subtle wit! Makes learning much more fun. Thank you!
You are quite welcome! :)
I found this to be a very interesting topic. I know you make it quite clear that these subtle signs do not equal a diagnosis, but I was a bit concerned that people may misinterpret the significance of one specific sign rather than looking at the subtle tells in aggregate. The one that concerned me the most was the description of communication style because there is a similar presentation in autism spectrum disorder - looking away, distraction, changing the topic to whatever the autistic person's current interest is, inappropriate responses or apparent lack of a response, etc. These are common in high-functioning autism in particular and they do make people uncomfortable. But it would be helpful to do a comparison video so people know whether they are dealing with a high-functioning autism person or someone with the dark triad traits.
I appreciate you writing this. Additionally, someone on the spectrum may not recognize narcissism, and many abuse survivors see narcissistic abusers everywhere once they get out of the relationship, until they are more healed. But still great video and great comment.
I'd be curious to find out if I fit the bill for autism spectrum disorder. If I do, it's buried underneath 29 years of pretending I'm normal.
If I don't, I've been pretending to be normal, and am left with something that I could never be safe to share. Not that I would want to, unless it was advantageous, and it almost never would be better if people know I am dark.
Maybe this is all just in my head.
After watching current events,which are very troubling,I hit your channel to calm myself down.Your content and delivery are very relaxing.
I love this kind of video where you explain how psychology research really works. People desperately need to know how science is done and why valid results are questioned, revised, and even thrown out after more research is done.
I realized 2 of my good friends of 20 years growing up are like this.
Once I pulled ahead of them in life I got shat on. Once the confidence of success set in and I was unable to be suggested to or otherwise controlled. I was dropped (about a year between the two, one was psychopathic, the other narcissistic/makeavelian). Like 20 years meant nothing.
Fuckem. My life's only gotten better without them..
Makeavelian? 😂 you mean machiavellian
@@humblewonder3260 thanks
I feel you man, had the same shit my whole childhood. Was only ever welcome to buff their egos and take blame for everything that ever went wrong for them. Tried to destroy every relationship I had, tried to cockblock every opportunity and it would always result in violence if I was to tell it how it was. Sticking firm to who you are will make them outburst in rage. 1 of them punched me one night when he was drunk and when I refused to hit him back, he screamed "fight me" and started to punch himself in the face while trying to call me a pussy. Safe to say I have nothing to do with them anymore.
I am so glad you pointed out the connection between people who feel they can always sense someone’s narcissism (and point out negative traits in others) and narcissism itself. I find it revolting, the degree of this that I see in the comments. Particularly when it is done in superior-acting way. Of course I should have realized that that’s because it reflects narcissism.
Hahahhah omg UA-cam closed captions say “my name is Doctor Gandhi” 🤣
Excellent video. It's kind of unsettling though the kind of mental games of deflection that some people will play to protect their precious egos when they have dark triad traits but especially personality disorders like NPD.
This channel is fascinating. I really appreciate your willingness to educate people, Dr. Grande.
I think that what sum up with healthy people is their awareness and accountability to sometimes loose track over a conversation, if there is something that comes up in a conversation, where I can not not pay attention and take my time to listen. Narcissistis and psychopathic is not interested what others feel or need, when they should apologize or be conscious and aware of themselves and others. So pay attention to how people are ”there” for others, when attention change. Great work Dr Todd Grande! ✨👍
Thank you so much!
Lina Vera Sjöberg this has also been my experience. These people truly do not care about anything you might say, unless you lose your cool with them, then they try to tear you to pieces. Usually verbally, but things can get physical very fast. It takes courage to be up for a conversation with them.
Lina: Not contradicting you, I add: Lack of interest, apology, availability, short attention span can be indications of severe stress exhaustion, CPTSD, Co-dependency/imbalanced-Empath overload, chaos in healing-transformation attempts, overload, Microwave radiation overload/ damage/malfunction. Please be careful before fixing labels on ppl, it is done so much today bý non-professionals outside an assessment setting, with disastrous consequences for innocent people.
It is easy to believe oneself more able to know and to judge others than one really is.
@@nancyayers6355 . it is said, one should stay away from f ex malevolent narcissists. but when they destroy ones life and safety at home/neighbours, one has to learn, analyse one's own state and behaviour, get stronger and find a way to stop it, Because otherwise, it might go on or evne escalate, and when one gets weaker it is demoralizing . and they don't pick anyone, but the weak, traumatized, troubled ones, who are fopr soem reason less able to defend themselves. I ahve observed and analysed, and even hera d psychopath ióne say:"I am not really as strong as i seem". It is a role, a surface. They feed on otherws pain and suffering. He doesn't hurt the balanced, strong ones, or the ones with more self-confidence/better life. Neither does the narcissit. And as I got enoughof the abuse, heard her lie invented bad things of mne right beside me, I got so angry that I finally shouted: If you don't stop lying about me now, I am going to hit you. Then she was like a turned hand, respectful, saying she loved me. But after half a year, she started again,.I am suicidal, don't dare to go outside in the sunshine incase she invents that I am scaring someone or something, even being addressed by her and by ppl she got against me, fearful, anxious, tense and lost the will to live and to work for abetter life. Because she has ideals, insight, and it scares me so , and i have no energy fpr problems everywhere IO go. I have to change, and to find a way, despite extreme exposure , trauma, insomnia, exhaustion, un¨safety.
I ahve worked on acceptance and forgiveness of her, and haver looked for my own flaws and behaviours.
Thanks Dr Grande. Your slow, deliberate, calmness in delivery is appreciated. At the same time, I feel a bit of affect would be useful.
Dr. Grande, can you give some examples from movies, books, plays, etc., that are -- though fictional characters -- display such behaviors? Thank you for your work.
Watch it’s okay to not be okay
breaking bad is a perfect example. walter white and gus are machiavellian. They both manipulate, are selfish, and care about money and do what it takes to get what they want.
Thanks for the video...great information as always. One subtle sign I feel is critical to recognize is shallow/flat affect. This is sometimes hard to recognize but should set off alarm bells that this is a potentially very dangerous person.
bitterprofessional this is a big one - i had a friend turn out to be an abuser and one of his most notable traits was speaking in a dull, flat, monotone - for the longest time it was just him being “chill” or whatever and we never thought much of it, until i tried to confront him about something serious (him grooming a friend of ours) and realized he was utterly impossible to read in any way whatsoever.
it wasnt even like he was very successfully manipulative, but like something was just absent about him.
and it felt distinctly different than how autistic people come across (of which i am one, as well as a couple friends in our group). it seemed like he was just kinda simple and minding his business but in hindsight it was extremely telling.
Don't forget that a major sign of severe depression is flat affect.
My former intimate relationship actually said that his lottery fantasy was to buy a large plot of land, build homes for other people to live in (a commune), and where he could tell everyone what their jobs were, etc. I said to him, only half mockingly, "So...you're lottery fantasy is to literally become a communist dictator??" He also had a lot of the other traits spoken of in the video.
He sounds more like a theocrat to me. (I grew up in a nominally communist country and nobody told anybody what to do, which trade or profession to train for, etc.)
That sounds like a cult, not communism
Sounds more like a cult under the guise of communism. Which communism has turned out to be a cult itself, so, either or.
All of you nitpicking.
LOL to OP witty riposte 👍
Heard of Waco Texas? That happened with the religious cult there! 😰
Another fascinating video, thank you. Above all I respect how you remind us that these traits are not a way of diagnosing someone. I've seen many of these examples in life (and even have been guilty of one or two on occasion) but that doesn't mean I should stick a label on anyone or even myself. Thank you for that.
I'm glad Dr. Grande puts that caveat at the beginning and end of the video about these being only subtle signs and not necessarily a way to fully diagnose someone with a dark personality disorder.
I was freaking out a bit at the beginning because I tend to be very indifferent about things. I also usually have a hard time paying attention and try to keep a smile on my face when speaking to someone. The alternative is worse: when I'm not forcing a smile, my face looks like I'm angry or distressed.
Thank you for taking the time to make such an interesting, informative and engaging video explaining the subtler signs displayed by those personality-types who compose the Dark Triad!
Love your vocab lesson! Your humor is always dry, yet this time it's the ultimate!!!
so fascinating. i have a few case studies of this in my life, and I'm learning so much about the subtle cues I've noticed all along.
You have been an amazing leader and reference source for me for the last 3 yrs . I have took the information you provide to keep myself safe as I can and to educate myself to help others . At the moment I have a triad in a leadership position at a new job . I am so grateful for your guidance in my life I just wanted you to know I appreciate you .
This is a great video. Most examples can be applied to a woman that I know and dislike. I already knew she is a narcissist but your explanations helped to explain more about her traits. Its frustrating when we have to have contact with people like that but it does help to understand how they work. Mostly I just try to avoid toxic people.
Wow this made me feel pretty Machiavellian. Probably not true, as you said, I’m pretty empathic. But it grounded my suspicion that a friend of mine is a narcissist. Every time you mentioned something a narcissist would do, I remembered him operating that way multiple times.... always thought he was pathologically antisocial
I listened to this information twice, I found it interesting. I was in mental health as a nurse keeping clients safe and giving them their medications. Thank you for all you teach and explain.
Really enjoyed your take on this topic. I even learned some new words. Keep up the great work. ☺
it's funny, you seem to be mentioning the "inappropriateness" of dark triad behaviour, all around (off-puttings remarks, reactions, etc . . . ) one thing i noticed a long time ago is that these types tend to give bad advice & dress it up as good--or when a criticism is warranted they withhold the criticism. for instance, there is a woman @ work many of us secretly think is a narc & it's funny how she'll swoon over the new people & donn this 'mother goose' exterior. yet every person she's ever bothered i notice ends up getting fired or gives subpar performance. i've listened to the advice she gives people & it's vanillan or even fatalistic, i feel sorry for anybody who has to sit by her. conversely, there have been many times i've asked an abuser (if i was in that kind of relationship) for healthy criticism. despite their critical nature, their response suddenly becomes 'i don't know' or 'you'll have to figure it out for yourself.' i realized a long time ago these dark triad people basically care nothing about my well being; what will be bad for me, they'll dress up as good--what's good, they'll go out of their way to portray as evil . . .
True! They've got loads of advice until you really need some, and then it's their chance to look down on you like you are pathetic! Good point.
I agree! My partner does this strange thing were if I have put on weight he will say "wow, you're as light as a feather!" As I'm standing on the scales. It's almost as if he'd rather I continue bad habits than try to improve my health. Very confusing at times.
Hmm interesting , I have different experience. Got friend who I suspect is pure psychopath, Known him for years. He actually gives great advice on very serious and complicated situations because he’s not in touch with his feelings or empathy .He sees things very clearly and is actually helpful. He had been spot-on With most of the things
I had trouble to figure out also she sees people for who they are right away anyway amazing ability.
Very telling! Wow!
@@ivy3839 Hey are you still friends with this person?
When you wonder if you have narcissistic traits, do you really have it? Would a person have that much insight? Can a person be narcissistic towards only one person and be nice to everyone else?
I'm not sure, but I was able to parse out my anxiety with the help of my best friend at the time (college). It was only a tiny sliver of the awareness I have now at nearly 40, where I can see it coming most of the time and head it off at the pass.
My mother is the narcissist you describe. I was the scapegoat/lazy/brat/idiot. She knew she could take no credit for my getting into the school I did or my grades/achievements, so she made my life hell. She used the excuse that her mother died early in life (true), and I should be grateful to even have her. Until I watched Dr. Grande's video on 'The Narcissistic Mother,' I couldn't put a name to her behavior.
I've been watching Dr Grande's videos for a few days and have wondered the same thing in a 'oh my god, that sounds like me! I must be a 'insert label' but he did say that being self aware like that means you probably are not that type.
I've dealt with different individuals who've been textbook narcs for most of my life. I know I'm different from them, but I'm also a very deeply flawed person in my own ways, so for me reminding myself of my very real mistakes is something I simply have to do. I believe for most of us, self-awareness is a necessary first step, but looking at my shortcomings, especially as a young man, it can only account for so much if you aren't also actively working on yourself.
I think they would suspect it but never admit it.
@@Dioleate real shit
I really like the way you explain things. I always come away from your videos feeling as if i have gained insight on many mental health topics.
Brilliant!!! Wow! Again I’ve been studying or trying to .....and nothing in our field! You are a god send.
Well, I learned a new word today: antepenultimate.
Does this mean I'm not a raging psychopath?
anarki777 it means you are!
Yes, but did you take note of his preantepenultimate remarks?
I had no idea that was even a word. And I'd have guessed it was the second item in a list; never would have guessed 3rd from last.
@@InceRumul in the hole
No, it just means you were able to learn a new word, despite your potential psychopathy.
Work place promotions can be a very disturbing experience when narcissism is valued highly for promotions. A new supervisor candidate will overtly cast aspersions over an entire crew just to look good before the deeply evil boss they wish to present sacrificial lambs to. This is the crazy making that big business thrive on?
In my work place credentials, experience and observation skills made you a target for crazy making. They were also the ones disbursing credentials, examining examiners like myself who credit qualified candidates with certification. Our super boss was the epitome of what every nightmare fever dream of an evil boss is. So I deny my own certification and refuse to be part of an organization that can't explain how this happened.
As a language arts teacher, I appreciated the vocab review at the end of this video, Dr Grande.
Thank you for giving us this information! I freely admit I didn't know what penultimate actually means! I learned something. Also thanks for pointing out that someone might say these things, but not have the dark triad. I was beginning to worry!
I enjoyed this video... this stuff is so complicated to figure out. Glad you mentioned that just noticing a few of these behaviors, does not mean a person is disordered.
Thank you for another great educational video!
Often it is quite challenging for me to interact with people, especially when they're talking non-stop about themselves or interrupting me. I feel bored, irritated and somewhat humiliated, being forced to engage in a conversation like this. How self-absorbed can you be! But I've learned to hide it because, well, one needs people around. Nevertheless, maintaining relationships emotinally drains me but I have to do it for some time, otherwise other people'd think I'm an unlikeable freak.
Sooner or later, no matter how close we become, it always ends the same: I get extremely annoyed and tired of pretending that I do care and so I usually start ignoring them without ever addressing the issue for it is extremely humiliating as well to show that something about their behaviour might have bothered me in the first place, thus, giving them power over my emotions? And actually I'm quite scared of the aggression I may provoke by telling them what I really think, by showing my disgust and anger because I think they feel the same way about me and may confront me with something I wouldn't able to cope with.
The same goes for rejection: I would get infuriated but at the same time unbearably embarrassed because now I look and feel pathetic for letting them do it to me. So I wouldn't seek revenge but rather pretend I never ever cared and tell everybody that I was the one using them, not the other way around.
Are those some covert narcissistic tendencies?
College Karma seems like it
yep, none of that is normal
Thanks again dr. Todd! I am writing a book on personality disorders and Wetiko. Great stuff!!!
I found your channel today Dr. And I am grateful for your work. God bless ya! And hope, your content goes wild sooner. Deserves much more views as it is such a great educational content.
Thank you. These videos are very well done and helpful. I understand PDs so much better now.
This is so informative and helpful! Thank you for making this video!
*penultimate* is one of my favorite words...i get so much joy from sharing that word with others...thank you for using it, as well as explaining what it means...terry pratchett had a whole in-story story about "the penultimate..." something or other...and i, therefore, always read/write it with a british accent. (strangely, it sounds nearly the same with or without a british accent, but i apply it nonetheless...) that was a short tangential digression...(i think i have self-diagnosed myself as a literary narcissist.)
it wasn't terry pratchett, afterall...it was douglas adams.
I really enjoy the way you talk and explain things - you are such a gift!
I enjoy your videos so much and this one was especially fun for a 'dark triad' theme. Thank you for providing this education! :)
This is perhaps the best video on the subject on UA-cam.
Wow, after watching I can say this is way more complicated to detect that I thought. Thanks for the video.
I enjoy learning new words, not to neccesarily use them but rather just to know them. Penultimate added! Thank you
I love auntie penultimate; she's just the best.
hahaha
Can you talk more about things like substance use disorders and eating disorders?
But they're so boring.
Thats a good question.
@@alexisburrows3171 Both are symptoms. Ultimately, and objectively, boring.
Yeah this really interest me as well.
Thank you Dr. Grande! I can hostler say I have gained a lot of insight on these mental health disorders!
My grandfather ticks all the psychopathy boxes. He has been dead for over ten years and my Mother is still pretty angry about his behaviours. Your channel is very good and I really enjoy listening. I feel you describe things completely factually and without judgement which is nice
Dr Grande I’m about to go through career change from being an actuary to training as a clinical psychologist. I’ve found your channel and videos great. Really enjoying thanks for the great work.
Thank you so much :)
From my life long experiences with dark triads you better RUN but with a safety plan in place before you leave because they are truly dangerous and deadly. They turn into a Jim Jones in a fast hurry so RUN with a safety plan in place.
Mistica Davis You cannot always do that! two of the Dark Triads I had in my life were my former bosses.
Girl i scored very highly on the dark triad test and i dont look half as crazy as you. Men rights? Really? 💀
I was talking about the Dark Triads I have KNOWN that put my child and in danger. I know not everyone is the same. I said in my OWN experiences I didn’t mean everyone.
@@misticadavis Maybe you should take better care of your child before getting into relationships so quickly?
My mother is literally like this. Perfectly explained
Ditto
Agreed many examples given appear to align with ASD’s. A couple of traits that I’ve noticed that co-exist w/arrogance (in the workplace mostly), are sadistic traits (people who enjoy putting others down & causing them harm, or distress and or loss of reputation to others (bullying) and do so on a repeat basis with many people.
Second, communication evasion and or gaslighting or (intentionally facilitating end/arounds through other people instead of being direct or confirming written instructions directly. Better if most jobs stay remote.
This is fascinating. Thanks for your work
You are quite welcome!
wonderful video with very interesting content. I enjoyed how you delineated the 3 traits...and I learned a new word!
Thank you for this one. Very helpful in moving on from someone who fits this too a tee ..
All your videos are very helpful ! Thank you ! 🙏🏼
You keep coming with the banger videos, I love your channel keep it up!
Thank you so much!
Another one is a person who learns something new, - then uses it along with,
“Oh my god you didn’t know about this? You must live on another planet, everyone knows about it.”
Lol, I can sort of catch it but not always.
One that I can never catch and I need to pay more attention is to people who use pity to take advantage of others. I fall for it almost every time and get taken advantage of.I could be because I have an unhealthy desire to feel needed.
Thanks again Dr Grande 👍 So intetesting!
Thank you..I appreciate ALL your Videos so helpful!!!! Please keep creating!!!
You had me at antepentultimate, a word I have never experienced. As a grammar wench, I have swooned into your virtual arms. 😂
Dr. Grande, I really like your tie, it's beautiful and tastefully matched with your shirt. I have always loved beautiful ties, and I have a small collection of favorites.
James Purcer I commented on his tie and he gave me a heart a few days ago. Made me feel good.🥊🥊🥊🥊🥊
I have worn ties for many years, but not recently. He is close, but the two shades of blue do not match his shirt. I have always found while shopping for ties. ( I always wear a white shirt under my jacket) I bring my suit jacket in the store obviously. If instantly it matches buy it. If I have to stand there, move it back and forth on the jacket, look from different angles etc., then no way so not buy it. Now I am talking about going through at least 10 ties or so.
What disorder does this person have?
You are the first person who has made the difference these traits clear. So many videos try to explain the dark triad, but are too general in their descriptions, and/or don’t use good examples and/or I’m just slow. 🤷♀️
P.S. Your discussion brought to mind a “suitor” I had who once told me, “You’re super. You’re beyond super...you’re superfluous!” He, then insisted that he knew what superfluous meant, even after I told him. If he did know what it means, that was definitely not a compliment! I’m pretty sure he didn’t, though...Not saying he has the dark triad. I saw him in that one statement, though, whether or not it’s anything of significance. It was good for a laugh, tho!
Very good discussion with great examples, Dr Grande. Thank you.