I am going through a divorce, after 32 years of marriage. 1 and 1/2 years ago, I got into my bed, crawled up in the fetal position, and asked God to help me. When I woke up, my iPad was on, and it was Dr. RAMINI! I had never heard of narcissistic abuse. She has literally saved my life! Thank you!
I'm one year out from a 32 year marriage. I'm rebuilding and doing self care. My body is still recovering from keeping the score for so long. I am in a better place but I realize that I am forever changed. Seek support from family, friends or professionals. Educate yourself on the red flags AND the green flags. Go slow and find a path that works toward your happiness.
Comoon, dont quit so easily😢 Go back to that healthy releationship and work things out. Narcist are really good listeners, they are calm, not use abusive language, never try to break you. This is becose they have hearth of gold and they allways, ALLWAYS value you more than they value themselves. In their life they see you more like position of lord. Ok guys, hopefully i made you understand that u are in good hands
@@susanharris3552yes, it changes our personality because in this relationship we lose ourselves. That's the worst thing to happen to anyone. Life was never easy with a narcissist. Unfortunate for me, that I had to deal with the whole family full of narcissists (my wife and her family members). No contact is the best solution to stay away from the narcissist. I too didn't know the word narcissist untiYl did a reverse engineering of what actually I went through. ChatGPT threw the word narcissist and I started reading more about them. I suffered much for 15 years. Female narcissists are the worst. She stole away everything!! Recently I started watching videos of Tim Fletcher & I think you too should. It will reveal why we got into such a relationship and also our weaknesses. I hope all of you heal and recover soon. God bless you 🙏. I too am healing, but I have come half way through. I surrendered to God and I think that's the best thing to do. 😊
Married a Narcissist at 22. Love bombing to the max prior to the wedding. First physical violence-on the wedding night. Left after 18 months with the help of his mother who said she didn’t want me to end up like she had. Never looked back. Sharpened my wits and made me a better judge of character.
Wow was my first thought too! I am wondering if the mother in law knew just how evil her son was but was hoping he changed. I have come to the conclusion, some people are so evil and detestable you can't even talk about it, because you don't believe anyone would believe you. I lived it also and after 24 years being divorced, it still affects me in my thoughts and bad dreams.
Wow! My first SA was also on the wedding night! I was 17, and it was 39 years ago 😞. I hid it because I was so confused and then because we had children I didn’t want him to go to prison.
Nobody take Narcissist serious illnes, nobody and its extremely dangerous. Need cure, not like all medicine Control so all people need buy over and over, scientist are very smart to not to make Cure, so all people have to buy over and over will not good salary, when they will stopped that, people need Cure, not prevent, we need totally Cure.
You got it. Husband's mom a covert narcissist always blame shifts and hates I don't have a job of her choosing. She can't brag in her eyes about me cuz I'm a hostess . I've been in the restaurant work since I was 19
Yep. Because it’s never about the subject matter at hand. Any disagreement is a mandate for them to assert dominance at any cost. One of the saddest things about being married to one is that you couldn’t safely talk about anything from a place of reality. Which makes intimacy impossible. No shared history, it’s all a malleable fantasy to suite their immediate needs. Which is typically dominance and superiority.
My narcissistic husband yelled at me that I had to take responsibility for our marriage problems. I said, “I married the wrong man.” He said, “I told you it’s your fault!”
I react internally as if I have a severe allergy/rash when I am around a narcissist for very long. Agitated, uncomfortable, volitile, anxious, angry. It can feel like I am getting upset for NO reason, but if I then remove myself and revisit the interaction in my mind review, then suddenly the subtle signs show up. If my body didn't react, I would miss all the hidden covert ones.
@ChristianOne exactly I know exactly the feelings. I get anxious sick can't eat have to go to bathroom stomach feel like I want to run . Then anger overflows
I know exactly what you mean "Street angel, House devil" that's what that's called My dad is the same way People think he is the nicest person in the entire world, he's so cute. He's adorable. He's so funny. Then he gets home "speak F-ing English! I can't understand anything you say!"....... yeah so sweet
@@simonanardi4312 My ex actually explained it to me. He told me that any time he interacts with anyone, all he cares about is "outwitting" them. For him, outwitting usually meant either putting them down and making them feel dumb by being overly critical and pointing out any "flaws" they have (like the time he told me I'm cutting an onion wrong), or simply lying to their face and feeling smarter when the person believes their lies (he was so addicted to this that he would lie any time I asked him what time it was). They want to feel superior, they want to be the smartest person in the room at all times. What he didn't understand or just didn't care about is that being demeaning and being a great liar isn't the same as being intelligent. After he told me that, he sheepishly laughed and said "that's sick isn't it?" Literally the only time in 16 years of marriage that he did an ounce of self reflection.
You absolutely saved my life the past three years. Fortunately, for me, mine had a heart attack and croaked, as soon as I started laying down boundaries.🤷♂️. But I wouldn’t have made it through the past few years without you!
Same here. Crazy to have a long term friendship not realizing what a narcissist that person really was until recently. Whew, how freeing to just walk away. Now for me to begin the work that is ahead for me.
Yeah I had this, we shared work, good friends, until I started to realise, then when i started shutting him down, the confusion in him and shock that someone would dare stand up to them, silly man. When I turned off the energy supply, man did he turn nasty, well he tried. Top tip for narcs, don't try and victim someone who'll pull your arms off. Strange people these ones, very sad it's how they feel they have to behave.
Yes! I knew it wasn't right but didn't know the name. I started recognizing the attention seeking part a few months ago and reduced the attention she was asking for. She immediately moved onto someone else who would give that attention. Glad I realized what it was.
Sure does. Look on the positive- you finally found out the truth. They can’t keep lying to you.👍🏽. And hopefully you’ve learnt skills to recognise another one to avoid them. 👍🏽
A narc will have you crazy! I dealt with one a year and omg I’m so glad I’m out of that mess. It’s so sad they can’t see something wrong with themselves and try to fix it. If you’re dealing with this kind of person I’m telling you to get out, a waste of your time!!!
I'm on the way of cutting off with a narc aunt, and trying to convince my granny to do the same, since she's one of the main victims of these horrible people. I tried to get her out of our home for years since the first moment that woman crossed one of the many lines she crosses and my granny didn't want to because "poor her, she doesn't have a job, how could she get a roof where to sleep?" And I always told her "Granny, she's a lawyer, she has hidden money. She can survive in her own".
Exactly. The world is more than a twisted little human in a twisted little place. Catch a train. Journey into the world. Enjoy. You are not dependent on anyone only yourself. It takes one step - and no, You don't need to buy books telling you who and what you are, or take classes to free yourself. It takes a decision. One single decision, to step out. I know.
My entire family has been destroyed by this. I figured it out, and now I'm removed from it. It's a total relief. At first I struggled with guilt, but no longer do. I am freed from what is truly demonic oppression. The power is back in my hands. Praise God!
Many people are becoming Narsissist. To experience one, you must be in a relationship 1st. Then you can spot them after the marriage. It's better to remain single. Even Royal marriages too have Narsissist partners, but it's by God's mercy Prince William was exposed. Today he repented. And God will now be able to put his family back together again. For Harry, he made a choice to serve MM not God's people. So Harry is coiled up by the snake head, MM. No longer easy as Harry IS much needed to fool King Charles 3 to try to get back into the RF & this time, at fast speed destroy God's future plan for Britain. King Charles 3 has appointed Princess Royale as The Queen. Just waiting for King' s abdication to protect the British people & the continuation of the late QE2 legacy. The sooner this can be done, it will cut short Harkles plan to destroy.
I hope you found peace. I'm just now coming into rational acceptance of my new reality of 29 years of marriage, and the binders have revealed, I'm living with a narcissist.
My daughter is one she got angry when she was 17 she didn't barely go to school she tried to stab me I protected myself CPS took her out blamed me cops said I was in the right for kicking her off of me she's taller than me She's I'm not sure what kind she lies about everything and even her health or her personality if family or people in general stick to her lies and attention everything is attention she will disowned you she even got CPS take her her kid and lied saying that me and aunts are abusive so I can't adopt him As her father was the same way 💀 gaslighting they both do that And then my father is narcissistic abusive controlling...I live 5 states So I'm the smaller ,smaller never say what I need so I'm so anxious with everything
My best friend is finally divorcing her vulnerable narcissistic husband. Ive prayed for her for so long, I'm so relieved. She had actually started to believe it was her that was the narcissist because of him
I wont say my parents were narcissists but when Dr. Ramani said "The child is basically put into a position to serve the parent, rather than the parent protecting the child.... When that child goes up into adulthood... Be small and not show up in their whole self." It seemed to connect. I had to break free from a bond from the judgement of my parents, but one in particular who loves to say how other people should live, especially the children, based on fear. The influence parents have on their children can not be underestimated.
Yes I was blinded too. I thought I was crazy. I kept praying to God to help me be a better wife. Every day my husband always complained he was unhappy with me and I need to work my character flaws. I stayed stressed trying to do the right thing and not upset him. I walked on egg shells. Then one I couldn’t stop crying for a month and walked out of a 7 year marriage. I am in the middle of a divorce. I found one of the Doctors videos on signs your dealing with a narcissist. I was set free. I chose no contact. He has done everything the videos said he would do from love bombing, telling friends how bad I’ve done him, hovering, self pity, guilt and call him back it is very very important. I have not responded because it is all lies. He has even apologized to me numerous of times that he now see what he was doing to me in our marriage. Lies upon lies. In seven years of marriage now he see the error of his ways. I am not buying it.
@radawson1018 yes I am now trusting my gut. I ignored my gut for years I thought something was wrong with me. I needed to work more on my flaws my husband stayed unhappy with me but would say I was a good wife my head was spinning. My eyes are opened now.
After about 35 years of some kind of counselling or therapy I have given up. I even tried restarting it last year but it was even worse. You're right, not many mental health professionals are well versed in narcissistic abuse. It is much cleaner and efficient for them to misdiagnosis you for something else for the sake of medical coding and billing, or just plain assume you are lying to them about everything. I am disabled so I can't work enough to pay for a therapist familiar with narc abuse I my area and my main narcissist has devastated me financially of what I had left, and I don't believe he is even done with that! The only useful information and advice I can afford is from UA-cam videos like this one from Dr. Ramani and others. Did I also mention my narcissist is a stalker? The police around here won't take me seriously enough. They have bigger fish to fry like school shootings, homicides, swatting, kidnappings and car chases anyway. I'm convinced they would sooner have me leave town than to have to do any paperwork or real investigating on my behalf.
I purposly wrote down, a while ago a couple of things he said to me, and when months later I read it, i could not believe im still here trying to work on this
I was married to a charming, powerful malignant narcissist for 26 years… 32 years if you count the 6 years he drug out the divorce to ensure I got nothing. Brutal! That was 17 years ago. Had to see him for the first time last weekend at our daughters wedding. It was like I was walking through a minefield for 3 days. I shut down all emotions to survive. It’s hard to find balance for those dreaded interactions. 😓
@@shplms Thank you so much 🙏. I’m still processing all that went on there. Happy for it to be behind me but wishing things had been different. Hoping to get past that soon. Gotta keep moving forward.
Easy peesy. Your daughter is an adult. Choose to never again go anywhere near that man. If you find yourself in proximity to that man, leave. Once you decide on how you are going to deal with that situation, you know what to do anytime it comes up.
My son isn't even engaged and I worry about how I'm going to handle it when he gets married! That had to be really tough, but you did it for your daughter and I'm sure she felt loved. ❤
Put in cameras inside and out. I stopped the bedrooms. He resented it. We have two places so it was necessary. Paid off many times. But he started stalking me on it. Every move I made became something sinister. I lived in a fish bowl. I threatened to unplug if he brought anything up again. So far so good. But I’m sure he’s still doing it. Can’t help it. This has now ruined
Whoa. My body definitely felt it within a couple weeks! Try to rationalize, gaslight myself about jumping to conclusions. Ended it after 12 weeks, dodged the bullet.
Sister in law is a communal Narcissist. Stood in judgement over me. Toe tapping arms crossed, nose in the air. I didn't know what Narcissism was at the time but I wrote her an emotional letter as to how hard I was trying to be on good terms with her and how frustrating it was to have her behave so negatively toward me. She viewed it as a poison pen letter and hung onto her silent treatment grudge against me for 45 years. Looking back, wow....best thing I ever did was to initiate her removal from my life. I chalk it up to gut instinct.
Dr Ramani literally saved me, she is very correct. I tried so hard and I escaped my very violent malignant narcissist ex boyfriend. Complete stranger were nicer to me than my ex boyfriend. I could not even get dropped off at the hospital. Grey rock.
Yea, having medical needs dismissed is the worst. My ex had me scrubbing the house within an inch of its life while i was in labor. Thanks for posting!
another thing to watch for is unnecessary or unwanted cooperation or a relationship they try to create...i.e. helping you with something when you don't need it over and over again, emphasizing doing something together that you would have been fine just doing yourself, and so on... anything to create "emotional currency" between you, which they subsequently use to hold over your head if you don't want to do something. "all this time I helped you and this is how you repay me" ...resist these annoying people and don't let them squat in your emotional real estate.
When you're the child of a narcissist (or narcissists), the damage is done very early on, before you have any idea what is happening, and can't get away.
wow that's ringing bells for me. I was in a relationship (SHORT one thank god) with a man I am fairly sure is a vulnerable narc. He wouldn't LET UP when he thought he knew better than me about things even to do with my own body. I would politely say no thanks but I appreciate it, and he would still press, then do the "you never even listen to me. Don't you know that I know x y z....".
I tried to spend my 59th bday by myself 2 months ago and go to a different town and do some museums and get a smash burger but was on the phone a couple of times before I could get out. Then he shows up from work and says his boss told him to go be with your wife on her birthday! I bet he’s the one that said he had to cut out so I wouldn’t be alone! Well we did the smash burger 🍔 and walked around but he wasn’t up for museums! I like doing things on my own. We could’ve done something special on the weekend 😢
@@comradian A perfect description of my mother. I thought it was because she's an enneagram 2 (helper), but this makes much more sense. Thank you for sharing.
I became addicted to the emotional roller-coaster of being yelled at for no cold drinks in the fridge, waking him up late for work would have him having a tantrum(an example), and the apology meal, 2 yrs separated after 30yrs together....i still get like flash backs.
It seems like you are always feeling hurt..Never Good Enough, Never. Don't defend, don't engage, don't Explain and don't personalize. They won't listen. I'm tired of saying " you don't listen"
After decades, some 40+ years together- there has finally been a window to share Dr Ramini’s wisdom with a beloved family member. Holding hope that maybe there will be enough for him to trust that life outside is better, despite the cost to exit. ❤
Kind of.. but my covert ex was a careful planner and plotter, much more so than many of the overts. He might have been closer to a psycopath, but his talent at sneakiness was unmatched by any other narcissists I have met. I have found coverts to be the most dangerous type by FAR because they operate in ways that always leave room for plausible deniability. He was plotting my murder in a way he would never be caught. And he had AWESOME social skills. He just started on the low rung of society so he had trouble catching lots of "big fish" to get enough supply to confidently become overt in his methods.
A fantastic summary. Dr Ramani is so informed and articulate. And, so good to see that Dhru Purohit gave her the floor, and allowed her to tell this important info without too many interruptions and with just the right amount of investigative questioning. Respect!
They blame you and end up saying “”you’re toxic and miserable”” I had a lady say this too me! She was projecting all sorts of crap on me. None of it’s true of coarse! I was wondering what was going on, so I looked up the covert narcissistic in woman and found “”this is their goal to do this.
@@larrykelly-kf5ppme??? I absolutely am not, what she was doing is called “projection” I’m completely fine. They’re the ones that are toxic and miserable! You’ve never dealt with a narcissists have you? They’ll blame you for everything and try to bring you down.
Informative video. In the end, I lost the battle to a classic narcissist. I admit utter and complete defeat. To be clear, this person shattered the lives of everyone he came in close contact with.
I love Dr Ramani Durvasula! You know everything there is to know about Narcissistic personalities! Keep on speaking the truth about toxic narcissism. Thank you.
Dr. Ramani is amazing! I have been listing to her for years and have her books! She blew me away right now!!! I love how realistic she is emphasizing real on the ground human aspects of this relationship dynamic! The conversation about showing up as your whole self GOT me! Buy her books !!!!!!!!
My mother hit the check boxes for vulnerable narcissist; my ex- husband hit the check boxes for a malignant narcissist. Last boyfriend hit the vulnerable checkboxes. I decided I am a magnet for narcissism, and have embraced my independence and single hood. I'm more than willing to donate my "share" to everyone else.
Also when it comes. To trying to make friends with other women. I wanted so much to believe in the sisterhood that I did not recognize the toxic narc. She presented such a nice public persona that it was hard to see through to the devil inside that she was hiding.
I've met more than my share of women like that. It's to the point where I dislike my gender for how bad some are while griping about how lousy men are. It makes me sad to see traits that involve conniving, manipulative lying, competitiveness and endless sniping among overempowered women who've gone from assertive to aggressive to domineering in just the last few generations. This is not at all what first wave feminists had in mind for women to become---each other's enemies. I've deliberately avoided forming friendships with other women because of so much cattiness that continues well past 40. I have an over friendly neighbor who struck me as too outgoing, too eager to be a helpful pal, plus I was also forewarned by her former tenant. I was correct in keeping my distance because of a few things I've since learned about her conduct. It's disheartening because women's friendships are not supposed to be like this. We should be able trust and support each other.
when you care about everyone as a default because that's just the most logical thing to do then it's really difficult to comprehend how someone so close to you could simply not care about you but when you finally do understand it then you feel such clarity. there's nothing you could've done better they just weren't thinking about you or your feels at all.
This is freeing; thank you! I found myself in that trap of trying to help the narcissists in my life over and over again because I love them so much. But, I am hurt and damaged as a result. Now that I'm a senior, I just stay in my cave because I can't deal with anymore pain and I don't want to risk hurting anyone because "I" am now so hurt. Hope this makes sense.
Having been thrown into a world of narcissists as a child, it had become natural for me to perpetuate the cycle because, as pointed out here, I didn’t even know that I was doing so. This categorization is super helpful, not to label people as narcissistic but to be able to point out exactly what feels wrong to oneself.
The self righteous narc voice Dr Ramani puts on is so real…I can just imagine someone speaking down to another this way and it makes my blood boil…the voice screams total lack of sensitivity…it’s too much….I can’t handle these types…
I’ve noticed the vulnerable is super super hard to detect but once you mentioned circumstances flipping it to grandiose in either direction shewww lightbulb!!!
17:05 The situation is actually more complex than that. They sometimes show a lot of love and empathy, like really feeling bad when someone else has hurt your feelings. Like beyond a doubt genuine empathy, no acting. Then, suddenly, on a different day, in a completely neutral non-confrontational setup, suddenly there's a switch like a Dr. Jekyll-Mr. Hyde switch and they become a cole mean monster shredding you to bits with their words, laughing and mocking coldly. That's like two different people, and is very confusing for the victim. Especially the genuine earnest apologies.
I can wholeheartedly relate to this. The monster within isn’t shown for a while, and the positive memories with them seem so real, I still can’t decide if they were acting or not from the start because it really didn’t seem like it. There was a switch with my person too, and it hurt like hell to watch bright blue eyes turn to black.
Your comment about being their punching bag is the thing that saved me. I've been a family and trauma therapist for 39 years, but I never have been personally affected by my patient's experiences with narcissists. It's different when it's personal. The shaming, blaming and belittling eventually woke me up....
When dealing with narcissism, you should know that it’s not personal. “It isn’t personal” is one of those cliches used to cushion all kinds of bad actions taken by people who need an out for being immoral, but in this case it actually gets near the truth. Narcissists don’t know how to love or be a friend; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing. They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissist value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing. They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection. Moreover, People wonder why they end up hurt, seriously hurt, and even killed for their own actions. Cheating is a choice and there’s simply a lot of ignorance in the process.... Thank you so much for helping me out Barryinvestigation@gmail. com. Your advice and services helped me so much. You are a lifesaver !!! The information you gave me about my cheating partner when you gave me access to his phone was everything I needed to get,.. thank you very much..
"Narcissist value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing. They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. " Makes sense now why my father would always call me his "mini-me," and I would always get he abuse. But the abuse was enacted on because of mom, not because of him, so.....
My husband of 23 yrs is so crazy especially when drinking. Everything is my fault literally. I have learned to put my head phones on at night and ignore his ass. I have taught my girls to fight back because he doesn't fight them verbally like he does me. I want my girls to be strong and have a voice. It is just a shitty situation all around.
"I have to be stronger" is EXACTLY what I have been telling myself - & eventually what my husband has been telling (& yelling at) me - that I need a psychologist so that I can better support him. NO!
Thank you Dr. Ramani. Thank you for validating my sanity and my emotional responses to a person who essentially destroyed any hope of meaningful connections. There were times I couldn't understand why my mother acted they way she did. The conclusion I came at at the time was that either she was dangerously clueless or evil. When you describe narcissists, you are describing my mother. And it took 74 years to find you and realize I was not stupid or worthless. I hope other people find you before they go through 4 marriages and divorces and screw up the lives of their kids because the only thing I learned about parenting was what not to do. I now have a PhD and my kids are grown, have college degrees and are seemingly successful. I still feel that I am not enough, not a person someone would want to hire, not someone who anyone would want to have a relationship with. You are doing a great service. Just wish I had found you sooner.
Thank you for this! I married a Malignant/Vulnerable Narcissist for 13 yrs. It was awful, because in addition to his horrible anger, he'd fly into rages - he'd take to his bed for days - literally, lay in bed. Nothing I did mattered. He wanted to control my hair color-body tattoos (psssst: no one could see any of them - anyway). I couldn't pick out furniture. Divorce was threatened every other week & I never had security, although $ was not his problem. I was so stupid I gave up my own home, my career & married him. I had terrible health & was at a specialist's office every week. I was on Valium. I finally got out: my good friend is an Evidential Medium. She told me I'd be dead within 6 months if I stayed. Previously, she gave me profound info about myself that no one would know. I totally trusted her. My horrible headaches went away the MINUTE my Atty. filed the D. papers. The MINUTE.
that’s cool that she shared on your channel and posted info about her book so more viewers could learn about the excellent advice that Dr. Ramani has for people suffering from narcissistic relationships
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail.com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
I would love to chat with you! I just went through a similar situation and could never figure out how they made me feel bad for not proving I love them enough, when it was in fact them who kept proving over and over betrayal and betrayal they did not love me. Thank you so much. I feel not alone in this abuse
Thank you for this talk, 'cause it really helps me underline I was not and never have been a narcissist. Not even the communal flavor, which I could see someone accusing me of; I just genuinely haven't got any competitive desires. A rising tide lifts all ships, after all.
I have been the victim over and over again of narcissistic men. The takeaway is I need help to recognize this immediately but they are good actors so how to I stay away. This far isolation has been my answer. As far as the narcissist, some have no excuse and some were abused themselves so I feel sorry for them and they need help but I cannot allow myself to be abused by them either.
It's a never ending learning curve ... trying to learn about toxic people and how to protect yourself and others from them. Its exhausting but sooooo necessary!! Thank you for all you do Dr. Ramani 💯‼️
I have to continue to watch Dr Ramani! I’m newly divorced from a narcissist. He cheated and moved into an apartment, went and got a lawyer and then asked me if I was happy about everything. What??!!! I just couldn’t believe he blamed me for what he has done. I moved over a 1,000 miles away from him and it was hard at first but I’m getting better. Such a rollercoaster life I had for 9 years.
Oh I so agree with Dr Ramani - therapists don't seem to be trained in this and that is dangerous - I tried therapy for myself and no one came up with narcissism which is what he had and was causing me so much distress. Now I am out of it I see it through Dr Ramani's help on UA-cam I worked him out and was so shocked when I recognised the behaviour. It was awful - the worst an now I know it is fine but people need to know as it is so damaging.
I think you are correct and it is a huge problem. I live and work near Boston, where the therapeutic community can be very conservative. Always look for a therapist with lots of experience, and ask directly how much they know about narcissistic abuse.
She's amazing. Spreading clarity around the globe. Unwinding, and undoing, chipping away at some of the damage of years of enduring narcissistic abuse.
I won't lie, it still saddens me that I can't share my successes with my family, and have to keep neutral topics like weather. Although it's getting easier, because I don't even try to make a effort to change them, it's not going to happen. I used to think, I have it together now, let me go back and try to make them human, and ended up being triple teamed eventually. The truth is, they are who they are, I'm still learning and growing, and that's what I focus on. I surround myself with people that celebrate me, and I'm always happy to see my peoples progress in life. I don't want to be pat on the back for every little accomplishment, but it's good to have people in your life that share your happiness, and not see it as a threat.
You sound like me. I've had to learn to stop going to a dry well looking for water 😢 But!!! I have learned self love and self validation, as well as radical acceptance with my family and it has helped a ton!
Me too. The funny thing is, they're awful to each other too! My sisters and I finally went no-contact with them, and it was the best decision we could have made. They're strictly each others problem now.
I thought I met a really nice person, but slowly, but surely I saw all these traits you have mentioned. And this happened after I’ve been studying for quite a while about toxic people. Some people are so convincing in the beginning. I think the only answer is time, you gotta give it time to see who someone really is. I have to say I was so shocked when he started interrupting me and then when he didn’t seem to wanna know anything about me, it’s just like you said. I told him the only thing I can talk to you about are food, sex, and the weather. At first, I felt so safe and nurtured. Now I wanna run as fast as I can in the opposite direction.
I'm starting to identify this type of narcisissm within myself. Those were wise words Dr. Ramani, It is always a pleasure to receive a better and more analyzed perspective of what we call reality.
I've been bullied by narcissistic evil men my whole life. And in the end they are still human, who have done good things for people here and there. The thing that sets you from them. Is that id never catch any of them making this kind of reflection, and you now have the self awareness to move with some clarity
@@gilla2092 That's true, people say that a narcissist will never question being one... Something similar happened to me and I developed a co-narcissistic personality according to some specialists. The only thing that helped me heal those wounds and laserations was distance... not just physical: The space you save in your head for them, this is what they thrive on. I hope you manage to maintain the strength to destroy yourself as many times as necessary until you become the person you want to be, and along the way, find happiness. A flexible perspective that will give you the impulse every day to collect the parts of your being and discard those that clung to you without being your own. I appreciate your words.
There aren’t enough words for how much I appreciate Dr. Ramani’s videos. After cutting communication with my mom, an uncle, and other narcissistic family members I believe there was a phase where I just felt like I couldn’t help myself. It’s so scary. I did lean on someone else to help me a bit, and soon realized I shouldn’t have. I stopped sharing so much with her and did just that: only talked about the weather, gardening, stopped personalizing, etc… she started to bash me, cut me off, mock me, patronize me, and more. The one time I stuck up for myself she didn’t even make eye contact with me. She even told a friend a few days later that I couldn’t take criticism. I heard from another room and asked, when? Crickets 🦗 … It got so weird and I worked very hard to pick myself up and get out.
Yes! I googled "is it normal for a husband to yell at their wife?" 11 years ago, about a year before I left my husband. It was then that I finally found answers in an article on narc abuse. I'm still collecting info on narcs with two communal and self-righteous narc parents and a string of narc friends. And, yes, explaining doesn't work with narcs, but it lt did become a habit growing up, and in many relationships, because the narcs were always asking "why did you...?"
I feel so stupid. I've been married 18 years together 20. Knew something wasn't right but couldn't figure it out. Refuses therapy, I'm the problem. Feel so stupid bc I should have been on a family trip but felt fear of repercussions if I went. My eyes were to finally opened last Thursday. Have been learning all I can since then! TY for these videos!
Don’t feel stupid. Narcissistic people are incredibly adept at manipulating people and coercing people including highly educated and highly intelligent people who are kind and compassionate. Be kind to yourself. You are not responsible for having been abused.
Then maybe you should realise that looking for narcissists everywhere is about not wanting to blame yourself. There is a huge market in this atm, because no one wants to believe they're the problem. Easier to label your partner a narcissist and blame them for everything. Something Narcissists are blamed for doing. See how silly it is?
A lot of it is just emotional immaturity, but people are labeling everything as narcissism. The way that it's talked about, also makes it sound like these people are setting out to be this way intentionally, when in reality most of these peoples actions are learned behaviours and almost second nature. That's why self reflection is important, but everyone focuses so much on pathologising other people in their life instead of reflecting on their own behaviours. Plus these conversations completely demonise these behaviours by putting a label of 'narcissism' on them, which just adds extra resistance for people to look inward and recognise these traits in themselves. And the thing is, most people that you label as 'narcissist' are probably just emotionally immature and would benefit from introspection and working on themselves, but lumping all these behaviours under the umbrella of narcisissm makes it sound like no one could ever be any different. And i think that's the most harmful thing about conversations like these and the popularisation of therapy speak, it's actually not doing what therapy is supposed to do and helping people recognise toxic patterns within themselves and giving them a different perspective on their view and better coping strategies.
@@tttnnnttnnnn but emotional immaturity is narcissism, kids are supposed to learn to consider other people's feelings by the age of 3 but these people never learned to do that.
Dealt for years with ‘communal’ narcissists in the public service. These were very senior people who ran their departments like cult leaders. Every single alternative voice was cancelled. Awful. And very ugly to see up close when you realise they have no humanity despite the pretence of ‘service’. Soul destroying.
Major Topic..very good Analysis..they master the art of deception soo well, they do alot of damage before you realize, In close proximity eg. Fam.Business, Sibling rivalry who even bully Parents who may have favorites...I've been gaslit many times for defending vulnerable among which I was also .... conscience, I hope is now playing out a bit .... Thank you for reminder: to still be on Alert: avoid but confront if needs be🎉..didn't realise there are so many variations.😮....God always makes a way of escape ...no fear in perfect Divine❤
If I try to tell my sister about something that happened to me, she ALWAYS turns it around and makes it all about her! ALWAYS!! And if I try to hold a conversation with her, she will disagree with ANYTHING I say (regardless of what she actually believes) and turns it or trys to turn it into an argument!!! EVERY single time!!! I have had to go low-contact with her, but unfortunately, I live with her, so I stay shut up in "my" bedroom ALL THE TIME!!! My health is the worst it has ever been too!! I want to leave so badly, but I need more money to do that.
This school teacher convinced me she loved children so I let my boy go to her class. It was horrible for my son, so I had guilt being fooled by this "communal" narcissist. At the end of the year, at the picnic, She commented to me that she saw me talking to a friend..."You're always talking!" And I said, "I got friends", somebody said "OOH!"
😂teachers can be very power crazy I was one......jeez these kids are gonna grow up real strong .. I guess your son is a dude so hopefully it will have not affected him too much ❤ good4 you!!!
Dr. Ramini!! You totally hit the nail on the head for me. I've been dealing with what I thought was a Grandiose Narc. But now realize she is a Vulnerable Narc!!
My old bjj coach is a communal narcissist. Does something good for the community or someone and makes sure everyone knows about it. Loves attention, loves admiration. And then he was constantly telling us about he doesn't need our money and we can leave anytime. After 7 years, I finally did. Best decision ever. I don't miss him but I do miss the other people in the bjj community
My mother seems to be a self-righteous narcissist. Just realized it 6 mths ago when she told me she would NEVER apologize to me for ANYTHING, after saying mean and nasty things to me. I just turned 50.😩
Not ever in my life have I ever heard a sincere/unprompted apology from someone I know. I've even asked for it directly, almost all times ignored. It's hilarious at this point. 😂🙃
I have to double check who wrote this comment .I was thinking it was me write before.I never heard well done for raising kids it’s is not a big deal for my mother
Narcissism is a very interesting spectrum. This type of imformaion is great for people to confirm once they've gotten diagnosed by a psychiatrist. Amazing channel keep it up.
Wow, thank you. Dr. Ramani is right on. My ex is the self-righteous communal narcissist in church, being very cold and rigid at home but super warm at church, preying over unhappy women. After his career took of, the grandiose component started to appear. He is a thousand-piece puzzle of the picture of the narcissistic personality.
The Communal Narcissist is my MIL! She is a doctor in psychiatric nursing. she is screwing sick people over daily. but telling herself she is saving them. it is terrifying the damage she is doing.
Pay attention to this and if there is ever a reportable offense I hope you will let someone know what is going on and spare some vulnerable people from this predator.
Wow. Blew my mind. I have been experiencing this realization (don’t go DEEP) after 12 years of marriage and feeling like my husband is not the person I married. This makes soooo much sense and I have been grieving the loss of what I thought we had vs. the mask he was wearing in the beginning. 😮I’m basically a single parent and we manage. At least my kids love to go “deep.” So I’m not completely alone.
I totally tried to "fix" my narcissistic ex. He totally destroyed me physically, spiritually, emotionally, and financially. I wish i knew then what i knew now.
I love what Dr Ramani said about narcissistic people having wounds and THEY need to work on them. I agree with her about the cliche that “hurt people, hurt people.” Not necessarily. Many of us who have been hurt and we would never want to hurt someone else because we know what that feels like. That’s what empathy is.
Dr Ramani’s teaching is invaluable and sanity, I haven’t missed a single videos in years. The only thing which I still cannot understand is : frequently when Dr R says that there is no hope for improvement and one has to cope by building support outside of the bad relationship, there is no way that can be done. It’s impossible to explain to another person, regardless of how close this person is to you, the depth of horrors of narcissistic abuse if the person never experienced the same and has no concept of it. Everything seems normal on outside!! And Dr R also mentioned many times; confide into someone who can understand you Seems like an impossible conundrum With decades of very bad narc emotional abuse I became withdrawn even from people o know b/c they cannot even comprehend my situation. More so, almost any normal person is incredulous: so, if you are stlll in relationship it is probably not that bad?!?!
My ex of 12yrs. She was always a victim. We could drive past a billboard and it would trigger her! Cut me off from family slowly but surely, socially isolated us. I couldn’t breathe wrong if I didn’t want to get yelled at. So that was fun. Lots of healing. Therapy really helped. Which of course she never wanted to join. Pointed out very early on I was dealing with a NPD/BPD person and ways to protect myself and eventually worked my way out of the relationship..with a lot of baggage I’m still dealing with. Get out sooner than later. If something feels off. It probably is! You are not responsible for another person’s evolution.
I am going through a divorce, after 32 years of marriage. 1 and 1/2 years ago, I got into my bed, crawled up in the fetal position, and asked God to help me. When I woke up, my iPad was on, and it was Dr. RAMINI! I had never heard of narcissistic abuse. She has literally saved my life! Thank you!
Congratulations on your new found freedom 👏 yes it certainly seems sometimes like the UA-cam algorithm has a connection to our souls 👍
Dude this happened to me that’s how I found Kevin Ewing cut things off with the family and never looked back
I'm one year out from a 32 year marriage. I'm rebuilding and doing self care. My body is still recovering from keeping the score for so long. I am in a better place but I realize that I am forever changed. Seek support from family, friends or professionals. Educate yourself on the red flags AND the green flags. Go slow and find a path that works toward your happiness.
Comoon, dont quit so easily😢 Go back to that healthy releationship and work things out. Narcist are really good listeners, they are calm, not use abusive language, never try to break you. This is becose they have hearth of gold and they allways, ALLWAYS value you more than they value themselves. In their life they see you more like position of lord. Ok guys, hopefully i made you understand that u are in good hands
@@susanharris3552yes, it changes our personality because in this relationship we lose ourselves. That's the worst thing to happen to anyone. Life was never easy with a narcissist. Unfortunate for me, that I had to deal with the whole family full of narcissists (my wife and her family members). No contact is the best solution to stay away from the narcissist. I too didn't know the word narcissist untiYl did a reverse engineering of what actually I went through. ChatGPT threw the word narcissist and I started reading more about them. I suffered much for 15 years. Female narcissists are the worst. She stole away everything!! Recently I started watching videos of Tim Fletcher & I think you too should. It will reveal why we got into such a relationship and also our weaknesses. I hope all of you heal and recover soon. God bless you 🙏. I too am healing, but I have come half way through. I surrendered to God and I think that's the best thing to do. 😊
I find it interesting that we are starting to look out for narcissists in our relationships, but not in our politicians.
They are hidden and hard to recognize.
trump and others
Not in my experience. People have been calling a certain candidate a narcissist long before he was ever involved in politics.
I think they're EVERYWHERE!!!
Many the politicians are Narcissists. Look closely at their personal lives.
Married a Narcissist at 22. Love bombing to the max prior to the wedding. First physical violence-on the wedding night. Left after 18 months with the help of his mother who said she didn’t want me to end up like she had. Never looked back. Sharpened my wits and made me a better judge of character.
Wow your MIL helped you. That is a rarity. Good for you good for her. Please take steps to help yourself, and take time to heal. All the best. ❤️💪🏽
Wow was my first thought too! I am wondering if the mother in law knew just how evil her son was but was hoping he changed. I have come to the conclusion, some people are so evil and detestable you can't even talk about it, because you don't believe anyone would believe you. I lived it also and after 24 years being divorced, it still affects me in my thoughts and bad dreams.
Wow! My first SA was also on the wedding night! I was 17, and it was 39 years ago 😞. I hid it because I was so confused and then because we had children I didn’t want him to go to prison.
Nobody take Narcissist serious illnes, nobody and its extremely dangerous. Need cure, not like all medicine Control so all people need buy over and over, scientist are very smart to not to make Cure, so all people have to buy over and over will not good salary, when they will stopped that, people need Cure, not prevent, we need totally Cure.
Same story
One of the most important revelations for me was that - They are not reachable on a fundamental level. They are not. Don't try. Avoid and leave.
Unavailablity was an early hint that I was dealing with narcs. Yes.
That is soooo true!
after a narc collaps briefly but thats not what they chose to follow usually
They never look inward or at themselves they always look at the other person to blame for all the chaos they cause
Yes it’s so sad!
I had a boss who once worked in a clinical .what he said was very unkind
So true, they cannot look inward but blame everyone else.
Sounds like a president wannabe I hear all the time..
You got it. Husband's mom a covert narcissist always blame shifts and hates I don't have a job of her choosing. She can't brag in her eyes about me cuz I'm a hostess . I've been in the restaurant work since I was 19
Honestly talking about the weather can start a fight with them too. They're going to start a fight over anything and everything.
Typical narc!
Tell them that you think the weather is nice they will find something wrong with it.
Yep. Because it’s never about the subject matter at hand. Any disagreement is a mandate for them to assert dominance at any cost. One of the saddest things about being married to one is that you couldn’t safely talk about anything from a place of reality. Which makes intimacy impossible. No shared history, it’s all a malleable fantasy to suite their immediate needs. Which is typically dominance and superiority.
And cry and scream and give you the silent treatment for days. Oh yes, I'm divorced and so very happy about it.
They live their whole lives being petty over nothing.
Trying to go "DEEP" with a NARCISSIST is like trying to DIVE in SAND; you will only end up BROKEN.
Right
I'm tired, want out.
@@sivan3125 good one!!! Tell it!
I wish I would have known that 15 years ago.
@sivan
DEEP is an acronym to not:
Defend
Engage
Explain
Personalize
So, where is your comment coming from?
My narcissistic husband yelled at me that I had to take responsibility for our marriage problems. I said, “I married the wrong man.” He said, “I told you it’s your fault!”
Typical gaslighting.
Monsters from hell.
😂 don’t mean to laugh but wow
Same. 😂
They are just brutal.
why don't you divorce? They aren't worth it
@@maggiefranks6849 Oh believe me, once my children became adults, I got divorced!
Listen to your body! It can’t lie to you like your mind often will - and it gets there first.
This is true . If you get headaches when they are about to visit or get stomach aches
I react internally as if I have a severe allergy/rash when I am around a narcissist for very long. Agitated, uncomfortable, volitile, anxious, angry. It can feel like I am getting upset for NO reason, but if I then remove myself and revisit the interaction in my mind review, then suddenly the subtle signs show up. If my body didn't react, I would miss all the hidden covert ones.
@ChristianOne exactly I know exactly the feelings. I get anxious sick can't eat have to go to bathroom stomach feel like I want to run . Then anger overflows
Vertigo was the first physical symptom at the beginning, 24 years ago.
@@phantomvampyressshadowkiss4690 yes, anxiety is an important thing to notice, telling you that something is not ok.
my mom is super nice to strangers yet hates the family
That was my dad. He wanted strangers to love him but hated his own family behind closed doors. So I hear you, and hugs.
I know exactly what you mean "Street angel, House devil" that's what that's called
My dad is the same way
People think he is the nicest person in the entire world, he's so cute. He's adorable. He's so funny.
Then he gets home "speak F-ing English! I can't understand anything you say!"....... yeah so sweet
Typical narc!
Hates herself
That’s my sister
"They are interested in bashing you." Yep.
"I am interested in bashing back."
...but I know I shouldn't.
yes! ... :'(
I wonder what goes on in their brain, like: how does this bashing as narc supply work? What triggers their need to do it?
@@simonanardi4312 My ex actually explained it to me. He told me that any time he interacts with anyone, all he cares about is "outwitting" them. For him, outwitting usually meant either putting them down and making them feel dumb by being overly critical and pointing out any "flaws" they have (like the time he told me I'm cutting an onion wrong), or simply lying to their face and feeling smarter when the person believes their lies (he was so addicted to this that he would lie any time I asked him what time it was). They want to feel superior, they want to be the smartest person in the room at all times. What he didn't understand or just didn't care about is that being demeaning and being a great liar isn't the same as being intelligent.
After he told me that, he sheepishly laughed and said "that's sick isn't it?" Literally the only time in 16 years of marriage that he did an ounce of self reflection.
@@E4439Qv5 Yeah, dont play their games! It's hard, but yeah, just ignore them. They will drown and search for other victims!
You absolutely saved my life the past three years. Fortunately, for me, mine had a heart attack and croaked, as soon as I started laying down boundaries.🤷♂️. But I wouldn’t have made it through the past few years without you!
It kind of sucks to realize someone you considered a best friend for years is just like this.
Same here. Crazy to have a long term friendship not realizing what a narcissist that person really was until recently. Whew, how freeing to just walk away. Now for me to begin the work that is ahead for me.
Yeah I had this, we shared work, good friends, until I started to realise, then when i started shutting him down, the confusion in him and shock that someone would dare stand up to them, silly man. When I turned off the energy supply, man did he turn nasty, well he tried. Top tip for narcs, don't try and victim someone who'll pull your arms off. Strange people these ones, very sad it's how they feel they have to behave.
Yes! I knew it wasn't right but didn't know the name. I started recognizing the attention seeking part a few months ago and reduced the attention she was asking for. She immediately moved onto someone else who would give that attention. Glad I realized what it was.
All of you, thank you.
Sure does. Look on the positive- you finally found out the truth. They can’t keep lying to you.👍🏽. And hopefully you’ve learnt skills to recognise another one to avoid them. 👍🏽
A narc will have you crazy! I dealt with one a year and omg I’m so glad I’m out of that mess. It’s so sad they can’t see something wrong with themselves and try to fix it. If you’re dealing with this kind of person I’m telling you to get out, a waste of your time!!!
I spent 29 years!! They start slow and insidious and if you’re not healthy it’s easy to miss!!!
💯
A lot of people never get free. I hope you're healing
I'm on the way of cutting off with a narc aunt, and trying to convince my granny to do the same, since she's one of the main victims of these horrible people.
I tried to get her out of our home for years since the first moment that woman crossed one of the many lines she crosses and my granny didn't want to because "poor her, she doesn't have a job, how could she get a roof where to sleep?" And I always told her "Granny, she's a lawyer, she has hidden money. She can survive in her own".
Exactly. The world is more than a twisted little human in a twisted little place.
Catch a train. Journey into the world. Enjoy. You are not dependent on anyone only yourself.
It takes one step - and no, You don't need to buy books telling you who and what you are, or take classes to free yourself.
It takes a decision. One single decision, to step out.
I know.
They either need to control or to be admired. Broken, psychologically damaged and utterly toxic - just leave.
This is seriously the most simplistic yet accurate explanation. I’m saving your comment. Thank you.
My entire family has been destroyed by this. I figured it out, and now I'm removed from it. It's a total relief. At first I struggled with guilt, but no longer do. I am freed from what is truly demonic oppression. The power is back in my hands. Praise God!
Happened to my family too. I removed myself until my baby sister died. Nothing has changed, not that it ever would. It’s been a month now and I’m out.
Many people are becoming Narsissist. To experience one, you must be in a relationship 1st. Then you can spot them after the marriage. It's better to remain single. Even Royal marriages too have Narsissist partners, but it's by God's mercy Prince William was exposed. Today he repented. And God will now be able to put his family back together again. For Harry, he made a choice to serve MM not God's people. So Harry is coiled up by the snake head, MM. No longer easy as Harry IS much needed to fool King Charles 3 to try to get back into the RF & this time, at fast speed destroy God's future plan for Britain. King Charles 3 has appointed Princess Royale as The Queen. Just waiting for King' s abdication to protect the British people & the continuation of the late QE2 legacy. The sooner this can be done, it will cut short Harkles plan to destroy.
I was one of those people that found Dr. Ramani at 3am googling what is wrong, etc! 🙋🏻♀️
I hope you found peace. I'm just now coming into rational acceptance of my new reality of 29 years of marriage, and the binders have revealed, I'm living with a narcissist.
helo
You may also appreciate The Little Shaman and Richard Grannon. 😊
They sometimes call it your "Light Bulb Moment" poof you see it and understand.
SAME!
When they get angry, it gets dangerous.
My daughter is one she got angry when she was 17 she didn't barely go to school she tried to stab me I protected myself CPS took her out blamed me cops said I was in the right for kicking her off of me she's taller than me
She's I'm not sure what kind she lies about everything and even her health or her personality if family or people in general stick to her lies and attention everything is attention she will disowned you she even got CPS take her her kid and lied saying that me and aunts are abusive so I can't adopt him
As her father was the same way 💀 gaslighting they both do that
And then my father is narcissistic abusive controlling...I live 5 states
So I'm the smaller ,smaller never say what I need so I'm so anxious with everything
My best friend is finally divorcing her vulnerable narcissistic husband. Ive prayed for her for so long, I'm so relieved. She had actually started to believe it was her that was the narcissist because of him
I wont say my parents were narcissists but when Dr. Ramani said "The child is basically put into a position to serve the parent, rather than the parent protecting the child.... When that child goes up into adulthood... Be small and not show up in their whole self." It seemed to connect. I had to break free from a bond from the judgement of my parents, but one in particular who loves to say how other people should live, especially the children, based on fear.
The influence parents have on their children can not be underestimated.
I couldn't put a name to it for 20 years. The blindfold has now fallen thanks to Dr. Ramani.
My blinders have just come off. 29 years of marriage and the rational acceptance that I've been living with a narcissist is surreal.
Yes I was blinded too. I thought I was crazy. I kept praying to God to help me be a better wife. Every day my husband always complained he was unhappy with me and I need to work my character flaws. I stayed stressed trying to do the right thing and not upset him. I walked on egg shells. Then one I couldn’t stop crying for a month and walked out of a 7 year marriage. I am in the middle of a divorce. I found one of the Doctors videos on signs your dealing with a narcissist. I was set free. I chose no contact. He has done everything the videos said he would do from love bombing, telling friends how bad I’ve done him, hovering, self pity, guilt and call him back it is very very important. I have not responded because it is all lies. He has even apologized to me numerous of times that he now see what he was doing to me in our marriage. Lies upon lies. In seven years of marriage now he see the error of his ways. I am not buying it.
@@anais457 Stay strong, believe your gut. It is not you who is flawed!!!
Dad said, you finally have your eyes open. He saw what I didn’t see for years.
@radawson1018 yes I am now trusting my gut. I ignored my gut for years I thought something was wrong with me. I needed to work more on my flaws my husband stayed unhappy with me but would say I was a good wife my head was spinning. My eyes are opened now.
Not many therapists/counselors understand narcissism. This lady and Dr. Les Carter saved me from "Alzheimers" like previous targets/victims of narcs.
After about 35 years of some kind of counselling or therapy I have given up. I even tried restarting it last year but it was even worse. You're right, not many mental health professionals are well versed in narcissistic abuse. It is much cleaner and efficient for them to misdiagnosis you for something else for the sake of medical coding and billing, or just plain assume you are lying to them about everything.
I am disabled so I can't work enough to pay for a therapist familiar with narc abuse I my area and my main narcissist has devastated me financially of what I had left, and I don't believe he is even done with that! The only useful information and advice I can afford is from UA-cam videos like this one from Dr. Ramani and others.
Did I also mention my narcissist is a stalker? The police around here won't take me seriously enough. They have bigger fish to fry like school shootings, homicides, swatting, kidnappings and car chases anyway. I'm convinced they would sooner have me leave town than to have to do any paperwork or real investigating on my behalf.
I purposly wrote down, a while ago a couple of things he said to me, and when months later I read it, i could not believe im still here trying to work on this
Leave
Please make good plans amd find a way to remove yourself from the situation. It is hard when one has children bit not impossible.
Nobody out there understand the NPDs like Dr. Ramani does. She's amazing. Don't go deep, don't engage, don't explain, don't defend, don't personalize.
Dr. Ramani, you are so correct about Hope. So many of us keep holding on to hope that things will change.
I was married to a charming, powerful malignant narcissist for 26 years… 32 years if you count the 6 years he drug out the divorce to ensure I got nothing. Brutal! That was 17 years ago. Had to see him for the first time last weekend at our daughters wedding. It was like I was walking through a minefield for 3 days. I shut down all emotions to survive. It’s hard to find balance for those dreaded interactions. 😓
I’m sorry that happened to you. I hope you’re feeling better now
@@shplms Thank you so much 🙏. I’m still processing all that went on there. Happy for it to be behind me but wishing things had been different. Hoping to get past that soon. Gotta keep moving forward.
@@TiMarie13drop it to the floor or imagine paying tenis everytime you hit the ball imagine you hitting your thought
Easy peesy. Your daughter is an adult. Choose to never again go anywhere near that man. If you find yourself in proximity to that man, leave.
Once you decide on how you are going to deal with that situation, you know what to do anytime it comes up.
My son isn't even engaged and I worry about how I'm going to handle it when he gets married! That had to be really tough, but you did it for your daughter and I'm sure she felt loved. ❤
Absolutely regarding a phone, iPad, laptop computer! You will be tracked
Put in cameras inside and out. I stopped the bedrooms. He resented it. We have two places so it was necessary. Paid off many times. But he started stalking me on it. Every move I made became something sinister. I lived in a fish bowl. I threatened to unplug if he brought anything up again. So far so good. But I’m sure he’s still doing it. Can’t help it. This has now ruined
Whoa. My body definitely felt it within a couple weeks! Try to rationalize, gaslight myself about jumping to conclusions. Ended it after 12 weeks, dodged the bullet.
Dear GOD! I would have loved to have know about this 40 years ago. Narcissism is truely Demonic!!! They never let you go!!
13 years. Finally ended this week. Get out while there's still some of you left.
Yes, 40 years ago. Things could have been so different.
You're their life energy. Of course they don't want to lose you. But if we don't go, they'll suck our life force out of us.
@@loriallen9237exactly 💯 drained the life outta me
Why you have to escape and release yourself and go no contact.
Sister in law is a communal Narcissist. Stood in judgement over me. Toe tapping arms crossed, nose in the air.
I didn't know what Narcissism was at the time but I wrote her an emotional letter as to how hard I was trying to be on good terms with her and how frustrating it was to have her behave so negatively toward me.
She viewed it as a poison pen letter and hung onto her silent treatment grudge against me for 45 years.
Looking back, wow....best thing I ever did was to initiate her removal from my life. I chalk it up to gut instinct.
Dr Ramani literally saved me, she is very correct. I tried so hard and I escaped my very violent malignant narcissist ex boyfriend. Complete stranger were nicer to me than my ex boyfriend. I could not even get dropped off at the hospital.
Grey rock.
Yea, having medical needs dismissed is the worst. My ex had me scrubbing the house within an inch of its life while i was in labor. Thanks for posting!
another thing to watch for is unnecessary or unwanted cooperation or a relationship they try to create...i.e. helping you with something when you don't need it over and over again, emphasizing doing something together that you would have been fine just doing yourself, and so on... anything to create "emotional currency" between you, which they subsequently use to hold over your head if you don't want to do something. "all this time I helped you and this is how you repay me" ...resist these annoying people and don't let them squat in your emotional real estate.
When you're the child of a narcissist (or narcissists), the damage is done very early on, before you have any idea what is happening, and can't get away.
wow that's ringing bells for me. I was in a relationship (SHORT one thank god) with a man I am fairly sure is a vulnerable narc. He wouldn't LET UP when he thought he knew better than me about things even to do with my own body. I would politely say no thanks but I appreciate it, and he would still press, then do the "you never even listen to me. Don't you know that I know x y z....".
I tried to spend my 59th bday by myself 2 months ago and go to a different town and do some museums and get a smash burger but was on the phone a couple of times before I could get out. Then he shows up from work and says his boss told him to go be with your wife on her birthday! I bet he’s the one that said he had to cut out so I wouldn’t be alone! Well we did the smash burger 🍔 and walked around but he wasn’t up for museums! I like doing things on my own. We could’ve done something special on the weekend 😢
@@comradian A perfect description of my mother. I thought it was because she's an enneagram 2 (helper), but this makes much more sense. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for helping pin point one of many issues that’s going on in my relationship. It’s so true tho.
I became addicted to the emotional roller-coaster of being yelled at for no cold drinks in the fridge, waking him up late for work would have him having a tantrum(an example), and the apology meal, 2 yrs separated after 30yrs together....i still get like flash backs.
But 2yrs gone... congratulate yourself - you are free & out of all that! Kudos to you.
Those flashbacks are PTSD
It's Trauma, and the body stores trauma. It takes awhile to Actively Work that Out
Me too 😢
Sorry to hear that. I hope you feel liberated now
It seems like you are always feeling hurt..Never Good Enough, Never. Don't defend, don't engage, don't Explain and don't personalize. They won't listen. I'm tired of saying " you don't listen"
I always feel it in my body..but I forget to act on it..
I always feel it in my body..but I forget to act on it.. excellent knowledge in this post..thanks..
Amen. They hear you, they get it, but they will never admit it. Thanks for posting
My mom was the self righteous martyr yet also a hermit/agoraphobic type who had judged everyone who she comes across. Everyone but her was bad
l knew a friends step-mother like that.. she exhausted me within minutes..! l could never spend time there..
My mom was/is like that too PLUS as a bonus I married a Narc. God help us all that are stuck.
That was my mom!!!
@@camisnyder3460me too!
Sounds like my husband.
After decades, some 40+ years together- there has finally been a window to share Dr Ramini’s wisdom with a beloved family member. Holding hope that maybe there will be enough for him to trust that life outside is better, despite the cost to exit. ❤
Vulnerable narcissists are just narcissists without confidence or social skills
Kind of.. but my covert ex was a careful planner and plotter, much more so than many of the overts. He might have been closer to a psycopath, but his talent at sneakiness was unmatched by any other narcissists I have met. I have found coverts to be the most dangerous type by FAR because they operate in ways that always leave room for plausible deniability. He was plotting my murder in a way he would never be caught. And he had AWESOME social skills. He just started on the low rung of society so he had trouble catching lots of "big fish" to get enough supply to confidently become overt in his methods.
Mine just tried to work me to death. I managed to outlive him, but not without a good deal of damage.@ChristianOne
@@nancymorris3286 Yes, mine did too. Nothing was ever enough to satisfy him.
😂😂😂
They’re all hero’s lol til they get triggered
A fantastic summary. Dr Ramani is so informed and articulate. And, so good to see that Dhru Purohit gave her the floor, and allowed her to tell this important info without too many interruptions and with just the right amount of investigative questioning. Respect!
They blame you and end up saying “”you’re toxic and miserable”” I had a lady say this too me! She was projecting all sorts of crap on me. None of it’s true of coarse! I was wondering what was going on, so I looked up the covert narcissistic in woman and found “”this is their goal to do this.
Did you check whether you WERE toxic and miserable?
@@larrykelly-kf5ppme??? I absolutely am not, what she was doing is called “projection” I’m completely fine. They’re the ones that are toxic and miserable! You’ve never dealt with a narcissists have you? They’ll blame you for everything and try to bring you down.
Dr. Ramani is so excellent. Great interview 🎉
Informative video. In the end, I lost the battle to a classic narcissist. I admit utter and complete defeat. To be clear, this person shattered the lives of everyone he came in close contact with.
You did your best, and I hope you feel better
I love Dr Ramani Durvasula! You know everything there is to know about Narcissistic personalities! Keep on speaking the truth about toxic narcissism. Thank you.
Dr. Ramani is amazing! I have been listing to her for years and have her books! She blew me away right now!!! I love how realistic she is emphasizing real on the ground human aspects of this relationship dynamic! The conversation about showing up as your whole self GOT me! Buy her books !!!!!!!!
My mother hit the check boxes for vulnerable narcissist; my ex- husband hit the check boxes for a malignant narcissist. Last boyfriend hit the vulnerable checkboxes.
I decided I am a magnet for narcissism, and have embraced my independence and single hood. I'm more than willing to donate my "share" to everyone else.
your authority figure(s) implanted latent narc traits into you, now you fail to see it in yourself
Also when it comes.
To trying to make friends with other women. I wanted so much to believe in the sisterhood that I did not recognize the toxic narc. She presented such a nice public persona that it was hard to see through to the devil inside that she was hiding.
I've met more than my share of women like that. It's to the point where I dislike my gender for how bad some are while griping about how lousy men are. It makes me sad to see traits that involve conniving, manipulative lying, competitiveness and endless sniping among overempowered women who've gone from assertive to aggressive to domineering in just the last few generations. This is not at all what first wave feminists had in mind for women to become---each other's enemies. I've deliberately avoided forming friendships with other women because of so much cattiness that continues well past 40. I have an over friendly neighbor who struck me as too outgoing, too eager to be a helpful pal, plus I was also forewarned by her former tenant. I was correct in keeping my distance because of a few things I've since learned about her conduct. It's disheartening because women's friendships are not supposed to be like this. We should be able trust and support each other.
@@msr1116AGREED!!! Many sick women too!!! Yes!!
Women are the ones who are cruel to each other. I've tried to make friends but I am never good enough.
.
when you care about everyone as a default because that's just the most logical thing to do then it's really difficult to comprehend how someone so close to you could simply not care about you but when you finally do understand it then you feel such clarity. there's nothing you could've done better they just weren't thinking about you or your feels at all.
when you're extremely alone in your life and you need as clear and straightforward person as Dr Ramani making you hear simple hard truths...
Your never truly alone God loves you and sees all.. but I understand that feeling of loneliness too❤
This is freeing; thank you! I found myself in that trap of trying to help the narcissists in my life over and over again because I love them so much. But, I am hurt and damaged as a result. Now that I'm a senior, I just stay in my cave because I can't deal with anymore pain and I don't want to risk hurting anyone because "I" am now so hurt. Hope this makes sense.
Yes. Dont beat yourself up. Know that is them. Not you. Be you! Choose happy.
Having been thrown into a world of narcissists as a child, it had become natural for me to perpetuate the cycle because, as pointed out here, I didn’t even know that I was doing so. This categorization is super helpful, not to label people as narcissistic but to be able to point out exactly what feels wrong to oneself.
The self righteous narc voice Dr Ramani puts on is so real…I can just imagine someone speaking down to another this way and it makes my blood boil…the voice screams total lack of sensitivity…it’s too much….I can’t handle these types…
I’ve noticed the vulnerable is super super hard to detect but once you mentioned circumstances flipping it to grandiose in either direction shewww lightbulb!!!
Covert Narcissism must be the same description. And yes, they can flip to grandiose. Honestly, I think these people shape shift, it is weird!
17:05 The situation is actually more complex than that. They sometimes show a lot of love and empathy, like really feeling bad when someone else has hurt your feelings. Like beyond a doubt genuine empathy, no acting. Then, suddenly, on a different day, in a completely neutral non-confrontational setup, suddenly there's a switch like a Dr. Jekyll-Mr. Hyde switch and they become a cole mean monster shredding you to bits with their words, laughing and mocking coldly. That's like two different people, and is very confusing for the victim. Especially the genuine earnest apologies.
I can wholeheartedly relate to this. The monster within isn’t shown for a while, and the positive memories with them seem so real, I still can’t decide if they were acting or not from the start because it really didn’t seem like it. There was a switch with my person too, and it hurt like hell to watch bright blue eyes turn to black.
"Why don't I ever take out the trash? I did, but you kept walking back in."
👏👏👏👏👏
Very well said my friend. You had me laughing on that one. 😅
Your comment about being their punching bag is the thing that saved me. I've been a family and trauma therapist for 39 years, but I never have been personally affected by my patient's experiences with narcissists. It's different when it's personal. The shaming, blaming and belittling eventually woke me up....
When dealing with narcissism, you should know that it’s not personal. “It isn’t personal” is one of those cliches used to cushion all kinds of bad actions taken by people who need an out for being immoral, but in this case it actually gets near the truth. Narcissists don’t know how to love or be a friend; they can’t afford to spare the energy to learn, because they’re always in a state of high emergency, cataloging potential threats and redoubling their defenses. When they claim to love you, it means nothing.
They may even think they mean it, but they don’t understand the concept - they can’t feel it. They never attach to you or anyone else. Other people are paper cut-outs to the narcissist, like those cardboard figures of celebrities you pose next to for a selfie. Narcissist value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing. They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves.
When they toss you out, it’s no more meaningful than a junkie tossing away a needle; when they try to reel you back in, it only means that they tired of the new drug and need a hit of the old. None of this is personal. They’re too terrified to have personal relationships, opting instead for extraction of admiration from a subservient partner whose range of action they strictly constrain. This is not personal. None of it. The narcissist does not know who you are - it doesn’t know how to know other people. Like the vampire or the chainsaw-wielding creature in the horror film, it’s from another world, bereft of the concept of human connection.
Moreover, People wonder why they end up hurt, seriously hurt, and even killed for their own actions. Cheating is a choice and there’s simply a lot of ignorance in the process.... Thank you so much for helping me out Barryinvestigation@gmail. com. Your advice and services helped me so much. You are a lifesaver !!! The information you gave me about my cheating partner when you gave me access to his phone was everything I needed to get,.. thank you very much..
This is the best written advertisement I think I have ever read
@@blinkyy1088u got a point
"Narcissist value their own children only as mirrors of themselves. When they destabilize you or attack you, it means nothing. They are stuck in an endless conversation with themselves, in which you are an inanimate object, to be assigned their own faults and used as a surrogate punching bag for their hatred of themselves. "
Makes sense now why my father would always call me his "mini-me," and I would always get he abuse.
But the abuse was enacted on because of mom, not because of him, so.....
@@blinkyy1088no joke! Hooked me til the very end LOL
My husband of 23 yrs is so crazy especially when drinking. Everything is my fault literally. I have learned to put my head phones on at night and ignore his ass. I have taught my girls to fight back because he doesn't fight them verbally like he does me. I want my girls to be strong and have a voice. It is just a shitty situation all around.
"I have to be stronger" is EXACTLY what I have been telling myself - & eventually what my husband has been telling (& yelling at) me - that I need a psychologist so that I can better support him. NO!
18:08 - "Don't go deep, don't defend, don't engage, don't explain, and don't personalize."
Thank you Dr. Ramani. Thank you for validating my sanity and my emotional responses to a person who essentially destroyed any hope of meaningful connections. There were times I couldn't understand why my mother acted they way she did. The conclusion I came at at the time was that either she was dangerously clueless or evil. When you describe narcissists, you are describing my mother. And it took 74 years to find you and realize I was not stupid or worthless. I hope other people find you before they go through 4 marriages and divorces and screw up the lives of their kids because the only thing I learned about parenting was what not to do. I now have a PhD and my kids are grown, have college degrees and are seemingly successful. I still feel that I am not enough, not a person someone would want to hire, not someone who anyone would want to have a relationship with. You are doing a great service. Just wish I had found you sooner.
Thank you for this! I married a Malignant/Vulnerable Narcissist for 13 yrs. It was awful, because in addition to his horrible anger, he'd fly into rages - he'd take to his bed for days - literally, lay in bed. Nothing I did mattered. He wanted to control my hair color-body tattoos (psssst: no one could see any of them - anyway). I couldn't pick out furniture. Divorce was threatened every other week & I never had security, although $ was not his problem. I was so stupid I gave up my own home, my career & married him. I had terrible health & was at a specialist's office every week. I was on Valium. I finally got out: my good friend is an Evidential Medium. She told me I'd be dead within 6 months if I stayed. Previously, she gave me profound info about myself that no one would know. I totally trusted her. My horrible headaches went away the MINUTE my Atty. filed the D. papers. The MINUTE.
You get sick around them!!! Truths!!
Good for you, but what do you mean evidential medium? She does the Sherlock Holmes thing?
@@PaTrick-cf6ev No.
@@Terriwith2arfs so what is that?
@@PaTrick-cf6ev Google Evidential Mediums. I won't disclose my friend's name.
that’s cool that she shared on your channel and posted info about her book so more viewers could learn about the excellent advice that Dr. Ramani has for people suffering from narcissistic relationships
Being with my ex narc for the past 8 yrs. made me observe this very pattern. I think they wanted to feel very important in a way that is disturbing. Instead of building trust with their intimate partners, they destroy the trust that they built with you (in that case lying when they tried to put you in their pedestal). Once they have a committed partner, they can’t stand being loved authentically by one person. Instead they go on and prey on other women that is susceptible to their love bombing. My ex narc was a compulsive pursuer in a relationship. He would go back and forth to the women he were involved before or try to meet women in complicated situation so that going public isn’t an option while having you as their main supply. In the end they destroy the very person that loved them. They are like toddlers testing your love for them. Showing and telling them you love them isn’t enough, they will cheat on your face to make you feel inadequate even if you are more than they deserve. They want to test your love for them so they keep hurting you and when you have enough of their abuse, you leave. Then they tell you, ‘you never loved me because you abandon me’. Well in fact it’s their actions and narcissistic behavior that made you leave or in other cases they discard you and will give silly reasons of the discard. Mine would use, ‘she’s crazy’, ‘she’s a nega-star’, ‘she insults me’, ‘she cheated on me’ et al. So with this pattern of infidelities and emotional abuse (who knows what else) it’s better to walk away. I did walk away and is now rebuilding my life with our daughter. We are struggling financially because I’m not earning enough to provide for my daughter but now we get to laugh and bring with us sunshine every day. No lies, no abuse and no fake love. We only live once, forgive yourself and move forward but never forget the lesson that narc abuse taught you. That is to respect yourself to walk away from what’s hurting and destroying you. That you deserve a life of solitude, happiness and love. Hugs*** :) Additionally I got to know about my narc husband bad ways when I reach out to a private detective digitalinvestigate@gmail.com for help he did a perfect work for me I can see everything he’s doing on his device.
Tyrant toddler
You're a very in tune , very awaken and very aware , stay that way❤
BLEZZ#KEEP DA CHANGE
Why are you monitoring him? Let it go.
Another great ad I’m assuming you copied and pasted someone else’s response above the ad
I would love to chat with you! I just went through a similar situation and could never figure out how they made me feel bad for not proving I love them enough, when it was in fact them who kept proving over and over betrayal and betrayal they did not love me. Thank you so much. I feel not alone in this abuse
Thank you for this talk, 'cause it really helps me underline I was not and never have been a narcissist.
Not even the communal flavor, which I could see someone accusing me of; I just genuinely haven't got any competitive desires. A rising tide lifts all ships, after all.
I have been the victim over and over again of narcissistic men. The takeaway is I need help to recognize this immediately but they are good actors so how to I stay away. This far isolation has been my answer. As far as the narcissist, some have no excuse and some were abused themselves so I feel sorry for them and they need help but I cannot allow myself to be abused by them either.
It's a never ending learning curve ... trying to learn about toxic people and how to protect yourself and others from them. Its exhausting but sooooo necessary!! Thank you for all you do Dr. Ramani 💯‼️
Better to live alone and stay alone. Like that you’re never be hurt.
💯
Your so right. That is always best!
... or loved.
@@SnarkasticSunnyikr..
you can find someone decent.. there are so many out there..!
Doesn't work and it's a miserable existence.
I have to continue to watch Dr Ramani! I’m newly divorced from a narcissist. He cheated and moved into an apartment, went and got a lawyer and then asked me if I was happy about everything. What??!!! I just couldn’t believe he blamed me for what he has done. I moved over a 1,000 miles away from him and it was hard at first but I’m getting better. Such a rollercoaster life I had for 9 years.
Oh I so agree with Dr Ramani - therapists don't seem to be trained in this and that is dangerous - I tried therapy for myself and no one came up with narcissism which is what he had and was causing me so much distress. Now I am out of it I see it through Dr Ramani's help on UA-cam I worked him out and was so shocked when I recognised the behaviour. It was awful - the worst an now I know it is fine but people need to know as it is so damaging.
I think you are correct and it is a huge problem. I live and work near Boston, where the therapeutic community can be very conservative.
Always look for a therapist with lots of experience, and ask directly how much they know about narcissistic abuse.
She's amazing. Spreading clarity around the globe. Unwinding, and undoing, chipping away at some of the damage of years of enduring narcissistic abuse.
I won't lie, it still saddens me that I can't share my successes with my family, and have to keep neutral topics like weather. Although it's getting easier, because I don't even try to make a effort to change them, it's not going to happen. I used to think, I have it together now, let me go back and try to make them human, and ended up being triple teamed eventually. The truth is, they are who they are, I'm still learning and growing, and that's what I focus on. I surround myself with people that celebrate me, and I'm always happy to see my peoples progress in life. I don't want to be pat on the back for every little accomplishment, but it's good to have people in your life that share your happiness, and not see it as a threat.
You sound like me. I've had to learn to stop going to a dry well looking for water 😢
But!!! I have learned self love and self validation, as well as radical acceptance with my family and it has helped a ton!
Only God can help them if they are strong enough to change
I was raised by two narcissists. One's a vulnerable narcissist and a the other a covert narcissist. Fun ride and therapy forever for me
Oh, the same here.I finally found a psychiatrist or therapist that doesn't cry.You have to go for the old army ones and then they can help you.
@ruddiko how did they interact with each other, if you don’t mind sharing?
@@ginnymobley8246Yes! Mine's ex Navy and I appreciate so much having someone that doesnt steer away from the hard bits so I can address it.
Me too. The funny thing is, they're awful to each other too! My sisters and I finally went no-contact with them, and it was the best decision we could have made. They're strictly each others problem now.
I thought I met a really nice person, but slowly, but surely I saw all these traits you have mentioned. And this happened after I’ve been studying for quite a while about toxic people. Some people are so convincing in the beginning. I think the only answer is time, you gotta give it time to see who someone really is. I have to say I was so shocked when he started interrupting me and then when he didn’t seem to wanna know anything about me, it’s just like you said. I told him the only thing I can talk to you about are food, sex, and the weather. At first, I felt so safe and nurtured. Now I wanna run as fast as I can in the opposite direction.
Get away. It only get's worse and more hurtful. They don't get "better."
GET AWAY!!!
Over time true character is revealed!!! Go slow but in your case it’s time for exit plan! Some are dangerous soo be careful.
"RUN!" Don't look back - just run!
Same here and he even started to physically hurt me! I’m out and have been so .
I'm starting to identify this type of narcisissm within myself. Those were wise words Dr. Ramani, It is always a pleasure to receive a better and more analyzed perspective of what we call reality.
I've been bullied by narcissistic evil men my whole life. And in the end they are still human, who have done good things for people here and there. The thing that sets you from them. Is that id never catch any of them making this kind of reflection, and you now have the self awareness to move with some clarity
@@gilla2092 That's true, people say that a narcissist will never question being one...
Something similar happened to me and I developed a co-narcissistic personality according to some specialists.
The only thing that helped me heal those wounds and laserations was distance... not just physical: The space you save in your head for them, this is what they thrive on.
I hope you manage to maintain the strength to destroy yourself as many times as necessary until you become the person you want to be, and along the way, find happiness.
A flexible perspective that will give you the impulse every day to collect the parts of your being and discard those that clung to you without being your own.
I appreciate your words.
Incredibly, shockingly informative!
WOW. I thought I had a grip on "narcissism" until I heard this!!! Ty 🌹.
There aren’t enough words for how much I appreciate Dr. Ramani’s videos. After cutting communication with my mom, an uncle, and other narcissistic family members I believe there was a phase where I just felt like I couldn’t help myself. It’s so scary. I did lean on someone else to help me a bit, and soon realized I shouldn’t have. I stopped sharing so much with her and did just that: only talked about the weather, gardening, stopped personalizing, etc… she started to bash me, cut me off, mock me, patronize me, and more. The one time I stuck up for myself she didn’t even make eye contact with me. She even told a friend a few days later that I couldn’t take criticism. I heard from another room and asked, when? Crickets 🦗 …
It got so weird and I worked very hard to pick myself up and get out.
Yes! I googled "is it normal for a husband to yell at their wife?" 11 years ago, about a year before I left my husband. It was then that I finally found answers in an article on narc abuse. I'm still collecting info on narcs with two communal and self-righteous narc parents and a string of narc friends.
And, yes, explaining doesn't work with narcs, but it lt did become a habit growing up, and in many relationships, because the narcs were always asking "why did you...?"
had never heard of a communal or self righteous narcissism until today and this makes so much sense!
I feel so stupid. I've been married 18 years together 20. Knew something wasn't right but couldn't figure it out. Refuses therapy, I'm the problem. Feel so stupid bc I should have been on a family trip but felt fear of repercussions if I went. My eyes were to finally opened last Thursday. Have been learning all I can since then! TY for these videos!
Don’t feel stupid. Narcissistic people are incredibly adept at manipulating people and coercing people including highly educated and highly intelligent people who are kind and compassionate. Be kind to yourself. You are not responsible for having been abused.
The not my fault not my problem and lack of depth in the relationship is what opened my eyes.
OMG, I see all of these things in pretty much everyone I have ever encountered. I can count on one hand the people who weren't like this.
right. sometimes I question if sane people exist.
Then maybe you should realise that looking for narcissists everywhere is about not wanting to blame yourself. There is a huge market in this atm, because no one wants to believe they're the problem. Easier to label your partner a narcissist and blame them for everything. Something Narcissists are blamed for doing. See how silly it is?
Uh… that’s the ‘if everyone’s an ass, you’re the problem’ red flag
A lot of it is just emotional immaturity, but people are labeling everything as narcissism. The way that it's talked about, also makes it sound like these people are setting out to be this way intentionally, when in reality most of these peoples actions are learned behaviours and almost second nature.
That's why self reflection is important, but everyone focuses so much on pathologising other people in their life instead of reflecting on their own behaviours. Plus these conversations completely demonise these behaviours by putting a label of 'narcissism' on them, which just adds extra resistance for people to look inward and recognise these traits in themselves.
And the thing is, most people that you label as 'narcissist' are probably just emotionally immature and would benefit from introspection and working on themselves, but lumping all these behaviours under the umbrella of narcisissm makes it sound like no one could ever be any different. And i think that's the most harmful thing about conversations like these and the popularisation of therapy speak, it's actually not doing what therapy is supposed to do and helping people recognise toxic patterns within themselves and giving them a different perspective on their view and better coping strategies.
@@tttnnnttnnnn but emotional immaturity is narcissism, kids are supposed to learn to consider other people's feelings by the age of 3 but these people never learned to do that.
Dealt for years with ‘communal’ narcissists in the public service. These were very senior people who ran their departments like cult leaders. Every single alternative voice was cancelled. Awful. And very ugly to see up close when you realise they have no humanity despite the pretence of ‘service’. Soul destroying.
Major Topic..very good Analysis..they master the art of deception soo well, they do alot of damage before you realize, In close proximity eg. Fam.Business, Sibling rivalry who even bully Parents who may have favorites...I've been gaslit many times for defending vulnerable among which I was also .... conscience, I hope is now playing out a bit ....
Thank you for reminder: to still be on Alert: avoid
but confront if needs be🎉..didn't realise there are so many variations.😮....God always makes a way of escape ...no fear in perfect Divine❤
there are so many people ,that can sometimes fit into this personality,every where in the world
If I try to tell my sister about something that happened to me, she ALWAYS turns it around and makes it all about her! ALWAYS!!
And if I try to hold a conversation with her, she will disagree with ANYTHING I say (regardless of what she actually believes) and turns it or trys to turn it into an argument!!! EVERY single time!!!
I have had to go low-contact with her, but unfortunately, I live with her, so I stay shut up in "my" bedroom ALL THE TIME!!! My health is the worst it has ever been too!! I want to leave so badly, but I need more money to do that.
This Dr is brilliant at explaining this disorders. And explained my upbringing perfectly.
This school teacher convinced me she loved children so I let my boy go to her class.
It was horrible for my son, so I had guilt being fooled by this "communal" narcissist.
At the end of the year, at the picnic, She commented to me that she saw me talking
to a friend..."You're always talking!" And I said, "I got friends", somebody said "OOH!"
😂teachers can be very power crazy I was one......jeez these kids are gonna grow up real strong .. I guess your son is a dude so hopefully it will have not affected him too much ❤ good4 you!!!
Dr. Ramini!! You totally hit the nail on the head for me. I've been dealing with what I thought was a Grandiose Narc. But now realize she is a Vulnerable Narc!!
My old bjj coach is a communal narcissist. Does something good for the community or someone and makes sure everyone knows about it. Loves attention, loves admiration. And then he was constantly telling us about he doesn't need our money and we can leave anytime. After 7 years, I finally did. Best decision ever. I don't miss him but I do miss the other people in the bjj community
for me, one of the clearest videos with Dr Ramini
My mother seems to be a self-righteous narcissist. Just realized it 6 mths ago when she told me she would NEVER apologize to me for ANYTHING, after saying mean and nasty things to me. I just turned 50.😩
Not ever in my life have I ever heard a sincere/unprompted apology from someone I know. I've even asked for it directly, almost all times ignored. It's hilarious at this point. 😂🙃
I have to double check who wrote this comment .I was thinking it was me write before.I never heard well done for raising kids it’s is not a big deal for my mother
Mom narcs are the worst. Just detach forever. I pray for my mom, but I had to give her to God. Stay strong!
Narcissism is a very interesting spectrum. This type of imformaion is great for people to confirm once they've gotten diagnosed by a psychiatrist. Amazing channel keep it up.
They never self-reflect.
True. They can't self reflect because they hate themselves
Wow, thank you. Dr. Ramani is right on. My ex is the self-righteous communal narcissist in church, being very cold and rigid at home but super warm at church, preying over unhappy women. After his career took of, the grandiose component started to appear. He is a thousand-piece puzzle of the picture of the narcissistic personality.
The Communal Narcissist is my MIL! She is a doctor in psychiatric nursing. she is screwing sick people over daily. but telling herself she is saving them. it is terrifying the damage she is doing.
I'd love to hear more stories and detail about how she operates or gets away with it...and does she tattle on herself to you or...?
How exactly can this happen?
So curious to hear more about this!! I find a lot of doctors/MD's/PhD's are narcs...
Pay attention to this and if there is ever a reportable offense I hope you will let someone know what is going on and spare some vulnerable people from this predator.
@@AshleySigurdson-fs4ep The majority are......
Wow. Blew my mind.
I have been experiencing this realization (don’t go DEEP) after 12 years of marriage and feeling like my husband is not the person I married. This makes soooo much sense and I have been grieving the loss of what I thought we had vs. the mask he was wearing in the beginning. 😮I’m basically a single parent and we manage. At least my kids love to go “deep.” So I’m not completely alone.
I totally tried to "fix" my narcissistic ex. He totally destroyed me physically, spiritually, emotionally, and financially. I wish i knew then what i knew now.
You know how many times I've had this thought over the years? It comes with the territory. You know now, so you are doing better now. ❤
I love what Dr Ramani said about narcissistic people having wounds and THEY need to work on them. I agree with her about the cliche that “hurt people, hurt people.” Not necessarily. Many of us who have been hurt and we would never want to hurt someone else because we know what that feels like. That’s what empathy is.
Brilliant woman and a great interview. Thank you 🙏
Dr Ramani’s teaching is invaluable and sanity, I haven’t missed a single videos in years. The only thing which I still cannot understand is : frequently when Dr R says that there is no hope for improvement and one has to cope by building support outside of the bad relationship, there is no way that can be done. It’s impossible to explain to another person, regardless of how close this person is to you, the depth of horrors of narcissistic abuse if the person never experienced the same and has no concept of it. Everything seems normal on outside!! And Dr R also mentioned many times; confide into someone who can understand you
Seems like an impossible conundrum
With decades of very bad narc emotional abuse I became withdrawn even from people o know b/c they cannot even comprehend my situation. More so, almost any normal person is incredulous: so, if you are stlll in relationship it is probably not that bad?!?!
My ex of 12yrs. She was always a victim. We could drive past a billboard and it would trigger her! Cut me off from family slowly but surely, socially isolated us. I couldn’t breathe wrong if I didn’t want to get yelled at. So that was fun. Lots of healing. Therapy really helped. Which of course she never wanted to join. Pointed out very early on I was dealing with a NPD/BPD person and ways to protect myself and eventually worked my way out of the relationship..with a lot of baggage I’m still dealing with. Get out sooner than later. If something feels off. It probably is! You are not responsible for another person’s evolution.
I love this doctor, I’ve have been following her and I’ve listened to her knowledge since 20osomething .. respect