I find it quite sad that so many people, with or without a personality disorder (myself included) daydream about the same things: being accepted, loved, safe, getting back at bullies or finding the perfect love who would cherish and protect us. It's so human.
@@Clare-tea When people treat you like shit, daydreaming becomes the illusionary survival strategy. But the crux to me is: Why do I sabotage myself with daydreams while treating myself like shit.. 😢
Every single morning I fantasize about being able to snooze an hour longer and to just materialize at work fully dressed and groomed with a cup of coffee in my hand the moment my shift starts.
True that some people don't know what to do with authenticity. These often are the same folks, though, who still are seeking it at some level -- many both need it, and can't offer it, for the same reason: they lacked it during the developmental window when they needed to be on the receiving end. Sad for them; frustrating for those involved with them! 😏
Yes -- early attachment patterns keep playing out. We seek out what we can tolerate based on what we became accustomed to early on, not always what we want or need at a deeper level.
@Goodnuff Fornow important truth and scary . I was thinking it was more like the demons in them want to out do each other or something but your reason makes sense. It is very true that many don't harm and even kill on their own , but do when they pair up. Just watch " female killers" for plenty of examples
Goodnuff Fornow yes on the narcs and common goal! I had a boss and co worker that clashed so bad for years, then they had a common goal...me. I thought good would prevail..ha, right.
My favourite thing about your videos are the moments when you can barely keep a straight face and you smile slightly while continuing to explain the topic at hand
I mainly listen to these on headphones while I work but you're totally right and i like how you can hear the smile in his voice at those points. Dr. Grande is dope as hell
@@serenityfields7514 or it's just amusing to imagine a fantasy where an ENTIRE GALAXY OF WOMEN is all for just one dude. i would definitely break a little if i had to explain that in a strictly professional tone
I have a fantasy about going back in time to when I started school. I would have a little boy body, but my current experience and knowledge. Teachers would be amazed. Classmates would be intimidated. After a few years they realize I should go to college by say 11. It feels like I have wasted my opportunities in life so this would give me not only a second chance, but with the odds of success on my side
But if that happened the little boy who were you would never have existed. If you time travelled like that you it would essentially kill that little boy. Doesn't he deserve to live and grow up and have experiences, even though he never impressed the teachers?
@@SheepWaveMeByeBye time travels have so many paradoxes. I personally solve them by reality splitting. This boy will not stop having been that boy. He will still exist as an adult in a reality where his adult self didn't travel back in time and take over his body... Also, dreams doesn't have to make scientific sense to begin with
Literally have had the textbook same fantasy, that's crazy. I've always been fascinated in testing people's 'reactions' to things, like asking 'what-ifs' all the time, so I've wanted to see what people's reaction would be to what would be considered a genius child (any young child with a man's knowledge and experience would be seen as genius).
Good luck with your second trip through puberty and dating teenagers... :s could get creepy. Lol. Plus being denied access to adult world & media despite your protestations. You won't be allowed full internet. You'll have to sit on the kids table at family meals. It would be hell. Edit : plus you won't live up to your 'genius' potential as you reach adulthood, you will just plateau out and be 'normal' (assuming you are not currently heralded as a genuine genius)
I have many mental disorders. I’ve always lived with a dull but constant feeling of being flawed, incomplete, and imprisoned. My biggest fantasy is to just be normal. To be free from my own mind. To outwardly manifest who I feel I truly am inside.
Do whatever you can to take this Diablo by the horns. I am seeing so so many people, innocent good people adopt and adapt to these wretched charmers. It started a long long time ago and were all just a pawn in their fantasy. I know exactly how you do feel. My adopted mother groomed me and raised me as her own personal servant. I could never accept that I adopted her label of me as her slave. The insanity of what we're taught to be, unknowingly and for what purpose has made itself apparent to me. How we try to reclaim our purpose always is done with other people. How we unknowingly do this can never get accomplished through anyone else. And fear is always what works with us. And what I've concluded is that if we continue to just accept whatever we get with no whys, anything, from our own habits, routines, as well, we will continue to agree to perpetuate this evil behavior in our society. You are not alone in your suffering. I promise. And for you to not have mental issues from these wicked people would mean that you accept their fantasy. We never saw the truth. But your mind is only being normal and saying something needs to change. I get it and I too am looking hard at kicking out these "creeps". Don't ever blindly accept anything. Always question everything for yourself and it's so hard when you're outnumbered. But one day, you will get your answer. And know there are many as well looking for the Truth.
Take a big breath and slowly exhale. Now find a big mirror and look at yourself. Nobody but you, yourself, is as well suited to be you. You are one of a kind and nobody is any better than you. AND while you CAN better yourself, nobody can be a better you than YOU.
As a writer and a survivor of an NPD ex partner I found this really interesting. There were a surprising number of romance novel tropes in those fantasies!
Number 4 is interesting. What some people don’t realize is that even if you become famous, sometimes people who rejected you as a friend or even had a dislike for you, that their dislike might grow even bigger for you because you became famous.
People are truly complex human beings.... The more I explore myself and behavior, the more I see how complex a human being really is. Self love really is the basis to understanding others in an objective fashion.
"When talking about specific fantasies that I have become aware of, information has been changed to protect the INNOCENT." You are so very humane. With you it's always in the small, very fleeting details - how you talk about people with mental health issues, and how you never, ever judge - shown in your very precise choice of words. Words are extremely powerful.
It definitely is not a healthy thing to fall into fantasies, but I can also imagine how excruciating the pain must be for humans to scape somehow from reality into a "comforting" fantacy. This information wakes up in me more compassion, awareness and empowerment at the same time. Much appreciation for sharing your knowledge Dr. Grande. 💖👍
This is fascinating. My ex had a lot of these fantasies. He especially latched on to the "chosen one" fantasy, as he believed that he was superior and special. He thought he had dreams and visions that told him he was specially selected for some divine destiny where he would be a hero to the world. He used this fantasy to demand respect. His fantasies really reached out into some very bizarre realms. He had both Narcissistic and Sociopathic traits.
so many personality disorders that you start to wonder whether if anybody is actually 100% sane. Or maybe people with personality disorders are sane but are viewed as insane when they are given a certain lable.
How about monks. I think they believe the world is constantly changing..So if they can accept that then they won't be disappointed when things change.. No attachment, no disappointment
Agreed. I have heard that the psychology students tend to selfdiagnose some sort of disorder. Also there is this: if I do it, it is social skills, if you do it, it is sociopathy or then other way around in the case of the mentioned students. So is wrongly self diagnosed sociopathy a social skill imposter syndrome?
As I say if you read DSM book and see every disorder applicable to yourself then you are absolutely sane if you see that only one of them or none of them fits you then it is a bit troubling. A personality disorder is when your personality becomes extremely specific and focused on some single thing while absolutely neglecting everything else. same as a drug addiction when the desire for drugs becomes the single desire in life healthy person mush have a balanced personality which includes a little of every "disorder"
As a child I had a very strong "ghost kingdom" fantasy. I think it was a result of abandonment, abuse, and severe ptsd. I'm in a very healthy mental state these days but still dream about the ghost kingdom occassionally. I love your content so much!!
It might be because of too many children s books on vampires, fantasy and violence nowadays. It is really influential and mostly harmful on children s developing and therefore very plastic brain. I don’t get it why teachers, libraries and parents expose kids to these damaging reading materials. I believe it is a major cause of the rampant mental health problems nowadays
@@joincoffee9383 How did you miss the fact that it was the parents' brutality that caused the trauma? If one were to remove a dreadful burden from the abused child, it would be the presence (possibly even the existence) of hateful monsters as parents, rather than trying to cripple the poor child's growing imagination.
I feel awkward now! I’ve had variations of most of the fantasy types cited, but I also understand that they’re just that-fantasies and not rooted in anything actually based in reality. I’m as solidly average as the next person. I was a very lonely and incredibly anxious kid and teen, so I honestly chalk it up to that.
A fascinating video, Dr. Grande. Before I started watching it, I took a moment to reflect on my own fantasies. I laughed when you got to the one where aliens come down and choose the narcissist as a special person. I have had that one! (Though not to gain power, but to gain recognition for my mental abilities.) As a female with narcissistic traits, I also realized that a lot of my fantasies involve me saving the man, rather than being the damsel in distress. I remember even fantasizing about this as a young girl where I would have to save the "stupid boys" when they couldn't handle things. :)
SpiralCee me too I’d be so happy to meet a nice alien. Hope aliens like coffee and donuts 😂 I have some to share and Netflix documentaries and talk a lot
I've got a fantasy - Governments struggle to contain “empowered individuals“. The overall move toward authoritarian globalism worldwide is meeting resistance. Efforts to undermine President Trump’s successful presidency have so far failed. The Chinese are in assent and played a double game. The world population is getting out of control. Time for a reset! Time to release the Bio-Weapons! [Coronavirus]
But aren't a lot of movies and books based on something like this? The reluctant hero who is outed as always having been special? Harry Potter...Like Skywalker...Moses...Braveheart...King Arthur...lots of "witch" stuff..."switched at birth but secretly somebody amazing, secretly a prince or princess, etc." stuff...Snow White, Cinderella...Superman, Shazam...Carrie (in a negative way)...did/do all of those writers/producers have NPD?
@@Juliet_Capulet Good question! Personaly I still have fantasies to find a prince who saves me..uch! 😂 I'm pretty programmed in fairy tails, however I'm the most perfectly target for cluster B types..🙈🙈🙈😨
I'm very intrigued by the idea that the Cluster B personality disorders revolve strongly around fantasy. It's almost as if those fantasies are over-compensations for their early ages; Unrealistic and unmeasurable idealizations of reality, that stem from a childhood void of empathy, joy and safety. They have to make everyone run according to their fantasy, because their fantasies were ignored when they were vulnerable, naive and young. It's a matter of permanent vengeance upon anyone who is deemed as someone to be jealous of. It is common to not understand the concept of admiration, but rather cold jealousy. it is also interesting that since they had to fantasize more often than children without personality disorders, they became the masterminds of fantasies already when they were young, while children without future pd's would spend their time more externally. So actually, this video really makes me realize that a lot of Cluster B's goal in life is to realize some kind of a base-fantasy reality that they created as a coping mechanism to their reality and they might feel that they need to push that reality onto everyone else, so that they can finally feel in control. Definitely an interesting video, thank you Mister Grande!
I lived through trauma and abuse as a child and survived through fantasy. Sometimes it disrupted my life but I was able to manage it and slowly real life intruded and my fantasies were relegated to just before falling asleep. I always wanted to be an author, but avoided it as my mother told me I’d never succeed. I always had an idea that the fantasies were not healthy, though. I tried to control myself and the fantasies. Now as an adult I think how sad and lonely that little girl was. That she/I lived in pretend worlds to cope with the constant pain. No child should have to endure that.
@@panelolli I don’t, but my 17 yr old daughter is an incredible writer and has such a beautiful way with words and she will be pursuing her first published work this year as it’s in editing phase now. My blessing has been to end the cycle of abuse and give my 6 children all of the love, support and understanding that all children should be getting and that I was never able to have. Not that I live vicariously through them, I’m careful not to do that! But it is such a huge blessing to watch them blossom as unique individuals and to be able to support them in chasing their dreams ❤️
I nearly started balling when you mentioned borderlines fantasize about being popular. I have bpd and can definitely relate. My fantasies arent as exaggerated now but if I'm really depressed, i still catch myself crying wondering why i was never accepted by other kids. I didnt necessarly want to be popular but i often wonder why i wasnt worthy of kindness like every kid should be entitled to
I can relate to popularity. But it is not about being special. It is about being random. Not bullied and put down. Sometimes i feel being addicted to harmony attracts troublemakers and bullies. What an irony.
@@laratheplanespotterxactly what I thought. Can’t just put a traumatic response on a full blown personality disorder unless there are other aspects that can be seen to confirm the disorder. All good people want to be loved and accepted it’s natural.
This has been the best video yet. I could actually relate to some of those fantasies. Ashamed to admit, I've even had the one about the aliens. But the weird thing is that I actually was visited by a UFO and I felt like I was communicating telepathically with them. I've also had other telepathic experiences on psychedelics with my friend. He still remembers the whole thing, 4 years later.
Shakespeare said, 'There are more things within heaven and on Earth that are known of in your philosophy.' I would like to ask him 'wtf do you mean!?!'
I’ve had some of these! But like, in periods of high stress or high depression, typically. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, ADHD, and I’ve had periods of Depression, so when I was really feeling hurt/bullied in school/lonely as a child, I used to fantasize about getting attention from a fictional “new kid” that those who bullied me respected/admired, or being a fantastical “chosen one” so that people would respect me. The fantasy of self-suffering and being admired for that has come into play in my more depressive moments (though that can tie in with self harm in my case, which is why I’ve always believed “you’re acting depressed for attention” can actually be a sign of mental health issues... wanting attention to that degree isn’t healthy either, I don’t think!). I’ve even been known to have fantasies where my mental health issues were somehow a boon, allowing me and all those many folks like me to do or see things others could not - almost like that movie “Glass,” though preferably with less focus on being “broken.” Despite this, I’ve always placed these thoughts in the realm of impossibility. I am very much a reader of the fantasy genre, where I see an outlet for these ideas I have had. I’ve always been a HUGELY creative person, too, so I’m not surprised I have an active fantasy life. And I (like to) think a lot of people are like me, in that we have had these thoughts or have indulged these fantasies in our minds from time to time, but they don’t overshadow our lives much, if at all. It’s an idealized world. Or an impossible world. We just happen to have the ability to picture it.
#6.) I believe this comes from a vulnerable narcissist's desire to self actualize. This fantasy promises her a concrete experience from which to derive internal validation by invalidating those that judge and reject her. She believes this will sooth her anxiety about her life decisions and finally give her the confidence to stand up for herself. This fantasy is constructed early in childhood in order to resolve the confusion after gas lighting by a narcissistic caretaker.
I used to have this #4 fantasy to popularity succeed in order to get attention and validation from all the people who rejected me. Then life got in the way because, you know, life's not about what YOU want so I had to learn to heal my wounds rather than living in a dream, it was painfull as hell, I realized that it was a coping mecanism to avoid all my personnal issues, so I had to learn a lot of things, re-educate myself. Yet it was the best choice of my life, I'm starting to feel better and I can now clearly see how much of an egoist I was.
How did you do it...I'm constantly living in my head,just realised now been doing it to escape my reality.il probably delete my comment soon because I hate leaving a trail on the internet.
I think one of my favorite and most comforting fantasies is being able to change shape and escape daily life. Sometimes I turn into a bird and fly away for a bit, resting from a safe distance. Sometimes I turn into a spider and hide around my workplaces, close to other people so I can still feel company, but also unnoticed and quietly snuggled away so I can still feel safe. This was really interesting because it made me think about why I find a small, silly fantasy like that comforting. I'm pretty anxious--turning into an unassuming animal and watching from afar makes me feel like I'm part of something while also existing in a comfortable, predictable bubble.
Your assessment of the fantasy about redemption (moving cash to a bank vault, going from -10 to +10) is accurate. Its actually my most common fantasy, and I personally know that the "great shift" is what satisfies me.
I have a dream about loved ones who have passed away, them meeting in the afterlife as spirits and traveling our world, seeing all its wonders and the beauty of Nature, and then I wake up and I realize I'm alone and wishing to be with them on their journey. The sensation of loss can be overwhelming at times. I guess everyone has a preconceived idea of what happens to us after we die. As we get older, we lose our friends and family one by one, and each loss is harder to bear. That's partly why I have a companion animal to keep me grounded.
Communal narcissism is my ex 100%. He was mr. anything you need and full of generosity towards everyone within our community but, us? Oh no. Everything was always held over my daughter and I 's head and we could never appreciate him enough. Behind closed doors he was a full on abusive bully that threw empty beer cans at me and he would go on tirades.
Totally absorbing variety of bizarre pathological fantasies. Perplexing & unknown most, to me. Lots of delusion, lack of insight, strange & unlikely(schizoid) events. This field of study sounds demanding & detail oriented. Much respect for your vids, Dr. G!
As a teenager, my favorite thing to do was go to the park, swing on the swing set, and fantasize while listening to music. I could go for 2 hours some days - until I had lasting marks in my legs from the swing. I specifically remember daydreaming about being a secret warrior. In my fantasy, I'd be in school like normal, and my super awesome nemesis would bust in, armed, and challenge me, revealing my secret identity, and I'd have to battle him and it was super badass.
Eye opening. I'm going to need to watch this a few times to absorb it all. The violent fantasies of my father has been handed down to his son and grandson. The three of them ARE the dark triad, as a group.
I wonder why he is saying that about schizoids because schizoids are actually extreme extraverts and they are just too crazy to be accepted into any society and this is why they are forced to be alone Schizoid fantasies are extremely crazy and even surreal for formal people.
Yes. For the questions about "what superpower would you most like to have?" my answer is always invisibility. I don't want people to notice how different I am.
The two main fantasies that I have the most are that I'm adored and loved by all, I become masterful at something, like an instrument, and it makes me famous, and everyone loves and admires me. The second, which happens much less frequently, is the typical "shower thoughts" fantasy where I imagine myself being in the past, sometimes with the knowledge and abilities I have now, and sometimes just a 'predestined' altercation where I come out ahead of something I lived through, like an argument or a school fist fight. Never thought about it before, but I suppose I might have narcissistic tendencies.
DUDE SAME. I constantly daydream about being a famous musician (or a musician with some amount of fame). Maybe it’s just because i aspire to be that but idk
Sometimes I tell my son how great it would be to be a famous singer on a stage where everyone loves me. Must be fantastic. As long as you are on the stage at least.
The singer George Michael wanted to be a star. He wanted people of love him. And then, sadly, it came to be and he was miserable! And overwhelmed by it all.
I wish you had met my friend who was diagnosed schizotypal. He definitely had fantasies of being special and having special powers and being recognized by people as such. In my opinion he was narcissistic as well.
Ohhh my god you just unlocked a childhood memory. My friend in grade 5 was the strange dinosaur-obsessed kid with all the expensive new toys, so I loved going to his house. One day he told me, with a look that still chills me now, he imagines beating people to death with his hulk gloves. He grew up to be the weird goth kid and I've since lost contact. Maybe I should keep an eye on him 🤔
Maybe since you've lost connection, you should try and reach out? If you were friends to begin with, what happened to you, to where now, you call him (generalize him as) this "weird goth kid"? I think the main mode of this channel is to upload high quality videos that are topically quite expansive but without the big strokes and overall clinical vibe, which turns some people off... (Important not to do when you're trying to give someone the tools and demonstration of some reason why and ways how they're used) Not create a profile of a person you're tearing down from the start. Agreesivem
@@LowdownBoy I lost connection so long ago. I've tried to find him, but he's off social media and I don't have any mutual connections anymore. Why does my comment bother you? Do you relate to my friend and feel bad that I was affraid of him? What's it to you?
Reminds me of the immortal fictional 'Royal Tenenbaum' who willed that it was written on his tombstone, 'Died Tragically Whilst Saving and Entire Family from a Sinking Magnificient Ocean Liner.'
Imagine a woman with personality disorder poisoning one or more of her family members to get sympathy and along with that fantasy she also gets life insurance money. She would see that as a win / win situation.
These relationships have really taken a toll on me because you realize they didn't love you and took something very precious from you.your sense of safety and the hope of love. I can never risk this happening to me again I only have half a brain as is it is now. The level of the sex addictionI have witnessed is truly unbelievable and everybody just thinks you're nuts. Both my ex-boyfriend's are either in prison or facing prison because their sexual fantasies became abusive and criminal. They feed and pet it and take care of that fantasy as priority one. until it takes them over and they lose everything.
I was admitted to the emergency room and found to have had two ischemic strokes. I was 49 at the time. One of the doctors had put into my medical notes that I had histrionic presentation and when I was later told how I behaved in the emergency room I was mortified. Also part of the reason was when I expressed to him a true life experience of being brutally assaulted at the age of 12 causing me to sustain a concussion after my head was stomped on. He thought I had made the story much worse than it could possibly have been because it was so brutal. Everything I said was true but I have no recollection of the report of the way I behaved in the emergency room. As I thought about it later I found it interesting that an emergency room doctor would make a psychiatric assessment.
Some doctors are just a$$hats. I had a stroke 3 days after delivering a baby when I was 34 yrs old. I had just left the hospital that morning, came back that evening completely confused and disoriented and frightened. It was a terrible experience. My mind was coming back to me but I was very afraid of what could have happened to me and the ER doc wasted two hours insisting that I was on drugs. It was really annoying and the guy was a total jerk about it, then after all the three rounds of tests came back proving I was (of course) totally sober, he started asking me questions about post partum depression and psychosis. My obstetrician arrived finally and ordered tests and discovered all the blood clots in my lungs and pelvis and brain. Some doctors have NPD and that’s what drives them to the position of doctor. They want to be correct and condescending.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. Personality disorders are not possible to diagnose without knowing a person across situations long term- certainly not in a distressing situation like needing to go to the ER. And he wasn’t qualified to diagnose. A judgmental and irresponsible a$$hole. Plenty more where he came from sadly. I’m a clinical psychologist too.
@@paigewesterfield1840 when I was 9 mos pregnant I wound up in the ER w/a very high fever and suspected sepsis of some kind. Needed IV antibiotics and monitoring of the baby. Anyway, the ER doc was creepy, just the way he was examining me & so casual when I was so sick and terrified. Then he tells me he wants the nurse to take my temperature rectally. I’m a nurse & this is never how it is done for a situation like mine. There was no need for that. I immediately felt uncomfortable (plus as a pregnant woman I had hemorrhoids & wanted nothing to do with a thermometer!) He refused to start the IV antibiotics my OB had ordered or give me any fever reducers until I agreed to have the rectal temperature taken. I was so angry, he walked away & the nurse tells me (angrily) that he does this to a lot of young women patients! I was so frustrated that nobody had reported him, it seemed very much like some weird assault. After I sat there shivering and sick for an hour I started demanding hospital administrators to be called. And that settled that. The notes that doctor made on my record included “histrionic personality disorder suspected” & “major depressive disorder suspected” it was completely absurd. I have nothing but compassion for people that suffer with these issues and I have had major depression in my life. It really made me angry that he was writing that in as some kind of insult or punishment to me. That was one of the most sick and bizarre experiences I’ve ever had. I wouldn’t be shocked if that doctor murdered someone
You’re so chill. Interesting dialogue…. I’d be more likely to say, “Of course, some of you fancy yourselves experts.” Lol. Seriously, I appreciate the way you don’t shame. Helps facilitate conversation!
I fantasize being able to travel through time. It's something I built on throughout childhood since the 70s. I always a pet trilobite, to watch the first fish come on land, see the first flowers and trees. Obviously I can't do this, so I got into paleontology. 😂
I'm convinced I'm narc, borderline n histrionic after hearing these. Luckily I see a psychologist who says I'm just lonely and depressed and refuse to take ssris. lol
@@gratefulila9980 Exactly. Literally try everything else first. Diet, walking, massage, being outdoors and looking up at wide vistas, clouds and so forth, the horizon line of a large body of water, any form of art therapy (music, painting, dance), keeping a journal and writing poetry, yoga. Try several at once, it's synergistic. If you're not opposed to eating an animal, vegan plus occasional fish is worth a try. If you do eat meat, try giving up mammals, and giving up all but fermented dairy (yogurt, kefir, camembert), and eating that only in moderation.
I’ve seen that 9th fantasy with the apartment happen with a house and a basement. It’s wild how fantasy can grow to the point where they stop being fantasy.
This is quite an education. I am truly impressed by this Psychologist. The individuals that I have bumped into in the hospital always seem to be in need of treatment themselves. They probably think the same of me!
Your videos are really helpful. I'm taking a lot of psychology classes in university, and I just got out of an abusive relationship. I feel like your content is helping me learn how to protect myself and convincing me to study psychology more.
It’s amazing the places our minds can take us! I also started thinking about my own fantasy-which is to live by the beach, with hot weather year round and sell coconuts for a leaving....☀️ This fantasy seems very simplistic compared to many others LOL Fantastic video Dr. Grande, and thank you for a full 25 minutes of lecture!👌🏼
Very useful video - plenty of inspiration for my next daydreaming session! My personal favourite - the one with the mind control, never actually could have thought of it by myself
This is highly interesting. I really appreciate hearing all of this information and it give me a lot to reflect on about my own fantasies and much more. Thank you Dr. Grande!!
Thanks! I don't know how you keep a straight face for 90% of these! That's why you're a therapist and I'm not. Have you had to cultivate a poker face? Have you ever burst out laughing in therapy?
Quintessence How is any of this funny? Just because he breaks down clinical material for a general audience doesn’t make the material any less clinical. He’s a professional; he doesn’t laugh because he recognizes the distress that personality disorders cause those who suffer them.
Wow all those fantasies sound of what movies and videogames are made of! Which makes me think it's what humanity is made of. Also I wonder about a sort of institutional narcissism/psychopaty since the military have spent billions in "strategies" strikingly similar as the fantasies depicted.... In my experience, not knowing if that's actual or just my idea, I've felt like those personalities try to imbue others on behavior that can lead them to cooperate on fulfilling their exaggerated expectations. Thanks Dr. Grande your videos are so enriching to figure out somehow such difficult topics!
description from studies seems to label all kinds of human actions. who is categorized a normal person working in a normal place when all people are labeled with a condition? seems no escape from these terms. but this make us realize what we are. its vexing me overall. They mastered a humans mind, very informative. thank you for sharing Doc.
My fantasy for a long time was getting a 51/50 on my mom when I was a kid because she honest to god wasnt right upstairs and hurt us with her messed up mindset and deflection of blame and barratement. I would say she expressed borderline traits or something along those lines, and it hurt both to face her manic moments, but I knew she was hurting too. Note I never wanted her locked up (she's been there, done that and it cleary didn't help her). I wanted her to be well, to get help, but I was also a scared kid who also had the burden of protecting the family, meaning staying quiet and keeping all the bullshit on the inside of our walls, because it was dangerous to put that out in the open. I didn't want to be the reason we ended up in the foster system, or homeless, or worse so doing nothing felt like the lesser of two evils.
I was diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder and I Obsessively fantasize. One thing I constantly fantasize about is committing suicide and how upset everyone would be at my funeral and how they all remember me as being great. Sometimes I fantasize that I was in a plane crash out at sea and that I was assumed to be dead and eventually pronounced dead and at my funeral thousands of people show up and right as they're reading my eulogy my manager (I'm a famous celebrity in my fantasy) looks at his phone and discovers that the news has broke that I Somehow I survived and was rescued by Asian fisherman and everyone is crying and happy and I talk to everyone via video chat from the hospital.
Thanks for the comment. It’s really interesting to actually hear about the view of someone with narcissistic personality disorder. Do you also go to therapy for NPD? And why did you go to get diagnosed?
@@CBRRR-eh3ky I'm not sure. In my experience it's very hard to get a specific diagnosis from a mental health professional. Especially if it's a disorder that has a social stigma like NPD. The place I went to used codes for every diagnosis and I only found out my official diagnosis because I looked it up. Like for example they wouldn't write that you have general anxiety disorder they would write something like 302.4 or some shit like that. Every code corresponds to a specific diagnosis. I think all mental health professionals use the same codes because I googled it and it popped right up. I definitely have features of both vulnerable and grandiose narcissism. I've had a lot of therapy and try to be more mindful of my behavior.
Knowing doctors and psychologists, and having worked with a lot of really f'd up people over the years, I feel so grateful that I have not suffered from any of these conditions, and have had a very fun life. This is not something to just take for granted.
This came closer than anything I’ve watched or read in 6 years to clearing up the idea of narc fantasies. What stumps me is how these fantasies manifest in the narcs around us who undoubtedly don’t go around announcing their fantasies. My narc was the only person I had ever known who would secretly photograph, often following them taking dozens of pictures, women in bikinis at the beach, pool, lake, etc ... He wouldn’t even hide this hobby from his wife or kids or parents. He would take a couple dozen family pics and easily over 400 extreme close ups of women’s bodies on every vacation we took. He would take them from our hotel balcony, underwater while snorkeling, on walks by himself ... anywhere. He said it wasnt a violation of privacy because the women were out in public. The only way I got him to lessen the creepy habit was by convincing him that EVERYONE on the beach knew what a 60 yr old man with a foot long zoom camera on the beach was doing. I know he didn’t ‘use’ the pictures later for any unsavory purpose, either ... as sure as I can be. He truly just took some thrill from getting closer to those women than they would ever actually allow him to be. Obsession with beauty? Power? How could he not have been embarrassed by this behavior amongst family and friends?
I think that there are two other elements of the "hated then loved/redemption and success" fantasy. The first involves having correct hidden knowledge to everyone else. Everyone was wrong about you doing the bad, but you always knew you were good, you were right, and now everyone knows that you were right! This gives you a sense of power, control, righteousness over everyone else in the situation even as you are being victimized. A second element is the double dipping of two "admirable" qualities: being a hero (where you did the good) and being a victim (falsely being accused of the bad)! These two things kind of add up to make you a super double good person as people both admire you and feel sorry for you.
This narcissist I knew moved to a kind of "cabin in the woods" scenario, over 100km from a major city, but it was only partially to get away from people. He also wanted to control the people he maintained contact with, such that only people who did his bidding (which included slavishly following his every word, but also manual labour, driving, work on projects) would have anything to do with him. No-one else could get to him for long - if they drove to where he lived, there was nowhere to stay there. When it got too busy after a decade there, he moved to an island state even more remote. He would also associate with people over the internet but again, only prolong contact with those who echoed his every utterance back to him in approbation. NPDs like to funnel people to get rid of all those that don't worship them and only accept those who do. It's not easy to do that in a big city.
Dr Grande, I’m watching this excellent lesson on fantasy from the future, May 2021. While I enjoy the analysis of celebrities etc you are currently working on, I miss these educational talks very much. Please consider doing more of them
I once met a narcissist, but I didn't know that's what he was. .... my first clue was when he started to invalidate me about my clothes, my religion, Etc. I looked up the word "invalidation"... And Google led me to 'narcissism'. So I started to study that daily. I didn't realize I should not confront him about some subjects,,,That you have to be careful what you say to them...But anyway one day, I was thinking= I wonder if this guy has empathy. So I asked him: "What would you say to me If I told you my dog just died"? And this was his response: "Get over it" .....
@m norton buswell lol. I prefer to have animals in my life rather than people. So I guess my birds and 2 cats and dog are sources of supply? I dont know if you're correct I find animals important to me because I love animals and they feel safer than people because they dont judge and they love you back unconditionally.
R J Now if his dog died he’d expect massive amounts of attention and sympathy and would play up his grief over the loss. He certainly wouldn’t “get over it”. Actually he might make the whole thing up for attention, never having had a dog in the first place...
m norton buswell I have AS and am beginning to think I am somewhere on the Cluster B spectrum too. I do have several friends and close family but am pretty obsessed with my cats - not sure if they count as “supply” but I am quite needy and do appreciate being shown love by animals as well as humans.
When we look at people, we find it hard to beyond a plain shell. I know I can be goofy and weird, but seeing this... I can't believe there are people who walk around believing the stuff that you are presenting. I believe you, I just can't believe people are stranger than I.
Speak for yourself! I think it's profoundly dysfunctional, although extremely common, to look at other people and see only empty shells. Perchance do you play a lot of video games, and/or call other people "NPCs"? Personally, I always assume other people have rich and complicated inner lives, but I cannot possibly be privy to them even if we get to know one another. It makes life beautiful and fascinating.
Nearly all of the emotional fantasies you describe pretty much sum up Hollywood's existence... shame they're a tad bit too influential sometimes but I digress.. For me, books, movies, video games & music allow me to "live" out a feeling, thought or an idea without ever leaving my mind.😇 thats a good thing.
I fantasize about romance alot. I crave it. I write poems etc. I feel like I have too much estrogen at times, but at the same time I can be manly. Very informative Dr.
The fantasies for Obsessive Compulsive PD and the ones for Paranoid PD really hit home for me. These are the types of fantasies I started having at an extremely young age and still do. I’m sure anyone could argue “but EVERYBODY fantasizes about reading minds and for things to play out perfectly as planned”, but not being able to recognize somebody’s intentions and/or if my presence is welcomed seems to get in between me and potentially value friendships, relationships, and even work-related relationships. And as far as fantasizing about things running smoothly as planned without incident, I find myself sitting at my desk with my resting heart rate above 150 freaking out about an engineering task I need to start yet not starting it due to the fear that something will go wrong sooner rather than later. Sometimes it is like I am so afraid of failure and disaster that I fail either way due to not even attempting.
Always enjoyable to listen to your centered wisdom. I feel like my creativity is lacking now tho!😅 it's obvious how much work you put into these videos🙏 always appreciating your time.
These are all spot on, I've been through most of these fantasys even the psycopathic one's. I'm only 20 and for the last 10 years my life has been nothing but a problem. I don't enjoy life anymore and I use these fantasys to escape reality. It's the only thing keeping me going, I live in my own delusional fucked up reality and there's no chance of me making it anywhere in life. I never asked for this.
I find it quite sad that so many people, with or without a personality disorder (myself included) daydream about the same things: being accepted, loved, safe, getting back at bullies or finding the perfect love who would cherish and protect us. It's so human.
Maybe because so many people have treated them like shit.
@@Clare-tea
When people treat you like shit, daydreaming becomes the illusionary survival strategy. But the crux to me is: Why do I sabotage myself with daydreams while treating myself like shit.. 😢
Ironically, you get the same amount as everyone else.
Sounds like being Human is a Personality Disorder.
@@PermanentWater boom! ya said it all
Every single morning I fantasize about being able to snooze an hour longer and to just materialize at work fully dressed and groomed with a cup of coffee in my hand the moment my shift starts.
Me too! 😁
👌🏼
Sounds very familiar!! :)
LOL I want to completely move away from corporate world and live in forest with my own sources.
Beam me up Scotty.
So weird that the same people who lack empathy, actually fantasize about getting it from other people.
True that some people don't know what to do with authenticity. These often are the same folks, though, who still are seeking it at some level -- many both need it, and can't offer it, for the same reason: they lacked it during the developmental window when they needed to be on the receiving end. Sad for them; frustrating for those involved with them! 😏
Nah they want you to admire them as a superior human being.
Yes -- early attachment patterns keep playing out. We seek out what we can tolerate based on what we became accustomed to early on, not always what we want or need at a deeper level.
@Goodnuff Fornow important truth and scary . I was thinking it was more like the demons in them want to out do each other or something but your reason makes sense. It is very true that many don't harm and even kill on their own , but do when they pair up. Just watch " female killers" for plenty of examples
Goodnuff Fornow yes on the narcs and common goal! I had a boss and co worker that clashed so bad for years, then they had a common goal...me. I thought good would prevail..ha, right.
My favourite thing about your videos are the moments when you can barely keep a straight face and you smile slightly while continuing to explain the topic at hand
I mainly listen to these on headphones while I work but you're totally right and i like how you can hear the smile in his voice at those points. Dr. Grande is dope as hell
y e s
yes qiet a lot of cut's in this wun mmm , it must get sareel sum time's , how do you stop from corpsing? i don't think i cood🤗🤗🤗
its called dupers delight
@@serenityfields7514 or it's just amusing to imagine a fantasy where an ENTIRE GALAXY OF WOMEN is all for just one dude. i would definitely break a little if i had to explain that in a strictly professional tone
Thank you for your work. One of the best channels on UA-cam
I have a fantasy about going back in time to when I started school. I would have a little boy body, but my current experience and knowledge. Teachers would be amazed. Classmates would be intimidated. After a few years they realize I should go to college by say 11. It feels like I have wasted my opportunities in life so this would give me not only a second chance, but with the odds of success on my side
But if that happened the little boy who were you would never have existed. If you time travelled like that you it would essentially kill that little boy. Doesn't he deserve to live and grow up and have experiences, even though he never impressed the teachers?
@@SheepWaveMeByeBye time travels have so many paradoxes. I personally solve them by reality splitting. This boy will not stop having been that boy. He will still exist as an adult in a reality where his adult self didn't travel back in time and take over his body... Also, dreams doesn't have to make scientific sense to begin with
@@SheepWaveMeByeBye you are basically giving concerns about consequenses to a fantasy that will never be actualized anyway
Literally have had the textbook same fantasy, that's crazy. I've always been fascinated in testing people's 'reactions' to things, like asking 'what-ifs' all the time, so I've wanted to see what people's reaction would be to what would be considered a genius child (any young child with a man's knowledge and experience would be seen as genius).
Good luck with your second trip through puberty and dating teenagers... :s could get creepy. Lol. Plus being denied access to adult world & media despite your protestations. You won't be allowed full internet. You'll have to sit on the kids table at family meals. It would be hell. Edit : plus you won't live up to your 'genius' potential as you reach adulthood, you will just plateau out and be 'normal' (assuming you are not currently heralded as a genuine genius)
I have many mental disorders. I’ve always lived with a dull but constant feeling of being flawed, incomplete, and imprisoned. My biggest fantasy is to just be normal. To be free from my own mind. To outwardly manifest who I feel I truly am inside.
Do whatever you can to take this Diablo by the horns. I am seeing so so many people, innocent good people adopt and adapt to these wretched charmers. It started a long long time ago and were all just a pawn in their fantasy. I know exactly how you do feel. My adopted mother groomed me and raised me as her own personal servant. I could never accept that I adopted her label of me as her slave. The insanity of what we're taught to be, unknowingly and for what purpose has made itself apparent to me. How we try to reclaim our purpose always is done with other people. How we unknowingly do this can never get accomplished through anyone else. And fear is always what works with us. And what I've concluded is that if we continue to just accept whatever we get with no whys, anything, from our own habits, routines, as well, we will continue to agree to perpetuate this evil behavior in our society. You are not alone in your suffering. I promise. And for you to not have mental issues from these wicked people would mean that you accept their fantasy. We never saw the truth. But your mind is only being normal and saying something needs to change. I get it and I too am looking hard at kicking out these "creeps". Don't ever blindly accept anything. Always question everything for yourself and it's so hard when you're outnumbered. But one day, you will get your answer. And know there are many as well looking for the Truth.
So much. I'll say 'it just never stops' over&over
Take a big breath and slowly exhale. Now find a big mirror and look at yourself. Nobody but you, yourself, is as well suited to be you. You are one of a kind and nobody is any better than you. AND while you CAN better yourself, nobody can be a better you than YOU.
May God make that true in the hereafter ❤️
Yeah , it’s funny when you find narcs in the comments… Damn
As a writer and a survivor of an NPD ex partner I found this really interesting. There were a surprising number of romance novel tropes in those fantasies!
You were the NPD sufferer.
@@gotterdammerung6088 You have no possible way of knowing that, so you're just being mean to a stranger. Why?
Might have meant that the ‘sufferer’ isn’t the person who has NPD, but the person abused by the narcissist?
@@kitwhitfield7169 Oh, that would make sense yeah.
@@kitwhitfield7169 That's how I interpreted it, the person who is caused to suffer by the NPD person (who is suffering, too).
Number 4 is interesting. What some people don’t realize is that even if you become famous, sometimes people who rejected you as a friend or even had a dislike for you, that their dislike might grow even bigger for you because you became famous.
People are truly complex human beings.... The more I explore myself and behavior, the more I see how complex a human being really is. Self love really is the basis to understanding others in an objective fashion.
"When talking about specific fantasies that I have become aware of, information has been changed to protect the INNOCENT." You are so very humane. With you it's always in the small, very fleeting details - how you talk about people with mental health issues, and how you never, ever judge - shown in your very precise choice of words. Words are extremely powerful.
Yes- I agree he actually genuinely cares and has conviction for his work.
This was so well articulated, I am overwhelmed with the detail.
It definitely is not a healthy thing to fall into fantasies, but I can also imagine how excruciating the pain must be for humans to scape somehow from reality into a "comforting" fantacy. This information wakes up in me more compassion, awareness and empowerment at the same time. Much appreciation for sharing your knowledge Dr. Grande. 💖👍
This is fascinating. My ex had a lot of these fantasies. He especially latched on to the "chosen one" fantasy, as he believed that he was superior and special. He thought he had dreams and visions that told him he was specially selected for some divine destiny where he would be a hero to the world. He used this fantasy to demand respect. His fantasies really reached out into some very bizarre realms. He had both Narcissistic and Sociopathic traits.
so many personality disorders that you start to wonder whether if anybody is actually 100% sane. Or maybe people with personality disorders are sane but are viewed as insane when they are given a certain lable.
How about monks. I think they believe the world is constantly changing..So if they can accept that then they won't be disappointed when things change.. No attachment, no disappointment
Agreed. I have heard that the psychology students tend to selfdiagnose some sort of disorder. Also there is this: if I do it, it is social skills, if you do it, it is sociopathy or then other way around in the case of the mentioned students. So is wrongly self diagnosed sociopathy a social skill imposter syndrome?
No it is not. I managed to read the definition of sociopathy from the wikipedia.
I doubt anybody is %100 sane
As I say if you read DSM book and see every disorder applicable to yourself then you are absolutely sane if you see that only one of them or none of them fits you then it is a bit troubling.
A personality disorder is when your personality becomes extremely specific and focused on some single thing while absolutely neglecting everything else. same as a drug addiction when the desire for drugs becomes the single desire in life
healthy person mush have a balanced personality which includes a little of every "disorder"
And I thought my fantasy of getting back to body building was asking for too much.
Not at all, you can do it buddy
Go for it!
I'm doing it at 68 years and am in great shape at the moment. Go for it !
Pretty narcissistic, but go ahead.
😁😃😂😂😂😂
Netflix and Chill?
Nah, I'll binge watch Todd Grande..
Me too
Me three
Me four
Hey are we having any snacks I brought some human flesh
Me five!!!
That’s my fantasy!!
As a child I had a very strong "ghost kingdom" fantasy. I think it was a result of abandonment, abuse, and severe ptsd. I'm in a very healthy mental state these days but still dream about the ghost kingdom occassionally. I love your content so much!!
Ooo, a "ghost" kingdom sounds like the beginning of a great story, novel or even a series of novels!
It might be because of too many children s books on vampires, fantasy and violence nowadays. It is really influential and mostly harmful on children s developing and therefore very plastic brain. I don’t get it why teachers, libraries and parents expose kids to these damaging reading materials. I believe it is a major cause of the rampant mental health problems nowadays
@@joincoffee9383 How did you miss the fact that it was the parents' brutality that caused the trauma? If one were to remove a dreadful burden from the abused child, it would be the presence (possibly even the existence) of hateful monsters as parents, rather than trying to cripple the poor child's growing imagination.
@@WWZenaDo go ahead and soak your own children’s brain in vampire and violence genre books, movies and video game. Good luck.
@@WWZenaDo BTW I am all for licensed parenthood.
I feel awkward now! I’ve had variations of most of the fantasy types cited, but I also understand that they’re just that-fantasies and not rooted in anything actually based in reality. I’m as solidly average as the next person.
I was a very lonely and incredibly anxious kid and teen, so I honestly chalk it up to that.
A fascinating video, Dr. Grande. Before I started watching it, I took a moment to reflect on my own fantasies. I laughed when you got to the one where aliens come down and choose the narcissist as a special person. I have had that one! (Though not to gain power, but to gain recognition for my mental abilities.) As a female with narcissistic traits, I also realized that a lot of my fantasies involve me saving the man, rather than being the damsel in distress. I remember even fantasizing about this as a young girl where I would have to save the "stupid boys" when they couldn't handle things. :)
SpiralCee me too I’d be so happy to meet a nice alien. Hope aliens like coffee and donuts 😂 I have some to share and Netflix documentaries and talk a lot
joan baczek Coffee, Donuts, and Netflix Documentaries... Not sure about those, but I heard they like Anal. 😐😬
I've got a fantasy -
Governments struggle to contain “empowered individuals“.
The overall move toward authoritarian globalism worldwide is meeting resistance.
Efforts to undermine President Trump’s successful presidency have so far failed.
The Chinese are in assent and played a double game.
The world population is getting out of control.
Time for a reset!
Time to release the Bio-Weapons!
[Coronavirus]
But aren't a lot of movies and books based on something like this? The reluctant hero who is outed as always having been special? Harry Potter...Like Skywalker...Moses...Braveheart...King Arthur...lots of "witch" stuff..."switched at birth but secretly somebody amazing, secretly a prince or princess, etc." stuff...Snow White, Cinderella...Superman, Shazam...Carrie (in a negative way)...did/do all of those writers/producers have NPD?
@@Juliet_Capulet Good question! Personaly I still have fantasies to find a prince who saves me..uch! 😂 I'm pretty programmed in fairy tails, however I'm the most perfectly target for cluster B types..🙈🙈🙈😨
POOR DOCTORS!! The things they have to hear and worry about! Yikes!! THANK U DR. AND GOD BLESS!!💝💝💝🙏🙏🙏
Ikr. I for sure wouldn't sleep at nights
Completely agree, yikes.
Oh come on psychology is fun
This channel is gold. Interesting and intermittently hilarious
Here because I was almost killed by my ex psychopathic narc. Learning a lot, thank you!!
That's horrible. Hope u doing OK now. Take a good care of yourself dear.💜
I'm thee only on who wants to know more
@@jeremijasskrabas5955 will be mundane violence in reality never lives up to the fantasy.
I'm very intrigued by the idea that the Cluster B personality disorders revolve strongly around fantasy. It's almost as if those fantasies are over-compensations for their early ages; Unrealistic and unmeasurable idealizations of reality, that stem from a childhood void of empathy, joy and safety. They have to make everyone run according to their fantasy, because their fantasies were ignored when they were vulnerable, naive and young. It's a matter of permanent vengeance upon anyone who is deemed as someone to be jealous of. It is common to not understand the concept of admiration, but rather cold jealousy.
it is also interesting that since they had to fantasize more often than children without personality disorders, they became the masterminds of fantasies already when they were young, while children without future pd's would spend their time more externally. So actually, this video really makes me realize that a lot of Cluster B's goal in life is to realize some kind of a base-fantasy reality that they created as a coping mechanism to their reality and they might feel that they need to push that reality onto everyone else, so that they can finally feel in control.
Definitely an interesting video, thank you Mister Grande!
Genius….
@@MichaelDHockenberry appreciate your comment Michael
I lived through trauma and abuse as a child and survived through fantasy. Sometimes it disrupted my life but I was able to manage it and slowly real life intruded and my fantasies were relegated to just before falling asleep.
I always wanted to be an author, but avoided it as my mother told me I’d never succeed.
I always had an idea that the fantasies were not healthy, though. I tried to control myself and the fantasies.
Now as an adult I think how sad and lonely that little girl was. That she/I lived in pretend worlds to cope with the constant pain. No child should have to endure that.
@@lostandfound5145 thank you for sharing! Do you publish under any specific name now?
@@panelolli I don’t, but my 17 yr old daughter is an incredible writer and has such a beautiful way with words and she will be pursuing her first published work this year as it’s in editing phase now.
My blessing has been to end the cycle of abuse and give my 6 children all of the love, support and understanding that all children should be getting and that I was never able to have.
Not that I live vicariously through them, I’m careful not to do that! But it is such a huge blessing to watch them blossom as unique individuals and to be able to support them in chasing their dreams ❤️
I nearly started balling when you mentioned borderlines fantasize about being popular. I have bpd and can definitely relate. My fantasies arent as exaggerated now but if I'm really depressed, i still catch myself crying wondering why i was never accepted by other kids. I didnt necessarly want to be popular but i often wonder why i wasnt worthy of kindness like every kid should be entitled to
I can relate to popularity. But it is not about being special. It is about being random. Not bullied and put down. Sometimes i feel being addicted to harmony attracts troublemakers and bullies. What an irony.
It’s a trauma response, not a fault in your personality
@@laratheplanespotterxactly what I thought. Can’t just put a traumatic response on a full blown personality disorder unless there are other aspects that can be seen to confirm the disorder.
All good people want to be loved and accepted it’s natural.
This has been the best video yet. I could actually relate to some of those fantasies.
Ashamed to admit, I've even had the one about the aliens. But the weird thing is that I actually was visited by a UFO and I felt like I was communicating telepathically with them. I've also had other telepathic experiences on psychedelics with my friend. He still remembers the whole thing, 4 years later.
Shakespeare said, 'There are more things within heaven and on Earth that are known of in your philosophy.'
I would like to ask him 'wtf do you mean!?!'
I’ve had some of these! But like, in periods of high stress or high depression, typically. I have Generalized Anxiety Disorder, ADHD, and I’ve had periods of Depression, so when I was really feeling hurt/bullied in school/lonely as a child, I used to fantasize about getting attention from a fictional “new kid” that those who bullied me respected/admired, or being a fantastical “chosen one” so that people would respect me. The fantasy of self-suffering and being admired for that has come into play in my more depressive moments (though that can tie in with self harm in my case, which is why I’ve always believed “you’re acting depressed for attention” can actually be a sign of mental health issues... wanting attention to that degree isn’t healthy either, I don’t think!). I’ve even been known to have fantasies where my mental health issues were somehow a boon, allowing me and all those many folks like me to do or see things others could not - almost like that movie “Glass,” though preferably with less focus on being “broken.”
Despite this, I’ve always placed these thoughts in the realm of impossibility. I am very much a reader of the fantasy genre, where I see an outlet for these ideas I have had. I’ve always been a HUGELY creative person, too, so I’m not surprised I have an active fantasy life. And I (like to) think a lot of people are like me, in that we have had these thoughts or have indulged these fantasies in our minds from time to time, but they don’t overshadow our lives much, if at all. It’s an idealized world. Or an impossible world. We just happen to have the ability to picture it.
I bet if I knew you in 3rd grade, we could have played after school.
It sounds like you would make a great fantasy writer!! Have you ever considered it? A novel? A collection of short stories? 🤔🙂
#6.) I believe this comes from a vulnerable narcissist's desire to self actualize. This fantasy promises her a concrete experience from which to derive internal validation by invalidating those that judge and reject her. She believes this will sooth her anxiety about her life decisions and finally give her the confidence to stand up for herself. This fantasy is constructed early in childhood in order to resolve the confusion after gas lighting by a narcissistic caretaker.
Interesting. So what you’re saying is that getting gaslighted by a narcissist can turn someone else into a narcissist?
I used to have this #4 fantasy to popularity succeed in order to get attention and validation from all the people who rejected me.
Then life got in the way because, you know, life's not about what YOU want so I had to learn to heal my wounds rather than living in a dream, it was painfull as hell, I realized that it was a coping mecanism to avoid all my personnal issues, so I had to learn a lot of things, re-educate myself.
Yet it was the best choice of my life, I'm starting to feel better and I can now clearly see how much of an egoist I was.
How did you do it...I'm constantly living in my head,just realised now been doing it to escape my reality.il probably delete my comment soon because I hate leaving a trail on the internet.
You sir are indubitably a loquacious cognoscente of the psychological discipline.
I think one of my favorite and most comforting fantasies is being able to change shape and escape daily life. Sometimes I turn into a bird and fly away for a bit, resting from a safe distance. Sometimes I turn into a spider and hide around my workplaces, close to other people so I can still feel company, but also unnoticed and quietly snuggled away so I can still feel safe.
This was really interesting because it made me think about why I find a small, silly fantasy like that comforting. I'm pretty anxious--turning into an unassuming animal and watching from afar makes me feel like I'm part of something while also existing in a comfortable, predictable bubble.
Your videos bring peace to victims who are dealing with people with these delusional fantasies
Your assessment of the fantasy about redemption (moving cash to a bank vault, going from -10 to +10) is accurate. Its actually my most common fantasy, and I personally know that the "great shift" is what satisfies me.
Yea and his explanation on that was amazing articulate!
I love your style and content. Highly entertaining without having to insult or demean other's.. Never ever crude . Love your work! You are a Treasure!
"If you could read my mind love, what a tale my thoughts could tell. Just like a paperback novel The kind the drugstore sells"-Gordon Lightfoot
I don't know where we went wrong, but the feeling's gone and I just can't get it back
"the hero would be me....
"But heros often fail"
I have a dream about loved ones who have passed away, them meeting in the afterlife as spirits and traveling our world, seeing all its wonders and the beauty of Nature, and then I wake up and I realize I'm alone and wishing to be with them on their journey. The sensation of loss can be overwhelming at times. I guess everyone has a preconceived idea of what happens to us after we die. As we get older, we lose our friends and family one by one, and each loss is harder to bear. That's partly why I have a companion animal to keep me grounded.
Communal narcissism is my ex 100%. He was mr. anything you need and full of generosity towards everyone within our community but, us? Oh no. Everything was always held over my daughter and I 's head and we could never appreciate him enough. Behind closed doors he was a full on abusive bully that threw empty beer cans at me and he would go on tirades.
Totally absorbing variety of bizarre pathological fantasies. Perplexing & unknown most, to me. Lots of delusion, lack of insight, strange & unlikely(schizoid) events. This field of study sounds demanding &
detail oriented. Much respect for your vids, Dr. G!
As a teenager, my favorite thing to do was go to the park, swing on the swing set, and fantasize while listening to music. I could go for 2 hours some days - until I had lasting marks in my legs from the swing. I specifically remember daydreaming about being a secret warrior. In my fantasy, I'd be in school like normal, and my super awesome nemesis would bust in, armed, and challenge me, revealing my secret identity, and I'd have to battle him and it was super badass.
The doctor is making me learn more about myself than my parents friends and family ever did!
Dr Grande intelligently explains his views. Thank you for sharing your words of wisdom 👍👍
Eye opening. I'm going to need to watch this a few times to absorb it all. The violent fantasies of my father has been handed down to his son and grandson. The three of them ARE the dark triad, as a group.
Schizoid fantasy would be invisibility, so others would leave them alone.:)
that's a good one
Yes it is fitting.
@Dark Blue That too.:)
I wonder why he is saying that about schizoids because schizoids are actually extreme extraverts and they are just too crazy to be accepted into any society and this is why they are forced to be alone
Schizoid fantasies are extremely crazy and even surreal for formal people.
Yes. For the questions about "what superpower would you most like to have?" my answer is always invisibility. I don't want people to notice how different I am.
The two main fantasies that I have the most are that I'm adored and loved by all, I become masterful at something, like an instrument, and it makes me famous, and everyone loves and admires me.
The second, which happens much less frequently, is the typical "shower thoughts" fantasy where I imagine myself being in the past, sometimes with the knowledge and abilities I have now, and sometimes just a 'predestined' altercation where I come out ahead of something I lived through, like an argument or a school fist fight.
Never thought about it before, but I suppose I might have narcissistic tendencies.
DUDE SAME. I constantly daydream about being a famous musician (or a musician with some amount of fame). Maybe it’s just because i aspire to be that but idk
Sometimes I tell my son how great it would be to be a famous singer on a stage where everyone loves me. Must be fantastic. As long as you are on the stage at least.
@@charliefrown6206 Just saw this after I posted. Wow. Pretty much what I just said.
The singer George Michael wanted to be a star. He wanted people of love him.
And then, sadly, it came to be and he was miserable! And overwhelmed by it all.
I wish you had met my friend who was diagnosed schizotypal. He definitely had fantasies of being special and having special powers and being recognized by people as such. In my opinion he was narcissistic as well.
Ohhh my god you just unlocked a childhood memory. My friend in grade 5 was the strange dinosaur-obsessed kid with all the expensive new toys, so I loved going to his house. One day he told me, with a look that still chills me now, he imagines beating people to death with his hulk gloves. He grew up to be the weird goth kid and I've since lost contact. Maybe I should keep an eye on him 🤔
Maybe since you've lost connection, you should try and reach out? If you were friends to begin with, what happened to you, to where now, you call him (generalize him as) this "weird goth kid"?
I think the main mode of this channel is to upload high quality videos that are topically quite expansive but without the big strokes and overall clinical vibe, which turns some people off...
(Important not to do when you're trying to give someone the tools and demonstration of some reason why and ways how they're used)
Not create a profile of a person you're tearing down from the start. Agreesivem
@@LowdownBoy I lost connection so long ago. I've tried to find him, but he's off social media and I don't have any mutual connections anymore.
Why does my comment bother you? Do you relate to my friend and feel bad that I was affraid of him? What's it to you?
Reminds me of the immortal fictional 'Royal Tenenbaum' who willed that it was written on his tombstone, 'Died Tragically Whilst Saving and Entire Family from a Sinking Magnificient Ocean Liner.'
Imagine a woman with personality disorder poisoning one or more of her family members to get sympathy and along with that fantasy she also gets life insurance money. She would see that as a win / win situation.
Tyr Ravensohn that’s what munchousen by proxy is narcissist and slow motion murderer
These relationships have really taken a toll on me because you realize they didn't love you and took something very precious from you.your sense of safety and the hope of love. I can never risk this happening to me again I only have half a brain as is it is now. The level of the sex addictionI have witnessed is truly unbelievable and everybody just thinks you're nuts. Both my ex-boyfriend's are either in prison or facing prison because their sexual fantasies became abusive and criminal. They feed and pet it and take care of that fantasy as priority one. until it takes them over and they lose everything.
I was admitted to the emergency room and found to have had two ischemic strokes. I was 49 at the time. One of the doctors had put into my medical notes that I had histrionic presentation and when I was later told how I behaved in the emergency room I was mortified. Also part of the reason was when I expressed to him a true life experience of being brutally assaulted at the age of 12 causing me to sustain a concussion after my head was stomped on. He thought I had made the story much worse than it could possibly have been because it was so brutal. Everything I said was true but I have no recollection of the report of the way I behaved in the emergency room. As I thought about it later I found it interesting that an emergency room doctor would make a psychiatric assessment.
Some doctors are just a$$hats. I had a stroke 3 days after delivering a baby when I was 34 yrs old. I had just left the hospital that morning, came back that evening completely confused and disoriented and frightened. It was a terrible experience.
My mind was coming back to me but I was very afraid of what could have happened to me and the ER doc wasted two hours insisting that I was on drugs.
It was really annoying and the guy was a total jerk about it, then after all the three rounds of tests came back proving I was (of course) totally sober, he started asking me questions about post partum depression and psychosis.
My obstetrician arrived finally and ordered tests and discovered all the blood clots in my lungs and pelvis and brain.
Some doctors have NPD and that’s what drives them to the position of doctor. They want to be correct and condescending.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. Personality disorders are not possible to diagnose without knowing a person across situations long term- certainly not in a distressing situation like needing to go to the ER. And he wasn’t qualified to diagnose. A judgmental and irresponsible a$$hole. Plenty more where he came from sadly. I’m a clinical psychologist too.
@@paigewesterfield1840 when I was 9 mos pregnant I wound up in the ER w/a very high fever and suspected sepsis of some kind. Needed IV antibiotics and monitoring of the baby. Anyway, the ER doc was creepy, just the way he was examining me & so casual when I was so sick and terrified.
Then he tells me he wants the nurse to take my temperature rectally. I’m a nurse & this is never how it is done for a situation like mine. There was no need for that.
I immediately felt uncomfortable (plus as a pregnant woman I had hemorrhoids & wanted nothing to do with a thermometer!)
He refused to start the IV antibiotics my OB had ordered or give me any fever reducers until I agreed to have the rectal temperature taken.
I was so angry, he walked away & the nurse tells me (angrily) that he does this to a lot of young women patients! I was so frustrated that nobody had reported him, it seemed very much like some weird assault.
After I sat there shivering and sick for an hour I started demanding hospital administrators to be called. And that settled that.
The notes that doctor made on my record included “histrionic personality disorder suspected” & “major depressive disorder suspected” it was completely absurd.
I have nothing but compassion for people that suffer with these issues and I have had major depression in my life. It really made me angry that he was writing that in as some kind of insult or punishment to me.
That was one of the most sick and bizarre experiences I’ve ever had. I wouldn’t be shocked if that doctor murdered someone
You’re so chill. Interesting dialogue…. I’d be more likely to say, “Of course, some of you fancy yourselves experts.” Lol. Seriously, I appreciate the way you don’t shame. Helps facilitate conversation!
Thank You Dr. Grande ,I really appreciate your videos. Hope you have a great evening.
Oh and by the way, thank you.. your videos have helped educate me since 2017 and that knowledge helped me “defeat” my narcissist.
I fantasize being able to travel through time. It's something I built on throughout childhood since the 70s. I always a pet trilobite, to watch the first fish come on land, see the first flowers and trees.
Obviously I can't do this, so I got into paleontology. 😂
Your videos are so informative. A lot of your talk is over my head but what I do grasp is very interesting. Thank you for sharing.
I'm convinced I'm narc, borderline n histrionic after hearing these. Luckily I see a psychologist who says I'm just lonely and depressed and refuse to take ssris. lol
Please don't take pills🙏
@@gratefulila9980 Exactly. Literally try everything else first. Diet, walking, massage, being outdoors and looking up at wide vistas, clouds and so forth, the horizon line of a large body of water, any form of art therapy (music, painting, dance), keeping a journal and writing poetry, yoga. Try several at once, it's synergistic. If you're not opposed to eating an animal, vegan plus occasional fish is worth a try. If you do eat meat, try giving up mammals, and giving up all but fermented dairy (yogurt, kefir, camembert), and eating that only in moderation.
Then likely you were lonely and depressed. Self diagnosis usually isn't a good idea because it's too easy to conform to a personal bias of yourself.
What an insight! Extremely useful. Humour and truth. Fills in all the gaps. 20:20. Diagnostics complete.
I’ve seen that 9th fantasy with the apartment happen with a house and a basement. It’s wild how fantasy can grow to the point where they stop being fantasy.
Great content, I have learnt a lot from you. It made me made a video on narcissist on my channel yesterday. Thank you for the inspiration
I'd like to see you do another video where you just talk about fantasizing in general, not necessarily related to personality disorders.
I fantasize about being able to eat whatever I want at mealtimes ... without gaining weight or having any future medical problems. ; )
This is quite an education. I am truly impressed by this Psychologist. The individuals that I have bumped into in the hospital always seem to be in need of treatment themselves. They probably think the same of me!
Great video once again Dr. Grande really appreciate the time and effort you put into making these videos.
Your videos are really helpful. I'm taking a lot of psychology classes in university, and I just got out of an abusive relationship. I feel like your content is helping me learn how to protect myself and convincing me to study psychology more.
It’s amazing the places our minds can take us!
I also started thinking about my own fantasy-which is to live by the beach, with hot weather year round and sell coconuts for a leaving....☀️
This fantasy seems very simplistic compared to many others LOL
Fantastic video Dr. Grande, and thank you for a full 25 minutes of lecture!👌🏼
Now that one at the beach is a nice fantasy. Much better than mine, lol.
My favorite channel ever! Thank you for your helpful videos Dr grande🥰
Very useful video - plenty of inspiration for my next daydreaming session! My personal favourite - the one with the mind control, never actually could have thought of it by myself
Whew 😅 Those are some interesting fantasies! Thank you!❤️
This is highly interesting. I really appreciate hearing all of this information and it give me a lot to reflect on about my own fantasies and much more. Thank you Dr. Grande!!
this was so foreign to my thinking that I might have to listen again to understand it!! another great video!
Thanks! I don't know how you keep a straight face for 90% of these! That's why you're a therapist and I'm not. Have you had to cultivate a poker face? Have you ever burst out laughing in therapy?
Quintessence How is any of this funny? Just because he breaks down clinical material for a general audience doesn’t make the material any less clinical. He’s a professional; he doesn’t laugh because he recognizes the distress that personality disorders cause those who suffer them.
How is something people can't control or are unaware of humorous? Do you laugh at cancer patients too?
So much wisdom. Very useful to know for curious people and psychologists/future ones alike 🤗
I'm pretty sure Fantasy Number Nine is the basic premise of, "The Bachelor". :p
I don’t watch that shift
I was thinking the same thing!
Wow all those fantasies sound of what movies and videogames are made of! Which makes me think it's what humanity is made of. Also I wonder about a sort of institutional narcissism/psychopaty since the military have spent billions in "strategies" strikingly similar as the fantasies depicted.... In my experience, not knowing if that's actual or just my idea, I've felt like those personalities try to imbue others on behavior that can lead them to cooperate on fulfilling their exaggerated expectations. Thanks Dr. Grande your videos are so enriching to figure out somehow such difficult topics!
description from studies seems to label all kinds of human actions. who is categorized a normal person working in a normal place when all people are labeled with a condition? seems no escape from these terms. but this make us realize what we are. its vexing me overall. They mastered a humans mind, very informative. thank you for sharing Doc.
This video was really packed with info and a lot of facts in 25 min. Thanx
My fantasy for a long time was getting a 51/50 on my mom when I was a kid because she honest to god wasnt right upstairs and hurt us with her messed up mindset and deflection of blame and barratement. I would say she expressed borderline traits or something along those lines, and it hurt both to face her manic moments, but I knew she was hurting too. Note I never wanted her locked up (she's been there, done that and it cleary didn't help her). I wanted her to be well, to get help, but I was also a scared kid who also had the burden of protecting the family, meaning staying quiet and keeping all the bullshit on the inside of our walls, because it was dangerous to put that out in the open. I didn't want to be the reason we ended up in the foster system, or homeless, or worse so doing nothing felt like the lesser of two evils.
I love how much thought and insight you must of put into this video. Very well done.
Amazing Work Dr.Grande!
I was diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder and I Obsessively fantasize. One thing I constantly fantasize about is committing suicide and how upset everyone would be at my funeral and how they all remember me as being great. Sometimes I fantasize that I was in a plane crash out at sea and that I was assumed to be dead and eventually pronounced dead and at my funeral thousands of people show up and right as they're reading my eulogy my manager (I'm a famous celebrity in my fantasy) looks at his phone and discovers that the news has broke that I Somehow I survived and was rescued by Asian fisherman and everyone is crying and happy and I talk to everyone via video chat from the hospital.
Thanks for the comment. It’s really interesting to actually hear about the view of someone with narcissistic personality disorder. Do you also go to therapy for NPD? And why did you go to get diagnosed?
What kind of NPD were diagnosed with please?
I can totally relate to that
That actually sounds like a cool fantasy.
@@CBRRR-eh3ky I'm not sure. In my experience it's very hard to get a specific diagnosis from a mental health professional. Especially if it's a disorder that has a social stigma like NPD. The place I went to used codes for every diagnosis and I only found out my official diagnosis because I looked it up. Like for example they wouldn't write that you have general anxiety disorder they would write something like 302.4 or some shit like that. Every code corresponds to a specific diagnosis. I think all mental health professionals use the same codes because I googled it and it popped right up.
I definitely have features of both vulnerable and grandiose narcissism. I've had a lot of therapy and try to be more mindful of my behavior.
Knowing doctors and psychologists, and having worked with a lot of really f'd up people over the years, I feel so grateful that I have not suffered from any of these conditions, and have had a very fun life. This is not something to just take for granted.
This came closer than anything I’ve watched or read in 6 years to clearing up the idea of narc fantasies.
What stumps me is how these fantasies manifest in the narcs around us who undoubtedly don’t go around announcing their fantasies. My narc was the only person I had ever known who would secretly photograph, often following them taking dozens of pictures, women in bikinis at the beach, pool, lake, etc ...
He wouldn’t even hide this hobby from his wife or kids or parents. He would take a couple dozen family pics and easily over 400 extreme close ups of women’s bodies on every vacation we took. He would take them from our hotel balcony, underwater while snorkeling, on walks by himself ... anywhere. He said it wasnt a violation of privacy because the women were out in public. The only way I got him to lessen the creepy habit was by convincing him that EVERYONE on the beach knew what a 60 yr old man with a foot long zoom camera on the beach was doing.
I know he didn’t ‘use’ the pictures later for any unsavory purpose, either ... as sure as I can be. He truly just took some thrill from getting closer to those women than they would ever actually allow him to be.
Obsession with beauty? Power? How could he not have been embarrassed by this behavior amongst family and friends?
Please
Immense respect Dr. Grande, thank you for the great work you do to educate! Knowledge is protection. Hugs 🙏
Great video!! Enjoyed it and learned a great deal! Thanks!
I think that there are two other elements of the "hated then loved/redemption and success" fantasy. The first involves having correct hidden knowledge to everyone else. Everyone was wrong about you doing the bad, but you always knew you were good, you were right, and now everyone knows that you were right! This gives you a sense of power, control, righteousness over everyone else in the situation even as you are being victimized. A second element is the double dipping of two "admirable" qualities: being a hero (where you did the good) and being a victim (falsely being accused of the bad)! These two things kind of add up to make you a super double good person as people both admire you and feel sorry for you.
This narcissist I knew moved to a kind of "cabin in the woods" scenario, over 100km from a major city, but it was only partially to get away from people. He also wanted to control the people he maintained contact with, such that only people who did his bidding (which included slavishly following his every word, but also manual labour, driving, work on projects) would have anything to do with him. No-one else could get to him for long - if they drove to where he lived, there was nowhere to stay there. When it got too busy after a decade there, he moved to an island state even more remote. He would also associate with people over the internet but again, only prolong contact with those who echoed his every utterance back to him in approbation. NPDs like to funnel people to get rid of all those that don't worship them and only accept those who do. It's not easy to do that in a big city.
Dr Grande, I’m watching this excellent lesson on fantasy from the future, May 2021. While I enjoy the analysis of celebrities etc you are currently working on, I miss these educational talks very much. Please consider doing more of them
What about a video on Ted Kaczynski?
Thanks for taking the effort to make these videos. It would be helpful if you added slides to help viewers every now and then.
Thank you Doc, your videos are always informative
Can't stop listening to you, Dr. Amazing content you got there
This is so interesting! Thank you!🌸
Very informative. Love all your content. I would love to see a video done on Joan Crawford. ❤️
Thanks Dr. Grande!! Can you do a video about how each personality disorder can get along with pets?
I once met a narcissist, but I didn't know that's what he was. .... my first clue was when he started to invalidate me about my clothes, my religion, Etc. I looked up the word "invalidation"...
And Google led me to 'narcissism'. So I started to study that daily. I didn't realize I should not confront him about some subjects,,,That you have to be careful what you say to them...But anyway one day, I was thinking=
I wonder if this guy has empathy. So I asked him: "What would you say to me If I told you my dog just died"? And this was his response:
"Get over it" .....
@m norton buswell lol. I prefer to have animals in my life rather than people. So I guess my birds and 2 cats and dog are sources of supply? I dont know if you're correct I find animals important to me because I love animals and they feel safer than people because they dont judge and they love you back unconditionally.
i once split on my dog. dog wasnt hurt and it only lasted a couple of hours. i just kinda kept my distance for those hours
R J Now if his dog died he’d expect massive amounts of attention and sympathy and would play up his grief over the loss. He certainly wouldn’t “get over it”. Actually he might make the whole thing up for attention, never having had a dog in the first place...
m norton buswell I have AS and am beginning to think I am somewhere on the Cluster B spectrum too. I do have several friends and close family but am pretty obsessed with my cats - not sure if they count as “supply” but I am quite needy and do appreciate being shown love by animals as well as humans.
When we look at people, we find it hard to beyond a plain shell. I know I can be goofy and weird, but seeing this... I can't believe there are people who walk around believing the stuff that you are presenting. I believe you, I just can't believe people are stranger than I.
Speak for yourself! I think it's profoundly dysfunctional, although extremely common, to look at other people and see only empty shells. Perchance do you play a lot of video games, and/or call other people "NPCs"?
Personally, I always assume other people have rich and complicated inner lives, but I cannot possibly be privy to them even if we get to know one another. It makes life beautiful and fascinating.
Nearly all of the emotional fantasies you describe pretty much sum up Hollywood's existence... shame they're a tad bit too influential sometimes but I digress..
For me, books, movies, video games & music allow me to "live" out a feeling, thought or an idea without ever leaving my mind.😇 thats a good thing.
The frame of your new glasses suit you very well, Dr. Grande. Nice choice 👍🏻
I fantasize about romance alot. I crave it. I write poems etc. I feel like I have too much estrogen at times, but at the same time I can be manly.
Very informative Dr.
The fantasies for Obsessive Compulsive PD and the ones for Paranoid PD really hit home for me. These are the types of fantasies I started having at an extremely young age and still do.
I’m sure anyone could argue “but EVERYBODY fantasizes about reading minds and for things to play out perfectly as planned”, but not being able to recognize somebody’s intentions and/or if my presence is welcomed seems to get in between me and potentially value friendships, relationships, and even work-related relationships.
And as far as fantasizing about things running smoothly as planned without incident, I find myself sitting at my desk with my resting heart rate above 150 freaking out about an engineering task I need to start yet not starting it due to the fear that something will go wrong sooner rather than later. Sometimes it is like I am so afraid of failure and disaster that I fail either way due to not even attempting.
Dr Todd,how can you keep such a straight face during this!I
Whoa...you're describing my mother.
This was so facinating. I would love to hear/learn more on this topic. Can anyone recommend some books or videos?
Always enjoyable to listen to your centered wisdom. I feel like my creativity is lacking now tho!😅 it's obvious how much work you put into these videos🙏 always appreciating your time.
Thank you for your great content, I always enjoy it with my coffee when I wake up (yikes, is that a disorder? Lol)
These are all spot on, I've been through most of these fantasys even the psycopathic one's. I'm only 20 and for the last 10 years my life has been nothing but a problem. I don't enjoy life anymore and I use these fantasys to escape reality. It's the only thing keeping me going, I live in my own delusional fucked up reality and there's no chance of me making it anywhere in life. I never asked for this.