7 Reasons Narcissism is Pernicious
Вставка
- Опубліковано 23 кві 2024
- This video answers the question: Why is narcissism so dangerous?
Narcissism:
There are two types of narcissism: With grandiose narcissism we see characteristics like being extroverted, socially bold, self-confident, having a superficial charm, being resistant to criticism, and being callous and unemotional. Vulnerable narcissism is characterized by shame, anger, aggression, hypersensitivity, a tendency to be introverted, defensive, avoidant, anxious, depressed, socially awkward, and shy.
Narcissistic personality disorder:
This is a disorder listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual (DSM). The definition for this disorder contains nine symptom criteria, five of which are required for diagnosis.
1. A grandiose sense of self-importance
2. preoccupation with exaggerated fantasies of success, power, and beauty
3. believing oneself to be special or unique
4. requiring excessive admiration
5. having a sense of entitlement
6. manipulating others interpersonally
7. lacking empathy
8. being envious of others
9. being arrogant, pretentious, or supercilious
Support Dr. Grande on Patreon:
/ drgrande
What surprises me the most is how narcissists grind the person down into self-doubt, depression, low self-esteem, and then they point out how you are worthless because you have self-doubt, depression, low self-esteem. They are relentless, no empathy and no mercy.
Rant Therapist yes
Rant Therapist
that is the cycle of abuse : demoralize the victim then blame them for being demoralized. Next the abuser can throw a crumb of support to the starved victim. The victim becomes dependent on these crumbs. Trauma bonding is created.
Its exactly she did....lol
My Narc contributed enormously to my Breakdown...I only had an anxiety neurosis in the beginning. I went into seclusion in order to heal myself...with the help of 100s of UA-cam videos!
Rant...I've only had one experience in my life with someone who's behavior was exactly as you have described..encouraged me to "self doubt"and accused me of being "fearful"("living in fear city" is what she accused me of) and continued to rant at me angrily...even in front of others..and all that came some time after she had totally charmed me into feel crazy love for her..Wow..what an experience. And I even saw she had one "flying monkey" and when she wasn't ranting on me she was arguing with the boss..Never had such an experience.
' There is nothing gained from attempts to empathize with someone who is neurologically incapable of returning the favor'
David Thomspson Amen, it can only cause harm.
That's a line worthy of a t-shirt!
Thank you I needed to hear that.
Brilliant.
Someone explain please..
It’s comforting to know that someone really understands what it’s like to have been and are still in the trap of a narcissist. Insidious torture especially when they put on the show of being a religious person
So true!
There's a fella who makes short video about Narcissistic personality disorder.
He is a diagnosed Narcissist and tells it as he sees it.
He is in therapy and understands that he affects others with his behaviour and the thought process he has behind a particular behaviour.
His name is Lee, he's an American but can't tell you more about him than that.
I often sort of fall over him on the yt shorts.
He is very helpful in how he tells the truth about how a Narcissist brain works.
Yes, it is insidious and therefore so much more devistating
I was going out with someone who can quote the bible at the drop of a hat but is the eternal kid.
I think they are born like that, they are also very selfish, conveniently they never want to grow up.
@Jane: are you still with that narcissist?
So important to hear real validation from professional's about the damage done by narcissism. Victims are so often dismissed when we try to explain ourselves.
So extremely true!
The most damaging thing for me is that none of my friends are able to understand how devastating narcissistic abuse can be. It is clear they do not get the order of magnitude of the abuse, nor do they understand how a person can fall into the trap of a relationship with a narcissist.
it just compounds the anguish and demoralization.. not only do they. not understand, they make no effort to even bother trying.
pretty shitty.
But, you do have a sea of friends out here in “web world” who do see and understand, who offer comfort and support, and who share your burden. Stay strong and be your own best friend. God bless you!
Funny I've said the exact same thing, " I'm my own best friend!" I have a date every Friday & Saturday nite, with myself. I watch my British shows on PBS & all the Dateline, 20/20, & 48 Hours shows. And guess what? I can really enjoy those dates because no one is manipulating or driving me crazy!! 😄
@@cherylfleck5606 I say the exact same thing. I spend nights alone with my dog. The best, most loyal relationship EVER!
Jo Ann Loraine: Seems impossible for anyone to "get it" unless actually experienced. Hearing or reading about it is second hand knowledge, looking in from the outside , unintentionally adding to the loneliness.
I like hearing peoples personal experiences because it helps not feel alone.
So true
Alone or lonely?
Yes..it saved my life.
😢😢me too
Here’s my story: I met a guy on MySpace in 2009. I just divorced a functioning alcoholic. We’ll call the narcissist J. J was so perfect in the beginning. The first six months were “perfect.” He did have some girls that were friends with him on MySpace that would leave questionable comments like “It was great hanging out with you while watching our kids do BMX.” She would text him at 7am telling him to have a good day. I told him I’m uncomfortable with that and I’d like him to set boundaries with her. He said i was overreacting and if I thought he was cheating then i must be cheating. He said she was just a friend and I believed it. She was beautiful. He had some others that were “just friends.” They were all really pretty. I had a friend in nursing school named Adam. He was just a friend. He was still getting over a previous relationship. I was not allowed to hang out with Adam, but J could have female friends. At about the six month mark, J didn’t want me going to the gym, he started saying he didn’t like my blonde hair or when I wore high heels because I looked like a prostitute. That’s what I looked like when he met me so it was really confusing. We didn’t live together thankfully, but by six months most relationships develop a pattern where if you’re not with that person you text them good morning, or call on your lunch break, etc. He stopped doing that consistently. It became sporadic and had me wondering, but when questioned I was always overreacting. I started doubting my sanity at that point and thought I must be a bad girlfriend. So I tried to do everything right in his eyes, but it was never right. There was, more often than not, fault in everything I did. Then the put downs started, subtly at first. Then he got downright crude, calling me the C word. I broke up with him many times and thought “this is it, I’m done!” He would email me maybe a week or two later saying how sorry he was and how he messed up and it will never happen again. And I went back. Within two weeks his behavior would return. If we were at his house and he was being mean, but someone came over like his family or friends, he’d put on the charm. If I’m angry, and I see a friend, I’ll probably vent to that person that I’m angry and why. He didn’t. It was like what happened between us never occurred. People in his life that were not his romantic partners thought he was the greatest thing since sliced bread and I was the unhinged one. I caught him cheating when I got off of working a 12 hr night shift. We had seen each other before I went to work and everything seemed fine. So I went to his house after I got off because that’s something that we did. He had a girl there, one of his friends from MySpace. I felt the hood of her car. It was cold so she didn’t just get there. I knocked on the door and he answered barely poking his head out and said “ I had a feeling you would come by this morning.“ I asked who the girl was in his house (it was a lavender colored car with astrology stickers on it, plus I could hear her upstairs). He said it was none of my business and close the door in my face. I drove home crying and luckily I was off the next four days which I spent in my robe, on the couch, with my cat. Later that evening he came to my apartment and I looked through the people and saw that it was him but I did not answer. He accused me of stonewalling him and pushing him away because I didn’t answer the door. I said what do you expect you cheated on me. Do you really think I want to see you? He had a way of twisting things to make them seem that I was consistently at fault. It took my friend Suzanne who used to work with domestic violence victims that he was abusive. Before she told me that I thought all the problems in the relationship must be my fault. When I brought this up to him he told me I had borderline personality disorder. I do not have borderline personality disorder. I go to therapy once a week for complex PTSD and he is part of that complex. There’s many things that went on afterwards, but it would become a chapter in a book. I eventually got the strength to leave, he tried to email me back in and I did not reply. I changed my phone number, blocked him on all social media and he was with a new girl within a month. His ex-wife reached out to me and we talked about the experiences we had with him and low and behold they were pretty similar if not the same. Now I’m married to one of the nicest man I have ever met. A funny thing happened on TikTok about what a woman finds attractive in a man. I put how they treat me is what I find attractive. I got many replies from men saying “no it’s how much money he makes.“ I said look at my profession I make plenty of money to support myself and again I felt like I had to defend myself against all the criticism from people who know nothing about me or what I have been through. I’d rather be single then be with somebody like J ever again.
Edit: Spelling errors peep hole, not people
I'm in tears. I had to leave an org because of a narcissistic boss and everyone just told me that I'm a sensitive little woman. I don't even know how to explain myself here.
nobody believes you if you tell them
Same thing happened to me…you can’t explain yourself bc you just look sensitive…while the Narcissist is calm as can be.
Best thing you can do is start over somewhere else….run and don’t look back…
Narcissists inflict emotional damage that others cannot see. Would the same people tell a woman with a black eye that she was too sensitive? That she needs to learn how to take a punch better? Of course not. But they tell us we have to learn to take emotional abuse better.
This why I been trying to tell people authority and narcissism go hand to a hand.
@@freedomdude5420 So true. I watched a very narcisstic person get a tiny bit of authority in my department. Within a year the department was a wreck. The boss and supervisor praised her to the ceiling while everyone else was looking for jobs elsewhere.The only reason many didn't quit was because it is a very small, specialized field and there are very few jobs. One very talented lady decided to just not work at all. She had a baby and said, nope, the job isn't worth the extra bother in my life.
I had a narcissist lie to my face about something they had said to me. It was an attack on a mutual friend of ours, and when I confronted them, they said, “Laurie, I would NEVER say that!”
But you DID. I heard you say it. I literally remembered the date and time that they said it. I remembered the exact words they had used. I still remember how crazy-making it was when they denied it so forcefully and how offended they were when I refused to let them get away with it.
They make you question reality. It’s wild.
The same thing has been said to me, again and again. I began to write things down, but I should have dated them as well. It came to a stop when I told him that I had kept a log, a diary and had given it to a friend who would then give it to interested parties when the time came. I was beginning to worry about my safety. But pleading innocence still continues. When cruel things are said to you, they are engraved on your heart. I do remember.
That's called "Gaslighting"!
Classic gas lighting Laurie.
Yes! I started to question my sanity many times before I kicked him out. As long he was in my life my brain was foggy and I couldn’t think straight, it felt like I was under a spell 🤔🤔🤔 They are dangerous! That’s why I’m learning to spot red flags cuz no more narcs enters my life again!
Tell me about it
It's just so scary when you look back on the relationship with the narc. The control that they had on you .. the scary looks .. the mental games. You don't even realize until youre alone . What damage it did to you .. thank you again for all of your knowledge and wisdom Dr Grande.. I have come so far in the last few months :)
Yep
So true. And what kind of impact had in your behavior as well. I never knew why I was so angry, stressed, or sad or the opposite and so on after my narc sis was passing by. I don’t even know how to explain but I know that when she left for vacation I felt kinda of relief and when I knew she’s back I started to feel anxious 😟 but indirect just a feeling inside -
@@Iulia958 Yes, that vague bad feeling is what makes you doubt yourself enough to stay in the relationship. Out of "fairness", most of us require more obvious, specific proof before going no contact. That's why these people have learned how to "play under the table", behind our backs and hold cards "up their sleeves" so that we'll make excuses for them and give them the benefit of the doubt or remain hopeful for change. I used to curse my tendency to have hope. The most freeing thing for me was to find out they will never change.
Koreena Law - It's all a game. And it only works if you play it.
Yes, I have learned so much, from listening to things on the computer ( more recently) helping me to understand what I had experienced. I only wish, that I had had the knowledge prior to all of this, so I would not been such easy prey !
“A narcissist is an insane person trying to pass as normal” (Popular Quora writer).
Some just use their insanity to enhance their narcissism.
A narcissist is a sex robot who was given a toaster controller for a brain.
@@lrowlands53 oh yes!!! Good description!!
At first, one can easily mistake the sex as connection with them... the sex is great, until you realise your but a vessel for their fantasies...
Yes yes yes well said.
@@lrowlands53 I LOVED your analogy! Just perfect!
The dishonesty hurt so much. I’ve survived. Now two years away from it. It’s been a grief unlike any other. Thank you for your wisdom.
❤good❤you are on the pedestal !!
I had two narcs, a mother-in-law and her mother, in my life. I knew their was something amiss with them but, at the time, I didn't know it had a name. I just thought they had a screw loose. One-day I stumbled upon information about narcissism and suddenly it all made sense. I saw them just suck the life out of my father-in-law. They did cause me and my husband a lot of trouble. Our niece cut ties with those two and later, after my father-in-law died of a heart attack, my husband, I and are children went "no contact" with them. Been peace in our family ever since.
I'm so sorry, especially for your poor father in law ♥️
Bullied children are taught by society that they are more to blame for their situation than the bullies themselves are. Bullied children are taught to change their behavior in order to placate bullies or to induce them to choose a new target. (Sometimes this can even happen in a therapy setting.) It's no wonder so many of us grow to adulthood thinking that fighting back (even when we know we're in the right) is pointless, and that no one will have our back against the narcissist even if we try.
@Army of Gog lol
@@brusselsprout5851 It's tough to do when your wages are at stake, unfortunately.
@@AmyLSacks Narcs believe they're entitled to all things, including defending one's (false, in their case) self. You're inferior in every way possible, especially if you have an opinion that doesn't agree with their agenda/narrative. So you aren't entitled to defend yourself, or even speak freely about/against it. You even have coming whatever they do to you because them doing whatever they please to you or with/without you PROVES they're superior and you're weak/worthy of contempt (cyclical thinking). You are a non person who needs them to control your very mind so you won't have wrong-think (anything that disagrees with their agenda/narrative) or wrong-speech.
Indeed. The same things are taught even adults. One classic such "lesson" is telling a woman that if they wear a shorter skirt and a man is bullying them, then is not the man's fault for being a bully, but it's the woman's fault for... being provocative. Many such situations are not reported just because of this mentality.
@@eeaotly False equivocation. Empaths didn't knowingly do something they know might attract a soul rapist vampire and then complain because they should be able to do whatever they want, even if they know it's going to possibly get them hurt. Thanks for hijacking the convo with feminism though (institutionalized female supremacist bigotry and taught narcissism). If feminism were about equal rights, it'd just be called equal rights.
Cruel emotionally violent bullies.
Sian Megginson - Break their legs.
In spades and in exponential expressions! One word of advice from a real veteran of narcissistic abuse: RUN!!!
Truth!
CEVB
@@electricjellyfish375 So they don't continue stalking you!
One of the most frank and important messages I've listened to, I'm learning and I've been a victim to a narcissist many times (friends, neighbors, employment). I'm single, never married and vulnerable. I do feel like a narcissist magnet so I need to fully understand, to the best of my ability, how to spot them and deal with them. Thank you for laying it out there. Today (2022) we are living in a world where narcissists are everywhere. I will listen to this over and over. Thank you.
I'm starting to feel like there are more narcissists than non narcissists..or at least 50/50
Its almost as if the only thing that stops a narcissistic person is dying.....of old age......;)
You said it sistah!!!! This is 100% how I feel!!!!!!
I too!!! It's insane!!!
Info from the UA-cam channel called "LoveFraudLessons" - Very common for a person to end up in another situation where they experience narcissistic abuse again before healing.
I think the most dangerous thing about Narcissists is that they lead many of their victims to the point of breakdown so extreme that it's not uncommon for victims to have thoughts of suicide and worse sometimes they actually follow through. I once was told a story by a Narcissist who is a family friend where he had found his ex girlfriend hanging in their closet and he described how he bought her back to life by "loving her back from the dead." It was such a shocking story and still he found a way to play the hero in his own mind. The woman is alive to this day and is no longer with that individual, thank goodness. I feel so terrible for what she must have endured to have went to such an extreme. This is what makes Narcissists so dangerous.
Narcissists are a plague 😞 and I hate saying that about anyone but dealing with one firsthand for 15 years I can without a doubt say that I have been changed by this. My life has been forever changed by this horrible personality disorder.
I am sorry to hear this. I had a mother who was narcissistic, BPD, and bipolarism. Untreated. Total nightmare to grow up with.
Narcissism is the pandemic of our era. I'd rather sleep in a coronavirus ward and take my chances, than to continue to live surrounded by narcs.
@@turnthepage867 Narc's are a lesser species that postures itself as better than us, with a subtle but palpable arrogance that we can feel in our innermost being. They discard us like we are trash and yet we are the better ones in every way. That's what burns the most, knowing that you gave your best to someone who absolutely did not even deserve to be in your presence to begin with..
@@reesedaniel5835 That's exactly how it played out in my life. My mother is a true beauty inside and out. I was always a good kid and an achiever.
My father just threw us away. He acted like he was better than me and mom.
All that time, we were better than him. What a lifetime con artist!
@@reesedaniel5835 they are extremely fragile! You would be surprised.
No one can correctly illustrate the problem unless they've been directly burned by it, IMO.
i.e. research can only take you so far.
Yep. Although I like that it seems like Dr Grande is starting to take the narcissistic abuse community more seriously.
@Ben Hackett yeah, i wish I didnt understand about it.
Because we’re human and narcissists are anti-human. It’s not something you can understand without living through it.
@@rishaa682 I think he has always taken it seriously he just wishes others did.
It took me 20 years and a stroke later to have the courage to plan for a safe exit. Never felt so alone and lonely until I started seeking understanding and support from people whom I loved and trusted and could always depend on me in their times of need.
Knowing fully how brutal this process is going to be once I file for a divorce, I took comfort in the fact that at least I still had my precious and loyal companion, my little dog, when I leave this year. But it wasn’t meant to be. She got really sick suddenly and passed away within 2 months at the beginning of 2022. I was in such shock and despair, I cried every day for 2 months straight. I’m now really alone.
At times, I did have second thoughts about leaving because of financial reasons. I’m not sure where I’d end up after losing my home. I’m 64 and it’s not easy to start all over again. After many stress related illnesses and a stroke, I knew the only way for me to stay alive is to get out and never look back.
My heart breaks for your situation and your loss of your beloved dog. We are the same age. Start collecting copies of all your financial accounts. You have rights to your half of the marital assets. Start putting away money, papers and any of your small valuables in a safe deposit box that he doesn't know about. No records kept. Carefully start removing cherished keepsakes and photos. Become non reactive and boring to him. Plan a safe exit and get a bulldog lawyer when you are ready to make a move. Good luck to you.
@@lynnebucher6537 Thank you so much for reaching out. I really appreciate your kind words and most valuable advices. I’ll will do exactly that.
@@orpha9031 Living with a narcissist can have devastating effect on your health. As one of my 7, yes 7, counselors put it “this is a death by a thousand cuts”. That was a slow death in case you didn’t know. I kept thinking that no matter what, I’d hang in there and make it work. At the time, I knew I was dealing with something extraordinary but I didn’t know what it was until one mentioned “narcissism” couple of years ago and told me that these people will never change.
Please take good care of yourself. Start today, take back your life. Nothing is more precious than your health. Eat right, exercise, and if you can’t get out, learn how to disengage and protect your well-being. I want to give you a hug if I could. ❤️
I am in the same boat, after 34 years of marriage.
@@elizedoherty4779I’m very sorry to hear. Please take good care and don’t give up on searching for help and support. I wish I can give you a hug if I could. ❤️
I recently separated from a 12 ur relationship with an old high school love. There were signs of major anxiety, drug use and lying early on but only after purchasing property together. I didnt know what narcissism was and figured, like most, we just had things to work on. As years passed, it became clear that there was an underlying issue, he was not a communicator, he was often sullen yet when around his friends, rather boisterous as if he was another person. Almost annually he would say we needed to sell the house and access the money...and it was like I needed to talk him down off a ledge. He would say he felt stressed by money, be in debt and we would refinance. Last year, I discovered he was lying about where he was going, he was going gambling at a casino. When I provided him with proof, he still denied it. I sat on the sofa and said, let me know when you are ready to tell me what's going on. It took an hour of watching him pace back and forth. He finally admitted and said he wouldn't do it again. And based on location history, he didn't. Instead he was secretly making a deal with a mortgage broker and agent to find out the value of our house. He was looking to buy another house, with a separate apartment and have a renter...I discovered this in an email he attempted to delete. I later realized what was happening. He was planning this all along but wouldn't be able to afford it without me. But he wanted to do what he wanted as well so his plan was to separate but live in this house where I would pay him rent. I could not believe the nerve of this guy. He came into the relationship with a backpack and I was already settled. For him to be so arrogant to want to keep me around (obviously for supply) and be able to do what he wants without my interference - gambling, drinking, drugs. Wow.
They have a lot of nerve. Come in with nothing and expect to leave with all the assets. I know there are women gold diggers, but we are shocked that men can be like this.
WTF are you doing tracking his location and reading his emails. Sounds like two messed up people right there. This type of comment is so amusing.
@@ioodyssey3740 your comment is irrelevant and you no clue what you are talking about.
@@ioodyssey3740 sounds like you're a narc!.
Yes. It took a lot of nerve and arrogance of him .
I'm 46 y/o. It's only been in the last few years that I realized I've spent my entire life being the meat in a family of narcissistic piranhas. I chose narcissistic partners and friends because that's what I was used to being around. What I've learned is to protect yourself with healthy boundaries, but also to dish out copious amounts of forgiveness. If you let the anger fester, you'll turn into a narcissist yourself because you know about it so well.
I'm a Yr older than you & I know exactly how you feel & felt....same for me.
I dont believe it makes YOU turn into a Narcissist , but it DOES change your life and is extremely damaging. It can take years to get back to even close to who you used to be. You will never be the same....it does forever change your life.
I feel Your Pain; we have a Cousin'W.Dee." who, if you don't pay enough attention to her( she is a guest in a huge event).. she will Make a DISRUPTIVE SCENE.. train wreck !
Praise God- You’re young!!! I’m 74!!!
Narcissists are great at making you feel like it's your fault, and making you feel like there's something wrong with you. Well, me personally, I fell for that trap, but then I also started googling all the weird shit my gf did, such as ghosting, and especially once I searched ghosting all the narcissism pages came up and my awakening started. I wonder how most people find out that they're dealing with one. How did you guys find out? I mean, like find out for sure, when you were like, "Oh shit, I'm dealing with a monster." lol
Thank you very much internet. The internet saved me from further emotional abuse. How cool is that?
My google search:
ignored in relationship
I looked up ptsd and how to stop ruminating about the past. As best I can recall. Thank you Internet indeed! Saved me thousands in counseling fees. I am glad you found out early. Less valuable time down the drain. Very, very cool! Kudos!
@@TrissM That simple, huh. Yeah ghosting and silent treatment is one of their bread and butter go to techniques.
@@marlinadykema6474 Yeah, dissonance with reality, not being able to make sense of anything. These people are extremely selfish and cruel. I think a similar evil spirit operates in all of them. The similarities are always so strikingly similar. It's like meeting two psychopaths who are almost exactly the same, but instead, there are hundreds of thousands of these swamp creatures.
@@blurrylights6344 Thank you. But healing still takes time and staying informed and developing more knowledge about the wounded child archetype that the vast majority of us have. Because it's very easy to revert back to the familiar old patterns that are so destructive for us, yet they feel so natural since we operated in that broken over-empathetic pleasing state for so long, beginning in early childhood.
Emotional abuse is no joke.
My mother, a narcissist, was going to a counselor and was able to present her issues in such a way as to blame my dad and me (her scapegoat child) as the main problems for her “depression.” I think the counselor was starting to get her number, so she abruptly quit because “he isn’t any good at his job.” She is 92 and is still at it.
I worked for a Narcissist at a small company (like 5-6 employees and he owned the company). It was an absolute NIGHTMARE. I had never been in that situation in my lifetime, and this guy was SO GOOD at slowly and steadily breaking you down (he was a doctor) and stripping away your self confidence. He had me feeling like I was completely worthless all of the time, and no matter how hard I tried to please him and work hard, it didn’t matter. I started drinking regularly at one point and my parents noticed a MASSIVE difference in me. I finally walked out after nearly 3 years, and it was the best decision I’ve ever made.
If you’re feeling trapped where you work- look for another job and get out of there ASAP!! Easier said than done, but if your boss is like this, you CANNOT escape it.
One of the most detrimental damage suffered by a victim of a Narc is that they significantly lose the ability to trust in other people.
My mother was a narcissist. She was a wannabe model. She also told me she was "put on this earth to destroy destructive people." She actually identified as a destroyer, and she was!
11:45 - your depth of insight from the victim's side is so gratifying and shows you chose this career to make a difference in people's lives. "It's not easy to leave work, quit, find another job or simply leave a romantic relationship." Easier said than simply done. I've experienced narcissists at work and one romantic relationship and you are absolutely right. Thank you - just listening to someone who REALLY understands is like Excedrin for a bad headache and more.
I was in a relationship with a covert narcissist for 29 years that ended recently, of course, in the most horrible way. My health deteriorated slowly over time to the point, in the end, I became severely depressed and finally suicidal. I made two attempts to take my life having lost all hope. I am still recovering, but free and thriving on a path of rediscovering myself. Looking back, I now see through many of the lies told to me by my ex-wife and the situation I find most troubling is the man she previously had a relationship with committed suicide. She described him as having been stalking her and painted a picture of him being mentally ill and that his family were all angry with her to which she could not understand.
My fear now is that she is going to ensnare another and abuse him to the point of wanting to commit suicide and there is nothing I can legally do to prevent this. The possibility of her pushing another person towards suicide weighs heavy on me and I feel helpless in preventing this very real possibility.
I am hoping and praying that when I get out of my situation, that my purpose in life is to come up with changing or creating that if you disturb someone pease for their enjoyment, that you serve time and restitution and more than five years. My story involved sending your parents to prison, so you can take their house and assets, so you don't have to go to work. And watch and enjoy them suffer. Their words.
I tried to warn my ex’s new victim, but they were in the idealization stage. They didn’t believe me and have suffered quite a bit.
Thanks God you got away from her xoxo 😘😂
Im sorry to read this, it happened to me too. My mother was my first narc, got married at 19 and my husband was also the peace keeper codependent in his family with his mother being the queen bee narc. Its a long story as I have complex ptsd having experienced multiple traumas. I suspect my sister has a disorder of some sort as well. Her ex husband (married at the time) attempted to take his life and my husband and I witnessed it and stopped it. I dont want to give details but we are still bothered by what we saw. Before I continue he is alive and well and looking better than I have ever seen him (without my sister.) When I told her that I was diagnosed with PTSD and she didnt understand why even knowing what I had been through and I mentioned how her ex's attempt still bothers me, she responded with "that was a long time ago". I said you arent bothered by it? She said no. Hmmm.
As always, you really nailed it on the damage a narcissist can do, Dr. Grande. I worked for over 10 years with a boss who was very narcissistic. One year, I had an accident that crushed my foot over the weekend, but went back to work on Monday on crutches and a walking boot. She ridiculed me for being so weak and in such pain. The following weekend I was rushed to the ER with internal injuries I didn't know I had from the accident, and was actually dying from internal bleeding they could not locate. My boss showed up one day, said "I'm sorry I didn't know you were hurt, but I have wonderful news. I just got promoted to District Manager. Isn't that great?" Yes, that happened. It took 6 weeks in a wheelchair at home on paid medical leave to be able to go to work again. At my annual review, she prevented me from getting a raise because of "attendance", even though my work had brought in $100,000 in new revenue for the company that same year. Selfish, vindictive, hateful, and used rage to control all of us. I finally left the company. Very much a grandiose narcissist, and yes, they can do great harm. Thank you so much for stating the truth about this widespread problem, sir.
Looks like the old saying was true...."Shit always floats to the top"....at least in this present sick world.
So crazy and so familiar!
@@reesedaniel5835 Narcs of a feather do indeed flock together and create the societies governments and large corporation s we are stuck with
Oh narc bosses they are something' else !
I’ve worked for a narcissist before. Morale was so low there and when I left it was like a huge burden was lifted from my soul. I’d developed a lot of maladaptive attitudes after working there which I hard time shaking as I moved through jobs down the line. It’s like a disease that spreads
@@sula1529 Narcissistic Fleas
Good comment.
Yep, it really affects you in a huge way.
It does affect on a soul level. I worked at a place with narcissistic people. I noticed my energy levels dropped when I got to work and by mid day I was extremely sleepy and difficulty staying awake at work. When I left work I had a huge surge of energy and felt like a weight fell off me. I quit the job and felt amazing. Narcissistic people are draining on so many levels. Pay attention to your energy levels always 💯 👌 ✨️ 😌
I work for one now. It is maddening. But then I remember that if I went somewhere else, there would probably just be another one.
This is by far the best video I have ever seen that talks about narcissists and the damage they do, and especially validating the victims!!! Thank you Dr. Grande! I could feel your passion in this video! The whole world should watch this video! I have family that don’t understand the level of torture the abuse is, they don’t see cuts and bruises so they assume it wasn’t that bad. It was worse
People don't comprehend stress induced illness. Even doctors don't. They also don't understand effect of pain on personality. Our culture implicitly and tacitly promotes narcissism through the winner/loser paradigm.
"The sad thing is, people would rather enable antagonistic and controlling narcissists, than face up to the truth.
It's not okay to deny the real pain and harm that has come to those people who have been hurt by narcissistic people." Dr Ramani
I tend to agree with her sentiments.
I have been devastated by narcissistic abuse...
Thank you!!!
I live in a retired "Golf Club" community setting. Moved here to enjoy retirement, the beauty and the peacefulness of the place. But... a year ago this woman moved in "CRUELLA" she has caused many problems for several sweet members. She wants to be "Queen Bee" very manipulative, loud/aggressive, mean, she lies and plays the victim all at the same time. From day one I was targeted- because I tend to be friendly and quite agreeable. I'm a sensitive empath and she took that as weakness. I've been able to stay friendly and quite distant while protecting myself and other dear friends. I have shared your videos and they cannot believe the power it's given us in figuring her out. We have a support system now. I think she will move soon. Apparently- this has happened to her at other clubs. She causes destruction and ultimately moves on. Very sick person!
So much for being the "sensitive empath"!
Do realize these people suffer. Though it may not be obvious to most folks. Most of the time.
Everyone suffers! That is life!
And most suffer in about equal amounts.
I feel like I have a natural enmity with narcissists too. We sense each other intuitively and instinctively like humpbacks and Orca. I'm also highly agreeable and empathic.
@@paulortiz8063 Narcissists suffer, it's true, but they make it everyone else's problem and that's the damaging part. There's no point in being empathetic to a person who cannot do the same for you.
G , Good for you making others aware. I hope the Queen Bee 🐝 has flown away. 😉
@@wendyhannan2454
She has. She and her mean husband got isolated at the Club. The are now living in Arizona. 👍😃👍
Your points about the damage of narcissists have given me a lot to think about. One of my friends became a supervisor at work. The narcissist in her department made more than any co-worker and was a major morale drain. My friend consulted her boss about the matter and began logging the lies, manipulations, and poor productively. Several times she approached her boss with the data, and he would get cold feet. She finally got enough data and got rid of the bad employee--almost impossible in the State system. When you attempt to get rid of someone as sneaky and deceptive as a narcissist you need a "head shot" as my boss used to say.
The problem with having a narcissitic boss is that you already know that the company will promote narcissists and give them supervisory responsibility.
Continuing to work for this company is likely a no-win situation, if one has the option to leave.
It’s quite the double bind engaging with narcissists,
because they don’t negotiate fairly.
participating in a dispute with a narcissistic individual , will likely provoke a disproportionate level of aggression. People who are suffering at the hands of a narcissist commonly are afraid to exacerbate the situation.
Honor Yourself well said. Just walk away. No need to be in danger.
Honor Yourself, yes they make it so it's not worth speaking up about anything. Put up and shut up, narcs way or the highway.
@@andreasleonlandgren3092 e
brilliant!
This
I found out that both my parents are narcissistic after what was a lonely and depressing childhood. From being isolated and ignored, to being called fat and laughed at by both my parents. I only got praise when I did what they wanted me to do like when I did well in education, art or any physical activity. I went to seek therapy when I was a teenager because I knew something was not right - and I was definitely not alright - but I could never put my finger on what the problem was. None of the therapists I saw mentioned about it which leads me to believe that although I am certain they would have heard of it - the signs are subtle and almost invisible - especially when you are a child and you don't know any different.
I moved out from the house at a young age - first chance I got - and struggled for a number of years with my emotions and facing who my parents were and the pain they had caused me. Slowly I started feeling stronger and more aware of what I had been put through. Now, 10 years later, I am studying psychology and learning about narcissism on UA-cam. Having experienced this type of abuse first hand - I feel better equipped and stronger than ever. Thankful again to Dr. Grande for helping me get a real understanding of what narcissism is and the impact it has. It is invisible and sneaky. Hence, why most people do not see the narcissist for what they are and the damage they cause.
More power to you. God Bless
I also was raised by a narcissist mother and narcissist father. It was hard to emerge from that with any shred of self esteem. I was heavily criticized and treated with disdain for the slightest error even as a young child. I was not allowed to make any normal mistakes that children make. And, when I did well and succeeded, I was also criticized because high level narcissists have pathological envy even for their own offspring. I realized in my mid 20s (after living on my own) that they were unreasonable and it was that they were strange and not that I was a "bad kid". I, like many adults raised by narcissists had generalized anxiety disorder.
Eventually, I developed enough self esteem to allow me to say Enough! But, the journey to full no contact was gradual and occurred in stepwise fashion-- There would be an incident in which both of them would attack me cruelly and twist the narrative. It would be illogical and there was no reasoning with them as rational, mature adults because narcissists are like children. They will double down and triple down in their lies. I would learn to distrust them after these episodes and they would bring back very specific memories from childhood and finally understood how they had damaged me as a kid. I learned not to tell them personal information about me as a way to try to dodge the criticism. But, ultimately, there was no way to have an adult relationship with them that was comfortable for me because they thrived on being cruel and drama and were not capable of having a mutually respectful, real and mature relationship with anyone. So I pulled away and cut the emotional ties bit by bit over the years and then finally could not even bring myself to pick up the phone to call on Father's Day or Mother's Day. I went full no contact at age 50 and have never regretted it.
@@treasuretrovel3816 So sorry to hear you had to deal with that, but it is comforting to know that other people have experienced the same - it is real, even though its invisible.
Thankfully the more we learn the easier it is to understand, accept and move on with life. Just a shame for so many people are suffering without knowing why and how to get the help they so desperately want and need.
I hope you are well. Sending lots of love and positive energy from bonnie Scotland 🏴
@@mikebuckner2663 God bless! ✨️
You are the first person who like me had narcissistic parents but I wasn’t when I was young I new there was an us and them but wasn’t sure of what it was they were evil angry abusive people my father had a very powerful job my poor sister was beaten my brother became an abuser myself in recovery from chronic alcoholism 24 years now in AA the program though it has taken a long time with psychiatrists help to bring out the person god always wanted me to be ....my oldest daughter is a staff nurse narcissist my younger daughter a performing addict ... it can be lonely I stayed single for 25 years met the narc I new something wasn’t right but he was so plausible we married 2010 I left 2017 still trying to get rid of him I have posted below .... my question is why didn’t I become a narc ? It can’t always be the case if your parents are narcs their children will be thank god
This stopped me my tracks!! I had a supervisor in a cancer center where I worked who finally drove me out after 6 yrs. Of Working under her. Just listening to this, put a horrible knot in my stomach. A friend of mine who was a psychologist, kept telling me to leave my job. She said it was my only move. My supervisor only had one other woman under her besides me. A brow beaten mouse. Everyone knew, no one would back me up, didn’t want to get involved. One day she crossed the line, and I quit then and there. Packed up my desk and left, took early retirement at 62.
But………..I have PTSD from it.. now and then nightmares. I felt forced into retirement.
At 70 I can say I have had supervisors that were less than perfect, but this woman should be in jail.
Last week I started a job that I thought was going to be wonderful. I was interviewed by 2 senior ladies, and my to-be supervisor kind of sat in. They welcomed me with open arms, but I kept getting comments on my first 3 days "Oh you're still here!" "Wow, you came back". Once is a joke but when literally everyone you run into says it..... I lasted the three days. My supervisor told me the financial circumstances and stupidity/uselessness of everyone in our department, both past and present staff. When she started in on "their stupid little accents" regarding foreign workers I had enough. The blow by blow account of a previous workers nervous breakdown at work, that alone I am sure would have been grounds for her dismissal, but, not my responsibility. Evil woman.
I have vowed now to spread Love, Joy, and Happiness and have put it as my Objective on my resume.
@@Chahlie, I am so very sorry you went through this! But very happy you got out right away. You have good sense. I hope you are re-employed, or soon will be 💕
It's really uncanny how exactly you describe what happened to me at work. After 7 years of bullying by not just one but 4 narcissists one of which was my boss, I filed an official complaint and it went exactly the way you describe. None of my colleagues dared to open their mouth although they had witnessed bullying against other colleagues before me and had even warned me about what was going to happen to me! The bullies first destroyed my reputation, then my mental health (PTSD), and with their constant lying they eventually convinced the management to fire me. I haven't regained enough trust in people yet to sign another contract that forces me to spend several hours with a group of people in the same room. The general unawareness of the problem and a general tendency to blame the victim has convinced me that it is best to avoid people altogether.
Exactly what happened to me
jb i've turned into a recluse because of similar situations. Much happier now.
It's a serious problem and is often not taken seriously by counsellors. I attended for 14 weeks due to a total breakdown, anxiety, panic and depression. I mentioned the narcissistic traits and treatment I had endured and she looked at me blankly. Thank you Dr Grande for validating the suffering of many in an unbiased but compassionate way. Amazing content as always. From UK.
Lots of useless, poorly trained counsellors whose poor training is based solely on Rogers and have no idea of cluster B personalities.
@@sarahdlp524 Sadly yes same with MSW. And other clinical social workers...terrible training that society is to blame for all psychopathology Sybil Francis PhD clinical psychologist and professor since 1979
Hi there , sorry to hear about your experiance , been through exactly the same , of my parner , trying to get my daughter help
My therapist that I've had for years didn't see what I saw about a narcissist. That astounded me.
I've seen a company being driven into bankruptcy mostly by the actions of a diagnosed narcissist, because he felt mistreated. He then complained he didn't get paid his last months salary. Dangerous individuals
Wow !!! The ex narc sued his company for the same thing about his salary when he was let go!
This was an excellent summary - very helpful. I just ended a relationship with a narcissistic woman.
This is the first time I have ever commented on any video. What Dr. Grande has described is eerily exactly what I experienced during 27 years at the same company. I am thankful to be retired now and away from the many pernicious persons through the years. Dr. Grande’s evaluation gives me (belatedly) affirmation of the insanity I experienced in my office. I am truly grateful for this video and will share it. Thank you.
Same.
Try and explain to a narcissist why they're a narcissist, and they'll tell you they're the normal one and everyone else is a narcissist. It's an impossible situation.
I would not try that with family member who has some control
Mine has a very flat effect, no eye contact
You can't tell them because they are manipulative and will use that information to be a better manipulator. The information is for you to protect YOU from them. Don't try to fix them. You can't.
This is one of your more valuable videos. Narcissists are capable of doing things we can't imagine and they have no boundaries. This makes them exceedingly dangerous in all settings. I work in an organization that attracts narcissistic people. It creates havoc and ruins careers. People leave jobs to get away from the disordered colleagues. I
Should be compulsory viewing for all managers and HR departments.
I noticed one industry that seems to attract a lot of narcissism is entertainment radio. And narcissists seem to have an odd idealised role model/contempt attitude with each other. It's odd when you see narcissists actually having a dysfunctional love for each other.
I've faced some dark encounters with "close" people on my path who happen to be female. They've made me feel physically ill by just being around them. Everyone around them sees this intelligent and kind personality, but I'm targeted by their true face and it's ugly and selfish and belittling and SINISTER. I HAVE ONLY GAINED POWER BY IGNORING AND BEING SILENT WHEN AROUND THEM. I think I'm an easy target because I used to be reactive and observing of their games. Now I'm aware but RESPONSIVE AND ITS ACTUALLY EATEN THEM ALIVE; YET AGAIN. Only we know the game their playing because everyone around them is blind to their true agenda and face. It's been years of learning to be around them with the right armour.
I see that in our company & our department. It’s really depressing & demoralizing. But people try to reason with them & you end up on the chopping block!
Your very intelligent
@@teresaanderson4977 thank you. Sending light.
You are absolutely correct. I have walked that exact same path. EVIL . THESE PEOPLE ARE JUST EVIL !!!
An easy taget, and the narcissit treats People differently.
You are so right.
Thanks for this.
It is so hard to deal with the many levels of damage that my ex husband did. And continues to do. And it is so insidious with all of the people who he surface knows thinking he is so relaxed and charming. The things I was on the receiving end of were dark and the plotting was real and shocking. I have so many good resources and am doing the work and still have days where I feel straight defeated by this man. The manipulation is so dark and the acting first class. Meanwhile, my teens go to stay at his house, actually the adulteress house and all is normalized and my experiences minimized. But I just can’t fathom, for the life of me, how he could ne so dark and turn on someone who loved him and evilly plot to smear me and set me up so he could leave. It changes your world to be on the receiving end of this type of person.
Blessings to all who have to heal. I’m 2 years out and grateful to be on the mend.
Dr. Grande, you are playing NO GAMES with your uploads today!!!!! 😂💯 Keep them coming!!!! I love you and your channel... You are a huge inspiration to me.
Why is it that narcissists don’t get tired?? They are relentless. Where do they even get all this energy? Will they ever give up trying to get their revenge on you?
look into the term "grey rock" it might help you.
risha a if only it was that simple 😬 I’m in the middle of a divorce and I have a feeling this is going to be a struggle for the rest of my life or until my kids are grown.
@@Jennycosmo1 im sorry. Maybe you already know but there is some information out there on how to co-parent with narcissists. From what I have read strict boundaries are key. But I do know grey rock has helped me a lot in the past when removing narcissists from my life and just generally keeping myself safe.
They get energy from the (emotional) reactions of others.
Staying calm when provoked in heavy emotional states and keeping your boundries up is not simple.
Relentless, determined - it's like they are the chess Master moving people around on a chessboard. They never quit.
I had cptsd after being with a narc. Cognitive dissonance. Took me few years to recover. Worst thing that ever Happened to me
This is one of the best assessments of narcissism EVER! Ask any recipient of narcissistic abuse.
I had a pretty rough upbringing, but I only developed panic attacks because of being married to a narcissist. Thank God he is gone and I’m back.🙏
I had to look up pernicious and it’s the perfect word.
One of the best! I also somehow find myself using "insidious" with narcissism. But perniciousness has a more pervasive feel :)
Oh! Dr. Grande just took the "insidious" out of my mouth. Great minds think alike :)
Are you german, too? 😊
@@DS40764 I like the language learning effects of his vids, too. 😊
Mrs. Reluctant. No, I’m American with maybe 25% German ancestry. I think the German is, Birgit. 😊 I just knew pernicious to be, pervasive but the definition is more than that.
This is a VERY important video for those trying to recover from the abusive of narcissists.
Dr. Grande, you should have millions of subscribers to learn about narcissistic awareness and other mental health issues.
Gosh, maybe the rest are all narcissists so they don't think they need this! Yikes!
Dr Ramani is also excellent in explaining narcissism for those curious and her channel is a great resource for victims of their abuse.
He does have “millions of subscribers”. Dr. Grande my excellent therapist ( 25 years ago) tried to fully educate me about NPD. But until 2019 I really had no idea how morally corrupt these people are. This a necessary life skill children in middle school on,need to educated about. This video, is the clearest explanation about these destructive members of society.
BRAVO! BRAVO!
We used to just call it perpetuating emotional abuse. I loved what you said, that it's not against the law to be narcissistic but it should be. It's always been hard to bring justice and healing to the people who have been harmed by narcissistic behavoirs, which is basically being self serving.
Yes ... not against the law but should be. Our laws do not address narcissistic behaviour and the consequences to victims.
Like verbal abuse as opposed to physical abuse. Equally damaging. Should be against the law. As long as one has the proof.
Not everything has to be done by the government. Government is alluring to narcs after all. It's up to the common folk to create a culture that would ostracize narcissists.
Both of my parents are incredibly narcissistic and I worry that a lot of their traits have rubbed off on me. Watching these videos helps me to recognize them in myself. Thank you Todd!
I appreciate this video so much. I faced problems with a narcissist at work for five years. In the end, I had to leave to save my own sanity. To make matters worse, this happened in my family’s business. So when I left, I disrupted family dynamics, as well as business dealings. After the dust settled, all fingers pointed at me as the cause of all the problems.
Eventually, I rebuilt healthy relationships with a few of my family members. But I did not attempt to do so with the narcissist. I simply could not allow him to cause further damage to my injured soul. Your video makes it clear that narcissists cause damage. They are scary people. Steering clear of them is the only way to protect oneself. Thank you for your videos. I enjoy learning, rather than being entertained by the tv. When my husband walks through the room, he says, “Are you watching Dr Grande again?” What can I say? I’m a fan.
Dr grande I have been through hell I thoroughly agree with everything you said and it's my daughter who is the narcissist
Having been raised by an overt narcissist and covert narcissist (finally figured that out when I was 67), I can testify to the damage done by narcissists. The side effect of attracting them into my life (being attracted to what I was familiar with) is finally being able to see the issues and more clearly seeing them...and finally healing from it. I may never be 100% healed but I've come a long, long way and EMDR was helpful in that process as well. Thanks for posting this.
Penelope Conlan EMDR is the best!
Ditto. Sorry you suffered this too.
@@jgarofalo8813 what is EMDR?
@@dianefarley37 therapy type
Both my parents were narcissists and the internet wasn't commonplace then let alone information on narcissists. I wish I'd had access to information like your excellent series on narcissism. All I knew was that my parents were toxic and I had to move away and do a lot of work to recover my severely damaged self-esteem, learn to set personal boundaries, and to be comfortable being assertive. Thanks for your excellent analysis of narcissism and why it's so widespread and harmful.
Me too 😢
Same, just beginning the rabbit hole of discovery. Going no contact has been my only reprieve from pernicious insanity, in order to allow space to piece together the damages, because it has played out through relationships all over my adult life in ways I was completely blind to.
I could have written this word by word..not alone! .. lots of love on your healing journey. .💖
Mine too. My mother is an overt narcissist and my father covert. I don't talk to them anymore and the rest of my siblings who are either narcs or flying monkeys.
I'm commenting here bc we have the same situation, narcs in my world include mom, dad, brother, exhusband, ex-significant other.
I reconnected with my cousins in the last few years. We've pieced together who are the golden ones, who are the scapegoats and which grandparents participated in the insanity.
I'm here to say, reach out to God for the strength to FORGIVE THEM. You'll truly be free & sleep comfortably (for the first time). I'm saying, do it for your own sanity.
Quit feeding them. They want & need to control you & your emotions.
Quit RE-acting.
Lay boundaries (expect angered outbursts in response) Do NOT REACT.
We can't change others. We can only change our own responses to others.
When they (narc) can't control you, they'll find a new supply. They might actually walk out & leave you. You can likely expect to receive "the silent treatment" for a few years. They are vampires that will feed on whatever they can find.
To be free of them, forgive them & move on.
I had the great misfortune to work with a narcissist and simultaneously be in a romantic relationship with one ! When both relationships destructed in front of my eyes .. I was destroyed by betrayal ..gradually picking up the pieces.. thank you for the education .. absolutely should be taught in schools to heighten awareness .. thanks Dr Grande ! L x
Are you serious ????
Actually THE SCHOOL is breading narcissists these days.
My life was basically destroyed by a Narcissist. Then there is the rest of the family he taught how to treat me! Your analogy is spot on Dr.!! If I were not so strong I would have already taken my own life.Or that is what a Therapist told me!
I was initially pretty angry at myself for falling for their little blame deflections, especially since they don’t appear to be great at manipulation. So I did think about it for a little bit (ok a lot). The only theory I can come up with is the fact that I would usually have a some degree of blame. Even if it was only say maybe 5-10% of that blame. They would use that and somehow exploit, then exaggerate it. Next thing I know I’m putting 100% of that blame on myself. It would walk away feeling dizzy, and mad at myself.
The scapegoat from the Bible is such an absurd, ridiculous idea. Who can believe you can put all the communities sins on a goat and drive him/her off to the wilderness and the community problems will be gone? Not then, not now, not ever. Such b.s.
I experienced and did the same, that's a good description of the situation, thank you. Of course, there is always a part on both sides. The difference is that I admitted my shortcomings, while he never did. But Dr. G. helped me quite a bit to overcome my bitterness about this person. He now feels like a stranger to me, I had never really known this person, and he never understood me. In a way, we had never really met each other, and that is the good thing. Take care! 👍
It's crazy how they expect you to take responsibility for their disgusting behavior. Even after the situation is over they will say things like, "we both could have done things differently?!"
And your like"ummm, I did not cheat, lie, hide money, or abuse you, that was ALLL you dude"
You can't hold me responsible for the things you did behind my back.
Don't be too hard on yourself. No good person is immune because we don't believe there are people like this that exist. We have empathy and think things like no ones ever been there for them etc... we don't grow up believing theres a large portion of people that don't care in the least about other people. It seems almost not human. That's what gets us and they know. In there mind "keep thinking people are generally good at the core. Your not smart and that's why people like me have to do what we have to".
@@crazycatladyinc9191 if your family ever made YOU the scapegoat, you would understand.
I experienced a narcissist in my workplace once. This woman was my manager - her behaviour was so unreasonable and bizarre at times I felt frightened of her and in particular her rage. She was totally disorganised but highly manipulative. My mother was a narcissist and I only realised this in later life. There were definite parallels between this woman and my mother - I think that is why I was so afraid of my manager as it reminded me of my mother. Her wrath was cruel.
Omg...simillar situation here years ago.
I keep hearing the same things about female bosses and have the same experience myself.
Could you have reported her and her rage on the grounds of an unsafe workplace environment? Narcs deserve every ounce of punishment their garbage personalities earn them.
I hope you’ve been able to separate yourself permanently from the reach of that dangerous person - it never ends well for the subject of the narcissistic abuser.
@@theinsufferablebutthole8923 narcissism is more prevalent in men
Not only narcissism it's increasing, but we, the people who live with them, have way more information and resources at our fingertips which contributes to a huge wave of awareness unlike before all the media attention and blogs etc. More and more people are sounding the alarm and putting more information out there every day, Which it's a great thing. Thank you for all the awesome videos.
Thank you so much for your beautifully spoken words. I am a victim of what I believe is no less than a dark triad and understanding it is from having lived through it. Your presentation needs to be heard, education is key, you just made me cry,. Happy relief of hope, that someday, people I love will understand and let me back into their lives again. It's devestating for victims, more than you could ever imagine
My narc mother received joy from perpetuating a five decade placement of her reason she could never see me as my siblings equal. Satan smiled using her face. Am no contact now.
I love that you used "pernicious" in your title.
LOL, I had to look up the exact meaning of " pernicious", because its one of those words I think I know what it is, but not really. Oops. 🤪
@@dogie1070 Me too exactly, but then I'm also not sure what a pancake circus is. Does seem like a fun Sunday morning though.
@@peaceonearth8693 it was a diner in my hometown. Had a neon clown juggling...balls or were those pancakes? Funny name!
2 thumb ups
Me too, great word. I had to look it in the dictionary and the definition, just rock... 👍
Maybe one of the problems with narcissism awareness is that so many people were raised with it. It's just a theory from my own experience. Both my parents show a high level of narcissism, and my older sister has - in my opinion - full blown NPD (vulnerable). So everybody in my life told me my opinion was wrong, I was to blame, it was my responsibility that my family members were ok, my feelings were unacceptable, whatever I felt, saw, experienced was not the case. I am highly empathic and ended up with severe Borderline disorder but no narcissism whatsoever and good self-awareness (according to my therapists). It took me decades to look through the brainwashing and see the behaviour patterns, the toxicity - to me it was just normal. Even though I see it now, I'm still struggling immensely to free myself of the conditioning and codependeny (I hope that's the correct word here). And before I saw these traits in my family I wasn't any good in seeing them anywhere else.
Sounds like you are on your way to success! Praying for you! ❤🙏❤🙏
My relatives shunned me because I didnt agree with them Re: politics and religion. One called me hateful; the other said that no one wants to hear what I say. That's why they blocked my phone number.
This describes me. The more if exists in the population the more it will propogate
Take care of yourself. Write things down. I even record things if people start changing the story. That brings your mental health back quickly.
Called the generational curse . We're the only ones who can change anything , with awareness , a consciouse effort , and God .
And we ABSOLUTELY need some kind of blind test for anyone seeking public office.
So true, that narcissists do so much damage, and they are vindictive, and many people quit because of them! I’ve experienced that!
Wow- I’m very surprised at how accurate this is. Thank you for this video. I hope the field of psychology does better job in the future of educating the general public about these monsters in disguise. Due to my generally trusting and giving nature, I was almost totally destroyed by one of these beings. Most of us know the signs of big killers such as cancer, and heart disease... but not NPD- and a true NPD person in your life may look benign, until it’s too late. You’ve missed the signs,
and now part if you is dead. Yes, they win. I hate to say it, but Narcissists do seem to frequently win. With little to no conscience or real empathy, they plunge forward to inflict undeserved cruelty and suffering on an innocent other, all to get an undeserved “prize” that they want.
"But karma." Right.
@@Anna-xn8ds Karma was made up by narcissists, people with low agreeableness traits that end up abusing others. Good fruit can only come from a good tree. They manipulate, control, deceive, steal and abuse to get what they want, just because they can, and because they enjoy causing suffering. Then they say they won because they're so great...it's karma, ignoring all the cheating, theft and destructive evil they did to "win." When they abuse, destroy and run their feet with haste to every evil they may do to you...hey, it's karma. It's what you deserve. Really!?
Amicus: How are narcissists actually winning, if they already lost their humanity when they were little kids, thanks to questionable parenting? You have a quite strange idea of winning, or you aren't thinking things through.
I would say narcissists more likely just want to even the score, when it comes to destroying other people.
@@kurpalm0n966 they win because everyone seems to love and support them while the scapegoat gets their life destroyed by these cretins and their minions and gets shitted on. im living this right now and yes she seems to be winning at life while im a perpetual loser. it happens everyday. im not talking about winning in the spirituals ense but in the practical, real-world sense
@@corsicanlulu What you call "winning", I call "compensation". I'm guessing there is no right or wrong here.
Did you forget that loads of narcissists (the vulnerable types particularly) were scapegoated children themselves? When someone suffers too much, is it suddenly okay to reduce them into a "cretin", as you so subtly did? Also, you seem to exaggerate quite a bit by saying "everyone seems to love and support them". Truth is, only the truly empathic people and codependents love&support the narcissists, because it's their mission really. In my experience the aforementioned people are rare treasures.
The potato chips bag analogy killed me :D Reflecting on experiences with blame shifting and gaslighting however, it is actually very applicable. Just that these unrealistic alternative versions of events stick in your head, the other person seems to have no doubts, and it is so far fetched that it seems unlikely that someone - especially a close person - would just be that delusional or malicious. So, suddenly you become the shop owner and think: “Maybe I really went to that flat and took the potato chips?”
So true!!!
My mother died in 2018, diagnosed with pancreatic cancer with 2 months to live. She never cried or saddened that her life was going to be over. She also had knew a lot about medicine and I suspect she waited as long as she could to get it checked and most likely knew something was going on.
I'm convinced that she was glad to finally get away from my dad. He's never been officially diagnosed but his Narcissism, bipolar nature and Dependent Personality Disorder having made her responsible for all decisions and berate her every chance he gets.
I will never believe anything other than she welcomed her own death to escape him. Including possibly leaving something she could feel going on until the last minute. That's how much living with a narcissist will destroy you.
I'm a physician assistant and the 1st employer I worked for is a absolute malignant narcissist and I've seen people die that should have never had surgery and Absolutely nothing can be done about this period that experience has Completely made me jaded towards the entire medical industry. I'm a very good provider and he could care less about his patience yet no one else around him bother to stop him from his dangerous actions
Dr, I’m touched right now . I’m so grateful that you brought to light the need for people to speak up or to really listen to someone who’s crying out and alleging this sort of abuse.
I was brutally murdered right in front of my entire world and the people I loved and trusted the most without question did not attempt to save me like I would of bet my life on instead they just provided the murderer with the most wicked inhumane type of weaponry. The damage and many levels of loss I face is almost unbearable at times.
I love the way you chose to use your voice .
Stephanie M,Hope you are not with a narcissist.......
And when you're murdered by those who "love" you, what chance do you have with the rest of the world!?
@@noplacelikehome2.0 I understand that
I fully understand your description of what you went through Stephanie M.
They have no moral compass. Their evil insidious intentions are devastating. 5 years of hell with my narcissist. I finally went no contact 6 months ago. I had 3 mini strokes, stomach issues, nose bleeds daily, migraines, depression, anxiety. My health is slowly improving. Physically and mentally.
I refuse to allow him to take anymore from my life. I wish you the best. Stay strong and keep educating yourself. 🤍❤️
Wow- I've gone through hundreds of research from psychologists, therapists, counsellors, PD information, videos, literature, case studies, journals from victims of narcissists and this is by far an extremely factual and educational video, that the entire galaxy should know, learn and operate on.
Congrats Doctor- excellent work.
Thank you, Dr. Grande for your excellent summary of characteristics and behaviors of a narcissist. I only realized in the past few years that my husband fits many of the traits you describe and also struggles with alcoholism. His father was a mirror image of him and they were both bosses of small businesses. It is very helpful to know that we as victims are not the problem as we are constantly accused of being at fault by the narcissist!! Also- I appreciate knowing that the stress of the relationship can cause health problems. I have had heart problems from an early age but did not connect it with my 50 yr. marriage. Thanks for the warning signs! Better late than Never! S.Y. 1/23
Thanks you for sharing the video, it is true that you don't see the person is a narcissist it slowly comes up once they've got you where they want you and then the abuse does start whether it's verbal mental emotional the lying and manipulating the gaslighting and if you don't know about a narcissist you do become a victim they are very dangerous and damaging I truly do have a form of post-traumatic stress syndrome and I felt Frozen inside and ashamed and embarrassed and they have zero empathy they have no feelings and they are Insidious and maybe the population is growing narcissism is a cancer on the society
& dangerously spreading so rapidly, even more... ) ;
Right on 🎯 They do a lot of damage everywhere they go!
When professionals ignore these 7 reason or traits,the victim can suffer the label. The victim will be labelled with mental health problems...when the root cause was the narcissist,will walk away and will never get help from professionals,l also don't believe the professionals want to treat the narcissist either.lt's just a very ugly vicious circle !!! 😲🤯😡
Thanks Dr Grande this video was excellent and very informative 👏👏👏 Thank you 🙂💜👍
I divorced my husband and now I feel so alone, he has reached out to my friends, family and Co workers and tried to control the narrative about our break up. There are whole social media threads about what a piece of trash I am. It's definitely not normal, and another level. Even trying to server a relationship with one holds so much risk. Just really nasty games they get off on you reacting to. And most people don't even realize what's really going on.
I suggest blocking him and blocking everyone who believed him, they might still be saying stuff but you won't see it and you will feel better. Also, people have short attention spans and eventually they'll find someone else to pick on. Don't let them know they bother you. Try to ignore them completely. Get out and meet new friends and start doing things for you. I found a lot of really nice true blue friends through humble church with kind people that don't have big egos.
A really helpful video, giving practical advice on how to deal with these troublesome people, and also outlining the devastating effects of leaving narcissism untreated and unchallenged. It truly is a 'scourge on society' and the better informed we are, the less damage narcissists are able to wreak. The main reasons they get away with their behaviour is that people are ignorant that narcissism is real - or lack the moral courage to face up to their bullying.
I did..I put the clan of liers to the world and said they can kiss my axx...lowlife scum.. wicked falsehood of people who play games with other's life..then they want to play VICTIM...never forget that I slept on the floor in the beginning and left SLP on the floor prior to leaving... pathetic lowlife people.. oh yes, memory ISSUES, that's what a so called friend did..played games when I called her out with games... gossiping about everything each day.. lowlife people...then make fun of me...like I'm the ISSUES.. what happens in the dark will come out to the light..
Paraphrasing you…. The main reason they get away with N is because of ignorance and a lack of will on the part of others to stand up to it …… this is so true
I looked up pernicious
You got that right!!!
What really resonates here was the analogy to the soldier who would die to kill another person. My narc spouse would destroy himself and his relationship with his kids just to degrade and destroy me. It’s truly frightening the lengths he will go.
Just give her a hand grenade and say "go for it!"
I am thankful that I have access to your scientifically based, highly educated Chanel. Which is also grounded in clinically experience which is driving my education in psychology and personality disorders. I have read as re-read the Mask of Sanity by Clecky as I am fascinated in psychology and personality issues. This combined with your marvelous wit and exquisite humor making your Chanel my favorite by far. The many benefits I receive from your Chanel are beyond words. Best Wishes - I loved the father Xmas episode "what a korker".
This was very well explained. Thank you Dr. Grande. I wish I knew about narcissism 36 years ago when I married one. However, I am thankful to know now what it was and that it wasn’t me that was the problem. I still have to deal with narcissistic adult children who learned that behavior, I’m so thankful for videos like this that help me realize what I’m dealing with.
This is one of your best podcasts to date. Having worked in an organization that tended to place narcissists in managerial roles, I can say with certainty that these people destroyed the organization. Sadly, consultants brought in to help diagnose the organizational problems, totally missed this and as you suggest, chalked it up to communication problems. The best workers left in droves, some employees developed C-PTSD and the entire workplace culture deteriorated into a mess of lying, deflection of responsibility, blaming and lack of transparency. Employees feared the narcissists and would not expose them out of fear of retaliation. Sadly, HR was not savvy about screening these types of people out when considering them for managerial roles. A devastating outcome all around.
Yes excellent comment. HR should get educated.
Snakes in suits good book.
I had a boss who was sort of covertly narcissist. He even reported me to HR for only being 98% accurate! I told him he should employ God if he wanted that kind of perfection. This was via email and I was copied in. So this is actually on paper!!! Of course I started showing up ALL his errors (so he was about 70% accurate) and I also didn't suck up to him like the others did. I knew my time there would be limited. I recorded and kept evidence waiting for his inevitable nuclear eruption which came as certain as there is tomorrow and which resulted in constructive dismissal. They settled out of court and I got paid out a good sum. The other victims just left. I have no time for toxic people. They are weak and pitiful. The poor dude still seethes with hatred. The miserable bastard!
Well done for having the courage and foresight to fight your corner,wish more people could do the same.these monsters should never be feared.take them down 💪
I was going to say, he probably reported you out of jealousy and that his percentage was a lot lower, then I finished reading and I saw that I was correct. I don't suffer the fools either. I'm a good employee and I've had managers fight to get me. I went with the highest salary, of course. No employer I have ever worked for has had cause to complain.
Stay well. Stay strong. Stay cool 😎😎😎.
Good for you! I am glad you got the payout and documented everything.
Good for you!
Good for you! Hoo-rah! I'm proud of you!
This was very helpful. Now I know why my husband was afraid to leave his parents. To have us move away from them and ended up having me put in the place where his mother went after me for over 40 years, putting me down, competing with me. She was afraid from the very beginning that I would outshine her and she wasn't going to have any of it. It was decades before I realized she was lying about me to other family members behind my back to make them upset with me or not like me. I am still uncomfortable with that family at the age of 79 but oh, what I have learned!!
God bless you
Thank you so much Dr. Grande. I feel like a narcissist magnet: my mother, other family members, ex-spouse, ex-supervisor, coworkers. It's truly awful to be around these people. They truly are harmful/hurtful. It's a living hell being around them every day. I live alone now, thank goodness, and am very careful about who I let into my life. You made a very good point about employers needing to learn about narcissistic people. And it is absolutely true that employers will say that two employees are simply having a personality clash when that is far from the truth. My former supervisor at my previous job had the so-called personality clash with more than a dozen of her employees. She fired every single employee with whom she had a "personality clash". It was a nightmare situation and upper management would do nothing about her. Narcissists are horrible people to be around. The best thing a person can do is run in the opposite direction from them.
One of my favorite videos. This explains pretty clearly the kind of damage these people do and how they fly under the radar. It also covers how they get away with it.
Another fine production 🧠
Thank you so much for your teachings, videos. Really informative and mind opening. We're dealing with a narcissist in the family for 15 years now. I can honestly see, and tell you the damage he has done to my children and my parents and me. Thank you for your hard work and videos to help us.
This is such an important video about a topic that often gets dismissed, yet has debilitating effects on other people.
Great video, Dr. Grande. I couldn’t agree with you more. My experience with narcissistic abuse has been within my family of origin - both parents and one sibling. It has torn our family apart and has been personally devastating causing depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, hopelessness, and on and on. Your videos and those of others have helped a lot, but it’s going to be a long road to recovery. Thank you so much for the information and encouragement your videos provide. 🌸
"Infectious" seems to be a fitting word for these devils.
Char Kroger They turn their children into narcissists.
I've been incredibly damaged by a narcissist but there is too much out there calling them 'devils' and demons.
JW Suicides Agreed. They are supremely devious. But mystifying them is counterproductive.
Nikki Pettway Agreed.
@Nikki Pettway Exactly. I used the term evil because it's the only word that can explain the depth of the damage. Infectious because they infect everyone around them. Anyone lacking a conscious is not human to me, and most REFUSE to even identify as "human". Mine says several times a week that he "hates humans". Then wtf are you??! A devil. 👌
Really good analysis. This is a big problem in our society. Thank you for drawing attention to it.
The description of counter accusation mechanisms alone made this video priceless. Very informative, careful, measured presentation. It should be incorporated into workplace training seminars. Though/Especially because narcissists in the top brass might rage and accelerate the discussion. Whether professional or personal contexts this presentation was incredibly informative. Excellent video. Thank you very much.
Hi. Dr Grande. I'd been trying to understand. My husband who is a doctor himself, after 23 years of my married life which looked like a living hel. I divorced him after that it seems like I'm standing alone in the middle of nowhere. I thought I'll be happy but i couldn't find my real self my hobbies, my passions ,my talents, I got so lost couldn't get quality sleep , can't meet people , don't know how to get happy , I always wanted to know why? Why he did that? Why he is so against me? What did I do? Since past few months I've been listening to your lectures n few others also I never knew the word Narssisium before divorce, although psychology was one of my subject during college studies. but I like to confess today I understood the true meaning of Narssisium. Because of you n 2 other phychopathologists. I'm able to recognise myself n manage to smile again.
Still looking for my real self.
I can see the narc from greater distance now. Thank you.
My regards.