My ex-husband is one and I divorced him after 15 years of toxic marriage. He spent the next 15 years of targeting me with parental alienation. I am a revert of 30 years and at the time I was the only one practicing Islam in our home. He broke ever rule in our divorce decree and kept out children from me. Years of tears. He would never co-parent with me. Now our children are grown I am still being targeted from the lies he brainwashed our children with. I leave it in the hands of Allah and never give up trying. One day after I am no longer in the world, Inshallah our grandchildren will have the benefits I fought so hard to instill in our children. Its nice to know I am not the only one, but yet very sad. JazakAllahKheir
@@faiza2237 AsSalaamuAlikum, I am sorry you are going through this. It is such a horrible situation. All I can tell you is my experience , strength and hope. You already said you are separated and he is unhealthy for your mind! There is your answer. Its so hard is when we realize the man we married has narcissistic tendencies. This why divorce is not haram, but its the hardest of halal options. There are many channels that can give you all the information on toxic relationships. In my Experience and according to the leading experts on this topic, narcissistic personality disorder has no cure. The toxic person will keep you in a cycle of love bombing , cognitive dissidence, trauma bonding, devaluing you, then discarding you. Sometimes all of this in one day. Allah does not want you in a relationship that harms you emotionally , physically, I will say a word that YT does not like but S+exally, there is finical abuse, sleep abuse and so much more. I thought being a perfect muslim would save our marriage, I thought if I was pretty enough, kind enough, served my husband to the point I almost lost faith in Allah! Nothing will change a toxic person and yes this is abuse! Sheik Mufti even has videos on this. Ask yourself, what would you tell your sister being in a marriage like the, what if your children thinks its ok to treat their spouse this way! We can not control what will happen, but you have to trust that sometimes Allah removes toxic people from our lives when we couldnt do it ourselves. It is okay to want a better life! For me, my ex did not pray (may Allah forgive me for sharing this), he was so far away from islam that he was using our religion to trap me , I call this His-lam, a individual twisting the sunnah in order to get what he wants! Alot of cultures look down on this, only fear Allah and know he is giving you answers. Even knowing now what happened I would still choose to divorce my ex. I needed to put Allah first in everything. Allah knows my ex used our children to hurt me, and Allah will not forget, I have learned to forgive, I pray for my ex everyday to be forgiven. I forgive him for myself. I deserve better, and so do you. But only you can make that choose. You are not alone! I have mention several words that can help you. There are non muslim sites that can help you with this as long as you practice the sunnah with it. If your spouse is sick then pray he gets help, but again there is no cure for personality disorders! Pray, but sounds like Allah is giving you answers all around you, even here! There are FB groups I mod for as well that focus on "narcissistic abuse recovery and support" (look up those words. I will pray for you, look for your answers, but Allah does not want you to be in unhealthy relationships! WaSalaam
Yes keep your distance . That would mean move if you live in the same city far away. We must keep in touch so you choose how often I’d say once a month is good . Keep the conversation short and detached. Don’t get involved deeply remain neutral. If they ask for advice for example “I’m Not sure best to ask big brother . Or you need to do what is right . Don’t get involved deeply ever . As soon as you get involved they then turn on you . Then they demonise tou to the rest of the siblings . The others are either narcs themselves or they desire the praises and acceptance so they’re basically guilty by association . You will always be the black sheep and punching bag . Why? Because you see who they really are and you refuse to obey them for “acceptance “. You’re not in need of this relationship Obviously we are Muslim and can’t completely cut things off so this is the best solution . It’s sad though feels like a true loss :(
I chose to keep distance and “love” then from afar. Maybe don’t pick the calls because that’s where you’re “alone” with the narc and also visit them with someone else. Because we all know that they only bully you when you’re one-on-one with them.. so ha! Works for me Insha Allah hehe 😊
I was bullied even around others, talked down to. It was always the sneaky critical comments as well about how I lived my life that did it for me, I grew tired of it. Kept my distance and I was the one who made the weekly calls and I chose the topics she liked to talk about. I asked her about her interests and what was she up to. She liked to gossip, so I’d let her say a little of what she wanted to say and then changed the subject like oh yeah, I was meaning to ask you.… and that distracted her and stopped the gossip. So I chose the calls to my mother until she fell very ill. I then called every day or I was actually with her every day. Mind you she was not a Muslim, but I prayed for her (for 21 years!) in sujood with sincerity and asked Allah not to call her back unless she believed in Him as One God and not Jesus. When she fell ill I gladly cared for her fisabilillah! It was hard as she fought nearly to the end with a mean behavior and the smear campaign on me and my daughter who cared for her 24/7. Day before she passed (almost a year ago), after having a good heart to heart talk with her about who her true Creator is (and years of unsuccessful dawah) she took her shahada in front of me and my two adult Muslim children. May Allah forgive her of her sins and have mercy on her soul Ameen. May we reunite in Jannah Firdaus. Ameen. So learn the strategies, protect yourself, but be kind to your parents to the best of your newly learned knowledge and abilities. Keep learning how to handle the narcissist that you can’t completely cut off. You will be just fine insha Allah.
When you’re Muslim, you can’t go no contact because some of these narcs are from your family. May Allah help those in these dicey situations. Perhaps moving to a new city may ease things.
@user-gu3kq4lw4ethese are evil human beings. Especially if they are your mother believe me their evil mothers who use religion to destroy your using the word of Allah of honor your parents to destroy literally destroy your life. It’s painful all you want to do is honor, respect and obey them and what they do in return annihilate your very being.
Unfortunately I had to cut my family member off , I had been dealing with her verbal and psychological abuse for years. I had always dealt with her like you recommended but sometimes your real self reacts wrongly. That what I did. And she went to far, but I’m so relaxed that I’m away from her sadly. My life is so much calmer and less panic attacks dealing with the narcissism. Hamdullah God forgive me inshallah but it was no longer healthy for me or my family.
Yes anyone who says that you should keep contact because they are yoir family... have 0 EXPERIENCE with how evil narcissism personality disorder actually is. It would be like telling a person whom has been raped, to then go to the rapist and live among that person. To interact almost daily. That is SICKENING!. May Allah have mercy on those that gives such HORRIBLE advice. They give from arrogance, because they do not fully understand what Narcissistic Personality Disorder really is!. Physical rape is horrible. But psycholigical rape over decades of narcissistic abuse is much more devestating. And that is what most people will never understand. It really rapes your mind. People will have traumas for maany years. They are left with scars. They will heal, but jever be fully healed. And the narc will try to orbit and return over and over years to come.. to llure you in again and again with their mindgames.
I'm happy to hear that you're doing much better after distancing yourself from the narcissist. I can understand what that feels like. Sometimes, narcissism runs in families and I have a couple of narcissists around me as well. But I have a narcissistic older sister who has had the worst impact on me. I never understood why I developed such anxiety and had panic attacks for many years. I always thought I was the problem. And her manipulation just kept getting worse. Until I reached a breaking point, and also got to spent a year away from her and realized that most of my problems came from her. I healed a little in her absence. But now after a year, we are back in the same house and even though I am grateful for her presence coz she is family, I have started to feel the negative impact of her vile and abusive and manipulative behavior. The more I try to resist her, the more I feel worked up and exhausted on the inside.
Oh no. They know they’re not perfect. They just don’t want to put in the effort needed to even try to change. It’s too much work. It’s easier for them to destroy you and the relationship than it is to put in the effort. That’s why it’s so difficult to be a empath-because that person with their flaws and your relationship is worth more to you (this you will do anything!) than it is to them.
So difficult for me to rebuild my life while he is with someone knew and seemingly all the issues that we had are somehow resolved because now he’s making an effort for her.
My spouse is like this. And he’s threatened to marry a second wife to manipulate me into submission. I’m an empath and he uses my kindness to manipulate me. He then tells me that the new wife will be so much better than me because she will be a number of things I’m not.
Very well explained mam really thankful to you, plz make more videos on how to deal with narcissists hsbnd n how to make ourselves emotionally intelligent coz u r ryt that ve can't cut off completely
Ok, so this worried me a little because I hate it when he tells me I’m wrong. He does point out I seldom accept I am wrong. But honestly it’s because I use rationality and he uses his ego to argue about ANYTHING. I did stay quiet for 15 years while he slowly broke me until I barely had any self worth left in me. I can’t accept I’m wrong when I’m not and he says I’m wrong solely to confuse me and bend me to the “submissive” woman I once was. I also don’t take constant passive aggressive criticism well either anymore, but I did for years. His constant criticism affects me because he’s isolated me to the point that I don’t have anyone but him. So his words tend to really affect me even though I know they shouldn’t because he’s literally crazy. If I had a kind husband who’s sole purpose wasn’t to break me, I would most definitely accept when I am wrong and accept criticism meant to help me become a better person not to crush my self confidence. 💔
Constantly they will tell you wrong in every thing to inflate their own little ego. The part that shocks me is we end up doing it my way the same way he said your wrong your wrong. It’s pathetic how he can’t just say babe you’re right. In their minds if they say you’re right it will injure their little pathetic ego
1. Saying I wouldn’t do it that way.-“let’s work together to come up with a solution.” 2. Saying “you’re wrong.”-instead say “I hear you, I see it a little different.” 3. Saying “what’s the matter with you?” Instead: “you seem upset. Do you want to talk about it?” It’s easier to implement any of these strategies when the individual isn’t a parent. For everyone else, you can separate yourself from them to a certain extent. But, we must preserve and endure the hurts caused by our parents. May Allah protect us from this fitnah! May Allah keep us steadfast on the haqq.
No hope with Narcs. This a cradle to the grave personality disorder. If you're in a situation where you're financial dependent on a narc its best to free yourself from their toxicity by becoming financially independent because they cannot control you if you're self sufficient.
Islamically speaking, Pyschology should be approached with references of the Quran Kareen and Sunnan. Advice can vary depending on if family are even Muslims, or practicing. For example, Mothers/Fathers may have a lot of rights and "Jannah is under the Mothers feet." but I wonder if this applies to ALL Parents? Yes as Muslims we need to be repsectful but its a two way street. After all, adult daughters and sons, ALSO have rights. As Muslims, we have the right to speak up for Justice and Truth. Even if is against oursleves or our parents.. Hard line to balance. Also without confronting, not arguing or trying to make a point, if a parent is not practicing you can be subjected to awful psyholigical abuse. At the end of the day, avoiding people(even parents) who do not fear Allah, or care about the rights of others, unfortunately they may be the ones who cutt ties. While trying is obligated, we may have to have very little contact. In short, Islamically speaking, smiling and being kind with abusive parents is JIHAD, and surely a test from Allah azza wa jall. Insha'Allah we will be rewarded for trying, but also its ok to protect yourself and set health bounderies. Sad but necessary. May Allah help all the daughters and sons with Narcisssist and or unkind Parents. May Allah have mercy, ameen.
Not everyone will recognize that this behavior of their parent is inappropriate and wrong and to view it as a Test from Allah and then start taking care of their emotional and psychological wellbeing because believe me if you are not aware you will pass on to others even your children and your intimate relationships. It’s a curse you will end up wondering what the problem is. It’s the trauma you carry that’s causing it all. May Allah make it easy on us.
I was bullied even around others, talked down to. It was always the sneaky critical comments as well about how I lived my life that did it for me, I grew tired of it. Kept my distance and I was the one who made the weekly calls and I chose the topics she liked to talk about. I asked her about her interests and what was she up to. She liked to gossip, so I’d let her say a little of what she wanted to say and then changed the subject like oh yeah, I was meaning to ask you.… and that distracted her and stopped the gossip. So I chose the calls to my mother until she fell very ill. I then called every day or I was actually with her every day. Mind you she was not a Muslim, but I prayed for her (for 21 years!) in sujood with sincerity and asked Allah not to call her back unless she believed in Him as One God and not Jesus. When she fell ill I gladly cared for her fisabilillah! It was hard as she fought nearly to the end with a mean behavior and the smear campaign on me and my daughter who cared for her 24/7. Day before she passed (almost a year ago), after having a good heart to heart talk with her about who her true Creator is (and years of unsuccessful dawah) she took her shahada in front of me and my two adult Muslim children. May Allah forgive her of her sins and have mercy on her soul Ameen. May we reunite in Jannah Firdaus. Ameen. So learn the strategies, protect yourself, but be kind to your parents to the best of your newly learned knowledge and abilities. Keep learning how to handle the narcissist that you can’t completely cut off. You will be just fine insha Allah. We will be tested by Allah and who better to be tested by.
@@ari-jv agreed. But try not to blame the religion (I don’t think you are doing that that). I almost abandoned Christianity because of this. Now I am Muslim though, Alhamdullilah
How do we know narcissistic behavior from psychological/emotional/verbal abuse.... Because in both cases if they get angry, they might shout, curse and even try to put u done by putting blame on you
You describe abuse as being physical but psychological and emotional is their specialty. I have a saved voice message from my mother where she makes a duaa for the shaytan to possess me. Anytime I stand up for my self she uses the verse from the Quran that says to be nice to your parents; pure manipulation. Every attack from her pushes me closer to wanting to un alive myself which is her dream. To say you can’t cut them off or to say that just tolerate it feels wrong and I am searching for evidence to support this from Hadith or Quran - Please don’t downplay narc abuse (all forms) because their goal is to remove you from this planet due to their resentment. Even if it’s your parent you can cut off if it saves your life. And Allah knows best
There’s a conversation between Prophet Ibrahim alaihi salam and his idol worshipping/ abusive father in Qs.19:46 - 48 for your reference. He said: Do you dislike my gods, O Ibrahim? If you do not desist I will certainly revile you, and leave me for a time. He said: Peace be on you, I will pray to my Lord to forgive you; surely He is ever Affectionate to me: And I will withdraw from you and what you call on besides Allah, and I will call upon my Lord; may be I shall not remain unblessed in calling upon my Lord. According to some scholars, Narcissism is a spiritual disease and they compares it to Iblis, Firaun and Qarun. The sufferers might be Muslims but they may not realise that they fell into the devil’s traps. Thus they behave the way they behaving thinking that they are doing right. Allah knows best
Even I am eager to find various hadees which goes against narcissism and against every little act of them... including guilt trap... devaluing...spy...rights over children...how to deal with abuse(except pateince) ...various incidents mentioned in ahadees that relates to this topic and what islam says and considers about these people.... specially to show my narc religious father....the way he portrays deen to me made me hate deen to the core...but by rab's grace i found the right path and found the right side islam... alhamdulillah ...pls pray for me ....
I have been living with a narcissist husband almost 30 years. I have learned how to behave with him . Make dis for me to continue living with him because i want my children to be happy.
@Risanaification wish I could do d same mine is physical with me and will hit me even when m holding our baby and I don't want my son to grow seeing that
@@172forzero6 He is not physically doing any harm thankfully. Some time he make noise that we got used to . We try to ignore a lot of. I also keep me away from him most of the time . I just respond to him. It react if I react then only problem. So I keep calm . I learned this over the time . God has helped me . Alhamdulillah . As long as I am calm no problem 😀
Seek help. Get counseling. Start practicing your deen. Start reading the Quran in Arabic and know the meaning in your own language. In psychology they say these disorders don’t change. But in the Quran, Allah SWT says that the Quran is a healing for diseases (of the heart). The fact that you’re aware of this, to me, points to the fact that you don’t have a disorder. These might be learned patterns from your life/childhood.
You know what YOU do. Get therapy and then start a platform on SM sharing all your Narc behaviors to women who go through this. This may help them heal, cope or simply leave the Narc.
Salam alaykum. Chances are if you think you are, you are not... I hears them people will never think bad of themselves. Allahu a3lem. You may share some traits and can work on it. May Allah have mercy on you.
Honey you are not narcissistic, you might have past trauma buried in your psyche or you don’t know it was abuse and you project your pain consciously or subconsciously. Just seek help in therapy to heal. I have experience with narcs they will never think they are the problem or the narc. The fact that you think you might be narcissistic means you’re not the narc.
Arrogance in Quran. Study cases of arrogance in the Quran and keep from it. Arrogance is the base and foundation of narcissistic personality disorder. If you’ve been abused and didn’t know you might end up in that scenario.
🎉🎉❤❤ Masy'Allah Allahuakbar Permudahkan urusan kita semuanya aamiin 🎉🎉❤ Let's work togather, Insya'Allah. It's okay, Insya'Allah I have alternative opinions. Let's talk, Insya'Allah we move forward.
Sister, point are good, but in some cases these alternatives also don't work. I am surprised people would have that much patience to use special wordings for such people. I just slapped one and he said sorry to me and never called again.
Thank you for your comment! Dealing with a narcissistic parent, especially a father, can be incredibly challenging. It's important to approach this situation with care and self-preservation. Here are a few steps you can take: 1. Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. It's okay to limit interactions if they become too overwhelming. Seek Support: Surround yourself with supportive friends, family members, or community leaders who understand your situation and can offer guidance and comfort. 2. Educate Yourself: Learn more about narcissistic behavior and coping strategies. Understanding the dynamics can help you navigate interactions more effectively. 3. Focus on Empathy: Sometimes, engaging in humanitarian acts and fostering empathy can help you cope better with the situation. 4. Professional Help: Consider seeking professional support. Our Banani Method trained coaches can provide personalized guidance to help you manage this complex relationship. You can learn more about scheduling a session here: halehbanani.com. Remember, you are not alone, and there are resources available to help you through this. May Allah ﷻ grant you strength and patience. Best regards, Aisha on behalf of Sr. Haleh Banani. Haleh Banani's Support Team
Is a person who keeps saying ohh ya ik im always wrong and its my fault im the problem alwayyys saying that their luck is bad n nothing good happens etc a narcissist or perhaps what are they n how do u deal with them🥺n they always use this approach when they make mistake n then ur reminded that maybe ur the wrong one...?
Thank you for your comment, It's empowering to hear that you've moved past those difficult times. If you ever need further support or resources, feel free to explore the Banani Method for more insights on healing and growth. Best regards, Aisha, on behalf of Sr. Haleh Banani. Haleh Banani's Support Team
I understand you sister but the fact is that you subscribe to using euphemism all your life to please a Narcissist who can never be satisfied. They must look for more supply beyond their partner. I would say your advice is a very effective way of postponing the "Dooms Day" of discard.
Thank you for your comment. I understand your concern about using euphemisms to please a narcissist. It's important to recognize that while temporary strategies can help manage difficult situations, they are not long-term solutions. The Banani Method focuses on empowering individuals to set healthy boundaries and develop effective communication skills. It's crucial to prioritize your own well-being and not just postpone inevitable issues. If you're dealing with a narcissistic partner, I recommend seeking professional support to navigate this complex relationship. Our Banani Method trained coaches can provide personalized guidance. You can learn more at halehbanani.com. Best regards, Aisha, on behalf of Sr. Haleh Banani. Haleh Banani's Support Team
@EXPOSED. Algerian satanic narcissist. Bilal lakama Why did Allah SWT the the All Powerful, Benevolent, Beneficient, Merciful and Wise create Man and Jinn ? AL-QUR'AN 51:56 • Sherali: And I have NOT created the Jinn and the Men but that they may worship ME. • Pickthal: I created the Jinn and Humankind ONLY that they might WORSHIP Me. • Rashad: I did not create the Jinns and the Humans except to WORSHIP ME ALONE. What are ordinary human beings to make of an All Powerful Entity that creates a universe with people for One and only ONE single purpose: that they Constantly sing His Praises and WORSHIP Him ? Permanent Hell fire for those who do not PRAISE and WORSHIP the Lord God constantly or praise some other unreal imaginary entity - i.e. commit SHIRK. This command to worship is very serious indeed considering the extreme punishment (ETERNAL HELL FIRE) that is to be meted out to those who do not try to satisfy this need. This certainly is food for thought for the mushrikeen.
Agree. Couldn’t make sense of this disorder from an Islamic perspective and was suspecting exactly what you said. But then pharaoh was a narcissist for sure, I feel. As well as Nebuchadnezzar (of the Tower of Babel). So not sure really. But for the average person maybe it is waswasa.
So tell me why my husband has these types of behavior. He prays five times a day, goes to every khudba. Goes fajr yo masjid everyday. Generally very practicing Muslim, however, he yells and name calls me even at the least things that anyone would be bothered; example leaving a water bottle open without a lid for some time. Basically, he finds a way to pick a fight with me all the time with whatever flaws I have. He even denies sometimes that he insulted me when I remind him to fear Allah and why I deserved to be called such when I didn’t do anything but may be slow of doing something. The same things that he forgets or he did it wrongly, I got yelled or shamed/ insulted if I do the same. He is a textbook narcissist but I am confused because he is very religious but don’t care if he hurts other’s feelings. He says did I put my hands on you? No. So you can’t say I hurt you. If you don’t wanna get yelled, do things exactly as I wanted. I almost became crazy as he was gaslighting me the whole time(5) years.
@@nijaj9157 there’s a lot going on here, and I’m sorry you’re having to go through this. I mean, the amount of self doubt that this must put in you - that in itself is enough pain for a person to deal with. I’m not an expert, so please don’t treat my advice as such. But, I have read a lot on these things because I needed clarity and information. Shaitaan is real, and so are psychological defense mechanisms. Your husband seems to be reacting from a place of pre-programmed responses to you specifically. Some narcissists do that. Some people with other emotional issues do that. You need to educate yourself about these issues. Let me tell you something. How do you solve a problem when you don’t understand it? The answer is: you don’t. You need to understand what you’re dealing with in order to get some relief from it. The answer may be that you may have to make some tough decisions, but it may also be that once you own your own ‘power’, or change the dynamics of the relationship because you understand something now that you didn’t before, things will change. The solution will come when you understand where the problem lies. And this will not be an easy process. You’ll have to study a lot and pray a lot for guidance, because you need both. God will help you, but you also have to help yourself. Have you been letting people walk all over you? Have you been the sort of person who ignores red flags? Are you someone who doesn’t voice their own need? Or understand their own needs? Usually, these things work in a system. Someone is doing the abusing, someone is allowing it. When someone doesn’t allow it, others can’t do it. Mind you, I’m not blaming you for your husband’s behavior. But I am saying that understand what part you had to play in this, if any. If you didn’t have any part to play in this, then you need to ask yourself, why are you staying in this situation? Or what can you do to change things? You’ll not like my answers, I know. Because the last thing a person wants to hear is someone telling them to see how they contributed to things. But, and I came across this Islamic video recently, sometimes Allah SWT allows bad things to happen to us so that we may learn from the pain of our bad decisions and/or actions. Continually ignoring bad behavior in others is a bad action because it is enabling the other person in harmful ways, and allowing someone else to hurt your dignity. You have a right and duty to safeguard your dignity. Sister, there are Islamic videos on how to deal with narcissism on this and other channels. Please see them over and over until you understand things from a different perspective. Also, please learn about codepency. Most narcissists attach to to codependents. These two types enable one another to behave in destructive ways, because both don’t know how to love in healthy ways. Sacrificing yourself for another is not love. Dominating another is not love. Once your behavior starts changing - that is, how you respond to things - you’ll see things starting to change in your life also, Insha’Allah. Allah SWT said in the Quran that He doesn’t change the condition of a person/people until they change what is within themselves. And change comes through knowledge. This will be a long journey ahead of you, but it’s worth the fight. Don’t despair, don’t do anything based on extreme emotions. Seek help from Allah SWT by duas for protection (for example, ya Allah please protect me from the evil within my husband, etc.) and for Him to find a way out for you. Educate yourself. Get therapy if needed. Talk to trusted friends or family. But also, you have to be careful about who you get advice from. So, I’d say seek Allah’s help even in that matter so that you’re able to discern properly whether someone is safe for you to listen to or not. Have hope and do your part. Insha’Allah you’ll get past this.
@@Ana-rb7wsthank you so much and jazaka Allah kheira. I will ask Allah’s guidance on this and will learn more about myself and himself too. I thought he has a problem in his teen life, and that he needs therapy. But he always says you Need that therapy not me. You are the one who has the problem. You’re also very right about me enabling it. I usually avoid confrontations with small things because I don’t like arguments so just to save the moment, I let others to tell me what I believe is not right. I never sat with him telling him why you yell? In a very mature way until recently. I was either was quite or saying like ok it won’t happen again even tho I believe I did nothing wrong such to avoid more arguments or to become emotional and cry and say why you always yell at me. I NEVER Held accountable of those bad behavior. So yes I enabled. I was asking Allah’s help because I didn’t want to break my marriage and also I cot live with him me being stressed all the time thinking he would yell at you while questioning back in my head your own dad never yelled at you. So I started googling some of his behavior and if we can get marriage counseling. That’s when I heard of this word Narcissist. I know talked to him told him how he is hurting me and how he doesn’t acknowledge it even. And he finally admitted that he denied the insults or the yelling because as he said I wasn’t listening to him so still is a bad thing to justify it that way. I can’t share this with my family because I have kids with him and I don’t want them to see him as a bad one. Both my family and his family will not sincerely understand this. And or he might deny everything. He said I will stope yelling over little things but he did it again in 24hrs but immediately apologized. But I am scared of him not changing ever as I see a lot of videos about this behavior. They say they don’t change. And I am afraid of loosing my mind even tho I give any emotions to his behavior anymore. I will do istikhara and ask Allah’s help Insha Allah. Thank you.
My ex-husband is one and I divorced him after 15 years of toxic marriage. He spent the next 15 years of targeting me with parental alienation. I am a revert of 30 years and at the time I was the only one practicing Islam in our home. He broke ever rule in our divorce decree and kept out children from me. Years of tears. He would never co-parent with me. Now our children are grown I am still being targeted from the lies he brainwashed our children with. I leave it in the hands of Allah and never give up trying. One day after I am no longer in the world, Inshallah our grandchildren will have the benefits I fought so hard to instill in our children. Its nice to know I am not the only one, but yet very sad. JazakAllahKheir
Would you advise reconciling with a narcissist husband after separation. He is unhealthy for my mind
How to access mindful hearts academy?
@@faiza2237 AsSalaamuAlikum, I am sorry you are going through this. It is such a horrible situation. All I can tell you is my experience , strength and hope. You already said you are separated and he is unhealthy for your mind! There is your answer. Its so hard is when we realize the man we married has narcissistic tendencies. This why divorce is not haram, but its the hardest of halal options. There are many channels that can give you all the information on toxic relationships. In my Experience and according to the leading experts on this topic, narcissistic personality disorder has no cure. The toxic person will keep you in a cycle of love bombing , cognitive dissidence, trauma bonding, devaluing you, then discarding you. Sometimes all of this in one day. Allah does not want you in a relationship that harms you emotionally , physically, I will say a word that YT does not like but S+exally, there is finical abuse, sleep abuse and so much more. I thought being a perfect muslim would save our marriage, I thought if I was pretty enough, kind enough, served my husband to the point I almost lost faith in Allah! Nothing will change a toxic person and yes this is abuse! Sheik Mufti even has videos on this. Ask yourself, what would you tell your sister being in a marriage like the, what if your children thinks its ok to treat their spouse this way! We can not control what will happen, but you have to trust that sometimes Allah removes toxic people from our lives when we couldnt do it ourselves. It is okay to want a better life! For me, my ex did not pray (may Allah forgive me for sharing this), he was so far away from islam that he was using our religion to trap me , I call this His-lam, a individual twisting the sunnah in order to get what he wants! Alot of cultures look down on this, only fear Allah and know he is giving you answers. Even knowing now what happened I would still choose to divorce my ex. I needed to put Allah first in everything. Allah knows my ex used our children to hurt me, and Allah will not forget, I have learned to forgive, I pray for my ex everyday to be forgiven. I forgive him for myself. I deserve better, and so do you. But only you can make that choose. You are not alone! I have mention several words that can help you. There are non muslim sites that can help you with this as long as you practice the sunnah with it. If your spouse is sick then pray he gets help, but again there is no cure for personality disorders! Pray, but sounds like Allah is giving you answers all around you, even here! There are FB groups I mod for as well that focus on "narcissistic abuse recovery and support" (look up those words. I will pray for you, look for your answers, but Allah does not want you to be in unhealthy relationships! WaSalaam
Allah bless u and grant u janatal firdous. going thru it myself
@@amala1948 JazakAllahKheir , and same to you. It a hard test! Hang n there.
Two advice I got from different people is
1. Run.
2. Keep your distance
If it's not someone you can cut off, may Allah make it easy for you.
Yes keep your distance . That would mean move if you live in the same city far away. We must keep in touch so you choose how often I’d say once a month is good . Keep the conversation short and detached. Don’t get involved deeply remain neutral. If they ask for advice for example “I’m
Not sure best to ask big brother . Or you need to do what is right .
Don’t get involved deeply ever . As soon as you get involved they then turn on you . Then they demonise tou to the rest of the siblings . The others are either narcs themselves or they desire the praises and acceptance so they’re basically guilty by association . You will always be the black sheep and punching bag . Why? Because you see who they really are and you refuse to obey them for “acceptance “. You’re not in need of this relationship
Obviously we are Muslim and can’t completely cut things off so this is the best solution . It’s sad though feels like a true loss :(
I chose to keep distance and “love” then from afar. Maybe don’t pick the calls because that’s where you’re “alone” with the narc and also visit them with someone else. Because we all know that they only bully you when you’re one-on-one with them.. so ha! Works for me Insha Allah hehe 😊
I was bullied even around others, talked down to. It was always the sneaky critical comments as well about how I lived my life that did it for me, I grew tired of it. Kept my distance and I was the one who made the weekly calls and I chose the topics she liked to talk about. I asked her about her interests and what was she up to. She liked to gossip, so I’d let her say a little of what she wanted to say and then changed the subject like oh yeah, I was meaning to ask you.… and that distracted her and stopped the gossip. So I chose the calls to my mother until she fell very ill. I then called every day or I was actually with her every day. Mind you she was not a Muslim, but I prayed for her (for 21 years!) in sujood with sincerity and asked Allah not to call her back unless she believed in Him as One God and not Jesus. When she fell ill I gladly cared for her fisabilillah! It was hard as she fought nearly to the end with a mean behavior and the smear campaign on me and my daughter who cared for her 24/7. Day before she passed (almost a year ago), after having a good heart to heart talk with her about who her true Creator is (and years of unsuccessful dawah) she took her shahada in front of me and my two adult Muslim children. May Allah forgive her of her sins and have mercy on her soul Ameen. May we reunite in Jannah Firdaus. Ameen.
So learn the strategies, protect yourself, but be kind to your parents to the best of your newly learned knowledge and abilities.
Keep learning how to handle the narcissist that you can’t completely cut off. You will be just fine insha Allah.
You can cut off anybody who constantly abuses you. We are not obligated to keep toxic relationships.
When you’re Muslim, you can’t go no contact because some of these narcs are from your family. May Allah help those in these dicey situations. Perhaps moving to a new city may ease things.
Ameen
How does moving to a new city work? I mean.. with mobile phones and internet today, they’re still gonna text toxic msgs and call u???!!
@user-gu3kq4lw4ethese are evil human beings. Especially if they are your mother believe me their evil mothers who use religion to destroy your using the word of Allah of honor your parents to destroy literally destroy your life. It’s painful all you want to do is honor, respect and obey them and what they do in return annihilate your very being.
Islam teaches and increases narcissism!! It fills you with double standards and it's true!! So stay safe from Oslam!
@@AllahsServant12 block them or change number
Unfortunately I had to cut my family member off , I had been dealing with her verbal and psychological abuse for years. I had always dealt with her like you recommended but sometimes your real self reacts wrongly. That what I did. And she went to far, but I’m so relaxed that I’m away from her sadly. My life is so much calmer and less panic attacks dealing with the narcissism. Hamdullah God forgive me inshallah but it was no longer healthy for me or my family.
I’m sorry you went through that. I’m Going Thur The Same Problem with My Younger Brother 😞. Pray for Me
Yes, I did the same. It’s better for mine and my kids mental health. Allah forgive us. Ameen
Yes anyone who says that you should keep contact because they are yoir family... have 0 EXPERIENCE with how evil narcissism personality disorder actually is.
It would be like telling a person whom has been raped, to then go to the rapist and live among that person. To interact almost daily.
That is SICKENING!.
May Allah have mercy on those that gives such HORRIBLE advice. They give from arrogance, because they do not fully understand what Narcissistic Personality Disorder really is!.
Physical rape is horrible.
But psycholigical rape over decades of narcissistic abuse is much more devestating.
And that is what most people will never understand.
It really rapes your mind. People will have traumas for maany years. They are left with scars. They will heal, but jever be fully healed.
And the narc will try to orbit and return over and over years to come.. to llure you in again and again with their mindgames.
I'm happy to hear that you're doing much better after distancing yourself from the narcissist. I can understand what that feels like. Sometimes, narcissism runs in families and I have a couple of narcissists around me as well. But I have a narcissistic older sister who has had the worst impact on me. I never understood why I developed such anxiety and had panic attacks for many years. I always thought I was the problem. And her manipulation just kept getting worse. Until I reached a breaking point, and also got to spent a year away from her and realized that most of my problems came from her. I healed a little in her absence. But now after a year, we are back in the same house and even though I am grateful for her presence coz she is family, I have started to feel the negative impact of her vile and abusive and manipulative behavior. The more I try to resist her, the more I feel worked up and exhausted on the inside.
Oh no. They know they’re not perfect. They just don’t want to put in the effort needed to even try to change. It’s too much work. It’s easier for them to destroy you and the relationship than it is to put in the effort. That’s why it’s so difficult to be a empath-because that person with their flaws and your relationship is worth more to you (this you will do anything!) than it is to them.
So difficult for me to rebuild my life while he is with someone knew and seemingly all the issues that we had are somehow resolved because now he’s making an effort for her.
My spouse is like this. And he’s threatened to marry a second wife to manipulate me into submission. I’m an empath and he uses my kindness to manipulate me. He then tells me that the new wife will be so much better than me because she will be a number of things I’m not.
His effort for her btw is probably just love bombing. His true colors will surface after that phase is over.
Very well explained mam really thankful to you, plz make more videos on how to deal with narcissists hsbnd n how to make ourselves emotionally intelligent coz u r ryt that ve can't cut off completely
Ok, so this worried me a little because I hate it when he tells me I’m wrong.
He does point out I seldom accept I am wrong. But honestly it’s because I use rationality and he uses his ego to argue about ANYTHING. I did stay quiet for 15 years while he slowly broke me until I barely had any self worth left in me.
I can’t accept I’m wrong when I’m not and he says I’m wrong solely to confuse me and bend me to the “submissive” woman I once was.
I also don’t take constant passive aggressive criticism well either anymore, but I did for years.
His constant criticism affects me because he’s isolated me to the point that I don’t have anyone but him. So his words tend to really affect me even though I know they shouldn’t because he’s literally crazy.
If I had a kind husband who’s sole purpose wasn’t to break me, I would most definitely accept when I am wrong and accept criticism meant to help me become a better person not to crush my self confidence. 💔
Constantly they will tell you wrong in every thing to inflate their own little ego. The part that shocks me is we end up doing it my way the same way he said your wrong your wrong. It’s pathetic how he can’t just say babe you’re right. In their minds if they say you’re right it will injure their little pathetic ego
1. Saying I wouldn’t do it that way.-“let’s work together to come up with a solution.”
2. Saying “you’re wrong.”-instead say “I hear you, I see it a little different.”
3. Saying “what’s the matter with you?” Instead: “you seem upset. Do you want to talk about it?”
It’s easier to implement any of these strategies when the individual isn’t a parent. For everyone else, you can separate yourself from them to a certain extent. But, we must preserve and endure the hurts caused by our parents. May Allah protect us from this fitnah! May Allah keep us steadfast on the haqq.
Mashallah yes!
No hope with Narcs. This a cradle to the grave personality disorder. If you're in a situation where you're financial dependent on a narc its best to free yourself from their toxicity by becoming financially independent because they cannot control you if you're self sufficient.
Exactly
Run and pray for them!!!
Islamically speaking, Pyschology should be approached with references of the Quran Kareen and Sunnan. Advice can vary depending on if family are even Muslims, or practicing. For example, Mothers/Fathers may have a lot of rights and "Jannah is under the Mothers feet." but I wonder if this applies to ALL Parents? Yes as Muslims we need to be repsectful but its a two way street. After all, adult daughters and sons, ALSO have rights. As Muslims, we have the right to speak up for Justice and Truth. Even if is against oursleves or our parents.. Hard line to balance. Also without confronting, not arguing or trying to make a point, if a parent is not practicing you can be subjected to awful psyholigical abuse. At the end of the day, avoiding people(even parents) who do not fear Allah, or care about the rights of others, unfortunately they may be the ones who cutt ties. While trying is obligated, we may have to have very little contact. In short, Islamically speaking, smiling and being kind with abusive parents is JIHAD, and surely a test from Allah azza wa jall. Insha'Allah we will be rewarded for trying, but also its ok to protect yourself and set health bounderies. Sad but necessary. May Allah help all the daughters and sons with Narcisssist and or unkind Parents. May Allah have mercy, ameen.
Mashallah/ May Allah accept all of our efforts.
Not everyone will recognize that this behavior of their parent is inappropriate and wrong and to view it as a Test from Allah and then start taking care of their emotional and psychological wellbeing because believe me if you are not aware you will pass on to others even your children and your intimate relationships. It’s a curse you will end up wondering what the problem is. It’s the trauma you carry that’s causing it all. May Allah make it easy on us.
I was bullied even around others, talked down to. It was always the sneaky critical comments as well about how I lived my life that did it for me, I grew tired of it. Kept my distance and I was the one who made the weekly calls and I chose the topics she liked to talk about. I asked her about her interests and what was she up to. She liked to gossip, so I’d let her say a little of what she wanted to say and then changed the subject like oh yeah, I was meaning to ask you.… and that distracted her and stopped the gossip. So I chose the calls to my mother until she fell very ill. I then called every day or I was actually with her every day.
Mind you she was not a Muslim, but I prayed for her (for 21 years!) in sujood with sincerity and asked Allah not to call her back unless she believed in Him as One God and not Jesus. When she fell ill I gladly cared for her fisabilillah! It was hard as she fought nearly to the end with a mean behavior and the smear campaign on me and my daughter who cared for her 24/7. Day before she passed (almost a year ago), after having a good heart to heart talk with her about who her true Creator is (and years of unsuccessful dawah) she took her shahada in front of me and my two adult Muslim children. May Allah forgive her of her sins and have mercy on her soul Ameen. May we reunite in Jannah Firdaus. Ameen.
So learn the strategies, protect yourself, but be kind to your parents to the best of your newly learned knowledge and abilities.
Keep learning how to handle the narcissist that you can’t completely cut off. You will be just fine insha Allah.
We will be tested by Allah and who better to be tested by.
Mashaallah may Allah most gracious reward you abundantly with good for your patience Ameen.
@@rosem5041 Ameen ya Rabb
Walking on eggshells. So essentially being empathic
I just manage his behavior by ignoring. That works really well . I don’t react .
That good that u can ignore his behaviour
With my narc husband u can't ignore his behavior him, he physically beats you mentally emotional
Ignore his behavior and criticism
Don’t feed him
Don’t reply if he say something
Keep him at a distance
Don’t tell eve thing
.
These people use religion to isolate you.
Big time….
Espacially the " Paradise lies beneath the feet of mothers " BS line
@@ari-jv agreed. But try not to blame the religion (I don’t think you are doing that that). I almost abandoned Christianity because of this.
Now I am Muslim though, Alhamdullilah
True
So true I have one now
How do we know narcissistic behavior from psychological/emotional/verbal abuse.... Because in both cases if they get angry, they might shout, curse and even try to put u done by putting blame on you
You describe abuse as being physical but psychological and emotional is their specialty.
I have a saved voice message from my mother where she makes a duaa for the shaytan to possess me. Anytime I stand up for my self she uses the verse from the Quran that says to be nice to your parents; pure manipulation.
Every attack from her pushes me closer to wanting to un alive myself which is her dream.
To say you can’t cut them off or to say that just tolerate it feels wrong and I am searching for evidence to support this from Hadith or Quran -
Please don’t downplay narc abuse (all forms) because their goal is to remove you from this planet due to their resentment.
Even if it’s your parent you can cut off if it saves your life.
And Allah knows best
There’s a conversation between Prophet Ibrahim alaihi salam and his idol worshipping/ abusive father in Qs.19:46 - 48 for your reference.
He said: Do you dislike my gods, O Ibrahim? If you do not desist I will certainly revile you, and leave me for a time.
He said: Peace be on you, I will pray to my Lord to forgive you; surely He is ever Affectionate to me:
And I will withdraw from you and what you call on besides Allah, and I will call upon my Lord; may be I shall not remain unblessed in calling upon my Lord.
According to some scholars, Narcissism is a spiritual disease and they compares it to Iblis, Firaun and Qarun. The sufferers might be Muslims but they may not realise that they fell into the devil’s traps. Thus they behave the way they behaving thinking that they are doing right.
Allah knows best
Please take it easy with your mother. Be diplomatic with her. Also pray for her.
stay strong. Allah bless u and grant u jannah. may he make the path easy for u ameen
Horrific 😭
Even I am eager to find various hadees which goes against narcissism and against every little act of them... including guilt trap... devaluing...spy...rights over children...how to deal with abuse(except pateince) ...various incidents mentioned in ahadees that relates to this topic and what islam says and considers about these people.... specially to show my narc religious father....the way he portrays deen to me made me hate deen to the core...but by rab's grace i found the right path and found the right side islam... alhamdulillah ...pls pray for me ....
Very educational. genuine content
jazakallah khair for your kind words. It means a lot to me.
Very wise advice.🌹
Glad it was helpful!
I have been living with a narcissist husband almost 30 years. I have learned how to behave with him . Make dis for me to continue living with him because i want my children to be happy.
is his behaviour healthy fr kids mental health
@Risanaification wish I could do d same mine is physical with me and will hit me even when m holding our baby and I don't want my son to grow seeing that
@@172forzero6
He is not physically doing any harm thankfully. Some time he make noise that we got used to . We try to ignore a lot of. I also keep me away from him most of the time . I just respond to him. It react if I react then only problem. So I keep calm .
I learned this over the time . God has helped me . Alhamdulillah . As long as I am calm no problem 😀
@@mrsamirza4392
I understand your situation if someone physically abusive it is very hard . You need to protect yourself and the children.
What if I’m a narcissist and I need help to stop myself from behaving like this as I hurt everyone that enters my life.
Seek help. Get counseling. Start practicing your deen. Start reading the Quran in Arabic and know the meaning in your own language. In psychology they say these disorders don’t change. But in the Quran, Allah SWT says that the Quran is a healing for diseases (of the heart). The fact that you’re aware of this, to me, points to the fact that you don’t have a disorder. These might be learned patterns from your life/childhood.
You know what YOU do. Get therapy and then start a platform on SM sharing all your Narc behaviors to women who go through this. This may help them heal, cope or simply leave the Narc.
Salam alaykum. Chances are if you think you are, you are not... I hears them people will never think bad of themselves. Allahu a3lem. You may share some traits and can work on it. May Allah have mercy on you.
Honey you are not narcissistic, you might have past trauma buried in your psyche or you don’t know it was abuse and you project your pain consciously or subconsciously. Just seek help in therapy to heal. I have experience with narcs they will never think they are the problem or the narc. The fact that you think you might be narcissistic means you’re not the narc.
Am I religiously obliged to obey my narcissist husband?
I hav same question...please i need Answer
@@wyraify no you don’t. Stay away from him and only listen to what is good and moral
Sister your hijab color is so MashaAllah 🎉
Is there any quranic amol for cure narcissism
Arrogance in Quran. Study cases of arrogance in the Quran and keep from it. Arrogance is the base and foundation of narcissistic personality disorder. If you’ve been abused and didn’t know you might end up in that scenario.
🎉🎉❤❤ Masy'Allah Allahuakbar Permudahkan urusan kita semuanya aamiin 🎉🎉❤
Let's work togather, Insya'Allah.
It's okay, Insya'Allah I have alternative opinions.
Let's talk, Insya'Allah we move forward.
Sister, point are good, but in some cases these alternatives also don't work. I am surprised people would have that much patience to use special wordings for such people. I just slapped one and he said sorry to me and never called again.
Sister what if it’s my father ?
Thank you for your comment!
Dealing with a narcissistic parent, especially a father, can be incredibly challenging. It's important to approach this situation with care and self-preservation. Here are a few steps you can take:
1. Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. It's okay to limit interactions if they become too overwhelming.
Seek Support: Surround yourself with supportive friends, family members, or community leaders who understand your situation and can offer guidance and comfort.
2. Educate Yourself: Learn more about narcissistic behavior and coping strategies. Understanding the dynamics can help you navigate interactions more effectively.
3. Focus on Empathy: Sometimes, engaging in humanitarian acts and fostering empathy can help you cope better with the situation.
4. Professional Help: Consider seeking professional support. Our Banani Method trained coaches can provide personalized guidance to help you manage this complex relationship. You can learn more about scheduling a session here: halehbanani.com.
Remember, you are not alone, and there are resources available to help you through this. May Allah ﷻ grant you strength and patience.
Best regards,
Aisha on behalf of Sr. Haleh Banani.
Haleh Banani's Support Team
Divorced a Narc alhamdulillah and the narc ended up discarding his children.
Is a person who keeps saying ohh ya ik im always wrong and its my fault im the problem alwayyys saying that their luck is bad n nothing good happens etc a narcissist or perhaps what are they n how do u deal with them🥺n they always use this approach when they make mistake n then ur reminded that maybe ur the wrong one...?
JazakAllah
The days where narcissists chose for me what to say and what never to say are far behind me.
Sorry lady.
Thank you for your comment, It's empowering to hear that you've moved past those difficult times. If you ever need further support or resources, feel free to explore the Banani Method for more insights on healing and growth.
Best regards,
Aisha, on behalf of Sr. Haleh Banani.
Haleh Banani's Support Team
👌👌👍👍👍🤝🤝🌹🌹🌹🌹🤲🤲🤲😭😭😭
I understand you sister but the fact is that you subscribe to using euphemism all your life to please a Narcissist who can never be satisfied. They must look for more supply beyond their partner. I would say your advice is a very effective way of postponing the "Dooms Day" of discard.
Thank you for your comment. I understand your concern about using euphemisms to please a narcissist. It's important to recognize that while temporary strategies can help manage difficult situations, they are not long-term solutions.
The Banani Method focuses on empowering individuals to set healthy boundaries and develop effective communication skills. It's crucial to prioritize your own well-being and not just postpone inevitable issues. If you're dealing with a narcissistic partner, I recommend seeking professional support to navigate this complex relationship. Our Banani Method trained coaches can provide personalized guidance. You can learn more at halehbanani.com.
Best regards,
Aisha, on behalf of Sr. Haleh Banani.
Haleh Banani's Support Team
This is my husband
Even Satan stop has work for them 😂
There is no narcissistic personality in Islam. Its just crumbling to wus wus whispers of shaytaan.
@EXPOSED. Algerian satanic narcissist. Bilal lakama Why did Allah SWT the the All Powerful, Benevolent, Beneficient, Merciful and Wise create Man and Jinn ?
AL-QUR'AN 51:56
• Sherali: And I have NOT created the Jinn and the Men but that they may worship ME.
• Pickthal: I created the Jinn and Humankind ONLY that they might WORSHIP Me.
• Rashad: I did not create the Jinns and the Humans except to WORSHIP ME ALONE.
What are ordinary human beings to make of an All Powerful Entity that creates a universe with people for One and only ONE single purpose: that they Constantly sing His Praises and WORSHIP Him ?
Permanent Hell fire for those who do not PRAISE and WORSHIP the Lord God constantly or praise some other unreal imaginary entity - i.e. commit SHIRK.
This command to worship is very serious indeed considering the extreme punishment (ETERNAL HELL FIRE) that is to be meted out to those who do not try to satisfy this need.
This certainly is food for thought for the mushrikeen.
Agree. Couldn’t make sense of this disorder from an Islamic perspective and was suspecting exactly what you said. But then pharaoh was a narcissist for sure, I feel. As well as Nebuchadnezzar (of the Tower of Babel). So not sure really. But for the average person maybe it is waswasa.
So tell me why my husband has these types of behavior. He prays five times a day, goes to every khudba. Goes fajr yo masjid everyday. Generally very practicing Muslim, however, he yells and name calls me even at the least things that anyone would be bothered; example leaving a water bottle open without a lid for some time. Basically, he finds a way to pick a fight with me all the time with whatever flaws I have. He even denies sometimes that he insulted me when I remind him to fear Allah and why I deserved to be called such when I didn’t do anything but may be slow of doing something.
The same things that he forgets or he did it wrongly, I got yelled or shamed/ insulted if I do the same.
He is a textbook narcissist but I am confused because he is very religious but don’t care if he hurts other’s feelings. He says did I put my hands on you? No. So you can’t say I hurt you. If you don’t wanna get yelled, do things exactly as I wanted.
I almost became crazy as he was gaslighting me the whole time(5) years.
@@nijaj9157 there’s a lot going on here, and I’m sorry you’re having to go through this. I mean, the amount of self doubt that this must put in you - that in itself is enough pain for a person to deal with. I’m not an expert, so please don’t treat my advice as such. But, I have read a lot on these things because I needed clarity and information. Shaitaan is real, and so are psychological defense mechanisms. Your husband seems to be reacting from a place of pre-programmed responses to you specifically. Some narcissists do that. Some people with other emotional issues do that. You need to educate yourself about these issues. Let me tell you something. How do you solve a problem when you don’t understand it? The answer is: you don’t. You need to understand what you’re dealing with in order to get some relief from it. The answer may be that you may have to make some tough decisions, but it may also be that once you own your own ‘power’, or change the dynamics of the relationship because you understand something now that you didn’t before, things will change. The solution will come when you understand where the problem lies. And this will not be an easy process. You’ll have to study a lot and pray a lot for guidance, because you need both. God will help you, but you also have to help yourself. Have you been letting people walk all over you? Have you been the sort of person who ignores red flags? Are you someone who doesn’t voice their own need? Or understand their own needs? Usually, these things work in a system. Someone is doing the abusing, someone is allowing it. When someone doesn’t allow it, others can’t do it. Mind you, I’m not blaming you for your husband’s behavior. But I am saying that understand what part you had to play in this, if any. If you didn’t have any part to play in this, then you need to ask yourself, why are you staying in this situation? Or what can you do to change things? You’ll not like my answers, I know. Because the last thing a person wants to hear is someone telling them to see how they contributed to things. But, and I came across this Islamic video recently, sometimes Allah SWT allows bad things to happen to us so that we may learn from the pain of our bad decisions and/or actions. Continually ignoring bad behavior in others is a bad action because it is enabling the other person in harmful ways, and allowing someone else to hurt your dignity. You have a right and duty to safeguard your dignity. Sister, there are Islamic videos on how to deal with narcissism on this and other channels. Please see them over and over until you understand things from a different perspective. Also, please learn about codepency. Most narcissists attach to to codependents. These two types enable one another to behave in destructive ways, because both don’t know how to love in healthy ways. Sacrificing yourself for another is not love. Dominating another is not love. Once your behavior starts changing - that is, how you respond to things - you’ll see things starting to change in your life also, Insha’Allah. Allah SWT said in the Quran that He doesn’t change the condition of a person/people until they change what is within themselves. And change comes through knowledge. This will be a long journey ahead of you, but it’s worth the fight. Don’t despair, don’t do anything based on extreme emotions. Seek help from Allah SWT by duas for protection (for example, ya Allah please protect me from the evil within my husband, etc.) and for Him to find a way out for you. Educate yourself. Get therapy if needed. Talk to trusted friends or family. But also, you have to be careful about who you get advice from. So, I’d say seek Allah’s help even in that matter so that you’re able to discern properly whether someone is safe for you to listen to or not. Have hope and do your part. Insha’Allah you’ll get past this.
@@Ana-rb7wsthank you so much and jazaka Allah kheira.
I will ask Allah’s guidance on this and will learn more about myself and himself too.
I thought he has a problem in his teen life, and that he needs therapy. But he always says you Need that therapy not me. You are the one who has the problem.
You’re also very right about me enabling it.
I usually avoid confrontations with small things because I don’t like arguments so just to save the moment, I let others to tell me what I believe is not right.
I never sat with him telling him why you yell? In a very mature way until recently. I was either was quite or saying like ok it won’t happen again even tho I believe I did nothing wrong such to avoid more arguments or to become emotional and cry and say why you always yell at me. I NEVER Held accountable of those bad behavior. So yes I enabled.
I was asking Allah’s help because I didn’t want to break my marriage and also I cot live with him me being stressed all the time thinking he would yell at you while questioning back in my head your own dad never yelled at you. So I started googling some of his behavior and if we can get marriage counseling. That’s when I heard of this word Narcissist.
I know talked to him told him how he is hurting me and how he doesn’t acknowledge it even. And he finally admitted that he denied the insults or the yelling because as he said I wasn’t listening to him so still is a bad thing to justify it that way.
I can’t share this with my family because I have kids with him and I don’t want them to see him as a bad one. Both my family and his family will not sincerely understand this. And or he might deny everything.
He said I will stope yelling over little things but he did it again in 24hrs but immediately apologized.
But I am scared of him not changing ever as I see a lot of videos about this behavior. They say they don’t change. And I am afraid of loosing my mind even tho I give any emotions to his behavior anymore.
I will do istikhara and ask Allah’s help Insha Allah.
Thank you.