How a depressed, unhappy wife with low self esteem and low self respect would become a good, happy and strong mother for the children. To educate, train and brought up good human beings a woman needs to be highly valued well equipped with love, care, respect and high self esteem.
Unfortunately I have experienced every single one of these factors in my marriage. I have finally had enough and am getting professional help to deal with my PTSD.
Salam Alaikum. This makes me very sad.😢 Sounds like my husband.. He is always angry, controlling, very jeolous, accuses me falsely of adultery, he puts me down, he hits me, yells at me, and calls me names. 😢. He says I am not worthy because I have Autism. He is threatening me as well. We are both Muslim. I am Dutch European convert to Islam. And my husband is from Iraq. He is an Arab Iraqi. It makes me so sad. He has a bad temper too. 😢😢😢. AstagfiruAllah. All red flags. Despite all this, I still love him. I want the abuse to stop. Because domestic violence is haram in Islam. 😢. God is against domestic violence. And prophet Muhammad pbuh, was against domestic violence.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this sister. I also get abused and I still haven’t left this marriage because I’m afraid of not being able to see my nieces and nephews on his side again, I just love them like my own children. But I need to wake up. May Allah swt guide us all ❤
@@r.bhanu31 Unless your husband has the potential to murder you for leaving, it is in fact very selfish to stay just for your children. If he is abusing them also, then it is your moral and legal obligation to remove them from him.
My father was very abusive with my mother and she used to stay so scare that instill in our bodies we can’t function without fear of being scolded or insulted
My husnand has all 7.I struggled for 55 years with patience and self help to deal with all just ro save my marriage and realised that we cant live together anymore and are separated now even though we know hat at this old age we need each other .
How about Narcissistic abuse husband/ parents/ siblings it's very hard to live with them I was 2 years with narcissistic abusive husband it was awful everyday he cursed at me and I walked 24/7 on eggshells I even feared to say good morning because of his mood shifts it was very abusive and I was very scared of him there was physical and mental abuse. I would love to hear about narcissistic abuse from Muslim perspective " because they will not change they never will they are always right "
We have a video on what to do if you are married to a narcissist on my Facebook Page - Haleh Banani. It is on one of our live videos and the title is 'Are you married to a narcissist?' If you have any more questions feel free to send us a DM.
If any sister here has been dealing with domestic abuse, specifically emotional, religious, and verbal abuse… Also has advise and reassurance to offer to a struggling Muslimah. Then I’d like to connect. Barak Allahu feekum.
I was a confident secure girl before him. He humiliated me time and time again in front of everyone. He never defended me when his side was insulted me. I should’ve reported him but never did because I felt bad 🙄. In the end I’m the one who suffered and he was out there involved with females and now looking for another wife
people face domestic violnce by parents ,spouse and also strangrs at home Angry amd strict people create fear and insecurity in children and othrs there is also favouritism in every family
Hi sister, my husband is a kind, good man but he is very jealous, controlling me and being suspicious of me all the time. In my job, I work with men and women and he struggles to see men close to me. Moreover, he always accuse me of lying and even if I try to demonstrate him with proofs that it is not true, he doesn't change. In contrast, he blames me. I don't feel safe and calm in my own home. I love him so much and I have always been lloyal to him. These are my values. This situation is destroying me and I feel a lot of pain.. He is a refugee from Iraq and has some mental health issues. I'm European. I love and respect Islam but I'm Christian. I feel I can't breath with my husband attitude. What can I do?
Salam Alaikum, thank you for sharing your situation. I can sense how much pain and frustration you’re experiencing, and I want to acknowledge your courage in reaching out for help. It’s clear that you deeply love and care for your husband, but his jealousy, controlling behavior, and constant accusations are taking a toll on your emotional well-being. First, it’s important to recognize that these behaviors-jealousy, control, and suspicion-often stem from underlying insecurities or unresolved issues, which may be related to his past experiences or mental health struggles. While you love him and want to support him, it’s also vital to prioritize your own emotional safety and well-being. Steps You Can Take: 1. Have an Honest Conversation Choose a calm moment to have a heart-to-heart discussion with your husband. Express how his behavior is affecting you emotionally and how it’s impacting your relationship. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory, such as: “I feel hurt and overwhelmed when I’m accused of lying because I value honesty and loyalty in our relationship.” Gently encourage him to share his feelings and fears, and reassure him of your love and loyalty. 2. Set Healthy Boundaries While it’s natural to want to reassure your husband, it’s also important to set boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. Let him know that trust is essential in any relationship and that constant accusations and control are damaging. 3. Seek Professional Help Given his mental health challenges and the complexity of your situation, I strongly recommend seeking professional counseling. A therapist or counselor trained in both psychological techniques and cross-cultural relationships can help you both navigate these issues. If he’s open to it, couples counseling can be a safe space to address his insecurities and work on building trust. 4. Focus on Self-Care Your emotional health matters. Engage in activities that bring you peace and joy, whether it’s spending time with supportive friends, engaging in hobbies, or practicing mindfulness techniques. Consider the Banani Method I’ve worked with many individuals and couples facing similar struggles, and my Banani Method combines psychological tools with compassionate guidance to create lasting change. You can learn more about booking a session here: halehbanani.com/. 5. Explore Resources If you’re looking for immediate guidance, I recommend downloading my free guide, “7 Gems to Revolutionize Your Marriage”. It offers practical strategies to strengthen your relationship. You can access it here: Download Here. You’ve already taken a brave step by seeking advice, and that shows your strength and commitment to improving your relationship. Remember, while love is a powerful foundation, trust and mutual respect are equally essential for a healthy partnership. May you find the clarity, peace, and support you need to navigate this difficult time. Please don’t hesitate to reach out for further guidance. Best regards, Aisha on behalf of Sr. Haleh Banani. Haleh Banani's Support Team
Thank you so much, sister. I can't believe you took the time to reply to me. I can imagine how busy you are. Allah bless you. I will try to follow your advice. I'm suffering a lot. @@haleh_banani
Hi sister, my relationship is finished. I can't take it anymore. We have separated and we will divorce. What makes me very sad is that he blames me and says that all this is my fault. I'm in a lot of pain but I can't take it anymore. I feel bad about his family as I love them and they love me. I feel very bad as I know he really needs help but I can't. I feel broken
As salaam WA alaykum I am being in a abusive marriage for almost 13 years now can you help but to gain my mental health and confidence to leave I have 4 kids ages 11 years, 7 years, 4 years and 1 year
I don't understand why you women keep having kids if you know that you are in an abusive situation. Leave the older children with him and take the younger ones with and go live with your fathers.
Exactlt whats going on with me. My husband is a extremly covert narcisist person. Always yelling blaming calling names I don't know I should leave or take any action. Still I love him and fear Allah that he is my husband so that.
My partner has only one of these that is he is angry always n get triggered at little issues, yelling n throwing things.His main issue is he doesn't work n irresponsible and has a small rental income. I have to take major financial n others responsibilities and I find it very difficult to respect him
What about women who mentally and physically abuse there husband. The constant manipulation and control. Should you report to the respective authorities
my husband abuses me emotionally he insults me in every topic when he is not understanding with that topic he's doesn't t care he can't and don't wanna change, I don't know what to do this is my second marriage its so hard
It is shameful and tragic that the Muslim community is full of abusive marriages and abusive relationships. And maybe even more shameful that there is so little help for victims from our community. Feels like we are alone.
Assalamu alaikum! Yes, definitely feel alone. There’s no help for us, the mosques give me unislamic advice…I was once told to leave my home with my kids. I was living (anf still) in a state where I knew nobody and didn’t have money so where could I go?? The churches offer lots of help, but mosques make me feel like I gotta figure it out on my own. They won’t even give me an Islamic divorce, I’m told I can only go to court…but I have no money. How are we supposed to leave???
This man i live with me has all this traits his a very very abusive husband, evan ti the point emotional abuses if i start to love an animal. I have so many health issues marrid to a monster control me to the point evan when to eat what i eat i listen to him yet he abuses mr me. I live in a fight flight mode
Can a husband blame wife for death of his parent coz she was living far away taking care of kids Making them study the better way n also leading kids in acquiring quran classes in the better way .Hence couldn't stay at in laws home while husband worked in gulf country .can she be blammed?
Being a sincere wife She took care of her chasty in absence of her husband and took care of kids and guided them in the best possible way while husband worked in gulf But only thing she couldn't do staying at in laws home coz she wasn't able to fit in the culture overthere.Finally when father in law dies Her husband gives her Mental torchure up to his possible limits!!!Is she at the fault What should she do to face the situation???
Thank you for your comment. I'm truly sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're facing. It's important to recognize that taking care of your children and ensuring their Islamic education is a significant responsibility and a noble deed. Blaming you for the death of a parent under these circumstances is unfair. Each person has their own set of responsibilities, and you were fulfilling yours by caring for your children and their Quranic education. It's crucial to communicate openly and compassionately within the family to address any misunderstandings and support each other during tough times. If you need further guidance, the Banani Method offers resources that can help navigate such complex family dynamics. You can find more information and support at halehbanani.com. Best regards, Aisha, on behalf of Sr. Haleh Banani. Haleh Banani's Support Team
This is oppression for someone to actually put themselves through. Life is short. Allah does not wish oppression for anyone. Of course divorce is last resort but some spouses refuse to change their ways And refuse to put in effort.
How a depressed, unhappy wife with low self esteem and low self respect would become a good, happy and strong mother for the children. To educate, train and brought up good human beings a woman needs to be highly valued well equipped with love, care, respect and high self esteem.
Unfortunately I have experienced every single one of these factors in my marriage. I have finally had enough and am getting professional help to deal with my PTSD.
Could I contact you somehow? I would like to share experiences if it’s okay with you and also ask you questions. I also have PTSD.
Salam Alaikum. This makes me very sad.😢 Sounds like my husband.. He is always angry, controlling, very jeolous, accuses me falsely of adultery, he puts me down, he hits me, yells at me, and calls me names. 😢. He says I am not worthy because I have Autism. He is threatening me as well. We are both Muslim. I am Dutch European convert to Islam. And my husband is from Iraq. He is an Arab Iraqi. It makes me so sad. He has a bad temper too. 😢😢😢. AstagfiruAllah. All red flags. Despite all this, I still love him. I want the abuse to stop. Because domestic violence is haram in Islam. 😢. God is against domestic violence. And prophet Muhammad pbuh, was against domestic violence.
So sad 😢 to hear
What do you want to do
Now sister
I’m so sorry you’re going through this sister. I also get abused and I still haven’t left this marriage because I’m afraid of not being able to see my nieces and nephews on his side again, I just love them like my own children. But I need to wake up. May Allah swt guide us all ❤
@@nellywilde9541 I'm going through with same situation...
I'm bearing for my children..
Where are you living..have you got children?
Make dua.. Istighfar.... Dua in Tahajjud
@@r.bhanu31 Unless your husband has the potential to murder you for leaving, it is in fact very selfish to stay just for your children. If he is abusing them also, then it is your moral and legal obligation to remove them from him.
My father was very abusive with my mother and she used to stay so scare that instill in our bodies we can’t function without fear of being scolded or insulted
I am so sorry for what you and your mom have gone through.
This has touched me so much. This is my husband 6 out of 7
This is what many woman going through in abusive relationship include me
My husnand has all 7.I struggled for 55 years with patience and self help to deal with all just ro save my marriage and realised that we cant live together anymore and are separated now even though we know hat at this old age we need each other .
How about Narcissistic abuse husband/ parents/ siblings it's very hard to live with them I was 2 years with narcissistic abusive husband it was awful everyday he cursed at me and I walked 24/7 on eggshells I even feared to say good morning because of his mood shifts it was very abusive and I was very scared of him there was physical and mental abuse. I would love to hear about narcissistic abuse from Muslim perspective " because they will not change they never will they are always right "
We have a video on what to do if you are married to a narcissist on my Facebook Page - Haleh Banani. It is on one of our live videos and the title is 'Are you married to a narcissist?' If you have any more questions feel free to send us a DM.
I am one of the victim of Narcissistic husband.
Parents ,siblins ,partner ,in laws . All narcissistic people i have dealt with. Physical, psychological, emotional, sexual and financial abuse.
May Allah bless you sister! Your validation and dua was so heart touching for me, thank you so much jazakallah khair ❤
Jazakallah u khairaa
If any sister here has been dealing with domestic abuse, specifically emotional, religious, and verbal abuse… Also has advise and reassurance to offer to a struggling Muslimah. Then I’d like to connect. Barak Allahu feekum.
All the points match with my conjugal life. For a long time I've been suffering, I became tired....
*exhausted... May The Healer strengthen us and purify our heart, ameen. ☝🏽🌌💖💫
I was a confident secure girl before him. He humiliated me time and time again in front of everyone. He never defended me when his side was insulted me. I should’ve reported him but never did because I felt bad 🙄. In the end I’m the one who suffered and he was out there involved with females and now looking for another wife
My self esteem is being destroyed already
people face domestic violnce by parents ,spouse and also strangrs at home Angry amd strict people create fear and insecurity in children and othrs there is also favouritism in every family
Sadly, that is very true.
I am 😢even I’m Muslima. Still I can’t believe
Hi sister, my husband is a kind, good man but he is very jealous, controlling me and being suspicious of me all the time. In my job, I work with men and women and he struggles to see men close to me. Moreover, he always accuse me of lying and even if I try to demonstrate him with proofs that it is not true, he doesn't change. In contrast, he blames me. I don't feel safe and calm in my own home. I love him so much and I have always been lloyal to him. These are my values. This situation is destroying me and I feel a lot of pain.. He is a refugee from Iraq and has some mental health issues. I'm European. I love and respect Islam but I'm Christian. I feel I can't breath with my husband attitude. What can I do?
Salam Alaikum, thank you for sharing your situation. I can sense how much pain and frustration you’re experiencing, and I want to acknowledge your courage in reaching out for help. It’s clear that you deeply love and care for your husband, but his jealousy, controlling behavior, and constant accusations are taking a toll on your emotional well-being.
First, it’s important to recognize that these behaviors-jealousy, control, and suspicion-often stem from underlying insecurities or unresolved issues, which may be related to his past experiences or mental health struggles. While you love him and want to support him, it’s also vital to prioritize your own emotional safety and well-being.
Steps You Can Take:
1. Have an Honest Conversation
Choose a calm moment to have a heart-to-heart discussion with your husband. Express how his behavior is affecting you emotionally and how it’s impacting your relationship. Use “I” statements to avoid sounding accusatory, such as:
“I feel hurt and overwhelmed when I’m accused of lying because I value honesty and loyalty in our relationship.”
Gently encourage him to share his feelings and fears, and reassure him of your love and loyalty.
2. Set Healthy Boundaries
While it’s natural to want to reassure your husband, it’s also important to set boundaries to protect your emotional well-being. Let him know that trust is essential in any relationship and that constant accusations and control are damaging.
3. Seek Professional Help
Given his mental health challenges and the complexity of your situation, I strongly recommend seeking professional counseling. A therapist or counselor trained in both psychological techniques and cross-cultural relationships can help you both navigate these issues.
If he’s open to it, couples counseling can be a safe space to address his insecurities and work on building trust.
4. Focus on Self-Care
Your emotional health matters. Engage in activities that bring you peace and joy, whether it’s spending time with supportive friends, engaging in hobbies, or practicing mindfulness techniques.
Consider the Banani Method
I’ve worked with many individuals and couples facing similar struggles, and my Banani Method combines psychological tools with compassionate guidance to create lasting change. You can learn more about booking a session here: halehbanani.com/.
5. Explore Resources
If you’re looking for immediate guidance, I recommend downloading my free guide, “7 Gems to Revolutionize Your Marriage”. It offers practical strategies to strengthen your relationship. You can access it here: Download Here.
You’ve already taken a brave step by seeking advice, and that shows your strength and commitment to improving your relationship. Remember, while love is a powerful foundation, trust and mutual respect are equally essential for a healthy partnership.
May you find the clarity, peace, and support you need to navigate this difficult time. Please don’t hesitate to reach out for further guidance.
Best regards,
Aisha on behalf of Sr. Haleh Banani.
Haleh Banani's Support Team
Thank you so much, sister. I can't believe you took the time to reply to me. I can imagine how busy you are. Allah bless you. I will try to follow your advice. I'm suffering a lot. @@haleh_banani
Hi sister, my relationship is finished. I can't take it anymore. We have separated and we will divorce. What makes me very sad is that he blames me and says that all this is my fault. I'm in a lot of pain but I can't take it anymore. I feel bad about his family as I love them and they love me. I feel very bad as I know he really needs help but I can't. I feel broken
How do I get rid of my toxic girlfriend. She is trying to control everything of my life pls give me advise
Asalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatahu ,how can I speak to you
As salaam WA alaykum I am being in a abusive marriage for almost 13 years now can you help but to gain my mental health and confidence to leave I have 4 kids ages 11 years, 7 years, 4 years and 1 year
Same... Pregnant with 5th child.. Stuck overseas... And I'm almost 9 yrs married
I don't understand why you women keep having kids if you know that you are in an abusive situation. Leave the older children with him and take the younger ones with and go live with your fathers.
can you help me?
Exactlt whats going on with me. My husband is a extremly covert narcisist person. Always yelling blaming calling names I don't know I should leave or take any action. Still I love him and fear Allah that he is my husband so that.
what is the shelter for a woman with four children after divorce? when brothers are not supportive
Ask for Islamic ones because non Islamic shelters are not safe for kids….I’ve heard some scary stories so I won’t put my kids there.
My partner has only one of these that is he is angry always n get triggered at little issues, yelling n throwing things.His main issue is he doesn't work n irresponsible and has a small rental income. I have to take major financial n others responsibilities and I find it very difficult to respect him
I recommend the 5 Pillars of Marriage program. Send us an email at support@halehbanani.com for more details. You can also check out our website.
What about women who mentally and physically abuse there husband. The constant manipulation and control. Should you report to the respective authorities
my husband abuses me emotionally he insults me in every topic when he is not understanding with that topic he's doesn't t care he can't and don't wanna change, I don't know what to do this is my second marriage its so hard
Don't be such a coward, just divorce him before you get pregnant and ruin your life even more.
@@robotnitchka I just did it cuz he said again talaq and insulted me again
@@marziaahmadzai4565 You divorced him?
@@robotnitchka I left him
@@marziaahmadzai4565 Alhamdulillah. May Allah grant you peace.
Is throwing things considered domestic violence?
Yes
As salaamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh, this is what I'm going through.
Can you lecture about what Islam says about eyebrows of women?
It is shameful and tragic that the Muslim community is full of abusive marriages and abusive relationships. And maybe even more shameful that there is so little help for victims from our community. Feels like we are alone.
Assalamu alaikum! Yes, definitely feel alone. There’s no help for us, the mosques give me unislamic advice…I was once told to leave my home with my kids. I was living (anf still) in a state where I knew nobody and didn’t have money so where could I go?? The churches offer lots of help, but mosques make me feel like I gotta figure it out on my own. They won’t even give me an Islamic divorce, I’m told I can only go to court…but I have no money. How are we supposed to leave???
This man i live with me has all this traits his a very very abusive husband, evan ti the point emotional abuses if i start to love an animal.
I have so many health issues marrid to a monster control me to the point evan when to eat what i eat i listen to him yet he abuses mr me.
I live in a fight flight mode
Husband don’t have the right to know where is his wife ? Is that wrong ? I don’t think so
Can a husband blame wife for death of his parent coz she was living far away taking care of kids Making them study the better way n also leading kids in acquiring quran classes in the better way .Hence couldn't stay at in laws home while husband worked in gulf country .can she be blammed?
Being a sincere wife She took care of her chasty in absence of her husband and took care of kids and guided them in the best possible way while husband worked in gulf But only thing she couldn't do staying at in laws home coz she wasn't able to fit in the culture overthere.Finally when father in law dies Her husband gives her Mental torchure up to his possible limits!!!Is she at the fault What should she do to face the situation???
Pl give me a good suggestion sister
Thank you for your comment. I'm truly sorry to hear about the difficult situation you're facing. It's important to recognize that taking care of your children and ensuring their Islamic education is a significant responsibility and a noble deed.
Blaming you for the death of a parent under these circumstances is unfair. Each person has their own set of responsibilities, and you were fulfilling yours by caring for your children and their Quranic education. It's crucial to communicate openly and compassionately within the family to address any misunderstandings and support each other during tough times.
If you need further guidance, the Banani Method offers resources that can help navigate such complex family dynamics. You can find more information and support at halehbanani.com.
Best regards,
Aisha, on behalf of Sr. Haleh Banani.
Haleh Banani's Support Team
😢😢😢😢😢😢😢😢
Was it necessary to show your face?
marriage breaker
You should be in it then you would know!!!!
This is oppression for someone to actually put themselves through. Life is short. Allah does not wish oppression for anyone. Of course divorce is last resort but some spouses refuse to change their ways
And refuse to put in effort.
Only one breaking the marriage is the abuser, who has failed to meet even the most basic obligations of marriage.
Assalamualaikum, sis how can I private chat u? I really need ur help consigning what u said.