We need to normalize divorcing these type of men instead of shaming women who are trying to protect themselves. I know plenty of women who are married to very toxic men but refuse to leave in fear of being ostracized by their family.
@@Maria-gd4vf yeah because look.they might be praying 5 times a day and fasting during ramadan and all that.most of them still put their culture on a pedestal where sometimes it can interfere with Islam
@@purplelove3666 I know that too well. The narcissistic man I was supposed to marry discarded me like a piece of shit when his racist mom said she didn't want anything to do with me. He didn't practice but his mom apparently was very pious lol.
@@Maria-gd4vf" very pious", right lolz. You must live in the states. And at least he looked at you lol. We don't even get the looks .as if there's a "no zone surrounding us". 😂
We need to talk about the women who enable this type of behavior too. Raise your sons to be humble and to respect the rights of others. Toxic culture is practiced by both the men and women.
My Ex literally ticked off every single thing from the Narcissist characteristics list 🥴 and he would often weaponise Islam to justify a lot of it, even though that is NOT what Islam is or intends to advocate. I just wish I stopped giving him so many chances and left sooner. Wasted a good portion of my life, academics, emotional energy, health and more, BUT learned an incredibly important lesson. I cannot control others; my peace and safety starts with me and it comes with drawing healthy boundaries AND STICKING TO THEM.
The problem is we raise our daughters and love our sons, and this huge issue in our community, and when they grow up they have issues, and things I have seen men get away with things are very alarming, and if a woman talks in forbidden things or says her opinion its end of the world in the society.
But sis, some of these men hide their true character until you marry them. And for some women once they are in it’s so hard for them to come out of the marriage.
Take the time to get to know their character before marrying them. We need to stop meeting these males and then marrying them two weeks….one month…three months later. And stop making excuses for him when you see little pieces of his true character.
Subhanallah this is exactly one of the problem many Muslims are going through and you are really shaking the table. That's why its good for muslimah to learn their Deen and to stop waiting for men to tell them always about their Deen and make them feel they are still better than women no matter what. SubhanAllah am just trying to see if I don't have any or ounce of these narcissist qualities. Ya Allah adorn us with beautiful character and preserve us from bad and terrible akhlas. Jazakillahu khayran sister.
@@BintGumby your statement sound like what we are talking about. So you're insinuating that its wrong for women to have knowledge (especially about the Deen) oh brother...you sound like the person the Sis is talking about.
@@Mr-Grateful no I think he/she means it’s harder for a knowledgeable women to get married because some men may feel that they wouldn’t be able to shape her however they want since she’s knowledgeable in her deen and he cannot for example manipulate her using it. If I’m not mistaken this is what I have understood from the comment and Allah knows best
@@miriams3769 getting married to a women who's knowledgeable than one shouldn't be difficult or should not be something bad or repulsive cos we learned from our righteous predecessors that they even married a women who was their teacher and it doesn't turn them to less than a man and it doesnt make her disobedience or disloyalty. Must it be that we have to marry a women who doesn't have knowledge about the deen so we can shape (manipulate) like a clay? The words shape isn't even the right words to used here. A wife isn't like clay in the hand of kid. A wife isn't someone we can manipulate or used like clay just cos they want to fulfill one of the sunnah of the Prophet (marriage). Was it Imam Ibn Kathir daughter whose father gave to one of his student. The student always come to Ibn kathir feet to sit and learn and he got married to Ibn Kathir's daughter and it was reported that the daughter eventually take her husband in classes after their wedding. Knowledge makes someone better not relegate or retrogress and individual. Let's not sound overly patriarchal. Let's learn our Deen. May Allah grant all knowledgeable Muslimah out there a righteous well mannered husband who applies the teaching of the prophet in a just manner. may Allah save us from manipulating husband and wife.
@@noisyacaster2803 You point out all the games he's playing I think that's what the sister means. When you point out the games he's playing and you let him know you know exactly what he's trying to do he will back away.
It’s like you were reading my mind. You touched every aspect of it. This is what made the western world believe that “ Muslim women have no rights, they only have duties “. While, those women are under the influence of a narcissistic partner or relative. Thanks for creating awareness about this topic.
I've watched hundreds of videos on narcissism and narc abuse over the past 2 years, and I've not come across one from a Muslim mental health coach which defines it from an Islamic realm, so sis Nafisa, thank you so much for creating this awareness for the Muslim community particularly Muslim women who are confused and who are suffering tremendously under the hands of abusive husbands, not even realizing that this is a form of abuse. It's very unfortunate for people in authority especially men to use religion to justify their abuse by using that power/knowledge to put people they govern in their "place". Dear sisters, you have every right to walk away from an abusive marriage, you don't need to be physically bleeding or have your limbs broken as evidence. Knowledge is power!! Educate yourselves and make a wise choice. Truly appreciate your work, sis Nafisa!
I found out his plans to move to UK with his new wife without any plans for me, he wanted to take the kids away from me..I prayed for Allah's help n guidance, I saved some money, involved my siblings,(am an orphan) they were disappointed in him as he was rude to them.they supported me ..I asked for Khul divorce at Shari'a court which was granted.. Alhamdulilah, my kids and I are fine
Subhan Allah... my dear sister, may Allah eases this new chapter of life, gives you a pious husband, and always protect you and your children from any harm
There are also men who want to marry because they want more children with younger women and they themselves are 60 or older. I mean come on why is the man not taking responsibilities with his ex-wife? Red flag right there sisters.
@@narcissistlovepolygamy6221 I dont think polygamy loves narcissists! that just wouldn't work out but Narcassists love polygamy that could be seen as psychopathic morbid obsession ! although the depth to your name is very much appreciated! 🙏 Narcissists are very attention seeking you couldn't have polygamic relationships with a narc because the narc would require all the attention that would be an inequity to the other partners ! and a massive case of disgruntlement for other partners therefore to be a true lover of polygamy you would have to be more of a submissive empathetic nature and that is not very much a trait of a narcissist !
Very informative sister, I'm seeing so much narcissism online. So glad I have a humble husband, who does good deeds for the sake of Allah, rather than the power tripping we see today.
Alhamdulilah, you are blessed sister. Take good care of him because he's type are getting more and more rare these days. May Allah bless you both more.
@@NafisasPearlz thank you sister may Allah bless you in spreading excellent dawah and advice for sisters, and we are blessed to have a sister whom is strong on her deen, with positive views on life. Its very easy for sisters to be swayed into online westernised hijabi way of life. Not that Im haram police, being a revert I want the best for our sisters, and for them not to fall into the trap of tight hijabs and tight clothing. I nearly fell off my chair when I saw missguided modest wear. You bring a more humble authentic approach to your channel which i find beneficial. I make dua you find a wonderful husband.
Omg sis I can't believe you've done a video on this! Thank you so much, I look forward to watching it in shaa Allah as I'm currently in the process of divorcing a narcissistic husband!
@@UmmQariah yes we will Inn Shaa Allah we just got to remember what our purpose in this temporary life is and that is to please Allah and work hard to ensure a better hereafter which is better and everlasting.
My grandmother is like this! 😩 I love her but I don’t love how she behaves! And everyone just says be patient but she’s ruining my uncle’s marriage (it’s his 3rd marriage).
Dr. Ramani has a great channel on Narcissism. and there are different types of narcissistic personalities. if you are with someone like that run away as fast as possible.
This is a powerful video which deserves so many views and I would say should even be played at halaqas (sister's circles). Unfortunately narcissistic Muslim men are very common in our community and so many women are in toxic marriages but are not aware of it.
Until the end of 2020, I was a big people pleaser and almost all my life a very giving person, but I fell victim to a narcissist boss, who did all of those things damaging my self esteem, gaslighting, expressing emotional behavior when I reminded him of boundaries.. Alhamdulillah due to circumstances I was able to dodge him. Thank you so much for making these educational videos. God bless you
I'm not Muslim but what you said is true. What you mentioned happens across all religions, cultures and traditions. This video speaks to everyone not just Muslims. Thank you. You are a very wise woman. Stay blessed
@@oppukn9956 just this particular video pertaining to muslimah and Muslim men. Muslims are in dire need of guidance too and shouldn't offend anyone. After all YT has vast amount of content these days . Alhumdulilah for that.
Please feel free to respectfully add your own experiences in the comment section so that other sisters can learn what to avoid. We love our brothers in Islam but too often some have been allowed to get away with nonsense. They are ones to avoid. To all my Muslim brothers treating their ladies right; We love you all for the sake of Allah and may we have more of your kind, ameen!
Sorry to say but my husband is narcissist and don’t know how to handle all these problems around me because recently i asked divorce after 8years marriage and it was not 1st time & he argues always that he loves me and iam the one who runs to end this relationship and cries out even to my mum and brother that iam wrong Though I have seen that he runs after other women who work with him and tries to find their attention when ever I ask why you’re doing this to me he says that this is just my feelings and there is nothing to worry Iam feeling alone inside me 😢😢may Allah help us to the straight path. Please make Dua for me 🤲🤲
@@umuabdo2477 sadly sis it’s become an epidemic I left mine few years ago best decision and realised he was a narcissist after I left! Cheating lying selfish ego these are all the traits and sadly they don’t get better only worse! They have zero empathy for you their wife or even their children the best thing is to seek advice first but leaving was the best thing I did as hard as it was with children but if children mirror or use this as their role model it will truly destroy them also
Also want to say alot of the reason that narcissistic traits are so common in our men and community as a whole is that the men are never made accountable from a young age for bad behaviour. My ex mother in law has never seen her grandchildren and my ex husband has just gone on to get remarried and has no contact with his children. Zero accountability from his own mother and family. Very common in Middle Eastern and Asian men…as sons they can do no wrong…This is where it starts.
As an only girl living in a Muslim household with 3 brothers, this is the truest thing that I’ve ever read!! My mother literally SPOILS my brothers and treats them like infants who wear diapers and can’t feed themselves. (My brothers are 23 and 25 years old) She does EVERYTHING for them and they still treat her horribly and call her crazy, and talk down to her. She would always let them get away with hitting me, calling me disgusting and degrading words, when they hit me as a child and my mom wouldn’t even say anything to them, she would tell ME to stay away from them and that they’re just playing. She would ALWAYS make them the priority while treating me inferior to them.
This is true. People don’t change. I legally divorced but not religiously then he came crawling back. Like he changed. Nope. Same. Same fights about the same things.
@@Niko-pi3ks True, I told my ex-husband that there is no proof that he will change. Allah had by this time made me self-sufficient and it was perfect timing.
Alot of narcissist fake to love Islam to get Muslim sisters into marriages or polygamy marriages!. Astaghfiullah. Meanwhile they have a good Muslim wife and they themselves are drinking, smoking, going nightclubs, gambling they have secret wives secret girlfriend's and secret children they also have interests and mortgages! Pretending to love Islam. Narcissist after your mother sisters and daughters!
@R Coffee Narcissists know what they do is wrong, and that’s why they go to great lengths to hide their abusive behaviors in public. Narcissistic personality disorder is definitely not enough to be considered legally or Islamically insane. It’s a personality disorder but it doesn’t distort your ability to distinguish between right and wrong. Also, the vast majority of them are unable to change through therapy according to psychologists. As for living life and making mistakes, everyone does so. That’s why everyone may occasionally hurt their spouse’s feelings. The problem becomes more serious when that person refuses to apologize, does not repent for their actions to Allah, and repeatedly does the same thing without remorse.
I think another important point, is that before marriage they are pretending to be wonderful and understanding and they make you feel like a princess. But once they have you, they change and you don’t feel appreciated or respected anymore.
I definitely agree with you on all these points since I have seen men like this around me. The thing is some men may be born like this, but many Muslim men develop these traits because of the way they are raised by their parents. It's so unfortunate that parents make it a complex issue where their sons can sit down and control their sisters and even mothers, yet the mother still doesn't change her way of raising her son. Then they grow up with these narcissistic traits and if things go wrong it is their wife's fault. But for real we as a society need to raise our sons right so all these issues won't arise in the first place.
BarakAllahu feeki sis!!! I’m so glad I came across your video and it’s SPOT ON!!!! For the past few months I’ve been reading a lot about Narcs and the hardcore perverted/manipulative ones since this year i met two of them one after the other( imagine the trauma I’ve been through but Alhamdulilah I detected the signs early on and rannnnnn for my lifeee as hard as it was bc I was finding them excuses since they are ‘practicing’ SubhanAllah). The perfect religious image got me big time and I just couldn’t grasp the fact that men in this ummah could use Allah’s words and peach about our deen and be this EVIL and toxic at the same time!!!). It baffles me that sheikhs and imaams don’t talk about this, US sisters are not safe at the hands of those monsters!! This is so sooo informative and I feel all sisters who are in the phase of talking to brothers before marriage, need to watch this!! Sisters look for signs and red flags, analyse their characters, observe and do not disclose too many info about your personal lives, do background research, stalk their socials ( they give off a lot of red flags- talking to multiple other women at the same time in their private messages, they need different preys! They also show a perfect image on their socials you’d definitely think they are the dream men! They are also intelligent and they know how to use their intellect and words to manipulate and gaslight). Ive know 2 narcs and the first was very much under the spotlight since he was a famous person, he loved the praises from his audience, always with a ton of selfies of himself, self centered and perverted in his mind( Narcs objectify women and they want to possess you, they think they’re the absolute BEST in intimacy etc). And this one had ANGER, would insult me, curse me but I’d just brush it off each time bc I thought that was appreciation until he got sick of me being clingy mind you I’m an empath( perfect prey!!) and eventually blocked me everywhere when I confronted him and told him he’s a psychopath and needs help!!!( they usually ghost you when you find out about the REAL them/ the evil psychopath that hides behind the ‘kind/ generous gentlemen’ mask) Second narc I came across was slightly different in the sense that he was more low key on his socials, you would never find out about his personal stuff but still similar to the first one when it came to using his intellect and wisdom to show the ‘perfect picture’ of a kind and humble man. This one I guess was the hardcore perv I’ve ever met, would tell me stuff like he’d hurt me, force me to do things , rape me and laugh it off like it was some kind of jokes( I became weary ofc after those episodes).. in the beginning he would call every single timeeee and I thought he was actually investing in me so didn’t see the red flag but that is actually them being impatient to ‘possess’ you! He would cut me off when I talked and insult me in subtle ways or make me feel small and I was again the perfect prey to him since I would be submissive and not fight him when he was being disrespectful. Anyways long story short while we were talking I also found out that he was talking to other women on his Instagram and it seemed like he was actually harassing them for replies, he commented on their pics saying their gorgeous etc and when I confronted him he said it’s no big deal it’s not like he’s in a relationship with them! Lol I lost my sanity at some point, thought I was crazy! He even said if he’s to get married he will still go around complimenting or flirting with women outside( like hello are you sure you’re a man who claims to pray 5 times a day??? Do you even fear GOD??). I forgot to add , one major sign that can give it off is their traumatic /horrible childhood!!! They both had abusive fathers who beat them up and lived in extreme poverty( When I came to the realization that they were perverted NArcs I asked about their childhood bc at this point I had already read about it and wanted to connect the dots so I could walk out). But it’s hard when you’re an empath bc you want to save the world and you just feel bad for them so you still try to help! But the best thing to do is Runnnnnn, Narcs don’t EVER CHANGE!! You cannot save them!! They also always have those perverted or unreal look( cold stares or psycho subtle smiles in their pictures) and most of them are loners, have zero friends( in case they have it’s usually 1/2 friends they can benefit from). Sorry Nafisa, that was super long but I just wanted to share my side of the story so someone could benefit from it in cha Allah. I’m heartbroken and scarred from those experiences, I don’t think I would be able to trust any men anytime soon.( at this point I feel like 80% of the worlds population are narcs🤔). No one should have to be in contact with NARCS, it’s living hell!! They’re demons! SubhanAllah May Allah ta’ala protect us all from those toxic and dangerous people Ameen 🤲🏽
Ameen. Thank you for sharing. You were spot on with your description of them! Some I would are really borderline psychopaths! May Allah protect us from all evil.
You should definitely get therapy sis, its actually highly needed for your mental recovery.no one who have that much impact on our lives. Betterhelp.com provide affordable therapists online. I was married to one so I know what its like.
Gaslighting is very painful and mind bending, around children it is very dangerous as it is a tool to manipulate. Unfortunately I knew nothing about this disorder in people until I was knee deep. The youth are lucky to have information like this available.
Sisterrrrr yesssssss. Please can you make a video on how to get over a narcissistic relationship after divorce. What can a sister do to heal from that previous relationship?
U will need a professional therapist. Because they have messed with your identity and self-esteem so much. Trust me . Betterhealth.com offer affordable therapists online sis ♥️
Salaam All reading this. I am a Muslim Fella and just wanted to reassure the Sisters reading this that there are good men out there. I'm not saying im one of them, especially after seeing the list Sister Nafisa present. I think us brothers need to be exposed more about this bad trait. I now acknowledge I have a lot to change and work on before seeking a spouse let alone tying the knot. I ask Allah to bless you all with amazing spouses. Please keep your head up high and don't let past experiences put you down. Allah has saved you all and taught you and strengthened you too.
Tell them brother please.Its horrible I don't want my family to break up even still I love him but I don't even know who I am anymore,more self esteem is so low. Only peace I have is in Salah hes screaming ill run to pray just so he'll stop screaming at me,I won't pray with him because I don't benefit he goes to fast I like privacy with Allah so I can pour my heart out.Now he's saying I'm supposed to pray with him.Your a man is this true.
Do I have to pray next to my husband, I so can't get into it because He wants me to follow him,his native tongue is not Arabic nor I'm mine I'm from US I have been Muslim for 13yrs. Just everything he wants to control..
@@danielleh7360 As’salamu alaykum sister. May Allah grant you ease and help even if it means leaving. I’ve not heard anything about it being mandatory for a wife to pray besides her spouse he better have some solid proof to back up his point. I hate other people who make a claim but have nothing to back it up with. Im hurt and annoyed by this because it not only ruins it for men but also looks bad on the religion
God bless you so much for this comprehensive list! I experienced all of these signs with my ex husband. At the time, I was a new Muslim who strongly desired to learn my Deen, and he isolated me from my family and abused me emotionally using hadiths exactly as you described. I wish I had the benefit of your wise advice many years ago so I could have escaped much sooner and myself and my children wouldn't have sustained such lasting damage. Jezak Allah kheir!
Yes can you please make a video on how to deal or manage a marriage with a Narcissist husband..especially if you have been married for a long time and have children. JazakeAllah khir sis x
Jazakallah khair for this video sis .. kindly make the video on how to manage with a narcissistic husband n mom in law especially when their is child involved in marriage
Thank you so much for sharing this. Could you perhaps also have a video on the vulnerable narcissist? I find that harder to identify, especially in the context of Islam. The psychological suffering from their "silent treatment" is so difficult to deal with, as is the feeling of constant guilt that are insinuated. It is a more subtle form of narcissism, but no less destructive because it sometimes takes years to figure it out. As a highly empathic person, one easily get caught up in the vulnerable narcissist's 'suffering'. Sometimes this is cloaked in the romantic notion that there is nobody in the world besides the two of us. It seems like closeness, but in fact, it isolates.
Obedience from a wife means I have to agree with everything he says, even my emotions have to know that he is right and I am wrong. Every advice is an insult is so right, he can justify everything he does and never apologises for a single thing.
السلام عليكم My dear beloved sister Nafisa جزاك اللهُ خيرًا deeply for addressing this issue. Only ALLAH عز و جل knows how many Muslims are in this situation unknowingly. May ALLAH عز و جل bless your effort Ameen.
Absolutely fantastic video. You really have addressed an issue that has been ignored and disregarded. How enlightening and needed was this everyone? 🤗🤗
Girrrl!!! You are literally describing my father 😭. I feel so bad for my mother everyday and I pray that she will find a better spouse who will treat her properly ❤️ Ameen
@R Coffee don't be condescending. A child lives with her/his parents, so the child knows for sure. They witness it everyday. She recognizes traits of her father in what the sister says, so.... And its very very toxic. May Allah protect and guide us all, ameen.
This is literally my dad. I'm feeling sick because she hit every single nail on the head like she's been living in our house the last 24 years and seen it with her eyes. It's so heartbeaking 😢💔 Because of my dad I always thought all men were like this and that women in every marriage will be treated like a servant. I never wanted to get married. I'd rather live with my family and live by myself in old age than to put myself through this. I'm a soft hearted and empathetic person and know I will definitely be taken advantage of. What's the point in all this if your going to marry an evil human being
Ya Rabb, this video is such a blessing and matches very much with my "still husband". At the beginning he seemed to be so pious and good mannered, I really felt he is my other half I was always looking for. What an idiot I was🤣🙈 "Gaslighting"... never knew about that until I married him. As every human being I'm not perfect and of course I have mistakes, but one thing for sure: I lower my eyes in front of men. But EXACTLY this is what he is ALWAYS telling me: You're looking at men with lust! You are looking at their private area, you're searching for some attractive men!" and so on. Oh God, how it made me tired and at the end almost questioning myself because I indeed do not look or search for men. 🤨 He is such a big liar, I never met someone lying that much like he does! Plus changing his stories after some days into other stories. Changing facts into different facts and making me believe I didn't listen well enough and or I was trying to change his spoken words. 😐 Alhamdulillah that I have kids who also made their experiences with him and told me that he is changing every few days from a "nice" person to an evil person. Sisters, it's IMPOSSIBLE to have an objective discussion with someone with narcissistic characteristics! You will nothing than LOOSE! Because he is always right, he is always the one who tried his best and you are the unthankful wife who is inpatient. He swears and lies right into your face and into the face of others. He has such a big phantasy, he is creating stories that you will think "what the **** is wrong that he meets always bad persons who are hurting him?!" 🤔 It's ALWAYS him who is the poor victim, ALWAYS! And it's always YOU and the others who carry the fault. Even if others witnessed what really happened he will swear by Allah and change the facts until the story fits to his "imagination". He is too lazy to work and prefers to live on my costs. Although he is an Arab, he doesn't hesitate to behave like a tick and suck on my money! He isn't and wasn't ever responsible for me, it is me who paid for everything. And still he ordered me to ask him for permission before I leave the house! 😅 If he doesn't get the attention he wants, he provoces argues to get a reason to scream, insult, belittle and slap me. Then he takes all of his stuff out of my flat and won't be seen for several days. During this time he is waiting for me to call him and apologize for my bad behavior. 🤣 He never gave me my rights, he has no right over me at all! I now got divorced alhamdulillah, FINALLY! And I prayed a lot to Allah and was patient. Because when I fought for my rights, nothing happened. Then in this Ramadan I decided to leave it completely to Allah and He helped me out now. Allahu akbar.🤲🏻🤲🏻🤲🏻 Sisters, I could write a book about what I went through. Please STAY FAR AWAY from this mad sort of men! May Allah protect us all Allahumma amin. 🤲🏻
So proud of you Sis. You did your best. May Allah continue to help you heal & protect you going forward. Ameen. By walking away in divorce you set a lifetime boundary. So true. No getting through to Narcs! Evil is too deeply hidden. And the provocations/accusations are disgusting. If there is zero trust, there can be nothing to connect you. X
Wow definitely a toxic narcissist. Good on you for choosing not to tolerate it anymore! At the beginning my fiancé to be pretended to care and want to pay for everything but mentioned how the mortgage will have to be in my name! He was planning ahead for his lazy life.
Alhamdulillah. You have done a community service! It is not a strange discussion. I have seen the development of such a relationship and the hurt to the wife over and over while she would try to take the blame. She even said that Muslims are not supposed to be happy in this worldly life! More indignities are still coming to this young Muslimah and some of the husband's warped Islamic "knowledge" is piling on. Even though she has discovered the narcissism and the concept of 'gaslighting' she feels that her love will suffice. I will send this video to her as I have done with others. Allahu akbar. I've gotten accused of fomenting divorce, but I am too old to care about what they say, Allah knows the truth of all our hearts!
I have not finished watching but commenting already sis. Let’s help share this video out there because many women already married need to watch this😔🥰🙏🙏🙏
Jazakallahu Kyran for this educative video. You made this video for sisters but coincidentally for me, you practically mentioned 90% of my ex-wife's characteristics. So I guess it's safe to say this goes both ways. May Allah guide us all, aamin.
Ameen🌺Unfortunately happens when they've been ill advised by manipulative mother in law or father in law that let manipulative behavior go unchecked from childhood
Not a Muslim but was prepared to convert due to the promises and love I received in the beginning and his love for Allah was very beautiful but wow how he hid his true self. I won’t go in depth but nearly everything she said I experienced and most women who are in this type of relationship (Muslim or not) have already been praying for things to change or just to get out of it. Please spend time with your family and friends and get rid of that horrible ungrateful man.
Im so sorry you had to go through this horrible experience sis! Good for you to see the signs and walk away early enough, this is a strong move and you should be proud of yourself
I’m glad you’re discussing this issue because I feel like most people in our communities shy away from these kind of topics unfortunately. Jazakillah khair sister.
MashAllah a great video as this needs to be discussed more and more. I was married to a narcissistic Muslim man and it was hell. Unfortunately I had very little help from people within the community as nobody really understood. I was able to get my divorce and now a single mother am still recovering from this traumatic experience so am so glad this is being confronted as it is so prevalent in our community and also with our women as sister friends, mothers and also wives so a great topic! Please Keep it up dear sister.
SubhanaAllah I truly needed to hear this reminder I'm too valuable to men, I have no father in my life to support me in a marriage. My life as a muslim are even before coming into the fold of Islam. No mother to go too no one except Allah subhana wa ta ala in spirit. I'm too afraid to enter into another marriage. May Allah continue to help me heal from the abusive marriage I was in and protect other sisters from such abuse.
Thank you for this, its absolutely emotional/spiritual abuse, this is one of the things that put me off of practicing Islam in the traditional way. I just try to cover the basics now to stay away from this type of cult thinking in the community. Very well done video
God will give you a few signs along the way in the form of red flags and intuition. If you dont listen, He will expose the truth in a way that hurts you so you realise and leave the relationship. Never question "why me" because there was something for you to learn from this experience. Remember God saw things you didnt, heard conversations you didnt and knew of plans you wernt aware of. Just do shukr and do your best to heal and level up, you won't regret it.
Wouldn't this be amazing to be talked during a khutba? We women know what narcissism is and so many of us have put up with it/are continuing to out up with narcissists, whatever their reasons may be, but I believe it's far more important that men among themselves raise this topic and help each other. Talk about it openly to better their Muslim characteristics. I believe that narcissists have been moulded through their own childhoods and through seeing their own fathers with their mothers. So I feel, more importantly that women understand what narcissist characteristics are, men need to be educated on this matter openly and through religious institutions to better marriages and family life.
This is such an important topic to talk about. I'm not Muslim but I was in a relationship with a highly narcissistic man who showed many of these traits, and at the time I was not aware of warning signs to look for. Things that you say here that would apply more to a Muslim man (threatening to take another wife) were just a bit different for him (threatening to cheat on me because I wasn't good enough for him- his words). Fortunately I was able to leave, but I only did so after becoming more aware of what a narcissist is and how they behave.
The heartbreaking part is that, no matter how much logic you lay out, no matter how softly you speak about how he makes you feel, he will most likely not even understand that what he's doing is gaslighting, manipulating and hurting you. He will always feel like the victim. He will probably feel like YOU are the narcissistic one. Your feelings are never valued over his own. You will always be the one who started it first. "I became this way because back when we got married you disrespected/disobeyed me." And things like "you deserve to be treated this way" are some of the things you might hear at every argument. Name calling, yelling over you, not letting you finish your thoughts, making you in return say hurtful things even though this is not how you ever wanted to have disagreements with your spouse, all because you feel unheard, unloved, un respected and overlooked. By the end of the argument you'll end up doubting yourself because yes, you did say something mean once or twice because you truly were triggered by all of his accusations and horrible name calling. You start to think you were at fault, that you truly probably drove him that far, because he storms out of the house with some belongings, says everything that's wrong in the marriage is because of you and then gives you the silent treatment. Everything he has said and done are forgotten by him and only your reaction is recorded. You start feeling like a bad wife, start forgetting what he has done and said up to this point, for years, that have made you lose love for him little by little. Am I at fault you wonder. It makes you want to reach out to him to show him he's still respected. Maybe if you are exactly how he wants you to be, the opposite of everything he accused you of, he will be happy with you and your marriage will be free of pain. You will give and give and give some more, but the abuse will never stop. He will always find something to be dissatisfied about, to put you down and make you feel like you're the reason for ruining his life. When all along, all you wanted was a sweet husband who loves you, who you love, respectful towards each other even in argument (especially in argument), who communicates and talks things through, who can be your rock and you his, who will help each other in your Deen. But you'll find that with the years, he has broken you. You are not that sweet naive girl from the beginning anymore. Too much has happened and too little of you has been respected. You feel guilty when he accuses you because, you know deep down, you are disappointed in him and your life with him, so you assume he's picking up on that. But because he's so selfish and puts his own emotional needs before yours, he doesn't recognize his fault in that. In his eyes, you are everything that is wrong in his life. You're the reason that he feels like less of a man because you've been battered (emotionally or physically) to the point where, the desire to praise him, or agree with him when he's wrong, has vanished. The narcissist in him can't put himself in your shoes so he blames you for everything. In the meantime, you are killing yourself jumping back and forth from your own shoes to his, feeling guilt ( because you think he must be really hurting if he's acting this way towards you), anger, sadness and emptiness all at the same time and feeling empathetic to his pain while trying to deal with your own.
I am the same. I'm 35 and not married. The points u made are the reasons why. I'm also surrounded by unhappy marriages, in particular my own parent's. My father is sucking the life out of my mother, and I can't do anything but be there for her. In turn, they are both sucking the life out of me. But I'm made to feel obligated to be there for them as my siblings are all married and have there own families and I don't. I'm stuck and can't move.
@@farahbhatti1160 Don't get married then, why would women get married to a MAN in the first place, no ones forcing you, you either end up alone or stock up on cat food.
@@viewerabundzu6887 what is this BPD type advice? Marriage is no joke! Think about the kids from broken families, think about a woman who has trouble to find another man, it's no joke.
@@aboetarikske Marriage should be a happy and blessed union. Why do you even think about marriage in the context of a joke? Marriage is a union to be cared for, reflected upon, nurtured because people change within it, and these changes may be for better or worse, but when narcissism governs the partnership then someone truly suffers. Their unhappiness is absorbed by their children and a whole family can be destroyed. I stand by my words. Learn to recognize a narcisstic partner and protect yourself and your children from him or her. By they way, where I live, divorced partners are only too willing to find happiness again with a new partner, and children do adapt as they grow older.
It's so sad that this is so common, I had to leave when I needed the most support.if you are raised by narcissistic culture, you don't even know the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships.
@@JahannamHellfire. Yes, definitely, because they take advantage of the fact that those who revert are honest in their quest for Islam and in alot of cases alone. So the narcissist comes along acting as "Saviour" 🏃🏿♀️😅
Asalaam aleikum Sister, even if you look at their relationship with religion and character, these men can play very smart that they are such great people w religion and have such respectful traits but it’s a sad world for sisters as there are plenty who find out how bad they are after marriage. I am glad the Almighty Allah saved me twice with toxic relationships but now I am scared to even think of marriage.
Growing up with narcissists I know exactly what to look for but hearing you list it out ugh thanks for this video, so important for us to know the warning signs!!
Good luck I stay single as a Muslim Man because I have to get more Closer to Allah even if I never Marry! All I know is their is this Dunyah and then there is Ahkira may we all reach Jannah InshaAllah Awafi Salam Alaikum keep it up Sister may Allah Grant you Peace!☝🏾💯
Salam sister, you're an inspiration. I am planning to study psychology & counseling too. This is much needed in our society currently. Jazakallah khayr. Yes, please needed a video on narcissistic muslim mother, it's very relevant to me & others who's experiencing the same test. 😢 May Allah SWT bless you always & keep you in good health. Ameen 🤲🏽
First time i have seen your video's . Glad you are raising awareness. I don't know if you have done any on narcissistic wife , unfortunately there are many of them too. Everybody needs to be aware male and female. I have seen and still dealing with extreme family suffering due to narcissistic personality.
Welcome, this is my first video on the topic. I have not heard much on narcissistic wives, mothers yes definitely but not wives. I am not saying they don’t exist but it’s not often heard of especially since in Islam women are encouraged to be submissive to their husbands so even if there are, they probably don’t get the chance to display their bad behaviour as much. But I will look into it insha’Allah.
I haven't seen the full vid yet, will soon, but I was proposed by a man. I said no, I felt like I didn't know him enough, so we still chatted a bit more (halal courtship wise; meeting in public places etc). One night I told him I was going to my university to see my old friends (mixed group), they were filming something. He accused me of meeting and texting men and all these things. I later broke it off because now I definitely know to not be with him. That trust factor has to be there even before marriage, wrongfully accusing someone is a huge sin and slander, the Quran even says there's penalties to that too. Please sisters, once you see even a small red flag, leave. There's also been times where the same man violated boundaries; do not think that if one red flag happens then maybe he'll change or something (like how I did). He will not change (unless he changes the condition of himself, and Allah Subhanna Wat'ala won't change him until he tries to actively change himself - but the basis is, YOU will not change him.) If you see even one red flag or something that violates boundaries etc, leave.
@You me yes - he was projecting that I was doing something when he was most likely doing that - projection is terrible. Astaghfirrullah, thank you for your comment, may Allah Subhanna Wat'ala bless us with trustworthy,righteous spouses
@You me astaghfirrullah, I'm so sorry for all the pain he may have caused you, you will find somebody who won't do that, who will be trustworthy and trust you, in Sha Allah, when your partner acts right it will be beautiful and he will follow Sunnah/Quran correctly, lower his gaze and all, when your partner acts right you will be so so much happier. But for now heal and find happiness in yourself and Allah Subhanna Wat'ala, this is one of the cases where something you lost - you will be given better, assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wabarakaatuhu ♥️
Alhamdulillah. I ended a 3 year long courtship with the help of Allah. He made me realize that I deserve better. My dear sisters, this is my experience. I am a convert/revert. My family isn't Muslim (so they basically don't have the same standard as we do). When I was in my teens, Astagfirullah, I lived a very haram lifestyle. I was an open book to him and I never hid my past. He accepted me. Overtime, whenever we have arguments, he would remind me of the things I did in the past. He would call me disgusting, a who** who ****ed men. He would even insult my mother who was innocent. He would insult my family. He would say racist remarks, how my ethnicity is literally below his (I'm Filipino, he's Arab). I don't know how I did it but for 3 YEARS YA'ALLAH. 3 YEARS I put up with this. For 3 years I hid this to my mother because I I don't want her to think badly of Arabs (Arabs have a bad reputation in my country). It was only when his mother and I had an argument about our nikkah plans that I really realized this ain't it. He never defended me, he even blamed me even when I had nothing but respect to his mother. I deserve better. We deserve better sisters. Allah swt love us deeply. Don't let a man like that just disrespect you and strip you off of our rights and confidence.
I'm so sorry to hear that, and you absolutely deserve better. An important advice, in Islam it is better and advised to keep all your sins that you repent from a secret, no one has the right to know that you did anything bad as long as you promised Allah that you will do your best to keep away from that sin, it is a secret between you and God, and Allah protected that secret from people so keep the secret from your side and may Allah remove our sins in sha' Allah.
@@shifaaomar8591 jazak'Allah khair ☺ I edited my comment. My intention was to appeal to revert sisters that wasn't brought up Muslim. Because of this guy, I hated myself and looked at myself as a dirty woman Astagfirullah. I don't want other sisters to feel that way especially when it's something you really regret doing and asked forgiveness for. Thank you for correcting me sister. Insha'Allah if I am meant to have a husband it will happen. If there's anything I have learned in this it's patience.
It seems like we lived the same experience🥴 I’m also a revert and suffered immensely at the hands of a narcissist in a horrible “courtship” for three years like you. Luckily he only had the opportunity to physically hurt me a couple of times, but I would likely be dead if we had married. He would constantly verbally abuse me about my past before becoming Muslim as well. I also hid it from my mother for a long time because I didn’t want her to think badly of Muslims, as she already had a poor opinion. And that’s just the very tip of the iceberg (your comment probably is too). Alhamdulillah now I’m married to an absolute sweetheart and have been for two years. May Allah grant the same and more for you💕
These men are usually the ones who appear extremely 'pious' and charitable in society......literally what do they pray for 5 times and turn to God for when they're so deliberately cruel with a conscience that's non existent. Really sad how many of us are dealing with this thanks to the 'enablers' in the form of friends relatives etc who never call out on their bad behavior. Sister, thanks for bringing this up.
Jazakillahu Khair sister for shedding floodlights on this sinister problem. As a Muslim man, it's so important for us men to recognize this issue and rectify it through checking and re-checking our inflated egos. Unfortunately it is all to common to be raised by fathers like this wihich only furthers the issues through generational trauma. We inherit these traits sometimes knowingly or unknowingly and it really takes a toll on the people closest to us. Narcissitic men can initiate a vicious cycle of abuse to not only their wives, but also their children. These children grow up without learning what it means to be healthy individuals and end up repeating the same behavioural patterns...the following generation then inherits these issues and only worsens. This is why it's EXTREMELY important for all Muslim men to have taqwa. Be concious of Allah! Yes, you have been given a responsibility over women, but don't abuse it! Do you think Allah doesn't see your sick hearts and the pain you inflict on his creation?! You will be held accountable and your womenfolk and children will testify against you on that inevitable Day. You can fool the whole community and everyone around you, but you cannot deceive Allah swa.
A revert, no parents or family in this country, empathetic, alone.. I guess I was his perfect target. I broke myself trying to please him and yet the blame is all on me. It’s so heartbreaking as I supported him in every way I could, I really wanted this work for the sake of Allah and out of my love for him. He ticks all the boxes of narcissism, and I keep looking for ways to excuse his behaviour, but the more I look the more my hope of this marriage working diminishes.
@Love isn't Lust indeed they are the worst, they cover their narcissism really well and they may appear as a shy person and it's scary how they can act so evil most of the time.
Indeed, the initial recording was over an hour long, I cut so much out because I felt people would not watch it all so insha'Allah I will elaborate on certain parts in future videos.
So true sis, I can relate to most of your highlighted points. Narrcis is a term , I was unaware but when I was in relationship few yr back, I came to know about all these phycological terms like compulsive lier, gaslighting etc. but as I am strong enough, I thrown that garbage back to dustbin from where he came.
This is such an eye opener, thanks so much for this, may Almighty Allah continue to increase you in beneficial knowledge. But, a wife too could be Narcissistic. I walked out of a Narcissistic marriage about seven months ago, it was such a traumatic experience for me, after spending over four years with him. Though, I do love him but I love myself enough to get out of the marriage cause he was becoming a monster. I had to cut all ties of communications with him, didn't want to give him the room to manipulate and crush my heart again. I hope to find someone better someday.
Such discussions filled with such hiqmqh are so very much needed. Jazaakillah khairan Sister. I, like so many, have a story. Allah(swt)'s kept me. I am still here. AlhamduliLah..., we, are still here by the mercy of Allah(swt). InshaAllah please pray for my children and I. The emotional and mental torment are indescribable. He continues. He seemingly won't stop. InshaAllah be blessed sister.
as a man, i came here fearing i would fall into this category. the only thing i've done out of everything the sister mentioned is dream of success and some power, found everything else absolutely disgusting, alhamdullilah. may allah guide and protect us, ameen.
@@whatsfootball481 I think you misunderstood the person, they meant that an actual narcissist probably wouldn't be googling to see if they are narcissists, since narcissism is a personality disorder and they would have a hard time even considering they had one.
I didn't know about Narcissist but when you listened to these videos then you know you are married one. It is a emotional rollercoster ride. Subhanallah
My ex husband was on the surface a learned daiee. He persuaded me to marry him for the sake of Allah and told me parental consent was not required as I was divorced. He didn't allow me to know him better as it was haram. Within 6 weeks all went to hell. His mask dropped. He had 2 other wives and refused to render me any financial support. I had to be the breadwinner while he was traipsing around on holidays with the other wives. Whenever i objected to the arrangement the standard hadith Quranic and me being a bad materialistic Muslim argument. Everything else, the gaslighting, abuse etc, exactly how the video describes. Spot on even though it sounds too horrible to be true. I finally stopped giving him his narcissistic supply and he thankfully divorced me with ease. It was 8 years of hell and I had to go for therapy after for PTSD and emotional burnout.
It amazes me how men are basically the same despite their religion or cultural background. I'm a latin american christian and this spoke to me on so many levels. That's the same problem that we as christian women face with so called "religious" men in South America.
I feel ya sister Its not that men are all the same but U find narcissist like u said in every Religion. Men are most of the time raised to become leaders...I kinda get that but people get overboard with that and they just make the men feel like they are above women when that's not true . Unfortunately people see religious men treating women wrong and just conclude that this is Islam or this is christianity. But our religion honors women and dishonors bad behavior and entitlement
JazakAllah khair ukhti. I have to say I recognise some traits in myself in this! Not all, but alhamdullilah. Probably as a results of being with a ‘man’ who carries all of these traits to the most dangerous degree. We should check ourselves too and be careful we don’t pick up on these traits to subconsciously protect ourselves without realising InshaAllah Not all of us are blessed to have family subhanAllah and you’re right mashaAllah, these characters pray on our vulnerability but as long as we understand that Allah swt is sufficient for us and the best Disposer of our affairs, InshaAllah we will be protected. This is what brought me to Islam subhanAllah. If it’s welcome, don’t be needy is my advise for those who don’t have family InshaAllah. Understand we came here alone and we go out of this world alone, a good spouse is a bonus InshaAllah
Thanks alot for bringing up this issue in Muslim society.. It is the need of hour. Kindly make video on narc parents, how to deal with them while protecting our mental health. My both parents are extremely narcissistic and my life is like a hell on earth. I can't seem to get away from them because of society and no support from anyone.
Im empathic and I also have narcissistic traits. Narcissism is a spectrum and all of us are on the spectrum. Some are just more narcissistic than others.
îndeed. That' s what i used to tell people who get annoyed when they hear the word narcissist here and there. They don't get that we need to talk more about it, whether they really suffered from NPD or not. In any case, those people are so toxic and it's important to make people know about their existence because that could save many people's life as some people may decide to end their life just because of these monsters.
Great great video! Information like this is very needed in muslim communities. NPD is no joke. Neither is narcissistic abuse. It is very traumatic to go through and leaves much to heal when and if you get out of it. And as you say this is a disorder in the personality and so anyone, regardless of wether or not they are a muslim or not, can have it. It forms due to dysfunction in the family when growing up and most who have NPD have no awareness of it. So yes, any of the signs you mention…sisters should just run and not look back.
We need to normalize divorcing these type of men instead of shaming women who are trying to protect themselves. I know plenty of women who are married to very toxic men but refuse to leave in fear of being ostracized by their family.
I couldn't agree more.
Sis, yes!
Absolutely 💯
💯
Put Allah swt frist and get out, family cant save from punishment in the grave, day of judgement and hellfire, so leave now!
I feel like the reason why there are a lot of men with narcissist trait in the muslim community is because their particular culture allows it.
same --'
@@Maria-gd4vf yeah because look.they might be praying 5 times a day and fasting during ramadan and all that.most of them still put their culture on a pedestal where sometimes it can interfere with Islam
@@purplelove3666 I know that too well. The narcissistic man I was supposed to marry discarded me like a piece of shit when his racist mom said she didn't want anything to do with me. He didn't practice but his mom apparently was very pious lol.
@@Maria-gd4vf" very pious", right lolz. You must live in the states. And at least he looked at you lol. We don't even get the looks .as if there's a "no zone surrounding us". 😂
We need to talk about the women who enable this type of behavior too. Raise your sons to be humble and to respect the rights of others. Toxic culture is practiced by both the men and women.
My Ex literally ticked off every single thing from the Narcissist characteristics list 🥴 and he would often weaponise Islam to justify a lot of it, even though that is NOT what Islam is or intends to advocate. I just wish I stopped giving him so many chances and left sooner. Wasted a good portion of my life, academics, emotional energy, health and more, BUT learned an incredibly important lesson. I cannot control others; my peace and safety starts with me and it comes with drawing healthy boundaries AND STICKING TO THEM.
The problem is we raise our daughters and love our sons, and this huge issue in our community, and when they grow up they have issues, and things I have seen men get away with things are very alarming, and if a woman talks in forbidden things or says her opinion its end of the world in the society.
Exactly
We need to be strong and stand up for our rights. We shouldn’t let men walk over us.
@@cinnamon88 🙌👍
Yup! They treat their sons better than daughters! The sons get away with everything and daughters aren’t even allowed to have opinions.
True
But sis, some of these men hide their true character until you marry them. And for some women once they are in it’s so hard for them to come out of the marriage.
Very true, I will touch on that in future videos insha’Allah
Take the time to get to know their character before marrying them. We need to stop meeting these males and then marrying them two weeks….one month…three months later. And stop making excuses for him when you see little pieces of his true character.
May Allah reward you for this video.
@@NafisasPearlz please make a video about women who are married to narcissistics brothers and how they can divorce in a lawful way.
@@Mmefatoom problem is that u can never identified until u start to live with them because they can hide things for long time
Subhanallah this is exactly one of the problem many Muslims are going through and you are really shaking the table. That's why its good for muslimah to learn their Deen and to stop waiting for men to tell them always about their Deen and make them feel they are still better than women no matter what. SubhanAllah am just trying to see if I don't have any or ounce of these narcissist qualities. Ya Allah adorn us with beautiful character and preserve us from bad and terrible akhlas. Jazakillahu khayran sister.
Ameen. Waiyakum
Once a woman learms her deen its even harder to marry because they all want someone they can shape with the deen
@@BintGumby your statement sound like what we are talking about. So you're insinuating that its wrong for women to have knowledge (especially about the Deen) oh brother...you sound like the person the Sis is talking about.
@@Mr-Grateful no I think he/she means it’s harder for a knowledgeable women to get married because some men may feel that they wouldn’t be able to shape her however they want since she’s knowledgeable in her deen and he cannot for example manipulate her using it. If I’m not mistaken this is what I have understood from the comment and Allah knows best
@@miriams3769 getting married to a women who's knowledgeable than one shouldn't be difficult or should not be something bad or repulsive cos we learned from our righteous predecessors that they even married a women who was their teacher and it doesn't turn them to less than a man and it doesnt make her disobedience or disloyalty. Must it be that we have to marry a women who doesn't have knowledge about the deen so we can shape (manipulate) like a clay? The words shape isn't even the right words to used here. A wife isn't like clay in the hand of kid. A wife isn't someone we can manipulate or used like clay just cos they want to fulfill one of the sunnah of the Prophet (marriage). Was it Imam Ibn Kathir daughter whose father gave to one of his student. The student always come to Ibn kathir feet to sit and learn and he got married to Ibn Kathir's daughter and it was reported that the daughter eventually take her husband in classes after their wedding. Knowledge makes someone better not relegate or retrogress and individual. Let's not sound overly patriarchal. Let's learn our Deen. May Allah grant all knowledgeable Muslimah out there a righteous well mannered husband who applies the teaching of the prophet in a just manner. may Allah save us from manipulating husband and wife.
Nothing terrifies narcissistic then a intelligent Empthath
Fact .....
Hey sis could you please explain further, it’s an interesting perspective
@@miriams3769 I know right, I also would like a further explanation , I feel like I get what naida is saying but not fully
Agreed, I experienced it first hand. The narc was beside himself. Alhamdulilah. I feel relieved. Allah is sufficient for us.
@@noisyacaster2803 You point out all the games he's playing I think that's what the sister means.
When you point out the games he's playing and you let him know you know exactly what he's trying to do he will back away.
@@lail111 yep , game recognize game
Subhanallah I really needed to watch this video. May Allah grant us spouses that will be the coolness of our eyes
ameen
Ameen
Aameen 🤲🏼
Ameen
Ameen🤲🏾
Narcissistic Husbands are not just bad husbands but terrible fathers
Thanks for this detailed explanation sister, JAZAK ALLAH KHAIR
It’s like you were reading my mind. You touched every aspect of it. This is what made the western world believe that “ Muslim women have no rights, they only have duties “. While, those women are under the influence of a narcissistic partner or relative. Thanks for creating awareness about this topic.
This is so sad. Because it's exactly the story of my father and mother. It breaks my heart every day and I pray for my parents every day.
I hope things gets easier for you and your parents buddy inshallah 🌸
Same here 😞
اللّهم ألِّف بين قلبَيهِما واجعل بينهما مودّة و رحمة برحمة منك و قدرتك ..آمين
I've watched hundreds of videos on narcissism and narc abuse over the past 2 years, and I've not come across one from a Muslim mental health coach which defines it from an Islamic realm, so sis Nafisa, thank you so much for creating this awareness for the Muslim community particularly Muslim women who are confused and who are suffering tremendously under the hands of abusive husbands, not even realizing that this is a form of abuse. It's very unfortunate for people in authority especially men to use religion to justify their abuse by using that power/knowledge to put people they govern in their "place". Dear sisters, you have every right to walk away from an abusive marriage, you don't need to be physically bleeding or have your limbs broken as evidence. Knowledge is power!! Educate yourselves and make a wise choice. Truly appreciate your work, sis Nafisa!
Subhanallah! My ex husband has all these qualities, Alhamdulillah am out for good, May Allah provide me with better spouse. Amin
How sis tell me? Help me out
How did you escape sister?
I found out his plans to move to UK with his new wife without any plans for me, he wanted to take the kids away from me..I prayed for Allah's help n guidance, I saved some money, involved my siblings,(am an orphan) they were disappointed in him as he was rude to them.they supported me ..I asked for Khul divorce at Shari'a court which was granted.. Alhamdulilah, my kids and I are fine
Subhan Allah... my dear sister, may Allah eases this new chapter of life, gives you a pious husband, and always protect you and your children from any harm
@@quietE23 Allahumma Amin..May Allah ease your affairs too.. jazakhillah khaeran
''they stand up for their lies so strongly.'' You hit the nail right on the head there sister
There are also men who want to marry because they want more children with younger women and they themselves are 60 or older. I mean come on why is the man not taking responsibilities with his ex-wife? Red flag right there sisters.
Everybody wants to stake a claim in the massive deception!
Stop trusting many man because they will destroy your life!!! Astaghfiullah
@@narcissistlovepolygamy6221 I dont think polygamy loves narcissists! that just wouldn't work out but Narcassists love polygamy that could be seen as psychopathic morbid obsession ! although the depth to your name is very much appreciated! 🙏 Narcissists are very attention seeking you couldn't have polygamic relationships with a narc because the narc would require all the attention that would be an inequity to the other partners ! and a massive case of disgruntlement for other partners therefore to be a true lover of polygamy you would have to be more of a submissive empathetic nature and that is not very much a trait of a narcissist !
@@narcissistlovepolygamy6221 My faith is in God and God is in all men !
Very informative sister, I'm seeing so much narcissism online. So glad I have a humble husband, who does good deeds for the sake of Allah, rather than the power tripping we see today.
Alhamdulilah, you are blessed sister. Take good care of him because he's type are getting more and more rare these days. May Allah bless you both more.
@@NafisasPearlz thank you sister may Allah bless you in spreading excellent dawah and advice for sisters, and we are blessed to have a sister whom is strong on her deen, with positive views on life. Its very easy for sisters to be swayed into online westernised hijabi way of life. Not that Im haram police, being a revert I want the best for our sisters, and for them not to fall into the trap of tight hijabs and tight clothing. I nearly fell off my chair when I saw missguided modest wear. You bring a more humble authentic approach to your channel which i find beneficial. I make dua you find a wonderful husband.
Masha'Allah ☝️
MashaAllah sis. Does he have a brother? 😂
@@SummeRain783 So funny🙃🤣
Omg sis I can't believe you've done a video on this! Thank you so much, I look forward to watching it in shaa Allah as I'm currently in the process of divorcing a narcissistic husband!
May Allah see you through successfully sister and replace him with someone far far better who will be the coolness of your eyes.
@@NafisasPearlz Aameen! Jazaakillaah khair so much sister! ❤️
@@UmmQariah you’re not alone I’m also going through a divorce with someone with narcissist behaviour I’m so glad I’m not alone in this
@@susu130390 Alhamdulillah it's so reassuring to know we're on this journey together and in shaa Allah we will get through it! ❤️
@@UmmQariah yes we will Inn Shaa Allah we just got to remember what our purpose in this temporary life is and that is to please Allah and work hard to ensure a better hereafter which is better and everlasting.
Please do a video on dealing with narcissistic mothers. All I see is "be patient" and "paradise is at her feet". She's ruining my life!
This!!! We need to talk about this more. It's such a struggle!!
Yes!
@@Swed813 I thought the hadith about the feet of the mother was judged to be weak.
My grandmother is like this! 😩 I love her but I don’t love how she behaves! And everyone just says be patient but she’s ruining my uncle’s marriage (it’s his 3rd marriage).
Run 😊
Dr. Ramani has a great channel on Narcissism. and there are different types of narcissistic personalities. if you are with someone like that run away as fast as possible.
I have faith in Allah swt. Everything He does, He does for our betterment alhamdulilah. Great to see you active on YT again :)
Indeed. Thank you
Sis mashallah you are a good example of a muslim women may Allah keep u steadfast on your deen and may he grant you the highest level of jannah
Ameen. Jazaka’Allahu khairan
This is a powerful video which deserves so many views and I would say should even be played at halaqas (sister's circles). Unfortunately narcissistic Muslim men are very common in our community and so many women are in toxic marriages but are not aware of it.
Until the end of 2020, I was a big people pleaser and almost all my life a very giving person, but I fell victim to a narcissist boss, who did all of those things damaging my self esteem, gaslighting, expressing emotional behavior when I reminded him of boundaries.. Alhamdulillah due to circumstances I was able to dodge him. Thank you so much for making these educational videos. God bless you
Nafisa sis please make it a full series.
I think I will do. Thank you for the suggestion.
I'm not Muslim but what you said is true. What you mentioned happens across all religions, cultures and traditions. This video speaks to everyone not just Muslims. Thank you. You are a very wise woman. Stay blessed
... across all religions, cultures, traditions and sexes right?
Absolutely correct
@@oppukn9956 just this particular video pertaining to muslimah and Muslim men. Muslims are in dire need of guidance too and shouldn't offend anyone. After all YT has vast amount of content these days . Alhumdulilah for that.
Please feel free to respectfully add your own experiences in the comment section so that other sisters can learn what to avoid. We love our brothers in Islam but too often some have been allowed to get away with nonsense. They are ones to avoid. To all my Muslim brothers treating their ladies right; We love you all for the sake of Allah and may we have more of your kind, ameen!
JazakAllahu khairan sis! 😊
Ameen nafisa xo
Sorry to say but my husband is narcissist and don’t know how to handle all these problems around me because recently i asked divorce after 8years marriage and it was not 1st time & he argues always that he loves me and iam the one who runs to end this relationship and cries out even to my mum and brother that iam wrong
Though I have seen that he runs after other women who work with him and tries to find their attention when ever I ask why you’re doing this to me he says that this is just my feelings and there is nothing to worry
Iam feeling alone inside me 😢😢may Allah help us to the straight path.
Please make Dua for me 🤲🤲
@@umuabdo2477 May Allah help you
@@umuabdo2477 sadly sis it’s become an epidemic I left mine few years ago best decision and realised he was a narcissist after I left! Cheating lying selfish ego these are all the traits and sadly they don’t get better only worse! They have zero empathy for you their wife or even their children the best thing is to seek advice first but leaving was the best thing I did as hard as it was with children but if children mirror or use this as their role model it will truly destroy them also
Also want to say alot of the reason that narcissistic traits are so common in our men and community as a whole is that the men are never made accountable from a young age for bad behaviour. My ex mother in law has never seen her grandchildren and my ex husband has just gone on to get remarried and has no contact with his children. Zero accountability from his own mother and family. Very common in Middle Eastern and Asian men…as sons they can do no wrong…This is where it starts.
agreed! i've seen this so much
Everything is halal for the men and everything is haram for the women!.
As an only girl living in a Muslim household with 3 brothers, this is the truest thing that I’ve ever read!!
My mother literally SPOILS my brothers and treats them like infants who wear diapers and can’t feed themselves.
(My brothers are 23 and 25 years old)
She does EVERYTHING for them and they still treat her horribly and call her crazy, and talk down to her.
She would always let them get away with hitting me, calling me disgusting and degrading words, when they hit me as a child and my mom wouldn’t even say anything to them, she would tell ME to stay away from them and that they’re just playing.
She would ALWAYS make them the priority while treating me inferior to them.
It actually sometimes, starts with the women. The mothers. Narcastic, controlling, women breeding narsastic sons ..
i am not lowering my standards, you can never change a person. The person may crush your soul, choose wisely. Naricissistic men are abusive.
NOBODY CAN CRUSH THE SOUL. Even Shaytaan. Unless one sells it to him willingly. Allah NEVER PERMITS that.
@@aminazetrov2183 So I left him and Alhamdullilah , soul is intact by the grace of Allah
This is true. People don’t change. I legally divorced but not religiously then he came crawling back. Like he changed. Nope. Same. Same fights about the same things.
@@Niko-pi3ks True, I told my ex-husband that there is no proof that he will change. Allah had by this time made me self-sufficient and it was perfect timing.
Narcissist will never change, so run. Don't trust any man! Covert narcissist watch out for!!!
Subhanallah, as a brother, this needs to be said! We need these voices!!!
@R Coffee I listened to it all, and found it insightful and interesting.
Great video! Muslim sisters are being lied and tricked into marriages by covert narcissist! Covert narcissist ate evil...
Alot of narcissist fake to love Islam to get Muslim sisters into marriages or polygamy marriages!. Astaghfiullah. Meanwhile they have a good Muslim wife and they themselves are drinking, smoking, going nightclubs, gambling they have secret wives secret girlfriend's and secret children they also have interests and mortgages! Pretending to love Islam. Narcissist after your mother sisters and daughters!
@R Coffee Narcissists know what they do is wrong, and that’s why they go to great lengths to hide their abusive behaviors in public. Narcissistic personality disorder is definitely not enough to be considered legally or Islamically insane. It’s a personality disorder but it doesn’t distort your ability to distinguish between right and wrong. Also, the vast majority of them are unable to change through therapy according to psychologists.
As for living life and making mistakes, everyone does so. That’s why everyone may occasionally hurt their spouse’s feelings. The problem becomes more serious when that person refuses to apologize, does not repent for their actions to Allah, and repeatedly does the same thing without remorse.
Sis since most diseases have cure I think we need that video of resolving this issue. Thanks 🙏
Insha'Allah. Thank you for that contribution.
Ask Allah swt for a good Muslim men!
@@hellfirejahannam7734 Your username 😂😂😂
@@iammar1159 indeed, time to stand up!
Sis there is no resolving! Just RUN and never look back. Seriously!
I think another important point, is that before marriage they are pretending to be wonderful and understanding and they make you feel like a princess. But once they have you, they change and you don’t feel appreciated or respected anymore.
I definitely agree with you on all these points since I have seen men like this around me.
The thing is some men may be born like this, but many Muslim men develop these traits because of the way they are raised by their parents. It's so unfortunate that parents make it a complex issue where their sons can sit down and control their sisters and even mothers, yet the mother still doesn't change her way of raising her son. Then they grow up with these narcissistic traits and if things go wrong it is their wife's fault.
But for real we as a society need to raise our sons right so all these issues won't arise in the first place.
BarakAllahu feeki sis!!! I’m so glad I came across your video and it’s SPOT ON!!!! For the past few months I’ve been reading a lot about Narcs and the hardcore perverted/manipulative ones since this year i met two of them one after the other( imagine the trauma I’ve been through but Alhamdulilah I detected the signs early on and rannnnnn for my lifeee as hard as it was bc I was finding them excuses since they are ‘practicing’ SubhanAllah). The perfect religious image got me big time and I just couldn’t grasp the fact that men in this ummah could use Allah’s words and peach about our deen and be this EVIL and toxic at the same time!!!). It baffles me that sheikhs and imaams don’t talk about this, US sisters are not safe at the hands of those monsters!!
This is so sooo informative and I feel all sisters who are in the phase of talking to brothers before marriage, need to watch this!! Sisters look for signs and red flags, analyse their characters, observe and do not disclose too many info about your personal lives, do background research, stalk their socials ( they give off a lot of red flags- talking to multiple other women at the same time in their private messages, they need different preys! They also show a perfect image on their socials you’d definitely think they are the dream men! They are also intelligent and they know how to use their intellect and words to manipulate and gaslight). Ive know 2 narcs and the first was very much under the spotlight since he was a famous person, he loved the praises from his audience, always with a ton of selfies of himself, self centered and perverted in his mind( Narcs objectify women and they want to possess you, they think they’re the absolute BEST in intimacy etc). And this one had ANGER, would insult me, curse me but I’d just brush it off each time bc I thought that was appreciation until he got sick of me being clingy mind you I’m an empath( perfect prey!!) and eventually blocked me everywhere when I confronted him and told him he’s a psychopath and needs help!!!( they usually ghost you when you find out about the REAL them/ the evil psychopath that hides behind the ‘kind/ generous gentlemen’ mask)
Second narc I came across was slightly different in the sense that he was more low key on his socials, you would never find out about his personal stuff but still similar to the first one when it came to using his intellect and wisdom to show the ‘perfect picture’ of a kind and humble man. This one I guess was the hardcore perv I’ve ever met, would tell me stuff like he’d hurt me, force me to do things , rape me and laugh it off like it was some kind of jokes( I became weary ofc after those episodes).. in the beginning he would call every single timeeee and I thought he was actually investing in me so didn’t see the red flag but that is actually them being impatient to ‘possess’ you! He would cut me off when I talked and insult me in subtle ways or make me feel small and I was again the perfect prey to him since I would be submissive and not fight him when he was being disrespectful. Anyways long story short while we were talking I also found out that he was talking to other women on his Instagram and it seemed like he was actually harassing them for replies, he commented on their pics saying their gorgeous etc and when I confronted him he said it’s no big deal it’s not like he’s in a relationship with them! Lol I lost my sanity at some point, thought I was crazy! He even said if he’s to get married he will still go around complimenting or flirting with women outside( like hello are you sure you’re a man who claims to pray 5 times a day??? Do you even fear GOD??).
I forgot to add , one major sign that can give it off is their traumatic /horrible childhood!!! They both had abusive fathers who beat them up and lived in extreme poverty( When I came to the realization that they were perverted NArcs I asked about their childhood bc at this point I had already read about it and wanted to connect the dots so I could walk out). But it’s hard when you’re an empath bc you want to save the world and you just feel bad for them so you still try to help! But the best thing to do is Runnnnnn, Narcs don’t EVER CHANGE!! You cannot save them!! They also always have those perverted or unreal look( cold stares or psycho subtle smiles in their pictures) and most of them are loners, have zero friends( in case they have it’s usually 1/2 friends they can benefit from).
Sorry Nafisa, that was super long but I just wanted to share my side of the story so someone could benefit from it in cha Allah. I’m heartbroken and scarred from those experiences, I don’t think I would be able to trust any men anytime soon.( at this point I feel like 80% of the worlds population are narcs🤔). No one should have to be in contact with NARCS, it’s living hell!! They’re demons! SubhanAllah
May Allah ta’ala protect us all from those toxic and dangerous people Ameen 🤲🏽
Ameen. Thank you for sharing. You were spot on with your description of them! Some I would are really borderline psychopaths! May Allah protect us from all evil.
thank you for sharing and sorry you had to go through this :(
@@NafisasPearlz Ameen. Thank you again for the eye opener♥️
@@katiechasm thank you for your kind words darling.
You should definitely get therapy sis, its actually highly needed for your mental recovery.no one who have that much impact on our lives. Betterhelp.com provide affordable therapists online. I was married to one so I know what its like.
This needs to go viral no one talks about this
Indeed 💯💯💯💯💯
I so agree with you
We need more exposure
Gaslighting is very painful and mind bending, around children it is very dangerous as it is a tool to manipulate. Unfortunately I knew nothing about this disorder in people until I was knee deep. The youth are lucky to have information like this available.
The quran teaches us gaslighting but the Imams avoid it.
Sisterrrrr yesssssss. Please can you make a video on how to get over a narcissistic relationship after divorce. What can a sister do to heal from that previous relationship?
Salah, Quran, listening to Quran, must do Tahajjad every night then make duaa!!!
U will need a professional therapist. Because they have messed with your identity and self-esteem so much. Trust me . Betterhealth.com offer affordable therapists online sis ♥️
Also when ur in a toxic marriage... It effects ur Emaan.. Its best to cut ur losses and leave...
Salaam All reading this. I am a Muslim Fella and just wanted to reassure the Sisters reading this that there are good men out there. I'm not saying im one of them, especially after seeing the list Sister Nafisa present. I think us brothers need to be exposed more about this bad trait. I now acknowledge I have a lot to change and work on before seeking a spouse let alone tying the knot. I ask Allah to bless you all with amazing spouses. Please keep your head up high and don't let past experiences put you down. Allah has saved you all and taught you and strengthened you too.
Tell them brother please.Its horrible I don't want my family to break up even still I love him but I don't even know who I am anymore,more self esteem is so low. Only peace I have is in Salah hes screaming ill run to pray just so he'll stop screaming at me,I won't pray with him because I don't benefit he goes to fast I like privacy with Allah so I can pour my heart out.Now he's saying I'm supposed to pray with him.Your a man is this true.
Do I have to pray next to my husband, I so can't get into it because He wants me to follow him,his native tongue is not Arabic nor I'm mine I'm from US I have been Muslim for 13yrs. Just everything he wants to control..
@@danielleh7360 As’salamu alaykum sister. May Allah grant you ease and help even if it means leaving. I’ve not heard anything about it being mandatory for a wife to pray besides her spouse he better have some solid proof to back up his point. I hate other people who make a claim but have nothing to back it up with. Im hurt and annoyed by this because it not only ruins it for men but also looks bad on the religion
@@danielleh7360 i genuinely wish I could help but I myself am powerless. I hope I remember you in my Du’a
Salaam thankyou for listening .Going to make Salah
God bless you so much for this comprehensive list! I experienced all of these signs with my ex husband. At the time, I was a new Muslim who strongly desired to learn my Deen, and he isolated me from my family and abused me emotionally using hadiths exactly as you described. I wish I had the benefit of your wise advice many years ago so I could have escaped much sooner and myself and my children wouldn't have sustained such lasting damage. Jezak Allah kheir!
💙
Hi Nafisa! Thank you for this video. Can you please create the video about how to deal with a narcissistic husband? And the mothers!
Insha'Allah
Hi hala zaki can i exchange thoughts with you
I would love to see this as well, especially for children of narcissistic Muslim men. Jzk for this wonderful video sister Nafisa!!!
Yes can you please make a video on how to deal or manage a marriage with a Narcissist husband..especially if you have been married for a long time and have children. JazakeAllah khir sis x
Jazakallah khair for this video sis .. kindly make the video on how to manage with a narcissistic husband n mom in law especially when their is child involved in marriage
Thank you so much for sharing this. Could you perhaps also have a video on the vulnerable narcissist? I find that harder to identify, especially in the context of Islam. The psychological suffering from their "silent treatment" is so difficult to deal with, as is the feeling of constant guilt that are insinuated. It is a more subtle form of narcissism, but no less destructive because it sometimes takes years to figure it out. As a highly empathic person, one easily get caught up in the vulnerable narcissist's 'suffering'. Sometimes this is cloaked in the romantic notion that there is nobody in the world besides the two of us. It seems like closeness, but in fact, it isolates.
Obedience from a wife means I have to agree with everything he says, even my emotions have to know that he is right and I am wrong.
Every advice is an insult is so right, he can justify everything he does and never apologises for a single thing.
It's so crucial that we know our Deen. We have the faith on our side where there's injustice but we must know what to reference.
Narcissists manipulate religion to suit their own agenda.
السلام عليكم
My dear beloved sister Nafisa جزاك اللهُ خيرًا deeply for addressing this issue. Only ALLAH عز و جل knows how many Muslims are in this situation unknowingly. May ALLAH عز و جل bless your effort Ameen.
Ameen my dearest. I coach sisters so I know that it is unfortunately a common issue. May Allah protect us all.
@@NafisasPearlz absolutely, Allahuma Ameen my dear, May Allah bless your heart ♥️
Absolutely fantastic video. You really have addressed an issue that has been ignored and disregarded. How enlightening and needed was this everyone? 🤗🤗
Thank you
Veeeery!
100 outta 10
Love u sister Nafisa❤
Girrrl!!! You are literally describing my father 😭. I feel so bad for my mother everyday and I pray that she will find a better spouse who will treat her properly ❤️ Ameen
@R Coffee don't be condescending.
A child lives with her/his parents, so the child knows for sure. They witness it everyday. She recognizes traits of her father in what the sister says, so....
And its very very toxic. May Allah protect and guide us all, ameen.
و عليكم السلام
امين
This is literally my dad. I'm feeling sick because she hit every single nail on the head like she's been living in our house the last 24 years and seen it with her eyes. It's so heartbeaking 😢💔
Because of my dad I always thought all men were like this and that women in every marriage will be treated like a servant. I never wanted to get married. I'd rather live with my family and live by myself in old age than to put myself through this. I'm a soft hearted and empathetic person and know I will definitely be taken advantage of. What's the point in all this if your going to marry an evil human being
May Allah ta'ala rectify our Affairs Ameen 💞
Ya Rabb, this video is such a blessing and matches very much with my "still husband".
At the beginning he seemed to be so pious and good mannered, I really felt he is my other half I was always looking for.
What an idiot I was🤣🙈
"Gaslighting"... never knew about that until I married him.
As every human being I'm not perfect and of course I have mistakes, but one thing for sure: I lower my eyes in front of men.
But EXACTLY this is what he is ALWAYS telling me: You're looking at men with lust! You are looking at their private area, you're searching for some attractive men!" and so on.
Oh God, how it made me tired and at the end almost questioning myself because I indeed do not look or search for men. 🤨
He is such a big liar, I never met someone lying that much like he does! Plus changing his stories after some days into other stories.
Changing facts into different facts and making me believe I didn't listen well enough and or I was trying to change his spoken words. 😐
Alhamdulillah that I have kids who also made their experiences with him and told me that he is changing every few days from a "nice" person to an evil person.
Sisters, it's IMPOSSIBLE to have an objective discussion with someone with narcissistic characteristics! You will nothing than LOOSE! Because he is always right, he is always the one who tried his best and you are the unthankful wife who is inpatient. He swears and lies right into your face and into the face of others. He has such a big phantasy, he is creating stories that you will think "what the **** is wrong that he meets always bad persons who are hurting him?!" 🤔
It's ALWAYS him who is the poor victim, ALWAYS! And it's always YOU and the others who carry the fault. Even if others witnessed what really happened he will swear by Allah and change the facts until the story fits to his "imagination".
He is too lazy to work and prefers to live on my costs. Although he is an Arab, he doesn't hesitate to behave like a tick and suck on my money! He isn't and wasn't ever responsible for me, it is me who paid for everything. And still he ordered me to ask him for permission before I leave the house! 😅
If he doesn't get the attention he wants, he provoces argues to get a reason to scream, insult, belittle and slap me.
Then he takes all of his stuff out of my flat and won't be seen for several days. During this time he is waiting for me to call him and apologize for my bad behavior. 🤣
He never gave me my rights, he has no right over me at all!
I now got divorced alhamdulillah, FINALLY! And I prayed a lot to Allah and was patient. Because when I fought for my rights, nothing happened. Then in this Ramadan I decided to leave it completely to Allah and He helped me out now. Allahu akbar.🤲🏻🤲🏻🤲🏻
Sisters, I could write a book about what I went through.
Please STAY FAR AWAY from this mad sort of men! May Allah protect us all Allahumma amin. 🤲🏻
So proud of you Sis. You did your best. May Allah continue to help you heal & protect you going forward. Ameen. By walking away in divorce you set a lifetime boundary. So true. No getting through to Narcs! Evil is too deeply hidden. And the provocations/accusations are disgusting. If there is zero trust, there can be nothing to connect you. X
Wow definitely a toxic narcissist. Good on you for choosing not to tolerate it anymore! At the beginning my fiancé to be pretended to care and want to pay for everything but mentioned how the mortgage will have to be in my name! He was planning ahead for his lazy life.
@ابو بكر ابن محمد البربري which Hadith? Which number? Please reference it here thank you
@ابو بكر ابن محمد البربري im sorry but the hadith you gave has nothing to do with asking permission to divorce. Black on white.
In Islam women can divorce her husband and this hadith is fake! Women don't need to ask for permission from husband to get divorced!. Astaghfiullah
Alhamdulillah. You have done a community service! It is not a strange discussion. I have seen the development of such a relationship and the hurt to the wife over and over while she would try to take the blame. She even said that Muslims are not supposed to be happy in this worldly life! More indignities are still coming to this young Muslimah and some of the husband's warped Islamic "knowledge" is piling on. Even though she has discovered the narcissism and the concept of 'gaslighting' she feels that her love will suffice. I will send this video to her as I have done with others. Allahu akbar. I've gotten accused of fomenting divorce, but I am too old to care about what they say, Allah knows the truth of all our hearts!
I have not finished watching but commenting already sis. Let’s help share this video out there because many women already married need to watch this😔🥰🙏🙏🙏
Jazakallahu Kyran for this educative video. You made this video for sisters but coincidentally for me, you practically mentioned 90% of my ex-wife's characteristics. So I guess it's safe to say this goes both ways. May Allah guide us all, aamin.
Of course it does.
Ameen🌺Unfortunately happens when they've been ill advised by manipulative mother in law or father in law that let manipulative behavior go unchecked from childhood
Its seems so hard in todays time to find a good spouse
yeah
I blame the parents partly
Most are narcissist nowadays!
@@majestic6303 true but after a certain age a person will be responsible for their own actions
So true
Not a Muslim but was prepared to convert due to the promises and love I received in the beginning and his love for Allah was very beautiful but wow how he hid his true self. I won’t go in depth but nearly everything she said I experienced and most women who are in this type of relationship (Muslim or not) have already been praying for things to change or just to get out of it. Please spend time with your family and friends and get rid of that horrible ungrateful man.
Im so sorry you had to go through this horrible experience sis! Good for you to see the signs and walk away early enough, this is a strong move and you should be proud of yourself
I’m glad you’re discussing this issue because I feel like most people in our communities shy away from these kind of topics unfortunately. Jazakillah khair sister.
Yes it's a big taboo
MashAllah a great video as this needs to be discussed more and more. I was married to a narcissistic Muslim man and it was hell. Unfortunately I had very little help from people within the community as nobody really understood. I was able to get my divorce and now a single mother am still recovering from this traumatic experience so am so glad this is being confronted as it is so prevalent in our community and also with our women as sister friends, mothers and also wives so a great topic!
Please Keep it up dear sister.
SubhanaAllah I truly needed to hear this reminder I'm too valuable to men, I have no father in my life to support me in a marriage. My life as a muslim are even before coming into the fold of Islam. No mother to go too no one except Allah subhana wa ta ala in spirit. I'm too afraid to enter into another marriage. May Allah continue to help me heal from the abusive marriage I was in and protect other sisters from such abuse.
I think many many reverts experience this. This is unique within itself as many brothers seek or are attracted to revert women for this very reason.
Thank you for this, its absolutely emotional/spiritual abuse, this is one of the things that put me off of practicing Islam in the traditional way. I just try to cover the basics now to stay away from this type of cult thinking in the community. Very well done video
Majority of the religion is like a cult. Best to avoid organised religion, keep it yourself within your heart and practise at home.
God will give you a few signs along the way in the form of red flags and intuition. If you dont listen, He will expose the truth in a way that hurts you so you realise and leave the relationship. Never question "why me" because there was something for you to learn from this experience. Remember God saw things you didnt, heard conversations you didnt and knew of plans you wernt aware of. Just do shukr and do your best to heal and level up, you won't regret it.
May Allah bless you. I couldn’t have said it better. ✨
This is my mantra: الحمدلله رب العالمين for everything ❤️
Thank you Sis🙏🏼💙
Perfectly explained👍
Also if he abuses you mentally or physically he'll make you believe it's your fault that he abused you
They have a way with words don’t they?
@@SummeRain783 they do, it's scary
Indeed, they know how to abuse you! Astaghfiullah Astaghfiullah Astaghfiullah
Wouldn't this be amazing to be talked during a khutba? We women know what narcissism is and so many of us have put up with it/are continuing to out up with narcissists, whatever their reasons may be, but I believe it's far more important that men among themselves raise this topic and help each other. Talk about it openly to better their Muslim characteristics. I believe that narcissists have been moulded through their own childhoods and through seeing their own fathers with their mothers. So I feel, more importantly that women understand what narcissist characteristics are, men need to be educated on this matter openly and through religious institutions to better marriages and family life.
This is such an important topic to talk about. I'm not Muslim but I was in a relationship with a highly narcissistic man who showed many of these traits, and at the time I was not aware of warning signs to look for. Things that you say here that would apply more to a Muslim man (threatening to take another wife) were just a bit different for him (threatening to cheat on me because I wasn't good enough for him- his words). Fortunately I was able to leave, but I only did so after becoming more aware of what a narcissist is and how they behave.
It has been known that Mother-in-laws can be poisonous!
True that’s where my eyes will be on first if I was in this position
Assalamu alaikum warahmatullahi wabarkatuh sister, Jazakillahou kharain.pls do the video on how to manage a narcissistic husband
Yup
You mean there are women who are also narcissists
@@greentooth3097 Ugh... of course!!!!!
The heartbreaking part is that, no matter how much logic you lay out, no matter how softly you speak about how he makes you feel, he will most likely not even understand that what he's doing is gaslighting, manipulating and hurting you. He will always feel like the victim. He will probably feel like YOU are the narcissistic one. Your feelings are never valued over his own. You will always be the one who started it first. "I became this way because back when we got married you disrespected/disobeyed me." And things like "you deserve to be treated this way" are some of the things you might hear at every argument. Name calling, yelling over you, not letting you finish your thoughts, making you in return say hurtful things even though this is not how you ever wanted to have disagreements with your spouse, all because you feel unheard, unloved, un respected and overlooked. By the end of the argument you'll end up doubting yourself because yes, you did say something mean once or twice because you truly were triggered by all of his accusations and horrible name calling. You start to think you were at fault, that you truly probably drove him that far, because he storms out of the house with some belongings, says everything that's wrong in the marriage is because of you and then gives you the silent treatment. Everything he has said and done are forgotten by him and only your reaction is recorded. You start feeling like a bad wife, start forgetting what he has done and said up to this point, for years, that have made you lose love for him little by little. Am I at fault you wonder. It makes you want to reach out to him to show him he's still respected. Maybe if you are exactly how he wants you to be, the opposite of everything he accused you of, he will be happy with you and your marriage will be free of pain. You will give and give and give some more, but the abuse will never stop. He will always find something to be dissatisfied about, to put you down and make you feel like you're the reason for ruining his life. When all along, all you wanted was a sweet husband who loves you, who you love, respectful towards each other even in argument (especially in argument), who communicates and talks things through, who can be your rock and you his, who will help each other in your Deen. But you'll find that with the years, he has broken you. You are not that sweet naive girl from the beginning anymore. Too much has happened and too little of you has been respected. You feel guilty when he accuses you because, you know deep down, you are disappointed in him and your life with him, so you assume he's picking up on that. But because he's so selfish and puts his own emotional needs before yours, he doesn't recognize his fault in that. In his eyes, you are everything that is wrong in his life. You're the reason that he feels like less of a man because you've been battered (emotionally or physically) to the point where, the desire to praise him, or agree with him when he's wrong, has vanished. The narcissist in him can't put himself in your shoes so he blames you for everything. In the meantime, you are killing yourself jumping back and forth from your own shoes to his, feeling guilt ( because you think he must be really hurting if he's acting this way towards you), anger, sadness and emptiness all at the same time and feeling empathetic to his pain while trying to deal with your own.
❤️❤️❤️
Ma sha Allah, a sister on UA-cam NOT wearing makeup, and fully covered. Jazak Allahu khairen.
Partly, that's why I'm not married.
Indeed
I am the same. I'm 35 and not married. The points u made are the reasons why. I'm also surrounded by unhappy marriages, in particular my own parent's. My father is sucking the life out of my mother, and I can't do anything but be there for her. In turn, they are both sucking the life out of me. But I'm made to feel obligated to be there for them as my siblings are all married and have there own families and I don't. I'm stuck and can't move.
@@farahbhatti1160 Don't get married then, why would women get married to a MAN in the first place, no ones forcing you, you either end up alone or stock up on cat food.
So refreshing to listen to this. Just wish we had this kind of advice 30 years ago.
I’m married to one! Everything you listed and described in this videos describes my husband in detail!
you are in toxic place with this man. Review, get guidance, leave the marriage if you have to. Take care, cherish your own life.
You don’t deserve that… any women deserve it
Sis don’t be afraid to leave! Put your mental health first! He might affect your deen and that’s the last thing anyone wants
@@viewerabundzu6887 what is this BPD type advice? Marriage is no joke!
Think about the kids from broken families, think about a woman who has trouble to find another man, it's no joke.
@@aboetarikske Marriage should be a happy and blessed union. Why do you even think about marriage in the context of a joke? Marriage is a union to be cared for, reflected upon, nurtured because people change within it, and these changes may be for better or worse, but when narcissism governs the partnership then someone truly suffers. Their unhappiness is absorbed by their children and a whole family can be destroyed. I stand by my words. Learn to recognize a narcisstic partner and protect yourself and your children from him or her. By they way, where I live, divorced partners are only too willing to find happiness again with a new partner, and children do adapt as they grow older.
I love this! Revert muslims are very prone to this....please make a video specifically for reverts who dont know their religion
It's so sad that this is so common, I had to leave when I needed the most support.if you are raised by narcissistic culture, you don't even know the difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships.
subhana'Allah
Salaam Alaikum sis as a revert this is very informative
Walaikumsalam, glad you found it useful
Narcissist Muslim men love revert sisters!!! Warning
@@JahannamHellfire.
Yes, definitely, because they take advantage of the fact that those who revert are honest in their quest for Islam and in alot of cases alone. So the narcissist comes along acting as "Saviour" 🏃🏿♀️😅
Asalaam aleikum Sister, even if you look at their relationship with religion and character, these men can play very smart that they are such great people w religion and have such respectful traits but it’s a sad world for sisters as there are plenty who find out how bad they are after marriage. I am glad the Almighty Allah saved me twice with toxic relationships but now I am scared to even think of marriage.
Growing up with narcissists I know exactly what to look for but hearing you list it out ugh thanks for this video, so important for us to know the warning signs!!
every muslim woman needs to watch this.
I so agree with you.
Indeed
Good luck I stay single as a Muslim Man because I have to get more Closer to Allah even if I never Marry! All I know is their is this Dunyah and then there is Ahkira may we all reach Jannah InshaAllah Awafi Salam Alaikum keep it up Sister may Allah Grant you Peace!☝🏾💯
Salam sister, you're an inspiration. I am planning to study psychology & counseling too. This is much needed in our society currently.
Jazakallah khayr. Yes, please needed a video on narcissistic muslim mother, it's very relevant to me & others who's experiencing the same test. 😢
May Allah SWT bless you always & keep you in good health. Ameen 🤲🏽
First time i have seen your video's . Glad you are raising awareness. I don't know if you have done any on narcissistic wife , unfortunately there are many of them too. Everybody needs to be aware male and female. I have seen and still dealing with extreme family suffering due to narcissistic personality.
Welcome, this is my first video on the topic. I have not heard much on narcissistic wives, mothers yes definitely but not wives. I am not saying they don’t exist but it’s not often heard of especially since in Islam women are encouraged to be submissive to their husbands so even if there are, they probably don’t get the chance to display their bad behaviour as much. But I will look into it insha’Allah.
I haven't seen the full vid yet, will soon,
but I was proposed by a man. I said no, I felt like I didn't know him enough, so we still chatted a bit more (halal courtship wise; meeting in public places etc). One night I told him I was going to my university to see my old friends (mixed group), they were filming something. He accused me of meeting and texting men and all these things. I later broke it off because now I definitely know to not be with him. That trust factor has to be there even before marriage, wrongfully accusing someone is a huge sin and slander, the Quran even says there's penalties to that too. Please sisters, once you see even a small red flag, leave. There's also been times where the same man violated boundaries; do not think that if one red flag happens then maybe he'll change or something (like how I did). He will not change (unless he changes the condition of himself, and Allah Subhanna Wat'ala won't change him until he tries to actively change himself - but the basis is, YOU will not change him.) If you see even one red flag or something that violates boundaries etc, leave.
@You me yes - he was projecting that I was doing something when he was most likely doing that - projection is terrible. Astaghfirrullah, thank you for your comment, may Allah Subhanna Wat'ala bless us with trustworthy,righteous spouses
@You me astaghfirrullah, I'm so sorry for all the pain he may have caused you, you will find somebody who won't do that, who will be trustworthy and trust you, in Sha Allah, when your partner acts right it will be beautiful and he will follow Sunnah/Quran correctly, lower his gaze and all, when your partner acts right you will be so so much happier. But for now heal and find happiness in yourself and Allah Subhanna Wat'ala, this is one of the cases where something you lost - you will be given better, assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wabarakaatuhu ♥️
Alhamdulillah. I ended a 3 year long courtship with the help of Allah. He made me realize that I deserve better. My dear sisters, this is my experience.
I am a convert/revert. My family isn't Muslim (so they basically don't have the same standard as we do). When I was in my teens, Astagfirullah, I lived a very haram lifestyle. I was an open book to him and I never hid my past. He accepted me.
Overtime, whenever we have arguments, he would remind me of the things I did in the past. He would call me disgusting, a who** who ****ed men. He would even insult my mother who was innocent. He would insult my family. He would say racist remarks, how my ethnicity is literally below his (I'm Filipino, he's Arab).
I don't know how I did it but for 3 YEARS YA'ALLAH. 3 YEARS I put up with this. For 3 years I hid this to my mother because I I don't want her to think badly of Arabs (Arabs have a bad reputation in my country). It was only when his mother and I had an argument about our nikkah plans that I really realized this ain't it. He never defended me, he even blamed me even when I had nothing but respect to his mother.
I deserve better. We deserve better sisters. Allah swt love us deeply. Don't let a man like that just disrespect you and strip you off of our rights and confidence.
I'm so sorry to hear that, and you absolutely deserve better. An important advice, in Islam it is better and advised to keep all your sins that you repent from a secret, no one has the right to know that you did anything bad as long as you promised Allah that you will do your best to keep away from that sin, it is a secret between you and God, and Allah protected that secret from people so keep the secret from your side and may Allah remove our sins in sha' Allah.
@@shifaaomar8591 jazak'Allah khair ☺ I edited my comment. My intention was to appeal to revert sisters that wasn't brought up Muslim. Because of this guy, I hated myself and looked at myself as a dirty woman Astagfirullah. I don't want other sisters to feel that way especially when it's something you really regret doing and asked forgiveness for. Thank you for correcting me sister.
Insha'Allah if I am meant to have a husband it will happen. If there's anything I have learned in this it's patience.
@@shifaaomar8591 Wise words, thank you for reminding us.
It seems like we lived the same experience🥴 I’m also a revert and suffered immensely at the hands of a narcissist in a horrible “courtship” for three years like you. Luckily he only had the opportunity to physically hurt me a couple of times, but I would likely be dead if we had married. He would constantly verbally abuse me about my past before becoming Muslim as well.
I also hid it from my mother for a long time because I didn’t want her to think badly of Muslims, as she already had a poor opinion. And that’s just the very tip of the iceberg (your comment probably is too). Alhamdulillah now I’m married to an absolute sweetheart and have been for two years. May Allah grant the same and more for you💕
May Allah grant you a better husband ❤️❤️
This is too accurate and true. Abuse really traumatizes people.
These men are usually the ones who appear extremely 'pious' and charitable in society......literally what do they pray for 5 times and turn to God for when they're so deliberately cruel with a conscience that's non existent. Really sad how many of us are dealing with this thanks to the 'enablers' in the form of friends relatives etc who never call out on their bad behavior. Sister, thanks for bringing this up.
Jazakillahu Khair sister for shedding floodlights on this sinister problem. As a Muslim man, it's so important for us men to recognize this issue and rectify it through checking and re-checking our inflated egos. Unfortunately it is all to common to be raised by fathers like this wihich only furthers the issues through generational trauma. We inherit these traits sometimes knowingly or unknowingly and it really takes a toll on the people closest to us. Narcissitic men can initiate a vicious cycle of abuse to not only their wives, but also their children. These children grow up without learning what it means to be healthy individuals and end up repeating the same behavioural patterns...the following generation then inherits these issues and only worsens. This is why it's EXTREMELY important for all Muslim men to have taqwa. Be concious of Allah! Yes, you have been given a responsibility over women, but don't abuse it! Do you think Allah doesn't see your sick hearts and the pain you inflict on his creation?! You will be held accountable and your womenfolk and children will testify against you on that inevitable Day. You can fool the whole community and everyone around you, but you cannot deceive Allah swa.
Whew Sis, you out here saving WHOLE lives!
A revert, no parents or family in this country, empathetic, alone.. I guess I was his perfect target. I broke myself trying to please him and yet the blame is all on me. It’s so heartbreaking as I supported him in every way I could, I really wanted this work for the sake of Allah and out of my love for him. He ticks all the boxes of narcissism, and I keep looking for ways to excuse his behaviour, but the more I look the more my hope of this marriage working diminishes.
Married to a covert narcissists for 40years. They just get worse with age. Will never change.
You stayed for 40 yrs?
why did you waste your life with him? smh
its never too late to leave. Your life is worth it.
@Love isn't Lust indeed they are the worst, they cover their narcissism really well and they may appear as a shy person and it's scary how they can act so evil most of the time.
Dont ask a women why she didnt leave, she is the victim of extreme abuse. wether women stay or go they are both strong in their own way.
you are such a boss sister! I made a video on narcissism in the community a while back but yours is 10x better :D
Wow, this is so important to hear. Needs to be spoken about more so jazakallahkhair! May Allah SWT protect and guide us all. Ameen.
Indeed, the initial recording was over an hour long, I cut so much out because I felt people would not watch it all so insha'Allah I will elaborate on certain parts in future videos.
@@NafisasPearlz please do! And look I forward to your video about narcissistic muslim mothers too
So true sis, I can relate to most of your highlighted points.
Narrcis is a term , I was unaware but when I was in relationship few yr back, I came to know about all these phycological terms like compulsive lier, gaslighting etc. but as I am strong enough, I thrown that garbage back to dustbin from where he came.
This is such an eye opener, thanks so much for this, may Almighty Allah continue to increase you in beneficial knowledge.
But, a wife too could be Narcissistic.
I walked out of a Narcissistic marriage about seven months ago, it was such a traumatic experience for me, after spending over four years with him. Though, I do love him but I love myself enough to get out of the marriage cause he was becoming a monster. I had to cut all ties of communications with him, didn't want to give him the room to manipulate and crush my heart again. I hope to find someone better someday.
Such discussions filled with such hiqmqh are so very much needed. Jazaakillah khairan Sister. I, like so many, have a story. Allah(swt)'s kept me. I am still here. AlhamduliLah..., we, are still here by the mercy of Allah(swt). InshaAllah please pray for my children and I. The emotional and mental torment are indescribable. He continues. He seemingly won't stop.
InshaAllah be blessed sister.
May Allah ease your affairs sister and grant the best of both worlds. 🤲🏾
as a man, i came here fearing i would fall into this category. the only thing i've done out of everything the sister mentioned is dream of success and some power, found everything else absolutely disgusting, alhamdullilah. may allah guide and protect us, ameen.
Narcissists would never feel like there might be something wrong with them.
@@MizBratzdoll ig you missed the part where i said i can't relate to narcissistic behaviour and find them disgusting. but go off...
@@whatsfootball481 I think you misunderstood the person, they meant that an actual narcissist probably wouldn't be googling to see if they are narcissists, since narcissism is a personality disorder and they would have a hard time even considering they had one.
@@timefortee If that's the case then fair enough
I didn't know about Narcissist but when you listened to these videos then you know you are married one. It is a emotional rollercoster ride. Subhanallah
My ex husband was on the surface a learned daiee. He persuaded me to marry him for the sake of Allah and told me parental consent was not required as I was divorced. He didn't allow me to know him better as it was haram. Within 6 weeks all went to hell. His mask dropped. He had 2 other wives and refused to render me any financial support. I had to be the breadwinner while he was traipsing around on holidays with the other wives. Whenever i objected to the arrangement the standard hadith Quranic and me being a bad materialistic Muslim argument. Everything else, the gaslighting, abuse etc, exactly how the video describes. Spot on even though it sounds too horrible to be true. I finally stopped giving him his narcissistic supply and he thankfully divorced me with ease. It was 8 years of hell and I had to go for therapy after for PTSD and emotional burnout.
sounds very familiar , unfortunately
It amazes me how men are basically the same despite their religion or cultural background. I'm a latin american christian and this spoke to me on so many levels. That's the same problem that we as christian women face with so called "religious" men in South America.
I feel ya sister
Its not that men are all the same but
U find narcissist like u said in every Religion.
Men are most of the time raised to become leaders...I kinda get that but people get overboard with that and they just make the men feel like they are above women when that's not true .
Unfortunately people see religious men treating women wrong and just conclude that this is Islam or this is christianity.
But our religion honors women and dishonors bad behavior and entitlement
JazakAllah khair ukhti. I have to say I recognise some traits in myself in this! Not all, but alhamdullilah. Probably as a results of being with a ‘man’ who carries all of these traits to the most dangerous degree.
We should check ourselves too and be careful we don’t pick up on these traits to subconsciously protect ourselves without realising InshaAllah
Not all of us are blessed to have family subhanAllah and you’re right mashaAllah, these characters pray on our vulnerability but as long as we understand that Allah swt is sufficient for us and the best Disposer of our affairs, InshaAllah we will be protected. This is what brought me to Islam subhanAllah.
If it’s welcome, don’t be needy is my advise for those who don’t have family InshaAllah. Understand we came here alone and we go out of this world alone, a good spouse is a bonus InshaAllah
May Allah reward you we need more people like you in the ummah who calls everything out!
Thanks alot for bringing up this issue in Muslim society.. It is the need of hour. Kindly make video on narc parents, how to deal with them while protecting our mental health. My both parents are extremely narcissistic and my life is like a hell on earth. I can't seem to get away from them because of society and no support from anyone.
I m in tears😢surrounded by toxicities all around being a kind soul is the biggest price i m paying...May Allah grant me confidence to stand for myself
Im empathic and I also have narcissistic traits. Narcissism is a spectrum and all of us are on the spectrum. Some are just more narcissistic than others.
îndeed. That' s what i used to tell people who get annoyed when they hear the word narcissist here and there. They don't get that we need to talk more about it, whether they really suffered from NPD or not. In any case, those people are so toxic and it's important to make people know about their existence because that could save many people's life as some people may decide to end their life just because of these monsters.
Great great video! Information like this is very needed in muslim communities. NPD is no joke. Neither is narcissistic abuse. It is very traumatic to go through and leaves much to heal when and if you get out of it. And as you say this is a disorder in the personality and so anyone, regardless of wether or not they are a muslim or not, can have it. It forms due to dysfunction in the family when growing up and most who have NPD have no awareness of it. So yes, any of the signs you mention…sisters should just run and not look back.
This is very good information for me as a brother in Islam for me when I get married
Yes sis, Do your best and leave the rest to Allah 👌🏻
Masha Allah sis thanks for the warning, very dangerous people!
Your words are helpful. Man or woman, narcissists are toxic and destructive. Keep clear of them.