So eloquent! I'm fed up too. I spent 63 years "knowing" that I would never be married, but last September after 33 years together, my husband and I were married! Today I was finally able to list my husband as HUSBAND on my hospital record when I went in to get blood tests. The little things! I can't wait for the next census. :) human being.
Harry Laube Sir, you just made my day! I was the victim, with my partner of 5 years, of a gay bashing 2 decades ago. I survived with a crushed skull, jaws and scars, emotional and physical, everywhere. My partner, PJ, who came to help me immediately, was shot in the head while I was still getting up from being pistol whipped, and died in my arms 8 minutes later. When we were bashed, we were holding hands and in the Gay Pride Parade, in West Hollywood, 3 weeks later, the parade stopped at the bottom of our street and a delegation, more or less, walked up the block to "our" home, off S. Monica BLVD to give me the banner they had been carrying throughout the parade, which stated "No One Should Be Killed for Holding Hands, Remember PJ and Gary"…and the discourse above, by Rory, made me think about that as we did walk, without care, holding hands all the time and before that night, it never occured to me to be afraid. It has taken me 20 years, and I am now 49, but I am in love and the man I am in love with is in love with me. Yes, it has taken me 20 years to open myself back up to even the idea of loving someone else and being able to see myself as worthy of being loved. It's has most joyously and rapturously happened, though. I, we…wish one day to be married, not just to declare our love for each other and to commit our lives to each other amongst friends and family, but to offer hope..to make a statement. I see small miracles in my story My surviving..waiting, doubting, feeling guilt, abstaining, etc..as it all has built up to the now, and the "now" daily blows me away. I feel so extraordinarily fortunate. Perhaps much too much. Undeserving of this chance. I am taking it though like it might be my last, as it just might be my last. So, Harry, to read your comment makes me feel such joy and hope for those younger than you and those younger than I. It is people like you who paved the way for people like me and people like me, and PJ (and my companion, Diego, who is open enough and loves me enough to understand and appreciate what I went through and go through and has infinite patience, with me), who have paved the way for people younger than we. I am so proud of you as though I don't know you, I know you. Thank you for sharing with us all and I wish you and your husband! You make me proud to call myself a 'human being'! ~ Gary
sarmadasco Thank you for sharing your story,Gary! I too have a lot of joy and hope for the younger generations. I can imagine nobody who more deserves a long and happy life than you. I also wanted to make a statement. We were married by the mayor of our city, in Meadville PA in the city park in front of the county courthouse. We had 30 close friends and family (Blaine has 7 brothers and sisters, who came from all over the country) and my sister and her husband flew in from Germany to surprise us. They just showed up at the front door the day before the wedding! I was a beautiful day I am very lucky to have been with my love since the night we met in 1981 and we still are celebrating THAT anniversary on March 6. It will be 34 years this year and our love still continues to grow! You, Gary are the true HERO to have walked through the fire and led the way for all of us! Thank YOU!
well then recognise that people will always fight for civil rights where they are lacking, distract yourself with other things until the referendum and please vote yes even if you're not that opinionated on it personally, because your vote can stop discrimination from staying enshrined in our unfit for purpose constitution. Dont get bored-read other shit first before you get referendum fatigue!
I'm 17, never been in a relationship (because in still in the closet), and I'm already fed up with it. I see the most loving gay couples get harassed by people whose relationship only exists because the girl has a nice butt or something.
Thankfully the world is getting a lot better (thanks to speeches like this). The difference between 15 years ago and now is amazing! Once you get more comfortable with yourself it all goes a lot smoother. Especially when you find other LGBTpeople around you! Hope your Comming out will go smoothly!
John Nelson Trust me, once you accept yourself, and are proud of who you are, there's nothing to stop you anymore. Image a brick wall, and you bring proud is a wreaking ball. It tears right through it and allows you to see the sun on the other side.
Just read your comment now, five years later. I hope the world for you has changed. We have far to go but hoping it's now a little easier to be unapologetically you. ❤️
As a straight person I am very lucky to do those little things carelessly. I'm looking forward to the day everyone cannot do so without a second thought. For all those who can't yet feel safe or comfortable, you have my full support and love.
Although I praise , VERY much, your choice to use the pronoun appropriate for a transitioning MTF, I'd say he probably is more trying to make it OK to be a him, in drag...I realize this wasn't pointed out...but based on the talk, I would say the point was more that he is ok being he, and looks fem to challenge the gender norm...rather than actually medically transitioning....most fluid/non binaries want use "they/them"...but this isn't my gut feeling in his/their case...just FYI
@@whatthe1274 no. The TED Talk was given by Panti, a drag character, a "she". If Rory O'Neill went up there in his male guise and talked then "he" would be appropriate. But drag queens are usually addressed as their character, which is a woman. (Drag kings would be referred to as "he" as they are women dressed in drag to present as men). As a general rule, one can always ask. But one can always research too. Just to make sure I was giving you correct info, I Googled and found this tweet from Panti/Rory years ago: Dr Panti Bliss-Cabrera @PantiBliss Feb 18, 2014 If senators refer to me as "she" how come some newspapers can't? It's really not that hard. Panti/she Rory/he. (newspapers take note) And there is your answer.
Panti Bliss is right! It is the small things, and they begin to add up. Christmas Eve my partner buried his grandmother. I was so upset. Not at the passing of my partner's grandmother but the fact that every time I went to my partner's side to console him, I couldn't, I couldn't give him a hug, or wipe his tears or even just let him cry and hold him. I was so ashamed of myself for caring enough about what others thought and viewed our actions to actually take action. I wanted to go and show my support but every time I did, there was voice saying don't, what will they think? we will make them uncomfortable. Coming from a small town in Westmeath where everyone almost knows each other and are brought up with different morals I found it incredibly hard to stay away or get close. Torn between the two. I realize I shouldn't be ashamed and I shouldn't have hesitated but it is easier to say than to do when surrounded by people that may have a problem with who you are. It is important to get this idea through and well done to Panti Bliss who gave a well articulated and interesting, and hopefully eye opening talk on the issues that surround the LGBT community.
My favorite little thing is checking the box marked Married and not Single. I am 56 and tired of putting up. When people know I'm a lesbian, they also see a sex act. The sickest part is they see themselves having sex with us. It's creepy. Some men have tried to do just that. While gay have taken so much more hate and violence, bless you all, us lesbians deal with our share of hate in different ways and do often feel brushed aside partly for just being female. Thanks you for acknowledging that. Thank you Miss Bliss for all your hard work and wonderful humor.
there is a gay couple at my college and they act exactly like a stereotypical straight couple would if not more so they sit in each others laps and hug each other from behind in the lunch line and that makes me SO DAM HAPPY no one gives them any shit and no one treats it any different from any other daily occurrence. I will admit it did draw my attention the first time i saw them but thats only because I've NEVER seen any other gay couple be so open in public like it was a normal thing WHICH IT SHOULD BE and i ended up thinking WHY THE ACTUAL FUCK is it not the same EVERYWHERE ELSE
I'm trans and have been discriminated against, sexually harassed and bullied in the work place, stalked by haters with death threat for months on end with only forced response by police after going to states attorney office, attacked and hospitalized for doing nothing other than being me. I a veteran and work nursing I consider myself a kind compassionate person.
I have only the vaguest recollection of working with Panti as an English teacher in Tokyo more than 20 years ago, but I'm proud to have even the slimmest of connections to such a brave and eloquent person. I grew up naive and cloistered in Dublin and 20 years ago was like "Mary in Wicklow", guilty of passive homophobia, not knowing how to react on meeting an openly gay person. But I and, thankfully, the world have moved on a good deal since then. Not yet far enough but, with the help and insight of people like Panti, we'll get there.
On a totally unrelated note, how was it teaching in Tokyo? Being from the UK the thoughts I hear from immigrants is by and large positive (except for the food and the weather), but I've seen a lot of UA-camrs that work or have worked in Japan (mainly English teachers) saying that not only do they struggle to fit in but they actually hate living and working there. I can't deny I have some interest in visiting and possibly one day living in Japan, the culture there fascinates me, but a lot of the UA-camrs apparently moved to Japan with if anything even more admiration for the country than me, and ended up regretting the decision. I hope it's a mixed bag and not everyone has this issue, when I look at Japan I think 'this looks like a country where westerners could mix well'. I've actually heard people say more positive things about living in Iran or the UAE than I have Japan, despite the comparitively strict laws that exist there.
Really touched my soul. I'm going to be 55 in a week, I've been putting up with this shit longer and I applaud this fabulous person for saying what's been on the tip of MY tongue for decades! BRAVO!
So succinctly said! Most heterosexual don't know of the little things LGBT people have to put up with and quietly watch what they say or do in public while they can freely and unthinkingly express themselves in public.
I remember Panti from years back when she hosted Drag Bingo at The George in Dublin. She's been a fixture around the city for years, and even back then, her fiercely independent nature was so inspiring to us. I am so happy to see that Panti/Rory O'Neill is still advocating, inspiring and challenging us to be a better human race through her words and deeds. Bravo, Panti.
My brother and his partner of over 30 years recently married here in Ireland. That was one of the most beautiful moments of my life and I was so proud of my country that at last, legally at least, they were given equal rights to us straights. It still does n't mean that they can hold hands or kiss in public and not have the shit kicked out of them. I just can;t understand where this hate come from??
I agree with you, but just thought it was funny that your comment proves so easily what they were saying, gays holding hands is actively observed and as such becomes a commentary... good or bad being openly gay shouldn't be a social commentary
Oh I don't expect it to change completely within a few generations, it's still a hard hitting post that simply because of the gender someones holding hands with it changes in people's minds so significantly, yet so many don't notice the change at all
Sadly that's true. But like she said, he is 45 years ago. That day may not come in her lifetime, for her to be exactly who she is and yet be anonymous in public. So she is not going to wait anymore. She is going to live the life she wanted, whether society is ready or not. And that is a very brave thing to do!
I had never heard of Panti before I saw this video and frankly it is, I think, the best Ted talk I have ever heard. It never occurred to me that all those little things we take for granted are closed to gay people and I think it's outrageous that it should be so. I must say one thing that LGBT people would not like though, and that is: It is up to YOU to educate us straights. YOU are in the minority so are pretty much unknown to most people. People always fear the unknown and fear brings aggression and violence. As I told my paraplegic boyfriend years ago, I don't know what it feels like to live in a wheelchair, I don't know what you need or how you want me to act towards you and around you. It's not up to me to learn these things, it's up to you to teach me. Panti is doing that in her articulate and powerful but friendly way, and I greatly admire her for doing so. Thank you.
The misunderstanding is that a lot of people don't know what a drag queen is. Regardless of your political posturing on whether or not a trans person deserves to identify with a gender role that has not been assigned to them, that has nothing to do with drag queens. Drag queens are characters, both Rory and Panti exist as two separate entities, one of them is a fictional character created by Rory (and others). If you're going to have a hissy fit over whether or not Panti deserves to be called a woman, you might as well start protesting over Darth Vader being called Darth Vader instead of David Prowse, James Earl Jones, Hayden Christensen and all the other people who have played the 'Character' of Darth Vader over the years.
I have to disagree: It's up to everyone to educate everyone else about anything they don't know, and also asking, wanting to know, to be willing to understand, learn, apply and therefore being able to support anyone who needs it. Personal experiences help a lot, but often no one talks about it or has the opportunity to do so. School, public education and media also have to play a big role here, like this talk.
I have no words to express how impressed I am by your speech. One of the best speeches I have ever heard. I am 45 years old now and I totally agree with you. Thanks a lot for sharing this. Best wishes.
Powerful and unfortunately so true! It's smtg we tend to forget as gays, that we are 24/7 being alert, scanning our environment for any homophobia we might come across. It's a second nature which starts to emerge as soon as we realize we are different and gay. Life is not fair to those who happen to be born gay with their first major crisis during their teens because they have to come out. I wonder if any straights realize what a difficult start lots of gays have in life, solely on the fact that they are gay and society feels to need to pigeonhole those "out of the ordinary". I leaves me with great sadness that the world is still an unsafe place for gay, where in some countries you can still be killed just for who you are. How much longer are we accepting to be treated like second hand citizens?
not only for gay.. its.. almost all oppression.. like. when you learn that people want to murder, assault and legalize you out of existence.. that shit will never go away... and you dont know whether that nice person will hate you when you,well become visible. you dont know whether the new potential chef sees you and decides that, nope, they wont employ a black person, or a muslim.. and that the 50th time and it just gets deeper and deeper.. and.. it fucks ones brain up.. did they change seats because of me? do they stare at me hatefully or is it just a case of resting bitchface? do i get really ignored for 10 minutes in the shop or does that cashier always talks with customers despite seeing me wait for minute... it.. its always there, coloring all impressions, always the question.. did it happen because I am ____? what gives me away.(in cases of something less visible)
I have to admit when I saw this guy I groaned because as a gay man I thought: "oh another flamboyant gay". However, when he started talking I realized that I agreed with everything he was saying. All of it is absolutely true. I do have to put up with these little things every day and I hate it. Respect to this guy for not putting up with this shit anymore.
+George Jones as part of the queer community, i am very against categorizing gays. flamboyant gays, masculine gays, any kind of gay... we're all queer. if we're divided by "how gay we are" then we have nothing. don't throw feminine gays under the bus for the sake of being a "good gay"
+George Jones i'm not saying you have to like them. but writing someone off and acting like they're less worthy of respect because they're a 'flamboyant gay' is the exact kind of dehumanization Panti is talking about in the first place
VoyagerOne Just to be clear I would never dream of mocking someone in person based on their appearance or voice, I'd form my own opinion of them as time went on. However, just as a basis I find flamboyant men annoying whether they be gay or straight.
This literally is so true my dads gay and has a husband and I never really thought they were not able to enjoy there relationship and being able to do what they want together without being judged! When ever I'm out with them I want them to hold hands and be proud but let anyone say anything to my dads because you know what I love them and as long as there happy I'm happy and I wish someone gives us a look because I love them and they should be able to live life and normal like everyone else because there is No difference and that's why I love them!!!!!!!
I don’t have the proper words to say thank you. This encompasses everything I’ve tried to articulate to my straight loved ones my entire life. Thank you Panti! Thank you for the words and thoughts that helped create this masterpiece.
I found myself nodding throughout the whole video. To many struggles against prejudice, there is both a legal and social component that must be won. The former is largely accomplished here in Canada and many parts of the Western world, but the latter is still in its infancy everywhere.
Wow, Panti you said it all in 20 minutes. We should use this as an educational tool across all grades and ages. It is perfect, on point! Thanks Lady Bunny for the link.
This speech blew my mind. This was awesome. It described so many things I've wanted to tell people just SOOOOO many times. I was teary through many parts of it.
I'm not sure straight people will ever get it, 99% of them simply lack the imagination. No facts about gay life, no ability to reason about it, and certainly no ability to put themselves in our shoes. They've never been challenged in that way, so they have never developed the skills needed to deal with it, or even understand that it might be an issue.
Tony Berno In time, people are becoming more understanding of these issues, particularly younger people. Not so much people that are older than us, but definitely people that are younger. Younger people are looking at sexuality in a much more fluid way than people of our generation ever could. People are starting to not care about whether someone is into men or women. The amount of changes I'm seeing through younger people has been nothing short of miraculous. And let's not forget how much different things are now compared to just 20 years ago. 20 years ago, the idea of gay marriage was a pipe dream. The idea of openly gay politicians was a pipe dream. The idea of an openly gay professional football player was totally unheard of. The idea of gay people being able to serve openly in the military... unheard of. We've made so many strides. We can continue to do such in the future. I'm very positive about the future in these regards.
This really makes me reflect on the privilege that I have and don't even realize. I can't even imagine having to think about all of my surroundings before I hold the hand of my significant other. The fact that people in this world have to do this just shows how far we still are from equality. Although we have made great strides, there is still so much ignorance that prevents even more change. This video should be watched be everyone.
That is so heartbreaking. Everyday wanting to show simple affection towards the one you love but having fear instilled in them before one can even show it. I'm sorry for every moment ruined.
Hatred always stems from some sort of fear, some kind of insecurity. I try to pity people who are full of hate and anger, but it get's so hard to show compassion and understanding for those who refuse to try and give the same back.
I've been watching this regularly for about six years. It keeps me grounded. I still struggle with my self image and self worth and being a member of the LGBT+ community does not make it any easier.
Apart from those whose homophobia is so deeply ingrained that they can't even watch a 20 minute video of a drag queen, I think Panti does an incredible job of showing straight people who haven't had much interaction with gay people that they are, as she so eloquently put, "just as ordinary, nice and annoying as all of you people".
I always try not to notice but I can't help smiling when I see a gay couple holding hands or cuddling etc. Because I'm a gay teen from a small homophobic, rural town and it gives me hope.
Recently started identifying as gay, and this is the first truly eloquent speech on the matter that didn't make me want to throw my computer against the wall. Very impressed.
I have never been more inspired. As a straight woman, I don't understand what you are going through, but I understand courage, I understand being at one with oneself and I admire your power of choice. I just wish that people will find the power of choice and just BE
Panti delivers a well thought out and reasoned point of view here. The fact that it's intelligently spoken does nothing to diminish it's emotional impact. I've never thought the differences were so easily explained and understood. This talk is amazing, I truly recommend it to any human that wants to understand why gay people should be equal under the law. She's done something truly amazing here and deserves all the credit we can give her.
Thank you for telling your (my, our) story so well, in such an articulate manner, and with such strong compassion. I've watched and listened to many scholarly talks from some of the most gifted and respected speakers and this talk found it's way to the top of that list immediately. Please continue to do what you clearly have a gift for doing. The younger generation needs your wisdom. The world needs it. Thank you again.
Panti always telling true stories in the best and most passionate way. Straight people couldn't imagine the constant second-guessing and hesitation gay couples, and gay people in general, have to face almost every day of their lives. It's not fair when people who don't even know you think they have the right to be vocal about what's wrong (in their ignorant view) about your life. Hopefully, the world can change. Great TED talk.
Little by little, thank goodness. But I don't know if I'll ever experience a completely calm feeling walking down a random street holding my partner's hand. That's the tragedy.
WOW! That was an amazing portrayal of how even in a society that seems for the most part to be accepting, minority groups still face challenges, discrimination, and oppression. Massive thumbs up to Panti Bliss for this beautiful, inspirational, and well-thought out talk.
WOW!!! I had no idea you existed Panti, and now all I want to do is hug you and hold your hand. I love it when myself and my partner go to Seattle, NYC and San Fran and hold hands. I totally hear what you are saying Panti. I have no idea just how oppressed we were until you reminded us. God Bless you sweet person you are.
So brilliantly told. It was no easy feat to let go of such shame, struggle, and deep fear of judgment. And to heal from the deep pain. These words have been affirming and healing. So thank you, Rory and Panti.
I was blessed with a very loving family, great friends and a lot of self esteem when I came out in the early 90's in a very catholic city in in Germany. However, I still can relate to everything Panti says. And though I know that things have improved a lot for LGBT in Europe and most of the western countries, homophobia still is a big issue- not only here, but especially in places like Russia, let alone Islamic states. So thank you, Panti, for speaking up and explaining this complex topic in a few simple words- Bravo!
Great talk! it really vocalized a lot of the thoughts and feelings i have had over the years in a very coherent and passionate way, From this speech and other actions Panti is a remarkable person, i hope she goes on, in both drag and not, exactly the way she is without compromise, im only 21 but im fed up too!
What a fantastic speaker. Amazing insight, wonderful case-building, undeniable declarations. Brilliant (and beautiful), admirable, pride-inspiring, and truth-telling: Panti is my hero.
A beautiful outpouring! The passion in that voice brought me to applaud it while watching this in my own living room. I'm from Johannesburg, South Africa, and although we have a government headed by a very homophobic president that's still wrestling with what it views as a horrifically progressive constitution, I can walk in most public places in the larger cities without receiving much more than a confused glance or murmured whisper from an onlooker. However, we are still an amusement and viewed as an oddity in even some of the most liberal places in the world and this makes me very sad. Sometime I wish I was straight just so I could know what it feels like to be accepted as normal.
So very poignant. Just brilliant. I love love in any form and it saddens me that a talk like this is even necessary. I've noticed that the people who have viewed this video are people who didn't really need to hear this truth. My wish is that it will touch the hearts of those people who DO need to hear it. xox
One of the best TED Talks I've seen. How can any homophobe watch this and not change their views? It's so simple; it's so simple to think in a way that is logical.
One of the Best Ted Talks I ever heard. Kudos to Panti for her intellectual, elegant and candid speech! She is right; I never thought of myself as homophobic or discriminate against Gays but Panti put it in perspective for me because I realize now that I do every now and then glance at gays holding hands, not out of homophobia but because of the thought of their sex lives behind closed doors. I subconsciously think about it however, I never think of myself as homophobic because I have for a long time accepted gays. I am glad to have listened to this talk because now, I have to tell myself that they are just being-Human Beings!
Little things done without thought - but as soon as they become deliberate, they become a political act. I love that and completely agree. Such a great talk!
This speech is extremely powerful and in the context it is said is a way for people to sit up and listen without becoming defensive on the actions they may do or the thoughts they may have about the LGBT community. It also reinforces that there is still a way to go before equality actual means equal! xx
Hi, Panti/Rory/Your Majesty, High Queen of Ireland :) - i have sent you an email but am also hoping you'll read this comment. I have written a song about this very topic - LGBTQI folks feeling unsafe even holding hands in public. I hope you'll consider recording it AND performing it at the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras this year. (I was there on Fair Day of last year, and performed my marriage equality song, as well as one about reparative therapy). Thank you for all you do for our community...maybe one day we'll just all be human beings -- no 'labels' -- just real people! hugs 2 u!
So eloquent! I'm fed up too. I spent 63 years "knowing" that I would never be married, but last September after 33 years together, my husband and I were married! Today I was finally able to list my husband as HUSBAND on my hospital record when I went in to get blood tests. The little things! I can't wait for the next census. :) human being.
congratulations xx
Congrats!
Hey Harry - good on you - you guys sound like me and my husband of many years too. Baby steps, I guess.
Harry Laube Sir, you just made my day! I was the victim, with my partner of 5 years, of a gay bashing 2 decades ago. I survived with a crushed skull, jaws and scars, emotional and physical, everywhere. My partner, PJ, who came to help me immediately, was shot in the head while I was still getting up from being pistol whipped, and died in my arms 8 minutes later. When we were bashed, we were holding hands and in the Gay Pride Parade, in West Hollywood, 3 weeks later, the parade stopped at the bottom of our street and a delegation, more or less, walked up the block to "our" home, off S. Monica BLVD to give me the banner they had been carrying throughout the parade, which stated "No One Should Be Killed for Holding Hands, Remember PJ and Gary"…and the discourse above, by Rory, made me think about that as we did walk, without care, holding hands all the time and before that night, it never occured to me to be afraid. It has taken me 20 years, and I am now 49, but I am in love and the man I am in love with is in love with me. Yes, it has taken me 20 years to open myself back up to even the idea of loving someone else and being able to see myself as worthy of being loved. It's has most joyously and rapturously happened, though. I, we…wish one day to be married, not just to declare our love for each other and to commit our lives to each other amongst friends and family, but to offer hope..to make a statement. I see small miracles in my story My surviving..waiting, doubting, feeling guilt, abstaining, etc..as it all has built up to the now, and the "now" daily blows me away. I feel so extraordinarily fortunate. Perhaps much too much. Undeserving of this chance. I am taking it though like it might be my last, as it just might be my last. So, Harry, to read your comment makes me feel such joy and hope for those younger than you and those younger than I. It is people like you who paved the way for people like me and people like me, and PJ (and my companion, Diego, who is open enough and loves me enough to understand and appreciate what I went through and go through and has infinite patience, with me), who have paved the way for people younger than we. I am so proud of you as though I don't know you, I know you. Thank you for sharing with us all and I wish you and your husband! You make me proud to call myself a 'human being'! ~ Gary
sarmadasco Thank you for sharing your story,Gary! I too have a lot of joy and hope for the younger generations. I can imagine nobody who more deserves a long and happy life than you. I also wanted to make a statement. We were married by the mayor of our city, in Meadville PA in the city park in front of the county courthouse. We had 30 close friends and family (Blaine has 7 brothers and sisters, who came from all over the country) and my sister and her husband flew in from Germany to surprise us. They just showed up at the front door the day before the wedding! I was a beautiful day I am very lucky to have been with my love since the night we met in 1981 and we still are celebrating THAT anniversary on March 6. It will be 34 years this year and our love still continues to grow! You, Gary are the true HERO to have walked through the fire and led the way for all of us! Thank YOU!
I'm 23 and I'm already fed up with it.
well then recognise that people will always fight for civil rights where they are lacking, distract yourself with other things until the referendum and please vote yes even if you're not that opinionated on it personally, because your vote can stop discrimination from staying enshrined in our unfit for purpose constitution. Dont get bored-read other shit first before you get referendum fatigue!
MrRobynLover Don't worry, I will. It's not available in my country yet though.
my mistake, assumed you were based in Ireland while assumption makes a ass of u an I! :)
MrRobynLover I like to visit Ireland.
Me2
holding hands for gay couples isn't thoughtless but is considered and weighed. Struck the nail on the head!
I am tired too. And you are wonderful. Thank you
Wayne Goss 😘😍
Love your work man! ;)
I'm 17, never been in a relationship (because in still in the closet), and I'm already fed up with it. I see the most loving gay couples get harassed by people whose relationship only exists because the girl has a nice butt or something.
Thankfully the world is getting a lot better (thanks to speeches like this). The difference between 15 years ago and now is amazing! Once you get more comfortable with yourself it all goes a lot smoother. Especially when you find other LGBTpeople around you! Hope your Comming out will go smoothly!
John Nelson Trust me, once you accept yourself, and are proud of who you are, there's nothing to stop you anymore. Image a brick wall, and you bring proud is a wreaking ball. It tears right through it and allows you to see the sun on the other side.
Ian Sutherland Wow that's deep
Just read your comment now, five years later. I hope the world for you has changed. We have far to go but hoping it's now a little easier to be unapologetically you. ❤️
That's the best 20 minutes I've spent in years. Thanks so much.
Craig, it really is amazing to sit back and listen to someone pour out your own thoughts.
HUGS!
As a straight person I am very lucky to do those little things carelessly. I'm looking forward to the day everyone cannot do so without a second thought. For all those who can't yet feel safe or comfortable, you have my full support and love.
You mean "can do so" right?
Such a lucid, fluent and focused construction of important ideas. Thank you, my dear.
One of the best talks I've ever heard. She speaks the truth.
+George she... yeah fucking right....
Panti identifys as a female......
+Ken Morris
It's whatever man, let it be...
+mark vallely Actually Panti is Rory's drag persona :)
Smiles he
honestly one of the best speeches I have ever heard and the way she said it was absolutely mesmerising
Although I praise , VERY much, your choice to use the pronoun appropriate for a transitioning MTF, I'd say he probably is more trying to make it OK to be a him, in drag...I realize this wasn't pointed out...but based on the talk, I would say the point was more that he is ok being he, and looks fem to challenge the gender norm...rather than actually medically transitioning....most fluid/non binaries want use "they/them"...but this isn't my gut feeling in his/their case...just FYI
You meam he
@@whatthe1274 no. The TED Talk was given by Panti, a drag character, a "she". If Rory O'Neill went up there in his male guise and talked then "he" would be appropriate. But drag queens are usually addressed as their character, which is a woman. (Drag kings would be referred to as "he" as they are women dressed in drag to present as men).
As a general rule, one can always ask. But one can always research too. Just to make sure I was giving you correct info, I Googled and found this tweet from Panti/Rory years ago:
Dr Panti Bliss-Cabrera
@PantiBliss
Feb 18, 2014
If senators refer to me as "she" how come some newspapers can't? It's really not that hard. Panti/she Rory/he. (newspapers take note)
And there is your answer.
Panti Bliss is right! It is the small things, and they begin to add up. Christmas Eve my partner buried his grandmother. I was so upset. Not at the passing of my partner's grandmother but the fact that every time I went to my partner's side to console him, I couldn't, I couldn't give him a hug, or wipe his tears or even just let him cry and hold him. I was so ashamed of myself for caring enough about what others thought and viewed our actions to actually take action. I wanted to go and show my support but every time I did, there was voice saying don't, what will they think? we will make them uncomfortable. Coming from a small town in Westmeath where everyone almost knows each other and are brought up with different morals I found it incredibly hard to stay away or get close. Torn between the two. I realize I shouldn't be ashamed and I shouldn't have hesitated but it is easier to say than to do when surrounded by people that may have a problem with who you are. It is important to get this idea through and well done to Panti Bliss who gave a well articulated and interesting, and hopefully eye opening talk on the issues that surround the LGBT community.
My favorite little thing is checking the box marked Married and not Single.
I am 56 and tired of putting up. When people know I'm a lesbian, they also see a sex act. The sickest part is they see themselves having sex with us. It's creepy. Some men have tried to do just that. While gay have taken so much more hate and violence, bless you all, us lesbians deal with our share of hate in different ways and do often feel brushed aside partly for just being female. Thanks you for acknowledging that.
Thank you Miss Bliss for all your hard work and wonderful humor.
I'm 72 and I'm fed up too. I know exactly what she's saying. Cheers to her! And to Rory O'Neill .
he
This should be required viewing for EVERY HUMAN. This is one of the best orations I have ever had the privilege to hear. Thank you.
100% agreed
While I understand and appreciate the sentiment you are implying, I don't know that forcing people to watch something is the right thing to do.
Asking for permission TO BE is destructive in and of itself for anyone! Making someone else's problem your problem is self-defeating. Excellent talk!
there is a gay couple at my college and they act exactly like a stereotypical straight couple would if not more so they sit in each others laps and hug each other from behind in the lunch line and that makes me SO DAM HAPPY no one gives them any shit and no one treats it any different from any other daily occurrence. I will admit it did draw my attention the first time i saw them but thats only because I've NEVER seen any other gay couple be so open in public like it was a normal thing WHICH IT SHOULD BE and i ended up thinking WHY THE ACTUAL FUCK is it not the same EVERYWHERE ELSE
Reading this makes me so happy
I'm trans and have been discriminated against, sexually harassed and bullied in the work place, stalked by haters with death threat for months on end with only forced response by police after going to states attorney office, attacked and hospitalized for doing nothing other than being me. I a veteran and work nursing I consider myself a kind compassionate person.
I have only the vaguest recollection of working with Panti as an English teacher in Tokyo more than 20 years ago, but I'm proud to have even the slimmest of connections to such a brave and eloquent person. I grew up naive and cloistered in Dublin and 20 years ago was like "Mary in Wicklow", guilty of passive homophobia, not knowing how to react on meeting an openly gay person. But I and, thankfully, the world have moved on a good deal since then. Not yet far enough but, with the help and insight of people like Panti, we'll get there.
On a totally unrelated note, how was it teaching in Tokyo? Being from the UK the thoughts I hear from immigrants is by and large positive (except for the food and the weather), but I've seen a lot of UA-camrs that work or have worked in Japan (mainly English teachers) saying that not only do they struggle to fit in but they actually hate living and working there. I can't deny I have some interest in visiting and possibly one day living in Japan, the culture there fascinates me, but a lot of the UA-camrs apparently moved to Japan with if anything even more admiration for the country than me, and ended up regretting the decision. I hope it's a mixed bag and not everyone has this issue, when I look at Japan I think 'this looks like a country where westerners could mix well'. I've actually heard people say more positive things about living in Iran or the UAE than I have Japan, despite the comparitively strict laws that exist there.
Mesmerizing, well spoken and very beautiful.
Really touched my soul. I'm going to be 55 in a week, I've been putting up with this shit longer and I applaud this fabulous person for saying what's been on the tip of MY tongue for decades! BRAVO!
Panti is the so called Queen Of Ireland 😁😁
So succinctly said! Most heterosexual don't know of the little things LGBT people have to put up with and quietly watch what they say or do in public while they can freely and unthinkingly express themselves in public.
This was just remarkable. I even shed a tear. Thank you very much.
I remember Panti from years back when she hosted Drag Bingo at The George in Dublin. She's been a fixture around the city for years, and even back then, her fiercely independent nature was so inspiring to us. I am so happy to see that Panti/Rory O'Neill is still advocating, inspiring and challenging us to be a better human race through her words and deeds. Bravo, Panti.
My brother and his partner of over 30 years recently married here in Ireland. That was one of the most beautiful moments of my life and I was so proud of my country that at last, legally at least, they were given equal rights to us straights. It still does n't mean that they can hold hands or kiss in public and not have the shit kicked out of them. I just can;t understand where this hate come from??
As a gay Muslim I can totally relate to that. 😞
❤️
I hope all we get better for you!
Fuad foad me too
why are you Muslim then? I shed faith when I was 30 years or so. Faith is lying, harmful and misguided. Nietzsche is much smarter than Jesus.
The holding hands thing is changing big time. I've seem couples around Cork doing it more lately and fair play. Great to see !
I agree with you, but just thought it was funny that your comment proves so easily what they were saying, gays holding hands is actively observed and as such becomes a commentary... good or bad being openly gay shouldn't be a social commentary
Totally agree but you can't really expect a whole society to change overnight it takes times unfortunately.
Oh I don't expect it to change completely within a few generations, it's still a hard hitting post that simply because of the gender someones holding hands with it changes in people's minds so significantly, yet so many don't notice the change at all
Sadly that's true. But like she said, he is 45 years ago. That day may not come in her lifetime, for her to be exactly who she is and yet be anonymous in public. So she is not going to wait anymore. She is going to live the life she wanted, whether society is ready or not. And that is a very brave thing to do!
I had never heard of Panti before I saw this video and frankly it is, I think, the best Ted talk I have ever heard. It never occurred to me that all those little things we take for granted are closed to gay people and I think it's outrageous that it should be so. I must say one thing that LGBT people would not like though, and that is: It is up to YOU to educate us straights. YOU are in the minority so are pretty much unknown to most people. People always fear the unknown and fear brings aggression and violence. As I told my paraplegic boyfriend years ago, I don't know what it feels like to live in a wheelchair, I don't know what you need or how you want me to act towards you and around you. It's not up to me to learn these things, it's up to you to teach me.
Panti is doing that in her articulate and powerful but friendly way, and I greatly admire her for doing so. Thank you.
With all due respect, lovely comment and all.. But Panti is a man
+Patrick M Panti's alter ego Rory O' Neill is a man. Panti is a woman.
The misunderstanding is that a lot of people don't know what a drag queen is. Regardless of your political posturing on whether or not a trans person deserves to identify with a gender role that has not been assigned to them, that has nothing to do with drag queens. Drag queens are characters, both Rory and Panti exist as two separate entities, one of them is a fictional character created by Rory (and others). If you're going to have a hissy fit over whether or not Panti deserves to be called a woman, you might as well start protesting over Darth Vader being called Darth Vader instead of David Prowse, James Earl Jones, Hayden Christensen and all the other people who have played the 'Character' of Darth Vader over the years.
I have to disagree: It's up to everyone to educate everyone else about anything they don't know, and also asking, wanting to know, to be willing to understand, learn, apply and therefore being able to support anyone who needs it. Personal experiences help a lot, but often no one talks about it or has the opportunity to do so. School, public education and media also have to play a big role here, like this talk.
But unborn babies are not deserving of a human life? double standards mate.
I have no words to express how impressed I am by your speech. One of the best speeches I have ever heard. I am 45 years old now and I totally agree with you. Thanks a lot for sharing this. Best wishes.
Powerful and unfortunately so true! It's smtg we tend to forget as gays, that we are 24/7 being alert, scanning our environment for any homophobia we might come across. It's a second nature which starts to emerge as soon as we realize we are different and gay. Life is not fair to those who happen to be born gay with their first major crisis during their teens because they have to come out. I wonder if any straights realize what a difficult start lots of gays have in life, solely on the fact that they are gay and society feels to need to pigeonhole those "out of the ordinary". I leaves me with great sadness that the world is still an unsafe place for gay, where in some countries you can still be killed just for who you are. How much longer are we accepting to be treated like second hand citizens?
not only for gay.. its.. almost all oppression.. like. when you learn that people want to murder, assault and legalize you out of existence.. that shit will never go away... and you dont know whether that nice person will hate you when you,well become visible. you dont know whether the new potential chef sees you and decides that, nope, they wont employ a black person, or a muslim.. and that the 50th time and it just gets deeper and deeper..
and.. it fucks ones brain up.. did they change seats because of me? do they stare at me hatefully or is it just a case of resting bitchface? do i get really ignored for 10 minutes in the shop or does that cashier always talks with customers despite seeing me wait for minute...
it.. its always there, coloring all impressions, always the question.. did it happen because I am ____? what gives me away.(in cases of something less visible)
Firmicute s you're dead on.
entschuldigu
The thing about holding hands as a gay couple couldn’t have been more true, this is exactly how it is. Well spoken og beautiful, thank you!
3 years later and this is still a remarkable speech to watch. Be proud of who you are!!
8 years after also!
This speech is what I’ve been trying to tell people for years and just couldn’t find the right words. Thank you!
I have to admit when I saw this guy I groaned because as a gay man I thought: "oh another flamboyant gay". However, when he started talking I realized that I agreed with everything he was saying. All of it is absolutely true. I do have to put up with these little things every day and I hate it. Respect to this guy for not putting up with this shit anymore.
+George Jones as part of the queer community, i am very against categorizing gays. flamboyant gays, masculine gays, any kind of gay... we're all queer. if we're divided by "how gay we are" then we have nothing. don't throw feminine gays under the bus for the sake of being a "good gay"
+George Jones i'm not saying you have to like them. but writing someone off and acting like they're less worthy of respect because they're a 'flamboyant gay' is the exact kind of dehumanization Panti is talking about in the first place
I agree in the media, it seems as if because we are gay that we have to be "feminine" and super flamboyant, but it's not true and I am sick of it
VoyagerOne Just to be clear I would never dream of mocking someone in person based on their appearance or voice, I'd form my own opinion of them as time went on. However, just as a basis I find flamboyant men annoying whether they be gay or straight.
i just dont like that in the media people think that all gay guys are flamboyant
This literally is so true my dads gay and has a husband and I never really thought they were not able to enjoy there relationship and being able to do what they want together without being judged! When ever I'm out with them I want them to hold hands and be proud but let anyone say anything to my dads because you know what I love them and as long as there happy I'm happy and I wish someone gives us a look because I love them and they should be able to live life and normal like everyone else because there is No difference and that's why I love them!!!!!!!
Aww good for them!
I don’t have the proper words to say thank you. This encompasses everything I’ve tried to articulate to my straight loved ones my entire life. Thank you Panti! Thank you for the words and thoughts that helped create this masterpiece.
I found myself nodding throughout the whole video. To many struggles against prejudice, there is both a legal and social component that must be won. The former is largely accomplished here in Canada and many parts of the Western world, but the latter is still in its infancy everywhere.
Good for you! I'm not gay or homophobic. I applaud your honesty and respect your right to live your life without being fed up.
Wow, Panti you said it all in 20 minutes. We should use this as an educational tool across all grades and ages. It is perfect, on point! Thanks Lady Bunny for the link.
This speech blew my mind. This was awesome. It described so many things I've wanted to tell people just SOOOOO many times. I was teary through many parts of it.
BRAVO!
I'm not sure straight people will ever get it, 99% of them simply lack the imagination. No facts about gay life, no ability to reason about it, and certainly no ability to put themselves in our shoes. They've never been challenged in that way, so they have never developed the skills needed to deal with it, or even understand that it might be an issue.
Tony Berno I would put the percentage at around 75-85%, not 99%.
Tony Berno Please put me in the 1% of straights that actually DOES get it :)
Tony Berno In time, people are becoming more understanding of these issues, particularly younger people. Not so much people that are older than us, but definitely people that are younger. Younger people are looking at sexuality in a much more fluid way than people of our generation ever could. People are starting to not care about whether someone is into men or women. The amount of changes I'm seeing through younger people has been nothing short of miraculous.
And let's not forget how much different things are now compared to just 20 years ago. 20 years ago, the idea of gay marriage was a pipe dream. The idea of openly gay politicians was a pipe dream. The idea of an openly gay professional football player was totally unheard of. The idea of gay people being able to serve openly in the military... unheard of.
We've made so many strides. We can continue to do such in the future. I'm very positive about the future in these regards.
Such an important talk......
This really makes me reflect on the privilege that I have and don't even realize. I can't even imagine having to think about all of my surroundings before I hold the hand of my significant other. The fact that people in this world have to do this just shows how far we still are from equality. Although we have made great strides, there is still so much ignorance that prevents even more change. This video should be watched be everyone.
That is so heartbreaking. Everyday wanting to show simple affection towards the one you love but having fear instilled in them before one can even show it. I'm sorry for every moment ruined.
"It suits me, i am really good at it" BRILLIANT!
How am I just seeing this video? Absolutely perfect. So many things said that so many people need to hear. I love it!
Hatred always stems from some sort of fear, some kind of insecurity. I try to pity people who are full of hate and anger, but it get's so hard to show compassion and understanding for those who refuse to try and give the same back.
I watched this so many times this is an amazing speech this should be more recognized this for me is one of the greatest speeches of the 21st century
I've been watching this regularly for about six years. It keeps me grounded. I still struggle with my self image and self worth and being a member of the LGBT+ community does not make it any easier.
Apart from those whose homophobia is so deeply ingrained that they can't even watch a 20 minute video of a drag queen, I think Panti does an incredible job of showing straight people who haven't had much interaction with gay people that they are, as she so eloquently put, "just as ordinary, nice and annoying as all of you people".
I always try not to notice but I can't help smiling when I see a gay couple holding hands or cuddling etc. Because I'm a gay teen from a small homophobic, rural town and it gives me hope.
Powerful.
Recently started identifying as gay, and this is the first truly eloquent speech on the matter that didn't make me want to throw my computer against the wall. Very impressed.
A brilliant speech from Panti Bliss. I am in awe!
I've watched this four times in a row already...absolutely brilliant speech
I have never been more inspired. As a straight woman, I don't understand what you are going through, but I understand courage, I understand being at one with oneself and I admire your power of choice.
I just wish that people will find the power of choice and just BE
Shivers all over my body... I haven't heard anyone such well spoken and so articulate in their words ... I related every part of the speech
Powerful message. Thank you so much!
Only bit she's wrong about is when she says she's ordinary and unremarkable. That lady is damn incredible.
Panti delivers a well thought out and reasoned point of view here. The fact that it's intelligently spoken does nothing to diminish it's emotional impact. I've never thought the differences were so easily explained and understood. This talk is amazing, I truly recommend it to any human that wants to understand why gay people should be equal under the law. She's done something truly amazing here and deserves all the credit we can give her.
Thank you for telling your (my, our) story so well, in such an articulate manner, and with such strong compassion. I've watched and listened to many scholarly talks from some of the most gifted and respected speakers and this talk found it's way to the top of that list immediately.
Please continue to do what you clearly have a gift for doing. The younger generation needs your wisdom. The world needs it.
Thank you again.
Panti always telling true stories in the best and most passionate way. Straight people couldn't imagine the constant second-guessing and hesitation gay couples, and gay people in general, have to face almost every day of their lives. It's not fair when people who don't even know you think they have the right to be vocal about what's wrong (in their ignorant view) about your life. Hopefully, the world can change. Great TED talk.
Little by little, thank goodness. But I don't know if I'll ever experience a completely calm feeling walking down a random street holding my partner's hand. That's the tragedy.
WOW! That was an amazing portrayal of how even in a society that seems for the most part to be accepting, minority groups still face challenges, discrimination, and oppression. Massive thumbs up to Panti Bliss for this beautiful, inspirational, and well-thought out talk.
WOW!!! I had no idea you existed Panti, and now all I want to do is hug you and hold your hand. I love it when myself and my partner go to Seattle, NYC and San Fran and hold hands. I totally hear what you are saying Panti. I have no idea just how oppressed we were until you reminded us. God Bless you sweet person you are.
How wonderful to hear something that comes so close to my own feelings as a 52 year old gay man... full of pride!
Its so true , every lgbt person goes through that every single day , you can't even imagine
This was one of the most awesome and eye opening speeches I have heard! Everyone should listen to this👍🔥🔥
So brilliantly told. It was no easy feat to let go of such shame, struggle, and deep fear of judgment. And to heal from the deep pain. These words have been affirming and healing. So thank you, Rory and Panti.
I was blessed with a very loving family, great friends and a lot of self esteem when I came out in the early 90's in a very catholic city in in Germany. However, I still can relate to everything Panti says. And though I know that things have improved a lot for LGBT in Europe and most of the western countries, homophobia still is a big issue- not only here, but especially in places like Russia, let alone Islamic states. So thank you, Panti, for speaking up and explaining this complex topic in a few simple words- Bravo!
Excellent speech. Eloquent and heart-felt.
That was amazing!!
Great talk! it really vocalized a lot of the thoughts and feelings i have had over the years in a very coherent and passionate way, From this speech and other actions Panti is a remarkable person, i hope she goes on, in both drag and not, exactly the way she is without compromise, im only 21 but im fed up too!
Hold hands unless it's dangerous. Making a statement now will make it so that a, few years from now, gay couples won't need to.
Powerful words indeed..
We are first class taxpayers, but second class citizens..
Thanks for the generosity, to stand up so courageously. May your life be filled with peace and joy!
This is a hell of a speech! I'm so proud of that human being!
Way too powerful!! 🙌🙌🙌🙌
I am 51 and I hear you. I am a human and I am being me! Brilliant and so articulate.
What a fantastic speaker.
Amazing insight, wonderful case-building, undeniable declarations.
Brilliant (and beautiful), admirable, pride-inspiring, and truth-telling: Panti is my hero.
This was awesome. Thank you for everything you are doing for us x
I cannot believe how similar we are in age and thought...
Thank you for this amazing speech - it is exactly how it is.
Thank you!!! XX
Wow, that was incredible, thank you so much Panti.
What a wonderful heartfelt honest talk. And yes I too am fed up. If you haven't watched the talk then please do.
I am 65 years old and so exhausted there are times I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Powerful and so true, beautiful speech.
Amazing talk!!! Thanks so much Panti. Love from Australia!!!
Panti is a fantastic public speaker. This was such an amazing video!
A beautiful outpouring! The passion in that voice brought me to applaud it while watching this in my own living room.
I'm from Johannesburg, South Africa, and although we have a government headed by a very homophobic president that's still wrestling with what it views as a horrifically progressive constitution, I can walk in most public places in the larger cities without receiving much more than a confused glance or murmured whisper from an onlooker. However, we are still an amusement and viewed as an oddity in even some of the most liberal places in the world and this makes me very sad.
Sometime I wish I was straight just so I could know what it feels like to be accepted as normal.
Marvellous speech! Panti Bliss continues to be an inspiration.
So very poignant. Just brilliant. I love love in any form and it saddens me that a talk like this is even necessary. I've noticed that the people who have viewed this video are people who didn't really need to hear this truth. My wish is that it will touch the hearts of those people who DO need to hear it. xox
One of the best TED Talks I've seen. How can any homophobe watch this and not change their views? It's so simple; it's so simple to think in a way that is logical.
One of the Best Ted Talks I ever heard. Kudos to Panti for her intellectual, elegant and candid speech! She is right; I never thought of myself as homophobic or discriminate against Gays but Panti put it in perspective for me because I realize now that I do every now and then glance at gays holding hands, not out of homophobia but because of the thought of their sex lives behind closed doors.
I subconsciously think about it however, I never think of myself as homophobic because I have for a long time accepted gays. I am glad to have listened to this talk because now, I have to tell myself that they are just being-Human Beings!
Very touching speech. So beautifully executed.
Weird, how some people complain about gays being sexually loose, but also don't like for them to have the right to marry, to make a commitment.
This is SO beautiful! It is so important that we all understand how much putting up with is being done.
This is gorgeous
Little things done without thought - but as soon as they become deliberate, they become a political act. I love that and completely agree. Such a great talk!
I'm fed up!!
This speech is extremely powerful and in the context it is said is a way for people to sit up and listen without becoming defensive on the actions they may do or the thoughts they may have about the LGBT community. It also reinforces that there is still a way to go before equality actual means equal! xx
Well Done. You go girl. Absolutely fucking fabulous speech. We need more people like you in the world.
Hi, Panti/Rory/Your Majesty, High Queen of Ireland :) - i have sent you an email but am also hoping you'll read this comment. I have written a song about this very topic - LGBTQI folks feeling unsafe even holding hands in public. I hope you'll consider recording it AND performing it at the Sydney Gay and Lesbian Mardi Gras this year. (I was there on Fair Day of last year, and performed my marriage equality song, as well as one about reparative therapy). Thank you for all you do for our community...maybe one day we'll just all be human beings -- no 'labels' -- just real people! hugs 2 u!