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Is the cure for loneliness hiding in your closet? | Mollie Kaye | TEDxSurrey
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- Опубліковано 12 лип 2024
- In this engaging talk, Mollie Kaye, with a charming vintage flair, shares a transformative initiative - dressing up every Tuesday to connect with strangers. Exploring the profound impact of small interactions, she delves into the dangers of loneliness and the significant health benefits of meaningful connections.
Through personal anecdotes and research insights, Mollie encourages the audience to break free from the fear of being noticed, offering a simple solution: wearing a noticeable item in the "Hello Zone" as a conversation starter.
The talk emphasizes the power of extending warm social connections, providing a compelling call to action for viewers to embrace their uniqueness, engage with others, and positively impact their well-being and the community.
Mollie Kaye, a multifaceted professional, battled isolation as a single parent working from home. Four years ago, she initiated "Turned-out Tuesdays," donning attention-grabbing mid-century ensembles, sparking conversations and enhancing her well-being. Mollie delves into scientific findings on social isolation's dangers and the health benefits of connecting with strangers. In a world facing unprecedented challenges, she advocates for adaptability through meaningful conversations. Mollie's experiment highlights the vital role of in-person connections, urging collective efforts to foster community in the face of increasing isolation. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
I did an experiment based on this talk. Every day, I ride my bicycle around my neighborhood. If someone else is out, I almost always have to be the first to say something.
However, after hearing this talk, I wore a large flower in my hair while bicycling, and almost every single person I saw said ‘good morning’ to me first. Amazing!
I typically don't wear make up, but just recently started wearing some lipstick now and then, and I noticed a dramatic difference in how many people smile at me and even strike up a little conversation. I think it's that "giving people permission to say Hi" that she mentioned about in the video.
Nice! I used to put a flower on the side of my bike helmet :) There are flowers you can clip to your bike too & those are always fun! 🌸
@@user-ry1vi1jc7o No harm in wanting to look our best! We feel better and people we encounter react as well. It shows self respect that is sadly lacking in just about everyone these days.
@@user-ry1vi1jc7o I never would have guessed that it could be this simple.
@@davidcattin7006it’s not abt looking good. It’s about connection and being noticed so she can engage with others. Pretty cool. Bridge building to share lives with strangers. This is powerful as life has changed after Covid.
"We are terrified to be noticed, but dying to be seen" Such straightforward yet unheeded thing. 👏🏻
That was amazing
I think we’re terrified to be noticed but dying to be heard.
That statement describes how I live my life. Yet I know that I’m seen, known and loved by my Creator.
Yes I don’t feel that way at all
It's on 09:31, if anyone want to know.
“YOU are the special occasion. Dress for it!” Great line!
Right! I dress up daily, someone asked Where's the party?
I said, I am the party, without thinking about it.💃 & I'm an older woman, if that's relevant to you.
That was a WOW phrase!
That is great
Absolutely…I’m taking the challenge. Thank you.
@@cherrybomb2600love that!!
I supervised covid test sites during the pandemic. I interacted with thousands of people but made very few meaningful connections because I was a ghostly apparition covered from head to toe with PPE. Then I broke my glasses. I normally go for practical eyewear but when I saw a pair of bright, rainbow colored frames I had to buy them. I needed some fun and color in my life after a crushing year filled with heavy loss. The difference those glasses made was life changing. Even in the PPE I stood out and became 'the lady with the glasses.' Worried faces brightened up when they saw me and conversations about things other than covid and illness became more common. Now bright, fun eyewear is my signature look. I stand out and I interact with my fellow humans more than ever.
Your story perfectly illustrates the concept. I myself recently noticed that people smile and want to talk with me when I’m wearing a cute hat. Little did I know that I was upgrading my “hello zone!”
I love this!! You are awesome!!
Perfect example, what a wonderful story!
That’s wonderful!
Wonderful idea!🙂
I loved your Ted talk. I’m 82 and often seniors feel unheard and unseen. I started a You Tube channel, Fashionista At 80 as a diversion to get me through the loss of my spouse. The idea was to show women of a certain age how to present themselves in a positive way so that they are seen and heard. All of this done with minimal expense because the items were thrifted. Saving money and the planet. I’ve taken a break from YT but u r encouraging me to get back to it. Thanks so much.
Faith in what can be, unburdened by what is.
Subscribed❤
Cute... Beautiful and LIVELY. ❤ Subscribed. ✨
63 and subscribed😊
First my condolences to you and your family! Thank you for sharing your story I look forward to seeing your page because I just finished listening to an audiobook called The Authenticity Project by Clare Pooley where one of the characters was encouraged to create something similar. Keep inspiring others to look and feel their best! 💜🫂
I was fired from my job April 5, 2024, 20 days before my 64th birthday. I had a group conspiring against me and they managed to lie and get me fired. I worked retail and have plenty of dress clothes. I decided since I own them, I may as well wear them. I can admit to getting compliments on the regular, no matter if I’m in the grocery store or the doctors office. I am still in the process of looking for work. It hasn’t been easy. Keeping up with my appearance keeps me uplifted and positive. I feel that my future is looking bright, and I will keep my head held high.
Have faith that the Lord will give you a better job. It happened to me. I will pray for you.😊
@@mariapopovich8246Thank you for your thoughtful and kind response🙏
Good luck! 🐞
@@marthavillegas6250 🙏thank you🙏
The same thing happened to me, let's choose to be happy and win. 💥💥💥
"I made myself disappear, & nobody ever found me". Pathos! Touched my heart.
Mollie is absolutely right. I turned 60 in the middle of a long lockdown. Confined at home, I looked around at all the things I'd been saving "for good" and I decided that Good Has Arrived. For the rest of the pandemic, we used the Good china, the Good silver, and we dressed up for dinner by candlelight (the Good candles, of course). I wore my Good jewelry for virtual meetings, and when we were allowed back in the office, I wore my Good shoes every day. The compliments and connections that followed were amazing - and it turns out that wearing my Good clothes is just plain fun. Good Has Arrived, and life is Good.
Yes! I realised the same thing, I had so many beautiful clothes and other household things I hadn't used, and unless I was going to live to a hundred I would never get to enjoy them. So I enjoy using my nice things and wearing my nice clothes. My daughter and I have a collection of vintage clothes from the 40s, 50s and 60s like Mollie's and we wear them to dinners and parties and weddings.
Wow! I love your comment… a beautiful example of the energetic lift we get from the aesthetic choices we make in how we adorn the table, adorn ourselves… and celebrate life. So happy you’re enjoying that! 😀😁
Great share! Thanks!
@@namirra1256 Thank you !...Well said Shuug !
@@SueRosalie Good for you ! Enjoy your life...NOW !
I think the moral of the story here is not “dress better”, but rather “embrace your inner weirdo”. I have a little dog that I take everywhere with me, and she has definitely improved my social life for much the same reason.
This! When I had my dog I was stopped by total strangers all the time.
I love talking to people with dogs, there's almost an understanding that a dog means conversation - at the beach where I go, there's always a lady with dogs alone who sits at the cafe and everyone just chats to her. she is alone in the world. but she's not lonely.
Bless ,a little dog draws us all together 😊😂
@@jodyhowells1518 :) mine was a great big Irish Setter! I called her a man magnet :)
I had a little dog named Little Dog. He brought many people into my life until his time on earth was done.
Part self care, part public service. This is an excellent talk, thank you!
Great point about the self care. For many years, even before the dark times of the pandemic, there was a general decline in dressing. Even worse after we were isolated. But when you make a point of smartening yourself up a bit, you tend to feel better.
@@judyjohnson9610you don't have to be fancy or smart, just do something different.
A cute character on sweatpants is still something can can provide connection. Silly animal slippers or a hat
@@aazhie Thank you but I don't present myself in public in sweatpants or slippers.
Because of my high risk as a pneumonia/sepsis survivor with damaged lungs, I was on medical lockdown for the first 2.5 years of the pandemic and never went out or saw anyone. It was terrible, I got crazy with online shopping just to give me something to look forward to, opening packages, a few times a week! I spent the first two months at home in loungewear, with no makeup, jewelry, etc., but it just made me feel much worse. As soon as I went back to dressing better each day, even though I never saw anyone, it lifted my spirits tremendously. Plus, I have lots of beautiful, as well as comfortable, clothes, I might as well enjoy wearing them every day, whatever I’m doing. Now I only wear very casual clothes for exercising, I really don’t feel like me in them. Don’t save your best clothes for special occasions that might never come, use and enjoy them, even if alone at home! I’m going to wear my white silk dress today.
🥰🥰🥰
Beautiful! Being alive is the "special occasion"! :)
Perfect!
Yessss!
Today is special, just like you!
My mother had many illness including cancer, after a fall she became less mobile so unable to get out much, but she dressed everyday as if the Queen was coming to tea. Some days she was alone all day but she still made an effort to look good. She was amazing.
A cashier at my grocery store is an older lady who always wears a colorful blazer with a matching hat and brooch. She looks fabulous and she makes me smile in the morning before I head into work.
At the beginning of COVID, at the stores, no one spoke or made eye contact At All.
@@BeckyFarkas-he1cjI didn't have that experience at all, but people were pretty freaked out
Tell her!
@@SacredActivist Before masks, the store ran out of bleach,
hand sanitizer and Yeast
Brought my own bags, butrseé mmmmm
At my local Home Depot, there used to be a fabulous older lady who wears a crazy amount of bling. It’s a fabulous conversation starter and no one ever forgets her!
This woman restored my lost afinity for tedex talks. She made my day
That's it Regina, isn't it? I've gotten really bored with boring-looking presenters. Mollie is so engaging!
@@katannyadirkson6147 and it's so relatable!
"Being splendid wasn't just keeping me afloat it was lifting others" 🥰
As someone who has bespoke hawaiian shirts, I can confirm that wearing something unusual gives you a way to start small-talk.
I still have my hawian shirt from the 70's! I think I'll pick a day & wear it 🏵
I love Hawaiian shirts. I lived in Hawaii for a year.
Eames is that you? Hahaha on a serious note I love that!
I purchased vintage 60s Hawaiian shirts for my 20 something sons for Christmas and they loved how unique it made them feel to wear them. Yes a conversation starter!
My husband left me for a woman 25 years younger than me,I started doing this and have never looked back 😂❤
The notion that I am blocking my own potential social interactions because I am not signalling that I am open to interaction with not just friends and family but strangers has really got me thinking.
Thank you, I so enjoyed your talk.
I went into my local shopping square yesterday, I made a little effort, I put on my make up, dressed casually but with a little care, thought about my handbag and shoes even which shopping bag to take, should I wear the pink jacket or the navy fleece ? I wanted to connect with people, just a smile, or a chat about the weather.
There were one or two but not many smiles and no one wanted to chat.
What is wrong with people out there, is life really so difficult so problematic, I had the feeling that some calamity I didn't ' know about had befallen the world surely it wasn't Sunday night's football results.
I went home with my bag of seed compost and packets of seeds for company.
I live in a prosperous community, it really is not that bad folks.
I hope I have more success then next time I am out and about. Come on you people out there, give me a little smile next time
@@junecaine2500😊❤ sending you a big 😃
@@junecaine2500 Keep going. Not every time is going to be a winner, but not playing guarantees none.
I took up ballroom dancing a little over a year ago and the studio I chose had weekly practice parties. During those parties, I noticed things that would make me less likely to approach someone to ask for a dance: looking at their phone (or otherwise avoiding eye contact), eating, talking in a closed circle of other people, etc. And afterward I noticed myself doing those things in other situations. I decided to stop doing those things when I noticed myself doing them, and magically people started talking to me. It seems that I was shutting people out without even knowing I was doing it.
Then I took up juggling and started practicing in public. People started appearing out of nowhere to talk about it. Even other jugglers!
What a unique, fun way to make such a profound difference in our lives! Last week I wore a very colorful vintage dress. A woman stopped her car and rolled down her window to say how much she loved my dress!! It's been sitting in my closet for 2 years! I'm definitely wearing it again to make other peoples' day. Thank you
I wear dresses every day! I wear hats! I smile! I pick litter in dresses. I talk to people and compliment them. Yea, I practice mutual appreciation!
So life giving to those around you to give sincere compliments.
I am a physical therapist assistant, and I love shopping at Thrift stores. One day I came across a shirt that was very pretty and had butterflies all over it and it was brand new it still had the tags on it. I almost didn't buy it because I thought "this doesn't look like something I would ever wear", but I decided to buy it. Every time I wear this shirt to work I get so many people smiling at me and telling me how much they love my shirt. It made me realize how much of an impact things like that can have on people and I now choose my clothes differently❤
Hooray!! I’m so glad you understand how much more connection we can find when we dare to have flair. 😊😊😊
How many times have I Not bought a new outfit because it wasn't Navy blue.
There’s a saying, “ When you look good, you feel good, and when you feel good, you do good..” meaning “ you do good things”.
My daughter has always been amazed that her mom, me, talks to everyone! I can’t even stand in the grocery line without starting a conversation with the person behind me. I have purple in my gray hair. Young people love it! My clothes are purely me and I’m telling you it makes all the difference.
As a child, when I was out with my mother I would cringe because she would engage anyone and everyone in conversation. I find myself now doing the same thing, lol.
Hi, great show... I am 73. I grew up in the era of hats, gloves, handbags and dressing when going out. At work i wear a uniform, but always wear a vintage pin and earrings. On my days off, I dress completely. Full outfits, jewelry, hamdbag, often a hat. In winter, my coat sports a large vintage pin and i wrap up in a beautiful scarf. People notice. My feeling is, I'm not looking at me, you're looking at me, so why don't I give you something beautiful to look at. People notice, I've even had kids say something. And I love the attention and talking with people. So you are right about the "Hello" zone. Thank you, Mary
💝🙏🏻💝💞
Mary you keep rocking it every day girl. Spread the joy and show young women what they are missing in vintage feminine fashion❣️
"YOU are the special occasion. Dress for it." Oh my gosh, who is this rock star, diva queen badass ? Mollie Kaye, you are a movie star dancing queen. This talk made my day. 🧚♀ 💃 👩🎤 🧝♀ 👸
Amen
The message is: BE KIND AND BRAVE ENOUGH TO PEOPLE BY GIVING FELLOW STRANGERS AN EXCUSE TO START A CONVERSATION WITH YOU.
As a teacher who taught Voc Ed to “America’s Indigent”, whenever they were sent on a job interview, I made them dress nicely; going over the top if they wanted to. You wouldn’t believe the emotional and psychological change they underwent. It was as if they needed that to jumpstart their positive thinking.
If you look important, you will project important. Everyone should up their dressing game any time they leave the house!
What she is saying is spot on! ...and her presence on stage, how she structured her talk, she's a pro! ...and oh, that killer look! Love everything about this talk!
"We are not meant to fit in, we are meant to stand out."
Turns out that relationships are the number one factor playing on our health. The relationship with yourself and others
Love this comment - v thought provoking for me thank you!
So true
My husband and I both love vintage clothing from the 1920s, 30s and 40s. Not only do we wear our clothing to the many swing dances we attend, we wear our clothing to church or anywhere we want to feel dressed up. I also have several pairs of vintage glasses frames, and wear them as my regular glasses. We also live in the south, so talking to strangers, and smiling and saying Hello, is just something we all do anyway. My mother would strike up conversations with people everywhere she went. And I guess I get that from her.
"Where's the party?". "I'm the party!".
I recently told a lady in line at the pharmacy that she looked great in her outfit, it was so pretty and well put together. She told me it made her day, which made mine! It also started a conversation with everyone in that long line, they wanted compliments, too, women and men. It was so much more friendly and fun than those usual interminable, boring waits in queues. I always smile and say hi to everyone, it makes me and them happy. I realized that as I got older, that what feels like my neutral expression actually looks more like a frown now that gravity has begun its work. I always made eye contact, but wasn’t a smiler; now I am, it makes an enormous difference in one’s apparent approachability. I’m a happy person, love people and other animals, being out and about in the fresh air, so why the heck not? It might take a bit of reminding oneself at first, but it becomes a habit and is so worth it.
😊I am a librarian and forget to give a smile to every patron I see, getting so caught up in what I am doing…your comment here has made me vow to smile at every single person I see today! Thank you, and have a happy day! 😀
"I realized that as I got older, that what feels like my neutral expression actually looks more like a frown now that gravity has begun its work." Wow. Quite right, need to remember this.😃
Yes, yes the smile otherwise I look pissed off
I get noticed, so I try to go under the radar , people just feel your energy, but then they seem to want to dim my energy , so at 71 I have decided that the best way to shine is to shine around strangers, I don't get involved with groups, they drain my energy, yet going out in public for a couple of hours smiling at people is uplifting, as long as I have enough time recharging on my own ( I’m 71 )
Just pushing 70 and I totally agree with you. I have a nicer and more genuine quality time with strangers than I do with family or close relations.
You seem to make a lot of excuses.
I'm with ya!
@@nicolegodin1057 I totally understand. There’s not a lot of room in my life right now to invest in new friendships but I just love my morning walks and greeting everyone with a cheery ‘good morning’. Great start to my day.
@@karlabritfeld7104 judge much? You don’t know her, you don’t know her experiences. That comment was completely unnecessary.
I love it! I'm a California girl living in New England and have never felt so isolated in my life. It's not easy to make friends. I think I will, besides talking a strangers, make myself feel great by dressing up. Thank you so so much for encouraging me.
Yes! It is a bit harder up here in New England (I'm in VT part of the year and NC the other part). I am excited for you to experiment. May it brighten your mood and your connections.
Time to join a book club, volunteer at the local school, or church or for seniors, join a hiking group. Do a guided tour as if you are a tourist. You need to put yourself out there. I am a Mainer and moved out of state for 16 yrs due to my husband’s job, then moved back to Maine 8 months ahead of my husband. It was difficult to reconnect but music, crafts, gardening, etc got me reconnected.
Clothes can affect your mood. After retirement I got busy every day before getting dressed, sometimes not getting dressed until almost dinner time. I started to notice being happier when I got dressed for the day. And I decided to start wearing the clothes and jewelry I saved for special occasions. I’m so much happier and relaxed. I go out of the house more and my people interactions have also improved! Dress up, stand out! Love this talk! ❤
Wonderful!! I’m so happy to hear this. 😊
Early in my then 40 yr old daughter’s 2nd chemo, I added a teal streak to my silvery salt and pepper hair. Soon thereafter I noticed that any time I was out and about, comments such as “like your hair”, “nice hair”, “love your blue” began. The comments came from young and old, teenage boys as well as teenage girls (I lived near a small high school); people of all ages will smile and pay my hair a compliment. Smiles beget smiles. My daughter has gone through much and is in remission. My hair continues to have that teal streak and the comments and smiles continue.
@@eleanorpollack5433so wonderful to hear! 😁
I went to a vintage fair recently and saw a woman dressed in the most amazing 40s get-up I had ever seen, I was mesmerised! I wish I had been brave enough to tell her how awesome I thought she looked!
Never hesitate to give a sincere compliment. Never fear when someone compliments you. We tend to demur; all you have to do is say "thank you." Regards from Indiana!
People really treat you differently when you dress nicely.
We had scarf day once a week at work and it was such a happy, social day.
We had hats day once at school and it was an unusual bright day. I never saw such beautiful hats students and teachers were wearing like in a fairy tale.
I have about 29 unworn scarves in my dresser drawer!!!😂😂😂🎉🎉🎉
Those kitten heels are everything!! What a fantastic ensemble of visibility and courage!
Love kitten heals!
Ha, in the day, they were called pumps.
I started wearing T-shirts with positive messages on them. They've helped initiate a lot of nice interactions, as well as several deep, healing conversations.
I love this! The outfit is stunning! The clothing of the 1930’s, 1940’s, 1950’s, & 1960’s fashion is beautiful.
My
Mother sewed & had a stunning figure…was always elegant & made sure we were…glad I saw this.
"You are the special connection - dress for it." Somebody just one-upped Aunt Mame!!!!
I'm considered elderly. I have an aggressive form of arthritis. I had to start exercising included lifting weight. I started to look good. I have always loved costume jewelry and bright colors. I discovered wild colored leggings and shoes. It makes me happier. I know it is not considered appropriate. I also have very long hair which I keep my original color. Exercising and staying slim does work to slow arthritis and pain. It is a win win. Thank you for this talk and being you.
Don't eat any of the nightshade family: potatoes, tomatoes, eggplant, red, green, and yellow peppers. And chocolate, breads, peanut butter. Maybe coffee? Change to organic. Keto diet also helped me tremedously to cut down on inflammation and pain: No carbs and no sugar. I use Swerve and Stevia instead.
I used this technique throughout college and my twenties by wearing t-shirts with funny sayings or pictures. They were mostly from Threadless, a website that lets individual artists submit their work, so it was fun to wear uncommon designs.
One of the best interactions I had was at a low-key house party in my twenties: I wore a shirt with a drawing of a glass case that holds a fire extinguisher, with the usual phrase written on it, "In case of fire, break glass." But inside the glass case was not a fire extinguisher, but rather a stick with a marshmallow on the end. Throughout the party, people around me would unexpectedly cry, "Oh, I get it!" It was one heck of a conversation starter 😄
Have you noticed strangers in the suburbs talk more easily to each other than in the cities???!! Sometimes just a cheery "good morning sunny day today" to a total stranger lifts up my mood like crazy!!
Friendly acknowledgment works really well in the city, too.
I’ve lived in both environments and can safely say in a busy city you’d go crazy (and look it) if you said hi to everyone whereas in a quiet place it’s more rare to see people and almost awkward if you don’t say anything.
Omg, this makes total sense why every time I take my dog out in her stroller, people stop and want to chat, and tell me about their dog (sometimes memories of their pet)! My dog is a conversation starter, an approachable way to connect with another person! It doesn’t have to be clothing, jewelry, or hats…it could be crazy colored-hair, fancy nails, a unique tattoo, or even a dog. Being observant of other’s unique qualities will lead to conversation if you let it!
I avoid people with crazy colored hair
yes, 5 year olds should not talk to strangers, but 70 year olds like me? Nope. I'm an introvert and "cold" talking to folks is hard for me. Post retirement I have 2 part-time retail jobs (indie bookstore and non-profit thrift store) that bring nice folks into my zone and I realize how healing it is to have even a 60 second interaction with a friendly human. I think for those of us who live alone and feel the aloneness at times it's truly life/soul saving. I now realize that my blue glasses and kind of hip short hair that both bring me lots of positive comments are my "permission" items. Thank you Mollie for affirming that for me, vintage sister!
Yay!! 😁😁😁
You are so right. Every single day I dress nicely and always wear red lipstick. Even just to be home by myself. Looking good makes you feel better.
I love to see a woman wearing red lipstick!
Are you aware that red lipstick was one of the few items that went rationed during World War 2 ? Food was rationed. Shoes were rationed. Gas was rationed. Red lipstick wasn't rationed.
I love this TED talk. I dress in bright colors every day, even when I don't leave my apartment. I'm 70 years old and have pink, blue and green hair. I talk to anyone and everyone, even if it's just to say hello.
I wear bright red Doc Martin-style floral boots with flowy dresses. My boots make people look up to see who would wear such quirky whimsy. When our eyes meet, I smile and they compliment my boots, sparking that connection. I'm also a busker (street performer) and often, it's the chats I end up having that truly matter more than the tips; chats with people who enjoy what I do, or are curious about my autoharp, as many have never seen one. Or many who are down on their luck and simply need a listening ear and a loving heart.
This is why I like having a dog to walk. You make friends easily with a dog.
Such sage advice! I was once dressed very nice for attending a day wedding and got to the venue early. I went to the museum across the street to spend time until the event. Everyone treated me like royalty. It was so obvious that my clothes opened doors!
I love this! I work at home and feel very isolated at times. On top of that, I live in a rural area (by choice after living in a big city for almost 20 years). I've been considering going to a local coffee shop on a weekly basis, now I'm going to do it AND dress up for the occasion! Thank you!
Best of luck with this ❤
Yes I do it as well, even when I'm not in the mood to do that.
I saw a gorgeous women in the ring at the dog show I used to go every year. She was wearing a royal blue suit set with skirt and had beautiful fiery red/orange dyed hair, the contrast was stunning and I spotted her right away. I had to walk up to her after the show to compliment her on her style. She reply to me: “Thank you, actually you are the women who gave me that confidence to be more bold when I saw you here last year wearing your beautiful 50s dress with your teal hair showing your Great Dane in the ring.”
I agree with everything in that talk; daring to be different and bold and show up for yourself not only help to connect with others, it’s also contagious and it makes the world a better place to be :)
Thank you for this talk and Sharing this powerful message ❤
Faith in what can be unburdened by what has been
This actually made me tear up for some reason 🥺🥹
"Rock your style, and share a smile."
"Elect to connect."
Both great quotes! Thanks.
I dyed my hair. For whatever reason, I cannot yet embrace my gray hair. However, I alternate between blue, purple, and bronze. I love it and get stopped and complimented almost daily. I also wear LESS makeup and dress up just because it's any day ending in "Y"! Thank you for THIS!!!!😊
“Be Splendid!” I love that! This is the most encouraging TedX talk ever! Thank you🌸 from New Zealand
A very simple project, yet an extremely deep benefit ❤
Fact: We all feel uplifted and become productive when we dress better.
Oh!!! This Ted Talk made my day! I have more fancy clothes and accessories in my closet and drawers than anyone can imagine. Maybe it's time to pick a day and start wearing them. Thank you for such an uplifting talk!
Yes!! Dare to have flair!! 😁😁😁
Yup. I was always too introverted. Now, in my older years I just talk to strangers all the time and I’m happier and more optimistic. People usually respond in a positive way and they are a light in my day. I’ve let my wavy fuzzy white hair go wild, so I think that’s my bridge. And I smile a lot.
My most recent addition to the bridge, “Someone’s Feral Mama” on a tee shirt with a rainbow and a couple of daisies. Riding my motorcycle to visit veteran buddies to play cribbage and run errands to the store.
One thing I’ve done for decades, be kind to people who are serving me in some capacity.
If at dinner, greet the server with my name. Introduce everyone at the table. If they have time ask about them. Something like, what brings you to working here? Ask about their goals. Bridge the conversation that takes a few moments.
I always have extra money to leave a generous tip. Including leaving a kindness tip of saying their name and offering a smile with a light hearted joke.
I am likely the only person all day who acknowledges the workers name. Paid attention to them.
Same with people at the check out.
As an introvert and someone who is an aspiring author and speaker knows this helps me as much as it might the person I’m chatting with.
Back to funny shirt saying, as a tall mixed blond hair blue eyes nice looking human dressing up doesn’t stand out as much as a silly shirt that makes me happy. And, is a conversation starter. And, true with examples 😂
My biggest reason for being kind to people is for the sake of kindness. To see the persons face light up when I focus on them and use their name or include them with the group … I’ve had countless people over the decades tell me I’m the nicest customer they’ve ever had. One woman said in her decades as a waitress I was kindest.
It’s sad this is true. But maybe sharing at various times like I have someone else might begin this, too. And over time with practice make a difference in many people’s lives, too ❤
Your name is your glory.
🌻🌻🌻🌻🌻
Wow, I also get this often - that I'm their nicest, most pleasant customer 🫠💕
She is saying be you, it is interesting and makes the world better. Do what you love! Our communities need passionate people who are making them selves happy.
«If you would be a little more beautiful, I would have to call a police. Because it is illegal” this is a compliment I got from a stranger, she noticed my outfit, but for me I was just wearing a bright colour that suits me.
And the speaker is right - the warmth of conversation so important. I am European and always dressed up in my life, US is pretty relaxed me in that way. But I don’t give up. It is a power to be ready to be seen. ❤
@loving0u I love this! What a great compliment. Can I share it on my website?
Watching on a Tuesday before I get dressed. The world works in mysterious ways!❤
🎉💝🙏🏻💝🎉
Terrified of being noticed but dying to be seen …. Fantastically put!
Great talk. Thank you.
It works for dragging yourself up out of depression too, Mollie. Inspiring talk! Thank you.🙌🙌
I think this is the best TED talk I have seen. I regularly compliment strangers on their hairstyle or clothing. I started a few decades ago as a way to help overcome my severe shyness. I have always dressed to the beat of my own drummer, with many homemade clothing pieces in the mix. I was thinking of starting to dress historically as my next style; pioneer wear is my favorite, and it goes well with my daily chores, too. Maybe I will just have a whole range of vintage/historical wear to dress in.
I wear my own knitted shawls and they often start conversations with people. I have a LOT of shawls. 😊
I color my grey hair with purple, aqua, pink, blue - whatever I feel like - and every day I get to respond to, and exchange, compliments with strangers.
Ok I’m going to color my hair purple today.
❤ me too
I love bridging the gap for connection with something as subtle as the hello zone.
We definitely should dress up. During covid I started watching The Daily Connoisseur on yt and this is exactly what she talks about. She gave a Ted talk about the 10 item wardrobe years ago and I've tried to embrace that. Having good, quality pieces in our closet that we can mix and match and wear every day instead of waiting for special occasions. I no longer wear pajamas or athletiwear all day. I make a point to always be dressed and ready for the day. It makes a huge difference.
Thanks for this… I’ll watch her talk! 😁
I started watching The Daily Connoisseur during Covid, too! Her UA-cam channel and books changed my life 🥲
@@christiana_mandalynn She has definitely changed my life too! I look at the world and myself differently now.
This makes so much sense. I wore a skirt with a pink shirt and pink shoes to my doctor's appointment this week. I got compliments and cheery hellos. It was a good feeling.
My motto on a rainy day you gotta “pink it up!”
I love this! I loved playing dress-up as a little girl and I still love. I work at a charming resale boutique. Everyone there knows I like bright colors and bling (sequins, etc.). I dress up in those items each time I go to work and the women LOVE it. It engages all of us in conversation, and is so much fun. It enhances your life:). Great talk!!!
It took me 1 minute after watching this to go check my closet.
My aunt has been wearing these boho outfits eversince, and even before bohemian fashion was in fashion. It was awkward pointing this out to her. But we, her family, slowly realized, she was fun that way, we kinda looked forward to her outfits during parties, she was HERSELF that way. And even people outside of family would say, "Oh don't ever wonder about her outfits....she's the only one who gets away with it!" Cheers, Tita Lolet!
i dress this way every day and it absolutely skyrockets my confidence, i have a ton of social anxiety and it really help me have a spring board of conversation with people. it makes me want to dress even more crazy whenever i get through a day wearing an outfit i was scared to out in. it's an amazing feeling
Sadly some people just wouldn’t get it. Some would think it’s a waste of money. Me i think it’s wonderful.
Love this idea!!! Im a mixture of a introvert and extrovert. I love being alone , but I also love visiting with people. When Im out shopping if I see someone wearing something I find pretty or unique , I'll always say something nice about it to them. They always love to hear it and we usually end up visiting a few minutes and / or find something in common. Wishing everyone a Awesome day!! 😀
Yes, I agree with this as in speaking with strangers can light up my day
Thank you! Wishing you the same 🙂☘️🙂
I can relate with every point you make. Sounds like we have some good balance in our lives :)
While checking out groceries at a store where staff turnover is high, I noticed how the pretty cashier serving me was attracting the attention of a handsome security guard at the exit. Whispered my observation to her and made her stammer and blush! Happy that I added some unexpected colour to her day 😊
Charisma is hard to define but you know it when you see/feel it. This lady has it.
Splendid talk! Many years ago when I was in my 30's I moved to a small town in KY. I was an outsider, but I kept on. In a couple years I made myself a pretty cotton dress. I loved that dress and wore it frequently, believing that it was very becoming on me. Sometimes I topped it with a cute straw hat. Later, an acquaintance who worked as a bank teller and always dressed very nicely, at least at work, told me that she envied me for my dress and hat. Later, I learned that I became known in the town as the "woman in the green dress."
I've thought of this over the years and always longed to dress how I really love, but I too fell victim to "invisiwear." This talk has really inspired me, and by golly, I'm going to find a pattern and make another really nice, becoming dress. I always felt so confident when I wore that dress!
Thank you Mollie!
As an introvert, I’m still choosing to make eye contact and act friendly towards others. It’s amazing and sad how many people can’t make eye contact or smile, even in return.
Or that can smile or make eye contact but don't want to for whatever reason!
I grew up in a small town where we spoke to everyone, a happy social atmosphere. We always waved to each other driving in our cars. In the city I still smile at people often and speak to people on walking trails, etc. Most people respond happily as yes, we are social creatures. Good for this lady!
Someone commented “classy lady.” I couldn’t agree more. I enjoyed your talk Mollie and am proud to have share the TEDx stage with you!
I’m 60…was a hardcore punk with a foot long Mohawk in the 80s…now I have hot pink hair & wear 50s style with victory rolls & scarves…I am severely disabled so my husband dresses me & styles my hair every morning no matter if I’m going out or not…I’m like a rock star when I go out…lots of people reacting❤️LOVE MY STYLE even have a pink wheelchair to match🦩🦩🦩
I love your outfit. Classy lady. I'm tortured with Anxiety and Depression so I don't go out. But we are social creatures. Thought I'd say 👋 ♥️✨️🇮🇪
A method that might help reduce anxiety and depression that free and fairly straightforward. Could even try right now, if you combine:
- maintained focus on a repeated sound and image only in your mind
- breathe full and steady inhales/exhales only through the nose
- allow the physical sensations of challenging emotions to fully run their course, if you can when they arise, to help process them
- avoid expectations from the process
- it helps to practice about five minutes every few hours
You might find it to be effective
Try going to a grow or aware meeting.
😊
@@proprgentthank you
I almost pulled over the other day and asked a woman if I could take her picture. She was absolutely splendid! She made my day! She was probably around 80 years old… I wonder if she watched your video or if she just dressed like that all the time, I hadn’t even considered actually doing it myself, living in a small Colorado mountain town. I’ve been wearing jeans and T-shirts for the last 40 years. But now I am going to pick one day a week and be splendid! Thank you so much for the wonderful Ted!
Fantastic!! I’m so glad you will take that initiative to go ahead and be splendid!! Enjoy 😊
Ditto….growing up in jeans n t shirts…never had the guts to really choose what styles I like..n since I’ve lost my husband….id really like to sew n find what I like…maybe one day I will….im tired of looking frumpy….i need to do for myself ..to make things cheerful..thankyou..🙋🏼♀️🌻
I’m going to have to ease my way in. It’s Ben 10 days since I watched the video. I did not do it last week but I will start this Tuesday, July 30. The only reason I’m posting this here is to perhaps hold myself a bit more accountable so that I actually do it! Lol.
Since covid in my community it appears to me that we all went from athletic/casual to just dumpy and shabby. This talk is inspiring to me to step-up a bit on my own appearance. Thank you.
Excellent! "Rock your style, and wear a smile!" Yes!
Thank you.
I dress vintage 1980s/1950s (those are the two funniest decades IMO with fashion) but I do it for myself. It makes me happy. I never considered that others seeing my weirdo get-ups were enjoying them too! I do get compliments. I make sure to compliment others as well.
I agree with this so much I am always told I “over dress” but lots of people engage with me and I love it xx
Never under dress honey. Shine on!
I smile the whole time while watching this. I've been dressing up just lately because I don't feel happy with what I see in the mirror anymore. I feel happy looking myself styled and all, and I feel it's what makes me more calm and grounded with all the distractions and stress in my life.
Yes, Enough with trends, unless you happen to love what’s currently “in”. Wear what you truly love and feel good in. Don’t be afraid to stand out. People really enjoy that. Think how colorful and fun the world would be if everyone wore their own style.
This was such a unique and fun presentation, and so helpful. What I like about her idea is that she doesn't have to start the conversation and be accused of bothering someone. She can just wait for someone to respond to her beautiful outfits. The people who want to talk to her are choosing to do so -- they see something they like in her.
Wonderful,refreshing,imaginative and uplifting take on connecting. I make my own jewelry and mend my clothes,collect hats and shoes and enjoy talking to strangers. So many good people out there. Thanks for the boost!
Wow… can we see your jewellery?
Love from India
I dress the way I want but have learned how to converse with people. I do it by getting to know them and listening to them. Active listening is life enhancing.
You are the special occasion, dress for it!
My great aunt Edie always wore something leopard and bright red lipstick - even into her 90’s!
This is the best Ted Talk EVER. Such great advice, delivered with grace & style.
What a beautiful, striking woman! This lovely lady is so approachable and makes so many incredible points! Right down to her posture, she looks relaxed, open, and confident, in a way that makes you feel like she is someone you would want to chat with 😊
Oh my gosh . . . I've been making it a habit to say something to at least one person every time I'm out shopping!
I bought a $12 gold colored knit hat with two pom-poms because I love Winnie the Pooh as you can tell and wore it all winter. It was such a conversation starter. I wanted to start wearing Winnie the Pooh headband ears. Honestly I learned this standing out by adding a Winnie the Pooh Bear to my Winnie the Pooh back pack has made so many people happy starts a conversation and it’s always positive so I am in.
This is what I’m talking about!! So happy you and those around you are getting smiles and connection!! 😁