Why the narcissist gets angry when you don't chase them

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  • Опубліковано 13 гру 2024

КОМЕНТАРІ • 253

  • @dreamguy2427
    @dreamguy2427 Рік тому +337

    “Some people are mad at you because they made the mistake of underestimating you. They threw you under the bus, and you survived.” - Steve Maraboli

  • @vacationeyes6430
    @vacationeyes6430 Рік тому +329

    In fact this is the ABSOLUTE BEST response to a Narcissistic discard. Just walk away. Don't fight for their validation/attention, don't expect an explanation, don't ask them questions.

    • @jamiet182
      @jamiet182 Рік тому +22

      💯 True

    • @youglowgirl2106
      @youglowgirl2106 Рік тому +27

      It is a blessing in disguise.

    • @steadypace1262
      @steadypace1262 Рік тому +8

      Good advice, now to work on it and I've got some work to do.😁

    • @kelvinsteelejr1181
      @kelvinsteelejr1181 Рік тому +5

      💯

    • @TheDevineFempress
      @TheDevineFempress Рік тому +7

      Say ok … and dip… this makes them come back…. Dangle the prospect and then tell them you’ll think about it… don’t argue don’t do anything….

  • @Lisa-t1n7l
    @Lisa-t1n7l Рік тому +114

    Narcs are so tiresome.🤮

    • @Freethnkr
      @Freethnkr Рік тому +12

      Very!!!

    • @steadypace1262
      @steadypace1262 Рік тому +1

      Yep 🛌

    • @scottoz7891
      @scottoz7891 11 місяців тому +7

      So exhausting to be them. .All those masks...That's why they sleep for days. 🤔⛈

    • @Freethnkr
      @Freethnkr 11 місяців тому +5

      @scottoz7891
      Staying in mask wearing acting roles can be extremely exhausting, I'm sure, plus they are deeply depressed hence the addictions and vices...

    • @scottoz7891
      @scottoz7891 9 місяців тому

      @@Freethnkr I see you went through this...🙌😊

  • @rochellet1333
    @rochellet1333 Рік тому +100

    Underestimating me has a lifetime of consequences.

    • @jrmin8422
      @jrmin8422 Рік тому +7

      🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

  • @KP-tn9cq
    @KP-tn9cq 11 місяців тому +58

    I was discarded a month ago. The first few weeks I was broken hearted. But it dawned on me in recent days that I’m so happy and calm and like myself again. He made me walk on egg shells and looked for a fight every day. He ended up discarding me and it made me feel rejected. But now that I think about it, not only was I way out of his league (he snagged me with that perfect lovebombing) but I didn’t even really like being around him. He was always in such a terrible mood, always mad at someone, always on edge and never gave a sh!t how anyone else felt. Why did I ever let this loser into my life?!! Life is good again finally!!!

    • @lauradelregno99
      @lauradelregno99 8 місяців тому +9

      Girl when a narc discards you... Rejoice!

    • @maureenbennett809
      @maureenbennett809 6 місяців тому +3

      Good for you! 💯

    • @tammyfitzgerald5336
      @tammyfitzgerald5336 5 місяців тому +2

      🎉🎉🎉🎉🎉❤❤❤

    • @judy39
      @judy39 4 місяці тому +5

      I think we dated the same guy! I was so out of his league and unintentionally illuminated all of his insecurities and faults. Exhausting relationship.

    • @ALSTCM
      @ALSTCM 4 місяці тому +2

      Omg I could have written all of that. I guess they’re all the same. I’m still in the early discard/silent treatment phase and struggling. Thanks for sharing your return to your happy and whole self. Looking forward to that.

  • @wmhhealth2018
    @wmhhealth2018 Рік тому +230

    This is exactly what happened in my most recent relationship. My ex initiated discard but it was actually a hoover and she asked me why I didn't fight for the relationship. I gave no response accepted the discard and walked away. I never chased her went no contact and have never spoken to her again.

    • @JackNance22
      @JackNance22 Рік тому +29

      Oof, that sounds like quite a narc injury, well played!

    • @paddyh6530
      @paddyh6530 Рік тому +26

      Exactly the same as me with ex female covert. I just ran out of legs, too many lies, too many deceits, too much abuse, too many infideities. Apart from a few months of love bombing had heartbreak for the next 8 years
      J ust had enough of the whole BS 'relationship'

    • @victorvondoom4882
      @victorvondoom4882 Рік тому +9

      I did the same! Same reactions from her

    • @craigy691
      @craigy691 Рік тому +16

      My wife soon to be ex done this to me once and I fought for our relationship and then I found her messaging another lad from work so she love bombed me and then 10 month later she tryed the same thing but I warned her I said don’t do this again and if you do I’m gone and once I go I go.. so I went and haven’t been in contact with her for 13 weeks and taking her to court over our child! The longer I’m away from her the more I have woke up and found out about narcissism

    • @GimDandy6696
      @GimDandy6696 Рік тому

      💪

  • @brentbaars8398
    @brentbaars8398 Рік тому +57

    Perpetual "gaming mode" is what stood out to me. Spot on. "What they really need is to watch somebody suffering in order to feel good."

    • @steadypace1262
      @steadypace1262 Рік тому +4

      Yep they are in mind-game mode 24/7.

    • @angelablaney4575
      @angelablaney4575 7 місяців тому

      Sickest entities walking about as 'humans'!! Devil worshippers! Don't ever stay once you know! Impossible! No contact is the only way!🙏🙏🙏🙏♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️♥️

  • @ShadowKing1993
    @ShadowKing1993 Рік тому +76

    Because deep down they know they're not worth chasing. You not chasing a narcissist is a big failure to them. But instead of admitting it's them they project their own self-hatred on you. Because they couldn't destroy you. They're unhealed children. I want a real woman. Not an emotionally damaged child. 😂 Don't ever chase them again. And do NOT fall for their hoovering. Its all a mind game to them.

    • @lilfairycupcake
      @lilfairycupcake 11 місяців тому +1

      bingo! directing their self hatred upon you. unhealed children is a very proper title. my ex, off and on narc gf of 8yrs made a very odd statement 3x during our relationship. right out of the blue she would say "sometimes i feel like a 3yr old". what a odd thing to say from a adult woman? i never replied, and was most likely the only truthful thing ever uttered from her lips. at that time i knew nothing about how a narc operates, their mindset; but now that im fully schooled on the subject, i fully understand everything, including her odd statement.

    • @lastthingsministry
      @lastthingsministry 4 місяці тому

      ​@@lilfairycupcakethey do tell on themselves from time to time..
      My Narc father said 'I always say things I don't want to say' and 'I am only happy when other people are suffering'.
      My Narc sister often refers to herself as a 'moving target'. Recently she told me she thought she was 'losing herself'. They are profoundly disturbed and damaged people.

    • @lilfairycupcake
      @lilfairycupcake 4 місяці тому +1

      @@lastthingsministry i can totality believe that. the sooner you can get away from that mess the better. they dont even have sense enough to keep their mouths shut. to think something wrong, but to actually say it? wtf? they are flat out telling you just how toxic they are.

  • @BR9900-w5l
    @BR9900-w5l Рік тому +90

    I discarded him and ignore him like he never existed. He has tried to get my attention and it just doesn't work. Good riddance 😊

  • @ianarn
    @ianarn Рік тому +75

    They don’t have any remorse and no reconciliation skills.

    • @evilpiggehz
      @evilpiggehz Рік тому +3

      would a slave master try to reconciliate with their slave?

    • @ianarn
      @ianarn Рік тому +4

      @@evilpiggehz yes! The grandiosity my ex had for me plus the incredible sense of entitlement and covert nature of her why would she see me as an actual person with needs. Lacks the empathy to care!

    • @evilpiggehz
      @evilpiggehz Рік тому +3

      @@ianarn The way these people go through life never growing or introspecting, and constantly blaming everyone else for their failures or misfortunes. Its a wonder how theyre able to trick anyone at all. After a while its so obvious theyre just using you. When their favourite word during disagreements is "I DONT CARE". run.

  • @TurinTurumba
    @TurinTurumba Рік тому +95

    Their lack of insight is infuriating, you just can't win with these people

    • @steadypace1262
      @steadypace1262 Рік тому +8

      Their insight is to destroy you emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually. 😈

    • @TurinTurumba
      @TurinTurumba 5 місяців тому

      ​@@steadypace1262100 percent, total parasites

    • @chocolatesouljah
      @chocolatesouljah 17 днів тому

      Insight! Yes! Little to no insight is one of their calling cards.

  • @smartsurvival2605
    @smartsurvival2605 Рік тому +55

    I accepted the discard and walked away. He said he wanted to still be a business partner and friend. I said no. Byeeeeeeee.

  • @aajaylee5481
    @aajaylee5481 11 місяців тому +9

    My narc ex tried getting me to chase after him repeatedly in our on off so called ‘relationship’. I never did. After a while, no doubt when his relationships he ghosted me for didn’t satisfy him, he would come back, future faking and love bombing to within an inch of his life. I fell for it like an idiot, but after a while l grew tired of him and began to relish him being out of my life. Now the love is completely gone and l’ve closed all roads to him coming back. That’s the difference from before. Once the feelings are replaced by total cold indifference, their hold over you is finished and you don’t care whether their delusional minds gets it or not. You’re just not interested in playing in their mind games and leave them on the outskirts of your presence, playing with themselves until they finally grow bored at not having an audience, admits defeat and moves on to be somebody else’s problem.

  • @franknhonest
    @franknhonest Рік тому +50

    Why would I chase a narc after being discarded? Nuts. No contact forever!

  • @1111spiritualone
    @1111spiritualone Рік тому +55

    mine discarded me. i waited 2 weeks and reached through text. my ex narc got mad i waited two weeks to reach out. i was so confused since she was already seeing someone else. after that i never reached out. i been no contact for over a year. Idc what there doing anymore. i deleted all social media for over a year and just focused on me. she has showed up someplace she knew i would be a year after the discard. she looked uncomfortable to see me and refused to look my way. i didn’t care. i wasn’t uncomfortable at all since i had healed. i went about my business. they never showed up again. then she spoke to my friend at the gym. she knew it would get back to me. i didn’t even care. sounds like she wants to be so relevant in my life but i’m sorry hunny after you discarded me and played victim and did a smear campaign lying on me i was done.

    • @kynathomas4809
      @kynathomas4809 Рік тому +8

      Im sure you weren't playing a game, but you won. 😊

    • @robertswift6101
      @robertswift6101 Рік тому +5

      same here,,went super silent like a sub at 10,000ft deep,,not even radar can find me and she is all mad about it,you learn and move on and stay true and silent on your purpose in life

  • @wellthatsinteresting1
    @wellthatsinteresting1 Рік тому +19

    Misery loves company.

    • @barbells.dumbbells.thatsit8914
      @barbells.dumbbells.thatsit8914 11 місяців тому +1

      Facts. I notice people like this , especially in a group, try to get you down to their low fricken levels. Especially when your the one that’s humble and doing well! People don’t like that haha

    • @RandallGlatt
      @RandallGlatt 11 місяців тому

      ​@@barbells.dumbbells.thatsit8914They want your good traits 2 rub off on they if not steal it

    • @huubhermse7058
      @huubhermse7058 3 місяці тому

      Like the movie Misery ! 😅

  • @johnpeden2039
    @johnpeden2039 Рік тому +51

    May 27th of this year, it was a month and time I'll never forget.. I was discarded by a woman, I loved more than anything in this world.. She breaks up with me, then 3 days after the discard.. Invites me to her house.. She's crying saying she doesn't know what she wants etc.. She is telling me how much she loves but still doesn't know what she wants... Then a couple of days later.. I'm unfriended on facebook, the I tried calling her phone.. And noticed my number.. Was blocked.. It's been so difficult and heartbreaking for me.. Then watching these videos.. Makes me realize what I was dealing with.. I've been feeling so defeated, especially not getting any closure

    • @CitiesOfAsh
      @CitiesOfAsh Рік тому +15

      Its obvious that shes either messing with you on purpose or theres someone else. Either way focus on your inner being and look for happiness that isn't in a woman. Youll end up lime this time after time. Take this as a lesson and learn from it and apply it to future relationships. Dont loathe, get stronger 💪

    • @monarene44
      @monarene44 Рік тому +14

      She’s clearly got issues and lacks conviction. Move on with your life. You don’t have time for this.

    • @bonnielee316
      @bonnielee316 Рік тому +11

      That’s a borderline and some borderlines are mixed with NPD/ASPD. So these types, some of these types because there are varying types of Borderlines, but some reject themselves. They can’t get a friend or love interest based on their own personality ( or because of their disorder ) so they fake one. They learn what you like and, presto- magico, they like it too. And on and on they mirror you. So they reflect back to you, you. That’s why you have so much in common. That’s why you’ve found your match, your soul mate. That’s how you are getting tricked. You are falling in love with an illusion.
      They get bored. They get tired of pretending for you. They have their disorder rearing its ugly head and they don’t want you to find out their true self so they hurry up and dump you before they get caught out on it.
      Practice self-love. Learn about the cluster B personality disorders to know how to avoid them. Don’t move fast, move slow. Vet them out. Get to know them before you let your heart into it. Find out who, and what, you are dealing with first and if they are not on your level of normalcy just politely say, we’re not a match.
      Narcissists are looking for you to be their audience. To not shine. To not be on stage with them. Only to clap. You will have to be a non-self around them. That’s what they truly want. These types are different than Borderlines unless the borderline has NPD as well.

    • @azmarigold
      @azmarigold Рік тому +7

      So sorry 😞 Make your way towards your own closure .. learn more about yourself .. I assure you that your ability to heal will come to you !! I’m almost out of the tunnel(ended a 35 yr marriage ) .. hang in there 😰 ✨🙏🏻☮️

    • @JuanLopez-cv3dy
      @JuanLopez-cv3dy Рік тому +4

      Same situation since last December, my best advice is to learn about the disorder, learn the lesson and become a better person, I know I am doing that, I found out the reason why I attract a lot of narcissist people, I need to work on myself

  • @augustily1
    @augustily1 11 місяців тому +11

    The end part is so true, I was speaking about that today....as soon as you do better then they want you to suffer.

  • @notayoutuber09
    @notayoutuber09 Рік тому +15

    I remember this ex toxic person I was dating would tell me "you give up too easily". Ya, when you treat me and my boundries after I tell you them like garbage, yes I give up and dont try for someone who obviously doesnt care about me.

  • @steadypace1262
    @steadypace1262 Рік тому +10

    Well explained video thank you. Yes ignore the ignorant, arrogant narcissist make them feel unimportant the way they make you feel.

  • @bebopboston407
    @bebopboston407 Рік тому +17

    It absolutely amazes me how much narcissism scales from the individual to the behavior of the abusive u.s. and world governments today.

  • @writer1986
    @writer1986 Рік тому +12

    Well said. I'm married to a narcissistic man who blames me for his anger. (He blows at nothing, on an irregular basis.) And I have to remind him that he came into this marriage with anger issues, and had I known I would have married someone else. And this shuts him up.

  • @SamanthaWho
    @SamanthaWho Рік тому +23

    I have been searching for someone who have explained this for a while now but haven't been able to find it until now in my recommendations. Thank you for this unique take on narcissism. ❤

  • @rhondacooper7957
    @rhondacooper7957 Рік тому +9

    I wish I had this knowledge back in the day 1981-1982. Thank you for sharing your video it's educational and informative. ❤

  • @anneyoung2310
    @anneyoung2310 Рік тому +61

    Why would the narcissist expect you to chase them when they know you know they are toxic narcissists? I don't expect narcissists to make sense, but they despise rejection, so why would they even give you another thought? Please don't. You are healthy and don't want to be in an unhealthy, juvenile, horrifying relationship. They thrive on unhealthiness, drama, cycles and abuse. You don't. I don't get it. You said goodbye and you meant it. What's not clear? That is the happy ending for both...s'over.

    • @rochellet1333
      @rochellet1333 Рік тому +6

      Amen! Excellent comment!

    • @bonnielee316
      @bonnielee316 Рік тому +4

      @ anneyoung2310,
      There are ten personality disorders. There are: cluster A, cluster B, and cluster C. Things get confusing because “ narcissist “ has now become an umbrella term for them all. Basically a borderline is the one who wants you to chase them. They have abandonment fears. They might test you to see if you’ll abandon them or not. These types see in black and white. Once they’re done, they’re done. They typically don’t Hoover you. A narcissist typically Hoovers you. And then there are borderlines who are mixed with narcissistic personality disorder and antisocial personality disorder and they can show all of those symptoms or tactics.

    • @bonnielee316
      @bonnielee316 Рік тому +5

      @ anneyoung2310,
      So for instance, I knew a Borderline, psychopath, narcissist with traits of schizoid and avoidant personality disorder. He loved ghosting and having you chase him. The ghosting was to avoid being held accountable. The wanting to be chased probably happened naturally for him because of his borderline side but he found out that it gave him sadistic pleasure which boosted his ego. The psychopath in him enjoyed toying with people, puppet master. Oh he also was sadistic. There used to be a personality disorder called: sadistic personality disorder. It was in the DSM-3, I believe. I call them all narcissists/psychopaths if they are cruel or deliberate. By default, they are sadistic. They are your typical bullies, just grown up now; two year olds, in adult bodies.

    • @MizrahiChick
      @MizrahiChick Рік тому +5

      @@bonnielee316 Probably saving my life with your comment, thank you.

    • @bonnielee316
      @bonnielee316 Рік тому

      @ mizrahichick7392,
      You’re welcome.

  • @ryanpape9815
    @ryanpape9815 10 місяців тому +9

    Why do narcs say "You don't even fight for me"?
    Why should you fight for your partner while in a relationship....
    Glad I've walked away twice from different woman... Ex wife divorced 2020... Then 3yrs later 2023 a girlfriend.

    • @samxsara
      @samxsara 4 місяці тому

      You don’t fight for me?
      Wow…

    • @racebannon96
      @racebannon96 4 місяці тому

      It is a childish test and boast to her ego on how much effort and attention she can get out of you, she does nothing but watch and gloat. Go No Contact. Women like that will never give you a moments rest. You will be financially broke and exhausted if you stay with her.

  • @WINDOW9226
    @WINDOW9226 Рік тому +9

    All so very true..

  • @4141974
    @4141974 5 місяців тому +2

    Wow, these videos explain what I’ve been experiencing. It’s quite a painful wake-up call and made me cry but st least it’s opening my eyes and will help me through. Thank you

  • @lioubovgrant1935
    @lioubovgrant1935 Рік тому +11

    Your video always a gift, 🎁 so thank you kindly for one more gift ! 💝🤗

    • @joebhouse
      @joebhouse  Рік тому +2

      Thank you!! Have a nice weekend L :)

  • @ArizonaRed
    @ArizonaRed Рік тому +7

    Very Educational. In a way it makes sense.

    • @Freethnkr
      @Freethnkr Рік тому +2

      In a weird twisted way yeah it makes a lot of sense

  • @highplainsdrifter699
    @highplainsdrifter699 Рік тому +11

    The Narcs that have attacked me over a lifetime..55 yrs, had no idea what they were dealing with.. INFJ Sigma male 👍

  • @Sarah_sunshine14
    @Sarah_sunshine14 Рік тому +17

    Thankyou for this. So clearly & eloquently put. I feel so much stronger after listening to you 🙏🏻

  • @delaynejacobstribeporter4245
    @delaynejacobstribeporter4245 Рік тому +8

    Excellent!!!

  • @nawal10
    @nawal10 Рік тому +9

    Listening to this while thinking of how someone I liked may have been a narcissist. BUT I'm realizing I might be as well! To a degree. About lingering pain and discarding others. I've left all my exs in the same way. Hurt them all over and over. But I was in pain when I did this, when I "punished" them. It's like I was under a trance, I didn't meant it it was just part of me. Now I behave differently, not 100% but at least 70%. I'm working on it and as I do I've stayed single for 3-4 years now.

    • @scottoz7891
      @scottoz7891 11 місяців тому

      I have that same problem. Im like. Wait a minute am I the Narc..so what if I did say to her. You don't even fight for me anymore..?( i just wanted answers that I will never get anyway...🙃🤔

    • @ianjohnston7469
      @ianjohnston7469 11 місяців тому +2

      self reflection is key. youre doing a good job.

    • @samxsara
      @samxsara 4 місяці тому +1

      I left a great ex, in the past, because I was in pain by another ex who really traumatized me. And to this day I regret losing the great ex. He of course never wanted to see me again. I’m not a narc but I prob was at the time, and knowing this ex never came back kinda inflicted a narc injury. I’d rather have him shown me how broken he was

  • @Resiliant777
    @Resiliant777 Рік тому +7

    Extremely well said!❤

  • @Missybella92227
    @Missybella92227 Рік тому +6

    Covert ex fiancé brutally discarded me one month ago. I didn’t chase after him like I usually would. Went silent immediately. 2 in a half weeks in he “blocked” me everywhere. I found out when I saw his FaceTime calls vanished from my history as well as his email address.

  • @user-wq5kv2hu2s
    @user-wq5kv2hu2s Місяць тому

    Great videos by far the best on UA-cam

  • @GrowEvolve78
    @GrowEvolve78 8 місяців тому +2

    The narc in my life is a family member. After the death of a parent, I was the one to take the blame once again. I saw it for what it was. After all they did, cursing our parent on their literal death bed, I was to blame for believing they did something they actually did. Read that again. They did this thing and got upset at me for believing it when i was told about it. I knew right then and there it dodnt matter what l did or said, I would always be at fault and owe penance to them. Always.
    When trying to handle our parents affairs, I was ignored for WEEKS, a month at the most. Nothing got done. Now I'm inconsiderate for making plans to finally handle our parent's belongings and not waiting on them. When we made plans to meet and gather clothes, I was stood up. I ended up packing our deceased parents clothes alone. No sorry. No acknowledgement. Nothing.
    I've recently decided to go no contact. For me this includes my child as well. I've typed out a long letter calling this person out but I know they won't understand it or acknowledge what they've done.
    I'm just over it all.

    • @lastthingsministry
      @lastthingsministry 4 місяці тому +1

      Yikes! I am so sorry. This sounds like my sister and what I will have to go through when my parents die. She has already left me to do all the elder care and all the visits and chores and housekeeping for them. I realise she doesn't care about our parents at all or me either.
      She is getting married in two months time and can't even be bothered with her own wedding. What bride couldn't give a monkeys about her wedding day? A narcissist bride that is who. She has already hurt so many people with her inconsideration about the wedding. I assume she will cut all contact once she is married and to be honest, I have suffered through her mind games so much more, grieved her a long time ago that I wouldn't even miss her if she went from my life. I would miss the sister I thought I had. I had to grieve an illusion.

  • @shirleyvanderheijden5934
    @shirleyvanderheijden5934 9 місяців тому +1

    It easier for us to ignore the narcs,let them blame shame and remain in their misery! They are so immature and tiring,and won’t own their own crap!

  • @jonellis6235
    @jonellis6235 11 місяців тому +1

    You’re spot on!!!

  • @delphinathomas8262
    @delphinathomas8262 Рік тому +4

    No contact HE SAY WHY YOU NOT GIVING ME ATTENTION ?

  • @romansepiol
    @romansepiol 5 місяців тому +1

    Thank you ❤

  • @TTsquad-p4z
    @TTsquad-p4z 9 місяців тому

    The vulnerable listen that I learned in this life is don't trust those that hurt you and don't respect you and you're wants nor your loyalty ❤.

  • @shirleysargent6475
    @shirleysargent6475 9 місяців тому +2

    Thanks for this video!

  • @dervish108
    @dervish108 11 місяців тому +5

    When my ex broke up with me, she got mad at me afterwards because I agreed and gave up “easily”.
    Fortunately I saw her toxic patterns before months turned into years.

  • @peggysue22
    @peggysue22 Рік тому +3

    So good, Joe! Thanks for this insight. I can see this the way you describe as crazy as it is.

  • @JohnOakes-mw5ls
    @JohnOakes-mw5ls 5 місяців тому +1

    Joe, you present your videos with a great deal of empathy. You deal with this delicate and difficult subject with a deep understanding of what survivors of narcissism really need!
    Thank you so much!
    Shalom ✌️
    God bless 🙏🙏🙏

  • @mariacanavan3305
    @mariacanavan3305 10 місяців тому +5

    I went out with a guy whose behaviour didn't seem normal...
    So I studied Narcsism to try & get a better understanding of this behaviour.
    I recognised the red flags early on & got the hell out of the relationship...
    I had never encountered anything like that before...
    So I had a lucky escape with my mental health still in tact....

  • @PB-md3nt
    @PB-md3nt 6 місяців тому +1

    I thought, in my case, my narc ex would have been different once she was done with family issues. The fact of the matter is nothing ever changes. It's a never ending circle if you choose to stay in their vortex. I've learned my lesson the hard way, you can't change someone that's a narc.

  • @demigaines5644
    @demigaines5644 Рік тому +13

    Thank You So Very Much For Sharing This.I Was Recently Discarded.
    Shamed And Horribly Belittled For Expressing Showing Care After The Narcissist
    Lost His Brother.I Was Told By The Narcissist To Never Message Him Again I’m So Confused.
    My Question To You Do Narcissists Like You Chasing Them Or Not.
    Narcissistic Abuse Is Brutal

    • @bonnielee316
      @bonnielee316 Рік тому +3

      I can take a guess. First it’s based on my experience. I was only 20 years old. My antisocial mother was at the vet and got bad news and had to put her dog to sleep. She began to cry quietly so I put my hand on her shoulder to console her and Bam! Out of nowhere, she exploded into rage and put me down. I was shocked but also it wasn’t the first time that my mother did that to me ( for some reason transferring their pain and making you feel pain works for them. Maybe like a bully father hitting his five year old boy and then the five year old boy hitting his three year old brother. They figured, dad hit me to feel better so I’m going to hit little brother to feel better, so there! ).
      Based on that story I can tell you that your person used you as their human punching bag. Just like at the end of this video Joe said that your happiness is their sadness and your sadness is their happiness. Somebody had to pay the price for the bad thing that they are going through and it’s going to be their nearest and dearest scape goat or you will instantly turn into their scapegoat where they blow up on you to find relief because they can’t self-regulate properly, their minds work like a bully’s mind, but then they feel “ embarrassed “, or caught out in it, about it and magically ( delusion ) flip it around in their brain that you attacked them and so don’t ever talk to me again. But guess what? I don’t think that it’s a delusion. I think that it is embarrassment that they can’t face and know that you will hold them accountable and they won’t be held accountable so it’s really a lie, a tactic that they flip it on you, to further hurt you, then say, don’t call me ever again, to avoid rejection. Then, if you do go back to them, they will abuse you again thinking that you’re ok with it or dumb enough to put up with it so now you will get used as a human punching bag permanently. It’s their way or the highway.

    • @demigaines5644
      @demigaines5644 Рік тому +2

      @@bonnielee316
      Your Absolutely Right Thank you for Sharing 🙏

    • @sherrywoodard7249
      @sherrywoodard7249 Рік тому

      They love you chasing them, but please don't, because they will make sure you catch them, again and again so they can hurt you more brutal again and AGAIN!!!

    • @RandallGlatt
      @RandallGlatt 11 місяців тому +1

      Yes of course they want that boost of you chasing. Gives them that ALL POWERFUL ALL SUPERIOR high supply...

    • @demigaines5644
      @demigaines5644 11 місяців тому +1

      @@RandallGlatt
      You Are Absolutely Right Thank You For Sharing

  • @brendaleverick3655
    @brendaleverick3655 Рік тому +2

    Thanks for your enlightening video. 👌🏼

  • @aaronhemi4549
    @aaronhemi4549 Рік тому +15

    Joe, I've asked in other video comments but they were older so may you dont go back idk...but I want to know how you have all this insight on the subject of narcissism..I mean you've obviously been chewed up by one like all of us here...but its almost like you have a PhD in it...just curious and thank you for you content

  • @Sally-ih6ls
    @Sally-ih6ls 6 місяців тому +1

    Have an adult child married to a narc and instead of recognizing their problems are from spouses behaviour it’s focused on us….he/she is trauma bonded…he/she has changed from loving us to hating us since the marriage. Now he/she has discarded us or the spouse has isolated him/her, hard to tell, veryconfusing

  • @lilfairycupcake
    @lilfairycupcake 9 місяців тому +2

    by confronting them you just get sucked right back into the stupid.

    • @sagenosnibor9173
      @sagenosnibor9173 8 місяців тому +1

      Exactly! Not taking the bait and feeding them with negative supply 🙅🏾‍♀️

    • @tammyfitzgerald5336
      @tammyfitzgerald5336 5 місяців тому +1

      Yes disappear ❤😂

    • @lilfairycupcake
      @lilfairycupcake 5 місяців тому

      @@tammyfitzgerald5336 my fav narc vids are the "how to get back at", "how to control your narc",. bla bla bla. no matter what, if your in contact with one, you are the one loosing, period! 0 contact, and leaving them, before they dump you, are your only 2 winning hands. someone please prove me wrong.

  • @rachelcoloradomy3kidz778
    @rachelcoloradomy3kidz778 Рік тому

    Beautifully Said Tfs 💕😢💔 🙏🏻

  • @louisemorgan3237
    @louisemorgan3237 Рік тому +6

    I gave the bus they threw me under four flat tyres then they tried to give me the tyre irons

  • @philphil4042
    @philphil4042 Місяць тому +1

    I told my ex gf narc to never take me for granted she laughed at me, now after 7 years of no contact she's still angry at me

  • @AussieArmenian
    @AussieArmenian 9 місяців тому

    Great knowledge, I literally got dumped by my fiancee who had a 94 yr old grandmother on dialisis, a lovely women, first day I met her flowers etc, I rarely cry, very rare but two thingd made me 1 my exes brother(family hero) never bought her one flower. And 2 she said she wanted to die. When my eyes got watery. The nark said "Are you crying??!" I am not a stupid guy but that was the biggest red flag. She lost respect for me in that moment. I could see it. They do not have compassion.... look im ruthlese as a boxer etc but for her to put me down for caring for a scared kind woman in pain. Ppl they care about nothing but money, and other Narcs.
    I sat by her in the hospital on my kneed more nights that the whole family. And oh I caught the sniffles alledgedly and therefore I killed her. Done. Mum hates me. Fiancee leaves me then what oh police... In Australia there is a moronic law called an AVO. So this is what every girl here does.... dump you. Steal everthing, take kids, pets, your shop.. And of you even write say "hey how is jon" your son. Off to jail... But if you are a man.... nothim. We have no power here
    Please look up AVO Australia. and send me ideas of how we can stop it. We have lost thousands high, around 890k of young men that have commited it because of this. It needs to stop

  • @pretheeshgpresannan4172
    @pretheeshgpresannan4172 11 місяців тому +3

    what about them playing jealousy game so that we feel scared and keep inflating their ego out of jealousy pain threat?

    • @RandallGlatt
      @RandallGlatt 11 місяців тому +2

      Narky gets a boost out of REACTIONS

    • @samxsara
      @samxsara 4 місяці тому +1

      Jealousy shouldn’t actually phase us, narc doesn’t like either of us anyway

  • @Gwendeline
    @Gwendeline 8 місяців тому +1

    I don’t know anymore if I’m the narcissist as I’m finding that I need to self regulate from him but I know it’s me that needs to let go of the abuse

  • @audaciouscitizen.9313
    @audaciouscitizen.9313 4 місяці тому +2

    At most they’re an entitled emotional toddler in a adults body.

  • @dezonwill33
    @dezonwill33 5 місяців тому

    When my ex narcissist realized I wasn’t chasing or begging her it pissed her off and after three years of no contact this nut job started plotting revenge all of a sudden I get court papers in the mail for child support and I’ve always took care of my child as a matter of fact my daughter was living with me until her mother found out child support was taken her to court on my behalf and the sad thing about it is I didn’t want child support to take her to court as an adult I was trying to work it out between us but she turned the tables and took me to court I was in shock but as a father I understood it because I know if karma hasn’t knocked on her door yet it’s around the corner!!! Had to make a pit stop first…

  • @Julie-n6k
    @Julie-n6k Рік тому +7

    I don't chase anyone let alone a massive abuser, domestic violence domestic abuse they are totally deluded.

    • @meeko8718
      @meeko8718 10 місяців тому

      And then have the cheek to ask why I didn’t call him back? Erm because your delusional!

  • @tiaglover953
    @tiaglover953 Рік тому +11

    Turns out it’s truly THEM that’s the extremely NEEDY entitled Karen 🤣🤣🤣🤣

  • @josephhale9198
    @josephhale9198 Рік тому

    😂😅 it's amusing watching a narc chase them collapse. 🎉and 😂

  • @noturbo
    @noturbo 11 місяців тому +1

    all sounds like me

  • @claudiavictorianietorangel8991
    @claudiavictorianietorangel8991 4 місяці тому +1

    I was ghosted...many times

  • @anawalkman8404
    @anawalkman8404 11 місяців тому +2

    He never put me down..Just I got tired of his lies..I left him again ..

    • @tammyfitzgerald5336
      @tammyfitzgerald5336 5 місяців тому

      He will be back lol 😂if you let them back it’s like a bad penny they pop up again ❤

  • @tinkingtinking2134
    @tinkingtinking2134 24 дні тому

    They need to feel worshipped, God like. Their egos are so big the suppy is recruited to keep reasuring them how wonderful they are, how goodlooking or beautiful they are and they need it more and more as they age because they do not age well or with grace. If you don't chase them or keep in contact they then come looking for you and force you to tell them how wonderful they are.

  • @banderson6470
    @banderson6470 Рік тому +1

    My ex narc situation is unique I guess. I’ve discarded him 20 times or more in the last 16 months. He hasn’t once. What’s taking so long and he always chases me. Am I the narcissist? lol I’m not but alot of what you described hasn’t happened. Has he been with another woman in that time? Yes recently when I told him he needs to be with another woman who has more in common with him. I basically told him to go be with someone else.

  • @icalotdonthide2646
    @icalotdonthide2646 3 місяці тому +1

    That's sadism, to take joy in others pain. It's sick and depraved.

  • @AlmiraBalicevac
    @AlmiraBalicevac Рік тому +1

    When he use and take all he wants, and makes you crazy, mentally unstable, need to at least stay in their present. So I was in over 3 years in that. Now I ask him to help me with some cash after he took from me over 25K. He telling me that he behind and Christmas is coming but he will help $500 by end Dec and next half beginning of Jan. Well I just say ok thanks! But pain inside me are soooo hard, but wont let myself into it again.

  • @dimitrisgonatas2264
    @dimitrisgonatas2264 11 місяців тому +1

    After a toxic woman that treated me like a pish of shit in her shoes I started coming on the conclusion that she's a narcissist surching on the Internet looking for some clarity and then I started doing psychotherapy and I realised how troubled I am my self.but I have empathy for other's and many more than I should and the scariest thing with this woman is that she lacks empathy completely bat in a covert way.

  •  Рік тому +1

    Funny you mention looking in the mirror because that’s all my ex-narc would say to me. That I needed to look in the mirror but refused to, but according to him he did it all the time.

    • @scottoz7891
      @scottoz7891 11 місяців тому

      Correct. EVERY thing is opposite with them. Learned that the hard way. Very unique CRAZY making tactics. 😮

  • @MizrahiChick
    @MizrahiChick Рік тому +4

    Would anyone care to comment if NPD 's are naturally attracted to polyamory ? No judgement, just a question, thanks

    • @nataliadtut
      @nataliadtut Рік тому +7

      They are natural cheaters.

    • @terryshatter833
      @terryshatter833 Рік тому +4

      No because they want to inflict pain so they want to sell monogomy to you but practice a covert polygamy

    • @RandallGlatt
      @RandallGlatt 11 місяців тому

      Wherever they can get supply. Narky doesn't have morals

  • @nicholecornes1915
    @nicholecornes1915 Місяць тому

    Its crazy

  • @shirlspark_stardust
    @shirlspark_stardust 11 місяців тому

    I never chased after I discarded that miserable creature and I won't ever I don't believe in chasing anyone at all that narcissist can stay hurt for all I care I'm valid thanks be to God and I never relied on that hobo he relied on me to do everything for him which I did at one point then ,I got rid of him and the way I did it caught him off guard big time I caused a big narc injury he will never get a chance to be in my life or interact again.

  • @crystalclimenhage7159
    @crystalclimenhage7159 Рік тому +3

    What if you dont chase ans move onto someone else? Lol

  • @JoTac-zm1hb
    @JoTac-zm1hb 5 місяців тому

    I wish I know what is narssissism before I got married. It ruined my life

  • @GalileoGalilei2024
    @GalileoGalilei2024 7 місяців тому

    ❤❤❤

  • @angelnocharlie
    @angelnocharlie 9 місяців тому

    I was hoovered 10 months after he married someone else mere months later.The marriage didnt make a year. He said she was a psycho but really he just discarded her and when he was trawling Tinder for new supply happened to see me on my first day on there. I was a shortcut to supply so he said all he had to to come back. Two months on this Monday, i was discarded again for not texting him Friday as i was ill all weekend and not in the mood to send pics which he knew i hated doing. Anyone normal would have called or text are you ok. Not a narc if you arent doing what they want to confirm they have control over you they run for the hills. Im very happy he has gone never to be seen again. I imagine he thinks im hurt but i couldn't be less bothered.

  • @muliczakatalin8247
    @muliczakatalin8247 Рік тому

    Why do I want to know that?

  • @susannegoldmann6491
    @susannegoldmann6491 Рік тому +1

    Not 10 months later with a new supply.

    • @RandallGlatt
      @RandallGlatt 11 місяців тому

      They have many supplies going on all the time. They need it like you need oxygen. Us empaths would have many oxygen tanks strapped to our bodies if there wasn't oxygen in the atmosphere. Not your fault nor Narky's fault. Personality disorder took hold him. He wants to be like you. Your strong, confident, love and respect yourself. Did I mention your REAL. Narky doesn't and will NEVER never have one tenth of one percent of that.

  • @JonnyChaos
    @JonnyChaos Рік тому +4

    I feel like I'm behaving like this cos my ex doesn't want me anymore. But I don't want to be a piece of shit narcissist. It's a shame how all the videos are talking about how shitty people narcissistic people must be but there's less about why people act this way or how to stop being this way. They always seem to be attack videos but if I am a narcissist then I hate it and I don't want to be one so whys there so little about heping people not want to be this way, like literally ALL other mental illnesses and personality disorders. It seems to the the only one where it's just a case of 'you're a narc so fuck you' regardless of how shit they might feel about being that way.
    I didn't want my ex to be sad though. I was much MUCH happier when we were both happy. She was a codependent alcoholic with BDP. I couldn't open up to her due to trust issues so she left and now I can't get her out of my head.

    • @emmathompson6470
      @emmathompson6470 Рік тому +2

      I think it's a matter of perspective the further away you are the clearer you can see the issue. Don't forget though that you have an incredible value yourself. You are valuable without them

    • @RandallGlatt
      @RandallGlatt 11 місяців тому +2

      Your NOT a narcissist you HAVE empathy. Narky's are happy watching others suffer in pain

  • @davidparker5439
    @davidparker5439 11 місяців тому

    👍

  • @nurseannesinspirationalwellnes
    @nurseannesinspirationalwellnes 9 місяців тому

  • @scotttully8572
    @scotttully8572 3 місяці тому

    Take the W and stay away 👍

  • @lilfairycupcake
    @lilfairycupcake 5 місяців тому

    so let them be mad. pffffffffffffffff, like i care? my fav narc vids are the "how to get back at", "how to control your narc",. bla bla bla. no matter what, if your in contact with one, you are the one loosing, period! 0 contact, and leaving them, before they dump you, are your only 2 winning hands. someone please prove me wrong.

    • @samxsara
      @samxsara 4 місяці тому

      Definitely

  • @Gwendeline
    @Gwendeline 5 місяців тому

    My ex is way to weak minded to bother showing his face instead he sends his friends

  • @LGRangeStove-vg8ig
    @LGRangeStove-vg8ig Рік тому +1

    why abusers are delusional
    911

  • @TonyBoo-s6l
    @TonyBoo-s6l 9 місяців тому

    Should you chase the narc just so you have contact with your kid?

  • @karenangel8922
    @karenangel8922 Рік тому +3

    I think if a person does react or behave as you think they should, it causes pain for anyone.

  • @dsx1227
    @dsx1227 8 місяців тому +1

    What should you do when the narc abandons you but their family still talks to you but you don't give them updates on your life..... like you just say hi I'm OK and that's it nothing else and you don't mention or talk about the narc..... should you stop talking to them?

  • @justpde
    @justpde Рік тому +4

    Sounds like Trump 😮

    • @jenniferraymond9766
      @jenniferraymond9766 Рік тому +2

      Oh honey....you need to go see a therapist. You're seeing the man in everything! Feel better soon 😂

  • @out_running_erins9118
    @out_running_erins9118 11 місяців тому

    You are trying to copy Narc Survivor...and you sound like this freak I know named Joe Buckley who shot his best friend .."accidentally" I hope you're not him because if so...people don't need to listen to a thing you say.

  • @komarac55555
    @komarac55555 8 місяців тому +3

    the way that narcissistic parents make the cycle of abuse go on, it's scary

    • @Sally-ih6ls
      @Sally-ih6ls 6 місяців тому

      Adult children are abusive/toxic also, mostly the DIL/SIL

  • @TheresaHayes-of8un
    @TheresaHayes-of8un Рік тому

    Wouldn't know never had a Man chase me an or ask me to come back. Never go after any one ever again. Like I use to have to for ex gerald not of care or love only cause didn't want kids to think I was cause of him harming sef. Don't ever get that twisted. Wasn't about love at all. Made sure made a big enough sceen with neighbors to set it all up

  • @brendaleverick3655
    @brendaleverick3655 Рік тому +2

    Thanks for your enlightening video. 👌🏼