6 Pain Points of Having a Narcissistic Parent
Вставка
- Опубліковано 21 бер 2023
- Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
shorturl.at/bxB05
Cope with your BPD symptoms using my BPD Card Deck: The BPD Card Deck: 50 Ways to Balance Emotions and Live Well with Borderline Personality Disorder. Available at: www.shorturl.at/jBHJV
If you're a victim of narcissistic abuse, this video is for you! Dr. Fox shares the 6 PAIN POINTS common to people with narcissistic parents, and discusses the ways in which these pain points can impact your life. Whether you're a victim of narcissistic abuse or just have a narcissistic parent, this video is a valuable resource that will help you understand your experience and find comfort.
We'll discuss these 6 pain points of having a narcissistic parent:
1. persistent sense of self-doubt
2. people-pleasing tendencies
3. guilt, shame, and fear about succeeding or being noticed
4. insecure or anxious attachment styles
• Anxious (or preoccupied also referred to as anxious-ambivalent in childhood)
• Avoidant (or dismissive also referred to as anxious-avoidant in childhood)
• Disorganized (also referred to as fearful-avoidant in childhood)
5. have a high likelihood to end up in abusive relationships as adults
a. Likely to tolerate emotional abuse and neglect from unhealthy or malevolent partners.
6. feel defective and worthless
Daniel J. Fox, Ph.D., is a licensed psychologist in Texas, international speaker, and a multi-award-winning author. He has been specializing in the treatment and assessment of individuals with personality disorders for over 20 years in the state and federal prison system, universities, and in private practice. His specialty areas include personality disorders, ethics, burnout prevention, and emotional intelligence.
He has published several articles in these areas and is the author of:
The BPD Card Deck: 50 Ways to Balance Emotions and Live Well with Borderline Personality Disorder. Available at: www.shorturl.at/jBHJV
Complex Borderline Personality Disorder: How Coexisting Conditions Affect Your BPD and How You Can Gain Emotional Balance. Available at:
rb.gy/hdyqyy
Antisocial, Narcissistic, and Borderline Personality Disorders: A New Conceptualization of Development, Reinforcement, Expression, and Treatment. Available at: tinyurl.com/2anv8dww
The Borderline Personality Disorder Workbook: An Integrative Program to Understand and Manage Your BPD. Available at: goo.gl/LQEgy1
Antisocial, Borderline, Narcissistic and Histrionic Workbook: Treatment Strategies for Cluster B Personality Disorders (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Gold Award Winner): goo.gl/BLRkFy
Narcissistic Personality Disorder Toolbox: 55 Practical Treatment Techniques for Clients, Their Parents & Their Children (IPBA Benjamin Franklin Silver Award Winner):: goo.gl/sZYhym
The Clinician’s Guide to Diagnosis and Treatment of Personality Disorders: goo.gl/ZAVe9v
Dr. Fox has given numerous workshops and seminars on ethics and personality disorders, personality disorders and crime, treatment solutions for treating clients along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum, emotional intelligence, managing mental health within the prison system, and others. Dr. Fox maintains a website of various treatment interventions focused on working with and attenuating the symptomatology related to individuals along the antisocial, borderline, narcissistic, and histrionic personality spectrum (www.drdfox.com).
UA-cam: / @drdanielfox
Dr. Fox’s website: www.drdfox.com/
Dr. Fox’s Blog: www.psychologytoday.com/us/bl...
Facebook: / appliedpsychservices
Twitter: / drdanieljfox1
LinkedIn: / drdfox
Instagram: / drdfox
Amazon Author’s Page: amazon.com/author/drfox
Videos edited by Emil Christopher: emilchristopheredits@gmail.com
Thank you for your attention and I hope you enjoy my videos and find them helpful and subscribe. I always welcome topic suggestions and comments.
Keep distant from them don't tell them nothing
What’s hard to overcome is when you tell people this, they say count your blessings that your parents are alive and healthy, you’re healthy. But that’s the whole problem. She’s not healthy and I’m not healthy because of it. People just. Don’t. Fking. Get it!!!!!
U don't need the validation of people.
@chandaniberry9369 A child needs validation from their parent so that they don't need validation from "people."
@@reelfly I agree. Please read the comment on which I commented. I said he doesn't need the validation from people that his parents are sbusive and he needs to stay away.
The time when I spoke to a close friend from highschool she mentioned something that "oh everyone could see your parents weren't normal", and that's when it clicked for me that I'm not crazy, that other people saw it too, obviously no one did anything to help, and my grandparents would say things like "you know how your mom is" etc, but I didn't know if anyone really truly understood. That was the moment I really realised something was wrong that I needed to investigate further. I was about 27 at the time. I'm now 35 and have just realised/accepted this is my reality, now I'm mourning "what could have been".
We get it. We definitely get it.
This thread is proof that people love making and having children but not raising and loving said children properly. Kids shouldn’t be healing from things their parents did, they didn’t ask the parent to bring them into existence
My entire existence
Self doubt persistence ,people pleasing,guilt shame fear of succeeding and being noticed, ,anxiety anxious, dismissive avoidant of emotional connections, tolerance for abuse reactionship.
This is the best video I’ve seen on narcissistic parents.
Thank you so much for your kind words! I'm glad you found the video helpful in understanding the impact of narcissistic parents on these different aspects of our lives.
two words. - NO CONTACT
I’m 41 and today is my first day realizing I have a narcissistic parent. Holy moly is it ever mind blowing! It’s like I’m a puzzle and you are putting the pieces together bit by bit. This is AMAZING because the more aware I become the less my symptoms. Thank you for these videos. 🙏 👍
I'm 39 and finally finding courage to decide to become a parent myself (a bit late I know) while discovering narcissistic patterns in my mother and in my family system... and reparenting myself and trying to figure out how to protect the future child from this mess... it's very hard and complicated but what I'm learning about myself and others is invaluable!
@@pisztufilm good luck to you! I’m sure you’ll be great 👍 I found it hard to battle something I was unaware of, but knowledge is definitely power!
ya, same..except i'm older - my first inkling was when he called me a narcissist..lol
I am so happy for you and so sorry at the same time. I'm 24 and only realizing now as well. Simultaneously the most freeing and painful realization. Sending you healing 💛
@@makaylahuffman3047 thank you so much! Sending positive healing vibes to you as well! I wish I had learned these things at 24 myself!
Exactly!! Growing up under a physically emotional physochotic abusive mother has really stunted me.
Choose to believe that you are absolutely NOT broken or damaged beyond repair. It's absolutely NOT over for you. It's just the beginning. See it as a new beginning in Jesus' name. AMEN. I pray your strength in the LORD IN' JESUS NAME. AMEN. And separate yourself from anyone that attempt to steal your peace or joy.
I PRAY THAT YOU CHOOSE TO KNOW, TRUST, BELIEVE, AND UNDERSTAND THAT GOD DOES TRULY LOVE AND CARE FOR YOU AND SO DO I. YOU ARE LOVED, HAVE VALUE, HAVE WORTH, BLESSED AND HIGHLY FAVORED IN THE MIGHTY AND MATCHLESS NAME OF JESUS CHRIST OF NAZARETH. THE NAME ABOVE ALL NAMES. AMEN. ❤❤❤
This video especially brings awareness to The Story of my Life! I don’t believe my mother did this intentionally,; I was still destroyed in growing up that way. I am trying to rebuild my life, it’s just taking longer than planned. Thank you Dr. Fox for this very thought provoking video,
yeah, the shittiest part for me was not that she was abusive, she wasn't really (she's a covert type), but that I thought it was all 'normal' ...so much time wasted for nothing.
Same
My Father died in 2004. I'm a 68 year old who is haunted by his past. Particularly my Father's ways, his manipulation. I was in my forties, and he was still reminding me just how lucky I was . Apparently had everything when I was a child and I should be grateful. He was totally deluded. He deid crying asking for forgiveness { or so I was told } I didn't attend his funeral.
I'm sorry to hear about your father's passing and the difficult relationship you had with him. It's understandable to be haunted by the past, but remember to focus on your own healing and growth.
My Dad used to purposefully try to "get me going" when I was a child. He thought it was entertaining to "work me up," which meant teasing and humiliating me until I was red-faced angry, and then he'd turn around and say I "let people get to me too easily" and that I was "so easy to tease." My sister is 15 years older than me and confirmed that he did indeed enjoy fighting with me... when I was a child, not even a teenager (things got way worse then). Who does that? Who enjoys provoking and tormenting a child and purposefully disregulating them?
Same here. You asked who does that. Sadists. Sadists do that. They do it because they know it upsets us. They enjoy causing harm to others. They find it amusing. If they didn't, they wouldn't bother.
I had uncles who did this to me and it dawned on me now, as an adult, that this is a core reason of why I don’t respect them and enjoy being in their presence. The humiliation and degradation they inflict upon us a children is traumatic- they would tease and “tease” until I cried then they would laugh.
Sick. I could NEVER just watch a kid cry, let alone ensure he does.
GAG
Persistent annoyance by their crap jokes and insults
My dad would revel in moments when we did something bad and needed punishment. He’d laugh while spanking us HARD. He was malevolent when we stole some candy from a store- he got a call from the manager while at work and came home perfectly cool (that was always the most terrifying because it meant he was up to something). Next thing I know dinner is ready and he is forcing us all to eat a heaping plate full of candy until we barfed, then when my sister returned from the bathroom he said “now keep eating!”. He really enjoyed inflicting this pain on us. The worst for me was when he heard me say the word “wh0re”, except I didn’t say that- I said “horror” because I was SEVEN and didn’t even know what a wh0re was. He back handed me across the room and I hit my head on the corner of the table as I came landing down on it. He didn’t mean for that to happen and apparently felt great shame- so to make HIM feel better, he forced me to cuddle with him for like an hour as I laid there seething and confused. It’s probably not surprising that I grew up to have borderline personality disorder.
My mother!
There is definite a template learned from an abusive upbringing which you think is normal. You don't even realize that you are being abused until you read or are told that what you are experiencing is abuse.
I used to tolerate alot of toxic people.
I am beginning to fight back.
I heard number 3 and cried. It really sucks having a narc parent.
I'd never actually realized until now how I always undermine or preempt my own potential success. Point 3 really hit hard, and opened my eyes. I'd never thought critically about it, or put it into words, so I never brought it up to therapists, and no therapist has ever mentioned it to me either.
At least I can finally bring it up in therapy.
My husband was the scapegoat to a malignant narcissist and enabler mother, he's working hard to work this out...doing therapy and Jay Reid course on narc families, he's working on the trauma bond issue...im proud of him for wanting to change, with videos like this one, its such a help. Thank you Dr. Fox...keep these videos coming! We watch all the ones you so graciously do. Thank you and bless you.
Awe. I thank God that he is choosing to be on the road to recovery. I pray your strength in the LORD in the mighty and matchless name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth. The name above ALL names. AMEN.
What is the Jay Reid course?
@@mh1290 I don't know much about his course, but he's awesome too and has excellent YT content as well; Jay Reid - Recovery from Bad Childhoods
Your such a nice wife.
I pray to find someone like you in my journey who understands me and support it this part of my life.
But I think something it just us alone in our battles.
0:37 #1. Persistent self-doubt
2:02 #2. People-pleasing
4:00 #3. Guilt, shame, or fear about success and attention
5:59 #4. Attachment styles
10:40 #5 Relationship patterns
13:55 #6 Feeling inferior
Fuck! That's me and yes my mother is a narc not capable to love her kids!
ThankU Dr Fox. Phew, 6 home runs. The expression "pain points" itself is scathing: Distinguishing acute pain of the aftermath of trauma, from the muffled numbed pain that is chronic, stagnating. My therapist urges me to challenge those core beliefs, which is curiously enigmatic. I need to be gentle speaking to myself, and patient. If I get too boot camp about it, I trigger myself and instantly rebel. Violence turns a person into an object, starting so young. By the time I was one life was already a near death experience. Seems I'm unable to pairbond, yet I do still fall in love. Glad I'm old
Around the 6:30 mark. Had to listen a few times then it clicked. My mother is the narc. I am CONSTANTLY criticized, put down, punished then told I have poor self esteem. I remember her telling me I don't think highly of myself and I was thinking "well that's because you put me down all the time 🤷🏾♀️". She took me to a therapist at 15 years old they put me on Zoloft and the therapist wanted to meet with her. She told me that "(she) wasn't the problem and she is not meeting with my therapist". It's crazy making to grow up like that. I've been in therapy since then.
Omg, my narc mother always told everyone I had "problems" and she convinced the therapist she was fine. It's a lifelong struggle!
I know your situation well. When I told my mother that I was in therapy she exclaimed, "It's ALWAYS the mother isn't it?!" She still hates the idea of me getting help.
My mom definitely realized I had low self esteem since childhood but zero self reflection as to why I ended up that way
My mom did the same thing.. the therapist said she was the problem and she blew a gasket.. always the putdowns and then so surprised that I was shy and had no confidence in myself..
Thank you for helping blinded and abused people who never knew they were good enough and nothing was wrong with them. You are changing the world, because we don’t need more narcissists out there.
I was in the goo for 7-10years of teens and young adulthood. Through stable relationships, I'm sooooooo much stronger now. I can't tell you how absolutely horrible that was. Felt like I was in a prison of my own mind.
Another great and kind video. Thank you.
I'd like to add that people who come from such families may not think that they deserve abuse. Many times they don't know what's normal, acceptable and healthy, and what's not. They accept abuse because they don't know certain behaviors are abuse, because it was normalized.
I have the disorganized attachment style. I've always described it as trying to navigate through really dense fog. If I see someone in the fog and I start trying to reach them, I find myself disoriented and unable to really get close to them. However, if someone sees me in the fog and tries to reach me, I tend to withdraw and do the emotional equivalent of running from the unknown stranger chasing me in the fog. It's a difficult attachment style for sure, but I've definitely made progress in recent years thanks to therapy and your BPD resources
Thanks for always explaining your topics simply.
Both my parents are Narcissistic. It was a terrible life. My double wammy in this environment was their marriage was a domestic violent shitshow. I unfortunately encountered sexual abuse/ assault as a young kid ,teen, & adult.
It makes me sad that I did not let them know of the situations,, but I intuitively knew they would not be there for me.
I am 53 now and have been estranged from my mom for 10 years am my dad on an off for the same. This past fall my dad closed the door on our relationship because of my deteriorating mental health issues.
Dbt is helping me “wake up”
Your videos are a nice bright light of information that’s been very helpful in understanding my brain.
Thanks!❤
I just like you hadn't told my mother what happend to me. Maybe as a kid I felt uncounsciously that I wasnt't important for her.
@@KatrinAndHerWoolf kids are a lot more intuitive & smart than people know. I knew as a very young child no one would believe I was getting sexually abused. I was right, because when I told, I got punished. When I told *again* as an adult, I got disbelieved & shunned.
We should like twins. I am so sorry for your pain and loss.
Oh my gosh!! You are 100% on! Thank you for verifying what I knew but was told by other family members that my parents were so wonderful. They were very skillful in some ways socially. I feel such relief! God bless you.
My mom claimed she was verbally and physically abused as a child and she never talked to her mom since her mid 20s. Shortly after she stopped talking to her siblings. She moved out of state and didn’t give any of them her address or phone numbers. Well , she treated me how her mom treated her. I won’t get into to many specifics but I was hit with belts , spit on , given silent treatments at age 6 ( and still getting them if I tell her no about anything ). She has even told all of her kids that we better not put her in a nursing home bc us kids need to take care of her. I thiight funny considering she disowned her entire family and when she found out they all passed away ( except her oldest brother ) she blamed them for not telling her when they passed and when I asked her how were they suppose to get a hold of her when she moved and didn’t tell any of them where she lived and had not talked to any of them in over 30 years. She said “ they could have figured it out and found me “. She doesn’t drive ( but can but refuses to ) and expects us kids to drive her everywhere from grocery stores , all her dr appointments, Xmas shopping , b day shopping , to restaurants etc. one time she told me if we didn’t take her to her drs appt the next day she was not going to go then tell her dr none of her three kids would take her. Mind you she is perfectly able to drive or take the bus and I told her all about the free rides senior citizens can get to all her dr appointments and grocery shopping. She is a manipulator at its finest
I want my narc mother to see me becoming everything she tried so hard to prevent: a happy person who shines bright like a diamond. And then I want her to agonize from a long, painful cancer. So that she physically feels all the pain she inflicted to me and my siblings. May God hear my heart ❤ amen!
Number 3 - Guilt, shame, and fear of succeeding or being noticed. That one has been kicking my ass for 55 years. I'm surrounded by unfinished projects. Everywhere I look, something needs work. So damn depressing. What's more is I have been making concerted efforts in the past few years to rectify that. Now, I can't figure out if it's me that's the problem or the world I live in.
Electronics (not stereos or games), computer programming, robotics (not toys, but useful machines), and automation have been my passion. My parent's influence has been so difficult to overcome that I can't concentrate on the things I want to invent for hearing their voices in my head while I try to advance my work. Meanwhile, I see the ideas I had come to fruition by someone else's hand.
Thank you. I’m struggling to stay strong and keep my father from manipulating his way back into my life again. I’m scared of him as he I know he will try to “punish” me for not allowing him to hurt me anymore.
I'm sorry to hear about your struggles. Remember to prioritize your well-being and set healthy boundaries.
Interesting....my mom would tell me "it's normal for a child to want to do things to please their parents". This is when I was an adult in my 30s....when she didn't accept my fiance because he was a different ethnic background and wanted me to break it off with him.
This was an excellent tutorial. I wanted to mention- when you are this "ppl pleaser", you are hopeful that your spouse, friends & coworkers will reciprocate and you finally get a normal outcome, but many ppl are oblivious of give & take needed in relationships, or you are the helpful/reliable & the manipulatot uses it against you. Excellent video!
At the end you said 'I will zee you next time' which is just what people feeling invisible with a narcissistic parent
I have lost touch with reality because so many unbearable emotions would plague me and narcissistic people love to exploit me when I'm feeling at my worst so I developed social anxiety..
Thank you so much for these videos, i was losing my mind.
So many people especially family eroded me looking back on it...😢
Thank you for sharing your story and for your kind words. It means a lot to me that my videos have been able to provide some comfort and support during your tough times. Remember, you're stronger than you think and you have the power to overcome anything life throws at you!
Thank you so much for these videos…I finally am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel. I believe both my parents are narcissists and i never understood why i felt so worthless and empty all the time. I am 57 y/o and i thought their behavior was normal until very recently. Thank you so much for helping people like me.
I just got out of 3 month relationship with a narcissist. So I have been learning more about this topic and I just realized that I have a narcissist mother. This is the energy I’m attracting. Now that I’m self aware I can start working on myself.
Yes OMG The NAGGING & passive-aggressive comments, their own made up rules.
Very difficult to manage and deal with.
I wish I understood this 40+ or more years ago. Excellent information and ways to help. Watched a couple of times, saddest part is, will I ever stop feeling unwanted or unworthy of love. Thank you Dr. Fox for excellent video! Keep up the great work!
Healing is possible. It’s taken me a boatload of grieving to finally start feeling OK with myself. Bigtime grief. I still grieve the lost time, and it’s OK to grieve. It no longer takes me out. Blessings to you
@@CorePathway Thank you for the hope. I’ve been grieving the loss of people, children, and family it seems most of my life, never mind what I always wanted to be. I’m trying to look forward, it is tough. I’m glad you’re making it, take it easy!
My father is either a narcissist or a sociopath. I can't tell the difference
I was afraid open up to my parents when I was a kid under the belief that I'd be ridiculed or I'd hear the words: "So? What do you want ME to do about it?" I knew that fighting other kids would ruin my future so when I inevitably got bullied, I'd outsmart them and manipulate them to fight each other, or if it was just 1, I'd trick them into getting in trouble. It wasn't the healthiest way to deal with things, that's for sure. I didn't realize how unhealthy it was growing up in my household either. Every kid in the neighborhood was going through it, save maybe one or two households... Six of us made it out of that town. Everyone else grew up to be drug addicts. There aren't a lot of the ones who stayed behind left. Looking back and grieving while accepting all the times I was wrong and allowing myself to feel those bottled up emotions when I wasn't wrong has helped me to heal. It's important to know the difference too. I have forgiven what happened and I won't allow such things into my life anymore.
Thinking about Dad causes me heartburn and insomnia!
I will forget he exists, for my own good!
I stopped thinking about him!
I am sleeping more since last week.
This video made me laugh and cry. Great video!! Thank you, again! I love how you describe the confusion of it. Only we, who have this issue can really understand (and the great mental health professionals like yourself)
I can’t wait! 🎉
My guilt, doubt and fear to work full time and go back to school. Mainly because I'm so attached to my cats, and always worried of something happening or running out of time with them. I do have doubt and fear about losing disability if I Try and don't make it. Disability doesn't give me enough though to pay my bills so I do work part time. I do have some anxiety but work through it. There was years I didn't think I could or want to work at all.
I could have written this myself. Exact same scenario. I'm trying to be brave and get back to work now and have faith that I WILL BE SUCCESSFUL!! It has to be. I can't spend the rest of my life like the first part of my life. Best of luck to you. I believe in you!
@@healthychick9450 awwww Hi 👋☺️ ! Thanks for your comment. I appreciate you. 🙏 nice to know, we are similar and not alone in this. WE CAN ✨️ I BELIEVE IN US ✨️ ❇️ 💖 🌟 🎇 🥰🥰 .. one choice at a time. One day at a time. I need to remember not to react to feelings of overwhelment and wait to the next day and try again. 🌟 🌟
I'm in this same boat. I'm waiting on my final hearing for disability. I have two cats and a little girl that keep me going.. I haven't worked since before the pandemic and I'm terrified to go back into the working world again. I know that I'll have to get a part time job eventually but it gives me so much anxiety. I'm praying my disability gets approved but I won't be able to survive from it either. Thank you so much for sharing your story and helping me to know I'm not alone 🙏❤️
@@LM-yn5xq my heart ❤️ goes out to you ✨️ may you relieve blessings you desire 🙏 strength and courage 🙏 ❤️
@@sparklingloveandlight Thank you so much 🥰 and I pray the same for you!
Thanks for including the portion on attachment styles, I’d consider myself pretty well versed in narcissism and dealing with the result of my mothers abuse but it helped me understand why I’m afraid to get close and often freeze. With this awareness I can truly keep healing. Thanks
I selected out of going to Juilliard music school and married a very abusive, antisocial guy.
Um. Free will is a thing. He was a choice. This is about people born into it.
@@thereisnosanctuary6184 Cruel comment. In AMF's previous comment above she says she has Narc parents and is now over 70 years old. Suggest you go troll somewhere else. Hopefully, @Dr. Daniel Fox will delete and block you.
@@thereisnosanctuary6184 Wow, judgmental much?
@@necsefor well, allow me to lawyer up.
There are exactly 1,569,003 UA-cam channels about "The Narcissist" in a woman's life. Dr. Fox has plenty of videos and always comes back to bpd and bpd issues. Here, however is a video specifically about parental abuse, something boys AND girls can endure. Yet, still two commentors, likely more, took this as an opportunity to complain about their ex. That person they brought into their life. If they were mentioning how their spouse abused them and their children, maybe I'd lay off.
I'm not Dr. Fox. He is a kind man. I can be kind, but I prefer honesty more. So, yes I've judged 2 or 3 commentors as self serving hijackers of a particular topic. And I mentioned it.
Bless you Dr. Fox for this video and all your wonderful content and channel 🙏
Thank you so much Dr. Daniel Fox
Straight to the point!!!
Excellent video!
So helpful and supportive. Thank you.
Another great video! Wow thank you!!! 😭🙏🏻 You help us feel seen
Thank you, Doctor.
This was a great video Dr. Fox. A lot of those points (ok all of them) seem relevant to my life. It’s always interesting to see to see things that seem so real and solid to me-like feeling a sense of defectiveness laid out in black and white as a symptom that I share with other people. I think it puts things in perspective-and makes me realize it’s something that I don’t have to blindly accept. Thank you for that.
thank you very much for this video. thank you.
THIS. MAKES. PERFECT. SENSE!
Thank you for posting this content, brings me a lot of clarity I couldn't have dreamed of a year ago. Currently looking for similar style of therapy locally, just so difficult to get in as a new patient these days, but I'm not giving up!
Thank you very much dr fox. You explained very well how I feel about my broken life. I need to listen and study more to become stronger and stay with my goal. I don’t want to give up. Thank you for giving me the encouragement and inspiration.
All my gratitude to you Dr FOX from Morocco
Thank you so much 🙏🏼
My dad is a narcissist; always has been and will remain this way. I was punished for saying no to the verbal or other abuse. As if I should be ashamed. I didn't do anything to warrant his abuse(ever). He has to be in total control. I am 59 now. He is still trying to pull the paternal card "I am your father; you have to obey me no matter what. You don't matter, only to be polite, do what I want and say yes to abuse." through behavior. I don't trust him, his family or other(most) other men.
It set me up for abuse from other men; including one of his narcissistic brothers; same garbage!
They said inappropriate things to me and expect me to be nice, polite and obedient. Their mother told me to "Have a sense of humor" Neither the situation, nor the jokes were appropriate; she enabled their attitudes and behaviors. I felt betrayed by her, too. I was 26 then, I am 59 now. I don't trust these two men to this day! I deserve a much better father and uncle!
No one ever told them to shut up and leave me alone! They take silence as assent. Pathetic!
I hated family get-togethers and holidays, their mother's(late) birthday; they would act out(father, said uncle). Horrible. And then, they would me that I have the problem attitude and shape up (put up and shut up is more like it) I was mistreated. When I say "No" these men ignore me. Awful. It was disorienting. They would laugh at me, punish me for not going along with the sick games, and then make me the butt of their cruel jokes. They got away with it: all the time. They blamed me for something I never caused. It was upsetting. Dad told me to trust him, yet he hurt me time and time again; and then laughed at me; after telling me I was at fault for him abusing me. He thinks he can still silence me. No! I have blocked his number on my phone. I was taught that because I am female, I am less credible and important. Pathetic!
I resent their attitudes!
What a superbly impactful video Mr. Fox 🎉❤ You helped illuminate so many patterns for me and definitely others on here thank u so much 😁
Cried through most of this, especially knowing it's too late for me.
The only part of this vid that fails is that you are asking the child of a narcissistic parent to be aware of and change their adaptive tendencies, but an adult child doesn't know what a healthy version is. We have ideas and concepts but no emotional concept of what it feels like so when we stand up, when we try to do as you suggest, we are very unsure and alone in a new world which will reinforce doubt, fear, and anxiety.
I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling this way. It's never too late to work on yourself and make positive changes in your life.
64 year old here I came from a severe narc occult family and community I was surrounded and I have yet to this day found even one other that can relate so if I can you can you will never heal if you make excuses
Yes! Thank-you for sharing this. Fear of success is crippling- and familiarity with minimising the self feels like home. Love your work 🙏🏽
Fantastic video dr. Fox
Thank you so much for your kind words. I wish you well.
Very true, I lost my identity after wearing and wearing experiences. I went through my people pleasing to survive. Thank god for therapy to peel the toxicity.
thank you so much for your very good videos, they are helping to understand alot !!!
You are welcome!
Great video! Very informative and relatable
I'm so glad this video was helpful for you. I wish you well.
Thank you very much for this video!
You're very welcome!
Brilliant video,Dr. Fox! Thank you!
Thank you so much for your kind words. I wish you well.
Thanks dr. FOX.
I have all 6!! Where can I get more help?
Thank you so much Dr 💐
Always welcome
I'm surprised to see the amount of comments about S ilent treatment. Being ignored is only enjoyable if you want the person to leave you alone.
I'd like to validate the minority I suppose. The silent treatment is absolute torture when you don't know what's happening. Being given false hope, bread crumbs, being future faked with the idea the issue will soon be resolved while being ignored, neglected, and ostracized. It was more traumatic and painful than any physical abuse I've experienced. I literally drove myself into an extreme depression and suicidal ideation trying to fix the reason for my sisters abandonment. Over two years later and I still wasn't told. Narcissism was the only thing that made sense and gave me any type of closure and ability to stop holding onto her and my nieces.
Now I'm left picking up the shambles. Mental abuse isn't enjoyable. If you're being stonewalled and are struggling, you aren't weak. Emotional pain is processed in the exact brain region as physical.
*GOOD THINGS HAPPEN FROM GOOD DECISIONS*👌
6/6 😂 heaps to work on. Thanks for sharing this info with us ❤
My parents are both comically narcissistic. It's just sad how people can be that... Self restricted
Thank you
You’re welcome.
The story of my life basically😢
I am 59 now, and do not need to be lectured on what dad(narcissist) thinks I am doing that is disrespectful(nothing!) so he takes the lecturing tone when I stand up to him(verbally). He acts as if he can still scream, rant, rave, and I have to blindly obey and say thank you for the abuse, Dad. NO!
Or that he thinks he can take out the belt and lash at me. Horrible; for some perceived disrespect. Unreal!
I blocked his phone number so I will not be terrorized. He is a a menace. He groomed me for this and is probably proud of that. Sick jackass!
Im 50 years old and have been married and divorced 6 times. I simply can't stay in a relationship because it begins to feel so strange. I must flee the situation & only feel comfortable alone. I believe both of my parents are narcisstic.
Thank you for sharing your story. It takes courage to open up about personal struggles. Remember, self-care is crucial.
Everything viewed in this video, was spot on. It touched the very essence of the subject that has been discussed. I truly have been effected by narcissistic abuse through out my life by family members, so-called friends & employment. I most certainly didn't like it. I never enjoyed the torment, either. The day, that came to end the cycle, was a real game changer. The individuals responsible for their behavior towards me, was my supervisors, from ALL past positions, which I've held, up to my current position of employment - Let me just say, That, They didn't dare to retaliate against me, after I effectively exposed there bullshit. The evidence - I had on them was very serious, hence forth, illegal. Management and The Teamsters took over my case at that point. To this very day - I still have my job. And with every other problems, The abuse, everything - Stopped & ended on that day, 6 ( Going on 7 ) years ago. I was 46 at the time, I'm now 52.
Thank you for your kind words and for sharing your own experience. It's always encouraging to hear stories of people overcoming narcissistic abuse. I'm glad you were able to put an end to the cycle and find support. Wishing you continued strength and healing.
"what's the person in the goo doing" 😂 your metaphors are brilliant!
this is really good and helpful - thank you. also a bit sobering... I recognise these in me
Glad it was helpful!
This is a good video thanks. for many years I thought narcisstic parents are the ones that speak too much about themselves but I realised people can be shy and timid but all they consider and project to their kids is their own needs. that is also narcissism and not knowing that affect us by not realising why these symptoms exist in us
Really confusing because both my parents are narcs, but also very loving. I now realise that all the times they were there to help me, was because they were uncomfortable with seeing me struggle so rather than offer support they solved the problem. I don't want my problems solved, I want them to be not dismissed as an issue to me
If your parents are narcissists… They aren’t loving and likely solved your problems to control the outcome and prevent independence.
✔️ ✔️ ✔️ ✔️ to every word
Imagine being a child just telling your mama hey and she tell you get the f*** out of her face. Thats why i stayed in my room. Never welcoming
I have BPD, my mother is NPD. And I do belive deeply that by being sensitive and intuitive child, she didnt like me so much as my syster who is a mirror of her. A lot of toxicity, that breaks a child's heart, toxic shaming, etc. You are never good enough for anything even if you do it perfectly, you can do it better, or you have more tasks that are not appropriate for youre age. Of course that you will make mistakes in learning as a child and that is oportunity in helathy familly to growth and learning. , So Im not confused about having my diganosis, and sometimes overlap with NPD patterns. Im in therapy for four years, and it is developing conscious descisions with feeling so disregulated sometimes with inner voice that speaks mamas and sister language in my head. And a lot of self compassion and healthy boundaries. Thnx dr Fox. We all have inherent values as living beings❤
I'm really sorry to hear about your experiences growing up. It sounds like you've been through a lot, but it's great to hear that you're in therapy and working on developing healthy boundaries and self-compassion. Keep pushing forward and remember that you deserve love and happiness.
Thank you for this. Do you offer online counseling?
Thank you for asking, but I'm not taking client's at this time. I have a colleague who is at relatepsysvc.com/ She's amazing!!
I heard you say that you have a new UA-cam channel, but I can't find it. What do I look under? I love your videos! Many thanks.
Sorry, I was not able to maintain 2, so it's only this one.
❤❤ Please increase volume.
A child will progress with strength and the benefactor (hopefully plus atleast two) in the relationship is liberal to all needs as wants or goo. Thus their own desire can develop, sense of purpose.
That's the quality of relationship. Both in the quality of need and enabled.
That iceberg picture always freaked me out, and now I know why. It represents me. Man, the first time I saw it I literally jerked away and covered my face and let out a shriek. I am usually pretty stoic, but I flipped out a little bit that first time.
Conditional love ?
That’s touched on when he discusses people pleasing…
My dad has n mom have damaged me so much
Watching this just shows how unfixable this is. Im almost 30 with still no friends. Feels like im still a child, not being able to create bonds because i have to sit back and read people before i can interact and I usually end up never interacting with them. I'm stuck in this fat ass body she trapped me in. DO YOU KNOW ALL THE BULLYING I ENDURED???? PEOPLE AT MY OWN SCHOOL TAKING PICTURES OF ME AND POSTING THEM ON INSTAGRAM??? I HAD BULLIES AT SCHOOL AND A BULLY AT HOME. I studied what makes people laugh and smile. Started making vines so people could stop laughing at me and laugh at something else. I wore headphones all throughout highschool because I hated hearing people laugh at me or hear them laughing and tryin to figure out if I was the joke that just passed by. Do you know how hard it was trying to fit in when I knew I'll never fit in???
My mom even said “you have been broken since birth”
Your so true, my mother has been treating me horrible for years, so much I had to cut myself off from her, I haven't seen her in 14 years, I hate her.
I'm sorry to hear that you've had such a difficult experience with your mother. It's important to prioritize your own well-being and mental health.
everytime i watch these video topics i get such a headache lol ..... i ee simmliarites in my fam dynamic but my parents weren't power hungry .... actually my parents were very people pleasers themselves ..... but sometimes at the expense of the kids ... even when they tried to please one of us kids over the other just to try and keep that kid calm or feeling loved .... its hard to describe ..... but they would always try to be there when needed (expecully with paying for needs)...... but i often did feel unimportant till there was a disater around one of our needs ... why my eldest sister still to this day at 40 will still yell and put down my mom to get what she wants ..... very hard stuff to listen about as i actually struggle with all of these .... i truly don't know how to want for myself it makes me feel uncomfortable expecully if i love someone as i tend to love them more then mysef .... if that makes since ..... I'm also a fearful avodent when people say they like me or find me attractive or say om smart i tend to panic and feel uncomfortable it doesn't matter how many people actually like me and i have as friends it still feel wired when i try to make new friends or try out for new things and my parents made us super social as kids i always did scoail after school activities .... but now as an adult its not natural lol even with my partner i have a hard time keeping my wants if he makes a emotional plee or logical plan even if I'm scared to do it i bend just to ake sure he's happy .... i just don't want to accept my parents are nsrssatitic ......they truly do help me and think of me .... i guess when they can ..... ugh these videos make me panic and think but i guess that's good for the mind when gaining insight ..... but i literally have problems wiht all of these once other people are involved when I'm alone I've gotten good at making a choice i gues you could say that but even then its repeat all night cuz it feels comforting lol deep insight here dr fix thank you
Exatamente o q sou. Mas já despertei e tô fazendo diferente. Por mim.
I enjoyed the video, thanks.
Do these parenting styles you described put eventually the foundation for a child to develop BPD?
It certainly can.
@@DrDanielFoxThank you
Yes sooo sad😔🥲
Thank you for sharing your thoughts.
My "mother" recently "apologized" then proceeded to tell me she said she didnt want me when she waa pregnant out of anger and that it placed a "spirit of rejection" on me and that's why I grew up and was treated the way I was.
6:50 now that’s a special kind of hell
Maybe you could make a video? I’ve made some progress by figuring out if I can angle it to how it benefits him, but that’s it. Like a what is in it for him. I can’t grant special privileges - It’s like an inch equals a mile for giving.