LIVE Narcissism Therapy Session | Evaluation
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- Опубліковано 14 лис 2019
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In this video, psychologist and narcissism expert, Dr. Ramani Durvasula, hosts a live therapy session with MedCircle host, Kyle Kittleson, to give an inside look at how she goes about diagnosing a narcissist. Not only does this discussion shed light on narcissist traits, what goes into diagnosing a narcissist, and how to spot a narcissist; it also sheds valuable insight into a therapy session.
Dr. Ramani also answers:
How long does it take to accurately diagnose a narcissist?
What's the difference between narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) and narcissism?
What personality traits are weighed more when diagnosing someone with NPD or narcissism?
What can someone do to practice empathy and emotionality?
#Narcissism #MentalHealth #MedCircle #mentalhealthawareness #mentalhealthmatters #mentalhealthsupport #narcissist #narcissistic
Do you have a narcissist in your life?
Learn the narcissistic personality disorder causes, signs, treatments, and more HERE: bit.ly/378olLH
Kyle's reactions (in the past that he describes) and style of being in a relationship seem more a cultural difference to me than some kind of narcissism or selfishness. Add to that, men with lots of extra testosterone are not going to be as warm, fuzzy, touchy-feely. Testosterone makes men feel like they can get out there are slay those dragons every day, and it keeps them in a mindset of "getting the job done, gotta get it done, gotta concentrate, don't break my concentration." Artists need to be left alone in their creative mode and cannot take interruptions, it's hard for them. I view the video making part of Kyle's career as being a highly creative process. Some of it -- and I'm going on a lifetime of experience and of paying attention to myself and others for the last 60+ years -- is just plain habit, and if we are brought up in a family that is more formal and not so cuddly or demonstrative, it doesn't mean the person is narcissistic or selfish, it just means they are not practiced at being as demonstrative as others, therefore not as comfortable in that mode. A lot of what we do in life, the way we turn out is "monkey see, monkey do." Kyle, or others similar to Kyle, might need more time to process, and demands for attention to tend to the emotional needs of others when it hasn't been "scheduled" may feel like being held hostage for an undetermined amount of time. For example at a theme park, people will stand in line for a ride for hours if they know exactly how long it will take to get to the front of the line. BUT ask them to stand in line with no information about how long it will take, and they will refuse to stand in the line.
MedCircle can we please discuss the sexual narcissist?? Many women / men are dealing with this and need help!! Please
Agree with Matalynn, on that or Pervert Narcissist. I'm sure atleast a few people will be able to benefit from that
My mom n ex bestie
@@matalynnwhite1006 Dr. Todd Grande discusses sexual narcissism. MedCircle is quackery.
When I suspect I know someone that’s a narcissist so I google this video, then I start to think what if I’m the narcissist.....
I don't know you but taking your comment at face value I would say given the fact that you are questioning yourself, looking inwards, that you're not a narcissist. The narcissist doesn't look inwards or self reflect on their behaviours. Years of gaslighting can make you feel like you are the narcissist, it's because you have suffered blame for THEIR behaviours.
@@sharon9270 great point Sharon. I too feel that way at times and look inward to make sure.
You might have some narcissistic qualities but not necessarily be one
Same
Sand here.
The best way to find out if someone is lying, ask the same question in different ways. Liars are inconsistent in their answers.
Let me correct you. BAD liars are inconsistent in their answers.*
No liar can keep track of previous lies so they become tangled in the web of deceit they created. Dishonesty will always be revealed eventually.
This can be viewed as a form of GASLIGHTING. My Narc tried to do this to me by asking me something several ways to determine if I was lying. The only time I'm taking the Psychological Assessment or Assay Test is when I'm seeking employment. This is also INSULTING! I bet you wouldn't like it if I CONSTANTLY asked you questions several different ways to determine if you were lying about something.
@@ysmithriley why are you owning the narc? You are saying “my narc” lol
@@doreeno475 IT'S A TERM OF ENDEARMENT! He's mine and mine ALONE. 🤣
He's not a narc. We all have narcissistic traits and moments. Being very self aware of your flaws and conscious of your behavior is a sign of intelligence. He's just an imperfect person, like all of us.
@Adam nas x said the same lol 😂 💯🙏🏿
It seems like he is on the spectrum with regards to his comfort level with giving and receiving affection.
I heard any survival responses or modes are narcissistic because only important thing is self preservation but that doesn't mean someone has npd
Self awareness doesn't mean that he isn't a narcissist. Plus he's already in therapy. Maybe he was before...anyway
Relentlessly pursuing whatever his goals are and exploiting others to achieve this is actually high machiavellian behavior. Emotional cold he is definitely. I wouldn't wonder if he is scoring high on dark triad behavior. Lol. 100% he's controlling AF.
You might not understand what a narcissist is.
Knowledge is power. I am sitting here drinking coffee and watching this educational post. I feel so grateful that as a seventy-five-year-old woman that I am so unbelievably thankful that this format is available to all of us who love psychology and love to learn. Thank you Doctor Ramani and Kyle. You are saving lives, literally and figuratively. Thank you for Being, you are Enough.
Love your comment! Very thoughtful and inspiring!
They are more than enough, even some of the most useless souls are enough. They just started with way less ❤️
Amen!
The most successful people in life, imo, are the ones at peace with themselves. They don't need anyone else's validation nor do they wish harm or unhappiness for others.
sounds like one of the best definitions of success I've read.
My goal.
@Tina 👍Agree💯
wow, i want to think about sucess the same way. my definition right now is really bad. money and girls.
Yea I'm sure the top 0,1% of humanity are like that....not.
I have so much respect for Kyle.. the fact that he was actually open enough, even after all the sh*tty comments people have left, to tackle this issue in such a public way is very inspiring and humbling. Thank you Kyle!!!! Everybody communicates differently. I appreciate your work :)
Is he a celebrity or something? I didn't see a last time to Google it...
NVM, I found him! 😊
Respect to this guy. He is good for the job so he can help others. Nothing wrong with men wanting success, empathizing with others, being open minded and vulnerable, and working to better the world.
Yes and their are sooo many bad things about narcissism that it’s confusing. I’ve even been called a narcissist.
If he is a real narcissist he will not care what comments people leave
The first three minutes of this (and I will come back to watch the rest) sound like Dismissive Avoidant Attachment Style! (Not narcissism, not a diagnosis, just the result of subtle and consistent trauma in childhood)
I admire Kyle for being so open!
That's what I was thinking...oh and you know your stuff! Love your channel! I have had so many keyboard warriors tell me I am with a narcissist, but I know he is a DA...and I have learned to evolve around that as has he. But this narc talk..wow it does seem similar as the way this guy explains it. But Narcs are dangerous! This guy has empathy, but that leads me to believe he is not a Narc, he probably is a DA
This is not the type of narcissism I've been exposed to. Not even close. Waaaay too reflective.
@@wellnesspathforme6236 the verdict was he was not a narcissist...not even close, not even a smidge!
Some people are just not very touchy freely. In my experience when people who are less forthcoming do form and express emotional attachments they are far more sincere and meaningful.
Same thing I was thinking!
Most interesting to me was when he said he no longer yells at customer service people on phone calls. He said the reason he stopped is because it didn't work, not that he felt bad. At no point did he actually display any concern for the feelings of those on the other end of the phone and the impact he might have had on them.
Sorry, but if you're lousy at your job you deserve to be yelled at. Wtf...
He is actually too nice.
@@mirabella2154 there is nothing that excuses abusing people.
@@linden5165 That's not "abusing". That's an adequate reaction to you being a failure. Do your f****** job.
Same!!! I was thinking the same thing, was thinking if i should comment or not then i saaw this. My thoughts exactly.
That was the interesting part for me too... That he didn't stop berating them because he felt bad for them, but because it didn't help get HIM anywhere faster. He realised be was wasting his energy and wanted to preserve it. Having worked in a call centre for several years, I know what it's like to be berated and abused for something that is not your fault... The person who answers the call for the organisation usually is paid the lowest out of that organisation and the fault is with the higher paid who use you as a meat shield and avoid dealing with angry customers. It was such a draining and soul destroying job. So his answer was very interesting to me.
"In order to love people we sometimes have to do things that don't feel comfortable to us because that is love.
" - Dr. Ramani
Careful with that though.
Watt Ng All day every day.
What about w a narc???
@@angelinh.5774 people should focus on the sometimes. And not feeling confortable != abused
Watt Ng This is true as long as
a.) you don't lose yourself in the process
and
b.) the other person does the same for you.
Give and take.
If you just give, give, give and the other person just sits there on the couch, doesn't do anything, but burps and naps, what is the point? Why stay for half-love?
Why stay in abuse?
Dr. Ramani
Exactly my thoughts!
@@sophiamartinez6288 Cool! :)
Much agreed - and good luck with your clinical training
@@drppr76 Aww thank you so much! Still 1 1/2 years to go :)
Whose the narcissist that liked this comment?
I shuddered when he talked about being emotionally incapable of giving what she needed. I dated ‘that guy’ who sucked love but didn’t give it. He walked in front of me. Said ‘I don’t hold hands. Get used to it’. It destroyed my heart v
@@shawnmendrek3544 it baffled me. For the first while I thought he was just teasing/joking with me.
After about 3 years I told him to get out of my life. He showed up crying on my porch with 2 dozen red roses to propose. I shut the door on him. No.
@@katharineharrison9091 So glad you kicked him to the curb and had the strength to avoid his attempt to hoover you back in! Good for you and I hope anyone in your future is better to you.
@@prettyevil6662000 thank you. If only I had known what are narcissistic traits earlier I would have exited sooner. Now my radar is strong!!!
Yeahh I can't be with a guy like that.....they may make great coworkers or business partners and be even very professional but not a great relationship partner because that emotional connection element is gonna be missing.
Pretty sure it was a “he” not a she but yeah sounds awful
He’s so right, talking about feelings seems very hard for him. It takes at least 4 questions of Dr Ramani to get a feeling. Maybe even recognizing them is hard? I can totally relate.
But something seems off, like he is trying to say the right thing. Maybe it’s just me 🤷🏻♀️
I saw that, too. I wasn't able to identify it until you wrote it. He did seem to be trying to say what was socially acceptable rather than his true thoughts. I just picked this up intuitively--can't say how I got this impression. Who knows if it's right.
There were simply too many "transparency, honesty" kind of words that were off-putting. At some point even he realized he was trying too hard to be honest and made a joke about it. Only after that he started to sound more genuine as in his other videos. But that's highly understandable given that millions will be watching
No, i did not get that at all. I think he's quite sincere
@@janedoe3648I have to respectfully disagree.
Belive it in your gut your gut never lies I felt it too he might just hide but we need to follow our gut feelings always that's what narcists doo to belive in there world 🌎 of only them in this world
i am gonna be honest she inspires me to become a psychologist
same here
Yes, the only inspiring therapist! And I've worked with several over a lifetime.
She is inspirational!
Me too ! She's the best ! Luv her to pieces ! She's like my ypunger sis !
Yeah😍😍😍
Me too!
Oh God when she said "the 53rd time might be excessive for you, but sometimes they need to talk about it 150 time before letting it go", idk how to describe it but I feel like that's so amazing
True. I just think, that a narcissitic person, wouldn't be interested in the first 52 times. Like, I think there are a lot of people out there, that would get fatigued before 150. We certainly need the world to be more patient and understanding.
I feel you can look at this differently. For example I struggle with having boundaries. I have relationships with people who tend to lean on me because I am an empathic, but also I am a people pleaser. For me to learn to set boundaries sometimes I need to stop a person for leaning on my shoulder or telling me about the same problem 53 times to protect myself from getting "drained". So I think sometimes you need to put yourself first, too. I also think there is a difference when someone is struggling but fighting, working on theirselves, working on their problems, getting different views on their problems, developing and you talk about this a lot. Or if someone is wallowing in self-pity. Then it is not your responsibility to lift this person up every time. Then you should help that person to get help. But boundaries are really important and I think there is nothing wrong with setting them (even if I do struggle with setting them).
@@eduards.906 I did that with my narc sister..she drains me so I sent her to therapy! 👍🙄
@@starseed8809 I totally get that :-D
I feel like at a certain point it’s emotional dumping tho.
Kyle is the only presenter that shows his self in 3D with real human qualities, not just a robot who just does interviews. You're doing great at this job.
Oh this was such a good segment. They need to do more simulations like this, I just realised how much I love watching Dr. Ramani work, and Kyle too obviously.
Her questions are so obvious to me. If a narcissist was smart they could easily answer what she wants to hear.
and they do. they can manipulate people around easily. they are smart and know that it is good to appear as an empath...
@Max2020 I wonder why your reply is Highlighted... :-) And these 2 work with and for each-other so the therapist is already BIAS. She should not be the one interviewing him. She is also feeling uncomfortable as her own body language indicates. Just some facts ;-)
I agree. A narcisist knowing that thousands of people would watch this, he could be manipulative. She was very smart no to hurt him in front of thousands of people, but she was very clear that she left the door open to see a RED FLAG and analyze it. She said that she had a narcissistic patient that took her months to see the first glimpse of the narcissistic personality. I cannot say that he is narcissistic, but I saw more than one RED FLAG. That is for sure.
@Max2020 Thank you for submitting your excellent, thoughtfull, & informative discussion-
"Trust your gut" has saved me many, many times- and, perhaps is the best & most accurate defense when dealing with either known or unidentified danger.
@@TofP556
Yes. Proper analysis takes time, patience and exceptional skill.
Individuals who fall somewhere on the spectrum of Borderline Personality Disorders, will need a therapist/ Psychiatrist capable and experienced with not only the complex variations of psychopathology, narcissism, BPD's etc, but, also someone very skilled to cut through all the BS that gets thrown up as a distraction to manipulate, confuse and control the situation.
Thank you as well for your particular insight & thoughtful contribution to this incredible comment/post discussion.
I have heard narcissist quote this "Everyone's responsible for their own happiness in a relationship" as a way to actually avoid taking in the emotional responsibility that it takes to actually be in a relationship.
This is good stuff right here
Yeah but the problem is that narcissists will also suggest that you need to be responsible for their emotions too, especially if it's a covert narc. The remedy is not to ascribe any sayings or wisdoms to narcissists because they use everything to be toxic with you.
Taking responsibility for your own happiness is very healthy when it's interpreted in a healthy way. Don't dump responsibility onto your partner but also don't deny your partner their rights and the things you agreed to provide for each other. Narcs demand your emotional participation to the point of being drained to death. They demand your blood.
I second that. The problem is they don't see that they can be responsible for someone's misery, like my ex would say that, and I'd say, yes, I am happy alone, but our relationships have an effect on us...
YES
Ah, yes. I didn't listen to my sister when she said clearly, I lose interest when people are in trouble, you are the older one, so don't expect me to stick around when our parents get older. She said it and i didn't want to believe it.
This is amazing. Never seen a host go this far with themselves and their place on their platform. So much love for this human.
"Being successful is having the freedom to do what you want to do, and have it feel like it's the thing that you should be doing." Love that definition!
When people say, “I’m just going to honest” or “I’ll be transparent” I feel like the exact opposite occurs.
Wendie, Agreed ! ... Here's my assessment ...4:50 in response to "how important are those compliments .." The subject responds with a quick succession of poking his tongue out , (indicative of contradicting his words )..Body language betrays a certain amount of veiled disdain regarding this particular question ...
Seconds later he states " I'll be very transparent " 4:52 yet, at the same time, his head moves, quite emphatically, from side to side, with a categorical, "No! " ..Body language reveals an obvious lack of candor here ...
11: 49 " yeah the person who is walking out of an expensive car is more successful than a person on the street ..."
Such ideology strikes me as someone with a somewhat glib, shallow outlook on life. A personality devoid of any real depth of character...This derth of insight might not point, necessarily to narcissistic personality disorder, however, such want of perception, surely betrays a certain superficiality of character. Someone lacking in higher awareness which is indicative of someone with narcissistic tendencies, wouldn't you say ?
Again, when asked, " Has rage ever been a problem for you ? " 14:30 The subject denies that it has , however , 15:25 he goes on to state that 10 years ago he would have been irate, screaming, yelling.. In my opinion, such response, does, come across as somewhat of an over the top reaction to have during a brief customer service call ...Oh well ...
stormwings1 I wholeheartedly agree. It seemed like his answers were “too perfect” and some were just...so quick! This seemed prepared, scripted, rehearsed. The 11:49 moment particularly jumped out at me, too.
Well actually thats usually a sign that they arent always honest, if they have to call out they are being honest THIS TIME, then what about all the other times
I think there's two forms, misdirection and buffering. One aims to obscure the truth, the other aims to provide a lead in, and frame, where you can soften its blow. The latter is a matter of control as you're biasing the listener's perception towards a more personal, and vulnerability level, such that they're less likely to react strongly. If they do react strongly, the frame has been established where your internal world can be selectively leveraged and weaponized as supporting evidence, and thus you can bring in the more abstract ideas about human existence. Which again, provides the illusion of personal presence and vulnerability, when in fact there is very little. It can be very powerful for the risk-averse.
But if you pay attention to the context (which is revealing himself about his business strategy in front of his viewers), "let's be honest" and "I'll be transparent" are something that you would say, because businesses/business(wo)men usually aren't comfortable in revealing their trade.
I want to see an interview with someone that has been diagnosed as a narcissist. (if the person actually agreed to be recorded of course)
The Sam Vaknin interview
@@sstaikou which one? Link?
@@aerynb8738 and Sam Vaknin's channel. ua-cam.com/users/samvaknin Priceless!
@@aerynb8738 this one too ua-cam.com/video/DAsVHeI1C6k/v-deo.html
I saw one with a diagnosed psycho
Not me sitting here grinning at the end, awwwww. It’s always really nice to see people take ownership over their lives like this 😊 this is why I always feel better after a therapy session, brings back that feeling of comfort that there’s something I can do to help myself.
I love the transparency in this discussion. Kyle and Dr. Ramani are soo awesome and relatable 💜
The NPD person in my life would answer all of these questions in a convincingly humble way. And not because they would purposefully be lying, but because they truly conceptualize themselves that way. NOT to imply that the gentleman here has NPD, as I know very little about him and never got that impression personally. But watching this video made it very apparent why people with pathological narcissism slip under the radar of professionals. For example, when she asks him if he expects recognition for the things he does. The NPD individual in my life would say something like "No. I do what I do because I feel it should be done, and I love doing it." But in reality, she'll have a bombastic meltdown if not enough people complimented her on the dish she brought to Thanksgiving, or she'll hold her lack of recognition from you against you for months and use it as ammunition later.
Exactly. I'm glad someone else can see this.
Another clue was:
- Do you ever rage?
+ No.
- How about on the phone to customer service?
+ Oh god yeah, I used to rage a lot
- Why dd you stop?
+ It wasn't helping *me*.
Also, with my own NPD ex... let's say she sent a text message saying "be here at 1:30" and I got there at 1:15, she might rage at me for not being there at 1:00. At first she'd insist I was late and the text said 1:00, then if I showed her the text she'd say, "I clearly meant 1:00, everyone knows you shouldn't leave things till the last minute". If I then pointed out "your communication could have been more clear" she'd have raged more, walked out and disappeared for a week, ignoring my calls and discarding the friendship.
Here's the kicker though: she would say something like, "Yeah, I think I'm very empathic. Like, if I feel as though someone's consistently failing to respect my boundaries, sure I'll listen to them and try to understand what's going on in their lives but I do believe there's only so far you should go. So at some point, yes, I will cut out people who I believe are toxic and damaging to my life".
And the listener would imagine she was genuinely the one who suffered the toxicity.
The thing is, she genuinely believed she had suffered. If she felt pain because her imagination said someone was late, she would genuinely perceive that person as being abusive, no matter the evidence to the contrary.
She would also have perceived my comment about "your communication could have been more clear" as gaslighting because, in her head, that was me turning something that was undeniably *my* error back on her and trying to make it seem like it was her fault.
Her suffering was genuine, just as mine was. She didn't "fool" anyone, they just accepted her in her reality.
This is *SO TRUE!*
@@williamwatson1829 sounds more like BPD (borderline personality disorder)
@@bodyofhope I was distracted by the BPD red herring for quite a while too but it never quite fitted. Covert narcissism was where it was at in the end with this girl - and it fitted like a glove.
The two are strangely similar and yet painfully different.
And thanks for your input. I appreciate it.
@@bodyofhope Actually, now I think about it, my description above was more of a blend of the behaviours of various ex's.
And so you're right, my description has lots of BPDness in it. Well spotted. It's probably more BPD than NPD.
With the NPD girl I'd say something totally innocuous like, "Would you rather go ahead or wait for me?" and then she'd just go furiously silent. I'd ask her what she'd heard me say cos she must have misheard it and she'd just get up and leave, send me a furious text telling me it was all over, that she'd blocked me and I was to never contact her again.
It was only a couple of week's later when she'd finally calmed down that we'd have some bizarre discussion where our "facts" didn't seem to quite match.
It always made sense to her that she was right to be angry at the time... it's just that she'd decided to do the noble thing and move on from it.
Difficult times.
When we hear someone's emotions, we are simply saying, "I will be a witness to your journey, you matter to me." It is a powerful gift to give and receive.
Why do so few people understand this?
LOVE IT! THank you for sharing your message, Red Barn Homestead. I will remember that!
@@nocando89 maybe they never had it growing up, so it feels unusual, unnatural to them.
I love this because I’ve been thinking of finding a therapist and this gives a glimpse of what a session could look like. Thank you!
This is great, Thank you for being so open Kyle. We get to see how Dr. Ramani works as a therapist. Very therapeutic.
Being in a relationship w a narcissist for 30 yrs, I can honestly say, I too, could be that person on the plane who can’t deal with the emotions of others. I found I had SO much or my own emotional drama/baggage, that I couldn’t find space for more emotional drama..... As I heal, my heart is opening up more and enabling me to give perspective to those in similar situations.....
I feel like this too. I'm not that great at holding other people and nourishing them for an extended amount of time even when they want it from me because I have enough issue carrying my own emotional baggage and I feel like I can't take on more. So I guess that part of me is narcacistic. Sure I'll try to practice it more but I always feel emotionally depleted afterward. :/
This is what kunal in bhootiyan kaniya
Shout out to Kyle for putting himself in the spotlight! That takes some balls to be evaluated on such a public scale
The live therapy sessions are SO helpful. Thank you for being willing to do these!
Kyle is clever and has amazing tools . He crabed me on one of his interviews with same Dr. On sociopathic, narcissistic behavior.
He really listens well and reacts with the right facial expression. I think his shadow is Kyle's best friend and he is aware of it and how creepy and dangerous it is. Great interview!!
I knew a narcissist that used the word ‘transparant’ a LOT. He was so transparent he never heard what I was really saying and was never there for people when they needed him. THANKS BRUNO. (lol)
*cough* jeffree star *cough*
He seems like the kind of guy who does things because “that’s what’s supposed to happen” instead of him truly believing it’s the right thing to do
He was right sometimes though.. it's fcking annoying that some people ALWAYS want to "1-up" anything. The people who change the topic just because they want to be the center. "My mother just died"... "OH you should hear when ny dad died 40 years ago.. ".. and then continues 100% talking about that.
Lars, Like what you just did?
@@LarsRyeJeppesen that being said some people do mention similar experiences to yours to make it valid when they try to ask questions about your situation because they want you to know they're coming from a place of understanding. You really need to listen to the follow up, tone, and know the person well enough to know if 1-uping people is their MO or if they just care.
1-upers are annoying, being accused of being a jerk for 1-uping when you're trying to create a "safe space" so to speak is just infuriating.
Not sure how I "1-upped" the original comment? I just said that it's not easy to be a good listenener to a person you know will redirect anything they hear, to something centered around themselves. It does test the patience at times. Just my opinion.
@@brattrox2939 Yes, totally agree - it's a fine line and hard to define.
After watching this interaction...I love Kyle even more than I ever did. He is a great person doing the very best he can and who can ask more than that. He is willing to do the work required to continue to grow?...and we all benefit from his career choices via MedCircle. 🙏🏻
This was the absolute best simulation therapy session I have ever watched. Gratitude to both of you for your honesty, insight & participation !!
🙏💗🙏💙🙏
You will always feel alone when your involved with a narcissist..
You are not the only one.
Same here...
Yep! Exactly how it feels. Better to be alone :)
well said. I remember telling my family..even though we are together I feel like I'm alone emotionally.
And sad.
I love watching her as a therapist. She never misses a beat, no matter what he says. She is integrating everything he says and inwardly compiling a picture of this "new client". I love how she effortlessly asks the questions in a conversational manner that is pleasant. Her subtle ability to ask and receive is inspiring without it seeming like an interrogation. Wonderful therapist.
West Indian doctors suck! Lol as most people from India that came too America are monet motivated narcissist themselves. Therapy isn't meant to be an interrogation. It's supposed too be at there own pace , not overwhelming emotionally without the correction. Real Therapy works at seeing how one moves and moving with them patiently. Hence the word patient.
God I want to see more content like this, where it basically is a therapy discussion but includes insights from both parties. This was so useful, and her tips at the end were good advice for pretty much anyone!
"Relentless pursuit of what my TARGET is..."
not goal or objective, but TARGET 🙂
A lot of movement throughout the entire clip! A lot of body language, micro-expressions both sides. Very insightfully for any scholar! Great material! 🙏
that fact he would sit down and be willing to do this means he isn’t a narcissist. He is able to self reflect and own where he is a human being. We need to be careful in how we apply narcissism.
We all can have narcissistic moments or traits. A full on personality disorder is completely different.
Hard to say, they’re master bullshiters
No narcissists love sitting down to talk about themselves.
@@abbylynn4869 if they do, it's a dishonest and grandiose monologue.
@Jonnica1991 totally agree. I have never viewed this man as being a narcissist. Armchair therapists need to calm down and stop labeling everyone a narcissist.
@@crickkett7510 absolutely agree💯...and divisive also. I've viewed massive amt of videos on narcissism, but people should understand there's a spectrum of narcissistic traits and full blown npd. Of course people have lot critical thinking skills so they see everything as black and white.
The way she holds back when he says all rich people have made good financial decisions and all homeless people have made poor financial decisions. I’m guessing therapists are use to holding back when clients say their opinions
He's also admitted that he's been doubtful about the existence of ADHD in the past (in another (newer?) video), so he's definitely open to being corrected. I suspect what's at play here is a common item of cultural indoctrination that we all know too well: The idea that everyone, at the fundamental level, is of the same boilerplate, and if someone deviates from that, they're "being bad". It's a very convenient way of excusing away the struggles of those who don't mesh well with society's rules for the game of resources, easing the burden of neglecting people in need of accommodations and making it easier to procrastinate a change of rules.
Now, I'm not saying that he's entertaining these notions consciously, but rather that, like so many, he seems to have fallen victim to our culture of strife in his thinking.
THANK YOU !!!📢 I noticed that too and I was like oop 🤭
That must’ve been hard to hold back. I wanted her to educate him but I understand it wouldn’t have been appropriate.
Not every homeless person has made poor decisions and not every rich person has made good ones, period!!!
@@christianknuchel soo well put.
Yeah those heirs and heiresses really made great financial decisions to be born into money 😆
@@sarzootashoota351 yeah.. they are lucky.. maybe. But why care about them or their money. One needs money to have a good life.,but after a certain point it's really just too much. And you can't have normalcy anymore. A fulfilling life isn't anymore, even with that much money, then
Kyle is definitely a great human being with such an open and honesty to him, and super intelligent and I think he is an authentic and mindful and content person.
Major props for putting yourself under the microscope, Kyle. Like you, I struggle with outpourings of emotions from others, sometimes. I've been burned by love-bombing and I sometimes don't trust it when someone is being overly effusive, especially when I don't know them very well. Those of us who are empathic sometimes need to have strong boundaries to protect our own mental/emotional/psychic energy, because there are people who will take advantage. I see that as being a case-by-case thing. I think it's good that you asked for some tools, given that that pattern has hurt you in relationships. It shows your willingness to look at your flaws and try to improve what you can, which is the opposite of most narcissists, who have a really hard time with self-reflection.
To really put a Narc on the spot, you need to have friends, ex- friend's, family or ex -conworkers brought in.
Very true because most narcissists will manipulate the truth if alone to paint themselves as the good guy.
Lost BorderlineSoul 👏 So well said and so true.
Damn like an addict reunion
So true, so true. When a light is shone on them and they are put on blast,they can hide it so well. You would think the victim is lying or making it up in their heads. But in a setting where they are secretly recorded with family, friends and co workers,that's when they truly shine in their true colours.
I think exes, for sure! I feel like every narcissist I've dated had manipulated their friends and family, and reserved their cruelty for girlfriends. I think exes are essential to talk to!
Having a parent who most likely is a narcissist I must say that they can be hard to expose in this kind of setting and situation. My patent is highly intelligent and can put on this persona who would say and answer questions like these in this way ... but when a narcissist isn’t prepared/knows all eyes are on him/her, is living life (more behind the scenes) that is when they can be observed and more easily revealed.
I can’t say if this person is a narcissist or not, because I don’t even know who he is, but I want to highlight how extremely well spoken some people with complex personality disorders can be.
When I studied psychopathy during psychology studies I remember how one of the psychopathy research psychologist, who has been in this field for decades, wrote that he can work with a psychopath for years, always being aware and on guard but still get tricked by them over and over again.
And through my own experiences the only thing I can trust regarding my “narcissist” parent is that everything that comes out from that person’s mouth is a sort of game play.
This person is obviously (to me), hands down, not a narcissist
@@nancylane8092 Even the psychologist says in the end of their interview that it’s very hard to tell if he is or not ... that it might have shown further down the road.
Also there has been extensive research whether adults can tell if a child is lying (even their own) and results are that we can’t.
@@nancylane8092 not necessarily true. I had to talk to my ex’s counselor first to tell her how things really are because even a narcissist can fool a therapist.
My mother is 100% avoiding relation style, she's psychologist & I guess she's hidden narcissist. She knows exactly what to hide because she's a specialist in it, isn't she?
@@nancylane8092 I think he's a narcissist in a healing process but he's doing really well & I guess it costed alot of work to him. Admire.
Thank you for sharing this experience. Growing up my mother needed a "sounding board " that became me - she knew and uses many tricks of the traid for managing her public self and maintaining her ability to have friendships that were meaningful for her. Friendships that were not only satisfying and fun but also supportive, a support group. She was amazing to me in her people skills.
But her home growing up was physically and mentally/emotionally abusive. So behind closed doors - she managed her inner turmoil by taking it out on the kids. Counseling Services were in their infantce and mom,I don't believe would have ever dared to work on her can of worms as she call her issues for fear of becoming "Humty Dumpty " like the Nursery Riem falling & broken... can't be put back together - lots of fears etc.
Nothing is deeper than happiness Kyle .. inner peace and happiness is success .
Man! She's good.
Yes!!! I am loving watching her do this!
I really enjoyed this video. I think I have some issues now.
Kim lol okay Kim, I’m sure you’re an expert
She is good
❤
Would have been interesting to hear about his parents and how he was raised, it reveals a lot.
AWESOME point.
He's an emotionally avoidant
@@Sand24 Do you know what causes that? The term you used applies perfectly to someone that I know. I wondered if it was a childhood thing, or just personality.
I had the same point. It would be interesting to know about Kyle's relationship with his mother, specifically about what he experienced in childhood. Because there's the key.
As a psychology graduate their are many studies emerging that reveal that childhood experiences do and can develop into narcissistic individuals.
For anyone interested google freuds theory ( kinda questionable), more over use google scholar and type in narcissim and childhood, it will give you alot of studies... ive just completed a dissertation on narcissitic triats as alot of narcissits go un diagnosed as they dont think or perceive themselves to be the issue...their ego and grandiosity,manipulation tactics, ego wont allow them to. Thats why i find this hard to believe that one has allowed themselves to be filmed...however, look at all the excuses for his behaviour that he is giving...is anything his fault? Would love to see his NPI-40 SCORE x
So good to see Dr Ramani in this context - obviously the girl knows what she's doing but this episode really showcased how astute she is. Respect!
Loved, loved, loved this video and loved Kyle even more for being so transparent and open … ❤️❤️
I love the way she asks the question and just waits. Mm hm and silence. And he ends up talking more. The pressure is insane.
She would be an excellent interrogator
@@blahblahblahblah2837 He is a empath, not a narcissist. The narcissist is a talker and empath is a doer.
I personally believe that it is difficult to diagnose a narcissist, especially a Cerebral Narc as they are very intelligent, manipulative and are able to show empathy. They are good at presenting a positive image to the public and only those close to them truly see who they are.
So on point Eliza! 👏👏👏 I know a bench of them, and they can be very charming and popular!
Once you are familiar with the pattern and how it looks and feels, you can spot it *immediately*. It's not difficult at all.
Sounds like you are describing a covert narc (aka vulnerable narc)...
My ex was it, and i am so sorry to his next supplies. It will be never ending story.
Narcissist are on the verge of extinction. There's a ton of information on youtube. They no longer have the power they once had.
Wow this is so deep I am impressed. They seem to be focusing on spirituality in a serious way, about the person’s inner work and that is beautiful
I respect Kyle for doing this. Nobody is perfect and he is clearly admitting what he can and will not do (setting up his boundaries) but at the same time trying to extend that boundaries (doing effort to improve himself) not for himself but for the people that matter to him.
Narcissists show great interest in you in the beginning of the relationship!
You are the "cream of the crop" and they show their concern for what you say and how you feel. They "hang on your every word"!
Once you trust them and are emotionally invested, they respond to you with indifference!
Wow. This is a good one.
And verbal abuse that gets worse
Exactly
Holy crap that's exactly what I've done... However I say I've gotten to know them deeply quickly and there's nothing else to guess about 😉
And abusive behavior..
Kyle literally made sure to give the right amount of right answers and put little things in there to show when his “empathy” runs out and as an empath I see right through him. Kyle is the guy I would use all the lessons for and RUUUUUN if we crossed paths.
I'm glad I'm not the only one who felt a little off-put by how positive all of his answers were. Almost over-genuine, if that makes sense.
But hey, it's one UA-cam video that he knew would be posted for his audience. I don't think we can give this one video too much weight.
Plus he was pre-empting all of his answers. He couldn’t just say “yes “ or “no” he had to justify his answers every single time
I also thought the same..his nearly perfectly planned answers..sorry Kyle no offense!
Yep RUN. I think Romney is aware
I think she knows he is full of shit!
His body language around the questions. Its very defensive and protective. It relaxes when interview is over.
I LOVED THIS! And I actually love the personalities of these two people.🤗 Bravo! 👏🏻👏🏻
Narcissists love attention, infact they always have the answers, never wrong, politically correct, love status, can't understand people emotional and feel like the world needs their greatness. Their conversations are the things we've heard over and over again in a sense that they say things that they know people will agree with. Remember they are not emotionally open and always make sure that they are not seen in a bad light.
wow this sounds like my father
I was waiting for this comment thank you!
Sounds like Meghan Markle 😄
i've met plenty of narcissists who weren't at all politically correct. they are whatever they're bubble deems as cool and what makes them popular.
@Noeea 🤔some; a type of them. The ones that I have been exposed to don’t fit the attention, status, and rarely enough are very quiet 🤐 people.
This man is me...I'm very much an arms length avoidant personality type. Keep things at a polite distance. Wasn't always like this but people wear you down eventually.
Sad... try to fix yourself and open your heart
Better that way
Nothing WRONG with being the way this guy is in the scenario it's also brave of him to put himself on the spot
amen!! i am exactly the same . for many reasons.
Kyle very so much shows the tendencies of an avoidant type personality.
I respect you for opening up about yourself. I love you and Dr. Armani together. I like what you say all the time.
Being heard and validated is so important. Also, when strangers talk to you, listen to them, so many people have such interesting life stories and you will learn so much from them. 😊 I think Kyle is a nice guy and very ambitious… nothing wrong with that at all!
Being nice and ambitious is good, but these are not great traits on their own. I know nice people who lack empathy and ambitious, utiliatarian people are ten dollars a dozen (I'm accounting for inflation since the clique was first used!). I think there IS something wrong if empathy is lacking in a person!!
The fact that answering those questions would’ve been the exact same from me is freaking Awesome. It’s crazy the world doesn’t think that being genuine is a thing anymore 🥺
I love Dr. Romani so much, she is such an inspiration and has so much great information on the subject of narcissism. She makes me feel comforted and validated and she isn’t even my real life therapist.
I loved watching this. Kyle was so quick to know how he feels and how he responds to others under different circumstances. I would like to see an interview between Dr. Ramini and a narcissist.
Me, too. That would be insightful!
Yeah, when Kyle answered the definition of success question, I knew he failed the narcissist test. Great session. Thank you both for your dedication and contributions to mental health. I am a therapist and I get a lot from these mock sessions. Would live to have Dr. Ramani as my therapist.
Same. He said he would have to know someone and that was like oh yup
Why?@@spacebar9733
28:35 soooo true! I completely shut down if I'm talking about something important and I see that reaction, it tells me that I'm clearly being a bother, why would anyone keep sharing with someone who clearly doesn't want to listen? it's heartbreaking even if it's done out of ignorance or habit.
I loved the end!! really makes you think about how you can look to other people by just changing your ways, smiling to people more often or listening to their stories. I am an introvert so it's hard for me sometimes to do that, but this gives a lot of insight!
Thanks for sharing your journey and working so hard to learn about yourself while helping us. I hope you find your One who is already her own One 🌸 And thank you Dr for the wisdom 💞🙏🏼
This was SO insightful. Thank you for doing this interview. Learned a lot today.
Needed this, especially at the end when Doc says that you have just give people an ear for when they need to vent irrespective of the number of times they keep repeating themselves.
Fighting my internal battles with narcissistic people, I took back some of my empathy even from genuine friends. This taught me to not close myself so much that I forget to share myself with good people. ❤
Thank you both for being so open and willing, it helps us all.
Hey I have been surviving a narcissist father & mother & just getting out of a marriage with a narcissist-thank you
I am learning a lot about myself with this transition but it is difficult…takes a lot of work
Thank you for sharing information on this topic
I love the dynamic between Kyle and Dr. Ramani.
Thank you so much for volunteering, Kyle. I really appreciated watching and learning from Dr. Ramani as a therapist to be myself 🙏🏻
Sooo good. It was neat watching Kyle having breakthroughs as the session was coming to a close. A good therapist can eventually lead someone to that point, however, I can see that getting a narcissist to that point may take a long time if ever.
Great advice at the end! I'd also add, give yourself time to listen to your own emotions. If you can empathize and show kindness and compassion to yourself, that skill transfers to listening to others.
I feel like I relate to him completely! It doesn’t matter what you do as long as you do it to the best of your ability.
He's not narcissistic .He's way too aware of things and people around him ..He's way more empathetic than alot ..usually they don't recognize other people's situation
23:47 she doesn't think do either
On the counter - A lot of his responses are generated to make him look like a really good guy. For example, she asks him if he's ever had any issues with rage, to which he replies "no.." (14:32) later he recounts how he'd be "irate" and basically pissed af in the customer service situation. Also with the goals thing, his goal ah omg imo it's kind of obvious but oh well.
Oh sweetie....typical poisonous narcissist who is also good at acting as well....that is one nasty piece of work in real life....trust me....wouldnt want to be around him not even for 5 minutes....
@@ayemar1660 Note that rage is specifically uncontrollable and violent anger, where irate is only a step up from being generic angry. So one may never reach the point of violent anger even if they get pretty damn angry sometimes. From the sound of this, he use to have issues getting really angry, but has learned to temper that before reaching that level now, 10 years later as he said. Whether that's because of aging and maturing or therapy or both doesn't much matter. It's personal growth.
Unless it's all a big lie to tell her what she wants to hear, which isn't outside the realm of possibility if he actual is a narcissist. I'm still not convinced he is. I've been around a couple in my life and this guy doesn't come close to pinging those red flags. But I'm no mental health expert, so I'll defer to the professionals.
@@davidgahan-ks5jh Oh, Sweetie. When will YOU realize we only see in others what's most apparent in ourselves. What a nasty piece of work..
Outstanding interview. I so much admire and respect Dr. Ramani's work. Appreciated Kyle's transparency and receptiveness towards Dr. Ramani's insight and suggestions. Bravo! Great work!
I also noticed a statement he said. Words are very powerful. I can't quite remember the question given to him but what JUMPED out to me was when he said " THEY'D BETTER BE". To me, that speaks volumes.
Wow Kyle that must have been so hard especially since some bully you! I pretended she was asking me questions. I paused after every question and answered her before he responded. Helpful to hear my true feelings out loud.
This is such a great interview. I love Dr. Durvasula so much! She's so good!
I think you are amazing Kyle!! You’ve been so inspiring to me! Love watching you guys, do your thing! ❤️
Thank you Kyle for opening yourself up for us.
In love with Kyle view of a relationship. "Do not want someone to complete." That's it. We don't need to be completed. We are already complete being who we are. 😍
I feel like my ex narc could have blown through that interview lied on every answer to every question and made it through. How does a therapist go about diagnosing narcissism knowing that their pathological liars?
I think multiple sessions and actively watching that their words match their actions, assessing body language, maybe talk to family members or spouses in some cases.
Requires experience and careful analysis. Body language plays a huge part in psychology. I never knew this until recently, but my former therapist used to watch my body language all the time, and would point out in his notes how I was feeling based on body language. He was spot on every time.
Edit: Also requires time. Narcissists tend to show their true colors later on. Psychologists would see them for at least a few months to even a year or more to determine if the person is a narcissist.
Pretty sure they've been around the block enough with these people that they can see through it. I think most narcissist don't feel a need for therapy.
There's a lot of huge red flags like not taking responsibility for their actions
It can take years until the counselor comes to that determination
I highly admire how the patient portrayed the patience level of a human being. This needs to always be evaluated in my uneducated opinion. This is so great.
Thank you for sharing your information ℹ️. And thank you for being there in my future with the courses you offer. I’m still worried about taking my problems with me when I move. Thank you for raising this possibility. Thank you to Kyle for sharing his story also.
This guy sounds like someone I'd really enjoy spending time with, even if we didn't agree on much. Because, sometimes it is not so much about lifestyle choices as ways of thinking.
Since I can't afford therapy right now, I watch videos like this as a "substitute" and this was WONDERFUL! I definitely need to practice my patience with friends and listening instead of getting annoyed. Thank you, Kyle! And thank you, Dr. Ramani! ❤️
We keep learning about ourselves and others everyday. It is a life long project. 🤔 Our environment has a lot to do with it.
Don’t practice your patience. If you aren’t a naturally empathetic person then just let it be and accept the consequences.
I love his definition of success- totally agree! Great video. Thank You!
Excellent video. I have watched this several times and have learned so much that I find has been helpful. I have really appreciated all your videos. You work very well together so hope you continue to do so in the future. 👍😊👏❤️
What Dr. Ramani says at 28:29 to 29:00 is pivotal. We all need to practice this more in our lives no matter what stage we're in. Subbed.
Paid to say that?
Oh he totally got paid a fuckton of money to leave a UA-cam comment, and it got over 10 likes!!!
It’s a lucrative business, the comment-leaving.
lol you guys are so funny 😂
I love this so much. Kyle is brave for being so open, Dr Ramani is amazing, keep it up!
fantastic interview with seemingly honest responses.
and the last 5 minutes of this video is such excellent advice!!
Kyle doesn’t sound narcissistic to me, but relatively healthy given his willingness to focus on self-improvement and undergo therapy. His level of self-awareness and ability to take feedback, even admitting to feeling jealous at times, reveals a level of self-awareness that some do not possess. He appears honest & forthright, admitting that he’s limited in using the Love Language of verbal praise which does not equal lack of empathy.