Why did you pick someone so difficult?
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- Опубліковано 3 вер 2018
- R Baker writes, “Brilliant video, and Nikka was an adorable addition. Can’t wait to see the ‘why did you pick someone who was so difficult?’ video, Susan! I’ve realised that, age 40, if all my boyfriends have been disappointments then the basic common denominator is me. Not them. I really want to change who I gravitate towards. Pretty much guaranteed - if I find myself liking someone, I reckon I should run away as they are guaranteed to be complicated and cause confusion and disappointment in my life.”
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As seen on OPRAH, bestselling author/relationship expert Susan Winter (Allowing Magnificence and Older Women/Younger Men) writes, speaks and coaches on evolutionary forms of loving partnership and higher thinking. Media credits include: THE OPRAH SHOW, THE TODAY SHOW, GOOD MORNING AMERICA, ABC/CBS/NBC EVENING NEWS, CNN, BBC, COSMO, HARPERS BAZAAR, PEOPLE, FORTUNE, BUSINESS INSIDER, NEW YORK MAGAZINE, THE LONDON TIMES, and THE NEW YORK TIMES. In radio, Susan is a frequent guest on NPR, ABC, PLAYBOY RADIO (Sirius), and CBS NEWS RADIO. Her articles can be found on THE HUFFINGTON POST, and THE GOOD MEN PROJECT. www.susanwinter.net
"It has to do almost everything with the past" that phrase just made me realize that being bullied by the boys in school defined the type of men i go for today. Thank you so much Susan, your words are worth gold!
We pick someone difficult because we Need to "grow up." and these people challenge us to do that. I have had four men in my life..who all taught me..different valuable things I needed to know. We often learn much more from our enemies than we do from our friends. Pay attention!
Well said.
This beautiful lady understands things and clarify information clearly. I'm blessed to find her channel. She deserves more like and subscribers. :)
Paradoxes like the following still haunt me regarding "difficult" relationships.
- If she is amazing, she won't be simple to get back. If she's simple, she won't be amazing.
- If she's worth it, I wont give me. If I give up, she's not worthy.
Too many mind games/manipulation tactics out there. You are the real deal 💛 you teach to work on yourself and to be aware of things. Thank u
Another GREAT video! I had a very strong attraction to someone who was VERY wrong for me and treated me badly. I worked to get his approval like it was my job. It took me a while to realize but he was representative of my mother and I was a kid again trying to get my mother's approval. What you say is so true - there's a wound revealed in every relationship we have. Our job is to see it, heal it and move forward. Thanks - you're great!
I think it started with my mom.. never felt accepted by her for just being "me", always felt like if I didn't meet her expectations I didn't deserve her love. Then my parents were not a great example of love - my mom held my dad at a distance and he was often very jealous of her and what she was doing, where she was going, possessive. Then I was bullied a lot in school.. I distinctly remember a boy I had a crush on deciding he wanted me to be his girlfriend then after school he called me with a bunch of his friends and told me it was all a joke and they were making fun of me.
Difficult childhood patterns don't explain everything, though. Even those with loving parents have fallen into the trap of abusers. There are so many abusive predators out there who are seeking out sincere, compassionate and loving women - women, who are strong, loyal and dependable. Sometimes the clues are there to see , sometimes the abuser really is skillful enough to hide their true colors.
That being said.. also many women from abusive childhood homes have found and married loving, decent men.
Agree. Well said. And correct about these being common in the dating market.
Sometimes you're lucky and you see their true colors early and also they can have that fake public persona until you're hooked into the trauma bond when you live with or marry them.
We need to educate ourselves and learn about attachment styles. The truth always lies within ourselves. Even in times when we don't 'deserve' to be treated badly, we must never victimize ourselves and always take responsibility for our choices. For instance, many people talk about the dynamics between a narcissist and an empath. The empath is disrespected by the narc and according to that logic is ultimately the victim. BUT, many empaths ignore the fact, that they might have narcissistic tendencies as well...You cannot attract an honest person into your life if you are not honest to yourself and others. This is what I had to learn the hard way. At times, it still hurts a lot. But I always try to remember that pain is a sign of growth.
Edin Kciku yes I have a video on this, check it out!
Thank you for helping so many people you are a Blessing 💜
Agreed!
and instead of travelling the world doing meaningful work, and be rich and going to fancy dinners and having a business gf I am here watching videos to comprehend what'S wrong with me
we know the Truth, I stayed tooo long at the Mathematis department, and didn't see anything outside, and didn't go to an internship to see something else and get involved...........
thus I stayed stuck looking for PhD's in probably the wrong domain............................. then, the years passed, and I missed the jump to the MBA business stuff and I missed the leap in mid twenties to another city to make new experiences and get involved in some company............. probably Paris was shouting at me.............. from there, the world was open, but I stayed stuck in Senftlstr and didn't dare walking back to TUM to ask for help, since it seemed like nobody wanted to.
fucked up
My ideas: BMW booooted out
MuRe the Scientific department with Catastrophe modelling, cancelled out
then? not much Big Data :)
I think it's because we like challenges. Maybe for the same reason, women like bad boys, guys like women who are difficult. Usually when I meet a difficult girl, I always decipher their personality as a defense mechanism and I try to see if I get beyond the facade. I keep thinking there's an interesting woman underneath the surface, she just needs the right guy to bring it out. Sometimes, it works.
Get therapy.
Almamater8888 you just scared of a challenge. Grow up.
I personally just started coming to this same conclusion on my own recently. Thank you for the video, it was the right timing for me.
YOU ROCK SUSAN! Looking top notch as usual and excellent advice. What a woman.
This one subject contains problems with my whole dating experience history. The ultimate answer to ALL my questions. Awesome, Thank U
So grateful to have come across all your videos!! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! The truth you spoke in this video chilled me from head to toe.
A very heartfelt thank you for your generosity and wisdom Susan 🙇💖
You see things like noone else and help us opening our eyes to it too. Really sensitive, uplifting and full of hope just amazing. Thx
Hi Susan! I can relate my self to this video, as a child growing up my dad was very cold with me and also he had a short temper. I have realized now why I was always in an abusive relationship as I thought that's how men are. Thank you, Susan.
Excellent, kind, Professional and beautifully explained advice, Susan, thank you!! You are a gift to the world! 🤗💖
Gosh, you're so amazing. Your content is ten times better than all the unhelpful law of attraction material I've consumed (not all but most of it). thank you and bless you
You are so good at what you do. Thank you, I'm learning a lot from you.
Oh yes! this is GOLD! Peer! Someone who can relate too! What qualities that I usually look for!? Eye opening!! So simple! Thank you!
Unfortunately i picked the wrong guy over 30 years ago because i was so completely mesmerized by his self assurance and aloofness. Only lasted 7 months. Now, 33 years later, we meet again and I'm drawn to him for the very same reasons. So now i live in a constant state of what's going to happen this time
Awesome, awesomer, awesomest!!! I so needed this!
We all love you and your advise Susan :)
Looking lovely as usual Susan! Keep up the good work.
I love the way you explain things. Even the most spiritual and psychological aspects people deal with you simplify it so well. Just want to acknowledge you for it. Amazing work! Thank you for sharing your wisdom! It’s helping so many people. 🙏💗
Thank you Susan for another great video!
I stopped asking “ why does this have to happen to me” .. and bring the victim.. since then it’s been a series of events that have slowly unraveled bits and pieces in me that have been broken. I have always known that our childhood affects our relationship in the future but it is something special to actually recognize and be self aware of your own behaviors and heal those wounds. It’s a painful process but definitely worth it.
Wow! This is deep and scary. I had a crazy marriage for years and I never realize how much of my past was affecting my choices in a relationship. Thank you Ms. Winters.
Spot on Susan. You must have read my mind. Whilst walking my dog yesterday, I asked myself why I ended up with 3 hardcore, difficult and controlling men. Penny dropped as I thought of my Dad who mentally and emotionally abused my mother and controlled every aspect of her life. She was a doormat. I don't blame him, I blame her for allowing it....may she rest in peace. She was the best mother. Anyway, what you said is so true, we are drawn to what is familiar. Time to break the cycle.
Alexandra V Tensek I'm trying to not blame my mother too for not protecting me from my father.. my mother actually blames me for not telling her things when I was 15 years old that my father did behind her back, he got my younger bro and I only pot and mum this I should've told her. I have to forgive her bc I am drinking the poison that I wanted her to injest but she will never change.. I can only change the way I respond to her and trying to not be the victim. Positive vibes to all xx
Hi Susan, I found this video today. Thank you so much, this is a great help. Identify two profiles and see into which one a prospective partner fits... why hadn´t I thought of that! This will make (love) life so much easier.
I swear I could have written this down to the quote "common denominator" phrase!
You are so on point with this, just coming out of a situations hip with my 'father' (not literally of course😂) but aloof, wounded, emotionally unavailable and frankly not there. But oh, the chemistry!!!🙄
But yes, learned a lot, healing to be done but there are far better choices for me. Love your channel, it has provided much help and guidance through a tricky time - thank you! XX
The reality is chemistry romance and attraction do not create relationship success. Chemistry is lust and limerance. Compatibility is crucial for longevity.
This is true.. I find we do go back to familiar. I broke some of these patterns. I try to choose guys different from the ones I was used too. I have avoided what I was attracted too. I avoid them a light bulb comes on I say no. I guess I'm making sense. I still have work to do
I think this message may just will be your opus I will continue to listen to it multiple times 9 courage everyone else to thank you Susan
Thank you so much Susan. You are great and sooo helpful!!! I have Father issues and I see that I'm attracted to the distant and aloof men. I had shared this with my ex in hoping he would discuss this with me and help me sort through what i wasn't getting from him. He only used it against me in an argument. Now i know he is a narcissist and toxic. If there is another relationship for me, i feel i can weed out the ones that are bad for me. Again, thank you!!!!
So accurate again!!
Omg spot on spot on spot ooooon!!!!!! You're every persons dream agong aunt. You describe it so perfectly to the point it starts the healing process faster.
Omg my mom is anxious and dad is avoidant. 😳
You are amazing! Thank you
So dead on!! GREAT answer on HOW to handle it
Thx so much
You helped me so much! You're the best
Especially helpful. Thanks!
Susan, you are a gift from GOD
Best video ever. Thank you so much, Susan. I am making those two lists right now. I am going on an internet date with a new guy tomorrow, so will give me an opportunity to try the lists out soon enough ;) I’ve started saving up for a private consultation with you too! Give Nika a hug from me ;)
Love, LOVE, Love this!you rock Susan! My buddies tell me I stick my hand in a basket of women that are crazy"not saying you all are" and pull out the one the bites me the hardest....lololol I'm starting to think they're right. I've always wondered why I choose the type of women that I have chosen now I have an idea thanks to you Susan!
This a the right answer I was just looking for
Another great video!
Would you be able to do a video on meeting someone later in life, with great boyfriend skills, but you just can’t gel with all of his personality traits even though you know this is the kind of person you should be with, but the chemistry is just not there and you’re 60 years old with not a lot of options!! When you’re in your 20s and 30s it’s easy to move on from that but when you finally meet a really nice guy but somethings missing at this age what is your opinion of that? Thanks Susan your insight is always awesome no matter what the subject!!!!
Excellent...thank u for sharing ur knowledge...
Susan, Indian Gurus are one way wind only know a lot about God but you know human minds which is much more complicated,complicit and cumbersome.
Well answered!!!!
Brilliant. 👍
You're always Beautiful and the best Susan 😊
Awesome with the 2 lists thanks for the insight on where to focus to assess n address
I was hoping Susan would have gone into the realm on KARMIC RELATIONSHIP ..I would love to hear her comments on that...but i guess that topic is beyond the scope and content of this Channel
I'll try that exercise!
Susan! I have that issue. I’m 41 and have had only one long term relationship. I’ve always had the issue of guys being intimated and feeling like I was too good to be true. They ALWAYS try to find something wrong and if you have one disagreement they run because that confirms to them that I was “ too good to be true.” It’s self sabotage at its finest. It used to make me feel bad and question myself . Even my recent ex was like that. After almost four years the relationship was in trouble and he gave up on it saying “ I knew it was gonna end like this anyways. “ I was devastated by that. You’ve been with me 4 years waiting for me to break up with you? How insane is that ?
Wow😳 thank u thank u thank u. Mindblown.🤯
This makes sense: 'pattern-matching'.. Subconscious Primitive Brain following templates learnt from our past, which we may need to change..
I dated and was engaged to a physco therapist and the relationship was a nite mare.
You are like my fairy god mother...love you..uk england.♡
Keep doing what your doing your great.many thanks.
I feel what this author is saying, I feel like the answer is a lot more complicated. I can pick a narcissist out of a crowd and not pick up on the vibes. I don't go out looking to save anyone, I go looking for fun and companionship and the opposite happens lol to the point I question what a normal, healthy relationship is even supposed to look and feel like. And here's your 'bingo': Never had a dad, mom never re-married. Yep.... ugh....
and then you slowly turn "toxic" because you are isolated and have no friends.......
allthough you aren't Toxic per se
It does not apply to me. I grew up with 2 parents that loved each other. I have the savior complex 😫
Susan Sag! I am a Sag yaya I love you Sag power 💪🏼
I date a man who is a self proclaimed ‘Commintment phobe’ yet he ALWAYS comes back to me. I can’t leave him because he won’t leave me.
I wonder myself life is difficult as it is.
Capricorn's in the house can't keep a good man down.😎⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐👈
Lovely personality
It's true...bcz I do _ is still doing this
Dating a single mother with traumas and still dealing It her ex and then she used me as her emotional tampon was a rough experience
TOP INTELLIGENT WOMEN YOU ARE SUSAN 🌹🌹🌹
I find it too difficult to understand if someone is being a certain way because they're struggling in general or if it is their continuous natural way of being. I mean some people change if they just get the insight and work through emotional wounds etc?
write out the qualities I want ? I didn't catch what she said to do! can anyone help?
But someone had said people couldn't understand me.
Brandi Love
I've realized it now.I'm outta there
Not sure what I'm attracted to. If they love me I'm sure if I work hard enough it will work out. Not done well with that strategy.
Yep. 😛 lol
I'm still not clear on this😶
EHAT SHE SAID IS MEEEE I ATTRACT ALL THE WRONG PPL
😂you Susan wanna go of the track and hack through the bushes brilliant
being hetero isn’t a choice tho