Fear, insecurity, vulnerability, past hurts and relationship failures, ego! These things can sabotage a promising relationship! We often become our own worst enemy.
So true hey. Especially when we can't get past the triggers that cause suspicion. But I believe trust is a choice. And it's developed over time and experience that it can be honored. But fear is a terrible basis to begin any relationship.
Especially in the early stages, all the self doubt and insecurity. "They're not responding quickly anymore, they're talking to someone else they like better, they're out dating and sleeping with other people that's why they don't reply" etc etc
I woke up today fearful just because of my ego’s understanding. I had a terrible day contemplating ‘walking away’ for no reason at all except to protect myself “just in case” I truly needed this video now. I feel so much better. I accept there will be fearful moments and I will not let ego win
Try to calm down your emotions is the best key to handle this. Anxiety can kill and the destroys the first steps of getting to know our new partner more deeply, and also we have to look at our emotional baggage or emotional background. Because one relationship failed for one reason does not mean it will happen again. Everyone is different and everyone deserves to be love and love. Have a lovely weekend, Susan.
I find it interesting that we all go through this dance wishing and hoping for someone who is least likely to be the right one, thereby expending too much energy on the wrong one. When we pull back and breathe it calms us down to see the full scope….we are all so beautifully unique, it’s takes time to sync up with an authentic partner. Chill and Namaste you will feel better about you and better able to meet that someone that looking and waiting for you❤️
This video is so important. Just entered the dating pool and there are gaps in communication which does make one wonder about the intentions/seriousness of the other person but it's necessary to stay calm because you don't really know what they or their schedule is like. Keep yourself actively occupied and give them the benefit of doubt. ☺
Yes. There's usually three weeks of me reminding myself that "I'm the prize, I'm the prize, I'm the prize!" This is why it's soooo important to Continue My Life, to STill go out w friends. After the third week, I've usually lost interest and don't care if I hear from them or not.
Here because I’ve JUST gotten into a relationship. Well actually it’s shocking. I wasn’t expecting it. He says he likes me A LOT and is soooo open about it but has only known me a very short while! I’m scared. I have had such bad experiences in the past!!! I don’t want to self sabotage but I’m like how can you even like me this much??? Lol. I’m also hyper vigilant after being in an abusive relationship in The past. And I’m trying not to Eff it up by self sabotaging!!
I can totally relate to this. Also with the abusive relationship in the past. I feel you. Best of luck with your new relationship, I’m trying my best not to self sabotage too!
I can relate to this entirely. I dated a guy a few months ago that really really liked me. I was confused bc I wasn’t used to that at all. Unfortunately I had to break up with him, as he moved too fast for me. I too have been abused in the past and I needed him to earn the trust he wanted from me. Can’t just speed through the first 2 months of dating. He wanted to be exclusive after THREE weeks, when we had only seen each other in person twice. So I believe I made the right call, but I did have doubts
How did you get on? I realise this is 5 months old but he might not even realise he is doing it. Tell him. He might be new to dating. He may be inexperienced. He may be trying too hard. Tell him to rein it in and learn to crawl before he tries to walk.
@@daviniarobbins9298 It was over not just because he was moving too fast, but mainly he was trying to make me feel bad about my wants and needs. He wouldn’t accept my answer and tried to force the issue. Then made it seem like he needed time to “forgive” me while he worked through it. As if 3 weeks is too long to wait for someone to be ready to commit. He was a nut case then and is still a nutcase now.
So so so true. Great advice. I have made exactly this mistake. The imagination can breed the most horrible scenarios in the absence of information. Nearly always incorrectly! My advice - when you feel as above then ring a friend even send the red to them that you would like to send to your partner. Ventilate with someone who has a little distance.
James, that's perfect advice!! Yes. Call a friend. Vent to anyone but your new love (until you have enough evidence to confirm your fears). Thanks for the wise input!
It is validating for me to hear you say things I am already doing. Thank you for that. I used to run away before they could hurt me. Then I took away my "fear of rejection" and stayed and watched what would happen if I didn't run. It is a liberating feeling to not fear rejection. I dated someone, after few weeks he told me he still had emotional baggage from ex but wanted to be with me. I told him that dating emotionally unavailable men is not my path and asked him make a conscious choice. He chose to stay and we dated for few more months, really good times, great chemistry, respect, love! Then one day he said that he might still have emotions for his ex and felt he shouldn't hide it from me since I had made it clear before. At that point, I decided to end things. I could have saved that pain if I walked away first time but I simply didn't have enough information and to end things didn't feel like the right decision. I also trusted his choice at that time. Second time around, it felt like the right decision to break up. I glad I didn't run, I stayed and explored.
When listening to her, I actually started feeling better. She is on the money with this one. I went through all the feelings of insecurity, vulnerability and my ego! Thank you so much, I think I will wait it out as suggested. It's going to be hard, but I'll be okay. Thank you for the advice.
That's Exactly what is happening to me at the moment I'm so impatient and I always jump into conclusions without knowing that other side of the story I need to change myself :(
I just started long distance dating a friend of mine who I've known for two years. She is in Russia and I am here in the USA. There was a period when I didn't hear from her for nearly three days and I thought, "Well, there goes that." In my previous relationship, I had been severely burned by someone who basically used me as a rebound to get revenge on her ex-fiance hence I thought there was a similar repeat this time. I even text my older sister and said that this was turning into ex-girlfriend 2.0. I then thought, "Well, give her a fair chance. This person is not the same as the last. Let's just see what happens." I then get a message from her, and after a very sincere discussion, it just turned out that she was very busy. She was so apologetic and sincere, she even said, "I'm not letting you go, I'm like a big grizzly bear that doesn't let go." I feel all types of happy writing this. This is still the beginning and I'm not sure where it will go, but there are tentative plans to go to Russia. Had I blown the bridge, I'd probably still be a lonely sad panda. I don't know if this will get lost in the sea of comments, but if it helps out anyone in the future, then that's good. Russia or bust!
This is so beautiful. I’m here because someone has said they like me a lot and I’m shocked. Part of me is like why aren’t you asking me questions getting to know me. But he’s working! So like why the heck am I being like this? It’s because of my exes - my last was abusive. They did me terribly!! So it’s a combination of that trauma and fear of course. Thanks for sharing
I know this was 2 years ago but I’m dating someone who is in Washington state and we were friends for 6 years before all this and I’m scared caUe I really like him and all he does is work go to his grandparents spend time go home we talk on the phone fall asleep on his days off we wake up talk till like 3 my time 12 his and we go on about our day and I get scared just cause I know he has a girl bestie but she’s not in real life bestie and it triggered my last of my ex having a friend and cheating on me lol that’s why now when I get anxious I listened o these videos or do my own thing 🤞🏽
EGO is the thing, is the thing blow up the bridge and kills almost the entire possibilities, love and everything. EGO is the next challenge, manage it before it's too late !
Why isn't this stuff being thought in high schools? How is anybody to learn about managing interpersonal relationships? Thank you Suzan for educating us, at the end of our life, or our relationships, when we finally have free time to find answers and learn. It is so rewarding to grow old, improve, and benefit from learning.
Thank you so much for that video! You really explained it in a good way. Sometimes we just overthink about the relationship and want to blow up the bridge, while we can just stay calm and put our ego away.
I did the very same thing just a few days ago. Looking back I wish I would’ve handled things in a calmer way and Given him the benefit of the doubt . When you blow up the bridge like that, it’s impossible to fix it. I never heard back from him after that. I’m always going to wonder if maybe we could’ve made it as a couple…
Hey Susan, I was obsessing/thinking negatively about a recent relationship and I just wanted to tell you that your advice solved my problem. Now, instead of thinking of what could go wrong in the relationship or why it might end, I instead remind myself that I'm brave/tough enough to walk through the fire of a romantic relationship and see where it goes/what happens.
Thanks Susan. I never really been in a serious relationship before but now, out of nowhere, I've met a great girl. I don't put effort in dating but she is different and I REALLY want this to work. All you said pertains to me. I hear you loud and clear. Thank you.
I needed this - 4/5 months ago. But i still learn the lesson of not overthinking and thinking what if scenarios. They just breed from fear and misguided thinking. This kind of autopilot mode is what killed it for me I believe and I’m still having a hard time letting go.
I wish I had found your channel like four months ago. It would have saved me a lot of sleepless nights, anxiety, panic, worry and poor decisions. But thankfully I did find it, so next time the same things won't happen again. Thank you so much Susan
Thanks so much, I was thinking about blowing up the bridge, but you're so right, it's just my fear ego. I will be courageous and persevere 💪 as I can feel that he is genuine and likes me when we are together.
I love your videos. I have gone through so much in past relationships. I really want to make this one work but the overthinking and expecting the worst are so overwhelming. This helped me a lot. Thank you
Just wanted to say thanks. I really needed to hear this. It sucks that my mind jumps to fear, probably because of past relationships. I like the idea to give yourself a timeline like 4 hours or one day.
Hi Susan. I agree with his so far. I love that he explains truthfully things to me. It helps me trust him more. I've known him now 3 years and he's very worth building a healthy relationship with
I really needed to hear this. I wanna say thank, thank you so very much. Fear is a horrible thing, was about to ruin a good thing I have going which is very fresh, thank you again!! ❤️
I had a moment of anxiety, blew up but didn't blow the bridge, he handled it well, we managed to talk, told me to stop over thinking. We reassured each other. At the end of the day I thanked him. Truly grateful he handled it well. Will really see how the relationship goes.
I've made this mistake of giving in to my fears and acting out on my emotions. I wish i could have calmed my ego and not killed the energy. How could you bring back that connection? Thank you for your videos!! They've given me a lot of insights, clarity and empowerment on so many things I am struggling with. Wish I could have found this sooner.
1:32 this was EXACTLY me rehearsing in my car the other day after no text … later his mom told me he was working in their yard all afternoon, phone inside😳 LOL thanks for the reality check Susan
Great advice. I've been there and done that "blowed up the bridge" and regretted it. Tried to get back together and never quite managed it. Learned from it though and I agree pausing and not jumping into any hastey conclusions or actions is the best way to go
Hi Susan you have No idea how much this video has helped me ! This is soo me, I blow up the bridge as you say because I feel there not interested in me, Trouble is I find in hard to work out if she was just ignore me because she never said I like you, or because she had a busy life at the moment, I'm not worried if they not reply calls/ text the same day or few days but I can't see people going weeks with out 30 secs just to say hey I've been supper busy but been thinking off you, if she wanted to be part my life, But with your videos comes clarity I'm certain I will meet the right person one day , Many thanks Robert
Best advice ever, always assume for the best and if you do not get the best then is the wrong person and that will be on them. If you assume for the worse it will be on you 🤷♀️
I used to be like that. My ego was choosing for me and I left all my exes. I just recently realized that I wasn't winning the prize for being the tough woman. I was losing a great opportunity to become vulnerable and welcoming true love in my life. By the way, I didn't leave my exes based on him not texting me or silly stuff like that (I explain my text theory in another comment), but as soon as the guy was starting to taking me for granted, I waited a bit without saying anything (so immature of me) and then after 3-4 months or so with no improvement, I called it quits. Even relationships that were 3-4 years long. So so stupid of me. Glad that I've changed. Thanks for the great video, I hope more people realize what you just said!
@@urfavweapon719 you think you are some big present some shit ? lol. You are a human too, you re far from perfect, and the men just learn how to be with you, why you not be greatfull and learn how to comunicate and SAY what you want. Instea of wating on the men to read your damn mind.
Yeah... Yes! So many times... But then after the ego/fear passed away, there is the regret, not fun at all!... Better to let things go and see. --> I LOVE the "mental discipline and faith in oneself". This is it! Thanks for the great, detailled while short (grateful for that) reminder.
Thanks Susan. This is all so true. Finally, finally my much younger guy friend and I have started talking again and we both admitted to liking each other for more than friends. After 3 years of on and off friendship omg. He just kept coming back. We talked about why neither of us would tell the other how we felt. It feels amazing to finally have it out in the open with no more fear holding me back. Of course there is more talks we will have but the hardest, well one of the hardest parts has finally come to fruition.
Congratulations on conquering the hardest part- revealing your truth. Now, you're super strong!! Nothing can ever happen without our partner getting the green light. Good for you.
Susan you are fantastic. This video is spot on. This happened to me. Exactly as you stated. And yes, I regretted it and tried to humble myself, apologize and get back together with someone. It did not work out for the reason you say! (He couldn’t trust me.) My final thought is, it’s okay. It was a very good lesson to learn. No regrets. Moving on. 😔💖
Everything needs to be understood and used in balance. This video won't solve everyone's problem when it comes to know "What is the correct amount of time waiting for a response?" Susan W. can only give us an idea about it in order to avoid giving up too soon and burning bridges. - But eventually it all depends on our emotional state that determines, if we either have done enough work to be relaxed and wait or we don't. This is at least my experience.
This is the best video in the history of time. I wasted hundreds of thousands of dollars on therapy that couldn't accomplish for me what you did in a 7 minute video. Thank you.
Well, SUSAN, we just love you as well! ♥️ You not only have helped me, but also to the many people I have inspired through your messages! In fact, I am, once again, redirecting this video to a man who needs some help regarding his “EGO” issues!! Like you, I love helping people in regards to finding true love without expectations by giving them the TOOLS which is desperately needed in a world filled with much anxiety! Thank you for your insightful videos and may God Bless you for sharing your love! 💕💕
Eek. I did this recently - "blew up the bridge" over something really minor and I regret it. I had been hurt badly a few months before and I was so scared and so on the lookout for signs when I started dating someone new. So something very small happened and I was feeling unsure, so I ended it with him. A day later I realised I had probably made a mistake and ended it prematurely, but by then he was uncertain about me and said let's just be friends. I think he still likes me because he texts me quite often, but I can see it might be an uphill battle if I ever want to get in there with dating him again. Good points Susan makes.
Boy I wish I’d seen this 3 months ago, But glad I seen it now. My anxiety is off the chain and I gotta get it in check before I screw up something with a great guy, if I haven’t already..... Too many unanswered questions tho idk if I can keep on like this tho. Idk we’ll see. Thanks for the video
When I used my sharpened intuition, i decided To go Overland blow it up after the texting slowed, I indeed found him with another at his home . The neighbors let me in. This wasn't new, but a third time in 2 years on and more off. I actually thought his approach this time was very positive. But it was more important the 6 months before to deepen or sharpen intuition.i guess I was onewho earlier needed better discernment. It was hard in a new country and a language I wasnt speaking well. I appreciate your videos.
Very good video and wished I found this last year. I had my first ever relationship at the age of 41 and messed everything up. Ended it after seven weeks because I felt I was being played. Wish I never broke up because now I’m extremely lonely with no friends at all. Tried to get her back to have a face to face chat for either closure or second chance. She told me I had to pay her £225 for her beauty treatment and will allow me to take her out. Three hours prior to picking her up, she blew out and told me she had no intention of seeing me and planned everything to hurt me as much as possible so that I’ll leave her alone. My hunger and determination went out the window. Confidence shot to pieces. She manipulated me for the money. She was much smarter than me and older, but didn’t know her age or any of her social media accounts. Never met her family or friends.
Wow..I needed this I've gone to see this man twice and I really really like him I'm not gonna end it because of mistrust but my anxiety right now is through the roof he travels a lot and he didnt answer the phone last night and he probably just fell asleep but I'm leaving him alone I have to give him the benefit of the doubt hes a good man from what I see Don't want to blow opportunity with him I'm willing to be the one to get rejected I was happily married for 27 years I'm a widow and hes twice divorced and I know I'm gon to have to be patient with him
Such great advice....so refreshing listening to you in comparison to other relationship advisors on you tube...I love how your advice is always positive and revolves around love...A typical answer to such a question from another you tuber would be, You are a high value woman..so don't let him walk all over you!
Dear Susan, I did it. I ruined a relationship, because I was so intensly overwhelmed by big emotions... That of my very stressful one day, he made a joke..And it felt like my whole body was exploding.. How can someone from who I want the most support, can say something that silly to me? I tried to fix it every way that I could, but.. He did not forgive me.. It went downward spiral.. "Block" botton, delete... Sadness and pain..One month of communicating... So much for your helpful advice!
Oh boy this triggered me. It made so much sense!!! But my tummy got churny. We’ve had such a huge connection then he didn’t text me back yesterday. A trick…text yourself, write him a text and send it to yourself. I did that I slept on it then read it the next day. I sounded ok, but realize the power is in riding this out. Or at least calmly talking about it next time I see him.
In the past, I've sensed that there was nothing. It's pretty obvious. It's been 2 months. Heavy at first and zero and I mean zero. But in my mind, I need a clean break, so I just say, "not sure what's going on, so I'm just going to wish you well. It was really nice to meet you, but you must be dealing with things I don't know about." I'm not mean about it, and I don't end it. I just....let it go. It helps me to move on. I can get too obsessive. I am trying to curtail that.
I was planning on blowing the bridge up tomorrow lol maybe because of the ego, but I realized that I care and like her and shouldn't hurt her coz of that. So I will just let hot and cold continue until some more time has passed and stop obsessing 😊. Worst that can happen in the end is I will get hurt, but I am certainly strong enough to take it.
This video just made me reach out to someone i had "rejected" for not showing enough interest, he has really shown up since then, and I think he actually just was unsure of my level of interest and protecting himself.. so me reaching out again, gave him the courage to step up his game and he has been great since..Thanks!
Also ladies be careful with what you are watching on UA-cam ! Not all guys who “pull back” or don’t text back right away are narcissists or players, some guys have life and problems. I don’t mean that about you, Susan, you give pretty good advice always, mature way
Thank you dear Susan, this is such a great piece of advice! I used to burn the bridges all the time and I seriously deeply regret all of those situations now, even many years later. Open communication is THE key to good relationships I have learned a hard way. :)
I needed to hear this! I have allowed my ego to get I. The way I got into a new relationship and I just have this feeling in my stomach but it went away after this video he swears to everything he wants me and im tripping and all evidence points to him being the faith ful man he says he is but if he starts acting a lil different not sending the million kiss emojis all the sudden I am like oh god he’s breaking up with me and he’s not. Now though my insecurities are pushing him away and we will be perfect together if I get out of my head so thank you
I was ready to blow up the bridge earlier but not because of ego. It's because I miss the steady equilibrium of being on my own. I do feel hyper alert to ''patterns''' in communication. I am giving him the benefit of the doubt. Rationally I know he deserves the benefit of the doubt but I think being single is easier, and yet, I do want it to continue.
OMG Susan... I had emailed you with my problem and you've answered it. But I had never seen this video of you... this is exactly what I did to ruin my relationship... and yes, going back after it is impossible (in my case). You are such an insighful lady, I can't thank you enough for everything that I have learned with you... really, thank you. ❤
I just got dumped. I was going to do it first so I was well prepared. I did exactly what you are saying. I was in constant contact with a guy who told me he didn't text/ talk a lot. However he had many excuses that made no sense. His 15 year old didn't want to meet me, he had to be at the hospital for his ex who had nobody, he had to go 2 hours out of the way for his haircut, his tried to commit suicide, he drove his ex to a halfway house 2 hours away...on and on.. I figured he was playing me. It was always something but he wanted to be exclusive, he talked about moving in together, he talked about marriage. He told me he couldn't offer me much but I was welcome to what he had. You know what he had? Nothing for me. I gave it my all so he could dump me via Messenger because I am to high maintenance. He kept none of his promises..none. I sure have learned my lesson. Thank you for your video's. They help me see the light!
Thank you you eased one of my most problematic behavior, I'm young and get really restless especially with my thoughts now I can relax a bit just have faith in myself
All of the scenerios she stated happened to me. I blew my new relationship up because they were texting slow. I regretted it and got back with them and it ended quickly afterwards. Their energy was not the same for me. I learned my lesson.
This is so true. Especially when getting back together with someone. I'm such a control freak that's what ruined it (well contributed to the break up) in the first place. Ughhh. I wish I could do one on one with you but youre expensive so I'll just watch your videos lol. Keep them coming!
I had been with a VERY controlling Narcissistic BF for almost 7 years and have been broken up for about 7 months, back and forth twice since then but no contact except discussing our son for the past 2 months. It was hard at first but after about 2 weeks life started to FINALLY feel good again. I met a guy about 3 weeks ago, who is in the process of a divorce (legally separated) for 3 months but the relationship has been over for about 1 year or so. He also was married to a Narcissistic women... We have a lot in common, understand each other’s humor, communicate well and enjoy each other’s company. I have also in this time come to the conclusion that I don’t know how to take a relationship slow. I reflected and I can’t recall ever doing so:( Explains a lot! I feel like this man is not emotionally freed from his ex and I want to be there for him, not rush things and I dont know how to go about it. I feel like it is very soon and raw for the both of us. But I do feel like we have a great thing going with a lot of potential... Maybe I just need to relax?? Help please
Our internal 'radar' is so sophisticated when we suspect something is wrong, 99% chance it is wrong, and there is no 'innocent' explanation for it. I felt it when my partner wanted to leave 2 months before she actually announced it. A subtle change in her behavior reveals the truth that she was possibly not ready for. I thought because I 'knew it' (the ending) perhaps I was inviting it... I was aware of this problem, so I acted as normal as possible without rocking the boat. Just be me, be confident, but it made no difference. As Susan said in another clip, once they made their minds up, it is out of our hands and there is nothing we can do. Just let them go with no drama. 'No drama' would make them feel frivolous and vacuous.
Thank you so much ... I love the way that you described " blowing up the bridge" - I have done that before ( I was cheated on by ex- husband ) - I am in a fairly new relationship and we are taking it slow. From night one we promised no- matter what we would be honest with each other. I am able to say he has not hurt me, he has promised to be honest even if its not what I want to hear and he is very kind!! I am assuming positive intent!! I have had one communication situation and before I would of assumed it's me ( that he is upset with, etc ) and said something, etc but I didn't and I found out it was a friend situation and I actually ended up being the person he talked to about it, etc 😊 also .... great advice to take it slow and let each person have the time and space to see if it is going to work . We clicked right away ( first over the phone /texting and then in person .... ) instant mutual attraction! Thank goodness we both had enough logical brain in us to not act on those feelings etc right away because it possibly could of ruined our chance for a long term relationship - but we're taking it day by day and we have definitely grown much more emotionally close together! 😊
Fear, insecurity, vulnerability, past hurts and relationship failures, ego! These things can sabotage a promising relationship! We often become our own worst enemy.
I agree with you on that...
So true hey. Especially when we can't get past the triggers that cause suspicion. But I believe trust is a choice. And it's developed over time and experience that it can be honored. But fear is a terrible basis to begin any relationship.
Especially in the early stages, all the self doubt and insecurity. "They're not responding quickly anymore, they're talking to someone else they like better, they're out dating and sleeping with other people that's why they don't reply" etc etc
Idk about vulnerability. Isn’t that good?
Vulnerability , I would think that a good thing.
"It's not about having faith in them, it's about having faith in youself.. every step of the way." You're awesome, thank you!
:'( 💛
Bingo...faith in yourself.
@@foodisgoodthatsthetruth3231 You can do this💛
I woke up today fearful just because of my ego’s understanding. I had a terrible day contemplating ‘walking away’ for no reason at all except to protect myself “just in case” I truly needed this video now. I feel so much better. I accept there will be fearful moments and I will not let ego win
Sadly you are not alone , just did the same myself.
Be kind and gentle on yourself.
I'm in this situation now and I hate it. Kinda feels like conversation is waning a little and I genuinely considered just ghosting him😂
Try to calm down your emotions is the best key to handle this. Anxiety can kill and the destroys the first steps of getting to know our new partner more deeply, and also we have to look at our emotional baggage or emotional background. Because one relationship failed for one reason does not mean it will happen again. Everyone is different and everyone deserves to be love and love.
Have a lovely weekend, Susan.
Great advice Alexandra
I find it interesting that we all go through this dance wishing and hoping for someone who is least likely to be the right one, thereby expending too much energy on the wrong one. When we pull back and breathe it calms us down to see the full scope….we are all so beautifully unique, it’s takes time to sync up with an authentic partner. Chill and Namaste you will feel better about you and better able to meet that someone that looking and waiting for you❤️
This video is so important. Just entered the dating pool and there are gaps in communication which does make one wonder about the intentions/seriousness of the other person but it's necessary to stay calm because you don't really know what they or their schedule is like. Keep yourself actively occupied and give them the benefit of doubt. ☺
So true, thanks!
True, but sometimes they are pursuing something else and don't want to burn a bridge while they play out another option.
I hope you’re okay now!! I have just started a relationship too and I’m figuring it out especially after lots of old baggage!
@@oeu3669 yes I'm new in relationship just week ago.
Even the President of the United States time to call and send a message. Stop making excuses for these Super busy just selfish Men ladies.
Yes. There's usually three weeks of me reminding myself that "I'm the prize, I'm the prize, I'm the prize!" This is why it's soooo important to Continue My Life, to STill go out w friends. After the third week, I've usually lost interest and don't care if I hear from them or not.
Gillian, you're the prize!
You are definitely the prize:) 🤗
Here because I’ve JUST gotten into a relationship. Well actually it’s shocking. I wasn’t expecting it. He says he likes me A LOT and is soooo open about it but has only known me a very short while! I’m scared. I have had such bad experiences in the past!!! I don’t want to self sabotage but I’m like how can you even like me this much??? Lol. I’m also hyper vigilant after being in an abusive relationship in The past. And I’m trying not to Eff it up by self sabotaging!!
I can totally relate to this. Also with the abusive relationship in the past. I feel you. Best of luck with your new relationship, I’m trying my best not to self sabotage too!
I hope it worked out for you. I have the same situation and actually just decided to go with it one day at a time. Just for today
I can relate to this entirely. I dated a guy a few months ago that really really liked me. I was confused bc I wasn’t used to that at all. Unfortunately I had to break up with him, as he moved too fast for me. I too have been abused in the past and I needed him to earn the trust he wanted from me. Can’t just speed through the first 2 months of dating. He wanted to be exclusive after THREE weeks, when we had only seen each other in person twice. So I believe I made the right call, but I did have doubts
How did you get on? I realise this is 5 months old but he might not even realise he is doing it. Tell him. He might be new to dating. He may be inexperienced. He may be trying too hard. Tell him to rein it in and learn to crawl before he tries to walk.
@@daviniarobbins9298 It was over not just because he was moving too fast, but mainly he was trying to make me feel bad about my wants and needs. He wouldn’t accept my answer and tried to force the issue. Then made it seem like he needed time to “forgive” me while he worked through it. As if 3 weeks is too long to wait for someone to be ready to commit. He was a nut case then and is still a nutcase now.
You just saved me from blowing up a new relationship. Thanks.
So so so true. Great advice. I have made exactly this mistake. The imagination can breed the most horrible scenarios in the absence of information. Nearly always incorrectly! My advice - when you feel as above then ring a friend even send the red to them that you would like to send to your partner. Ventilate with someone who has a little distance.
James, that's perfect advice!! Yes. Call a friend. Vent to anyone but your new love (until you have enough evidence to confirm your fears). Thanks for the wise input!
Susan, one day it would be fascinating to hear how you gained such a deep understanding of the ‘human condition’.
I had to watch this over and over again. I am too scared that my fears and previous experiences will blow up the bridge. I wanna make this one work.
It is validating for me to hear you say things I am already doing. Thank you for that. I used to run away before they could hurt me. Then I took away my "fear of rejection" and stayed and watched what would happen if I didn't run. It is a liberating feeling to not fear rejection. I dated someone, after few weeks he told me he still had emotional baggage from ex but wanted to be with me. I told him that dating emotionally unavailable men is not my path and asked him make a conscious choice. He chose to stay and we dated for few more months, really good times, great chemistry, respect, love! Then one day he said that he might still have emotions for his ex and felt he shouldn't hide it from me since I had made it clear before. At that point, I decided to end things. I could have saved that pain if I walked away first time but I simply didn't have enough information and to end things didn't feel like the right decision. I also trusted his choice at that time. Second time around, it felt like the right decision to break up. I glad I didn't run, I stayed and explored.
When listening to her, I actually started feeling better. She is on the money with this one. I went through all the feelings of insecurity, vulnerability and my ego! Thank you so much, I think I will wait it out as suggested. It's going to be hard, but I'll be okay. Thank you for the advice.
That's Exactly what is happening to me at the moment I'm so impatient and I always jump into conclusions without knowing that other side of the story I need to change myself :(
Thank you Susan. I do not act on my emotions out of fear and anxiety anymore. You are right, we must have faith in OURSELVES
This is exactly what I needed to hear. I’m saving this video to re watch when I fear this is happening again.
Me too
I just started long distance dating a friend of mine who I've known for two years. She is in Russia and I am here in the USA. There was a period when I didn't hear from her for nearly three days and I thought, "Well, there goes that." In my previous relationship, I had been severely burned by someone who basically used me as a rebound to get revenge on her ex-fiance hence I thought there was a similar repeat this time. I even text my older sister and said that this was turning into ex-girlfriend 2.0. I then thought, "Well, give her a fair chance. This person is not the same as the last. Let's just see what happens." I then get a message from her, and after a very sincere discussion, it just turned out that she was very busy. She was so apologetic and sincere, she even said, "I'm not letting you go, I'm like a big grizzly bear that doesn't let go." I feel all types of happy writing this. This is still the beginning and I'm not sure where it will go, but there are tentative plans to go to Russia. Had I blown the bridge, I'd probably still be a lonely sad panda. I don't know if this will get lost in the sea of comments, but if it helps out anyone in the future, then that's good. Russia or bust!
hey cute msg ! good luck ! i wonder how it came down these days ?
This is so beautiful. I’m here because someone has said they like me a lot and I’m shocked. Part of me is like why aren’t you asking me questions getting to know me. But he’s working! So like why the heck am I being like this? It’s because of my exes - my last was abusive. They did me terribly!! So it’s a combination of that trauma and fear of course. Thanks for sharing
I know this was 2 years ago but I’m dating someone who is in Washington state and we were friends for 6 years before all this and I’m scared caUe I really like him and all he does is work go to his grandparents spend time go home we talk on the phone fall asleep on his days off we wake up talk till like 3 my time 12 his and we go on about our day and I get scared just cause I know he has a girl bestie but she’s not in real life bestie and it triggered my last of my ex having a friend and cheating on me lol that’s why now when I get anxious I listened o these videos or do my own thing 🤞🏽
Three years later, I found this at the exact time I needed it. My hand was on the button. I thank you for providing an alternative to walking away.
Susan you have an impeccable timing. I am so thankful for your advice. You are truly a life saver ❤️
We're truly fortunate when the universe puts us all in sync. Thanks for your note.
Everybody is scared. So true.
Your videos helped me so many times and I want to say thank you! One of the best channels I subscribed to.
thank you, Unknown!! I appreciate that.
Couldn't agree more !!
EGO is the thing, is the thing blow up the bridge and kills almost the entire possibilities, love and everything. EGO is the next challenge, manage it before it's too late !
Why isn't this stuff being thought in high schools? How is anybody to learn about managing interpersonal relationships? Thank you Suzan for educating us, at the end of our life, or our relationships, when we finally have free time to find answers and learn. It is so rewarding to grow old, improve, and benefit from learning.
Agree should be taught in schools along with skills that kids should learn.
I wish they’d teach conflict resolution in school…dating advice can be found elsewhere
Thank you so much for that video! You really explained it in a good way. Sometimes we just overthink about the relationship and want to blow up the bridge, while we can just stay calm and put our ego away.
I destroyed the bridge because my anxiety took over. Looking back though I deserved better anyway but couldn't see it at the time.
I did the very same thing just a few days ago. Looking back I wish I would’ve handled things in a calmer way and Given him the benefit of the doubt . When you blow up the bridge like that, it’s impossible to fix it. I never heard back from him after that. I’m always going to wonder if maybe we could’ve made it as a couple…
Hey Susan, I was obsessing/thinking negatively about a recent relationship and I just wanted to tell you that your advice solved my problem. Now, instead of thinking of what could go wrong in the relationship or why it might end, I instead remind myself that I'm brave/tough enough to walk through the fire of a romantic relationship and see where it goes/what happens.
This ONE VIDEO, I must've watched 10x or more over two months - this has saved me SO many times from making stupid knee-jerk mistakes! Thank you!!
Thanks Susan. I never really been in a serious relationship before but now, out of nowhere, I've met a great girl. I don't put effort in dating but she is different and I REALLY want this to work. All you said pertains to me. I hear you loud and clear. Thank you.
I needed this - 4/5 months ago. But i still learn the lesson of not overthinking and thinking what if scenarios. They just breed from fear and misguided thinking. This kind of autopilot mode is what killed it for me I believe and I’m still having a hard time letting go.
Just was left holding the bag .... but I rode it out and know that I didn’t quit and gave her my very best!
I wish I had found your channel like four months ago. It would have saved me a lot of sleepless nights, anxiety, panic, worry and poor decisions. But thankfully I did find it, so next time the same things won't happen again. Thank you so much Susan
I blew up the bridge , then she came back but I know that I'll need to build her trust in me again ... This advice is excellent .
This video was made for me. I always did the pack up and run breakup when I got scared.
Thanks so much, I was thinking about blowing up the bridge, but you're so right, it's just my fear ego. I will be courageous and persevere 💪 as I can feel that he is genuine and likes me when we are together.
I love your videos. I have gone through so much in past relationships. I really want to make this one work but the overthinking and expecting the worst are so overwhelming. This helped me a lot. Thank you
Just wanted to say thanks. I really needed to hear this. It sucks that my mind jumps to fear, probably because of past relationships. I like the idea to give yourself a timeline like 4 hours or one day.
Hi Susan. I agree with his so far. I love that he explains truthfully things to me. It helps me trust him more. I've known him now 3 years and he's very worth building a healthy relationship with
I really needed to hear this. I wanna say thank, thank you so very much. Fear is a horrible thing, was about to ruin a good thing I have going which is very fresh, thank you again!! ❤️
I had a moment of anxiety, blew up but didn't blow the bridge, he handled it well, we managed to talk, told me to stop over thinking. We reassured each other. At the end of the day I thanked him. Truly grateful he handled it well. Will really see how the relationship goes.
I've made this mistake of giving in to my fears and acting out on my emotions. I wish i could have calmed my ego and not killed the energy. How could you bring back that connection? Thank you for your videos!! They've given me a lot of insights, clarity and empowerment on so many things I am struggling with. Wish I could have found this sooner.
1:32 this was EXACTLY me rehearsing in my car the other day after no text … later his mom told me he was working in their yard all afternoon, phone inside😳 LOL thanks for the reality check Susan
Great advice. I've been there and done that "blowed up the bridge" and regretted it. Tried to get back together and never quite managed it. Learned from it though and I agree pausing and not jumping into any hastey conclusions or actions is the best way to go
Walked away from a past person to save my ego. Accepted his return after a little 2.5 years. Now, calming my ego after convo has lessened.
Hi Susan you have No idea how much this video has helped me ! This is soo me, I blow up the bridge as you say because I feel there not interested in me, Trouble is I find in hard to work out if she was just ignore me because she never said I like you, or because she had a busy life at the moment, I'm not worried if they not reply calls/ text the same day or few days but I can't see people going weeks with out 30 secs just to say hey I've been supper busy but been thinking off you, if she wanted to be part my life, But with your videos comes clarity I'm certain I will meet the right person one day , Many thanks Robert
Thanks for your lovely note Robert. I wish you well.
Best advice ever, always assume for the best and if you do not get the best then is the wrong person and that will be on them. If you assume for the worse it will be on you 🤷♀️
I used to be like that. My ego was choosing for me and I left all my exes. I just recently realized that I wasn't winning the prize for being the tough woman. I was losing a great opportunity to become vulnerable and welcoming true love in my life. By the way, I didn't leave my exes based on him not texting me or silly stuff like that (I explain my text theory in another comment), but as soon as the guy was starting to taking me for granted, I waited a bit without saying anything (so immature of me) and then after 3-4 months or so with no improvement, I called it quits. Even relationships that were 3-4 years long. So so stupid of me. Glad that I've changed. Thanks for the great video, I hope more people realize what you just said!
You’re supposed to teach a man how to appreciate you then? Sounds exhausting.
@@urfavweapon719 you think you are some big present some shit ? lol. You are a human too, you re far from perfect, and the men just learn how to be with you, why you not be greatfull and learn how to comunicate and SAY what you want. Instea of wating on the men to read your damn mind.
Yeah... Yes! So many times... But then after the ego/fear passed away, there is the regret, not fun at all!... Better to let things go and see. --> I LOVE the "mental discipline and faith in oneself". This is it! Thanks for the great, detailled while short (grateful for that) reminder.
Aissa, you've stated it perfectly. The regret sets in and we feel even worse. Thanks for your comment.
:) It's cool to see that you read our comments and answer to them!
I got into a new relationship a week ago and this was very helpful ❤️
Thanks Susan. This is all so true. Finally, finally my much younger guy friend and I have started talking again and we both admitted to liking each other for more than friends. After 3 years of on and off friendship omg. He just kept coming back. We talked about why neither of us would tell the other how we felt. It feels amazing to finally have it out in the open with no more fear holding me back. Of course there is more talks we will have but the hardest, well one of the hardest parts has finally come to fruition.
Congratulations on conquering the hardest part- revealing your truth. Now, you're super strong!! Nothing can ever happen without our partner getting the green light. Good for you.
This is my story . Amazing. I’m Dating my best Friends of years now
Susan you are fantastic. This video is spot on. This happened to me. Exactly as you stated. And yes, I regretted it and tried to humble myself, apologize and get back together with someone. It did not work out for the reason you say! (He couldn’t trust me.) My final thought is, it’s okay. It was a very good lesson to learn. No regrets. Moving on. 😔💖
Thanks for sharing your story, Karina. I appreciate your participation.
Karina Gonzalez im here for you Karen- bring your humble beauty right on over red rover 💋
You are my new favorite channel! Wow thank you!!! The best advice for real.👏🏻👏🏻🏆🏆
Same here
Everything needs to be understood and used in balance. This video won't solve everyone's problem when it comes to know "What is the correct amount of time waiting for a response?" Susan W. can only give us an idea about it in order to avoid giving up too soon and burning bridges. - But eventually it all depends on our emotional state that determines, if we either have done enough work to be relaxed and wait or we don't. This is at least my experience.
Susan, I think you're fabulous. You give very real scenarios that truly happen... Thank you for your wisdom! Wishing you well!
Very kind of you Flora. Thanks!
This is the best video in the history of time. I wasted hundreds of thousands of dollars on therapy that couldn't accomplish for me what you did in a 7 minute video. Thank you.
Well, SUSAN, we just love you as well! ♥️ You not only have helped me, but also to the many people I have inspired through your messages! In fact, I am, once again, redirecting this video to a man who needs some help regarding his “EGO” issues!! Like you, I love helping people in regards to finding true love without expectations by giving them the TOOLS which is desperately needed in a world filled with much anxiety! Thank you for your insightful videos and may God Bless you for sharing your love! 💕💕
What a lovely message. Thank you! I'm honored. Thank you for your generous support, Somewhere in Time!
Eek. I did this recently - "blew up the bridge" over something really minor and I regret it. I had been hurt badly a few months before and I was so scared and so on the lookout for signs when I started dating someone new. So something very small happened and I was feeling unsure, so I ended it with him. A day later I realised I had probably made a mistake and ended it prematurely, but by then he was uncertain about me and said let's just be friends. I think he still likes me because he texts me quite often, but I can see it might be an uphill battle if I ever want to get in there with dating him again. Good points Susan makes.
Exactly what I needed to hear. Thank you, Susan!
I love you Susan. You've helped me change my life for the very best by showing me positive and prosperous ways to see relationships!!! Thank you
Susan, I used to do that all the time. I still tend to feel that and I fight it.
Boy I wish I’d seen this 3 months ago, But glad I seen it now. My anxiety is off the chain and I gotta get it in check before I screw up something with a great guy, if I haven’t already..... Too many unanswered questions tho idk if I can keep on like this tho. Idk we’ll see. Thanks for the video
When I used my sharpened intuition, i decided To go Overland blow it up after the texting slowed, I indeed found him with another at his home . The neighbors let me in. This wasn't new, but a third time in 2 years on and more off. I actually thought his approach this time was very positive. But it was more important the 6 months before to deepen or sharpen intuition.i guess I was onewho earlier needed better discernment. It was hard in a new country and a language I wasnt speaking well. I appreciate your videos.
Well stated!!! Be calm, don't blow up the bridge!!
Very good video and wished I found this last year.
I had my first ever relationship at the age of 41 and messed everything up. Ended it after seven weeks because I felt I was being played.
Wish I never broke up because now I’m extremely lonely with no friends at all.
Tried to get her back to have a face to face chat for either closure or second chance. She told me I had to pay her £225 for her beauty treatment and will allow me to take her out.
Three hours prior to picking her up, she blew out and told me she had no intention of seeing me and planned everything to hurt me as much as possible so that I’ll leave her alone.
My hunger and determination went out the window. Confidence shot to pieces. She manipulated me for the money.
She was much smarter than me and older, but didn’t know her age or any of her social media accounts. Never met her family or friends.
Wow..I needed this I've gone to see this man twice and I really really like him I'm not gonna end it because of mistrust but my anxiety right now is through the roof he travels a lot and he didnt answer the phone last night and he probably just fell asleep but I'm leaving him alone I have to give him the benefit of the doubt hes a good man from what I see Don't want to blow opportunity with him I'm willing to be the one to get rejected I was happily married for 27 years I'm a widow and hes twice divorced and I know I'm gon to have to be patient with him
It's really about us that reflects along the way, not the other person. As always, great point
Such great advice....so refreshing listening to you in comparison to other relationship advisors on you tube...I love how your advice is always positive and revolves around love...A typical answer to such a question from another you tuber would be, You are a high value woman..so don't let him walk all over you!
Dear Susan, I did it. I ruined a relationship, because I was so intensly overwhelmed by big emotions... That of my very stressful one day, he made a joke..And it felt like my whole body was exploding.. How can someone from who I want the most support, can say something that silly to me? I tried to fix it every way that I could, but.. He did not forgive me.. It went downward spiral.. "Block" botton, delete... Sadness and pain..One month of communicating...
So much for your helpful advice!
Oh boy this triggered me. It made so much sense!!! But my tummy got churny. We’ve had such a huge connection then he didn’t text me back yesterday. A trick…text yourself, write him a text and send it to yourself. I did that I slept on it then read it the next day. I sounded ok, but realize the power is in riding this out. Or at least calmly talking about it next time I see him.
True advice ma'am.
In the past, I've sensed that there was nothing. It's pretty obvious. It's been 2 months. Heavy at first and zero and I mean zero. But in my mind, I need a clean break, so I just say, "not sure what's going on, so I'm just going to wish you well. It was really nice to meet you, but you must be dealing with things I don't know about."
I'm not mean about it, and I don't end it. I just....let it go. It helps me to move on. I can get too obsessive. I am trying to curtail that.
Susan,
You are truly the best coach out there!! You are awesome! I needed to hear your insights tonight about new relationships. Thank You.
I was planning on blowing the bridge up tomorrow lol maybe because of the ego, but I realized that I care and like her and shouldn't hurt her coz of that. So I will just let hot and cold continue until some more time has passed and stop obsessing 😊. Worst that can happen in the end is I will get hurt, but I am certainly strong enough to take it.
How did it go? I'm in same fork in the road but I work with her too.
This video just made me reach out to someone i had "rejected" for not showing enough interest, he has really shown up since then, and I think he actually just was unsure of my level of interest and protecting himself.. so me reaching out again, gave him the courage to step up his game and he has been great since..Thanks!
Also ladies be careful with what you are watching on UA-cam ! Not all guys who “pull back” or don’t text back right away are narcissists or players, some guys have life and problems. I don’t mean that about you, Susan, you give pretty good advice always, mature way
You’re so right Susan thank you for this amazing advice, I struggle with anxiety a lot
Thank you susan, I am in need to hear this, it helps a lot. sending you love.
Thank you Susan winters
Great advice.
Thank you dear Susan, this is such a great piece of advice! I used to burn the bridges all the time and I seriously deeply regret all of those situations now, even many years later. Open communication is THE key to good relationships I have learned a hard way. :)
I needed to hear this! I have allowed my ego to get I. The way I got into a new relationship and I just have this feeling in my stomach but it went away after this video he swears to everything he wants me and im tripping and all evidence points to him being the faith ful man he says he is but if he starts acting a lil different not sending the million kiss emojis all the sudden I am like oh god he’s breaking up with me and he’s not. Now though my insecurities are pushing him away and we will be perfect together if I get out of my head so thank you
I was ready to blow up the bridge earlier but not because of ego. It's because I miss the steady equilibrium of being on my own. I do feel hyper alert to ''patterns''' in communication. I am giving him the benefit of the doubt. Rationally I know he deserves the benefit of the doubt but I think being single is easier, and yet, I do want it to continue.
OMG Susan... I had emailed you with my problem and you've answered it. But I had never seen this video of you... this is exactly what I did to ruin my relationship... and yes, going back after it is impossible (in my case). You are such an insighful lady, I can't thank you enough for everything that I have learned with you... really, thank you. ❤
I just got dumped. I was going to do it first so I was well prepared. I did exactly what you are saying. I was in constant contact with a guy who told me he didn't text/ talk a lot. However he had many excuses that made no sense. His 15 year old didn't want to meet me, he had to be at the hospital for his ex who had nobody, he had to go 2 hours out of the way for his haircut, his tried to commit suicide, he drove his ex to a halfway house 2 hours away...on and on.. I figured he was playing me. It was always something but he wanted to be exclusive, he talked about moving in together, he talked about marriage. He told me he couldn't offer me much but I was welcome to what he had. You know what he had? Nothing for me. I gave it my all so he could dump me via Messenger because I am to high maintenance. He kept none of his promises..none. I sure have learned my lesson. Thank you for your video's. They help me see the light!
Thanks dear Susan fr tht wisdom …on time fr me ♥️♥️♥️
thank you for the guidance
Thank you you eased one of my most problematic behavior, I'm young and get really restless especially with my thoughts now I can relax a bit just have faith in myself
What a wise woman, thanks for bringing in logic into this dance of emotions!
All of the scenerios she stated happened to me. I blew my new relationship up because they were texting slow. I regretted it and got back with them and it ended quickly afterwards. Their energy was not the same for me. I learned my lesson.
Thank you for this. ❤️
2 yrs later still relevant. Thank you Susan 🌼
You are awesome! Way to give practical advice. Thank you for shining light on my situation.
Such intelligent advice !!!!
Omg, I so needed this, thank you!
You are incredible! I'm so glad I found your channel. Wish I found this 5 months ago. What an amazing video. Thank you so much!
Thank you from the bottom of my Heart This helped me so much. No matter if he is into me or not, I learned so much just from the situation.
This is so true. Especially when getting back together with someone. I'm such a control freak that's what ruined it (well contributed to the break up) in the first place. Ughhh.
I wish I could do one on one with you but youre expensive so I'll just watch your videos lol. Keep them coming!
Sarah, I'm staring a new by-the-minute plan next week. You'll see the option offered under Consultation in the next few weeks.
such good relevant information... went through it all and its best to have patience and change your perspective
I had been with a VERY controlling Narcissistic BF for almost 7 years and have been broken up for about 7 months, back and forth twice since then but no contact except discussing our son for the past 2 months. It was hard at first but after about 2 weeks life started to FINALLY feel good again. I met a guy about 3 weeks ago, who is in the process of a divorce (legally separated) for 3 months but the relationship has been over for about 1 year or so. He also was married to a Narcissistic women... We have a lot in common, understand each other’s humor, communicate well and enjoy each other’s company.
I have also in this time come to the conclusion that I don’t know how to take a relationship slow. I reflected and I can’t recall ever doing so:(
Explains a lot! I feel like this man is not emotionally freed from his ex and I want to be there for him, not rush things and I dont know how to go about it. I feel like it is very soon and raw for the both of us.
But I do feel like we have a great thing going with a lot of potential... Maybe I just need to relax??
Help please
Our internal 'radar' is so sophisticated when we suspect something is wrong, 99% chance it is wrong, and there is no 'innocent' explanation for it. I felt it when my partner wanted to leave 2 months before she actually announced it. A subtle change in her behavior reveals the truth that she was possibly not ready for. I thought because I 'knew it' (the ending) perhaps I was inviting it... I was aware of this problem, so I acted as normal as possible without rocking the boat. Just be me, be confident, but it made no difference. As Susan said in another clip, once they made their minds up, it is out of our hands and there is nothing we can do. Just let them go with no drama. 'No drama' would make them feel frivolous and vacuous.
Thank you so much ... I love the way that you described " blowing up the bridge" - I have done that before ( I was cheated on by ex- husband ) - I am in a fairly new relationship and we are taking it slow. From night one we promised no- matter what we would be honest with each other. I am able to say he has not hurt me, he has promised to be honest even if its not what I want to hear and he is very kind!! I am assuming positive intent!! I have had one communication situation and before I would of assumed it's me ( that he is upset with, etc ) and said something, etc but I didn't and I found out it was a friend situation and I actually ended up being the person he talked to about it, etc 😊 also .... great advice to take it slow and let each person have the time and space to see if it is going to work . We clicked right away ( first over the phone /texting and then in person .... ) instant mutual attraction! Thank goodness we both had enough logical brain in us to not act on those feelings etc right away because it possibly could of ruined our chance for a long term relationship - but we're taking it day by day and we have definitely grown much more emotionally close together! 😊
Ive miss read one weekend . I was overthinking . I just stayed calm and it turned out great