Why am I still obsessed?
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- Опубліковано 22 сер 2024
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Rejection breeds obsession
Rejection is a gift.
Rejection saves you from wasting time. It is a short-term pain that saves your heart from feeling a bigger and more drawn-out pain later down the road with this person. And it protects the future relationship you are going to have with the Right person for you. Rejection isn't so bad when we choose to believe that the Right person is out there - struggling to find us - and we had to get through this rejection with all it's lessons, so that we can Recognize the Right person when they show up. Maybe they are out there, but really close, just waiting behind the man/woman we have been rejected by.
True
@@Brumbasse22Maybe we never meet anyone
Fr. :(
True, that is if you had a relatively strong interest in whomever rejected you.
I'm going to listen to this one many times until I accept reality.
WOW, ladies, I feel the same way, and great to see I'm not alone with rewatching this video every time I think of the good times! Without the long list of all the negative and real BS! This video alone has helped me to understand what happened.
Painful truth. My ex and I were together off and on for 7 years. A year ago she became extremely abusive, both verbally and physically. I'm in no contact and agonizing because she used to be my best friend and good to me. All I want is a glimpse of someone other than the monster she is now; some semblance of the kind and caring girl I once knew...and it's never going to happen. Sigh. I rarely comment but I felt compelled to tell you folks that a strong, successful guy is writing this and going through what you are and feeling weak, alone, and depressed. Good luck everyone. You're not alone.
I'll imitate you. It's a good idea.
Me too
Yes, I definitely needed to hear this and will have to keep it as a reminder. It certainly did get real. Thanks for this message.
"you can literally be chasing them for years" So good to hear someone else say that: so, it isn't just me?!
It sounds so scary that I gained strenght to push the thoughts about them away
It's a battle between the mind (logic, reality) and heart (emotions, fantasy). Ugh!
Ok, it's a battle. But who wins. My heart loves her so much. But my head tells me something completely different, or maybe she will come around. It's that push /pull. It's driving me crazy. God I hate having emotions. Can anyone help.😇🙏😇🙏🤗🙏
@@geoffreywelsby7434 look if your head tells you that she is not the right person for you don’t follow your emotions I know it is hard but no matter how much you love a person if they are toxic these emotions will fade away and you will be left with a toxic relationship
@@HM-to8rp
Thank you so much I will. Right now someone much better is coming along. Someone who will love me for who I am. ❤❤😇😇🙏🙏🤗🤗🌈🌈
@@geoffreywelsby7434 great 😌 good luck😃
Ugh indeed. 😄
"some people can only dance in the fantasy" a hard pill to swallow but hey, I'm just very grateful to experience that unique feeling at that moment of time.
So true, I'm going through this now.
@@angelarose249Me too.
Oh god I just want him out of my head it's breaking me
Same
Did you make it
@@joazz1 yes I did, it was one relationship I wished never happened it still gets to me that I let him get so under my skin but that was probably the lesson 🤔
@@emerald4660 I know . It’s the secret of not giving that thought power . Being conscious we have this obsession and thinking about something else . Easy to say
@@emerald4660 how did u move on. It’s been months and I’m scared I won’t move on for a long time but I just want them out of my head
You understand human emotions so well...
She's very well experienced
Hang in there all she is speaking truth you may feel hooked now but it gets better with time you will wake up one day and say l have got to let this shit go because it's blocking the blessings that are trying to come into my life LET THEM GO
Ameerah Rashada thank you for this.
I can’t wait to be there!
Yes blocking blessings !!
Very correct
o man! this statement gave me chills
we always seem to want what we can’t have
Thinking “it was a moment in time” makes it easier to move on and stop obsessing ,,,
Especially appreciate you mentioning people who’ve passed over good potential partners to obsess over someone who can’t get past phase one~it’s that simple and life is short ,,,my dear fellow listeners we do NOT want to be that person!
I wish you great peace.
Exactly dear fellow, exactly! Life is SHORT
I am going through a obssesion now for almost a year and all the things come with it. And I can tell one thing it's hard and it's horrible to go through it every day
Dutchy, I'm so sorry. I hope this video helps you.
@@SusanWinter your video's the helping me understand it better. But still it's so hard to stop thinking about her
@@AngryDutch I totally get what are you going through...It is so tiring and you start thinking about this person everyday at the moment you just wake up...super exhausting. If you think that you could invest that energy in yourself...But there is hope in this madness, I recently overcame that problem by meditation and forgiveness practice. I've read a book of G.Bernstein "A radical road to self love and miracles" where the author describes her journey of dealing with her ego and addictions to drugs, attention and also men. It really helped me to understand that I made an idol out of this guy that I was so miserably missing! It opened my eyes and I realised that he was not that ideal and probably even didn't want to be seen as such. I forgave him in my meditations and now I am free. I think about him way less than before and believe me, I was obsessed about him for over a year! Read the book, maybe it's going to help you too:)
Dutchy 78 i had the obsession and the unique opportunity that he came back to pursue me, he convinced me for one more date which proved me that my obsession was an ilusion; he could not be the person i was envisioned, the reality hit me so bad that i blocked him right after i saw him and decided to get back my power. I cannot live a fantasy i put on a person i knew once; i prefer to dream about somebody new instead to obsess on somebody who hurt me. Wish you power and good luck but most of all discilplice. As Susan mentioned a lot of time, discipline of mind will make the difference.
Dutchy 78, It helps me when I work on myself every day. I go to the gym about 5 times a week. At my gym I am around lots of people working on their selves. It relieves my stress & anxiety . I work on my soul every day through my faith study which for me is the bible. I get engaged with people I come in contact with, being in the moment. I read books which strengthens my mind. And I am working on strengthening my finances. I still think about her often. It is just that I am finding more value and confidence in myself. Life is really good today.
I think that we have all gone through this. But until we get past that person you are obsessing about, you are not emotionally-available...to yourself, or others.
'Can't do it, doesn't want to do it, failed me, hurt me, kind of came in like they would, failed me again' - Yep.
“Infatuation” is the hook/addiction. My heart still hurts, though, because I lost him
Me too...
Mine too
I got over my obssesion when I realised there is nothing left from the person I was in love with. Everything changed about her, even the way sje looked. Having realised that I felt such a relief that I can not explain. The only sad thing is that moment in time was the best moment of my life and by that moment I mean 3 days.
24 hours for me man.
I am in this. There's a term for it: euphoric recall! I feel insane sometimes. Thank you for your words. 💕
"An unsustainable moment in time" is a good mental image. Thanks.
I wrote down my Pros and Cons about the person I was crazy over and when Cons outweighed the Pros , I thought to myself:" Girl, What the eff were you obsessing over"? 😉
It hurts but you only got one go round in this life, live it and be happy and healthy!😘
Happy Holiday and if you don't celebrate the holiday or there's no holiday in your part of the world, sending love and health your way.💞
Ive been suffering for a while now over a breakup, trying to figure out what I did wrong... I found your channel.... thank you. I did nothing wrong. The emotions and feelings Ive been having are normal, and I thank you so much. You have been very eye opening and my heart feels lighter and I feel as if your words were exactly what I needed.
don't worry dear everything will be alright.
always trust in God ok, with God all things are possible beautiful😍💓 friends
Hello
I never thought I would ever watch this video AGAIN. After getting my heart broke 2 years ago, I promised myself to not fall in love again. But this man came into my life and he was so promising, I decided to put down my guard and gave him a chance. And guess what? He abandoned me after the honeymoon phase. He said that his emotional baggage was too much to get in a relationship with me (and other excuses men give) and asked me to stay just friends.
I have cut off ties with him but I am still obsessed with him. Still hoping he would come because of the sake of good times.
After hearing this video, I know I should stop hoping and move on.
I have a way to get over an obsession but its very risky. Find someone you have never met before. Make sure that this person is straight and mildly attractive. Tell this person your life story, and encourage them to do the same. By the time you've told them about your obsession, you will have cried, and after that, you're in love with another person. Sounds like a lie, but it happened to me.
I’ve never cried at a UA-cam video before. It felt like this video was made specifically with me in mind.
Susan your videos are SO helpful! Instead of crying myself to sleep over him, I watch your videos and sleep more soundly..
I Swear I'm crying. I can relate to this 100%. It's been 3 years and I can't get over it. Idk what else to do.
I hope you are over it now xx
@@emerald4660Unfortunately Not really but at least Im not dying or crying anymore. Im accepting things how they are. It is what it is. 🤷
These things leave a scar but I'm glad you are finding your peace, onwards and upwards ❤️
I’m going to do what I did when I got over my last obsession. Meet someone completely new that I find mildly attractive, talk to this person and swap life stories. Doesn’t work right away, but it does work.
The Heart & Mind play unbelievable tricks on your soul. Very confusing indeed!! Thank you Susan as I’ve always respected your readings!
The worst thing if that I never learn. I've been into an obsession with someone 10years ago, we eventually been together, hard time to get past this relationship, and got stuck into fantasies after. And now same scenario with someone else, I'm just tired of that pattern. But I wish this time it could teach me some lessons. Good luck to anyone reading this ❤️
The hook. The first wonderful days early on. You are trying to recapture that hook. So true. Thats all he gave me, so true!
Me too...
How about when you know it's over and there's no going back ... and you want to heal and move on ... but how? You know nothing else will ever match that high ... you'll never love that way again, and the rest of your life seems so gray?
It sure doesn't seem that way now but time does heal these wounds and it does get better, just don't pick the wound by going back to it in your mind. You'll be fine, trust me :)
Hang in there! Life will surprise you!
You are in the very thick of it. It seems hopeless. But one day you’ll find you didn’t think about it 24/7. And then a while later the same thing again and gradually it will build and you won’t care where this person is because you are too busy creating your own life of happiness. It’s so hard to believe when you’re in the thick of it but it will pass. It will get better.
You'll have it again with someone else. 7 bill ppl in the world, someone's out there
@@caroh2809 truth
This set me free. Feels like a weight has been lifted. I've finally let it go. Thank you so much.
This really hit close to home for me (actually spot on to be honest). Very important video, it's really hard to listen to one's own advice in a situation like this. It's also important not to get hooked on the negative emotions and thoughts about that person once we finally understand it's not going to happen, those are almost as addictive as the rose-tinted glasses we insisted on wearing to that point. It wears people out.
For anyone reading this and living through it I'd add: get busy, hobbies, friends, new people, get moving. Giving yourself the time to pine for something that isn't even real is a mistake I made for too long. And as cheesy and unhelpful as it might seem now, with time it will get better. Good luck out there!
Wow you are so right! I have everything to lose and seriously nothing to gain but good sex.
@@brendaroberts4938 exactly. And let's be real, "good sex" isn't so rare that it's worth putting yourself through emotional torture for. Take care of yourself first and do your thing, if they're compatible they will fit in and it will go smooth, if they're not don't force it. Good luck!
I definitely agree with this one Susan! Getting hooked with someone, reminiscing the last romantic pieces you had with the past relationship will never contribute in healing you. Again it takes you back to this rabbit hole thing where u go deep and will only leads you nowhere. We should take pride of ourselves and get up. Be strong. Others have surpassed this indefinite battle of love and pain. So can I!..
Ma'am you are wise
I love this video! It took me about a year to stop obsessing. Acceptance and peace with the outcome of the situation helped tremendously. I still think of him of course, but those thoughts come without expectations. Looking back, the memories with him were really nothing special. It was my feelings for him that made those memories special. Since I don't really feel that way anymore, it makes it so much easier to look at the situation for what it really was.
Thanks again Susan!
You're better than paying for a therapist. So practical and real and you cut to the truth. I love how you explain things so clearly.
Im a great believer in talking. I talked my story out. I talked and talked and talked to anybody who would listen. My remembrance of it was tinted like neon paint at first. Then as time went on, the story became less vibrant. I started to see the colours fade. It was a wishy washy picture and I lost my enthusiasm. The good moments I'd remember, but also now I'd feel a heavy heart for how that made me feel.
I was scared to love again. I'd never been so heartbroken before. I was naive and a fool at times. This is what love makes you do.
I accepted it for what it was compared to what my brain wanted it to be. From thay day on, it didn't matter. It was just the past.
Then the day where I actually stopped thinking about others, and thought about myself and caring for myself. Somebody who truly loved me appeared. That's how it happens. New love can only find it's way in, if you've truly accepted the end of another.
I hope anyone who watches this video finds some peace. Be kind to yourself .xx❤
Beautifully said
The one I'm working on getting over now is married, we both stayed ethical and apart, and he has no idea what I've felt for him. I doubt I was more than a mildly interesting blip on his screen. I'm so glad you're doing these videos.
Spot on! Thank you so much for giving us clarity. Naming things for what they really are. Not real love but just obsession.. a longing for that feeling. A fantasy creation of your own.
this is so so so sad but all true . heartbreaking. thank you susan for your wisdom
Thank you for this. My love and gratitude. "This long and the rest is like this. This is the truth." That really hit home. "Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows."
You deserve more viewers and subscribers because so many broken hearts out there would find your videos very enlightening for them 💗💗💗💗
Been there, done that, got the T-shirt. You just explained my last long term relationship.
Damn we will never get that moment back 😔😩
thanks for the video :) ive recently found your channel, and kept going over the 'why they cant come back if youre still hoping' and 'how to move on and forward' - but over the last few days i didnt even want to bother to deflect my obsessive thoughts to something productive. i just wanted him out of my head! and then u uploaded this video! perfect timing. now i find myself in the limbo state, where i understand what you are saying and sort of want to move on because this is draining me, but theres always that annoying tiny voice saying 'what if?' . im trying to remind myself that if it truly was this magical thing, then he also would be having the same 'what if' and since he messed it up, i need to stop acting as if the ball is in my court!
Wow, I'd share my story with you but it seems I'm more interested in knowing how are you right now and if you're already way into that threshold of starting to be your best self
I have been going through a bad and hard time in my life, and it has opened a wound of a past broken heart due to being dumped. I admire you and your videos. Most love/dating advice is cruel and disheartening towards the dumpee, it makes me feel as if I lacked, as if I was not enough or i did not acted the right way. However, your advice is kind towards the broken hearted, and reminds us that we are all worthy of love. Thank you, Susan Winter.
Hi Susan. I stumbled on your channel today, after exhausting almost all of the top relationship advice ‘gurus’ on UA-cam. I’ve spent the entire day watching your videos. I can’t tell you how much strength and insight I have gained today. You have such an amazingly eloquent and precise way of making complicated issues so clear. I’ve had a few “penny drop” moments... I must admit that it’s not all good to hear, as the truth hurts. You don’t mince your words. Thank you 🙏
Your videos about obsession and longing after a terrible breakup hit me hard... I love your videos 😍 you opened my eyes and understanding
So after 15 months together and a year apart (seeing each other on and off), I'm still tempted for a therapist or to reach out. Going to have to rewatch this many times. Hardest journey but more determined than ever
i have scoured the internet but I always go back to Susan 🥺 i am so heartbroken rn and how she focuses on me myself and I. no games of getting back with an ex but a strong mindset of getting up when you are at your lowest low post break up or rejection. Susan you are an angel 🙏 i am this...and i am trying my hardest everyday most times even with tears. i watch your videos whenever i am anxious and low helps me with my thoughts
This too shall pass - and one day it will all be a memory, i know i have been there before, best wishes
@@carthy29 thank you so much it helps to know I am not the only one going through this. Best, you all came through.
Susan is so right. Deep down I knew this interaction I had with this guy was about him playing games. Most of the time I kept my cool and listened to that voice deep down inside of me. It was telling me the truth that I was just his amusement and it hurt. I have just removed myself from the scene and all of a sudden can see the truth. I could have made such a fool of myself by telling him how I felt and crying at the same time . What an idiot I would have been, he doesn't thrill me one bit now, in fact what did I ever see in him in the first place. I am free and kept my dignity. Thank you Susan.
Your comforting words have saved so many from mental suicide torture , everyone needs to have you in their contacts for sessions 🤗
Time heals. Bless you all. Just keep breathing.
Thank you, thank you, thank you. You have freed my heart after 5 long years. I am so grateful to you. You have given me back my life and my peace. I thought I was trapped forever, but I am now free again to spread my wings and sail into new and more exciting adventures.💜💙💚💛🧡❤
You truly changed my life, my destiny and I will be forever grateful.
May you be abundantly blessed always.
This video is such a relief. I can move forward instead of constantly asking "What if?"
I can't thank you enough for the role your videos played in my healing process. Whenever I need some "Red Bull" or just want to redirect my mind I watch some of your videos. Thank you Susan, from the bottom of my heart..
this is one of the most helpful videos I've ever seen! Thank you!
I thankfully have been spared the experience of years' long obsession over lost love. From watching the videos and reading others comments this seems to be one of the most painful experiences in relationships. I myself am learning that the desperation and need come from a lack or absence of self love and the mistaken idea that someone else is responsible for making us happy. And this time of year is NOT the time to feel sad and lonely. Sincerely hoping anyone in this situation contact Susan or get some outside help to move forward on your own. Peace and Blessings, Everyone 💕
Susan, you are gift to us suffering through a break up with our 'story' of our ex. No matter how much intellectualizing, spiritualizing or physical activity we undertake, our hearts need time to process, heal and move on. Thank you and to everyone who shares their story for making this transition more bearable.
Needed to hear this! You're amazing! Can you do a video on how to stop thinking about someone longer than you dated them?
Headoverheels_beauty actually dating someone has nothing to do with time it’s how much you invested
Best relationship channel ever! Thanks Susan!
Yep. Once they stick you in Friend Zone--it is extremely hard to return to Romantic Zone with them. Vary rarely does a person succeed in reaching that goal. Best focus on improving your own life--and seeking true love with a new person. Just be grateful for the good times you had and for what you learned from your previous relationship--and let them go into their own future.
This video is helpful and realistic.. it just sucks when they suck you back in after you start moving forward.
I really needed to hear that. I might have to replay this several times so it will sink in as the fantasy world really has an hold on me.
I’m so glad that you are on UA-cam you make me feel normal now!
my favourite relationship coach😎
The timing of this video could not have been more perfect! 💗 Thank you! 💗
Susan you are just brilliant the way you explain things is amazing so clear thank you
I don't have words for how much I appreciated this. Thank you!! ♡
Thank you for taking your time for caring and helping people.
Thank you. This video finally explains the fantasy turned horror story that ive been through. Especially your explination of how small the fantasy part was. That finally clicked in my head how she expected to stay on that high and not deal with the mundane parts.
Oh my God thank you so much! Just what l needed! Dead on front and center!!! Blessings to you!!
Pure gold …. The most truthful thing I have heard relating to my situation…
Will help enormously… thank you …
The relationship wasn't even that good even from the beginning. Sex wasn't great and we had zero things in common. I think it was the dream of him that gave me that high when we first met. He was really handsome. And I placed all my 23-year-old fantasies onto him. All the possibilities to free me from my traumas.
Thank you Susan. I really needed to hear that right now.
It's not a good place to be when you long for things the way they were... Thank you for this video as it is a gentle reminder about what happens when you want the unobtainable.
this all sounded like she had followed me and put a microphone in my thoughts. amazing! thanks! really helps to realize this is not a unique situation and that there are ways to tackle the problem. First things first: accepting the reality.
So true! Thank you. Hard to accept but you state it so clearly that its really enlightening.
Thanks for this wonderful video
Hi Growtham
@@SusanWinter when I was down during a heartbreak from a crush your videos were my saviour .You are doing a gr8 job susan.loads of love and thanks.i am admiring a lot and inspired by you
don't stress it will go away, just please whenever starting a new relationship come and re-watch this video!!
i am going through an obsession for years now with my former best friend. we had an on off friendship, he ended the friendship for the third time now but this is the actual end. it hurts. i hate it. i want him back. i was coping till corona and now it‘s just back to that obsession. i feel embarrassed and angry with myself bc i know it‘s better for both of us when we‘re out of touch, yet i crave nothing more than talking to him again. HIM wanting me back and initiating contact. fantasising about situations where we bump into each other again. my friends always say to just let it ho bit i literally can‘t. I‘m glad someone calls it by it‘s name: obsession, addiction. makes me feel heard and my experience valid. thank you. this really helps.
"It was a moment in time" 👏👏👏👏 Some come into our lives for a season only. Learn to let go. Surf change! Enjoy the liberating process of letting go.
What you said from 4:30 until the end allowed the 💡 to come on.. TY💕
Thank you for your words of wisdom. You're bringing logic which I need desperately to my obsession.
This is profound, OMG. I wish I knew that after the breakup instead of through the 3 years later. You taught me, she doesn't have the skill set to manage a serious relationship. Now I learn from you the initial wow was all she was capable of creating until her fakeness ran out. She just can not envisage the next step from that. Thank you Susan for helping me get my head right.✨
ive only spent 3 days with him and he has become my whole world. i cant stop obsessively thinking about him all day since we parted last saturday... i literally have zero friends, i have 0 social life, dont even have a job, living with my parents... hes literally the only person ive come a bit closer to since high school... i havent made any friends since then. and he showed up... unlike many older guys he respects me, he lets me finish my sentences before he speaks, hes patient, calm, peaceful... im not even attracted to his appearance at all but i was freaking turned on by some physically contact we had... cuz hes the only person who appears in my life... it also means i dont have a life. haha. maybe i need a goal, a focal point to put my effort in, but my mind cant stop ruminating the moments we had togehter... im so distracted to do anything... but it will fade.. i hope.. just like that two people who i also cried over... as time goes by, i'll get numb...
The tragedy in all this, is one party enters into the relationship with sincere intentions. While the other one sees an opportunity to manipulate and use that person for their twisted purposes. LOVE is indeed blind, untill your eyes and heart, are opened to the truth if what you are experiencing. True love in a healthy relationship, is about nurturing one another. Meeting the other person's needs, without having to beg for it.
Exactly this.
Even when I watch another 1.000 of such videos, I still want her! She was the love of my life!
Susan you have absolutely hit this nail on the head for me! It's exactly what I've been caught up in for months. I certainty concur with your analysis and thank you for your insights as usual!
You just saved my life with this video.
Thankyou again Susan! yes so sad but you out did yourself again, needed to hear this Great timing Blessings!
Hello Ms Winter, this was right on time. Thanks for all of your work.
Great timing. Needed this.
Thank you so much for this video Susan, it has such a close meaning and has came at such the right time for me, it's almost as if you made it for me. Like the universe needed me to see and obtain this video. Exact timing . You are a godsend thank you for all that you do!
Amazing speculation on the subject of social behavior...absolutely amazing! You have been able to cover more ground than any sort of counselors relating to this subject!
wow, you just nailed my 3 month long relationship..... 2 months of bliss.. one month of occasional disagreement which I was ok with and willing to work on, and she was "no, not worth the effort, I want to end this" ... it's not her maybe, it's me... All I have to say is "Forgive me for giving you everything I had before first making sure you wanted it"
@Nick Fire I feel like beautiful women in this day and age can just get on Tinder and find a dozen options in a day... its toxic to society and dating.
@@Sams911 Those option last only a few months. Men leave and loose interest even in most interesting women....or ANY women!
Your advice has really helped me see the truth as to why I do this, when it's evident that things cannot possibly go to the next level. I really needed to hear this today. Thank you very much.
I’m missing the day to day routine stuff too :( i miss everything even his weaknesses
SUSAN !!!! why am i only watching this video now !!! your pearls of wisdom is like gold ... thank you for your wonderful work !
Normally when I watch Yt videos, I do something else and just listen. But when I watch your videos, I grab my notebook and write down everything you say XD
This really hurt me but everything is true! Thank You
How much I was needed it to hear this !!!!!!! I am obsessed for almost one year, when I know that it will never go back, never!!!!
Susan you are awesome dear.