The Dating Game of Hot & Cold; Decoding the Phases and Patterns
Вставка
- Опубліковано 22 сер 2024
- Is your partner playing hot and cold? One minute you’re high on the warmth of their attention, the next minute you’re frozen out and left wondering what happened. Knowing the phases and patterns of this game will put you back in control. Here's the full article- www.susanwinte...
Work with me: susanwinter.ne...
The Dating Games Guide: You know you're being played, but what's the game?
And what's your countermove?
Not to worry. I’ve got you covered: susanwinter.re...
The Older Women | Younger Men Dating Guide:
Dating a younger man and wondering if it will last?
Attracted to an older woman and not sure how to make your move?
Answers to all your age gap questions: susanwinter.re...
Rough breakup?
Check out: Breakup Triage; The Cure for Heartache
Audible: www.audible.com...
Amazon: www.amazon.com...
Wondering how to benefit from life's challenges?
Allowing Magnificence; Living the Expanded Version of Your Life
www.amazon.com...
"A hot n cold player doesn't have the skill set to be in a relationship". Words of gold.
Yet, they are the ones who get "lucky"?
@@ArtofBrandonTruster not with us! 😉
finally. a relationship coach that doesn't encourage using game playing to counter someone else's game playing, but actually calling people out on it. maturity....what a concept.
stooge81 yes i agree 💖
11th در خونتون
Smartness is important in a relationship and cyberhackinggenius helped cloned my husband’s phone and I got access to all his dealings both on phone and social media without touching his phone. All I did was share my husband’s phone number with cyberhackinggenius and I was able to read both his new and deleted messages from my phone without having to touch his phone. My husband was a cheating Narcissist and I’m glad to find out all his secrets and infidelity with the help of cyberhackinggenius. I’m here in UK and able to access my husband’s phone messages with a link on my phone even while he was away in Canada cheating on me. I got to discover that my husband who is legally married to me here in UK is also married to another woman in Canada and I’m finally going through a divorce with lots of evidence against him. I read all his Whatsapp, Facebook,Skype,Instagram and Snapchat messages Including the deleted text and recent messages. You can contact this great Hacker Gavin via Gmail (cyberhackinggenius) or text and speak to him directly on his phone and WhatsApp : +19256795146 and don’t forget to thank me later.
So agree!
Also lame dates mid week ..not prime time. Seeing you late after other activities, future faking.
The sad thing is that the guy who perpetrated the "hot/cold" game on me, was . . . wait for it . . . a guy with a degree in psychology!!!
Oh, wow. That's a real breach of ethics. I'm so sorry you experienced this. It falls under the worst human sin: abuse of power.
Oh that is just dirty!!!!!!
bahaha same!!!
Lorri Lewis me fricking too!!!
Lorri Lewis Mine was a medical doctor he left me and moved abroad all the way to Australia to work as his job was more important than me. I'm happy for him anyway he never had time for me when we were together so i let him go and now he is messaging me 🤔
"They're committed to staying safe." Excellent words!
Agreed, she has told me she would NEVER let a guy know she likes them :(
Ka El Sah excellent indeed
Ka El Sah I had to hear her say it a second time and have memorized such impactful words
Truly!
Another way they do this is by saying things like "I don't think you're right for me" or "I don't think you are really interested in me."
Basically all my dating life. I'm done being the chaser and the mature person that looks for comunication and answers, at the end of the day I'm nobody's therapist. Screw them PERIODT
They are empty void and they have an attachment style disorder. I also think they view others as objects and they project on us.
@@MuhammadImran-ln4fz 😘😘
@@MuhammadImran-ln4fz love you too 💝💗😂
@@MuhammadImran-ln4fz I'm in this hot $ cold cycle I hope to end it soon 😀the problem is my heart😥😥😥I'm from Kenya
I'm fine thanks.
"They're committed to staying safe." At least they can commit to something!
🤣🤣🤣🤣
I think it’s a good sign.
He likes you, that’s why he’s playing safe.
HAHAHA!!! 😁😁😁😂😂😂🤣🤣🤣
Rebecca Brockway 😂 true
My Exact Thought!! 💯🧡
If i like someone i say it and show it. Even if i work a lot during the week i will call them or see them on the weekend, no excuses. That's what a real man does.
Excellent, CW. Courageous and confident.
Susan, Much appreciated eye opening information. Thank YOU for sharing extremely helpful advice with Us. Best...L
See the promble is no one is to be themselves and go with the flows
CW Roberts Table, what if you like a person, but they don't like you the way you like them. What then.
@@sherrib4168 ocean=plenty of fish
I'm so turned off when men do this to me that I cannot ever take them seriously or believe a thing they ever say to me again.
tosca donna nor should you. Your reaction is natural to the situation and means you’re healthy and respect yourself.
You should not take these men seriously, because they are boys who have not faced their problems. They are not men. I apply the same rule to women.
2 long years she's been doing this to me! Not brave enough to say she likes me! I'm 41 and never been in a relationship, yet to meet a woman with a backbone!!!!
Men learned it from women so blame yourself.
i know that feeling. I have had two women that i was keen on do this to me. Their time is more important and i will be free a week or so i have a busy schedule. One was like every excuse under the sun with have see mates baby and im looking for a mates dog. The other chick was all keen on me telling me when she had free time and as soon as i showed interest she went competently cold. I see her in the building were i work and she is always hey how are you and im like hey and that is it. It might of been awkward waiting at the lift and not saying anything but why should i give her attention to feed her ego. She was keen on my attention and invited me out to workplace function and then claims the next day it was workmate who sent text. so really makes sense why she claims all of her last bf were dickheads. She goes for bad boys and expects a good result. I know their are some normal women out their its just sorting the crazy ones to find one that do-sent play head games.
My jaw is on the floor. My guy just started doing this with me last week out of nowhere, he had always been so consistent and now this. We have been struggling and I guess this is the end to it. I love how she says this is who they are, it doesn’t matter how wonderful you are. Wow. I’m so glad I watched this video.
How did it go with him?
It's been several years I hope you guys are alright
I also add one:
They guilt trip and gaslight you when you call them out on it and talk about your feelings when you feel ignored.
The guilt trip "i've been busy with this and you don't understand..."
The gaslight: "you're too needy and crazy and unstable..."
How about the one who stonewalls you when you call them out on their BS. 🤨😑
Omg yes. Happened to me! :(
These people are the most toxic, immature, selfish people on earth. They keep everyone in the world at arms length and can’t commit to anything. They’re constantly changing their feelings about everything. They’re so unstable and they will drag everyone down.
@@hmanfilms Yep. Dated a girl over this past summer. She lived across the country so maybe it wasn't meant to be anyway, but we agreed to try. Weeks before she even left, she got emotionally distant, yet physically she was all about me (if you know what I mean). Two days after she got home, dumped. I had already booked a flight to visit her three weeks later - and she knew and encouraged it prior. I canceled it. Two days later, she said she wanted me to rebook it because she wanted to show me around. So I did. After the trip (again, emotionally unavailable but physically all about it), she told me she never wanted me to visit and I was making it up that she asked me to go. Even though she booked a romantic cottage in the mountains for us. It has mentally screwed up how I even approach women now.
@@hmanfilms
Haha. You described the man I was dealing with to a literal “t.”
“They don’t have the skill set for a relationship.”(!!!) So many UA-camrs convincing us that we can somehow change the situation and/or that they’ll come around “soon”. SO tiring.
if your so good you do better... aries out
Someone tried this one on me recently.
I broke up with him after 2 months into the relationship.
He tried to make me chase, I pulled back. Way back.
Bye, sweetie!
🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🙌🏽🔥🔥
The hot and cold player types are almost always Narcissists. The young guy version of this type are now called "fuckboys." You are 100% correct that they do not have the skill set for an actual relationship, and that there isn't any person of depth or substance hiding behind the games, whose going to eventually emerge and give you the relationship you want. It's all smoke and mirrors, and a lot of hurt feelings if you get involved with one. Their skill set is all about creating the mirage of the perfect relationship, and wowing you with all that romance and false feeling of connection. They are so good at this, that otherwise highly intelligent and observant people can be fooled by them.
In general, a hot and cold player type (or Narcissist) can't maintain the "hot" phase for very long - 3 to 6 months on average, then you start to see the cold personality appearing more and more often. This will manifest as (what Susan says here) broken dates, not texting you when they should, showing up for dates in "power save mode" (they will be completely withdrawn, there physically but it's like no one is home). These people do not have empathy and do not have the ability to bond with others beyond a superficial level. Getting fooled into bonding with one, and believing that they are your next great love, isn't your fault and you didn't do anything wrong.
The only thing you can do to protect yourself from these types is to walk away the first time they put you through that cold cycle. Recognize it for what it is and realize it's not about you. Anyone who gets involved with a hot and cold type will experience the same. Remember - they don't have the skill set for an actual relationship, only the illusion of one.
Great input. The only question is what if you are in the long term relationship and that on certain circumstances on a vert unusual situation such as this person is away for work at a short two months base and the communication has been very rare when you guys are together what you supposed to tell this is a hot cold or it is just a different case to consider ? I mean how can you correctly analyses it is the hot and cold phase when you actually never really experienced before ? I mean how can u tell and if it is really what it is what are the real sign ? I dont know...
Heather Mamatey Perfectly explained!!! There is NOTHING but distance, pain, torment from comments and a longing to be close to someone who is an empty shell of a human. I just free'd myself from this after 6 months and I literally could feel it destroying me from the inside out!!! They are toxic users, losers who deep inside know they have NOTHING to give, only take.
They feel worthless about themselves hence why they don't let you get close bc they don't want you to see the "real" them only the one that they present for a short time. They resent you for wanting closeness and intimacy and try their very best to make you feel bad about yourself for wanting it. Do not go by looks or by their "charm" as this is ALL they have going for them. It is a trap and an extremely horrible, emotionally abusive one at that. I say RUN, block them and NEVER look back.
It is the only way to save yourself... otherwise you will ONLY get used, abused and eventually become "cold cycle" discarded...left to feeling, drained, very depressed and like something was wrong w/ you!!! There never was as it (you) were a game/conquest from the start to give them supply to continue to function in their very skewed and pathetic cowardly lives. It is so sad to me that another "human being" can inflict such hurt and cause so much damage and have no empathy and walk away as if nothing ever happened. Save yourself and end it NOW!!!!
Trust your intuition completely it is the only force you have to see thru them and it is ALWAYS true!!!
Heather Mamatey what you’re saying relieves my tormented soul. But what’s the difference between that and a girl who has low interest? She never initiates conversation and we’ve gone on two outings so far (two cannot make its in between). Texts always come a solid 4-7 hours later or next day afternoon. I know she’s an international student and can be busy but she’s leaving end of May and I only met her March of 29. Perhaps it is true she is trying to protect herself emotionally but if that is true then it is probably higher than low interest right? I’m 28 and she has got to be something like 30-33. They say there is a reason some women by age 30 haven’t gotten married yet but I haven’t known her enough to believe that. She did seem more withdrawn on the second outing and cut it short (went to baseball game) to finish packing for her 4 day big island trip. Asked her to take a break after her classes to get yogurt but she said sorry she was too busy. I said no worries get back in contact when your schedule is clear and we can set another date. It’s been 12 days now almost two weeks. I’ve been working on myself cleaning my house quit my shitty job. I’ll try one more round this coming Tuesday. But I’m tempted to try 3 strikes, prolonging my angst. I really like her as a person her down to earth her physical but I find myself wondering why I like this girl more and more in this silence. (Possibly attraction is heightened by the fact that she is leaving back to her homeland soon).
@@zhangfan5955 follow the connection! I mean what your mind body heart and soul is in agreement on notice there is no commas there😉
This comment is spot on!!
This happens with just regular "friends" too. I have no time for it!!!
God bless this woman. You are saving people so much heartbreak and pain. She's basically saying to avoid highly avoidant, emotionally immature, manipulative, narcissistic-like people. Spend your time communicating and engaging with people who are capable of respect, love (the real kind, not the intense flash in the pan), honesty, integrity, follow through, etc. I got hooked and entangled with a pretty face and it fucked my life up for a bit. A lot of these "hot" people are truly broken inside and full of themselves. They play games because they are so weak
Your comment is interesting, but oversimplifies. One short example: everyone gets the intense flash in the pan before they can reach the stage of real love. In other words, those are not mutually exclusive. Your comment is full of oversimplifications like this.
I took an interest in a woman that I really liked, and I made it obvious. Whenever I would talk with her, she would always talk about herself, but would never called me by my name, or take an interest in me as a person. Yet I was always taking an interest in her and called her by her name. We never got beyond the aquintence stage. I got sick of it, then ended it, and avoided her for 5 months. She saw me recently,I wish she didn't and acted as If I was a long lost beloved friend and even took an interest in me. I got hooked right back into really liking her again. Next time I saw her, I greeted her in an enthusiastic warm friendly manner. She treated me as If she was an ice queen. I asked her why she was standoffish and she just said. Sometimes I'm not in the mood to talk. People who behave this way with you aren't worth your time.
As the video said
Man, I think I’m dealing with this cold behavior currently, and about 2 months into talking to her, a thought popped into my head. “Why has she never called me by my first name?” I call her by her name all the time, to make her feel like I’m attentive. Idk, there has to be a reason why they won’t…
My heart goes to all of you who are mistreated and used ....
Just look at yourself in the mirror and say “ I deserve better !!!”
Until you really feel it
If you are no ones priority, m o v e on
This literally always happens to me , I'm starting to think I don't deserve better /:
I do that all the time but, I don't receive better.
Thank you Joshua
I think you just saved my sanity. Thank you.
Mine too... the dirtiest players hurt the most! Vulnerability and humility can really hurt... but love doesn’t come cheap.
I agree with this, but it could also be that they have someone else in mind. Never put your happiness in the hands of another.
Douglas Green
true
wow, knowledge is power. I'm a bit mindblown right now. After the hot/cold cycles, he told me he didn't know what he wanted so I gave him space. Months later we eagerly made plans to meet up again - he bailed & handled it terribly. No apology or rain check. I feel defeated since I tried to keep things on good terms. I really enjoyed his company but I'd be an idiot to keep enduring his reckless behavior. Snip snip ✂️
Excellent choice of actions, Lauren. Even though these types of individuals can be engaging and charismatic, there's no forward movement that's consistent. Every interaction that's good gets erased by the cold cycle of being stood up and disappointed. Happy you recognize the cycles! Best wishes.
Lauren P “snip snip”😂😂😂😂
Susan Winter Well said, perfectly actually!!! 👌🏻😌🌼
Whoever he is was a fool
I'm beginning to feel this way. He doesn't even take me out anymore and I'm tired of bringing it up. He's starting to become a turn off. I love him. But I know I deserve better than this.
Honestly, I have had some traumatic relationships as an adult, and do notice that I play these games. That's makes me sad for those that may be on the receiving end. I didn't realize that being arbitrary and evasive was my way of committing to staying safe, too.
Sadly, I endured three cycles of this through the course of a year. Granted, my situation was complicated and there was long distance. But I had never experienced this pattered with anyone before and it was a hard lesson learned. Even with trying to guard my heart and stay low investment, it still really hurt at the end. Please be careful with your heart!
How long does the cold cycle usually last for?
@@Chillmvster it depends on the person who initiated it
Lisa Sunshine,you deserve a better man!
The 139 people that disliked this are the hot/cold players for being exposed. Thank you for putting a name to our pain Susan.
I have a girl doing this to me right now and your literally described my situation perfectly as if you knew me.
How did it end ? Because I'm just like you right now
It ended badly. As you know by now! 😉
I had years of experiences with this type of girlfriend.. Its very confusing. At the end I dumped her and move on. I feel relieves after that. As if a big burden had been removed from my shoulders
covert narcissism is very prevalent these days..keep your Narc-Dar up!
This is what I did deleted her number and block her
God you're good! I LOVE the way you explain things, so clear & concise. Brilliant.😊
HI gina. Thank you!! So glad you watched this video. No one will be able to confuse you by going hot and cold. You'll have the 'dance steps' down to a science. Best wishes, Susan
Nice to know I’m not the only one who went through this. Showing vulnerability is one of the most important aspects of any relationship, especially a romantic relationship. People who play these games enclose themselves in a hard, impenetrable shell that hurts both themselves and others.
It’s not something you can open up for them. They are going to have to do it themselves. And there’s no reason why you have to torture yourself trying to tolerate their behavior.
This is by far the best explanation for the narcissistic behavior of people in a relationship. I have searched for something like this for weeks. Thank you, I am Free!!!
Wow! I needed to hear this. Thank you for sharing your insights and wisdom. Maybe you're right about this. I'm probably in the category who wants to leave no stone unturned, and I'm generally reluctant to give up if I see a glimmer of hope. But I do want a partner who also can communicate and has the courage to talk about difficult subjects and emotions. I'm like that myself.
It's admirable to leave 'no stone unturned.' It means you give it your all and in leaving, you'll never have to question if you've made a mistake. But once you decode hot and cold, the patterns become predictable. Your partners moves become transparent, and the game becomes monotonous. That's the good news! Wishing you well, Centaurix
Thank you Susan. That's great. Morten
I want the same thing, I'm 41 and forever single, yet to meet a woman with a backbone!
This hit home...it hurt and it's tiring. Glad I've been spending time with myself for few months now. Thank you very much ❤.
I'm doing the same. It's necessary in our growth. You will come out wiser and stronger. I'm with you.
Hotter than a fresh cup of coffee in a Forest Fire in the beginning. Then the Ice Age.
Ahahahhhahahahahahhahahha
Wow... Beautiful description 😊
Omg yes! This is like a hot and cold dynamic that switches every couple of days. The cold cycle lasts longer than the hot one yes
Did you just orgasm?
If the cold times only lasted 2 days every time, you would end up just expecting them to come back and you would stop worrying. But they make sure each time it gets longer, because they know you are expecting them to come back after a certain time. It's AFTER this point that you start to worry, confusion increases, you start wondering if they are actually gone this time. Just as you are about to give up, there they are again!
Wouldn't that make the person a narcissist
I would also say yes thats narcissistic ,but ive learned that narcissism is on a spectrum
Yup
Katie Williams yes definitely 😕
Completely
If you mean an NPD type i would say no. They play some seriously horrible games for sure but it's more about flipping the script to keep you disorientated (while staying in contact to sustain abuse) than going cold. Borderlines (BPD) are far more likely to do hot /cold due to the intimacy issues of their pathology.
Oh my goodness, thank you for posting this! I've been talking to this guy I unfortunately like a lot for around 6 months. You described him 100%. I've been looking for answers for months, you just answered them for me, all of the answers I couldn't get from him.
Experiencing this behaviour from a woman. I’m a man. This is really helpful, thanks!
He played hot and cold games with me and he made me begging for his attention. Such a great player...🤣🤣
I just leave them alone.
Maat11 i need to do the same!! N i have n then i went back n it was so yummy. He said he loves me and wants to marry me. Now he is cold again lmao 😂
You best change your Cell Phone number because people are using spyware to the Hilt and on a whim and with the unlawful intent to harm.
@@HighSpeedNoDrag how?
@MK Duke you can't really ghost someone who is dead
How? First, you must request my wordly permission to consult you.
Right on. I have experienced this. Thank you for explaining it and I love your advice!
Wonderful to read your comment! Thank you, Angelica.
There are several factors in how to get a scorpio man to like you. One place I discovered which succeeds in merging these is the Scorpio Insiders Guide (check it out on google) it's the no.1 resource that I have ever seen. Check out the unbelievable information.
She’s good.. funny how I’ve realized I’ve been on both sides.
This was so valuable to me. Thank you, Susan! It makes so much sense. I think it is also important to note that although, I think Susan is right about this with about 95-98% of daters out there, I think once in a blue moon, there could be an outlier (I'm dating one I think), where they are a little hot and cold, but still respond to texts, put off dates, because they are going through some kind of major life shift or crisis. In such a case, depending on the nature of your relationship, simply discarding might not be the answer but compassion and a caring listening ear. Possible? LOVE your work, Susan! You are the best!
Indeed Susan, when it comes to crisp yet on point explanation, you are one of best counselor. I have been empowered quite a lot since I started watching your videos :) Thank you for your efforts.
That was a really precise explanation.. brilliant!.. personally I call these type of people sad people because they drain you of your love and happiness. life really isn't that hard.
Thank you so much Susan, I have been stuck in a rut with a man I love so much and in that pattern. We had some beautiful moments and I could see the pattern but love is blind even if you know what is going on, you try to push things away. Well, as much as I am still grazy about him, I know I have to meet the right love for me and he is somewhere on his way to me, I am going to be happy I know. He will always be precious to me in my heart because despite those bumps in our relationship, he brought me so much. XX
Wow - the ending was exactly something I just went through! They never did anything but play me with vague words to keep me around just to be nice. Saying goodbye to them! Thank you!
I experienced this: " Talk to you later" (when later???), after not responding to my 3 text messages: "I was driving my father to airport" and etc. Dear Susan, thank you for this lesson and being our super mentor! xx
Jolanta, of my goodness. This is incredible. It's exactly the words I used as an example. Oddly, I was just talking off the cuff to make examples of the kind of nonsense the hot/cold player would use as their excuse for not being available. I'm really pleased you found your way to this video. So happy you can now see the cycles, and that you'll be able to anticipate all his moves on the game board. You're the one with the power now!
Susan... where have you been my whole adult life?? You are heaven sent! I love the way you explain things., very clear and direct!
thanks a lot Susan for wonderfully explaining the concept, much appreciated :)
you prolly dont give a damn but does anybody know a way to log back into an instagram account..?
I was dumb lost my account password. I appreciate any tricks you can give me.
@Leroy Benjamin instablaster =)
This sounds more like borderline or narcissistic personality disorder than "hot or cold".....
Well said. Had this experience recently. I won't go into details, but I have learned the hard way to be direct about my boundaries. I was kind, but firm. I told him that I wanted to get to know him. If he wanted the same, he needed to ask me out. If not, tell me. Either way, we are at peace. No hard feelings.
He didn't respond. It's been several days. I won't be contacting him again.
Calm , well organized thoughts , easy explanation , hit to the point. You really beaten the most famous relationship coach ( Mathew hussy , Elliot Scott .. etc) . But , there must be a tricks women can use to win these situations!! After all men are not that complicated
Thank you sarahgx. I really appreciate your comment. I'll use certain game moves to get out of a game, but that's about it. Strategy is different than game. And it's good to know what you want and where you're going in order to execute strategy. Thanks for your comment!!
@@SusanWinter can you provide some strategy to get out, please?
X W block the douche everywhere. Done and dusted. No more strategy required. 😁
Come from a mindset of abundance. There are partners out there who will click with you. Date more than one so you can assess if any of them deserve more of your time. “The right person will be easy”. You can say the wrong thing or screw up and they will still adore you. I’m not a washing machine. If he keeps flipping the dial Hot and Cold, and he cant be direct and show me Im important and pursue me like the goddess I am, I do 2 things:
1) I say “excuse me, you must have mistaken me for someone who will accept XYZ”, “because I respect myself, I will not accept this”. That’s it, and that’s all.
2) I go enjoy my life and put them out of my mind . If they don’t step up and apologize and treat me like a Queen, they don’t deserve another word or thought from me. I’m done. You can’t change that they are not that interested, emotionally mature or afraid, etc... and who has the time to deal with games?
My guy gave me the excuse that he fell asleep on the couch at 8 pm so couldn’t text me back (2nd time with this one) and couldn’t take my call next morning because he was in a meeting. At 7:22 am. I said I’m done now and please don’t text me again.
Out of all of the videos on this topic, this is the most comprehensive. Thank you for helping me understand!
Taryn101 I second that!
You're welcome, Taryn!! Thanks for the wonderful comment. It's a game. When you know the pattern, you can predict their next move (as well as your options).
Thanks, Angelica.
+Susan Winter So true. Once you see it, it is so obvious. And it sticks out to me that you said they do not have the skill set to be any different. So avoid blaming ourselves and taking them back.
My ex did this to me and I let her reel me in over and over, I learned the hard way but at least now I'm stronger for it. Thank you for making this video, it's helped me emotionally knowing there was likely nothing I could do to save it.
yup, it's hard. When they pull away, don't chase as it's fueling her control over her. Act like you don't care and when she does text......wait a while before you reply. Take back the control from them. Don't be needy. Make them earn your attention. The key is learning to be indifferent while searching for someone that doesn't do this. These people will spin your mind. Not worth the emotional abuse IMO.
oh my godddddddd! you just answered all my questions!!!!!!!!!
+Nuzhat Tasnim EXCELLENT!! That was the goal. Thanks for your note. Makes me smile. Susan
oh my god… me too ，so what we going to do ..? 😥
Hello dear how are you doing today I hope you are having a wonderful day baby I love you so much
I’m glad I watched this. I’ve been dealing with this crap for awhile. My girlfriend of 4 years did this subtly after the first year together. The last year she did this not stop. We have a 2 yr old daughter. One day she loves me and I am the greatest guy and she wants to marry me, the next day I barely exist. I didn’t do anything wrong in between. I’m the same happy person everyday. Now we are separated and she is living with her mom. One day she texts me 15-20 in a day and calls me 2x, the next she doesn’t text me once. If I send a text and she doesn’t reply, I don’t say a word until I hear from her. I’m sick of it. I don’t chase at all. I’m sure she wants to be chased but I won’t. I’d much rather have someone that is normal and is the same everyday.
maybe borderline, changing that quick thoughts , after one day or changes in same day reminds me that. But need more criterias.
feeling empty inside
low self-esteem
strong, overwhelming emotions and feelings
intense mood swings including outbursts of anxiety, anger and depression
a pattern of tumultuous relationships with friends, family and loved ones
alternating between idealising and devaluing other people
fear of being alone and frantic attempts to avoid abandonment
unstable and distorted self-image or sense of self
feeling neglected, alone, misunderstood, chronically empty or bored
feelings of self-loathing and self-hate
self-harm
impulsive and risk-taking behaviour gambling, over eating, reckless driving or over spending
black and white thinking, or difficulty compromising
paranoid thoughts in response to stress
feeling cut off and out of touch with reality
So glad i ran across ur page..one of the best for me in 2017, your views philosophy on dating ,friendships etc....Awesome for independent women that know their worth and want to keep those standards high..
Helped me so much keeping me a class act and keeping my confidence high...Thank u!!!
Thanks for your kind words Tawanna
Hi
You SO hit the nail EXACTLY on the head with THIS type of person/relationship!!! THANK YOU for pointing this out to us!!! This is my FIRST EXPERIENCE EVER with ANYONE like this!!! I am just over 50, and I do NOT have the time left that I even want to WASTE fooling around LIKE THIS!!! I am worth FARRRR BETTER!!!!! @Susan Winter, I thank you AGAIN, tremendously for pointing this type of person out to us, especially to those of us who have NEVER been treated like this EVER before in our LIVES but have this intuitive feeling that something is really not making sense here! !!! I am NOT about to even START to continue on in ANY type of relationship where a person MUST CONTINUALLY LIE!!! JUST NO!!!!!
Thanks! This saves me a lot of aggravation, time and energy.
This was so specifically accurate, it felt as though you’ve been spying on my life. Thank you so much for your insight. You’ve made me finally relax with much peace of mind!
Susan you just saved my ass!!! I'm an intelligent, classy woman who has fallen into this situation with an adorable man who is not only waisting my time but his own precious life!!! Much love girl I will keep listening to your advise and sharing with my girlfriends... Peace love and light.... I owe you more than I could ever repay!!! Glorious insight!!!! I just reconnected after 8 weeks with this man and two days later the little fucker has started the game with me.... I will be calling him out 👍🏻😍❤️👈🏼 not sure how I fell for this dynamic but I sure did!!!
Bird Guio I LOVE your message!! Thank you. Now, you know the dance steps to his game. You have the ability to see through the seduction, charisma, and charm. And, you know his greatest fear is being hurt by love. This is the moment the tables turn and true connect is forged. 😊
Bird Guio,you look stunning!
@@lioydwilliams1850 Don't simp.
This is so true, I had meet a guy like this , Giving a lot of second chances is tiring and even more painful. The only thing you can do is run away from them cuz they will never change. The cycle will always continue and its really depressing. . Thank you so much Susan. This video is a gold!
The way you explain this makes the clearest picture possible. You’re very intelligent!
UR SO RIGHT, IT'S TEMPTING & IT'S IN OUR NATURE TO WANT THAT ATTENTION AGAIN!
yes, absolutely, but we do realise it will never be the same ......
You just hit the nail on it head, Susan. I have been lately hit by the game of my ex, and it’s soon he got what he wanted, he faded away. Now I got lost and confused.
I’m now one month into a breakup with the girl I thought I was going to marry. I’m 28 years old and have never felt that way about anyone. Needless to say I’ve been watching countless videos this past month, but none of them genuinely made me feel better until I found your channel. Thank you so much 💯
Marriage is far, far more serious than most people are willing to consider. A BIG clue is how you say you’ve “never felt that way about anyone”. Marriage is about a lot more than feelings. A lot more. Did I say a lot?
Thank you Susan ... I have been going through this cycle with a guy for 2 months. I got the "I am in getting an MRI" "I am about to get on a plane"When it came to actually arrange to meet up, he stopped answering my texts. So I called him out on it, I said I was tired of his hot and cold, to go figure himself out and call me when he is ready to meet up. I may be available. All with kindness as I do care about him. Im getting out there now and meeting new people. All after seeing this brilliant piece! Thank you!! I feel so much more empowered with this knowledge .. ITS NOT ME!!! :D xx
Olivia, these are the types of comments that make my heart sing! You're correct. It's not YOU. It's a hot/cold player that's only window shopping. They're not really in the market for partnership. The obsessive 'looking' is their favorite pastime. No need to indulge them. Now you see it all very clearly. I'm proud of you. All the best.
Thanks Susan .. we did date for 2 months before the first freeze out! Like the Movie Frozen "Let It Go"!! :D
This woman is a Genius!
Wow! She just described my previous relationship perfectly. The woman I was in love with played this out like a script!
I told my ex-gf... "I don't do hot and cold relationships", then walked away and never looked back. Best decision I ever made with that relationship! Never heard back from her, which verified that she was never interested in anything except the resources she needed to support herself and her three young children!
I've been dealing this hot and cold for more than a year now. I'm glad that I found your video. I will let him go this time, for me to find someone who is not afraid to love and be loved.
I'm so happy you found your way to my channel. It's impossible to create a relationship with the person who does hot and cold. Your idea to find someone who's not afraid to love and be loved is spot on. You'll be amazed how easy it really is, when you find a partner who is courageous and self empowered.
Susan ,susan....May God continue to bless you. You are sure a sweet and blessed lady. My husband and I went our part ways,but NOT really if you know I mean b'se of our child. Everytime I would give in things got worse! But only three days after i watched cut the cord! 😃 i am enjoying it to see that it is him putting in the effort. Thank you, thank you.....it feels good to be feel and have your ex who treated you like trash coming snooping around like a lost puppy. Thank you for being you.
I was very impressed by this. Thanks for uploading!
Oh my God! You are bang on, Susan!!! I've been trapped in his hot and cold cycle for weeks. He didn't reply to my email for many days. Yesterday he replied saying "my dog is sick...sorry for not replying". He is sick for sure😂 Thank you, Susan, thank you, thank you for pulling me out of his sick hot-and-cold trap❤
You are so dead on!! Thank you. He did this to me months back. I let him go once he pulled away then he pursued me hard all over again. He promised to make time and then he's ghost again. I'm done for good. I appreciate the wake up call
Hi Erica. Now you're wiser, know what to expect, and also know that you deserve more from a partner. Wishing you love and happiness.
how far is enough when pulling back without losing her in the process? Pls answer. Thanks
You're going to have to test that. But really-why would you want to play that game? I'd get straight to the truth. Ask he if she's interested or not, state that you care but don't have time for games.
Probably the best video I’ve watched on this topic thank you! Immensely helpful, clear and concise
Wow... I'm stupifued about the depth of this subject.
And I can't thank you enough for it.
This is your signature video. Your absolute best one. I can feel this subject being your specialty.
I´ve watched more than 20 videos regarding this issue, this by far is the best video for advice.
I love how clear it is! It helps me see past things with more accuracy. Thank you very much for sharing your great insights!
Wish I had heard this in my 20s.
Cyndi Moring,You are beautiful 🌹🌹🌷,hope you are with a good man!
@@christianpulisic7784 I'm working on it...thanks.
@@cyndimoring9389 Which country are you from?
Why is it every time I click on one of your videos I feel so much better :) THANK YOU
Jennifer Juneau,You look stunning 🌹🌷🌷 dear
This is the best video I watched about this topic ❤️❤️❤️
I think my ex tried doing this to me, but the only difference is that she started being cold. I turned the tables around and did It back to her. Now she blocked me and hasn't contacted me ever since. I am not going to give in.
I made her think that I was interested and then boom I stopped gave her the real deal by telling how things are. She wants to play these games then 2 can play.
Stalkerx13
i do the same they dokt like when tables are trun
I mirrored his behavior and he ddint like it so he couldn't manipulate me. I called him out until he discarded me ..
Wow. I just went thru 3 cycles. Exactly how you explained it. I finally fell back after letting hey know i would accept where we are and let her go. Lol
It's been about a week and a half. Haven't heard from her. Was actually wanting to hear from her. But after listening to you and how you explained how they are are not equipped for a relationship because they will not letgo of the fear.. I've decided to move on totally
What I did wrong was noticing what she was doing and try to respond. It was way way way better when I wasn't trying a single thing.
Susan is very wise, rational and compassionate. I'm glad these videos are on UA-cam. She speaks the truth.
Wow! I mean really wow. This explains so much. I just learned so much from this short video. Thank you for helping me understand what she is doing. I agree that I should move on. I was holding on to hope but she is hopeless
he started to say nice things to me, expressing his feelings and I think it freaked him out because since then he has been ignoring me and being mean on purpose so i won't see him. I must have asked myself what the f did I do 1,000 times
Did you TELL him you liked him back?
wooooow just woow. What a smart woman you are Susan. Currently the guy i like put me on cold , this is the second time. I went back the first time, texting him and asking what i did wrong, but this time i am moving on. there is no going back or giving another chance to this guy. I am 31 and i dont wanna participate in any games or play games myself. Thank you for this wonderful video. Lots of love and respect for you
I tend to back away when someone seemingly rejects me. Like not responding to a text or never texting first etc. It feels like a rejection to me. It's not malicious at all. Little things trigger me and make me think the person is trying to manipulate me.
Susan, this is such important and insightful material - thank you so much!
Thank you!!
Susan, you are a God send, and answer to my prayers. Thanks for sharing your insight on this
+Sara A I'm so happy to read this! Thank you for letting me know that this video has been a help to you. I've always found patterns of human behavior interesting. Understanding the patterns enables us to predict what comes next, which alleviates confusion and pain. Wishing you well, and wishing you happy dating!
are you a psychologist or a psychiatrist?
I'm neither, Sara A. But I find that this subject is very interesting. I appreciate your comment!
This is so true especially the hook. "We'll talk later" and "maybe" was said to me but I decided to just leave it all and walk away. If they come good if they go good also.
It just happened to me tonight. The cold phase. I was in No Contact for a year and then on the 1st he called me under a private number. I answered and hoovered me. Again I fell for it until 2 days ago when all over sudden he didn't text or called until I called him tonight and wanted to know what is going on. He said that we're not together why don't you get that. What is wrong with me that I'm running after this Man who has nothing to offer. Oh well starting NC all over again but this time for Life.
You're so great Susan, your tips are truly helping me with my dating life thank you.
Right on the money, i just ended a Hot and Cold "relationship". You described it exactly how it is, thank God i ended it sooner than later, it really takes away your energy. My question to myself is When will i find normality in dating? If its not one thing its another. Arghhh so frustrating!!!
Hi Viviana. It's not you-it's a result of the confusion other people are having as they enter the dating scene. All the rules of behavior were eradicated. So, there's a mess until a new ideology guides everyone to a 'best practices' format. However, you're clear. As long as you know what you want and how to envision your romantic life (and clearly communicate that), then you'll begin to meet other's who're also wanting what you want. The clearer you get, the quicker it happens. I wish you the very best!!
Thank you, Susan! Love all your videos...please keep doing them 😘
I certainly will, Viviana Valverde. Thanks for your awesome support.
Everything you said was 100% true. Once you stop caring and stop chasing, there’s room for them to walk towards you. From my experience, don’t fall for it. It’s not healthy nor worth it. The cycle will always repeat. Move on, focus on you, and wait for the right one.
when they go cold....just let them be. they will come back. but whatever they do (if they ignore) you do the same thing. treat them the way they are treating you. some people are just scared and maybe have never felt a certain way they feel when they are with you. but give them some time. eventually you will know if they are for you or not worth your time.