When you mentioned that you loved drawing but that perfectionism made you dread the things you enjoyed, I was like damnnn that's exactly how I feel. One day, when I was 12, I randomly decided "you know what? I want to be able to draw" and I spent every hour of every day of that summers vacation just drawing in my room and I got pretty good pretty fast. And then I went back to school and now I knew how to draw, so everyone was like oh daaaamnn you're so good at drawing, you're so talented and all that. That's when something switched in my mind and what started as something I just wanted to learn and I enjoyed doing, became some "I was good at" and now there was this expectation of me being good. And that's weirdly paralyzing. For instance, I stopped enjoying practicing because when you're practicing something you're really bad at (let's say, hands) you start by drawing terrible drawings. And I absolutely hated seeing those terrible drawings. "Why are these drawings so bad if I'm supposed to be good at drawing? maybe I'm not even good?" and slowly, over time, that worm of perfectionism in my brain started eating away any motivation, and my passion for drawing just vanished. I started thinking "why draw, if it's just gonna look bad anyway? there's no point in drawing something that looks like shit..." This goes hand in hand with having to justify your existence because in a way I had to justify the existence of those drawings you know? and only a few years ago I was finally able to be like "yeah, the drawings are going to look bad, yes I'm not that good at drawing actually, so what??" I needed to give myself permission to make bad drawings, just for the sake of it. I started drawing just to draw, not the intention to make good drawings. And that's when I started enjoying drawing again. There's still some days when I draw something and it looks bad in just the right way that it fires off that side of my brain that goes "well I suck, I should just stop" and it takes a few days, sometimes weeks to get over that thought again, but I'm still trying and figuring out how to deal with it as I go. At least now it takes a few weeks and not years like it did once. I relate so much with that idea of having to justify your existence, in so many ways. I have an older brother and our family house only has two bedrooms so we share the room and sometimes I get that feeling of not having a space for myself, like there isn't space in the world for me to be, I'm taking up space that was previously someone else's. That kind of stuff messes up with your head in so many ways, it's a thought that reaches every single instance of your life, and crawls out in the most unexpected of ways, even with things that you might think have nothing to do with it. It's something I struggle with to this day and watching this video felt so comfy because at least I'm not the only one (being the second child when there was a one-child policy is crazy, if it was me I'm sure my mind would've gone to the same dark places yours did). And that comment about not being able to enjoy drawing struck something in my heart, idk, made me want to write this long ass comment. I've watched your videos for months and your videos have been a great source of strength and wisdom these past few months but I had never written a comment, so since this is my first one I just wanted to say, thanks, your videos are great and it makes me so happy every time I get a notification haha
It's really great that I've just seen this video because it's reminded me of an even subtle internal dialogue/subconscious belief I have that in some way or another which believes that I have to suffer or be drained intensely in some way to feel joy (And like you said in this video to be worthy of my own existence.) I'm currently looking more into where it's actually come from; And I think a lot of it is people sending me messages either implicitly or explicitly that I am too quiet, slow or introspective etc. I'm someone who has these personality traits and generally love to go at my own pace but a major theme throughout my life has been comparing myself to other people my age who seem to race through life effortlessly eg Mastering loads of music instruments, having strong friend groups, constantly having plans and more recently somehow being able to find a job after degree and going from one relationship to the next etc. However, through awareness of these things I give much less of a fuck about it now and a lot of me going at my own pace has led to things aligning in my life which feel true to me and my values ☺ It all works out ❤
Feeling lost and uncertain about my path, I find myself grappling with the question of how to truly embrace life again. It’s as if I’m wandering through a fog, unsure of the direction I should take.
I want to change my mentality of needing to prove my existence. I felt like that for a long time, but I couldn't really grasp what it was. I didn't realize it until I went through a lot of suffering because I was born with a chronic illness called COPD. I felt like a burden whenever I got really sick and had to be hospitalized. My family loves me, and they sacrificed their time and energy to take care of me. I didn't want to disappoint them and make them feel sad. I try my best to take care of my health, but sometimes I feel like it's too overwhelming and painful for me. I wished that I wasn't born at one point. However, I'm learning to change that toxic mentality because I believe in God, and He created me for a purpose that I don't know the reason yet. I have faith in God because He sees the whole picture, and He has a plan for me that is good. Thank you for making this video Meiqii. You are so wise and thoughtful.😊❤ To whoever who is reading this, God loves you! You are not alone and He is with you if you allow your heart to be open and pray to Him. God sent His only son, Jesus to die on the cross for our sins. If you accept Jesus as your savior and friend, He will save you when He comes back at the end of times and you will live in His eternal kingdom, Heaven. Also, He will overflow you with blessings and give you the peace and hope that this world cannot give you. I hope this message reaches your heart and that you think about it. If you are interested in reading the Bible, I suggest you read the gospel, which is Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. It is about the life of Jesus written by His disciples from their perspectives.🙏📖 May God bless you and be with you.❤ Psalms 139:14 NKJV [14] I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well. Psalms 55:22 NKJV [22] Cast your burden on the Lord, And He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved. Romans 8:18 NKJV [18] For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.
If we're too strict on our discipline, we end up forgetting why we want to have discipline in the first place. The reason we make to-do-lists and want to have discipline is not in order to be productive but in order to carve out more time to do what we love. When we lose sight of this our to-do-lists become meaningless lists of chores. Btw. watching your videos has really inspired me to start considering starting my own UA-cam channel. So thanks for that!
really insightdul video!!! i would like to add though for anyone who's seeking for a higher purpose for existence, look into religion, in Islam, its mentioned in the quran that our purpose and the reason for our existence is solely to worship Allah(SWT) and with that (being a muslim), you will inherently shape your life to the ways and teachings of the Quran and our prophet(SAW) and you'll find that life's a lot easier and much more meaningful truly and you'll find comfort and certainty through believing and knowing for a fact that you have a higher purpose which is to attain heaven and worship Allah
Now is also a good time to share that i have recently started making YT videos and be great if people could support ☺ I should be uploading one in the next day or so, as well as (hopefully) getting more regular 💛
I'd say both extremes (the perfectionnist "I'm gonna do it all, never enough", and the "I'm content with what I have, why more ?") are not ideal, and a balanced life lies somewhere inbetween. It's like a spectrum. To each their own, so the secret of a happy life is to see where you sit in this spectrum. Do you enjoy mostly accomplishing new things and leave everything done in the dust ? Or do you still need to stop by sometimes to smell the roses, and actually enjoy and celebrate what you've just accomplished before taking on the next step ? Or do you just enjoy the roses and don't want to leave the flower field ? As an indie animation short film director, when I was a student at my art uni, each student had to go through the living hell that was the production of our own animation short, one for each student. And for 5 to 8 months (for me, at least), it was no seeing my friends, no love life, no sleep (before 4am), only drawing, thinking, preparing our storyboards, then animating/coloring/BG drawing/compositing/editing non-stop until the end of the year. And when we actually managed to cross the line at the end, it was one week of blissful party at Annecy's International animation film festival (basically the Cannes festival of animation), where we got to celebrate our year long hell, straight into one week of paradise, and share our hard work with the rest of the world's animation students & pros. It was absolute bliss. And having done it for 7 years in a row made me cherish this period in my life, and imprinted the preciousness of rewarding yourself with something big after a big long effort.
I relate a lot to the father caring about education and changing his family life that exactly what i felt as well where if im not doing enough then im spoiled ungrateful brat . If im asking for money then im ungrateful brat if i do want anything for myself im ungrateful brat 😂😂 if anything i became too of a grateful humble brat but yeah i dont feel my accomplishments. And I didn’t have ambition to be honest i just wanted to finish uni as a thank you message to my father for everything he did to me and support he gave me so then i can take control of my life and do whatever i want go out try life do mistakes without feeling guilty. Thank you so much for sharing this it reminded me that all i wanted was freedom .
I'm literally suffering from the same thing I feel like I'm a burden I feel like I never do enough I'm in a constant chase never looking back and celebrating what I already achieved Thanks for video I feel better now ❤
i wish i had some expectations and pressure to achieve put on me when i was younger. when it feels like no one will notice or care whether you achieve anything it's hard to see any point in investing effort into anything.
When you mentioned that you loved drawing but that perfectionism made you dread the things you enjoyed, I was like damnnn that's exactly how I feel.
One day, when I was 12, I randomly decided "you know what? I want to be able to draw" and I spent every hour of every day of that summers vacation just drawing in my room and I got pretty good pretty fast. And then I went back to school and now I knew how to draw, so everyone was like oh daaaamnn you're so good at drawing, you're so talented and all that. That's when something switched in my mind and what started as something I just wanted to learn and I enjoyed doing, became some "I was good at" and now there was this expectation of me being good. And that's weirdly paralyzing. For instance, I stopped enjoying practicing because when you're practicing something you're really bad at (let's say, hands) you start by drawing terrible drawings. And I absolutely hated seeing those terrible drawings. "Why are these drawings so bad if I'm supposed to be good at drawing? maybe I'm not even good?" and slowly, over time, that worm of perfectionism in my brain started eating away any motivation, and my passion for drawing just vanished. I started thinking "why draw, if it's just gonna look bad anyway? there's no point in drawing something that looks like shit..."
This goes hand in hand with having to justify your existence because in a way I had to justify the existence of those drawings you know? and only a few years ago I was finally able to be like "yeah, the drawings are going to look bad, yes I'm not that good at drawing actually, so what??" I needed to give myself permission to make bad drawings, just for the sake of it. I started drawing just to draw, not the intention to make good drawings. And that's when I started enjoying drawing again. There's still some days when I draw something and it looks bad in just the right way that it fires off that side of my brain that goes "well I suck, I should just stop" and it takes a few days, sometimes weeks to get over that thought again, but I'm still trying and figuring out how to deal with it as I go. At least now it takes a few weeks and not years like it did once.
I relate so much with that idea of having to justify your existence, in so many ways. I have an older brother and our family house only has two bedrooms so we share the room and sometimes I get that feeling of not having a space for myself, like there isn't space in the world for me to be, I'm taking up space that was previously someone else's. That kind of stuff messes up with your head in so many ways, it's a thought that reaches every single instance of your life, and crawls out in the most unexpected of ways, even with things that you might think have nothing to do with it. It's something I struggle with to this day and watching this video felt so comfy because at least I'm not the only one (being the second child when there was a one-child policy is crazy, if it was me I'm sure my mind would've gone to the same dark places yours did). And that comment about not being able to enjoy drawing struck something in my heart, idk, made me want to write this long ass comment. I've watched your videos for months and your videos have been a great source of strength and wisdom these past few months but I had never written a comment, so since this is my first one I just wanted to say, thanks, your videos are great and it makes me so happy every time I get a notification haha
Thank you for sharing your experience!💜I’m glad more ppl relate, this comment truly made my day 😊
I am convinced by the fact that not everyone is like Meiqiii, and more people should be like her.
It's really great that I've just seen this video because it's reminded me of an even subtle internal dialogue/subconscious belief I have that in some way or another which believes that I have to suffer or be drained intensely in some way to feel joy (And like you said in this video to be worthy of my own existence.) I'm currently looking more into where it's actually come from; And I think a lot of it is people sending me messages either implicitly or explicitly that I am too quiet, slow or introspective etc. I'm someone who has these personality traits and generally love to go at my own pace but a major theme throughout my life has been comparing myself to other people my age who seem to race through life effortlessly eg Mastering loads of music instruments, having strong friend groups, constantly having plans and more recently somehow being able to find a job after degree and going from one relationship to the next etc. However, through awareness of these things I give much less of a fuck about it now and a lot of me going at my own pace has led to things aligning in my life which feel true to me and my values ☺ It all works out ❤
GIRL WTF, i saw this on my recommended and how the hell does youtube know my life??? And girl i love your video soooo much❤
Feeling lost and uncertain about my path, I find myself grappling with the question of how to truly embrace life again. It’s as if I’m wandering through a fog, unsure of the direction I should take.
Thank you girl…you gave my childhood self back to me who was unafraid and unbothered of doing stuffs that she liked.😂
I want to change my mentality of needing to prove my existence. I felt like that for a long time, but I couldn't really grasp what it was. I didn't realize it until I went through a lot of suffering because I was born with a chronic illness called COPD. I felt like a burden whenever I got really sick and had to be hospitalized. My family loves me, and they sacrificed their time and energy to take care of me. I didn't want to disappoint them and make them feel sad. I try my best to take care of my health, but sometimes I feel like it's too overwhelming and painful for me. I wished that I wasn't born at one point. However, I'm learning to change that toxic mentality because I believe in God, and He created me for a purpose that I don't know the reason yet. I have faith in God because He sees the whole picture, and He has a plan for me that is good.
Thank you for making this video Meiqii. You are so wise and thoughtful.😊❤
To whoever who is reading this, God loves you! You are not alone and He is with you if you allow your heart to be open and pray to Him. God sent His only son, Jesus to die on the cross for our sins. If you accept Jesus as your savior and friend, He will save you when He comes back at the end of times and you will live in His eternal kingdom, Heaven. Also, He will overflow you with blessings and give you the peace and hope that this world cannot give you. I hope this message reaches your heart and that you think about it. If you are interested in reading the Bible, I suggest you read the gospel, which is Matthew, Mark, Luke, and John. It is about the life of Jesus written by His disciples from their perspectives.🙏📖
May God bless you and be with you.❤
Psalms 139:14 NKJV
[14] I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; Marvelous are Your works, And that my soul knows very well.
Psalms 55:22 NKJV
[22] Cast your burden on the Lord, And He shall sustain you; He shall never permit the righteous to be moved.
Romans 8:18 NKJV
[18] For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us.
most of us, asian kids have this problem
I can truly relate i have always a crumbling feeling to justifying myself
If we're too strict on our discipline, we end up forgetting why we want to have discipline in the first place. The reason we make to-do-lists and want to have discipline is not in order to be productive but in order to carve out more time to do what we love. When we lose sight of this our to-do-lists become meaningless lists of chores.
Btw. watching your videos has really inspired me to start considering starting my own UA-cam channel. So thanks for that!
really insightdul video!!! i would like to add though for anyone who's seeking for a higher purpose for existence, look into religion, in Islam, its mentioned in the quran that our purpose and the reason for our existence is solely to worship Allah(SWT) and with that (being a muslim), you will inherently shape your life to the ways and teachings of the Quran and our prophet(SAW) and you'll find that life's a lot easier and much more meaningful truly and you'll find comfort and certainty through believing and knowing for a fact that you have a higher purpose which is to attain heaven and worship Allah
Now is also a good time to share that i have recently started making YT videos and be great if people could support ☺ I should be uploading one in the next day or so, as well as (hopefully) getting more regular 💛
I'd say both extremes (the perfectionnist "I'm gonna do it all, never enough", and the "I'm content with what I have, why more ?") are not ideal, and a balanced life lies somewhere inbetween. It's like a spectrum. To each their own, so the secret of a happy life is to see where you sit in this spectrum. Do you enjoy mostly accomplishing new things and leave everything done in the dust ? Or do you still need to stop by sometimes to smell the roses, and actually enjoy and celebrate what you've just accomplished before taking on the next step ? Or do you just enjoy the roses and don't want to leave the flower field ?
As an indie animation short film director, when I was a student at my art uni, each student had to go through the living hell that was the production of our own animation short, one for each student. And for 5 to 8 months (for me, at least), it was no seeing my friends, no love life, no sleep (before 4am), only drawing, thinking, preparing our storyboards, then animating/coloring/BG drawing/compositing/editing non-stop until the end of the year. And when we actually managed to cross the line at the end, it was one week of blissful party at Annecy's International animation film festival (basically the Cannes festival of animation), where we got to celebrate our year long hell, straight into one week of paradise, and share our hard work with the rest of the world's animation students & pros. It was absolute bliss. And having done it for 7 years in a row made me cherish this period in my life, and imprinted the preciousness of rewarding yourself with something big after a big long effort.
suffering is a complicated virtue
I relate a lot to the father caring about education and changing his family life that exactly what i felt as well where if im not doing enough then im spoiled ungrateful brat . If im asking for money then im ungrateful brat if i do want anything for myself im ungrateful brat 😂😂 if anything i became too of a grateful humble brat but yeah i dont feel my accomplishments. And I didn’t have ambition to be honest i just wanted to finish uni as a thank you message to my father for everything he did to me and support he gave me so then i can take control of my life and do whatever i want go out try life do mistakes without feeling guilty. Thank you so much for sharing this it reminded me that all i wanted was freedom .
Soooo relatable😣……..
soo grateful for having u in my life
thank you meiqiii ❤
I'm literally suffering from the same thing
I feel like I'm a burden
I feel like I never do enough
I'm in a constant chase never looking back and celebrating what I already achieved
Thanks for video I feel better now ❤
i have few frnds who are middle child and as an elder daughter i can understand the feeling of being a burden and having to be perfect in everything
Thank you for this video, I wish you all the best in life :")
Nice girl ❤❤❤
Thanks for sharing.
i wish i had some expectations and pressure to achieve put on me when i was younger. when it feels like no one will notice or care whether you achieve anything it's hard to see any point in investing effort into anything.
So pretty...❤🤍
Thank you 😊
Just clicked this to see you
❤️🩹
meiqiii is my nibbi
嘴巴过敏了？
I always get so excited when you post 😭🫶🏼
haha same