For anyone out there feeling alone or weird for being single in their 20s, I didn’t have my first proper boyfriend until I was 27. And I honestly don’t feel that it was “too late” or that I was “behind”. It happened exactly when I was ready.
I am happy that it worked for you. But -and I assume you're a woman here - most women do not actively search for a partner (meaning they don't approach men or otherwise initiate contact) so finding a boyfriend is more of a chance thing, namely a man making the first step towards you. And usually, the older women get and the less pretty they become, the less likely men (especially those who have options) are to approach those women. So while it can still work out in your late 20s and even 30s, it is probably not a very wise idea to wait until the part of you that is most important in the eyes of most men starts deteriorating. (And I am not passing judgement here, whether it is good that most men look at beauty first is a different question, but it's just a fact)
@@thomasmann4536 sorry Thomas but I was talking to and about other women, not men. And I find the attempt at “scaring” me by saying the classic “you’re gonna be an old hag if you aren’t married by 25” very immature and petty. Anybody who isn’t chronically online knows that life does not end after the age of 25 and people get married and remarried at all ages. Plus women’s life actually gets better when they’re single, statistically speaking whereas for men it’s the opposite. Are YOU worried about your dating chances when you get older? What is dating like for men who are older and have less hair and have more weight? You are the one bringing it up to me unprompted so maybe you’re projecting a bit there.
@@cass465 I wasn'T talking about men either. Women's life gets better when single? I'd like to see your statistics for that, because according to all data I know, having a partner and children are the biggest predictors for female happiness. Do all women aspire to that? No. Are some women happy without partners? Of course. IF you mean to say that women are generally better at dealing with being single due to larger social circles than men, then I agree. If you are saying that being single makes women happier than being in a relationship then all data Ive seen is at odds with this statement. And as I thought, you missed the point completely. Nowhere did I say life ends at 25. But you're committing a logical fallacy here. Just because people get married after 25 doesn't mean they are more desirable after 25. You conveniently omit the fact that it usually takes some time to marry someone after you get to know them, a few years to be exact. So when people nowadays marry at the average age of 30, it means they get to know each other at 25 or earlier. It's as if we said: "Uni isn't everything, so just half-ass it because you can get a good career with a shitty degree." Yes, you can, but the chances are smaller. Why would you deliberately sabotage your future life by making poor choices? (This is ofc assuming you want a relationship. If you don't that's fine) Oh, and by the way, the divorce rate for people who remarry is about 3 times higher than for first time marriages, so you can see how well that works out. To answer your question: Dating for men who are older is much easier, even when gaining some weight (which you have full control of and can avoid),. It's certainly easier than dating at 20 when you don't have anything going for you, no career, no personality, no achievements, etc.
@@thomasmann4536. Just google "women happier when single". Women usually put in more work and effort into relationships than men do, not to mention that they normally take up the bulk of house chores, child-rearing duties as well as emotional labour in relationships, on top of having their own careers, most of the time. Not to mention societal expectations of being the ones responsible for all those things, when men aren't held nearly to the same standards - because let's be real, even if someone doesn't care about the opinions of others, women are still the ones who listen to random people butting into their private lives and hearing "well-meaning" comments and advice about finding a partner and having kids far more than men are, so it is annoying as well as exhausting. Oh, and don't forget about how we are judged far more harshly when it comes to parenting - men can do less than the bare minimum for their kids and get praised, while women are constantly criticised if they're not bending over backwards to put their kids' needs first - and even when they do, they *still* get criticised for "lacking" in some other aspects of their lives, like not taking care of their looks "as they should" so as to keep their partners interested - after all, if their partner cheats or leaves them, it *must* be the women's fault for failing their men, right? So overall, it's a lot less emotional and physical work, as well as less taxing on the health (since we are the ones who go through pregnancy and are still expected to look flawless 24/7) to *not* get married or have kids. I think the fact I have to even tell you what key-words to google to find the research the original commenter mentioned shows how women are expected to do the work because men can't be bothered to do it themselves.
@@thomasmann4536 as a guy myself this is a straight up unhealthy way of looking at dating. It's counterproductive to view a partner as a need in life similar to food, water or shelter. Building the role of a partner in your head and then looking for someone to fill that role gets in the way of genuinely fun and healthy human connections. We're emotional creatures and relationships are emotional structures. Yeah a little logic can help you set certain boundaries and expectations, but how are you ever supposed to enjoy dating if you've turned it into a job in your mind? The best relationships I've had have happened without me looking for them.
Same here 😭 I had a lot of stuff regarding family issues and mental health stuff that I feel like I'm only now getting out of in my late 20s, and I always feel like I lost my "best" years to all that stuff out of my control
Your 30s can be better for everything except physical appearance and strength, let's be real here (unless you were extremely overnight/untrained in your 20s for some reason)
Not being interested in dating and waiting till you are is not the same as actively trying to find a relationship and not being able to. It is very embarrassing for the latter
@@festivefish1103 ya I've been working on myself since the beginning of the year. If I don't have any success by the end of the year in gonna kill myself, but thanks for the advice anyway 🙏
@@festivefish1103 did you actually think this comment through before you made it? Because that’s so not congruent to what the video was about or OP’s statement
I'm nearly 22. Due to bullying and my upbringing, I have terrible social skills; I can't even make friends. I have several mental health related issues and all of my "friends"/acquaintances from High School have "normal" social lives. Honestly I sometimes think that I am a lost cause, but this video gave me a bit of hope, and motivation to keep working on myself. Thanks for that.
I also was abused as a child by my mother and bullied. And it was hard, but after I turned 19 and got out of school, just trying, getting out there, made me realize it's actually okay, people are way nicer and actually downright treat me very well.
def do keep on! nothing is immutable and you will surely find a little miracle and end up into the light and with new friends! -an empathizing internet friend
Sometimes when I see my new friend group I feel so left behind and unable. Like I unconsciously try to fit in but after some time I realise that I can't and I have to play the cards I have been dealt in my own way. This feeling of being lost and not able to make it really hits then.
@@MelindaSordinoIsLiterallyMe People are nice as long as you don't say the truth. Keep those relationships superficial, and they will seem like good people.
It’s rough out there but don’t worry about it too much. I knew some people who didn’t get married to the right person until 45 years old. He also still lived with his parents around that age. He still dated around and didn’t move out until he met his wife.
32 year old is bit late, you guys need some sort of experience before you could find a love one, get yourself out there and find someone as soon as possible, don't stay at home at complain.
@@vovanminh999 lmfao I never knew there was an age limit to meet someone? I call bullshit. But yea I agree on the getting yourself out there part. Even getting yourself out there doesn’t work all the time either. I’ve went out plenty of times and had no luck.
Did you learn anything yet? Was it something you could have learned when you were younger had you had BETTER mentors? Or was your head so filled with feminist bilge, that you were a lost cause before starting? Remember, there is a LOT of copium being taken when you FAIL, to help you feel better about it. There is a little bag of mental copium ALL your little girly girlfriends will hand out, so that you NEVER have to face the reality! Your lack of wanting to be responsible for yourself!
This really spoke to me. I'm 25 right now and never dated, and now I have a lot of trouble getting over the regret and how unprepared I feel not having done the song and dance in my teens. It's really crazy how much pressure society puts on us to "get it together" right away. I needed to hear those points you made about how much I and my circumstances will change over the coming years, and the higher value you've gotten from dating in your early thirties. And that "date yourself, and give yourself the wonderful romantic life you want" really hit home. Thank you so much!
Society puts NO pressure on you in 2023! Go talk to your grandparents and ask THEM what it was like as a single? They had social pressure; comparatively, you have NONE! The only pressure you have is FOMO (fear of missing out) and thats an INTERNAL pressure not an external one! You cant blame that on society, and if you try to you are NOT worth dating! learn to take personal responsibility. Either you are strong & brave or you are not! You cant pretend to be strong & brave when you are winning, but blame your losses on society, men or some nebulous other!
@@inconnu4961 Society still does put pressure on you though. I remember joking around with a friend in high school and she told me, "That's why you will never get a girlfriend". Made me feel like shit. Also, when I see reality shows titled, "The sex lives of college girls", yeah, I'd say that's a bit pressuring. Makes it look like everyone, but you are sleeping around. I'd say in some ways it's worse with social media.
What stops you from dating though? You'd be better off getting your sh*t together in the coming weeks and months than finding comfort in some random girl's video telling you your life will unwind exactly the way her did and using it as an excuse for taking a back seat in a bus of your life's events. Been there' done that.
@@inconnu4961 You are correct in identifying the internal pressure thing but you are misunderstanding my comment and making the worst possible assumption about it lol. I understand that the pressure is internal - i would say i have internalized an external pressure, and this video reminded me that i don't have to do that. Secondly, part of what I got out of this is that it's okay to just focus on myself and becoming a better person without the explicit goal of finding a partner ASAP. I'm not blaming anything on a nebulous other just to say that my internal issues (which are of course my own to deal with) come from somewhere.
@@pdcichosz In the time since I left this comment *have* been getting my shit together. I've started a new job and in general been sorting thru my priorities and getting into a much better place. The point is that doing so takes time and effort, and it won't happen all at once. I don't have to worry about finding a partner right away, because I think it's more worthwhile to focus on becoming a better person who is more satisfied with my own life first. If you think I'm saying I should take a back seat then you've completely misunderstood my comment.
Young ladies, BE PATIENT! Impatience breeds bad decisions. I dated one guy when I was 20-21. He was the first and only man I dated for years. He was a big mistake. The next guy I waited for. I was 34 when we met. We've now been married 18 years, and he was totally worth the wait. Oh, and I was virgin until we got married when I was 35. That's not a bad thing. PS... I'm 53, and that thing she said about aging? Spot on, lol.
I hate to say it but her advice dosnt fully apply to men, women mostly go for confident social guys with experience, that’s why you see autistic guys on shows that have NEVER dated before and you see autistic girls that have been on dozens, girls are just a lot more picky than guys Still don’t give up, always keep trying
@@nobodythenobody9779 I saw a person that looked like their torso and limbs were very small and a shaped unnaturally on a wheelchair on YT shorts with a pretty attractive woman.
@K.C-2049it's a pattern if you only date players, no one said standards are bad but it is a long longgggg list of things to "check" just to even have a shot and no, men aren't picky tbh, if we were most women wouldn't qualify
This is so refreshing to hear. So many young people these days feel that they are "behind schedule" or that there is something wrong with them if they haven't dated or had meaningful relationships by a certain age. They feel they are "out of the norm", when in fact the norm is really what best fits your life. Thank you for your wise words. Great advice!
I'm 22 and I've been going crazy worrying that I'm a freak for never having done anything romantic or wanting to. I feel uncomfortable and tired just thinking about dating, but also feel like a weirdo when my friends talk about relationships or all of their cool experiences. I found this video and everyone in the comments at the perfect time. I'll try to be more accepting of myself from now on!
The Internet is a great thing for this. Even when it seems all people around us don't have problems with dating and having partners, there are actually so many people in the world whose timeline is more similar to ours and are not ready for dating. Or never will be. And that's okay too.
23 long time single gal here! Remember that your life is precious, and that giving ANY of it in the fear of being alone is not worth your precious time. Explore your interests, passions and opportunities, and you'll meet people who possible share them and possible are dating material.
21 year old female here and I loved this video! I have barely even talked to guys, let alone date. Nothing religious, nothing trauma-related, it just happened. My degree consists of mostly girls and I have never encountered a person to whom I felt attracted. Even the last friend who had 0 experience in dating like me, recently entered the dating world. I, on the other hand, hope I will find someone some day but I’m in no rush and it is definitely not a priority of mine right now. I loved your story and what you said about liking yourself more now that you’re older!
Don't try and 'date' just try and meet as many people as possible, make friends and see what happens naturally. Social situations where you have time get to know people over weeks/months are best and you don't need to be trying to find a partner, just making friends and seeing what happens. Also you only need to meet one person, Saw my now husband every day for months before he asked me out and now we have teenage kids!
@@hollythebordercollie2257 Hello miss, i am in a similar situation as the poster lady as a 25 year old man. I started going to dance class, would you say this is a nice place to get to know people better and possibly find someone ? I feel a bit insecure about having never dated at my age.
@@akiraraiku If it gives you a chance to meet and get to know people of a similar age yes - just try and meet as many people as possible, people with a similar personality/interests/temprament and don't be desperate or needy, see it all as a opportunity to improve your social skills lean something new etc and meeting someone just as a possible side effect of improving yourself
@@akiraraiku Dont try to meet women! Never! women can smell that a mile away and they will never give you the benefit of the doubt! Go out to try to meet men. men to do business with, to play sports with, to have hobbies with etc. men make infinitely better friends than women do. Women are NEEDY, so she cant be your friend nor partner. She needs you to 'feed' her, she is NOT there to 'feed' you . If she realizes she is she will resent you, and the sex will dry up (for you)! Go do what you like love to do, live your day, and the women who are interested in you will come to YOU! These are the ONLY women who will give you a shot? you wont be able to woo a woman who believes she is better than you! Never happens! Do your thing, be content but be mission focused, including ALL the attendant self-improvement work that goes with it. The women you can get will come to you! good luck.
This really resonated with me. I’m 26 and have never been in a relationship or had my first kiss or anything like that. I have watched my friends who are younger than me and family members get into relationships while I’m continuously single. One of my friends often pressure me to get onto dating sites and I tried once but just don’t think it’s for me. I would like to be in a relationship one day but it also does scare me. When I was younger it used to bother me more than it does now but it still does get to me every now and then. It also doesn’t help that I can’t tell if people are flirting with me, I think they’re just being friendly and the people I do get crushes on are always unavailable as they’re in relationships. I have been to university but never experienced finding anyone there cos I didn’t like to go clubbing like everyone else did. I am also really busy in my life now so wouldn’t have time for a relationship. This video has helped and given me hope that it might just happen later in life for me and that’s ok.
@ceooflonelinessinc.267I’m so sorry you feel that way. If it’s meant to be, I’m sure it’ll eventually happen if that’s something you seek for your life, but don’t be afraid to be alone. Chase after what you enjoy doing and just keep growing as a person. Finding happiness with yourself is so much more important than seeking other people’s approval. It seems you’re a working hard person so be proud of that! Whoever rejected you might really just not be good for you after all.
The hard truth I've told women that, whenever you had a huge crush on a guy, theirs 95% chance they're not interested in you or they're already taken. You have to go for the average looking ones that you kinda like but can tell they could be great as your crush
As an almost-30 year old who started so many things late due to a strict religious background, I relate to your story so much, and this video was genuinely so encouraging. Thank you.
I've never dated in my life, I'm terrified of making the first steps. I'm scared of being judged and rejected, made a fool of, not being good enough for someone, just the imagining the process makes me feel even worser and want to hide in a shell. I think Love is a scary thing, imagine falling in love with a bad person, but you can't control it.
I'm 28 and I used to feel so much shame for not being in a relationship. seeing all your friends enter "new stages of life" and seeing them prioritize their romantic relationships it became increasingly obvious to me that, in the current circles I'm in, not having a romantic partner may well mean I end up alone. at 23-26 I was so ashamed and embarrassed of never having been in a relationship. at 28, I'm glad I never succumbed to the pressure. sometimes you do have to work on yourself and your trauma before being able to enter into a HEALTHY relationship. I also have that same fear of men and I just know, without healing some, I would have probably just traumatized myself even further if I had dated/had sex just to "get it over with". mind you, I am on the asexual spectrum so that is a contributing factor to my not physically needing sex (which I can understand may be a reason why some people go into relationships they aren't completely excited about). right now I'm cautiously open to anything but I still have work to do to get to where I feel safe enough to actually have a relationship. and recognizing that, because of this past history of trauma, I should not rush into anything no matter how old I get
That’s awesome that you’ve accepted that and have a healthy mindset about it! I’m married now but leading up to it had a similar experience and I’m gonna say I’m extremely glad I didn’t do something I regret like force myself to be with someone I didn’t want to be with. If anything, my relationship now just taught me I was right to wait for the person I truly want to be with instead of succumbing to the pressure that I have to just get it over with. It was scary enough being intimate with someone I trust, I really can’t imagine how badly it would have affected me if it ended poorly with someone I didn’t feel that towards. And honestly even if I never met my husband, I could have been happy just in a different way.
Thank you for your input! I have been rejected all my life and now with 33, i finally gave up at all.. I don't believe in such things as 'Dating, Love, Relationships etc.) For me, all these topics sound like a miracle.
As a man that spent his life pushing his literary and writing dreams to the side to meet societal expectations of getting a good career so I can be a good provider, serving my country in uniform, and then having two failed marriages that were both devastating in their different ways, I can say that there is no rush to do anything outside of explore yourself and become who you are. I am in my early 40s, having spent the last two decades living for expectations rather than personal happiness, my recovery is creating small fissures in the walls I've built around me and I can feel the warm light shining through. Pursue yourself first. That is my advice. Thank you, Cinzia, for this lovely message.
I am glad you found more happiness! This is heartening and encouraging as I am in my late twenties already feeling like I've spent too many years living for expectations. Finally started to take a good look at my life and take responsibility for my own happiness/future.
I feel you bro. Sounds like the story of my life. You have my well-wishes for a happier future from another man who has been there. Thank you for sharing. Thank you Cinza.
i’m so so glad you can feel the light coming through. and thank you so much for being so vulnerable and sharing this in case it might help someone. because it did. i wish you kind days. 💛
Hi Cinzia. As an arab girl who is 18, my mom is constantly pressuring me to find a husband and start looking in college now. Even though I have no aspirations of marriage right now and I just want to focus on my degree. it is so hard being told that if you don't find someone now, you will die alone because the moment you turn 25 "you're expired goods". I am so happy i found your channel because I also plan on pursuing higher education, (my dream in life is to become a neuroscientist)getting my phd after my bachelor's is my goal for my 20s. thank you for this wonderful video, i really needed to hear what you said.
بصفتي عربية هنا ايضا اريد فقط ان اخبرك ان لا تخضعي اضغط المجتمع و انا ايضا في 18 من عمري اهتمي لدراستك و علمي انا الفرص تبقى دائما للزواج الدين يقول تصبحين بداعة مستهلكة فقط يحاولون الضغط عليك الزواج بشخص لا تستحقينه للأسف هدا حال مجتمعنا العربي 😑
Focus on your goal and what you truly want family and environmental pressure can be challenging but never more important than your own happiness don’t listen to them and be proud with your future degree! Best of luckk 🤍
Hello from Brazil! I’m also 18 and my mom also puts some pressure on me to find a boyfriend as if it were my job as a teenager. I’m also studying science and focused on my dregree lol!!! It’s so cool to find someone else with a similar story and so far away. I hope you’re able to fulfill your dreams!
I'm 26 now and I honestly feel so worried that I'll end up with someone only to settle down and not for love … but your words are so true. I'm going to focus on building the life that I love instead of waiting for the love of my life .
Salaam alykum am a Muslim brother from Somalia with great looks physically and mentally and religious. All I want is true partner who is religious Muslim
I'm nearly 39 and got married a year ago to my first ever partner that I met at 34. And I think that I looked fantastic in my wedding dress 😃 There is no "too late". I find it bizarre that there are young people in their early twenties or even teenagers that think they have already missed their opportunities to date someone because they have no experience yet - they are SO young! Yes, sometimes I envy a bit those people that meet the love of their life as a teenager (friends of me are in their late 20s, have been together for 10 years and are getting married soon) because they had the chance to see their partner grow and share more of their life. But I'm NOT envious of all the people that got married super young and get divorced in their early or mid twenties ... And I don't think I missed out on anything in general. I didn't have all those relationship struggles and tearful brake-ups, what a loss ... not! Being single has its perks and people who permanently in relationships are missing out on something, too. I'm happy that I had a life of my own and were living alone before I moved in with my partner.
Well that is your view of your situation. I can not talk about that one exactly, I can say that there is too old for a lot of parts of the relationship. Are you guys going to raise kids? there is really on the edge for it. Are you guys going to get a morgage? good luck on getting the means for that at that age. Are you guys getting along each others friends? it is way more difficult to get it at that age. Are you planning to go on trips together? It is again more difficult at this age. There are plenty of examples of too old for something in a relationship. Same is valid for too young.
Its different for woman being single. Being single man is normal. They think you are looser but single woman its like she is picky or she doesnt want anyone.
I identify 100% with what you say here. As someone that struggled with loneliness for years, now I can say that I´m grateful with the people i met in my 20´s and how wholesome the people i met (and I´m still meeting) are to me. I learned to value those who chose to stay wth me in my hard times. Thanks for the video Lady!☺
i'm soon 27 and i used to be really worried about still being single, but it was definitely skewed by the coincidence that a lot of people in my circle got in serious relationships young and married in their early 20s. all my friends from university are married with kids now, so i felt very much "behind". what helped me get over this was i went to group therapy a bit over a year ago and met a lot of people across ages who all struggled with different stuff that we all related to. the waking moment was that i opened up about feeling behind all my friends and feeling like i should "grow up" by now, and a man in my group responded "i'm in my late 40s and i also look forward to the day i grow up". like, realizing this wasn't a unique feeling to being in my 20s really helped actually, lol. i still have bad days where the feeling of being behind gets to me, but it's much easier to deal with now because i'm comfortable having a good time with my hobbies and my friends, dating myself!
As an 18 yo guy who constantly worries that things are over, I needed this video. You're right, no one cares that you're single and never been in love. Probably no one knows either, except for you, your close friends and family. And I need to stop defining my self worth by my relationship status; my brain will sometimes say such hurtful things to me that I could never repeat to anybody. Maybe I'll find love someday in the future, or maybe I'll just be at peace with it. No one knows the future. Great video
I can definitely identify with this! I am in my mid-40s and have never dated, not because I didn't want to, but partially because the people I wanted to date didn't feel the same way about me, and the people who were interested in me, I could see would not be the kind of person who would treat me well in a relationship. Your life does not end if you are not in a relationship! You are normal if you are not in a relationship! Unhealthy relationships cause so much pain and trauma (as I could see in my friends who went through it and leaned on me for support), that it is a real benefit to escape that!
I am the same. It annoys me a bit when people say that I'm just scared or try to explain my own feelings to me and say that I won't know until I try dating. How about, no thanks? I am happy as I am, and I'm not interested. I am happy they are happy in a relationship, but they somehow think it's so offensive I don't want to date or be with anyone.
I honestly feel that if I hadn't dated, it would have been better. Shitty things started happening to me in my teens, and I feel like several things related to relationships affected my education, which really altered my life and my sense of self worth. I didn't feel like I had a support system, but there are better ways to find one. Don't risk what's important to you for someone who is only temporary.
It’s reassuring to see that people in their 30s+ feel this way. I’m 23 now but I feel I’ll likely wind up in the same boat. I know I’ll be okay so I won’t worry too much
@@swisdom9117 the only advice I can give you, as someone who is a generation older, is to not give yourself a timeline for finding a partner, and don't feel like you *have to* find a partner at all. Plan for your future as if you will not have a partner to depend on, and work to make yourself the best person you can be. Learn how to do, and do for yourself, all of the adult responsibilities that need to be done. Go to interesting places, do fun and interesting things, learn about whatever interests you, partner or no partner. Don't link your value as a human being to what another person thinks about you, or whether or not you have a partner; that is not the measure of whether or not you are worthy of love and respect. Don't settle for bad treatment from someone, just to have a partner like "everybody else"; be picky about the character of the people you choose to spend time with. Then, if you happen to find a good, mature person who feels the same way about you that you do about them, great! You can both be positive additions to each other's lives! But if not, or if you find someone and then you aren't right for each other anymore, you are o.k. being by yourself and you won't be so pressured to get into, or stay in, a relationship that isn't healthy. They say they'll leave you if you don't accept XYZ toxic behavior from them? Let the trash take itself out!
I loved this video! Thank you! It speaks to my soul. I will be 30 next year and a majority of my life I have enjoyed being single. While it’s nice to have a “best friend” as to not be lonely, I think society puts too much focus on “romantic love” and not enough of romantically loving yourself. I hope you are doing well! This little gay boy in the US has fallen in love with you and your videos, and I appreciate your honesty and transparency when it comes to mental health! Take care!
I am 27 Spent most of my life studying hard to get my dream job. Now i am finally a pediatrics resident. And all my friends are married and have kids. It sometimes feels awful to feel left behind. But I just like to remind myself that I am just not ready to commit. I want to work on myself and enjoy being free. Let’s not force things just because of societal pressure. Thanks for talking about this!
My perspective as a male, 23: It's only natural for us to want someone that makes us feel appreciated and loved, but that natural desire on its own (while nothing inherently wrong with it at all) will lead to all sorts of self-destructive behavior if left unchecked. It's why it's very common to hear someone talk about their S/O but every other word out of their mouth is seemingly negative or shows a great level of fundamental irritation with them. Both genders, maybe leans more towards men but I've heard both. You could go way more in depth but I'm always just reminded of that one Eagles song - "Take it easy".
I'm 23, never dated and still don't want to xD sometimes societal pressure can get into one's brain, but when I think how comfortable I am on my own and how much freedom it gives me... for me, dating isn't worth it and that's okay. I think we have to normalize being single in our society xD
Same I'm 24 and I never dated, I do talk with girls but its just exhausting and I know I cannot handle a relationship so I'll rather be single and focus on my skills and hobbies 😅
23 is still young though! You have no Idea if your mind will change down the road .. trust me, the last thing you want to do is not try dating or meeting possible mates in your 20s because when you hit 30 - it becomes so much more difficult. You’ve been warned
It’s interesting hearing from people who didn’t want to date at my current age (23), because there hasn’t been a single point in my life where I haven’t wanted a relationship. Not because I’m “missing out” or “falling behind” either, it’s just unbearable to be alone like I am.
I used to think similarly but then I watched this cliche romantic comedy from the 90s called "My Best Friends Wedding" and it made me realize that what I truly wanted was the friend she has in the end not the romantic interest. Platonic relationships are just as valuable as romantic ones.
im 24, life is so strange that even all the people who relate to this video wont relate to this video. everyone is so all over the place and concerned with things we would have no idea about & cant see. people just want a partner who is genuinly interested in them. struggles, past, how they see the world. the key one is how they see the world. as ive gotten older (im talking like im so much older) i realized you can find "hot" anywhere but personality is what will pull you into a real relationship. you'll know when you experience something cool and that other person just 'has to see this' too
I'm a 20 year old guy with no interest in dating who was getting a bit anxious about dating due to social pressure and sincerely I can't find any words to describe how good it felt to hear this, this video was absolutely for me, you definitely nailed it with that incredible speech!! My biggest thanks to you, couldn't be more grateful
Online Dating as an unexperienced 25 year old is a nightmare. I've been on more than 20 dates in 2 years, and I realized people want to go very fast these days. You haven't kissed and held hands at the third date of meeting someone? Too late. You can't immediately open up at the first date? Done. You're opening up TOO much and have fun together since the start? Friendzoned. Not to mention the amount of weirded out reactions I got for not having any experience that go beyond kissing, almost as if there needs to be something wrong with me because nobody wanted me yet and I didn't want anyone yet.
Thank you, I'm about to hit my late 20s and I was starting to lose hope. I believe that my view of having low self-worth has contributed a lot to my singleness. You give a hopeful perspective.
Hi cinzia, I’m a 53 year old lady who had to wait until almost 40 when I met my now husband, I would say to your viewers, live your 20s, 30s, or even 40s for yourself first before worrying about meeting your partner, it usually happens when you’re not looking for it, we are here on this earth for a good time, not a long time! Please don’t waste your life worrying about will it happen, what people think about you if your single, enjoy your life, love yourself first, best wishes, Debbie
@@AnaLu07 It's crap advice. Most men don't want aged women. They definitely don't want you after you've had 'your fun' (whatever that euphemistically means), and it's much harder to give birth at those ages.
I didn't date until my late 20s, I was a virgin until I married my husband in 2012 and that was when obviously I moved out of home for the first time. Some people take a while to get to where they are in a happy relationship. I never thought it was going to happen, I figured I'd become a cat lady.....it just took me a while to meet my fellow nerd!! If it's meant to be it'll happen!!
Congratulations!❤ and God bless you and your husband❤ hope both of you enjoy and experiences lots and lots of happy and enjoyable moments together and happily ever after ! ❤ 💖😊
I hate to say it but her advice dosnt fully apply to men, women mostly go for confident social guys with experience, that’s why you see autistic guys on shows that have NEVER dated before and you see autistic girls that have been on dozens, girls are just a lot more picky than guys Still don’t give up, always keep trying
@ceooflonelinessinc.267 Dude You should approach women Women won't apprach guys I doubt below-average girls would reject you so try that and if that works try average-looking girls next Don't keep chasing attractive women and ignoring other women
@@_Lumiere_hmm... I don't think that's necessarily the case. Women find men attractive, it's not about approaching about this matter, or asking out. More so... making friends kind of way? If you see people, talk with them, listen to them, women and men... you'll get friends, but also, someone will probably be interested of you. Well, then, if you like them too, there's a chance 😉 I'd say, as a women, if someone shows romantic interest to me, without really knowing me, I find it suspicious and I will be a bit cautious. Also I would be evaluation marriage probabilities right away 🤣 So... at least for me, I appriciate men that see me as a human being first, attractive or not, and if they then like me, it's all good 😅😊 Then it's just... do I like them back? But it's definitely not a numbers game. When the lightning strikes, there's nothing to do about it 😉 Just... be open with people, and try to see them.
I have no idea how UA-cam finally recommend me this. I couldn't imagine girls with stories similar to mine exist untill now. I'm 27, and same - I had no romantic relationships with guys until 26. No holding hands, no kisses, no sex. I wasn't even approached and asked out by anyone. It ruined my self esteem. I am probably 6 on attractiveness scale, not bad, so it's not like it was the reason. But I formed body dismorphia and was sure it was. I actually still don't know what was first - the dismorphia or the absence of attention. I still never told any guy my story or even new girl friends, I'm afraid and embarrassed. Thank you for sharing! It would take me enormous amount of courage.
I was never an option to people. No strict household, or lack of interest from my side, it was NOT MY CHOICE or" pressure from society" . I just want it, but can't have it. And it's easy to talk about patience or "dating yourself", but what if you want kids and there is noone even crushing on you, let alone, at the level of trust to start thinking about a family? To start that process later and later then at the point where you feel ready, your body might not be able to anymore... That's my fear, that's my pain.
I feel you. I'm 29 and I have never been in a relationship. I think I have not followed up with one or two women where there was at least some possibility of having a relationship. It feels nice to not be rejected by everyone. But it doesn't feel nice that I was not interested at all in any (of the few) woman that showed interest in me to at least some extent. As a man I have less pressure when it comes to having children. But I don't want to have to marry a woman 20 years younger than me. Also if I want to share my life with a woman and I already have gone though half of my life without her then that is also not too fun. Luckily I'm enjoying being alone, but it prevents me from giving me more pressure to ask out women.
Dear Cinzia, thank you very much for your insight. This deeply resonated with me. I understand what it's like to grow up being terrified of boys or men. When I started dating at 23, I felt ashamed, rushed and mentally fragile. Please, to anyone in this community, do not sleep with people because you think it is expected of you or "so long overdue" because society tells you it's supposed to happen at your sweet sixteen. If you are scared of dating, or people in general, abstain from romance if you can and invest, as Cinzia described, in making yourself happy as best as you can. I'm now in my late thirties and happily married. Love will find you all, whether you look within yourself or in the beauty of the outside world.
Thanks for sharing, Cinzia! I am feeling that way in my mid-20s right now. I had a two-month relationship and several minor flings between ages 20 and 21, and not a darn thing since. Covid happened shortly after I turned 22, and during lockdowns I was diagnosed with Stage IV kidney cancer. So on top of thinking about possibly dying soon, as well as worrying about the finances (which are very much on my parents' dime, even after insurance claims), it honestly feels like I may never date again. It saddens me quite deeply. Especially being ghosted all the time on Tinder. I want to date again.
I’m sure you will date again and people will find you attractive also please don’t ever forget how superficial Tinder often sadly is, it almost never is about you as a person or the way you look but the way your photos look, wishing you the best
Thank you for sharing... My piece of encouragement would be for you to focus on all the "loves of your life." The love you derive from your friends and family - especially with the limited time you have. Personally, I've never dated or been in a relationship. One of my parents passed away from pancreatic cancer before COVID. There's more to life than romantic relationships. Sometimes, they can be overrated. Invest in the love you have around you, the faith you have (if you believe in something - as for me, I'm a Christian), AND don't waste time thinking about "What could have been, If only I dated X, Y, or Z" LOVE YOURSELF @BonJoviBeatlesLedZep & God Bless 💙
I did a ton of dating in my 20's. Ppl. can be brutal on each other in the 18-25 age range. There's nothing wrong w/being single even if it's for the rest of your life. I enjoyed dating in my 20's, but there were a lot of extreme ups & valleys. Developing yourself is the key along w/self-awareness. 70% of my close friends are divorced; many of them divorced in their 20's. If U develop yourself. U may even attract ppl. Whatever is going to happen will happen.
If you are a guy in the 20s is very rough as most women already want a guy who's confident and financially stable and tend to date older, girls in their 20s with guys in early 30s. I have seen this with my own personal friends and other acquaintances
@thelucariamonarchs4889 I remember when I was 22, I was with a man who was 33. All the girls at my university looked at me in terror and asked if he was even good looking still and if he needed to take blue pills 😅 Everyone else was with a guy their age.
This was genuinely so helpful and relatable! Between not growing up with examples of healthy romantic relationships, struggling with my mental health, body insecurities, focusing on my academics and now, in my 20s, trying to build a fulfilling life of my own - *dating just hasn't been a priority.* And I've become content with the idea of perhaps never being in a relationship. But it's hard to not feel insecure sometimes when your friends are in committed relationships and your family keeps asking you when is it going to be your turn.
Thank you so much for speaking about this! This really helps. I'm 23 and never even held hands with a guy romantically, and I'm really ashamed of this and it's really frustrating. Seeing other people who are in a similar situation helps. Thank you, much love!
I’m a 23 yo guy and I’m in the same boat as you. I wasn’t interested in having a gf until last year of HS (primarily because I’m ASD and I wasn’t the most social butterfly). Now I’m about to end my career and nothing happened. It’s quite frustrating tbh. But I have hope I guess :/
The experience you shared about your 20s resonated so much to mine, finding out all about my abused childhood and dysfunctional family system, struggling to complete 2 studies being neurodivergent. Been in therapy for 2 years, leaving a toxic long term relationship just half a year ago and feel like life has just started. This video feels like a warm hug and I felt so seen, heard and less alone. Thank you:)
I'm coming up 31 and still single. Part of me hasn't felt ready to start dating however I do sometimes put pressure on myself to find a partner. I spent my twenties dealing with health issues and never felt I was able to start dating as my health was all over the place, as a result, I had little confidence in myself. Thank you for this video as it has given me some hope that my thirties I may be ready to start dating and enjoy life at my own pace.
felt like this at 26. Now I'm over 30, still single. It's really set off red-alert alarms in the deepest parts of my psyche. Like isolation and solitude aren't the comfort zones they once were, and companionship sounds nice now! It's going to be a big shift in my ways, but I cannot wait for sharing a life with someone else, a special somebody!
I never dated in my life. I was not interested in any kind of relationship until I was in college and even then I never really found anyone that I saw myself with in the circles I frequented. The only thing I was certain of was that I was not going to settle just to conform to society standards. I didn't get together with my now husband until I was 27 (I'm now 43 and still together). If you actually want a relationship but can't find one. Let me tell you, I couldn't find one where I lived. I moved half way across the world for the one I really wanted.
This is really solid advice! I've recently accepted that I'm truly happy on my own, if I end up meeting someone that's great but I'll be content by myself. It took 32 years to realise but I'm glad I got to that point. The eureka moment for me was realising the reason I wanted a relationship so I could more reasonably afford to buy a home, which is just so bloomin stupid. The pressure I put on myself in my 20s was terrible and had a negative affect on my mental health and view of the world.
I'm a 21 year old guy, I remember getting the pressure to be in a romantic relationship since I was 15 because I always wondered how it feels to love somebody and be loved, during the past years I also got it all mixed up with sexual frustration, which also led me to constantly battling myself if I want to be in a serious relationship or not, I also went on a couple of dates but none of them actually led me to make a deep and meaningful connection with my partner, so it would always end after the 2nd date or so. To this day the thought of even approaching somebody, talking to them and slowly knowing them kinda scares me, probably because of HUGE shyness, overthinking about how It's gonna go, not feeling like they are totally for me, still being stuck on mistakes I've done in the past and just not being fully content with myself and accepting who I am with all my flaws. So this video was really nice and comforting, reminding that my whole life is still ahead of me and that I'm not alone, thank you so much 🙏
i am 19 currently , never been in a relationship , i recently got to college and there are a lot of couples in my college , some of my classmates are also dating, it makes me so insecure about myself , i feel like a loser but thanks your video made me feel good , i think i need to start living my life instead of crying about love
where was this advice for me so many decades ago. never married, never even considered it ... but fortunately i did end up having several very, very copacetic long term relationships (which i still treasure). on my own now, but happy to be so. if you don't mind, please continue telling us your lived experiences and how you've been able to grow your better self. (don't stop with the mythology and history, though. it's my guess that the knowledge and wisdom you've aquired by the life you've lived, has helped build the brilliant woman you've become) thanks!
Focus on building a life that you love, rather than waiting for the love of your life- this is a wonderful quote! I'm currently twenty years old and have never dated before and people around me are already getting married - sometimes I feel like I'm really behind. But your video really opened my eyes and I absolutely love the idea of "dating yourself"☺️💜
I met my wife when we were both teenagers. We couldn’t have enough of each other everyday for 36 years until she suddenly passed away two years ago. I wish I had the courage to go with her because I never wanted to live one day without her and I know she felt the same way about me. So, there is always an exception. Love is a beautiful thing.
8:15 onwards I needed to hear this sooo bad that I've spent 12 years from the time I made that decision until just hearing this to have that switch click again in my head. Thank you soo much for this @Cinzia DuBois. May you live a long and satisfying life. I've just been freed!!!
Thank you so much. I am 21 and have never experienced love or intimacy. I feel like I need to find someone, because everyone around me is in relationships. I crave and I hurt a lot, I want it so much. My past dating attempts have resulted in nothing because I fall in love too easily with the wrong people. My friend says it's because "I want to fall in love, so I convince myself I've found the right one". Learning to be okay with being single really is a tough process, so thanks for openly talking about it.
Thank you Cinzia. I’m 50 years old now. The majority of my life has been defined by caring for my deceased mother and pursuing a religious vocation. Now Im still pursuing the religious vocation, but now 4 years later after my mom passed away, I’ve changed careers and am finally able to see what my life is like now and get a glimps of the future.
Thank you for saying that. As someone in 26, don’t have a boyfriend at the moment, it feels really hard. Everyday, you see your friend posting her/his baby, being proposed by their partner, getting married and here I am, still thinking if there is someone out there for me 😥
I'm 22 and have never been in a relationship or anything, just like you had been saying. But this feels so removed from how I feel. I've wanted nothing more than to share my life for years. I've focused on growth and become a better person numerous times, tried not to chase it, tried to chase it. It just feels like no matter what I do no one has room in Their hearts for me to get that close. And it hurts every day
This helps, thank you. My ego controls me a lot by saying that I am worthless without some kind of love. I have to remind myself every day that isnt true.
As a Man who will be turning 21 very soon and sometimes feels completely undesirable for a number of reasons, thank you. This video really helped. I appreciate it immensely.
I'm fed up of telling people I'm single and still a virgin at 26 and them replying "well that's good that you're saving yourself for the right person". I haven't made the decision to still be stuck in this lonely position half way through my 20s ffs 😒 it's just that dating in the 21st century for an introvert is really difficult.
It's not just difficult........ modern dating SUCK! save yourself from that poison my friend. Im single, NOT LONELY and Im fine with it. (I mean hey you do you)
There's someone out there for everyone, despite what some people may think. But there's really no rush. What I've found is that not being okay with being on your own causes problems even when you do find someone you want to be with, so it seems like it's way more important to learn how to be alone and be happy with who you are than it is to find someone to be with.
It's really just a societal program. I'm 37 and only had one real relationship and this year I finally had the thought......"hey, if I was 60, 70,80 with the life I have now.......the inner life I mean.........I wouldn't necessarilly miss a relationship". I'm okay being single forever. Never thought I'd say that but.....when I consider the pressure and fear of not having.....are really external impositions......it's clear it's not serving me to adhere to what is considreed "normal".
You are the drama! if there is drama in any relationship its because the women bring it the vast majority of the time. women are highly emotional critters AN are always encouraged to be so! You are rarely checked, called out on your drama. you are always encouraged to be emotional. Men are generally no. Most men will counsel another man to set drama aside and be rational. We rarely encourage each other to be hyper-emotional (unless its a team game) So, considering these widely divergent social expectations,it is totally reasonable and completely true that most drama will be originate with the woman. younger men, who have not been counseled to check their emotions and mentally less stable men will bring drama. but that is generally a minority of men.
This was so inspiring, thank you so much for saying all this. It’s hard being in a doctoral degree, 25 years old, and seeing most of your peers engaged or married. And you’re barely able to get a first date in the first place. When the reality is, we spread ourselves so thin focusing on a relationship and our studies and our slowly drifting family as we begin our own lives and figure ourselves out. It’s okay to take a backseat and let love find us when it wants to :D
Thank goodness i found this video ❤ i am 22 and i have a similar family like yours but we're Catholic and i avoided and was scared to date coz of the horrible stories i heard from my family about men so just like you i didn't talk with men till i went to my university and meeting some amazing male friends and that made me realise damn men aren't that bad as they told me so some guy asked me out and he seemed like a good person, hard working and smart so i thought my family would approve but i never thought whether i was ready or not and guess what my family didn't like him at all and this guy became a toxic and possessive bf to a point he hated me spending time ( talking, and sitting ) with any other man including my BROTHER. I waited and waited coz i thought every relationship is like that and thought maybe he loved me more than other boys love their gfs ( this shows that i knew nothing about relationships or myself at 22) and he told me that we shouldn't have any boundaries with each other at all. This is a way to make me stop standing up for myself and that made me felt like i was bad gf. I screwed up most of my education and was mentally down almost every day but i still endured and at the end he broke up with me and was saying so many hurtful things like i should find my worth, he hated me, he was happier before and every time we argue he always bring another girl and compare me to her. Im still trying to stand up and im actually glad that it was over. After the breakup only i realised how much of toxic relationship we had. So anyone who's reading this please do not date till you're ready and knows yourself and your boundaries. Men and women both needs to know this before dating ❤❤ btw wonderful video
Great to hear you are feeling so positive about your relationships in your 30’s. I am in my prime now in my 50’s 😂 . But seriously it’s all a personal journey we navigate and kindness is so important to us all. 👍
I started dating at 26, and I just wanted to have fun that year, but I've met my husband on the first date ever 😅 We are happily married (4 years together) and we have a wonderful son. :)
That’s really nice, I hate to say it but her advice dosnt fully apply to men, women mostly go for confident social guys with experience, that’s why you see autistic guys on shows that have NEVER dated before and you see autistic girls that have been on dozens, girls are just a lot more picky than guys Still don’t give up, always keep trying
@@nobodythenobody9779 this kind of 'guys have it harder than girls' sentiment will never make sense to me because it always ignores that there are plenty of women who are considered ugly/unattractive by men at large. there are straight/bi women who are fat + have skin conditions + 'bad' facial features + weird proportions etc who aren't getting any attention from ANY men because even men in the same 'league' aren't interested, whether they're autistic or not. like, where do y'all think the whole 'ugly guy/hot gf' trope in media came from?
@@fortunamajor7239 ugly girls still get hit on and more attention than guys, you have studies that show fat women get more matches on tinder than male models It’s an objective fact men have a much harder time in dating because society expects so much more of us, it’s not a controversial offensive statement, it’s just life
@@fortunamajor7239You say this as if women didn’t care about looks and all. Not saying that it’s wrong though. I certainly don’t expect my future partner to look like a supermodel but I wouldn’t date someone that is fat or overweight because she has bad habits.
29, and I've been single and not been on a date for four years now, which I've spent working on myself. I am now my best me (so far!). I really hope I meet somebody someday, its easy to lose hope and I admit I get lonely - but I'd rather be single than be with the wrong person. Before now, I've found myself getting too involved too quickly with the wrong people and getting used and hurt. Keep growing, keep communicating and stay true ❤
Thank you Cinzia for uploading, and thank you to everybody else for sharing your stories in the comments. I'm gonna sleep so much better at night knowing I'm not alone and what I've been going through is normal.
Omg, turned 25 this year, i literally have 0 exes. I really was starting to believe that something was wrong with me. Thank you for sharing your story. Now I believe more than ever that God is probably preparing a partner that will be just suited with me ❤❤
I started dating when i was 27. Now at 31 i have a son and an awesome girlfriend. Something like this would have been so helpful back then. i felt really insecure when i was single.
YES to all of that! I'm in my 30s as well and still single (I'm on the ace spectrum). I struggled with that a lot for a long time but now I can truly say that I am happy. I have time to pursue what I love (which also happens to be a Classics degree) and I have the most wonderful friends. Society can be very harsh to people who don't fit into a specific mold but I hope everyone who watches this and is unhappy with their life situation will see that there are many others like them out there and life isn't over if you haven't 'achieved' certain things by age 30.
The thing is though as a female you always at least had the option to engage in those things whenever you're ready. If we're talking about a male who never dated thats a completely different story because its not simply a matter of choosing to venture out. There's a large block of men who are not chosen as viable partners by any women, largely due to things they can't control. Its the difference between being a volunteer prisoner who can leave at anytime, and someone who is actually forced to be there and the only way out is a clever escape
As a guy that is 29 that never dated, never had a kiss, hell a hug from a woman ( my mom dont count lol), never held a women's hand, or never been in sort relationship, I've completely given up on looking for a relationship around 22. So I'm just avoiding women and focusing on goals. A man told me focus on your goals first before getting into relationships. I dont know what's wrong with me but I have a good ok paying job, a kick ass car, and im working on getting a house. Idk I'm not fat, I'm more muscle than skinny, I may be geeky at times because I'm into video games and anime. I'm just at the point that im just unattractive. I'm just unattractive. Most of my friends say I'm lying to myself and I need to do something besides going to work and going sleep and repeat. They said I need to get out the house and put myself out there. I turn 30 in early January. Literally, 2 days after new years. I think women dont care for average men anymore or just dont care. I do go to cons and events but nothing. Yes, I dont go to these events looking desperate for a partner. It would be nice to actually have a female friend that likes to same stuff as you and you can share and bond. It's rare to find that nowadays. I DONT EVEN SMELL! Like I said i gave up looking for relationships now and trying to avoid women now. Its very frustrating.
You're contradicting yourself. You said you gave up looking for a relationship at 22 and that you avoid women now... and yet you complain that you dont have a girlfriend or female friends to bond over shared interests. If you actually wanted a relationship and were actively looking, you would have a better chance.
@@nellekx yes it's frustrating topic to talk about. I gave up looking because most people tell me just focus on myself more. A part of me still thinking that going to events, work on yourself, and the girl will fall. Honestly, at my situation, I'm almost there but not ready.
@@Herozonex200 Well there's your answer. Work on yourself first until you're ready, but don't expect a girl to fall out of the sky like they do in the movies. when the time comes and you're feeling confident you actually do need to put yourself out there
I remember being 18 and how concerned that I was that gonna be some old ugly hag because I hadn't had any of the experiences that the people around me or those TV had had. But looking back in my mid to late 20s, now I realize how ridiculous that kind of all is. Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed, and you don't need a partner for that; if you have good relationships, do things with family and friends if not being at peace with your self is important and healthy. You might find a great love, or you might not, but don't put life on hold for an imaginary person. You deserve to enjoy life to the fullest.
I'm almost 22 and have only been in one relationship back when I was 16 for a few months. I have recently been in a depression about my fears of never finding someone, of it being too late even though I'm young. My lack of experience makes dating apps hell, and I feel like an absolute loser when all my friends talk about their relationships and I'm always third-wheeling. I have recently just been trying to put myself out there more, I joined a gym, and I'm gonna join some clubs at my college. This video put me at peace, and I'm just going to focus on doing things I enjoy and hopefully putting positive energy out into the world that will be returned to me in some way :)
Im almost a 30 year old virgin. That's quite alright. In a world where body count is high, I don't mind not having given myself to some woman for some short term, shallow fling. Having sex is giving your soul away to someone.
With respect, your evaluation too casually dismisses something that you haven't yet experienced. I say "respect" because I think you're correct to place so high a value on the experience, but your dismissal is also a rationalization for selling yourself short. Following your present course, you remain clutching onto "your soul," keeping it for nobody but yourself, avoiding risk, and thus you fail to grow emotionally in the meantime. And for what-fear of being hurt? For wanting everything to be perfect? Spoiler alert: you will be, and it won't be. All of our relationships come at a price, and all end up shallow in _some_ respect, but they'll also prove rich in other respects. Reduce those lofty expectations, and increase your satisfaction. There will be real psychological consequences to pay for waiting so long. Time to get out there. You're wasting valuable time. From a married, middle-aged man. Remember: ALL of our relationships are short-term. Good luck.
@@NeglectedField On the other side, my argument might've been a little less respectful if you were a misogynistic pleasure-seeker. But one has to be polite if one wishes to be honest. I'm not really selling you anything; the goal is only to convince you to have a good life. The "good life" means learning to practice balance, not asceticism. Why should pigs hog all the fun?
I had my first girlfriend at 25. I thought I would never be in a relationship. And I have to give an absolutely gigantic mountain of thanks to my best friend for being the most incredible wing man.
I know we all have very different experiences but as a 16 year old, I personally feel like we should work on ourselves and become the person we want our partner to be and eventually , the right person will come
So good! Especially as a Christian, in evangelical culture, you’re pressured to get married young. I really needed to hear that it’s okay to take your time.❤️
I'm 33, single and have no kids. This video help consider the fact that I don't have to "rush" because I'll still be in my prime for several years now and let the time do the job. Thank you milady
I'm almost 30 and single. I've never been in a relationship and have absolutely zero regrets. There's things you can do to invite love into your life, but ultimately, it's a game of luck. I don't want my happiness to depend on luck, nor do I want to put my life on hold until I find the right guy. Love is everywhere, and it's not always romantic. I guess it's a cliché, but you really need to love yourself first.
For anyone out there feeling alone or weird for being single in their 20s, I didn’t have my first proper boyfriend until I was 27. And I honestly don’t feel that it was “too late” or that I was “behind”. It happened exactly when I was ready.
I am happy that it worked for you. But -and I assume you're a woman here - most women do not actively search for a partner (meaning they don't approach men or otherwise initiate contact) so finding a boyfriend is more of a chance thing, namely a man making the first step towards you. And usually, the older women get and the less pretty they become, the less likely men (especially those who have options) are to approach those women. So while it can still work out in your late 20s and even 30s, it is probably not a very wise idea to wait until the part of you that is most important in the eyes of most men starts deteriorating. (And I am not passing judgement here, whether it is good that most men look at beauty first is a different question, but it's just a fact)
@@thomasmann4536 sorry Thomas but I was talking to and about other women, not men. And I find the attempt at “scaring” me by saying the classic “you’re gonna be an old hag if you aren’t married by 25” very immature and petty. Anybody who isn’t chronically online knows that life does not end after the age of 25 and people get married and remarried at all ages. Plus women’s life actually gets better when they’re single, statistically speaking whereas for men it’s the opposite. Are YOU worried about your dating chances when you get older? What is dating like for men who are older and have less hair and have more weight? You are the one bringing it up to me unprompted so maybe you’re projecting a bit there.
@@cass465 I wasn'T talking about men either. Women's life gets better when single? I'd like to see your statistics for that, because according to all data I know, having a partner and children are the biggest predictors for female happiness. Do all women aspire to that? No. Are some women happy without partners? Of course. IF you mean to say that women are generally better at dealing with being single due to larger social circles than men, then I agree. If you are saying that being single makes women happier than being in a relationship then all data Ive seen is at odds with this statement.
And as I thought, you missed the point completely. Nowhere did I say life ends at 25. But you're committing a logical fallacy here. Just because people get married after 25 doesn't mean they are more desirable after 25. You conveniently omit the fact that it usually takes some time to marry someone after you get to know them, a few years to be exact. So when people nowadays marry at the average age of 30, it means they get to know each other at 25 or earlier. It's as if we said: "Uni isn't everything, so just half-ass it because you can get a good career with a shitty degree." Yes, you can, but the chances are smaller. Why would you deliberately sabotage your future life by making poor choices? (This is ofc assuming you want a relationship. If you don't that's fine)
Oh, and by the way, the divorce rate for people who remarry is about 3 times higher than for first time marriages, so you can see how well that works out.
To answer your question: Dating for men who are older is much easier, even when gaining some weight (which you have full control of and can avoid),. It's certainly easier than dating at 20 when you don't have anything going for you, no career, no personality, no achievements, etc.
@@thomasmann4536. Just google "women happier when single". Women usually put in more work and effort into relationships than men do, not to mention that they normally take up the bulk of house chores, child-rearing duties as well as emotional labour in relationships, on top of having their own careers, most of the time. Not to mention societal expectations of being the ones responsible for all those things, when men aren't held nearly to the same standards - because let's be real, even if someone doesn't care about the opinions of others, women are still the ones who listen to random people butting into their private lives and hearing "well-meaning" comments and advice about finding a partner and having kids far more than men are, so it is annoying as well as exhausting. Oh, and don't forget about how we are judged far more harshly when it comes to parenting - men can do less than the bare minimum for their kids and get praised, while women are constantly criticised if they're not bending over backwards to put their kids' needs first - and even when they do, they *still* get criticised for "lacking" in some other aspects of their lives, like not taking care of their looks "as they should" so as to keep their partners interested - after all, if their partner cheats or leaves them, it *must* be the women's fault for failing their men, right? So overall, it's a lot less emotional and physical work, as well as less taxing on the health (since we are the ones who go through pregnancy and are still expected to look flawless 24/7) to *not* get married or have kids.
I think the fact I have to even tell you what key-words to google to find the research the original commenter mentioned shows how women are expected to do the work because men can't be bothered to do it themselves.
@@thomasmann4536 as a guy myself this is a straight up unhealthy way of looking at dating. It's counterproductive to view a partner as a need in life similar to food, water or shelter. Building the role of a partner in your head and then looking for someone to fill that role gets in the way of genuinely fun and healthy human connections. We're emotional creatures and relationships are emotional structures. Yeah a little logic can help you set certain boundaries and expectations, but how are you ever supposed to enjoy dating if you've turned it into a job in your mind? The best relationships I've had have happened without me looking for them.
I once read a comment of women said” my best years didn’t start until my 30s” and it gives me so much hope for me as in my 20s
Same here 😭 I had a lot of stuff regarding family issues and mental health stuff that I feel like I'm only now getting out of in my late 20s, and I always feel like I lost my "best" years to all that stuff out of my control
Don't raise your expectations)
I'm turning 33 soon and it's absolutely true for me. My 30s are way better than my 20s
Your 30s can be better for everything except physical appearance and strength, let's be real here (unless you were extremely overnight/untrained in your 20s for some reason)
@@suschilegge1683 This is red pill narrative. Women don't find resentful incels attractive at all. Be better.
Not being interested in dating and waiting till you are is not the same as actively trying to find a relationship and not being able to. It is very embarrassing for the latter
Incredibly underrated comment
There is probably a reason you can't find one. Work on yourself👍
@@festivefish1103 ya I've been working on myself since the beginning of the year. If I don't have any success by the end of the year in gonna kill myself, but thanks for the advice anyway 🙏
@@festivefish1103 did you actually think this comment through before you made it? Because that’s so not congruent to what the video was about or OP’s statement
@@zacariasnelson5753 is it not? there's no point in trying to find a relationship if you hate yourself.
I'm nearly 22. Due to bullying and my upbringing, I have terrible social skills; I can't even make friends. I have several mental health related issues and all of my "friends"/acquaintances from High School have "normal" social lives. Honestly I sometimes think that I am a lost cause, but this video gave me a bit of hope, and motivation to keep working on myself. Thanks for that.
I also was abused as a child by my mother and bullied. And it was hard, but after I turned 19 and got out of school, just trying, getting out there, made me realize it's actually okay, people are way nicer and actually downright treat me very well.
def do keep on! nothing is immutable and you will surely find a little miracle and end up into the light and with new friends!
-an empathizing internet friend
Sometimes when I see my new friend group I feel so left behind and unable. Like I unconsciously try to fit in but after some time I realise that I can't and I have to play the cards I have been dealt in my own way. This feeling of being lost and not able to make it really hits then.
People have fake friends who would throw them under the bus to save their skins. Don't feel bad for yourself as much as for those who live that lie.
@@MelindaSordinoIsLiterallyMe People are nice as long as you don't say the truth. Keep those relationships superficial, and they will seem like good people.
I’m 32 (male) and never been in a relationship due to my social anxiety.
It’s a tough and frustrating scene.
Also a 32 yo male with social anxiety who has never been in a relationship. It's tough
It’s rough out there but don’t worry about it too much. I knew some people who didn’t get married to the right person until 45 years old. He also still lived with his parents around that age. He still dated around and didn’t move out until he met his wife.
32 year old is bit late, you guys need some sort of experience before you could find a love one, get yourself out there and find someone as soon as possible, don't stay at home at complain.
@@vovanminh999 This was a very unhelpful comment. You said nothing
@@vovanminh999 lmfao I never knew there was an age limit to meet someone? I call bullshit. But yea I agree on the getting yourself out there part. Even getting yourself out there doesn’t work all the time either. I’ve went out plenty of times and had no luck.
As someone who’d been married and divorced by 30 I can absolutely see the sense in learning about yourself before anyone else.
Did you learn anything yet? Was it something you could have learned when you were younger had you had BETTER mentors? Or was your head so filled with feminist bilge, that you were a lost cause before starting? Remember, there is a LOT of copium being taken when you FAIL, to help you feel better about it. There is a little bag of mental copium ALL your little girly girlfriends will hand out, so that you NEVER have to face the reality! Your lack of wanting to be responsible for yourself!
This really spoke to me. I'm 25 right now and never dated, and now I have a lot of trouble getting over the regret and how unprepared I feel not having done the song and dance in my teens. It's really crazy how much pressure society puts on us to "get it together" right away. I needed to hear those points you made about how much I and my circumstances will change over the coming years, and the higher value you've gotten from dating in your early thirties. And that "date yourself, and give yourself the wonderful romantic life you want" really hit home. Thank you so much!
Society puts NO pressure on you in 2023! Go talk to your grandparents and ask THEM what it was like as a single? They had social pressure; comparatively, you have NONE! The only pressure you have is FOMO (fear of missing out) and thats an INTERNAL pressure not an external one! You cant blame that on society, and if you try to you are NOT worth dating! learn to take personal responsibility. Either you are strong & brave or you are not! You cant pretend to be strong & brave when you are winning, but blame your losses on society, men or some nebulous other!
@@inconnu4961 Society still does put pressure on you though. I remember joking around with a friend in high school and she told me, "That's why you will never get a girlfriend". Made me feel like shit. Also, when I see reality shows titled, "The sex lives of college girls", yeah, I'd say that's a bit pressuring. Makes it look like everyone, but you are sleeping around. I'd say in some ways it's worse with social media.
What stops you from dating though? You'd be better off getting your sh*t together in the coming weeks and months than finding comfort in some random girl's video telling you your life will unwind exactly the way her did and using it as an excuse for taking a back seat in a bus of your life's events. Been there' done that.
@@inconnu4961 You are correct in identifying the internal pressure thing but you are misunderstanding my comment and making the worst possible assumption about it lol. I understand that the pressure is internal - i would say i have internalized an external pressure, and this video reminded me that i don't have to do that. Secondly, part of what I got out of this is that it's okay to just focus on myself and becoming a better person without the explicit goal of finding a partner ASAP. I'm not blaming anything on a nebulous other just to say that my internal issues (which are of course my own to deal with) come from somewhere.
@@pdcichosz In the time since I left this comment *have* been getting my shit together. I've started a new job and in general been sorting thru my priorities and getting into a much better place. The point is that doing so takes time and effort, and it won't happen all at once. I don't have to worry about finding a partner right away, because I think it's more worthwhile to focus on becoming a better person who is more satisfied with my own life first. If you think I'm saying I should take a back seat then you've completely misunderstood my comment.
Young ladies, BE PATIENT! Impatience breeds bad decisions. I dated one guy when I was 20-21. He was the first and only man I dated for years. He was a big mistake. The next guy I waited for. I was 34 when we met. We've now been married 18 years, and he was totally worth the wait. Oh, and I was virgin until we got married when I was 35. That's not a bad thing. PS...
I'm 53, and that thing she said about aging? Spot on, lol.
I hate to say it but her advice dosnt fully apply to men, women mostly go for confident social guys with experience, that’s why you see autistic guys on shows that have NEVER dated before and you see autistic girls that have been on dozens, girls are just a lot more picky than guys
Still don’t give up, always keep trying
@@nobodythenobody9779 I saw a person that looked like their torso and limbs were very small and a shaped unnaturally on a wheelchair on YT shorts with a pretty attractive woman.
@@kv4648 that’s great and it does happen but that’s an exception not the rule
With 8 billion people you will see a lot of exceptions
@K.C-2049it's a pattern if you only date players, no one said standards are bad but it is a long longgggg list of things to "check" just to even have a shot and no, men aren't picky tbh, if we were most women wouldn't qualify
@@kv4648exceptions dont make the rules
This is so comforting... I thought I was alone. I'm almost 27 and I've never dated.
You will easily date none of they had
🖐️
Same. Men have 0 interest in me
You're not alone. 36F and never dated. It's hard being mocked for this but I can't force anything to happen
@@carlilocigno9965 but do you have any interest in men? if you show 0 interest in men, the men will show 0 interest in you
This is so refreshing to hear. So many young people these days feel that they are "behind schedule" or that there is something wrong with them if they haven't dated or had meaningful relationships by a certain age. They feel they are "out of the norm", when in fact the norm is really what best fits your life. Thank you for your wise words. Great advice!
I'm 22 and I've been going crazy worrying that I'm a freak for never having done anything romantic or wanting to. I feel uncomfortable and tired just thinking about dating, but also feel like a weirdo when my friends talk about relationships or all of their cool experiences. I found this video and everyone in the comments at the perfect time. I'll try to be more accepting of myself from now on!
The Internet is a great thing for this. Even when it seems all people around us don't have problems with dating and having partners, there are actually so many people in the world whose timeline is more similar to ours and are not ready for dating. Or never will be. And that's okay too.
Same here 😁
same here 🤍
23 long time single gal here! Remember that your life is precious, and that giving ANY of it in the fear of being alone is not worth your precious time. Explore your interests, passions and opportunities, and you'll meet people who possible share them and possible are dating material.
I'm 19 and I kinda feel the same...this video is very helpful and comforting, we will make it folks 🎉
21 year old female here and I loved this video! I have barely even talked to guys, let alone date. Nothing religious, nothing trauma-related, it just happened. My degree consists of mostly girls and I have never encountered a person to whom I felt attracted. Even the last friend who had 0 experience in dating like me, recently entered the dating world. I, on the other hand, hope I will find someone some day but I’m in no rush and it is definitely not a priority of mine right now. I loved your story and what you said about liking yourself more now that you’re older!
Don't try and 'date' just try and meet as many people as possible, make friends and see what happens naturally. Social situations where you have time get to know people over weeks/months are best and you don't need to be trying to find a partner, just making friends and seeing what happens. Also you only need to meet one person, Saw my now husband every day for months before he asked me out and now we have teenage kids!
@@hollythebordercollie2257 imo this is indeed the best way to meet someone.
@@hollythebordercollie2257 Hello miss, i am in a similar situation as the poster lady as a 25 year old man. I started going to dance class, would you say this is a nice place to get to know people better and possibly find someone ?
I feel a bit insecure about having never dated at my age.
@@akiraraiku If it gives you a chance to meet and get to know people of a similar age yes - just try and meet as many people as possible, people with a similar personality/interests/temprament and don't be desperate or needy, see it all as a opportunity to improve your social skills lean something new etc and meeting someone just as a possible side effect of improving yourself
@@akiraraiku Dont try to meet women! Never! women can smell that a mile away and they will never give you the benefit of the doubt! Go out to try to meet men. men to do business with, to play sports with, to have hobbies with etc. men make infinitely better friends than women do. Women are NEEDY, so she cant be your friend nor partner. She needs you to 'feed' her, she is NOT there to 'feed' you . If she realizes she is she will resent you, and the sex will dry up (for you)! Go do what you like love to do, live your day, and the women who are interested in you will come to YOU! These are the ONLY women who will give you a shot? you wont be able to woo a woman who believes she is better than you! Never happens! Do your thing, be content but be mission focused, including ALL the attendant self-improvement work that goes with it. The women you can get will come to you! good luck.
This really resonated with me. I’m 26 and have never been in a relationship or had my first kiss or anything like that. I have watched my friends who are younger than me and family members get into relationships while I’m continuously single. One of my friends often pressure me to get onto dating sites and I tried once but just don’t think it’s for me. I would like to be in a relationship one day but it also does scare me. When I was younger it used to bother me more than it does now but it still does get to me every now and then. It also doesn’t help that I can’t tell if people are flirting with me, I think they’re just being friendly and the people I do get crushes on are always unavailable as they’re in relationships. I have been to university but never experienced finding anyone there cos I didn’t like to go clubbing like everyone else did. I am also really busy in my life now so wouldn’t have time for a relationship. This video has helped and given me hope that it might just happen later in life for me and that’s ok.
@ceooflonelinessinc.267I’m so sorry you feel that way. If it’s meant to be, I’m sure it’ll eventually happen if that’s something you seek for your life, but don’t be afraid to be alone. Chase after what you enjoy doing and just keep growing as a person. Finding happiness with yourself is so much more important than seeking other people’s approval. It seems you’re a working hard person so be proud of that! Whoever rejected you might really just not be good for you after all.
The hard truth I've told women that, whenever you had a huge crush on a guy, theirs 95% chance they're not interested in you or they're already taken. You have to go for the average looking ones that you kinda like but can tell they could be great as your crush
As an almost-30 year old who started so many things late due to a strict religious background, I relate to your story so much, and this video was genuinely so encouraging. Thank you.
I've never dated in my life, I'm terrified of making the first steps. I'm scared of being judged and rejected, made a fool of, not being good enough for someone, just the imagining the process makes me feel even worser and want to hide in a shell. I think Love is a scary thing, imagine falling in love with a bad person, but you can't control it.
@@floralfancy7814 I should find you a loving man from Uganda you come for him
Felt this. ‼️
Felt
I'm 28 and I used to feel so much shame for not being in a relationship. seeing all your friends enter "new stages of life" and seeing them prioritize their romantic relationships it became increasingly obvious to me that, in the current circles I'm in, not having a romantic partner may well mean I end up alone. at 23-26 I was so ashamed and embarrassed of never having been in a relationship. at 28, I'm glad I never succumbed to the pressure. sometimes you do have to work on yourself and your trauma before being able to enter into a HEALTHY relationship. I also have that same fear of men and I just know, without healing some, I would have probably just traumatized myself even further if I had dated/had sex just to "get it over with". mind you, I am on the asexual spectrum so that is a contributing factor to my not physically needing sex (which I can understand may be a reason why some people go into relationships they aren't completely excited about).
right now I'm cautiously open to anything but I still have work to do to get to where I feel safe enough to actually have a relationship. and recognizing that, because of this past history of trauma, I should not rush into anything no matter how old I get
That’s awesome that you’ve accepted that and have a healthy mindset about it! I’m married now but leading up to it had a similar experience and I’m gonna say I’m extremely glad I didn’t do something I regret like force myself to be with someone I didn’t want to be with. If anything, my relationship now just taught me I was right to wait for the person I truly want to be with instead of succumbing to the pressure that I have to just get it over with. It was scary enough being intimate with someone I trust, I really can’t imagine how badly it would have affected me if it ended poorly with someone I didn’t feel that towards. And honestly even if I never met my husband, I could have been happy just in a different way.
Thank you for your input! I have been rejected all my life and now with 33, i finally gave up at all.. I don't believe in such things as 'Dating, Love, Relationships etc.) For me, all these topics sound like a miracle.
As a man that spent his life pushing his literary and writing dreams to the side to meet societal expectations of getting a good career so I can be a good provider, serving my country in uniform, and then having two failed marriages that were both devastating in their different ways, I can say that there is no rush to do anything outside of explore yourself and become who you are. I am in my early 40s, having spent the last two decades living for expectations rather than personal happiness, my recovery is creating small fissures in the walls I've built around me and I can feel the warm light shining through. Pursue yourself first. That is my advice. Thank you, Cinzia, for this lovely message.
I am glad you found more happiness! This is heartening and encouraging as I am in my late twenties already feeling like I've spent too many years living for expectations. Finally started to take a good look at my life and take responsibility for my own happiness/future.
I feel you bro. Sounds like the story of my life. You have my well-wishes for a happier future from another man who has been there. Thank you for sharing. Thank you Cinza.
i’m so so glad you can feel the light coming through. and thank you so much for being so vulnerable and sharing this in case it might help someone. because it did. i wish you kind days. 💛
eloquently spoken. in just four lines you've shifted my mindset completely. thank you for sharing, i won't forget this
Hi Cinzia. As an arab girl who is 18, my mom is constantly pressuring me to find a husband and start looking in college now. Even though I have no aspirations of marriage right now and I just want to focus on my degree. it is so hard being told that if you don't find someone now, you will die alone because the moment you turn 25 "you're expired goods". I am so happy i found your channel because I also plan on pursuing higher education, (my dream in life is to become a neuroscientist)getting my phd after my bachelor's is my goal for my 20s. thank you for this wonderful video, i really needed to hear what you said.
بصفتي عربية هنا ايضا اريد فقط ان اخبرك ان لا تخضعي اضغط المجتمع و انا ايضا في 18 من عمري اهتمي لدراستك و علمي انا الفرص تبقى دائما للزواج الدين يقول تصبحين بداعة مستهلكة فقط يحاولون الضغط عليك الزواج بشخص لا تستحقينه للأسف هدا حال مجتمعنا العربي 😑
I really hope you succeed in your goal of getting your degree, wish you the best of luck
Focus on your goal and what you truly want family and environmental pressure can be challenging but never more important than your own happiness don’t listen to them and be proud with your future degree! Best of luckk 🤍
Wow, neuroscience! We need more folks to study the brain. I say go for it, my dude :)
Hello from Brazil! I’m also 18 and my mom also puts some pressure on me to find a boyfriend as if it were my job as a teenager. I’m also studying science and focused on my dregree lol!!! It’s so cool to find someone else with a similar story and so far away. I hope you’re able to fulfill your dreams!
I'm 26 now and I honestly feel so worried that I'll end up with someone only to settle down and not for love … but your words are so true. I'm going to focus on building the life that I love instead of waiting for the love of my life .
Salaam alykum am a Muslim brother from Somalia with great looks physically and mentally and religious. All I want is true partner who is religious Muslim
"Date yourself" ... I've never thought about that, yet it makes complete sense. Thanks for this video, it's really assuring that you're not alone.
I'm nearly 39 and got married a year ago to my first ever partner that I met at 34. And I think that I looked fantastic in my wedding dress 😃 There is no "too late". I find it bizarre that there are young people in their early twenties or even teenagers that think they have already missed their opportunities to date someone because they have no experience yet - they are SO young!
Yes, sometimes I envy a bit those people that meet the love of their life as a teenager (friends of me are in their late 20s, have been together for 10 years and are getting married soon) because they had the chance to see their partner grow and share more of their life. But I'm NOT envious of all the people that got married super young and get divorced in their early or mid twenties ... And I don't think I missed out on anything in general. I didn't have all those relationship struggles and tearful brake-ups, what a loss ... not! Being single has its perks and people who permanently in relationships are missing out on something, too. I'm happy that I had a life of my own and were living alone before I moved in with my partner.
Poorly aged white♀️
As a dude who's 35, has no romantic experience, I often wonder if I somehow missed the boat, so this is heartening to hear.
Well that is your view of your situation. I can not talk about that one exactly, I can say that there is too old for a lot of parts of the relationship. Are you guys going to raise kids? there is really on the edge for it. Are you guys going to get a morgage? good luck on getting the means for that at that age. Are you guys getting along each others friends? it is way more difficult to get it at that age. Are you planning to go on trips together? It is again more difficult at this age. There are plenty of examples of too old for something in a relationship. Same is valid for too young.
Its different for woman being single. Being single man is normal. They think you are looser but single woman its like she is picky or she doesnt want anyone.
I identify 100% with what you say here. As someone that struggled with loneliness for years, now I can say that I´m grateful with the people i met in my 20´s and how wholesome the people i met (and I´m still meeting) are to me. I learned to value those who chose to stay wth me in my hard times. Thanks for the video Lady!☺
"Focus on building the life you love, rather than finding the love of your life" now that's a great quote
i'm soon 27 and i used to be really worried about still being single, but it was definitely skewed by the coincidence that a lot of people in my circle got in serious relationships young and married in their early 20s. all my friends from university are married with kids now, so i felt very much "behind". what helped me get over this was i went to group therapy a bit over a year ago and met a lot of people across ages who all struggled with different stuff that we all related to. the waking moment was that i opened up about feeling behind all my friends and feeling like i should "grow up" by now, and a man in my group responded "i'm in my late 40s and i also look forward to the day i grow up". like, realizing this wasn't a unique feeling to being in my 20s really helped actually, lol. i still have bad days where the feeling of being behind gets to me, but it's much easier to deal with now because i'm comfortable having a good time with my hobbies and my friends, dating myself!
As an 18 yo guy who constantly worries that things are over, I needed this video. You're right, no one cares that you're single and never been in love. Probably no one knows either, except for you, your close friends and family. And I need to stop defining my self worth by my relationship status; my brain will sometimes say such hurtful things to me that I could never repeat to anybody. Maybe I'll find love someday in the future, or maybe I'll just be at peace with it. No one knows the future. Great video
Holy shit I wish I was your age again. Hell I'm not even old I'm still early 20's but damn do I wish I could start fresh with what I know now.
I can definitely identify with this! I am in my mid-40s and have never dated, not because I didn't want to, but partially because the people I wanted to date didn't feel the same way about me, and the people who were interested in me, I could see would not be the kind of person who would treat me well in a relationship. Your life does not end if you are not in a relationship! You are normal if you are not in a relationship! Unhealthy relationships cause so much pain and trauma (as I could see in my friends who went through it and leaned on me for support), that it is a real benefit to escape that!
I am the same. It annoys me a bit when people say that I'm just scared or try to explain my own feelings to me and say that I won't know until I try dating. How about, no thanks? I am happy as I am, and I'm not interested. I am happy they are happy in a relationship, but they somehow think it's so offensive I don't want to date or be with anyone.
I honestly feel that if I hadn't dated, it would have been better. Shitty things started happening to me in my teens, and I feel like several things related to relationships affected my education, which really altered my life and my sense of self worth. I didn't feel like I had a support system, but there are better ways to find one. Don't risk what's important to you for someone who is only temporary.
Same.
It’s reassuring to see that people in their 30s+ feel this way. I’m 23 now but I feel I’ll likely wind up in the same boat. I know I’ll be okay so I won’t worry too much
@@swisdom9117 the only advice I can give you, as someone who is a generation older, is to not give yourself a timeline for finding a partner, and don't feel like you *have to* find a partner at all.
Plan for your future as if you will not have a partner to depend on, and work to make yourself the best person you can be. Learn how to do, and do for yourself, all of the adult responsibilities that need to be done. Go to interesting places, do fun and interesting things, learn about whatever interests you, partner or no partner.
Don't link your value as a human being to what another person thinks about you, or whether or not you have a partner; that is not the measure of whether or not you are worthy of love and respect. Don't settle for bad treatment from someone, just to have a partner like "everybody else"; be picky about the character of the people you choose to spend time with.
Then, if you happen to find a good, mature person who feels the same way about you that you do about them, great! You can both be positive additions to each other's lives! But if not, or if you find someone and then you aren't right for each other anymore, you are o.k. being by yourself and you won't be so pressured to get into, or stay in, a relationship that isn't healthy. They say they'll leave you if you don't accept XYZ toxic behavior from them? Let the trash take itself out!
Idk man. No amount of cope is gonna fill the void inside of me that just wants to be hugged and told I deserve love.
I think Kati Morton once made a great video about that.
Understandable have a great day.
I loved this video! Thank you! It speaks to my soul. I will be 30 next year and a majority of my life I have enjoyed being single. While it’s nice to have a “best friend” as to not be lonely, I think society puts too much focus on “romantic love” and not enough of romantically loving yourself. I hope you are doing well! This little gay boy in the US has fallen in love with you and your videos, and I appreciate your honesty and transparency when it comes to mental health! Take care!
I am 27
Spent most of my life studying hard to get my dream job. Now i am finally a pediatrics resident. And all my friends are married and have kids. It sometimes feels awful to feel left behind. But I just like to remind myself that I am just not ready to commit. I want to work on myself and enjoy being free. Let’s not force things just because of societal pressure.
Thanks for talking about this!
My perspective as a male, 23: It's only natural for us to want someone that makes us feel appreciated and loved, but that natural desire on its own (while nothing inherently wrong with it at all) will lead to all sorts of self-destructive behavior if left unchecked. It's why it's very common to hear someone talk about their S/O but every other word out of their mouth is seemingly negative or shows a great level of fundamental irritation with them. Both genders, maybe leans more towards men but I've heard both.
You could go way more in depth but I'm always just reminded of that one Eagles song - "Take it easy".
I'm 23, never dated and still don't want to xD sometimes societal pressure can get into one's brain, but when I think how comfortable I am on my own and how much freedom it gives me... for me, dating isn't worth it and that's okay. I think we have to normalize being single in our society xD
Same here, I'm 23 too
Same I'm 24 and I never dated, I do talk with girls but its just exhausting and I know I cannot handle a relationship so I'll rather be single and focus on my skills and hobbies 😅
23 is still young though! You have no
Idea if your mind will change down the road .. trust me, the last thing you want to do is not try dating or meeting possible mates in your 20s because when you hit 30 - it becomes so much more difficult. You’ve been warned
@@brianmeen2158 men are scary, why are you shaming a woman for not wanting to date and trying to make her fear getting older? Wtf.
@@brianmeen2158 I'm sure when OP wants to she will. Searching for love out of fear is a good way to end up in a bad situation
It’s interesting hearing from people who didn’t want to date at my current age (23), because there hasn’t been a single point in my life where I haven’t wanted a relationship. Not because I’m “missing out” or “falling behind” either, it’s just unbearable to be alone like I am.
Why is it unbearable?
relatable
I used to think similarly but then I watched this cliche romantic comedy from the 90s called "My Best Friends Wedding" and it made me realize that what I truly wanted was the friend she has in the end not the romantic interest. Platonic relationships are just as valuable as romantic ones.
Yeah, I feel that every day. You're not alone in this, keep going
im 24, life is so strange that even all the people who relate to this video wont relate to this video. everyone is so all over the place and concerned with things we would have no idea about & cant see. people just want a partner who is genuinly interested in them. struggles, past, how they see the world. the key one is how they see the world. as ive gotten older (im talking like im so much older) i realized you can find "hot" anywhere but personality is what will pull you into a real relationship. you'll know when you experience something cool and that other person just 'has to see this' too
I'm a 20 year old guy with no interest in dating who was getting a bit anxious about dating due to social pressure and sincerely I can't find any words to describe how good it felt to hear this, this video was absolutely for me, you definitely nailed it with that incredible speech!!
My biggest thanks to you, couldn't be more grateful
Online Dating as an unexperienced 25 year old is a nightmare. I've been on more than 20 dates in 2 years, and I realized people want to go very fast these days. You haven't kissed and held hands at the third date of meeting someone? Too late. You can't immediately open up at the first date? Done. You're opening up TOO much and have fun together since the start? Friendzoned. Not to mention the amount of weirded out reactions I got for not having any experience that go beyond kissing, almost as if there needs to be something wrong with me because nobody wanted me yet and I didn't want anyone yet.
Thank you, I'm about to hit my late 20s and I was starting to lose hope.
I believe that my view of having low self-worth has contributed a lot to my singleness. You give a hopeful perspective.
Hi cinzia, I’m a 53 year old lady who had to wait until almost 40 when I met my now husband, I would say to your viewers, live your 20s, 30s, or even 40s for yourself first before worrying about meeting your partner, it usually happens when you’re not looking for it, we are here on this earth for a good time, not a long time! Please don’t waste your life worrying about will it happen, what people think about you if your single, enjoy your life, love yourself first, best wishes, Debbie
I’m, also, a 53 year old woman who married at 36. My husband was 41 at that time. I can’t imagine marrying in my 20’s.
Poorly aged white♀️
I'm 22. I needed to read that. You are right. Thank you so much for your advice🙏☺️
That only applies if you are a woman, if you are a guy waiting, you'll keep waiting your whole life
@@AnaLu07
It's crap advice. Most men don't want aged women. They definitely don't want you after you've had 'your fun' (whatever that euphemistically means), and it's much harder to give birth at those ages.
I didn't date until my late 20s, I was a virgin until I married my husband in 2012 and that was when obviously I moved out of home for the first time. Some people take a while to get to where they are in a happy relationship. I never thought it was going to happen, I figured I'd become a cat lady.....it just took me a while to meet my fellow nerd!! If it's meant to be it'll happen!!
Congratulations!❤ and God bless you and your husband❤ hope both of you enjoy and experiences lots and lots of happy and enjoyable moments together and happily ever after ! ❤ 💖😊
I hate to say it but her advice dosnt fully apply to men, women mostly go for confident social guys with experience, that’s why you see autistic guys on shows that have NEVER dated before and you see autistic girls that have been on dozens, girls are just a lot more picky than guys
Still don’t give up, always keep trying
I’m glad nerds are so abundant these days, now the challenge is finding one with similar interests or at least something in common
@ceooflonelinessinc.267 Dude
You should approach women
Women won't apprach guys
I doubt below-average girls would reject you so try that and if that works try average-looking girls next
Don't keep chasing attractive women and ignoring other women
@@_Lumiere_hmm... I don't think that's necessarily the case. Women find men attractive, it's not about approaching about this matter, or asking out. More so... making friends kind of way? If you see people, talk with them, listen to them, women and men... you'll get friends, but also, someone will probably be interested of you. Well, then, if you like them too, there's a chance 😉
I'd say, as a women, if someone shows romantic interest to me, without really knowing me, I find it suspicious and I will be a bit cautious. Also I would be evaluation marriage probabilities right away 🤣 So... at least for me, I appriciate men that see me as a human being first, attractive or not, and if they then like me, it's all good 😅😊 Then it's just... do I like them back?
But it's definitely not a numbers game. When the lightning strikes, there's nothing to do about it 😉 Just... be open with people, and try to see them.
This felt like a heart-to-heart conversation with a slightly older sister (I'm 27). Thank you, Cinzia. I appreciate you so much. ❤
I have no idea how UA-cam finally recommend me this. I couldn't imagine girls with stories similar to mine exist untill now.
I'm 27, and same - I had no romantic relationships with guys until 26. No holding hands, no kisses, no sex. I wasn't even approached and asked out by anyone. It ruined my self esteem.
I am probably 6 on attractiveness scale, not bad, so it's not like it was the reason. But I formed body dismorphia and was sure it was. I actually still don't know what was first - the dismorphia or the absence of attention.
I still never told any guy my story or even new girl friends, I'm afraid and embarrassed.
Thank you for sharing! It would take me enormous amount of courage.
I was never an option to people. No strict household, or lack of interest from my side, it was NOT MY CHOICE or" pressure from society" . I just want it, but can't have it. And it's easy to talk about patience or "dating yourself", but what if you want kids and there is noone even crushing on you, let alone, at the level of trust to start thinking about a family? To start that process later and later then at the point where you feel ready, your body might not be able to anymore... That's my fear, that's my pain.
I feel you. I'm 29 and I have never been in a relationship. I think I have not followed up with one or two women where there was at least some possibility of having a relationship. It feels nice to not be rejected by everyone. But it doesn't feel nice that I was not interested at all in any (of the few) woman that showed interest in me to at least some extent.
As a man I have less pressure when it comes to having children. But I don't want to have to marry a woman 20 years younger than me. Also if I want to share my life with a woman and I already have gone though half of my life without her then that is also not too fun.
Luckily I'm enjoying being alone, but it prevents me from giving me more pressure to ask out women.
Dear Cinzia, thank you very much for your insight. This deeply resonated with me. I understand what it's like to grow up being terrified of boys or men. When I started dating at 23, I felt ashamed, rushed and mentally fragile. Please, to anyone in this community, do not sleep with people because you think it is expected of you or "so long overdue" because society tells you it's supposed to happen at your sweet sixteen. If you are scared of dating, or people in general, abstain from romance if you can and invest, as Cinzia described, in making yourself happy as best as you can. I'm now in my late thirties and happily married. Love will find you all, whether you look within yourself or in the beauty of the outside world.
Your husband didnt do his research, sad
@@thelucariamonarchs4889 what do you mean
Thanks for sharing, Cinzia! I am feeling that way in my mid-20s right now. I had a two-month relationship and several minor flings between ages 20 and 21, and not a darn thing since. Covid happened shortly after I turned 22, and during lockdowns I was diagnosed with Stage IV kidney cancer.
So on top of thinking about possibly dying soon, as well as worrying about the finances (which are very much on my parents' dime, even after insurance claims), it honestly feels like I may never date again. It saddens me quite deeply. Especially being ghosted all the time on Tinder. I want to date again.
I’m sure you will date again and people will find you attractive also please don’t ever forget how superficial Tinder often sadly is, it almost never is about you as a person or the way you look but the way your photos look, wishing you the best
Thank you for sharing... My piece of encouragement would be for you to focus on all the "loves of your life." The love you derive from your friends and family - especially with the limited time you have. Personally, I've never dated or been in a relationship. One of my parents passed away from pancreatic cancer before COVID. There's more to life than romantic relationships. Sometimes, they can be overrated. Invest in the love you have around you, the faith you have (if you believe in something - as for me, I'm a Christian), AND don't waste time thinking about "What could have been, If only I dated X, Y, or Z" LOVE YOURSELF @BonJoviBeatlesLedZep & God Bless 💙
That's horrible... Wishing you a speedy recovery and hope you live a long happy life 💜
I hope you get well soon.
I did a ton of dating in my 20's. Ppl. can be brutal on each other in the 18-25 age range. There's nothing wrong w/being single even if it's for the rest of your life. I enjoyed dating in my 20's, but there were a lot of extreme ups & valleys. Developing yourself is the key along w/self-awareness. 70% of my close friends are divorced; many of them divorced in their 20's. If U develop yourself. U may even attract ppl. Whatever is going to happen will happen.
If you are a guy in the 20s is very rough as most women already want a guy who's confident and financially stable and tend to date older, girls in their 20s with guys in early 30s.
I have seen this with my own personal friends and other acquaintances
Nah at that point pass 30+ you got to look somewhere else if it’s not in your area.
@thelucariamonarchs4889 I remember when I was 22, I was with a man who was 33. All the girls at my university looked at me in terror and asked if he was even good looking still and if he needed to take blue pills 😅 Everyone else was with a guy their age.
This was genuinely so helpful and relatable! Between not growing up with examples of healthy romantic relationships, struggling with my mental health, body insecurities, focusing on my academics and now, in my 20s, trying to build a fulfilling life of my own - *dating just hasn't been a priority.* And I've become content with the idea of perhaps never being in a relationship. But it's hard to not feel insecure sometimes when your friends are in committed relationships and your family keeps asking you when is it going to be your turn.
I turn 26 next month and have never dated or even kissed anyone. This is so helpful to me
You're wise beyond your years Cinzia. This is wonderful advice to young people. I wish I'd heard it thirty years ago.
Thank you so much for speaking about this! This really helps. I'm 23 and never even held hands with a guy romantically, and I'm really ashamed of this and it's really frustrating. Seeing other people who are in a similar situation helps. Thank you, much love!
I’m a 23 yo guy and I’m in the same boat as you. I wasn’t interested in having a gf until last year of HS (primarily because I’m ASD and I wasn’t the most social butterfly). Now I’m about to end my career and nothing happened. It’s quite frustrating tbh. But I have hope I guess :/
I’ve in your shoes and let me tell, be careful for what you wish for.
The experience you shared about your 20s resonated so much to mine, finding out all about my abused childhood and dysfunctional family system, struggling to complete 2 studies being neurodivergent. Been in therapy for 2 years, leaving a toxic long term relationship just half a year ago and feel like life has just started. This video feels like a warm hug and I felt so seen, heard and less alone. Thank you:)
Hey. I hope you’re doing ok out there.
I'm coming up 31 and still single. Part of me hasn't felt ready to start dating however I do sometimes put pressure on myself to find a partner. I spent my twenties dealing with health issues and never felt I was able to start dating as my health was all over the place, as a result, I had little confidence in myself. Thank you for this video as it has given me some hope that my thirties I may be ready to start dating and enjoy life at my own pace.
felt like this at 26. Now I'm over 30, still single. It's really set off red-alert alarms in the deepest parts of my psyche. Like isolation and solitude aren't the comfort zones they once were, and companionship sounds nice now! It's going to be a big shift in my ways, but I cannot wait for sharing a life with someone else, a special somebody!
I never dated in my life. I was not interested in any kind of relationship until I was in college and even then I never really found anyone that I saw myself with in the circles I frequented. The only thing I was certain of was that I was not going to settle just to conform to society standards. I didn't get together with my now husband until I was 27 (I'm now 43 and still together). If you actually want a relationship but can't find one. Let me tell you, I couldn't find one where I lived. I moved half way across the world for the one I really wanted.
This is really solid advice!
I've recently accepted that I'm truly happy on my own, if I end up meeting someone that's great but I'll be content by myself. It took 32 years to realise but I'm glad I got to that point. The eureka moment for me was realising the reason I wanted a relationship so I could more reasonably afford to buy a home, which is just so bloomin stupid. The pressure I put on myself in my 20s was terrible and had a negative affect on my mental health and view of the world.
You are gonna keep waiting as guy as we have to do the chase
As someone who got married at 26 and is still happily married, this is GREAT advice. Thank you for sharing this Cinzia!
I'm a 21 year old guy, I remember getting the pressure to be in a romantic relationship since I was 15 because I always wondered how it feels to love somebody and be loved, during the past years I also got it all mixed up with sexual frustration, which also led me to constantly battling myself if I want to be in a serious relationship or not, I also went on a couple of dates but none of them actually led me to make a deep and meaningful connection with my partner, so it would always end after the 2nd date or so.
To this day the thought of even approaching somebody, talking to them and slowly knowing them kinda scares me, probably because of HUGE shyness, overthinking about how It's gonna go, not feeling like they are totally for me, still being stuck on mistakes I've done in the past and just not being fully content with myself and accepting who I am with all my flaws.
So this video was really nice and comforting, reminding that my whole life is still ahead of me and that I'm not alone, thank you so much 🙏
i am 19 currently , never been in a relationship , i recently got to college and there are a lot of couples in my college , some of my classmates are also dating, it makes me so insecure about myself , i feel like a loser but thanks your video made me feel good , i think i need to start living my life instead of crying about love
where was this advice for me so many decades ago. never married, never even considered it ... but fortunately i did end up having several very, very copacetic long term relationships (which i still treasure). on my own now, but happy to be so. if you don't mind, please continue telling us your lived experiences and how you've been able to grow your better self. (don't stop with the mythology and history, though. it's my guess that the knowledge and wisdom you've aquired by the life you've lived, has helped build the brilliant woman you've become) thanks!
Focus on building a life that you love, rather than waiting for the love of your life- this is a wonderful quote! I'm currently twenty years old and have never dated before and people around me are already getting married - sometimes I feel like I'm really behind. But your video really opened my eyes and I absolutely love the idea of "dating yourself"☺️💜
I met my wife when we were both teenagers. We couldn’t have enough of each other everyday for 36 years until she suddenly passed away two years ago. I wish I had the courage to go with her because I never wanted to live one day without her and I know she felt the same way about me. So, there is always an exception. Love is a beautiful thing.
8:15 onwards I needed to hear this sooo bad that I've spent 12 years from the time I made that decision until just hearing this to have that switch click again in my head. Thank you soo much for this @Cinzia DuBois. May you live a long and satisfying life. I've just been freed!!!
2:54 notice how the main reason why people don't date was not mentioned.....
Being unwanted.
I am 21 yo guy who have never dated and a bit anxious about it. That's very helpful. Thanks❤
I started dating at 25, but didn’t have boyfriend until 31. I won’t have met anyone more amazing in my 20s❤
This is exactly what I mean. Nice guys do finish last I guess
@@MRTROLLAS-il1guwhat?😂
Do you need a man
If so let me know
Thank you so much. I am 21 and have never experienced love or intimacy.
I feel like I need to find someone, because everyone around me is in relationships. I crave and I hurt a lot, I want it so much.
My past dating attempts have resulted in nothing because I fall in love too easily with the wrong people. My friend says it's because "I want to fall in love, so I convince myself I've found the right one".
Learning to be okay with being single really is a tough process, so thanks for openly talking about it.
Thank you Cinzia. I’m 50 years old now. The majority of my life has been defined by caring for my deceased mother and pursuing a religious vocation. Now Im still pursuing the religious vocation, but now 4 years later after my mom passed away, I’ve changed careers and am finally able to see what my life is like now and get a glimps of the future.
Thank you for saying that. As someone in 26, don’t have a boyfriend at the moment, it feels really hard. Everyday, you see your friend posting her/his baby, being proposed by their partner, getting married and here I am, still thinking if there is someone out there for me 😥
Never dated, i dont get out much these days, its normally work then go home for me. i don't think its really worth it, ill just live my life as is.
I'm 22 and have never been in a relationship or anything, just like you had been saying. But this feels so removed from how I feel. I've wanted nothing more than to share my life for years. I've focused on growth and become a better person numerous times, tried not to chase it, tried to chase it. It just feels like no matter what I do no one has room in Their hearts for me to get that close. And it hurts every day
I think its also essential to question the role modern hookup culture and lack of commitment has played in our ability to trust other people
This helps, thank you. My ego controls me a lot by saying that I am worthless without some kind of love. I have to remind myself every day that isnt true.
As a Man who will be turning 21 very soon and sometimes feels completely undesirable for a number of reasons, thank you. This video really helped. I appreciate it immensely.
I'm fed up of telling people I'm single and still a virgin at 26 and them replying "well that's good that you're saving yourself for the right person".
I haven't made the decision to still be stuck in this lonely position half way through my 20s ffs 😒 it's just that dating in the 21st century for an introvert is really difficult.
It's not just difficult........ modern dating SUCK! save yourself from that poison my friend. Im single, NOT LONELY and Im fine with it. (I mean hey you do you)
@@Chameo-Sanhow old are you
There's someone out there for everyone, despite what some people may think. But there's really no rush.
What I've found is that not being okay with being on your own causes problems even when you do find someone you want to be with, so it seems like it's way more important to learn how to be alone and be happy with who you are than it is to find someone to be with.
I'm in my 50's and not in the least bit worried about being single! In fact, I enjoy my drama free solitude. 😊
Facts! Who has time for that?
It's really just a societal program. I'm 37 and only had one real relationship and this year I finally had the thought......"hey, if I was 60, 70,80 with the life I have now.......the inner life I mean.........I wouldn't necessarilly miss a relationship". I'm okay being single forever. Never thought I'd say that but.....when I consider the pressure and fear of not having.....are really external impositions......it's clear it's not serving me to adhere to what is considreed "normal".
Poorly aged white♀️
You are the drama! if there is drama in any relationship its because the women bring it the vast majority of the time. women are highly emotional critters AN are always encouraged to be so! You are rarely checked, called out on your drama. you are always encouraged to be emotional. Men are generally no. Most men will counsel another man to set drama aside and be rational. We rarely encourage each other to be hyper-emotional (unless its a team game) So, considering these widely divergent social expectations,it is totally reasonable and completely true that most drama will be originate with the woman. younger men, who have not been counseled to check their emotions and mentally less stable men will bring drama. but that is generally a minority of men.
@@vklnew9824 The copium flows like cocaine at a yuppie bachelor party!
This was so inspiring, thank you so much for saying all this. It’s hard being in a doctoral degree, 25 years old, and seeing most of your peers engaged or married. And you’re barely able to get a first date in the first place. When the reality is, we spread ourselves so thin focusing on a relationship and our studies and our slowly drifting family as we begin our own lives and figure ourselves out. It’s okay to take a backseat and let love find us when it wants to :D
Thank goodness i found this video ❤ i am 22 and i have a similar family like yours but we're Catholic and i avoided and was scared to date coz of the horrible stories i heard from my family about men so just like you i didn't talk with men till i went to my university and meeting some amazing male friends and that made me realise damn men aren't that bad as they told me so some guy asked me out and he seemed like a good person, hard working and smart so i thought my family would approve but i never thought whether i was ready or not and guess what my family didn't like him at all and this guy became a toxic and possessive bf to a point he hated me spending time ( talking, and sitting ) with any other man including my BROTHER. I waited and waited coz i thought every relationship is like that and thought maybe he loved me more than other boys love their gfs ( this shows that i knew nothing about relationships or myself at 22) and he told me that we shouldn't have any boundaries with each other at all. This is a way to make me stop standing up for myself and that made me felt like i was bad gf. I screwed up most of my education and was mentally down almost every day but i still endured and at the end he broke up with me and was saying so many hurtful things like i should find my worth, he hated me, he was happier before and every time we argue he always bring another girl and compare me to her. Im still trying to stand up and im actually glad that it was over. After the breakup only i realised how much of toxic relationship we had. So anyone who's reading this please do not date till you're ready and knows yourself and your boundaries. Men and women both needs to know this before dating ❤❤ btw wonderful video
So many beautiful quotes in this video. You did a great job on script-writing and obviously on the delivery!!
Great to hear you are feeling so positive about your relationships in your 30’s. I am in my prime now in my 50’s 😂 . But seriously it’s all a personal journey we navigate and kindness is so important to us all. 👍
I started dating at 26, and I just wanted to have fun that year, but I've met my husband on the first date ever 😅 We are happily married (4 years together) and we have a wonderful son. :)
You are so lucky!
That’s really nice, I hate to say it but her advice dosnt fully apply to men, women mostly go for confident social guys with experience, that’s why you see autistic guys on shows that have NEVER dated before and you see autistic girls that have been on dozens, girls are just a lot more picky than guys
Still don’t give up, always keep trying
@@nobodythenobody9779 this kind of 'guys have it harder than girls' sentiment will never make sense to me because it always ignores that there are plenty of women who are considered ugly/unattractive by men at large. there are straight/bi women who are fat + have skin conditions + 'bad' facial features + weird proportions etc who aren't getting any attention from ANY men because even men in the same 'league' aren't interested, whether they're autistic or not.
like, where do y'all think the whole 'ugly guy/hot gf' trope in media came from?
@@fortunamajor7239 ugly girls still get hit on and more attention than guys, you have studies that show fat women get more matches on tinder than male models
It’s an objective fact men have a much harder time in dating because society expects so much more of us, it’s not a controversial offensive statement, it’s just life
@@fortunamajor7239You say this as if women didn’t care about looks and all. Not saying that it’s wrong though. I certainly don’t expect my future partner to look like a supermodel but I wouldn’t date someone that is fat or overweight because she has bad habits.
29, and I've been single and not been on a date for four years now, which I've spent working on myself. I am now my best me (so far!). I really hope I meet somebody someday, its easy to lose hope and I admit I get lonely - but I'd rather be single than be with the wrong person. Before now, I've found myself getting too involved too quickly with the wrong people and getting used and hurt. Keep growing, keep communicating and stay true ❤
Thank you Cinzia for uploading, and thank you to everybody else for sharing your stories in the comments.
I'm gonna sleep so much better at night knowing I'm not alone and what I've been going through is normal.
Omg, turned 25 this year, i literally have 0 exes. I really was starting to believe that something was wrong with me. Thank you for sharing your story. Now I believe more than ever that God is probably preparing a partner that will be just suited with me ❤❤
I started dating when i was 27. Now at 31 i have a son and an awesome girlfriend. Something like this would have been so helpful back then. i felt really insecure when i was single.
YES to all of that! I'm in my 30s as well and still single (I'm on the ace spectrum). I struggled with that a lot for a long time but now I can truly say that I am happy. I have time to pursue what I love (which also happens to be a Classics degree) and I have the most wonderful friends.
Society can be very harsh to people who don't fit into a specific mold but I hope everyone who watches this and is unhappy with their life situation will see that there are many others like them out there and life isn't over if you haven't 'achieved' certain things by age 30.
Never heard of ACE.. I'll have to look it up.
@@ses-ei7oc it's just short for asexual :)
Interesting.. I wonder if I am. I'll have to do some research.@@GirlintheSea
The thing is though as a female you always at least had the option to engage in those things whenever you're ready. If we're talking about a male who never dated thats a completely different story because its not simply a matter of choosing to venture out. There's a large block of men who are not chosen as viable partners by any women, largely due to things they can't control. Its the difference between being a volunteer prisoner who can leave at anytime, and someone who is actually forced to be there and the only way out is a clever escape
This is by far the most hopeful video I've seen on this topic. Wow. I feel so relieved, hopeful, and inspired by this. THANK YOU, Cinzia
Agreed. I’m in my late 40s and similar experiences in my early twenties. I’m still unmarried but I have also never been divorced…
As a guy that is 29 that never dated, never had a kiss, hell a hug from a woman ( my mom dont count lol), never held a women's hand, or never been in sort relationship, I've completely given up on looking for a relationship around 22. So I'm just avoiding women and focusing on goals. A man told me focus on your goals first before getting into relationships. I dont know what's wrong with me but I have a good ok paying job, a kick ass car, and im working on getting a house. Idk I'm not fat, I'm more muscle than skinny, I may be geeky at times because I'm into video games and anime. I'm just at the point that im just unattractive. I'm just unattractive. Most of my friends say I'm lying to myself and I need to do something besides going to work and going sleep and repeat. They said I need to get out the house and put myself out there. I turn 30 in early January. Literally, 2 days after new years. I think women dont care for average men anymore or just dont care. I do go to cons and events but nothing. Yes, I dont go to these events looking desperate for a partner. It would be nice to actually have a female friend that likes to same stuff as you and you can share and bond. It's rare to find that nowadays. I DONT EVEN SMELL! Like I said i gave up looking for relationships now and trying to avoid women now. Its very frustrating.
You're contradicting yourself. You said you gave up looking for a relationship at 22 and that you avoid women now... and yet you complain that you dont have a girlfriend or female friends to bond over shared interests.
If you actually wanted a relationship and were actively looking, you would have a better chance.
@@nellekx yes it's frustrating topic to talk about. I gave up looking because most people tell me just focus on myself more. A part of me still thinking that going to events, work on yourself, and the girl will fall. Honestly, at my situation, I'm almost there but not ready.
@@Herozonex200 Well there's your answer. Work on yourself first until you're ready, but don't expect a girl to fall out of the sky like they do in the movies. when the time comes and you're feeling confident you actually do need to put yourself out there
I remember being 18 and how concerned that I was that gonna be some old ugly hag because I hadn't had any of the experiences that the people around me or those TV had had. But looking back in my mid to late 20s, now I realize how ridiculous that kind of all is.
Life is meant to be lived and enjoyed, and you don't need a partner for that; if you have good relationships, do things with family and friends if not being at peace with your self is important and healthy. You might find a great love, or you might not, but don't put life on hold for an imaginary person. You deserve to enjoy life to the fullest.
Love is a huge part of life, if you dont have a partner you can still be happy but it doesnt change the fact that somwthing is missinh
I take it you still didn't find your soul mate then based on your comment
this really helped me. thank you.
I'm almost 22 and have only been in one relationship back when I was 16 for a few months. I have recently been in a depression about my fears of never finding someone, of it being too late even though I'm young. My lack of experience makes dating apps hell, and I feel like an absolute loser when all my friends talk about their relationships and I'm always third-wheeling. I have recently just been trying to put myself out there more, I joined a gym, and I'm gonna join some clubs at my college. This video put me at peace, and I'm just going to focus on doing things I enjoy and hopefully putting positive energy out into the world that will be returned to me in some way :)
I‘m in a relationship since 10 years but the last tip ( 8:22 ) is something I definitly need to take more serious.
“If you’re single in your mid-20s, watch this.”
Me, who’s a 15-year-old teenager; “Yes, I will!”
Im almost a 30 year old virgin. That's quite alright. In a world where body count is high, I don't mind not having given myself to some woman for some short term, shallow fling. Having sex is giving your soul away to someone.
With respect, your evaluation too casually dismisses something that you haven't yet experienced. I say "respect" because I think you're correct to place so high a value on the experience, but your dismissal is also a rationalization for selling yourself short.
Following your present course, you remain clutching onto "your soul," keeping it for nobody but yourself, avoiding risk, and thus you fail to grow emotionally in the meantime. And for what-fear of being hurt? For wanting everything to be perfect? Spoiler alert: you will be, and it won't be. All of our relationships come at a price, and all end up shallow in _some_ respect, but they'll also prove rich in other respects. Reduce those lofty expectations, and increase your satisfaction. There will be real psychological consequences to pay for waiting so long. Time to get out there. You're wasting valuable time. From a married, middle-aged man.
Remember: ALL of our relationships are short-term.
Good luck.
@@pocket83squared I wish all rebuttals on such a delicate matter were as polite as yours.
@@NeglectedField On the other side, my argument might've been a little less respectful if you were a misogynistic pleasure-seeker. But one has to be polite if one wishes to be honest. I'm not really selling you anything; the goal is only to convince you to have a good life. The "good life" means learning to practice balance, not asceticism.
Why should pigs hog all the fun?
@@pocket83squared BTW I'm not the guy who wrote the previous comment. I was just a casual observer who was pleasantly surprised by your tact :)
@@NeglectedField Ha! Sorry. I must have only noticed the (same) teal color. Well, good life to you, too!
I had my first girlfriend at 25. I thought I would never be in a relationship. And I have to give an absolutely gigantic mountain of thanks to my best friend for being the most incredible wing man.
I know we all have very different experiences but as a 16 year old, I personally feel like we should work on ourselves and become the person we want our partner to be and eventually , the right person will come
This video was honestly so comforting and gave me such a better perspective on being single in my 20's. Thank you so much for making this video!
So good! Especially as a Christian, in evangelical culture, you’re pressured to get married young. I really needed to hear that it’s okay to take your time.❤️
I love this. I’m in my early 60’s and totally endorse this advise.
I'm 33, single and have no kids. This video help consider the fact that I don't have to "rush" because I'll still be in my prime for several years now and let the time do the job. Thank you milady
I'm almost 30 and single. I've never been in a relationship and have absolutely zero regrets. There's things you can do to invite love into your life, but ultimately, it's a game of luck. I don't want my happiness to depend on luck, nor do I want to put my life on hold until I find the right guy. Love is everywhere, and it's not always romantic. I guess it's a cliché, but you really need to love yourself first.