Thank you for watching. If you enjoyed this topic and episode, please click the "like" button and subscribe to our channel here on UA-cam. Thank you for your interest in science! -- Andrew
Andrew sir, we need a vid where you talk abt feeling so little looking to the upcoming years you've got to live and not doing enough, like you never feel like doing enough if you want to
There is a beautiful quote from Rumi that has helped me tremendously on my journey of self-awareness, and it always comes to mind when I approach love: "Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it." I still use it as a mantra sometimes, and each time, I gain a deeper understanding of its meaning. I thought I’d share it. Your guest was terrific!
I think it is so important to show each other love. I know this is a bit off-topic but my boyfriend didn’t have a birthday or anything, but I found out that most men only get flowers at their funeral. That struck me. I decided to get him a lower bouquet that you put together like lego (because real flowers might not have thrilled him haha), and he was SO touched! We spent the evening building it together, and it turned into the sweetest date night. Still so happy about it!
That’s adorable! I just got one for my boyfriend too and I’m so excited to have a lovely date night together with him! In case someone is wondering, I found it through a quick look online. It is called: His First Flower Lego Style Bouquet
Show love but try to genuinely find out what your partner would love to receive as a gift. Is he genuinely crazy about flowers? Most women never get a tool kit as a gift, doesn't mean i should give her one. Let's not project our wishes in the gifts we make
OMG!!!!! Andrew and Esther!!!! Two of my favourite people ever in the same room !!!talking!!! and we get to see this!!!!!!! Dang!!!!!! What a time to be alive!!!! I am soooooo looking forward to listen to this!!! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
We need more people telling us truth like Andrew Humbert. This is also what I read in book called Grow Beyond by Nathan Chambers. You can see real progress with consistent effort...
Martha Beck…and Esther Perel!!!…I’m beyond thrilled and excited to see this new wave of excellence being highlighted. Seeing THIS podcast appear today is quite the gift. THANK YOU Dr. Huberman and the Huberman Lab for introducing the world to these relational/interpersonal giants. God knows the world needs the wisdoms you continue share/introduce. ❤
I am an example of a cornerstone relationship. We are high school sweethearts, 2 kids, a house, loss/grief, health issues, and careers experienced together. I completely echo Esther’s sentiment on the struggle to expand the foundation. With regular date nights, therapy, and a lot of hard work and tears, we continue to lay new ground together. I must say though, every time we have to expand, it hurts, and it’s easy to question if it's worth it, but dang is there is a lot of love and connection built afterward.
27:54 Dr. Huberman this is principle 4 from the Gottman Institute about letting your partner influence you. It is quite scary like you said, especially for those of us that like to be in control.
@@marieboussard5629 I understand what you are saying, and it’s probably my error to only explain the challenges, but I honestly wouldn’t want to be on this rock in space with anyone else but my husband. He is kind, funny, humble, smart, and a hard worker. We laugh on the daily and the colors are brighter because of him. Not only do I love him as my husband, but I love him as a human…he is exceptional…and I hope to spend the rest of my life with him by my side. ❤️
@@marieboussard5629 I understand what you are saying, and it’s my error that I only mentioned the challenges. I would not want to experience life on this rock in space with anyone else but him. He is kind, funny, smart, humble, and a hard worker. We laugh together on the daily, and the colors are brighter because of him. He is by far the best choice I make for myself each and every day. I truly hope to spend forever in his arms. It’s sappy, but it’s true. 😆❤️
I understand what you are saying, and it’s my error that I only mentioned the challenges. I would not want to experience life on this rock in space with anyone else but him. He is kind, funny, smart, humble, and a hard worker. We laugh together on the daily, and the colors are brighter because of him. He is by far the best choice I make for myself each and every day. I truly hope to spend forever in his arms. ❤ (I keep trying to reply and it’s not showing on my end so I’m sorry if there are repeats on yours) Oh, and to add: It’s a lot like parenting. Hard, but rewarding. Just a little extra thought. Just because something is hard, doesn’t mean it isn’t “destiny.”
10:29 Esther Perel is so beautiful, with such a special energy around her. Her voice is captivating-I could listen to her talk forever. Loving this episode!
I’m in my ultimate marriage/ relationship now and after listening to the first 20 minutes so far, I smiled and I feel anyone can benefit from listening and learning from this great conversation! Great podcast and joy to everyone here!! We all can learn from this one! Love it so far!
every time I see Esther I have an urge to purchase one of those hand bracelet pieces so I can feel like an empathetic and accomplished therapist while talking with my friends
After James Hollis, this is by far the most profound and enriching conversation I've seen. Also, thanks to Andrew's excellent questions and elaborate assumptions. 'What comes from the heart, reaches the heart'. This definitely landed well. Thank you!
I'm in a relationship with a younger man.... I'm 47 he is 35, It's been fantastic. We both are adventurous, active, free spirited and passionate. We are best friends. The ebb and flow between us is like a dance. Living in the moment. I definitely receive judgement from others being the older partner, but I let it roll off my back. Sure, the age difference may become an issue some day, but we chose to jump in and give it our all. I'm very happy about our ability to work and talk through our issues. We hear and respect each other and recognize our personal attributes and flaws. When we fall we get back up.
I'm 34 woman dating a 27 year old man and this is by far the most mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually fulfilling relationship I have ever been in. It does feel kinda weird when I think about the age difference, but it's whatever. We get along perfectly, same interests, same sense of humor, same curious nature, same adventurous side.
@@Macabre.Marionette Why would you feel weird? Do you think a man would consider a woman seven years younger than him as much younger? He wouldn't, and neither would anyone around him. I understand where you're coming from but it's time we change the narrative.
@@leonore3349 just because it's not the "typical" dynamic. Some of my coworkers give me a hard time as well. My mom was also 6 years older than my dad and they were both insanely toxic and dangerous people and I've made it my life's mission to be nothing like them so this occasionally make some worried that it will end up like their relationship did. I know me and my BF are not like my parents but it's still a worry.
I am in a capstone relationship, meeting my boyfriend in my late 50's and now living together. We are still negotiating our relationship and this chat was insightful.
I’m also a neuroscientist at Harvard. Sir, you are such a great explainer. I hope one day I will be like you. I also create content on neuroscience and its applications in our daily lives. Thank you so much for the great content 🙏. Esther Perel's insights into romantic relationship dynamics are precious. Her emphasis on curiosity about the other person and our personal growth within the relationship resonates deeply with her approach to relational health.
There are no words that can completely and accurately capture the beauty, the brilliance, the depth of this absolutely amazing conversation. Every time I listen to Ester talking I feel as i took a deep, deep dive in the human mind and soul, yet after what feels like minutes (even though it's been hours) I'm left longing for more, needing to know, to learn, to unravel more. Esther has this innate ability, this laser focus vision that reads one deepest thoughts. She can accurately ARTICULATE what one only feels but can't always put into words. She not only sees it all, but she also has a deep understanding of both sides AND of all the moving factors (past experiences, thoughts, expectations, fears, way of communicating, emotions, self constructed stories and so on. Thank you, Andrew!! I hope, as you mentioned, that you'll meet again soon and continue this fantastic conversation.
Esther Perel is a national treasure. I have consumed various other UA-cam video clips featuring Ms. Perel - and I am always captivated by her words; I learn something new even if the topic itself is the same. Thank you for having her on this podcast - I enjoyed it and take it as a gift!
So many great guests on this podcast but Esther Perel truly has to be one of the most inspiring. So many gems in this conversation. I love what she says about having three different marriages in life, even though they may be with the same person. The distinction between genuine remorse and narcissistic shame is crucial to healing and reviving a relationship, it seems to me. Seriously trying to make a relationship thrive is not for the faint of heart! It demands courage and vulnerability.
Thank you so much for expanding your podcast to cover these complex topics. It would be so amazing if you did a whole series with Esther Perel, and/or invited Brenee Brown to have a conversation (read Atlas of the Heart if you haven’t). I would also appreciate listening to an episode that covers the Lymphatic System, and how it can affect overall physical and cognitive health and functions - as well as protocols for improving and maintaining your lymphatic system. Thank you so much🙏🏽
This video was perhaps one of the most profound and transformative pieces of content I have ever consumed. I am just over a month out of a relationship that ended abruptly, and the ability to apply almost all of these topics to my personal situation and relationship is astounding. This video has shattered what I thought I understood about myself, my actions, and those of my partner throughout the relationship. Thank you for this, Andrew, and thank you Esther. This video has legitimately created a pivot point in my life and has given me the framework and knowledge to better care for partners and myself in future relationships.
Andrew, thank you so much for interviewing Ester. My wife and I are rebuilding/ strengthening our relationship after 20yrs. Esters work is incredible. Cheers my friend. Keep it up, I’ve been following you for yrs…thanks to Joe and the way you relay the information you have to share. Take care
The segment on apologizing/apologies was so enlightening. It explains anxiety I have around apologizing that I couldn't put my finger on until hearing Ms. Perel explain matters. I give sincere apologies and always right before giving them I worry that the other person won't accept it. And then where will that leave me? Thank you Ms. Perel for the three times and it's on the other person wisdom. There should be more exploration on the concepts she has surrounding apologies.
Going through a difficult period in my life after the breakup of a five-year-long relationship, your podcasts have become a bright spot during these times, bringing so much enlightenment and knowledge about myself and those around me. Thank you for existing and for everything you are doing. You definitely make the world a better place. 🙌
When I heard Ms Perel say if this interpretation works for you, it is not because it is more true than the others, it is because it's useful, I thought, this is the sign of a great therapist.
I've been sober 16 years as of 9/13/2008. I left AA about 8 years ago. I dont want to identify as an alcoholic or addict the rest of my life. I hate labels. Plus, i'm much more than just an alcoholic.
This episode was a true joy for me, Sir. Thank you for inviting Esther Perel - it is a blast! In todays fast-paced world of multiple relationships - both personal and professional - we are forced to test the quality of those, on daily basis. Sometimes these connections have to break, if we had never learned how to nourish them, or when we realise they are not serving our wellbeing. The outcome of these connections constitutes our individual sense of belonging - to ourselves and to the world around us. Very few of us were taught in schools , or by our in-born families , how to recognize the need to belong, and how to address it in a functionnal manner. There is quite a journey ahead of us to re-learn that "alphabet of belonging" in adulthood - but it is possible and in our reach.
This podcast is one for the freaking books!!!! So many aha moments; like Huberman said so many gems; some opened my mind and others brought me to tears because of how she broke down the why behind them. I could listen to her for hours, even huberman was taking it all-in as if this was a life session! Wow we need part 2. Bravo❤
Wow, I must admit I screeched when this episode came out. I'm a big fan of Esther, and I truly needed to hear this conversation - it changed my perception, and I'm grateful to be able to come back to this episode, and share it. Thank you Esther, for your work and your ability to explain concepts so eloquently! Andrew, thank you so much for including relationship dynamics in science, it's changing the world ❤
Problem with apologies is it’s actually not that hard for someone to just say and do the right things while not actually having any remorse or care. They just know apologizing and trying to get the person they wrong to accept the apology is beneficial to them.
The best would be to have good expectations of their intentions. You can’t open their heart to know if they actually feel remorse or not, and if the person actually is, you’ll be the one stuck with doubt. The best - in my opinion - is to accept the apology, think good of their intentions, and see if the actions follow. Because remorse is an intention first, expressed with the mouth, affirmed by action.
@@zkrdmc For me it depends, theres some things where apologies aren’t going to do anything for me. I dont care if they give heartfelt apology, or even if they make it look as if they changed. They lost my trust. Especially in romantic relationships if trust is lost its over. Maybe its me and having dealt with habitual liars, but once its clear i cant trust someone(even not a romantic partner) its done theyre not getting close to me again.
Admitting when we are wrong.... many people only do this after they've damaged relationships beyond repair... therefore a very important part of an authentic apology is timing, as soon as possible is best. The longer you leave a person believing you don't care the more your relationship with them is damaged because their level of stress hurts them from your not showing up. You can only give them so much if this stress before their body demands they get away from you through illness.
When this episode came out, I was thinking, "oh I don't need to hear this I'm married." But I was sooo wrong... It felt like a therapy session rather than just consuming information. I went through a range of emotions and I'll surely discuss them with my husband. Thank you for bringing Esther to the show!!!! ✨ I would love to see Elizabeth Gilbert on his show someday. 💫
Andrew it would be awesome if you could also invite Dr. John Gottman and Dr Julie Gottman for an episode on relationships. Thank you for this episode as well.
Hold on…had to stop at min. 15:47 to laugh out loud. Love this woman. Two of my favorite professionals ever. This is my new favorite episode. Applause applause!!!!
Esther Perel is an old soul. AND really interested in humans and their relationships so down-to-earth, warm-hearted full of life and humour... and so much more. She is an amazing gift, especially with her family history it's a miracle. Thank you so much !
Complicated family histories are often a great driving force for people to study and thrive as psychologists and mental health therapists & researchers 🙂
Im a Argentinian born profesional tango danser. I follow your podcast for a while. Love the content here is a idea 💡 I would love for an episode to explore the benefits of partner dancing, specifically tango. This dance is not only a physically challenging activity that improves coordination, balance, and endurance, but it also has a profound emotional and spiritual impact. On an emotional level, tango creates a unique connection between partners, fostering trust, non-verbal communication, and empathy. Spiritually, it’s almost meditative, as it requires full presence and surrender to the moment. Additionally, tango is an incredible tool for learning how to relate better to others, as it demands both dancers to be in sync to create a shared experience. It would be fascinating to hear your perspective on how these physical and emotional interactions can impact our brain and overall well-being. Thank you for the incredible content you always share!"
Esther is speaking perfectly on this topic. I'd like to tell her thank you, because I feel validated and less lonely. I'll be studying this and more of her talks. I hope I can learn to give better advice and how to talk about these subjects with people. To hear human emotion and connection being truthfully spoken about is more than helping me. It's become a hostile and defensive environment from the use of psychology terms like "narcissist". Even through counseling I found the therapists falling into this same trap. Rarely do we hear people speak in a way that encompasses the whole life of a human. Esther really has put her heart and mind into this.
This conversation was sooo rich, so nourrishing and so beautiful that it made me cry several times. I love the beauty, the passion and the commitment that this woman embodies and carries to the world... and Andrew vibrates in the same field so fluently. thank you both for this inspiring and insightful conversation! I want to listen it again right away ❤🙏
Pick a friend or romantic partner who has a good character...not egotistical or selfish, doesn't lie, is kind and thoughtful....voila, your chances of a good relationship with them have a much better chance of success!
This conversation reflects, why she's considered as the best sex, marriage and relationship therapist...The nuances she gets into, I don't think many even contemplate and speculate upon. Thank you for this and plz bring her again for atleast a few more of such conversations. An insight into Attachment theory and models, from her perspective would also be truly helpful.
Thank you so much for bringing Esther in for today’s episode. For me, it is the best. I’ve heard, watched, seen so many of her videos, interviews, presentations over the years and this discussion is truly phenomenal. The range and depth of topics explored are just so rich and thought-provoking. Thank you 🙏🏼
I really enjoyed this conversation! If I were to add anything to it, I would ask Dr. Huberman to ask Esther the simple question: what is a successful romantic relationship? Maybe even 'what is a romantic relationship?' It seems to me that many discussions around relationahips address how to fix issues, but do not center on how to build a new relationship successfully.
Talk about a question with many different answers. I don't know the words she'd use, of course, but I'm guessing she'd tell you about how we used to have a clear script for relationships, and a successful relationship was one that made money and produced children; but nowadays people choose their own relationship and decide what that means for them. Relationships take many different forms, the variety has never been greater, and there is no shortage in new forms popping up everywhere.
@@muizzy yeah, I would be very curious to see her answer to this. I also imagine she would say something like that. The moment we call some relationships 'successful', and some not, we imply that the successful ones have something in common. I'd be curious to know what that is for her. Surely after seeing so many couples in therapy she'd have a very educated answer on this.
Also, a question like: does a romantic relationship have to involve only 2 people? This discussion pretty much assumes 2 partners across the board, but does it have to be that way? Where does a freindship end and a romantic relationship begin? So many possible questions to ask about this topic.
@@Theo-ul8qm There are many successful throuples and sometimes there are more. Esther has an entire podcast (Where Should We Begin) and a blog, which it seems like you would enjoy a lot.
Impactful was the teasing out almost anatomically the dissection of terms, experiences, and conceptualizations with the care and sensitivity that the terms require. Patience, curiosity, and accurately. Bravo both of you! Great conversation and more please. Mahalo. +indeed cadaveric and real dissection requires care and time+
Timestamp: 01:09:06 To that end, Esther has a "Rick Rubin-isque" about her which allows the accuracy of complexity when dealing with the dynamic nature of human relationships.
Esther Perel is truly amazing! Thanks Andrew Huberman for inviting her. Did listen to many of the interviews she gave and this one is different and as insightful as the others. Great job in selecting your guests!!!
I have strong feelings about people that have affairs. If you want to be with someone else, just don't engage in a monogamic relationship. Be honest with yourself and don't hurt others. How can you say you love someone if you can consistently lie to their face about something so serious?
Exactly!! Agree. There’s some interesting literature on sex addiction about how they view partners. There’s a primary source and they feel love for that person but continue getting “supply” from various sources. Dealing with this type of situation is not for the faint of heart. 💔
I will admit that this the most useful podcast I ever know because it contains a lot of important informations about different aspects of life , thank you so much
This was the most useful one yet since we are all in some form of relationship and friendships! I loved that she outright said some people will never apologize. That seems that it will help lots of people from spending more energy into a relationship which has no chance of amelioration. 👏
A conversation years in the making. Super grateful for this one. I asked for this in the comments 2 years ago! My request has finally been fulfilled and I am not disappointed.
This was amazing, the way Perel's knowledge comes together is like an artist! I really do hope we get a round two- it felt like you guys could talk for days ahaha- thanks so much for introducing her in my life Dr. Huberman, hope you enjoy your week :D
@@Photik Its only pleasing to him, my man, everyone else can go to H-E double toothpicks. Pretty much knew from a young age that you can never please everyone, even my family, parents, siblings, whoever, but thank you for that recommendation.
The apology is incomplete. I love that. Acknowledge, ownership, apologize, change, make amends...are all these apart of a complete apology that leads to healing?
..i am blown away by how insightful this conversation was, such an evenly matched game of tennis the way they gently spring boarded off each others thoughts and took the conversation to such illuminating places.
I love your show and will watch every new episode. What I have learned was and is life changing. Thank you so much dear Andrew! I'm sure you will find a way to reduce the amount of time you are talking about your sponsors. For my taste it has by far reached the maximum length now. What about just mentioning them in the captions and earn a little less?
Its crazy that people don't think that learning how to love right is an important thing its going to be something we do for the rest of our lives personally im about to start dating so i really needed this Thank You Andrew Huberman
Beautiful episode. I have followed Esther Perel for sometime now and I always find so much wisdom every time she opens her mouth. Truly loved this episode!
amazing conversation, different disciplines, different cultures but fruitful session of idea exchange. watched her ted talk long ago and had big impact on me.
Thank you for watching. If you enjoyed this topic and episode, please click the "like" button and subscribe to our channel here on UA-cam.
Thank you for your interest in science! -- Andrew
Andrew sir, we need a vid where you talk abt feeling so little looking to the upcoming years you've got to live and not doing enough, like you never feel like doing enough if you want to
😂😂❤❤❤😂😂😢😮😅
Oral contraceptives are unnatural
😂😮😢😅😂😢😮
@@hubermanlab Appreciate you Andrew
There is a beautiful quote from Rumi that has helped me tremendously on my journey of self-awareness, and it always comes to mind when I approach love: "Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it."
I still use it as a mantra sometimes, and each time, I gain a deeper understanding of its meaning. I thought I’d share it.
Your guest was terrific!
@@Maggieiaconeta Love Rumi!
Hadn't heard that before, thanks for sharing.
@@cassandrasjourney4222 if you love Rumi, I'm quite sure you will love Gibran too, I'll suggest to read "On Marriage", my favourite.
@@Maggieiaconeta yes! Another fave for sure!
Thank you for sharing that breathtaking quote.
I think it is so important to show each other love. I know this is a bit off-topic but my boyfriend didn’t have a birthday or anything, but I found out that most men only get flowers at their funeral. That struck me. I decided to get him a lower bouquet that you put together like lego (because real flowers might not have thrilled him haha), and he was SO touched! We spent the evening building it together, and it turned into the sweetest date night. Still so happy about it!
That’s adorable! I just got one for my boyfriend too and I’m so excited to have a lovely date night together with him! In case someone is wondering, I found it through a quick look online. It is called: His First Flower Lego Style Bouquet
Women are usually not romantics.
You're an outlier.
That was very sweet.
If you ask him about it 60 years later he will still remember it
Show love but try to genuinely find out what your partner would love to receive as a gift. Is he genuinely crazy about flowers? Most women never get a tool kit as a gift, doesn't mean i should give her one. Let's not project our wishes in the gifts we make
Sweet and adorable
OMG!!!!! Andrew and Esther!!!! Two of my favourite people ever in the same room !!!talking!!! and we get to see this!!!!!!! Dang!!!!!!
What a time to be alive!!!! I am soooooo looking forward to listen to this!!!
Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!
This is literally what i said in my mind 😂❤
@@leeman6101same!! 🎉
Literally same!!! Shared this video to three people already and I haven’t even finished it yet
me too!😂❤
Hahahahhahaha I just posted the same squeal of excitement.
This woman is so wise, insightful, and brilliant.
We need more people telling us truth like Andrew Humbert. This is also what I read in book called Grow Beyond by Nathan Chambers. You can see real progress with consistent effort...
Gotta love Andrew Humbert
OMG, finally, a chat with Esther Perel 🥰😍🥰😍
yes i very excite. i want find one another wife. i enjoi now. but i want four prepare four later.
I am thinking the same ,
I was waiting for this episode with Esther Perel here on the Huberman podcast .
Thanks!
Martha Beck…and Esther Perel!!!…I’m beyond thrilled and excited to see this new wave of excellence being highlighted. Seeing THIS podcast appear today is quite the gift. THANK YOU Dr. Huberman and the Huberman Lab for introducing the world to these relational/interpersonal giants. God knows the world needs the wisdoms you continue share/introduce. ❤
I am an example of a cornerstone relationship. We are high school sweethearts, 2 kids, a house, loss/grief, health issues, and careers experienced together. I completely echo Esther’s sentiment on the struggle to expand the foundation. With regular date nights, therapy, and a lot of hard work and tears, we continue to lay new ground together. I must say though, every time we have to expand, it hurts, and it’s easy to question if it's worth it, but dang is there is a lot of love and connection built afterward.
27:54 Dr. Huberman this is principle 4 from the Gottman Institute about letting your partner influence you. It is quite scary like you said, especially for those of us that like to be in control.
Doesn't seem like it's really worth it. Maybe, with the one you're truly destined for, it wouldn't be so difficult.
@@marieboussard5629 I understand what you are saying, and it’s probably my error to only explain the challenges, but I honestly wouldn’t want to be on this rock in space with anyone else but my husband. He is kind, funny, humble, smart, and a hard worker. We laugh on the daily and the colors are brighter because of him. Not only do I love him as my husband, but I love him as a human…he is exceptional…and I hope to spend the rest of my life with him by my side. ❤️
@@marieboussard5629 I understand what you are saying, and it’s my error that I only mentioned the challenges. I would not want to experience life on this rock in space with anyone else but him. He is kind, funny, smart, humble, and a hard worker. We laugh together on the daily, and the colors are brighter because of him. He is by far the best choice I make for myself each and every day. I truly hope to spend forever in his arms. It’s sappy, but it’s true. 😆❤️
I understand what you are saying, and it’s my error that I only mentioned the challenges. I would not want to experience life on this rock in space with anyone else but him. He is kind, funny, smart, humble, and a hard worker. We laugh together on the daily, and the colors are brighter because of him. He is by far the best choice I make for myself each and every day. I truly hope to spend forever in his arms. ❤
(I keep trying to reply and it’s not showing on my end so I’m sorry if there are repeats on yours)
Oh, and to add: It’s a lot like parenting. Hard, but rewarding. Just a little extra thought. Just because something is hard, doesn’t mean it isn’t “destiny.”
no effin way. what an epic duo to have a conversation. Well done
I LOVED, "I don't do anything all the time. I work like a tailor. I do fittings."
About to apply that mindset to almost every aspect of my life lol
Two of my most profound teachers together for two whole hours! I'll be clearing my schedule and making an evening of this... very excited!
These guys are seriously healing an entire generation
10:29 Esther Perel is so beautiful, with such a special energy around her. Her voice is captivating-I could listen to her talk forever. Loving this episode!
She truly is!
Sharp dresser as well, love her look!!
Agreed. The french accent is the icing on the cake.
I’m in my ultimate marriage/ relationship now and after listening to the first 20 minutes so far, I smiled and I feel anyone can benefit from listening and learning from this great conversation! Great podcast and joy to everyone here!! We all can learn from this one! Love it so far!
Ultimate Marriage. 🤘
every time I see Esther I have an urge to purchase one of those hand bracelet pieces so I can feel like an empathetic and accomplished therapist while talking with my friends
hahaha factsssss
After James Hollis, this is by far the most profound and enriching conversation I've seen. Also, thanks to Andrew's excellent questions and elaborate assumptions. 'What comes from the heart, reaches the heart'. This definitely landed well. Thank you!
Agreee
I'm in a relationship with a younger man.... I'm 47 he is 35, It's been fantastic. We both are adventurous, active, free spirited and passionate. We are best friends. The ebb and flow between us is like a dance. Living in the moment. I definitely receive judgement from others being the older partner, but I let it roll off my back. Sure, the age difference may become an issue some day, but we chose to jump in and give it our all. I'm very happy about our ability to work and talk through our issues. We hear and respect each other and recognize our personal attributes and flaws. When we fall we get back up.
Thank you for sharing, sounds wonderful! How long have you been together?
I’ve been married 25 years now to a man 11 years younger. The age difference was a big deal only to one of his siblings.
I'm 34 woman dating a 27 year old man and this is by far the most mentally, emotionally, physically and spiritually fulfilling relationship I have ever been in. It does feel kinda weird when I think about the age difference, but it's whatever. We get along perfectly, same interests, same sense of humor, same curious nature, same adventurous side.
@@Macabre.Marionette Why would you feel weird? Do you think a man would consider a woman seven years younger than him as much younger? He wouldn't, and neither would anyone around him. I understand where you're coming from but it's time we change the narrative.
@@leonore3349 just because it's not the "typical" dynamic. Some of my coworkers give me a hard time as well. My mom was also 6 years older than my dad and they were both insanely toxic and dangerous people and I've made it my life's mission to be nothing like them so this occasionally make some worried that it will end up like their relationship did. I know me and my BF are not like my parents but it's still a worry.
I am in a capstone relationship, meeting my boyfriend in my late 50's and now living together. We are still negotiating our relationship and this chat was insightful.
I’m also a neuroscientist at Harvard. Sir, you are such a great explainer. I hope one day I will be like you. I also create content on neuroscience and its applications in our daily lives. Thank you so much for the great content 🙏.
Esther Perel's insights into romantic relationship dynamics are precious. Her emphasis on curiosity about the other person and our personal growth within the relationship resonates deeply with her approach to relational health.
I love your contents too ! ❤❤❤
There are no words that can completely and accurately capture the beauty, the brilliance, the depth of this absolutely amazing conversation.
Every time I listen to Ester talking I feel as i took a deep, deep dive in the human mind and soul, yet after what feels like minutes (even though it's been hours) I'm left longing for more, needing to know, to learn, to unravel more.
Esther has this innate ability, this laser focus vision that reads one deepest thoughts. She can accurately ARTICULATE what one only feels but can't always put into words.
She not only sees it all, but she also has a deep understanding of both sides AND of all the moving factors (past experiences, thoughts, expectations, fears, way of communicating, emotions, self constructed stories and so on.
Thank you, Andrew!! I hope, as you mentioned, that you'll meet again soon and continue this fantastic conversation.
Only 2 hours? What will I do with the rest of my week 😂
All of Dr. Huberman’s podcasts are hours long. I listen in parts all week. Description has time stamps too.
Theres the 2 hr Dr Mike israetel on DOAC that's fun just dropped days ago
@@mommybreakdownhe's saying he wants more lol
@@mommybreakdown What a great idea 👏 I will do it
Ha😂😂
Esther Perel is a national treasure. I have consumed various other UA-cam video clips featuring Ms. Perel - and I am always captivated by her words; I learn something new even if the topic itself is the same. Thank you for having her on this podcast - I enjoyed it and take it as a gift!
So many great guests on this podcast but Esther Perel truly has to be one of the most inspiring. So many gems in this conversation. I love what she says about having three different marriages in life, even though they may be with the same person. The distinction between genuine remorse and narcissistic shame is crucial to healing and reviving a relationship, it seems to me. Seriously trying to make a relationship thrive is not for the faint of heart! It demands courage and vulnerability.
Thank you so much for expanding your podcast to cover these complex topics. It would be so amazing if you did a whole series with Esther Perel, and/or invited Brenee Brown to have a conversation (read Atlas of the Heart if you haven’t). I would also appreciate listening to an episode that covers the Lymphatic System, and how it can affect overall physical and cognitive health and functions - as well as protocols for improving and maintaining your lymphatic system. Thank you so much🙏🏽
This video was perhaps one of the most profound and transformative pieces of content I have ever consumed. I am just over a month out of a relationship that ended abruptly, and the ability to apply almost all of these topics to my personal situation and relationship is astounding. This video has shattered what I thought I understood about myself, my actions, and those of my partner throughout the relationship. Thank you for this, Andrew, and thank you Esther. This video has legitimately created a pivot point in my life and has given me the framework and knowledge to better care for partners and myself in future relationships.
Huberman doing an episode on romantic relationships, oh boy
shes doing the episode. hes interviewing her. explains why women dont forgive men. watch and learn.
@@vocaldancemusic Heard of a joke?
His own relationship misadventures remained unaddressed in this episode, I assume? Will listen later.
Yes, he got caught, now he is trying very hard to redeem himself!
@@HB-bl4gu really?? Do spill the tea.. what happened?
I love Esther. Her research and conclusions are groundbreaking.
Esther Perel and Terry Real are two of the giants everyone needs to hear about. This conversation was exhilarating.
Andrew, thank you so much for interviewing Ester. My wife and I are rebuilding/ strengthening our relationship after 20yrs. Esters work is incredible.
Cheers my friend. Keep it up, I’ve been following you for yrs…thanks to Joe and the way you relay the information you have to share.
Take care
The segment on apologizing/apologies was so enlightening. It explains anxiety I have around apologizing that I couldn't put my finger on until hearing Ms. Perel explain matters. I give sincere apologies and always right before giving them I worry that the other person won't accept it. And then where will that leave me? Thank you Ms. Perel for the three times and it's on the other person wisdom. There should be more exploration on the concepts she has surrounding apologies.
Going through a difficult period in my life after the breakup of a five-year-long relationship, your podcasts have become a bright spot during these times, bringing so much enlightenment and knowledge about myself and those around me. Thank you for existing and for everything you are doing. You definitely make the world a better place. 🙌
When I heard Ms Perel say if this interpretation works for you, it is not because it is more true than the others, it is because it's useful, I thought, this is the sign of a great therapist.
I've been sober 16 years as of 9/13/2008. I left AA about 8 years ago. I dont want to identify as an alcoholic or addict the rest of my life. I hate labels. Plus, i'm much more than just an alcoholic.
This episode was a true joy for me, Sir. Thank you for inviting Esther Perel - it is a blast!
In todays fast-paced world of multiple relationships - both personal and professional - we are forced to test the quality of those, on daily basis. Sometimes these connections have to break, if we had never learned how to nourish them, or when we realise they are not serving our wellbeing.
The outcome of these connections constitutes our individual sense of belonging - to ourselves and to the world around us. Very few of us were taught in schools , or by our in-born families , how to recognize the need to belong, and how to address it in a functionnal manner.
There is quite a journey ahead of us to re-learn that "alphabet of belonging" in adulthood - but it is possible and in our reach.
This podcast is one for the freaking books!!!! So many aha moments; like Huberman said so many gems; some opened my mind and others brought me to tears because of how she broke down the why behind them. I could listen to her for hours, even huberman was taking it all-in as if this was a life session! Wow we need part 2. Bravo❤
Wow, I must admit I screeched when this episode came out. I'm a big fan of Esther, and I truly needed to hear this conversation - it changed my perception, and I'm grateful to be able to come back to this episode, and share it. Thank you Esther, for your work and your ability to explain concepts so eloquently! Andrew, thank you so much for including relationship dynamics in science, it's changing the world ❤
It just came out 10m ago , how did you have time to watch it and change your perception ? 😂
wth... podcast out 59 minutes ago. your post 48 minutes ago. 11 minute difference. you listened to a 2 hour 6 minute podcast in 11 minutes?
Oh haha that's confusing isn't it 😅
It was posted on Spotify several hours earlier, so I listened to it there and came to leave a comment here ❤
@@eldesiilbek9315 that makes sense
01:46:09 mic drop and the code breaker in translating sexual behavior and the emotional needs correlation
This is something you can watch every year, a good way to check in with yourself.
“A relationship is a breathing living system of Interdependent parts” 👌🏼
An active engagement with the unknown (curiosity) is the best approach to achieving success in life, generally.
29:13 - story shapes experience
36:50 - creatures of meaning
44:14 - some people can’t apologize
What a gem of a podcast. Esther is a special person.
Problem with apologies is it’s actually not that hard for someone to just say and do the right things while not actually having any remorse or care. They just know apologizing and trying to get the person they wrong to accept the apology is beneficial to them.
One thing I've heard, I forget where, is that the best apology is a change in behavior.
Double standards exist though, and it's possible that both are right in their own heads.
The best would be to have good expectations of their intentions. You can’t open their heart to know if they actually feel remorse or not, and if the person actually is, you’ll be the one stuck with doubt. The best - in my opinion - is to accept the apology, think good of their intentions, and see if the actions follow. Because remorse is an intention first, expressed with the mouth, affirmed by action.
@@zkrdmc For me it depends, theres some things where apologies aren’t going to do anything for me. I dont care if they give heartfelt apology, or even if they make it look as if they changed. They lost my trust. Especially in romantic relationships if trust is lost its over. Maybe its me and having dealt with habitual liars, but once its clear i cant trust someone(even not a romantic partner) its done theyre not getting close to me again.
Admitting when we are wrong.... many people only do this after they've damaged relationships beyond repair... therefore a very important part of an authentic apology is timing, as soon as possible is best. The longer you leave a person believing you don't care the more your relationship with them is damaged because their level of stress hurts them from your not showing up. You can only give them so much if this stress before their body demands they get away from you through illness.
"The truth of today is the joke of tomorrow". Wonderful
So great and so true!
When this episode came out, I was thinking, "oh I don't need to hear this I'm married." But I was sooo wrong... It felt like a therapy session rather than just consuming information. I went through a range of emotions and I'll surely discuss them with my husband. Thank you for bringing Esther to the show!!!! ✨
I would love to see Elizabeth Gilbert on his show someday. 💫
Andrew it would be awesome if you could also invite Dr. John Gottman and Dr Julie Gottman for an episode on relationships.
Thank you for this episode as well.
The Wisdom of Esther Perel! Insightful, Reasonable 👍
What a beautiful life mission she found to make people feel alive. ❤
Hold on…had to stop at min. 15:47 to laugh out loud. Love this woman. Two of my favorite professionals ever. This is my new favorite episode. Applause applause!!!!
What was funny?
Esther Perel is an old soul.
AND
really interested in humans and their relationships
so down-to-earth, warm-hearted
full of life and humour...
and so much more.
She is an amazing gift,
especially with her family history it's a miracle.
Thank you so much !
Complicated family histories are often a great driving force for people to study and thrive as psychologists and mental health therapists & researchers 🙂
I knew Esther will be here too and bring this conversation ! Just saw Esther live last week in La and she is just a legend .
Im a Argentinian born profesional tango danser.
I follow your podcast for a while. Love the content
here is a idea 💡
I would love for an episode to explore the benefits of partner dancing, specifically tango. This dance is not only a physically challenging activity that improves coordination, balance, and endurance, but it also has a profound emotional and spiritual impact. On an emotional level, tango creates a unique connection between partners, fostering trust, non-verbal communication, and empathy. Spiritually, it’s almost meditative, as it requires full presence and surrender to the moment. Additionally, tango is an incredible tool for learning how to relate better to others, as it demands both dancers to be in sync to create a shared experience.
It would be fascinating to hear your perspective on how these physical and emotional interactions can impact our brain and overall well-being. Thank you for the incredible content you always share!"
The truth of today is the joke of tomorrow!! So great.
Esther is speaking perfectly on this topic. I'd like to tell her thank you, because I feel validated and less lonely. I'll be studying this and more of her talks. I hope I can learn to give better advice and how to talk about these subjects with people.
To hear human emotion and connection being truthfully spoken about is more than helping me. It's become a hostile and defensive environment from the use of psychology terms like "narcissist". Even through counseling I found the therapists falling into this same trap.
Rarely do we hear people speak in a way that encompasses the whole life of a human. Esther really has put her heart and mind into this.
This conversation was sooo rich, so nourrishing and so beautiful that it made me cry several times.
I love the beauty, the passion and the commitment that this woman embodies and carries to the world... and Andrew vibrates in the same field so fluently. thank you both for this inspiring and insightful conversation! I want to listen it again right away ❤🙏
Pick a friend or romantic partner who has a good character...not egotistical or selfish, doesn't lie, is kind and thoughtful....voila, your chances of a good relationship with them have a much better chance of success!
This conversation reflects, why she's considered as the best sex, marriage and relationship therapist...The nuances she gets into, I don't think many even contemplate and speculate upon.
Thank you for this and plz bring her again for atleast a few more of such conversations.
An insight into Attachment theory and models, from her perspective would also be truly helpful.
Thank you so much for bringing Esther in for today’s episode. For me, it is the best.
I’ve heard, watched, seen so many of her videos, interviews, presentations over the years and this discussion is truly phenomenal. The range and depth of topics explored are just so rich and thought-provoking. Thank you 🙏🏼
I really enjoyed this conversation!
If I were to add anything to it, I would ask Dr. Huberman to ask Esther the simple question: what is a successful romantic relationship? Maybe even 'what is a romantic relationship?'
It seems to me that many discussions around relationahips address how to fix issues, but do not center on how to build a new relationship successfully.
Talk about a question with many different answers. I don't know the words she'd use, of course, but I'm guessing she'd tell you about how we used to have a clear script for relationships, and a successful relationship was one that made money and produced children; but nowadays people choose their own relationship and decide what that means for them. Relationships take many different forms, the variety has never been greater, and there is no shortage in new forms popping up everywhere.
@@muizzy yeah, I would be very curious to see her answer to this. I also imagine she would say something like that.
The moment we call some relationships 'successful', and some not, we imply that the successful ones have something in common. I'd be curious to know what that is for her. Surely after seeing so many couples in therapy she'd have a very educated answer on this.
Also, a question like: does a romantic relationship have to involve only 2 people? This discussion pretty much assumes 2 partners across the board, but does it have to be that way?
Where does a freindship end and a romantic relationship begin?
So many possible questions to ask about this topic.
@@Theo-ul8qm There are many successful throuples and sometimes there are more. Esther has an entire podcast (Where Should We Begin) and a blog, which it seems like you would enjoy a lot.
Love you both. This is the kind of intelligence that we need more of in today's world. What a wonderful, educational dialog between you.
Impactful was the teasing out almost anatomically the dissection of terms, experiences, and conceptualizations with the care and sensitivity that the terms require. Patience, curiosity, and accurately. Bravo both of you! Great conversation and more please. Mahalo. +indeed cadaveric and real dissection requires care and time+
Timestamp: 01:09:06 To that end, Esther has a "Rick Rubin-isque" about her which allows the accuracy of complexity when dealing with the dynamic nature of human relationships.
Thank you Dr. Huberman, team, sponsors and supporters. Thank you Esther Perel. ☀
Thank you!!! 🦋🦋🦋 LOVE Esther Perel!!! “Love and do what you will, then there is no sorrow”…. j. Krishnamurti
Esther Perel is the legit guru of relationship and sexuality.
Esther Perel is truly amazing! Thanks Andrew Huberman for inviting her. Did listen to many of the interviews she gave and this one is different and as insightful as the others. Great job in selecting your guests!!!
I have strong feelings about people that have affairs.
If you want to be with someone else, just don't engage in a monogamic relationship. Be honest with yourself and don't hurt others.
How can you say you love someone if you can consistently lie to their face about something so serious?
Exactly!! Agree. There’s some interesting literature on sex addiction about how they view partners. There’s a primary source and they feel love for that person but continue getting “supply” from various sources. Dealing with this type of situation is not for the faint of heart. 💔
Wow! Two of my favourite people talking about one of my favourite topics!😍😍
It's unreal to see my two heros in a conversation. Relationships are my enigma and thanks to both of you for this discussion ❤
I love watching how two highly intellectual people have a good quality conversation… thank you for helping me spend my spare time wisely 🤗
I havent even started watching/listening and I already know this is going to be great! wow esther perel & andrew huberman!!!
I will admit that this the most useful podcast I ever know because it contains a lot of important informations about different aspects of life , thank you so much
She's amazing! This is the duo I've been waiting for! How exciting!
This was the most useful one yet since we are all in some form of relationship and friendships! I loved that she outright said some people will never apologize. That seems that it will help lots of people from spending more energy into a relationship which has no chance of amelioration. 👏
Everyone needs to hear this podcast
Please make a video about Benzodiazepines!
A conversation years in the making. Super grateful for this one. I asked for this in the comments 2 years ago! My request has finally been fulfilled and I am not disappointed.
This was amazing, the way Perel's knowledge comes together is like an artist!
I really do hope we get a round two- it felt like you guys could talk for days ahaha- thanks so much for introducing her in my life Dr. Huberman, hope you enjoy your week :D
It just might happen! Thank you for listening!
Esther is one of my heroes! ❤️ Thank you for this amazing episode Andrew!
Abandonment of Myself..... and that's me, pleasing to him, avoiding conflicts, etc etc etcetera.
I am working on this at the point of breaking it....
Check out No More Mr. Nice Guy. Relatable to both men and women who struggle with people pleasing behavior. I wish you well.
@@Photik Its only pleasing to him, my man, everyone else can go to H-E double toothpicks. Pretty much knew from a young age that you can never please everyone, even my family, parents, siblings, whoever, but thank you for that recommendation.
The apology is incomplete. I love that. Acknowledge, ownership, apologize, change, make amends...are all these apart of a complete apology that leads to healing?
..i am blown away by how insightful this conversation was, such an evenly matched game of tennis the way they gently spring boarded off each others thoughts and took the conversation to such illuminating places.
01:35:24 Closeness, autonomy, enmeshment, and maintaining self identity
This is deeply healing, insightful, clear as day and much needed. Thank you Andrew and Esther
This was an surprisingly interesting podcast for me. I appreciate Andrew and Esther for this!
Wow my favourite guest ❤
I love your show and will watch every new episode. What I have learned was and is life changing. Thank you so much dear Andrew! I'm sure you will find a way to reduce the amount of time you are talking about your sponsors. For my taste it has by far reached the maximum length now. What about just mentioning them in the captions and earn a little less?
I have been asking people to have Esther on for months. Thank you Andrew ❤✊🏼
I am so grateful for this conversation. Some profound information. Relationships are so complex. Great insights and takeaways❤❤❤.
Its crazy that people don't think that learning how to love right is an important thing its going to be something we do for the rest of our lives personally im about to start dating so i really needed this
Thank You Andrew Huberman
I love Ester always, but did not expect Huberman to bring a new interesting angle to her expertise. Awesome!
Esther is amazing!! Loved her master class!
Beautiful episode. I have followed Esther Perel for sometime now and I always find so much wisdom every time she opens her mouth. Truly loved this episode!
amazing conversation, different disciplines, different cultures but fruitful session of idea exchange. watched her ted talk long ago and had big impact on me.
Yay! Esther is the best! I’m so happy your audience is being exposed to her magnificent perspectives!
I could listen to her ALLL DAY- EVERYDAY! The gems 💎 she drops are amazing - I would love to attend one of her events ❤⭐️🌟🌟🌟
This is an absolutely incredible conversation. Wonderfully deep questions Andrew. And beautifully explained and deeply insightful answers by Esther.
Two of my favorite people talking ❤
I wish Andrew would let his guests talk more, he less.
I thought it was phisically impossible for me to love Andrew any more, until I saw Esther bringing the best parts of him out - wow