The Science of Love, Desire and Attachment
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- Опубліковано 27 тра 2024
- In this episode, I discuss the psychology and biology of desire, love and attachment. I explain how childhood attachment types are thought to inform adult attachment styles to romantic partners, and I describe some of the major theories of human mate selection, relationships and infidelity. Additionally, I explore the neurobiology and proposed subconscious processing underlying desire, love and attachment, including the roles of empathy and “positive delusion.” I outline how self-awareness can shift one’s relationship attachment style towards securely bonded partnerships. Finally, I describe specific tools and supplements that have been researched to increase libido and sex drive. Throughout the episode, I explain the science and key mechanisms underlying romantic love and outline tools for those seeking to find a strong, healthy relationship, or for those wanting to strengthen an existing relationship.
#HubermanLab #Neuroscience #Love
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Article Links
Romantic love: an fMRI study of a neural mechanism for mate choice: bit.ly/34EuPWq
Relationship-specific Encoding of Social Touch in Somatosensory and Insular Cortice: bit.ly/3rIambT
Investigating real-life emotions in romantic couples: a mobile EEG study: go.nature.com/3sG4ZJs
Brain Knows Who Is on the Same Wavelength: Resting-State Connectivity Can Predict Compatibility of a Female-Male Relationship: bit.ly/3rMP3pO
Manipulation of Self-Expansion Alters Responses to Attractive Alternative Partners: bit.ly/3LuTYDA
Randomized Clinical Trial on the Use of PHYSTA Freeze-Dried Water Extract of Eurycoma longifolia for the Improvement of Quality of Life and Sexual Well-Being in Men: bit.ly/3gKEtJy
For additional links and resources on Maca, Tongkat Ali and Tribulus, also see links in “Human Effect Matrix” at examine.com.
Book Links
Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love: amzn.to/3HMLLZ2
Right Brain Psychotherapy: amzn.to/3HJjXVs
The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert: amzn.to/3LzS1FN
Other Links
The Gottman Institute Love Lab: A Research-Based Approach to Relationships: bit.ly/3Bkrxn3
New York Times - The 36 Questions that Lead to Love (1/9/2015): nyti.ms/3HPAnvF
Timestamps
00:00:00 Desire, Love & Attachment
00:02:59 Odor, Perceived Attractiveness & Birth Control
00:08:04 Thesis, AG1 (Athletic Greens), InsideTracker
00:14:13 Romance: Balancing Love & Desire
00:19:00 Animal Studies, Vasopressin & Monogamy
00:22:06 Strange Situation Task, Childhood Attachment Styles
00:32:52 Adult Attachment Styles
00:38:50 Secure Attachment
00:41:23 Autonomic Arousal: The “See-Saw”
00:50:39 Tool: Self-Awareness, Healthy Interdependence
00:53:11 Neurobiology of Desire, Love & Attachment
00:58:02 Empathy & Mating & the Autonomic Nervous System
01:10:02 Positive Delusion, Touch
01:15:20 Relationship Stability
01:21:22 Selecting Mates, Recognition of Autonomic Tone
01:38:28 Neural Mechanisms of Romantic Attachment
01:47:43 Autonomic Coordination in Relationships
01:56:13 Infidelity & Cheating
02:08:56 “Chemistry”, Subconscious Processes
02:12:44 Tools: Libido & Sex Drive
02:20:20 Maca (Maca root)
02:25:58 Tongkat Ali (Longjack)
02:28:56 Tribulus terrestris
02:33:14 Zero-Cost Support, UA-cam, Spotify/Apple Reviews, Sponsors, Patreon, Instagram, Twitter, Thorne
Please note that The Huberman Lab Podcast is distinct from Dr. Huberman's teaching and research roles at Stanford University School of Medicine. The information provided in this show is not medical advice, nor should it be taken or applied as a replacement for medical advice. The Huberman Lab Podcast, its employees, guests and affiliates assume no liability for the application of the information discussed.
Title Card Photo Credit: Mike Blabac - www.blabacphoto.com - Наука та технологія
1:15:00
Relationship stability
4 horsemen of the apocalypse for relationship
Predicts failure with 94% of accuracy
-Criticism (how frequent and how intensely it is)
-Defensiveness (falta de empatia)
-Stonewalling (falta de empatia)
-Contempt (most powerful predictor)(el ácido furico de las relaciones) (the feeling that a person or thing is beneath consideration, worthlessness, or deserving scorn(desdén) )
1:21:00
Your type of mate
Some key takeaways and TLDR:
• In all romantic attachments there is an autonomic coordination. Autonomic coordination is the key to love, desire and attachment.
• You don’t have to find someone just like you or just opposite to you. Matching of same to same or same to different can both be effective. There is not one sole form of attachment.
Attractiveness of women during pre-ovulatory phase of their menstrual cycle
• Men find women more attractive when they are in the pre-ovulatory phase of their cycle.
• Women in the pre-ovulatory phase find men more attractive.
• If a woman is taking oral contraception, it eliminates this effect.
Childhood attachment styles
They are measured by the Strange situation task: involves a parent bringing their child to a room with a stranger. At some point, the mother leaves and then comes back in. The study measures how the child reacts to the mother leaving and returning. Findings: There are four basic attachment styles displayed by children.
1. Secure: Children who are securely attached are generally happy and trusting. They are attached to their parent or caregiver and enjoy being with them, but are secure enough to explore the world and test the limits of their independence.
2. Avoidant: Children with an avoidant attachment style may be emotionally distant, often preferring to play and interact with objects rather than people. They may be wary of physical contact like hugs and cuddles. A child with an avoidant attachment style often displays early signs of independence, wanting to do things themselves rather than seek help from their parents or other adults.
3. Ambivalent: An ambivalent style in childhood is characterized by high levels of anxiety and insecurity. Children with this attachment style may seem clingy, and more frequently seek the attention of their parent or caregiver, yet may reject that attention when it is offered. They may also be particularly wary of strangers.
4. Disorganized: Children with a disorganized attachment style often seem to struggle with managing their emotions. They may display anger and erratic behavior, but are just as likely to seem depressed, withdrawn, and unresponsive.
- How we attach to our primary caregivers influence how we attach to romantic partners. The same neural circuits that underlie between child-parent are the same that are used for romantic relationships.
- The childhood attachment style is strongly predictive as the adulthood attachment style in romantic relationships. We are hard-wired for attachment. When a mother and child interact, the brain of the child and mother enter in a coordinate state.
- We have a template that we use for relationships that are the same we use when we were babies. These templates can shift over time (the key is the knowledge that they can change).These neural circuits are plastic. If you were an ambivalent child, it doesn’t mean you can’t grow to be a securely attached adult.
- Book recommendation. Attached: The New Science of Adult Attachment and How It Can Help You Find and Keep Love
- Secure attachment allows a stable autonomic equilibrium. The ability to remain calm, and clear headed. You are able to navigate thru discomfort with some sense of clarity. The secure attachment leads to the most stable long term relationships.
Three neural circuits involved in Love, Desire & Attachment.
1. Autonomic nervous system
2. Neural circuits for empathy (see and respond and match to the autonomic tone of the other).
3. Neural circuits associated to positive delusions.
1. Autonomic nervous system
The autonomic nervous system controls things like digestion, breathing, how alert or sleepy we are. It’s hard-wired, but thru interaction with our parents, we develop a tendency of calmness or alertness or a combination of these. It’s like a see-saw. We can be very calm, very alert, or in the middle. The interactions between child and caregiver take the child and caregiver from one end of the see-saw to the other.
• If the mother is very stressed, the children physiology shows stress as well. And this stress remains for very long.
• Sighs tends to make us more calm.
• Ice baths or hyper-ventilation increase sympathetic nervous system (more alertness).
The autonomic nervous system dictates how we will react to a romantic partner being present or leaving.
The attachment style predicts the feelings after a break-up
Co-dependence can be misinterpreted, it’s not necessarily bad. Healthy interdependence: happens when a person goes away and we can still regulate our own autonomic nervous system.
2. Neural circuits for Empathy
- EMPATHY: autonomic matching. It means that there’s a match of emotional tone.
- Sometimes is beneficial to go in the same state as the other, and sometimes not.
- One pre-requisite to the propagation of species is the notion of autonomic regulation and matching autonomic nervous systems. The mating behavior is one of autonomic regulation (the process of finding a mate is one of elevated autonomic arousal -dopamine and epinephrine release… which involves the sympathetic nervous system-). The sexual arousal itself it’s driven by the parasympathetic system. The orgasm and ejaculation response is sympathetic driven. After ejaculation, parasympathetic kicks back in and there’s calm and relaxation.
- Arch: sympathetic arousal for pursuit. Parasympathetic for sexual arousal. Then sympathetic response for ejaculation and orgasm. Then return to Parasympathetic. Every human is required to go thru this to reproduce.
- The neural circuits for this reside in the autonomic nervous system and are coordinated with empathy.
- The prefrontal cortex is used to perceive things and make decisions.
- The insula is a brain area that allows to pay attention to what happens inside our body and to split some of that attention to the exterior. The mating dance is a coordinated activity of two bodies in which the ANS of one is coordinating with the ANS of the other and the Insula is splitting one’s attention between how we feel ourselves with the thinking and feelings of the other. It’s how we assess if the other is comfortable, aroused, etc. So, it’s the way empathy works.
3. Neural circuits associated to positive delusions.
- Self-Delusion: implies cynicism about love and attachment.
- The neural circuits that are active with love can actually be active thru different mechanisms, not just love by THAT one person.
- Desire love and attachment are three different phases of romantic relationships.
- The insula cortex is strongly activated by touch. Touch
- Positive delusion is predictive of long term attachment: “only this person can make me feel this way”.
4 horsemen of apocalypse for relationships
• Criticism. When you criticize your partner you are basically implying that there is something wrong with them.
• Defensiveness. When you attempt to defend yourself from a perceived attack with a counter complaint you are being defensive.
• Stone walling. Happens when the listener withdraws from the conversation. Emotional response is completely cut off. It’s like focusing on own internal state.
• Contempt. When you put yourself on a higher ground than your partner. You feel that a person is beneath consideration, worthlessness or deserving scorn… Disregard for something that should be taken into account. It’s the antithesis of empathy and positive delusion. Inversion of the circuits for desire, love and attachments.
Book: The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work: A Practical Guide from the Country’s Foremost Relationship Expert
Resource: The Gottman Institute Love Lab: A Research-Based Approach to Relationships
Selecting mates
Sex drive or desire may be a way to forage for a potential love partner.
Four groups:
1. Dopamine high. High sensation seeking, they like novel things. People in this group tend to pair up with the same group.
2. Serotonin high. Tend to like and follow rules. They like stability more than spontaneity. People in this group pair up within this same group.
3. Testosterone high (The Director). Tend to be very directive. They tend to know what they want. They are challenging to be around, and they push the other people. They pair up with the estrogen category.
4. Estrogen High (The Follower). Preferences: nurturing. They like being heard, and when someone else makes the hard decisions.
Thru a recognition of these categories exist, we can gain better self-awareness and navigate healthier mate seeking, breakups and long-term relationships. In all romantic attachments there is an autonomic coordination.
Thank you for this!!
What's all this repetition anade of
Thank you !
Thank you for your notes...well done!
woooow thank you sooooo so so much!
I remember working as nurse in pediatrics seeing many children starving for love, nurturing, and affection. It broke my heart seeing this. I gave as much love, gentleness and attention I could give each one. It was an honor to have worked and met them. Love pediatrics! Definitely a passionate career.
Thank you for your service 🙏❤🙌
@@MrBluntNose aaaww grateful I could help.
Bless you
@@FrozenSparky thank you so much 💖
I hope that when you eventually decide to give up or retire from pediatric nursing that you might consider becoming a nanny or part-time nanny. It is absolutely heartbreaking how many mothers shove the love and nurturing responsibilities off on a nanny, and only want to interact with their own child when it's convenient for the mother. These children KNOW they are an "inconvenience" to their mother, and they recognize at 2 years old (if not earlier) that their mother considers them a nuisance. If I were describing the way the mother treats their child, it is as if the child is a doll the mother takes off the shelf and plays with at her desire, and then when she gets bored, or overwhelmed, or needs to "work" in her home office, she puts the child back on a shelf, as if the child were a doll with none of it's own emotions, feelings, or needs. It is not every mother who has a nanny that is like this, but it is especially common in the more narcissistic mothers who are busy trying to climb the social, professional, or entrepreneurial ladder. The more narcissistic the mother is, the more she treats her child like a doll with no needs, feelings, wants, or desires.
Thank you so very much for being alert to not just the physical needs of the children you meet, but also the emotional needs of the children you meet. They will, no doubt, remember your kindness to them, even if they don't remember your name.
I've been amazed at how some nurses have the capacity to be so loving, kind, nurturing, and genuinely warm to total and complete strangers in their time of greatest vulnerability. I'm a rather empathic, compassionate person myself, but I am often in complete and utter awe of how some nurses can do a job that requires you to see so much human suffering, yet still remain able to not only tolerate that, but to remain so kind in spite of it.
...and then there is the ability to deal with the pathological narcissism found in far too many physicians. ugh!
I am a UA-cam freak especially last 3-4 years. I totally quit watching TV. I've consumed thousands of videos on youtube so far and I can say that Andrew is by far a goldmine to me. My english is not so great but he speaks so clean that even I can get %90 of what he talks. Thanks Mister.
I ok I I I o I. I on on I o ok. I. Pop o ok.
I ok I I I o I. I on on I o ok. I. Pop o ok.
What are the other ones
So much to learn on UA-cam! This is a fabulous podcast! Smiles from The English Sisters
Me too! Also try turning your CC on. I’m not an English speaker either. But with CC I can google the words I don’t understand by just listening.
“Don’t let yesterday take up too much of today.” You got this bestie
Needed this🥺
Seems like a good quote which I run by but why not just take up any time of today? Why bother stressing of the past?
@@kalebjacobs111because my neural circuits do it automatically against my will?
And that's why things fail
- a European
Huberman Lab Podcast: The most reliable source of dopamine for every Monday.
I approve!
lol
Let’s call it dopamine lol
I turn it on for sleeping every night!
Well it’s official. Listening to Andrew Huberman TALKING about Love, Desire and Attachment is the most exciting thing that ever happened to me on a Valentine’s Day. 🤣
... at any phase of our menstrual cycle !!
Testify
Gold! I've been thinking my ideal man is part Andrew Huberman and part Milo Rossi. But 5 yrs older than me.😆🤣🧘♀️🙏
@@Krn_K 💀💀💀😂😂😂😂
😂❤️
Thanks! Your podcasts have changed my life. Your objective scientific approach your logical approach takes away emotionality the stigma of ways of interacting in the world and provides concrete information on how to manipulate and adjust personal behavior. I so appreciate this as Multiple traumas and loss have modified my autonomic nervous system and I’m working on calming for the rest of my life. Thank you.
I think he owes you a response after that donation
@@king-nick2023 Donations should be made without the expectation of receiving something back.
@@king-nick2023 What are you talking about? Huberman giving us very useful information in the first place. It's you who owes him
@@tomisss3 bro… home boy donated like 50 or more dollars 💵.. that’s worth at least a thank you
@@PGproductionsHD I agree… so should videos but we all expect someone to watch them right?
I am proud to have been a nurturing mother to my only child since I did not have an emotionally present mother and father. It took me 37 years to become a mom but I worked thru a lot of issues and wanted to have a child. I hope my son will have stable relationships in his adulthood.
The best podcast in history
I love how you always mention “you don’t need to know these names, just know that___” in the same way a teacher would tell his students when preparing for an exam.
I feel like a genuine student of yours and this is my favorite classroom!
💛
That is what he is doing at Stanford. Its' easy to see why he is good at his vocation. Undergrad or post grad. Certainly not a stuffy dry Academic. A talented communicator !
@@dr.calebrobbins.3177 agree, 1000%
It’s so nice to learn at night instead of netflixing
Andrew is a much better teacher than any I ever had in school.
@@alexs6250 I’m happy I made that decision too, it’s always more rewarding to learn 💚
Please do one on chronic fatigue syndrome, burnout, exhaustion, mental fog, for those moments when no matter what you do, or your good intentions, your brain just refuses to cooperate. That would be so helpful.
Wow that actually sounds similar to depression
check your nutrition. try to avoid process foods, sugar n high carbs food.
Click the Thesis link. Nootropics might help.
All these things are damaging me mentally and you named it, thanks I am working on it.
The passion and enthusiasm alone make Andrew’s presentations a beautiful experience. ❤️🙏🏼
Thank you for saying that the people that we fall in love with are unique and not easily replaced. That people CAN and Will make us feel a certain way despite of ouselves or how much "we love ourselves". That it is good to feel that our life improves in the presence of a special person. I think young people need to hear this from someone they trust and admire. Although One Art by Elizabeth Bishop is my favorite poem. As Renata Suzuki's poem says " You haven't truly lived until you have loved deeply '. Happy Valentine's day everybody! Stay positively delusional! 😄
Thats not cool for everyone. Its cool with you because of your happily ever after but some of us deserved better. We deserved what we gave to be reciprocated or Acknowledged.
Some of us are hurt. That didn’t help. Not at all.
@@christopherthomas8421 You sound like you are hurting. But don't use that as an excuse to make assumptions about people you don't know on the internet. If this wasn't helpful than look for something that is and for people in real life that can help you process your frustration.
Christopher, this is major victime mentality the way you talk. No growth there. Find the lesson, ground yourself … keep functioning.
You need medications
You husband is cheating on you for sure 😒
Science helps people understand nature, but love still remains the mystery of life.
Great podcast!
If love exists
@Barbara C., Because love is infinite no one can measure it or box it in. The origin , fountain, and source of love is God!
@@carmenkamberos1156 I totally agree!
But god doesn’t exist lol
I remember the attachment styles by
Secure, clingy, distant and eccentric.
I had severely mentally ill parents, both being in psychiatric hospital.
I have been some of all these in different relationships. My kids find me distant, my friends find me eccentric and I have been clingy or distant in relationships.
I do my best and choose love, so that helps alot.
1:12:57 Touch is sooooo crucial in feeling close to someone, in feeling loved and in developing attachment. I met someone very recently (blind date) and have never met someone who’s so in tune with me on physical touch and immediately made me feel so connected to him. He’s the kind of guy who always has a hand on me whether hugging, holding my hand, his hand on my lower back, his hand on my leg and giving me random kisses when I’m not expecting them. Mind you, I’m a strong, independent biz woman and he’s a blue collar worker. In the day to day world, we would have NEVER met. He is my girlfriend’s boyfriend’s friend. While this is new and I don’t know where this is going, I can say I’ll never regret giving him a chance and spending time with him. Every time we’re together, he makes me feel so “in love”, so sexy, so desired and so safe and secure. Positive delusion for sure…😅 Gentleman, take note.
I'm happy he takes you off the horse and shows you the world
Lucky girl! blue col lar the best men😍Hard working conservative real men.
The frequency of which the dots connect and I go “Aha!” while listening to this podcast is almost unbelievable.
Re: Attractive Alternate Partners written by Aron & Aron (husband and wife team). Dr. Elaine Aron is an expert on the topic of the Highly Sensitive Person (HSP). This would be a very cool topic to discuss on a future podcast (20% of population - humans and all organisms studied - are HSPs)
HSP!!!!! Yes please
YES to this suggestion 👍🏻
Yes totally agreed. It’s a totally different way of navigating life, which that in itself is fascinating.
Yes! I am one, my husband is, and our 5-year-old son is too. We want to empower our son to be in the world as an HSP. We are also re-parenting ourselves in many ways and would love more researched info and commentary
Would be very interested to hear more about this from Dr. Huberman's scientific view! The HSP phenomenon sounds pop-culturish, but is there some key truth here that can help us understand those 20% (if accurate) better?
It's pretty rare that I ever go back and listen to any interview twice... this is my 4th time completing it. So fascinating! Thank you Andrew 🙏🏼 💛 Incredible work you do 🙏🏼
What are you learning ?
I always suffered because of my unsecured attachment type and it is so good to know that it can be changed! I will try to work on my brain. Thank you so much for this valuable episode! 🙏🥰
"Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose.” - Yoda
Looking forward to the episode :)
SO IMPORTANT.
The other side can feel the desperation and it causes to distance.
Powerful truth! If you don’t it will destroy you.
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@@SimplyHuman186 io
@@jonluis2647 totally agree!
This podcast is simply the best. Not only does it inform it explains the why. Love it!
It explains a lot about the emotions of my triplets.
Thank you for this episode and the science behind the complexity of desire, love and attachment. Being fresh out of a heartbreaking relationship...I find great comfort in the science.
Thanks again.
Listening to this reminds me of all the sweet kids I take care as a respiratory therapist on a pediatric Intensive Care Unit. These beautiful kids are starving for that human connection and love … I always think about what it would be like to be in their shoes… just spending a couple of extra minutes with them to ensure they are comfortable, loved and cared for is my goal. It’s truly a blessing to have this opportunity where I may be able to make an impact.
Andrea West you are a beautiful human!
This is soo beautiful to read! Love is not just about couple s. I'm so glad I got a chance to read of this comforting a child souls in need love.Just beautiful!
Happy Valentine’s Day Andrew. 😊🌹😊 love you for changing my perspective towards life. Had almost given up, your podcasts have not only saved my life but given me a direction to move forward. Loads of respect 😊🙏🏼😊🙏🏼
So glad you didn't give up
@@memastarful I almost did, when I lost my job. thinking at my age nothing can be done. But after watching his videos and started following all protocols .. first one was 7 hrs sleep & going out in Sun n exercise in the morning.. this changed everything 😊 never knew sleep & Sunlight is so imp for our health. I can’t thank him enough 😊🙏🏼
@@vikaschawla22 amen 🙏 yes he is a blessing. God works in mysterious ways happy you discovered tools to help
Going through a tough time in life because of my last relationship! The timing of this episode couldn't be better. Mr Huberman, sir thank you for all the episodes for helping to identify and transform my life.
As Gibran once said “Love… it surrounds every being and extends slowly to embrace all that shall be.” Thank you Andrew for showing us that the power of love can be measured by the beauty of science.
Thank you Andrew for teaching us the true meaning of love. Your dedication and respect toward your work is nothing but a great serive toward humanity.
You probably wouldn't come across all the comments, and you would probably but I wanted to let you know that you are not only providing us with beautifual information, but also showing us how to be a human. By treating your work with all that loyalty, determination and admiration, you are being an advocate for love.
Thank you Andrew!
Maybe a podcast on post menopausal libido improvement would help your audience. We are certainly out here desiring helpful info on this biological subject that affects thousands of women and men in their lives. Looking forward to you entertaining this subject! Appreciated
I really like that Dr Huberman is exploring and looking into more emotional and mental part of human nervous system (or rather its impact on emotions) and the body as a whole, something that not long ago was considered woo-woo and not very scientific (not by most scientists at least).
One thing to point out (at least in the first half an hour, I'm not finished watching) is that attachment style is not just hardwired into us. There's a decent amount of evidence that indicates, that while gene-determined factors like sensitivity of a nervous system to stimuli is very important, the stimuli itself plays a big role in forming the attachment style. Most importantly, that stimuli starts when the baby is already in the womb and from the very first second after birth. This is crucial, because it can make a difference between someone easily giving up on trying to change it ("I was just born this way, there's no way I can change this") and understanding, that just as those pathways were created, new ones can created be as well.
Attachment theory has completely changed the way I view myself and my partner in my relationship, and I have never been able to understand myself better than I do now after reading the book “attached.” I looked into more information about attachment styles after it was briefly mentioned in a previous episode. (Social Connection & Bonding I think?) thank you for bringing what you do to the table!
This was my first time hearing one of your podcasts Andrew and all I can say was WOW and that I’m in awe thank you for your intellect and passion! I was able to piece so many valuable things together from it and glean insights. I especially loved your bringing up the reality of pheromones! Which I consciously had not realized existed until my last enormous sexual attraction Love and devotion which lasts to this day, some 40 years later. I will be keeping up with your podcasts in the future. Thanx also for the heads up on Thorne products in this world of mediocre nutritional supplements and commercialized stores this is a great find. I also use Athletic Greens and an herb company called San Francisco Herbs in SF.
You are a brave homosexual. And I love you.
@@geo5291 You can never unsmell me. I am your lover, but also your mother.
Never thought I would keep academic notes and then compose an elaborate behavioral analysis of myself through a UA-cam podcast! Great content indeed.
Very interesting and thoughtful information.
For the past couple of years - I’ve been called a Alpha female, I’m director at my job and the oldest daughter in my family and as I reflect on my relationships the core of problems with men -relates to power.
Im driven but want relationship - Nonetheless I have found myself saying no deal and breaking off the relationship in several relationships.
I felt like men did not want to invest in my ideas or how I viewed or wanted to shape the relationship. Now gaining this insight on testosterone-Dopamine levels in male and females - and how relates to choosing mates that match your energy- I’m gaining awareness- of myself.
This stuff has me thinking 🤔thanks ❤️
Oh wow I feel this exact same way, but couldn't articulate it like you did. Thank you. What has helped you with this?
You want a man who at once is both extremely independent yet says yes to everything you think.
This olfactory-driven female can definitely concur: odour is a deal maker or breaker. In particular, the smell of a potential mate on the back of his neck is an especially potent predictor. The wrong smell/person is like a wall crumbling to the ground; if no perceptible smell, utter confusion and hesitance; but if the right smell/person, it smells/feels like going home. It feels instant and instinctual. I have assumed this relates to pheromones, but I have no idea, really.
Yes it’s pheromones and your gut microbiome (instincts) I believe.
You can never unsmell me. I am your lover, but also your mother.
Thank you so much for this podcast ! I'm witnessing huge benefits in my daily life by implementing the knowledge !
@Arid Sohan like huge
@Arid Sohan Yes I also found most of this content un-applicable. It is interesting to see the functioning of the mind and Im glad to see the brightest minds working diligently and objectively to decipher the inner workings but there is no information that is practically applicable. Of course yours and mine are in a deluge of irrelevant opinions.
@@elijahantony4300 Hi. Maybe this helps. Watch the video on habits, first podcast from 2022. To sum up: pick 6 new habits you're trying to implement in your daily life and try them for 21 days. Out of those 6 habits, do the ones that are most difficult to do in the first 8 hours after waking up. An example of a habbit which is difficult to do would be: studying, working outside of your job, or any thing you do not like. Another useful thing is to implement cold exposure through walks in cold weather or cold showers in the morning to improve alertness. These things really work. The difficult part is once you have managed to implement these habits is to stick to them. We all know how life can get in the way and mess up with the things we were doing so well.
@@psc93krp Thank you for your considerate reply and I understand you are trying to help but I took cold showers for years from 2010-2016. I was forced to due to circumstance. It did not effect my productivity or alertness. I was just as alert then as I am now taking hot showers. None of these habits are life altering be it cold showers or more work etc., if what you are continuing to do is mundane and not towards a goal that can bring either fulfilment or monetary gain. Unfortunately most of us (the mass) are stuck in jobs we no have no future and do not present opportunities for growth or fulfillment. All the meditation, reading, exercise, cold showers will not change the circumstance.
What I mean is take for example this episode, if you are average looking and fit, if the partner you are interested in or desire does not reciprocate or prefers someone else, there is nothing this podcast can help you achieve. You can find out the reason why you are attracted to that person and what that has to do with your childhood and attachment mode....but it does no dither your attraction and unrequited desire for this person. You can take all the tongat ali and maca root or slather yourself in oyster sauce but the fact remains the woman you want does not want you back. This podcast is for some other purpose.
@@elijahantony4300 I believe there is nothing wrong with some of the information being unapplicable, this podcast mainly exists to fuel the interest of those who are interested in science, and it's a high quality podcast.
Sometimes we need to understand more abstract things, applicability of which aren't obvious in the moment, in order to be able to come up with better ideas, and solutions to our day to day problems eventually
Andy might want to think about taking this one down given what’s recently come to light
It's okay, the info is still good, his actions don't change that necessarily. Oh well, just another case of "do as I say, not as I do."
What? What study?
As I am rewatching this episode Andrew, minute 46 and the WWII bombing reaction study, it reminded me of the movie Life is Beautiful... That movie is a great depiction of how the dad's approach to such a horrible situation made it different for the child...
Exactly! That movie 😢 though.
Life is cruel. I broke up with my wife of 18 years based on our lack of intimacy (my issue). I felt like it was a great decision at first but after a year I started missing her. By then it was too late though as she'd met someone she eventually married. Almost 5 years later I am wondering how I could have fucked my life up so badly. Ego and refusal to accept my issues by going to counseling seem to be the reasons. So weird how different I feel now vs then.
@@tb8827 The fucked up part is it wasn't a mistake at the time. Where was my crystal ball when I needed it!
@@tb8827 Hope you are right.
@Faith Strong Thanks! I am in a way better place emotionally now than last year. It took almost 6 years. Crazy. I hope you find happiness soon too.
Where has this podcast been all my life? As a biostats/epidemiology grad student and research-nerd, you are speaking my language. Thanks for your work, Andrew!
In the interest of spreading the love...
I hope you know how much you have helped me improve my life with all your incredible videos. I am sure many many others as well.
You are an incredible human and we need more like you spreading these incredible life changing videos.
Whenever I'm doubting something in my life I go to your channel and see if there's anything that can help change my mindset. And even if there isn't something specific, finding something close enough and listening to how you speak with kindness and truth is enough to calm my soul. I hope you never give up on us 🙏
The only problem is that not enough people are willing to listen to the science and do what's needed to make a better world. You have directed me to so many amazing people and I am so grateful for that. I share your videos on my social media in hopes that the people I love will see them and get the same benefits. I want to spread the word about how amazing you are as much as"Huberman-ly" possible ❤❤❤
Thank you for my inner peace and happiness 🙏💕
I appreciate how Dr. Huberman doesn't laugh or react while saying orgasm, ejaculation, or similar. Can be detracting while discussing such topics, and that's to be expected by his line of profession. I'm not in academia or anything just been used to adult people giggle like kids when discussing sex and intimacy.
Thanks for your great work, Andrew.
May I ask you to do a podcast on migraines? I don't suffer from migraines myself, but many family members do. It is a terrible and debilitating disease that causes a lot of suffering. I would be so grateful for your take on it and possible tools to reduce the amount of migraine attacks. Thank you
+1 Ppllllleeeeaasseee 🇦🇺
May I add to that as well please: vestibular migraines, both episodic and chronic, involving zero pain as seen in traditional/painful migraine
The book trance and treatment has a passage where it teach how to use quick hypnosis to treat them and pain in general.
It's probably related to diet and nutrition, this is a medical problem, it has nothing to do with psychology
I would love this!!!
I would love an episode about the biological basis of the Big 5 Personality traits.
Best podcast ever, by the way.
yeah me too. it would be very interesting
Before, I had to forward 7min to get past all the ads. Now, it more like 14min. Our beloved professor must be twice as popular as what he used to be. Happy for him taking in all the ad revenue.
As a psychologist who did my post-doc at Stanford and specializes in attachment theory, I have data from 80k people on my own Attachment quiz where I have statistics of which type is most prominent. Would love to share my statistics. I agree with you 100% that the idea of self-love is overused and not science-based. I would love to see a study where they mapped attachment styles with self-expansion. I suspect there is a high comorbidity between these two traits. Nice introduction to this all-important field. Thank you for the advice on libido, super helpful.
You’re a post-post doc and you’re using the word “comorbidity” to describe a correlation between psychological traits? The word exclusively refers to diseases or medical conditions.
I am listening to this podcast for the third time and every time I am learning more about myself and my past mistakes:) I plan to use the lessons from this practical podcast to finally choose the right man in my life!!!! 🥰
Totally relate to the smell thing. Have had to walk away from a couple people that it just wouldn't have worked based on their scent. It felt weird but incredibly natural.
I don’t think I’ve ever been so thankful for a podcast in my life.
Thank you Andrew!
Knowledge is king!
thank you so much dr Hubermann for this channel. this is probably the most thoroughly researched/structured /planned /objective channel on the whole youtube!
“Attached” changed my life once I read it; I could NOT out the book down. It truly gave me the confidence to walk away from a relationship that did not serve me internally. Amir Levine, Thank you!
Dear Andrew
As a football player and a big fan I would love for an episode about head injuries concussions etc..
Love the channel. Thank you.
Agree! TBI’s are no joke (I’m a survivor as well) Wishing you peace and love 💗
You’ve once again offered another truly powerful presentation that’s full of fascinating evidence- and is dynamically inclusive of our human biology/neurology diversity.
Thank you Dr. Andrew Huberman.
This was a magnificently profound, educational, and an intricate listen that is really meaningful.
Holy cannoli, aren’t we complex!
The juxtaposition of the detailed info that you’ve been able to masterfully interweave within this lecture is really really beautiful.
Best content on the internet with actionable tools to improve our lives ! How we interact with others & the relationships in our lives are absolutely crucial to understand for fulfilled lives IMO :) Thanks Andrew!!
These attachment styles are also mentioned and exercised in this book called How To Not Die Alone by Logan Ury. Superb read.
2:59 (study) odour, attractiveness & menstrual cycle
6:50
14:13 intro to romantic love, desire & attachments
"love vs desire" (study) 15:40
-?
-?
anecdote- attachment machinery & levels of commitment 17:33
22:06 attachment styles
strange situation task (study) 23:27
findings 24:46
1. secure AS 26:15
2. anxious-avoidant/insecure 28:28
thanks Pray
Thanks , I've often wondered how people do this ? How do you remember all the time spots and what the subject is covering ? Peace and once again thank you !!
2:59, I wonder how this affects women who are attracted to other women.
Lelpo
These videos are a happy place for me. I learn so much at such a satisfying depth that I find myself grinning, even while doing something unpleasant, and some of that knowledge has the power to become life changing. My life has been significantly impacted. Thank you!
It's interesting to me to see that there are less adults with secure attachment. I worked at a daycare, and everyone working there is stressed and overworked. This trickles down to students, and we saw a lot of extreme behaviors even in our very young children (starting at ages as young as 6 months). I am proud to be a woman and how far we've come in society. However, as a single mom I am seeing how important the family unit is to a child's development. I believe the best option is for kids to be able to be home-schooled (when it's a healthy household) and raised mostly with the caregivers present. It saddens me that my daughter will be raised mostly by other people. Especially knowing how stressed the daycare environments are. I believe this is a scary thing to think about because as an elementary teacher as well, we are seeing more extreme behaviors. Gabor Mate writes about how kids are being raised by other kids and stressed out parents because most parents are stressed because of numerous reasons, and this is affecting kids, and invertently our society. We need to get back to valuing family-time over anything else and making it meaningful (no screen time, etc).
I desire 3 hours of time outside each day. Im attached to the three distinct phases of my circadian rhythm. And I love the Huberman lab podcast.
I feel love Desire and Attachment to these Monday's Podcast! enjoyed that so much, Thank you Andrew :)
Me too:)
By far, one of the most AMAZING information I have ever had the chance to ingest. The proper understanding of Love, Desire and Attachment can change a life.
I'm going through a recent breakup and have come across attachment theory as a way to reflect on and understand the relationship that just ended for me. I thought about suggesting an episode about it, but then found it already existed! Yay! Based on my understanding of attachment theory, I believe myself to be a securely attached individual and believe my former partner was also raised securely but changed in his early adulthood as result of a romantic trauma. I believe he is now insecurely attached as a dismissive avoidant (most likely the disorganized style described within this podcast). I really enjoyed this episode a lot; it's probably one of my new favorites because it's very relevant and relatable to my current situation. I've always been interested in human behavior and psychology and (thanks to my ex) I now know about Huberman Lab Podcasts! I really enjoy the biological and neurological explanations you provide to better understand how all these complex systems work together.
On a similar theme, it would be interesting to know the neurological activity and impact that breakups have of people of each attachment style (both from the 'dumper' and 'dumpee' perspective) experience breakups differently from a neurologically, biologically, and psychologically perspective.
Why is this video on my recommendations at this moment 😂
After listening to this episode I immediately called my mom and probed her on my behavior as a child. Needless to say she was very confused but I got all my questions answered! Quite eye-opening.
🤣
This scientific understanding of how desire/love/attachment is formed allowed me to self-diagnose why my marriage failed, and then figure out how to fix it. To me This is the scientific explanation of why “marriage takes work”….. thank you for saving my life!
Having been very academic in most subjects except biology and upset about same am enjoying the fact that all of these studies by others have now come full circle and made perfect sense to me and am immensely grateful of the availability of info and the generosity of Andrew H in particular in explaining everything in an everyman kind of way😮
I went on a 3 day trip with a cousin and a couple of friends, and fell MAAAAAAAAAADLY in love into one of the friends, haven't talked to her about it yet, haven't had a chance. I feel like my chances are a bit slim but i have to go for it anyway. I knew Andrew had a podcast about love and i was really interested in what he talked about. And listening to him really helps me to kind of flatten out my weird state of mind at the moment. I'm extremly happy to be in love again, haven't felt that in like two years, and never have i been this in love. On the other hand depression and anxiety that i feel because i think she doesn't feel the same way has kind of turned my life sideways :D
But it is what it is, and hearing a different take on love, what it is, and what it "function" is in us as a species is nevertheless so interesting, and helps me cope with stuff!
Thank you so much Dr Andrew, you have no idea how much this podcast means to me, and probably a lot of other people.
I'm a big fan of the podcast and I am very happy to see some more content on attachment and specific attachment styles. I have been diagnosed with an insecure attachment style, the disorganized style seemingly fits my situation best. It's rough, and the therapy surrounding is as well. That's weird for me, as I'm finishing up my Msc shortly and with all obstacles I faced, eventually I would find a solution. That's not been the case with this. A lot of the literature I've read is not as confident as you are in the possibility of changing this at it's very core. My childhood has not been very fun, and I have encountered problems in romantic interpersonal relationships all my life. It's getting better with a good therapist, but it's a tremendous obstacle to overcome. Thank you for the book recommendation, I'll be reading 'Attached'.
I guess I just wanted to say thanks for this episode specifically and the podcast in general. Learning the fundamentals on things like motivation, attention, trauma, focus, sleep and others has already helped me a lot in life. Not everything in life comes naturally, even less so for certain types of people. The road to success, happiness, longevity and more isn't always nice but these insights do make it a more comfortable road to traverse.
My best advice is to, first of all, not see it as a condition (I don't say "I was diagnosed with...", it's not an illness, it's just our nervous system's adaptation to stay safe, which is no longer serving us). Secondly, not to see it as a huge obstacle that possibly you will never be able to "cure", but rather as another obstacle that you will find a solution to, which will make you stronger. Remember that how you see things, influences the outcome (also scientifically proven many times over, even discussed by Dr Huberman on many episodes).
You identified what you want to change, now you are working on a method to change it, then you will start implementing the method and refining it. You will be amazed at the change in one year if you put in consistent work. All the best.
Ey I just wanna say that it’s extremely commendable that you’re doing the work to improve your life in that way since it has been an obstacle for you. Majority of people are never willing to look within like that. Just to be able to identify and communicate that is a huge improvement in itself.
You can’t be diagnosed with an attachment style.
Thank you Dr Huberman. Your podcast are always a healthy buffet of useful information and knowledge for the mind, body, and soul.
I like that he starts with attachment theory and its importance. The book he recommends is excellent, and personally provided me with a lot of insights.
Find someone who talks about you the way Dr. Huberman talks about the sponsors of his podcasts.
Happy Valentines Day everyone 😄😄😄
I am that person who chooses a partner strictly with my nose without noticing. It’s what I call “chemistry”, because it really is a chemical reaction, it is the number one thing that I pay attention to regardless of the persons status and looks. My “in love stage” of attraction also lasts much more longer this way, we’re talking about over 4 years. Always been this way and won’t ever choose any other way. Why dating apps would never work for me 😅
I also read a study that states our bodies choose partners by smell due to compatibility of genes for a healthier reproduction. The body knows better than the brain. 🤩
Andrew talking about love is the best thing ever
Well he is very experienced!
Really enjoying Paul Dolan’s “Happy Ever After.” In his words: “If you are a man, you should probably get married; if you are a woman, don't bother.” Single, childless women are the happiest subset (in western countries). Middle aged married women are more likely to experience mental and physical ill health than single women the same age. Men appear to enjoy all the health benefits of marital union apparently at the expense of their wife’s wellbeing.
Maybe women who choose to remain single and childless are in fact engaging in evolutionary directed behaviour. Maybe self-preservation, and in an indirect way not putting their potential children at risk, has a stronger evolutionary pull than procreating. On a day when harmful social narratives abound, I’m sending all the love, cheer and hi-fives to all the single ladies, childless or not.
The joy of children and grandchildren and of company is something that no statistic can replace for women, and there seems to be a reason why evolutionarily we all evolved towards this form of union and the natural process of procreation as well.
@@Ahmad-ps9zh And your thinking is informed by scuence or cultural beliefs?
@@Ahmad-ps9zh not all women experience this. It’s only half the evolutionary story. The same mechanism that compels us to to procreate for the survival of our species could very well kick in to abstain from procreation when overpopulation leads to an overburdened environment and resource scarcity that would threaten offspring and species survival. Or as I said above, when potential risks to a woman’s own health could interfere with an environment conducive to child rearing and survival. Women are allowed to not want children. They are capable of finding joy and having fulfilling lives without procreating. I get that this concept threatens the widely pervasive social narrative, but I don’t think we can discount that the choice to abstain from motherhood could also be biologically driven.
Sounds like feminist propaganda.
@@carbonstar9091 sounds like you’d greatly benefit from reading Dr. Dolan’s book.
Be my Valentines, Dr. Huberman!
🥰💞🥰💞
Great topic. Love my Monday morning coffee with your podcast. Great way too start the week!
This video changed my life. Learning about attachment styles has been a game changer.
I’m so thankful I found you about a year ago. I’m very grateful for your purpose in our world now. 🥰
Happy Valentine AH...thank you for being consistent in bringing us your amazing content. I learn every week. Namaste.
Well, I guess we all know your were dateless 2 years ago and wish a glass of wine.
@@geo5291 still am...hahaha
Brilliant series of podcasts Andrew. Is it possible to have a podcast on “Neuroscience and Psychology of Beliefs”?
Yes please
That would be intriguing
That’s a good idea
PL EASE
Omg yes
Just in ‘The 1st 10 Minutes’ & it already sounds like a ‘Catholic Church Commercial’🤣🤣🤣 Love U Dr. Huberman🖤🧡🖤🧡🖤🧡
I would like to thank you, for everything you are doing. Your work, as much as the work of dr. Fung and dr. Bikman, trully have an impact on my life. Thank you. You are just amazing.
if only I could have listened to this podcast before the breakup
Your description of the unconscious processes involves, the dance with chemistry is an interesting phenomenon, adding to the mystery of relationships, the drive towards love has that extra ingredient which seems impossible to fathom. I would love to see more videos relating to hormones in general for both women and men, including hormone replacement, (& natural hormone replacement), behaviour and emotions during the menopause. Achieving balance within the endocrine and nervous systems is key yet can be very hard to achieve during hormonal changes. Thank you for your thorough discussion. I really enjoyed it. Wishing you well from Cornwall, UK.
Just the title and coming from you Andrew, HAS TO BE a brilliant and vibrant knowledge. Really thankful for it 🙏💖
Thank you for recommending the book "Attached" I was aware of the attachment theory but until reading the book believed I was in the wrong category. A real eye oppener. 😊
The book: Molecule of More does a great job explaining this subject. When are you going to have the author on, Andrew?
Andrew is a big fan of the book, I hope he gets the author on the pod soon 🤞🏻
Yes!! It's such a good interesting book🥰
Thank you for this beautiful lecture! I am now looking for my soulmate. Learning from this I am optimistic more than ever. Let's find love!!
I came across this video on 15th Feb 2023!!!
A very well described multi-meca study of how people interact and fall in love with themselves and eachother - thank you for all your research and unbiased presentation!
Andrew is the type of guy that makes on Valentine's day a research of the biological and medical basis of love, desire and attachment
I absolutely love this podcast 🙌 I order a new book or new medication with each podcast, but I love the learning and growing! Keep up the great work 👏
What a beautiful summary of scientific and psychological facts about human’s love and desire , combined with insightful analysis by Dr. Huberman appropriately placed after each lessons learned ! I can’t get enough of this podcast … every time I listen to it again, I learn something new … Thank you Dr. Huberman 🥰
Very knowledgeable podcast lectures really listenable and I learned something new every lectures presentation, that you and more power,
Thanks Dr. Huberman. I found this session very helpful in understanding how autonomic nervous system works, empathy and positive delusions. Your lecture makes sense of Bowen Family Systems Theory on the neurological level.
Your explanation of self delusion makes a lot of sense and it probably explains why I am so obsessed with you ( just kidding you are an amazing human being and that is no delusion )❤️❤️
All my favourite creators released videos related to this topic today. I'm loving it😁😇
Nice. Which r the others ?
I wonder why today :)
This was incredibly valuable information. Thank you, Andrew. Your breakdown of attachment and attachment styles was particularly enlightening about my past relationships and what I’ve been recently analyzing about my current and future relationships. I truly appreciate this free education.
Thank you so much for the information!!! I just turned 56 and fabulous and really needed to here this. I now really realize that yes I’m not crazy-men just want to use me well enough I’m done with men or anyone using me. Hallelujah 😅
I am an avid listener to the podcast. And I am loving everything that I am learning about the brain. I would love to learn what the neurobiology is behind dyslexia! I don’t know if there are any studies on it but that is the one topic that I would really enjoy listening to and learning about.
I’m so ready for this one!!
I bet you are lol
Informative and interesting. Attachment, desire, clinging and grasping…the root of our suffering.
We hold on to things to find happiness and comfort. We cling to things that give us joy, but we also cling to something because we are afraid to let go of them as well. Desire &attachment cause
suffering and attachments as loss is inevitable often. It appears that the only constant in the universe is change, and by desiring we are trying to control and make something fixed. We have to embrace the change😊
Wow! I am watching this on Valentine's Day 2023! Exactly one year since you posted this video! That's just crazy 🤯❤️🥰