I think the message should be if he won't wear a raincoat, make sure you have your rain bonnet, umbrella, goloshes, or just stay inside by yourself. In this economy, ladies, stop playing with your wealth potential.
@@BarbieDawl.__The problem is wants to marry you and marrying you is two different things I've been told I want to marry you of course I want to and like here I am still single😂
@@DeepBreathingMeditation then he didn’t want to marry you a man that wants to marry you was gonna do it and men say a lot of things.. idk why some women haven’t learned that yet . i’ve had a man tell me he wanted to marry me too he didn’t. I didn’t take it as anything men just talk , listen to their actions ohhh!
Well let’s be honest, 9/10 they consciously or subconsciously have no intention to invest/care for that child. A lot of men and women in the community come from the very dynamics displayed and discussed here, and it seems like both sides have subdivisions that want to perpetuate it further. And it’s clear at this point most men use children to have access to the mother(s). Marriage may not be permanent, but there’s a lot of weight to that piece of paper and protections for an ex wife over a baby mama. And they know that. I do think being clear and sticking to the notion of only having kids in wedlock is a good litmus test and precaution for women dating. A man that tries to push you into the stereotypical statistic knowing how the community (your friends, family, other women and men) will view and treat you is a red flag.
Preach. You don’t want to be “tied down” or have “ball and chain,” but you’re going to have to deal with that person anyway because you made a child together (clearly, there are exceptions). Like I’m not creating life (and risking my own) with someone who I couldn’t see myself with forever.
The first response was 💯. Why would you risk your LIFE having a baby for a man when he won’t even risk his “finances” to marry you??? Make that make sense.
I’ll also say this: marriage does NOT guarantee you won’t be left a single parent, true. BUT telling your bf that you won’t have kids with him unless/until y’all are married is at least a good litmus test for how serious he is about you. Getting married is a process, it costs money, and divorce costs a lot more money. If he’s intimidated by the prospect of marrying you, then he should be nowhere near procreating with you!
Divorced mom/divorced dad doesn't equal a single mom. Single mom's/single dad don't get the same protections set when the marriage started. There's plenty of other differences as well. Also, there is scholarly research on those who cohabitate before marriage and elevated divorces rates years after the marriage started. I will _never_ be for premarital sex. Def never gonna cohabitate before marriage. Women stand up 🌟! These standards aren't impossible.
@JackNutts Shut up. Y’all clear mfs are sitting up out here shacking up, running off on kids, unaliving the women and the entire family at rapid rates… all because most of you yt men are mad about having to be providers as well. The 4B movement started in Korea- so that tells you about their family values, etc etc FOH
Ladies if you just want to have a baby and you’re not married.. just go to a sperm bank. Otherwise marry before you carry. I went down the sperm bank artificial insemination route, but I made sure I had my village and was already financially stable. If my circumstances involved a boyfriend I would have definitely married before I carried
@@crestfire8008 exactly. Plus you have to financially stable to afford the treatment, choosing your donor requires a lot of research ( I probably know more about my donors health history than most typical single moms), and you go into this situation knowing your are the sole parent. No fighting for child support, no custody or visitation issues ( which are a blessing if you need to leave the state or country for work opportunities).
Exactly. If you’re not married and want a baby, skip the drama by going to the sperm bank. The last thing you want is a make who doesn’t want to marry you, doesn’t want a baby, and doesn’t want to pay child support hating your guts and plotting your demise. Because that’s literally what happens; he knocks you up, then he wants to eliminate you and the baby.
Exactly! Women should only entertain the thought and go through with having said kids 100% prepared to take care of this kids ALONE. Cuz there’s a huge chance that may be the case someday. I think that would prevent us a lot of trauma and shock
My dad has 4 baby momma's that I know of. The moment my siblings became baby daddies/mommies, he lost his mind and tried to disown my sisters. If it's not something you'd want your kids to repeat, don't do it. I can only speak on it anecdotally but based on my own family, I can say growing up like this creates the weakest family structures. It's like your siblings are not really yours and your parents are part-time. Highly do not recommend.
My baby brother's dad, my mom's second husband, had 13 kids with 4 different women. Even though MY MOTHERS KIDS were all raised in the same home, my baby brother took to calling us his half siblings because that's the culture on his dad's side. It hurt us, but he didn't see the problem. Now he's a runaway baby daddy too.
I dated this guy for 6 months back in 2021 and I told him from the very start I am dating to get married he waited till the end to tell me he doesn't believe in marriage and that love is all that matters but he wanted me to have his child. We broke up. I don't date anymore. I also don't want marriage anymore.
I’m pissed my mom has said multiple times “I just wish you had kids it would motivate you to live more of your life” I’m sorry what are you talking about?? I have two sister that both had to many kids one still lives with her and the other never done anything with her life. How in the hell would children change that for me. It would just Reduce how much time I have to do the stuff I want.
Oh girl. My mom says the same shit. She said that I should just go off my birth control and see what happens... Im on birth control because I know what happens 🙄 I swear, and Ill die on this hill, mothers want other women to suffer just like they do.
There is real pressure for a woman to have a kid, no matter what. When I was single, I got asked, "When are you having a kid?" WAY more than I was asked, "When are you getting married?" Like, why in the fuck would I volunarailty choose to be a BM? Make it make sense. Explain it to me like I'm 5.
I'm aroace, with a negative desire for a spouse or children, and my grandmother used to say this when she never even took care of her kids! My mother used to say "Have a baby and give it to me" then got mad when i said I'd never want my child raised by her. She's come around to me being childfree since she already has to raise my niece since both her parents are terrible
After seeing what my mother went through, I vowed that I would NEVER be a baby momma and a single mother. My mom was MISERABLE. My father did not want to pay her child support. She was engaged to my father but they had me before they got married. He cheated on her and they broke the engagement. She was also abused and cheated on by my brother’s father. It took her years to get away from my brothers father because he followed her. She struggled as a single mother and at one point we were HOMELESS. She left my brother’s father in the middle of a recession and she lost her job which is how we ended up homeless. I would NEVER want that life. I told my boyfriend that I will not have kids until we get married. We are planning on getting married now.
I'm so sorry that you and your mother endured that suffering and abuse. I am very glad you are in a better place now, an you are in control of your own future ❤
Seriously, all these women who are talking about marriage means nothing and marriage is not a guarantee, those are the women whose baby daddies won't marry them. I guarantee if he proposed and told her to set a date, she would believe in marriage then.
Right. Its bottom class behavior, from people in the bottom class - what do they know about marriage and how to utitilize it well when they have only been around others in the community who have done it the worse. Ask asains about marriage.
@Morgan24_7 I agree. Out of 10 women claiming marriage doesn't matter, maybe a couple of them actually feel that way. But the overwhelming majority of them would gladly get married if their baby daddy cared enough to marry them.
@janedo-re-mi2738 Those are the most competitive women out here- the ones who stay girlfriends for centuries. They are the ones always catching “their man” cheating , they are the ones always fighting and confronting women who know nothing about their existence and honestly, they’re the ones that play that main and side chick game so tough.
Men will trap you because they know you would have pretty babies and they see that you're a responsible woman that would step up and be a good mom to the baby.
The Woman that stood her ground on marriage. His goal was to break her to humble her. So if she would have valued him above her standards, he would have broke her down, used her, wasted her time, try to take away her youth, her body and abandoned her. He does not want a Woman that align with his ideas,.. why?? What's the point?! A Woman like that is already broken. #DivineFeminine 🌻🙏✌
IKR! That’s the part that has me scratching my head, cause why not get with a woman that has the same goals, TF 🤷🏽♀️ I guess they gotta be able to hold marriage over your head. They lose leverage if the woman doesn’t want marriage.
I like the lady who kept crossing her eyes. I appreciate women who make a mistake and then do NOT encourage women to do what they did. A lot of women make mistakes then try to get other young women to do the same thing so they don’t feel bad. I can’t respect when women do that
I have one child and is special needs. I do it by myself. Yeah i won’t be doing this again alone. I tell black women all the time not to have their children because what’s the benefits? My friend did this same thing, we kept telling her not to because it just doesn’t make sense. She did it anyway and that man made her life hell for her entire pregnancy and 7 months after the baby was born. She thought she would be the exception and was being egotistical about it. Even laughed in my face when I went through my situation and only to see her situation is way worse. Yall better quit playing thinking you shit glitter. Your shit smells like everyone else’s.
Omfg I hate when people try to say marriage isnt permanent. Marriage is like a legal contract while a bf/gf relationships are verbal contracts. Neither are permanent but youre more likely to get what you deserve with a legal contract.
That only works on the basis that your spouse has something to offer should your marriage fall apart. Most black males ain't got a pot to pi$$ in or a window to throw it out.
I overheard some pookie on a plane plotting with his boy on the phone about how he is going to make some woman he’s resentful of a baby mother. They set literally weaponize their seed to keep you bound to them for life. He even said that he wants to keep her stuck but still mess with other chicks. That is despicable
Procreating is a life threatening risk for women. It should ALWAYS be taken seriously imo. Marriage is also extremely important. Go into both with your eyes wide open. If you're marrying for a good father and financial provider, then if a divorce happens you should be ok. In other words swag and looks come last on the list for long term success.
I have so much to say on this topic! Years ago I straight up told a woman that she should not have gotten pregnant as a girlfriend. I was attacked and told to "stop judging her! Give her your support" Giving support to these kind of things is why women continue to get pregnant as girlfriends
Yep. It's cultural. The culture for the last 10-20 years has said it was okay so women kept doing it. Now it's swinging back the other way as we see all the cultural problems that kind of belief system and behavior caused. I know so many effed up people who never really had a chance just because of their family situations. That is fixable if the parents care enough to make better choices BEFORE they bring these poor kids into the world.
I can't stand when people do this. Rewarding vad behavior or detrimental choices is why the community is messed up. We can't even say there is a right or wrong way to do something withiut being attacked
Right. I’m so tired of these Marriage obsessed women acting like that’s the godly savior to women. It’s not. Marriage lessens a woman’s lifespan, married single mothers exist, and divorce is hard, expensive and marriage is simply not really offering all these “benefits” that these people think lol. Lots of women hardly get anything in the marriage and lots still get less in the divorce. Marriage is a scam. Relationships are a scam. MEN are a scam. The best advice for women is to simply stop dealing with men period. No sex, no babies, and no marriage. Majority of them are NOT worth it anyway.
Right😂 the wives are fighting to be legal servants, the gf are fighting to be indentured servants and the baby mommas are fighting to be min wage workers…cause at least they get a little child support.😂😂
I never understood the put down of BM, because by the end of the day one parent decided to raise that child, yet the black community hold the abandoning father in a higher ligh than the mother who is actually raising and caring for the child. This is why i hate when ppl say "fatherless behavior." Its just basically blaming the kid for not having a dad...like wtf!?! Are we really blaming everyone but the abandoning father!?!?
I can't stand the hypocrisy of this type of content. We need to talk more about why BP have this persecution complex and why they down people to feel better about themselves. And it be the ugliest women in these videos, Idc, I said it. Most of the people in those videos didn't grow up in a two parent-home themselves. If they did, they would know it's not all candy and rainbows either. They put marriage on a pedestal because they've never seen it in their own homes, so why judge others? I've got uncles who got married back in the early 90's who divorced and have since been happy with cohabiting partners for decades- they don't want to re-marry and their relationships have lasted longer than their previous marriages.
@@user-dv3kq3rm4h Will their cohabiting partners get your uncles' SS survivor benefits, death benefits? No? Well, that does make a care for marriage. The siblings or children of cohabiting people may try to claim their property as common law is a thing of the past and no longer recognized. An unmarried couple’s relationship status is not always recognized. If your uncle has health issues, the partner’s opinion may not be taken into consideration. For the record I grew up in a two parented household. My parents were married more than 50 years and there are no half or step sibs. No, my parents' marriage wasn't perfect, but it worked for them; no cheating I'm aware of and no abuse.
@@user-dv3kq3rm4hWhy so salty? Are you yourself an illegitimate child or did you birth any? Statistics prove children from 2parent households, especially married ones, fare better in life.
I told my husband when we were dating that I will not have children unless I was married. Before I met my husband I dated 4 other guys and I told them the same thing. Those 4 guys weren’t looking for commitment, so the relationship didn’t last long. The man I married understood my boundaries and less than 2 years he proposed. Ladies, if your goal is to be married one day - stand on business. Expressing your commitment to your boyfriend will weed out most of the no -committed ones.
And just to be clear, while this does not happen to everyone, understand that marriage is NOT a guarantee. I was married for 8 years and ultimately ended up in the same kind of position-i.e. being the main parent, waiting for child support, him pulling away from parental participantion.... I do understand the view point of not hap hazardly brining babies into the world-absolutely agree!
They always say, "we are going to get married, just not now. ".... like girl, please! Take your silly self down to the courthouse and have your wedding later. If he truly loved you, he would do it. What if you have fertility issues and can't get pregnant, you gonna spend your entire life without any commitment and STILL no baby? I highly doubt he is going to want to go on the journey with you to adopt a child.
I'm so sick of this "it's just a piece of paper" crap. It's a legally binding contract, a legal binding of assets. If it were just a paper, you'd be able to rip it up when the marriage went south, but should you do that you'll be faced with criminal charges of destroying a legal court document. You have to pay thousands of dollars to multiple lawyers to get rid of this "piece of paper". It's not, just a piece of paper. The people who say that are too cowardly to face the reality of that "piece of paper" being so incredibly powerful, it could ruin your life.
"Why can't you just believe my words when I say I'll give you all the marriage benefits without the commitment? I love you enough to make all these promises but not enough to prove it by making a vow before God and marrying you, I don't love you THAT much." That's what I heard from that one guy
The fact that he wouldn't want to marry you is already a red flag. Like, you can't even go and sign a piece of paper (if neither of y'all want a wedding), but you expect me to believe that you're going to be an equal partner and parent to our child? Boy, bye.
The manosphere is telling these guys that they don't want to give up their possessions for a woman. That's why so many of them don't want to get married now. But by the same logic, we shouldn't be risking death and ruining our bodies for these guys that won't even be around in a few years.
When will women as a collective wise up to the games men play. You've seen your grandmother's, mothers, female relatives, friends and even celebrities go through hell because of baby mother culture.. Yet there are still women out her believing the lies and signing up to struggle alone with kids???... Some people have to be left behind, I guess. 🤷♀️
It's just because baby mama culture has been glorified for years now. I've always thought it was bad behavior but years ago if you said anything, you would have been argued down. The culture just goes back and forth over such things.
I was just thinking about this the other day. I could never pay a mortgage with a BF or have kids with a BF! Serious financial obligations require serious commitments. While dating, I'm keeping my place and you're keeping your place. Feel free to spend days with each other as needed. I'm not eager to get married, but if you want us to be in a joint situation on kids, finances, and all that, then a marriage is what it'll be. A legal marriage with a prenup will make me feel better protected so if things ever go south, I will be able to use due process to ensure I don't get shafted. I'm not religious so I don't really care about a marriage before God - many marriages supposedly happened before God and still went south. I'm going to the court, and that marriage is happening between him, me, and the law!
Exactly. If they don’t believe in marriage then why try so hard to live like a traditionally married couple? What’s the point of that? I would rather date separately and leave it at that. The reality is they do believe in marriage and desire a husband, which is why they’re willing to play house with a man- sometimes for decades. And they end up not wanting to let him go in fear that he will marry the next woman… which is beyond stupid
I believe these women are continuing to think they’re going to prove themselves to be the exception to the rule regardless of what’s really happening right in front of us. They believe that they are so amazing and that their s3x is so good that they don’t need marriage to keep a man from walking away without the appropriate consequences in divorce.
Marriage won’t even keep a man from walking away😂 What consequences do men receive in divorce? Less than 10% of divorces pay out alimony. If he is rich and you are poor you will get nothing. Child support is granted regardless of marital status.
@@FreeBirdee Exactly! Marriage won’t keep a man from walking away. Thanks for stating the obvious dodo!!! What marriage will do is hold him financially accountable for abandoning his responsibilities(his woman and children). A man has to pay not only for his children when he abandons the marriage, but he has to pay Alimony for causing disruption to the marriage. It’s the financial security that makes marriage important. That’s a big deal for men. That’s why they steer away from marriage. Men create more children outside of marriage for this reason.
@@FreeBirdee If there are no consequences then why are we having this discussion? We are having this discussion bcs males do not want accountability. They want to get women pregnant as a permanent fallback while he play around with other women with no consequences.
i thought an acquaintance using a sperm donor to have a baby on her own was her being super brave, but now with all these conversations....i see she was just being hella smart.
I just assumed women having babies with bfs was them choosing to be single mothers with a part time partner they were fond of. But if they are trying to do a mid to long term partnership I don't get why there wouldn't be some sort of legally binding arrangement for the care of the kids.
Very smart. The more you don't have to deal with that other person and their issues...the better. You can raise your chikd without anyone else's influences that you don't like including his family
BS the wives aren't fairing well either. A good amount of wives are in three and four-way relationships. And a good amount of "baby mamas" began as wives. Lack of wealth is the issue irregardless of marriage or not. Did we not just watch a footballer put everything in his mama name? If you want marriage, do that. If you don't, don't do that. PROTECT YOURSELF EITHER WAY.
Why is single-motherhood often labeled as pride or being proud? I'm doubtful that any woman actually feels pride in such circumstances; but rather, they're making the best of a challenging situation and coming to terms with their reality. Like the babies are HERE! You can't afford to beat yourself up everyday when innocent kids are depending on you to live. There's a significant distinction between pride and resilience. Single mothers are resilient. It's high time we abandoned the misplaced notion of pride, which doesn't truly reflect the actual words or experiences of most single mothers.
Am I in The Twilight Zone or something? So if a woman doesn't want to get married she's 'not a good woman'.. Said the man who doesn't want to get married!? Make it make sense
It's 2024. How are we still debating this. If you want to have a child, have one knowing that there are higher chances that you will be a single parent even being married. We all know by now that there are plenty of married single mothers who are expected to perform wifely duties shortly after being discharged from the hospital. In this day and age, a man who's willing and able to be a good father and partner is rare. Consider yourself fortunate if you have one. Don't consider having a child if you won't be able to deal with being a single mother. There's no failed proof "picking" in a patriarchy.
👏👏 Educated high earners should be the GOAL! Then choose if you want marriage, kids, kids only, both or neither. At this point, prioritizing marriage is a risky decision.
Preach , i don’t get why people think marriage will prevent woman from being single mothers n struggling. The reality is most of this man out here are grown boy dusties who don’t want to take responsibility. The one advice to give to woman today is to ensure that they are financially stable before having a child and date n marry up Hypergamy all the way don’t settle for broke man
These men don’t care about their own daughters like that to be honest. They’re at peace with their daughters being baby mommas. If they weren’t it would require that they make changes to themselves and they won’t do that.
Great video and more women need to watch this. When you’re in the hospital and your blocked from seeing your man, you will want to be a wife instead of some girlfriend. If your man unexpectedly dies and his family cuts you out of the funeral and kick you out of the house you lived with him in, you will wish you were his wife. screw around and find out. A LEGAL WIFE has protections a baby momma or girlfriend do not have. The law and God do not recognize out of wedlock relationships. why the hell would you not want to be protected legally? Your marriage should be recognized by God and the law. A lot of these males are anti-marriage certificates because they want to prevent a woman from gaining access to his assets while he gets the benefits of enjoying her. A married partner cant just leave someone. Legally they can’t just leave you the same way someone could if you weren’t married. If you’re married with or without children and a spouse abandons you, you can file an abandonment warrant on them. This is only available to married people. If someone is just your boyfriend/girlfriend they can leave you and the child up to dry and the law doesn’t care because in their eyes y’all are both technically single. A legal marriage is harder to bail on. You’re more likely to weather rocky parts of a relationship if it takes a painful legal adjudication to walk away from. It shows a ‘next level’ commitment to your partner toward your relationship. You can’t just leave the same way you would a bf/gf. Or god forbid something happens during labor where you need someone to make medical decisions on your behalf. They won’t let the boyfriend do that. My OB told me a story of a woman who went into a coma during her delivery and because she wasn’t able to sign the birth certificate before her coma they didn’t know what to do with the baby. They couldn’t give baby to the dad because legally he had no rights to the child. The child ended up going to foster care. Now, if he were a husband he would have legal rights to his child but he wasn’t. My OB stressed the importance of being married before having a kid because there are a lot of issues that can arise that people don’t think of. Also as a man why would you be comfortable having a child with a woman and she’s just your “girlfriend” and you have no legal rights to your kids I would feel strange Marriage is real and tangible proof that a man is wanting to commit to you (assuming he means it) and when you are married to a good man and vet him before having his child the chances of him just up and leaving are less than the guy who just knocks someone up. I honestly don’t understand men who have kids without getting married but claim to love the mother and family. Why not commit to them in the eyes of the law? If you’re a woman who has a man’s child don’t you want to be stable and have legal protections if he chooses to leave? Now if you choose to marry someone who hasn’t been a good partner then that’s a different story. That’s why you should wait a few years and vet the person before having their child. I see a lot of women married to men who are terrible fathers and partners but they showed signs before the baby that they would not be present and active. All the guys who say marriage is a “piece of paper” are guys who had no serious intentions for you in the first place. Marriage guarantees that a woman is protected. Without the safety net of marriage, women will be taken advantage of. Marriage offers women legal protections. A wife has more say over her husband’s health than his momma or any other person in his life. Go ask the many dumb women who’s boyfriend died without leaving them a penny. Neither the state nor God himself acknowledge any relationship outside of marriage. These dumb women fed these men, had their children, gave them sex and loyalty. All the while, these guys didn’t do right and wife them up. SO what happens? the guy is dead and the woman has to fend for herself with out of wedlock children. Society will mock her for being a single momma. The guy she was with called her a “nag” if she ever brought up the topic of marriage. Any woman who isn’t married to a guy SHOULD BE PANICKED! A man has done NOTHING for you until he has made you a wife. Look at Lauren London. She was the girlfriend of rapper Nipsey Hussle. Nipsey got shot and died. Lauren has no access to any of his wealth. Even though she has some money of her own, it’s not the same as a man’s provision. That must hit her HARD. Because Nipsey never elevated her to the status of a WIFE, she has no rights and no say over anything. Look at Vanessa Bryant. She was taken care of throughout her husband’s life and death. He made sure he married the woman he loved. As painful as the death of Kobe is, she doesn’t have to deal with financial burden. A married woman has status and rights. Legally she is ENTITELD to the man’s assets. Why would any man with a heart want to leave a woman stranded with children? This is why so many guys online are telling women lies that they don’t need a marriage license/certificate. They’d rather a woman be stranded with children than part with their money, even after death. Marriage guarantees that when a man passes away, a woman isn’t left stranded. She has access to his assets. SO why would any guy protest this? if you loved a woman why would you not want to share your wealth with her? only guys who hate women and never wanted anything serious have a hatred of legalizing the union. Marriage has to be official before God AND the state. There are many videos online calling on people not to get a marriage certificate/license. These guys do this to get away from the responsibilities of providing for a wife. Yet they want the benefits of a wife. Women who agree with this arrangement are screwed.
A lot of women don’t realize that a man’s willingness to stay married and be a good father is 80% dictated by how he feels about the woman. Women were catering to their man in the olden days in the hopes that he would stay. Because his feelings towards her could vary wildly and may end up with her/the kids on the street. Many baby mommas don’t stand a chance bc the man didn’t like you enough to even marry you. Let alone raise a kid (something that will take away the woman’s sex drive and all of her time/attention)
“I don’t want to date a woman that don’t want to get married, she’s probably not a good woman” That is weird as hell but you want to date a woman that wants to get married but you don’t want to get married? Makes sense lol
This is a great discussion, but please keep in mind the following: If you marry a man with no or little resources, you will likely divorce receiving zero resources. If you marry a man with more resources than you have, he can possibly take the children and leave you with nothing. If you marry a man that you have more resources you could possibly end up paying child and spousal support. Lastly, BW are the least likely to benefit from marriage, the most likely to divorce and the least likely to receive any financial support from their ex. Currently only 28% of BW are married. So what that tells me is that BW should either be discussing how to build community and still have the life they desire or remaining single & childfree, because statistically marriage is not in your future, especially when your preference is BM.
Brilliant comment. And I agree. But I want to add - We benefit the least from marriage because of who we marry. Period. Brookings Institute came out with a study in 2014 on the topic - BW have similar rates of socioeconomic mobility as white women as long as we stay child free. When we mate with BM our status actually drops more than it would if we are single. So I’m sure that is a huge factor here. BW marrying outside the race actually lowers the divorce rate (at least for now). So marriage has its pitfalls but I would say that WHO you marry and the resources they have matter quite a bit.
Marriage isn’t a guarantee…you can be a single mom within a marriage too, I see it all the time. Women complain about how they have to work and get no help when they come home from their husbands..the point is, whether you’re a wife or a girlfriend, you have to be lucky to find a partner who is there to support you under any circumstance.
A seatbelt is not a guarantee. I can still die in a car accident if I wear my seatbelt. That doesn't mean not wearing my seatbelt and putting my feet on the dash isn't stupid.
@@MissKashiraMs pick me please shut up. Seems like your status as a wife throws out all common sense. You’d rather have a title in which you can still possibly become that man’s side chick. You’d rather have that rather knowing that person will be there for you in all seasons.
@@brownsugga2584 Why on earth would refusing to create a child out of wedlock make me a pickme? Wouldn't the pickme thing to do be to give the man a kid even though he only views that kid as a method of slowing me down and has no intent on helping me raise it? And as I've explained three times already, marriage is a precaution. Just because things can still go poorly even if you take precautions doesn't mean you shouldn't take them. You can get pregnant even if you use birth control, that doesn't mean you should just raw dog it. Why would a good man who is there for all seasons refuse to give me the most basic of protections before I risk my life giving birth to his kids?
I hear what you’re saying. In most communities marriage equals stability and financial security. In the black community, it does not mean that in most cases. I wish it did, but I know very few BW who would financially benefit from a marriage should it go south (for those who say marriage is protection). I say don’t marry them OR have their baby😂, but if you ARE going to have their baby GET MARRIED.
@@lovelyloner Just to clarify, I feel the same. I'm not saying women should make marriage a goal in life. I'm saying if you're gonna make a human being, the least you can do is bring them into a situation that's at least trying to be stable. People keep pointing out half of marriages end, true, but how many relationships end? The average person has 4-8 relationships over their lifetime. That's way worse odds.
The thing is that girl will not listen, when she hears all the stories she simply thinks it cannot and will not happen to her. That her situation is 'different'. Women really have to find out the hard way.
Bullshit!! You sound like someone that has done it and trying to justify yourself. like men don’t stick pins in condoms or take condoms off in the middle of sex or hide birth control pills, and contraceptive devices some even get online and brag about it. Some of their homeboys have even got online and exposed conversations about their homeboy bragging about it. You just sound like one of them.
I completely agree with you. My husband and I didn’t live together before marriage and he also didn’t wait ten years to propose. He proposed within a year. Love your wisdom. I had a beautiful close friend (who is no longer with us) who came from single mothers. I believe her grandma was also one. When she would talk to me in college about what she wants, she would say she wants her and her future babies to live close to me so our kids could grow up together. She never spoke about having a husband. She described it like just her and her children
Tbf sperm donation exist, might be safer than having to deal with men these days and custody battles and if youre rich your kid could be better off then some kids with 2 parents
There's no fxcking way I'm going through the life altering physical trauma of childbirth and lifetime commitment to raising that child for a man who won't give me the commitment of marriage. And some of these girls be having kids for men who won't even give them the commitment of a monogamous relationship. Yall do what yall want, but that is INSANE to me. These boyfriends be checking out before the women even give birth, or immediately after when the true responsibility of patenthood sets in. I cannot comprehend why anyone is still willingly signing up for that life. And it's the kids that ultimately suffer with the abandonment issues from an absent father, or trauma from seeing nothing but toxicity in their parents. Then they go into the dating world and repeat the cycle. Craziness.
Tbf you cant blame that on giving birth out of wedlock solely, since everything you ve listed can happen within mariage as well and tbf ive had a friend whose parents got married when she was 4 and both parents were pretty much involved (and financially well of) even had a second baby
I literally just watched a vlog of a young black girl literally crying because her boyfriend switched up after she got pregnant and had the baby and she grasping at straws trying to make the relationship work and he telling her she get on his nerves
A few years back I went on a date with this guy. He asked me if I had children , I said no I’ve never been married only engaged. His face after my response was one that looked shocked , confused, etc. I guess in his dusty crusty mind that what does marriage have to do with having a kid ? 🤨 Sir , if my daddy married my mom 3 months before I was born to not produce a “b4stard” as he said then WHY would I create kids with not the same privileges? And u already know that marriage doesn’t necessarily mean anything, so save the comments. However, Lon average it is a lot better to at least be the wife and mother of your children vs a baby daddy with several men in and out your child’s life . Period. I am in full agreement with the lady saying why even put yourself in that situation? Marriage is more permanent. Also , the lady that told her BF she wanted marriage and he said he didn’t and doesn’t mean he would not take care of her , and wouldn’t date a woman who doesn’t want marriage bc she’s probably not a good women ? 🤨 Ladies , it’s 2024 and if no one has told you as of yet, DON’T believe a dam thing a man says . EVER. If he says something, sit back and don’t say anything and WATCH if he follows through on his words , without you reminding him . That scenario is very common. I’ve had men tell me the exact same thing, that a piece of paper doesn’t mean he won’t care for his child. 🤨 if you want a child then here’s what I want ? I want a home in place , not a I’ll buy one day but an actual HOUSE and mortgage. My marriage license and an actual marriage. And THEN we can discuss a baby that we are attached to forever.
Casual, noncommittal sex leads to very real and tangible consequences…😶😶😶 I remember when Fantasia came out w/ that wack ass song and everybody was playing it all loud, and I was like😒😒😒 And I honestly think some men _would_ like for their daughters to be babymamas rather than married, b/c if she’s married, her obligations to her husband now supersede those she has to her father…😒 THEY want to be first in their daughters’ lives so there’s a Woman to come take care of them when the time comes and there’ll be no husband in dad’s way…
As a childfree woman I’m judging the living out these low value women who allowed themselves to be trapped and ruined. Bring back shaming this bum behavior.
Absolutely. They treat creating and bringing life into this world like some kind of meaningless game, and I'm sick of it. All these poor children suffering as a result, who then turn around and make this world an even worse place to live.
No point- too many women have been severely brainwashed by these pimp tactic having men. I swear more women denounce marriage then men nowadays- but they don’t mind playing house or trying to live like a traditionally married couple though. They always say husbands are the worse- yet you’re running to the doctor every week for burning because of your roaming boyfriend. I guess since they aren’t legally married they think whatever the boyfriend does- doesn’t actually count or something LOL
In this economy I do not recommend anybody getting pregnant begin honest. Also women do have accept the fact that they will have to do most of sacrificing and child raising even if you have a husband. I will say that at least if you get married you have somewhat of a guarantee of at least child support and that your child's father name will 9 times out 10 be on that birth certificate. Women do need to start taking having children more serious it is lifetime commitment with a lot of unknows.
Im in a Moms group and i cringe every time someone makes a post about how they’re actively trying to have a baby with a boyfriend. I just can’t understand how you would intentionally put your mental and physical health on the line to have a baby by someone who couldn’t even get you a ring or some legal documentation first.
Where I live people are getting married less and less (cause it is so expesive/hard to divorce). Ain't no way that a men can "commit" to creating a life and having me risk my life for childbirth, but he can't promise to be there for me for ever? He can commit to creating a whole ass other life, but he can't promise to love me and commit to me forever?
I’ve been telling my sister since she was 13 not to have kids. She’ll be 21 this year with no kids. I tell other girls younger than me as well. Wish I had someone like me! All the older woman didn’t tell me anything about nothing. Why do older woman do that?!?!
I think the we should untie motherhood from relationship status. I am a married mother of one, and the reason I don’t have more kids is because I can’t financially or emotionally support more children on my own. Maybe my husband can, but I can’t and ultimately I can’t make decisions that depend on his presence because one day we may not be together. We, as women, should have kids when we are ready (financially/emotionally) as individual women regardless of if we are married or single.
BF/GF buying houses and cars make me ask the same question. 2024 and people are STILL relying on a relationship to fulfill their financial and material needs. It's disturbing.
I go back and forth on myself for marriage with my partner but if a kid ever got brought up (which I doubt because neither of us want kids but I digress) that would be changing to oh we’re getting married tomorrow then. It’s about so many things from safety to health access, people act too immature about this stuff as if it’s all about love. It’s really not, love is the starting point, everything after comes from conscious, measurable effort. Marriage is about more than a “guarantee”.
If he “loves” you enough to impregnate you, he should “love” you enough to make that commitment to marry you. Of course marriage isn’t guaranteed but if someone isn’t serious enough to make you their wife why in TF would you have their big head ass baby???? 😭 MAKE IT MAKE SENSE SIS
Well marriage is a bigger commitment than the GF-BF dynamic. Unfortunatley, it's like a currency: if everyone think it has no value, it won't have value for mankind😓
It is a fact that marriage benefits men more than women, so I don't understand why we keep seing marriage as a goal, you will end with 2 kids, legally bonded to a manchild, your money will be his and his debt yours, WHY!!? Trashy man would leave no matter what and on top of that you would need to PAY for a lawyer to dissolve that union! Only marry if the man is really worth it, and proven to be dependable, otherwise stay single and if you can afford to have a child go for it! We all know about single married woman, don't become one!!
I concur with the woman who said marriage material only. I went on first dates with some guys but not until I met my to-be husband did I call him boyfriend and within 1 year he was seeking to marry me, making clear his intentions (when I got a bit older and graduated from law school - which that’s a green flag green flag! He respected my education!) so we were partners for a while and due diligence not to get pregnant and then we got married when I was a bit older. Mad respect for my husband bc he wasn’t predatory or pushy and definitely not baby trappy. He respected me as a person, respected my education, respected my developing brain (I was 21 almost 22 when we met but he’s 7 years older).
Literally, LITERALLY risking your lives and health for men who will not commit to you and very likely, not commit to that(these) child(ren)..... Yall really think getting pregnant is like getting the cold.
If a woman wants to be a single mother, then she needs to be honest about that, at least with herself. I would suggest that she get her money together and get an agreement from the baby daddy, in writing, what he will pay you if you have his child, and what responsibilities he will take on during the pregnancy and then in the child's life.
Marriage provides stability. Also, if he loves you he will pursue you and ask you to get married within a year or two of dating. If you want a family you need to select the best one of the ones that treat you the best and want to get married and the most stable. Never chase a man.
Wives and baby mamas 👎no👎no 👎No👎hell No👎all that is a risk in 2024 2025 None of these men are capable of creating a safe place space for Woman It’s a risk I was never going to take Now I’m 20 years in being Single 🩷 Kid free My house is paid off I have my career I have my family n friends 🌸My Me Time🩷🌸🩷 No man or bf or baby daddy can create that for me
I'll say this!! I live in NYC I've dating so called "high value men" and so called "good men" and they are pretty much the same! Good men have told me to my face that i had to accept the fact that they would be with other women 😮 so im good - but good luck to the women that find love
I think women want to "keep it going" because they don't think it will happen to them. I was married and the man still ran off with another woman (what's wrong with women who do this?) and left me a single mother who had to fight for support for 15 years. I didn't think it would happen to me, but it did.
I’m just gonna say it because women deep down know what they allow. Men will say whatever if he hasn’t married you and you giving him a baby, you are his placeholder he will go out and if you cannot find who he wants then he will want to be in a relationship with you, and even then he might not marry you because you give up your womb!
Women wanting kids and willing to do it alone are pure selfish and evil IMO .. but ppl need to stop acting like marriage will make non-single mothers. Just as many married and divorced single mothers
If you’re in a relationship and want a baby, it’s safer within marriage, because you will have more legal rights if you were his wife than if you weren’t. But if you’re not in a marriage, and aren’t looking to have the male around, then you’re better off getting pregnant unmarried (or going to a sperm bank)then just never telling him about it, and raising the baby yourself. If he’s not willing to marry you before you have his child, having his child will actually make him LESS likely to ever commit to you. There are no more shotgun weddings; males don’t force other males to marry their daughters anymore. The social pressure to support their family is gone ever since the term “baby mama” was invented. Just like the term “girlfriend,” which used to mean that you were moving towards marriage, lost it’s worth and meaning when the term “friends with benefits” was invented.
No, it is NOT the same. If you have your children within marriage, you are a divorced mother, not a baby mama or single mother. But keep telling yourself that.
@FindYourFree So.. is it better to just move in with men, live with them for years, perform duties of a wife and then somehow they will magically respect you and your children more?
@@FindYourFreeThank you! It’s pick me to put marriage on a pedestal as well!! You’re actually MORE trapped unless you married really well. Most divorced women are financially WORSE off! It’s mainly religious women that fall for this okey doke.
@femmefatale71 But you see, we are NOT putting marriage on a pedestal at all. We are calling out women who somehow think birthing children for a boyfriend is the same as birthing children for a husband. Let him die, and you will find out how WRONG you are.
I couldn’t care less about not being married or being married. There are plenty of single married mothers out here. How about instead of a relationship status, focus more on the quality of person you have a child with. That goes for both sexes.
I think the message should be if he won't wear a raincoat, make sure you have your rain bonnet, umbrella, goloshes, or just stay inside by yourself. In this economy, ladies, stop playing with your wealth potential.
😂❤❤
If he won't wear a raincoat, you shouldn't even be with him! He's not thinking about your health or your life, and such a person is a _danger_ to you!
The real messages if you don’t want to have kids stop having sex or at least have sex with someone who actively likes you and wants to marry you
@@BarbieDawl.__The problem is wants to marry you and marrying you is two different things I've been told I want to marry you of course I want to and like here I am still single😂
@@DeepBreathingMeditation then he didn’t want to marry you a man that wants to marry you was gonna do it and men say a lot of things.. idk why some women haven’t learned that yet . i’ve had a man tell me he wanted to marry me too he didn’t. I didn’t take it as anything men just talk , listen to their actions ohhh!
I've never understood the 'marriage is too big a commitment', like children aren't the ultimate commitment 🙄
I'M sayin! Make it make sense. "I don't wanna be tied down by marriage." No, you'd rather be "tied down" forever through a child
Well let’s be honest, 9/10 they consciously or subconsciously have no intention to invest/care for that child. A lot of men and women in the community come from the very dynamics displayed and discussed here, and it seems like both sides have subdivisions that want to perpetuate it further.
And it’s clear at this point most men use children to have access to the mother(s). Marriage may not be permanent, but there’s a lot of weight to that piece of paper and protections for an ex wife over a baby mama. And they know that.
I do think being clear and sticking to the notion of only having kids in wedlock is a good litmus test and precaution for women dating. A man that tries to push you into the stereotypical statistic knowing how the community (your friends, family, other women and men) will view and treat you is a red flag.
Preach. You don’t want to be “tied down” or have “ball and chain,” but you’re going to have to deal with that person anyway because you made a child together (clearly, there are exceptions). Like I’m not creating life (and risking my own) with someone who I couldn’t see myself with forever.
Thank you! Having children is a bigger bond/commitment than marriage. You can easily get a divorce, but the kids still need to be taken care of.
@@thinkinginn7443THIS!!!!
The first response was 💯. Why would you risk your LIFE having a baby for a man when he won’t even risk his “finances” to marry you??? Make that make sense.
Period
This is how I feel. A guy tried to get me to have a kid for him and wasn't interested in marriage. I let that sucker go back to conning other women.
At times you are not having a child for a man but you are having a child for you because you want a child n can provide for them
And a lot of these men will turn around and say, “You should have chose better” when a woman is left in the dust with a child.
Exactly!!
Thank god I’m nobody baby mother 🤦🏽♀️
Ironically, Those are the same men making more single mothers by the day.
Fresh and Fit vibes.
Thats not the point of this video? Dont have a child by someone not worth your while? "Choose better" is just a shortened version of that
@roxyortiz8819 eh? But i agree with everything how am i hurt?
@roxyortiz8819 i literally commented "thank you, big ups" on the channel..... If you got some hate you Wanna give out, that's your problem. Grow up
I’ll also say this: marriage does NOT guarantee you won’t be left a single parent, true. BUT telling your bf that you won’t have kids with him unless/until y’all are married is at least a good litmus test for how serious he is about you. Getting married is a process, it costs money, and divorce costs a lot more money. If he’s intimidated by the prospect of marrying you, then he should be nowhere near procreating with you!
Preaching !!!!!
Absolutely 💯
Yes!🎉
Facts ‼️
Divorced mom/divorced dad doesn't equal a single mom. Single mom's/single dad don't get the same protections set when the marriage started. There's plenty of other differences as well. Also, there is scholarly research on those who cohabitate before marriage and elevated divorces rates years after the marriage started.
I will _never_ be for premarital sex. Def never gonna cohabitate before marriage. Women stand up 🌟! These standards aren't impossible.
This is one of the reasons I will remain childfree. People aren’t shit. 🤦🏾♀️🤷🏾♀️
Lol
Say it louder for the dummies in the back.
yup that is right
No that's just the black community.
@JackNutts Shut up. Y’all clear mfs are sitting up out here shacking up, running off on kids, unaliving the women and the entire family at rapid rates… all because most of you yt men are mad about having to be providers as well.
The 4B movement started in Korea- so that tells you about their family values, etc etc
FOH
Ladies if you just want to have a baby and you’re not married.. just go to a sperm bank. Otherwise marry before you carry. I went down the sperm bank artificial insemination route, but I made sure I had my village and was already financially stable. If my circumstances involved a boyfriend I would have definitely married before I carried
At least the sperm bank has high quality specimen
@@crestfire8008 exactly. Plus you have to financially stable to afford the treatment, choosing your donor requires a lot of research ( I probably know more about my donors health history than most typical single moms), and you go into this situation knowing your are the sole parent. No fighting for child support, no custody or visitation issues ( which are a blessing if you need to leave the state or country for work opportunities).
Exactly. If you’re not married and want a baby, skip the drama by going to the sperm bank. The last thing you want is a make who doesn’t want to marry you, doesn’t want a baby, and doesn’t want to pay child support hating your guts and plotting your demise. Because that’s literally what happens; he knocks you up, then he wants to eliminate you and the baby.
Exactly! Women should only entertain the thought and go through with having said kids 100% prepared to take care of this kids ALONE. Cuz there’s a huge chance that may be the case someday. I think that would prevent us a lot of trauma and shock
@@LasBlackUnicrnThis is so true!!
My dad has 4 baby momma's that I know of. The moment my siblings became baby daddies/mommies, he lost his mind and tried to disown my sisters. If it's not something you'd want your kids to repeat, don't do it. I can only speak on it anecdotally but based on my own family, I can say growing up like this creates the weakest family structures. It's like your siblings are not really yours and your parents are part-time. Highly do not recommend.
Thanks for sharing this.
I second this. Those aren't my siblings. Both my father and stepdad have other families and my grandfather does too.
Poverty pimps love to pass down the struggle to their own offspring. What a legacy they leave.
My sperm donor has 3mothers , my daughter's dad has three mothers 🥺. I'm doing my best so my child does not end up like me 🙏🏾🙏🏾🙏🏾.
My baby brother's dad, my mom's second husband, had 13 kids with 4 different women. Even though MY MOTHERS KIDS were all raised in the same home, my baby brother took to calling us his half siblings because that's the culture on his dad's side. It hurt us, but he didn't see the problem. Now he's a runaway baby daddy too.
Going to fertility specialists with a boyfriend just doesn’t even sound right
If a man is not honorable enough to marry you, just know you bout to be a single, struggling, baby momma 😭❤
I dated this guy for 6 months back in 2021 and I told him from the very start I am dating to get married he waited till the end to tell me he doesn't believe in marriage and that love is all that matters but he wanted me to have his child. We broke up. I don't date anymore. I also don't want marriage anymore.
You stopped a player in his tracks. He'll return since he didn't get a chance to break you down.
@@kynathomas4809 Bet, he already tried to hoover back on a Facebook post just last week. I blocked him. I don't know why they think we forget.
Never talk or sleep with him again. If he comes back he’s coming to destroy you.
I’m pissed my mom has said multiple times “I just wish you had kids it would motivate you to live more of your life” I’m sorry what are you talking about?? I have two sister that both had to many kids one still lives with her and the other never done anything with her life. How in the hell would children change that for me. It would just Reduce how much time I have to do the stuff I want.
Your mom is trying to trap you in crab in barrel bucket too
Oh girl. My mom says the same shit. She said that I should just go off my birth control and see what happens... Im on birth control because I know what happens 🙄
I swear, and Ill die on this hill, mothers want other women to suffer just like they do.
The biggest lie. Don't most of us come from major pickmes who normalize struggle. Don't do it
There is real pressure for a woman to have a kid, no matter what. When I was single, I got asked, "When are you having a kid?" WAY more than I was asked, "When are you getting married?" Like, why in the fuck would I volunarailty choose to be a BM? Make it make sense. Explain it to me like I'm 5.
I'm aroace, with a negative desire for a spouse or children, and my grandmother used to say this when she never even took care of her kids!
My mother used to say "Have a baby and give it to me" then got mad when i said I'd never want my child raised by her. She's come around to me being childfree since she already has to raise my niece since both her parents are terrible
After seeing what my mother went through, I vowed that I would NEVER be a baby momma and a single mother. My mom was MISERABLE. My father did not want to pay her child support. She was engaged to my father but they had me before they got married. He cheated on her and they broke the engagement. She was also abused and cheated on by my brother’s father. It took her years to get away from my brothers father because he followed her. She struggled as a single mother and at one point we were HOMELESS. She left my brother’s father in the middle of a recession and she lost her job which is how we ended up homeless. I would NEVER want that life. I told my boyfriend that I will not have kids until we get married. We are planning on getting married now.
Wow
You can still end up a single mother. You should wait and make sure he invests financially in you before you have sex with him or children.
I'm so sorry that you and your mother endured that suffering and abuse. I am very glad you are in a better place now, an you are in control of your own future ❤
Girl - same !! I will never have black kids EVER
Make sure you have your own bag even in marriage. God bless.
I won't move in with a man or engage in any financial obligations without marriage.
Thats smart
Absolutely bc they will definitely try to wear you down since you're already living together
Seriously, all these women who are talking about marriage means nothing and marriage is not a guarantee, those are the women whose baby daddies won't marry them.
I guarantee if he proposed and told her to set a date, she would believe in marriage then.
Right. Its bottom class behavior, from people in the bottom class - what do they know about marriage and how to utitilize it well when they have only been around others in the community who have done it the worse. Ask asains about marriage.
I would say 8-10 your right.
@Morgan24_7 I agree. Out of 10 women claiming marriage doesn't matter, maybe a couple of them actually feel that way. But the overwhelming majority of them would gladly get married if their baby daddy cared enough to marry them.
and still get dogged
@janedo-re-mi2738 Those are the most competitive women out here- the ones who stay girlfriends for centuries. They are the ones always catching “their man” cheating , they are the ones always fighting and confronting women who know nothing about their existence and honestly, they’re the ones that play that main and side chick game so tough.
Having a child with my husband was 10000% worth the wait. Please wait, it’s so much better.
If the Black community waited to get married before children, most of us wouldn't have kids. 😂😂 Most of us wouldn't be here.
This is so true. Most black woman wouldn’t have children if they wait for bm to marry them. So marry white or Asian men. Or Nigerian men
Men will trap you because they know you would have pretty babies and they see that you're a responsible woman that would step up and be a good mom to the baby.
THIS IS SO TRUE. I literally had some asshole say that. He just liked my skin color and wanted "pretty babies." It was so fucking disgusting.
The Woman that stood her ground on marriage. His goal was to break her to humble her. So if she would have valued him above her standards, he would have broke her down, used her, wasted her time, try to take away her youth, her body and abandoned her. He does not want a Woman that align with his ideas,.. why?? What's the point?! A Woman like that is already broken. #DivineFeminine 🌻🙏✌
IKR! That’s the part that has me scratching my head, cause why not get with a woman that has the same goals, TF 🤷🏽♀️
I guess they gotta be able to hold marriage over your head. They lose leverage if the woman doesn’t want marriage.
I like the lady who kept crossing her eyes. I appreciate women who make a mistake and then do NOT encourage women to do what they did. A lot of women make mistakes then try to get other young women to do the same thing so they don’t feel bad. I can’t respect when women do that
I have one child and is special needs. I do it by myself. Yeah i won’t be doing this again alone. I tell black women all the time not to have their children because what’s the benefits? My friend did this same thing, we kept telling her not to because it just doesn’t make sense. She did it anyway and that man made her life hell for her entire pregnancy and 7 months after the baby was born. She thought she would be the exception and was being egotistical about it. Even laughed in my face when I went through my situation and only to see her situation is way worse. Yall better quit playing thinking you shit glitter. Your shit smells like everyone else’s.
Omfg I hate when people try to say marriage isnt permanent.
Marriage is like a legal contract while a bf/gf relationships are verbal contracts. Neither are permanent but youre more likely to get what you deserve with a legal contract.
Exactly!
wrong..that is just delusional thinking...as a divorcee i know for a fact these reprobate men don't care either way, legally bound or not..
That only works on the basis that your spouse has something to offer should your marriage fall apart. Most black males ain't got a pot to pi$$ in or a window to throw it out.
From what I’ve observed- of the 3 divorces that I’ve observed …they all received child support AND that is IT!!😂😂
@@FreeBirdeebetter than nothing
"The bikini bottom of society" 😩🤣🤣
Took me out 😂
I overheard some pookie on a plane plotting with his boy on the phone about how he is going to make some woman he’s resentful of a baby mother. They set literally weaponize their seed to keep you bound to them for life. He even said that he wants to keep her stuck but still mess with other chicks. That is despicable
He was just saying the quiet part out loud. A lot of them are trying to do that and will only tell their boys that. It's gross.
@@Liz-wz8dh right!!
Procreating is a life threatening risk for women. It should ALWAYS be taken seriously imo. Marriage is also extremely important. Go into both with your eyes wide open. If you're marrying for a good father and financial provider, then if a divorce happens you should be ok. In other words swag and looks come last on the list for long term success.
Being a baby mother is the worst thing I’ve EVER experienced. Ever.
❤❤❤
I don’t have children and I’m not having any kids
I have so much to say on this topic!
Years ago I straight up told a woman that she should not have gotten pregnant as a girlfriend. I was attacked and told to "stop judging her! Give her your support"
Giving support to these kind of things is why women continue to get pregnant as girlfriends
Yep. It's cultural. The culture for the last 10-20 years has said it was okay so women kept doing it. Now it's swinging back the other way as we see all the cultural problems that kind of belief system and behavior caused. I know so many effed up people who never really had a chance just because of their family situations. That is fixable if the parents care enough to make better choices BEFORE they bring these poor kids into the world.
I can't stand when people do this. Rewarding vad behavior or detrimental choices is why the community is messed up. We can't even say there is a right or wrong way to do something withiut being attacked
I’m not having anymore children. My ex tried to trap me, but my baby and I got away.
same here..left him in the dust and took my kids abroad
With Uncle Sam to lift you up.@@FindYourFree
@@JackNutts stop talking to me
@@sourcandydoll uncle Sam's little girl.
@@JackNutts so desperate for female attention you have to troll online. Pathetic
Worst is even in marriages you can still be a single mother. Life is a very game to play one wrong move and it can all be over.
So that means have children by someone who is not even committed to enough to call you his Girlfriend
Baby mother, wife, GF all of it is exhausting and trapping. Don’t do any of it.
Right. I’m so tired of these Marriage obsessed women acting like that’s the godly savior to women. It’s not. Marriage lessens a woman’s lifespan, married single mothers exist, and divorce is hard, expensive and marriage is simply not really offering all these “benefits” that these people think lol. Lots of women hardly get anything in the marriage and lots still get less in the divorce.
Marriage is a scam. Relationships are a scam. MEN are a scam.
The best advice for women is to simply stop dealing with men period. No sex, no babies, and no marriage. Majority of them are NOT worth it anyway.
Right 😂
Right😂 the wives are fighting to be legal servants, the gf are fighting to be indentured servants and the baby mommas are fighting to be min wage workers…cause at least they get a little child support.😂😂
4B All The Way! 🌼
Agreed 💯
I never understood the put down of BM, because by the end of the day one parent decided to raise that child, yet the black community hold the abandoning father in a higher ligh than the mother who is actually raising and caring for the child. This is why i hate when ppl say "fatherless behavior." Its just basically blaming the kid for not having a dad...like wtf!?! Are we really blaming everyone but the abandoning father!?!?
Misogyny is the reason!!
Exactly
I can't stand the hypocrisy of this type of content. We need to talk more about why BP have this persecution complex and why they down people to feel better about themselves. And it be the ugliest women in these videos, Idc, I said it. Most of the people in those videos didn't grow up in a two parent-home themselves. If they did, they would know it's not all candy and rainbows either. They put marriage on a pedestal because they've never seen it in their own homes, so why judge others? I've got uncles who got married back in the early 90's who divorced and have since been happy with cohabiting partners for decades- they don't want to re-marry and their relationships have lasted longer than their previous marriages.
@@user-dv3kq3rm4h Will their cohabiting partners get your uncles' SS survivor benefits, death benefits? No? Well, that does make a care for marriage. The siblings or children of cohabiting people may try to claim their property as common law is a thing of the past and no longer recognized. An unmarried couple’s relationship status is not always recognized. If your uncle has health issues, the partner’s opinion may not be taken into consideration.
For the record I grew up in a two parented household. My parents were married more than 50 years and there are no half or step sibs. No, my parents' marriage wasn't perfect, but it worked for them; no cheating I'm aware of and no abuse.
@@user-dv3kq3rm4hWhy so salty? Are you yourself an illegitimate child or did you birth any? Statistics prove children from 2parent households, especially married ones, fare better in life.
I told my husband when we were dating that I will not have children unless I was married. Before I met my husband I dated 4 other guys and I told them the same thing. Those 4 guys weren’t looking for commitment, so the relationship didn’t last long. The man I married understood my boundaries and less than 2 years he proposed. Ladies, if your goal is to be married one day - stand on business. Expressing your commitment to your boyfriend will weed out most of the no -committed ones.
Excellent advice
And just to be clear, while this does not happen to everyone, understand that marriage is NOT a guarantee. I was married for 8 years and ultimately ended up in the same kind of position-i.e. being the main parent, waiting for child support, him pulling away from parental participantion....
I do understand the view point of not hap hazardly brining babies into the world-absolutely agree!
❤❤❤
They always say, "we are going to get married, just not now. ".... like girl, please! Take your silly self down to the courthouse and have your wedding later. If he truly loved you, he would do it. What if you have fertility issues and can't get pregnant, you gonna spend your entire life without any commitment and STILL no baby? I highly doubt he is going to want to go on the journey with you to adopt a child.
Meghan James has no business trying to be someone’s mom.
Absolutely none
I'm so sick of this "it's just a piece of paper" crap. It's a legally binding contract, a legal binding of assets. If it were just a paper, you'd be able to rip it up when the marriage went south, but should you do that you'll be faced with criminal charges of destroying a legal court document. You have to pay thousands of dollars to multiple lawyers to get rid of this "piece of paper". It's not, just a piece of paper. The people who say that are too cowardly to face the reality of that "piece of paper" being so incredibly powerful, it could ruin your life.
Exactly. If it were just a piece of paper, then men wouldn't be running from it so much
Omg ok 👍👌
Yes, let's bring back judgement and critical thinking.
"Why can't you just believe my words when I say I'll give you all the marriage benefits without the commitment? I love you enough to make all these promises but not enough to prove it by making a vow before God and marrying you, I don't love you THAT much." That's what I heard from that one guy
Imagine an employer promising to pay you for the work without an employment contract. Would you sign up? Exactly.
The fact that he wouldn't want to marry you is already a red flag. Like, you can't even go and sign a piece of paper (if neither of y'all want a wedding), but you expect me to believe that you're going to be an equal partner and parent to our child? Boy, bye.
The manosphere is telling these guys that they don't want to give up their possessions for a woman. That's why so many of them don't want to get married now. But by the same logic, we shouldn't be risking death and ruining our bodies for these guys that won't even be around in a few years.
Never never and never live together before marriage or engagement 💍
Live with your parents or grandparents till you married
And stay safe ❤
When will women as a collective wise up to the games men play. You've seen your grandmother's, mothers, female relatives, friends and even celebrities go through hell because of baby mother culture.. Yet there are still women out her believing the lies and signing up to struggle alone with kids???... Some people have to be left behind, I guess. 🤷♀️
It's just because baby mama culture has been glorified for years now. I've always thought it was bad behavior but years ago if you said anything, you would have been argued down. The culture just goes back and forth over such things.
Because a lot of women think they are the exception. They are dreamers instead of facing reality.
I was just thinking about this the other day. I could never pay a mortgage with a BF or have kids with a BF! Serious financial obligations require serious commitments. While dating, I'm keeping my place and you're keeping your place. Feel free to spend days with each other as needed. I'm not eager to get married, but if you want us to be in a joint situation on kids, finances, and all that, then a marriage is what it'll be. A legal marriage with a prenup will make me feel better protected so if things ever go south, I will be able to use due process to ensure I don't get shafted. I'm not religious so I don't really care about a marriage before God - many marriages supposedly happened before God and still went south. I'm going to the court, and that marriage is happening between him, me, and the law!
Exactly. If they don’t believe in marriage then why try so hard to live like a traditionally married couple? What’s the point of that? I would rather date separately and leave it at that.
The reality is they do believe in marriage and desire a husband, which is why they’re willing to play house with a man- sometimes for decades. And they end up not wanting to let him go in fear that he will marry the next woman… which is beyond stupid
I believe these women are continuing to think they’re going to prove themselves to be the exception to the rule regardless of what’s really happening right in front of us. They believe that they are so amazing and that their s3x is so good that they don’t need marriage to keep a man from walking away without the appropriate consequences in divorce.
Marriage won’t even keep a man from walking away😂 What consequences do men receive in divorce? Less than 10% of divorces pay out alimony. If he is rich and you are poor you will get nothing. Child support is granted regardless of marital status.
@@FreeBirdee Exactly! Marriage won’t keep a man from walking away. Thanks for stating the obvious dodo!!! What marriage will do is hold him financially accountable for abandoning his responsibilities(his woman and children). A man has to pay not only for his children when he abandons the marriage, but he has to pay Alimony for causing disruption to the marriage. It’s the financial security that makes marriage important. That’s a big deal for men. That’s why they steer away from marriage. Men create more children outside of marriage for this reason.
@@1111ScorpQueenyou skipped the “less than 10% of divorces pay out alimony” part…
@@FreeBirdee If there are no consequences then why are we having this discussion? We are having this discussion bcs males do not want accountability. They want to get women pregnant as a permanent fallback while he play around with other women with no consequences.
@@corimoon3360 🤣🤣🤣 they are in delulu land 🤣
men dont care about their daughters being baby mommas
My thoughts exactly they don’t care.
My dad definitely would have cared . lol 😂
No, they really don't.
My dad absolutely does lol
@@LoveMe0516 right! 😂😂😂
I've had boyfriends that wanted to have kids. I was like... you must be joking lmao. Getting pregnant ON PURPOSE? with a BOYFRIEND? No no no no no
Me?? babymama?? Hear me when I say, NEVER!!!
i thought an acquaintance using a sperm donor to have a baby on her own was her being super brave, but now with all these conversations....i see she was just being hella smart.
I just assumed women having babies with bfs was them choosing to be single mothers with a part time partner they were fond of. But if they are trying to do a mid to long term partnership I don't get why there wouldn't be some sort of legally binding arrangement for the care of the kids.
Very smart. The more you don't have to deal with that other person and their issues...the better. You can raise your chikd without anyone else's influences that you don't like including his family
BS the wives aren't fairing well either. A good amount of wives are in three and four-way relationships. And a good amount of "baby mamas" began as wives. Lack of wealth is the issue irregardless of marriage or not.
Did we not just watch a footballer put everything in his mama name?
If you want marriage, do that. If you don't, don't do that. PROTECT YOURSELF EITHER WAY.
Exactly plenty of married men lie about being married and talk to other women
Why is single-motherhood often labeled as pride or being proud? I'm doubtful that any woman actually feels pride in such circumstances; but rather, they're making the best of a challenging situation and coming to terms with their reality. Like the babies are HERE! You can't afford to beat yourself up everyday when innocent kids are depending on you to live. There's a significant distinction between pride and resilience. Single mothers are resilient. It's high time we abandoned the misplaced notion of pride, which doesn't truly reflect the actual words or experiences of most single mothers.
Am I in The Twilight Zone or something? So if a woman doesn't want to get married she's 'not a good woman'..
Said the man who doesn't want to get married!?
Make it make sense
I've been engaged 8 times in my life and I'm married now.. so, with that being said, what's their excuse? 😂😂😂
It's 2024. How are we still debating this. If you want to have a child, have one knowing that there are higher chances that you will be a single parent even being married. We all know by now that there are plenty of married single mothers who are expected to perform wifely duties shortly after being discharged from the hospital.
In this day and age, a man who's willing and able to be a good father and partner is rare. Consider yourself fortunate if you have one. Don't consider having a child if you won't be able to deal with being a single mother. There's no failed proof "picking" in a patriarchy.
Preach!
👏👏
Educated high earners should be the GOAL! Then choose if you want marriage, kids, kids only, both or neither. At this point, prioritizing marriage is a risky decision.
Preach , i don’t get why people think marriage will prevent woman from being single mothers n struggling. The reality is most of this man out here are grown boy dusties who don’t want to take responsibility. The one advice to give to woman today is to ensure that they are financially stable before having a child and date n marry up Hypergamy all the way don’t settle for broke man
Thisss
I’m tired of going to so many baby showers and no weddings. ☹️
These men don’t care about their own daughters like that to be honest. They’re at peace with their daughters being baby mommas. If they weren’t it would require that they make changes to themselves and they won’t do that.
Great video and more women need to watch this. When you’re in the hospital and your blocked from seeing your man, you will want to be a wife instead of some girlfriend.
If your man unexpectedly dies and his family cuts you out of the funeral and kick you out of the house you lived with him in, you will wish you were his wife.
screw around and find out. A LEGAL WIFE has protections a baby momma or girlfriend do not have. The law and God do not recognize out of wedlock relationships.
why the hell would you not want to be protected legally? Your marriage should be recognized by God and the law. A lot of these males are anti-marriage certificates because they want to prevent a woman from gaining access to his assets while he gets the benefits of enjoying her.
A married partner cant just leave someone. Legally they can’t just leave you the same way someone could if you weren’t married. If you’re married with or without children and a spouse abandons you, you can file an abandonment warrant on them. This is only available to married people. If someone is just your boyfriend/girlfriend they can leave you and the child up to dry and the law doesn’t care because in their eyes y’all are both technically single.
A legal marriage is harder to bail on. You’re more likely to weather rocky parts of a relationship if it takes a painful legal adjudication to walk away from. It shows a ‘next level’ commitment to your partner toward your relationship. You can’t just leave the same way you would a bf/gf.
Or god forbid something happens during labor where you need someone to make medical decisions on your behalf. They won’t let the boyfriend do that.
My OB told me a story of a woman who went into a coma during her delivery and because she wasn’t able to sign the birth certificate before her coma they didn’t know what to do with the baby. They couldn’t give baby to the dad because legally he had no rights to the child. The child ended up going to foster care. Now, if he were a husband he would have legal rights to his child but he wasn’t. My OB stressed the importance of being married before having a kid because there are a lot of issues that can arise that people don’t think of. Also as a man why would you be comfortable having a child with a woman and she’s just your “girlfriend” and you have no legal rights to your kids I would feel strange
Marriage is real and tangible proof that a man is wanting to commit to you (assuming he means it) and when you are married to a good man and vet him before having his child the chances of him just up and leaving are less than the guy who just knocks someone up.
I honestly don’t understand men who have kids without getting married but claim to love the mother and family. Why not commit to them in the eyes of the law? If you’re a woman who has a man’s child don’t you want to be stable and have legal protections if he chooses to leave?
Now if you choose to marry someone who hasn’t been a good partner then that’s a different story. That’s why you should wait a few years and vet the person before having their child. I see a lot of women married to men who are terrible fathers and partners but they showed signs before the baby that they would not be present and active.
All the guys who say marriage is a “piece of paper” are guys who had no serious intentions for you in the first place. Marriage guarantees that a woman is protected. Without the safety net of marriage, women will be taken advantage of.
Marriage offers women legal protections. A wife has more say over her husband’s health than his momma or any other person in his life. Go ask the many dumb women who’s boyfriend died without leaving them a penny. Neither the state nor God himself acknowledge any relationship outside of marriage. These dumb women fed these men, had their children, gave them sex and loyalty. All the while, these guys didn’t do right and wife them up. SO what happens? the guy is dead and the woman has to fend for herself with out of wedlock children. Society will mock her for being a single momma. The guy she was with called her a “nag” if she ever brought up the topic of marriage. Any woman who isn’t married to a guy SHOULD BE PANICKED! A man has done NOTHING for you until he has made you a wife.
Look at Lauren London. She was the girlfriend of rapper Nipsey Hussle. Nipsey got shot and died. Lauren has no access to any of his wealth. Even though she has some money of her own, it’s not the same as a man’s provision. That must hit her HARD. Because Nipsey never elevated her to the status of a WIFE, she has no rights and no say over anything. Look at Vanessa Bryant. She was taken care of throughout her husband’s life and death. He made sure he married the woman he loved. As painful as the death of Kobe is, she doesn’t have to deal with financial burden.
A married woman has status and rights. Legally she is ENTITELD to the man’s assets. Why would any man with a heart want to leave a woman stranded with children? This is why so many guys online are telling women lies that they don’t need a marriage license/certificate. They’d rather a woman be stranded with children than part with their money, even after death.
Marriage guarantees that when a man passes away, a woman isn’t left stranded. She has access to his assets. SO why would any guy protest this? if you loved a woman why would you not want to share your wealth with her? only guys who hate women and never wanted anything serious have a hatred of legalizing the union.
Marriage has to be official before God AND the state. There are many videos online calling on people not to get a marriage certificate/license. These guys do this to get away from the responsibilities of providing for a wife. Yet they want the benefits of a wife. Women who agree with this arrangement are screwed.
A lot of women don’t realize that a man’s willingness to stay married and be a good father is 80% dictated by how he feels about the woman.
Women were catering to their man in the olden days in the hopes that he would stay. Because his feelings towards her could vary wildly and may end up with her/the kids on the street. Many baby mommas don’t stand a chance bc the man didn’t like you enough to even marry you. Let alone raise a kid (something that will take away the woman’s sex drive and all of her time/attention)
“I don’t want to date a woman that don’t want to get married, she’s probably not a good woman”
That is weird as hell but you want to date a woman that wants to get married but you don’t want to get married?
Makes sense lol
This is a great discussion, but please keep in mind the following:
If you marry a man with no or little resources, you will likely divorce receiving zero resources.
If you marry a man with more resources than you have, he can possibly take the children and leave you with nothing.
If you marry a man that you have more resources you could possibly end up paying child and spousal support.
Lastly, BW are the least likely to benefit from marriage, the most likely to divorce and the least likely to receive any financial support from their ex.
Currently only 28% of BW are married. So what that tells me is that BW should either be discussing how to build community and still have the life they desire or remaining single & childfree, because statistically marriage is not in your future, especially when your preference is BM.
Brilliant comment. And I agree. But I want to add - We benefit the least from marriage because of who we marry. Period.
Brookings Institute came out with a study in 2014 on the topic - BW have similar rates of socioeconomic mobility as white women as long as we stay child free. When we mate with BM our status actually drops more than it would if we are single. So I’m sure that is a huge factor here.
BW marrying outside the race actually lowers the divorce rate (at least for now). So marriage has its pitfalls but I would say that WHO you marry and the resources they have matter quite a bit.
I think too many women think their situation or they themselves are sooo different. Tooo many baby mamas tell yall their struggle stories daily.
I need more of them to tell their stories. These stories help other women. The birth rate is still dropping and that's only a good thing.
Not the bikini bottom of society😂
Marriage isn’t a guarantee…you can be a single mom within a marriage too, I see it all the time. Women complain about how they have to work and get no help when they come home from their husbands..the point is, whether you’re a wife or a girlfriend, you have to be lucky to find a partner who is there to support you under any circumstance.
A seatbelt is not a guarantee. I can still die in a car accident if I wear my seatbelt. That doesn't mean not wearing my seatbelt and putting my feet on the dash isn't stupid.
@@MissKashiraMs pick me please shut up. Seems like your status as a wife throws out all common sense. You’d rather have a title in which you can still possibly become that man’s side chick. You’d rather have that rather knowing that person will be there for you in all seasons.
@@brownsugga2584 Why on earth would refusing to create a child out of wedlock make me a pickme? Wouldn't the pickme thing to do be to give the man a kid even though he only views that kid as a method of slowing me down and has no intent on helping me raise it? And as I've explained three times already, marriage is a precaution. Just because things can still go poorly even if you take precautions doesn't mean you shouldn't take them. You can get pregnant even if you use birth control, that doesn't mean you should just raw dog it.
Why would a good man who is there for all seasons refuse to give me the most basic of protections before I risk my life giving birth to his kids?
I hear what you’re saying. In most communities marriage equals stability and financial security. In the black community, it does not mean that in most cases. I wish it did, but I know very few BW who would financially benefit from a marriage should it go south (for those who say marriage is protection). I say don’t marry them OR have their baby😂, but if you ARE going to have their baby GET MARRIED.
@@lovelyloner Just to clarify, I feel the same. I'm not saying women should make marriage a goal in life. I'm saying if you're gonna make a human being, the least you can do is bring them into a situation that's at least trying to be stable. People keep pointing out half of marriages end, true, but how many relationships end? The average person has 4-8 relationships over their lifetime. That's way worse odds.
The thing is that girl will not listen, when she hears all the stories she simply thinks it cannot and will not happen to her. That her situation is 'different'. Women really have to find out the hard way.
No one is trapping them! They are doing it to themselves, let’s be honest with ourselves. Especially in the black American community
Bullshit!! You sound like someone that has done it and trying to justify yourself. like men don’t stick pins in condoms or take condoms off in the middle of sex or hide birth control pills, and contraceptive devices some even get online and brag about it. Some of their homeboys have even got online and exposed conversations about their homeboy bragging about it. You just sound like one of them.
I completely agree with you. My husband and I didn’t live together before marriage and he also didn’t wait ten years to propose. He proposed within a year. Love your wisdom.
I had a beautiful close friend (who is no longer with us) who came from single mothers. I believe her grandma was also one. When she would talk to me in college about what she wants, she would say she wants her and her future babies to live close to me so our kids could grow up together. She never spoke about having a husband. She described it like just her and her children
Tbf sperm donation exist, might be safer than having to deal with men these days and custody battles and if youre rich your kid could be better off then some kids with 2 parents
There's no fxcking way I'm going through the life altering physical trauma of childbirth and lifetime commitment to raising that child for a man who won't give me the commitment of marriage. And some of these girls be having kids for men who won't even give them the commitment of a monogamous relationship. Yall do what yall want, but that is INSANE to me. These boyfriends be checking out before the women even give birth, or immediately after when the true responsibility of patenthood sets in. I cannot comprehend why anyone is still willingly signing up for that life. And it's the kids that ultimately suffer with the abandonment issues from an absent father, or trauma from seeing nothing but toxicity in their parents. Then they go into the dating world and repeat the cycle. Craziness.
Tbf you cant blame that on giving birth out of wedlock solely, since everything you ve listed can happen within mariage as well and tbf ive had a friend whose parents got married when she was 4 and both parents were pretty much involved (and financially well of) even had a second baby
I literally just watched a vlog of a young black girl literally crying because her boyfriend switched up after she got pregnant and had the baby and she grasping at straws trying to make the relationship work and he telling her she get on his nerves
Yep. Happens ALL the time. Guys are manipulators and women learn that lesson too late.
I have always said, any status less than a wife is disrespectful
A few years back I went on a date with this guy.
He asked me if I had children , I said no I’ve never been married only engaged.
His face after my response was one that looked shocked , confused, etc.
I guess in his dusty crusty mind that what does marriage have to do with having a kid ? 🤨
Sir , if my daddy married my mom 3 months before I was born to not produce a “b4stard” as he said then WHY would I create kids with not the same privileges?
And u already know that marriage doesn’t necessarily mean anything, so save the comments.
However, Lon average it is a lot better to at least be the wife and mother of your children vs a baby daddy with several men in and out your child’s life . Period.
I am in full agreement with the lady saying why even put yourself in that situation? Marriage is more permanent.
Also , the lady that told her BF she wanted marriage and he said he didn’t and doesn’t mean he would not take care of her , and wouldn’t date a woman who doesn’t want marriage bc she’s probably not a good women ? 🤨
Ladies , it’s 2024 and if no one has told you as of yet, DON’T believe a dam thing a man says . EVER. If he says something, sit back and don’t say anything and WATCH if he follows through on his words , without you reminding him .
That scenario is very common. I’ve had men tell me the exact same thing, that a piece of paper doesn’t mean he won’t care for his child. 🤨 if you want a child then here’s what I want ? I want a home in place , not a I’ll buy one day but an actual HOUSE and mortgage. My marriage license and an actual marriage.
And THEN we can discuss a baby that we are attached to forever.
Men d sad not even like kids especially black men we have the highest fathers rate damn near 80%
Casual, noncommittal sex leads to very real and tangible consequences…😶😶😶
I remember when Fantasia came out w/ that wack ass song and everybody was playing it all loud, and I was like😒😒😒 And I honestly think some men _would_ like for their daughters to be babymamas rather than married, b/c if she’s married, her obligations to her husband now supersede those she has to her father…😒 THEY want to be first in their daughters’ lives so there’s a Woman to come take care of them when the time comes and there’ll be no husband in dad’s way…
As a childfree woman I’m judging the living out these low value women who allowed themselves to be trapped and ruined. Bring back shaming this bum behavior.
Agreed
Absolutely. They treat creating and bringing life into this world like some kind of meaningless game, and I'm sick of it. All these poor children suffering as a result, who then turn around and make this world an even worse place to live.
No point- too many women have been severely brainwashed by these pimp tactic having men.
I swear more women denounce marriage then men nowadays- but they don’t mind playing house or trying to live like a traditionally married couple though. They always say husbands are the worse- yet you’re running to the doctor every week for burning because of your roaming boyfriend. I guess since they aren’t legally married they think whatever the boyfriend does- doesn’t actually count or something LOL
@@TheCushLife I try to have grace and remember I was once a dumb 20 year old, too. But lawd, it is hard.
I judge the hell out of them. I’m worse than the men honestly. lol
In this economy I do not recommend anybody getting pregnant begin honest. Also women do have accept the fact that they will have to do most of sacrificing and child raising even if you have a husband. I will say that at least if you get married you have somewhat of a guarantee of at least child support and that your child's father name will 9 times out 10 be on that birth certificate. Women do need to start taking having children more serious it is lifetime commitment with a lot of unknows.
This!!! Getting pregnant without being married band stability is a struggle don’t do it
Unfortunately you are not guaranteed child support or even custody, in fact, you might be the one to pay it, divorce proccess is a war
Im in a Moms group and i cringe every time someone makes a post about how they’re actively trying to have a baby with a boyfriend. I just can’t understand how you would intentionally put your mental and physical health on the line to have a baby by someone who couldn’t even get you a ring or some legal documentation first.
Where I live people are getting married less and less (cause it is so expesive/hard to divorce).
Ain't no way that a men can "commit" to creating a life and having me risk my life for childbirth, but he can't promise to be there for me for ever? He can commit to creating a whole ass other life, but he can't promise to love me and commit to me forever?
He can "commit" to creating a life because he knows that the woman will do most, if not all the work.
14:30 If lack of vetting was the issue, we wouldn't have this many divorces.
But yes, marriage is the standard.❤
I’ve been telling my sister since she was 13 not to have kids. She’ll be 21 this year with no kids. I tell other girls younger than me as well. Wish I had someone like me! All the older woman didn’t tell me anything about nothing. Why do older woman do that?!?!
Misery loves company 😉
I think the we should untie motherhood from relationship status. I am a married mother of one, and the reason I don’t have more kids is because I can’t financially or emotionally support more children on my own. Maybe my husband can, but I can’t and ultimately I can’t make decisions that depend on his presence because one day we may not be together. We, as women, should have kids when we are ready (financially/emotionally) as individual women regardless of if we are married or single.
BF/GF buying houses and cars make me ask the same question. 2024 and people are STILL relying on a relationship to fulfill their financial and material needs. It's disturbing.
I go back and forth on myself for marriage with my partner but if a kid ever got brought up (which I doubt because neither of us want kids but I digress) that would be changing to oh we’re getting married tomorrow then. It’s about so many things from safety to health access, people act too immature about this stuff as if it’s all about love. It’s really not, love is the starting point, everything after comes from conscious, measurable effort. Marriage is about more than a “guarantee”.
Being a single mom myself i ALWAYS ALWAYS warn girls do not have babies this isn't the life you want. Its not what i wanted but i was stupid!
Moral of the story: Make sure that he’s ready be a husband and father, not just wanting to hold the title of one.
11:46 he said with his whole chest “I want to break someone, not find someone like myself”
PERMANENT SIDE CHICK lmao EXACTLYYYY 👏🏼
If he “loves” you enough to impregnate you, he should “love” you enough to make that commitment to marry you. Of course marriage isn’t guaranteed but if someone isn’t serious enough to make you their wife why in TF would you have their big head ass baby???? 😭 MAKE IT MAKE SENSE SIS
So these so-called BF are so in love with you and will let you RISK your LIFE to deliver a BABY for them?? 🤔🤨
Well marriage is a bigger commitment than the GF-BF dynamic. Unfortunatley, it's like a currency: if everyone think it has no value, it won't have value for mankind😓
It is a fact that marriage benefits men more than women, so I don't understand why we keep seing marriage as a goal, you will end with 2 kids, legally bonded to a manchild, your money will be his and his debt yours, WHY!!? Trashy man would leave no matter what and on top of that you would need to PAY for a lawyer to dissolve that union! Only marry if the man is really worth it, and proven to be dependable, otherwise stay single and if you can afford to have a child go for it! We all know about single married woman, don't become one!!
I concur with the woman who said marriage material only. I went on first dates with some guys but not until I met my to-be husband did I call him boyfriend and within 1 year he was seeking to marry me, making clear his intentions (when I got a bit older and graduated from law school - which that’s a green flag green flag! He respected my education!) so we were partners for a while and due diligence not to get pregnant and then we got married when I was a bit older. Mad respect for my husband bc he wasn’t predatory or pushy and definitely not baby trappy. He respected me as a person, respected my education, respected my developing brain (I was 21 almost 22 when we met but he’s 7 years older).
Literally, LITERALLY risking your lives and health for men who will not commit to you and very likely, not commit to that(these) child(ren)..... Yall really think getting pregnant is like getting the cold.
If a woman wants to be a single mother, then she needs to be honest about that, at least with herself. I would suggest that she get her money together and get an agreement from the baby daddy, in writing, what he will pay you if you have his child, and what responsibilities he will take on during the pregnancy and then in the child's life.
Marriage provides stability. Also, if he loves you he will pursue you and ask you to get married within a year or two of dating. If you want a family you need to select the best one of the ones that treat you the best and want to get married and the most stable. Never chase a man.
Wives and baby mamas 👎no👎no 👎No👎hell No👎all that is a risk in 2024 2025
None of these men are capable of creating a safe place space for Woman
It’s a risk I was never going to take
Now I’m 20 years in being Single 🩷
Kid free
My house is paid off
I have my career
I have my family n friends
🌸My Me Time🩷🌸🩷
No man or bf or baby daddy can create that for me
I'll say this!! I live in NYC I've dating so called "high value men" and so called "good men" and they are pretty much the same! Good men have told me to my face that i had to accept the fact that they would be with other women 😮 so im good - but good luck to the women that find love
I think women want to "keep it going" because they don't think it will happen to them. I was married and the man still ran off with another woman (what's wrong with women who do this?) and left me a single mother who had to fight for support for 15 years. I didn't think it would happen to me, but it did.
I’m just gonna say it because women deep down know what they allow. Men will say whatever if he hasn’t married you and you giving him a baby, you are his placeholder he will go out and if you cannot find who he wants then he will want to be in a relationship with you, and even then he might not marry you because you give up your womb!
Thanks for another great vid, nice to see women waking up to the BS
Women wanting kids and willing to do it alone are pure selfish and evil IMO .. but ppl need to stop acting like marriage will make non-single mothers. Just as many married and divorced single mothers
Baby mother, single baby mother and single mother are 2 different things
This lady said ppl say marriage is just a piece of paper but so is money and you still work lol 😂
If you’re in a relationship and want a baby, it’s safer within marriage, because you will have more legal rights if you were his wife than if you weren’t. But if you’re not in a marriage, and aren’t looking to have the male around, then you’re better off getting pregnant unmarried (or going to a sperm bank)then just never telling him about it, and raising the baby yourself. If he’s not willing to marry you before you have his child, having his child will actually make him LESS likely to ever commit to you. There are no more shotgun weddings; males don’t force other males to marry their daughters anymore. The social pressure to support their family is gone ever since the term “baby mama” was invented. Just like the term “girlfriend,” which used to mean that you were moving towards marriage, lost it’s worth and meaning when the term “friends with benefits” was invented.
Preach sis!
the married woman to baby mama to pipeline is pretty much the same
No, it is NOT the same. If you have your children within marriage, you are a divorced mother, not a baby mama or single mother. But keep telling yourself that.
@@Childfree334 im divorced same ish. none of it means anyrhing to these men. wake up
@FindYourFree So.. is it better to just move in with men, live with them for years, perform duties of a wife and then somehow they will magically respect you and your children more?
@@FindYourFreeThank you! It’s pick me to put marriage on a pedestal as well!! You’re actually MORE trapped unless you married really well. Most divorced women are financially WORSE off! It’s mainly religious women that fall for this okey doke.
@femmefatale71 But you see, we are NOT putting marriage on a pedestal at all. We are calling out women who somehow think birthing children for a boyfriend is the same as birthing children for a husband. Let him die, and you will find out how WRONG you are.
The ignorance.
People would be a lot more stable & happier if they followed the order of YAH, THE CREATOR OF THE HUMAN RACE & FAMILY.
❤
I couldn’t care less about not being married or being married. There are plenty of single married mothers out here. How about instead of a relationship status, focus more on the quality of person you have a child with. That goes for both sexes.